#Personal vents

[antiendovents]

The way people are harassing me for my post on why endogenic systems aren't valid and claiming I'm spreading misinformation, then I look at their damn blog and they're pro endo. Like yeah, argue with the wall mate, I linked many sources and when I go over I can't see any genuine misinformation. If I made a mistake I'd like people to correct me kindly, but all I see is pissy pro endos trying to claim endogenic systems are valid.

[annnoel]

Something I hate is how obsessive I get over people I used to be friends with or have hurt people I know

There was a point where I would continually check a person's Tumblr to see what they were doing because of how they hurt my sister in the past. Luckily I haven't done it in a good long while but its wild how obsessive I got

And now I have an ex friend who's been on and off neopets who's on the art chat, and whenever I see them I just get a visceral rage in my chest. I end up thinking about telling them off, telling them how much of an awful person they are and how they didn't end up manipulating me, imagining them trying to talk to me as I tell them to fuck out of my life.

But I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. All I can really do is just watch as they chat with unsuspecting people on the boards. My friend doesn't give them this much head space, why do I? It's just frustrating, I wish I didn't get so visceral upon seeing them

[greyramblings]

—

[vilea777]

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

[commonzinnia]

yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶

[lastoneout]

Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.

Edit: If everyone could please take a minute and think about what it must feel like to be struggling and then have multiple strangers say to your face that they find the prospect of going through what you're going through so horrifying that they'd rather kill themselves and then stop leaving comments like that I would greatly appreciate it.

[gayvampyr]

no offense but you guys need to learn the difference between someone implying their experience is universal and a post simply just not being about you

[antiendovents]

breaking the queue I already set up to vent. Probably gonna put it under the cut because GOD DAMN I am angry. Dont worry, the queue will be back to normal soon ((yes I queue posts, don't question me, I will cry))

Uh, also I think I'll add a tag for my own vents, so you can block them if you wanna (#personal vent / #personal vents <- two because I'll probably forget to add or get rid of the "s")

I HATE ENDOS. I am like barely holding myself together, I am sick and tired of trying to find xenogenders, labels, ect, for me and my headmates only for them to be made by endos. Even when I see pro endos with like "oh, DNI if anti endo, but you can still use my terms so don't reclaim them" it makes me pissed off because I DONT WANT to use an pro endos term. I shouldn't have to. Am I going to reclaim it? I DONT KNOW. I want to but I have no motivation, only fear and anger. I am sick of my disorder being treated like a game. I have literally lost years of my life. Years, months that I can't remember. All of it gone. I question whats a trauma response and what's not constantly, I don't know if the trauma I remember is all that happened or if there's more I don't know about. Yet endos can just sit here with their little roleplaying accounts, pretending to have the disorder that makes my life a living hell. I can't make friends, I'm so fucking scared of people, of the outside world, so I come here to the internet and everything is so much worse. FUCK SAKE WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A SPACE TO BE ME. I am so tired of endos taking over safe spaces.

[reikacchan]

don't give up

[ttrust-no-one]

Tumblr is not a social media, it's an online psych ward.

[froggys-vent-space]

Hello! Lottie's venting space!

Tw for lots of stuff. Very traumatized individual. Posts will be tw in the tags.

Programming tbmc ramcoa survivor. Struggled with self harm and suicide. Recovered physically from anorexia. Trauma entire life and still being traumatized.

So venty vents will be triggering. Will try best proper tw tag.

[vilea777]

sorry i overreacted i had no idea everything would be fine

[commonzinnia]

“why are you so upset?” idk man. maybe bc i have i get super upset disorder

[emotionaleating]

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

[antiendovents]

more venting ... Eep kinda, I'm so sorry y'all put up with me , not exactly endo related tho, big TW in this one, please check tags for appropriate TWs

I don't really understand what's happening, am I crashing? Am I having some kind of melt down? I don't know. I just feel bad. Horrible. Like the entire world is so horrid and dark and that I'll never be able to be who I want to be. I don't understand this place and I don't think I ever will. I don't understand why people hate me, why they want me dead just for being me. I'm so scared. I feel like someone's going to kill me, like I will die before I even get the chance to be.. me. And everytime I tell someone they just fucking laugh at me, or try give me "logic". But I know that logically it is possible. I could get murdered and it's scary. I do not want to leave my house anymore. At all. It's literally my birthday and all I can think of is how fucked everything is and how I'm going to end up dead.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

therapists saying you're surprisingly self aware is like being called a pleasure to have in class for adults