#vent posts

[wanderingmind867]

Today at 6:30 a kid from the social skills class calls me. And tomorrow at 6:30 I'll call someone from the class too. I know it'll probably go fine, but I also know my nerves still act up on me whenever I have to do it. It's funny. i've become somewhat close with the teachers of the class, but i haven't ever managed to keep in touch with any of the other kids. Still, knowing this might be one of the last times i can take the course really does get to me. It makes me feel upset. Because this course has provided consistency, and I think it's helped me learn to talk to people (even if i haven't managed to retain any friends from it). It's just... it's nerve-wracking in many ways. Making the call makes me nervous, but leaving the class makes me feel awful.

I meant to post this yesterday. I don't know if I did. But besides that, everything I said remains true. I make the phone call in exactly an hour in my timezone, and i'm slightly nervous. But I might possibly be more nervous to lose my one piece of consistency that I have left. sigh...

[valentinos-corner]

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DON'T WANT ASKS FOR DONATIONS

[burntoutuserboxes]

[This user asks that you do not reblog their vent posts without commentary.]

[obsessingoverl]

Accepting someone's love for me feels impossible... I'm just a fraud

[danerdybluebanana]

ok but what if i accidentally said too much and rambled too long so they hate me now

[frost-felon]

...I'm gonna get my ass killed if I ever do a genuine deep dive for it, but gotta say:

No, Nobara was never a particularly well-written girl character.

She had her moments, to be sure. Like in the Origin of Obedience Arc, and part of her death (the flashback part has some serious issues, mainly in regards to its timing¹, but the 'chairs' part of the scene is The Good Shit™).

But like. She was always noticeably bereft of plot threads/things to do, particularly in comparison to Megumi and Satoru. Hell, she gets thrown out of most battles she's in, to the point that Megumi comments on it during OfO:

Her argument with Nishimiya is a travesty, to the point that I don't even want to go over it outside of a deep dive.

Her admiration of Maki is one of the few cool things about her character, but it's not a particularly emphasized or, uhhhh, 'revolutionary' thing. Sure ain't no Utena, lmao.

I like Nobara! But she was always playing fifth-fiddle to Megumi, had few unique interactions with Gojo-sensei, and mainly acted as a support to Yuji (she literally dies in part to further traumatize Yuji in and out of universe, lmao). Hell, you can make the argument that she was having minor hints to getting romantically involved with Yuji before her death.

This isn't to pit Nobara fans against Megumi fans, Yuji fans, or even Satoru fans; but like, I was so flabbergasted when I read up to 145 initially, 'cause...well-written girls and women? Where??? Maki and Mai were the closest, and barely fleshed-out, all the same.

My hot take: Nobara was NEVER better-written or designed than Haruno Sakura (manga, Studio Pierrot fucked her over).

¹Something similar happened with Nanami almost dying to Mahito, but since he survives that and continues to have story presence, it isn't as big of an issue. It's definitely worth comparing, though.

[knivesandteeth]

Exhausting how I can't engage with discussions on sexual violence at work without being conscious of all the cis women in the room obviously wondering why a man is speaking. Like soz, I have a wealth of experience with sexual violence due to being a SW and a trans person involved in the community, I'm not going to shut up. Fucking deal with it

[why0should0i]

I love blue lock but i would have really like it if blue lock was about girls instead of boys... They keep the premise and characters same but they are girls... All the girls are crazy and obsessed with soccer... They talk about egos and they steal the ball from their teammates... Girl Raichi is still as agressive... Girl Bachira is still as crazy... Girl Shidou and Girl Rin are the same and they fight each other by punching and kicking and pulling hair... Girl Reo and Girl Nagi are the same and they still are gay and Girl Reo braids Girls Nagi's hair and does her mackup and picks out dresses for when they go out cause is still a lazy slacker and those entire interactions are so queer coded that the subject becomes text... The homoerotic tension and rivalries and undertones are all there... They are girls... No, they don't have an eposide dedicated where the talk about boys... Yes the matches are still as intense... No there aren't any wierd boob and ass and panties undershots... Why can't people be normal about teenage girls and their bodies... Why do they always have to sexualized in media... Every time I take a bath i don't bathe in this uncomfortable sexy way... Ego jinpachi is a woman who is crazy... Anri chan can be a man for once... The characters have different body types... Not all of them are slim or curvy and whatever thier body type they are not sexualized...

In fact having girls in a sports manga can mean more drama added to the plot and no i don't mean boys and fighting over crushes🙄🙄... The women's team isn't being taken seriously even though they won more than the men's team on a national and international level... The funding is low... Parents hesitate to send their daughters because "playing pro is a boy's thing... Girls should have more realistic dream"🙄🙄... Yes that is a widely prevalent attitude in more conservative countries...

Just imagine a character who was routinely berated by her parents for playing soccer because it was too masculine and a woman becoming pro would be a) bad face for the family for stupid patriarchy reason b) becoming a pro as a woman is harder due to funding reasons and such so the character is forced to drop soccer and she drops her dreams into the trashcan and just when she loses all hope she finds a letter for her from blue lock she rans away from home into blue lock and bows to never return home and when the other characters find out and say where will she go back if she loses in blue lock she says she will live and die for soccer but she makes it as a regular member in the u 20 match where she plays with such a smile on her face and she is so amazing and happy that her parents realise how shitty they are and then the manga panes the the character where she says that even if she has to make an enemy of the entire world she will play soccer and that is her ego and we all wait for three years for the scene to be animated and when it does we lose our minds because it is so amazing and everything is better because it is girls and there is so much lesbian fruity vibes coming from the character and another character who is like I've always believed in you and she says to the character play soccer all you want I'll never be your enemy only your friend... And the hug each other and look lovingly into each other eyes and there are no guys and it's amazing...

And also you can go a bit darker where you can touch on the topic of how old sleazy men are often in positions of power in women's sports and they coerce the young aspiring teenage girl players into sexual relations and maybe the reason girl sae wanted girl rin to quit was because something terrible happened in Spain and she wants to protect her sister... And there can be discussions of body issues and eating disorders not that boys don't suffer them either but teenage girls are statistically more affected by them...

But anyways i think it would be amazing if there was a sports manga where there are all the traditional tropes of popular sports manga like haikyuu and kuroko no baske and prince of tennis... All the extensive sports analysis and commentary and insane matches and skill that borders on Naruto powers and the hype and rivalries and the underdog defeating powerful opponents and a huge cast of different various players where some are nice some are mean some are arrogant and they all have thier own insecurities and feelings that they are not enough...but instead of teenage boys it's teenage girls and i would really like to see crazy ass teenage girls play soccer like in blue lock... It would be so much better... Thank you...

[drowning-in-neon]

Posting here cause I don't wanna go to the effort of painstakingly restricting who can see my post, and there's not really any IRL friends who follow my blog anymore I don't think, so it's safe lol

Vent below lol

I'm just. I don't know why I'm so easily forgotten/replaced, or why I'm only ever the second or third choice, or why I feel like a second thought so often, if I'm thought of at all.

I know some of this is obviously my BPD, and lingering struggles from my ex fiance dumping me, but the more time that passes, the more I feel evidence is piling up that it's just....facts.

I mean, the obvious stuff with being replaceable or unimportant and forgotten is just. How many people disappear from my life without any real explanation, or even goodbye, and it doesn't seem to bother them in the slightest.

But it's also other things? Like...

A friend told me that they were throwing a party for their boyfriend, who is also a friend of mine, and said they wanted me to come, and they'd send me an invite.

They never sent an invite, and when I gently nudged them for the date today, they were like "oh whoops haha the party was last night actually" and like.

Oh. Okay.

Idk man, I just wanna know what's wrong with me so I can fix it? Like clearly something was wrong with me for my ex fiance to dump me like he did; clearly there's SOME reason why I'm not good enough or just not enough in general for the person I'm still so frustratingly head over heels for. There has to be a reason my childhood friends just. Stopped one day, and never reach out or really respond at all when I try to say hello or give well wishes.

SOMETHING must be wrong with me, and I don't know why the fuck people won't tell me what it is so I can fuckin FIX it. I can't change if I don't know what to change!!! Fuck!

[itsadragonaesthetic]

Something I can already see as being a challenge in therapy is my tendency to blame myself. I love to see myself as evil and awful. It's easier than blaming others. It's better than thinking I'm just inherently bad. Evil can be redeemed. Evil can be worthy of love. If I'm not evil, then that means that all of that happened for literally no reason. That feels too terrible. It feels like I was hurt for being myself. Why was I ever hurt for that? I would rather adopt this persona so that I will deserve it. My anger and grief caused by imagining that I didn't deserve it is far too much to handle.

[wanderingmind867]

Why do I have to have a feeling of loss practically every single day!? I'm 19, and I feel like I'm losing all my consistency! My mom died a few years ago (probably callous to admit, but i don't actually remember how many years it's been). My phone is like 5-6 years old, and I'm constantly scared of losing it. My old tablet stopped holding charge a few years ago, and i'd had that tablet for probably somewhere around 7-8 years, but I can't remember anymore. Now I just noticed that a stuffed animal i've had pretty much my entire 19 years of life is finally showing the signs of a possible rip in the fabric. So again, I have to ask the question: Why do I have to feel these feelings of loss practically every single day!?

[phoenixyfriend]

Hate when people co-opt my jokes for headcanons I hate

[there-will-be-a-way]

Logically I know... In the state I am rn... I should admit myself to a psych ward. But I would worry my friends and family.

The last few weeks made me realize I live more for others than I do for myself. My family told me I'm self centered but with every decision I make, I put their feelings first. I can't do this anymore. My social worker told me we could get me out of here anytime. Even if it meant staying at a shelter for homeless people. But what about my belongings? My parents would be in so much pain.

But today something clicked in me. That we live in different worlds. They don't understand me - and it's not about blame, it's about different life experiences. Which doesn't matter in the end. I want to be with people who get me. People with a different kind of life. Like my friends.

They can't understand. Unless they wind up in a similar situation than mine, they'll never understand.

For most of my life, even during my hardships, I had a plan. I knew where I wanted to go. I had a plan. Now I don't. I just genuinely don't know what to do. I don't. I feel truly and utterly helpless - and more sorry than I could ever put into words. So much guilt.

If yesterday, my acquaintance wouldn't have driven me home, I wouldn't have gotten here. I wouldn't have made it.

I can't care for myself at the moment. So humiliating. Such a shame. So much helplessness.

But I will end up figuring it out. Even if that means asking for more help than I deserve.

[the-arcade-doctor]

so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise so much noise

[lemonpixycat]

it's really cool to go to the doctor to ask about chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia cuz i'm so exhausted all the time and anti-depression meds don't do anything so i figure maybe its something else and they're like "Well i can't diagnose u u'll have to see a very specific rheumatologist that will but even if they diagnose u theres literally nothing anyone can do about it anyways so why do you even want to be diagnosed?" and so now ur just kinda having this realization that this is literally just ur life. you are never going to get better. there is nothing anyone can do for you. This is it. 70 more years exactly like this. and things will just get worse and worse in your personal life. You will never be the normal person getting to enjoy life that you want to be.