#vent posts

[wanderingmind867]

Well, today's my birthday. I'm trying not to make a big deal of it, but just...I turn 20. It's my last year of high school. Going to college in the fall terrifies me. I'm constantly stressing out about the passage of time. In a few years, i might be able to look forward to my birthday. But this year, i certainly feel nothing but dread and stress on my birthday. I feel nervous to tag sll of my mutuals to this post, but I feel like I kind of have to. It's sort of the type of post where i feel indebted to, for whatever reason. So i'll just copy and paste this from one of my tag lists.

@ihauntmyhouse @thewordsmith3 @yourfriendlyneighbourhoodaries @v4guelyv4mpiric @marvel-and-moor @c00c00pig @kryptonbabe @moss-the-irishman @0asta0 @munchkinmarauder @billybatsonmylove @supersonicdp @ltwharfy @southernfreakinggothic @snapcandle @beauty-queen-official @istilldontlikemyusername @dougielombax

@demigod-jack-hearth @berf-a-smurf @loganjptaylor @one-of-batmans-orphans @spiritbox713 @molovesbooks @ness-marsh @ace-looking-4-parkingspace

Edit: It's kind of awkward getting so many well wishes. It's flattering, but I wasn't actually prepared for it all. I had to confess that, because i need people to understand why I might not respond to all the well wishes.

And, well...all my life, my only friends have pretty much just been my family. The only people in real life who wished me happy birthday were my dad, my aunt, and my maternal grandfather. Also, one of my teachers via email. But that's it. Four or Five people, max. This post already has like eight or nine responses. So i'm a little in over my head. But thank you. Everyone who replied, thank you. I'm too shocked and... it's hard to explain, but you know what I mean. I can't offer an adequate response, but i'm thankful nonetheless.

[lovsikness]

what did i say to make you suddenly so rigid? what have i done to cause you to become so cold? how can i ever undo it?

[valentinos-corner]

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DON'T WANT ASKS FOR DONATIONS

[burntoutuserboxes]

[This user asks that you do not reblog their vent posts without commentary.]

[danerdybluebanana]

ok but what if i accidentally said too much and rambled too long so they hate me now

[obsessingoverl]

Accepting someone's love for me feels impossible... I'm just a fraud

[lily-on-the-fence]

Me: Hey mum I'm making us some grilled chicken breasts for lunch, wanna eat together and watch X-Files or something?

Mum: Actually no, I disagree with your lifestyle cause you have no friends and I don't think you're doing enough work on your master's thesis and since I hate the way you live your life I'm not available to spend time with you. Also I think it'll make me sleepy and I don't wanna get sleepy.

[kujakuramblings]

.

[nb2000]

Every day I'm reminded that blacklisting only works if people tag their fucking posts!

[frost-felon]

...I'm gonna get my ass killed if I ever do a genuine deep dive for it, but gotta say:

No, Nobara was never a particularly well-written girl character.

She had her moments, to be sure. Like in the Origin of Obedience Arc, and part of her death (the flashback part has some serious issues, mainly in regards to its timing¹, but the 'chairs' part of the scene is The Good Shit™).

But like. She was always noticeably bereft of plot threads/things to do, particularly in comparison to Megumi and Satoru. Hell, she gets thrown out of most battles she's in, to the point that Megumi comments on it during OfO:

Her argument with Nishimiya is a travesty, to the point that I don't even want to go over it outside of a deep dive.

Her admiration of Maki is one of the few cool things about her character, but it's not a particularly emphasized or, uhhhh, 'revolutionary' thing. Sure ain't no Utena, lmao.

I like Nobara! But she was always playing fifth-fiddle to Megumi, had few unique interactions with Gojo-sensei, and mainly acted as a support to Yuji (she literally dies in part to further traumatize Yuji in and out of universe, lmao). Hell, you can make the argument that she was having minor hints to getting romantically involved with Yuji before her death.

This isn't to pit Nobara fans against Megumi fans, Yuji fans, or even Satoru fans; but like, I was so flabbergasted when I read up to 145 initially, 'cause...well-written girls and women? Where??? Maki and Mai were the closest, and barely fleshed-out, all the same.

My hot take: Nobara was NEVER better-written or designed than Haruno Sakura (manga, Studio Pierrot fucked her over).

¹Something similar happened with Nanami almost dying to Mahito, but since he survives that and continues to have story presence, it isn't as big of an issue. It's definitely worth comparing, though.

[wanderingmind867]

I'm still so upset by this change. I can't read the numbers. It's so hard to read, and I hate that. I can't focus and figure out what new posts are on my dashboard unless I strain my eyes. It's horrible.

[why0should0i]

I love blue lock but i would have really like it if blue lock was about girls instead of boys... They keep the premise and characters same but they are girls... All the girls are crazy and obsessed with soccer... They talk about egos and they steal the ball from their teammates... Girl Raichi is still as agressive... Girl Bachira is still as crazy... Girl Shidou and Girl Rin are the same and they fight each other by punching and kicking and pulling hair... Girl Reo and Girl Nagi are the same and they still are gay and Girl Reo braids Girls Nagi's hair and does her mackup and picks out dresses for when they go out cause is still a lazy slacker and those entire interactions are so queer coded that the subject becomes text... The homoerotic tension and rivalries and undertones are all there... They are girls... No, they don't have an eposide dedicated where the talk about boys... Yes the matches are still as intense... No there aren't any wierd boob and ass and panties undershots... Why can't people be normal about teenage girls and their bodies... Why do they always have to sexualized in media... Every time I take a bath i don't bathe in this uncomfortable sexy way... Ego jinpachi is a woman who is crazy... Anri chan can be a man for once... The characters have different body types... Not all of them are slim or curvy and whatever thier body type they are not sexualized...

In fact having girls in a sports manga can mean more drama added to the plot and no i don't mean boys and fighting over crushes🙄🙄... The women's team isn't being taken seriously even though they won more than the men's team on a national and international level... The funding is low... Parents hesitate to send their daughters because "playing pro is a boy's thing... Girls should have more realistic dream"🙄🙄... Yes that is a widely prevalent attitude in more conservative countries...

Just imagine a character who was routinely berated by her parents for playing soccer because it was too masculine and a woman becoming pro would be a) bad face for the family for stupid patriarchy reason b) becoming a pro as a woman is harder due to funding reasons and such so the character is forced to drop soccer and she drops her dreams into the trashcan and just when she loses all hope she finds a letter for her from blue lock she rans away from home into blue lock and bows to never return home and when the other characters find out and say where will she go back if she loses in blue lock she says she will live and die for soccer but she makes it as a regular member in the u 20 match where she plays with such a smile on her face and she is so amazing and happy that her parents realise how shitty they are and then the manga panes the the character where she says that even if she has to make an enemy of the entire world she will play soccer and that is her ego and we all wait for three years for the scene to be animated and when it does we lose our minds because it is so amazing and everything is better because it is girls and there is so much lesbian fruity vibes coming from the character and another character who is like I've always believed in you and she says to the character play soccer all you want I'll never be your enemy only your friend... And the hug each other and look lovingly into each other eyes and there are no guys and it's amazing...

And also you can go a bit darker where you can touch on the topic of how old sleazy men are often in positions of power in women's sports and they coerce the young aspiring teenage girl players into sexual relations and maybe the reason girl sae wanted girl rin to quit was because something terrible happened in Spain and she wants to protect her sister... And there can be discussions of body issues and eating disorders not that boys don't suffer them either but teenage girls are statistically more affected by them...

But anyways i think it would be amazing if there was a sports manga where there are all the traditional tropes of popular sports manga like haikyuu and kuroko no baske and prince of tennis... All the extensive sports analysis and commentary and insane matches and skill that borders on Naruto powers and the hype and rivalries and the underdog defeating powerful opponents and a huge cast of different various players where some are nice some are mean some are arrogant and they all have thier own insecurities and feelings that they are not enough...but instead of teenage boys it's teenage girls and i would really like to see crazy ass teenage girls play soccer like in blue lock... It would be so much better... Thank you...

[itsadragonaesthetic]

Something I can already see as being a challenge in therapy is my tendency to blame myself. I love to see myself as evil and awful. It's easier than blaming others. It's better than thinking I'm just inherently bad. Evil can be redeemed. Evil can be worthy of love. If I'm not evil, then that means that all of that happened for literally no reason. That feels too terrible. It feels like I was hurt for being myself. Why was I ever hurt for that? I would rather adopt this persona so that I will deserve it. My anger and grief caused by imagining that I didn't deserve it is far too much to handle.

[phoenixyfriend]

Hate when people co-opt my jokes for headcanons I hate

[there-will-be-a-way]

Logically I know... In the state I am rn... I should admit myself to a psych ward. But I would worry my friends and family.

The last few weeks made me realize I live more for others than I do for myself. My family told me I'm self centered but with every decision I make, I put their feelings first. I can't do this anymore. My social worker told me we could get me out of here anytime. Even if it meant staying at a shelter for homeless people. But what about my belongings? My parents would be in so much pain.

But today something clicked in me. That we live in different worlds. They don't understand me - and it's not about blame, it's about different life experiences. Which doesn't matter in the end. I want to be with people who get me. People with a different kind of life. Like my friends.

They can't understand. Unless they wind up in a similar situation than mine, they'll never understand.

For most of my life, even during my hardships, I had a plan. I knew where I wanted to go. I had a plan. Now I don't. I just genuinely don't know what to do. I don't. I feel truly and utterly helpless - and more sorry than I could ever put into words. So much guilt.

If yesterday, my acquaintance wouldn't have driven me home, I wouldn't have gotten here. I wouldn't have made it.

I can't care for myself at the moment. So humiliating. Such a shame. So much helplessness.

But I will end up figuring it out. Even if that means asking for more help than I deserve.