#muna is thinking too much

[obsessingoverl]

Accepting someone's love for me feels impossible... I'm just a fraud

[kuiinncedes]

lmao

[thesiltverses]

Hello! Writing first to thank you for such an extraordinary creation - as a piece of writing and even more so in performance. Every episode manages to somehow build on and outdo the last; you navigated that transition from a smaller scale story of grisly mysteries and personal crises of faith to a grand scale of war, revolution and political satire with absolute aplomb, and never lost that throughline of exceptional characterisation and sharp writing, always steering to the most interesting conflicts. You are always very humble in your public comments, but I hope you allow yourself a little pride, because this is absolutely top notch stuff.

I was struck by Paige's final words, that she hopes what they left would be found 'flawed, inadequate, yearning'. As the show went on, I was surprised - in a good way - that the show's politics gradually crystalised into a full-on nihilist anarchism, something perhaps even along the lines of Monsieur Dupont. (Muna used the 'a' word in one of the Q&As but it was pretty evident even before that). Taking these gods as a metaphor for ideologies and social systems, the scope of it becomes pretty universal - and unsparing. And, equally, hard to answer.

I wondered when the Many Below/Wound Tree was introduced what answers they would find: what political movement could truly resist cooption or becoming its own horrible self-sustaining egregore. And in the end the answer you express I suppose is a negative one: that even Paige's god of victims is a tool, one that must eventually be discarded to go into some unknown place beyond it all (to walk away from Omelas), towards something that narrative fiction - as a form of the 'endless words' that are derided so much in the third season - can no longer address. Which I respect - to pose the question is vital, even if the tools can't reach any answers if they even exist.

I think this struggle exists in many stories that address themes of making a break from the rapacious society that created them (and take it seriously) - your Baru Cormorants and Mononoke-himes. We can describe the problem vividly, but since we do not have a counterexample to hand, any story we tell about ~what is to be done~ and what it will look like when it is feels like it will be just as hollow as the spins and angles and parasitic fantasies that so many characters advance in the Silt Verses. (How could there possibly be a time where it finally works out, after we have seen all this? But then, what are we living for?)

To try to make this a question and not a ramble, I wanted to ask - what do you see as the role of fiction in addressing the horrible machinery of this world? Is it enough to pose the question particularly sharply, skewer the bad and inadequate answers, and leave the readers/listeners to figure out how to make the killing of gods concrete? How do we punch through the bounds of it all being Content, another product to be bought and sold? What does it mean to sit here and fantasise about people making that revolutionary break when there is no revolution to be had?

I don't know what answer I'm hoping for here, but given the themes of the show, I feel like this must be a kind of thing you've thought about, and probably have a far more developed line of thought than I do. And if this is a bit too much to drop in your inbox on a Saturday morning, I will say again thank you for writing this story and all the actors for making it so strikingly concrete - it truly means a lot, and I will treasure it.

Hi, and thank you for listening and for a beautifully written and thoughtful ask! ('Horrible machinery of the world' stopped me dead in my tracks.) And I am very proud, genuinely.

I don't have a good enough answer to your questions, and for me a lot of TSV is very much about trying to figure those answers out, but let me try and sum up my perspective bit by bit.

Is it enough for fiction to pose the question, without also proposing the answer?

I don't think it's enough for fiction as a collective body of work.

I'd argue there's probably a tendency towards open-endedness and irresolution in these individual narratives simply because it feels like a more honest acknowledgement that in real life, the foe has yet to take a real body blow and will not go down easy; that the foe, in fact, is the marketplace for the work itself and ironically profits from the popularity of stories with easy heroic victories over villains who represent capitalism. That these stories inevitably become a pleasant consumable that serves our complacency within the belly of the beast, a kind of daily tonic to reassure us that good always triumphs and regular people always come out on top.

I also think that the sheer scale and scope of the topic creates its own challenges; you probably can't engage thoroughly enough with both the dystopian question and your ideas for a utopian answer all in a single story, without ultimately turning the latter into that false reassurance, a quick handwave of a happy ending.

You mention Omelas, and I think we could illustrate the problem by looking at how LeGuin handles her two successive masterpieces:

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas, which gives us the titular resource-rich u(dys)topia built on invisible suffering, and the dissidents who turn their backs on that world and walk out into the inhospitable wilderness in search of something better.

The Dispossessed, which as its premise gives us Anarres, an imperfect but sympathetic anarchist society whose adherents turned their backs on a neighbouring world of capitalist plenty to live out in the inhospitable wilderness in search of something better.

Anarres can very reasonably be viewed as LeGuin's direct answer to the question posed by Omelas, and she would have likely had it in her mind already as she wrote Omelas. But if the short story had ended with 'I hear that against all odds, the ones who walk away have successfully founded an anarchist utopia where hardship is everywhere but it's shared as equitably as possible. THE END', the amount of lazy shorthand and empty comfort involved in that happier ending would inevitably make it a dishonest and unserious offering.

Instead, Anarres is a starting premise to be interrogated at length over the course of a separate story, rather than a happy ending to simply reassure the reader that better things are possible - and even at the end of the novel LeGuin's unresolved questions are still very similar to the ones that we're left with in Omelas (and the same questions that I feel like we were knocking about in The Silt Verses, and which I guess you could argue are all lingering concerns at the end of Mononoke, as well): how and where can we find space to create and sustain a genuine alternative when the narrative environment of capitalism is so powerfully all-subsuming and constantly growing to fill the space? Do we need to disconnect entirely, vanishing as if dead? If we disconnect, how can we possibly survive and what inhumanities or ethical compromises will be required of us? If we do survive, is our isolationism a dereliction of human responsibility to those left behind?

All of which is to say that I think present-day fiction absolutely can make the attempt to meaningfully explore potential alternative-utopian solutions in more depth and with far more tangibility than we attempted with TSV - but that dystopian fiction like ours which concludes with the unexplored promise of a revolutionary utopia and the vague reassurance that the irrepressible human spirit will figure things out from here on out (Chewbacca gets a medal, everyone's in the streets wearing a Guy Fawkes mask) doesn't do much more than dramatically undermine its own goal of disrupting the audience's comfort.

That said, one of my big regrets this season was that we didn't succeed in more engagingly exploring and articulating the Woundtree camp's development into a flawed but functioning society in Dispossessed fashion ahead of the ending. That was my intention, but what quickly became clear was that in a dramatic format, with a limited cast, it was just endless static meeting-room scenes with Paige and Elgin discussing difficult responses to impossible challenges, while everyone else was out having dynamic and exciting adventures with lots of fun and exciting gods. Dystopias remain too entertaining for utopias' own good.

What do you see as the role of fiction in addressing the horrible machinery of this world?

I believe that absurdist horror fiction specifically, founded on the principle of 'people in a world that makes no sense, deluding themselves that it definitely does make sense' can play a very powerful role in that stated purpose.

Many horror traditions carry the baggage of inbuilt or inadvertent conservatism - the concept of a peaceable, passive, safe, middle-class Normality which is then disrupted by a terrifying outside threat (alien, ultra-foreign, ultra-low-class, underworldly, wild, etc). But absurdist horror very directly identifies Normality as the true source of our terror and very directly confronts our human response to it. It creates the right environment for us to ask all of the good questions. Isn't this an unsustainable nightmare we're living in? Why are we expending so much energy pretending it isn't? How do we get out and what do we do if we can't?

Probably the only listener reaction that's genuinely frustrated me about both of our shows is the folks who come away turning their noses up at the bluntness of that approach and acting like they've Solved The Art simply for figuring out where our broad sympathies lie. "Hm, just listened to The Silt Verses and I understood it at once; it's clearly trying to say that capitalism is bad. A little heavy-handed in its messaging for my liking, hm-hm!"

Not to go full Garth Marenghi, but for me the directness of the provocation and the obvious outrageousness of the nightmare is the point; it then allows us to go to places that other genres (or more understated critiques) generally can't.

How do we punch through the bounds of it all being Content, another product to be bought and sold? What does it mean to sit here and fantasise about people making that revolutionary break when there is no revolution to be had?

God, I don't know.

Maybe it means nothing; maybe we can't punch through; maybe there is no story unruly enough to be truly unco-optable, and therefore even the most radical fiction ultimately serves as a distraction, a placebo, a reassurance (that we are not alone, that better things are possible) which will impact the wider world more by keeping us subscribed to the Kindle app than by any action we might feel inspired to take.

Amazon is paying Boots Riley to make TV shows. Disney won much praise for delivering a revolutionary fantasy in a Star Wars shell. Apple is funding excellent, discomfiting and furious corporate satires about how we happily ignore invisible worker abuses for the sake of our own lifestyles, but they also cannot be considered accountable for the deaths of Congolese child-labourers in the global cobalt supply chain. The Dispossessed is in development as a limited series and the LeGuin estate are closely involved.

The master doesn't just own the tools, he's been buying up the guillotines as well.

What if, as with the unknowable nothingness outside of Omelas, the only art that cannot be reduced to product in net service of the status quo is the art that's so invisible and inaccessible and disconnected as to not exist at all? Does being relatively small and ramshackle really lend us any ideological purity, any genuine detachment? You can listen to The Silt Verses on Apple and Spotify and Amazon Music. Brought to you by Acast.

Chapter 36 with Dev and Seb was to a large extent intended as an articulation of that worry. To what extent can we still trust in the integrity of a sincere love story (one that we want to believe in) it if takes place in an insincere and predatory environment? Can any meaningful story be told honestly within such a space?

This stuff really worries me. I think it's probably right to worry. I don't know the answer. I do know that there are some folks for whom the show has made a tangible difference in terms of their life's direction, and that's a huge comfort to me.

There was someone who said it helped them find their faith, strangely and wonderfully. Someone else who said it contributed to their decision not to go down a more lucrative career path within what they view as an exploitative industry. (I hope they don't regret that decision; I hope it makes them happy.)

So there's something there. Maybe.

[ignitingthesky]

what is the opposite of a sacrifice? gifts that were given without asking anything in return in the finale checklist:

Carpenter's gift to Faulkner

Elgin's gift to Paige

Hayward and Paige's gift to each other

VAL's gift to the Woundtree disciples

The Silt Verses

[ID: A collection of excerpts from The Silt Verses, listing as follows:

1. Carpenter's gift to Faulkner:

There'll be a place for you, Faulkner. No matter how hard it gets, no matter what they do to you, there'll be a place for you, and it'll be beside me.

That's my offering, That's all I have to give.

2. Elgin's gift to Paige:

ELGIN: I wanted you to have a moment's peace.

And I wanted you to know, when you looked back at today, that we waited for him, for as long as we possibly could.

3 + 4. Hayward and Paige's gift to each other:

My time with you, that was a gift. Hearing your voice again now when never thought I would - that's another gift.

Watching you walk away like this, that's the greatest gift I could ever ask for. because I get to die knowing you got further than me.

So please, Paige. Keep on walking.

Walk on until you're lost to me.

HAYWARD: You've got to go, Paige. You're out of time.

Let me have my gift. Please. Let me watch you walk away.

PAIGE knows she has to go. She's choking with emotion.

PAIGE: (Into the radio) You… you were a gift to me, too, Hayward. I don't think you'll ever understand how much.

5. VAL's gift to the Woundtree disciples:

VAL: Glottage Meteorological Society?

Yes. I live up by the border. (Lying one last time) The winds are changing. They're blowing strong, from west to east.

Make sure everyone knows.

6. The Silt Verses:

PAIGE: (Slowly. calmly. with feeling) These were The Silt Verses.

HAYWARD: These were The Silt Verses.

FAULKNER: These were The Silt Verses.

CARPENTER: These were The Silt Verses. And I name our disciples thus. Méabh de Brún.

PAIGE: Lucille Valentine.

HAYWARD: Jimmie Yamaguchi.

FAULKNER: B. Narr.

MUNA: This was a podcast created by Jon Ware and Muna Hussen.

JON: Thank you for listening.

End ID]

[misstrashchan]

So. What's the opposite of a sacrifice?

With the final episode looming it's a question we've been turning in our heads, so I wanted to give my best guess/analysis as to what it might be before Jon and Muna come to tear our hearts out in the final episode.

This is the question Hayward asks Paige, and later Carpenter, and it seems to be the underlying thematic statement of the series, in response to Carpenter's exposition in the first episode of the Silt Verses that introduces us to the fundamentals of the world and system they live in:

CARPENTER:

A god must feed.

A god must be fed.

This is a fact agreed upon across every territory in the Peninsula. And so, really, the only difference between the people born to the water and the people born to the land...

...is the precise nature of the sacrifice we need to make.

There is a God for anything in their world as long as there is someone believing in it. But all Gods need human sacrifices. A god must feed. A god must be fed.

These simple rules have been used as fascinating and horrifying metaphors of our modern society, and to explore themes of faith and sacrifice throughout the story.

And so the final question the last season proposes is if we can find a way to make something better, that can exist outside of this ultimately unsustainable exploitative system and the harm it inflicts upon ourselves and the world, when it has come to define so much of the way we live and how we think. And that means figuring out the opposite of a sacrifice, if they want to kill the idea, the lie, that is at the heart of their world.

At first I thought the opposite of a sacrifice, of offering up to the gods, was about killing your gods. Starving them out. Refusing to offer up anything. And that is part of it, I think. I mean it's literally been a repeating mantra of multiple characters this season once they've reached they're breaking points. Violence in revolution as a tool to overthrow oppresive systems is sometimes needed and necessary. But what about after? What kind of future or vision for a better world can there be? There needs to be something at the heart of that movement that isn't just about violence against their opressors, because you then define yourself in relation to them.

This is even illustrated in the Many Below god Paige created having predator and prey emeshed together, a movement defined by their resistance against the predators of the world, the beasts, cannot seperate themselves to meaningfully create a better future that exists outside of that dichotomy. I think Hayward realises that even earlier in S2:

HAYWARD:

There’s a hare in the grass, half-buried and bloodied.

A barn owl has latched onto its back, its talons driving deep into the flesh of the hare.

Both animals are dead.

Familiar black stone veins protrude from the carcass of the victim, twisting like branches, driving upwards into the predator’s skin.

Hare and owl are locked together, inseparably.

The god must have struck just as the prey died.

White crocus is flowering up from the two entwined bodies.

(Unhappily)

And suddenly I begin to feel deeply afraid.

It all makes me think of a dormouse, dead in the dirt, its ribs showing. Of rabbits, teeth chattering, hungering from their cages

I kick dust up over the corpses. Nudge them aside into the long grass so they can’t be seen from the path.

Paige doesn’t need to know about this, I tell myself.

There’s no sense in worrying her. Not yet.

Which then makes sense why he's the one proposing the question of what the opposite of a sacrifice is to Paige (and Carpenter), for this very reason.

I think the answer is pretty simple and yet, like most simple truths in this world, it's forgotten and overlooked or twisted as naïve.

Preservation. The opposite of a sacrifice is preservation. To better explain this let me use an example:

If someone who cared about you tells you you're working too hard at your thankless job, sacrificing your sleep, your time, your personal relationships, your physical and mental wellbeing, far past the point considered sane, they'd tell you to stop. To make sure you take care of yourself. Instead of endlessly feeding yourself into a machine to justify your existence.

Applied to the world of the Silt Verses, it's not just self preservation and caring for yourself. It's about caring for, protecting, and preserving the lives of those around you, that is the ultimate act of rebellion and political warfare, the first steps forward towards a better world. Caring for humanity.

Whenever our characters reach a breaking point of turning against their gods, there's a common thread of wanting to save their fellow man, and realising the inadequacy of a god's ability to do that. Whether that's somebody close to them (like Faulkner and Paige):

Or humanity as a whole (VAL and Shrue):

SHRUE:

Use them, pass them on, do not forget the suffering that keeps the engines of this world turning, forget the name of your god and cherish the name of your neighbour that was swallowed up by it-

Cherish your neighbour. Be kinder to one another.

This can even go back to Carpenter's rejection of the Trawler-Man back in S1, her fury at the fact those she loved had been eaten (her family) and would continue to be eaten (Faulkner).

CARPENTER:

(Yelling to the river)

It's over between us, you twin mouthed prick!

Do you hear me?

Does that stir you from your torpor? Pry the barnacles loose from your sodden ears?

My father and mother were Gregory and Sandra Glass. My grandmother was Adalina Glass. My brother was Em.

They died for you.

Every single one of them died for you and they thought it meant something.

My name is Carpenter. And I am still alive!

I have loved you for so long. I have tried to know you for so, so much longer.

And I'm done with you. Here and now. I'm not laying down my life for you.

I'm not dying, do you hear?

The same breaking point for Faulkner at turning against his parish and finally snapping is the idea of Carpenter being offered as a sacrifice, an offering returned, begging for her to live.

I must clarify this is my own interpretation of the question and themes the story proposes. I'm

I'm not sure we'll actually get a hard answer so much as different characters offering their own answers and us as the audience encouraged to think for ourselves what it might be. I think this is what Hayward's answer might be at least, anyway, because like me he's a corny motherfucker:

If a sacrifice is the idea that the most meaningful and transformative thing you can do is to give up your life, your sense of self, to die, then the opposite of that would be to try to keep on living, and finding meaning and transformation in that, surely?

[l0vema]

Svt x OGG: in the soop series

In which svt and OGG do a collab "in the soop" but it doesn't go as planned.

ogg- original girl group

You felt their gaze fall on you as you sat down to eat. You doubt they will ask- expecting them to not even notice you'd been wholed up inside all day as the rest of them played in the water and soaked in the sun. In the soop was meant for you to relax, and that's exactly what you did.

You were handed a plate of ramyeon by mingyu and quietly ate the delicious food. Despite resting the whole day you didn't manage to find something to eat- too lazy to even get up and pause your show. Once done with your plate you got up in the midst of conversation that surrounded you as both your members and seventeen were filled with the contentment of playing around all day. You headed over to the grill and watched as dk and mingyu flipped the meat. "Two more minutes please~~" dk whispered as he kept flipping. "Grab a plate though," mingyu chimed in.

Once you got done eating the grilled meat you were sated. Slumped on your chair sipping a coke is when you were directly asked a question. "Muna where were you all day?" Seungkwan asked. You looked up only to see almost everyone quieting down to hear you.

"Oh I stayed in bed. I was pretty tired right before this little holiday. How was the water sports though?" You replied simply, kind of shocked by the fact that the entire table went quiet (it was almost 20 people around).

"You totally should've joined. It was awesome ," Jiyoon added as she smiled at the memories of that afternoon. You mirrored her smile thinking tomorrow you'd join. "Maybe we can go for a night swin if I really did miss that much ," you requested to know one in particular. That led to a string of hums and nods before the conversation shifted to hoshi and Lisa already tripping form drunkeness.

Almost an entire 2 hours later you were finally done with the dishes. It was like the military you thought as you walked out of the dark kitchen only to see mingyu, dk, yoona, amare, vernon and seungkwan sitting around the verandah in swimsuits. "Muna! We were just thinking of going to help you finish so we can go," Amare lightly said. It hit me that they were actually going for a swim...

"Get changed and meet us here quick, dk wants to see the fish before they all fall asleep" you laughed slightly before turning to change into one of the many bikinis you brought with you.

At the lake you all moved into the water despite the coldness and got comfortable. It was an oddly nice feeling, the chill and the slomo feel from the water. You held hushed conversations with your members and svt as you swam around exerting your muscles that spent the day sleeping.

It was somewhat of an intimate thing- swimming in the dark with these people- you forgot completely of the cameras filming.

That was one of the reason you were so comfortable with seungkwan as he swam much closer to you whispering "are you happy?" In a tone you'd never heard from him- unsure. You smiled and touched his shoulder before nodding "it's hard to be sad when surrounded by such amazing people."

The rest of the night faded into the heavy look from the guys every now and then and the giggles when you and yoona were trying to drown one another- heightened when amare and sengkwan pushed both of us down together.

When you got out of the water it was unbelievably cold and painful to walk. You forgot where you out your shoes. The ouch and ah was heard as you clumsily looked around. "I can't find it anywhere" you said to no one in particular.

"Lemme carry you" was heard from behind you. Turning you were shocked to see dk looking down at you. A laugh found it's way out of you before shaking your head- you weren't a small girl, the internet never failed to remind you of the beauty standards you never reached. Dk was a big guy but still- you couldn't subject him to such. "No it's fine I'll just run as fast as I can and take big strides, if that doesn't work I'll wallow in my pain before the earth akes pity and idk turns me to dust" you said half joking before turning. "I can carry you though..." he said before grabbing your arm "C'mon my mother wouldn't approve of me leaving you here, the rest are almost at the house" that's when you realization the rest had completely gone. Well who were you to refuse at this point. You just prayed your rolls and squishiness didn't disgust him or get too heavy for him.

He casually draped you over his shoulder and got to walking. In the slightly awkward silence you blurted, "if you start shaking you can put me down- I don't want to punish you" before you chuckled, self degradation was funny at times.

"Muna, you're small and plus your soft- I'm used to the hard dumbells in the gym. This is definitely fine with me" he replied already setting me down. Looking up at him you noticed the flex of his arms and realised this man was in fact hella strong. "Thanks," you smiled while looking up at him and his large shoulders and thick biceps. Thank God you were half black or else you'd be red asf. Checking out the guy you're stuck in a house with for 2 weeks is crazy- especially on day one. You turned and got to walking to your room, the chill not forgotten as your nipples hardened. Little did you know that behind you Dk was watching you with his own hardened thing....it was not his fault you were soft and smelled good and small and just so pretty in the moonlight. He sighed, he was gonna have to get himself together before seeing you again. Two more weeks of this was gonna be impossible.

A/n: not proof read. Feel free to give requests on scenarios that could occur and girl group names. I'm open to SFW and NSFW. Also I'm a new fanfic writer so please go easy on me. Love, M.A

[whenlostinthedarkness]

Afterglow: Chapter 1 - What I Want

Leader Singer!Reader x Lead Guitarist!Ellie Williams

Summary: You and your band, This Way To Jackson, are headlining your very first tour across the US. Dina, the bass & keys player, Jesse the drummer, Ellie the lead guitarist, and you, the lead singer and back up guitarist, are finally living out the dream you've all always wanted.

Warnings: Some mentions of past relationship drama, but I think that's it.

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: This chapter introduces the band and the vibe/energy of their live shows. You also get some background into how the band started as well as reader & Ellie's relationship prior to their breakup. Highly suggest listening to What I Want by MUNA to get fully immersed in the experience…and because it’s a great song lol. Listen here.

Chapter Two >>

The lights, the crowd cheering loudly, the fast paced backstage area as you and your band, This Way To Jackson, made your usual walk in unison to side stage ; you found you never grew tired of this high-like feeling.

The moment the crowd started buzzy with anticipation, your mind switched from day-to-day you, to stage persona you. In order to maintain this feeling of energy and excitement, you kept your body bouncing on the balls of your feet, amping yourself up for tonights show that would start in a mere minute or two.

A soft tap on your shoulder took you out of your thoughts as you spun around, coming face to face with your tour manager Annalise.

Silently, you smiled before turning around to get your ritual two second shoulder rub from her and whispers of good luck that she liked to spread around to each member of your band ever since you all had your first show after getting signed to a label.

After Annalise gave her words and a light pat to your back, you turned back around, coming face to face with the other two members of the band-Dina, Jesse, and Ellie-as you all huddled in closer to one another as you prepared for your other infamous nightly ritual of yelling something obscene that usually had nothing to do with the situation at hand, yet always got a big wave of positive energy out of each of you.

You lowered your in-ear so it rested limply along the side of your face as you moved your hand into the center of the circle you and your bandmates had made. One by one, Dina, Jesse, and Ellie followed as you all looked up with smiling faces at one another as you stood in a circle.

"Your turn Ellie," you shouted above the loud chants of the crowd that were just beyond the small entry way that was formed by the steel stage brackets.

Ellie nodded as everyone brought their heads in even closer to each other as the waiting in anticipation for tonights chant began.

"Alright...When I say tits-“

Your expression read “dear god” before Ellie could even finish her statement with that look of mischievous pride in her face.

“-you say ass! Got it?", Ellie finished.

There was a small pause after Ellies outrageous idea of a chant that you knew she had spent precious time conjuring up in her mind-too much time in fact. All of you shared knowing looks and childish grins and giggles before Ellie shouted the start of the chant.

"Tits?"

"Ass!"

"Tits?"

Ass!"

The chant went on for a couple more rounds, all of you screaming the words 'tits' and 'ass' back and forth and moving your hands up and down in unison before giving one final bump of your hands in the air. With an expression of joy on your lips and in your eyes, all of you shook your hands in the air in a jazz hands motion before ending the before-show huddle with a round of applause from all of you.

"How long did it take you to think of that one?"

Ellie turned around at the sound of your voice, just after picking up her trusty red Les Paul and situating the guitar strap around her shoulder.

"You're just jealous I thought of it first," she mused with a shit eating grin while grabbing the guitar pick that was in her hand and sticking it in between her lips as she made one last tuning adjustment to her instrument.

With a soft smile and light brush of your hand along the bare skin of Ellie's arm, you sat off to the side to allow the other members in the band to take their places before you made your grand entrance.

The venues lights turned from a dimmed, warmth shade of orange, to completely black, making the screams of the crowd take over the noise within the 5,000 capacity venue that was full of people that were all there to see you and your band perform on your next stop of a sold out tour.

The deep one note bass of the pre-recorded entrance music began in time with the bright blue stage lights, causing the crowd to grow even more in volume. Most attendees were either watching in amazement, reach for their phones to record or take a photo, or doing a combination of both. You always found it intriguing how these people were anxiously attempting to record a once in a lifetime memory on their phones, meanwhile this was your job. This was your dream that you got to live out all while taking your your best friends along for the ride.

A rush of joy came over you, making you grin from ear to ear just as your band came to stand inches away from the stage left entrance.

"Go get em", you yelled over the music as they began their decent into the dark fog filled stage.

You knew their shadows must've become visible through the man made smoke as the yells from the crowd turned into full on screams. This energy made every single one of the band members get drunk and full on this feeling of being desired for an art form each of them loved doing.

Dina took her place first, stage right, with her bass in hand as she stood behind the keyboard and microphone. Jesse followed directly behind her and took a seat at the elevated drum kit that had the bands logo printed largely on the kick drum. Last, but certainly not lease, following directly behind Jesse was Ellie with her electric guitar in hand as she took stage left, directly behind the microphone stand that was fitted to her height perfectly.

Dina started things off by holding her fingers down on the keys, creating a chord that vibrated throughout the spacious venue as the lighting shifted along with each note, making the music come to life in visual form.

It was like the venue was alive with a thriving pulse as the stage lights became brighter, giving a clear view of each of the musicians as they were firmly set in their places on the stage.

Before you made your entrance at every show, you couldn't help but peak over to get a glance at the crowd full of various faces. It was absolute insanity to you that this many people with this many separate lives had all somehow made their way into this venue to congregate over a common interest. The fact that it was your band that was the common interest of these literal thousands of people from all over the country truly never sunk into your head as reality. Your bandmates would agree with you without falter.

As your eyes scanned the crowd, one particular face caught your eye. A girl stood at the barricade, who was undeniably attractive, even from the long distance and obscured view of the brightness of lights and smoke. She held a white medium poster that said, "Ellie can I have your guitar pic?" with a few hearts adoring the written words.

You felt it again. That fucking dropping feeling in your chest that you hated to admit existed, in fact you loved to pretend what you were feeling was nothing out of the ordinary...but who knows. You had a show to put on and didn't have to deal with this feeling this time around-something you were extremely thankful for.

Now, the band was in full swing as each of the members- Dina, Jesse, & Ellie, began playing the chord heavy intro music that never failed to get the crowd excited for the rest of the evenings performance.

Right on cue, the heavy music came to a near halt, except for the catchy, disco-like beat that was familiarly in their song 'What I Want'.

This was your cue.

The crowds voices rose, igniting a level of validation and nerves and confidence all swirling into one as you made your way onto the stage for the first time that night with both of your arms raised in the air.

You'd never know, and Ellie thought you would never care, about how much she loved watching you come on to the stage every single night. The sheer, raw joy on your face as walked or skipped or danced out with confidence and looked out into that crowd always made a massive smile appear on Ellie's face and an internal leap form in her heart. One that she too liked to pretend didn't exist..maybe it was just a friendly gesture.

Ellie didn't think she would ever get over how the band started with you and her in your dorm; an acoustic guitar in her hands and a pen in yours. Granted things were very different now than it was back then. Now, you were playing to thousands of people on a nightly basis, back then, you were lucky if you could get 5 people, who weren't drunk of their ass, to catch your open mic performance.

Back then you and Ellie were also reveling in the 'helplessly in love college students' feeling and attached to the hip..now, one could still say you both were attached at the hip, but a lack of commitment on Ellie's end and frustration on yours eliminated the kissing and any hope for romance in both of your future together. Now, you were just friends..and Ellie had a girlfriend who she loved very much.

As you made it to center stage, standing directly behind the microphone and straight down the middle of a bright pink light, you felt alive. It was like your exact purpose in life was to do the very thing you were currently doing as your lips graced the very top of the microphone and your hand wrapped around the bottom of it to steady yourself. The second you sang the first word, thousands of voices joined in as you all created a harmonious chorus together.

Your bright smile covered your face as you looked out into the sea of people. Some dancing, some yelling, some standing still and observing the every move of your band for the first time.

Meanwhile, as you looked out of the corner of your eye, glancing from the left to the right, you could make out each of the band members on either side of you. All of you synced together in rhythm as you moved along to the upbeat song that was born to blare at 2am in a gay bar.

Suddenly, Ellie came clear into view on your left side as she simultaneously walked in front of her microphone stand and played her instrument, until she was stopped just at the edge of the stage. Your lips moved along to the words of the song that was basically muscle memory at this point, as your concentration was soon taken over by something else-someone else.

The screams on stage left grew significantly louder as Ellie’s fingers remained strumming on her guitar while she peered out into the crowd of adoring fans.

Ellie was definitely seen as the most popular member of the group, something you honestly didn’t look too far into because you recognized why. Her energy was contagious on stage as she always moved along with the music, gave the appropriate amount of attention to the audience, and knew when to play it up on stage with her other band members in order to gain a positive reaction from the crowd.

While you had been got in a trance like stage, Dina had moved out from behind her keyboard and over to you as she gently nudged you with her hip. With wide eyes, you were suddenly brought back while Dina looked at you curiously, mouthing 'you okay', to which you nodded and masked a smile on your previously straight lined lips.

As the crowd screamed the pre chorus lyric “Thats Just What I Want!” back at you, you found yourself back to being fully aware of your surroundings and back to being one with your stage person..not whoever that person was.

Infectiously, your body moved along with the music as you jumped around the stage while singing the chorus to the queer joy power anthem. Your body first took you to stage right as you sang to the crowd, spending extra time with them to make the performance personal. Then, you made your way to stage left, making eye contact with Ellie as you took the nearly skipping steps over in her direction.

Taking the hint, Ellie moved backwards and in towards the center of the stage, allowing you to move in front of her so you could sing to the concert attendees on the opposite side of the stage.

She watched the way your leathered outfit hugged your form as you jumped to the words of the chorus, but she never let herself linger for too long. It wasn't a secret to others that you and Ellie used to date, she wasn't one to stir that drama up even if she was admiring you in a not so friendly way.

Either way, it was harmless. You were her ex girlfriend so of course, if she found you attractive back then, she was still going to find you attractive now. Especially if you weren't the one who ruined the relationship in the first place-she had zero bad blood to hold above your head.

As the last chord of the song was hit, all of you stood on that stage with smiles on your faces as you attempted to catch all of your breaths. The vibrations of the screaming and applauding crowd hit each one of you and intertwined with the bass of your instruments.

This feeling never got old, and neither of you could ever imagine getting use to it or anything coming in between that dream.

---

A/N: Let me know what you think 👀

[brandogenius]

Omg the phoebe fic was soo cute!! Could you kinda expand that story? The youbg gf x phoebe is too cute

hehe of course!!

‼️RPF‼️

HC - phoebe x controversially young gf! (short)

- everyone gushing over how cute the two of you are

- of course there is that odd amount of hate here and there but phoebe makes sure you don’t see it

- it doesn’t really bother you that much anymore though when you see it, knowing phoebe loves you and you love phoebe back

- “i may just ask for a senior citizen discount for you” “EXCUSE ME”

- “so what was the great depression like ?” “i’m going to break up with you”

- meeting muna was the most enjoyable experience ever. they kept teasing you

- “you’re just a child” “IM LEGAL”

- “don’t make them sad. phoebe will spawn in”

- again, like a 6th sense. spidey senses phoebe can automatically detect when you’re upset or angry. will throw hands at anyone if they make you upset

- sneaks you in with her backstage to festivals the boys are playing at. ‘she’s apart of the crew don’t worry’

- fans seeing you and phoebe with your arms wrapped around each other backstage watching the other performances (totally doesn’t go first tbh nooooo)

- it’s not really a big age gap but people like to think it is. phoebe loves to pull the “back in my day” card

-phoebe is super protective of you when out ar clubs.

- “can you hold my drink?” “of course” * guards the drink like her life depends on it/ will literally start barking at anyone who tries to come close”

[gingerjolover]

valentine's request: julien being your secret admirer 🤭🤭🤭

guys this is so cute :(

another blurb? all of y'all hop on my magic carpet let's take a ride

(i wanted to make a strap joke but the magic carpet is more appropriate)

no warnings except this is RPF, fluff ahead!

okay i would have to imagine a scenario where you are friends with the boys

like maybe you work at saddest factory with phoebe or you know them through muna or you're part of their crew

either way i imagine you'd have to be around the boys a lot for julien to do the cheesy secret admirer stuff

and i think julien probably doesn't even mean to be a secret admirer like it happens accidentally

okay picture this, you're part of the social team or operations or something that you're spending hella time with the boys so obviously you start to learn a lot about them

and i mean you probably learn way too much like there you are on a friday afternoon loosening the buttons on phoebes button up with a little sewing tool because she decided she wants to flash the crowd meanwhile the band and jb and lucy are talking your ear off about something to do with philosophical trends in modern media

and you're so grateful for the time you've spent on tour because who would've thought this amazing group of people would have convos about their favorite colors and the best way to cook tofu and why certain toothpaste is better for your teeth than others

and so while you're soaking up all this info, jb in particular really takes a fancying to you but there's something always holding her back

luce and pheebs swear that you're sweet on her but she says "losing their friendship is NOT worth me admitting i find them pretty," because jb would rather have you working the tour and be a lifelong friend than freak you out

but jb lit can't help it, she's always remembering the little details and keeping them locked away in her mind

and one morning one of the crew guys heads out early and brings back pastries

and youre running around like a headless chicken before the show so jb saves your favorite flavor of muffin aside for you

she writes your name in a very quick and hasty, and honestly descript scratch

and when you finally catch a break the boys are prepping for soundcheck and your eyes light up at this little muffin sitting on the table all wrapped nice and neat

"thank you! to whoever saved this for me!" you say with sweet eyes and a smile that literally makes jules feel like she's gonna ascend

and jb is about to take credit bc duh when maybe phoebe is like "look at you with a secret admirer," which causes you to blush and holy hell if it's not the cutest thing jb has ever seen

her voice literally gets stuck in her throat and she can't say a word

she decides then and there she's gonna be your secret admirer

and boy does she COMMIT

girlie is buying your favorite candy and ordering flowers from local flower shops, or the second new merch comes in she's snagging a crewneck, or she's looking at your goodreads and getting a book on your 'want to read' list and leaving it in your bunk

and this goes on for MONTHS

i mean a majority of the tour, you're being spoiled and you try to ask around but literally no one knows it's julien

and finally lucy and phoebe and julien are at a coffee shop in a random city later in the tour

luce and phoebe leave to go outside and julien "forgets her wallet" going back inside and grabbing you a chocolate croissant, shoving it in her backpack gently to hide it in the venue when they get back

and phoebe catches her when they are in the green room

and she's shocked honestly, julien's hand pressing to the blonde's mouth

"shut the fuck up" julien hisses, wide eyes staring into phoebes

"you little fucker! just tell them!"

and phoebe is like "whatever", rolling her eyes but for the next 2 weeks smirks everytime a little treat gets found by you

but it comes to a head one of the last shows before break

you're on your period maybe or just not feeling well, medicine and a new heating pad are waiting for you in your bunk

and the bus is quiet like everyone is chilling, not yet asleep, but it's quiet hours and you just start to sob

jb finds you and is like "woah woah woah!" rushing to you, one hand on your back the other wiping at your blotchy cheeks

"you okay?" she whispers, trying to calm you down

and you just point to the items and jb's blood runs ice cold, she starts to stammer like, "what- i don't understand," trying to play dumb

and you LOSE it like, "i don't know who keeps giving me presents but i feel so guilty because i don't deserve them and when i was complaining about my heating pad it didn't mean i needed a new one and the person is spending money and i'm so confused-" like fully having a meltdown

and julien is holding your face so gingerly being like "hey, hey it's... it's me, don't cry sweetheart, you have nothing to feel guilty about," and you're sooooo confused

julien sighs, adjusting her baseball cap, "i- i really like you and i saw how you acted when phoebe said you had a secret admirer and it was so cute so i just kept doing it but i didn't realize how you didn't really ask for any of it and i see now how it could be taken as super creepy and invasive? and i didn't mean to make you cry i-" before you cut her rambles off with a bone crushing hug

"i like you too jay."

[woman-respecter]

Weird ask but who would you recommend for queer female/female presenting artists of any genre? Like, I giggle at celebrity gossip but i approach it with the attitude of, if they don't come out publicly, not my business. So the only one I know is Janelle Monae.

my favorite is japanese breakfast! she's a jewish-korean american and i love every single one of her songs. similarly named but completely different: the japanese house. she's a lesbian. ik at least one of the women in muna is sapphic. lucy dacus is also sapphic. my gf likes fletcher (who is a lesbian) but i haven't listened to her much so idk. shura is pretty good too (i think she's lesbian.) st vincent is bi. my mom is a fan of brandi carlile and melissa etheridge but i don't think i have listened to them much yet. oh and ofc theres the indigo girls. also tracy chapman.

[summeryseaserpent]

To be fair to Muna, I don’t think they could like, have done much to help with the whole Abstraction monster situation, sure they could’ve gone looking for Caine but Pomni was already doing that, Ragatha couldn’t be dragged into a room without Muna getting glitched too, they certainly don’t have any chance against an abstraction monster, staying in their room was technically the most logical thing to do. Especially since they were under the assumption that the attack was by something Caine made, I would’ve stayed hidden in my room too if there was A. An abstracted monster around or B. A monster that could make someone abstract around. (Also I really like Muna)

@cherryblossomventi I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! Also you are absolutely right! There was nothing Muna could do that wouldn't result in them getting hurt too. Ragatha is asking a lot out of them.

However, Ragatha is upset that Muna heard people in danger and did nothing whether they thought it was something Caine made or not.

In the end, it's a complicated situation where there really isn't a right answer.

Part One Link

Start of this Part Link

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 26 Thoughts: Sam is awkward. Celia is hot.

Yet another guest writer episodes and this time it's Muna Hussen. She' co-creator and producer on The Silt Verses, and produced and acted in I Am In Eskew. The Silt Verses is a show I can wholeheartedly suggest giving a listen. It's great in just about every way a thing can be. I might leave a pitch for it as an addendum. I Am In Eskew is in the forever pile of things I may one day get to. It's a really well written episode too, I liked this one a lot. It is, unfortunately, another pretty explicit one so I don't expect to have a load to say, but that's not the same as it being bad.

Spoilers for episode 26 below the cut.

Celia and Sam's conversation doesn't have a load of note in it. Yes, they're going to meet Helen but that's for later. The important detail here is how Celia categorises her incidents. Which she does with the least effort imaginable. She's not had any misfiles yet which tells me that either those no longer happen or you just need to get it in the right Section. But more importantly than that it's also a good look at just how little she cares about the job. We've all known she's had ulterior motives from her introduction but it's nice to see ways that is reflected.

Much like the last incident there isn't too too much to rip into for what I talk about. I'm not sure the themes of this one speak to any greater connection and the characters are all new as far as I know. Which only really leaves one detail to talk about. The Archivist or, rather, *an *Archivist as that's the more interesting detail. The Archivist here didn't really do much we've not seen before. The forced running isn't to dissimilar to the forced drowning and Jarrod did seem to be mumbling in classic fashion. No statement to be heard as such but that might just be because of the framing. However, unlike previous run ins with an Archivist they're very much aware that they're not the only one. Whether this leads to something more grand or not is hard to say but it's an interesting detail.

Alice is finally up to episode 11 with the plot. More seriously it's nice to see her piecing things together now. I do wonder if that was Chester's point or not. Gwen was a little weird in this interaction IMO. Alice and Gwen shared a fairly major revelation together, that this ties into, but she seems to have distanced herself a lot from that emotionally already. Which isn't out of character but does come a little fast.

Helen is *very *Helen here. I think of all the returning characters she might have changed the least. At least from where she started. It's lovely to see her back, although I do wonder if maybe they're leaning on these characters a little too much at this stage. It's hard to know if this is one-off fanservice or the way of things going forward. I hope it's the latter because the less of the old cast we get the more of the new cast we'll see. There isn't a huge amount to say here but its good to see them getting more information about the Institute. Also, unfortunately Helen is still a tory. Categorically disproving the "these characters are now living their best life" theory. It's all still hell. I'd also include the transcripts note for the laugh but that's a TMA spoiler and probably one person hasn't seen that show. Besides if you know, you know.

Sam and Celia finally fucked. Good for them. Well, bad for them if TMA is anything to go off for couples in this setting. But, y'know.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 4463 is pretty normal for this, I think. No major surprises.

CAT# Theory: 1 is a 1. I'll maybe try to write an essay on this before the season ends. No prommies tho.

R# Theory: BC seems about right.

Header talk: Exhaustion (Athletic) -/- Compulsion (Tape). Also very very normal.

I guess I will write that addendum then.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Addendum: Go listen to The Silt Verses.

It's a horror audio drama that's more or less a world where the modern religious landscape is a polytheistic one, with fabricated corporate gods putting pressure on local ones, outlawed religions, and all sorts of fun stuff. But it's a world where religions, fabricated or otherwise, are also powerful and gods do exist and perform miracles. It follows two worshippers of the Trawler Man, and outlawed god, on their pilgrimage up its great black river. As you might expect things don't go smoothly and soon enough there's a man hunt, run ins with cults stranger than theirs, and all sorts of revelations.

The world building is a real high light too. It's just the right level of "this world is horrific yet treated as mundane". It's worth listening just to see how that's all built on.

I rate it a strong prisoners-buried-alive-in-the-foundations-of-new-construction-projects-to-bless-them/10.

[lesb0]

A Treatise on Pop Celesbians/bis 🌈✨

(by someone who only listens to music from the 15th-16th century)

I'm super happy that tiktok is making it possible for small artists to breakthrough and blow up BUT when it comes down to chappell, sabrina simply slays more and is the better artist. She genuinely loves being a pop princess, has so much fun on stage, and started serious singing lessons back at Disney ages ago. her work is more cohesive and better produced, her stylist is doing really well with establishing her silhouettes, her vocals are stronger, and she also naturally has the adorable Disney girl look that the industry eats up which propelled her career so fast

chappell is purposely drag "ugly" which is very fun and will def get her some Halloween costumes this year, her fun little songs are so catchy and cute, but the production and style and her skill level needs a lot more work. Beyonce wasn't good at first either, remember when she was just solanges off key pretty little sister? I love that she's a successful rags to superstar story and she is really bringing the community together rn, it feels good. but, she doesn't know how to be famous. It's making her extremely depressed and miserable. She sings improperly for a soprano and it's going to ruin her vocals. quickly. she HATES having a fandom. she was reeeally lucky the pandemic algorithm picked her up right before the great tiktok boom but that doesn't have longevity. also I know she's freshly out but I can't be obsessed with a new lesbian who totally disregards lesbian culture. it's just so blah to see another drag queen appended onto male culture. I just want to see Dykey Dykes who are super proud to be one of us, cultural-historically and all, not a sad hag adopted by gay boys.

Billie adores her craft and has the strongest vocal signature out of anyone on the charts by far, she's an incredible artist and is the most mature performer. She is so protective of other famous women in general even though she started out as a baby in so many precarious positions herself. I know shes going to keep making good catchy music about loving pussy. I hope she puts some effort into learning production because obviously her brother doesn't want to do her sex songs LOL

Muna Absolutely EATS at vocals, punchy beats, they have such a strong sound and the butchfemmebutch thing is so, so powerful & sexy & real. They are thee perfect band imo. but the stylist is so inconsistent with branding that I couldn't recognize them as the same band I learned about from my gay friend in 2020. they're constantly serving cunt. but only the good taste lesbians are there to eat it.

Zolita has released some absolute bangers but her vocals haven't kept up with her high production standards and the rebranding from vampire to nun to barbie to cheerleader isn't helping her establish a solid pop artist identity! she should've stayed in the indie zone, dark and whispery and gothic was her thing. But I love that she's never shyed away from aggressive out and proud lesbian aesthetics and marketing, I still have her lesbian sex stickers on my laptop!

peach prc sacrificed getting 1m+ views early on in her career to be an out lesbian. she's a good singer, but she's stuck singing about her ex boyfriend because that's what got her the #1 single. I love her adorable fairy femme4butch aesthetic even if her music isn't good

As for JoJo I don't know WHAT she's doing with the whole troll cringebait thing but it's funny and shes rich enough to take care of generations... It's very responsible that she's keeping the new annoying dyke brand away from her little girl brand at target, she's growing into a good woman which is rare to see.

King princess CAN be a good pop artist but she's too inconsistent. she has a billion dollars and doesn't need her career anyways she's just having a good time.

I still think Hayley kiyoko could've been the queen of dyke pop if she would've dropped acting and modelling but she really is such a triple threat in talent and has the right looks that there's no way she shouldn't come out really successful but she is a woc so there's a whole different standard and many darker elements at play when considering the racism to killing her career.

I don't know why st Vincent moved into doing pop for 5 seconds. but Los ageless is my jam. Annie has been disappointing for a long time!

[gatorbites-imagines]

Might I request the star bosses from scarlet and violet with a male reader who becomes a boss of team star and uses psychic types. (would like his main pokemon to be muna and gothrita as those are my favorites) wish you joy in the new year!

Team Star bosses with a reader who is the leader and uses psychic types

Headcanons

Hope it’s okay I made a team for the reader, as mentioned before I love doing so ^^

You took over the team after Penny disappeared btw, before that you were a boss like the others.

 Giacomo

-          Giacomo is a pretty chill guy, so while I think he’s sad that Penny left he’s happy you stepped up and took over. He has most likely looked up to you for a while since you were such a strong trainer and a good person.

-          Your Munna and Meowstic love him, if you can’t find the two its cuz they’re with Giacomo again. Your Munna especially loves to listen to Giacomo’s music.

-          He makes you a special team boss mixtape, like your own theme song for battle. He thinks that since you’re the boss you need a cool theme to go along with it, even if you were kinda flustered when he first gifted it to you.

-          You and Giacomo hang out when you just need a break, be it going for walks or going to one of your places to watch movies or listen to music.

 Mela

-          Mela in the beginning wouldn’t want you to become the new leader since she still hopes Penny will come back, but when she sees how great you are at being the leader and that Penny isn’t coming back, so accepts it and backs you up 100%

-          Your Bronzong loves to hang around Mela for some reason. In the beginning she tries to make the pokemon leave since the large cuddly pokemon takes away from her tough appearance.

-          After your Bronzong completely wipes the floor with some bullies though, she accepts its presence and is worried when it doesn’t show up.

-          Shes shy about showing her true personality most of the time but she is open to you and your friends, and Mela finds comfort in spending time with you because she can be herself.

-          You inspire her to want to get stronger since you are strong enough to become team stars leader, so you are someone she sees as a close friend but also someone to look up to.

 Atticus

-          Atticus was most likely the one to suggest you become the new leader of the team after Penny disappears, seeing as you are a powerful and noble fighter with strong morals in his eyes.

-          He would create a cool outfit that would fit your role as leader of team star and a psychic trainer, and he is very proud to see you in it for the first time, he especially likes to see it in battle.

-          He would even go as far as to create matching outfits for your pokemon, Gothorita would especially love the outfits and since that pokemon is the one your seen most with, it has many multiple outfits to match yours.

-          Atticus doesn’t feel scared to be himself and speak about his interests around you, as he doesn’t feel like you will judge him for the way he speaks or carries himself, it helps boost his confidence and make him a stronger person.

-          You motivate him to be himself and not let others’ opinions of him bother him too much, and he is happy with his decision to offer you up as the next leader of team star.

 Ortega

-          Ortega isn’t sure about making you the next leader of team star, but his opinion quickly changes when he sees how you are able to support everyone and make them feel more motivated and sure of themselves.

-          He would build you your own starmobile that would match your use of psychic types, using colors and shapes to make it something that truly fits you as a person.

-          Ortega would be bummed out when he has to go to piano lessons and stuff like that, but you always step in and take over for him when he has to leave and write up a report on the happenings during his time away, just to make him feel better.

-          Your Gothorita and Girafarig would love Ortega, always coming out of their pokeballs to greet him and play with his pokemon, you both use the excuse of your pokemon being good friends to hang out some more between duties as leader of the team and a team boss.

 Eri

-          Eri was at first against you becoming the new leader of team star since she hoped Penny would come back, but when she sees how you take care of everyone and do your best she relents and decides to support you as much as possible.

-          Like the others she helped you train your pokemon to be stronger, and she’s proud when your team becomes stronger than her own. She’s also the one who helped you evolve your Ralts into a Gallade, so the pokemon likes to spend time with Eri.

-          She always makes sure you are taking care of yourself and not pushing yourself too hard, since she knows being the leader is hard work. She doesn’t want you to burn yourself out, its also because she fears to some extent that you will leave too.

-          Eri would bring you lunches and snacks for your pokemon every now and then, just so you two could take a break together away from all the hard work as leader and boss. She still works very hard to protect the team, but she also makes sure to protect you, even if its from yourself as times.

[my-moonagedaydream]

Excepts from the first three chapters of my jegulus coffee au fic that make me scream

Chapter 1 - Rise and Shine Love

“Meanwhile, as the clock neared 8:00 am James tried taking someone's order but stared at the person. They were gorgeous. Their eyes shone in the light from the windows, they held themselves with such grace it was captivating. You would think James was watching someone launch a rocket ship into space with the look on his face.” (James you’re very obvious)

“You’re fucking kidding, you’re James Potter?”

“Oh, so you know me?” James asks smiling even higher

“Of course I know you, my brother talks about you like you’re a god.” “

“James’ face tingled and he knew he may burn those who flew too close. But he was far too careless to even fathom Regulus being one of those people.

Although when Regulus sent that text he knew he may be flying too close, but not close enough. He had to try harder this time.”

Chapter 2 - Runners High (the song by MUNA)

“Oh, what would Regulus be wearing? Oh, screw it he would look good in anything what was he thinking?” (James babe…)

“oh but Sirius is going to look so good tonight. He sent me a photo of the outfit he’s wearing tonight and I nearly left work early. Sorry James…” (Remus honey we know you’re in love with him)

“Oh, Regulus looked good. So damn good. How was James going to get him? God James was screwed. He was reaching so far out of his comfort zone but god, he had to try didn’t he?”

“That stupid smile. God, how could he look so good? How is Sirius friends with all the hot people? First Remus and now James? He really needs to get out more and find his own hot people.” (Reg babe you have hot friends too)

“After all he had been heartbroken and what else does a heartbroken teenage boy do than write poetry and song lyrics?”

“I mean I wrote more than half of their songs, half of which are absolute hits. If you think I’m prideful, you’ve seen nothing.”

Chapter 3 - Sunlight (yes like the hozier song)

“That was until Regulus Black walked through those doors ready to wreck James from the inside out. His steps never faltered but boy did James’ heart. “

“His name rolled off James’ tongue as if he was toying with it.”

“Regulus finally looked at James and caught his eyes. They were glowing like sunlight. Like the light hit them perfectly and made them shine just enough so it never outshone the sun.”

“That nice ass smile James loved so much. “

“Did Regulus have a lover? Oh probably. He’s the prettiest person known to man, of course, someone already hit him up.”

“It was heavy in symbolism but James knew something was hiding even further than the between the lines. It was hiding in the depth of the lyrics where nobody except Regulus would understand. “

“James said his name like it was honey that just melted off his tongue.”

“Some people walk with a pep in their step but regulus? He walked with pure assertiveness. Despite the aura surrounding him, his eyes lit up the moment he looked at James. It was almost like he’d found sunlight after years in a dark cave. “

That’s it the fic is called The Secret to the Sun and the Stars (my username on ao3 is PH4N70M) have a great day :)

[whenlostinthedarkness]

Afterglow: Chapter 2 / Part 1 - In My Way

Leader Singer!Reader x Lead Guitarist!Ellie Williams

Photo by @abbysthighs ; edited by me

Summary: You and the band attend a party after the show, which leaves you social exhausted. Ellie takes note and you both decide to head back to the hotel for some much needed come down time from the surplus of social interaction

Warnings: Social anxiety, Weed smoking, and mentions of reader & Ellie’s past relationship; I believe that is it.

A/N: If you haven't caught on by now, each chapter will be named after a MUNA song that is fitting for the situation. Listen to ' In My Way' here.

Intro | Chapter One |

A soft towel was thrown around your shoulder by Dina as you and the rest of your bandmates exited from the stage, leaving a crowd still screaming as they begged for yet another encore, even though you'd already given them two on top of the one you did every night of every show.

"Well, they were fucking crazy", Jesse laughed while dabbing his forehead with his own towel.

"Seriously! I think that was the highest energy we've gotten from a crowd so far," Ellie said, mirroring Jesse as she too held the towel against her forehead that was dampened with a few locks of hair.

The thundering crowds noises were quickly dissipating the further your band walked into the back stage area, until you all had finally made it to the large, shared dressing room.

"God, it's fucking hot!," you exclaimed while dramatically fanning yourself as you stood in front of a table top revolving fan that was turned up to high.

"Yes, yes you are," Dina teased as she began undoing her button up shirt, joining the rest of the group that had already started undressing out of their sweaty clothes.

In a flirtatious manor, that you both knew held nothing but friendly intentions, you turned around with your hand on your hip.

"Don't tease me D."

"What if I'm not?"

Both of your coquettish expressions caved into humored ones the minute you made eye contact.

"We've already been down that route in college, no need to revisit it," you joked with a pointed finger as you began undoing your top.

"God, don't remind me. It was like fucking my sister-no offense." You nodded in agreement with Dina as you voiced your mutual feelings about the night both of you had drunkenly hooked up after a party in college.

Thankfully, It wasn't a completely bad experience. It was the reason the both of you had become friends after all. What better way to bond than after a hook up that neither of you felt a romantic connection with, yet still enjoyed the others company.

As Ellie began zipping out of her jeans, she couldn't help but listen in on yours and Dina's conversation and reminisce about that night.

You, Ellie, and an apartment that was much too small for the amount of people that were walking in through the back door.

A local college band was playing in a space that no doubt was originally a living room that had been moved around to arrange a space for the band and others to gather around them.

You held on tight to the back of Ellie's-aka your roommate who you had met just a couple days ago- shirt as you allowed her to guide you through the mass amount of bodies that were somehow fit into this space that couldn't have been more than 1,000 square feet.

As college parties go, you and Ellie ended up talking with cheap beers in hand for awhile as you watched the people around you, until you saw Dina walk in. She was clearly the life of the party, which is what caught your attention in the first place…and she wasn't bad looking either.

Ellie remembered you whispering how hot you thought the dark haired girl, who you would come to know as Dina, was. Urgently, Ellie turned her head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows that begged to ask a question.

"Are you gay?"

Present day Ellie laughed quietly in the dressing room as she recalled you saying "do I look like I'm straight?", in a way that was so deeply offended, you would've thought you had been mistaken for the worst possible human being one could imagine.

Suddenly, there was a feeling of fear and hope spun together in a braided ribbon. Because now that she knew you liked girls, that meant that her immediate attraction to you wasn’t something that she could shove off in a corner. No, now her mind would conjure up all these scenarios and universes where it was you and her tangled up in sheets as your bare skin touched her bare skin, all because it was something that was possible.

Sure, it wasn’t definite and, at that time Ellie had no idea that you had felt this immediate attraction to her as well, but now, it was easier for her to picture herself with you because it wasn’t like the crushes Ellie had on straight girls in the past. This time it was real and raw and vulnerable.

"What so funny?"

Ellie hadn't noticed you, snuck up on her as she changed with her back to the rest of the group.

Quickly she peaked over her shoulder as she continued getting undressed.

"Remember when you were offended that I didn't know you were gay?"

A warm, comforting feeling filled you as you thought back to your very first outing with Ellie.

You nodded, "Yeah! I'm still pissed about it."

Ellie chuckled, "You're dumb."

You didn't reply, merely just watched silently as one by one, Ellie's legs slipped out of the denim, leaving her in plain colored boxer briefs and an undone button down shirt while her back was still to you.

You knew better than to allow your eyes and imagination to linger too long-that was dangerous territory; a been there done that type of territory.

The group continued chatting as each of you finished changing into less dampened clothing.

"You guys going to that party tonight?"

At Jesse's words your eyebrow raised in question, until you recalled the big name popstar's birthday gathering you all had been invited to that was happening tonight. Quietly, you sighed as you finished grabbing all of your personal belongings.

"Not sure. You?"

Jesse 'pst' his lips, "Ah c'mon! You have to come. It'll be a nice way to decompress. We haven't had a night off in ages."

You couldn't disagree. It had indeed been a two week spread of shows every single night...maybe a party wouldn't hurt.

But on the other hand, you knew you dreaded any sort of social gathering that was bound to leave you overstimulated and exhausted by the end of the night.

"I don't know.."

"Babe cmon, you deserve it. I deserve it. We all deserve it! Besides, we can ditch if we're too exhausted or if it's lame or something," Dina said as she turned around, joining the rest of you and your bandmates as you all naturally gathered in the center of the changing room.

You wagered your plan of staying in the hotel in stretchy clothes with takeout in hand and a shitty movie on the tv as you snuggled into the fluffy blankets…but the looks you were getting from your bandmates pretty much prepared an answer for you.

"Fineeee," you dragged your words as Dina took the initiative of leaving as she opened the dressing room door.

"Who knows, maybe you'll get laid."

You shook your head, shoving Dina playfully on the shoulder as you followed behind her. "Shut up slut."

Ellie followed behind you, and Jesse behind her as he chuckled at the usual banter between you and Dina that continued for the entirety of the walk to the black vehicle that was ready to take your band to the party.

----

You'd been at the party for only an hour before you felt your threshold being pushed to it's farthest limit.

Dina and Jesse had been loved up on the dance floor, shouting the words of a song that was unfamiliar to you as Jesse had both of his arms around his love.

Ellie had caught your eye as she talked with other people throughout the party, always having some sort of whiskey drink in hand as she fidgeted with the small black straw she was swirling around her drink.

You knew how awful Ellie was in conversation, or rather following along with a conversation. Her thoughts always seemed to take over, making it hard for her to be fixed in on the entirety of a conversation as she, instead, resorted to zoning out or fixating herself on some sort of habit like she was right now.

With your back lent against a crisp white wall, you raised your drink to your mouth as you took a sip while still watching Ellie attempt conversation, until her eyes locked with yours.

She knew this version of you too well. The crowds, the socializing, the various amount of different noises all going on at once, none of it was ever your forte.

You quickly averted your gaze downwards into the honey colored drink in your glass, which made you oblivious to the fact that Ellie had already dismissed herself from her conversation and began making strides towards you.

"Over it already?"

Her familiar tone made your eyes glance upwards briefly before bringing them back down to your drink. You shrugged, "You know how I am at these things."

Ellie indeed knew too well. She also knew how much you resented yourself for not being able to handle a party without feeling like shit before, during, and after.

"Wanna head out? I'm kind of over this too." Ellie said as she mimicked your position of back resting against a wall with nearly empty drink in hand.

Your eyes remained low as you talked. "You don't have to leave because of me."

"I'm not," Ellie assured, "you're the one who can't do social gatherings, I'm the one whose bored of superficial small talk with people that I couldn't give less of a fuck about."

At her words, you chuckled, your neck now raising as your tipsy squinted eyes finally made contact with Ellie.

"Promise it's not because you feel sorry for me?"

Ellie's face lit up with a familiar, warm grin as she held up her pinky to swear her promise was true. "Promise."

You wore a lazy, but genuine smile as you extended your own pinky and gently hooked it around Ellie's. "Let's get the fuck out of here then."

---

The drive back to the hotel was silent except for the easy listening radio the Uber drive had been playing in the vehicle. You were thankful they were playing music that was appropriate for the 3am hour that it was. The last thing you needed was heavy bass to fuel your already slightly aching head.

Both you and Ellie made your way into the hotel once the uber had reached your home for the night. Thankfully, your manager had taken care of check in so your room key was already tucked inside the palm of your hand, leaving the only thing to do was slide your key through the appropriate suite numbers door so you could fall face first into a fluffy, white bed.

Your mind pulsed with the room number as you got closer. '208, 2010, 2011, 2012."

A literal weight seemed to fall off of your body when you mentally read the 4 digit number.

"This is me. What room did you get?"

'Fuck', Ellie thought as she did a double take on the room number that was written on her key card and the room number engraved in a gold plaque on the door you were both stopped in front of.

"Me too. Guess we’re rooming together."

Ellie didn't mean for her words to come out with a grimace expression, but you understood why the second she said it.

Annalise. You'd told her once about not wanting to room with Ellie due to your past with her and it was never a forgotten thing..I guess not until now.

It wasn't that you didn't want to hang out with Ellie. Ellie was your best friend first, ex girlfriend second. Despite the past the both of you shared, you always made it your mission to never let it interfere with one of the strongest friendships you've ever had with a person.

Not rooming together was more of a...preventative measure. You and Ellie had dated for a couple years, obviously you also slept together during that time. Keeping separate sleeping arrangements was just a way to keep certain situations less likely to happen.

Without either of you making eye contact, you slid the card in, then out of the slot in the door as a light flashed green, signaling the release of the lock.

You could feel the very dim way your hands shook as you grasped the metal knob in hand, allowing you and Ellie entry into the spacious suite that, thankfully, had two queen sized beds in it. You couldn’t imagine what would happen if the hotel somehow made a mistake and gave you a suite with a single bed; at least one thing was on yours and Ellie’s side. Though it didn’t make the situation at hand any better.

The tension was thick like a humid august day in Florida.

You and Ellie had taken to silence as you both worked on unpacking the few essentials you had on your person - thank god your team had already managed to put both yours and Ellie's luggages by each of your bedside, leaving not too much work to be done tonight unpacking wise.

Once your shoes had been tucked away in the small closet, your phone charger plugged in with your phone attached to it, and your pajama's in hand, you set off for the bathroom in the still silent hotel room.

A quick shower paired with freely brushed teeth, a clean face, and much more stretchy clothing had you feeling almost fully recovered post show and post social gathering.

As you walked out of the bathroom, you couldn't help but follow the trail of clothing that was sprawled sloppily on the floor and on top of the bed that was Ellie's for tonight.

It was like a mouse hunt as you followed along the fabric and items Ellie had no doubt shoveled out of her bag instead of putting them away neatly - typical for Ellie. She was never the cleanliest of the band members.

The humored smile remained on your face as you walked from the area in the suite that contained the beds, over to the small hallway that led to the living room area.

Ellie was sprawled along the couch with nothing but a table side lamp on as her eyes were glued to her phone while her finger moved along the screen.

Thankfully she hadn't caught wind of your entrance or else she would've seen the way you ran your eyes up from her sock clade feet all the way up to the athletic shorts and hoodie that was branded with your bands logo. She only looked up when you sunk down on the opposite side of the couch she was on.

Startled, Ellie looked up at you, looking as if she had forgotten you were even here, and for a minute she honestly did. Ellies eyes had been zoned in on the text exchange between her and her girlfriend, Cat, since the moment she flopped herself onto the couch in a living room that wasn't hers- this was somewhat of a routine she had subconsciously started doing ever since the tour began.

Your eyes naturally followed along to Ellies screen as curiosity got the best of you, but when you saw the name and photo labeled at the very top of the text exchange, you felt that same god damn feeling. That drop, that warmth, that surge of an energy that was anything but positive.

It was as if Ellie could read your mind as she followed your eye line and quickly locked her phone before setting it on the arm rest of her side of the couch.

Clearing your throat, you tried your best at creating a diversion.

"I see you're still messy as ever." Your eyes remained low as you fiddled with the hem of your sweats that sat on top of your ankle bone.

Ellie smiled, mimicking your lack of contact gaze as her vision zoned out on the grey colored couch cushion.

Her mind began to dump through memories upon memories; when you and Ellie were roommates, you were always complaining about her side of the room, which quickly morphed into the entirety of the room as the floor was filled with various clothes, personal items, etc.

You only genuinely got upset about it once- finals week, freshmen year. You were stressed, Ellie was stressed, thus ensued the first of many fights that the both of you would have over petty things.

But the both of you were grown now and surely you could have a conversation over something like that.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Ellie made the move to get up from the couch until you spoke with a waving hand.

"I'm fucking with you El. You're good," you said with a calmed smile and warm tone.

"You sure? Cause I can-"

You were nodding quickly, having to fight back a large grin and laugh at how quick Ellie was willing to get up and tidy the space. You couldn't help but interrupt her quick thoughts that you could tell were piling up a mile high in her mind.

"Ellie."

At the sound of her name, Ellie felt her thoughts fall from their whirlwind as she instead focused her attention on one thing at a time and that one thing was you.

"You're good, I promise."

It was crazy how, just at the confirmation of your words, Ellie was able to calm herself down. There weren't many people in the world who could fully put her mind at ease and allow it to stop the overthinking, but you always could. You held a sense of magic over her.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?"

Though Ellie hadn't agreed yet, the remote control was already tucked in your hand as your thumb pressed down on the appropriate buttons. As if you already knew what a routine of assisting Ellie from an anxiety come down was like, which you did.

"Yeah that sounds good." Ellie's words were straight laced as she recognized her pulse for the first time and just how rapidly it was beating.

"Do you mind if I smoke? I usually do it after shows, but since we don't room together I wasn't sure-"

"Yeah your good." You interrupted, making Ellie let out a breathy laugh as she walked over to her bag that sat on top of her bed.

"What?" You asked with confusion.

"You've interrupted me like five times already." Ellie's tone was anything but malicious which assured you that she wasn't upset with your bad habit, but that didn't make you feel any less ashamed either.

"I'm soooorry," you dragged out, the sound of rummaging in the background as Ellie grabbed her trusty tin box that contained a single pre roll and her lighter.

"You know I'm fucking with you." Ellie made her way back to the living room area as she scouted out a source for proper ventilation to ensure the smell of the potent greenery wouldn't cloud up the room or the entire floor.

Thankfully the suite was equipped with massive windows that looked as if they were from the 1920’s. Adorned with different variations of swirls and florals that made the layer of cream colored paint anything but some plain colored windowsill.

Using two of her hands, Ellie grasped the bottom of the window and pulled it upwards as far as the rusted parts would allow. As if out of some sort of rom com, Ellie took a seat on the windowsill as she flicked the lighter with her thumb until it lit a small flame.

At the noise of the lighter, you turned your attention to Ellie just as the flame caught the tip of her joint- a line of smoke streamed from the now charred stuffed rolling paper. You watched Ellie’s chest as she deeply inhaled with her eyes closed, the end of the 'j' searing red as she did so, and held the smoke in her mouth for a few seconds before releasing the breath she was purposefully holding.

Even though Ellie was used to the weed, she never failed to let out a string of coughs after a deep inhale. After her second cough, you turned your body fully around to find Ellie with her mouth tucked into the crevice of her elbow as her body tried to rid itself of the irritant in her throat.

“Water?”, you questioned, to which Ellie nodded as she continued to blow out on last cough until you were standing in front of her with your steel water bottle in hand.

The way Ellie’s mouth wrapped around the tip of the bottle made your pupils dilate as you watched her gulp down several sips of water. She muttered a “Thanks” while handing the water bottle back to you while you scolded your mind for reminiscing on exactly what Ellie’s mouth could do in certain situations.

Once her throat had been cleared enough times for the saliva in her throat to break up, she leant her back against the window frame again, relaxing as the high in her mind began to build.

“Wanna hit?”, Ellie said with hooded eyes as she looked up at your standing form.

The fact that you had to stop and ponder your answer made you cringe. You were a far off version of who you once were only a year ago. Now, you got up early in the morning and did yoga just after you made yourself a hot cup of decaf coffee because, for some god awful reason, you needed a change and that change happened to be weening yourself off of caffeine.

It was funny how well you were convincing yourself and others that you were better and striding along nicely on the path of self love and content while being by yourself. What others didn't know is that you had never felt more lonely in your life. Even after Ellie and your's breakup nearly 4 years ago, you had never felt this bottomless pit that you only had to deal with once off that stage.

Maybe thats why you felt so addicted to performing. Maybe thats why you were the only one who didn’t complain when you saw how many shoes you would be putting on this tour. It took your mind off of reality..it was your drug.

"Sure," you answered Ellie as she reached her nearly limp hand out to you with a relaxed grin on her face.

The moment the joint was held between your pointer finger & thumb, it felt instinctual, despite a year or so without the substance.

As the smoke sucked down your throat, you could already feel your head beginning to float.

"Nice, right?"

You nodded, as you passed the joint back to Ellie just before taking a sip out of your water bottle that moments ago had been pressed against Ellie's mouth. You could still taste the vague cherry chapstick flavor of her lip balm. “I haven't smoked in fucking ages."

Ellie nodded as she took another big hit that made her shoulders slump even more against the window as she delved into a state of relaxation. "This shit is the only thing that calms me down after shows now."

"Seriously?"

With a nod, Ellie's eyes scanned you as if she were searching. For what? You didn't know and neither did she, but yet she allowed her eyes to linger until she landed on your arm. "How's the tattoo healing?"

Your eyes pulled down to your arm, but not without feeling a lag in motion due to the weed in your system. The amount of at ease you felt was something you hadn't felt in years. You couldn't help but question why the fuck you stopped smoking in the first place, until you came back to that self love journey, bullshit, blah, blah, blah.

"Tattoo is good. The shading on it is soo beautiful”, you dragged along your words more than usual as you prepared for your last statement that would inevitably bring her up. "Your girl is good."

At the mention of her girlfriend, Ellie felt comfort in her smile. "Yeah, she's great”, she answered honestly.

You knew her words held double meanings-yes, Ellie's girlfriend was a great tattoo artists, but you knew her and Ellie were good for each other, at least from your view it seemed that way.

"You seeing anyone lately?"

The hairs on your arms began to raise at Ellie's question. It seemed that anytime relationships or partners, whether romantic or sexual, were brought up..it always felt awkward to you. But maybe that was because you were just being you, and Ellie was matured past the college relationship you and her shared.

Not that you weren't stuck on the relationship itself entirely. You were more so stuck on the feeling of being loved like that and loving that person in return just as much. You craved it, yet no one ever scratched that itch for you after Ellie.

"Nah..I'm good," you lied through your teeth, but Ellie saw right through your faux satisfaction.

"C'mon, it's been, what? A couples years since your last relationship?"

Ellie hadn't intentionally meant to strike that nerve when the words left her lips, yet she could tell she managed to do just that according to the look on your face.

"Fuck, 'm sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up..I forgot that your last relationship was us."

You felt the urge to spit in Ellie's face out of pure spite that was bubbling inside you even though you knew she meant zero malice with her words. Deep breaths consumed your chest as you repeated a mantra to yourself: You were the one who had the problem. Not her. You were the one who had the problem. Not her.

"Yeah...it's been awhile," You chose to ignore the subject as best you could, yet it felt so damn difficult when your last relationship was sitting right in front of you, looking beautiful as a joint hung from her lips.

Ellie breathed the smoke through her gritted teeth before snubbing the end of the joint on the brick that sat on the outside walls of the hotel just outside of the open window she was relaxed against.

"So you really don't want to see any one?"

"Can we talk about something else," you huffed out with aggravation, taking Ellie by surprise, making her eyes fill with sorrow.

"Sorry."

"Don't be...", you trailed off for a moment as you took another drink out of your water simply just to give yourself something to do that wasn't sitting in silence. "I'm just sick of people asking me about it,” you shrugged. “Sorry to get pissy with you."

Ellie nodded her head as silence built between the both of you.

The longer you both sat in silence, the higher and higher Ellie felt as her eyes began to alter her perception, her brain began to cloud her judgement, and her filter on her words grew thinner and thinner.

"Do you ever think about us?”, Ellie said with a head tilted backwards and her eyes staring up at the ceiling.

Meanwhile, your lips hesitated as they forgot how to move in time with your tongue. You were finding speaking to me exceptionally difficult when it was a question like that from a person who used to be your everything.

—-

Part 2 coming soon