#NO ALFRED?

[kudosmyhero]

Batman (vol. 1) #308: There’ll Be a Cold Time in the Old Town Tonight!

Read Date: December 10, 2022 Cover Date: February 1979 ● Writer: Len Wein ● Penciler: John Calnan ● Inker: Dick Giordano ● Colorist: Glynis Oliver ● Letterer: Ben Oda ● Editor: Julius Schwartz ◦ E. Nelson Bridwell ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● my first Mister Freeze issue ● omg those ice zombies are creepy af ● i like how even the word balloons have icicles ● oh hey, Selina! ● Lucius! 💙 and his daughter! I think I've met her once before but I can't remember in which issue ● (pg 6) oo, a particularly moody crouching-on-a-ledge-while-the-cape-billows panel ● (pg 7) 13th floor, eh? ● and I thought I kept the thermostat too low… ● is he going to become an ice zombie? ● "my love"--is that Nora? no, can’t be… ● yikes, yup, a white walker ● ah, Mister Freeze didn't intentionally do it… but it was far from informed consent ● Hildy is her name ● (pg 12) ha! well that caught Batman off guard ● Ice Pack, oh lordt ● she's just not into you, dude ● this is why monologues are a bad idea ● wth happened in the end there? all I can think of is Solomon Grundy

Synopsis: Bruce Wayne meets with a reformed Selina Kyle, the Catwoman, who wants to invest money in Wayne Enterprises as part of her efforts of going straight. Giving her a chance, Bruce agrees and after she has left the building, he asks Lucius Fox to investigate the activities and current profile of Miss Kyle. While on Lucius' office, Bruce meets his daughter Tiffany Fox, who runs Wayne Enterprises' ghetto drug-rehabilitation program.

Later, Batman answers the summons of the Bat-Signal and meets with Commissioner Gordon on the crime scene, where they find the frozen body of financier Jacob Riker, a clear work by the master criminal Mister Freeze. At the same time, another millionaire, John McVee, undergoes one of Mr. Freeze's cryogenic treatments, hoping to have his lifespan greatly increased. As Freeze's treatment starts, McVee's body temperature lowers, his aging processes slows, but the end result is not a success. McVee's body survives, but his brain cells remain frozen, turning him into a living zombie, and is thus added to Freeze's servile "Cold Pack", a group of failed experiments commanded by Freeze. The whole purpose of these experimentations is to recreate his own accident in order to repeat the process on his newfound lover, Hildy, who is secretly planning to kill Freeze after he does so.

Batman tracks down Freeze in his headquarters, but is overcome by the Cold Pack and given the freeze-treatment. However, he has ripped out enough power cables beforehand to ensure that he does not get the full-power treatment, but he still pretends to become one of Freeze's failed experiments. Infatuated with Batman, Hildy starts speaking to the "Batman zombie" about her plans to eliminate Freeze and maybe then, she would save Batman. After listening to her confession, Freeze turns against her and Batman stops pretending to be a zombie to confront Freeze. Realizing that the other zombies obey Freeze's command through the helmet of his Cryo-Suit, Batman shatters Freeze's command-helmet and knocks him down, severing the regulating cable of his Ice Gun in the process. Hildy grabs the gun and fires at them, but the weapon backfires and she is encased in solid ice. Batman is finally able to capture Freeze and takes him to the authorities for the crimes he's committed. Elsewhere, S.T.A.R. Labs scientists bury the body of Mark Desmond, thinking they have killed him with a radiation treatment intended to normalize him. However, as they leave the Gotham Cemetery, huge hands break the surface of the grave.

(https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Batman_Vol_1_308)

Fan Art: That's Mister Freeze to you. by MK01

Accompanying Podcast: ● Overlooked Dark Knight - episode 08

[mantareidraws]

Giving battinson the big birb hug he so desperately needs 🫂

[freefallintothevoid]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

[wellensittich01]

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.

[sharksandjays]

Bruce is so important to me

[livsoulsecrets]

Little Dick and his chips in Batman #54

[logicallyblind]

I'm sorry, we as a society do not talk about the fact that in order to maintain his playboy billionaire status Bruce Wayne had to sleep with a lot of people,, a lot, of people in order to maintain that.

And I'm not shaming him for that, get your hot girl summer brucie hell yea, but what I will say is can you imagine,,,

How hilarious it would be that when eventually Batman's identity gets revealed- it's not the reaction he was expecting.

‘‘Oh my god. Oh my god, Bruce Wayne Bruce Wayne the the bimbo Sexy billionaire boy. He is the stoic hard-ass Batman. There's no way-”that's not the reaction. The reaction is

“holy fucking shit I've slept with Batman”

Three quarters of that city and beyond is sat in front of their TVs, their radios, their phones,, I don't care. They're sitting there, agape going ‘I have slept with the Dark Knight. I have seen Gotham's Bat naked on his knees-‘

bruce wouldn’t be able to look the justice league nor his kids in the eyes for weeks after the reveal, solely due to the gossip channels or smth

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that due to diligently monitoring the Wayne family’s media image, Alfred is chronically online, and as such, is constantly dropping slang into conversation like-

(Over the coms)

Batman: Alfred, what’s the update on the Arkham situation?

Alfred: *Ahem* Unfortunately sir, it is as they say- ‘we’re cooked’

Collective groans from Tim, Dick, and Jason over the coms

Batman: …Huh?

Jason: *muttering* I knew I should’ve stayed outa this one…

Damian: I don’t understand, what are we cooking?

Alfred: It’s giving ‘failure era’, sir-

Dick: Damn it!

Tim: We really are cooked

Damian: What does that -?

Alfred: It’s lowkey not-

Batman: In English Alfred. Please.

Alfred: *Sigh* My apologies, sir. The Joker has escaped.

[frownyalfred]

love the idea of the Batfamily getting stopped and searched in the family car on the way back to the Manor and everyone’s tense expecting Jason to be the one packing like twelve guns but it’s Alfred? Alfred is absolutely unbelievably strapped up to high heaven? And he somehow manages to talk to the cops out of arresting him or even giving him a ticket?

Bruce is just standing on the side of the road pinching the bridge of his nose. Jason is grinning so widely his face is about to rip. Alfred’s guns are all sitting on the hood of the car and there’s at least three there that Bruce remembers taking away and destroying. Dick is taking pictures on his phone to send to Barbara and trying not to laugh. Tim has Kon on speaker narrating it…

[aylendoesart]

Finally got done with this bit of my Super Sons animation ✌️ based on Superman #10 by Peter Tomasi and Patrick Gleason

[vetenarishitposting]

Tim: Do you think Alfred is pregnant? Alfred looks pregnant.

Damian: Don't be ridiculous, Drake! First of all she has been spayed, second of all she has never had sexual intercourse.

Tim: You let her roam the manor grounds on her own, how are you so sure?

Damian: because I made sure every tom in the neighborhood knows I will defend her honour with my sword!

Jason, who has only just started to come back to the manor and does not know about Alfred the cat, overhearing this:

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[frappegoddess]

Damian dyed Tim's hair Joker green and spray painted his suit because he called Jerry the Turkey annoying, so as revenge Tim threatened to cook Jerry, and left a pile of feathers and a perfectly golden brown Turkey on the counter in the kitchen. Because there's no other way to get back at your lil brother than emotionally manipulating him into thinking you tried to eat his pet.

Safe to say, Alfred and Bruce were not impressed, and the only way they got Tim to apologise to Damian was through Jason saying "Crazy you have beef with a twelve year old."

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

When Bruce gets injected with truth serum

"Who's your favorite"

Everyone looked at Jason.

"Out of the four of us," he clarified. "Who's your favorite?"

He, Dick, Tim, and Damian turned to Bruce curiously.

"Well..."

Bruce proceeded to go on and on for over 3 hours about how he didn't actually have a favorite and how proud he was of all of them, only interrupted when Alfred walked in and Bruce started about how he was the best butler-dad ever.

None of them could honestly say they weren't at least a little teary.