frappegoddess

[frappegoddess]

I have a vision

Since the Waynes are the goth Kardashians (reblog show titles plz ), Clark Kent is basically Addison Rae except the entire family likes him, and Roy is Jordan Woods in the sense that he's besties W Dick, and but kisses his brother at a function lmao.

Harvey Dent is Robert Kardashian

Do you guys see the vision

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Could someone please tell me why Jason and Tim aren't in the DCAMU at ALL?

I understand that in the movies The Son of Batman & Batman VS Robin, Tim isn't featured primarily because the relationship he's always had with Damian is really off and antagonistic, which is essentially what he had with Dick in the beginning and they didn't want Tim in it cuz of redundancy.

Ik they most likely didn't put Jason in cuz his relationship with Bruce needs a whole other movie let's be so fr rn, and they can't juggle all these things.

It's just the fact that they had sooo much potential with Jason and Tim, and across the entire DCAMU they aren't even referenced once, not even once, is crazy to me. (This is from the research that I have done, and from majority of the DCAMU movies I have watched, feel free to correct me if I am wrong.)

It's the same thing with Stephanie, Cass and Duke, tho those three are a lil different, especially considering Duke made his debut in 2013, when Son of Batman was released in 2014.

But I feel like Batman's relationships with his Robins, past and present, is what makes Bruce Wayne a better man.

I am fully aware of Red Robin and Red Hood being present in Batman: Death in the Family, but I believe they are under DCAU and not DCAMU, it's just DC took an L screwing over Jason and Tim.

Somebody please give me their opinion on this, comment or reblog I do not care, Reddit has been lacking these days 💔

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Damian is so small 😭🤚

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Bruce is sulky the next Justice League meeting because he's injured with a broken arm and leg, but the thing is, the JL members don't know how it happened.

They all make up crazy theories that he got into an insane fight with a war deity from outer space, their proteges claim he fought the women of Themyscira all at once, and Jon goes as far as saying he took Titus away from Damian. (Wild right)

Everybody gave up asking the batkids cuz they've all been sworn to secrecy, but everyone can't help but notice how they crack up when their father figures injury is mentioned.

Turns out, Red Hood replaced Batman's grappling hook with a slinky.

The Batman™ slinked off a building.

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Thanks for 100 followers everybody!

I'm so glad there's people out there willing to hear me yap 24/7 ♥️

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Damian dyed Tim's hair Joker green and spray painted his suit because he called Jeremy the Turkey annoying, so as revenge Tim threatened to cook Jeremy, and left a pile of feathers and a perfectly golden brown Turkey on the counter in the kitchen. Because there's no other way to get back at your lil brother than emotionally manipulating him into thinking you tried to eat his pet.

Safe to say, Alfred and Bruce were not impressed, and the only way they got Tim to apologise to Damian was through Jason saying "Crazy you have beef with a twelve year old."

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Things said in Wayne Manor (+Batcave) hourly

- "I understand your annoyed, but threatening to eat Jeremy the Turkey was not an appropriate reaction"

- "If Alfred asks me one more time about my grades, I’m making him a robot butler."

- "Say one more thing and I'll marry a green lantern, or worse, a Kent"

- "The best Robin goes first!!!"

- "Can someone tell Bruce that 'I'm busy' means 'not now' and not 'please come in with a new gadget?'"

- "Okay but you haven't died yet"

- "Can we try a new family tradition? Like, I dunno, not accidentally setting off the alarm system?"

- "I’m starting to think Bruce’s idea of a ‘fun family outing’ is just us going through his criminal database."

- "Damian you can't train Alfred the Cat to shit on Tim's Jordans"

- "I’m not saying Damian’s obsession with training is a problem, but can we not turn the living room into a martial arts dojo?"

- "B, if I have to see one more ‘motivational’ speech about justice, I’m going to start calling you my personal life coach."

- "Dick, could you please not turn the Batmobile into a TikTok prop?!"

- "The next person to steal the Batmobile is getting emailed it's insurance claims"

- "Tim stop using the bat computer to stalk influencers goddamnit"

- "The next time B decides to get creative with his Batsuits, somebody please remind him using neon green isn't a power move."

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Damian gets invited onto a podcast after he drops several pieces of life advice from Dick's tiktok live. The podcast then goes viral on YouTube shorts after he calls someone an animal and challenges then to a sword fight after they said extinct animals have no rights and incorrectly specified the date of which Van Gogh painted 'Starry night'.

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Batfamily as Tiktokers but it gets progressively worse with each time they post:

Bruce, coerced by his PR intern and corporate underlings: Doing trendy tiktok dances at galas with his kids to appeal to the youth, except he's a beat off and 'Pop like this' involves too much hip movement apparently. + An occasional drunk post about having once given Oliver Queen head.

Dick: Posting work out routines and complex aerobic pieces except theyre really just thirst traps.

Jason: Roast Gotham's criminals with me (Politicians with receding hairlines are featured too...)

Tim: Creating elaborate conspiracy theories upon the secret hideouts of Gotham's supervillains, all turn out to be true. + Bruce Wayne Batman theories

Steph: Accidentally starting trends and dance challenges while poorly attempting to sneak into Wayne Manor undetected.

Cass: Break my new ballet shoes with me + Only communicating through intricate expressive dance routines to confuse my millennial dad.

Damian: Why my dog is better than you + how to paint The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli, because the hooligans on the internet lack artistic competence.

Duke: A tiktok as to why my brother duck-taped me to a chair because he didn't want me to see what flavour kool aid he was making.

Babs: Crazy shit that only happens in Gotham - a 35 minute compilation.

Alfred: Day in the life of a butler for a billionaire I've raised since he was 8 + How to make sure your bruschetta doesn't go stale.

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@batnanigans RIP your tea

In order to connect with his children, Bruce thought to adopt Gen-Z /Gen Alpha type slang, unfortunately, he sought out help from said children, the worst decision of all, asking Steph.

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Steph, with a detailed powerpoint presentation at hand: Ate means that someone slayed really hard, they did a great job at something so they ate-

Bruce, taking down notes furiously: Can you go back to what slayed means? As well as skeebeedee toilet???

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Then next day -

Bruce: So...Damian, rizzed up any level ten gyatts yet?

Damian: Father, may I inquire as to the nature of the malady that presently afflicts you?

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Bruce, driving Duke to school: You studied hard for that exam, you'll be fine

Duke: Yeah I know, I hope I don't flunk.

Bruce, nonchalantly: You'll cook the exam, you'll eat and leave no crumbs I'm sure of it :)

Duke: *Does a double take leaving the car*

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Cass: *Showing off her new pointe shoes to the fam*

Bruce, without looking up from his newspaper: Pop off queen

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Jason: The only reason I come back here is for Alfred's cucumber sandwhiches.

Bruce: Straight facts

Jason, glaring daggers at Steph: Oh god.

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Bruce, thinking smash means to 💀 someone: I high key wanna smash Superman.

The batkids: WHATTTTTT

[frappegoddess]

In order to connect with his children, Bruce thought to adopt Gen-Z /Gen Alpha type slang, unfortunately, he sought out help from said children, the worst decision of all, asking Steph.

-----------------------------------

Steph, with a detailed powerpoint presentation at hand: Ate means that someone slayed really hard, they did a great job at something so they ate-

Bruce, taking down notes furiously: Can you go back to what slayed means? As well as skeebeedee toilet???

-----------------------------

Then next day -

Bruce: So...Damian, rizzed up any level ten gyatts yet?

Damian: Father, may I inquire as to the nature of the malady that presently afflicts you?

------------------------------

Bruce, driving Duke to school: You studied hard for that exam, you'll be fine

Duke: Yeah I know, I hope I don't flunk.

Bruce, nonchalantly: You'll cook the exam, you'll eat and leave no crumbs I'm sure of it :)

Duke: *Does a double take leaving the car*

----------------------------

Cass: *Showing off her new pointe shoes to the fam*

Bruce, without looking up from his newspaper: Pop off queen

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Jason: The only reason I come back here is for Alfred's cucumber sandwhiches.

Bruce: Straight facts

Jason, glaring daggers at Steph: Oh god.

--------------------------

Bruce, thinking smash means to 💀 someone: I high key wanna smash Superman.

The batkids: WHATTTTTT

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Tim and Damian sneak into Dick's apartment after patrol without him knowing.

They have a big fat fight because Damian called Tim a troglodyte after Tim wore his shoes in the house and tracked in dirt.

The fight ends with Damian hurling a baterang at Tim, who was standing in front of the TV, which then breaks and they don't have the courage to tell Dick because they know he'll snitch to Bruce, instead they steal a TV from Bruce's study.

The job unwillingly uniting the brothers for a short amount of time, they left thinking they were slick.

2 weeks later Dick is over at the Manor wondering why all that was on his TV was British Rom-Coms and animal planet (and a news channel that tracks Superman's every move. 👀👀👀)

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After losing a game of Monopoly two weeks before halloween, his children forced Bruce to dress up as Superman for halloween. They also invited all of the Justice League over for a horror movie marathon. Imagine how it went.

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For those of y'all saying Bruce Wayne has lawyers that'll always beat Luthor's lawyer, it wouldn't even get that far. Lex has lost before he's even thought about taking him to court tf

Bruce Wayne uses his kids to threaten Lex Luthor, whilst simultaneously being the biggest drama queen known to man

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*At a gala*

Brucie: Dick, I've trained you for this moment, make me proud.

Dick: *Brings a posse of reporters and approaches Lex to expose him for his most heinous plans*

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Lex: Damian can't drink that, it's alcoholic. You should not have kids Brucie.

Bruce: *Sues Lex for harrassment*

Also Bruce: *Wins and let's it become the Gotham Gazette's biggest headline*

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Tim: *Hacks Twitter and posts drunk pictures of Lex*

Also Tim: *Makes sure Lex can't access all his social media accounts or sue for defamation*

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Damian: *Curses Lex in Arabic*

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Steph: *Starts a rumour that Lex Luthor is a furry*

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Lex Luthor: *Tries to sue*

Also Lex: *Always loses*

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Bruce Wayne and the batfam have made Lex Luthor Gotham's public enemy.

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Idea creds to: @tims-missing-spleen

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Young Justice headcanon that Clark didn't want to acknowledge Kon's existent cuz he didn't wanna pay child support to his enemy, Lex Luthor.

Idea creds to @ditzybat

[frappegoddess]

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Brucie: You're the best

Alfred: Clearly.

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Whatever Bruce is paying Alfred, it will never be enough. Give this man a vacation and give his son some competency regarding sleep lmao.

[frappegoddess]

Well

It had to start somewhere lmao