#I do overcome my anxiety

[popcorn-plots]

just a tiny bit salty about the fact that my mom is dead set on me overcoming my anxiety.

I mean it's good to overcome, but I have good days and bad days. And when there's a time when I am literally paralyzed by anxiety.. when I physically can't move because I am so terrified, it's so incredibly hard to move forward and to think about it ever getting better. when I'm having a panic attack and I'm told to "overcome it". when every 'that was really scary' or 'i had a hard time doing this' or 'I have anxiety and that's making this task really difficult for me, can you help me' or literally anything along the lines of 'my anxiety was acting up and that made it really difficult for me to do this task'

I'm met with some variation of 'you'll overcome it though, right?'

yes. yes, I will, mother. I'm even in therapy for it. I also need some validation. maybe an 'I know that was scary, but I'm proud of you for doing it anyways' once in a while.

I'm trying my hardest to not be so fucking scared all the time, but that's really really difficult. Part of me wants to see if meds will help, but I'm afraid that if I bring it up to my mom, she'll say that I'm letting anxiety rule my life.

yeah, it's going to rule my life when my mom dismisses me the moment I try and get help... to keep my anxiety from running my life.

I tell her that Inside Out 2 was such an accurate portrayal of anxiety and panic attacks that I literally started crying in the theatre because I felt so heard and validated by this movie telling me that it's rough, and it sucks, but it's going to be okay. And I told my mom this and explained that what we saw was exactly what it was like to have a panic attack and to live with anxiety.

"You can overcome it though! You don't have to live with it!"

I know. I'm trying. But I'm tired.

[ancient-reverie]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[mumintroll]

giving up drinking is hard bc at uni almost all of my social life is going to the pub or going out. i caved last night and had some drinks at the pub but im going to try and not have any for the rest of the month. idk i wish it was like school when hanging out meant loitering in a park for 5 hours and then going to someones house and having their mother make dinner for u all and playing viddy games until u get kicked out

[cosmictap]

Little story from today:

So I went to the library for the first time since like 2019 and i needed to get a new library card since mine was very much out of date, so i (after a LOT of convincing myself) walked up to the receptionist and VERY nervously asked about a new library card, gave him my old one and i’m so sure he could see exactly how much i was shitting myself because my hands were shaking so much 😭 anyway, he asks me how old i am, to confirm my address all that stuff, i’ve calmed down a little since i’m like ‘oh okay maybe i won’t get outcasted for trying to get a new card’, he asks if my first and last name was still good.

Instead of backing up like i usually do and saying it was fine, i asked if it would be possible to change my first name!!!!!! Anyway the point of this was: Peter (i think that was his name i was genuinely terrified the whole conversation though) thank you idk what you did but i didn’t start crying so you did something right

And now I have a library card with my chosen name on it :D

[bittersweetblasphemy]

.

[adelle-ein]

honestly even after all these years i don't think i've fully accepted that i'm severely mentally ill and that heavily affects every aspect of my life

like why do i spend so much time worrying about if i'm "disabled enough" when i objectively, literally, cannot function and need massive amounts of medical and therapeutic intervention just to like, stay alive. put aside all the physical health stuff and i'm still REALLY sick

[bookwyrminspiration]

Do you like babel. I have the book but I haven’t started yet

oh I adore babel. I talk about it so much and am constantly reccing it to people--in fact, I did so just yesterday after quoting it in class discussion!

With a complex, diverse main cast and a heavy focus on language--as an art, as a field of study, as a tool of oppression by colonial empires--it creates such a captivating world and worldview. Following the 4 main characters throughout their college schooling and seeing them try to reconcile and come to terms with their circumstances and their losses and their supposed helplessness is such an emotional journey, and its one many can see themselves in.

You'll find a lot of people who've lost/struggle with their heritage language(s) echoing the characters' sentiments and experiences, though the relations can and do go beyond that.

I'm trying not to spoil anything, but if you'd like a more official summary/sales pitch or would like to talk about it more I am always delighted to discuss babel :)

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[ozdicaff]

I WROTE A LIL 800 WORD DRABBLE ABOUT GITM NOVA BUT IM. SO NERVOUS ABOUT PUBLISHING IT

Im not at all used to publishing my writing even though i write a bunch, usually i jus share it in dms or write it out as bullet point headcanons

[elkkiel]

.

got brave and shared sleep token with my dad, ya know, because it's important to me and he likes looking for new music. immediately comes home after listening to tmbte on his commute + goes off on how it's neat on a surface level listen, but it's actually super cheesy and inauthentic when you look into it/fundamentally fails at what they claim they want to do with the music and artistic approach to the story they want to tell. Just overall very very critical, esp after I shared why I like them a lot (emotional connection from my own mental health + abuse, etc.) so that kind of sucked

smh my head dude can't have shit in Detroit

(I am never sharing a hyperfixation again lmao I can't do this shit, the rsd is coming in with a steel chair and I'm just trying not to cry because it feels really fuckin dumb to be so upset, but that's the funky thing about rsd lol)

[lovelaceisntdead]

very annoyingly cannot stop thinking about girli tickets.

[candyheartedchy]

“Chy Baby”

[banqanas]

i am a banana in stem that has a passion for language but not that eloquent in english, so im never confident in translating songs

But at the very least pls let my feelings come across!!!!!!!!!! *sends my feelings through the screen like a kamehameha beam*

[machinedramon]

it's cool seeing ppl reminisce abt stuff but then it just kinda feels like i'm intruding and maybe don't belong since everyone else has so much history :/

[wren-likethe-bird]

lil rant in the tags