#go in myself either way was way worse to me
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(Replying on this thread bc i really like your addition and think it's important.)
Jimmy reminded me more of people that I know and love than of myself on my own playthrough. But all the stuff written above is such an eloquent and coherent way of putting into words this unease that I feel whenever people bash him utterly uncritically. When they write him off as nothing, a monster to be hated, etc. It's felt like they're missing something and I couldn't put my finger on why. And this! This is it, isn't it?
Now, I say I didn't relate as much to him not to be all self righteous but because Curly on the other hand?
While I've definitely never been in his exact position there is a lot about what he was that is relatable and is meant to be relatable in the same messed up way that Jimmy is... The desire to pacify, to take the brunt of responsibility and ire for things on behalf of those around you even if nobody asked and it's not going to be better for anyone. Being trapped between the options of bad and worse while you yourself are cushioned from the worst impacts of either. Wanting and hoping for the best for someone who keeps self destructing because maybe this time it'll stick and they can get their feet under them and have some stability...
There's more obviously but those are the ones that especially hit me personally for various reasons. His flaws are very there too and are very ones I've seen in myself and have been trying to work through, and it's super relevant that his POV is half the game too for that reason.
There's a lot of nuance to Jimmy and Curly both, in how they're meant to be relatable, that's just really unfortunate when they're written off the way they are. Curly gets it both ways, where his flaws are brushed over or he's treated like the same irredeemable monster that Jimmy is.
I think it's important that Anya is the one who says what she does. "Our worst moments don't make us monsters." And not Curly for this very reason. That it's Curly she said it to. Coming FROM Curly, it would just read like another one of his placations and excuses for Jimmy.
Thinking about how the creator of mouthwashing said that a huge part of the horror is meant to be that every player will identify in some way with Jimmy, relate to him on some level, and realize that they share some traits with such an awful person, with that being what "I hope this hurts" was meant to mean. The point is that Jimmy is someone you are going to feel a connection to and that should hurt, that should cause you to reflect. Anyway I think the mouthwashing fandom really missed that because there is a truly awful self righteousness problem that no one is doing any self reflection on. I actively avoid the fandom for this reason every post I see from the mouthwashing fandom is people talking about other fans the same way Jimmy talks about the other members of the crew (esp Curly and Anya) with 0 self awareness lol.
#mouthwashing#the way Jimmy just gets flattened into The Monster is so missing the point of the game#dont get me wrong most people and works that i actually engage with understood the assignment#they Get the game and what it was saying#but i get a lot of mouthwashing content on my for you#and the way some people talk about Jimmy is so deeply uncomfortable bc it's so clear he's just turned into this moral punching bag#and its like takes you by the shoulders your missing the point#i don't say anything to them bc i think a lot of them are young#and getting into fights on the internet is how you lose#but this reading is so good and helps put into words WHY it's made me so uncomfortable#i know the only 2 things I've made for this fandom myself have been silly shitpost doodles#but that's because I don't know how to put these words into art
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ugh i was at a hotel last night and something happened and all i could think of was ‘i HAVE to tell gouge!’
essentially i was in the hottub sipping a little cocktail by myself until i was joined by two older men. they kept their distance and kept to themselves (i assume to avoid scaring little afab me on my own) but ALL i could think of was Nik and Price finding cute little reader alone in a hotel hottub and doing the absolute opposite.
like each of them taking a place on either side and continuing their conversation as if reader isn’t there but squishing the poor lamb between them.
eventually they get handsy, maybe feed the sweetheart a few more drinks than they can handle. and of course they can’t leave the sweet little thing drunk and all on their own! the only responsible thing to do would to be take the little lamb back to their room with them😵💫
anyway i might be insane.
~💉
got yourself in hot soup :/
honestly, you should have known better, taking your third drink for a walk. you would have been fine - really- it's just, well, who are you to say no when a handsome man with a devastatingly hot accent offers you another?
he says his name's nik. he hadn't had his leg against yours at the time, borderline indecently cut shorts letting the fine threads of his copious leg hair grate against your thigh. you'd flinch away, but the man on your other side is almost worse. nik calls him john, but he introduces himself as price. where nik's soft, price is made of steel wool. denser. a little bit meaner, too.
not that either of them are rude, exactly. they're plenty charitable. in a sense; share their drinks with you when you run out. fix the straps of your top when they slump. it's just that you hadn't planned to drink with two strange men tonight, and they're a little bit too insistent, price's gruff bark just a bit too teasing whenever you try to pull yourself to your feet.
'nough already?
yeah, kinda.
you've had enough of their hands, at least, but weren't sure how to stop that, either - not now that you've let it go on so long, each touch more innocent than the one that followed until you're not even sure where it began. maybe when nik had first handed you that drink, blunt fingers lingering. maybe later, when he'd laid his arm across the back of the tub. ostensibly, it was an excuse to dig strong fingers into the tense belt of muscle that blanketed his mate's shoulder, but the crook of his elbow sat just a bit too snug against your neck to be an accident.
or maybe you were looking too far into it. there was no way two grown men who'd clearly come together were hitting on you, after all. not when their big hands kept churning the water, reaching across you to pet at one another. even if it kept you incidentally locked in their strong arms.
'just keepin' ya upright,' john winks, and you've half a mind to tell him off for thinking you need it, but next thing you know your tops come untied and you're clutching your chest, embarrassment boiling worse than the tub. sloppy. maybe you do need their help.
they're nice enough not to laugh, at least. nik tuts as he gathers your ties, big hands surprisingly gentle, matching his voice when he leans in close and asks if you think you're ready for bed yet. you don't trust yourself to speak so you just nod, hide your face in price's shoulder as he helps you to your feet with a warm hand spread across your back. you're so busy why your skin already feels familiar with his touch there that you barely notice as they corral you into an elevator, nik confidently selecting the top floor without asking for you input.
you're not sure why you apologize but you do, meek when you tell them you're actually staying on the fourth floor. nik says that's nice. john says it sounds like a good place to grab breakfast. neither of them select it.
"where are we going?" you try again, stomach falling out beneath you as the lift rockets up without it.
"our room, of course," john scoffs as if it should all be very obvious. his fingers toy with the strings of your top again. again?
nik's tone is final when he speaks again, a low rumble you can barely hear over the whirl of machinery. "said you were ready for bed, milaya," he reminds you, just as john gives one last tug to your strings.
nik is not as nice about helping you retie it this time. good thing they've got the whole top floor.
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i think sometimes rtc fans (fic writers especially) who are aware they aren't disability experts will try to "play it safe" and avoid depicting anything that could end up being offensive or inaccurate, because they'd rather not handle something at all than risk handling it badly. i understand this approach, and don't get me wrong, it's a good thing to want to avoid offending people - and it's also a good thing to be aware of when you don't know enough about something to write about it.
but it's upsetting when ricky is sidelined or excluded because people don't know how to depict him. and "include ricky but avoid going into detail about his disability" isn't a perfect solution either - for shorter fics it tends to work fine, but in longer fics, it becomes noticeable when something hasn't been mentioned. ricky's disability would realistically affect his life in many ways, such that if you're depicting him realistically for an extended period it's likely it will be relevant at some point.
on top of that, sometimes the "play it safe, don't do anything that could be problematic" approach extends to people removing parts of canon* that they think may be problematic. and i'm in favour of improving/ignoring the shitty parts of canon, but this needs to be done carefully and with a good understanding of what specifically needs improving and why, because sometimes it's a fine line between "removing the shitty parts of canon" and "erasing disability representation". there are some issues where, even if canon was flawed in its depiction of something, erasing/ignoring it is actually worse.
*when i say canon i mean the 2016-2018 script. i feel we've all agreed that the ableist 2022 script changes are non-canon for obvious reasons
one example of this is ocean's canonical ableism, and how often it's just ignored by the fandom. i think sometimes people are unsure how to handle it respectfully, or feel like it shouldn't have been in the musical in the first place. and different disabled people have different opinions on how well it was handled in canon, i have mixed feelings myself, but regardless of if it was handled well or not, i don't think making her some sort of Perfect Disability Ally Who Loves Ricky in fanworks is a good solution. because as a disabled person, i don't see ocean's ableism as something trivial that can be easily removed, and when people do casually remove it, i find it to be dismissive & minimizing of a real problem. it makes me uncomfortable.
which is funny because i'm sure, at least some of the time, people go with this depiction of ocean because they don't want to risk making any disabled people uncomfortable by depicting ableism!
basically what i'm trying to say here is: when you're depicting a disabled character, you have to make a lot of choices about how to depict them. and if you're scared of accidentally handling something badly, you might try to set it up so you don't have to make a choice on how to depict it, because it just isn't relevant - because ocean was never ableist in your headcanon, or because ricky's disability never impacts him in the story you're trying to tell, or because ricky barely appears in your fanworks anyway.
but choosing not to make a choice is still a choice. when you can't decide how to handle ocean's ableism, so you just don't acknowledge it - that's a choice! when you can't decide how ricky's disability would affect him beyond what we see in canon, so you just avoid going into detail about it, that's a choice. and sometimes the choices that you see as "playing it safe" and "not offending anyone" are, in fact, making some readers uncomfortable - disability representation is very rarely something as simple as "go with the safe option that cant possibly offend anyone", and avoiding showing disability is not a good approach.
and to be clear i am absolutely not saying i think everyone should have to go into full detail on how ricky's disability (& ableism) affects him in every fic. that would create its own set of problems. i think it's important for able-bodied people to be aware that some stories about the disabled perspective are not their story to tell.
but there's a lot of middle ground between "fic entirely focused on depicting disabled experiences in detail" and "ricky's disability is barely mentioned, his backstory is edited to remove ableism references, ocean is his best friend who was never ableist"! having some exploration of ricky's disability as background info or side details can really elevate representation - some of my favourite rtc fics ever are ones where, even if ricky's disability is never plot-important, it was always handled with care and there were clearly no points where the author could have forgotten he was disabled.
i don't have an easy solution here that makes this simple. but i do have some important advice:
just because something can be depicted badly doesn't mean it's always inherently wrong to depict it. there's a big difference between, for example, "the rtc writers could have done a better job handling ocean's ableism in the musical" and "ableism should never be shown in fiction, it was wrong for them to show it on-stage and we must never show it in-fic". there is really no need to entirely avoid something just because it could be done badly.
as i said at the start, it is a good idea to be aware of when you don't know enough about something to write about it accurately. but this doesn't mean you can never write about it, it means you can learn! research is super important and super helpful, and a lot of strictly factual stuff (i.e. the effects of neuromuscular disorders) can be found on a quick google search. writing advice specifically can be harder to find, since it's more opinion-based, but i find you can find a lot of general posts on tumblr and other social media
If you've tried doing research but there's something you don't understand, or you want to depict a really specific situation that nobody has made a general post about - you can ask! my asks are open for this exact subject! another knowledgeable person in the fandom, @icepoptroll , also has asks open and has given me permission to @ them
if you ever DO accidentally come across as ableist or just misinformed... it's not the end of the world. you can receive criticism, and you can listen to that criticism. this happens to everyone because nobody is perfect. you can apologise if necessary, you can go back and edit your own work to make it more respectful if you see a need to do so! while cyberbullying & harassment in fandoms does happen sometimes, most people aren't looking to "cancel" you, and most people will be understanding when you make mistakes.
so if you tend to sideline ricky, or write around his disability, because you're not sure how to tackle it and you're afraid of getting it wrong - please reconsider. there are things you can do to better equip yourself! ricky doesn't have to be a main character, nor does disability have to be the main subject of a fic, but it shouldn't be ignored entirely.
go forth and be brave in your depictions! thanks for reading!
#ride the cyclone#rtc#ricky potts#rtc fandom#ricky potts ride the cyclone#ricky ride the cyclone#ricky potts rtc#ricky rtc#harper explains
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Otherworldly Attraction ⭑˚🔮⭑ 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛
yandere!jjk x f!reader
yandere, reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere
You don't know how or why, but you've been isekai'd into the world of Jujutsu Kaisen. Although your first instinct is to stay away from the plot, you've been blessed with an abnormal amount of cursed energy, and for better or worse, you find yourself sucked into the storyline. You decide that you may as well use your newfound powers for the greater good, and if you're lucky, you might succeed in rewriting some of the characters' fates. But it turns out that your presence in this world is an even bigger deal than you first thought, and soon, everyone wants to make you theirs.
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“Hehe.”
You stare down at your brand-new selfie—taken with none other than Gojo Satoru . He’s smiling and posing while making peace signs with his fingers, and on your end, you’ve got a stupidly wide grin on your face, looking like you’ve just won the lottery. Which, in all fairness, you kind of did .
“There you go,” Gojo hums, then he stops to cross his arms for a moment. “But why the selfie request all of a sudden? I’ll admit, I’m pretty popular in the world of jujutsu sorcerers, but you shouldn’t know about any of that.”
“I don’t,” you nod. “I just think you’re really hot—I mean, really cool. Y-Yeah. You just seem really cool.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Fushiguro staring at you in disgust.
Goddammit. That dude must have an absolutely terrible impression of you so far.
“Very true,” Gojo grins, swiping his hair back like some kind of L’Oréal shampoo model. “I am pretty cool, if I do say so myself.”
Fushiguro looks even more disgusted now.
Gojo claps his hands together. “Anyways! Time to head out. Take one last moment to make sure you’re not forgetting anything, because once we’re there, well… I can’t guarantee when you’ll be able to come back.”
It’s a good thing your parents aren’t actual parents, because it’s safe to say that there’s no longer anything tying you to this place. Of course, you’re terrified of what the future may hold, but you made the decision to be brave, and to try to help people in the process. If you play your cards right, maybe lives can be spared. Maybe not everyone has to die.
So, yeah. You’re ready to leave. You’re ready to start this new chapter.
And you also now have a selfie with Gojo Satoru. So far, life is pretty good.
The trip to Tokyo takes a couple hours by train, but fortunately, you’ve got Itadori to keep you company the whole time. You try to engage Fushiguro in conversation as well, but he mostly keeps to himself and just stares out the window without saying anything. It doesn’t help that he’s clearly suspicious of you, but whatever. Not much you can do about it right now.
Some time passes, and eventually, you reach your destination. Fushiguro separates from the group and goes off on his own to receive treatment for his injuries, so you’re left behind with Gojo and Itadori as you venture further into the mountains.
“I can’t believe this is really Tokyo,” Itadori marvels.
“Even Tokyo’s like this on the outskirts,” Gojo brushes off. “More importantly, Yuji, you’ve got an interview with the principal right away. If you mess up, you might get rejected, so do your best, okay? No pressure.”
“Huh? Does that mean I’ll get executed right away?!”
“What a disappointment. So, you’re not even the leader?”
A familiar voice. You freeze up at the sound of it, unsurprised to find Sukuna’s mouth on the side of Itadori’s cheek. A partial manifestation, or whatever the hell you might call that. Either way, it gives you the creeps.
“A hierarchy not based purely on strength is boring, if you ask me,” Sukuna chuckles.
Itadori slaps his palm over his cheek in a hurry to shut Sukuna up. “Sorry about that. He pops out sometimes. I can’t always help it.”
Unfortunately, Sukuna refuses to disappear, and this time, he manifests on the back of Itadori’s hand instead.
“You really did a number on me earlier. I’m letting you know right now. Once I make this boy’s body completely mine, you’ll be the first one I kill!”
That stinky old bastard is just running his mouth (quite literally), so you’re not really fazed.
At least, not until he turns his attention to you.
“And you ,” Sukuna mutters. “The strange girl. You never answered my question before. What are you? What in the world is going on with your cursed energy? It’s bothersome. Hurry up and give me a straight answer, or you’ll regret it.”
“Ugh, again ?” Itadori fumes, stomping his foot in frustration. “Go away, already! You’re so annoying! And leave [Name] alone!”
Fortunately, Itadori manages to fully suppress him this time, putting an end to Sukuna’s incessant yapping. Dude is seriously in love with the sound of his own voice.
Unfortunately, Gojo already heard everything he said loud and clear.
“Sukuna appears to have a fixation on you,” Gojo remarks, pressing his hand to his chin. “Well, I guess it’s not really that surprising, considering the ridiculous amount of cursed energy you’re constantly emitting. It’s obvious that you’re not a sorcerer because you don’t seem to know how to control it, but in terms of sheer capacity, it far surpasses that of an ordinary human.”
“N-Neat,” you reply stupidly.
Gojo stares at you for a few moments, then throws his head back and starts laughing.
“Haha! Sure, I guess you could call it that. Being strong is pretty neat, without a doubt. I was going to say how honored I am to be the target of Ryomen Sukuna, but it looks like he’s even more interested in you, so you’ve got me beat in that regard.”
“I’m not honored at all. I want nothing to do with that nasty guy.”
Gojo laughs again. “Yeah, I bet. I can only imagine how confused you must be right now. Not to mention freaked out.”
“So, is Sukuna really that famous?” Itadori asks.
“Yes,” Gojo nods. “Ryomen Sukuna. He’s a demon of lore with four arms and two faces. But the truth is that he was actually a human who existed, although it was well over a thousand years ago. In the golden age of jujutsu, sorcerers gathered up all their might to challenge him, but ultimately, they failed to defeat him entirely. Crowned with the title of Sukuna, we couldn’t even destroy his grave wax, and he thus traversed the ages after his death as a cursed object. Without a doubt, he is the King of Curses.”
“So, who’s stronger, you or him?”
“Hm. Well, if Sukuna were to regain all his power, then it’d probably be pretty draining.”
“Would you lose?”
Gojo slows his steps for a moment, then tilts his head towards both of you, a cocky grin plastered across his lips.
“Nah,” he chuckles. “I’d win.”
Oh my god. I really got to see him deliver that iconic line. And he looked hot as hell while doing it.
You stare at him with hearts in your eyes, already in full fangirl mode (which is pretty much your default mode, to be fair), but Gojo beckons the two of you onwards before you can get lost in your thoughts.
He leads you inside one of the buildings, where you’re greeted by a familiar face.
“You’re late, Satoru. Eight minutes late. Not quite enough to chastise you for, but I thought I told you to fix that bad habit of yours.”
It’s the principal, of course—Yaga Masamichi. He’s currently in the middle of crafting a new puppet, and he’s also got more than a handful of them already surrounding him. At first glance, they’re adorable, but you know that their appearance is awfully deceptive, and they’re a lot stronger than they look.
Poor Itadori’s about to get bitch-slapped by one of those puppets soon.
“That old dude’s randomly making really cute stuff,” Itadori whispers in your ear.
“If it’s not enough for you to get mad about, then cut me some slack, will ya?” Gojo sighs. “I figured you’d just be making your dolls anyway. Eight minutes is no big deal.”
Principal Yaga gestures towards Itadori. “That’s him, right? Sukuna’s vessel. And the girl beside him… must be the other student you mentioned. The one with the abnormal amount of cursed energy.”
“My name is Itadori Yuji!” your friend introduces, bowing his head in a hurry. “I like girls like Jennifer Lawrence! It’s nice to meet you!”
Shit. Is it my turn now?
“I-I’m [Last Name] [Name],” you say, bowing as well. “And I like, um… I guess I like cool guys. Like Gojo. And funny guys, like Ryan Reynolds. I also think Timothée Chalamet is pretty cute—”
“Stop, stop.” Principal Yaga presses a palm to his forehead and exhales loudly. “I never asked either of you to start listing your personal preferences. Cut it out, already. And why was Satoru’s name randomly thrown in there?”
“I can’t help that I’m extremely cool,” Gojo shrugs.
“Satoru, that’s enough out of you. More importantly, why did you come here?” Principal Yaga asks, now addressing Itadori.
Itadori looks confused, of course. “Uh… I came here for an interview. I’m pretty sure.”
“But why Jujutsu High?”
“To learn… jujutsu? And stuff?”
“I mean beyond that. What do you hope to find once you’ve studied curses and learned how to exorcize them?”
This time, Itadori glances towards you, almost as if he’s seeking some kind of guidance. “Beyond that…? Well, I mean, I’m gonna collect all of Sukuna’s remaining fingers. It’s dangerous to just leave them as is.”
“But why ?” Principal Yaga presses.
Gojo chuckles and taps you on the shoulder. “This is probably going to go on for a little while. Come. Let’s go wait over there. The principal likes to ramble every now and then.”
You offer Itadori an encouraging smile. You obviously know what comes next, but that also means that you have full confidence in him. You know that he’ll pass Principal Yaga’s test and get accepted into Jujutsu High. It doesn’t seem you’ll be put through any interviews yourself… probably because you’re not Sukuna’s vessel, but you expect that most people are probably going to be pretty wary of you anyway. Since you’re an anomaly and all that. And since Sukuna couldn’t keep his stupid mouth shut.
So, you watch. You watch as Itadori gets smacked around by one of Principal Yaga’s puppets, all the while having to answer the questions he keeps throwing at him nonstop. It’s definitely not fun to have to see your friend get beat up, but again, thanks to the knowledge you have of this world, you’re not worried. And it’s certainly not like anyone’s life is at risk right now.
That won’t always be the case, though.
“You pass,” Principal Yaga eventually states, and he cracks a small smile, even offering Itadori his hand so that he can stand up.
Itadori smiles back at him. “Thank you. It’s nice to properly meet—”
He promptly gets pummeled by the puppet again.
“Oops,” Principal Yaga mumbles. “Sorry. I forgot to stop the incantation.”
“Looks like everything went well,” Gojo muses. He peers down at you curiously. “But I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised. You didn’t look concerned at all. Weren’t you worried that he’d fail? In which case that would mean that his execution date would be pushed up.”
You shake your head. “I believe in Itadori. I knew he’d be able to pull it off. And… I believe in you too, sensei. You said you’re the one that convinced the higher-ups in the first place, right? I can tell that you’ll protect Itadori. You wouldn’t let him be executed. I trust you completely.”
You grin ear-to-ear, and even though you can’t see it, Gojo’s eyes briefly widen, underneath his black blindfold. Of course, it’s not the first time people have relied on him. Being the strongest jujutsu sorcerer there is, it comes with the territory. But it’s strange that you’re already willing to put your full faith in him, despite not knowing anything of this new realm you’ve just ventured into.
Admittedly, it’s rather endearing.
“You’re exactly right,” Gojo chuckles, reaching out to gently pat your head. “Leave it all to me. I don’t intend to let any of my students get hurt on my watch. It’ll probably all seem overwhelming at first, but you won’t be alone. I promise.”
Gojo Satoru is patting my head! %$%^*@^$!*!
Your brain short-circuits for a few moments, and you briefly think that, honestly, you could probably die happy right now.
Itadori approaches you while you’re still stuck in fangirl mode, and fortunately, you snap out of it in time to congratulate him for passing the principal’s test. Meanwhile, Gojo and Principal Yaga step off to the side.
“The boy is one thing, but the girl, [Name],” Principal Yaga frowns. “I’ve never come across cursed energy like hers before. And you say that Sukuna himself expressed interest in her?”
Gojo nods. “It’s even weirder than no one’s noticed her before. With that kind of energy, you would think she’d have stood out a long time ago. But she clearly hasn’t been trained in the ways of jujutsu. It’s almost like she sprung up one day, completely out of nowhere. But surely that kind of cursed energy can’t just randomly appear on the spot. It would make sense if she’d been born with this kind of power and had cultivated it over the years. Do you think it’s possible one of the great clans have been hiding her all this time?”
“I suppose we can’t rule it out, but it wouldn’t make any sense. If that were the case, she would surely have been trained from a young age.”
“Well, we’ll just have to look into it, I guess. It’s fine. Better to have her nearby so we can keep an eye on her. I knew from the moment I saw her that I couldn’t just let her go.”
Gojo stares at you from afar, watching as you and Itadori happily converse. The two of you are so carefree and innocent. You have yet to be exposed to the horrors that the world of jujutsu has to offer. He knows he won’t be able to spare either of you from the bitter reality of things, but all the same, he’s going to fight for your futures.
After a brief pause, Gojo smiles, then claps his hand together.
“Alright! With that out of the way, let me show you guys to your dorms.”
“Perfect!” Itadori grins, stepping back to admire his handiwork. Namely, the giant poster of Jennifer Lawrence he just put up on the wall. “Man, these dorms are huge, huh? I wasn’t expecting us to have so much space!”
“They’re nice,” you agree. “My new dorm is even bigger than my bedroom.”
Both in this world, and back in the real world.
“I’m just relieved I was able to make it through the principal’s interview. I wasn’t expecting those dolls of his to come to life! That was pretty crazy, huh?”
“Y-Yeah. Who could’ve seen that one coming…?”
“Anyways, Gojo was saying they’re gonna need me to help locate the rest of Sukuna’s fingers,” Itadori continues, adjusting the poster slightly. “‘Cause I’m not just a vessel, but some kind of radar, too. Honestly, I don’t get what’s happening with my body, but I guess there’s not much I can do about it at this point. I really don’t think Sukuna’s gonna cooperate, though. I doubt we’ll be able to come to an agreement that easily.”
“I’m sure he wants to find the rest of his fingers, because he’s trying to regain his full strength. There’s no way he’d miss out on an opportunity to become more powerful. But… yeah. Be careful,” you nod gravely. “He definitely can’t be trusted.”
“Why’s he so obsessed with you, anyway? Everyone keeps going on about how you have a whole bunch of cursed energy. Have you always been able to see curses and stuff?”
“Uh…”
You’re not sure how to respond. Technically, yes , as in, you’ve been able to see them from the moment you materialized in this world, but you’ve only been here for a solid few weeks. Perhaps you’re better off being honest this time.
“Only recently,” you admit. “I think I started being able to see them roughly a few weeks ago. I noticed them right about when I transferred into our old high school. There were a couple of small curses hanging around and clinging to people from time to time. But I thought I was going crazy, so I didn’t mention it to anyone.”
“Damn. That must have been scary. Oh,” he realizes. “Is that why you said you weren’t interested in joining the Occult Club? Because of all the weird stuff you kept seeing?”
“Um, pretty much. I wasn’t sure whether or not it was all in my head, but I kind of wanted to keep my distance, just to be on the safe side. Sorry. I would’ve been upfront from the start, but… obviously, it’s a bit hard to believe. Especially since you weren’t able to see the curses with your own eyes.”
Itadori smiles. “You don’t have to apologize. I get that you must have had a lot on your mind, and you’re right that it’d be a pretty difficult topic to bring up. Anyways, don’t worry! I’ll keep Sukuna away from you. It sounds like things are gonna get pretty complicated, but I’m gonna collect all those fingers so that no one else has to get hurt. Including you.”
“Are you saying you’ll protect me?” you chuckle.
“Of course! If you ever get scared, don’t hesitate to use me as a shield!”
Itadori proudly flexes his bicep, and you giggle in response. You have no doubts that he’ll be looking after you along the way, because that’s just the kind of guy he is, but hopefully… you’ll be able to protect him too. You’d like to make his painful life at least a little bit easier.
“By the way, you asked Gojo for a selfie earlier. I didn’t realize you liked him that much. I guess he is pretty cool, objectively speaking.” Itadori scrunches up his brows. “Is he the kind of guy girls are usually into?”
“I think it depends. Girls like all kinds of guys. Especially strong, caring guys like you,” you grin.
You were just being honest and trying to hype him up a bit. Itadori’s a friendly, extroverted guy, after all. You don’t even remember him ever looking embarrassed when you first watched the anime.
Which is why you’re surprised to see him blushing.
“R-Really?” he chuckles awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. “I feel like you’re just saying that. But thanks! I appreciate it. While we’re on the topic, I bet most guys would have a crush on you , [Name]! Because you’re so pretty and nice!”
If there was water in your mouth, you would have probably spat it out right about now.
You start melting into a little puddle of embarrassment, but thankfully, Fushiguro steps into the room and saves you from some of the humiliation.
“You guys are so loud,” he grumbles. “And seriously, why’d they put you next door to me? There are a bunch of empty rooms to choose from.”
“Oh, hey, Fushiguro!” Itadori waves. “Glad to see you look better now. Also, Gojo was saying it’d be more lively and fun if all our dorms were close by.”
“Classes and missions are more than enough,” Fushiguro mutters, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He stops just in front of you, and of course, that crease in between his brows deepens.
You strain a smile. “Um… yes? Is there something you wanted to say to me?”
“Not really. You’re just kind of confusing, if I’m being honest. And you’re weirdly obsessed with Gojo.”
“Only because he’s hot,” you protest. “I mean—dammit! Because he’s cool ! I like him because he’s cool, okay?!”
Fushiguro makes no effort to hide his disapproval, and you let out a heavy sigh, eventually hanging your head in defeat. It’s no surprise he doesn’t trust you yet. Your circumstances are far from ordinary, and you even told Itadori outright to eat Sukuna’s finger. If you were in his position, you’d probably have your doubts too.
Itadori taps both you and Fushiguro on the shoulders. “Hey, guys. [Name]’s selfie with Gojo earlier got me thinking. Now that we’re all gonna be classmates and dorm buddies, we should commemorate this with a photo or something. Right?”
“I like that idea,” you smile.
“I don’t ,” Fushiguro grimaces.
“Okay, let’s all take a selfie together!” Itadori exclaims, and he proceeds to pull you and Fushiguro close—despite the latter’s protests—then he uses your phone to snap a picture of all three of you.
Just like that, you have a new picture saved. Fushiguro is scowling irritably, of course, and your smile looks a little dorky because it all happened so spur-of-the-moment, but you decide that it’s good as it is. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
“I like this picture even more than the one I took with Gojo,” you beam. “I’m gonna make it my lock screen right now.”
Fushiguro blinks. He wasn’t expecting such a bright, infectious smile. It’s just a selfie. Is it really worth making such a big deal over? He’s not sure why, but something about your expression makes it difficult for him to maintain his grumpy demeanor.
Even though he doesn’t really want to admit it… you’re kind of cute.
#jjk x reader#yandere jjk x reader#yandere x reader#reverse harem#x reader#reader insert#yandere#jjk#yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yandere megumi#yandere yuji#otherworldly attraction#isekai#yandere gojo#yandere nanami#yandere sukuna#yandere inumaki#yandere yuta#yandere yuuta#yandere mahito#yandere choso#yandere junpei#reverse harem x reader#jjk fanfic#yandere jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x reader#quotev#a03
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ooo okay this looks fun (and i am procrastinating like a bitch rn so...)
Hm, I'm not sure. Maybe The Naming of Hobbits by @andhumanslovedstories? It was one of the first fics I read when I got into using AO3 and I remember it giving me a good giggle. I really should go back and reread it. It must've been years since I've read it by now... And yet I still think of it fondly as 'that funny The Hobbit fic' so it clearly left a very good impression :)
So many. So many make me cry. I've reread Time Falls Away by @not-close-to-straight like three times I think? And each time the line 'I don't know this part of the story' has me UGLY SOBBING. Love it. Absolutely an amazing read. I still haven't worked my way up to the third fic in the series cause the emotions are still too strong rn, but I am very excited for whenever I finally do! I also gotta mention All Is Fair In Love by @stranger-awakening cause OH MY GOD nothing has ever hurt me like this fic hurt me. The pain. It just kept getting worse. It was so good but I needed frequent breaks when reading cause the emotions were So Much. I'm also just realising I never kudosed that fic and OMG I AM SO SORRY. I was too caught up in the throes of agony, I apologise!!
My comfort fic is definitely Petey and Wade discuss the proper way to go about vigilantism (and maybe they fall in love too) by @isadancurtisproduction. I have read that fic at least once a year since I first came across it. I love it so much, it's insane. It may even be my all time favourite fanfic
I am gonna have to say Rapture by mia_ugly on AO3. I read it out of morbid curiosity and I have not been the same since. This is the fic that introduced me to this type of time travel fics, where the time travel muddies the relationships and makes everything angsty and confusing and secretive. It is my FAVOURITE kind of angst and I have read multiple other fics with the same trope since. I adore them <3
Oh, 100% @sheena-is-a-punk-rocker. Since I read all your quinnflag fics and loved them so much I started on my own quinnflag wip. Started off thinking 'how would they have gotten together before The Suicide Squad?' like they are in your The Suicide Squad but Rick and Harley are already dating series (which is such a fun read and deserves all the love!!) and my wip has become its own thing from there :)
Lol I'm not the best authority for this since I do not read much fic for either of my main fandoms (sorry Stranger Things and The World of Mr Plant!) but I definitely think @kittyphoenix12-xx's work deserves so much more love. I need to read more of your fics, babes, cause the ones I have read are SO good. I TREASURE that cunningway fic you gifted to me, and getting to beta a couple of your works was such an honour. I especially loved the stars look down and know, cause it's so so sweet!!!
Good question... Commenting, I guess. That's the obvious answer. And I really need to work on it myself (and I'm trying!!) but we could always do with more commenting. Authors love seeing it so we need to do our part more (which is why I'm tagging the authors in this despite being a bit nervous about that lol, cause you guys deserve hearing how wonderful I think your fics are :) )
I really don't know. I don't like telling people not to do things cause I think that's just rude. Fanfic is for fun, and if you like doing something that someone else thinks there's too much of then fuck them! Have fun with it cause that's all that matters. I see people complaining about certain things from time to time and just think 'well... you could just... not?' Maybe that's what I wish there was less of in fandom: people feeling the need to make a fuss when they don't like something, cause most of the time when I see it it's over the most non-problem things.
Alternative Fic Recs
Fic recs are a great way to introduce people to stories you love. But instead of a list, you could try this format instead? I've tried it before and I really liked it, as it made me think about the fics I've read differently.
This isn't a tag game or an ask game. You can copy, repost, reblog, share and edit this at will if you're looking to do a fic rec :)
The fic that's made you laugh the most?
What's a fic that makes you cry?
Your fave comfort, silly fic?
The fic that made you try a genre or a trope you wouldn't normally read.
An author that's inspired your own fic writing (if you're an author), or your TBR list (if you're a reader).
Your fave "underdog" fics/authors in your fandom(s). Those that you feel are underappreciated and deserve some love.
What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did more of when it comes to fanfiction?
What's one thing you wish writers/readers/the fandom did less of when it comes to fanfiction?
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I’ve been super interested by the amazing work and effort you’ve put into your misfits webcomic series. Though an anxious part of me has been wondering, will this story have a good ending? Like I’m not expecting an overly happy conclusion or anything, especially with what you’ve already established in the webcomic and its lore. Just one that feels nice and or satisfying for anyone that’s been following your work for so long.
That despite the drama and hardships these characters will go through, they’ll eventually find their peace and their own form of a happy ending when the story finishes up. I’m not asking for any major story spoilers, maybe just a hint or two of reassurance about how things might potentially go when we react the final act and or the story’s conclusion. Either way, keep up the great work.
When I first started this series nearly a year ago, I had no idea how it was going to end. Should I give it a good ending? What would a good ending even look like? What if I gave it a fucked up ending? And it occurred to me that I was seeing things in black and white.
The characters we follow will grow and change. We'll see them become better people. We'll see them relapse and become worse. What I will say is that having failed as role models in their human lives, they will serve better in their new roles.
Change is scary. That is why I like to call this a horror story, as much as it's a comedy. As a trans woman who suffers from severe depression, I, too, am making the same journey. I suppose what I'm saying is that I have things to say in this story. Not only to you, the readers, but also to myself. The ending will reflect my ultimate message. I do know what it is and how I'm going to end it, and I hope it'll be satisfying.
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I finished my Worm read days ago. I'm going to discuss how I feel about the entire story as a whole here.
Some background: I discovered the web serial Worm years ago. I was either searching for the longest story or was searching for one that was one million words long. Either way, one of those things led me to Worm. Instead of reading it properly, I spoiled a bunch of stuff about it for myself, and would read random scenes out of order. And I would look up Reddit posts about the story. I tried giving it a proper read years back, but didn't get very far.
Months ago, I started that proper beginning-to-end read. A couple of days ago, I finished that read. I read the entirety of Worm. And it was worth it.
Before I started that read, I thought the Travelers were pretty cool. I ended up resenting them during my read. Not only were they rude to Taylor, but the Travelers didn't even like each other. That made it even harder for me to care about them, because they showed no care for anyone else.
Heartbreaker and his children, the Heartbroken, fulfilled this very specific trope of mine that probably doesn't even have a name. I don't know why, but I love it when a fictional male character has a lot of children by different women, making those children have a lot of half-siblings. Thragg from the Invincible comics fulfilled this trope too.
Heartbreaker was a villain I wanted to see a lot more of. He definitely had a lot of potential. I wish Wildbow had given him a bigger role in the story. I don't even think Heartbreaker had any dialogue. I wish Accord had had a bigger role, too, because he was another minor villain I found interesting, but at least Accord still had a decent amount of appearances in the story.
Speaking of Heartbreaker, his two kids Regent and Cherish were interesting. I actually liked Regent a lot. I was surprised that Cherish genuinely hated him and that the feeling was mutual. For a while, I thought that Cherish was going to betray the Slaughterhouse Nine and maybe team up with Regent and develop a friendly bond with him. I wanted that to happen. It didn't happen, though. Cherish ended up getting a fate worse than death. I feel bad for her, to be honest. I wouldn't wish her fate on my worst enemy.
I wish Regent had survived. He was a cool character. RIP.
My favorite character was Tattletale. At first, anyway. I think Taylor was my favorite by the end of the story.
Worm is the only superhero novel I've read. Reading it was nostalgic for me. When I was a kid, I loved reading superhero comics and watching superhero movies. The X-Men comics, movies, etc. is my favorite superhero fiction. Reading Worm fed my childhood obsession with superheroes. In general, people with superpowers forming teams and fighting other people with superpowers is something I love to watch or read. My own web serial, which I'm currently rewriting, has that.
I loved the dialogue in Worm. It was one of my favorite things about it. Those chapters during the final battle, when Taylor couldn't understand English, the lack of dialogue was a pain. Not just because a lack of dialogue can be boring, but also because Wildbow writes dialogue so well. I loved it when the characters in Worm would just talk to each other. And I love how characters tended to have unique vocabulary. Sometimes it fit their personality too, like Skidmark and his love for disgusting, inappropriate speech, because he's a disgusting, inappropriate person.
Something I had a problem with, though: a lot of times it wasn't clear which character was talking, and sometimes it was clear which character was talking but wasn't clear which one they were talking to during a group conversation. All of that happened a lot in Worm. Sometimes a dialogue tag would've been nice, with either a name or a pronoun.
The introspection was great. The inner thoughts of the characters never felt repetitive or anything. Sometimes certain phrases were used too much, like "The object was long as he/she was tall". And there were other repetitive phrases, but the introspection always felt fresh. I never had the impression a character was thinking the same thing took much.
Wildbow uses similes pretty well. I loved his descriptions. Sometimes I would read a sentence or a paragraph and understand exactly what a character was feeling. There was this one part when Taylor describes the terror she felt being like a gun being pointed at her for a long time, with her fear not rising or going down. I wish I could find that paragraph again.
The characters. The characters in Worm were amazing. They were so diverse with their own unique beliefs and motivations. It was realistic. A lot of them felt like real people. And there's some great character development. And because a bunch of the characters repeatedly make appearances throughout the novel, you see a lot of them and they make the book feel realer, and more "lived-in".
Worm is technically a multiple point of view novel. It's mainly told from Taylor's point of view, but it has a bunch of other narrators too. Wildbow is a master of multiple POV, which is also my favorite point of view to read and to write. The narrators in Worm have personalities and beliefs that show in the writing. Wildbow knows how to use introspection to demonstrate that. In the racist Hookwolf's interlude, he refers to Shatterbird as the racist term for her race, because he is racist. His inner thoughts fit his character. A non-racist character in Worm wouldn't have used that term. They would have used the proper word for Shatterbird's race. Hookwolf also has a hatred for cornrows, which is another example of his racism. When I read Hookwolf's interlude, I really got the sense that he was racist. Good job, Wildbow.
Worm has a lot of great instances of "show, don't tell". Like when he describes Leviathan as moving slower, because he's weaker, but Wildbow doesn't explicitly say that Leviathan was getting weaker. I loved that. Sometimes the reader has to figure things out for themself. There were some satisfying instances where Wildbow didn't spell out the obvious. I liked that.
I like how smart the characters were. Fictional characters being hopelessly stupid is something I really hate, but there was none of that in Worm. It was like everyone in this book was smart. Smart characters acting genuinely smart makes fiction more thrilling and fun to read or watch. It was satisfying to read intelligent characters showing actual cleverness. There was none of that "This character is stated to be smart but never does anything smart" nonsense.
One example of a character being genuinely clever in Worm is when Coil asks Dinah the chance of various individuals in their group, including themselves, surviving an upcoming attack, after she says there's a chance she will die in the next half-hour. The percentages is around the same for each of them. Coil does this to see if the attack will be an attack on all of them as a whole. This was clever. Another smart moment is when Taylor deliberately confuses Bonesaw to delay her attempt to get to Taylor's brain(which Taylor doesn't want to happen. Bonesaw is a really bad person). This moment probably wasn't extremely clever, but I think in real life most people would just pointlessly beg the bad guy to stop instead of actively trying to delay them.
Characters in Worm use their powers intelligently during fights, and that's what made reading this novel even more fun. It was intriguing.
I also love the stakes gradually get higher. The most dangerous villain is fought at the end, which is a good thing. Because the final battle in a book or other piece of media should be when the stakes are highest. If Scion was defeated in the middle of the novel and Lung was the final enemy to defeat instead, that would've been a terrible writing decision by Wildbow. Villainous Scion was much more of a threat than Lung was.
I really loved this novel. I wish more books were as great as this one. Worm is actually the web serial that made me start taking web serial seriously. I hope I will someday write a serial that's as great as Worm.
My rating for Worm:
4 out of 5 stars.
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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Horribly, I made it to act 2 in DATV, got hit with both a lot of real life intense stress and spoiled myself for the ending, and then just kind of burned out. I’ve been fighting the urge just to go back to DA:I, either for my comfort romance of Solas or Cullen, and I can’t tell if it’s just because DATV can’t hold me, or if I just latched so hard to DA:I and become so obsessed that I forever view it with rose tinted glasses.
It’s made worse by hearing so many older/more experienced fans say how empty DA:I is/was in its storytelling and lore crafting, meanwhile I always thought it was amazing and truly epic in the position it placed you in, especially since I was playing a Dalish Mage, so the tragedies of life just continuously stacked on my OC with no way for her to escape any of it, a bright light doomed by the narrative, no matter how hard she claws and fights.
playing inquisition again and its so bittersweet. i took you so for granted. i savor every blade of grass and line of dialogue. i exhaust every single dialogue tree. i pick every elfroot like its a precious artifact. im collecting shards as if each one is holy. every hinterlands side quest is a privilege i once squandered in my ignorance
#dragon age veilguard#dragon age inquisition#dalish elf#idk what’s wrong with me#but i think i miss my wife
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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avoidance is my fucking doom man, i know i should go to class but i fucking cant get myself to
#i have. so many absences it's ridiculous to go right now i know it will be worse if i dont go i have to go#ive been just tossing and turning for like 2 hours with some freakign heart palpitations cause im so fucking scared#i was supposed to go last week and i didnt do it then either and every time i feel worse but i cant make myself go#AAAAAAAAA Im gonna die here i know i just have to force myself but i dont want to i want to stay at home which will fix nothing and#make everything worse in the long run#im aware of thsi but i still cant get myself to go idk what to do in this situation i feel horrible augh#i have so many absences I literally went once at the start of the semester and it's been what. 2 and a half months almost 3#i didnt do much for the class and i didnt go to class idk what to do.. theres literally no other way than to force myself to go#i KNOW I'll instantly feel better if i just stay home. i knowww i knowwww but its not going to help anything#i feel like shit and so ashamed and i just really dont want to go through this#FUUCK#im just#completely in panic mode rn. idk if i wont just try to go tomorrow idk if this is a bad decision im still just putting it off#im just totally by myself and cant even talk to anyone to calm down uauauhcgchdhd#im feeling pretty pathetic rn i should be able to do thisss i should be able to do this by myself#this is like self inflicted psychological horror and it's like every other day for me for many years now ouughh
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Also, I think it’s important to note that when you’re dealing with mental health, in this case depression, it is really hard to find the strength to deal with people around you. Not because you don’t care or you’re not grateful for everything that they do, but all your energy is spent dealing with the dark thoughts and feelings running through your head that finding the strength to also consider other people is really hard. It’s very easy to say when someone is depressed that they should ‘pull themselves together’ and be grateful for the help and support and love they get from people around them, but when you’re actually right in the thick of dealing with said depression, while also going through the worst period of your life, that is easier said than done and in a lot of cases will only do more harm than good.
Obviously I can only speak from my own experiences, but when I was dealing with my depression and anxiety and spent hours crying in bed, I would struggle just changing out of pajamas into regular clothing, never mind being nice and grateful to people even I know in my brain and heart that they’re doing a lot for me. If anything it made me feel worse about myself for not being a better daughter/sister/friend since they’re doing so much to help me and I can’t pay them back the way I feel I should. And at least I had antidepressants, which Stolas does not have for a whole month which just complicates the whole thing even more.
So Stolas being a bit self absorbed, being on auto pilot, emotionally numb or seconds away from crying at the drop of a hat, at times snippy and sassy, finding it hard to adjust and deal with the new environment and situation he’s found himself in, everything he knew and loved ripped from him, going cold turkey of his medication for a month while also having feelings for Blitzø he just does not have the strength, bandwidth or will to deal with at the moment, I find that realistic.
And while yes, trauma is not an excuse for being a bad person and treating people badly, but to Stolas’ credit he just turns his negative feelings towards himself, not blaming Blitzø for anything or venting his frustration over not having the food he’s used to or whatever. Like negative self-talk isn’t a good thing either and he needs help with that, but all things considered he’s pretty well adjusted, not blaming anyone else for his actions or situation.
I am under no delusion that we will see some sides of Stolas that aren’t very flattering and he’ll need to be taught how his new environment works, stepping out of his royal bubble and into the real world, but right now he is very fragile and it clearly doesn’t take a lot for him to break down in tears and start talking down on himself, so that tough love will likely come later when he’s better able to handle it. And starts taking his meds again.
Sigh
Hi I’m back to explain media to the antis
Stolas is grateful for everything Blitz is doing for him but because that’s not blatantly expressed people are whining that Stolas is being ungrateful and mean
Maybe yall just haven’t experienced hard things like for example when my parents died I didn’t exactly thank my husband outwardly for all he was doing for me I was a lot like Stolas, numb and upset and just in autopilot. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t grateful for him being there and helping me.
Blitz isn’t doing it to be thanked, he’s doing it because he loves Stolas and wants to take care of him. Stolas doesn’t need to gush in gratitude, it’s understood.
It’s implied.
It’s what happens when you love each other.
#leave stolas alone!#helluva boss#sinsmas#helluva boss sinsmas#helluva boss spoilers#stolas#depression
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help i just witnessed a caesarean birth i'm going to throw myself out a window what do you mean they cut into you and then pull AN ENTIRE BABY OUT OF YOU THERE IS AN ENTIRE CHILD IN THERE THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A HORROR FILM I HAVE NEVER BEEN QUITE THIS TRAUMATISED BY HORROR BEFORE THIS IS WORSE THERE ARE TEARS FALLING FROM MY EYES RIGHT NOW MY JAW IS HURTING FROM HOW WIDE I HAVE IT OPEN IN A SILENT SCREAM THAT IS A HORRIFIC PROCESS I THINK WE SHOULD OUTLAW BIRTH I'VE NEVER REALLY LIKED BABIES VERY MUCH BUT NOW THAT I KNOW HOW THEY CAN COME OUT I THINK I'LL BACK AWAY IN FEAR YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT'S NATURAL??? IT'S NATURAL THAT WE GROW. THAT? THAT INSIDE US? AND IT COMES OUT? AND STARTS CRYING? BITCH I SHOULD BE THE ONE CRYING. GO BACK IN THERE. BETTER YET, VANISH. NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. I HATE IT HERE. I WOULD SOONER DIE THAN HAVE A BABY IN ME. THAT IS. PURE HORROR. I'M SO UNCOMFORTABLE. CAN I GET RID OF MY UTERUS? IS THAT AN OPTION? I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE. I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT IT OUT OF ME SO THERE'S NO CHANCE OF AN ALIEN TYPE EVENT HAPPENING. I FEEL NAUSEOUS. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. MY LIMIT HAS BEEN CROSSED. CAN SOMEONE HIT ME REALLY HARD IN THE HEAD SO I FORGET THE LAST 10 MINUTES. PLEASE.
#me watching the emergency workers documentary: this is fine. i'm not a coward. i'll watch them cut people open.#me swallowing hard: i will not look away. it's no big deal. it's just. inner human. this is fine. this is real. real operations. okay. fine#me the second a baby comes out of someone: absolutely the fuck not turn this the fuck off i'm going to throw myself out a window#omg a beautiful baby girl!! no. no. absolutely the fuck not. you're lying. you puleldt tHAT CREATURE OUT#OUT OF HER. A WHOLE CREATURE. THAT'S. A PARASITEOR SOMETHING. WHAT. NO WAY. THAT'S. I HATE HAVING A UTERUS#look i've never seen a vaginal birth either but FUCK ME IT CAN'T BE WORSE THAN PULLING A CREATURE OUT OF THE BELLY#a fucking creature. that's a creature. god. what the fuck. outlaw babies. i hate it#i'm so sorry if this is offensive i'm actually repulsed by babies right now i might need to go throw up
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I'm letting everyone know now that if there is (1) Abba song in season 2 I’m going achieve levels of insane previously unknown to mankind
#ofmd#our flag means death#if it's Lay All Your Love On Me it's going to do this to me x2#like Forever Insufferable levels#not that I'm not already but#I'm always ready to make myself and every situation worse#David Jenkins would either give it to us because he knows it would make us insane OR he would deny us because he has a better vision that#will also make us insane#either way no one is coming out of this alive I tell you#certainly not fuckin me#david jenkins#what r u planning my boi#scheduled post
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i know you say youre not a rp acc and not kin, but i wanted to ask, your art of medic, are you depicting yourself? should i refer to medic in your art as you? example "i love how you drew yourself in this"? idkk i dont wanna poke around but i wanted to be sure im referring to you correctly??
this is a good question, just one that im not sure i will ever be able to give a satisfying answer to. i did answer something similar here that im definitely not an rp account but im neutral on kinning, because the term seems so broad that i cant say for certain if thats whats going on. maybe! or maybe not! hmm and then my art of medic.. yes it is depicting myself. but i also recognize that medic is a fictional character, so it doesnt bother me if people refer to medic as medic! im just drawing him, it doesnt have to be more complicated than that. if that makes sense. its all one in the same to me so it doesnt matter and you dont have to worry about it :]€
#its in the same way i will make posts talking about medic sometimes or will sometimes answer asks in third person#im referring to myself because thats me but#i do understand that hes also fictional character from the video game Team Fortress 2#and i know people have their own interpretations and ocs and whatever else#i try not to think about it too hard or i will only give myself a headache#tl;dr dont worry about changing the way you refer to medic on my posts i know what people are talking about#i will know what you mean#it does not bother me#i think i would actually find it Worse if someone refered to Only my drawings of medic as 'you/yourself'#but then talked about every other medic thing as normal#is this comprehensible...? i hope so#it feels like there was another thing i was going to say also.. but ive already forgotten it oh well#see i dont bite at least not at first#thank youu for the ask my friend!!#its just a difficult question to answer because i dont fully understand what is happening either#there has to be some way for me to explain this better i just havent found it yet#THE POINT IS thank you for asking and i dont mind please talk about things as you normally would. smiles ^^#the doc is in#replies from the void
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