#like.... what do you mean they can overcome their disabilities and have lives why the fuck cant i do that

[nocternal]

a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.

shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.

I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other

[covid-safer-hotties]

To My Unmasked Friend in the Fifth Year of COVID - By: Anna Holmes - Published Aug 17, 2024

I’m going to be honest with you, because I love you, and you deserve nothing but honesty. I’m going to try really hard not to be angry while I do it, but it’s probably going to slip out every now and again. But I need you to hear me out, all right?

By now, we’ve talked about my reality. My personal struggle with long COVID, the isolation I live in, why I am so angry all the time.

But let’s talk about you. You just went to a big convention overseas. You got on a plane, got a little gussied up, talked shop with some insiders, geeked out over awards and merch, ate, drank, were merry, left with your social cup and your heart full.

You’re a good person. We wouldn’t be friends otherwise! You’d never dream of tripping a person with a red and white cane, using the r-word, excluding a disabled person from an event because of something they can’t help.

You might even acknowledge that the COVID response from governments and organizations has been ableist and inadequate.

But you didn’t wear a mask.

For whatever reason — you wanted to show off your makeup, it makes you itchy, you believed the messaging that COVID is endemic (what does that actually mean?), you just don’t think about it anymore — you made a choice that actively excludes people like me from participating not only in an event like a convention, but society at large. And yes, it is a choice. Every time you step out into the world without a mask on your face, you have made a decision that your very good reason, whatever it is, supersedes the right of disabled and at-risk people to exist safely in your orbit.

Well, hold on, you say. It’s not any one individual’s fault, it’s the inadequate public health messaging. Isn’t that what you’ve been saying?

And I have. In the past, I have talked about how it is unconscionable that health authorities have thrown their hands up and rescinded guidance that would have saved hundreds of thousands of lives and prolonged a pandemic that, to hear them tell it, has been bested. It hasn’t. Worst of all, the financial motivation that we all know is driving this premature victory lap isn’t even being fulfilled. Long COVID and other post-COVID complications are costing the global economy one trillion a year. Meanwhile, article after article handwrings about nobody wanting to work anymore, about the sagging college application scene, about declines in military enlistment, and the strain on our healthcare systems.

All of this is very much the fault of our leaders, who have decided the political ramifications of “normalcy” are more important than the health and lives of the 400 million people living with long COVID across the globe, the immunocompromised folks who are increasingly being shut out of every conceivable public space, and the disabled community which has been screaming into the wind about our marginalization since before the virus even hit US soil.

But I want to be very clear. You are helping them do this.

The reality is that we have been living in this deeply flawed landscape of “personal choice”, and you’ve made yours. You’ve opted not to look into how densely clustered cases are. You’ve stopped listening to your friends who have informed themselves. You’ve given yourself permission to put COVID on the back burner. You’ve earned it, right? Four and a half years of trauma?

COVID doesn’t care if you’re tired of being scared or careful or considerate. COVID is not something you can personally overcome by being smart or virtuous or brave. It is a virus which only seeks to infect and replicate, and it is getting very good at those things. While you’ve looked away, my community has been scrambling to avoid variants that skirt immunity and don’t show up on rapid tests until day five-seven. The constant battle has changed since you were last in it. It’s not sufficient anymore to get your shots and test before a big event. You could well be asymptomatic and infectious, or have symptoms and convinced yourself it can’t be COVID because that second line hasn’t popped up.

You have come to the conclusion sometime between 2022 and now that you just have to decide what level of risk you’re comfortable with and live with it. The problem with that is scale. It’s you and everybody else doing that, and a lot of people have decided they are comfortable with a high level of risk. Despite what you’ve been told, you’re not just making that decision for yourself. You are making it for every person you come in contact with.

Think back to the early tense days of 2020. We were told to select a “bubble.” Those people would be our social lifelines, and through those, we could control our exposure.

My bubble is quite small. It includes my husband, my sister, and two friends I see relatively frequently.

My husband goes to work via the bus, and to the grocery store. Every person he comes in contact with there has the potential to infect him, and then he has the potential to pass it along to me. He mitigates this by wearing a well-fitted respirator at all times.

My sister goes to work at a busy public place. She masks when public facing and takes it off in the back office. She goes to restaurants, bars, concerts, hangs out with friends and her own partner unmasked. About 75% of her interactions have the heightened potential to infect her, which she might then bring into my house when she visits me.

My friends do not mask anywhere except my house when asked. They attend concerts, shows, cons, bars.

Obviously, I am in control of whether I wear a mask around these people. And as we approach one million new cases a day, I will be around everyone but my husband. But science is clear: reciprocal masking is more effective at infection control than a single person masking — especially when that single person is trying to protect themselves, not others.

This is settled science. We’ve known this since 2020. It says clearly that the choice you make is not personal- it has implications for everyone you come in contact with.

And being clear — if I could, I’d make everyone wear a mask for their own health. I don’t want people suffering with what I have. But you’ve been told this lie that you can take your risks for yourself, so you feel comfortable going out without a mask. You’ve been told this lie that it’s possible to completely recover from a COVID infection, so you assume that even if you do catch it, that’s what’ll happen to you, despite evidence showing that every body is indelibly changed by an infection, and that risk only grows with each subsequent infection.

And the greatest lie of all — that only the sick or elderly have anything to fear from COVID — has given you unfounded confidence in your own “good” genes or immune system or fitness. You can get long COVID even if you’re in peak form — in fact, may even be more likely to be hit hard.

So you have decided, individually and collectively, that only the sick or elderly should have to take precautions, and you freewheel through life, only to get surprised and dismayed when you bump into COVID in the wild. It’s back, people declare every summer or winter, as though it ever left.

But I want you to really think about the implications of your choice. Besides yourself. Because let’s be honest here, that’s who you’ve been thinking about, right? Your risk. Your comfort. Never mind your bubble, never mind the bubble of everyone you come into contact with, never mind the people like me who are literally hiding from people like you.

You’re not masking at the doctor’s office. You’re not masking at the airport. You’re not masking at the giant superspreader you just attended, and you’re not masking in the bars and restaurants where we know the virus flourishes. And then you’re bringing that exposure back to your family and friends. Back to the grocery store, where you run across people like my husband, shopping for someone who is unsafe to leave the house, or your elderly neighbors, or an immunocompromised employee.

You’re a good person, or you like to think of yourself that way. That’s why when you’re asked to mask, you dismiss it out of hand — because that changed behavior implies that you’ve been doing something wrong.

And my friend, I’m telling this because I love you: you have been. You might have been doing that on faulty information, but be honest with yourself and with me — you’ve heard me begging people to take this seriously. You’ve seen the information I’ve been sharing. You have had the opportunity to seek out the correct information all along, and you have chosen not to.

It isn’t too late to change your view of the risk you’re imposing on the people around you. It’s not too late to push public health to become more effective. It’s not too late to act in solidarity and be the inclusive person you think you are. It’s not too late to take care of yourself.

Ultimately, that’s what I have been screaming myself hoarse about. I don’t want you to end up with what I have. I don’t want you to inadvertently impose that on someone else. And yes, I’ve been angry, because you’ve been advertising your absolute lack of concern with group shots of your naked faces on social media. It doesn’t seem to bother you that I am stuck at home like it’s 2020, except for doctors’ appointments that I literally have to risk my life to go to. You’ve told yourself that it’s not your problem, because only the sick and elderly have to take precautions.

You know better. You can do better. For your community, yourself, and me, do better.

Please. I love you.

Anna

PS. If you’re feeling upset and embarrassed right now, the best thing you can do is take action. Get yourself good masks (the surgicals and cloth ones don’t cut it anymore), donate to mask blocs so others can access good masks, write to your representatives and the President, comment on upcoming CDC guidance, schedule yourself a booster, and talk to your loved ones about doing better, too. The only way we get out of this is with community care. So care.

[cosmicjoke]

People are always trying to give the credit for Levi’s heroism and goodness to someone other than Levi him self and it’s so freakin’ annoying.

“Oh, Levi’s mom is the only reason he turned out good, because she loved him.”

As if the handful of years they had together and the single clear, positive memory he had of her would alone be enough to overcome the two plus decades of absolute horror that followed, or even the horror of their lives together, living in absolute, desolate impoverishment, squalor and ruinous desperation.

“Oh, Kenny taught Levi to value life by showing him his life mattered.”

Is this a joke? Kenny was a serial killer and the only thing he ever taught Levi was how to use his strength for selfish gain.

“Oh, Furlan and Isabel taught Levi to care about other people.”

Levi saved Furlan’s and Isabels’s lives before he even knew either of them. Nobody showed him or taught him to do that. He did that on his own.

“Oh, Erwin instilled Levi’s desire to help people into him and taught him morals.”

See my previous point. Levi had a desire to help people long before he ever met Erwin, as exemplified by his rescue of Furlan and Isabel, as well as the other characters he attempts to rescue and safeguard the lives of throughout "No Regrets", like that soldier who nearly killed himself on the titan obstacle course, or Flagon and Sairam out in the field. Even in the OVA, we see Levi protect Isabel from those thugs chasing after her, despite knowing nothing about her. We see him agree to Lovof's proposal only because he wants to protect the life of that disabled member of his and Furlan's crew, after he's taken by Lovof's men to the surface, the obvious implication being, if Levi doesn't cooperate, then they're going to kill the kid. Or later on, when he tries desperately to get both Furlan and Isabel to stay behind on their first scouting expedition, to take all the danger onto himself, only agreeing to let them come when Furlan asks him to trust them. We see that instinct and desire to help and protect people long before Levi ever knew Erwin, or felt any sort of loyalty or admiration for him, he just didn't have the means or the know-how, given what a struggle it was just to survive in the Underground, and given nobody ever taught Levi the ways in which his strength could actually make a significant difference to people. Levi only had a limited idea of how it could, from having taken Furlan and Isabel under his wing and providing them protection.

What Erwin did was focus that already existent desire and instinct onto a broader goal, by convincing Levi it was possible for him to really make a difference to all people by lending his strength to the Survey Corps. Erwin showed Levi how it was possible for him to do what he'd already had a desire to do, if not a belief in his ability to do it, something we see Levi struggle with throughout "No Regrets", not fully believing in his ability to actually help anyone until the end, when Erwin gives him his big speech. And again, it makes sense that Levi would struggle to believe he could actually help anyone or make a difference, given how he grew up and how nobody ever taught him how to use his strength to help. You can have all the desire in the world to do something, but if nobody ever taught you how, then it's going to be a lot more difficult to believe in your ability to do it, or to do it at all. Still, Levi did his best, and did help people as much as he could and knew how. Erwin isn't responsible for Levi having that as his motivation. Erwin only gave Levi the direction needed to believe he could utilize his strength to the benefit of many people, rather than just a few. Basically, Erwin broadened Levi's horizons about what might be possible, and of course, that's why Erwin's influence and impact on Levi is so great. It's fine to acknowledge that, it's fine to acknowledge how important Erwin was to Levi. But to actually try to give Erwin the credit for Levi's compassion and kindness, or his moral values, is absurd and wickedly unfair to Levi himself. Levi already had those qualities in him. Nobody instilled it in him.

I don’t know what this obsession is within a certain segment of this fandom with wanting to rob Levi of the credit he deserves for being the man he is. It's why I always say Levi is a perfect example of nature over nurture, because he literally had no good role models growing up. He had his mom, but again, he barely knew her and barely remembers her. He had literally the opposite of a good role model in Kenny. And yet look how he turned out. It's why I get so pissed when people try to give the credit for that to someone else. Levi deserves the credit for how he turned out. He beat such hard odds, and it's unfair to him to deny him that recognition. It's unfair to deny him recognition for the strength of character it took to overcome the hellish cruelty he was raised in by retaining his great humanity, empathy, compassion and kindness. Very few people could have done the same. Further, I think there's something insidious in it, when people do that, when they try to give the credit for Levi's goodness to someone else. It's basically tantamount to claiming Levi's pain and trauma growing up isn't worth acknowledging. It's like telling an abused kid that they were made better by their abuse, and they should be grateful for it as a result, instead of complaining about it or feeling hurt over it. It’s so lame and unfair, because not only does it perpetuate this harmful idea that none of us are responsible for ourselves, but it also undermines and dismisses the trauma and tragedy of Levi’s childhood by pretending it wasn’t really all that bad or there can be found something positive from the abuse he was subjected to under Kenny's care. It's horribly close to victim blaming, and smacks of abuse apologism

It’s a miracle that Levi turned out the way he did, and the miracle comes from Levi himself, not any of the people listed above.

[imbecominggayer]

Part 3 Writing Advice: Stop The Self-Hating Narrative Around Disability

I'm BACK! I was working on some other Tumblr posts but i've decided to fulfill my promise to talk about the common associations people seem to have between disability and self-hatred.

You remember my own slogan "Disabled Adults Are Adults", right?

Well, here is the slogan for the majority of writers who are bad at writing good disability representation "Disabled Adults Are Tragic :`(

This association comes into everything so we'll go from the small chunks of ableist LOOORE~ and then move onto the really big ticket items? Right!

Assistive Aids Are Traps Designed By The Illuminati!

What do these common literary phrases have in common?

Confined to a Wheelchair

Forced to Use a Cane

Cursed To Always Use [Assistive Aid]

The answer: they are exceedingly negatively charged which incorrectly imply that mobility aids such as wheelchairs are horrible fates to be falled upon! This implication that living with disability is such a curse tends to be most forced upon "understandable" villains and sympathetic "tragic" figures who are "unbearably cursed" with a horrid fate

Those phrases are horrible not just because they incorrect imply that devices such as wheelchairs and other mobility aids are curses when, in reality, the individuals who use these assistant aids desperately need them in order to exercise their full potential but also due to the fact that it's an able-bodied centric perspective!

People who actually use these devices don't see them as unbearable weights bringing them down but tools of freedom and autonomy. Obviously, independence is not necessary to lead a fulfilling life but it's a nice cherry on top!

This "able-bodied centric perspective" will come up again!

Curing Disability

At the end of the story i'll cute and sweet protagonist/main character will be forcibly mutilated into an able-bodied person either by machinery in a sci-fi setting or through the gods.

p.s that's just eugenics. eugenics is what the nazis did

Curing disability doesn't just mean a literal cure but also the overall narrative of "overcoming" disability tends to be here.

"Overcoming disability" is when an author implies that through a character's dedication they have "overcame" the limitations of their disability and are functionally no longer disabled.

Basically, if you have a disabled character whose jokes tend to center on "wow, I always forget you are disabled" or "I am the author and I keep forgetting this character has a disability", you have this trope.

The reason why this is shitty is because you, able-bodied author, have disabled readers. Disabled readers of various different types of disabilties who are reading your story.

Can you imagine if every single story of an able-bodied character involved them being forcibly turned disabled as a "reward" for their good behavior?

Can you imagine if every story involving a queer character involved that singular queer character being turned into a cishet individual?

"Disabled people still exist even when your character stops being disabled"

All you have done is tell disabled and non-disabled audience members that disabled people don't deserve to exist. That's bad.

Final: The Self-Hating Narrative

"Disabled Adults are Adults"

When I was inventing that phrase, I knew it needed to be universally applicable. The only reason I specificed "adults" and not "people" was due to the fact I was talking about infantilization in the first part and I didn't want someone to be like "well, obvi special needs kids are going to be treated delicately".

Anyway, the phrase needed to be universal because disabled adults are just people at the end of the day. They struggle with some not universal things like chronical illness or disability. They also struggle with the universal things like: can I support my family, am I ready, will the bank be closed by the time I wake up, can I be a good person?

They also succeed. Sometimes this success is in the form of gaining more mobility then before. Sometimes this success will seem minor to not disabled people or even to disabled people who have never struggled with that particular thing before.

They also succeed at things we succeed at. They create what has never been created before. They prove to themselves that they can be relied on. They laugh when they struggle.

Yes, they sometimes hate themselves. But even then, they continue on. They struggle with their symptoms day-to-day on top of succeeding in the daily struggles we all deal with. They deal with ableist remarks while also having fun.

Disability Is Normality

Many disabled adults and children are fighting for the right to see narratives in which their lives aren't plagued by melodramatic angst about being disabled.

Many disabled adults and children go about their daily lives with an overwhelming confidence about their disability and don't give a shit about what ableist remark you have to say.

And one of the most important things an author needs to be if they ever want to write true, inspiring, and universal works is to listen to voices of those they wish to represent.

If an author wants to represent disabled people living disabled lives in fantasy and reality, they need to listen to the perspectives of those who are actually living those lives. Sure, they may be lacking in terms of how to fly a dragon but humanity is humanity with or without the added uniqueness.

If an author just takes a ableist-covered crap-filled myths of what disability is like, expect backlash! Or maybe expect nothing, disabled adults have way too many concerns to be dealing with your sorry ass.

[physalian]

Tackling Characters with Mental Health Issues (or, ‘Write What you Know’)

**Trigger warning for this entire post**

This is completely off the cuff and unplanned but here we go. I just read a book that POV switches between its two romantic leads. One of these leads was intended to be written with a severe case of generalized anxiety. I have confirmation from the author that it’s not an author-insert. This character was entirely based on research, not experience.

Without putting them on blast, because they really did try…. While ‘neurodivergent’ or ‘mental health disorder’ isn’t a protected class, it should still fit squarely under other topics you shouldn’t write about if you don’t experience it with a massive asterisk.

TL;DR: If you yourself aren’t part of X minority or suffer Z physical or mental disability, you should not be barred from writing characters with those traits. ***HOWEVER*** writing these characters struggling, suffering, or overcoming this given trait in a pro-cis, straight, white, neurotypical, able-bodied America is not yours to touch.

This suffering isn’t your story to profit off of, when you didn’t actually suffer any of it.

I cannot remember who said it and I am absolutely paraphrasing but for example: White authors can and should include characters of color (and I am a White author). White authors should *not* write about a character of color as their protagonist experiencing bigotry, discrimination, hate crimes, and all that hardship, at the hands of white society. It’s just not your story to tell, and all the research in the world will never give you the lived experience you need to do it justice.

Like, you can write about the concept of slavery existing in a fantasy novel. Or sci-fi. Or some Alternate Universe historical fiction. You cannot write about the American slave trade like you lived it and still suffer the ramifications of it when you didn’t, especially when it is the thesis of your entire book.

Anyone remember that awful Amazon movie, My Policeman? Based on a book written by a straight, white woman whose straight female lead took an entire narrative to whine about how she was jilted by her gay husband and his gay lover who she got arrested and institutionalized so she could keep her husband… and never told them? With the predatory 3rd love interest and the whole ‘liar revealed’ and… yeah. That one.

Unless you do the work very few authors are willing to do, with permission and encouragement and a backing from whatever minority you’re writing about and their stamp of approval that you knocked it out of the park, just don’t. Save yourself the headache.

—

As I read this book, and this entire character’s arc is about her mental health, for 100k words… why would you *want* to take on that responsibility? Why would you want to take on all that extra research, all the stress of making sure you get it right, all the costs of hiring sensitivity readers and the risk of your character falling apart with readers who do fit these traits?

Characters with mental health problems are very, very tricky to get right for one massive reason: Accurately depicting many disorders and anxieties means your character can come across as extremely unlikeable, uncompelling, confusing, and frustrating. These characters won’t make logical choices or arguments, they’re likely to self-sabotage, contradict themselves, argue in circles, and die on molehills they think are mountains. This is just what anxiety does to people in the real world. We are not always compelling protagonists, and we don’t always get happy endings.

Writing illogical characters takes a lot of practice if you yourself are not an illogical thinker and if you’re writing half a book elbow-deep in 3rd person limited, intimately trying to describe how this disorder impacts their daily life, you, my friend, have so much more work cut out for you than you anticipated.

So why?

It got very sticky very quickly when the message I took away from the book was “character A can love away character B’s anxiety” and that just… it’s just not how it works. That is a very dangerous mindset to have, for both parties involved.

Character A does not exist to “fix” Character B, nor should A exist to be B’s therapist.

Making A B’s “medicine” can encourage some dangerous codependency. Especially if they break up, B backslides and spirals, and A takes on guilt for not being there anymore, as if any of this is A’s fault.

It says that ‘curing’ anxiety just takes a little romance. Which. No. B has to love themselves, first, before they’re able to love anyone else or let anyone else love them.

It got stickier when the author accidentally wrote a trauma-induced ace who wanted to start liking sex to please her partner and not for her own peace of mind (with internalized self-hate for her anxieties around sex as if not liking it after a traumatic experience isn't completely justified), as if she wasn’t good enough with the boundaries she had. And the narrative backed it up because she was *cured* after a couple rounds in the sheets—I worked really hard on my Ace character guide to help stop people from doing this.

Had Character A accepted these boundaries B had, and these two come to a creative compromise around intimacy that B does like, it would have been so much healthier. B liked making out, just not being the 'recieving' partner, while A chose to die on a 'if we can't have the sex I want, I can't be in a romance with you' hill and it just broke my heart for B. B wasn't being picky. B was traumatized.

The worst thing you can do to your ace character is a) reinforce the idea that they’ve failed as a human because they don’t like sex and b) reinforce the idea that they “just haven’t found the right person yet” and this narrative hit both in the bullseye.

The author wasn’t trying to write an ace, I can tell, but aceness aside “good sex is the best cure to your sexual trauma” is… also, not great? If you yourself didn’t experience this? The point of all of this was clearly to attempt exposure therapy, it just got so bogged down with other problems that the nuance necessary to stick the landing was completely lost.

If this was fantasy, like Twilight, with Bella’s dangerous codependency on Edward in New Moon, mental health is not the point of that book. The author didn’t set out on a mission to provide respectful representation of depression and healthy relationship goals. It’s toxic as hell, but it also takes a backseat to the actual story and the audience who loves those books couldn’t care less about how toxic it is.

The books aren’t about Bella overcoming her depression. They’re about sparkly vampires and the dangers of… teen pregnancy?

It got even *stickier* when the character revealed she’d apparently been in therapy for a decade and a half, only for her therapist to shrug and go ‘I guess you’re stuck with it’ while her mental health issue became a physical health issue, because she should have had a crippling eating disorder that the narrative didn't at all take seriously.

Why would you want the stress of writing this?

—

I am not at all saying you can’t write anxious characters if you yourself are not anxious. But make that an ingredient of the pie and not the entire pie, yeah?

Ask yourself why you’re doing this. The fundamental argument of that book seemed to be “anxiety can be loved away” and from the very first page, it was doomed. That was the book’s thesis. The entire story hinged on the success of this depiction.

I can’t even be mad, because it wasn’t intended to be harmful, but it inadvertently reaffirmed so many dangerous and incorrect assumptions and stereotypes about mental health. Good intentions historically do not guarantee good results.

If you do not suffer from anxiety, you are still allowed to write a character who experiences it (Or OCD, specific phobias, BPD, what have you). I tip my hat to anyone willing to do all the work to get it right because those are all tall orders, but you aren’t blacklisted from these characters.

But with any minority, anyone who isn’t “cis, straight, white, male, neurotypical, and able-bodied” write a character who is also X, instead of an X stereotype, who happens to be your character.

[saltnpepperbunny]

SPB's Webcomics: Masterpost

"Rabbits are so human. Or perhaps, humans are so rabbit?" -Ronald Lockley, 1966

This masterpost is an assembly of my webcomics, all of which can be read on Tumblr! You will find links to each comic here, as well as links to story navigation and the original comic sites (which are a great place to binge). My comics are all heavily thematic and focus on things like queerness/LGBTQ, neurodivergence, disability, etc. Some are Pokemon comics and some are original stories. Enjoy!

Finding Your Roots is a pokemon nuzlocke comic depicting the story of Cedar, a mudkip from Littleroot who sets out on a journey to save the life of an orphaned egg. The region of Hoenn can be a dangerous place, especially to pokemon like Cedar and her friends. But together, Team Hearth can overcome even the greatest challenges. FYR explores themes of identity, race relations, disability, and queer existence.

Started in July 2018. Updates Tues/Fri.

@findingyourrootscomic First Page Story Navigation Comic Site

Children of the Light is an original comic featuring a dysfunctional family of light spirits. The second-youngest child, Tashi, wants to prove they're capable of being a forest guardian just like the rest of their siblings. To do so, Tashi must pass the Spirit Tree's test and successfully raise their newborn sibling Ru, who hears hallucinatory voices from plantlife, into a proper forest guardian. As fellow defective spirits, can Tashi and Ru overcome the odds? COTL explores themes of neurodivergence, ableism, abuse within families, and queer identity.

Started in October 2022. Updates Mon/Thurs.

@childrenofthelightcomic First Page Story Navigation Comic Site

Percy hasn't been here for a long time. In his place is his big sister Piper, who is determined to make sure no one notices he is gone. Now his life is her responsibility, but the bustling life of a gifted high schooler isn't easy to maintain. Thankfully, Piper has the Warren—the group of animals who live in her head and share her body. Can Piper prove to the world that nothing is wrong? Or will everything change when Percy's best friend Kai discovers the truth? PU explores themes of adolescence, queer identity, neurodivergence, and plurality. This is a collaborative project with co-authors TinySweetBunny and @thetruegge.

Started in January 2024. Updates Wed/Sat.

@pipeupcomic First Page Story Navigation Comic Site

After losing their mate in an accident, one young rabbit must navigate the challenges of the wild, bear the loss of their closest friend, and endure the cruelty of the herd's superstition. What becomes of the rabbits who have faced the unimaginable and endured the greatest suffering? What does it mean to lose your soul? TTWH explores themes of grief, trauma, mental illness, and survival in a cruel, uncaring world.

October 2020 - February 2022

@thethingswehavecomic First Page Story Navigation Comic Site

Little Lapses is a PMD comic about a trio of friends: Holly the yungoos, Cinnabar the scorbunny, and Blue the phanpy. It's the last day of school, and things should be perfect... so why does Blue seem so sad? Holly and Cinnabar team up to cheer up their friend and make today the best day ever! But good intentions pave the road to trouble, and this trio of friends may be in for more than they can handle. LL explores themes of childhood, forgiveness, femalehood, and friendship. This is a collaborative project with co-author @zeropro.

August 2021 - July 2023

@pmdlittlelapses First Page Story Navigation Comic Site

[fantasygerard2000]

"The Seven Teens in Wish don't have much to do in the movie other than being a reference". A criticism that I both agree and disagree with. Like any other Wish criticism, this is one of the few that gets rebuffed if you watch the movie again and payed attention. While i do agree with the issue of a movie having way too many characters, of all the teens, Dahlia, Simon and Gabo are the ones who have the most prominent roles and are tied to movie's themes.

Let's start off with Gabo. While many others dislike him because he's a jerk, there's some merit as to why he's so pessimistic. While I don't like including info from supplementary material like tie-in books, they do have that extra detail that was lacking in the final movie. In A Recipe for Adventure (which will be used a lot in this post), the author speculates that Gabo is a disappointed optimist. Even though we don't have much to work with other from that piece of trivia, when can always think of something to tie him with the film's theme.

Gabo represents the disappointment in a system where few are given benefits over the majority. He always talks about Simon and Sabino's unfulfilling lives because they gave their wishes away and hoping they will be granted, suggesting that he has seen or what it's like to have an unhappy unfulfilling life. He assumes Asha applying for the role of Magnifico's apprentice so that she can have the benefits of having her and her family's wishes; "cheating" her way to get what she wants while the others are left waiting. Him being a "disappointment optimist" suggests that he had high hopes upon moving to Rosas but has seen how long the waited that his hopes are snuffed and has doubts about the system in general.

At the third act of the film, he decides to help Asha and Star free the wishes because Star reignites his hope for a positive future, one where people can live their lives happy and fulfilled.

Dahlia has the most screen time and lines of the teens, so obviously she has more character than the rest of them.

She's noticeably uses a crutch to walk. While Disney could've easily made her story about wanting to walk without her crutch, they chose not to. In Recipe for Adventure, her wish is to become the best baker in the kingdom, to which she has already achieved. She works as a kitchen staff in the castle, home of Rosas' founder and king.

This shows that she doesn't need magic to become the best baker, all she has is the effort to work for her dreams despite having a disability. This ties with the film's moral as well as a positive lesson for people with disabilities to overcome the struggles and achieve their dreams.

Also in the book, she has a grandmother who passed away and was the one who taught her about her passion for baking. Her and Asha meeting as kids and becoming close friends ties back to my previous post about Asha, mainly about her suffering from loss and that she and Dahlia supported each other going through their darkest moment.

Like Dahlia, Simon also has more character than the rest.

Simon was once an active person, loves going outdoors and horseback riding. I suggest the idea that since his wish is to become a knight for the kingdom, he had trained for the position.

After he gave away his wish once he became 18, all that passion was taken away as the once lively and active aspiring knight loses that drive and becomes a husk of what he once was.

There's a saying that Simon's sleepiness resulted from his wish taken away is reminiscent of depression, which I agree. Simon's joy and dream was to become a knight and help defend his people. When that joy was taken away and his dream unfulfilled, he feels he has no purpose.

Him ratting Asha out of his selfish desire to have his wish be finally granted may be stemmed from his desperation to get rid of the emptiness he has felt. Like how people with depression use "means" to feel that joy they craved which resulted in paying the price out of their own health; ie his mind being controlled by Magnifico and their friends and family's concerns; betraying his friends.

After Magnifico's defeat and Simon is out of his spell, he apologizes for betraying Asha, with his reasons that he "wanted to believe in Magnifico." This brings out a dark aspect of Magnifico's wish system, he takes away people's joy, making them feel desperate to beg to him that they'll do anything for him to feel that joy again.

Simon's story may be applicable to people who have achieve their dream job out of their selfish desire to achieve it, like leaving their friends and family behind in order to get it. But once said dreams have strings attached, like working for a corrupted system that only hired you until you're "replaceable", you take it all back and feel disappointed for trusting all your hopes and dreams to an unfair system.

While the rest of the teens don't have the same character put in like Dahlia, Simon and Gabo, I feel like giving them their own arcs would have cluttered an already cluttered movie.

Wish has problems, but those problems aren't fixable by adding in things like an alien love interest and an influencer couple. Wish's issues is that the creators didn't put in the extra push it needed, hence why it feels "not enough".

[reblogging-gremlin]

Okay, gonna rant rq about the weird stuff around chronic illness and chronic pain- primarially on youtube but also in general (this is long)

So, i have chronic pain right? Discovered being randomly in pain wasn't noemal about a year ago thanks to friends, and since then ive been trying to find folks to watch that talks about it.

Well when i search up chronic pain on youtube, theres so many videos thats "how i overcame my chronic pain" or something like that. And it makes me feel so- weird?

I dont know what's the cause of my pain, and i do know people can get chronic pain from injuries or from like pinched nerves, which can be helped or eliminated by surgeries and such, but my mind is like. Given ive had these pains since i was a kid, whats the chances that mine is one that could be solved like that?

Why is chronic illness and chronic pain something we have to overcome?? I dont mean this in a way that having a disability or diagnosis should make you think automatically that youre unable to live a relatively normal life, because depending on what it is with the help of pacing and disability aids you can live rsther normally/do stuff average people do, but? What about people who /cant/ get over their disabilities?

Are they just ignored? Why in the stars must they be ignored?

Idk. Im frustrated lol

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

Omg just watched episode 2 of Distant Lands & I'm screaming.

Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely shipped Bubbleline before, but this episode had me INVESTED!!!!

Ahhr, I don't even know where to start?

The glass kingdom is so beautiful. I don't care how impractical it'd be, I wanna live there.

Marceline's old look was so awesome!!!!!! like, don't get me wrong, she always looks good, but I know WLW were being fed this episode, lol. As for me, I want Bubblegum's wardrobe STAT as not only is it a pastel lover's dream come true, but all the clothes look so soft (which I don't know how they manage to convey in 2D but they did).

Domestic Bubbleline has my entire heart forever, bye!!!!

Am I correct in seeing the friendship between glass boy & See Through princess as a parallel to Finn & Bubblegum's early friendship? Like tall, beautiful royal that's bogged down by her duty vs small, younger(?), disabled (which Finn later ends up becoming), blue boy who starts feeling dismissed/not taken seriously by his older(?) friend & wants to help/be a hero despite not having any powers (ok, so Finn has lightning amuinty, but that didn't come till much later)? Plus, there's the whole fire monster trying to kill him only for it to turn out to not be so bad, like when flame princess was introduced, & turning into (what looks to me like) some kind of a butterfly at the end, which we know was one of the things Finn was reincarnated as in a past life.

Those royal helpers (or whatever they're called) suck ass.

Simon, I love you!!!! Also, Ignore those monsters. Wear that moomoo & crown if it helps you cope.

They bubble wrapped him!!!! I'm crying, that's the sweetest, funniest & most practical way to go about it though like dude, you're litrually made of glass & already have a cracked face. You need to be way more careful about your obvious fragility.

I'm sorry, Bonnie, but the song does slap.

This is the major Bubblegum betrayal that I've been hearing about? Omg you have to be kidding. Like, I'm not saying you HAVE to love her as a character, but you really had me scared she was gonna do something absolutely twisted & it turned out to be.....this? Like, don't get me wrong, her reasoning wasn't the best & it was definitely bad of her to keep it from Marcleline, but do we really want characters without flaws & why are some fans seemingly convinced that Bubblegum is the sole AT character (especially out of her & Marcleline) that has any? Like the episode litrually gives us serval scenes from both of their POV's to show us that they each have good & bad qualities, streaths & weaknesses, baggage/insecurities & don't always handle everything the best way (especially in the past) but that they clearly love each other & are now in a much better place. Where they are willing to learn & grow & be vunrable by actually talking things out & apologising if they do something that hurts the other. Also wasn't, overcoming past hurts that are impacting your current, hard earned happiness by realising that you can't always be right/win all the time & that it's not always worth it if it means loosing what really matters to you, a huge part of the theme of the episode?

Mama Marcleline, we finally get more of your backstory & god dose it hurt. RIP queen, you did the best you could (am still scared to find out how you ended up pregnant though coz like, Hunson's a freak LMFAO!). Also, baby Marcy, I wanna hug you so bad 💔😭.

Ok, that song is so fucking cute that it makes me wanna bite my own cheeks off & eat them, and no, I don't care that that doesn't make sense.

That's how she got the band shirt? Omg, shoot me dead!

Oh, Simon, you know those banana guards can't do shit lol.

Omg Finn!!!!! Ok, so I kind of already saw that visual (being online, you can only avoid spoilers for so long), but still. My man, looking good. No prostetic? That's probably nice for amputees to see. The Jake Tattoo makes me both happy & sad because, on the one hand, it shows how much they love each other, but on the other, he probably got it because Jake is dead in this time period (I'm assuming).

Omg, grown-up Bronwyn is so cute 🥰!!!!!!!!

All the other cracks being revealed in others was a lovely touch. Thinking about the cracks as flaws or imperfections (or truma like the "damage" people accuire through being alive) & how society demonises that to the point where people feel like they have to hide them & then lash out at others who can't or refuse to hide theirs. Also, love the princess getting pants, lol. The angry monster secretly having a cracked face the whole time got me ok . Like, no wonder it hated the palace for how they acted towards glass boy. When it first saw him, it was probably so happy to know that someone like it existed & then was so hurt that Glass Boy was trying to change himself to be like everyone else.

Yes, Glass boy, kill those assholes!!!!! I hate hypocrites. It's sadly realistic, though. Sometimes, it really is the people with the most flaws who wanna condemn people the most.

[als145]

Alrightyyy everyone! Today is the second SCI post of this month

-to give everyone fair warning on the decrepit jokes I'm about to drop, I wanted to say this is funny to me, and in fact, I like writing horrendous thoughts on my body/my view. I'm not expecting you to laugh and cackle at the jokes I may or may not crack during this post but I do expect you to read this as most of it is educational. Alright now on to the post.

It's September 7th, meaning it is my second post of this month. Many people are probably thinking of God. This will be another lengthy post, and yes, they are absolutely right, but the main reason why I want to spread awareness of this is because it is a big thing! It is Spinal Cord Injury Awareness Month! This means those of us who are in the SCI community get a whole month to celebrate our worth and look back on all the things we have overcome.

The main thing I want to talk about is our bodies. And many people are wondering why. Everyone's body is different and beautiful, and yes, absolutely everyone is beautiful, but I at least want to remark on what a spinal cord injury could do to our body, specifically mine, as I can handle criticism and like my unseen jokes about my body. (Please don't take this as criticism)

When you look at me you may see the limp shriveled little ball that I am. My arms are twigs, my hands are like the claws of a dinosaur, and my shoulders/my back dare to follow the six feet-distancing rule (Whoa! Was that too much? I'll stop), but you might just see an Atrophied ball of mess. And there's nothing wrong with that, let me explain.

As a tiny child, I always looked different than my regular peers my knees would bend inward because of my cerebral palsy and I would have to use different medical equipment to get around the classroom while my other peers would be able to now I wouldn't bash them but I would look at myself worth and myself differently which was not a good look considering disabled people can live a wonderful happy life. It got so bad at 13 years old that I tried my first out of two suicidal attempts. My second one was at the age of 15. It took such a toll on my mental health on how and what I looked like in other people's eyes but when I got my coma or my injury my body had completely changed my wrist atrophied to a point of no recovery my knees were nowhere near normal and my back had curved so bad because of scoliosis and because of that I needed a spinal fusion at 35 years old to repair the damage and my body strength plummeted to almost nothing. Obviously, this is my new normal now, and it doesn't affect me as much as it did.

But I or we must talk about the vast changes a spinal cord injury can have on your body. I'll share an example: one of my friends who was formally able-bodied was recently injured on October 24th, 2023, and this had a major effect on his body and his mindset. Let me explain. Donny formally was a Wrestler and a bodybuilder. during his 56-day coma, his muscles suffered a lot of atrophy. He had many surgeries to try and repair what he had lost, he has many scars from what the damage had done to him, and he's still trying every day to work hard and regain something! And he is almost 1 year in.

This goes to show that people's body changes with a SCI, although it may seem hard, and it will be hard. But it is important that you love your body and work with what you have. I wanted to talk about this because it was really hard for me to accept my body and what I have been through but I have accepted it and often make humorous jokes about my body since that's my way of coping.

Many people will have a difficult time accepting this new normal, but I promise you it will get better, and you will work yourself into your new *still just as fabulous* body. Go out and stroll through the world. Keep your head up. And most importantly don't give up. Repeat after me, don't give up.

And with that, this concludes the second SCI awareness post of this month. Thanks for reading!

Img desc #1: doc is seen laying on the bed as her precious ribs poke through her severely Atrophied chest her precious dainty arms lay across her chest as she gives a soft smile towards the camera.

Img desc #2: doc is seen in a gymnasium. She is seen smiling while wearing a white hat and a white short-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of white and blue striped shorts.

Img desc #3: doc is seen smiling towards the camera. She is seen in a blue tuxedo. There is a brown wall behind her with many white flowers. Doc is seen beaming with joy on her wedding day!

Img desc #4: doc's body is seen laid out on the bed. Her precious atrophied chest is covered up with a black short-sleeved shirt, her tiny dainty wilted legs are covered up with beige-colored shorts, and her floppy, weak neck muscles and head are supported by the beautiful white puffy pillow.

Img desc #5: doc is seen laying on a bed. Her arms are seen laid out over her chest (she has no shirt on). Her Atrophied legs are covered up with grey jeans that have a black Sharpie mark (they were making DIY shorts for Doc).

Img desc #6: doc's sweet bod is seen lying on a bed her Atrophied chest is covered up by a white short-sleeved shirt with a design that's covered up by Doc's delicate dainty atrophied arms her lifeless as it could get Atrophied twigs (legs) are covered up by delicate brown/grey shorts.

Img desc #7: doc's dainty Atrophied arms are crossed over one another resting upon her lap with a black hair bow around her atrophied wrists (please ignore Doc's horribly sunburnt arms)

Img desc #8: doc is seen smiling as her chair is turned horizontally away from the camera her dainty Atrophied arms rest on a blunt blue pillow she is seen wearing a grey short-sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants and white socks under her atrophied legs and feet rest on top of a black pillow with white designs behind doc's floppy weak neck is a large brown pillow. On her face is her black glasses.

[smalife1234]

Alrightyyy everyone! Today is the second SCI post of this month

-to give everyone fair warning on the decrepit jokes I'm about to drop, I wanted to say this is funny to me, and in fact, I like writing horrendous thoughts on my body/my view. I'm not expecting you to laugh and cackle at the jokes I may or may not crack during this post but I do expect you to read this as most of it is educational. Alright now on to the post.

It's September 7th, meaning it is my second post of this month. Many people are probably thinking of God. This will be another lengthy post, and yes, they are absolutely right, but the main reason why I want to spread awareness of this is because it is a big thing! It is Spinal Cord Injury Awareness Month! This means those of us who are in the SCI community get a whole month to celebrate our worth and look back on all the things we have overcome.

The main thing I want to talk about is our bodies. And many people are wondering why. Everyone's body is different and beautiful, and yes, absolutely everyone is beautiful, but I at least want to remark on what a spinal cord injury could do to our body, specifically mine, as I can handle criticism and like my unseen jokes about my body. (Please don't take this as criticism)

When you look at me you may see the limp shriveled little ball that I am. My arms are twigs, my hands are like the claws of a dinosaur, and my shoulders/my back dare to follow the six feet-distancing rule (Whoa! Was that too much? I'll stop), but you might just see an Atrophied ball of mess. And there's nothing wrong with that, let me explain.

As a tiny child, I always looked different than my regular peers my knees would bend inward because of my cerebral palsy and I would have to use different medical equipment to get around the classroom while my other peers would be able to now I wouldn't bash them but I would look at myself worth and myself differently which was not a good look considering disabled people can live a wonderful happy life. It got so bad at 13 years old that I tried my first out of two suicidal attempts. My second one was at the age of 15. It took such a toll on my mental health on how and what I looked like in other people's eyes but when I got my coma or my injury my body had completely changed my wrist atrophied to a point of no recovery my knees were nowhere near normal and my back had curved so bad because of scoliosis and because of that I needed a spinal fusion at 35 years old to repair the damage and my body strength plummeted to almost nothing. Obviously, this is my new normal now, and it doesn't affect me as much as it did.

But I or we must talk about the vast changes a spinal cord injury can have on your body. I'll share an example: one of my friends who was formally able-bodied was recently injured on October 24th, 2023, and this had a major effect on his body and his mindset. Let me explain. Donny formally was a Wrestler and a bodybuilder. during his 56-day coma, his muscles suffered a lot of atrophy. He had many surgeries to try and repair what he had lost, he has many scars from what the damage had done to him, and he's still trying every day to work hard and regain something! And he is almost 1 year in.

This goes to show that people's body changes with a SCI, although it may seem hard, and it will be hard. But it is important that you love your body and work with what you have. I wanted to talk about this because it was really hard for me to accept my body and what I have been through but I have accepted it and often make humorous jokes about my body since that's my way of coping.

Many people will have a difficult time accepting this new normal, but I promise you it will get better, and you will work yourself into your new *still just as fabulous* body. Go out and stroll through the world. Keep your head up. And most importantly don't give up. Repeat after me, don't give up.

And with that, this concludes the second SCI awareness post of this month. Thanks for reading!

Img desc #1: doc is seen laying on the bed as her precious ribs poke through her severely Atrophied chest her precious dainty arms lay across her chest as she gives a soft smile towards the camera.

Img desc #2: doc is seen in a gymnasium. She is seen smiling while wearing a white hat and a white short-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of white and blue striped shorts.

Img desc #3: doc is seen smiling towards the camera. She is seen in a blue tuxedo. There is a brown wall behind her with many white flowers. Doc is seen beaming with joy on her wedding day!

Img desc #4: doc's body is seen laid out on the bed. Her precious atrophied chest is covered up with a black short-sleeved shirt, her tiny dainty wilted legs are covered up with beige-colored shorts, and her floppy, weak neck muscles and head are supported by the beautiful white puffy pillow.

Img desc #5: doc is seen laying on a bed. Her arms are seen laid out over her chest (she has no shirt on). Her Atrophied legs are covered up with grey jeans that have a black Sharpie mark (they were making DIY shorts for Doc).

Img desc #6: doc's sweet bod is seen lying on a bed her Atrophied chest is covered up by a white short-sleeved shirt with a design that's covered up by Doc's delicate dainty atrophied arms her lifeless as it could get Atrophied twigs (legs) are covered up by delicate brown/grey shorts.

Img desc #7: doc's dainty Atrophied arms are crossed over one another resting upon her lap with a black hair bow around her atrophied wrists (please ignore Doc's horribly sunburnt arms)

Img desc #8: doc is seen smiling as her chair is turned horizontally away from the camera her dainty Atrophied arms rest on a blunt blue pillow she is seen wearing a grey short-sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants and white socks under her atrophied legs and feet rest on top of a black pillow with white designs behind doc's floppy weak neck is a large brown pillow. On her face is her black glasses.

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

Thoughts on Kaito and Internalized Ableism (long post warning)

33:14 Chapter 2 Investigation (Spoilers for the entire game throughout this post)

Note: Normally I reference scenes from the English dub, but I happened to click on this one with the voices in Japanese, and I'm too lazy rn to go searching for the English dub. I think the English subs are the same, but just wanted to reference in case there are discrepancies.

^^^ Here is one of Kaito's opinions that can be good in the right context, and I think it was used right in this one, but also gives vibes of stemming from his internalized ableism (is it still called internalized ableism if you're also applying it to other people??). Maybe it's the "if you've got time to __ you've got time to __" that sounds like something a mean teacher would say.

Another small sidenote: I've also seen someone headcanon Gonta as autistic, which I agree with. I wont be talking about it this post other than this sidenote, but I can relate to that feeling of "I cant help, I'm too dumb, so I should just stay out of the way." But everyone should be doing the investigation, since their lives are on the line, so Kaito was right in this example telling him that he should at least read the Monokuma file. That's all I have to say about Gonta in this post btw.

(Trigger warning: Talk of life-threatening illness, internalized ableism, Ryoma's suicidal depression).

My headcanon for Kaito is that he has always been sick with a life threatening illness, but pushes himself past his limits out of misguided ideas (disability inspiration porn) of "overcoming" his illness to be the "Luminary of the Stars." I also talked about that in this post.

Of course, being disabled myself, it's possible I just always associate advice like this with "well, how do you want disabled people to apply this advice, how much are you willing to accommodate them or be patient with them versus just pushing them to their limits?" And considering that Kaito was hiding an illness in canon makes me wonder how much that relates to his ideologies and how he sees himself.

He can be very harsh sometimes, especially with guys (that gender role crap about men being strong). His illness doesn't excuse this, but it can explain how and why he's so forward about telling others to suck it up and get themselves together. The problems/naiveté with that way of thinking shows up when he talks about Ryoma being suicidal (14:57 in the video).

One of Kaito's worst lines, if not his worst line period. It's good writing and very in-character, but it's very hard to stomach. It's the words of a naïve kid who really really doesn't understand someone being suicidal and how it affects them. He lives by an attitude of overcoming anything and believing in everyone (he's also a friendly, outgoing person, noting that "living for your friends" thing), it's hard for him to fathom Ryoma's feelings as something he couldn't have just, powered through, overcame, believed in himself more? Ryoma's depression was, like, a discouragement, so why couldn't Ryoma have just... encouraged himself out of it? That's what Kaito (who doesn't have Ryoma's depression) would have done!

His frame of reference, like his internalized ableist inspiration porn, is limited. Which makes sense, given that he's a kid. But this is the problem with inspirational talk, it hits a wall when the person trying to inspire you lacks a fundamental understanding of your situation and fails to make a connection.

He was able to get through to Maki and Shuichi as he made friends with them; he at least understood what they wanted and what could motivate them. But Maki and Shuichi (at the time at least) weren't suicidal the way Ryoma was, so they were still receptive to Kaito and to believing in themselves.

Ryoma was not a lost cause, and Kaito is not a failure for his inability to help an adult willpower his way out of being suicidal, but it's sobering to see the realistic limitations of Kaito's limited-perspective optimism.

I hate to end this post on such a low note, so here's a different moment (32 minutes in).

Tsumugi, like every good writer, knows that it's never too late in the process to add more convoluted backstory.

[medical-angel]

I've been thinking about the western vs Japanese cultural context surrounding yamikawaii/menhera and listen, I know I'm new, I know I'm a baby kawaii or whatever the fuck and I'm probably not saying anything that hasn't already been said a million times by every western yami kawaii blog ever.

Yamikawaii in Japan originated as a radical rejection of the stigma around mental illness. It also became a way to cope, take joy, wear your heart on your sleeve, maybe even be 'proud'in some way--more in the disability pride kinda pride as opposed to the lgbt pride kinda pride.

And whilst talking about mental health isn't as taboo in America, there is still VERY MUCH a taboo around mental ILLNESS. I have psychosis, autism, complex ptsd, I'm a DID system. (I'm forgetting something.) I KNOW firsthand and several times over what it is like for people to try to use tools like therapy and mental health care to brute force a neurotypicality out of me that I just can't do.

In America, it's more like people are pro mental HEALTH, not pro mental ILLNESS. If you're not mentally healthy, you're expected to work work work until you're an acceptable level of "just a lil sad sometimes" or "disabled, but adorable and sweet" instead of like. People meeting you where you are when you can't get better.

This is WHY everyone on this goddamn site says "stop making suicide jokes." (By extention, yamikawaii was heavily criticized for flippant imagery. That's also why I avoided it for a long time; it just felt like, in a WESTERN context, it was feeding into something bad.) Stop doing ANYTHING that will feed into your self harm. But like. In extreme, possibly rare, situations, that's not enough. (Not even going into the "address the societal systems that MAKE us all so miserable" angle because you're right, you're right, but I'm talking abt self care only rn.) Making me STOP making suicide jokes, making me stop self harming, making me sanitize how I speak about myself and my life just so I don't say or do anything "unacceptable" is NOT helping me overcome my mental issues. It's just making me feel repressed and more pent up so when I finally DO snap and release, it's worse than ever.

I promised myself that if I was ever assaulted again, I would fucking kill myself. So I'm finding a way to do that but also not to die through this aesthetic. By disguising self care as suicidality and self harm and whatever I need it to be, I find that it's much easier to keep on living. I'm tricking my brain in a way.

I feel like using yamikawaii to treat suicidal thoughts is kind of like using electroconvulsive therapy for severe depression. It should NOT be your first go to, it's even ill advised in most cases for obvious reasons. But if the case is so severe that it is all that can be done to treat the issue, then by all means.

[813278509971435]

Random rant 01

Thing I have written it's not very good but it's a start

I would like to get one thing out of the way before we begin. I never chose to to be transgender. This may be a tough pill to swallow for those of you fire and brimstone types but it is the truth.

Every single night I have a routine, it’s a routine of bad and self destructive habits but it’s a routine all the same. Every night I lie on my side and think. The thoughts come thick and fast, bearing on me like a tsunami on a small coastal village. I lie and I think and I feel pain mostly, regret, self-loathing. Some of the thoughts are questions, others commands. Sometimes I recall the day my parents found out about my affliction. My mother had lamented that she would rather I was a drug dealer, as there was more honour amongst them. Every night is the same. Sometimes the pain is so acute that I wonder if it is worth it to just end it all. Sometimes when my medicine is beginning to wear off my thoughts enthusiastically espouse the benefits, fixating on reincarnation. “Something must have gone wrong when you were being created” they reason, “and the only way to right the wrong is to give the universe a second chance.”.

Once, after my parents had found a stash of hormones, my father took to gravely warning about the moral consequences of my actions. He lectured me for half an hour on how the vision of god must not be meddled with before I walked out on him. I took with me that day ten Zlopiclone tablets I had been prescribed for a bout of insomnia months earlier with the intention of taking all ten to end my life. I took a long walk through Watermead Country Park, the way lit only by small solar powered lights. In some places there were no lights at all and I was able to sort of guesstimate where the path might lead. As I climbed a hill and lay on the surprisingly uncomfortable grass, I reminisced on life and how cruel it was. I took only one tablet that night thinking that the risk of becoming severely disabled was too high and the risk of death not high enough. I often think back to that night and wonder whether I would’ve died a dignified death on that hill or whether I would’ve merely writhed in pain till I vomited and passed out.

Is there such a lonely, humiliating and downright debasing experience as that of a transgender woman? Probably. Being locked up in Evin Prison in Tehran doesn’t seem very nice. But neither is your existence constantly debated among panels of so called “experts” without so much of a whiff of transgender representation to speak of. Neither is the constant dizzying array of transgender bills, statutes, laws and god knows what else designed to demoralise and kill the spirit of any transgender person who even tries to live a normal life authentic to themselves. I mean it’s downright preposterous. Imagine if your basic rights were at risk because some far right demagogue wanted higher polling numbers. Without your consent you’ve suddenly been uprooted from your very normal life and made into a controversial battle ground issue for the soulless grifters on both the right and the left to argue over.

I fell off. I fell off. I fell off. There is no pain in this world like realising you’ve regressed. That all that progress you made is in the past now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Poof. Sometimes it feels like all the effort I’ve put into preparing for the next steps is useless as the next steps never seem to materialise. I always tell myself this is the year I go to university but something always comes up. I’ve never really doubted myself before, and I don’t intend to start now. But currently university is three years away where it was only two years away in 2020. How I’ve managed this is beyond me. I just tell myself it’s the illness to cope but I can’t do that any more. If I was truly brilliant then I would overcome. If I truly am above average then why does even the most basic maths make my head spin???? Why does the subtle subtext of media elude me. I have a brutish manner of looking at the world in black and white and it must cease to be the case if I am to prove to the world the exceptional intellect with which I know I am born.

In conclusion there is no conclusion as my life hasn’t ended yet. I’m sorry if this sounds amateurish or if the tone changed partway through or if there are any spelling or grammer mistakes, there isn’t really a formal copy review process here, it’s just me and my laptop. Have a good day, next moan will be about the British government or something.

[chili-mango]

Feeling much better after going on vacation for a few days with my family. I hope you had a decent 4th.

I'm recovering from the low I'd been in post bad date, and I'm not craving you or feeling depressed & grief-stricken as much anymore. If anything, I've regained a little bit of my indignance, remembering exactly how badly you let me down when I needed a partner who could help take care of me. How alone & abandoned I felt, trying to make sure our lives both ran smoothly.

I say that, but it doesn't feel like there's much heat behind it anymore. I WANT to be mad at you, because being mad is easier than what I really am, which is heartbroken. And a little scared.

If you can't be the partner I need, that means I have to go through the fucking slog of LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Someone who I don't already know, like, and find both attractive & comfortable to be around. I'm going to have to put the work into finding & training up another partner, and that entire process is exhausting to think about.

I CHOSE you. I LIKED you. We had history, we had common ground. We'd already put in a decade of the hard work of getting to know each other & figuring out how to (mostly) fit our pieces together. You were 99% of the way to being everything I could ever want. Love & friendship & comfort & shared in-jokes & well-worn routines. I love you.

Maybe one day that will be past tense, but it's not, yet. But being your life-partner ended up just being about YOUR depression & YOUR disability & YOUR discomfort and confusion when it came to having to interact with society. Whether that be other people, or employers, or bureauocracy, or what. And it's not like those things aren't challenges, or aren't BIG challenges. I'm not claiming it "shouldn't be that hard" or you "should stop struggling," or any of the other things you'd hear when I tried to point out how badly I was feeling deprioritized. I am merely trying to point out that I DID feel deprioritized, because it felt like the priority was always "How do we (read: I) get through the next month of bills? What do they have on their to-do list at the moment? What tasks are urgent? Which can be put off? Hoe many spoons do they have today? Are they in a good enough mood that we can try and get some work done?"

I recognized things were hard for you, and I tried to study WHY things were hard for you, anticipate potential triggers, & then address or remove those triggers before you had to face them. I understand now that that was, unintentially, robbing you of the opportunity for you to gain a sense of self-competency in overcoming obstacles. But considering how many times you told me that I was minimizing how hard this all was for you, or that forcing you to "just do it" would only cause a meltdown, I hope it's at least understandable why I started feeling like I had the most success in helping you accomplish the things you expressed a desire or need to accomplish if I helped make challenges a little easier for you. It seemed like you were more willing to attempt things & had more success attempting things if I lowered the difficulty first.

Apparently all exhausting myself trying to manage two lives did was hurt you more & teach you learned helplessness. Fuck me I guess. Try to help, end up hurting.

I forget where I was going with this. "Our relationship was mostly about prioritizing the things you needed or wanted to do," I guess.

I'm tired now & I've just made myself heartbroken again. I'm going to bed.

[thewhalehastalestoo]

Omg posting this now because it's relevant lmao My TT feed has been full of IWTV and I was recently accused of only writing angst essentially but 👀👀👀 I mean I won't get into my opinions on how I think the accuser views me as a person but this little post neatly summarises my feelings on ficiton and why I write the kind of stories I do. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

---

No because I've been thinking abt A LOT lately and maybe it's just because I'm in my super horny era but like... something abt dark fantasy romance tht is actually dark and not just immature ppl who think being violent makes you cool

Idk man

A lot of my stories are actually quite dark but I didn't think I personally like dark fiction until I realized the media I am OBSESSED with and haunts my dreams are actually quite dismal lmao

A lot of "Now live with what you've done." ass vibes.

I think because I also love Romance and Happy Endings I didn't really pick up on the edge but...I'ma be honest...I LIKE despair! I like when the hero is forced to make "unthinkable" choices. I like toxicity. Lmao

However it's abt OVERCOMING the trials of life. I just enjoy seeing those trials be so seemingly insurmountable, we gotta lose our minds a lil bit before it gets better. But it will get better.

Not enough ppl understand the importance of THAT part. Because life is an insurmountable challenge. How it becomes "good" or "better" is by having faith we will make it through.

Like, I'm a Black, queer, neurodivergent, disabled femme...life is kicking my ass. Life IS horror to me. I won't even get into what life is like as a spiritual person. Like, I face horrors every day few other can conceptualize. I have no moment awake or sleep where I'm not faced by life's terrors.

I need media that acknowledges the inherent existential terror filled burden of living, and the truth that being loved is what gets us through it all. All the many forms this love comes in.

It's why you'll always have a strong divine presence in my stories. From that which can't be seen to the very dirt under your boot, there is a relationship characters have with the world around them. The whole world is an influence. This means the stakes also are always high.

To count on others is to always risk being let down. That's the best case scenario. Worst case you'll never survive what's been done to you.

To live is to be in terror of living.

I suppose something else to add to the conversation around Vampire fiction and Power. To live is to always be in conflict. In death is the only time you'll have full power over anything. You're dead. There are finally no choices to make. It's over. That's where all the freedom is.