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who's tryna get a mouthful 🙏

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my entire body hurts i'm sobbing so bad over this holy shit

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complimented a cashier on her turtle pin this morning and she said "oh thanks, I am a little bit of a Turtle Person" with the carefully contained energy of Cookie Monster telling you he's mildly fond of chocolate chips

I hope she and the multiple tons of turtle merch she definitely has at home are having a wonderful day

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sorry if you read my fics and you see the same very specific phrases over and over again

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This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

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"I ❤ NY" style shirts that say "I

❤ Sexually Tormenting My Friends"

might need some workshopping on the spacing idk

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MASOCHIST MUTUAL: ouhhh I need to receive a botched execution where they try for a gutshot but they miss and hit my steel dog tags instead and it shatters my solar plexus shredding my lungs with bone fragments and they kick me into a ditch where I slowly asphyxiate to death choking on my own blood and bone,,,

SADIST MUTUAL: [picture of newspaper cat] I should fuck a girl who is scared of me

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this collar isnt a sex thing it's so the scientists who are studying me know where i am

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People talk about "The Shape of Water" like it's just the fish fucking movie as if it wasn't about a mute woman feeling truly understood for the first time in her entire life and then yeah fucking a fish

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Random linguistic worldbuilding: A language with six sets of pronouns, which are set by one's current state of existence. There's a separate pronoun for people who are alive, people who are dead, and potential future people who are yet to be born, and the ambiguous ones of "may or may not be alive or aleady dead", "may or may not have even been born yet", and the ultimate general/ambiguous all-covering one that covers all ambiguous states.

The culture has a specific defined term for that tragic span of time when a widow keeps accidentally referring to their spouse with living pronouns. New parents-to-be dropping the happy surprise news of a pregnancy by referring to their future child with the "is yet to be born" pronoun instead of a more ambiguous one and waiting for the "wait what did you just say?" reactions.

Someone jokingly referring to themselves with the dead person pronouns just to highlight how horrible their current hangover is. A notorious aspiring ladies' man who keeps trying to pursue women in their 20s despite of approaching middle age fails to notice the insult when someone asks him when he's planning to get married, and uses the pronoun that implies that his ideal future bride may not even be born yet.

A mother whose young adult child just moved away from home for the first time, who continues to dramatically refer to their child with "may or may not be already dead" until the aforementioned child replies to her on facebook like "ma stop telling people I'm dead" and having her respond with "well how could I possibly know that when you don't even write to us? >:,C"

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Tumblr right now, watching all the censorship bills fail to mention it: nobody fucking move