#tw vent post

[imsosocold]

[pricklymuffinzzzzz]

Jokes I don’t think are funny,

Jokes about when mixed ppl don’t look mixed

Jokes about how “borderline” or manic someone is acting

Jokes about “the voices”

When someone jokes about how they haven’t eaten all day, like okay??

When someone jokes about another persons mental illness when they haven’t gotten permission.

When someone jokes about wanting to go to a mental hospital, saying “I need the vacation” “silly people vacation” etc, treating it like it’s not severely traumatic. Stop joking about that shit.

Oh and stop fucking joking about having ptsd, it’s not fucking funny, shut the fuck up

I can’t stop anyone from making these jokes but can y’all shut the fuck up sometimes? Like unless you’ve experienced it, when you have the trauma it’s funny. But when you just say that shit for fun it’s so fucking annoying.

[zennotixs]

Please don’t be mad at me. Reply to me. I’m begging you I can’t handle your silence.

[idiot-mushroom]

keep hearing ppl on here saying shit (or talking abt what ppl said/say) like ‘csa is such a uncomfy topic!!’ or ‘ i don’t really feel comfortable with that stuff…’ or ‘kids shouldn’t know this adult stuff!’

guys, i’m a minor, a chunk of my ttnm iteration is literally about my experiences with sexual harassment, be it I don’t rlly show it via art, i do talk abt it, dude i made a whole fic abt it!! I even made a sequel to the fic!!

and yeah if it does make u uncomfy, i always tag trigger warnings, so you can block those tags or just ignore the post, but don’t say i have to stop talking abt something that is so common and ignored and misinterpreted in the present day. sure my experiences can’t sum up everyone’s experiences but that’s the thing! they’re my experiences!

thank fuck that ppl don’t say shit like ‘you should take this down’ on my vent posts abt this shit bc i would honestly block them and then have to think abt how fucked up it is that as soon as I actually try to really dive deep in myself and be vulnerable and show the world my experience and emotions and thought and my memories and raw feelings i would get shut down because it made them ‘uncomfy’.

[the-crystal-femmes]

This is probably going to be a long post and delves into mental health issues. Trigger and content tags will be applied but I'm putting this under a "read more". Please bear with me.

I think I'm tired of believing that I'm constantly intimidating my mutuals, or being a nuisance. I constantly tend to believe that the reason I don't usually get mentioned in posts is, for some God forsaken reason, I come off as a bitch when I ask not to be tagged in certain things. It makes me sad, I'd like to be tagged in silly little posts as long as they don't fo against my boundaries.

Ever since the.. Incident on my sideblog, I've always felt nervous or on edge here. I fear something's going to happen again, my paranoia constantly gnawing at me. I've considered taking a break from Tumblr, but truthfully, it's my only form of socialization. I cannot go outside and talk to others, I live in a rural area, and I feel much less safe on apps like TikTok, Instagram, and Discord. Tumblr is my go-to with talking to others, but as of late I've felt so unsafe and unwanted that it's actually effecting my mental health.

I just want to be able to interact with my mutuals and make little posts. I don't want to constantly believe that I'm doing the wrong thing, wondering why anyone is still following this blog, or having constant fits of crying because I feel like I've fucked everything up.

I'll admit this now. I love attention, I constantly crave attention, and a lot of my posts are me begging for attention, whether subtly or very, very bluntly. It's why I ask for asks in my inbox a lot, it's why I constantly try to interact with others. This isn't a trait of mine that I like, at all. I always feel lonely, I've never had an explanation for my thought processes or why I do any of this. I'm surprised that anyone actually puts up with my shit because truthfully, I've lost multiple friends due to my behaviors. And I want to work on them, but when I'm so emotionally distressed, especially with everything going on in my life right now that I just don't talk about here, the problems are starting to pile up and I'm doing everything as an escape, like my brain is desperately pulling at strings.

I just want this to cease. Not in a.. Depressive way but, I just want to be normal, not a whiny, sniveling brat who constantly begs for attention and gets mad when I don't get it.

I'm just sorry. To anyone reading this, I am very, fucking sorry you have to put up with my shit.

[feral-cockroach]

god i fucking hate cfs i hate it i hate it i hate it im so tired and there is so much to do and i cant do it and i hate it

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

Something nobody tells you about OCD is how angry it makes you some times. I experience these random moments of intense anger, that are completely unrelated to what's happening around me. It's just that i feel like if i can't control my own thoughts, i can't control anything at all in my life, and i'm powerless.

Anyone relates?

[everlastinghistory]

I’m honestly terrified that the life I want may genuinely be impossible.

Ever since I was a kid I’ve dreamed about living in a small town or on a farm, marrying the love of my life, being a housewife, having a chicken coup, raising kids who would genuinely have a happy childhood unlike what my parents did…

But it feels impossible, and maybe it is.

Small towns don’t really exist anymore and the few that do have major cities approaching them. Cities are getting built closer and closer to these small towns. They won’t last much longer. There’s places making laws that make it virtually impossible to have a homestead too. Nobody’s dating for love anymore. Nobody believes in marriage anymore. Nobody thinks being a housewife is an acceptable dream anymore. Nobody thinks having kids is a good idea anymore. It’s all impossible at this point.

I’m never really gonna find someone who wants all the same things I do and I hate that. I hate that this world is so messed up that you can’t even have a basic simple life. Maybe not having kids is for the best at the rate this world is going. If people really believe the direction we’re going in is good, do I even want to have kids who will be subjected to that?

I just want the life I was promised. The peace and happiness. But this world is literally designed to make it impossible and I am terrified it may never happen.

[popcorn-plots]

just a tiny bit salty about the fact that my mom is dead set on me overcoming my anxiety.

I mean it's good to overcome, but I have good days and bad days. And when there's a time when I am literally paralyzed by anxiety.. when I physically can't move because I am so terrified, it's so incredibly hard to move forward and to think about it ever getting better. when I'm having a panic attack and I'm told to "overcome it". when every 'that was really scary' or 'i had a hard time doing this' or 'I have anxiety and that's making this task really difficult for me, can you help me' or literally anything along the lines of 'my anxiety was acting up and that made it really difficult for me to do this task'

I'm met with some variation of 'you'll overcome it though, right?'

yes. yes, I will, mother. I'm even in therapy for it. I also need some validation. maybe an 'I know that was scary, but I'm proud of you for doing it anyways' once in a while.

I'm trying my hardest to not be so fucking scared all the time, but that's really really difficult. Part of me wants to see if meds will help, but I'm afraid that if I bring it up to my mom, she'll say that I'm letting anxiety rule my life.

yeah, it's going to rule my life when my mom dismisses me the moment I try and get help... to keep my anxiety from running my life.

I tell her that Inside Out 2 was such an accurate portrayal of anxiety and panic attacks that I literally started crying in the theatre because I felt so heard and validated by this movie telling me that it's rough, and it sucks, but it's going to be okay. And I told my mom this and explained that what we saw was exactly what it was like to have a panic attack and to live with anxiety.

"You can overcome it though! You don't have to live with it!"

I know. I'm trying. But I'm tired.

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

That feeling when you’re scared to go home from school but you don’t want that be in school and you can’t wait for the school day to end but you never want it to<<<<<

[pricklymuffinzzzzz]

Tw bpd jealousy vent

Bpd jealousy needs to be talked about more. I have a pretty severe case of it. I get jealous any time my fp gets joy from anything especially anyone who isn’t me.

I know this is “toxic” but it really is something I’m trying to work on. I guess when they get joy from other things, it kinda makes me feel replaceable?

Like the joy I bring them can just be switched out with those other things. If I was out of their life it wouldn’t impact them and they would still be able to be happy.

But if they were out of my life I wouldn’t be able to feel any sort of joy. I feel like I’m always going to be jealous unless my fp hates everyone except me. Or talks to only me.

I really wouldn’t like this though. I want my fp to have a healthy social life. It’s just something I have to learn to deal with. At the same time my whole life revolves around my fp.

I don’t talk to anyone but them, and I really don’t like talking to anyone but them. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied until I know they love me the way I love them. I just wish I felt content. I hate being jealous so much.

I really am trying to work on it though. I’ve been working on it for a long time, I just don’t think it’s getting easier though :(

I really just want my fp to be happy

Does anyone have any tips to help jealousy pain?

[zennotixs]

They hate me… I fucked up and I don’t even know what I did!! I hate everyone who gets to talk to her. Its not fair!! I should be the only person on her mind. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

just one fist fight, Lord. just one. an opportunity to soothe the itch in my teeth, snuff the lava in my belly.

let me split my knuckles on teeth. let the grooves of a jugular leave a phantom imprint.

please God, forgive me, for the violence I crave.

simultaneously?

allot me.

[zluty-spendlik]

I am currently healing from a shoulder surgery. Which kinda sucks ass even from a cis point of view, but it also surprisingly gives me a lot of dysphoria - and im not happy about it. So have a list of things that SUCK

an obvious one but i cant wash myself - i require assistance. and BOY OH BOY is that bad for my mental health. trying hard not to throw up everytime i gotta take a shower. 0/10 has me avoiding hygiene and now i have a rash and acne

passing doesnt happen anymore- why? cause i cant even wear a bra so any kind of binding is impossible (not to mention the fact that im not allowed to get a binder bcs of my arm) plus my gigantic boobs are now super visible because of the orthesis i gotta wear

i go from doctor to doctor and hearing my deadname called out multiple times in front of a lot of ppl is uncomfortable

my orthesis is bright purple/pink. not to link a color to a gender but its really not helping

family members get sappier when talking to me so being reffered to as "their poor little girl" is f u n

thanks for listening to my bitching about life i do appreciate it. and im sorry to the disabled trans folk who deal with this on the regular, its honestly really devastating

[feral-cockroach]

the urge to self sabotage goes hard