#tw vent blog

[puppy-b0y-prince]

Being hypersexual means I'm paranoid some person is probably jacking off to another version of me. My abused younger body lives on forever in those pictures he took.

I'm constantly harassed by vivid intrusive thoughts of my male friends, hurting me. Being used, and abused once they realize how easy it is to take advantage of me. Nothing sweet or romantic, just an object, so small and helpless but a pretty object, at least.

I have learned to put my body on display, like a doll, like a wind-up toy. And now I'm attempting to regain control and restore my autonomy through self-sabotage and self-harm.

The reality is that I want to be hurt, or even killed. I want to feel something, but also to feel numb. Wanting to feel in control, but also to be dominated. And I think I want to have a “connection” to another human, while at the same time to deny that I was even human.

 I want to be hurt, I want to be killed, I just want someone else to do it. I have been taking risks and putting myself in dangerous situations for years, and have been hurting myself in the more commonly known ways for even longer. Nothing ever seems to work for long, and I feel so alone. I feel so disqusting. No matter how many baths I take im tainted.

I want to die, but I don't want to die alone.

[bluebutterfliez]

can someone just give me a virtual hug please? i’m battling like 3 wars of mental illnesses at once and i’m just so burned out. i feel like nobody is there for me.

[all-ive-ever-known-were-holes]

If someone talks to you abt cocsa and you go on abt normal child experimentation at a gottem. Just genuinely shut the fuck up

[sooooorealllll]

I love all my friends but I want them to go so I can be alone and sad all by myself

I feel stupid i should move on with the sa shit

He did that freshman year and looked at me recently

Why am I sad over a man

[4ng3l0fgl4ss4ndb0n3s]

"hot girls eat" I'M NOT A GIRL

[1-4m-th3-pl4gu3]

intro<3

My name's astrid.i vent on this blog please view with caution.i tag all posts. posts may contain topics of self harm overthinking rsd and suicide . I have anxiety and rsd .

tags ->

Screams-> vent tag

☆-> in a episode/panic attack tag

all posts will be tagged appropriately.

Send asks and dms<3

[d0nt-perceive-me]

[thesaddestlittlebaby]

Hhhhh I hate having to tie tourniquets when I cut. I mean yeah it minimizes the blood flow but also just. Ick. At least it's a decent-ish way to break in a new belt though.

[forgottentincan]

being seen as mean and rude when i care is just really draining also i think i stopped caring as much also expecting so much from others. being treated and put down really affected me. why am i worth a risk? i wasn't worth being challenged. my feelings didn't matter. im still nice but my niceness well it only goes so far. you never cared about my feelings or my wants. the world has given up on me. feel free to hate me i don't hate me anymore and you have the right too hate me all you want. for the longest time i blamed myself for everything until one day i said enough is enough. im still kind i still care but i just don't have time to be drained and mistreated anymore. being treated like i don't matter well k bye. i matter i always did. i matter. i didn't choses this life but it was ruined. i blamed myself for to long even if mh professionals were convinced i didn't. the pain my body has been through. now im going to jump up and down on the trampoline and slam my feet down all i want because i deserve more.

i will no longer let the world drain me

i don't deserve to suffer anymore

my needs deserve to be meet

[officialhaterblog]

logically I know it’s good that people I don’t like are recovering and making friends, moving on with their lives. But emotionally I wish everyone knew what you did. I wish you felt bad. I wish you had ever thought about it at all. I wish you could hurt the way you hurt me, I want everyone to leave you because what will you do then when nobody likes you anymore? Everyone forgives you because you’re recovering and getting better-but what about ME? I was doing good and then when I wasn’t you fucking left!!!

[letmesleepandnotwakeup]

You know.. i could probably be what my dad wanted me to be if i planned to kill myself by this time 2027 year... i just need to finish my degree and pay off my loans... yeah i would never finish the teacher trainee course but... i could pay most of that ahead.. i probably wouldn't have any debt from that... i could lock in for 2 mote years maybe... i could be absolutely fucking miserable and keep just enough of a smile, ive already got shit relationships irl wouldn't take much to cut those.. if my dad has his way my online friendships will be well and truly gone as well by then... if i kill myself the day i turn 23 i think i could do it... i could leave debt free... no longer a burden... i would need to write letters... its harsh... id want to write letters to my discord friends but that would be crueler i think.. that assumes ill stay in contact once my dad cracks down.... it would hurt them and me but better to let them think i lost interest rather than them suffer when im gone... everyone will be better off with me gone as long as i can pay my debt... they wouldn't admit that but its true... i dont want to do that yet... i love my friends.. i love my online friends i dont want to lose that yet... i cant be selfless... i dont have it in me to perform, be the perfect doll the rest of my life... but i could maybe be one for 2 more years to pay off my debts

[c4ndyd0gg0s]

I'm not even joking

I'm loosing my shit.

I want to fucking die so badly, I'm tired I can't do this anymore. I really can't and I just want it all to be over. I can't. Why can't I just have a nice normal fucking day!!

[bluebutterfliez]

i was so fucking stressed out yesterday and i don’t know why. i just got mad at the smallest things and kicked chairs and kicked tables and wanted to kick someone who traumatized me back in 7th grade. i cried 4 times that day. i don’t get it. i cant let go of the past. i just can’t. sometimes i think my trauma isn’t enough.

[all-ive-ever-known-were-holes]

When you slowly loose connection with a close friend and you know you will never ever attain the same bond you had with them with anyone else and you just have to live with that

[sooooorealllll]

I miss the hits

I miss everything I was happy then .

I always wonder if I’m happy now

I just wish someone likes me the way he did

I just want to be asleep forever

[4ng3l0fgl4ss4ndb0n3s]

Intro post/first post

You can call me Alex, Angel or Will. He/they

BLOCK DON’T REPORT!!!!!! This blog is connected to my email address which my dad can view so if you do report it as concerning or get it taken down he’ll be able to see that, which I do not want.

This is a vent blog. I am a minor but I do not feel comfortable saying my exact age.

boundaries: no nsfw. I will not be answering asks for donations, I feel sympathy for you but I do not have a bank account and cannot donate.

My main account is theenemyod, my sh specific blog is @bl33dingd0ll

Current stats:

158cm tall

sw: 60kg

cw: 51.7kg

gw1: 55kg ✅

gw2: 50kg

gw3: 45kg

gw4: 40kg

ugw: 35kg

I post a lot about s3lf h@rm and 3ds if you’re in recovery or sensitive to that I’d recommend blocking me. Same with issue’s about family and sa and hallucinations.

I’m autistic and possibly have other mental illnesses but autism is the only thing I have diagnosed.

If you want you can send an ask or dm telling me to cut and show it and where if you don't say where I'll chose myself idc really but if it's somewhere I don't want to show ill not respond probably