#story time

[biohorror-human]

> me and my 2 friends watch this movie

> my friends are both already trans and I am having the last of my eggshells ripped away from me

> show them the "oobh I got plany off time" YouTube comment after the movie because I'm clearly trying to hold on to the "I can just do it later" logic but failing. We all kind of are.

> open Tumblr to try to distract myself from the horrors and see this fucking post

> share with the class

> all of us are still in shock but also losing it because we got read like a fucking book by this post

> the minutes of silence are broken up by the small whimpers of "oobh I got plany off time"

> every time someone says it, everyone else spirals back into despair with them

> me: "I'm turning 19 soon... And then I'll be 20, then 21. Time is disappearing. The movie was right"

> friend: "sounds like you don't have plany off time"

> synchronized groans of despair

> friend takes a fucking monster rip from his pen to try to get the thought away for a single second

> "dude that's literally like the inhaler from the movie. You don't even want to smoke you're just trying to avoid accepting it, aren't you?"

> realize that I also have my own "inhalers"

> collective groan of agony as the realization of the symbolism hits all of us like bricks

I'm not allowed to pick the next movie

[killowave]

[king-nocis]

Public Play

Been missing some public play lately. I had a sub who we'll call Amanda who loved being played with out in public. So we were going out with some friends to a bar/arcade area and Amanda is the horny type of drinker so I wanted to have some fun when we went out. I told her I was gonna edge her the whole night we were out and I wasn't gonna be nice because I wanted to drive her crazy and see her break.

So I picked out a small plug to put in her ass and a lush to put in her pussy so she was completely stuffed. I told her she wasn't allowed to wear a bra but wanted her to wear panties cuz I was gonna use them later. She wore a skirt that went to like the middle of her thighs and a crop top. I wanted to have some easy access if I wanted it.

Before we had even left she was already horny and being the nice Dom that I am I decided to make it worse because why not. So I sat down and told her to come here, when she did I grabbed her by the hips and sat her on my lap straddling me. One hand was playing with her tits while my other hand was grabbing her ass, I started kissing her neck and it took her 2 seconds before she started grinding on me.

After a little bit we started making out and my hands were going all over her body. Listening to her moan while she was grinding I let her go for a while making her feel good before I grabbed her by her neck and made her look at me. She kept grinding when I told her "If you're a good girl and don't break tonight I'll get you off as many times as you want when we get home" She just smirked and asked me "And if I break what are you gonna do to me?" She then took my other hand and started sucking on my thumb and I told her "You'll find out when I make you break"

I grabbed her ass and picked her up so we could go since we were running a bit late. I put the lush on a very low setting for the car ride just enough that she would feel it and made her watch videos of us fucking during the ride there. Once we got to the bar I gave her a break cuz I wanted to hit her at a random time and see her try to keep her cool. We were hanging out drinking and talking with our friends catching up before we went to go play some games. She was a few drinks in and talking with her friend so I decided it was the perfect time to hit her.

I picked one of the torture settings I had that hits you hard in the beginning then calms down to a lower setting. So when I turned it on I was watching her try and keep a straight face and walk normally while talking to our friends. She gave me this fuck you sorta look which just made me smile, we started playing some of the games and I walked up behind her and wrapped my hands around her waist pushing her ass into me. I asked her how she was doing already knowing the answer.

She started digging her nails into my arm and whispered back to me "I'm so horny and I hate you right now" That just made me smirk so I whispered back to her "if you hate me now just wait babygirl I'm gonna make it so much worse for you. She flipped around wrapped her arms around me and bit me on my neck then ran away to go play the game. Obviously that made me want to torture her even more so I pulled my phone out and decided I was gonna control the lush myself. I watched as she was biting her lip fighting the urge to moan.

Was hitting her with a high setting and letting it sit there then would start to bring it down giving her a false sense or relief and when she started to loosen up would go right back to the high settings. Watching her keep dropping her head and biting her lips to not moan or squirm. I keep controlling it for a while and at one point the girls went to take a bathroom break. We were about an hour and half in and she sent me a pick of her soaked panties saying she was dying and wanted so badly to cum.

I texted her back asking if she was giving up, she took a while to respond then she sent me a pic of her flipping me off. They came back out and we kept drinking and playing games for a couple hours while I was torturing her. I would come up to her randomly and kiss and bite her neck, rub my hands on her body, whisper in her ear all the things I was gonna do to her once we were alone all while controlling the lush. Her panties were soaked by the end of the night and she was very tipsy, she decided she wasn't gonna get drunk cuz she knew she would give in if she was.

We ended the night and she didn't break. She was able to hold out because she wanted the prize instead of the punishment, it was such a fun night of torturing her and I can do a separate story time about the car ride and the sex we had when we got back home if people are interested in it

[liminalarchivist]

I had a dream that I was in a hotel with my family, and there were these common areas where you could just join a tour with random people for free. There was also a room where you'd walk in, and a guy would ask for your story in exchange for a free makeover, including a haircut and a new outfit.

There was some emotional stuff going on in my family, so I figured, why not? I went into the room and told him my story. When I was done and had my haircut and everything, I overheard another guy sharing his story and thought, ‘Cool, I’m not the only one doing this.’ He came out of the room, and we talked before deciding to go on one of those free tours together.

For some weird reason, there was also this super cool old lady who had every piece of tma merch you could imagine. She was talking about it with one of her students, who was only on episode 8, I think. Obviously, I had to say something, so I went up to her and almost screamed, "DO YOU LISTEN TO THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES?!"

She just gave me this ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ look and said, "Yes, I do." And I told her, "you're like me, but old!" She seemed a little annoyed but kept talking to her student.

I just stood there like, ‘Wow… so cool.’ And then I woke up.

[horce-divorce]

"I would never jeopardize the beans" pales in comparison to it's newest successor, "beans r not woke. How could u do this?"

[inbabylontheywept]

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

[thehmn]

I want to apologize to my friends and family who have children for low key treating their kids like dogs but the standard methods for training dogs are even more effective of them because they actually understand language and are better at reasoning.

Positive reinforcement is amazingly effective, like I saw my nephew poking their cat so I sternly told him no, he stopped and I immediately changed my demeanor and cheerfully told him thank you and how happy I was that he listened to me instead of staying angry at him and he got this strange “Oh…It actually does make a difference wether I’m naughty or not” and later my sister in law asked why he’s so polite around me.

That’s literally what works best on dogs. Let them know when you don’t like what they’re doing but also let them know when you’re happy with them even if that means changing your demeanor on a dime (and even if you’re still a bit mad at them for doing it in the first place).

Oh and little treats. I skipped the aunt phase and is already turning into a grandma who has candy in her pockets for the kiddos for good behavior.

[bibbityboppidi]

Buckle up children, cause I have a short story.

It just happened this week. It all started with some guy. This person placed in order for a new Bible. Nothing out of the ordinary. But when they get the package, they realize that this was not the Bible they ordered from Amazon. Oh no, it’s this.

Now once this picture is posted, everyone starts explaining what the book actually is, what Gravity Falls is and giving recommendations in overall they’re taking it really well .

Now this isn’t the funny part. Sure, getting the complete opposite of the Bible is one thing but then this happens…

 you couldn’t write better material than this. It’s been verified to be authentic story. The entire Gravity Falls Sub Reddit has gone wild over this.

[charlesoberonn]

[foldingfittedsheets]

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

[ymahousewine]

There's something you need to know about US health insurance

While the topic is still hot I want to mention something I think is important. I have made a post or two before but it bears repeating.

I once worked at a call center of one of the leading health insurance companies

The corruption and coddling of "the rich" is REAL.

None of the executives of Facebook, snap chat, twitter (any social media or tech company) pay deductibles

YES THE RICH DO NOT HAVE DEDUCTIBLES

Not only that but ELECTIVE SURGERIES (noes jobs, boob jobs, face lifts, tummy tucks ect.) for these people was also covered in full.

And these are RICH people. Not your neighbor who collects fancy watches with the lake house. Not the guy with the loud shiny car or the lady with fancy clothes. Oh no those neighbors might as well be paupers cosplaying as rich compared to these people.

The other thing that I need to tell you is this: the children of the rich are walking pharmacies. All the party drugs normal people go to jail for "abusing" yeah these kids have a script even if the medications don't make sense to prescribe together.

One of the most radicalizing moments in my time there was:

I had one call with a RICH person and let them know their elective rhinoplasty and boob job for their wife was covered with no deductible. The plan they were on was like $250 a month, for a billionaire, for the whole family.

Right after that call I had to tell a young woman that her medically necessary abortion would not be covered.

Walking out of that job was not difficult. Keep in mind, the call center reps have no control over what insurance will and will not pay for. They cannot "do you favors" and push a claim in faster. I have plenty of stories from my time there, from people loosing their minds to actual threats to completely incompetent supervisors. But the thing that stuck with me the most is that the unfairness and corruption is baked into insurance from the start.

It's designed to keep/make you as poor as possible

[lunarsorcerer]

i once went to vegas as a child pre smart phones and there was a store in one of the hotels selling gold and diamond phones and i walked right in and pointed at one and said hey can i hold that i might be interested in it and the worker looked at 10 year old me and asked if i could afford it and i told him well ma has been extra generous with the lunch money lately and i've been putting a little away each day and i hadn't checked interest in a bit and he said the phone cost $50k and i stood there and thought for a moment and said well i'll have to do a couple extra chores around the neighborhood but i could handle that if i could do a payment plan and he asked me what kind of chores i did to make so much money and he did not like me answering "burglary"

[thesporkidentity]

i have some follow-up questions???

[ispaintingcalmly]

Camelot sketches (I’ll probably add more in the future)

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]