foldingfittedsheets

[foldingfittedsheets]

Do you think it's awkward to masturbate with a daemon around?

[foldingfittedsheets]

Spent my morning commute convincing Buck that you can, in fact, bang yourself.

He had the audacity to say, “It’s not like you can penetrate yourself.”

I stared straight ahead on outrage while my words formulated before I burst out with, “That is such an insane thing to say! Can I penetrate myself? YES! Easily! Do you think a dick is required for penetration? No! You could penetrate yourself! Easily!”

I could see the moment he remembered that fingers exist. Sullenly he muttered, “Not easily.”

“But you could,” I insisted.

“That’s still not banging yourself!”

“It absolutely is if you understand sex is not centered around penetration. Isn’t oral sex banging?”

He fell silent. Considering. “Yes,” he allowed warily.

“So things that result in sexual gratification can maybe all fall under the umbrella of banging? Thus if I felt inclined to slap a dildo on a wall I could bang myself with it.”

This seemed to pain him but he grudgingly said, “That would maybe count.”

“Then anything I did while masturbating could be considered banging myself.”

We went around in circles and he eventually allowed that perhaps one could bang oneself. Then he said, “This isn’t what I imagined we’d talk about at 8am.”

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’ve been fired exactly once in my life. In my early twenties I was working at a pizza place. The pizzas were artisanal, thin crust and personal. They’re a huge chain now but when I first started the company was in its infancy. It was the wild west of management, and the core investors would frequently stop by to check on things. One of these people was this round little man with rage issues. A knock off Danny Devito with no charisma at all.

His favorite thing to do was to come in on a Friday or Saturday night. We'd be at our stations: taking orders, making pizza, manning the oven, finishing orders off, running the cash register. He'd shove his way onto the line and start rearranging people. "You, get off orders and work the cash register, you come over and make the pizzas!" With a line of customers snaking out the door he'd throw off all our grooves and rattle us.

Then, inevitably, a mistake would happen.

When it did he'd call the person over and say, "Hey c'mere. You're fired." Just like that. No inflection, just a flat "You're fired." It was absolutely a power kink, and because of his involvement the average turn over was three months. You were a veteran at five months.

One night there was only three of us manning the front. I took an order than went to the cash register to ring them out before I made the pizza. This horrible man watched that then called me into the back. I didn't know if I was about to be fired. But I wasn't. In fact, he had one other move besides firing people. He yelled.

In the back he absolutely lost his mind screaming at me for being on the cash register. I'm talking veins popping, spit flying, red with rage, this man just started bellowing nonsensically about where I should be and how I was just such a failure. It was truly like his brain had shut off, nothing he was saying even made sense. I stood there in the face of this tirade for a minute and then set a record for being the first person to ever cut him short by bursting into tears.

He instantly stopped yelling and it was like Jekyll and Hyde. He was remorseful and consoling, deeply embarrassed by my display of emotion. All my male coworkers just took the abuse but faced with my weeping he about faced and instantly backed off. I went outside to cry and when I came back in he pretended it had never happened.

That was the state of things. The investors knew they desperately needed to keep this man out of the stores, but they couldn't just give him the boot. They needed to move him aside and fill his position with someone. The store manager was this lovely woman who had hired me on the spot at my interview. The entire staff adored her. She was the best fit to get this roided out investor out of the stores for good.

Her replacement was this man called Anthony. He was instantly loathed by the entire staff. Condescending, critical, and lazy he started off his reign by letting go a core lead who "back talked." He spent a whole morning berating the opening crew because the closing crew (who had sold 100 more pizzas than we were even supposed to have on hand) had forgotten to windex the doors. He left the entire crew to close without him while he flirted with a girl who wasn't his pregnant girlfriend. He hired his roommate to replace the lead he fired and even that guy hated his guts.

Our antipathy toward him made him paranoid and resentful and one by one he started finding excuses to fire the whole staff, certain that if he could clean house he'd be able to do the job. My time came, and he sat me down with his boss, my former manager. She cried as he announced I wasn't personable enough and used too many pepperonis.

I looked at her, the woman who had trained me on how many pepperoni to use, but she said nothing. What could she say? He was the boss now and had determined I was going to be let go regardless. Too many in this case was seven. Seven pepperonis on a personal pizza. The correct number was five according to him, which is one pepperoni per slice, and one in the middle.

I sat there for a moment, taking it in. I smiled at my old manager, obviously miserable. I looked back at him and said, "You're a terrible manager, you're doing the worst imaginable job." I outlined some of the things he'd done so she could hear them, then I stood up and left. I made it to the back room before I started crying.

I found out later through a bus boy that he replaced the whole staff with college kids who had such limited availability that the store couldn't run, then quit three months later leaving the whole place in shambles. Most of the old staff returned, but I'd moved onto the sex shop already and was enjoying a job with significantly less risk of being fired on a whim.

However I do have to disclose on job applications if I've ever been fired. I always says yes and list the reason as, "Excessive use of pepperoni." It has never failed to get a laugh from my interviewer.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Spent my morning commute convincing Buck that you can, in fact, bang yourself.

He had the audacity to say, “It’s not like you can penetrate yourself.”

I stared straight ahead in outrage while my words formulated before I burst out with, “That is such an insane thing to say! Can I penetrate myself? YES! Easily! Do you think a dick is required for penetration? No! You could penetrate yourself! Easily!”

I could see the moment he remembered that fingers exist. Sullenly he muttered, “Not easily.”

“But you could,” I insisted.

“That’s still not banging yourself!”

“It absolutely is if you understand sex is not centered around penetration. Isn’t oral sex banging?”

He fell silent. Considering. “Yes,” he allowed warily.

“So things that result in sexual gratification can maybe all fall under the umbrella of banging? Thus if I felt inclined to slap a dildo on a wall I could bang myself with it.”

This seemed to pain him but he grudgingly said, “That would maybe count.”

“Then anything I did while masturbating could be considered banging myself.”

We went around in circles and he eventually allowed that perhaps one could bang oneself. Then he said, “This isn’t what I imagined we’d talk about at 8am.”

Buck has stated after reading this that he’d like the record to reflect that he’d just woken up.

[foldingfittedsheets]

With great excitement I can finally unveil: Glass Roses!

This is my year long student film, with Echo the Dragon and Harper the glassblower learning to communicate and get along. Best enjoyed with sound as it has a custom score.

The story concept was mine and I got to be the art director and story lead on it. I did most of the animation on this, I designed Echo the dragon, and gave feedback and direction on color palettes, layouts, and VFX. My awesome team pulled out some awesome work and overall I think our final film is absolutely stellar.

Please feel free to reblog this! I spent so much pouring time and love into this! If you want you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, and I have an Echo design up on Redbubble if you like my little dragon!

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’m talkin’ about this guy on the right.

Do you think it's awkward to masturbate with a daemon around?

[foldingfittedsheets]

I’ve been fired exactly once in my life. In my early twenties I was working at a pizza place. The pizzas were artisanal, thin crust and personal. They’re a huge chain now but when I first started the company was in its infancy. It was the wild west of management, and the core investors would frequently stop by to check on things. One of these people was this round little man with rage issues. A knock off Danny Devito with no charisma at all.

His favorite thing to do was to come in on a Friday or Saturday night. We'd be at our stations: taking orders, making pizza, manning the oven, finishing orders off, running the cash register. He'd shove his way onto the line and start rearranging people. "You, get off orders and work the cash register, you come over and make the pizzas!" With a line of customers snaking out the door he'd throw off all our grooves and rattle us.

Then, inevitably, a mistake would happen.

When it did he'd call the person over and say, "Hey c'mere. You're fired." Just like that. No inflection, just a flat "You're fired." It was absolutely a power kink, and because of his involvement the average turn over was three months. You were a veteran at five months.

One night there was only three of us manning the front. I took an order than went to the cash register to ring them out before I made the pizza. This horrible man watched that then called me into the back. I didn't know if I was about to be fired. But I wasn't. In fact, he had one other move besides firing people. He yelled.

In the back he absolutely lost his mind screaming at me for being on the cash register. I'm talking veins popping, spit flying, red with rage, this man just started bellowing nonsensically about where I should be and how I was just such a failure. It was truly like his brain had shut off, nothing he was saying even made sense. I stood there in the face of this tirade for a minute and then set a record for being the first person to ever cut him short by bursting into tears.

He instantly stopped yelling and it was like Jekyll and Hyde. He was remorseful and consoling, deeply embarrassed by my display of emotion. All my male coworkers just took the abuse but faced with my weeping he about faced and instantly backed off. I went outside to cry and when I came back in he pretended it had never happened.

That was the state of things. The investors knew they desperately needed to keep this man out of the stores, but they couldn't just give him the boot. They needed to move him aside and fill his position with someone. The store manager was this lovely woman who had hired me on the spot at my interview. The entire staff adored her. She was the best fit to get this roided out investor out of the stores for good.

Her replacement was this man called Anthony. He was instantly loathed by the entire staff. Condescending, critical, and lazy he started off his reign by letting go a core lead who "back talked." He spent a whole morning berating the opening crew because the closing crew (who had sold 100 more pizzas than we were even supposed to have on hand) had forgotten to windex the doors. He left the entire crew to close without him while he flirted with a girl who wasn't his pregnant girlfriend. He hired his roommate to replace the lead he fired and even that guy hated his guts.

Our antipathy toward him made him paranoid and resentful and one by one he started finding excuses to fire the whole staff, certain that if he could clean house he'd be able to do the job. My time came, and he sat me down with his boss, my former manager. She cried as he announced I wasn't personable enough and used too many pepperonis.

I looked at her, the woman who had trained me on how many pepperoni to use, but she said nothing. What could she say? He was the boss now and had determined I was going to be let go regardless. Too many in this case was seven. Seven pepperonis on a personal pizza. The correct number was five according to him, which is one pepperoni per slice, and one in the middle.

I sat there for a moment, taking it in. I smiled at my old manager, obviously miserable. I looked back at him and said, "You're a terrible manager, you're doing the worst imaginable job." I outlined some of the things he'd done so she could hear them, then I stood up and left. I made it to the back room before I started crying.

I found out later through a bus boy that he replaced the whole staff with college kids who had such limited availability that the store couldn't run, then quit three months later leaving the whole place in shambles. Most of the old staff returned, but I'd moved onto the sex shop already and was enjoying a job with significantly less risk of being fired on a whim.

However I do have to disclose on job applications if I've ever been fired. I always says yes and list the reason as, "Excessive use of pepperoni." It has never failed to get a laugh from my interviewer.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Like do they watch you? Do they help? Do they touch themselves? How does that work?

Do you think it's awkward to masturbate with a daemon around?

[foldingfittedsheets]

Do you think it's awkward to masturbate with a daemon around?

[foldingfittedsheets]

With great excitement I can finally unveil: Glass Roses!

This is my year long student film, with Echo the Dragon and Harper the glassblower learning to communicate and get along. Best enjoyed with sound as it has a custom score.

The story concept was mine and I got to be the art director and story lead on it. I did most of the animation on this, I designed Echo the dragon, and gave feedback and direction on color palettes, layouts, and VFX. My awesome team pulled out some awesome work and overall I think our final film is absolutely stellar.

Please feel free to reblog this! I spent so much pouring time and love into this! If you want you can leave me a tip on Ko-fi, and I have an Echo design up on Redbubble if you like my little dragon!

[foldingfittedsheets]

We like to bring peanuts to feed the crows when we go to watch the dogs frolicking at donuts and dogs.

There is a dearth of crows this morning. Only 1 crow has shown up and we have fed them handsomely.

Every time I throw out a peanut and it flies away, its gullet bursting with peanuts, I say, "Tell your friends!" As if this crow is an influencer for bird happenings.

My beloved laughs heartily every time.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Had a coworker tell me they hadn’t texted once because of the time. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

I stared at them through the dawning realization that they lived in a world where that was remotely possible. “My phone is on do not disturb if I’m sleeping. Why would I let random texts wake me up? My sleep is important.”

Equally baffled they replied, “What if someone at work needs you?”

“I am not a manager. No one at work will ever need me badly enough to interrupt my sleep. If I’m not working then there’s no reason to be calling me.”

“Not even if you need to cover?”

I laughed, “I don’t need to cover. They could ask me to cover but good luck getting ahold of me if I’m sleeping.”

They looked distressed at this idea.

To console them I added, “I have important people like my mom and my wife set to override. If they call they get through no matter what.”

There was a small pause before they asked, “You can do that…?”

So friendly reminder. Become unreachable. Work does not need you that badly. Sleep.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Finally finished this because my beloved has been begging and pleading for a new lock screen so this is our DnD characters Orion and Kahriq snuggled up in dragon form.

It is so precious to me that it is in fact up in my Redbubble in case you need to dragon soulmates having a little cuddle after saving the world.

[foldingfittedsheets]

We like to bring peanuts to feed the crows when we go to watch the dogs frolicking at donuts and dogs.

There is a dearth of crows this morning. Only 1 crow has shown up and we have fed them handsomely.

Every time I throw out a peanut and it flies away, its gullet bursting with peanuts, I say, "Tell your friends!" As if this crow is an influencer for bird happenings.

My beloved laughs heartily every time.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Had a coworker tell me they hadn’t texted once because of the time. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

I stared at them through the dawning realization that they lived in a world where that was remotely possible. “My phone is on do not disturb if I’m sleeping. Why would I let random texts wake me up? My sleep is important.”

Equally baffled they replied, “What if someone at work needs you?”

“I am not a manager. No one at work will ever need me badly enough to interrupt my sleep. If I’m not working then there’s no reason to be calling me.”

“Not even if you need to cover?”

I laughed, “I don’t need to cover. They could ask me to cover but good luck getting ahold of me if I’m sleeping.”

They looked distressed at this idea.

To console them I added, “I have important people like my mom and my wife set to override. If they call they get through no matter what.”

There was a small pause before they asked, “You can do that…?”

So friendly reminder. Become unreachable. Work does not need you that badly. Sleep.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Finally finished this because my beloved has been begging and pleading for a new lock screen so this is our DnD characters Orion and Kahriq snuggled up in dragon form.

It is so precious to me that it is in fact up in my Redbubble in case you need to dragon soulmates having a little cuddle after saving the world.

[foldingfittedsheets]

So the new store I’m working in has like. A motor oil smell. I go home and my hair and clothes smell like it. Buck said he did it by using too much cleaning concentrate while mopping but I’m quite skeptical on that theory as it was over six months ago.

I’m open to tips if anyone knows how to deodorize a whole big mattress showroom without dousing it with more chemical smells that I’d inevitably be allergic to.