#sex shop

[foldingfittedsheets]

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

[loovelymoon]

I need a romantic date in a sex shop🥺

[abzgaming]

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[neelyowhora]

[mugloversonly]

New Furniture

@genderthings day 5 prompt “he/they/ sex shop” | rating: T | transmasculine Eddie Munson a bit of a short and sweet one today! summary: Eddie and Steve go to a sex shop. AO3

It wasn’t what he originally went into the shop for, but once Eddie saw it, they had to have it. Eddie and Steve were regulars at the shop; they came by every month or so for their newest toy. It was Steve’s turn to pick but Eddie liked window shopping. That’s when he saw something new. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to use. It wasn’t for them, not really. But it wasn’t not for him.

“Stevie!” Eddie yelled for his boyfriend...who was standing right next to them.

“I know, I see it.” Steve sighed...like he knew they were already trying to fit it into the apartment.

“It’ll look so good in the living room.” He cackled. Steve was unimpressed.

“I’m not putting that in the living room.” Famous last words. Eddie ran to the cashier.

“Excuse me, do you have any of those in stock?” They pointed to the display.

“There’s one in the back that I put aside just for you.” The cashier smirked. Eddie used to be embarrassed, coming to a sex shop enough that the staff recognized your tastes. But today, they were pleased as punch.

Not even an hour later, Eddie sat surrounded by pieces of fabric and wood, trying to put the swing together.

“Steve!” They shouted as he looked at the directions again. This time, Steve was across the apartment and he shuffled in.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. In the minute since he yelled, Eddie laid down and curled into a ball. They held out the directions for Steve to take a look. He stared at them for a moment, then he got up and pulled Eddie to his feet.

Steve directed Eddie to the kitchen to make them something hot to drink while Steve worked on the swing. In the store, the display made it seem really easy to put together, but now that everything was out in the open...he started to regret all their life choices.

Hot chocolate in hand, he walked back to the living room. Steve seemed to be having better luck, at least his piles of pieces seemed more coherent than Eddie’s did. They sat on the couch and watched Steve work, content to let the man take over.

Nearly an hour later, Steve declared the swing finished. Eddie excitedly rushed to hang it in a doorway and test it. Before they could sit, Steve picked up a nearby encyclopedia. He placed it gently into the swing and it held.

Eddie went to try it but again, Steve stopped them and placed another heavy book. This pattern repeated until the approximation of Eddie’s weight was represented in books. It held.

“Great, can I try it now?” They asked. Steve begrudgingly agreed and removed the first book. Well, he tried to. As soon as the swing moved a little, it fell apart. Steve threw his hands in the air and walked away in frustrated silence.

“IKEA ass sex swing.” He mumbled. They picked up all the pieces and went to try again.

Half-way through the second attempt he threw in the towel and pulled out their phone, dialing a number.

“Hey, Robin. How good are you at putting together furniture?” They asked.

tags

@katyawriteswhump

buy me a coffee

[thelifeofagaygirl]

Dear tumblr queer community,

Where do you get your straps that squirt and aren’t flesh toned. 👀😅

[foldingfittedsheets]

One time I was ringing up this sweet older gentleman at the sex shop. I no longer remember what he was buying, just that he was in his fifties and radiated a bumbling gentleness that I had enjoyed.

He was chatting with me as he pulled out cash to pay, “You know, I always thought it would be so much easier to meet ladies. But then you meet a girl and you start chatting and they’re never as impressed that I know Captain Kirk’s middle name as I expected them to be.”

I took his payment with a grin and said, “I dunno, Tiberius is an amazing middle name, it was their loss.”

He looked at me with utter awe, radiating a disbelieving joy that I’d parried his quip so effortlessly with Trekkie lore. “If I were thirty years younger…” he’d said, absolutely delighted.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was gay to boot, so I just beamed and wished him a good day. He went out the door with a spring in his step and I still smile to think about it.

[angeleyeswide]

Sex shop open 💜

[viejospellejos]

Intentó robar en un sex shop y pasó esto

[bestoftweets]

[cosmonautroger]

[shy-girl04]

[kittesencula]

[priea01]

If you see someone you recognize in a sex shop, no you didn't.

[2000ghosts]

september 24, 2010

[dildodealer14]

"You work at a adult store/adult industry? I'm sure your mom is so proud"

She is actually, she brags to all her girlfriends that her kid sells dildos and has them come to me for recommendations. I'm like a little celebrity with all the middle aged women.