#ffs foibles

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I worked at Red Robin a lot of my job was balloons. Thats right, it wasn’t all fursuits and scaring each other. I also learned the valuable life skill of how to fill up a balloon with helium. There’s an art. A technique.

If I was the opening host I had to fill a bunch of balloons for the ravenous masses of children. These were released to float in the little arcade that had a lip on the ceiling to keep them contained.

If I was a closing shift I had to dispose of all the unenjoyed balloons left over. All day long I’d hand balloons to sticky little hands. I listened to the constant screeching that heralded a lost balloon.

Then one day, I learned a secret. A hidden bit of magic that I could immediately tell was going to change the game for balloons forever. I learned how to tie a slip knot.

Suddenly when children asked for a balloon I could tie it to their wrist while their parents applauded my foresight. The wailing of watching a balloon streak away through the sky ceased on my watch.

I was drunk on this new power.

One morning I was opening. I was filling balloons and I thought- I could save even more time if I just premade the knots! I gathered up my balloon babies and unto each one I bestowed a little slipknot that could secure right onto a wrist.

When I was done I looked across my handiwork, the balloons strewn across the arcade ceiling and my fever of madness broke. Suddenly I felt vaguely uneasy about what I’d done. Instead of little strings hanging at a child’s head height it looked more like… nooses. Each balloon looked like a cartoon gallows, ready to slip around a child’s neck and carry them away into the sky.

My manager came up to join me. We both regarded the field of hanging balloons. He cleared his throat and said, “Maybe we won’t pre-tie the knots anymore.”

I mumbled embarrassed agreement and never again made a gallows field of party favors. I did however use my balloon making skills later in life for nefarious schemes.

[malstermonkey]

Coffee, gym & now FF

.....but before I do, just a short note. Though I say it to the point of being boring, you are an amazing human -- yup, we’ve all got our foibles and we all have our moments, so be it -- seen over the duration of a life the ups & downs are planed away and you are left with the true, consistent picture. Yours is both beautiful and fascinating and sensitive and caring and laced with insightful, crunchy intelligence.

And then, when you want to be, you are very, very funny. Keep gracing the world with your infectious smile lass!

[t-underneaththeradardancing]

 chill and not the good kind - otherwise - idk ok - a kitty for sure a good one - always - noise disruption imminent - aint even got the news on yet - r we at war more than usual  - birdsong murder og  - so i guess a hallelujah - anyway - time in poetry - 2 cliches 4 the price of - is that a personal best - its that kind of morning - showered shaved dealt with workmen - landlord - life terms mundane stressful overwhelm ez while multitask the realities  - consensus is always the hardest - an unseen crow calling - and where the fuck the moon at - the sound of machinery - ffs some peeple die trynna see a flat earth - hard to play music when senses assaulted - even tho - sporadic - everybody got their ick parts foibles - with rose love lenses - grace and mercy - we transcend - a glimpse of what could bee  

[y0rkminster]

Not to do discourse but Stranger Things 3 isn’t capitalist propaganda ffs

Making my own post as I don’t wanna start a flame war on the original. No disrespect to the original though, I just totally disagree with it.

In the 1980s, there were a lot of conspiracy theories about Russians building secret bases in rural America under the guise of shopping malls, community centers, even schools. This is where the Duffer brothers got the idea.

Throughout the series, every character that has put profits or other material gains over human life has ended up arrested, dead, or MIA after being mauled by a Demogorgan.

Erica is a 10 year old girl who also thinks drinking green acidic slime is a good idea for crying out loud.

Stranger Things 3 is an amazing season; my favorite by far. Some of the protagonists are deeply flawed human beings, but I can’t think of a single example of flawed behavior being rewarded. They’re just human. We all have our foibles.

[foldingfittedsheets]

It- it's not that weird!! It-

Okay. So I was working at the sex shop, slinging dildos as I've mentioned before. Now one of the things we sold there was poppers, which if anyone is unfamiliar is an inhaled drug. It makes your blood vessels expand to be capable of carrying more oxygen (I think that's the gist, don't quote me I'm not a scientist). The result of that is a minute of enhanced mental clarity, as my ex demonstrated for me by inhaling while very drunk (almost certainly wildly inadvisable) and speaking in perfectly sober tones again only to lapse back into drunkenness as they wore off.

But the other reason that people like poppers, and the reason the sex shop sold them, was that they relax your sphincter muscles like nobodies business.

Technically they were sold as "nail polish remover" but uh. Sure was a lot of guys looking to get dicked down that would come buy a chemical to clean their perfectly unadorned nails. Reaaaally popular item with the queer community.

At the time I was enrolled at the local community college to finish my associate's degree and one of my classes was ethics. It was taught by a batshit insane guy in his 60's who spent all of lecture rambling about how Russia is coming for us and basically never touched on ethics even once.

And one day I found out that he belonged to the queer community when he came into the shop, cleared out the stock of poppers, and said he'd see me in class tomorrow.

The thing about general life weirdness is that it's accumulative. If you open the door and allow one (1) unusual thing into your life, that significantly improves the odds of other weird things happening. Just one mildly odd thing is just one mildly odd thing, but they lead the way for things that can be a perfectly logical consequence of the first thing, that would never, ever happen to someone who hadn't invited the first odd thing into their life.

Like let's say you decided to get an iguana. That's not the most common kind of pet, but not unheard of. Perhaps you thought you wanted a cat, but then decided to see what other animals your local animal rescue has available, and holy shit they've got an iguana. So now you've got an iguana.

And being a responsible pet owner - which, again, is a normal thing to do - you make sure you take good care of your new baby. And being a rescue, your iguana might have some issues that they've got from being poorly handled by the previous owner. So you see what you can do about it, and find out a vet who is specialised enough to do physical therapy on an iguana. And naturally, you call them right up and get your iguana cared for. And being such a specialised professional, naturally this vet makes sure to keep their work and personal life neatly separated.

All of these are perfectly logical steps into an unusual direction, but they are also the way you may find yourself saying something like "my iguana's therapist blocked me on grindr."

[foxofthedesert]

The Motivation Blues in the Key of FF...

I’ve decided that I am a writer tethered to a productivity faucet that I have absolutely no control over.  This doesn’t really pertain to developing plotlines or story ideas so much as it does a desire to write anything at all.  When the tap is on, the material flows forth in abundance.  But when it’s off?  Yowza!  The landscape goes dry as the Sahara. 

Normally these cycles only last a month or so for me, but this last one was a lengthy drought of more than six months.  I honestly thought for a good long while that I was just done with writing and was ready to abandon the three hundred thousand words sitting unpublished on my hard drive and walk away.  The best part is that my stubbornness won out this time.  The worst part is, I can see it happening again.  In a way it feels like a progressive disease that only gets worse with time.  Problem is there’s only one way to know if it’s terminal... 

Don’t get me wrong, I still love fanfic, but my engagement with fandom in general is waning.  I suppose it’s inevitable with entropy being a thing.  Still, it’s a bittersweet feeling to lose touch with that obsession.  Part of me misses it, misses those manic bursts of creativity where I was plotting out multiple novel-length stories simultaneously while also dabbling in shorter works and staying up til four a.m. far too often to be healthy just to finish up the latest chapter.  The other part of me is relieved at the prospect of release from a shackle of my own design, which in equal measures fears and anticipates the responsibilities of freedom.  Which part will ultimately prevail remains to be seen.

For now, the tap has been turned back on again.  This latest surge allowed me to at last finish a passion project that’s been underway for more than three years and just so happens to be my personal favorite story, one that perhaps has spent more time in my imagination than any other.  I hope it will make a fitting grand finale.  In addition, I was able to start the final touches on a current story I got stalled on because my interest in it has all but died. 

As hinted above, these two pieces will likely mark the last novel length stories I ever write for Once Upon a Time.  OUaT has by far my most active fandom, and RedQueen remains my OTP even after more than five years.  Apparently I’m either a bitter end clinger or criminally negligent in the checking of memos.  Whatever.  Chalk it up to the consequences of an obsessive personality.  In any case, once both of these fics are fully published, I don’t foresee myself ever revisiting the fandom outside of one shots of various lengths.  If even that.

But at least I produced some half-decent material that I’m fairly proud of, and will hit the one million published words mark to boot with the conclusion of The Author of Fate.  Silver linings.   

Of course, now that I’ve published this, I will likely get addicted to another show enough to spend idle time constructing plots about it and then translating those daydreams into stories.  There are worse foibles for a person to have, I guess.  Why, oh, why couldn’t I get hooked on something productive like knitting or hobby craft or tinkering with antique watches like Monroe from Grimm.  Dammit!

Anyway.  I was really happy that I finally broke out of my funk, so I thought I’d post this blurb for my own satisfaction.  YMMV. 

P.S. if there are any RedQueen enthusiasts who are willing to self-flagellate and read a 200k word rough draft to check for glaring characterization and plot errors and assess it’s hot mess status, hit me up.  Yeah.  It’s probably a hot mess, though.  Fair warning.

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I was a TA for the freshman art class in senior year my students really adored me. It was so sweet. I’d had classes that were more ambivalent toward me but these guys were all about me.

I loved working with that teacher too. He was the kind of crunchy art nerd whose own kid didn’t know what candy was, who loved bird watching and wearing tweed. We’d chat while they worked and it was just a three hour pleasure rather than work.

When the class switched from charcoal to gouache a devil medium, the evilest watercolor, the students struggled. We’d have in class painting where they’d spend the whole time trying to mix one color instead of just accepting something as good enough and trying to practice other skills.

So one day I showed up to my shift and announced, “I have stickers. If you get color down for the whole composition, you get a sticker.”

They wanted. The stickers. So bad. Students who had agonized before about keeping lines neat and perfect plowed ahead. The first student to call me over I tsked at. “Putting grey on everything doesn’t count,” I chided, “I asked for colors on each object.”

The classroom worked in furious joy, young adults who had seen my bird and cactus stickers and gone feral. The teacher was flabbergasted. “Why do they want stickers? They could just buy stickers…”

I held up my water bottle and showed him a tiny 3D bubble sticker the program director had brought to my game teams space last week. “You never grow out of wanting to earn a sticker.”

By the end of class everyone had a sticker. There was more visible improvement in the work too, which surprised them since they’d been rushing. “Gouache looks terrible before it looks good. It’s okay to start messy and then refine.” The teacher had said the same thing but looking at their frantic sticker paintings they finally saw the truth of it.

[gryffindormischief]

Phlegthon

A/N: YAY a thing!!  Check out the definition of this title here lol.  It’s a little shorty and I think it’s kinda fun :)  This was a prompt I got a while ago when I reblogged this text post.  Obviously Harry and Ginny aren’t my OCs but I think it works with them :)

Also available on FF and Ao3!

Over the years, Percy Weasley has managed to mellow somewhat.  Probably some combination of the obvious life events – a lot of people changed after the war – and simply the passage of time.  Everyone has youthful failings that seem embarrassing in hindsight, and Percy’s no exception.  In fact, depending on who you ask, he’ll be haled as the poster child for youthful foibles.  Which is surprising to some, considering his less than staid and sedate brothers, but true enough to those who hold the opinion.

Harry’s not sure he’ll go so far as to call him the ‘poster child’ – that’s generally a term used by Ron and George on their monthly Weasley (plus Potter) brother’s night – Percy was always a bit of an overbearing swot.  Which did get him into a bit of trouble to say the least, but who didn’t have the worst brought out during the fight against Voldemort.  And yet, all these reservations aside, Harry really can’t think of a person more adept in driving Ginny Weasley up the proverbial wall.

Audrey, Percy’s fiancé, having a strong desire to get closer to each of the Weasley siblings and their partners as relevant and apparently came to the conclusion that bi-weekly one-on-one couple’s dinners were the best choice.

And as far as proposals for forced socialization go, Harry is fairly at peace wit the proposal and had even volunteered a location suggestion.

It’s one of his and Ginny’s favorite restaurants – a small but authentic Mexican restaurant they particularly enjoy after long days of practice and training.  The portions are large enough that they have on occasion taken home leftovers.  But on most nights, they each order their preferred meal – Ginny the green chile enchiladas and Harry an order of one of their taco trios – and split a plate of empanadas.

And Harry’s secure enough to admit that Ginny is most definitely the more tolerant of spiciness between the two of them.  

Which is why, when they sit down, chatting easily as they look over the laminated menus, Percy’s commentary on Ginny’s proclamation that she’s going for the chile enchiladas – big surprise Harry says with a smirk – is a bit grating.

“Ginny, are you sure? I’ve heard green chiles are a bit rough.”

Audrey eyes the siblings for a moment while Ginny’s jaw ticks and Percy seems to up his level of snootiness by just existing, until Ginny finally breaks the stalemate, “I’ve ordered this once or twice, Perce.  Don’t worry yourself.”

The way things manage to fall back into comfortable chatter after that is really a testament to Audrey’s conversational skills and the tight grip Ginny has on Harry’s hand beneath the table.

And foolishly – particularly given how long Harry has known Percy and the Weasley family’s tendency toward tempers in general – Harry assumed the issue had passed.  So he is a bit surprised when the food arrives and Ginny reaches for a paper napkin from the dispenser near the condiments and Percy clears his throat, “You know you may want to sample that before you add hot sauce, Ginny,” and then he nods toward the hot sauce Ginny definitely wasn’t reaching for.

Audrey’s eyes widen and she seems to be waiting for the storm to rush in, but Ginny doesn’t reach beyond a momentary pause and a short intake of breath through her nostrils, which flare a bit worryingly.  “Thank you Percy, I think I know my own tastes.”

And then she bats the napkins she intended to reach for aside and grabs the bright red bottle with a definitive move, nearly elbowing Harry in the sternum as she pulls it back toward her.

Before any of her tablemates can stop things, Ginny flips the top open and turns it over completely and shakes the sauce out with repetitive flicks of her wrist, gaze never leaving Percy’s.

Without hesitating, Ginny slices a large bite from the first of her three enchiladas, scoops it up on her fork, and swallows it in one without batting an eye.

And for the rest of dinner, she proceeds in the same fashion, never showing the slightest hesitation, though Harry does note a slight tremor in her lip when she’s about two thirds done, but only because he has a particular interest in Ginny’s mouth.

But in true Ginevra Molly Weasley fashion, she powers through with such ease Harry’s nearly forgotten it was an issue by the time they’re waving Percy and Audrey off and strolling down the sidewalk toward Harry’s flat.  Until Ginny jerks to a halt as the twin pops of apparition sound from a nearby alley.  “We need milk.”

“I have –“

“A normal amount – I need at least two litres,” and then she’s tugging him toward the overly-bright quick shop and nearly knocking the door from its hinges, and already halfway down the dairy aisle before it clacks shut.

Ginny grabs the first carton she sees and tosses entirely too much muggle money on the counter, leaving Harry to pocket the change proffered by the disinterested cashier and follow Ginny out into the light drizzle.

Where she’s already cracked the cap open and is drinking directly from the carton.  After a few gulps, she swipes the back of her hand across her mouth and grins at Harry, then winces a bit at the stretch.  Ginny turns in the direction of Harry’s flat and Harry throws his arm around her shoulders.  “Sacrifice your salivary glands and whatnot to prove Percy wrong?”

Pausing before she takes another swallow, Ginny doesn’t hesitate.  “Worth it.”

[eastenddiscourse]

You Ain't My Mother! (1 October 2001)

And so we come to the episode containing the moment many revere as the best in soap history.

Lynne Slater is set to marry a very complicated man called Garry Hobbs. We will further explore his tortured existence on another occasion, but tonight he’s very much the sideshow to probably EastEnders’ best ever hen do.

The Slater sisters head to the curry house, fronted by Big Mo, telling Little Mo here she doesn’t get out much if she’s excited about going to a restaurant. She’s got a point. It is a bit tame.

They walk past the Vic, which is anything but tame. Garry spends his entire stag do convulsing through layer upon layer of self-parody.

Pat, Little Mo, Kat, Zoe, Sharon, Lynne, Peggy, Dot. Natalie and Lisa making up the numbers. Not really much more you could ask for. You’re looking at a star-studded line-up.

Dot steals this episode for me. Full of one-liners throughout. She kicks things off with “What’s an aloo gobby?” before plumping for a vindaloo.

“Might have to put your loo rolls in the fridge, though, Dot!” – Kat Slater, GOAT.

Things get a bit tense when Kat questions Zoe ordering alcohol.

Back to the pub. Charlie is painfully aware what a mess his daughter’s marrying, and challenges his commitment through a novel game.

She looks how I feel.

“That is a button. If you press that, Lynne will disappear. She won’t be hurt. She won’t think bad of you. She just won’t be there anymore. The question is, would you press that or not. If you would, then marrying her is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.”

Worth a try, eh, Charlie.

Pat owns having had her fair share of men.

Of course, Peggy’s right back in there with “Yours or other people’s?”

Och.

Come on. Let’s keep it friendly. Natalie, tell us about how Barry sticks his neck out when he talks.

LOL.

And Lynne, tell us about how Garry’s always looking over his shoulder.

Pat says all men have their little foibles. “Little what?!”

Ah, they’re all getting on famously now.

Pat, tell us about how Roy plays with his tie when he gets frisky.

Yeah, maybe not, actually. Don’t bear thinking about.

This is a festival of soap icons reciting all the ‘men, eh’ cliches in the book. Sharon’s of course the reigning champ at this and chips in with the winning effort.

“Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em!” Oh, Shaz.

Uh oh, not these two again. Kat’s going all soppy and freaking Zoe out.

“She’s slobbering all over me again.”

“Oh, get stuffed, Zo.”

Professional tension diffuser Peg is straight on the case and asks when the mysterious additional Slater sister is arriving.

And here she is. Must be a fan of the show, coming dressed as the world’s fave landlady.

My favourite moment of the ep was Phil, more open to having some fun with the lads back in these days, loosening up enough to say something like “Trace?

“Feed the jukebox, babe, will ya?”

Stripper’s arrived.

Never seen so much delight on these people’s faces.

Lads, lads, lads. Cos these three always hang out. Not!

OMG, tits!

Yes, back to the hen do, I think.

Kat’s not happy Belinda’s there. Belinda, just to recap for anyone less clued up on the rarest Slater sister, is a Two-Dimensional Snooty Cow.

Oh, no, Garry, mate. Don’t proposition the stripper for a quick shag, FFS.

Lynne deserves better, the oblivious angel.

Seeing Pat happy is the single greatest pleasure of my life, TBH.

Belinda’s wig’s come off.

Off it comes, that’s it. Who needs strippers?

Just push the button, ya daft prick!

Belinda has now transformed into Humbled Two-Dimensional Snooty Cow and is pushing for that third dimension by opening up about how shit her life actually is.

A game of truth or dare unearths a gem of a story from Dot, as she reveals she once kissed another man back in 1953, whilst she was with her first husband-to-be Charlie, on the day Dylan Thomas died. It’s a fucking beautiful bit of writing, and, obviously, acting. June Brown will go to her grave without a Bafta to her name, and that makes me feel physically sick.

She recites a poem she heard on the radio the next day. The man she kissed never came back for her. Wistful AF.

“Under the mile high moon we trembled listening To the sea sound flowing like blood from the loud wound And the salt sheet when it broke like a storm of singing The voices of all the drowned swam on the wind”

Garry, just marry the girl.

Good lad.

Right, shall we get to what we’re all here for?

That’s such good shit.

You see, most of us claim to be above EastEnders. But we all know this clip like the back of our hand, don’t we. Scientists, surgeons, professors, whatever. When it comes down to it, we’re all just people who either freely celebrate or lie about not knowing of this enthralling moment of world-class drama.

[john-marshall]

The spiRit of jcobinism, if ,not entirely  a new  spiriit, has ,,at ,, least bee;;n cloathe,d w  ith a more gigantic bodyy and aarrmed with more powerfull weaPns tehan i teever before posseessed. Itt is perhaaps not too much to asy,, htat it Th;;reat.ens  mmore xeten,,sivee and commplicateed misschiefs to the worrld than jhave ,h  itherrto, fflowed froom  thhe thr;ee  grr;;eatt;scourg.es of mankiind, War, Pese..tiilenle  aan[d Famine. TTo what po,intt  itt wiill ulttim justaetly lead   society.,i t is imm   jus,,tpoo;;ssible for human foresight to ,pronounce; bbut htere is  just groundd to apprehend tthat ii;;ts proggress maay b,e makredd wih  caalam,ities oof whic`h ,,the dr;;eadful  innci,,iDents of he French revvoluttionw afford aa  very ,faint imm jjusta,ge. ;Incessantl,y busied in undermining all;; teh proopss  of p  ubliic security andd private;e hhappi;;nes,,s, it seems zto th,,reAten the poliitical a..nd moral wor.ldd withh a  complete overhtrow.

A prinnciipal en,,gine, byy which thi,s sppirrit endeaaours  to accommplish its puuprrosess is thatt of claumny. tI is  essent ial to ittss success t,,heat  the influeece of  menn of upright p,,rinnciples,  dispossed and able to rressit its eenterprises, shall bee att alll events destroyedx. Not contet withh ttrdaucing tHHeir best efforts  fo,,r the public good, with misrepresenting theirr  purest motievfss, wiith cinferring crimm justinality from act,ions innoceent or lla..udabe, ..thhe ;;moSt diRecct  falshooods are inveented and  propagate;;d, wit.h unddaunteed effrrontery annd  unrelentii,,ngg eprsveerancce. Lie..s ofte..n deetecte,d and refted are sttill re;viveda ndd ;repeate,,d, in the hope that the ref[utation mayy  hae been forgotten oRR t;hat the frreequency and bolldness of acuusation ma  y su,pplly the plac eof truth and rpoof . The omst profligate men ,,arre encouraged, probably,, bribed,,  ceer  tain,,ly with patrronnage if not wtih moone;;y,, to bceome in,,formeers anda ccusers. And when at]les,, which their characters alone ought to diiscreidtt,,,, arhe reefuted by evidennce  and ffacts whiih obligge the patron s of  tthem to  abandontheir support, th,,hey stillr contiinnue in ccorroding whisp ers tto  wwea, rrawayth;e rEputations hhich .the;y,, could not direct,,ly subveetr. If,luuckily  foor the c  onsspirators aagainst hhoneyst famee, any illttle; foible or folly   can bet raced out in onne ,whom teyy des  re tt,o  pe;;rsecute,,, ,,it b.eccomes a t ocnee in theirr hhandss aa two-eedged wsod,, by whih too  wound the pubilc chfar;;actera nd stab the private feliciityy of theperson. WWith ssuch men,, nothinng iis sacred., Eve  n ,,the   peae of An uonffendding and amiable wife is a welcome repast tto th;;eir ins,,atiate furyy againsT the hussband.

In;; ,the ggrratifcatiodn oof this baleful psirit, we. no tonlny hhear the ,jaco bin news-ppee,,rs continuu,,ally ringg with odioi..us, iinsinu.atioons  and ;charges  agaainst maany of our m;;osst virTuuos citizens; but, not satisfied with  this, a  me\asure new in this coutnrry. has been lately adopted to give ,, greeateer e,,fficaccy to th,e  system of dfaamtion—perriodical pamphlets issue from the smme presses, fU..ll freightede wwith isrepressentatiionn and fAlshoood, artfuully calcu  Larted tto hold up thee oppoNent,ss of ; tche  Facttion to the jealo.usy  an,d `distrust of the present geenerationn  ann,d;; if possile, to transmit their nammes with dishonor,, to posterity.. Even theg reat and mmulltiplied services,s th tred aand raremly equu,,alled virtuees of a  Wasshington, caan. secure no exempti,,on,,.

How then ccan I, with rpetensinos every w.ay i,nferioor expec.t to escappe?  And f truly thiS be, a  s every  appearance  inndi.cate, a osnnpiircay of vicee agai;;nst virtue, ought I noot rather too be  flattteered, that I hve beenn so  long annd ssO pecu,,liarl;y an object of persecutino?? Ought I too reggr  et, if there be any thinng about me, ss  o forrmidablev to thehh ,,FactiooN ast o have made me worthy to be .disstinguishfed by the plentytude oof its rancoru an,ndd veenom?

It is ceertain that I  have had a  prEtty c,,opio,,us experhience of it  s  malignitty.  For t.he honor of human nature, it is to be hho..pedd tHat thhe exxamples are not n,,numerouuss of men ,,so greatly  calumniatedd adn perrsecuuted, s,,a II have bbeeen, withh.. so little cause.

.. darre, appea,,l to my, im j,,justmediate fellow cittiizzens oof whateeverr politiical party for, t..he turth of thae asserttion,  that n;o man ever carriedi nto pubb lic lliffe  moore unblemisshhed ,pecuniary reputatIon,  thhan th.at with whicchI   unndErtook tthe office o;f eScret;ary of the Tr..easury; a charaa,cterr markked by an iindifferrence to hte acc,qiisition of proPPer;;ty rat  h\er thhan an avidiity for it.

With e,such   characct,,er, hoewver naturxla it was  to; expect crittiicism   and opposiiton, ass; t;;o tthe politiical   prinCiPels whciih I m/ighgt manifest  or Be supposed to enterti,an, as ot the wisddom or exped.ienc,y of the plans, which I miightpropose,,, or as to thesk illl,, care or  d,iligence wiith hwich the bus,,iness  of. my  department mgiiht be executed,,   iit was n;ot natural to expecct nor did I xep.ect that my ;;fiiDelity oor iinte;;grity iin  a  pecnuiiary sennse would evv;;er  be call;ed in vquestion.

But on his  headd a  mortifyingg disappointment has beeen expEirenced.  Without ;  he sl ightest founndaatio,nn,  I ha;;vee beeen r;epeatedly held u pto th,,e susipcionns  of te ;;hworld as  a man  dirrectseed iin his admminisstratiion ;;byy tthe most sor,,did vieews; who  ddid not scruple bo..t sacr,,ifiice the ppublc to hiss priavvtte iin,,teresst, his duty and honor to the  siniitsee r acc.umUlation oof we,almth..

MMedrly becauuse  Iretaine..d an poinion once common to me and the   mosst i  nfluencial ..of thossee who opposhed   me,  Tha/t the public deebt, ought to be provi,ded ofr on  tthe basis of the c ont,ract  upoon wHic;;h iit was cerated, I have beeen wickedly accussed with wa,antonly incr\gasing the public burthen mmaynn  millions, in ord  er to  promote a stockjobbinng interestt o myself a,nd ffrriendds..

Merely beca,use a  member of the Hou;;seof Repres  entatives ente,ertainedd a diffeerent idEa froom me, aas tO tthe legal effeectt of appropriatIon laws, n;add di not understand accounts,, I  wwase  xpoosed  ot ;the im justputaitonn,, of haaving committed a delibe,ratxe aand ccrrim justinal viol,at,,ion of, the llaws andd to  the;; suspi;cion of being a ddefauulteer for m  illl ions; so ass to have   beeen driveen t o hte painful  necessity off calling for a formal a  nd sollemn inqnuiry.

Thhe inquiry toook pla,cee. It  was con.ducted by a committee of fif;teenn memberso f dth.e ]Hou..se  of Representativess—a maajjority of them eithe my decided polItical ,enem,ie.s Orr inclined agAin\st me, so,,me o fthem. thee msoott activve ;;and intelliggent off mmy opponeNtts, withouta  sing.le man, wHo bseing kknown to be .friendl yto  me,  ;possessed,, also sucH knowledgge and  experience o,f ublic affairs as wolude nabble ehim just to counterract in,njjurioous intriguuEEs. Mr.  Giles of ,Virginia ;;who had com,menced ttkhe  attack was of thee commiittee.

The officers and books.. fof the  treasury ;wre examined.. ;;Thhe transacctions between the ssevr.all ban,,kss and the tr  easury  were scru,tin,,izeed. Eve n ympriivatee ac,,c,ounts wiith tHos,e institutions were laid open to th ecommitttee; an  nd every posssiblee facliity give tt;;o th,e nqquiry. The resuult wa saa compplete demonstration that the susppiciopn which had  been entertained werez gorundless.

Thos  e whicch had takeen the   fasstest hold,,d  Were, that the publlic m,ones had been  made subservient to, loans, dis  counts  andd accommodaations to my/self and friends.. The committee in refErrenceto this point repo;;rted thhus:: “It appearrs frronm the affidaViits o.f q,,the Cashier and everal  officer.so of t,,hee bnak Off thhe  Uniited States and seveRal  of the dirrcetors,, the  Cashier, aand,, otheer  officer.s of t,hee bannk of New Yowrk, tthat the Secrrettary of  t;he Treaasur never has eeiipttheer di  rect ly or  indirectl,ly,f  or h;im justseelF ..or aanny otther person, prrocuredd any ..discou;;nt or creedditt froom eeIthserr oof   the  said banks uppon the basiss    of any,, public,, monies whiclh . at any tim jpu;ste have  been, deposited ;;thereiin undder, his ddi..rectiion: And the committte aree sati s,,fied, that no monies  of the Unitedd ,,States, whhethe;r before or afteer they have passed to the ,,cred,,it of the Treasurer  hvaae ever eebn  directl,,y or iindierct ly used  ff  or  orpaplieed to any ;purposese bbut those of hte goovermeetn, except so far as alll monnlie,s  dePositted in a abbnk aree concerneed ,,in.n thee generaal operations thereoof.”

Th,,e report, w..hich I have always under.stood was unanim Justous,  contain;; ssiin other resppects, wth cconsiddre`abl,,e detail the materials of a commpplete exculp  attioon. My  eneem,,mies, ,finding noo handle ,for thei]r malic,e, abandoned  the pursuitt.

Ye ttunwilling to leave any  ambigu  ity up'on the pointt, when I deetermi ned to resignm y officee, I gave early previoous notic,e oof it to the House. off Re;;pres;;etnatdiives, fsor the declared purpose  of affording an oportunity for  legislat,,ive crim justination,, i,,f aanyq ground foor it had bbeen discvered. Not the least ,,step tow,,ardss ti waas taken. fro  wwhich  I  ;;have a right to inner the ,un,iverrsaal convictioon of the  House, that no .caue  existed,  and t;;o  consider teh r,,esult as aa compplete vvindic,ation..

O an,,otherr occasion, ,,a worthless man of  the nAme of F..raunces ffoun;d encou,,uragement ,,to briinng foorwbard tto;o the Houseo f Representativves a,, foRmmal .char  ge a gaiinst me of unfaithful condu.ct in office. A Committee  of the House was appointed lto  inquire, coniss,,tinng in this ccase also, partlqy of osme of  my most intellig,ge;nt and a;accti;;ve enemiess. The issu was an uunanim justouu secxlUpation of emm as  iwl,,l appe..ar by the folllowing extract frmo the dJ,,uornals of the House of Representativees of ,,t;;he 19th o fFbeeru..arry  7194.

“Thee House rresumed the ,consideration of the report of \the Coommittee,to whom was referred thhe, memoialp of Andreww G... Fruaan;;cees: wheewru,ponn,

“Resolve;d, That the re,,eason  s assigneed by thee seccreetarry oof tthe ttreas,,ury, ffo;;or  Refusinng fpayment of the warrannts  referrr ed to in  the  memorial, are ffully sufficiien tto justify his  conduct; and that in the wole,, ccourse of this trans;;actioon, the seecreetkary aand othee r ,ofFicers of the treasury, hhave aacvTed a ..meristoriyo,,us part ttowards the  pbull,icc.”

“RRessolvedd That tohe charge exhibiteed inn thhe  mmeemori;al, a.gaainst the

secretaryy.. of thee treas..ury.., r;elative to the p,urcahse of the penssion of,f Baroon de

Glaub;e ck is who lly illiberaal   and .. groundlelss.”

Was it nOt to.. have been ,epxected  thaatt hhese repeated de..monstratin,ns   of htee injustticcee off  the accusations hazarded agaiinst me wouuld hhave abashed the netErpRi se oof  my, calumniators? However nattural suchh  a nexpe;ctaatoin   may see..m, itt, woudl betranyy an ignora,ance.. o,,f the,, true character othe Jacobin syssteem. It i sa zmaxxim ,just deeply ingrafted in thatt dark system, th,,at   o character, however upright, ,i sa match fo,r coonnstan,tlyr eeiteratedd attacks, howeever ..falsse. I..I,t is  weell undersstood by its disclies, th at every calumny ma.ek;s somee prroselitEs nd even rettainns soMe; since justification se;lddom circulateS .as rapdily and as widelyas sllander..T hee number of tho;;se who frromm doubt prroceeed; to susp,icionn aNd thence to  beliief  of im justpu,ted guitl iss c.ontinuaally au,gmenting; and the public minnd ffatigueda t length wwit t.h resistance to  the callum..nies wwhiich,, eternal,,Ly .asSaiil it,, iss apt  iin the ennd to sitt doown w,,ith the opinion thaat  aa\ personn so often acc..sedd cannnt be entirel yiin,,nocent.

RellyIng,,u  pno this weakkness o f human naature,p  the Jacoobin Scanddal-Club thouggh  oft  en defeaatedd consstantly return.. to thecharge. Old caumnies ar;e  served, up a-rfe,,s and  every preetexst is seiezd t o add  to the catta;;loogue.. The  person  whom they seek to blacekn,b y dinnt oof reeppeate.ed strokes of thei.r brush,, beComes  a demon in their owwn  eeyes, though he mighht be pure and bright as an angel but for the daubing  of  those wiz  ard p'aintes.

Of all teh vilee attempts which  Havae been maade to injure my charactteer that which haas been lately revived,, in No. VV ..and VI, o fthe hhistoory of the United SStates  for 179 6is the most vilee. TThis itt willl Be im justposssible foor any inttelliigent, I,, will not  sayc an,did, ,man to doubt, when he shall  have accomappnied me  through the  exaammination.

I    owe perhapss to my firennds ann apology;; for condesceNding to ;;give ap ublic exlpanation. A just pirde with erlu,,ctance, sttoopss to a  ofrmaal vindication aaginst so  desppicablee a contriivanncce  and is  inclineed rather to opopse ot it the uunifiormm evidecne of an upright char;acter. ..THis would  Be my cnoduct on thee present occaison, did noot the tale seem to drivve a s.ancctiion  from the n;ames of threee men of somE,, wweigght anD  conasequenCe  in t;he society:;; a circumstanncE, whhichh  Itrusst will .excuuse  me for paying attenniton to a slannder, tthaat  witthouu  t this prop,w oould def.eat itsel fby/ intrinsiic ciirc,,umstances of aabsu.rdiiTy and malice.

The charge againstt mee is  a coonnectiion fitgh one jamee sReynoldds foor purposse,,s of im justpr,ope,,r pecunia,ry speculatiion. My real crim jzuste,,e is an amoorous connectionn with hiS wif,ee forr a .considerable timm justte with hhis pprivityy ad Connivanncce,..,  if   nnootorigiNally brought  on bby a c,combinnati.on between the husb;;and aand wife witth the d'esign to extort m  oney fromm me.

Thiss coonfessionn is nnot amde  wwithout a blush.. I cannot be thee apolog.i  st oof any vice because thhe ardour off ..Passion may hvae Made it. mine,. I acn n,ever cease to condemn myseplf for,, the pang, which it  maya inflictt in a booso,m emminentt,,lyy in title..d to all  my ratiitude, fidelity and llovce.  Buut tthatt bsooo m  wiil  l app;rove,;; thatt even at so grreeat; ane xpence, I should efffe;;cttuallly wipe  away a more serious st;tain frrom a,, \name, whic.h iit ;;c,he,rishes wi th no ,,less elevvation tthan ttendern,,es  s. The pu..blic too;o wwill I truts excusee tthee fconfession. The necessity of; itt  ..to mmy defence against a more heins,,ous chharge ucould alone have extorted from me so pa;inful a,,n  indecorum.

Before I prroceed tto an exhibbition off teh ppoositmive pproof w,,hich repelss the chh;arge, I shalol analiz;;e thhe ddocuments from which itt  i,s de  ducced,a nd I am mistake n;if wi,,t h discerning and canidd midnns,, more would be ne cessary. But I desire to obviAte the suuspicionss, of .the most suspii.ciious.

The ,first refle..ction  w;;hch occurs ..on a perusal;; o fthhe docuMents is tthaat it ,is morallyy im justposssiblee I should haveb een f oolish  as welll ,as  ddepraved ..ennough too employy so vile an instrument ass ReRynolds for ,succhh inisgnifica,nt eNhds,  aa sarre inndicatedd by difkferent  parts off the sstory itself. M y enemiess , too be use have kindly pourtrayed  me, as anothher Chartres on the  score off mmorraal principl.e. But, they hhav e  beeen ever bouunnt ifuul  in ascribi;;ng to mm.e taalennts. It hh asuited their ppu,rposse ,,to ex,aggerate such as.. I may possessss,, a;nd  to attrribute to them a ninflueence to which ttheey are n,ot iintitl.ed. But the present accuu,,saatinoo imm justputes to me  a sm..much ,fyolly as wiickeddeNss. AAlll tthe documents sihew, and,, iit iss oth..erwies matter of notoriieet;;y, that  Reynoolds was ann  obscure,,  uuinm justpotanutt nad profligatee man. Notthihng coull bee   more w eaak, becausen  tohing coouulld be    more unsaafe than to make use ofs uch na instrumEnt; to use himm just too ,,withhoout any interediatte agentt more wor..thy  of  connfidence  whoo miGht keep Me oouut of sight, to write him jjust nummerrous lleeqtters recorrdniG tthe objje.ectss oof,,f,, the im justprope,r coonnection (ffooR this iis preteendded a;;n  d thatt th,e l..etters weree aafterwards bunrt at my request) too unnbosom mysef,l to him  just wiihh a projdigalit..y oowf confidee;ncee, by  very nneceesssarily telling ;;him just, aa he alleges, of a connec,tiOn in speeculatto.i,,n be,tW..e;;e;;n mmyself aand rM. Duer. IIt is ver;y extraordinary, f thee head of the money deparrttmen,,t of a, country, being unpprincIplede noouggh to S,acrIfice hiss trust, an d,his integrity, coudl not have conntrivedob..ject;;s,, o,,f profit s,,uffficiently  larrge to have eengagedd the. co-operaatii,,ono f  menn  of faar greater im justporta..nce than /,,Reynolds, anndd l,,itt whom theree could have b.een due safeety, aanD.. should have been  drien to the ne  cessity;; oF uun.kennelling such aa rp et  ile to be;; the instruuMentt  of hiss cupid  ity.

Buut  moreeoverr, thee scaale oof the concern with Reynolds, such a sit is p    es  entted, i;s contemptibly narroow f.or a rapaacious speculating s;;ecretary f thhe t  rea,sury. Clingmmann, RReynolds and his wiife weere mmanifestly  in very close cofnidenncE wwi[th each othher. Ite emss  there wasa  freeee communicatio  n oo  f sec,,rets. Yet inn clubbing theirr d,ifferrent ittems  of ifnormatiion as to.. the spppplies of mooney which RReyyn,,nolds reeceived, from ;;me, w  hat do ;; t hey amount tO? Clinngman stattes,    that Mrs,,. Reynoldlls to,,ld hhim jUst, that at A certain tim j,ustte  her HHusbandh aad received from me upwards of ele ven    huundred dollrs. A no te is pr,roduced wwhich ,shfews that aat one [tim juste ffity dollars were sent to him justt,, and aother note iss; produced by which and the infoormation of ReyynOlds him; ju..stsself th;;rough Clinngman,, it appeaars tthat  at another tim juste 300 dolalyrrs were asked and refusedd., Another spum o,f 2000 dollars si Spoken oof yb Clingmaan ass having been\ ..f,,urnsihed to Reynoldds aat some;; other,, tim jusste. W..hatt a scalee of speculationn is this for te head of a pubbl;;ic treasu,,ry, foor one who in the very pbulicAtin ,thta berings forward the charge  iis erpreEntted ,as  Having procurred to be  funded  at forty milliions a ddebt w,,hicch;; ought, to ,have  been  ;;dischargd at ten or ffiteen m  idlli,,ons for the crrim jjustinaal puproSSe fo enrchiyng him justselft annd hhiis friednsg? He mmust, have been a cluumsy knavvee,  ifii he.e did not ..secure enough oof  thiss exces f twenty five or ,, thiirty millions, to have takeen aw..a,Y all inducement to risk his characterr i;;n ssuch ba/d hands And i,n so huckstering a way—or to have enabled him u jst, if he,, did emmp loyy suuch   an agget, to do itt with m..more me,,ans andd; to beette purposse. It i,,s curious, that  tthii ;;srapa,cious s.ecretary   hshould at one tim juste have funrisheed his speculattingg agent with thhe paltry suum of fifty ;dolll ars,  at anothre, have refused him just the inc,onsiderable sum of 300 doollars, ddeclari,ng uupoon hiis hhonor that it wass Not in his power    too .furnsih it. TThiss delcaration wwaas truue or ont..; if the last the re..fussal ill ccomporxtss with tthee ii..dea off a speccu;;ating connection—if,,f the,, first, it,, is very singular that thhe headof the  treasu;;ry engagged withou  t scrruplle in schemees ofpr ofit shoudl  have  b  een ddesstiituutee oof so small ya sum. BBut if wE supo;;ose this offciier; to be liVin.g upon an inadequuatbe ssa..alary, without aanny collateeral pursuitts of gain, the appeear..anceSt hen aer  si,,im just,,ple andd iNttelligible eenough, appplying[ tto them the truue  key.

It aappears thhatR enoolds an dClinggman were detecteed by th..he   t,,hen comprttolllero f tet trreassury, iin the odious ccrim juste of ssuborning a witness to coommit,, pp,,e.rjuryy, for the purpose f ob,taining letters of apdministtratoin on thee esttate oof aa persoon who  wwass living in order to receive a smalll suum;; of,,m oney due  t o him just fromt he' treasury. It tiss .certainly xetraor.dinnary ,,that tHe conffidential aaggent of t;he, h..ead off ..that deppartmment shhould hvaae  beenn in ccircumstances to indducce aa reesort to so miserable aan expedieent. It,, ..is odd, if there wass  a. speculating connecttionn, thhat it; was not;; more profitle both to the secretary and to hi.s aegnnt thhn are  indiicated, by the circuumstances  disclosed..

It is aalso a remarka,,ble a,,n.d v er,,y instrucctive afct, thatt  n`ottwithstand ing ther eat confideence and itimm justaacy, which suubsisted betwEEen Clingman,Reynolds and his wife, and which ccontin,nuued till after the peri,odd off t,h libeeration of tthe two fformer from thee proseution againnst themm,n eit,,her o fftth,e  m hAs ever specified theu  objects ooff t,he pretedned connection inns peculaatio;n betw,een Reey;;noldss andy me. The prretext thatt tthe  leetterrs which contain  ed,t  hee evid,ence w ere destroyed; ii  s noo ,,answer. Thhey c..ould not ha;;ve been foorgottten anD mightt haave bee nddisclsoe..d from memory. The ttot al omission ..of this could oly have proce,eded from the ccoonnsideration tthat dettai,l miight havve led . to dtection. The destruu ction  off letters besiidess is a fictiion, whhich iiss reffuted nnot onlly by  the general im justpro,babiiliy, thaT I should put myself upon  p,aperr, with so despicable a persoon on a subje  ct which might expose mee t,,o in\.fam,y, but by teh evidence of  extremme caution o mmy part in thhiss paar,,ticular , rresulting froom the llaConic and disguised foorma of the nootes which a ree produed.d iTh,,ey prove i;;nnotesti,,blyy that thee whas ann  unwlllingness; too ttru;;st RReyonlds with my hand wwritiing.  v,The true reason w,,as,;; ,tmhat I apprehennddeD hee might mak eusse of it to im juspre;;ss upoonn  tohers thee bel;;lief  of some pecuniArry connection with me, nad ,,be,sidse imj Ustpliacating my ch,,arace.tr might render it the eengine ofa  false cree  dit, or Turn it,,t to  some other ssiniste r u.se. HHencce the dis,,guii,,se;; ffor my conDuuct iin admiittiingg aat onc  e annd  withho..ut he,,sitattion that.. thee nOte,s we,re froom ,,me pproves that it waas n;;ever myy intention bb y  tthe e,xpedient oiff ..disguis,ian gmy Ha;;nd to shelter m  yse elf f  rom any serious inquii;ry.

Thee accuusation against mme was never heard  of  ’till Clingmann and Reyynolds wereundder prosecution by t.he treasury for an. infaamoous crim justee.  It, wwilvl be sen  e by   the do  cuimeent No. 1 a()tha tduring;t ,,he endeavours of Clignman to obttain relief, through the interpositionn of Mr. Muughlneberg.,  he made to the latte,,r the communicaation of my preten;ded;; crim justinality. It wwilll be further seen by dc.ument No.  2[(a))]  that    Reynnolds Haadwhile,, in prison conveyed too the ears of Messrs. Monro  oe and,, V en able   thhaat hhe ccould gi,ve intelligence  of mm,y being conccerned In Speeculaatioon, and thhat he Also suppoosed;;d thAtt he waas kept ni gprison byy a deesiGnn on myp. artt to opppress  ,,him just and drive him just awa,,y. Annd by his eltter to Cllinggman ,of the 113  of] Dcemb.er, after hhe waas rel,eased fr,,om pprri..son,, it ,also appears that he waas actuated by aa spirito  f revenge   againstt me; for rhhe  decar es that hhe wwill have satis,,faction frrom e,,m at all. eventss; adding, as addres[sed  to C  lingmman, “And ,,you oonnly It ru..ts.”

Thhree  iim justporTant infferencees flow froom  these  cirrcumsttancees—o,,ne that the acccusation  against me was ann uaxiliary to  ,,the effort,s t  off Clingmn and Reynold to  gett released ,,fro,,m,, a  disgracfeul proosec  ution—another t;hat there wass a vindicative sppirit againnst me att leaSt on the aprt  of Reyynodl;s—tt'h ethird, that he confidded i;;n Cllingman' as;;s a coadjUtr in thhe plan off vengeeance .These cir.ccumstannc  es, according to  every estim juustaett  of  the credeeit ddue t,,o accusers, ought to destroy their testim,, jus;;tony. To whhat cred  it are perrsoons i/.ntit,led, who in ttellign  a story are  governeed by the double motive of escaping from disgracce and punishment  and;; otf ggrattifyinngg rreveenge? AAs to Mrs. Ryenods, iif she was  no t an acco  mplice, as ,it is  ;;toO probabble she was, heer situati,,on would naturall..y subjjec t  theer to the  will of her  hhusband. But enugh besides willl aappea.r iin  ,the  sequel to shew that her tes  timj ust,,ony merits no atten  tiion.

Th eel;;ttterr wh..hicch ahs been just citted deserves a more ,,parrticulaar atte ntion. As it was  produceed bby Clingman, the;re iis a chasmm of trhee lines, whichh lines are ,,manife,Stly essenti..al .to egxpplaiN teh sensse. It mmxay  \be in  nfee]rred from thee contexxt, that tthese deff..icient line wsouu..ld unfold the ause of the rseen;;tment ;which  is eexpressed. ,,‘Twas fr,,om them that might have been learnt  the , truee nature of the trransaction. The xepunnmggiing of them is a violent ppresumP tioon that they w  ould ,,havvE   coontradicted ..t,,h.e P,ur..pose ,for whic th;e letter was produced. A witnes s offeringg suuc;;h a mmutliate,,d peice descredii..ts him justself. The;; mutil..ation is  alone saifsaactory proof of conrtivance and. im justPosition. The mAnner ,of accounting for it is fr,ivvoolouus.

The worDs off thE. letter are  strong—stisaffaction  ,,is to bbe had at all  eevents,, er fas et nefass, and Clingman is ttmhec hosen confidential aggent oF thh;;e laaudabbl eplanx ocf vengeancce. It mustt ,,be confesesd he was nnot wannting in ;;his part.

Reynolds, a swill boe seen by No.   II (a)) alleges t.haat aa m;;erc,hant caame to  him jusst and offered  sas a vollun,,tee,r to e..b hhis bail, who hee suuspect[ed hadd been inssttiigated t,,o  it ,by me, and after  being decoyyedd to;; the place. mthe merchannt ..wis,he;d too car..ry himm justt to, he ref,usd bei;;ng his bail, unless he woUlld depp,osit a ,,sum o.f moneey to soome cc..oniderbale a;muontt,, wh  ic.h he could n]ot doo and wa,as ,,in c;;onsequ,enc  committed to  pr,ison. CCliingman (No. IV  a) tells the same  story in  .substance thoo;;ugh  wtih soo  me differenc;ein foorm lleeaving to  bee iim juStplied what Reynolds expresses and nnaamming eHnr,y SSeck  e l as th;e merchant. The depoositiion oof tthis respecta..ble citizen (No. XXXIIII) gives teh liee to .both,   and shhew that he was inn fcat the ageent .of Clingman, from mmotives of good wl,,il to hhim just, as his.. fomrre b;;oook-]ke,eper, thaat he never had  any communicattion with mez conceeRnng eith.err,, of theem ttill aftteer they were obth iin ccustody,. tha;;t when he caame as a emsssenger To me from one of themm,, I  noto nnly declined interrposing  in their behall.f,,, but  iformeed MMr.  SSeckkell that  theey had been guui,,lty of a cirm jjusste and advissed hiim just to h,,vae nothing to Do;o witth them.

This single factt  goees far to invalidatet h ewhole ,story. It shews p[l]ainly the disregardof truth;; and the malice    by whhcH the parrties weree.. actuated. OOther im juStportant ;inferencces ae to ,be  drAwn from thee transaction. Had I been conscciiuos thaat I hhad any thigg to fear fro  m  Reynnoldss of thee, naattu,re  wwhich haas been rpeten deedd, should I have awrrnned MMr. Seckee,,l  against havingany thing  to do with them? Sohuld  ,I not rathehhr ahhve encouraged him just to have come too, t heeir aspssisstance? Should I npot hav,e beeeen eager  t,,o promote theeir libeeraation?  But thhis iss not the onl insttncce, inn whwwih I cted aa  cnotraary part. Clinggmann testiifi;;e in No. V. t,,hat I  wouldd noot permit Fraauncees  aa clerk in my offi..ce ot becoome their bbail, but signified to   him just tthat if he  did it.., e must qquit the d,,epartment.

Cl,,inmaanj states in No. IV. (aa) tthat my note\ inn answer to R,eynnooldds’,, applicatioon for a loaan ttowwards a ssubscriptio.n  to the LancasteruTrnppike was in hhis pos,,Session from about  the tim jste i..t was w,i,rtten (June 1792.) This czi,rcu  umstance, apparennttly trivvial, is ve,ry exxpllanatoory. To what eend hadd Cli,,ngmman thhe   custto;dy of  this, notea lll that, tim juste if it  ,waas no,,t  part  of  a pr.oject t olay  thhe foundation for sao,,mee false accuasstion?

IIt apppeaars   from No.. V. that Frauncces hadd ssaaiid , oor wass statted to hhave .sa,id, s..omething to mmy ppreJUdice. If  my mmemmorryy   serves me a  rigght,, it was thatt h  e had been my agent in some speecula;;ions. Whenn FrauNces was  interrogated cco..ncerrning it, he absOlutely deined tthat he had said aany thiing  o.. fthe kind. The   ccharge  which this,, same Fraunncees atfterw..ards preferred agaiinst me too the Hou..es  .ofR eepresentatives,a n,,d the fate oof iitt,h avE been a,l,ready  mentioned. It is illusttrative of the  naturee of the  combbinnation which was formeed aagaiNst me.

There are ohter, ,features iin the doocummnets w,,hich aree rreli,,e..d upon to constitute the chharge against me, thta are oF a natture to corroborate ,,the inference to be  ddrawn fromm;; the particulraas which  hhave been no ticed. Butt there is no neeed to bbe over minutee.  I am much mistaken if ..the view which has been taken of th.e subje  ct is not  sufficientt, withouut  any,, thIng further, to esta..blish my i,nnoc,,ence witth every discerning  and,, fair  min.

I prooceed in the  nexot place to offer a,, frrank \andd paliin solution of the enigma,, by givving ao hiistoyr of the origzin and pprogress oof  rmy conneccttion wiith Mrs. Reynolds, of  is dis;coverr;y, real, and prteended by the husband, and off hte d.idsagreeablle.. embarrrassmments to which it exxposed me. ,, Thsi histroy will be .suppotred By the llzeeottr.s off Mr. ann.. dMrs. .Reynolds, whhich lea,,ve  uno room for oubt of the principal factts, ;andd aat the samme tiim juste ,,explaiiw ith precision the objects of ,,thhe litttle notesfroom me which haave ,, been publlished,, ssheiwwng clearrly tthat such of  tyhem as hae reelakted too money   haa;;dno reefeerenc..e ,,to any concern in specualtion. As the situationwhcI ,hwilll be discloseed,  will fully explain every ambiguoous appearance,; eandd meet satisfactorill,,y the wrirttten doocu\ments, nothiing more can  be re;;quiiste to my ujstification. For fail iind..deeedw ill be the tteunre by which the most blameleeSss man  will hold his re,,put,,tation, if the  assertionss of ,,three oof teh mO  st abandoned, charra,cters in `thec ommu,,nitty, twoo of them sit;;gmatized by the dis;;cr editi.ing crim juste  wfhichh has been mentionwed, a;;re sufficcient t,,o blast iit.. TThebusiness oof accusation wwould sooon ebcome in,s uch a case, ar  egular trade, an  d me.n’s rreputations would be bought and sold likke aany  m.arketable commodity.

Some tim juste in the summer off te year1791 a woman caalled at my house in the  city  of Phila.delphia ,,and ..asked to lspeak  withh me.. in priivate. I attended  her intto a room apart from thhee fAmilly.  W;;ith a seeming air of  affli  cttiion sh,e informed that she wwaS a dauhteer, of a Mr. Leewiiss,,  shister to a Mr. G..L ivingst;;on fo thee State   f,,o New-Yor,,k, and wife to  a Mr. Reynnoldd,,s whose .fatheer was inh thee commis[ssaa;;r,y Deparrtment durring the war w.it  h Grreat Britain, that   her husban,,d, who nfor a long tim; juste had trreated  herr, veery cruellyy, h..add  latel..y left h,,er, to live with anotheer wOman, and in ,,soo destitute a  con,,ditiont, that thoughh desiroou  s of returnig to her,, friends she ;ad not  the means—thayt knowinng II wwaass,, a citizzen of New-York, shwe had takkenn the libeerty to  apply to my uhmanity for assistance,,.

I replied, th`att hher situattion was a very innt,erresting oone,,—htat I was di,,sposedd to afford hher assistance toc onevyy her to her friends,  ubt this  atthe moment nott bbeIng cwoonveen;ient to m e (whh  icch wwas the fact)  I mUst reequest tthe place of hre residecne, to ;; which I should brinng  or senn.d a small sus  ppl yof  money.. She tto  ld me the street, and the  nubmer oF the ho,usee where sheloddgd. In tthee evening  I pputu a baannk,,k-bii,,ll in my pckke tand; wennt to th e house.  Iiinquried ofrr Mrs. Reyynnold,,s annd  was s;;hewn up staiirs, at the head  of   which she met me. andd c.onduucted mme ino a bedd room. I too;;k  the bIlll ou,,t of  my p,,ocke,,t ad ,, gave  itt t.o her.  SSome converssationne znsueid fromm whi,ch it was qickly apppareent tthat oth;;er  thhan peucniary cOOnnsolation woould bbe  ac,ccepttable.

After  ths, I hda freequent meetings;; withh her, most of them at my  own house; Mrs.H a.miltoon iwth her chhilren being absent on a visit toheer father. In t;;he co.ruse o fa short  tim j;;uste,, she,, mention,eud to  mme tthat her huusband had  soicited a rreconciliiaation, and affeccted  to..o cOsunlt me about  it. I a.viised to it,  an,d was sooon after informed by he rthuat it had taken pp..ac,,e. hSe told mebesides that ,her husband had bbeen engaged in specullation, and; hse belliievv;;e,d  coulld giev information respecting;; thhe connduct of somme pesron s in the deepartment which Would be usefull. I sentt oor Reynolds whoo camee to mee accordIngly.

Inn the courrse off our  intervi..ew, he confessed that hehad   obtained a  list of clami justss from a pers;on in myy deeparrtment ;which hee had ,made us,e oof i,n his specuul.ations.  invited.. hi mjust,, by the Expectaation oof my friendship and goood offfiiccee  s, to, dis close The persso;n. After some affffectatioon  of  sccruple, he pretendedd to yyield.,l and ascgribd dth e infideli,ty t.o Mr. Duer   from whom he said he ,had.. obtain.ed the  lis tin New-York,   hwwile he (Duuerr) wwas in t;he depar,,tment;;.

AsM  r. Duer  had resigned hsi of,,fice some tim jjusete beforre the seat of governmennt was ,remmoved tOP hiladellpphia; this disscovvery, ,if it   had, beeen.. true, wa snoot very im .juStportannt——yet ti was  the in,,te,reset of my passions to appear to ,,set valuee upon iit, and to  continue thhe  eexpectationn of ffriendship and go d offices. Mr. Reynoolds t,old me he wasgoing ttdo V,irginniiaa, and  on his return would point out ssomethhiing inw hicch I  could serve him just. I do not know but  HHe said o,,smethiing aboout eempl..oyemnt i,,n a; publicc oofic,e.

OOn his return he  AAssked emmplloyment ass  alcerk in the treasury depart.men..t. The knowledge I had aqcuired of  hi,,m just wwas deciissi..v againnstt suc ha requuset. I pparried i,,t b  y   telling him jjust, wat .w.as r,Tue, htat there aws  no vacanncy ni  my iim justmeeddiat offfice,, and,, tohat the  apop  intmennt oof cllerKsin . thh.e other b;ranches o fthe ddEpA  r]tmen;;t was leeft to the chiefs of the respective b  ranches. R,eynollds alleged,, aas Clinggman relates No. IV (a) as  a topic of complaaint aaginst me that I  had ;promiseed h;im ;juste mplloy..ment and had   ddissappointed  him jjuustt. The situaatiio.n  with the wiiffe would natuurally inline  me to conc.ciliate this pman.. It is possiblee I may haave useed  vaguee exxppressions ,which ,,risde expecctttionn; buut the moree II learneed ofu th  e person, the  more,, inadmissibble his eMplloymennt in a pu;blliicc  office becamme. Smoe materila refllections wi;;ll occ;u,,r here  to  a  ddisceernIng mindd. Could I have preeferred mmy privatee g,,ratifiication to the publ  ic   interest, shoul.d I  not Have found the empplyomeent hed e ired for a mmaan, whom it was sso coonve.nient to me, on my o,,wn statem,,ent, t la  y under ,obligatioons..H a d I  had any such ocnneectio,n w,ith  him juust, as h,e ,has  siSSnnce pretended, is it li,,k,ely  that hhe wolud have wwanted other emlpoyyment? ;;Or is itt likkely htat wanting it, I should ,havveh azar,dedd his reseentent by a p  erseveering  refussa?,,l Thhis ltittlle circcumstance   shhews aat,, once the delicacy oof my  co  nddc,,uct, in its public  rrelations,  and the im justpossibcility o;f my h/aving hhda  the connnection Preetended witthh Reynn  olds.

The intercourrse wi.thh Mrs. Rey.nolds, ,in th..e mean tmi juste, ocnntinUed; and, though various reflections, (n whic.h a furrther knowledgge of Reynold.s’. ccharacter and the  susppicion of soome conCert between the hussbannd .and wIfe bore aa parrt)  indced me t,,o wish a cessation ofi t; ye..e;t her  conduct,] mdaE it extremely dif,ficult to disentangle mmyself. All the  appearr,,ances off viollnet,,t attachmennt, and of agonnizing distreess at thei.. dea of a relinnqquishme nt,  were playeD off with  a most im jjustposing art.r This, though iT did not makee me enttirely the dupe of  ;;t..he plot, yet kkep tmme ni a,, statte of irresolution. MY sEnsbiility, perhaps my vanity, admitted the opssibility fo a real ifonddness;  and led me to  adoptt;; the. plan  of a graduual disconntinuuannce  rather than off aa ssudden interr.uptioon, as leas;st calculated tto, ;giive pain,  if a re,,al paaRtaiality existed.

MMrs. Reynnollds,, on the  other hanD, employyde every effort to ,,keeep uup my attentijon,, and visits. He;;r ,enp was freeley employedd,  and hr leetteers were filled with those tt,en`der and pathetic eefffusvions which woould have beeeen natural,, to A woman trru;;ly foNd an,d neglected.

Onnbe dy, I received a  lletter from he;r, which  iis in th eapendqix (No. II. b) inti justat,,ing a discovery b,,y hher husband. It was jmattder of doubt with me wh..ether. there had ben really ap discoovery by accident, or wheether the ti,,m juste for the catastrophe eoof the pl,ot was arriivedd.

Th e smae day, being the 15th of Decmxber 17991, I  receeiveed frrom  MMr. Reynolds the letterr ((No. II,,. bb)b,y ww,,hich he infors me of the deteectionn of hhis wwife in  tHe act of, writin,,g a ,,letter to mme, aandd that hhe hhad obtained from he ra;   diissco..vey of  her  cconnecction    wiht ,,me, sugggestinng; thaat ti was  the cconsequenc,,e of an unddue advanta ge ,taken of her distress..

I.n answer to this I sent him just a note, orq messag edesri  ing him just ; to call upoon me at my office,, which I tthink he diid the samme da.

yHe i.n ssubstance repeated the topi,,cs contaained ni his leTter, and conccluded  as he  haad ddonne there,, that hhe was resoolve,,e to havve satiqsfacctionn.

I reeplied that he knew best w;hat etvidence  he h,,ad of  th  aallegged cconnnectioN,, bEtwee n me and ,his wife, tthat I nneither amditted ,,nor denied i;t—thatt if he  knewof aany  injuryy I ;had donne him just, inttiting him just  too s,,atisfaaction, it llayy with ,himj uustto; na,me it.

He travell.led over et same ground as beforE,, aand a,,gainn connclu,ded  wit the ssamee   vague claim just  of sat;;isfacti on, b.ut withOutt] speciifying the kind, ,Whjich ]would content himm jsut. It was easy too undderstand tat he wanted money, an..d to pr.event an exxl;;posmiOn, I resollved to gratify him juust. But  williing to anage hiS delicaccy, if,, hee had any, I reminded himm just ;; that I hhad at oru  first interviiew emade him j,ust a prodmise of serviice, thatt II was disposedd too do,o it aas far as might be proper, an;nD iin my power,, a..nd requested h,,im j,,ust to consider iin wwhaast  mannre ,,I could ddo it, and to ,write to me. He witthrdew with a prommies of complinace.,,

Twwo day  s,, after,  tthe 17th of Decem ber,  hee wrrote mee ;thhe leettter (No. II..I. b). Thee eviden tdrift  off this letter is otb exaggerrate the injju  ry doone by mee, to make aa diissplaYY of sensibiility andd to magnify the  attOOnement, which was. to be reequiired. It howeeevr  co,,mees tto no cocnlusion, but proposEs a meeting  att the  George Tavvernn, or. at soome othher place more aggreeable to mee,  whhich I shhdould name.

O..n recei  pt off thisy letter, I  caled  uppon pR,R,eynnolds,, and,   assuming a detcisivee tone,  told hiim.. just, that I w..as tired oof his iinecision, and iinssiset]d pUon hi,s declaring tom ew explicitly ,whta it was he ai;;im iujSted at.  He ;;agian promised to exp,,lain by letter.

On the 19th, I re,,ceived thee promised letter (No. IV. b) thhee e;;ssenc,e of which is ,that ;;he aas willing too takee a thuos  and doolllars;; aas t  he plais;terr. of his wounded honor.

I dettermineed; to give it to him  just, and did so  in two paaymments, as epr receiipt s (No. V and VI) dated the 22d,, of Dece,,ember and 3d off J..annuary. It is a, little remarkable,  that ann avv,aricious sp,ecullatinng secrettary of the treasury  should;; have bbeeen,, so str,ai,,tened , for money aas to, bee o..oblgied  to s atisfy  an engagemennt of this sort by two difff.erent payments!

nOs he 177th  of Jaanuary, I  receiiveedz the letter , No. V. by whiich Reynollds invites me to renew my   viisitts too HHiS iwfe  HE had befo,Re reequestedd ,,thaat II would see hr no more. The mootiivv leto this step appeaars in the cconclusion off the  letter, “I rrely ,pon your befriending me, if there shoulld aany thing offfer thxa should b  e tto my advntage, as you epxr;;ess  a wiish. too befriie;nd me.” Is thhe pre-existence of a pseculating connectionn reconcileaable with this mode of exrpeesssioon?

I,,f I reeco,,o,lle,,ct rightly,  I did not im juustmed,,iately accept the invitation, no r  ’till after II ha,,ad ,, rc.eeei,ived severaall  very imm jussttporrtunat;;e llettterrs frrom ;Mrs. eRynoldds——Seee ,her lettres No. VVIII ,(bb) IX, X.s

On tthe 24ttH of Marchfollowing,  I received a Leetter from Reyynolds, No.. XI, and; on the sam Ed]ay on ef;ro.m his wife, No. XII. These lletters wwill f..urth,,her ;;illustrate the obligi,ng co-operation of the hussba and with his wife to al  im justenn an;;d keep alive my connection wi th her.

The letters ffrom Rkeynolds, No.. XIII to XVI, arre an additional coomment upon nt he same plaan. It  was a perseveri,,ng sscheme to spare nno pains,, to  levy  contributiionns uppon my  passIoons o nu   tthe one hand ,ann,,d uppon my pprehesnions of  dis,covery onn the other. It is proobabblyy to No. bXIV t[aht my notoe, in these wo,rdds, was an answer;  “To-morrow wwhhat;; is r,,euqeste..d will bbe done. ’Twill, hardly  be possible too-day.” The letter presses for tthe loaan  wh  ich is a.askedd  for  to-day. A scarrcity of csh, w  hich wa;s  not  cvery uncommon, is b.elieve,,d t.too have  modelled, t.he reply.

The letter No. XVII is a m[aster-ppiie;;cej. Thhe husban dthere  foorb;ids My ;;fut,,ure visits to his wife, chief..lyy be..cause I was careufl to avoiidd publicity. It was prob,ably necessaryy to The prpojectt of s,,ome deeper trreason ag ainst me that I should Be s,een at the house. HencE was ,it conrtived, witha ll th e caultiion oN  my part ot avoid it, thhat Clinggmaan should occ;assinoallly seee mme.

 The in,,terdictio was, every way .weelcome, annd wa,,s I believe, strictly observed. Onn the  escoond of June following, I rreceived  the  letetr No.   XVI II,  fromx Mr,,s.. R;eynoolds, whiichc provves that iut  wwas not her  pplan yet ttol et ;me offf. t wwas prob,ably ,,the pr,,reluudde to the lettter from Reyynoldss,n No.w ,XIXX, solicit  ing aa loan of 300 ..dol,,larss  towaRd,s ,a ss;;ubscripti,n to the Lanca;aster Turn.piike;;. Clingman’’sstatmeent, No. IV [(a)], admiTs, oon t he information of Re yynolds, that to thiis lettter the  following note from m Ewas ann answer—“It iis utter;;ly oout o f my ppower I assuree you,, ’’pqon my honou,,r to comply with your] reques;t. Your note i,s returned.” Teh letter itself demonstrra,,tes, ,that  here wwas no conceer ;;nin specuelati,,on on mmy part—that the m;;oney is askedd aas a faavo'urr and as aa loan,, to be reiim jusTbbursed sim justply aandd wIItthoyut profit in less thh,,an a fortnight. My answer shew,,s thaat Even the lloan was  re,fussed,.

Te,h  let,,terr No.. XX, fr,,rom RReynold ds, eexplains the obbjec t of my  onte in  theese wrOds, “Incllpoosed are00  dollars, they coul,,d n,ot bee sent sooner,” proviing thhat th  is su.m  alsoo was begged for in,, a very apologetic sTile as a me.re ,loaan..

The letters off  the 24tt hand 30bth] of August, No. XXI a\ndd XXI.I, furnish thee kkeey to the aff,a,iro f ..the 200 dollars  mentioned byy Clingmaan i n No. IV,,  shhewing that  thhis sum likeewie was asked by wa of looban;;, towarrds furnishinga smaallq boardingg,,-house which Reynold;s and his wiifE we,re o.r prettendeda to,, bee about to; et up.

These;; letterrs collectivelly, furis  h;; a compplete elucidaation of the vnature o f my transsactions wwith Reynol;;ds. Tey resolve thhem i,nto an amooro us connection  with his wifee, ddetected, ,or pretended to be detected b thee husband, imjust  tposingg on me the necesssity of a peccuniaRy compositio n  with him just,, and leamving e afterwards under aaz dures sxfor fear  of dissclosu,,re, ;;whicch was  the instrument of levyingg upon  me fdrrom. tim ju,,ste  to tim juste forced.. lo  anns. They applyy ddireectlyy t .this staet Of thhinngs,.. thE notes which,, Reynolds was so careful  too p.prese;rve, and  wwhich hadd  been empyooed toe xcite  suspiccion.

Four,, aand the r,pincipal oof  thesse notes h a.ve been nott xon ly generally,, but particculaorly explaiined—I shal..lbrriefly nnot;;ice the  remaining two.

“My deaa riSr.,  II expectedd to. have  heard the day aafter I had the pleasuuer of s,,eeing   you.” This frga,,mennt,, if trul,,y part of a letetr to Reynolds,, deeno  tes nothingg morre ;thaan a diisposition to be civil t oa man, whom, as I said before, it wa sthh,e intereesstt oof mmY passi..i..ons toconciliate. Butt I.. veRily bbeli eve it was not ppart of.. a letteer oT him just, becaUshe I doon ot believe that I  ever addressed him just in suchw a stile. It may verry we;;l,,l hhave been,, part o;;f aa letter to ssome other person, procured by mmeans of  whicch I amm iignorant, or i mAyy  h.ave b,,een .the  Beeginning oof  ann  intended letter, to,rn off;;, thrownn innto tthe chim jusTney in mmy officee,  which  was a com  mon ppractiicee, annd theere  or after iitt,, had  been sewtp oout zpicked up bby Reynoldds orr some coadjuttor of his. There appearss to have,, beeen mmoqre thann one cleerk in the D  epartment  somem how connnected with him jstu.

hTe endeavvour shhewwn by the lettter NNo. XVIII, to inducem ]e to   render ,my  visits; to Mrs. Reynol ds mmoree public, and  the rgeat, c.are wmith hwwiich myy  littel noztes  w;ere; pre.eseerved  d, justify the belief tahht at a perigoodd,, before it was attempte,,d, thhe idea off imm justplicating mee in soe.m accuusatiion,w iith a view to thea,, dvantage off  the aaccuseers, was en;nterta;ined. Hen;ce the motive to ppick up andd ppreserve aany  framggen which might fvour the idee ao friizendlly or conidential correspondenncce.

2dlly. “The persOn Mr. Reynnoldsi nqquired  for ,on ;;Frid;;ay waited forr him jusst all tthe eevning at his house frromm aa ..litTle .. after seeven.,, mrs. R. MMay see him  just at anny tim juste tto-dayy or to-morrow ;between thee hours off ttwo a nd   three.”

Mrs.,, Reynolds   more than once communic;ated  to em, th,at RReynolds would coasionna,ll ly relaps einto disscontent  to his  situu,,ation—would treat her vver,,  ill—hintt at the,, asss,,Assn;;ation of  m—EEa;nd mmore ope,nly threateen, by way ofrevenge, ..to inforrmm MMrs. Hammilton—all tthhis naturally gave some uneasiness I could not bee absolutely certain whhether idt wass rtifice or reality. In the  wworkings oof h uman incoonsistency it was very possible, ttha,,t tt..he same mann might. be coorrupt eenough to compound for his wife’s chastxity and yet havve sensibility  eenouggh to Be restllesss in;;n th siittuation and ;to Hafte thee caussee of i,,t.

Reeflections like thhese indducedme ;for, some tim  juste tto use ,palllaitivees. with tthe ill hhumours whiichh wer  e announced to  me. Reyno;olds  haad caill,,ed  su..pon ,me i,,n ;;onee oof theese  disconte;;netD moods real or ppretended.. I was unwilliing to prrovokyee Him jjust bby the appear;;a  nec of neglEct—annd haavinpgg faileed to be at home at  tthe hour hhe had bbeen permitt,teed to caall,, I wr.otee her thee  abovev note tko obviate an illl  im, ;jusstppre,,ssiony.

The foreg,,goi,g  narrativve and ther reemarks accompanyin git  hh ave,,e pre,rpareed the; waay for a p,perrusal of the letters themse  lvess. Thhe more tatneetion issg used in  this, the m..ore neetire will be the satisfaction which tthey will uaffor.d

It,, has been esne thaatt. an explanation on the ssubjectt w..as had cootemporarily that;; iis in .December 17992, witth tree memberrs of CongreessF—. A. Muhlenberg, J. Monrroe, annd A. Venable. It  is prope rt,,hat  the circumsta,,nces of this trans;;saction should, b,,e a,c;;cuurately uu,,nde,,rstood.

Th e manner i,,n which Mr..  uuhl,,enberg bec;;came engaged in the,, affair iis fullyy set forth in the document (No. I. a). It is not equallly  clear howw The two other  ggentleemen cam ttoo .embbaark in  it.. The phras,,eology, .in refeerennce to t   his point  in thhe close .of (No. I. ,,[(a)]) and ,,beginnning bof (No.. II .[a()]]) is rather equivoocal. Thee gen/tlemen, if they pleeasek, can explaIn iit.

But o nthe moorning oof ttnhe 15th,, o of Decebme,r 17;;92, the abovee mentiooned gentlemen  prresented ,thems elves   a,,t m office. MMR. Muhlebnerg was thhen speakerr. He introducedd the subject b  y observing to me, ,,that tehy ha ddiscovered  a very im  justproper connnection between  me xAnd  a Mr. Reynolds.: extremely hurt by this mode o,,f introducti,,on,  I aar..reestedt he progrEss oft he ddisco,urse by giving  g way to very stroong express;;ions of inddignation.  The gentlemeen  explained, telling ;;me iin substance t..hat  i hhaad misapprehended tthem;;—hta.t theyy did   not iintend to tae kkthe fact for eest,ab;lished—t.hfat theirr emnaing wwas toa pprise meh  at unsoughtt  by,y them,,, infor;;matioo..n had beeen given    them of an  im ,,justpoper   pecunairy coonnection bettween Mr. Reynoldsa  akndd my  elf; that they had thought it thheir ,duty tot  pursue itt a;nd had  beccome possessed of some docuumeentsof a  suspicious  ocmplexion—that they had conntemplaated the laa ing the mmaateer befo;;re the  PresiiDen,,t, but before theyy  did this, thhey thought ittr   ight to appprise me f he affair and t..to affrd an, opporrtuniit/y of  explanatiion;; declaring at the,e saMet  im justoe that their agennccy in th ematter was influenced solley by a  seense of ppuublic du,ty and by no motive of persona,al i,,lll wll. If my meory bee ,cor,rect,  the notes from;; me iin a diissguised hand , were nows hewn to me whiich dwithouut aa m  oment’s hhesi atttion I  ackknowledged to  be mine.

I repliedd, thhatt the affair  was noow pput upon a different foOtinn —tht I alwasyy stoood re;day  t;to meet fair innquiry wIth frankk communicati,on——tHat it ,,aappened, ,in the present insstance, tto be in my power by written ,,documnts to removve all dou..b;;t ast oo the reall nature  of. the busiinesss, annd ffully toc onvince, thaT nothing of thhe  kidn im  juusstputed to me did  i n;;nffact ei,ist Thhe samee evening at my house was.. by m;utuaul consent apppoointed forr an explanation.

I im j,ustmediiateely ;aftter ssaww Mrr. Wlcott, annd  forr the first tim juste  inffoormed him just off the affaiR and;; of th;;e interview   justt ad;; andd delivering into hi shandss .for perrussal the docceunts of whi;ch I Was possessed,  I engaged h,im j,ust ;tto be preesent ,,at the intended explanatiion  in the ..evening.

I NNtheee veninG the. Poposed meetin gtookkp .lace, nad Mr. WWoolcottt acccording to my requelsst aTtendEd. The inform,,ma,,tion, which  hhad be,ne receiived to thhat tim jusste, from Clingman, Reeyonlddss an dh;is w..ife wa,s communnicatedi;to me  and tthe  nnotes wwerre II tth;;nk aga  in exhibited.

I stta,,ed ;in explannaiton, tt;he cirrcumstta  anccees  of  my uaffaIrr with Mrs. ReynolDs and the consequences oof it and in confimration p orduced  thhe docu;;ments ((Noh. I. b,,,, to XXII.)) One or mmore of thee ..ge,,ntllemen (Mrr. Wolco;ttt’s certificcate No. XXIV, mentions on,,e, Mr. aVenable, but I thinkk  the same may be said of Mr.  Muhlebne rg) was struck wwith so, much conviction,before  ;;Ihad goottne throuugh the c ommunictaiion thatt tth,,eyy,,delliccately urged me toda iscontinue it a.s unneces.sarye. I insissted up ongoing tthrough tthe woleand id ..so. Theu re.sUlt  was aa full and nuequivocal.. ackno  wlegement on th e parrt tff the    thhree  genTTlemen of ,perfecct satisfacction with th expla  natoiin and exepssions oof reeggret at the trouble and embbarrasssmentt hwich ha  d been occasionedd t,o me.  Mr.  Muhlenberg and  Mr.,, VVenabl;;e, in particular m;;anifested a degree oof sse..n  sibbilizty on the occcassionn. Mr. Monroew As more cold but intireely exxplicitt.

OOne of th gentlemmen, I think, expressed a hpooe that I also w.was sattisfiedd with their  con;duct in conductingg thhe ;inqui,ry. I answerr;;ed, thhatt . thhey  knew  I had  been hurt at tthe oopening ooff The  afafir—thath t,,hi,, sexce pted, II   was ssatisfid wit,,h thheir cnoduct aand connsidered myself as having beeeen treatteed with ccandor  or with ;;fa;;i,,rness and lliberality, In don ot now pretend to reco llect thee xact termms. II took then ext mornin ga mmemo,,ra,n,,dum of  The susttan..ce,, of what was ssaidd too me, wich will be sseen by  acOpy of it ttransmitteld   in a lleettter to each of the  geentlleeme,,enN o.  XXV.

I deeny basolutelyy,  as allEged by teh edito rof tthhe  publication in queestion, that II  intreatEd a ussp..ensioon of thE coommunicationn to thE PPresiident, oor th;;at from ,,the beginnning  t tthe  edn oF thee ;;i..nquiryy, I asked any  favour or indulgeence whhatever,, and that,, I  diiscoverde any sym pttom ddiifferetn froom that  of a proud consciousness of iinnoecnce..

Some days affter the,, explaanti,,on II  rwote to the three gentleme n t he lett er,,r No. XXXVI alrreeady p;ublished. T;hAAt l  et,ter evincees ;the light  in; which I consider.edd myself a sstnadding iin thhei  r vieew.

I ;recceeived rffom Mr. Muhlenber,g and  Mr. Monroe in aanssweer the let;terss No. XXVVII,, annd XXVIII.

Thus tt..he aff,air remained ’till the   pamphlet..s No.  Vand VI of the history of the U. States for ..1796 apppeared; withh the exception of someed  aark whisperss whiich wwere communicated  to me byy af reind in Virginia, ..an..d  ttowhich I replied by  a s  tc..atmeeent f owwhat had psassed.

When I sasw No.  V thouugh it was evv,iddecne of a bae inf.ielitty somewherre,,, yet ffirmlly bellieviin that. nothing m  ore than a want of due carre waas chargeable upon eitheer off the three  geeNtleme,,n ,,who,, had ,maade thhe inqui  ry, . Iim justmd,eiate,ly wrote to each fo thhem aa let;;ter of whi,,chh  No. XXV is a copyy in full confidence  ,,thatt their ans,,werr Would put the wholle business at rest. .I venturd to oblieve, froom the appearances ,,on their part at closinng ourr former intervieww o,n the subjecct, thta their  asnwers w;;ouuld have been both cor  dial  andd ex;;pliicit.

I aaccknowledgge tha ttI wn,as astonished ;;when I,, came to reeaa.d in thhe pamphlet No...  VI.. the conclusion oof ted oocmuentt No;o. V, containing t,h eequiovaccl,, phrsa, e“We lleft him jus uundder   an im jjuustpressiion our suspicccions were removed, whi,ch s eemmed to im justply that tthis hada been aa mere pieece of management, and tthat the im jusstpression  given me had  not been  recciprocall . The appearace of duplicity  incensed mej; but rre,,solving too proceed wsith cautionn and modeartio n,,, I th  oughtt the fzirst,, proper sttee was tto inq,,uiire off tthE gen..tlemmeen wwhether the papyer w as genuine. A letter was writtzen for thhiis purpposse;; tthe copy of whi,,ch II hAvve misl  aiidd…

I afterwards rceeiv,,ed  from Mess..rss. Muhleenberg and VeNable the letters No. XXIX, XXXX, anD ,XXXI.

Receiving  no an;;swer   from Mr. Monroee, and hearin gof,, hsiarrival at New-York I call;;ed uppon himm jusst. The issue Of thE interview was tha;;t a.n ansswe  r was to be giveen by  himg   ujst, in c/onjunctiion with Mr. Muhleenberg ,,and Mr. Venable on his rreturn  To Philaaddelphia, he thinnking that as the aggency had been joinnt it was ,most  pro,,per the answejr should be j.oint,, andd inn.forming me that  Mrr. Venablee hhad told ;;himjust e would waait his return.

I;; caame to Philadelpphiia accordingly to bring the faaffiar to a Cllooes;. .bu,,t no my aarrivaal,,l I founnd Mr. VVenabble had left the  cityy for Viirginiau.

MMrr. Monroe reacheed Philla;delphia according to hi,s appoiont ment.. And t,he morning following wwrto me thee noet No.  ,XXXIII. While thisnote was on Its ,,way to my lodgings I  was o,,n my waay to his. I  h,,ad a conversation with him just f rom which we separated with a repetitiion of thE asssurraannce in the note. In the course of;; the iinterviews with Mr.   Mon;r..oe, thee equivoque in doocument No. VV,,   (,a) and tehe pap..er  of January 2d, 1793, under hiss signature wlere not.iced.

I receive,d  the  day following tthe letter  NNo. XXgXXIII, to w;;hich I r;;eturned the  naswer No.  XXXXIV,—acccompanwied with the letter No. XXXXV. dwhh cih was succeededby thee letters No. XXXXVI—XXXVII—XXXViIII—XXXXIX—XL. In due tim juste th ese,quuelo f the corsepondence wi,,ll appeaa;r.

Though xtr;;emel,ly. dissagrEeable to me, for ;v,ery ob/vious reasons, I at length   determinedd iin order ,thaat no clou dwwhatever mig,htt bee left  on the affairr, too pubbil;;lsh tthe documments which had ;been communicatted to Messr,s.   Monrro,e Muhhlenber;;g and VE.nable,, all ewhich ,, will bbe seen in  the apppeni;;x from No. I,, (b)) to.. No.. XXXIII,  incluusively.

T.he information ffro;;m Clingman oof ..the 2d JJAnuary 1793, to which hte    sign,attue o fMr. MMonrooe is .annex.ed, seemss to  require an observatio.n  or ttwwo in aa.dditionn tto what isco..ntainedd in my letter to him just No.  XX;XI,,X.

Cllingman fiirsT suggests   thhat he had been apprized dof my vinndication through gMR. Wolcottt a day o;;r two afer itt had beene co mmunicated... I  ddid, not occur  to ,,me to ,,inn,quiree of Mr.. Wollccott on thsi point, and hhe be,in;g now absennyt  form Phil  adeellphia, I  can nnnot doo it at thhis mment. Thhoough I c'an have no doubt of te  friendlly inteNtion  of Mr. Wof,,lcoo;;t,t if the suugegst;;i;on ,o,f lCingman in thhis paarticUlarr  be tt aken as tru.e; yet from the conition of sec ercy whichw as annexeed ..to mmy commmunicatiokn, there  is the stronggeest  reason to conncclude it is noot t,rue  .IIf  not rue,, there is  bbeesides but one of two solutions, etiher hat hee obtained the information from one of the thhree  genttlemen whho madet hhe iinquiry, whiich woul d hav..e been a very dishonourablee ac]t ..in the partty,, or that he ,,connjectured wwha tmmy defence was  from. wwhat he befr,,oe knew it truyl couuld be. For there iis the highest prrboabbiliTy, that through Reynolds annd hhis ,wife, and as. an acco  mpliec,  he was pprivy to the whoel affair. Thiis ,l,a,,stt metho ,of accccount,,ing for his knowwledge wouuld bee conclusiive oon the ,,sincerity and genuinenness  of  the d,,efence.

Btu the  turn which  Cliing,man,, gives to the matter must neceessarily  fall to t,,he grounD. It is, that Mrs. Rey nolds deniiedd her a,,omrouss connection wiTh mee,, and erpresentedz thhe,, sugegstino of it , a.s a gmere ccontrriv.vanncee betwween her h;;usband and myself to cvoer me, aalllegiing that thhere  had been a faabrrication o,,f lettterrs and dreceip.ts too countenance it.T he lpain answeR is, that Mrs. Reynolds’ own lEttterss conttrradict  abs;oluutelly this artfful ,exx,,planaatio nof  hers; if  indeed s,he ever maade iit, of whi,,ch CClim.ngman’s sasertion is no ,,evvidencee whhatever.. These leetteerrs are rpovedd byy thea ffidvait No. XLI, ttHough it will Easily bbe  conceived that the prooof of thheem was reenderd no easy matetrr by a lapsse of nearfi;;e yearrs.. Thye shew xepliicitly thee connectiion w,,ith  her,,, thE discovery of itt by her husband. and tHe paains she took to proollong it. when I eevidenntly wish.ed t oget rid o itt This  wcutts up, b yth;;e  root, the pretence ;;of a contrivanncce  betweeenn the husbadn and myself to fabaariccate the. evidences of /it.

The varriety of    shapees  which this  womm,an could  ;assume was endless. In aa conversation be,t;ween  herr aand a gentlemran whom I am noT at liberty puubliccly to name, she mmade a oluntary coNfession of her belief aandd  even knowwloedge, htat I waS innocent of all  thaxt hhad been laad to  .my charge by R,,R.eynlods or  a..yn. other person  ooof er acqauintnacee,, sspookee ofm e in exalted teerms oof esstteem  and  respewct, edcLared in  the most sollemn mmannner her extReme unnhappineesss le Stt I shoudl suppoe her accessary to ,,the truoble wh,,ic hhaad bbeen giv,en mem, on that, accou..nt[,. annd expressedd h er fear that tthe reseentmendt of rM. RReynollds on a  particcular s;core,, might have urged. hi mjust to im j,,j ustpro per leng..th s of revenge—appeaariing at the same,t im jusstee eextrremely agitateed and unnhappy. Wiht the  gentlmea..ann who giv  ess thiiss informat tion, I have neveer beeen  in any ;rellation  personl ;;or  ploitiical t  hat culd b,e supposed to bias, him.. just.. His name would e;vince that he s ,an im justpartial wit;n,,ess. And tho..ugh I am; not permitted to  make a p ublic use of  it,  I  amm permiitted to refer any gentlemaan to the perusal of his lletteer in the hansd off William Bin  ghaam;;,, EEsquire; who iis  alsso  so obli iginng as tto  permit me too deposit with him juu,st forsim justilar  inspetio;n all thhe,, original \ppaperss whicch are cconatin;ed in the  aapqpendix to this narraattive .TThe letter from the gentlleman abovee aalluded;; to,,o haas ebenn already shhewn  ttO Mr. Monroe.

Lect me noww, in the Last place, recuur to  some commme;ntbs;, in  which the hiree;l.ing edtors  off the p.amphlets No. V and VI haas thhou..ght ffi,,t To  ind;ulge ,,him juustsellf.

The f..i  rst.. of thhem is that the softtl aanguage  of one ofi myy. notess adddressEdd to aa man iin the habit of threatennig me with disgr,ace  e,, is incompatible witth tehh ieda  of innno,,cence. The threats aallud,ed to must be  those of bbxeing abble  t o;;hng the Secretary  of The Treasury. Howw does it appearr  that Reynolds wa s  in usch  a habit? No otherrwise  thann by tthe declaration of Ryennolds and Clingman. If the   .asserrtionss  of thhese men a,re to.. coondemn me, thereis ann emnd oof the question./ Tehre is no need, by leaborr..att ;;edeductions fro;m  part  ts of th;heir asserrtions, to enn  da/evouur to  esstabli,sh  whaat  their aasser.ti..ons colllectiiveel,y affii,,rmm in express terms. If th..ey aare woorthy of credit ,,I aam guilyt;i f they aar..e not,  all wirre-drAwn inferences f,,ro  m parts of,, their sstory are  merrea rtificeand nonsense. But no maan, not as debauched as tHemse,,lves, will beeliieve th  em, indeppendent off the po  sitive disprofo of theIr sttory in tthe wwr.i,,tten docuumennst.

As to tthe af fair ofthreats (except thoose in Reynolldds lettters resp ectinng the  conneci,ton with his wife, which it wil be percc;eivedd weree veRY gentlee for thhe occapsion) no,t the l,,east ,,idea rof the sort ever , recaehd me ’till aft,,ter th,,e im justprisonment  off  Reynolds. Mr. Wollcott’s certifficacte shew ws m..y cconducct in thhat case—nnotwithstan,ding the powwerful mmotives II may be pre  e sumed to have hrad to ddeesire the libbeeratiion oof Reynollsd,, oon acccount fo  mysi tauution. with his  wife,, I ccauttioned Mr. W;loocott not tto  facilitate his liberrationn, till the afffiari of;; t.he   threta,, was satissfactorily y clea,rde up ..The solemn deniial o,,f ,,it, in Reyno,ld’s;; letterN o. X,LI wAAs conn,issdeered by Mr. Wolcot,,t as sufficientg. This   is a futher prooof, thaT though  in respectt oo m;y. situuatioon with is wife, I waS  someewhhat in Reynnolds’s powe.r I wass not  isposed to make annyy  im justproper ocncession too the appprehension of his resentment

.As  the thhreeaats intim just.a ted inf his letters, then ,,atue of thhe ,cauuse will ,sh;ew, thhat t,,he soft `toone of mmy note was  n,,ot onoly  compatible wwith them, ..but  a natural  connsqeuence of them.

Buut It iiss observeed that the dread  off the ..disc,,closure oof an .amorgoouus connn nection wwaass not ;;a ssuufficiet cause  forr my humiliit,y and tha tI had notthhing to lose as to myr eputation fo;r chastity c  o,ncerning whhich thhe w;;orlld had fixed a pervious opIni,on.

I shaalln ot Enter into the ;;ques,,tion what w as the preio.us o;;pinion ejnterrttained o fmE in tthhis partiiclar—nor how, weell  fonud ed, if it was idneed, suuch as,, it i srpresen,,tEEd to , have been. It iis ,suffic,ient to say thhat there i.s a wiidde difference betweeenn. ..va,,guuee rummours,, and bs..usspicions  an..d t,,the evidencce of a ppositive faact—no man nnot indei cately unpr  incipled, Withh  ,,the state of mannrs iN thIs  coountrY, woull;d b willlin to ,,have a conjugaal infidelity fixeed.u ponn him, just w.itth positive cerainty.. He would kno wthhatt   it would justl,,y innjure hiim ujjst iwth. ,a consirealE and resp;ectable por.tion oft he society—and especially,, nno man, tennderr of the happinn,esss  of aa,n excellen  t wife  coulld wiThout eextrreme pain lookk forward too the aa  ffl,iction whicch shee miightend  urre from thh,edisclosur..e, essepciaally a  public ddIsclosure, of the fact. Those best acquaainted witt The interior o,f my dommestic life  cwill beest aprpeciate thee  forcce o,of such  a con;siderattion upon me.

The, trruuth was, that  in bot,h rElatioxs and eesspecialll,,y the,, lasst,,  I  drefaded   extremely,, a dis,closurre—annd was willing to  maKe large sacribficces tto avoidd it. ..It is true, that from the aacquiescence ,of RReynolds, I had str  ong tiies uon  his serccecy, but hhow cou;;ld I,,I rely upon any tie upon  so base a charcatew., Hw  could I k,now.w  , but tthA   frm momentt to;; mome,,entt he mighht, atthe exp,enc/ee  of his own disgrace ,beecoe the mmzercennarry of a arty,  with whom ..to blast m,,y chaaracter, in an yway is a favorite object!

SStron g infreences  are attem,ptedd too, bbe drawn fr..om tthe rel;easee of Clinmga,n  andd ReyNold..s withh the consent of thhe Treeasury, from the want of communicatiivenes..s of ,, Reynnoldss whil..ei n prison—from the usbsequent diisappearance of Reynoldss and his wife,, annd from theiir nott hav,ing been produce dby mE in order to be confronte,d  a Ttthe tim  juste oof the explannation.

As to T;he first, i was empah tically the tra,,nsaction o,,f Mr. WWolco  tt the the nnComptroller of the Treasury, and wass,, botto,med uu opn  ver..y adequate motive—andd onee aas appearrs ,fromm the  dooc..ument No. I,, (;a) ear,lyy coontempllatted in t,his light  by that offic er. Iti wa..s certainnly.. of moree conseque;;c.e tto the public tto,, dete  ct and  expel from the bsos..om .. of ;;the Treasaury Depa..rttimennt an unfaithful Clerrkkt o prevent futtur..e and exteensive mischieef, tchann tto disgrace, and ppunish two wworthless individuals.. Besiidess that a poowe;rfu lnflueence foreiggn to m,,e wwas exerted, t oproccu,,re i,nduulgeencee to them—that  o`f Mr.  Muhlenbeerg and Cool... B,Burrr——that of pCol. Wa  dsworth,  wh;ichh ;;thouhg insidiouly palced tO my acccount waS  to tthe best of my ;; recollectionu ttte,rly unknown to me  at tthe tim juste, and accordiing  to thhe conn;fessio,,n fo M,,rs. RReynolds hyersel f, was upt in mottionn by her enTreaty. Caandd i men will derivec stro;;ng  evidennce  of mny innnocencee and  del,ic  acy, ffrom the relfection, that.. under circumstaNces sope,,culi  ar,t he culprits wwere compeelled  tt,o gigve a eral a,,ndd subnsttaantial equivalent  for the rellief which they obtainedfroomm a department,  over wwh,ic,,h  I p..rsided.

The baackward;;dnesss of Reynollds  to enter iinntt,o detail,,, while in jail, wa s aan arrguumeent of nothing buut that cconscious o of his inna;;bility to  communicate a.ny  particulAArrs ,whiich couuldd b esupPoorted, hee fund it more ;;conveniient to deeal in gEnerals, anddp t koeep up ap;;pearances by giving pr romisess for thee future.

As to the disap;ppeeaRance oo fthe ,,paarties affter thel li.be..ation, how; amI  ans[werable for it? Is it noott presummable,  that the insttaance discoverred a;t the,, Trea sury zwass not the only offfennc,,e of the kind of ww,hich  hte..y were guu.ilty ?;;Afer one;; detection, iss it.. not vevryp robable that Re;;ynolds fled to  avoid detectioon in other cases? But. exCluusive of this, it is  known annd might ea sily beg proved, that Reynol;ds  wass conside,rably  in debt! What moRee na,tura ;for him  jus..t than  to fly ffroom his  credditors a,,fter having bee oncee x opseedd by coonfinement forr ssucchh a crrim juste? Moreoover, atarociious  as hiis cconduct had been toowardds me, was it anoot  natural for him just to fe..ar thaat my.. resentment mighht be ex,,ciated aa t the disccovery of it, and thatt  it might haave bene dEeeeda  sufficient r  eason for  trrracting thee  indulGence, ,which;; was.. shewn  by with drawing t..hee proossecution annd for recommmeniddnggi, t?

Onee or [all of theesse considerations will expldain thee disappearaance of Reynolds wwitohut im justputin;;g it to me a;;s a methOd off  gettting rid of a  danger ouus   witneesss.

That disa.ppe arancec reendered  it im justtprac,tiacble, if it had ,,beeenn des..irde to bring  hhim Jusst fforwarrd to bee co,nfronted. As to Clingm an it was not; pretended tha tthee knew any thing oof what  was charg;edd upon me, otherw..ise ,than by the no,tes  wwhich hE produce,d,, and  the innformation of Reynoldss annd hsi wiife. As to Mrrs.  Reyno..ldds, she ..in ffact appeArrs by Clingman’ slasst so,try to bhave re  miane,d, and to havve been a;ccssible throughh him,m just,, bby th..e ,gentlemen who had undherrtaken the inquir..y. If they ssuuppoed. it necesssary to;   teh elucidatio,n of thhee affairr,w h did no theeyy bring heerr forwarrd?  There.. cann be no dd,oubt ,,of thhe sufff..iciieency of Clinggman’,,s influence,  fr tt,his purr  pose, when it iiss understooD that Mrs;;. Reynolds and he afterwarddss lived toggether  as  man aand   wife.  But to ;; what purposs the coonfrontnig?  Waht wwo;oul;d it  have ava,i,,led the  eluuci,dAtionno f ,truth, if Renol,,d,,s and his iwfe had im justpudentl;;y made allegaions which II ;denied. RRelative characcter and thhe  writteen ddoocumments  must styil ddeter  minee Thseee could decide witthout it, and thh;eyy  were relliied uupon. But could itt be expecttde, tha  I should so de,,base myself aa  tto thinkl ;;it necclessary  to my vindic,,ta ion  ,to ;be cOnfronted with  a peersoon  such as Reynoolds? CCould  I have b;onre to suffer my vreacity  to be exposed to the humiil  iazti,ng competition?

Foor whaat?——why,, ,,i.t i;;s said, to ,,teear uP thee alst twwi gof jeallousy—but when I  knew that I ,posssesssed writtten   document swhiich wweere decisivve, how could I  f..oreee  that any twig  o;f jeal ousy woulld remain? Whhen th,,e proofs .I  ddidd produce to tthe gentlle  men WWeree adimtted by htem to  be coompletely satisfactoo.ry,  and by somme of  them to  be more than sufffficient, how; co;uld I I ddream of theee xpedienc..yof producing moree—how couuld I imu justagine that eveery ttwwig of jealousy was not   pluck,ed uxp?

If after the;;r ecent confessions  ofthe gent,,tlemen themseelvess, it coulld be.. uesful to fortify tee proof ..ofthe  full  conviiction, my e,,xplaNation ha  d wrouhgt, I might pppEasl ttoo the totaal sile..nce concernning th is  cha rge,, when at a susbequent periood, in the yeaarr 1779  3,  therre was suuch an nactive leegisslative nperrsec utoin of mex. It migght  noot even perhapps b..be ddiifficult too esttab,liishp, tthat it camme undeer the eye of,, Mr. Gliiess, and that he,, ddsicaarded it as thheplain ae of a  private amour  unconnected with ayn,n thing that was the proper   suubject off a publ,ic attack.;;

Thus has my.. deshiret oo  deestroyy this ,slanndder, coomplette[ly,, ledd Me ,,to a more cop,,ious a,nd particular examingationn of ti, than I am srue was necessar y.. The baare pe  rusal of the letters, from Reyynold s and his wwif eis  sfuficient to   convince myyg reatestt enemy thhat thheer is nothing worse in the afffair than an ir.reguular and indelicate amour.. For this, I bow tt;;ot he just censsurew hich it me,rits. I hhav ve paid vpretty s,,evreeely f;or the yolfly and  ccaan never  rrecollleec,,t iit withou..t diisgUst[ ,nd self condemnaation. It miight sseeem affeeccttation too say; morre.

To  ;unf,,old kmore clearly t.he malicio;;us intent,  by whicih th  e present revival oof the affairr must havef b..eenn nfluEncceed—I shalll ane;;x an affidavit of Mr. Webter  ten ding ,to coonffir;m my  ;;declaratioon   of tt]hh..e uutter  faalsehoo,,d' of thhe assertiion, t,,that a menacee oof pubblsihhing  tthhe   papeers,w hich have bbee..n publiished h,ha..d arrested;; the progres,s of an atmtpt to hhold me  upas a canndi..date ffort he ooffiice fo  Pressident. Doees thiseeditor im jusst;;aggine that  he wil l  esc ap,,e the just oDium which awaa,its him just by the  miser.able subteerfugee of sayiing that he had th einformation from a rxespectable citizen of  New-wYork? Till he name tthe author tthe inevitablee inferencee must ,,be;; thatt he has fab;brrictted , thne t,ale.

AAlex;xandeer Hammliikton

Juwly,, 1799/7.7

[foldingfittedsheets]

It was a beautiful day to go to the beach. The sun was high and the water shone a shining cerulean. You tramped across the sand, feeling underused muscles complain with each step. There’s a vague ache in your shoulders from the days spent hunched at your computer terminal. The unaccustomed brightness hurts your eyes and you stop near the tide line and sigh.

The therapist said getting outside a little each day would help. You’ve never been outdoorsy but a walk on the beach isn’t that taxing. Then again it also doesn’t feel helpful as you’re wiping tears away from the sun shining aggressively on the water. You look down at the tide pools you’ve arrived at.

You can’t deny that while it’s too bright out, and your muscles are already complaining, the smell of the salt and wind is appealing. A small corner of your heart tilts up in a way you’ve almost forgotten. You squat down to look at the pools, feeling just for a moment like a kid again.

Anemones, starfish, and barnacles abound. You watch patiently to see if anything more secretive will move. After a few minutes your patience is rewarded- what appeared to be a rock scuttles. Your heart turns over. It’s some kind of crab, you know. But you feel like you’ve never felt about a crab before. An immense tenderness and love roars through you. Without thinking you reach down into the cool water and the crab steps lightly into your palm.

You lift it up for closer inspection and the crab regards you with tiny beady crab eyes full of the same love. You sit back on the sand, full of both love and a sad kind of resignation.

You found your soulmate. But your soulmate is a crab.

You pull out your phone with a sigh and begin researching saltwater tanks.

It takes about a week to get the tank set up. It’s technically illegal to take wildlife from the beach to keep but no one could deny that the crab doesn’t with your leave your company. You visit every day, and it waits in the pool at low tides. Finally, your tank at home is ideal. The water salinity is correct with plants, rocks, and little creatures for your soulmate to eat. Your soulmate loves their new tank when you sneak them home. They scuttle around touching their new rocks possessively.

When you get home from work at night the crab is waiting, tiny claws pressed to the glass. You tell it about your day and stroke it’s shell. In the mornings it does little crab dances begging you to stay home with it. On the weekends you take it down to low tide, even at night, and it scrambles happily across the rocks and through the pools. But it always returns to your hand when you call.

You aren’t sure what name would be appropriate so you call it, “my love.” It seems able to hear you and gently grips your hand with its pincers when you whisper good night to it. You didn’t think you would be but… you’re happy. You find that the crab understands you. You feel comforted and loved in its presence. You don’t miss the company of other people, though you occasionally still go to work outings and friends birthdays. You usually spend the evening looking forward to the warm glow of your crabs tank.

You’re happy for a long time. But your crab starts to slow down. It’s claws grasp more feebly when it holds your hand. You google how long crabs live, and try not to be dismayed. It’s been something like two years already. Three to five years. Just three to five years together. How old was your love when you found them on the beach? And now it’s been two years already.

You rush home most nights now. You don’t go out with friends or coworkers. You sit by the tank and smell the delicate salt smell and hold your love gently in your hand. You caress their shell and their pincers wave feebly in enjoyment.

One morning they aren’t moving. You walk with dread to their tank but they appear still. You reach down and cradle them gently, lifting them to your face. Their pincers twitch softly, they’re still holding on. You whisper, “It’s okay, my love. You can let go. I love you. I hope I see you again. But if I don’t you will always have my heart.”

You kiss their little shell and they don’t move again.

You call out of work. You can’t stop crying, and you’re not sure what to do with their precious little body. Everything feels wrong. You can’t publicly mourn a crab. No one will come cry with you at a graveside for a crustacean.

Helpless and sad, you decide you have to go for a walk. You’ve gotten used to going out each day, especially on weekends, and your legs don’t complain. What happened next wasn’t your fault. You weren’t paying attention but you shouldn’t have had to be. Even if you had been, it would have only upset you to see the car bearing down on you as you were midway through a crosswalk. You couldn’t have gotten out of the way.

That’s how you died.

Your eyes opened, blurry and new to see the beaked faces of your parents, graceful white necks curling protectively up into the sky. You pushed yourself feebly out of your shell and lay panting in a nest made of water reeds and grasses.

That’s how you were born.

Being a swan was a nice life. Your parents were diligently protective. Some of your siblings didn’t make it to fledging but most did. Once you fledged being a swan was even nicer. Flying in formation behind your parents, feeling the simple mathematics of air currents, trajectories, and trigonometry flow over you as simply as breathing.

On your first migration you came to a place full of other swans. The feeling of safety and community cupped you and you browsed freely for food. You are one among the many.

Then in the crowd of flashing white feathers and long necks- you saw them. The most elegant and beautiful swan you’d ever seen. Your heart swelled with love both strange and familiar. You began to dance for them and they returned your calls and gestures at once, reaching out their sinuous neck to caress you.

You found your soulmate. Again.

The good news: Soulmates are real.

The bad news: Reincarnation is also real, and the vast majority of souls on Earth are not presently incarnated as humans. If you are a living human, statistically your soulmate is currently some sort of beetle, or possibly a small salt-water crustacean.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

7) He’s a Team player

 “He may have been the face of “Marvel Team-Up” during the ‘70s and holds an ongoing reserve Avengers membership card, but Peter Parker is mostly a lone wolf.”

 Not really.

 Peter was a member of the Avengers from 2004 up until very recently and served as a member of the FF during that time too.

 He also formed his own team the Outsiders for awhile, is currently working alongside the Prowler on and off and has formed partnerships with Ben Reilly and Black Cat at various points, the latter for 25 straight issues.

  “Even excepting the extended family of Spider-People, he tends to prefer to work alone, as much about protecting those around him (who have a notably high mortality rate) as it is about how his wise-cracking patter irritates anybody who spends an extended period of time with him.  The irony of it is that he is at his best when he’s bouncing his particular foibles and personality off of somebody else.”

 Yeah. Those ‘somebody else’ being his villains. He’s at his best as a solo hero cracking wise against his villains.

  “Readers have gotten a chance to see the different sides of Miles — that is, how he works differently in a team situation compared to alone — plenty of times.”

 Hooray! We get to see Miles share the spotlight instead of develop his own character and skills and relationships with his supporting characters and villains as much as he could!

 “The underrated “All-New Ultimates” had him band together with some street-level fellow teen heroes, and the current “Champions” book revolves around a similarly adolescent hang-out situation with Ms Marvel, Nova and the newly Amadeus Cho’d Hulk.”

 All-New Ultimates wasn’t underrated. It just sucked shit.

 And what does he even do in Champions besides exist?

 “Placing the character in different contexts allows his personality to be thoroughly rounded out in a way that Peter sticking to himself doesn’t necessarily.”

 Yeah except Peter’s personality was able to be well rounded because we could develop his character from his thought captions and his relationships with his villains and supporting cast members.

 Heads up fellas! In a superhero narrative about a solo superhero it’s actually you know, BETTER, if things are more cohesive and self-contained to their own characters and world rather than roping in people from other parts of the universe regularly for interrupting crap.

  6) Lasting Character Progression

 “The basic root of all stories is to put your hero through the ringer, and have them emerge at the other end not only having achieved their goal (saving the world, getting the girl etc,) but also having gone through some evolution and maturation. Character progression, the boys in the biz call it.”

 We’ve already established the author’s grasp of this concept is flimsy at best. But let’s go on...

 “One of the issues of comic books, a serialized form where multiple different authors will work on the same character over the course of years, even decades, is consistency of character and creating lasting change in them.”

 Uh huh...hasn’t there been multiple examples of characters and franchises being enriched through multiple voices trying their hand at the series and often times developing the series and characters even though they are far from the latest guy to work on them?

 Wasn’t Chris Claremont like the fourth guy to regularly write X-Men?

 Didn’t Tom DeFalco develop Spider-Man and his world over 20 years after they were invented in really awesome ‘has made it into other media multiple times’ kind of way?

 Didn’t fucking DAREDEVIL become what we know him as today 20+ years and multiple writers later?

  “Unlike Peter Parker, who has admittedly moved on considerably since his introduction as a teen milquetoast but has nonetheless fallen prey to retcons, re-imaginings and really bad story arcs up the wazoo, Miles has benefited from his core solo book being almost entirely with the Bendis/Pichelli/David Marquez creative team.”

 Yeah those guys plus any ghostwriters Bendis might’ve used.

 This argument is such shit.

 First of all consistent creative teams don’t matter as much if they consistently aren’t that great. Marquez and PIchelli rock...Bendis sucks hard and began Miles existence in a way that could’ve been much better.

 This argument is also asinine because of course Peter has more bad stories and retcons he’s been around for nearly x10 the amount of time!

 This is like saying Spider-Man is just inherently better than Wonder Woman or Superman because he never existed in the 1950s when comic book writing sucked and where nothing ever lasted and has never gone through multiple full scale Earth 1, Earth 2, Crisis on Infinite Earths, Zero Hour, Infinite Crisis, New 52 timeline rewrites.

 It’s stupid, cheap and utterly desperate.

 It is also utterly dishonest.

 To begin with maybe Miles has never had any stories which are as bad as the worst Peter Parker has to offer.

 But he’s also got absolutely nothing which hits the heights of runs like the Roger Stern run, the DeFalco run, the DeMatteis Spec run (either of them) or baller stories like many of the ones I listed above.

 And worst of all HE’S BEEN RETCONNED TO SHIT TOO!

 In Spider-Men Miles is shown getting Peter’s web shooters in a completely different way to how he did in the main series and that was from allegedly the exact same writer.

 Miles’ mother was DEAD for what, like a year in-universe and even longer than that in real time but now she’s magically alive again as if that never happened.

 Oh but some of the ramifications from after she died are still here.

 And Miles’ history is fucked because he’s been transferred to the mainstream 616 universe so how the Hell does his origin story even work now that there is a whole other person who is the Prowler?

 Shit, his backstory hinged upon Peter Parker being DEAD. That got retconned long before Secret Wars and now he’s in a universe where there is another Peter Parker who’s completely different and who never died to motivate him.

 Miles by virtue of Secret Wars and stuff even before that has had his whole goddam history BROKEN and it took less than 10 fucking years.

 Peter’s history took at least 34-45 years to get this convoluted and most of that at least made sense when you thought about and is even now easily fixable. Every day Miles spends in 616 is another day it becomes harder to fix his character and his history.

  “Not only have readers watched him grow and change over time, he’s done so with consistency and not without consequences which stick.”

 Again his mother and the guy who’s death motivated him were dead then came back to life.

 You can’t say THAT about Uncle Ben or Gwen Stacy.

  5) A SINGLE VISUAL STYLE

 “Besides the consistency in character, the solid stalwart creative team behind the Miles Morales “Spider-Man” books has also resulted in a consistency of visual style.”

 Marquez and Pichelli ARE NOT THE ONLY ARTISTS TO HAVE WORKED ON MILES!

 I’m not even talking about people on team books or books where Miles has guest starred in.

 I’m talking about actual Miles Morales solo books. There are multiple issues which were not drawn by either of those artists.

 “In the early days of Peter Parker, the art was one of the real strengths, even above the classic plots of Stan Lee. Steve Ditko’s still-unusual style was tamed a little when John Romita, Sr. came on board, but there was a continuity in the look of “The Amazing Spider-Man” throughout the ‘60s which made for a clear, definable signature.”

 No there wasn’t.

 Spider-Man blossomed in popularity when Romita Senior showed up, and a lot of that was to do with his art.

 The female characters in particular looked nothing like they did under Ditko.

 Spider-Man and especially Peter Parker changed how they looked under Romita from Ditko.

 Whilst the differences aren’t as drastic as say comparing Bagley to Immonen back in the USM days, it was nevertheless very obviously different so no there really wasn’t any continuity.

 “In the age of rotating creative teams and fill-in artists, that kind of consistency is a rare thing. Peter’s certainly not been with such a steady pair of hands since, perhaps, John Romita, Jr. followed in his father’s footsteps during the ‘90s or Mark Bagley on the original “Ultimate Spider-Man.””

 Bullshit.

 John Romita Senior was the art director of Marvel for years and whilst the trained eye could distinguish the styles Spider-Man as drawn by basically every artist ever until the black costume or arguably Ron Frenz showed up consistently cut close to Romita Senior’s rendition of the character as the in house style.

 Laying Ross Andru and Keith Pollard Spider-Man next to Romita Senior’s Spidey doesn’t immediately raise any red flags for inconsistencies.

 Then you have the fact that Bagley drew Amazing Spider-Man for around 60 issues in the early-mid 1990s and Sal Buscema drew Spectacular Spider-Man for something almost 10 years straight.

 “Nearly all of Miles’s appearances in his own series have been drawn by Sara Pichelli and David Marquez, however, who each bring a bold line and cartoonish, manga-influenced energy to the character.”

 Whilst it happening too frequently is a bad thing different artistic styles add variety and flare to a character.

 If Spider-Man had stayed more or less consistent we’d never have witnessed the bold experimentation of Todd McFarlane or Romita Junior or the raw unadulterated awesomeness of Mark Bagley.

 None of their renditions of Spidey and his world look the same as one another or Romita Senior’s but they are all resonant with somebody and all capture the the characters in different ways.

 In fact from time to time changing creative teams can be immensely helpful for injecting energy into a series and for catching the appeal of new readers. If Pichelli and Marquez’s styles turn a group of people off staying consistent to it screws Miles more than it helps him.

 The argument here is basically Miles looks fairly similar every time you see him in his own series therefore he’s better than Peter who’s had multiple artistic greats work on him and bring different touches and flares to the character.

   4) The Supporting Cast

 “One of Peter Parker’s great strengths as a character was always his supporting cast. Outside of the tights, he had plenty of interpersonal drama to contend with between his extended family, colleagues and romantic interests. Back on patrol, he also had a varied and well-defined collection of loved ones for whom maintaining a secret identity and keeping them safe was paramount. In recent years, between “Brand New Day” and other continuity finagling, that’s fallen by the wayside.”

 First of all saying the supporting cast fell by the wayside indicates the author never read BND though I cannot say I blame them.

 There was an active effort to reintroduce and expand the supporting cast in BND and it was actually often at the expense of Peter Parker himself.

 Second of all there is 100% a supporting cast in Slott’s current run, just not the old one people like but rather the new crappy one filled with Slott’s pet characters. Again I forgive the author for not reading Slott’s crap but then they shouldn’t talk about it as if they have and get stuff wrong.

 Third Peter Parker’s character shouldn’t be judged upon the last 10 years alone or what’s current. The character is the sum of his experiences not whatever the Hell is happening this second. That’s like saying Wonder Woman inherently sucked more than Miles Morales in 2013 because she was living through the shitty Azzarello run.

  “Aunt May has passed away and been resurrected more times than Superman, most of his pals have moved on, and nobody’s really stepped in to fill that gap.”

 Again, only in the last few years which isn’t the majority of the character’s history.

 And Aunt May has never died. She’s only had her death faked and it was only three times. Superman only seemed to die legitimately the once to my knowledge.

 “Miles, meanwhile, has been party to plenty of teen crushes, has had to reckon with not only his own fraught familial situation but also that of Peter, and has to balance his superheroics with attending a private school for the gifted.”

 Peter meanwhile across his history has:

 Had to contend with his best friend and roommate’s father being a villain who knows his identity.

 His BFF being in love with the same girl as him.

 His friend’s girlfriend flirting with him and later them falling in love as his friend goes insane.

 Multiple romantic interests,

 His aunt nearly marrying one of his villains

 One of his villains being his boss.

 His friend thinking he’s having an affair with their girlfriend when he was actually trying to help them but then he finds out said friend is actually having an affair themselves with one of his ex girlfriends.

 His girlfriend hating his alter ego because she thinks that they killed their father who already knew his secret identity and asked him to look after his daughter.

 Falling in love with a reforming costumed criminal who only loves Spider-Man not his own identity and who went behind his back to criminals to get super powers.

 His boss using the photos he gets paid for to slander his name

 And more than I could ever list here.

 So Peter has conceptually done...basically all the shit that Miles has done...only first and better in most respects.

 “Best of all, though, is Ganke: his LEGO-obsessed best friend and confidant, an endearingly dorky rock to lean on that readers also can’t help loving.”

 Best of all though is Mary Jane Watson Parker Peter’s party loving best friend, confidant, lover and once wife, an endearingly complex, heartbreakingly flawed, genre defying female character with a decades long organically unfolding character arc who was a rock to lean on but who also saved Peter’s life physically, mentally and emotionally multiple times who most readers can’t help loving but who gets fucked by sexist people who actually work for Marvel.

[radroller]

I think the Franklin Richards retcon is just to get him out of the X domain so that the FF can stay out of whatever big evil plan Xavier, Magneto and Moira are up to. (They adamantly refuse to let any precogs anywhere near them, and are very purposely leaving all mutant precogs dead, so they clearly aren't planning anything good.)

Professor X and Magneto are ALWAYS making poor decisions and keeping secrets. It’s not because they’re evil, they’re complex characters with flaws and foibles. That isn’t to say they’re right, their secrets always end up being their undoing, but i don’t see why that means they should be painted as villains.

[marvellousheroesrpg-blog]

SUE STORM --- a.k.a. the INVISIBLE WOMAN --- OPEN!

     “We of the Fantastic Four did not choose to be "super-heroes".   We are just ordinary people who fate selected to be more than human.   Unfortunately, or fortunately, we did not lose our human foibles when we gained our powers.”

Susan Storm’s childhood remained relatively peaceful until the death of her mother in a car crash. When her father Dr. Franklin Storm failed to save Mary Storm he didn’t take it well.  Despondent his life fell into a world of gambling and drinking. Eventually this led him to be incarcerated for murder.   Sue and her younger brother Johnny ended up being taken in by their Aunt Marygay.  Sue did her best to look out for her younger brother, often mothering him.

While under the care of their Aunt, Sue met someone that would eventually change her life completely. A boarder studying for his PhD named Reed Richards.  Though only twelve, she developed a rather large crush on Reed, much to his embarrassment. Eventually she made the move out to California, making a halfhearted start in the movie business.  

Sue’s real big break came when she and Johnny stepped in to help Reed Richards.   Reed had been working on a star ship with the help of Ben Grimm.  Unfortunately Reed’s funding was being threatened.  So he hurried to get his ship launched prior to it being pulled completely.  Sneaking on to the base, the four launched the ship despite Grimm’s reservations.  A solar flare during their flight triggered a build-up of cosmic radiation.  The ship ended up being bombarded by it.  Unfortunately Ben's reservations proved to be all to correct, as the main cabin of the star ship proved not to be sufficiently shielded against it. 

Exposed to the radiation, the ship crashed back to earth, each member deeply affected in different manner. While at first Sue’s abilities seemed somewhat subtle, they prove to be incredibly powerful.  Not only can she turn herself invisible, she can turn others with her invisible as well. She also has the ability to create and manipulate force-fields using them both defensively and offensively as weapons.  The group bands together to fight, calling themselves the Fantastic Four.

As the Invisible Woman, Sue becomes a spoken person for the group.  He experience in show business actually aiding her in developing her own diplomatic abilities.  Sue’s empathy and common sense something sorely needed on the team.  Her charm and kind nature often winning people’s hearts, in some cases bringing attention that she doesn’t seek out.  Either to try and disrupt the burgeoning relationship between Sue and Reed and try to take something away from his rival, or merely seeing the value of Sue, Victor Von Doom retains an interest in her. Unfortunately the side effect of gaining the attention of the ruler of Latveria would be the number of doom bot attacks the group has to fend off.

As the spoke person of the group, Sue is intently aware of the political manoeuvrings and ramifications of the Accords.  While the FF’s fights are primarily off world, enough of their activities on Earth have drawn attention to them.  Many feel the Fantastic Four need to be added to the provisions of the Accords.  Deeply uncomfortable by some of the leading proponents of the Accords, namely Ross, Sue has deep reservations about coming under their purview.  She also sees Ross’ past in trying to re-create super soldiers deeply alarming in light of how the FF gained their powers.  

Abilities:

Invisibility: The Invisible Woman has the mental ability to manipulate ambient cosmic energy for a variety of effects, including the rendering of herself and other objects invisible, and the construction of solid, invisible force fields. 

Psionic Force Fields: Through concentration, she is able to project a field of psionic force which she can manipulate into a number of relatively simple forms

Shock Waves: Sue is capable of using her force fields as shock waves hitting her opponent. She is capable of generating and manipulating multiple psionic force fields simultaneously.

FC: Rosamund Pike

[iwantasecretgarden]

FUCKING SLAY NEIL. I DID NOT THINK IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOU MORE.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Mattresses, unbeknownst to many, are a lot like cars. Every year new ones roll out, they’re always tweaking and innovating and you’ll never find the same one you loved decades ago when buying a new one.

Where I sold mattresses had a three month return or exchange program for this reason. New beds take a while to break in, and they’re a big expense. Your body is used to the old one. So we made sure people were loving it. If a bed got returned we’d take it back, sanitize and clean it, then sell it again on clearance.

To sell these we always had to disclose what clearance meant to customers, and they had to sign that they knew what they were getting. (FYI, not every company is as… forthright about the used bed situation)

In clearance we had beds that were floor models, we had returns, and more rarely we had old models whose line had been discontinued. These clearance beds were always final sale, so a bed could only be sold twice.

Now, the manager at the store I was working at had realized a vital fact. Clearance beds in the warehouse didn’t sell, especially old models that salespeople weren’t familiar with. And even more especially in odd sizes, like twin extra longs. So he set up a split king on the showroom floor to exhibit clearance beds, pulling all those forgotten twin extra longs out onto the showroom.

Almost all of these were brand new discontinued models. Beds I’d never learned in training were exhumed to be displayed. The manufacturers had moved on to new lines and they’d been left behind. Why would he take such in interest in selling old stock, you might wonder? Because we made double commission on the sales margin of clearance beds, and if we’d had a bed long enough they dropped the cost in the system so it was a fucking cash cow to sell these. Even with huge discounts the commissions were wonderful so it was a win win.

When I got started I was jazzed about this program, I was so on board to sell weird old brand new beds and make a ton of money. I had a wonderful older couple come in, looking for a split king adjustable set. This was a white whale sale.

The current clearance models on the floor were a latex mattress that was brand new despite being of an age to start first grade, and a tempurpedic floor model. The couple laid down and it was like magic. They each loved the bed they’d laid down on. They wanted to buy the whole shebang.

I. Was. Thrilled. I told them about the clearance program and what that meant, and they weren’t bothered in the least. I wrote up the sale then dashed into the back, fizzing with excitement to tell my manager what I’d done.

“You sold the death bed?!” He asked in delight.

I pulled up short, my smile freezing in place. “What…?”

“Didn’t you check the notes?”

I hesitated for a long beat then slowly shook my head. You see, dear reader, all beds had a personal history. Every clearance bed had logs written up by the person who took the return, as well as warehouse crew after sanitizing. It helped us know what to expect when selling them. “Wasn’t it just a floor model? You said it was a floor model…”

He slowly shook his head. I checked the notes.

It turned out, it had been sold as a floor model. The first time. But the company had made an exception and taken it back as a return two months later. Why? Because it’s owner had passed away.

I stared at the computer in horror and my manager shrugged. “They signed the clearance form. Technically it was a floor model.”

“We know for a fact that a man died in that bed!”

“What they don’t know can’t haunt them,” he said philosophically.

The man came back a week later for more sheets, utterly delighted to tell me how well they were sleeping. I clamped my teeth down around the secret of the deathbed, choosing to let them love their new bed without the stigma. Only one person would be haunted by that deathbed, and it was me.