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vbecker10 · 6 months ago

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This might be an odd request, but could you please write a Loki x disabled!reader fic where the reader has Functional Neurologic Disorder and is having a really bad brain fog day? Like they can’t remember what someone two seconds ago kinda bad? I know it’s very specific but I never get to see my disability portrayed anywhere so I thought I’d give it a shot. Thanks for your consideration❤️

Don't Forget

Pairing: Loki x female/disabled reader (Y/N) - established relationship

Summary: You and Loki have been together just over a year and you moved into his apartment three weeks ago. He has been on a mission for the last five days and you are determined to make his homecoming special since it is the first time he's been away since you started living together. Unfortunately, you've been so busy and stressed trying to get things ready that you're FND symptoms become worse and you worry they will ruin your plans.

Background Info: Female reader has Functional Neurologic Disorder (FND) with the following symptoms - numbness / temporary paralysis in legs which requires the intermittent use of a wheelchair, light sensitivity, heat intolerance and memory issues. I know that these are not all of the symptoms of FND and there are several types and degrees of severity but these are the symptoms I included based on the request.

A/N: @fallingfastfailingfaster thank you so much for this request! I really really hope you like it! 💚💚

You turn off your alarm and reach over for Loki but his side of the bed is still empty. You sigh but quickly remember he will finally be home later today. A smile spreads across your lips, it's been five lonely nights and you can't wait to see him again.

You throw off your sheets and realize, much to your disappointment, that you can't feel your legs. They are completely numb and unresponsive when you try to move them. The muscles in your legs had been weak last night but you hoped they would be better this morning even though you know that isn't how it works. You groan as you sit up, today is not the day you want to deal with this. You reach for your wheelchair which thankfully you placed nearby last night and transfer yourself before heading out of the bedroom.

You roll into the living area and turn the lights on then quickly turn them off again as they instantly hurt your eyes. They seem far too bright this morning so you decide you'll just have to do without them. Pulling open the curtains instead, you let the morning light in then head to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee because coffee makes everything better.

When you roll over the threshold into the kitchen you pause. The green glow of Loki's seidr travels through the kitchen and you smile, watching it transform the room. The base cabinets become shorter, enabling the countertops and appliances to lower to an accessible height. The sink cabinet reconfigures so you can roll your chair under it to use it better. All of the handles on the upper cabinets lower so you can reach them without stretching as far, they already have a shelf system which allows you to pull them down so you can grab what you need.

You sit back while the kitchen renovates itself and remember the first morning after you moved in with Loki.

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You needed to use your wheelchair since you were exhausted from moving and he was shocked by how difficult it was for you to use the kitchen. He asked if you would prefer he had the kitchen adjusted by Stark's team of contractors but you told him no.

"You're too tall to use the kitchen if you lower everything so I can use it," you told him as you struggled to reach the toaster which was pushed against the back splash.

He moved it towards you then smirked, "You figured out my master plan."

You laughed and said, "I forgot who I was talking to for a minute. What master plan does the great God of Mischief have now?"

"To avoid doing the dishes ever again by making it nearly impossible for me to use the kitchen properly," he chuckled. He leaned down and kissed your cheek lightly.

You shook your head but couldn't hide your smile, telling him, "That is a horrible plan."

You reminded him that you wouldn't always need to use your wheelchair so redoing the kitchen permanently might not be very helpful to either of you. He had thought it over for a few hours, digging through some of his old books before he finally found a spell he could adjust slightly for the perfect solution.

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You reach the coffeemaker easily and turn it on then go back to your bedroom to get dressed for work. Half an hour later you pick up your bag from the coffee table and head to the front door. Your attention catches on the small sign you hung by the door. One of your oldest friends gave it to you as a joke when you moved in.

"Keys," you say out loud as you jingle them in your hand. "Wallet, phone, tablet," you read off the next items as you double check your bag on your lap. "Coffee," you read the next item, "Ahh crap!" You return to the kitchen to find your coffee lukewarm at best, still sitting in the coffeemaker. You sigh and check the clock on the stove, thankfully you still have enough time to make a second cup.

You put a lid on the cold coffee and place it in the fridge, deciding you'll have ice coffee tomorrow. You grab a post-it note from the side of the fridge and write 'ice coffee' in large letters hoping you'll see it when you are getting ready tomorrow. You put it between the note reminding you to pick up the cupcakes at 2PM and a picture of you and Loki in the park.

You smile at the picture, it was one of the first you took together when you started dating just over a year ago. Your memory for little daily tasks may be worse than terrible some days but thankfully you could remember every second you spent with him.

You pull yourself away from the memory and head towards the door again, ready to leave for work. Reaching for the knob, you suddenly you remember why you had gone back into the kitchen in the first place and rub your temples in annoyance. You head back to the kitchen and sit in front of the coffeemaker, afraid if you look away for even a second you will forget it once more.

You head straight to Agent Hill's office when you get to the floor where you with. You remind her that you will only be working until noon since Loki is arriving around 4PM.

"Are you sure you want to work today?" she asks, looking at your chair and not you. "If you're not feeling well, you can take the day off."

"I'm fine," you assure your boss. If you took off every day you didn't feel 100%, you would work around five days a year.

"You have plenty of sick time," she continues to insist you aren't well enough to work. You fight to not roll your eyes, just because you needed help getting around today didn't mean you were suddenly incapable of working.

"I told you, I'm fine," you repeat, keeping your voice even. Before she can respond, you take your tablet out of your bag and ask her, "You need the paperwork for case file X-176 and H-778 today right? The rest can wait until tomorrow, I think." You check your notes to make sure you get all your work in before you need to leave for the day.

"Yes, just those two files," she answers. "But like I said, if you need the day-"

"I'll have them to you soon," you promise then turn your chair away from her, not allowing room for her to make another comment.

You sigh when you close the door but only a second later you run into another annoying problem. Steve and Sam are walking down the hall in the direction of your office and you know the second you make eye contact with Steve what he is going to do.

"Good morning, Y/N," he says in his typically cheerful voice as he grabs onto the handles of your wheelchair.

"Hi Steve, hi Sam," you greet them both. "You don't need to do that," you tell Steve for the hundredth time.

"Its not a problem," he answers then continues his conversation with Sam as if you are simply an object he is moving. You know he means well but every time he does this, your mind returns to a post you saw on Pinterest a few years ago. It showed how to install small plastic spikes onto your handles so people can't just grab them and push you around. Nothing made you feel less independent then having someone just roll you around without even interacting with you.

Thankfully Loki never does that. He always asks if you want or need his help before touching your chair, he has never assumed you can't do things by yourself. He knows you are fiercely independent and he always supports you, it is one of the many, many things you love about him.

You rest your head on one hand with your elbow on the desk, hoping your headache will go away before Loki gets home. It started pounding as soon as you closed the door to your office this morning and hasn't let up.

Your office is the same temperature as always but you fell like it is ninety degrees. You drink another sip of water and close your eyes for a moment, feeling your heart beating faster. Wiping away a bit of sweat from your forehead, you ask J.A.R.V.I.S what the temperature in the room is for the fifth or sixth time. Again, it tells you the room is seventy degrees but your body doesn't believe it. You roll to the window near your desk and open it as much as you can reach to try and let the breeze in.

Your alarm goes off a half an hour later and you look at it curiously, wondering why you set it. When you check the message attached to the alarm you smile, your done for the day finally and Loki will be back in a few hours. You check your email for a third time to make sure you sent Agent Hill the two case files that were due today and shut down your computer.

Thankfully your memory issues weren't an issue when it came to doing your work today. You had notes and reminders all over your desk and computer so you wouldn't miss a step. Loki had suggested you write out your whole process one day when your memory wasn't so foggy and it was incredibly helpful for days like today.

You leave your office and make your way back to your apartment, luckily avoiding Steve or anyone else who wanted to be helpful. You decide to get changed quick before heading out to run your errands, the final task of the day is to pick up the cupcakes you ordered.

Loki has a substantial sweet tooth and the bakery you ordered from is special to you both. It was only a few blocks from the Tower and it was his favorite one in the city. He had taken you there after you saw a movie on your first date, sharing pastries and talking until closing. You surprised Loki with a treat from there a few weeks later when he came back from a short mission to Russia. It quickly become a tradition, whenever Loki came home after being away for a week or longer, you would pick up something for him from there.

He would sometimes bring you one of your favorite pastries and a small bunch of flowers when you were having an especially rough time with your FND. You really appreciated the way he would try and make you smile no matter how badly you were feeling.

Even though Loki had been gone less than a week, you still wanted to surprise him tonight. Since it was the first time he had left since you moved in together, it felt like something you wanted to celebrate. You had planned on making a home cooked meal as well. It was hard not to laugh at how eloquently he complained about the food SHIELD provided when he was on a mission.

You get off the bus at the grocery store and try not to be too annoyed. It is always such a pain to take public transportation with your wheelchair but what was really bothering you was that you should have done this errand already. You had meant to grocery shop two days ago, when you had the day off from work but you got distracted doing your laundry and other things. By the time you remembered that you were supposed to pick up the ingredients to make dinner, it was too late to go out.

You wait on the long line with your basket of groceries resting on your lap, thinking about the last time you came shopping here with Loki.

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"No, that one," you giggled and pointed to the cereal on the very top shelf.

"This one specifically?" he asked and you nodded when he grabed the box without having to stretch at all.

"You are so useful," you told him when he added it to the cart he was pushing. You rolled next to him down the aisle.

"I knew you were only keeping me around because of my height," he joked then kissed the top of your head.

"Its not the only reason," you smiled up at him. "But it's definitely on the list."

"Speaking of," he paused. "Is this everything that was on the list?"

"I'm not sure," you admitted with a frown when you glanced into the partially full cart. You had left the list on the kitchen counter with your reusable bags, of course.

He took your hand and said, "Take your time."

You bit your lip and looked at the cart, trying to compare it to the list you had written while eating breakfast. "Something is missing," you felt sure of it. Loki stood quietly with you, not rushing you while you thought. "Eggs," you looked up at him excitedly when it finally popped into your head.

He smiled, "To the eggs." He followed you to the back of the store, as he had three times previously that trip, never once complaining.

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You smile to yourself, still thinking about Loki, as the line finally moves. He is one of the few people you know who has never made you feel stupid or annoying for not being able to remember things. You told him once when you first started dating that you couldn't stand it when people treated you as if you weren't smart because of your memory issues and it hurt. Since then, he has always encouraged you to find the missing piece yourself first and only fills in the blanks if you ask him to.

You put the finishing touches on the lasagna and slide into the oven as your phone chimes on the counter. You pick it up and see a text from Loki telling you he's back. The smile on your face fades quickly as you realize this means you had lost track of time. You had hoped to meet him at the landing pad, you wanted to see him the minute he was home. Apparently you set up your alarm to remind you to go down and meet him, but you forgot to turn it on.

A few minutes later you hear the front door unlock and you wheel yourself into the living area to greet him. He opens the door and immediately bends down to kiss you, wrapping you in a tight hug. When he finally releases you from his hold he smiles and says, "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too," you look up at him, you couldn't be happier to have him home.

He walks back towards the door to hang up his bag then turns on the lights without thinking. You instantly raise your hand to cover your eyes and look down as the over head light feels painfully bright. "I'm sorry," he says quickly, noticing your discomfort. He comes to your side and waves his hand, dimming the lights. "Tell me when it is okay, sweetheart," he says.

You lower your hand slightly and when it no longer hurts you tell him, "That's perfect, thanks."

He kisses your cheek and then asks, "How you are feeling?" He moves towards the couch and you follow him.

"Have the lights been bothering you all day as well?" his tone is a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"I'm fine," you answer but he raises his eyebrow and tilts his head, you know he wants the truth and not what you tell everyone else. You admit you are having a rough day, "When I woke up I couldn't use my legs at all and my memory is absolutely gone today."

You push yourself onto the couch next to Loki and he shifts so his arm is around you. "Yeah, I didn't even turn them on what I got to my office. It felt like the room was on fire today too, it gave me such a headache," you tell him.

"I'm sorry you didn't feel well today," he runs his fingers through your hair slowly. "Have you been pushing yourself too hard?" he asks and you shrug, not looking at him. "I know you want to do everything but you need to remember to rest." You nod and he pulls you closer.

"-and then I told Thor that if he wasn't on the jet in the next two minutes, I was going to have them take off without him," Loki chuckles.

"You did not threaten to leave your brother in Siberia," you put your hand over your mouth.

"I had been away from you long enough," he smiles and you lean towards him, kissing his cheek. His smiles vanishes and he looks into the kitchen, "Is something burning?"

You turn to look towards the kitchen, "Oh no! Did I forget to set the timer?"

He gets up quickly and shuts off the oven before opening it and freeing a cloud of black smoke. Your heart sinks as you get back in your chair and go to the kitchen. He puts the charred remains of your lasagna in the sink and waves off the smoke so the fire alarm doesn't go off.

"I can't believe I ruined it," you look down.

Loki kneels in front of you and touches your shoulder gently, "I'm sorry, I know how hard you worked on that." You fight to hold back tears and he says, "It's okay, darling. We can order take out tonight, have a bit of dessert and watch a movie. This weekend you can show me how you make your famous lasagna."

All of a sudden you feel a tightness in your chest, "I forgot to go to the bakery." You begin to lose the battle to hold back your tears. "I burnt dinner, I messed up getting a dessert, I couldn't even get myself together to go down and see you when you got off the jet," you look down as the first tear slips down your cheek. "I wanted to make your first homecoming since we moved in together special but it's ruined because of my stupid, useless memory," you cry.

He leans towards you and you wrap your arms around him, resting your face on his shoulder. He rubs your back slowly and quietly says, "My homecoming is not ruined." You look at him and he smiles, wiping the tears from your cheeks. "I can't tell you how loved it makes me feel knowing how much effort you put into tonight," he tells you.

"Even if it was a total disaster?" you ask.

"Even then," he risks his answer and you breath a small laugh. "I know you are upset about dinner and dessert, but I'm just glad to be home with you." You nod and lock eyes with Loki, he smiles and strokes your cheek gently. "Your memory is..."

"Garbage?" you suggest.

"I was going to say 'not the best'," he shakes his head but you smile a bit.

"But garbage works," you joke, feeling slightly better.

"Will you be quiet and let me try to be romantic for a moment?" he laughs and you pretend to zip your mouth closed. He sighs and starts again, "Your memory is not the best, we can both agree on that, but I never want you to forget how much I love you. You are smart and beautiful and strong, pushing through each day even when you are in pain or your body fights you. You are the most amazing woman in the nine realms and I am so lucky to be able to call you mine."

You smile as Loki talks and when he finishes you pull him to you, kissing him deeply. "I love you too," you tell him. After a moment, he sits back and you wipe away the last remaining tears.

"I have an idea," he says. "I think you need more triggers for your memory."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

He points over your shoulder towards the door as he answers, "You haven't forgotten your keys once since you put that up."

"That was just a joke," you tell him.

"But it works," he responds.

You sit on the couch as Loki unpacks the Chinese takeout onto the coffee table. "Are you sure you're okay with doing all of this to your apartment?" you ask when he hands you a pair of chopsticks.

"Y/N, this is your home now too," he reminds you gently. "I want you to feel comfortable here and I want it to work for you, however you need it to." You kiss his cheek and he smiles.

After the two of you finish eating, you begin thinking of ways to adjust your new home to suit you better. Loki asks J.A.R.V.I.S to reprogram all of the lights to be on dimmer settings so you can still use them when you're light sensitivity is acting up. He has the program automatically ask you to set timers or reminders for all of the appliances in the kitchen, including the coffeemaker. A few hours later, you are both tired and decide any other changes can be made in the morning or as you think of them.

He helps you into bed and you push yourself onto his chest so he can hold you. He runs his fingers up and down your back lightly and you close your eyes. "I'm so glad your home," you tell him in a quiet voice.

"So am I," he replies, kissing your forehead. "Don't forget, I love you."

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

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