#putting the fun in functional neurological disorder

[thefundisorderdiary]

Please like this.

Not for any reason, I just want the serotonin.

[intothepineforest]

The fun kind of amnesia is when you get to sit back and watch as the memory folds itself up into an envelope and posts itself out of existence!

[transhawks]

I know you're writing a fic with Twice is in (and also actually appreciate his character), so do you got ideas, rules whatever, on how to write his dialog? Ll the fics ive read never feels right unless it's straight from the source material 😭

Hey! So, I've definitely played around with this in writing. Let me show some examples and word vomit about Twice. I will say that while I often return to the manga and observe how he talks, I also have developed LOTs of head-canons, so much of this is my own ideas/fanon. When I wrote You in 2020, it was very much an experimental fic, stream of consciousness kind of fic. And I encourage people to play around if they are doing something like solely focusing on Jin. In this case I essentially wrote it in Second person, to emphasize the idea of a fractured mind/depersonalization or the feeling as if "I'm not the real one" that Twice had. Here's how I showcased the split:

This is how I described Jin's initial "split" by the way. Note there's actually THREE different ones - I have a personal theory there's actually three personalities, the dominant Jin who is incredibly traumatized and slightly regressing in maturity, the older, quieter maturer personality who shows up only when we see into his thoughts, who seems pensive and contemplative (most of 115 is his narration) and kind of gives Twice's manga international narration a film-noir like quality, and the vocal "negative" voice that I guess either contradicts voice 1 or functions like an id to the ego.

Before anyone chimes in with "FREUDIAN PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY IS TRASH AND DEBUNK-", yes, I know, but I find the idea of splitting the mind like this useful for literature, specifically, not real life. And I suspect a lot of writers do as well, so the idea of a "split" mind where a voice voices the things no one should want to say or think as Horikoshi has created here works well in that framework. Hence, when I write the split in Jin's mind, I use it as a way for me to figure how what's with his mind.

One of the biggest issues is that Jin's issues are very much pop-culture/fantasy mental illness because no disorder fits him well. For one thing, Jin's trauma is also a neurological one because he clearly had brain damage from the whole experience that cause his scar. And then it's like Horikoshi decided to take elements of schizoaffective psychosis, tourette's, BPD, DID, and OCD and PTSD and throw in "actual force blunt force brain damage" into the loop. That's not to say Twice's struggles aren't realistic/relatable - they totally are, but whatever he has isn't exactly an accurate depiction of anything out there (especially since it's so quirk-based). Personally, tailoring it to fit something neatly, I think, would do a big disservice to his character so I don't strive for that sort of realism and just work with what Horikoshi outlines for us.

Anyway, that is to say that often when I try to depict mental illness in writing, especially from the perspective of the ill person, I try to incorporate elements of disorder into the writing itself stylistically (I sometimes do this with writing Hawks as well). A lot of people just only strictly stick to this past-tense (or present) third person limited way of writing, and I think there's fun in throwing that out and using characters like Twice as reasons to do it. Or just playing around with formatting.

Anyway, this is how I try to depict it from a Third Person Limited perspective in Irreversible.

So first off, I distinguish between the spoken voices Jin has by bolding the contradictory voice. Internally, I depict intrusive thoughts by keeping it bolding, putting in parenthesis, and then justifying the text to the right. It breaks up the paragraph and creates the "element of disorder" I spoke about earlier. Here's what that can look like at it's most disordered, where there's essentially a mental conversation written out.

There's also a clear difference in spoken vs internal because while internally the voice addresses Jin himself to create an element of insecurity (questioning if he even deserves Toga's kindness), it's only in speech that he'll contradict Jin after he says something. This doesn't always happen, and I don't think every sentence needs it. Jin has moments in-manga where he doesn't speak like this and I also think it correlates with emotional state (interestingly a really upset Twice can be more "together").

But it's not as simple as "Jin says something, bold immediately contradicts it." That would make it boring to both read and write. My suggestion to have an actual reaction by a Jin to the bolded words - because it happens in canon (sometimes he tries to stop himself from talking further).

In this sentence, I make Jin immediately refute the previous sentence. It's not a full on back and forth, but it does show that he's aware the other voice is saying things and what it is saying. Lastly, this is more me on how to actually make it matter besides keeping it accurate to canon characterization. First, Jin is funny. Naturally he's funny and very blunt, but his illness is also used by Horikoshi for tension relief and to kill the seriousness or somber mood the LoV scenes can evolve into. Do not be afraid to use this for humor because as a character, Horikoshi DOES do this HOWEVER, this is not all Jin is, and when showing his internal life, there's far more seriousness to it all. But if you just want to write Jin instead of focusing on him, I think acknowledging he has a (wacky, immature and slapstick-y) sense of humor and in turn can be a funny character is not a bad thing. He lends himself well to physical comedy so don't be afraid of writing him doing weird things or making funny gestures.

Two, make the words count. At the end of the day, you're writing a story. You are not only conveying personality through these words, you are hopefully moving plot forward, or using the space you have carefully. Do not be afraid to have the contradictory voice say something poignant, something no one else would say, or ominous that can be used as foreshadowing for later parts of your story. Remember, these are characters that are meant to tell stories so use them.

[gabrielora]

South Park disorder Headcannon:

EPISODE 1: ERIC CARTMAN.

I belive that Cartman has HPD (Histrionic personality disorder), BED (binge eating disorder,) early childhood schizophrenia, and Autism. (Check @rottrottencorpse headcanon post about it he words it better then i ever could.)

(Also disclaimer I am a 14 year old who has never talked a psychology or neurology class and I’m just autistic and like to study the DSM and South Park for fun)

Cartman

1. childhood schizophrenia:

Cartman is shown to have difficulty with daily functioning, such as brushing his teeth and doing basic chores. Although this could be a result of him being spoiled by his mother.

he has a large lack of impulse control, his impulses are often caused by delusion and his inability to control his emotions. He has very extreme emotions that do not fit the situations he is in.

Cartman is shown to have speech delays and is exhibits behaviors of echolalia (in “Cat Orgy” he repeats “they mostly come at night, mostly” over and over again. He does the same thing with “beefcake!”) Cartman (especially in early seasons) tends to have very disorganized speech patterns. He is unable to pronounce certain words and sounds even into adulthood (Post Covid.)

He is shown to have difficulty paying attention and has an extremely low performance in school despite having high academic intelligence when he believes the situation calls for it.

Cartman is often shown to have delusions, an example is in “the China problem.” He will go through extreme measures to validate his delusions. (Such as committing terrorism or even genocide.)

Cartman is shown to have hallucinations; specifically Cupid me. In Cupid Ye, Cupid me begins to show behaviors that are extremely antisemetic and cruel to the point even Cartman becomes concerned. He fully believes Cupid me is real. He calms “Cupid me” down by forcing him to take his meds. Which may imply Cartman is taking medication.

2. HPD,

Cartman is shown to be extremely insecure about himself (seen in “insecurity” and “Cartmans mom is a dirty slut.” Along with ” the end of obesity” and “fish sticks.”) and he gets his sense of self worth from others. He craves constant validation, often attempting to make himself seem grandiose to make others amazed.

He acts very dramatically for the attention of others. He doesn’t understand that his behavior is inappropriate. He becomes upset when he is not the center of attention.

He puts on an extremely charming performance (often when having a delusion) to make himself look great. He is extremely dramatic, to the point he is theatrical. When he wants to draw attention he sometimes will wear outfits that bring attention to him. In fact, he has the most outfits out of any character in the series. He has over 100 as of 2016.

He speaks very dramatically and rarely has reasoning or evidence for his thoughts despite the fact he is capable of researching them. Cartmans emotions tend to be exaggerated, quick and shallow, as shown in people with HPD.

He can be extremely gullible. Especially in early seasons. This can be attributed to the fact he is a child though and cannot be concluded as a specific symptom.

He often believes he is closer with people than he actually is (specifically Jimmy Valmer as shown in Tsst.) and he has a very hard time maintaining relationships with people who aren’t his closest friends.

He has a constant need for instant gratification. This can make him extremely efficient in his plans, but due to his poor impulse control can cause disastrous situations. Cartman becomes bored very easily, and he again, is constantly looking for the approval of others.

Some risk factors for HPD include:

1. Genetics, (other symptoms which Cartman did not yet have is sexually promiscuous behavior.) his mom exhibits many of these symptoms. Especially attention seeking behavior via sexuality, and believing she is closer to people than she actually is (as shown in Tsst with ceaser Milan)

2. Childhood trauma, Cartman is shown to have suffered childhood sexual assault throughout the series. In fact, it has happened or has been referenced to around 21 times throughout the series. It is stated in an episode that Liane made him wear a costume and dance for her while she was intoxicated and having sex with an unknown man. She also drugs him with codeine when he’s paranoid or anxious (as shown in let go let gov.)

3. Parenting styles such as ones that lack boundaries or are overindulgent. Parents who display extreme erratic sexual characteristics and other inappropriate behaviors put their children at risk for developing HPD. (That’s literally just Liane)

3. C-ptsd,

I have less reasons to belive this and it is more of a loose headcanon.

Cartman has experienced long-term/repeated sexual abuse.

He is hyper vigilant about sexual abuse as shown in The Coon, when he sees a man kissing a woman and immediately assumes she is being assaulted. He has negative correlations to anything sex related. He views sex as in inherent act of violence and humiliation (as shown in the fractured but whole when he tells the new kid their dad fucked their mom.)

He reacts excessively and becomes very defensive when any negative feedback is pointed towards him.

It is shown in early seasons that Cartman was bullied by his peers. In the episode Damien, pip says “I think they made fun of the fat boy a lot too, but now i think they like him because he picks on me!” Which shows that a lot of his antagonistic behavior was brought up because he would be ostracized otherwise. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were the bullies first. Cartman was mirroring their behavior.

The boiling point for this was in Scott Tenorman must die, when Scott humiliated him and he snapped.

He was not the first kid to snap in South Park, in fact the even headed Wendy Testaburger was.

A lot of his negative behaviors are him covering trauma or trying to adapt to his surroundings. (I am referring to morally incorrect or extremely self destructive behavior not just odd behavior when i say negative behaviors.)

4. Autism spectrum disorder

I belive that Cartman shows signs of autism, although many of these symptoms can be attributed to Schizophrenia.

He is very sensitive to small changes, in let them eat goo he got so caught up about the slight changes in the food he had to be hospitalized. (By the way a lot of this evidence was from a post by rotten corpse!!! I am not trying to take credit for the autism!!)

He has hyperactive and inattentive behavior (which can be symptoms of schizophrenia but i think should be listed anyway.)

he is shown to have Alexithymia. He has a hard time expressing his love for people (he tells his friends he hates them when this is not true.) He cannot recognize when he is feeling empathy (which he does feel empathy, he can feel empathy towards inanimate objects and cats and people he is not close to which is why i do not believe he has ASPD.) With the theory he has alexithymia, you could also come up with the idea that he is unable to recognize his strong emotions and therefore unable to think about them logically.

He obsesses over his goals frequently, the largest one being wanting to make a million dollars. Some of his behavior relating to this though can be attributed to his delusions and grandiose. He seems to be very talented at photography and has a large interest in it.

He is shown to not understand personal space a lot, specifically in tegridy farms where he repeatedly holds Kyle’s hand despite his protests. he also seems to become aggravated anytime someone else is in his space.

He tends to butt into and dominate conversations, this can be related back to HPD but this is prominent even when he is not trying to get attention.

He, again, has echolalia which is an autism symptom but also a symptom of schizophrenia.

He mirrors other people’s behaviors. In Damien it’s stated that he mirrored Stan Kyle and Kenny’s behavior so he wouldn’t be bullied by them. He also has developed some of Butters behaviors throughout their friendship. This is also a symptom of HSD (being highly influenced by others.)

Cartman has a hard time understanding social cues. This is more prominent in early seasons compared to later seasons. He is shown to not fully understand when someone is being sarcastic towards him, and often takes things literally. (Such as the Sea Men.)

He HATES unexpected change (he tries to murder Heidi over making him late to the pumkin patch he is not normal)

this is a large maybe as many of these symptoms can be related to his other disorders. I still love this headcannon though because i think it makes it much more interesting analyzing his trauma with that in mind.

5. BED (Binge Eating disorder.)

Im pretty sure this is canon so I may not explain as much as the others.

Cartman compulsively eats very large amounts of food in short periods of time, even eating when he’s not full anymore or not hungry.

He has a hard time identifying when he is full which can be linked back to autism and not being able to process your senses.

He hides in his bathroom to binge as seen in the end of obesity, and he is shown to feel a lot of shame towards binging. (His desperation to get ozempic.)

A good thing to take note of is that Cartmans mom doesn’t just over feed him. She uses food to bribe Cartman into being friends with her. Almost all the “love” she shows towards Cartman is bribery done to alleviate her crippling loneliness. In episode one he tells her he doesn’t want to eat too much because he’s being bullied for being fat. She tells him he’s not fat he’s big boned. He still doesn’t want to eat so she kept bribing him with food until he caved in. In Tsst she bribes him with KFC to skip an project to see a show with her, neglecting his academic needs. He likely sees food as a form of validation. This boosts his BED even further, and the need for validation is boosted by his HPD.

I think his HPD and schizophrenic symptoms make many people assume Cartman has ASPD. I do not belive he has ASPD as he can feel empathy to a very broad spectrum of things (inanimate objects, animals, and people he is not close to.) Conduct disorder may apply but it’s shown he can grow out of it when taken away from his environment or his environment is changed meaning he was not born with ASPD. He does have a lot of symptoms of ASPD but on the dsm they state “The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.” Which in my analysis Cartman has untreated schizophrenia which would mean outside of the age requirement, he would not fit the ASPD criteria.

ANYWAY thats all folks!!

[vlerian-root]

PMDD + transitioning

I don't know how to write this in a more poetic manner, but I would like to put some words out of my head and into (virtual) paper. Being trans has saved my life

Quite literally! I have a medical condition called PMDD, that has been undiagnosed for 17 years. It is a neurological sensitivity to changes in levels of estrogen in the blood. There is documentation out there, don't believe anything that says "it's like bad pms". It has nothing to do with pms. This is your brain being "allergic" to you getting your period, and causing havoc on any and all brain functions - like a russian roulette! It can affect your mood (in a good and bad way, usually very extreme), leaving you suicidal, violent, nonverbal, manic... It can be very painful - and not just in your head, with the typical migraines that last for days, but also on the rest of your body, or localized areas. I used to not be able to move my legs for days at a time. "Just pms" my ass. It can affect your memory. Long and short term memory, some parts of mine are just gone. Erased. Not coming back. They are big chunks too. It can affect you psychologically, in all the fun flavors that can have, like paranoia, obsession, depression, hypomania, dissociation... This usually lasts up to 10 days and ends when you get your period. Which is a hell of its own, so I have lost half of my time for the last few years, when it started getting really bad. It only got diagnosed for me when my psychologist noticed a pattern of me getting really bad every month around the same time. He assumed I knew this. I did not. Nobody had every mentioned PMDD, I didn't know it existed.

But here is where we get to the good part. I was in medical psychological therapy for something unrelated (OCPD, a personality disorder, although most of the symptoms got really bad with PMDD), and the psychiatrist assigned to me is an expert in this matter. He talked to me about the research he had done, and the research I had done while obsessively browsing the internet for any morsel of info I could get. So far any medical treatments had been from ineffective to making things a lot worse, so I needed to talk to someone who knew their stuff. And he did! But we found that since this is your body being "allergic" to a thing it naturally produces, and will continue to produce for at least another 20ish years, the best treatment was to stop that cycle. I had tried this before with my gyno. This went terribly bad. Twice. Or rather, it went great for 3 months, then worse than ever after that, and it became the new normal. It was hell. I was at a point where I couldn't have any sort of normal life. Half the time I would make projects and live happily by myself, and the other half I needed help to even walk to the bathroom because my head was about to explode, my legs didn't work, I wanted to jump out of a window, and I forgot about all my deadlines. Oh, and the muscle spasms that looked almost like seizures. This shit had cost me 90% of my social life, all of my professional life, and was now simply trying to take my life.

BUT!!! Did you know that if you remove the ovaries, the estrogen blood levels stop rising and falling? Did you know that triggers premature menopause? Did you know that testosterone is a very effective treatment of the side effects of menopause?

That was my whole approach, and my brilliant psychiatrist agreed it was a good one. To this day, he has been the only person to not question this decision even if it's pretty radical. He's the only one that has understood there is no sense in asking someone whose brain is killing them from the inside "are you sure you want to do that? you won't be able to turn back!". I'm aware you can't put the ovaries back in. But they are. Killing me. Driving me insane. Please.

It took me ages to find a doctor that would even contemplate doing this (quite simple) surgery. Every single one of them used the "but you are a woman of childbearing age, I can't do this in good faith" argument. Or the "I don't know about PMDD so I think you are lying" covered in sugary lies approach. It was hell.

In the end, I have gotten the surgery. I no longer have overies. I'm writing this weeks after it, and I can assure whoever is reading this that I no longer suffer - or will suffer - from PMDD ever again. Writing that feels so liberating... The kicker is that I wouldn't have been able to access any of this if I wasn't trans. Because PMDD is so badly researched and documented that even the doctors that specialize in the organs it affects think it's "bad pms". I had to say "but I am a trans man, this is very dysphoric". Then, and only then, would they give me T. I am not a trans man, just transmasc. I wanted to get healthy before transitioning, because it's not very great to be in an unstable mental state to handle the tsunami of changes and their (sometimes social) repercussions that come with it. But irony of ironies, the cure for 90% of my health issues has been transitioning.

OCPD has gotten easier to manage thanks to the emotional resilience I got on T (and what my therapist taught me) No ovaries mean no periods, which means no spending up to 2 weeks each month with my brain self destructing. No more memory loss, no more pain, no more spasms, no more migraines!!! No more dreading the days before the next T dose in case the previous one is a little too short (this has sent me to the ER before). No more pregnancy risk. No more depression, no more low energy, no more low libido, no more bullshit!!!! I am ME, inside and out, forever!!!!! I haven't felt like this since I was 14, and I'm 32 now! This is insane to think about @_@ It sucks that I had to lie to some doctors to get where I am today. But if I hadn't, I don't even know if I'd be here. It wasn't that big of a lie anyways (I hope). Feels bad to me, because I hate lying, but... no, I think this one was ok.

TL;DR: I have PMDD, meaning my brain is allergic to estrogen, so you can kind of say I was allergic to being a woman, and transitioning has saved my life ♥

If you are still reading this, thank you. I'm very sleepy and this probably makes very little sense, but my dms are open to any questions.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

One of the quirks I've found of having functional neurological disorder is the fact that any compression on my fingers leads to numbness and then paralysis.

And that's very fun when you've sprained a finger and are trying to put a brace on it so you don't keep bending it.

Certainly can't bend it when it's paralysed.

[valhallakonbi]

i meant new ask: character headcanons?

oh okay i wasn't sure my bad!

i'll start off with some small ones and gradually get to the bigger ones:

i can't tell if you were the one to come up with it or if it was established in the novels but i really like thinking of ougi as a neat freak... since koyomi is one, it ties in nicely

vegetarian koyomi & sodachi are also very good (i think veggie koyomi is yours and sodachi is annabelle's)

kanbaru and hitagi actually kissed in middle school. several times maybe.

yotsugi has a crush on nadeko but she doesn't understand that it is one. nadeko has noticed something's up but isn't sure yotsugi knows either

uni senjougahara can drive a motorcycle (please picture koyomi in the backseat as well)

hanekawa knows way too much about cars and all the men she meets at diners and gas stations overseas are really impressed with her, whether they like it or not (she drives manual btw.)

kanbaru wanted to become a sports doctor after meeting with numachi again, so i think she would mostly work with teenagers. i'd like to think that she frequently visits naoetsu and that ougi and kanbaru are still friends and reading buddies even when kanbaru grows into an adult.

my biggest headcanons are not fun ones and they are senjougahara related. reader discretion avised (mentions of eating disorders, cancer)

it's pretty on the nose, and it's edgy, and it's not revolutionary or anything, but hitagi crab as an analogy for eating disorders works extremely well in my eyes.

as someone who has dealt with eating disorders it makes for a very true-to-life tale of a girl whose response to multiple trauma has been control of other's perception of her by violent means (mindful of what people are saying about her, can't let anyone know about her secret, threatens and bullies anyone who tries to get closer to her). this is coherent with anorexia as a way to regain some form of pride and "autonomy" when you feel like everything's been taken away from you. the "weight" aspect is a major factor in how people come up with this interpretation, it's a pun on "omoi" (heavy ; feelings / ties / memories) and how cutting these off completely is easier than dealing with them... and eating disorders oftentimes serve as a way to shift the focus on something other than the actual traumatic event. i remember it functioning the same as addiction on a neurological level.

anyway, what i like about this reading is how the analogy makes it non voyeuristic. the lack of voyeurism (ironic, huh) when it comes to traumatic events is something i really appreciate in monogatari. even as she's talking about the ways she was emotionally and sexually abused, we're not directly shown, we listen to senjougahara talk. a lot of stories about eating disorders are very graphic with the subject matter. seems people can't talk about this stuff without putting extra stress on the "disgusting" aspects of it (critically underweight bodies, laxatives, vomit and other forms of purging). this kind of stuff does nothing except add shock value and try to warn readers or watchers about self-image issues and how starving and purging is bad and gross!! like they don't already know. with hitagi crab as an analogy for anorexia, the self-image/societal perception aspect is neatly implied and the root of the problem (relationship with her mother) is addressed directly.

the other on-the-nose, edgy thing, is senjougahara had a critical operation which saved her life when she was little. it's never been said outright what her disease was, but cancer is prevalent enough among kids and it fits her motif.

[ssunspotted]

📂📂

((RANDOM HEADCANONS))

📂- This one's about their you know. Entire Sitch. Part of this has already been said but it's fun to clarify more.

There's an argument to be made that Tolya isn't Tolya at all anymore, and how comparable that is to how we change naturally is ...unclear.

Think of them as a parasect if that fungus (on top of functioning as you know, a fungus) also held little bits of the ghost of the paras in a previous state. In Tolya's case, every time they altered a plant with magic, they had to use their own energy, and (A more seasoned magic-user would have avoided this) unknowingly put little bits of themself into each one, like reaching in and sculpting using little fingers of their own spirit. That had some side effects. Notably there was a sort of instinct imprinted into their more heavily altered plants to try to burrow back into 'their' body in certain situations. (This caused some pretty horrifying moments)

They waited too long to give Vellsick the go for them to attempt the ritual that turned them into a lich- their neurological disorder progressed to a point of confusion and memory problems, difficulty moving and speaking, sometimes even swallowing, seizures were getting worse. Becoming a lich did ensure their continued existence and did some to help them function better, but it couldn't fill in parts of them that were lost. Their plants, itching to reclaim their old body once it didn't have its soul inside of it, could do something to fill in blanks. They've become an aggregate, have memories and thoughts and urges that don't come from the animal part of them at all, and some amount of their personality and memories are filled back in with approximations or 'improvements'. The plant matter that permanently lives inside of their carcass is very content to 'be them' again, and is subconsciously doing what it can to sew together some version of what it remembers being.

📂- Tolya's nervous about showing just how big their familiar-turned-mobility aid Henri has gotten, because he was so fuckin cute when he was soccer ball sized or smaller. They want people to like him, that's their little guy.

[bluegoblinfox]

Good news but that also sucks...

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, from the community mental health team. Is to discuss my plural identity and symptoms of dissociative identity disorder. Now I don't think I meet the criteria for dissociative identity disorder, I do think I might be diagnosable with a different kind of dissociative disorder and I want to explore my experience of my brain, how that translates in terms of diagnosis. Putting a name to it isn't really important to me per se but it's a lot easier to explain my experiences to Professionals and people from the Department of Work and Pensions etc if I have a piece of paper that says what it is.

Whilst I am very pleased to be getting a appointment relatively quickly as I was only referred a few months ago, I know from previous experiences of assessment with psychiatrists that I'm going to need to talk about all of the trauma. Yes all of the trauma and it's impact on me, my PTSD symptoms and my autism, tendency to become non-verbal and all that shit. I also know from previous experience that digging all that shit up is not pleasant.

Also to further complicate the layers of horror that this appointment is already going to be, it's going to be held at the psychiatric unit my eldest was admitted to last year. The location of a lot of recent trauma for me.

My partner is gonna come and stay with me for the night before and the night after this appointment. I'm definitely going to disassociate. I'm probably going to become non-verbal for a while after. It's definitely gonna make my functional neurological disorder flare up. I'm going to tic a lot. Probably going to have a lot of right sided weakness and that might even become a migraine. If I'm really unlucky I'm gonna have a few flashbacks as well. So much fun!

So I'm gonna make sure that I've got lots of things set up when I get home to make life easy. All my sensory stuff together, my blindfold and medication ready should I need it. I'm gonna make sure I have lots of salty snacks and cola in as when I have a migraine I crave salt and sugar so bad.

I'm also going to make sure that I've cleared my diary for for 5 days after. It's this that I think people struggle to understand or appreciate without being told about it. That a difficult meeting like this it's gonna wipe me out for the best part of week. That the emotional turmoil and the ramifications of them aren't just in the moment or in proceeding hours. It will for days and days after.

I know a lot of people take for granted just being able to do a thing move on from it. My brain and my body don't work like that anymore. To be honest I'm not sure they ever did!

[romymdxcontexualstudies3rdyr]

The Son-Rise Program at the Autism Treatment Centre of America

I wanted to focus on organisations that strive to help people who are possibly nonverbal. The Son-Rise Program is an amazing and powerful treatment centre in Massachusetts, United States, for children and adults who may be challenged by Autism, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and other developmental difficulties. The Son-Rise Program is different in approach to helping children with developmental disorders, it is the opposite of everything you might have been told to help someone with Autism. 

The Program shows how joining in someone’s own unique world, before asking them to join ours makes it possible for these specials children to reach new heights! (Autism Treatment Centre of America, n.d.) The Son-Rise Program was created by teachers and authors Barry ('Bears') Neil Kaufman and his wife Samahria Lyte Kaufman, in the 1970s (See Figure 4) when their son Raun, was diagnosed with having a severe and incurable case of Autism and they were advised to put him in an institution. Instead of this the couple designed an innovative home-based, child-centred program (The Son-Rise Program) in an attempt to reach their little boy. This unique method which completely ripped up the pre-existing rules of Autism resulted in Raun’s recovery from Autism. (I use the word ‘recovery’ in terms of Ruan was now able to function by himself. Autism is not something to be cured, it is not an illness, it’s a neurological condition which makes social development difficult for some children, I wanted this to be very clear.) Ruan transformed from being mute or nonverbal, with an IQ less than 30% into highly verbal, socially interactive with a near genius level IQ. (Autism Treatment Centre of America, n.d.) The program says people with developmental difficulties can; 1. Learn to speak, even if they have never spoken, 2. Experience real happiness and love even if they seem frustrated and combative right now, 3. Have deep caring relationships with others, even though it appears they have been disconnected for years, 4. Have fun while communicating even if their history with speech has been limited and finally 5. Live a life that could include university, dating, jobs, hobbies or traveling regardless of how many of these life experiences seemed impossible. The programs main method of building a person’s social interactive skills is ‘Joining in the isms’, which simply means joining in the repetitious and ritualistic behaviours that a child or adult is doing. There is a lot of misconception that this will only encourage people to do this more, but the results the program have found to be quite the opposite. They found that when they joined in with this repetitious behaviour, that the child or adult actually became more engaged, more socially available, and more motivated to be with others. (Autism Treatment Centre of America, FAQs, n.d.) Over the years this approach to joining in with these rituals has been debated and criticised, but recent studies are now showing supporting evidence for the technique.  I really respect and believe in what The Son-Rise Program are doing for people with Autism and who are possibly nonverbal. My younger brother Arberi spent many years at the program when he was younger and was nonverbal, through the technique of joining in he was able to gain a full range of language and social engagement.

[project-sour-grapes]

Dragging Ass; Website Up

Did nothing the last 2 days. Realized my business is really a facilitator of other goals in clinical healthcare and research (mostly research). Without an end goal, I do not want to work on my business. The lack of structure and social interaction (that which is intrinsically tied to achieving goals at work as a group) makes me depressed. And not, "Gee, I feel down," depressed. But, "I feel nauseous and I am dissociating from my surroundings and I am staying up 4 hours past my bedtime mindlessly watching videos on my phone," depressed. Structure and concrete end goals seem to be necessary for me.

Looking at the lab environment I'm joining now as well as looking back on my first lab research experience in 2019, I am realizing that that environment is too restrictive for me. Imagining a career in academia does not inspire me. Something about working with 4-5 core people in a lab--while it is fun and teaches a person new things they'd never encounter otherwise--is too... small. The accomplishments are big and the ability to create something from nothing on almost poverty wages is superhero work. But it won't motivate me long-term.

When I think of being a doctor however, that sits right with me. I like working with patients more than I expected, and the idea of constantly learning newer, increasingly niche things about science and the body is invigorating. That will carry me in a way that other career paths may not. There seemed to be a socially enforced ceiling on knowledge in EMS. A few people were always learning and sharing knowledge, but a few times when I tried to dive deeper into topics, I could tell others were trying to change the subject or I was literally told "I don't care." It really is a different environment from both research and the MD/DO crowd. It wasn't all bad. Just enough to be a drag and not worth the energy to be the odd one out.

My goal with my business is to facilitate getting into research as an MD. Business on its own is okay, but it doesn't drive me in a way that will last until I'm 50. Research on its own is also cool, but it lacks breadth, it seems more restrictive than being an MD, and I don't want to become a professional grant writer.

The official plan is that I'm going to get this business going, study for the MCAT, take all the med school prereqs plus more, and publish research papers. The end goal is regenerative, stem cell, and neurological medicine around the realm of movement disorders and helping people feel at home in their bodies. That encompasses 100s of diseases both mental, functional neurological, and physical and could land me in one of several specialties, but that is the plan. We have a direction at least. And I'm trying stuff. And failing. And learning. Versus sitting around and perfecting my wishful thinking.

More importantly, I put the website up today. Had to learn to do things I (embarrassingly) had never done before, even though I used to work in cybersecurity. But I slogged through it. I was about to put it off until tomorrow, because it wasn't straightforward to set the site up, but I pushed through it. Pushing through despite confusion was way better than delaying or giving up. It is going to be a real ego hit to learn things that I "should have known" in both the science and tech spaces as I build this business. But it's better to be a fool for a minute than a fool forever.

[thefundisorderdiary]

I don’t have a chronic illness.

I have a chronicle illness.

It changes as it goes.

[sanguinebutch]

i sure do put the Fun in functional neurological disorder!!

[system-of-a-feather]

Hey, do you know any information on if alters can cause the host to experience something like sleep paralysis, I had it recently where if I really tried I could force myself to move - and I could move my mouth but no words would come out - it felt like sleep paralysis but I could feel the static in mind - i did feel that earlier before sleeping when I could feel a possible switch.

Originally I was going to say I haven’t heard anything about it but it was interesting so I did a bit of a dive. 

Immediately off hand, I could say that might be a strong form of dissociation, but there are some other interesting things I came to find.

I’m not any form of an expert on this and this is all new information, so Imma format this in a “Imma read through things and pull out info that might be relevant”. 

Do not take any of this as a professional or anything and I would, in the end, really recommend talking to a mental health professional. I am just putting out my best (and sometimes maybe missinterpretted) information from papers for people to take.

Physiology of REM sleep, cataplexy, and sleep paralysis

Sleep paralysis and cataplexy are due to a dissociation (dissociation in this is used in an even more broad sense than what we typically use dissociation for in mental health** correct me if I’m wrong I haven’t read neurology literature in a bit) between structures that regulate the “paralysis” feel and muscle weakness that happens in sleep paralysis and sleep as well as states of waking / alertness.

Cataplexy is “ sudden loss of muscle tone while a person is awake leads to weakness and a loss of voluntary muscle control “ that is “often triggered by sudden, strong emotions such as laughter, fear, anger, stress, or excitement ”.[x] Cataplexy is often connected with narcolepsy

Sleep paralysis in narcolepsy: more than just a motor dissociative phenomenon? ( Not Related, but Interesting Read)

This didn’t have any specific points to pull out other than that chronic narcolepsy and sleep paralysis can actually result in dissociative disorder like traits like being “not fully able to distinguish whether what happened to him was actual or unreal”

It serves little to this discussion other than an interesting food for thought that I felt was nice to share

Relationships between sleep paralysis and sleep quality: current insights

Individuals with panic disorders, ptsd, and high stress / traumatic events in life are much more likely to experience sleep paralysis and sleep disturbance issues.

“Indeed, several studies have found sleep paralysis to be linked to levels of dissociative experiences, both in the context of severe trauma59,60 and in healthy samples.28,61 Furthermore, many studies have found levels of dissociation to be associated with a variety of sleep experiences such as bizarre dreams, hypnagogic hallucinations, and nightmares.41 Of note, the link between sleep and dissociation has not only been found in cross-sectional questionnaire-based studies but a causal role of sleep disturbance in dissociative symptoms has been shown in studies of sleep deprivation, which found that the loss of sleep promoted increased dissociation.”

Fun fact, fixing your sleep schedule can help with your dissociative symptoms in around 6-8 weeks according to this study; I don’t want to be THOSE click bait websites, so I do want to say I haven’t read through the experimental measures since that isn’t the focus of this reading dive but XD Felt Id pull it out

“ Of the studies that have recorded brain activity during sleep paralysis, results suggest sleep paralysis to be a dissociated state of consciousness, combining a mixture of waking and REM sleep brain states. “

Additional Off-Top-Of-Head Information I’ve Picked Up

When we talking about alters / dissociation in context of mental health, we are usually talking about partially altered states of consciousness. Its considered a form of self hypnosis of sorts. 

Dissociation in general is the disconnect from various parts of self, the world, and in more general senses a disconnect of brain functions from one another. 

Sleep, dreaming, REM sleep, cataplexy, and sleep paralysis are also forms that involve altered states of consciousness and various relationships and interactions between said altered states of consciousness

Personal Comments / Thoughts / Opinions

There seems to be a really interesting relationship between dissociative symptoms, sleep issues, cataplexy (the body weakness), and altering states of consciousness together that could bring forth a lot of implications that would need further research on

I did have to think for a moment if part of the reason inner worlds can feel so hyper-realistic is if it is something related to the dream states that are also considered to be hyper-realistic to most people; and if said dream states are correlated to experiences with DID. Also how the relationship between dream states and the function in dreams and memory sorting and processing may be correlated with how EMDR are helpful for PTSD, but risky for DID at the risk of flooding as they help access and sit with memories

Considering dissociation and sleep-related states of consciousness are seeming to be somewhat similar, I really wouldn’t be too shocked if there was an alignment between DID and severe psychological dissociation being able to cause something similar to cataplexy or sleep paralysis; though this is just me connecting dots that may not be meant to be connected as I don’t have research to substantiate the claim; its an opinion and a thought, nothing more

ANYWAYS, this was a really interesting research deep dive to start the day with so thanks XD Not joking, really do enjoy this and I hope you got some information to help orientate your thoughts on your experiences? I still recommend bringing it up with a professional (doctor, psychiatrist, and/or therapist) to see their words as they might know something more clear and direct than any synthesis or hypothesis that I might come up with from a two hour research binge XD

Either way! Hope this helped

-Riku (Host)

[twilightofthe]

Anakin Skywalker Has ADHD.  Here’s Why:

I’ve noticed during my time as a neurodivergent person in the Star Wars community that Anakin, a favorite character of mine, displays a lot of neurodivergent traits.  Other people have noticed this too; in particular, @bpdanakins has made a really in depth and detailed post explaining how Anakin having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) makes a whole lotta sense.  I’ve got ADHD, so this post is gonna be about how I as an ADHD individual see Anakin Skywalker as having ADHD too!!!

Note: Symptoms of ADHD include inability to focus and disorganization.  I have ADHD.  This post is gonna be a wee bit disorganized and I probs won’t be the best at citing a million sources cuz I do not have the mental focus to do that right now.  Thank ye.

So, what is ADHD? (Complicated.  The answer is complicated.) (If you don’t want the general ADHD lecture, just scroll down to where I start talking about Anakin particularly).

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurological disorder that impairs the brain’s executive functions.  People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization.  Basically, ADHD is a developmental weakness in how the brain manages itself.  I like to picture it like a filing cabinet.  Everyone else’s brain has a neatly sorted, labeled, and organized cabinet full of drawers that contain typical brain executive function commands.  ADHD people’s brains have a monkey in them that runs around screeching loudly, ripping labels off drawers, rearranging stuff, throwing the files everywhere, eating the papers and generally making a gigantic mess, so whatever you need to go to the drawers to look for something, it takes you ten times longer to find the mental command you need to do if it’s even still there-- and also the monkey is biting your leg the entire time.

People tend to say that this monkey infestation is a gift because sometimes, occasionally, the monkey will rearrange the papers in a different, special way that makes a beautiful picture that no one’s seen before and you can share it for the world to enjoy and everything’s great, you’re just quirky!  People tend to forget that it can be like that, but 90% of the time it’s more like the monkey has decided to take a massive shit all over the one specific paper you needed really badly and then put it in front of your foot so you step in it and don’t notice until people point out you’re tracking monkey shit paper everywhere.  Anyway.

ADHD is a complex condition and difficult to diagnose because it has so many different varying symptoms, and one person who has ADHD may experience none of the symptoms than another person who also has ADHD does and vice versa because there is a lot.  ADHD also tends to go unnoticed because it overlaps symptoms with a LOT of other mental illnesses an individual might have, so you might not even know you have ADHD if you’re also, say, autistic or bipolar, or again vice versa, because there’s a lot of “same hat” stuff going on there.  

ADHD also can have its own subcategories of mental illness that can also stand on their own, like ADHD-induced anxiety or ADHD-induced depression.  It can be really confusing to know everything going on in your head and put a label on it; for example for me, my doctors and I think I’ve got a separate anxiety disorder that works on its own that my ADHD makes worse, but that the depressive episodes I can suffer likely stem from my ADHD, and don’t need to be tackled individually or say that I have depression.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has previously identified three subtypes of ADHD:

Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive type: Mainly have impulse control problems, tend to be impulsive, impatient, and interrupt others.  They fidget, hate sitting still/need to be in constant movement, tend to blurt out what’s on their mind or do what they feel like without thinking it through.  They’re constantly up with the thoughts in their head and have difficulty focusing on a single task unless they’re in hyperfocus mode (explaining more later)

Primarily Inattentive type:  Are easily distracted and forgetful.  Tend to be daydreamers who lose track of memories and personal items with regularity.

Primarily Combined type: Tend to display a mixture of both symptoms.  I was diagnosed as a child with the combined type but leaning more towards inattentive.

Anakin and Signs of ADHD:

SO.  For starters, I see Anakin as primarily combined type with heavy leanings toward hyperactive-impulsivity.  While this type is used to describe the stereotypical hyper little boy media tends to paint ADHD people as, adults can have it too and I see it a lot in Anakin.  ADHD magazine ADDitude gives examples of adults with h-i ADHD as people who find difficulty in waiting around for anything, interrupt others in conversation, make impulsive decisions, and have reckless driving skills.  Sound at all like someone we know?

Now Anakin absolutely checks all of the above boxes, but it’s way more than that, though.  I looked up Healthline’s basic signs and symptoms of Adult ADHD, and I am going to run down the list to show how basically all of them apply to Anakin Skywalker in one way or another.  Let’s begin!

Anakin and LACK OF FOCUS:  ADDitude suggests that saying ADHD people don’t have attention might be a bit misleading.  More accurately, ADHD people have tons of attention, we just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency.  In canon, it is made very clear to us very early on that Anakin has issues with some of the more spiritual aspects of Jedi training, like meditation, because he does not possess the focus necessary to concentrate.  We get other times when Anakin’s on missions with Obi Wan, where it is made clear Anakin has read the mission brief, but he hasn’t done a good job on it as he’s overlooked something.  He gets distracted while in diplomatic situations and Obi Wan needs to tell him to pay attention.  Palpatine is able to pull sketchy shit because he knows how to slip under Anakin’s radar while he’s not too focused on him.  Anakin isn’t always aware of his surroundings, seeing as how basically everyone who knows him knows about Padmé because he’s not good at being subtle; he’s not good at reading a room.  Canon has established that Anakin, while brilliant, has a very flighty attention span and unless it’s something that is deeply important to him or made glaringly obvious, his brain has a tendency to skip over it, and makes him less aware.

Anakin and HYPERFOCUS:  The flip side of ADHD focus issues.  While our brains don’t always want to pay attention to important rules or other peoples’ emotions or basically anything presented to us that we find boring in any shape or form, if we find something we like, we LATCH.  ON.  And we cannot stop concentrating on it, up until the point that we lose track of time and ignore others around us.  In canon, it is shown very easily what Anakin hyperfocuses on.  He’s described in several SW books and is shown in show and movies to completely go into a zone when in combat mode.  He’s good at it, he enjoys it, and saber skills is easily something that he can concentrate and get lost in.  Another obvious one is mechanics.  We see briefly in TCW and bits in the movies where when Anakin is fixing something or piloting something, he kind of drifts away from reality-- he’s got an ear on the situation if there’s danger of course, but he goes just solidly into Tech Mode where all he concentrates on is whatever he’s fixing/piloting at the moment, and that’s why he’s so skilled at what he does.  It’s also possible to hyperfocus on specific ideas or opinions, which you can see in basically every argument Anakin ever gets into with someone.  He’s like a dog with a bone on a topic he wants to discuss Right Now This Very Second and he will not let it go, nor will he allow you to either, because when we hyperfocus, our fixation can bleed into conversation until it takes control of the conversation, without us even knowing we’re doing it, so it can be surprising/embarrassing when someone points out we’re doing it. 

Anakin and DISORGANIZATION:  ADHD people basically struggle with organizational skills.  While we don’t see much of Anakin’s living spaces, we can see from the brief TCW snippets that his living quarters are a little cluttered.  However, he does run a relatively neat army-- though we don’t know how much of that has Rex, Ahsoka, Obi Wan, or someone else to thank for it.  In Anakin, most of the disorganization we see is in his mind.  Priorities can be an issue for ADHD people, and Anakin tends to prioritize the wrong thing at the wrong time at certain points.  He doesn’t always know what to say or how to say it, making him awkward and not very eloquent when speaking.

Anakin and TIME MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS: An issue that goes hand-in-hand with disorganization.  We have trouble using time effectively.  We procrastinate on things we don’t want to do, show up late, ignore things we consider boring, and the idea of the future or the past is overwhelming and or scary to us and can cause panic-- we need to focus on the now and the now alone because if we try to cross that bridge before we get to it, we might end up burning it.  All throughout TCW, we get Obi Wan in particular, but others as well, harping on Anakin for showing up late.  And, uh, he kinda does.  He makes it, he always does, but it’s always at the last minute just when everyone’s worried he’s not gonna show up.  He sometimes doesn’t go to important meetings.  He puts off paperwork.  Lots of people use all of this to make fun of him, be like “ah, he’s a bad Jedi, he’s lazy”, but like, that’s standard ADHD time management issues.  And fear of the future?  Hoo boy...  Anakin may handle his fears of the future in the literal worst way possible, but that overwhelming anxiety that everything’s rushing at you so fast and holy shit, you don’t have your shit together NOW, what the hell are you gonna do THEN, holy shit holy shit everyone’s gonna DIE PANIC PANIC DANGER PANIC--  Like, I get that.  I really do.  Fear of the future and inability to manage time overlap a lot.

Anakin and FORGETFULNESS:  ADHD have a tendency to forget important stuff, but here is where I remind y’all that not all ADHD people experience all the same symptoms, because Anakin actually has a really damn good memory.  Boy is sharp, he recalls really obscure stuff, and if you piss him off/do him a favor, he’s remembering that to his deathbed. Anakin, however, does display what is common in ADHD people, having a selective memory.  This goes hand in hand with our attention issues.  We remember what we focused on and that sticks in our mind: hopes, fears, interests, stuff like that.  Anything else?  Eh, if we didn’t notice it then, we’re not noticing it five years from then, or even five minutes from then.  That you can see in Anakin, where people like Ahsoka and Obi Wan have to teasingly remind him of important stuff that he tends to just shrug off like “oh yeah that thing that I didn’t care about then and don’t really care about now”, or he feels guilty cuz “oops I didn’t notice it then so now I’m lost”

Anakin and IMPULSIVITY: Aight y’all, this probably requires the least amount of explanation for Anakin Skywalker cuz the Star Wars narrative calls him impulsive like every ten seconds xD  ADHD people with impulsivity can be socially inappropriate (Anakin, always managing to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, king of escalating tense situations because he blurts out whatever he feels like), interrupt others (something Padmé and Ahsoka have both canonically called him on doing, he does it to plenty of others as well, Vader does it all the damn time by just force-choking people silent), rushing through tasks (”Oh Anakin, always on the move”.  He does not wait, he makes up plans as he goes, he’s constantly in motion), ACTING WITHOUT MUCH CONSIDERATION TO THE CONSEQUENCES (Examples: The entirety of Star Wars episodes 1-6, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

Anakin and EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: Alright, maybe THIS is the one that requires the least amount of explanation, haha.  ADHD peoples’ emotions seem constantly in flux.  We get bored easily and need constant entertainment. (Anakin running off doing crazy stuff seemingly for fun)  Small frustrations always feel like the end of the world because it takes over our entire brain. (Anakin being “overdramatic/overreacting”)  The slightest sense of rejection or negativity towards our ideas or anything we do can read as total hatred (this is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it SUCKS) so we’re oversensitive about criticism of basically anything.  RSD also means we’re paranoid that we’re not noticing other people’s emotions, so we always tend to worry everyone else hates us or our friends are going to leave us-- we have serious abandonment issues. (Basically all of Anakin worrying about the Jedi’s image of him, worrying about Padmé and Obi Wan loving him, freaking out over Ahsoka leaving, etc.)  Our mind is focusing on a million things at once so our emotions run super quickly, causing what looks like mood swings because in the time it takes someone to get surprised, we’ve already gone through surprise, confusion, realization, betrayal, fury, and sadness and are now “randomly” crying in front of you (Anakin and his mood swings).  Focus issues make us not realize that something we’re doing is upsetting/bothering someone unless they flat out say it, so we may seem mean/inconsiderate/careless (ok, not excusing that part of Anakin’s personality is that he’s just kind of a dick lol, but other stuff that he does seems accidental; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he loves).

Anakin and POOR SELF-IMAGE:  HOOOO BOY THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!  So adults with ADHD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image.  I do this a lot, and I can’t really explain why, just that I am frustrated with myself and need validation from outside sources.  Anakin verbally expresses this to Padmé and Palpatine in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith especially with all his “I’m not the Jedi I’m supposed to be” bits, how he constantly puts pressure on himself in the novels to be “the very best, I have to be better than everyone, I SHOULD be”, the conflict with that Chosen One label and whether he believes it or not and the pressure he feels from others to fulfill it, to be the Hero With No Fear when he’s fucking terrified all the time.  He’s relentlessly hard on himself for his failures and is always looking for an insult in others’ words (Like if Obi Wan gives him gentle concrit, Anakin will subconsciously tear it apart to turn it into how Obi Wan has found an error with all of him and hates him and Anakin sucks). For all his pride in his abilities, Anakin really does not like himself, poor dear, and seeks outside validation in Padmé, Palpatine, and Obi Wan.

Anakin and LACK OF MOTIVATION: Also ties back to focus issues again, if we don’t like it, our brain won’t focus on it, and we can’t convince ourselves to do it.  We can see this in times where Anakin has to be gently (or not so gently) prodded by Obi Wan or Ahsoka or someone into doing some Jedi business Anakin considers annoying.

Anakin and RESTLESSNESS AND ANXIETY: It’s described as our “motor won’t shut off”.  We always need to keep moving and doing things, and we get frustrated when we can’t do something immediately.  There are also bodily tics with fidgeting or frequent hand movements.  We see this several times with Anakin during wartime, where he’s practically vibrating over having to play the long waiting game instead of rushing in and getting the job done immediately (See: on Naboo where Anakin is pacing a hole into the floor and Obi Wan is telling him to kindly chill pls).  Part of his issues in ROTS happen when he’s worked himself up into a frenzy over sitting not knowing what to do over what’s scaring him so he jumps the gun and goes with the first available (awful) option.  I don’t remember if this is Hayden or if this is me projecting, sorry, but I always feel that when I watch Hayden in the movies, he always portrays Anakin as vaguely squirmy/fidgety, not really ever sitting PERFECTLY still, like he’s always moving some body part, fiddling with something in his hands or on his clothes.  In TCW and the OT especially, we see how hand-wavey he is when he talks, especially when he’s pissed, then the Finger Wag Of Doom comes out, but his hands are ALWAYS in motion.

Anakin and FATIGUE: It’s as the word describes it, we feel tired.  All the craziness in our head is overwhelming and we just.  Feel.  Tired.  We don’t see this as clearly in Anakin because all the Jedi seem fatigued, they’re fighting a fucking hopeless war, but it’s definitely there.  He has sleeping problems with his dreams and nightmares that spawn from his anxiety that could easily be ADHD-induced; they’re there.

Anakin and HEALTH PROBLEMS: Long story short, it’s basically all your ADHD issues making you neglect to take care of yourself.  We see how Anakin has unhealthy coping mechanisms, neglects sleep, and throws himself into reckless, dangerous situations.  He does not take care of himself very well at all.

Anakin and RELATIONSHIP ISSUES:  Ruh roh...  Aight, so all of the symptoms above can very obviously prove to be hurdles in professional, romantic, or platonic situations.  We can see how all the above examples in Anakin have in one way or another caused an argument between himself and basically everyone he loves (Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka), people he has to work with (the Jedi council, anyone he gets assigned to on a mission), and anyone else.  He’s not called a human disaster for no reason, his actions can make him rub people very much the wrong way, and being kind of lonely and awkward and with not many friends is unfortunately a common occurrence in the lives of ADHD people (It happened to me, and I would consider myself much more of a pleasant individual than Anakin (no offense, hon), other people who met me just thought I was “strange” and that was that).

WHEW.  So yes, all of the above state my reasons why I think Anakin Skywalker has ADHD (as well as anxiety, but that’s another post).  Please remember once more that these are MY EXPERIENCES AS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH ADHD and that once again, NOT ALL ADHD PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME EXPERIENCES/SYMPTOMS

I will give the two articles I bothered fact-checking with below, the one from Healthline and from ADDitude

If y’all wanna talk more about ADHD!Anakin or any other ADHD Star Wars characters or just neurodivergent Star Wars character headcanons with me, my inbox and DM’s are always open, I love talking about this!!!!!!!!!

[zafaria]

let me be 100% unequivocally absolutely crystal clear:

i respect older artists. i respect “non-traditional” artists. i respect artists who come from families with no interest or ability in visual arts and i respect artists who never get the chance to go to school and train in the visual arts.

recognize how absolutely priveleged you are to be making art in a community setting when most people can’t access that unless they pay for school.

recognize that you may have started your journey at 13 or 11 or 1 or whatever (”i’ve been drawing/writing since i could hold a pencil because it’s my passion”). some people start theirs at 16. or 19. or 23. or 30. or 55.

recognize that technical skill is no substitute for the narrative of a piece. if something looks really really well-done technically, it can be soulless and pointless to the world of art.

recognize that, despite your claims of inclusivity, not everyone is exposed to the same media or lives the same life as you. some people draw over-the-top feminine outfits in bright colors with cutouts everywhere because magical girls kick ass and they love winx club or W.I.T.C.H.E.S. and fashion and color and positivty about being a girl. some people draw more esoteric pieces to help conceptualize their own experiences that perhaps are more complex and harder to put into terms. some people draw anime because it’s fun, it’s an easy-enough and accessible style that involves more people in the process and wonder that is creating. some people paint exactly like the official art for their favorite game because they love the content that much. let people have fun with how they draw. and, to that point, let people make art, because it’s for school, because it’s a hobby, because it’s to sharpen their motor skills, because whatever. i draw for school. i rarely make personal/hobby efforts anymore. my art serves the function it’s designed for. my friend graduated with her art concentration and she initially took up painting “late” at 16 because it helped her motor skills when she had a neurological disorder causing tremors. and then she found it was useful in explaining some of her scientific interests too. her art serves its function.

art and writing are the same. one of the most important things you need to know about them, something i learned about writing is that “good” writing is good because it accomplishes a communication goal. “good” art is good because it accomplishes a communication goal. fleshes out a character design? tells a story of a person? fulfills a commission request? is able to be turned in for that project assignment? provides a texture asset for a video game? it’s all good art, and that is something you don’t get to decide for others.