#putting the fun in functional neurological disorder

[thefundisorderdiary]

Please like this.

Not for any reason, I just want the serotonin.

[intothepineforest]

The fun kind of amnesia is when you get to sit back and watch as the memory folds itself up into an envelope and posts itself out of existence!

[thefundisorderdiary]

Oh golly it’s my turn! Sorry this table is loooong I got wrapped up in conversation with the person opposite me.

watching a group of mutuals reblog the same post like they’re passing the salt down the table for everyone to season their food with

[thefundisorderdiary]

I don’t have a chronic illness.

I have a chronicle illness.

It changes as it goes.

[transhawks]

I know you're writing a fic with Twice is in (and also actually appreciate his character), so do you got ideas, rules whatever, on how to write his dialog? Ll the fics ive read never feels right unless it's straight from the source material 😭

Hey! So, I've definitely played around with this in writing. Let me show some examples and word vomit about Twice. I will say that while I often return to the manga and observe how he talks, I also have developed LOTs of head-canons, so much of this is my own ideas/fanon. When I wrote You in 2020, it was very much an experimental fic, stream of consciousness kind of fic. And I encourage people to play around if they are doing something like solely focusing on Jin. In this case I essentially wrote it in Second person, to emphasize the idea of a fractured mind/depersonalization or the feeling as if "I'm not the real one" that Twice had. Here's how I showcased the split:

This is how I described Jin's initial "split" by the way. Note there's actually THREE different ones - I have a personal theory there's actually three personalities, the dominant Jin who is incredibly traumatized and slightly regressing in maturity, the older, quieter maturer personality who shows up only when we see into his thoughts, who seems pensive and contemplative (most of 115 is his narration) and kind of gives Twice's manga international narration a film-noir like quality, and the vocal "negative" voice that I guess either contradicts voice 1 or functions like an id to the ego.

Before anyone chimes in with "FREUDIAN PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY IS TRASH AND DEBUNK-", yes, I know, but I find the idea of splitting the mind like this useful for literature, specifically, not real life. And I suspect a lot of writers do as well, so the idea of a "split" mind where a voice voices the things no one should want to say or think as Horikoshi has created here works well in that framework. Hence, when I write the split in Jin's mind, I use it as a way for me to figure how what's with his mind.

One of the biggest issues is that Jin's issues are very much pop-culture/fantasy mental illness because no disorder fits him well. For one thing, Jin's trauma is also a neurological one because he clearly had brain damage from the whole experience that cause his scar. And then it's like Horikoshi decided to take elements of schizoaffective psychosis, tourette's, BPD, DID, and OCD and PTSD and throw in "actual force blunt force brain damage" into the loop. That's not to say Twice's struggles aren't realistic/relatable - they totally are, but whatever he has isn't exactly an accurate depiction of anything out there (especially since it's so quirk-based). Personally, tailoring it to fit something neatly, I think, would do a big disservice to his character so I don't strive for that sort of realism and just work with what Horikoshi outlines for us.

Anyway, that is to say that often when I try to depict mental illness in writing, especially from the perspective of the ill person, I try to incorporate elements of disorder into the writing itself stylistically (I sometimes do this with writing Hawks as well). A lot of people just only strictly stick to this past-tense (or present) third person limited way of writing, and I think there's fun in throwing that out and using characters like Twice as reasons to do it. Or just playing around with formatting.

Anyway, this is how I try to depict it from a Third Person Limited perspective in Irreversible.

So first off, I distinguish between the spoken voices Jin has by bolding the contradictory voice. Internally, I depict intrusive thoughts by keeping it bolding, putting in parenthesis, and then justifying the text to the right. It breaks up the paragraph and creates the "element of disorder" I spoke about earlier. Here's what that can look like at it's most disordered, where there's essentially a mental conversation written out.

There's also a clear difference in spoken vs internal because while internally the voice addresses Jin himself to create an element of insecurity (questioning if he even deserves Toga's kindness), it's only in speech that he'll contradict Jin after he says something. This doesn't always happen, and I don't think every sentence needs it. Jin has moments in-manga where he doesn't speak like this and I also think it correlates with emotional state (interestingly a really upset Twice can be more "together").

But it's not as simple as "Jin says something, bold immediately contradicts it." That would make it boring to both read and write. My suggestion to have an actual reaction by a Jin to the bolded words - because it happens in canon (sometimes he tries to stop himself from talking further).

In this sentence, I make Jin immediately refute the previous sentence. It's not a full on back and forth, but it does show that he's aware the other voice is saying things and what it is saying. Lastly, this is more me on how to actually make it matter besides keeping it accurate to canon characterization. First, Jin is funny. Naturally he's funny and very blunt, but his illness is also used by Horikoshi for tension relief and to kill the seriousness or somber mood the LoV scenes can evolve into. Do not be afraid to use this for humor because as a character, Horikoshi DOES do this HOWEVER, this is not all Jin is, and when showing his internal life, there's far more seriousness to it all. But if you just want to write Jin instead of focusing on him, I think acknowledging he has a (wacky, immature and slapstick-y) sense of humor and in turn can be a funny character is not a bad thing. He lends himself well to physical comedy so don't be afraid of writing him doing weird things or making funny gestures.

Two, make the words count. At the end of the day, you're writing a story. You are not only conveying personality through these words, you are hopefully moving plot forward, or using the space you have carefully. Do not be afraid to have the contradictory voice say something poignant, something no one else would say, or ominous that can be used as foreshadowing for later parts of your story. Remember, these are characters that are meant to tell stories so use them.

[gabrielora]

South Park disorder Headcannon:

EPISODE 1: ERIC CARTMAN.

I belive that Cartman has HPD (Histrionic personality disorder), BED (binge eating disorder,) early childhood schizophrenia, and Autism. (Check @rottrottencorpse headcanon post about it he words it better then i ever could.)

(Also disclaimer I am a 14 year old who has never talked a psychology or neurology class and I’m just autistic and like to study the DSM and South Park for fun)

Cartman

1. childhood schizophrenia:

Cartman is shown to have difficulty with daily functioning, such as brushing his teeth and doing basic chores. Although this could be a result of him being spoiled by his mother.

he has a large lack of impulse control, his impulses are often caused by delusion and his inability to control his emotions. He has very extreme emotions that do not fit the situations he is in.

Cartman is shown to have speech delays and is exhibits behaviors of echolalia (in “Cat Orgy” he repeats “they mostly come at night, mostly” over and over again. He does the same thing with “beefcake!”) Cartman (especially in early seasons) tends to have very disorganized speech patterns. He is unable to pronounce certain words and sounds even into adulthood (Post Covid.)

He is shown to have difficulty paying attention and has an extremely low performance in school despite having high academic intelligence when he believes the situation calls for it.

Cartman is often shown to have delusions, an example is in “the China problem.” He will go through extreme measures to validate his delusions. (Such as committing terrorism or even genocide.)

Cartman is shown to have hallucinations; specifically Cupid me. In Cupid Ye, Cupid me begins to show behaviors that are extremely antisemetic and cruel to the point even Cartman becomes concerned. He fully believes Cupid me is real. He calms “Cupid me” down by forcing him to take his meds. Which may imply Cartman is taking medication.

2. HPD,

Cartman is shown to be extremely insecure about himself (seen in “insecurity” and “Cartmans mom is a dirty slut.” Along with ” the end of obesity” and “fish sticks.”) and he gets his sense of self worth from others. He craves constant validation, often attempting to make himself seem grandiose to make others amazed.

He acts very dramatically for the attention of others. He doesn’t understand that his behavior is inappropriate. He becomes upset when he is not the center of attention.

He puts on an extremely charming performance (often when having a delusion) to make himself look great. He is extremely dramatic, to the point he is theatrical. When he wants to draw attention he sometimes will wear outfits that bring attention to him. In fact, he has the most outfits out of any character in the series. He has over 100 as of 2016.

He speaks very dramatically and rarely has reasoning or evidence for his thoughts despite the fact he is capable of researching them. Cartmans emotions tend to be exaggerated, quick and shallow, as shown in people with HPD.

He can be extremely gullible. Especially in early seasons. This can be attributed to the fact he is a child though and cannot be concluded as a specific symptom.

He often believes he is closer with people than he actually is (specifically Jimmy Valmer as shown in Tsst.) and he has a very hard time maintaining relationships with people who aren’t his closest friends.

He has a constant need for instant gratification. This can make him extremely efficient in his plans, but due to his poor impulse control can cause disastrous situations. Cartman becomes bored very easily, and he again, is constantly looking for the approval of others.

Some risk factors for HPD include:

1. Genetics, (other symptoms which Cartman did not yet have is sexually promiscuous behavior.) his mom exhibits many of these symptoms. Especially attention seeking behavior via sexuality, and believing she is closer to people than she actually is (as shown in Tsst with ceaser Milan)

2. Childhood trauma, Cartman is shown to have suffered childhood sexual assault throughout the series. In fact, it has happened or has been referenced to around 21 times throughout the series. It is stated in an episode that Liane made him wear a costume and dance for her while she was intoxicated and having sex with an unknown man. She also drugs him with codeine when he’s paranoid or anxious (as shown in let go let gov.)

3. Parenting styles such as ones that lack boundaries or are overindulgent. Parents who display extreme erratic sexual characteristics and other inappropriate behaviors put their children at risk for developing HPD. (That’s literally just Liane)

3. C-ptsd,

I have less reasons to belive this and it is more of a loose headcanon.

Cartman has experienced long-term/repeated sexual abuse.

He is hyper vigilant about sexual abuse as shown in The Coon, when he sees a man kissing a woman and immediately assumes she is being assaulted. He has negative correlations to anything sex related. He views sex as in inherent act of violence and humiliation (as shown in the fractured but whole when he tells the new kid their dad fucked their mom.)

He reacts excessively and becomes very defensive when any negative feedback is pointed towards him.

It is shown in early seasons that Cartman was bullied by his peers. In the episode Damien, pip says “I think they made fun of the fat boy a lot too, but now i think they like him because he picks on me!” Which shows that a lot of his antagonistic behavior was brought up because he would be ostracized otherwise. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were the bullies first. Cartman was mirroring their behavior.

The boiling point for this was in Scott Tenorman must die, when Scott humiliated him and he snapped.

He was not the first kid to snap in South Park, in fact the even headed Wendy Testaburger was.

A lot of his negative behaviors are him covering trauma or trying to adapt to his surroundings. (I am referring to morally incorrect or extremely self destructive behavior not just odd behavior when i say negative behaviors.)

4. Autism spectrum disorder

I belive that Cartman shows signs of autism, although many of these symptoms can be attributed to Schizophrenia.

He is very sensitive to small changes, in let them eat goo he got so caught up about the slight changes in the food he had to be hospitalized. (By the way a lot of this evidence was from a post by rotten corpse!!! I am not trying to take credit for the autism!!)

He has hyperactive and inattentive behavior (which can be symptoms of schizophrenia but i think should be listed anyway.)

he is shown to have Alexithymia. He has a hard time expressing his love for people (he tells his friends he hates them when this is not true.) He cannot recognize when he is feeling empathy (which he does feel empathy, he can feel empathy towards inanimate objects and cats and people he is not close to which is why i do not believe he has ASPD.) With the theory he has alexithymia, you could also come up with the idea that he is unable to recognize his strong emotions and therefore unable to think about them logically.

He obsesses over his goals frequently, the largest one being wanting to make a million dollars. Some of his behavior relating to this though can be attributed to his delusions and grandiose. He seems to be very talented at photography and has a large interest in it.

He is shown to not understand personal space a lot, specifically in tegridy farms where he repeatedly holds Kyle’s hand despite his protests. he also seems to become aggravated anytime someone else is in his space.

He tends to butt into and dominate conversations, this can be related back to HPD but this is prominent even when he is not trying to get attention.

He, again, has echolalia which is an autism symptom but also a symptom of schizophrenia.

He mirrors other people’s behaviors. In Damien it’s stated that he mirrored Stan Kyle and Kenny’s behavior so he wouldn’t be bullied by them. He also has developed some of Butters behaviors throughout their friendship. This is also a symptom of HSD (being highly influenced by others.)

Cartman has a hard time understanding social cues. This is more prominent in early seasons compared to later seasons. He is shown to not fully understand when someone is being sarcastic towards him, and often takes things literally. (Such as the Sea Men.)

He HATES unexpected change (he tries to murder Heidi over making him late to the pumkin patch he is not normal)

this is a large maybe as many of these symptoms can be related to his other disorders. I still love this headcannon though because i think it makes it much more interesting analyzing his trauma with that in mind.

5. BED (Binge Eating disorder.)

Im pretty sure this is canon so I may not explain as much as the others.

Cartman compulsively eats very large amounts of food in short periods of time, even eating when he’s not full anymore or not hungry.

He has a hard time identifying when he is full which can be linked back to autism and not being able to process your senses.

He hides in his bathroom to binge as seen in the end of obesity, and he is shown to feel a lot of shame towards binging. (His desperation to get ozempic.)

A good thing to take note of is that Cartmans mom doesn’t just over feed him. She uses food to bribe Cartman into being friends with her. Almost all the “love” she shows towards Cartman is bribery done to alleviate her crippling loneliness. In episode one he tells her he doesn’t want to eat too much because he’s being bullied for being fat. She tells him he’s not fat he’s big boned. He still doesn’t want to eat so she kept bribing him with food until he caved in. In Tsst she bribes him with KFC to skip an project to see a show with her, neglecting his academic needs. He likely sees food as a form of validation. This boosts his BED even further, and the need for validation is boosted by his HPD.

I think his HPD and schizophrenic symptoms make many people assume Cartman has ASPD. I do not belive he has ASPD as he can feel empathy to a very broad spectrum of things (inanimate objects, animals, and people he is not close to.) Conduct disorder may apply but it’s shown he can grow out of it when taken away from his environment or his environment is changed meaning he was not born with ASPD. He does have a lot of symptoms of ASPD but on the dsm they state “The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.” Which in my analysis Cartman has untreated schizophrenia which would mean outside of the age requirement, he would not fit the ASPD criteria.

ANYWAY thats all folks!!

[thefundisorderdiary]

I know this doesn’t fit my blog theme; but just look at the hamster!!

[vlerian-root]

PMDD + transitioning

I don't know how to write this in a more poetic manner, but I would like to put some words out of my head and into (virtual) paper. Being trans has saved my life

Quite literally! I have a medical condition called PMDD, that has been undiagnosed for 17 years. It is a neurological sensitivity to changes in levels of estrogen in the blood. There is documentation out there, don't believe anything that says "it's like bad pms". It has nothing to do with pms. This is your brain being "allergic" to you getting your period, and causing havoc on any and all brain functions - like a russian roulette! It can affect your mood (in a good and bad way, usually very extreme), leaving you suicidal, violent, nonverbal, manic... It can be very painful - and not just in your head, with the typical migraines that last for days, but also on the rest of your body, or localized areas. I used to not be able to move my legs for days at a time. "Just pms" my ass. It can affect your memory. Long and short term memory, some parts of mine are just gone. Erased. Not coming back. They are big chunks too. It can affect you psychologically, in all the fun flavors that can have, like paranoia, obsession, depression, hypomania, dissociation... This usually lasts up to 10 days and ends when you get your period. Which is a hell of its own, so I have lost half of my time for the last few years, when it started getting really bad. It only got diagnosed for me when my psychologist noticed a pattern of me getting really bad every month around the same time. He assumed I knew this. I did not. Nobody had every mentioned PMDD, I didn't know it existed.

But here is where we get to the good part. I was in medical psychological therapy for something unrelated (OCPD, a personality disorder, although most of the symptoms got really bad with PMDD), and the psychiatrist assigned to me is an expert in this matter. He talked to me about the research he had done, and the research I had done while obsessively browsing the internet for any morsel of info I could get. So far any medical treatments had been from ineffective to making things a lot worse, so I needed to talk to someone who knew their stuff. And he did! But we found that since this is your body being "allergic" to a thing it naturally produces, and will continue to produce for at least another 20ish years, the best treatment was to stop that cycle. I had tried this before with my gyno. This went terribly bad. Twice. Or rather, it went great for 3 months, then worse than ever after that, and it became the new normal. It was hell. I was at a point where I couldn't have any sort of normal life. Half the time I would make projects and live happily by myself, and the other half I needed help to even walk to the bathroom because my head was about to explode, my legs didn't work, I wanted to jump out of a window, and I forgot about all my deadlines. Oh, and the muscle spasms that looked almost like seizures. This shit had cost me 90% of my social life, all of my professional life, and was now simply trying to take my life.

BUT!!! Did you know that if you remove the ovaries, the estrogen blood levels stop rising and falling? Did you know that triggers premature menopause? Did you know that testosterone is a very effective treatment of the side effects of menopause?

That was my whole approach, and my brilliant psychiatrist agreed it was a good one. To this day, he has been the only person to not question this decision even if it's pretty radical. He's the only one that has understood there is no sense in asking someone whose brain is killing them from the inside "are you sure you want to do that? you won't be able to turn back!". I'm aware you can't put the ovaries back in. But they are. Killing me. Driving me insane. Please.

It took me ages to find a doctor that would even contemplate doing this (quite simple) surgery. Every single one of them used the "but you are a woman of childbearing age, I can't do this in good faith" argument. Or the "I don't know about PMDD so I think you are lying" covered in sugary lies approach. It was hell.

In the end, I have gotten the surgery. I no longer have overies. I'm writing this weeks after it, and I can assure whoever is reading this that I no longer suffer - or will suffer - from PMDD ever again. Writing that feels so liberating... The kicker is that I wouldn't have been able to access any of this if I wasn't trans. Because PMDD is so badly researched and documented that even the doctors that specialize in the organs it affects think it's "bad pms". I had to say "but I am a trans man, this is very dysphoric". Then, and only then, would they give me T. I am not a trans man, just transmasc. I wanted to get healthy before transitioning, because it's not very great to be in an unstable mental state to handle the tsunami of changes and their (sometimes social) repercussions that come with it. But irony of ironies, the cure for 90% of my health issues has been transitioning.

OCPD has gotten easier to manage thanks to the emotional resilience I got on T (and what my therapist taught me) No ovaries mean no periods, which means no spending up to 2 weeks each month with my brain self destructing. No more memory loss, no more pain, no more spasms, no more migraines!!! No more dreading the days before the next T dose in case the previous one is a little too short (this has sent me to the ER before). No more pregnancy risk. No more depression, no more low energy, no more low libido, no more bullshit!!!! I am ME, inside and out, forever!!!!! I haven't felt like this since I was 14, and I'm 32 now! This is insane to think about @_@ It sucks that I had to lie to some doctors to get where I am today. But if I hadn't, I don't even know if I'd be here. It wasn't that big of a lie anyways (I hope). Feels bad to me, because I hate lying, but... no, I think this one was ok.

TL;DR: I have PMDD, meaning my brain is allergic to estrogen, so you can kind of say I was allergic to being a woman, and transitioning has saved my life ♥

If you are still reading this, thank you. I'm very sleepy and this probably makes very little sense, but my dms are open to any questions.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

One of the quirks I've found of having functional neurological disorder is the fact that any compression on my fingers leads to numbness and then paralysis.

And that's very fun when you've sprained a finger and are trying to put a brace on it so you don't keep bending it.

Certainly can't bend it when it's paralysed.

[valhallakonbi]

i meant new ask: character headcanons?

oh okay i wasn't sure my bad!

i'll start off with some small ones and gradually get to the bigger ones:

i can't tell if you were the one to come up with it or if it was established in the novels but i really like thinking of ougi as a neat freak... since koyomi is one, it ties in nicely

vegetarian koyomi & sodachi are also very good (i think veggie koyomi is yours and sodachi is annabelle's)

kanbaru and hitagi actually kissed in middle school. several times maybe.

yotsugi has a crush on nadeko but she doesn't understand that it is one. nadeko has noticed something's up but isn't sure yotsugi knows either

uni senjougahara can drive a motorcycle (please picture koyomi in the backseat as well)

hanekawa knows way too much about cars and all the men she meets at diners and gas stations overseas are really impressed with her, whether they like it or not (she drives manual btw.)

kanbaru wanted to become a sports doctor after meeting with numachi again, so i think she would mostly work with teenagers. i'd like to think that she frequently visits naoetsu and that ougi and kanbaru are still friends and reading buddies even when kanbaru grows into an adult.

my biggest headcanons are not fun ones and they are senjougahara related. reader discretion avised (mentions of eating disorders, cancer)

it's pretty on the nose, and it's edgy, and it's not revolutionary or anything, but hitagi crab as an analogy for eating disorders works extremely well in my eyes.

as someone who has dealt with eating disorders it makes for a very true-to-life tale of a girl whose response to multiple trauma has been control of other's perception of her by violent means (mindful of what people are saying about her, can't let anyone know about her secret, threatens and bullies anyone who tries to get closer to her). this is coherent with anorexia as a way to regain some form of pride and "autonomy" when you feel like everything's been taken away from you. the "weight" aspect is a major factor in how people come up with this interpretation, it's a pun on "omoi" (heavy ; feelings / ties / memories) and how cutting these off completely is easier than dealing with them... and eating disorders oftentimes serve as a way to shift the focus on something other than the actual traumatic event. i remember it functioning the same as addiction on a neurological level.

anyway, what i like about this reading is how the analogy makes it non voyeuristic. the lack of voyeurism (ironic, huh) when it comes to traumatic events is something i really appreciate in monogatari. even as she's talking about the ways she was emotionally and sexually abused, we're not directly shown, we listen to senjougahara talk. a lot of stories about eating disorders are very graphic with the subject matter. seems people can't talk about this stuff without putting extra stress on the "disgusting" aspects of it (critically underweight bodies, laxatives, vomit and other forms of purging). this kind of stuff does nothing except add shock value and try to warn readers or watchers about self-image issues and how starving and purging is bad and gross!! like they don't already know. with hitagi crab as an analogy for anorexia, the self-image/societal perception aspect is neatly implied and the root of the problem (relationship with her mother) is addressed directly.

the other on-the-nose, edgy thing, is senjougahara had a critical operation which saved her life when she was little. it's never been said outright what her disease was, but cancer is prevalent enough among kids and it fits her motif.

[thefundisorderdiary]

Looking forward to when I hit 30 next year! I feel like I’m finally working toward a future I can be happy in!

Just want every young person terrified of becoming older than 23-25 to know that I'm currently 32 and my 20s were fucking miserable and while life isn't wholly perfect right now I wouldn't trade my 30s for my 20s for the LIFE of me. The idea feels as ridiculous as trading my 20s for being in high school. FUCK no. And I'm sure at 42 I'll feel similarly to my 30s and so on and so forth. Embrace the passage of time and be grateful that you get the privilege of growing old, bitch. Life's sooooo much better past your mid 20s.

[ssunspotted]

📂📂

((RANDOM HEADCANONS))

📂- This one's about their you know. Entire Sitch. Part of this has already been said but it's fun to clarify more.

There's an argument to be made that Tolya isn't Tolya at all anymore, and how comparable that is to how we change naturally is ...unclear.

Think of them as a parasect if that fungus (on top of functioning as you know, a fungus) also held little bits of the ghost of the paras in a previous state. In Tolya's case, every time they altered a plant with magic, they had to use their own energy, and (A more seasoned magic-user would have avoided this) unknowingly put little bits of themself into each one, like reaching in and sculpting using little fingers of their own spirit. That had some side effects. Notably there was a sort of instinct imprinted into their more heavily altered plants to try to burrow back into 'their' body in certain situations. (This caused some pretty horrifying moments)

They waited too long to give Vellsick the go for them to attempt the ritual that turned them into a lich- their neurological disorder progressed to a point of confusion and memory problems, difficulty moving and speaking, sometimes even swallowing, seizures were getting worse. Becoming a lich did ensure their continued existence and did some to help them function better, but it couldn't fill in parts of them that were lost. Their plants, itching to reclaim their old body once it didn't have its soul inside of it, could do something to fill in blanks. They've become an aggregate, have memories and thoughts and urges that don't come from the animal part of them at all, and some amount of their personality and memories are filled back in with approximations or 'improvements'. The plant matter that permanently lives inside of their carcass is very content to 'be them' again, and is subconsciously doing what it can to sew together some version of what it remembers being.

📂- Tolya's nervous about showing just how big their familiar-turned-mobility aid Henri has gotten, because he was so fuckin cute when he was soccer ball sized or smaller. They want people to like him, that's their little guy.

[thefundisorderdiary]

I had a good, relatable post to write, but then my cat distracted me and now it’s gone. So you get whatever this is instead.

[bluegoblinfox]

Good news but that also sucks...

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week, from the community mental health team. Is to discuss my plural identity and symptoms of dissociative identity disorder. Now I don't think I meet the criteria for dissociative identity disorder, I do think I might be diagnosable with a different kind of dissociative disorder and I want to explore my experience of my brain, how that translates in terms of diagnosis. Putting a name to it isn't really important to me per se but it's a lot easier to explain my experiences to Professionals and people from the Department of Work and Pensions etc if I have a piece of paper that says what it is.

Whilst I am very pleased to be getting a appointment relatively quickly as I was only referred a few months ago, I know from previous experiences of assessment with psychiatrists that I'm going to need to talk about all of the trauma. Yes all of the trauma and it's impact on me, my PTSD symptoms and my autism, tendency to become non-verbal and all that shit. I also know from previous experience that digging all that shit up is not pleasant.

Also to further complicate the layers of horror that this appointment is already going to be, it's going to be held at the psychiatric unit my eldest was admitted to last year. The location of a lot of recent trauma for me.

My partner is gonna come and stay with me for the night before and the night after this appointment. I'm definitely going to disassociate. I'm probably going to become non-verbal for a while after. It's definitely gonna make my functional neurological disorder flare up. I'm going to tic a lot. Probably going to have a lot of right sided weakness and that might even become a migraine. If I'm really unlucky I'm gonna have a few flashbacks as well. So much fun!

So I'm gonna make sure that I've got lots of things set up when I get home to make life easy. All my sensory stuff together, my blindfold and medication ready should I need it. I'm gonna make sure I have lots of salty snacks and cola in as when I have a migraine I crave salt and sugar so bad.

I'm also going to make sure that I've cleared my diary for for 5 days after. It's this that I think people struggle to understand or appreciate without being told about it. That a difficult meeting like this it's gonna wipe me out for the best part of week. That the emotional turmoil and the ramifications of them aren't just in the moment or in proceeding hours. It will for days and days after.

I know a lot of people take for granted just being able to do a thing move on from it. My brain and my body don't work like that anymore. To be honest I'm not sure they ever did!

[thefundisorderdiary]

🤩 ♿️ 📔

write your url by only using emojis

🍅✨✨

[romymdxcontexualstudies3rdyr]

The Son-Rise Program at the Autism Treatment Centre of America

I wanted to focus on organisations that strive to help people who are possibly nonverbal. The Son-Rise Program is an amazing and powerful treatment centre in Massachusetts, United States, for children and adults who may be challenged by Autism, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and other developmental difficulties. The Son-Rise Program is different in approach to helping children with developmental disorders, it is the opposite of everything you might have been told to help someone with Autism. 

The Program shows how joining in someone’s own unique world, before asking them to join ours makes it possible for these specials children to reach new heights! (Autism Treatment Centre of America, n.d.) The Son-Rise Program was created by teachers and authors Barry ('Bears') Neil Kaufman and his wife Samahria Lyte Kaufman, in the 1970s (See Figure 4) when their son Raun, was diagnosed with having a severe and incurable case of Autism and they were advised to put him in an institution. Instead of this the couple designed an innovative home-based, child-centred program (The Son-Rise Program) in an attempt to reach their little boy. This unique method which completely ripped up the pre-existing rules of Autism resulted in Raun’s recovery from Autism. (I use the word ‘recovery’ in terms of Ruan was now able to function by himself. Autism is not something to be cured, it is not an illness, it’s a neurological condition which makes social development difficult for some children, I wanted this to be very clear.) Ruan transformed from being mute or nonverbal, with an IQ less than 30% into highly verbal, socially interactive with a near genius level IQ. (Autism Treatment Centre of America, n.d.) The program says people with developmental difficulties can; 1. Learn to speak, even if they have never spoken, 2. Experience real happiness and love even if they seem frustrated and combative right now, 3. Have deep caring relationships with others, even though it appears they have been disconnected for years, 4. Have fun while communicating even if their history with speech has been limited and finally 5. Live a life that could include university, dating, jobs, hobbies or traveling regardless of how many of these life experiences seemed impossible. The programs main method of building a person’s social interactive skills is ‘Joining in the isms’, which simply means joining in the repetitious and ritualistic behaviours that a child or adult is doing. There is a lot of misconception that this will only encourage people to do this more, but the results the program have found to be quite the opposite. They found that when they joined in with this repetitious behaviour, that the child or adult actually became more engaged, more socially available, and more motivated to be with others. (Autism Treatment Centre of America, FAQs, n.d.) Over the years this approach to joining in with these rituals has been debated and criticised, but recent studies are now showing supporting evidence for the technique.  I really respect and believe in what The Son-Rise Program are doing for people with Autism and who are possibly nonverbal. My younger brother Arberi spent many years at the program when he was younger and was nonverbal, through the technique of joining in he was able to gain a full range of language and social engagement.