#what can I say their friendship makes me emotional
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I don’t think I’m gonna be able to put it into the right words, but I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to watch that final episode of miseinen. bc it is one thing to mention marriage in a show about two men in a country where that’s not legal; it’s one thing to mention it as an inevitable, as just a waiting game, and leave it there, just as it’s one thing to mention it as a fantasy, or as something a couple doesn’t need to prove or certify their feelings. it’s another thing to show, even for just a short 30 minute episode, what that waiting actually feels like, and the kind of feelings being in that no man’s land of wanting but not being able to have can bring up. bc i can’t think when ive ever seen a bl touch on it so explicitly, at least not off the top of my head, or at least not to the extent of dedicating a whole episode to that feeling. bc you really feel how complex and indescribable that feeling is for jin in that episode, and while it’s mixed with that still lingering fear of haruki leaving and one day suddenly not being there, you feel that it’s not just for that certainty that he wants to be married. he wants the whole package of it, because he truly loves haruki. he sees his friends have relationships and talk about marriage, he feels the pressure from his mom and the rest of the people around him to think about marriage. and that’s exactly the thing of it. it’s not just that he can’t get married, it’s the fact that he has to hide the fact he wants it, and hide his relationship altogether. it’s not simply just marriage, it fits into a wider thing of him initially accepting his queerness and now not knowing if or how he wants to share that with other people. it’s just like- i really don’t want to gush but holy fuck it’s just so excellently done. bc you feel how different it is from haruki too, and it goes back to their differences in upbringing, bc haruki, after the difficulties he’s gone through, now finds it easier to accept and share these things bc he’s never exactly had anyone that would be impacted by this, but not only does jin have people to tell, he’s also been raised to follow a very traditional path in life, the one with least resistance, which very much means marrying a woman and having children and all of that. and it’s not that he can’t accept that he won’t do that, bc we’ve seen throughout the show how he has always faced what he’s been told is right with the open mindedness to question whether it is right, or right to him. but we’ve also seen through the show that the people around him do not have that same openmindedness, it’s why he never shared his friendship with haruki with anyone and now doesn’t want to share his relationship. but what i want to stress most is that the show perfectly shows that it’s not black and white. he is not choosing not to say anything, but he’s also not forced to stay silent. you see the greyness not just bc the situation is nuanced, but also bc at the end of the day it’s a human making this decision, and a human does not simply take in inputs and output the right decision and stick by that. you see him want to say something, you see him pull back, you see him be resentful of the way things are but also learn to accept that that’s how they are at the moment. you just… you see him live through having that in his head and what it feels like on any particular day and it’s just so incredibly amazing and important to see that in a character. it feels so fucking human. and i didn’t expect to get so emotional over a special ep about marriage, esp bc ive never much cared for marriage, ive never found it necessary, but when you take the time to show that it’s what 2 characters want, dedicate a whole ep to showing it, instead of just using it as a default happy ending, well… it’s just the cherry on top to a show that’s been absolutely fucking phenomenal. i will stan this show till i die thank you very much.
#miseinen#our youth#I don’t know what else to say about this show other than bravo it’s incredible#ive kind of run out of words#but you know a show is good on a whole other level when it has someone like me getting emo over marriage
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Hi Delta, what do you mean that Lewis was always more weirder about Nico during their careers? Because I totally agree with you. My older brother, who was quite into F1 since early 2010, used to tell me about these two, who were not teammates but were always together. Nowadays, he is not so into the sport anymore. He says there is no passion and the drivers play too much PR.
okay it's a totally personal opinion, but when you look at their actions when they were racing and after nico's retirement, i think lewis is the one who comes across as a bit weirder. it's stuff like the whole "i don't remember when i met nico that's the sort of thing you remember about your lady" thing, even though he had literally already written it in his book. it's the fact that when things first started getting nasty between them, nico's media line was "yes, there will always be a certain level of respect rooted in that friendship" while lewis went "well we're not friends". and after lewis said that, iirc there was a journalist that asked about their history together and lewis got very quiet and a bit lost and a bit emotional and didn't really have an answer. there was a time when lewis was asked by a journalist how he and nico had changed since they were children, and lewis said "well he's married now" (he did also follow that up with and i'm almost married, so i think some of it was about nicole scherzinger, but i think it's interesting that his response was about their personal lives).
and i think the way lewis has defined their relationship over the years is interesting. he's gone from talking about nico in his book to pretending he doesn't remember how they met to saying they're not friends to saying they were best friends to saying they were never friends. the story has changed so many times from him, while nico has generally been quite consistent about it. and although people think of nico as the one who can't stop talking about their relationship now, when they were racing together, lewis was the one largely defining the relationship to the media. nico mostly stuck to pr line "it's complicated" etc. while lewis was telling them that nico watched him swim in the pool and then came down to talk to him. and while this is something that had definitely happened at some point (i think they mentioned it in 2013), i personally have my doubts that it happened in 2016. lewis said that to the media just after baku i believe, which was where he fucked his quali astronomically and destroyed his drivers room he was so annoyed with himself. niki lauda said that they were barely talking and wouldn't even say the others name in the garage, so while it's very possible that they were trying to ignore each other at work and being desperately weird at home, i think it's equally possible that lewis was making the whole thing up to make the relationship seem better than it was (but also in a way that positioned nico as the weird one).
and then there's all the ways lewis tries not to say nico's name or acknowledge their friendship. when he was talking about coming to monaco for the first time on some british tv show he said he came to visit "a frien - someone i used to kn - a friend". like, someone is clearly not over that whole relationship. and when talking about having harder teammates than max verstappen, he can mention george and valtteri and jenson and fernando, all people he's beaten, but not the only teammate to beat him to a championship? and his excuse of "oh i've just had so many teammates" well you managed to name everyone except nico and lets face it that was not an accident. he put effort into not saying nico's name, and not talking about their relationship. meanwhile nico can say that they're neutral and that lewis gives his daughters presents at christmas because he has totally accepted their relationship and their history for what it is in a way that i don't think lewis has.
and i do agree with your brother, there's way too much pr now. i don't need the drivers to be physically fighting each other on the track but i think the way everyone has to pretend to be best friends is frustrating. it's a sport, and these are competitors, and if the fans are expected to have sports feelings about it then the actual athletes are also going to have sports feelings about their own careers. pretending otherwise is both boring, and almost insulting to the viewer. i know it's for marketing purposes, but most of the people watching are adults who can conceptualise people in competition with each other, even if they're on the same team, not being best friends.
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...
Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?
Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."
It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:
B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.
OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.
Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.
Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.
Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...
And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.
I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)
Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"
Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."
"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"
*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*
#rambling#transformers one#tf one#tfo#i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels#i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc#also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life#is no basis for picking a planetary leader#this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie#when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh#but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???
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She’s married she’s married she’s married she’s married (to a man to a man to a man to a man)
#I need to stop imprinting on women with PhDs#I need to just be regular friends and colleagues with them#the first one is straight#this one is maybe bi but more importantly married#but god why does every conversation feel so flirty#the women I go on actual dates with are not as affectionate in casual conversation as she is#I really wish I could date normally and I really wish I could make friends/do networking normally#but dating doesn’t really work for me because I really need to get to know someone before I can determine if I have feelings#but clearly I only develop crushes and feelings on women that are completely uninterested in me romantically#my therapist calls that self sabotage but I don’t think she can fully understand how confusing demisexuality is#like I feel a connection with the people I feel a connection with and that has never once happened for me going on dates#it only happens with people I get to know really well platonically first with absolutely no thought or pressure of theoretical romance#I would fucking love it if I could go on three dates with a girl and feel anything other than ‘we get along well and I had a nice time’#I would fucking love if I could just make out with someone casually and it not be incredibly uncomfortable for me#but no instead I just develop really intense friendships with women that see me like a little sister and I don’t a#and I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make things weird#my hormones are all over the place#we haven’t talked in awhile but we’re chatting about what crafting projects we’re each working on#so I’m feeling vulnerable and emotional
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can I be so open and vulnerable with you guys. the card I was given from people at my old office was sincerely so nice and really validating but also I feel like the main impression I left other people with was "she's really nice" WHICH IS GOOD, I DO WANT TO BE KNOWN AS NICE but also part of me is like... should I maybe strive for "innovative" or "creative" or "a go-getter" because being The Nice One just feels a little mealy-mouthed of me y'know?
#I think there is something to be said here for being so averse to conflict and also such a control freak that I spend incalculable energy on#making other people happy/comfortable/cool-with-me so on and so forth#like this has been a problem in past friendships too as I've grown up#and I've noticed it even online like sometimes I'll have A Take and I won't post it because I don't want to be negative about something#that someone else may like or whatever#which is GOOFY because some of my favorite people are those with strong personalities (bc it's a CLEAR VIEW of that person's personality!!)#and yet here I am like "tee hee I'm so nice everyone likes me because I'm nice anyway when I look in a mirror all i see is a blank wall''#lol y'know? and like no I certainly express opinions and express emotions other than Just Being Happy#and also any waylaid attempts at being so neutral as to not offend people uhhhhh don't work. ask me how I know#(I know because people have hated my guts on the internet before lol)#so it's like: this performance is truly for no one but yourself AND!!!! *AND* it's not even good for you because you might not actually be#being your authentic self#anyways I'm afraid to be a hater and also I'm afraid people won't like me so I try hard to make them like me#and THAT leads to me getting a very nice card about how everyone likes me and me inevitably going: but do they know and like the REAL me#lololololololol that's so goofy#anyway kids be yourselves#also what can I say I derive great pleasure from trying to be the nicest person a cashier interacts with on a given day so#idk there's a middle ground to be struck therein and I'm still navigating it
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#personal#thinking about how the phrase treat others how you want to be treated is actually incredibly one way#unless damn near every person ive ever met wants to be treated like shit which i cant imagine is true#like idk i spent a lot of my time giving my energy to people. and ill never feel bad for putting love and kindness out into the world#but i gave some of these people everything i had. or not everything that would diminish me but everything i could spare for them at the time#i treated them attentively and considerately and tenderly and lovingly#and that kindness has not been extended back to me by most of these people#some of them have surely in their own 'love language' and im grateful for these people in my life#but most of the people ive treated with intentional care have actively and on purpose caused me a lot of emotional harm#which again. im working through and like karma will get them without me needing to be there or whatever while i do my own healing#but regardless i still think some of that shit should not have happened like it did#i dont understand how everyone can say to me treat others how youd like to be treated but not tell me the caveat#that they will not treat me the way i want to be treated even if i put in that effort for them/for our friendship or relationship or whatevr#like idk im a bitch for asking you to leave me alone when ive been vomiting for two days straight but you can straightup sexually misconduct#with my body and then when i write poetry about it and share my feelings instead of leaving and taking that information anywhere helpful#you get to decode youre traumatized actually and im still a bitch for bringing it up?#make it make sense#'treat others the way you want to be treated' so youd like it if i starved you and verbally insulted and gaslight and manipulated you? no?#then what the fuck is the point of you saying that to me???#idk im just fucking pissed rn that. idk what im pissed at. cause again i know im no contact with all of these people now and their#shitty justice will find its way to them. and i cant be mad at myself for saddling with the wrong people cause some of that was my choices#and some of it was blood i couldnt escape for a long time. and i said i dont want to regret or resent#putting love out to the world#but i am still angry that so much of me was given to the wrong people. that these people just chose to completely ignore#the level of respect and patience and kindness i showed them#idk dudes im just angry. 'treat others the way you want to be treated' fuck off thats some quiet manipulation bullshit to get me to be#nicer to you even as you abuse the self-worth outta me fuck off fuck you#i found it again. you cant bury it im too full of love to not love myself too but it hurts how hard they tried for so long#'treat others the way you want to be treated' how bout no. how bout i treat everyone with a base level of kindness#and when youve shown me that you will treat me the way i deserve to be treated then ill fucking play niceys back
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i don’t think we’re ever getting out of the “we’re just friends” “oh yeah those characters are such good friends (sarcasm)” “they’re not friends they’re gay” etc etc hole. we’re never getting out of that hole
#yes it’s bad when people try to erase gay relationships to portray them as friends and nothing more#that is NOT what i mean. i’m talking about when people do the Opposite Thing and decide that when characters are romantic togethr#then suddenly they’re not friends anymore! or if they say they’re friends they’re lying!#like … i was watching nimona with my friend yesterday and like. if you’ve seen the movie you know how obviously gay and in love bal and#ambrosius are. and then there’s this one moment where ambrosius says ‘i have lost everything the man i love my best friend’ and at that#moment my friend was like It’s sad that they decided to censor their relationship even though this movie is still rly gay :( and i was like#WHAT are you saying ? these two men are clearly in love with one another BUT they’re also best friends. Like those are things that can#coexist!! and DO coexist!!! there are many cases where people consider their romantic partners their best friends . or even refer to them as#their best friends more than just partner!!!!!! LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYINGGGG . does anybody get it#does anybody understand#i’m so sick of amatonormativity i’ll start eating drywall#yes i love making ‘oh they seem like really good friends’ jokes because i know how most people interpret those jokes. but to me it’s like#well. they ARE really good friends. they’re just also romantic/gay about it. ghhehghh#maybe one day friendship will stop being seen as something lesser maybe one day people will realize that most romance is also friendship#and your partner can be and in most cases is your friend or your best friend even#and maybe one day we’ll stop acting like friendship & romance are two mutually exclusive things#and maybe sure that gay character is calling their love interest their Best Friend because of denial and repressed emotions and whatever#but have u considered that it’s just true and they really are best friends ?? like when crowley calls az his best friend sure that might be#gay denial but they also literally Are best friends i don’t know what to tell you. and they will always be best friends#DOES ANYBODY GET IT !!!!!!!! js any of this making sense i dont know. I love complaining#crammerposting
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this need for approval is a fucking disease it is absolutely mind boggling that i need feedback on what i say & post or my mind decides everyone takes a look at it & goes yep here goes this annoying freak again talking about his annoying freak things. & im not even like that with everyone. it literally does not fucking matter oh my goddd grow UP! im normal now. i understand my minds machinations. misto is nodding in approval at me
#i do not have this kind of insecurity with anyone in bitches. it is baffling that im letting it get such power on me elsewhere#i know its because of the difference in familiarity & like. knowing bitches much longer. & the fact we are from the same community#it is definitely a trust issue in this case but there isnt really a fix for it. except trying to get closer to everyone i guess?#but that would feel forced. i mean i love making friends & i love having close friends & i do not like feeling like this#but im also not gonna force friendships just so i can stop being insecure. its ridiculous conceptually#not that i have beef with anybody of course. just not sure anybody would care to get closer to me atm#considering what people have seen of me i would very much understand the opposite. not in a self conscious way#though that would be quite the opposite of how i personallt would react probably... my complexes#apologies for ruminating on my thought process in front of tha whole world to see but admittedly u did not have to read it.#i suppose ive gotten worries waap was mad at me in recent ish times but the thing w waap is that if theres an issue ill know#& like. waap & i are like two peas in a pod like they say... its presence makes me overall more comfortable & safe#damn. does it realise how important it is to me. emotional break im tearing up thinking about it fuckkk i love my friends#bahhhh okay anyway... i love my bitches. my god. ppl complain about that server's channel system#but its my beautiful maze where my beautiful friends are... & i can trust them so so much i have a channel for being a hater...#fukkkkckkck did i woke up sappy as fuck what is going ONNNN ahhhh i love mynfriedns collapses to my kenes#IS IT SO BAD TO WANT MORE FRIENDS TO LOVE JUST AS MUCH!!!! & TO TRUST AS MUCH!!
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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it turns out that I'm not this horrible manipulative person who's angry all the time ive just been told that my entire life whenever I didn't give someone what they wanted.
#more shocking revelations to come as i finally put REAL effort into processing my trauma#my parents love to talk about how awful i was as a kid#how i was manipulative angry and violent and i never thought of anyone but myself#and i genuinely believed that because no one ever told me any different#i believed that i needed to work hard and sacrifice as much as i can for the people i love in order to make up for them enduring me#now that ive surrounded myself with kind and gentle people#im not angry all the time#disagreements are conversations and even if they get a little emotional sometimes we're not fighting#looking back i don't think its a coincidence that those same insults were hurled towards me when i decided to end a friendship#at the time i took it as proof that my parents and my ex were right#i WAS that horrible person and it didn't matter what i did i could never make up for that#it caused me to relapse into self harm after it had been YEARS since id done that#but ive since come to realize that the actual common denominator in all of the situations where ive been called those things#is when i wasn't doing what the person saying them wanted me to#these were words said to hurt me#to get me to either give in and give them what they wanted or punish myself on their behalf#coming to that conclusion has made a world of difference#this shit is still hard and im still carrying these beliefs about myself around with me#but every day it gets easier to put those down and recognize who i REALLY am#and who i really am is pretty great#personal#self harm mention#tw self harm#tw child abuse#self harm#child abuse#child abuse mention#wanted to cover all my bases with tws#though i don't really expect anyone else to actually read all my tags lol
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Will always be funny that all the diamond warden became iridas friend behind adamans back
#z rambles#Sabi literally resides near the pearl settlement and I really do think Irida make sure she's safe and healthy#Making sure no one in the pearl clan is driven by clan hatred enough to hurt a child or just in general checking up on her#I also like to think Irida tent is up on the tallest mountain watching over everyone from there. She's also the only one able to stand#The cold at that height but sabi is also the only other person having any mean up going up there too#I like to think Irida let sabi stays in her tent if its getting dark and there's no way shed fucking sent this kid off in the night#also the news of mai irida friendship is so fucking funny to me#Like ofc you'd befriend your enemys sister. Do u think they talk about their childhood tgt#Do u think mai is one of the earliest people to ever know irida hidden emotion insecurities and secrets?? Yeah#I can go soooo much further into that and how mai became one of the people Irida trust. Like omggg theres so much there#The potential is crazy also I just think mai personality is also what makes adaman a bit more laid back#And I think she has that effect on people ya know. Making others feel secured#I'd say iscan and irida relationship is rather awkward like how you act toward your brotber in law ya know so not much there#But Irida do rely on Iscan sometimes#Arezu and irida have such a little cousin older cousin vibe to them and idk why. Like I can absolutely see Irida teachinng arezu#And helping her with kindness and patience she wish was given to her when she was young#Also I just think irida find arezu cute. Tho she can def get on her nerve at times and shes like this is a child#But its like. Your age gap is literally just 4 years 💀💀💀 arezu 21 yo gang ☝☝#anyways melli and irida relstionship is the funniest to me and idk why#I just think their relationship is so coworker like but I do think they both respect each other for their own musical talent and belief#Tho it def took them a bit of a rocky start and they bicker sometimes mostly about ingo and adaman. Its cute#Theyre both full of hate but so incredibly beautiful and talented. I just think its comical. Just two haters ❤
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Born to break their brain down to them and why they are where they are right now as well as tell them how to grow and feel better
Forced to say “I’m here if and when you need me!” And wait knowing they probably won’t
#I think I’m making progress#I just need to crack this shell#and I can do that#I care about them and I’ve been in their shoes#they just need to realize something important but I can’t just tell them that#what I say won’t matter unless they understand I’m being genuine#I’m very proud of this person tho#they’re taking strides to move on after a conversation we had and I’m really happy for them#I don’t think it’s because of me I don’t know if they trust me like that#but I think at least I’m getting the emotional breaks rolling for them#I hope being my friend helps them to see life doesn’t have to be lonely and that it’s okay for people to intrinsically understand you#that life is less lonely when you’re loved with no strings attatched#our friendship will have no ‘but’s#‘he’s my friend but’#NO#I’m your friend#I’m not your friend because you gave something for me#I’m you’re friend because I care about you and enjoy your company#maybe I’m in too deep#maybe I’ll get myself hurt or find out I’m just wrong#but I want this to be good. I want to show them what friendship is really about#I want them to be comfortable
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,,,,
#im losing it a little bit and feel like crying but just *cant* and its making me irritated on top of wanting to cry#my last relationship... broke up with them 3 months ago didnt block them bc they owed me money (long story)#and now we're having this like- closure-ish/last conversation of our relationship (as in 'friendship')#and its been over the course of like a week now? bc we both take a day or more to respond#me bc i carefully write my msgs and make sure i hit every point i wanna make#them bc they just suck at responding and are online much less post breakup#and im the one who needs to respond now and ive been carefully thinking through our entire relationship from start to end#making sure i didnt miss anything important i want to say#and im realizing that i dont think they ever truly knew me#they made me feel very early on that i had to hide parts of myself because they were so unstable that just my negative emotions could push-#-them towards an anxiety spiral or even harming themselves#and idk how purposeful that was i dont think it was very intentional but regardless they made me feel that way#and because they only ever saw either the 'good' side of me or the very surface level bad days (like worrying about family acceptance)#i dont think they ever truly knew *me*#and instead they created this image in their head of me thats so perfect and on such a high pedestal#which only further my feeling of needed to hide the 'bad' parts of me#and its just- they've known me for like 4-5 yrs now. dated me for 2.5(?) of those. and they dont KNOW ME#and idk what to do with that.#it creates this really weird feeling in my chest and i dont know what to do with it#ive had friends in my life before who claimed to be so close to me but didnt actually know me at all#but they all had the excuse of being delusional about our relationship after only knowing me for 8 months bc they were school friends#but my ex? they knew me for ~4.5 *YEARS* they dont have that excuse. the only excuse if you can call it that is the fact they made me hide#what do i even do with this realization...#vent post
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Your best friend Sukuna is a complete slut.
Though you’d never say that aloud—albeit more than true. That's the only way to describe him because why else would he be in your bedroom, sitting on the edge of your bed, with his legs spread wide open, fingers wrapped around his thick cock, and groans of your name leaving his lips?
Because he’s a goddamn slut, that’s why. And normally when you interrupt his… sexual acts, you quietly apologize and rush off as quickly as possible.
Yet, here you were, being ordered by your best friend not to run away this time.
“I’m not gonna repeat myself,” Sukuna’s raspy and slightly husked voice drawls out to you, eyes boring into yours from across the room, “Bring your ass over here.”
Funny how he said he wasn’t going to repeat himself only to follow up with a literal repeat of his initial order-
“Now,” He hums, his voice sending a chill down your spine.
You stiffen up where you stand, trying your absolute best to keep your eyes anywhere and everywhere else except for the hand he had stroking his cock.
Gulping, “Sukuna-,” He shoots you a pointed glare and you start getting nervous. “You can’t just… j-jerk off in my room and expect me to… to help you.”
“Fuck,” He hisses, your eyes nearly falling on him again as the low noise makes you fidget, “Fine, then get out,” Sukuna tells you.
Your brows push together at the audacity of him, not that it really surprises you anymore, “But-“
“Out. I’ll be done soon,” He cuts off, sitting back and fisting his cock at a quicker pace, eyes drinking in every inch of your still figure.
You didn’t want to look at him. Nor did you want him jerking off in your bedroom. But, you also didn’t want to leave for some strange reason.
Hence why you just stand there and look around your room as if you don’t know the interior already. Sukuna can’t help but crack a smirk as you stand there, his breath growing heavy before he calls your name— watching the way you flinch at the sound.
“Kinda’ awkward if you just stand there, y’know,” He chuckles out to you, finding you oh so amusing.
You frown, “Kinda’ awkward if you just jerk off in my bedroom.”
“It wouldn’t be if you came over here,” He snaps back.
You hate how quick he always is with his responses, something you still haven’t gotten used to throughout all your years of friendship. Swallowing, you just barely glance at the man, “What?” You huff out.
Your eyes were on his and his were on yours. Tension was vexed into his gaze, desire pouring out of his maroon shaded eyes and making you so utterly nervous as you stood across the room from him.
All as he just sat there, shirtless, tattooed and chiseled chest very difficult not to gaze at, large thighs spread lewdly, and hard curved cock twitching within his grasp as precum oozed out his tip.
You couldn’t help the way your gaze dropped for a moment, catching sight of his cock and the way his plump tip glistened under your dim bedroom lighting. His hand movements got noticeable faster as you watched and you drew your thighs closer together.
Sukuna lets out a deep sigh, “Y’know,” The sound of his voice makes you flinch yet again and you lift your gaze as though you’d been caught doing something wrong, seeing the smirk on his face, “You can come get a closer look.”
You bat your lashes at him, “W-What?”
“Is that all you know how to say?” He chuckles, “Hah, just c’mere already,” He suddenly requests, voice softening ever so slightly. “I won’t bite.”
And that’s… roughly how you ended up on your knees in between his legs. With a mouthful of his cock, you don’t even remember what’d come over you after you listened to his request and came close to him.
One moment you started shyly teasing him about being a pervert who jerks off in your bedroom and the next you were curling your fingers around his shaft and making your way down to your knees. Sukuna had let out a long shaky sigh as he watched you settle in between his spread legs, his urge to tease you dying off as some other emotion swelled within his chest.
He’ll never admit it to you but, he was shy. How could he not be when your soft hand begins stroking his cock like he’s just some kinda toy for you to play with—what’d you expect him to do when you look up at him and lean forward to wrap your lips around his drooling cockhead?
Unfortunately for him, his expression gave away everything and as soon as his dick began disappearing into the warm caverns of your mouth, he was a goner. A hand was now tightly gripped onto your scalp, his breathing unsteady as he watched you suck him off with that pretty ass mouth of yours.
He’ll never be able to forget the sight of drool spilling out from the corners of your mouth while you tried your best to take him all the way into your throat. And his mind just about blanks when you move your hands to his thighs, push them further apart, and then sink down completely—your lips meeting his base.
Now that was a sight to see.
“F-Fuck,” Sukuna stammered, the sound alone leading you to choke a bit as a moan attempted to leave your throat. His darkened eyes were seconds away from rolling to the back of his skull with how sexy he found the sight of your lips bulging around his thick cock.
When you finally do pull your mouth off of him, he doesn’t even get a moment to breathe before your hands are wrapping around him. He goes from leaning back slightly to sitting up a bit straighter and moving his hands down to one of your wrists, his lips unknowingly quivering.
Then a pant escapes him and you’re bringing your eyes back up to look at him. “Slow, woman—fuck, go… hah, slow.” He says hoarsely.
Oh the desperation on his face was priceless. Why ever would you listen to him when using two hands to jerk him off is all it takes to receive a slightly pouted lip and furrowed brows from him. He probably doesn’t even realize the face he’s making at the moment, too grumpy trying to take control of the situation to feel his features faltering.
You coo, “Aw, go slow? But, ‘Kuna, I thought this was what you wanted?”
The nickname you just threw at him has to be evil in some way, shape, or form because the wild twitch it invokes is enough to have your hands tightening their grip around his thick cock.
Sukuna grits his teeth and you can see a vein popping out in his forehead—he’s so annoyed with you now that the roles have reversed, it’s cute. “Fuck you,” He curses, as if that’ll help him avoid the embarrassment bubbling up within him right now.
“Oh, there he is,” You purr, removing one of your hands just to angle his cock back toward your lips and then tapping it against your skin gently. “S’kinda hard to be mean to me when I’m makin’ you feel so good, isn’t it?”
He swears you’ll be the death of him. He’s never experienced this side of you, nor was he aware it even existed. All he’s ever known you as was his shy roommate who’s so unintentionally attractive that it pains him to be around. Is this really the same woman who was stuttering moments ago when she walked in the room and caught him jerking off??
Sukuna huffs out an almost bratty breath of air, “Stop… talking.” Just as he’s never seen this side of you, you’ve never seen this side of him and fuck is it hot. He’s usually such a big intimidating man and yet here he is literally folding and gasping to your touch.
You completely strip your hands away from his cock and then open your mouth, staring right up into his eyes as you whisper, “Make me.”
All that embarrassment and temporary shyness is gone within the blink of an eye. Sukuna’s stumbling up slightly to his feet and grabbing a firm hold of the top of your head, letting out a gruff sigh while taking his dick into his hands and properly aligning himself with your mouth.
His chest is glistening in sweat and his head is pounding, he was all nervous seconds ago for what? Because of you? Oh please.
It only took those two words of yours for him to remember who the hell he is as he then thrusts his hips forward and quickly fucks himself into your mouth. “That’s more like it,” Sukuna grunts, giving your mouth some mean thrusts as he forces your head to move and meet each one of his motions. “Fuckin’ slut, m-makin me nervous,” He admits hoarsely, his tone aggravated with you. “Who do you think you are, huh?”
You’re obviously too busy getting your face fucked to answer that properly but the moan you let out that leads to drool filthily dribbling out your mouth is enough of a reply for him. Especially when he catches how it drips down onto your thighs.
Sukuna releases a pretty groan out into the air at the mere sight of you. He thought he was losing his mind before but now it’s even worse. You don’t even have your hands on his thighs to try and brace yourself or control what’s happening—you just let him have his way with your throat, taking things a step further and moving your hands behind your slightly arched back.
Fuck, he needs a picture of this. He desperately needs this display of you burned into the forefront of his mind for the rest of his life. Especially as he starts hitting the back of your throat and you purposefully choke against him. Sukuna’s other hand lifts to cover his mouth because he swears he almost whined.
Your throats too fuckin’ tight, you’re holding eye contact with him for too damn long, and if he feels your tongue flick against that specific vein of his one more time—
“Hnngh—” Sukuna moans, his grip almost bruising as his head flies back and his cock presses right against the very depths of your mouth, hips stalling with the way his orgasm comes rudely rushing out of him.
Then he feels you swallowing and even though he was trying to keep you head still, you begin to bob yourself back and forth on his cock while he’s cumming and that’s when a whimper is choked out from his lips. Sukuna’s whole body just clenches and he’s letting out all kinds of sounds as his hand, now shaky, holds onto your head for dear life.
Even when he stops cumming, you’re still sucking and his eyes roll back, voice coming out strained. “S-Shit, fuck—stop,” Sukuna moans again, “Please?” Never in all your years of living did you ever think you’d hear Sukuna Ryomen begging you for something and yet here you are.
You steadily pull your mouth off of him with a slick pop, sting after string of saliva hanging in between his tip and your glossy lips. He’s above you panting for a moment before stumbling back to sit down on the edge of your bed again.
A hand of yours moves to causally wipe your mouth off and you don’t even know if you wanna tease him now or later about what just happened. “So, that was—”
“Don’t speak,” He cuts off immediately, his voice surprisingly airy. “Ever. Never bring this up again.”
You snort, “Promise me you won’t jerk off in my room again, first.”
Sukuna scoffs. “Tch. Whatever.”
Like the vixen you are, you begin to lean toward him again and you don’t know if you image it but he flinches ever so slightly. “Promise me,” You say as your hands meet his knees and you begin to lift yourself up.
His eyes go wide and he internally panics at the sight of you moving. “Fucking fine. I promise.”
Smiling, you move to lean over his tensed body and plant a kiss on his cheek, “Good boy.”
…
Yeahhh, his brain just powered off.
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Since the OP made their post unrebloggable (and blocked me. Both actions they are well in with their right to do)
I'm going to make my response it's own post because I think the point is important
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As someone who is autistic and has BPD and CPTSD and loads of trauma yes you sometimes need to change how you interact with others to keep people around
When I was 13 I hit the few friends I had when I was angry
I had to change that in order to keep those friendships
When I was in my early 20s if I was losing an disagreement with my husband I would threaten to kill myself. My husband told me it hurt him and was cruel and manipulative behaviour, because it was.
So I worked hard to change that to keep my relationship
It's easy to say "I shouldn't have to change for others" and that's true to an extent. You shouldn't change your interests or passions or dim your light. And you should have space to be imperfect and flawed and not have to pretend your ugly bits aren't real. But if something you are doing it causing other people harm you kinda need to change that.
That's called "living in a society"
People adapt to each other and make space for each other in their lives. You adapt to them and they adapt to you
You start being more diligent about throwing away the empty toilet roll because it really bothers them. They start warning you before they run the blender because you hate loud noises
I stopped threatening to kill myself because I was mad I was losing an argument and my husband stopped being so vocally judgemental amount media he personally dislikes
There is a certain type of person who heard the phrase "your emotions are valid" and took that to mean "my emotional reactions and my behaviour are always objectively correct because my emotions are valid and if you have an emotional response or react to what I'm doing negatively then you are wrong and you can't be hurt because my emotions are valid"
And that's a recipe for disaster
Your emotions are valid to feel. They are how you feel and there are reasons you feel the way you do
However, your reactions and behaviour are something you can learn to control and can be irrational
We live in a society and we as people change each other as we interact and that isn't necessarily a bad thing
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