#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

[komoboko]

𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

ft: kokushibo tsugikuni, douma, akaza soyama, sekido, karaku, urogi, aizetsu, nakime daki, gyutaro, and kaigaku

i need to start writing more cus this is doodoo i think im gonna open request for once

LEAST JEALOUS

# douma ! ☆

DOUMA can't feel anything meaning he can't really feel jealousy at all.. So there really wasn't anything he would even do or know what to do if he could even feel jealousy. Even if he could he's rather confident in himself with his status of an uppermoon and as a cult leader along with his members. Douma also has confidence in you and trust your eyes are set on him only.

# nakime ! ☆

NAKIME is another who I couldn't see feeling much jealousy at all. She puts all her trust into you and believes you have prestine loyalty to her as she does to you! She doesn't believe the presence of another would ever disturb your relationship with each other, she trust you too much to even have a reaction.

# kokushibo ! ☆

KOKUSHIBO is always one to have confidence in your loyalty, as its something he doesn't take lightly. The commitment you have towards each other is something he values and doesn't believe it can be altered so easily.He also has confidence in himself strength and status wise. He doesn't believe somebody human nor demon could ever disturb the two of you, most usually fear him to much to disturb you anyways.. which he's more than happy about.

# urogi! ☆

Due to him being a clone built on one single emotion its harder for any other emotions to surpass UROGI'S happiness. Even then he doesn't think somebody else would get in the way of you two. You bring him even more happiness than he already has and he does the same for you! Even if he did get jealous, he'd swoop you away before he could properly fall into those feelings

# karaku ! ☆

KARAKU is overconfident when it comes to his self and his romantic abilties, his emotion is pleasure and he's sure he brings you pleasure by just being around him. On occasions he might feel slight irritation but like his bird brother he'd step in and press a kiss onto your lips before dragging you away so you can entertain him. Which is really spending more time together. Besides he flirts with you so much he doubts you would fall for anybody else's flirtatious schemes.

# akaza ! ☆

One of AKAZA'S main motivators is to do better, be stronger and surpass those ahead of him. This motivation can come out as jealousy. He has skills when it comes to romance but he can have his moments where he believes he can do better when it comes to you. Its easier to get under his skin even then he won't really say anything. He'll stay silent about it until he feels like it's time to step in, which happens much more often than he says it does. Though once he feels your hand wrap around his and you flash him with a smile, he's much more at ease

# aizetsu ! ☆

AIZETSU can only really weep and feel sadness so his jealousy might come out more as insecurity. He'll sit in silence moping about whoever's approaching you and you'll have to be the one to notice his jealousy. Once you turn to give him attention and press a soft kiss on his cheeks he'll get a little happier, even shoot you a soft smile after being reassured you love only him.

# daki ! ☆

DAKI gets jealous of a lot of people. Due to where she works at there's many people who come in to observe and stare which most definitely gets on her nerves. She gives many people dirty looks before locking arms with you and immediately taking you somewhere away from their gaze. You'll have to make it up to her by giving her a whole days worth of going on dates and spending time with her. Then she'll be over the annoyance of a customer.

# gyutaro ! ☆

Jealousy runs in the family and GYUTARO most definitely got the most of it. He for one still feels insecure about his apperance and doesn't think he's worthy for you but he also thinks nobody else is worthy of you either. He's definitely mad that he usually can step in and steal you away on the spot but once the two of you are alone he makes sure you're glued to his side and doesn't let you go until he feels reassured that you still love him.

# kaigaku ! ☆

KAIGAKU for the most part just hates people and is annoyed by the majority of people who surround them. Meaning anybody who surrounds you are getting the dirtiest looks and the entitled and annoyed attitude from him. Due to how cocky he is he doesn't believe anybody who approaches you should get off scout free and immediately confronts them. Depending on the situation they usually run away or leave with a few bruises, in return you have to spend time with him and reprimand him for what he's doing.

# sekido ! ☆

Unsurprisingly SEKIDO definitely is the worst. He normally only feels rage and can easily get jealous by the smallest of things. He's immediately reacting and taking whatever or whoever's making him jealous out of the premise at once. After he's going to be much angrier for the whole day. He demands you "fix his mood "which really means peppering his face with kisses and being by his side for the rest of the day

MOST JEALOUS

[antianakin]

[Image ID: Text from an ask reading "Do you ever get the impression that Palpatine's relationship with Anakin is actually far more one sided than it looks? Because on one hand, Anakin DOES give a damn about Palpatine, but it felt more in the sense that it’s because he thinks Sheev understands him and gives him the liberty to get what he wants. I sort of got that when it comes to the scene where he sees Mace and Sheev battling it out. He's devastated about all the death, but isn't all that against killing the guy up until Sheev points out he can "save" Padmé. Especially considering we're told he's not actually happy about killing the jedi, but does it anyway because he thinks it's necessary in order to achieve his goal. Thus, it makes me wonder how'd react if he figured out Palpatine was lying by the time he finds the two battling. Would he join Mace or just watch them? Considering how trigger happy he usually gets when violence's involved, I'm not completely sure." End ID./]

@theneutralmime

Anakin's relationship with Palpatine is likely one of the more complicated ones that he has in his entire life. There's a deference towards Palpatine that Anakin doesn't show towards anybody else which could indicate more distance in the relationship, but it could also represent a level of RESPECT that he doesn't offer anybody else, and it's likely a mixture of both. Palpatine is also one of the people Anakin is the most HONEST with, shown by how he's the only person aside from Padme that knows about the Tusken massacre (and Padme is arguably only brought in on that secret because she happened to be there in the immediate aftermath). But we also see Anakin choose to disobey a direct order from Palpatine in order to save Obi-Wan on the Invisible Hand, showing a preference for Obi-Wan over Palpatine in the moment.

So while Anakin certainly respects and trusts Palpatine quite a lot, perhaps more than he does anyone else (even Padme), there's also a level of distance in his relationship with Palpatine that there isn't with anyone else (including Mace and Yoda, who we see Anakin more willing to joke around with and tease in TCW).

Anakin is clearly willing to kill Palpatine when he first discovers Palpatine's true identity and only doesn't because Palpatine claims he can save Padme, but by the time he shows up in Palpatine's office later, his entire goal is to save Palpatine's life.

As to whether he'd have tried to save Palpatine from Mace if he knew Palpatine was lying (I assume you mean specifically about whether Palpatine could save Padme or not), I don't think he would. I think if he genuinely believed Palpatine wasn't going to be able to help him save Padme, he'd have let Palpatine die. Anakin wants to believe himself a hero, which is why he tries to convince himself that the Jedi were "trying to take over" and so killing them was the right thing to do. But obviously his ultimate goal is just to save Padme, so if Palpatine can't achieve that, then he can much more easily just stick with the Jedi side of things and be a hero by killing the Sith. Less mental gymnastics.

I've heard that there was an early draft of Revenge of the Sith where, as Palpatine is attempting to convince Anakin to kill Dooku, he reveals that Dooku actually hired the Tuskens to capture and kill Shmi. I don't know why they took it out, but my assumption is that it becomes a lot harder to convince the audience that Anakin would side with Palpatine later on. Because once he discovers Palpatine is the Sith Master, he can connect Palpatine to his mother's death, and Anakin isn't going to react well to that particular revelation. It would make it REALLY FUCKING HARD to trust Palpatine, even just so far as it takes to believe that he has a way to save Padme. Because once Anakin knows that Palpatine helped kill his mother, what reason does he have to believe that Palpatine isn't just trying to kill PADME? And obviously, ultimately, that revelation about Dooku's involvement in Shmi's death didn't make it into the final version of the film. So I personally think that this is proof that if Anakin believed Palpatine was lying about being able to save Padme that he never would've bothered with trying to save him. I think he'd have killed Palpatine where he stood when he discovered Palpatine's identity and then informed Mace and the others about it after the fact.

[takenbypeter]

Hiii i love ur writing!!!

I was wondering if you could write a young Kurt Wagner x fem!reader hc or fic about kurt liking the reader who is really cool and funny and he thinks shes way out of his league, it doesnt help that some of the more extroverted students are always flirting, and he doesnt get how it comes so naturally to them. Anyways he's lowkey jealous and insecure (esspecially bc he looks so different compared to her and the other students) and oblivious to the fact that the reader only has eyes for him!! Angst and fluff are my faves ugh

(+bonus if peter tries to give him advice on how to hit on a girl and its a total trainwreck bc kurt is so obviously not acting like himself and shes lowkey freaked out and trying not to laugh in his face💀)

Stick to the Plan

Kurt Wagner x reader

Words: 1486

Authors note: I totally forgot about the jealousy aspect of this whole thing sorry but I hope you still like it and this is like my first Kurt fic so yayyyy!

Kurt was already easily known as the nervous type around people. Didn’t always know what to say, didn’t want to do the wrong thing.

But with you? He was terrified.

Now he knew you weren’t perfect, no one is. But he was pretty sure you were just about close to it.

You were quite beautiful yet weren’t afraid to wear silly expressions. Your laugh was very infectious that even when he wasn’t a part of the conversation, he could feel his cheeks uplifting at just the sound that he recognized from far away.

Kurt didn’t talk to you much but he did always find himself coincidentally in the same area as you. He found it quite admirable how it seemed like you got along with practically everyone and never let anything get you down.

You could say he had a crush.

He wanted to talk to you, to connect about anything, but like mentioned earlier…he was scared. It also didn’t help that he could tell that he wasn’t the only one who had a thing for you. He knew of at least two other guys who were very obvious in their likings of you. But unlike himself, they actually had the guts to talk to you, you’ve laughed with them, shared jokes.

It also didn’t help that Kurt couldn’t help but feel like he looked like a freak most of the time. The tail, the teeth, the blue, sometimes it was hard for him to believe that people could accept him this way—that you could accept him this way.

Despite what he felt, he believed he kept his feelings well hidden, but that wasn’t exactly the case because a certain speedster had caught on quickly.

Kurt had just watched you leave the small group that you had been chatting with, you just about stepped out of the room when a voice suddenly appeared right beside Kurt’s ear. “So when are you planning on puttin’ the moves on?”

Kurt jumped, shocked at the question, “excuse me?”

“Come on, you’ve been pining for weeks, just make your move already.”

Kurt freezes for a moment, but then grabs the man unexpectedly and disappears as a puff of smoke left behind practically dissolves into air. He teleports the two to Kurt’s own room before releasing the speedster.

“You will keep what you know, only between us,” Kurt insisted but Peter was already nodding. “Don’t worry your secret’s safe with me. I actually wanna help you.”

“You want to help me?” Peter nodded again and Kurt couldn’t stop a scoff from escaping past his lips, “because you’re so good at this type of stuff?” Kurt added, tone more sarcastic than positive.

“Hey at least I can talk to ‘em.”

He’s got a point there.

Despite everything in Kurt telling him not to take Peter’s advice he still hung his head in defeat. “Alright, I will accept your help…but what do you get out of this all?”

It was hard for Kurt to believe that Peter was doing this out of the good of his heart, but Peter shrugged. “Bored,” is all he said before clapping his hands together, “okay let’s get started.”

Kurt should’ve known better than to trust Peter. He taught him strange things that he guaranteed would “woo” anybody’s heart and although it all seemed unlikely, Kurt took each and every one of his advice to heart.

The strange way of talking, the attitude that he should carry, all of it he took in until Peter deemed the blue mutant ready.

It wasn’t until the next day while you were seated in a corner of a busy room that the plan went into action.

You were clearly occupied with your head buried in a graphic novel but your attention got deterred when a body sat directly across from you.

Eyes leaving the pages, you were met with a set of bright yellow eyes taking you by surprise, but you quickly collected yourself.

“Oh hey Kurt,” You were trying your best to conceal your surprise at the sight of the man in front of you, especially since typically it seemed like the boy did his best to avoid you, “what’s up?” You asked, setting your book down in your lap but with your thumb holding your place.

Kurt could already feel himself wanting to duck underneath his shoulders and disappear from your view but he fought every urge to do that.

Fighting his instincts he slumped his shoulders down and leaned back trying his best to look what could possibly be perceived as cool. And in that position he let out a line he’d practiced in the mirror the night before, “something must be wrong with my eyes because I can’t take them off of you.”

Your mouth forms a little oh shape as your eyes widen and your eyebrows lift. Kurt obviously can see how shocked you are by his words and he himself could feel his body getting ready to prepare for the cringe he was beginning to feel, but he pushed through and delivered another line, “hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.”

Oh God, your expression told him all he needed to know about that one. He instantly regretted that one.

Your face contorted from confused to surprised then half amused before you started cracking up.

You were laughing.

You were laughing at him right to his face.

Kurt pushed his teeth together before muttering, “I’m sorry,” he was about to disappear as it seemed that was the only thing he was good at, but you rested a hand on his shoulder stopping him from doing so.

Once you controlled yourself you let out, “I’m sorry, you think I’m pretty?”

His whole demeanor flipped, his shoulders leaned up, his arms suddenly were in his lap as he brought his hands together in the middle.

He knew he said those words but it felt so strange hearing you repeat the line when he technically hadn’t even confessed his feelings yet.

At Kurt’s silence that’s when you spoke up, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by…that,” you said, referencing to your more than little laugh session, “it was all just…unexpected. This,” you waved a hand in the air motioning towards whatever that display was, “just doesn’t seem like you at all, are you okay?”

He felt the air in his throat hitch as he began to panic about what to say next, should he just confess now? Peter didn’t cover this. Should he just relay back to the things Peter had taught him? But with all this thinking he couldn’t come up with something fast enough and instead finally let out a breath.

“It’s not me.”

“Yeah I know,” you chuckled.

He finally seems to relax for the first time since your interaction began and his eyes drift down to your book still in hand.

“What are you reading there?” he asks and your eyes follow where he was looking. “Oh this? It’s just a murder mystery.”

“How is it? Do you like it?”

“Yeah I love murder mysteries, I love when there’s a twist ending but I also love when it ends in a real cliche way. I’ve actually read this one before but the movie for it just came out so I’m rereading it before going to watch it later this week.”

“I’ve actually read that book before too, it’s pretty good.”

“Right?”

“I didn’t know there was a film for it,” Kurt truly meant nothing by that statement, if anything it was more just a way to continue the conversation with you.

“Yeah…did you want to watch it together?”

There was nothing on earth that could’ve predicted this moment for him. He truly had to take a moment, and when he finally came to he just nodded, shock still written on his face. You mirrored his nodding with a smile, “great, it can be a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah, and you can continue telling me how pretty I am.”

Again he seemed to still be in a daze, “yeah…wait what?”

With that you packed your things and stood up from your spot, “okay I have to head somewhere now but we’ll make plans later, but um, I’ll see you later?”

He blinked a couple times coming out of the trance you seemed to put him under, “yeah.”

“I’ll see you,” you added, taking steps backwards as you exited the room.

“See you.”

“Okay—sorry,” you said to the chair you had accidentally bumped into while you were walking backwards and with that you gave a last wave before finally turning around.

As soon as you left the room in came Peter who surprisingly actually wasn’t listening.

“How’d that go? Did you make your move?”

“…yeah,” Kurt responded eyes stuck to where you last waved to him.

“Did you get a date?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that the only word you know right now?”

“Yeah.”

[itsnotzka]

Author's note: So, here's the deal. I've committed another rather fluffy one-shot.

This was (kind of?) requested by amazing and awesome @julesisreading (and thank you for your little help, Jules! :))

Jake x MC // no warnings // one teeny-tiny spoiler (ep.10)

Words: 2,6k

..........................................................

- L I G H T H E A D E D -

"I'm not so sure about this," Jake mumbled, keeping a close eye on the woman in front of him as his eyes slowly moved down to that seemingly insignificant thing in her hand. With doubt and great uncertainty, he shifted from foot to foot, trying not to show her that it was stressing him out more than it should. She was standing close to him, much closer than the limits of his personal space would allow, yet he didn't dare to move away.

Because, if he liked it or not, he didn't really want to move away.

It was their second meeting. The first one went well, although Jake knew he had chickened out many times. Too many.

He never touched her. He didn't ask what he wanted to ask. He couldn't look into her eyes as long as he should have.

But, for some strange reason entirely unknown to him, she didn't mind it at all. Her kind eyes were full of patience. Constantly.

"I'll be gentle," she chuckled, a soft smile that appeared on her face made him swallow hard as a shiver went down his spine, "You haven't done this in a long time, have you? For a little too long, I'd say..."

Her head tilted, she raised her hand a little, but before she reached his dark hair, she stopped, a little embarrassed. She saw him flinch.

He didn't want to flinch like that, it was just a reflex. Inwardly, he scorned himself for it. He noticed how she flustered. How she took her hand back, abashed a little.

But she knew him.

She already knew Jake's perceptive eyes, as they were carefully watching every single one of her movements. She saw him analyzing everything, his face flickering with emotion he didn't want to show anybody.

The truth was, after so long, he missed the human touch. The problem was, he was used to being alone. He preferred being alone. He took pleasure in solitude. He liked it to such an extent that any public place, any meeting with a stranger, even a mere thought of it gave him a very unpleasant feeling of anxiety.

But a little while ago, all of a sudden, she appeared in his life. And suddenly, breaking his own rules, his own boundaries for her seemed easy.

'Easy' was not the right word for that. It seemed... possible.

"That's true, I haven't. It's been quite a while," Jake replied, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Sometimes... sometimes you need another person to get it right. And when someone lives a life like mine, you don't really have time or inclination for such... mundane activities. My mind is usually occupied with something different entirely."

She burst out laughing but immediately regretted it, covering her mouth with her hand. She realized the hacker said it in all seriousness. Thankfully, he didn't seem offended. He smiled slightly, a faint blush on his pale cheeks.

"I can imagine that. But do you trust me?" she asked. A tiny, warm spark appeared in Jake's heart.

A dangerous spark that he didn't really like.

No. He liked it. He was just scared of it.

Of course he trusted her. He trusted her like no one else before. From the very start he felt like he had known her forever. He trusted her completely. Absolutely. Without a single doubt. Only her. Almost like a madman.

He'd been called 'mad' many times in the past, but this was the first time he actually believed it. He almost chuckled thinking about that but stopped himself just in time.

He knew he had tendencies to exaggerate, to overthink, to overanalyze absolutely everything that was going on around him. Yet it seemed that this as well didn't bother her at all. Very unexpectedly, he felt like she had just... accepted him. All of him. Every single good and bad thing about him.

"I trust you. You know I do," Jake finally managed to answer, while she didn't take her eyes off him even for a split second, "But I don't know if that has anything to do with trust. Have you... ever done this before?"

She smiled innocently, the dim lights of his apartment bringing out the beauty in her, emphasizing those little dimples in her rosy cheeks.

"I have," she answered bluntly, "It's not that hard. But if you don't want me to... that's okay. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You just mentioned the last time it was bothering you, so... "

That was the first time she took her eyes off him. She lowered her head a little angry at herself, because she knew she shouldn't push him that hard. The fact that they were standing so close to each other was enough for her. But something kept drawing them together and she didn't know how to make it easier for him.

"It's not like that," Jake answered quietly, his hand moved on his own, his fingers stopped just before he touched her upper arm, "I want you to. I would like to try it... with you."

This time he smiled on purpose. When his hand touched her skin, he shivered, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. On the contrary! It was as if her warmth had flowed through him, as if for that brief moment her body heat had merged with his.

"You really would?" she asked, her eyes, once again, fixed on him.

He didn't answer, not at first, anyway, getting lost in her eyes. Warm, kind eyes, hiding secrets that he undeniably wanted to be a part of. The eyes that he wanted to share all of his secrets with.

She saw his hesitation. She could see his absent-minded expression as he pondered the situation deeply. She certainly didn't want to put him in an awkward position... as much as she loved to challenge him. But she could barely keep herself from throwing her arms around his shoulders since their eyes had met for the first time that evening.

Yet, she managed not to do it. She knew what Jake was like. She realized a long time ago that this man in front of her didn't know how to get close to people. She only didn't know if it was fear or just his... morbid caution. But she knew that the hacker was slowly breaking all through everything restraining him... for her.

She could see how he analyzed every single world that had been said between them since the very beginning of this meeting. How he fought himself and his thoughts, his doubts.

His doubts?

As he sat on that chair in front of her, as she brushed his shoulders with her fingers... he knew he didn't have any doubts about her. He wanted her close. He wanted her, but... he didn't know how to achieve that. He didn't know how to...just be with someone. Not anymore. His past had changed him.

He held his breath as she stood right behind him. He tried his best to relax, but it was hard. Harder than it should be. He didn't like not being in control, he had to be able to see everything, and with her standing behind him... all his inner sensors were telling him: Watch out! Run! Protect yourself!

Everything changed as she slowly, carefully dug her fingers into his hair. His black hair that he hadn't cut in... months. Just like that his muscles let go. He closed his eyes and shut them tight. He clenched his jaw... he had to. Otherwise he would have given himself away.

Otherwise he would have sighed so loudly, desperately, hungry for her touch, he would turn around and pull her to him so quickly, he was afraid he'd startle her.

That small, innocent touch made him regret absolutely everything he'd done before. Or rather everything he hadn't done. That he didn't take her in his arms as soon as she came here. That he hadn't held her so tight that they both lost their breath. That he hadn't told her how beautiful she was. That he hadn't kissed her right away.

Then he almost laughed.

As if he actually dared to do that.

Damn it – Jake thought, holding back an annoyed growl - He already told her he loved her, for crying out loud! And she even answered him the same! So why was it all so hard in person?!

The hacker didn't know the answer to that.

She knew.

She knew what she could do and say around him. She knew what was making him shut down and what was making him talk. Open up. As her fingers ran through his slightly unkempt hair, she smiled. She heard him sigh quietly, his shoulders dropping as he surrendered to her touch.

"You have nice hair. So soft," Jake was barely able to hear her voice, still relying on her fingers roaming his hair, massaging the skin on his head, "I feel a little guilty I'm going to cut those guys. "

"That's—that's not the kind of thing you want to h-hear from a barber, do you?" the hacker said timidly, ending with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh? Even from your own, private barber?" Jake nearly jumped in his seat as he heard her voice very close to his ear.

"Ev—even from..." he stuttered, feeling a sudden disappointment when she moved her hands away, "I don't know. I've n-never— I... I wouldn't--"

Great...

He sounded like he had forgotten how to speak.

When they were texting each other, he never had such problems. He could always think over every word. Not exactly, but... it was definitely better than that!

He held his breath as she laughed out loud. The sound made him smile too, though. He didn't even realize it, but he was laughing with her almost immediately.

Well, he was laughing at himself. He was laughing out of build-up frustration. He was laughing with happiness. He was laughing because - damn it - she was there and she wanted to be there. With him.

She suddenly appeared in front of him, leaned forward, placed her hands on the armrests of his chair and looked him straight in the eye. Then, after a couple of long seconds, during which his mouth went all dry, she murmured, "So, are you ready, Jake?" she asked with a spark in her eyes, showing him the scissors in her hands again, "Are you willing to put yourself in my very capable hands?"

He knew she was testing him. Even when they chatted online, she liked to say things that left him speechless. Things that made his pale cheeks blush a little.

A little? Things that made him blush hard.

Thank god for those dim lights – he thought, although he was sure she'd noticed it.

He didn't like losing. This time he couldn't just log out. If it were a chat, he'd find some sorry excuse and he'd be gone. Like always.

"I am," the hacker replied with such confidence that he surprised even himself, so he decided to continue. To play her little game... as well as he could, "I am all yours."

She smiled with contentment. She was glad that he wasn't as closed off as he seemed before. She knew they were both exploring new territory and he was doing great.

She brushed her hand over his shoulder and stood behind him again. Her fingers dug into his hair once more, to his satisfaction. Before she cut the first strand, Jake stopped her. Then slowly, looking at her, he took off his black hoodie, folding it carefully and placing it on the table nearby.

He was just in his black T-shirt now.

She watched him with curiosity, because she knew very well that Jake's every move, every small gesture meant something more.

"Just don't cut it too short, eh?" he said, sitting back in his chair, looking up at her, brushing a strand of hair that had fallen over his face.

Jake felt her warm expression right in his chest, "You can always say 'stop', okay? If I go too far..."

He nodded eagerly, the corners of his mouth twitching lightly by themselves, and he didn't even feel himself smiling again.

He just wanted to feel her touch once more.

As individual strands of Jake's black hair began to fall to the ground, he felt lighter. It was as if with each subsequent cut, the weight he had on his shoulders simply disappeared... he simply felt closer to her.

He was closer to her.

With every move she made, he allowed himself to overthrow another rule. Another thing that kept him away from her. His hands gradually touched her waist as she faced him. He slowly moved them to her back as she shifted slightly closer, leaning in.

But she continued. She didn't lose her head. Little by little, she trimmed every unruly strand of his hair that he forgot to pay attention to for a long time.

Jake suddenly realized that it surprised him how oddly intimate this moment was for the two of them. Much more intimate than... anything he'd ever experienced before. The smell of her warm skin, or the feeling of her hands lightly brushing his neck, her breath in his face.

He got lost in it and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist - so tenderly, you'd think they'd known each other their entire lives. He looked into her eyes, seeing not only her, but something else, something more, something unspoken, yet strangely obvious.

In fact, before her scissors made their last move, he held her in his arms, feeling under his fingers, for a change, not his computer keyboard, but the softness and warmth of her body. All the tension, all the awkwardness, all the fear - everything slowly disappeared. At that moment he finally found someone who accepted him for who he was. Just like that.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind and thoughts fly away, shut down for a short while that felt like an eternity. Still holding the scissors in her hands, she wrapped her arms around him. He could practically feel her heartbeat against his skin, and he was pretty sure she could feel his pounding heart as well.

He didn't care.

At that moment, everything he had feared, everything he wished he had done sooner, ceased to matter.

He broke all the rules for her that day. All of his restraints. All the walls he had carefully built around himself... they all simply came down. They didn't even make a single sound as they disappeared.

He allowed himself to snuggle into her neck when he felt she didn't mind. She chuckled, cuddling him, trying to hide her surprise.. They both realized that they were completely unnecessarily afraid of this closeness... because it seemed so natural to them, as if they were simply made for each other.

Like two pieces of a puzzle.

"Scratchy," she giggled nervously, feeling his face on her neck. His light, calm smile reassured her that everything was fine, "Maybe I should take care of your stubble as well."

"Tempting," Jake muttered, lightheaded suddenly, "I think like this idea."

"You do?"

"I do," he replied as she looked down, their lips so close, they were almost touching, "As I said to you before... I'm all yours."

He had never been so sure of anything in his life, as of those words back then.

She chuckled. Her cheerful voice turned into a sigh, as they finally closed that remaining distance between them.

[danielsarmand]

i know 42 isn't one of the most beloved doctor who episodes, but i personally loved it—mostly because i think it's incredibly important when it comes to the dynamic between the doctor and martha (along with the lazarus experiment, which i'll agree isn't a wonder of cinematography but it's the episode where—finally!—the doctor acknowledges how martha was never “just a passenger” to him).

and so, what's their dynamic, then? smith and jones, of course—the doctor and his doctor. not that it wasn't apparent already, from the very first moment martha is on screen she saves the doctor's life and plays a fundamental part in solving whatever situation they end up in, but in those episodes specifically—and more than ever in 42—the doctor relies on her and her alone, and he shows just how much he trusts her. because he does trust her, he does believe in her, he's seen such potential in her and i can see it, i see how he sees her and i wish the writing in season three wasn't so terribly inconsistent and that ten wasn't so terribly hot-and-cold, because when they're good they're really good.

i can't stop thinking about how scared the doctor was when he got infected with the virus, how vulnerable. the doctor is never vulnerable. scared yes, confused of course, sad for sure, even desperate, he often doesn't know what to do up until the very last second, but his job is to act as a crutch for others to lean on, to solve problems, to keep hope alive. all of this, during the second half of 42, was martha's job. because he was terrified. and this very primal sense of fear he was feeling came from the fact that the virus threatened to make him do the one thing he can't bear to do—killing without a reason to. he would've killed martha, he would've killed the rest of the crew, and everything would have been completely out of his control. so yes. he was terrified. so terrified, in fact, that at one point he had to physically reach out for her and call her name (“martha, where are you?”) when she let go of him for a few seconds because he couldn't open his eyes to look at her but he didn't feel her touch anymore and he didn't want to be alone—no, scratch that, he didn't want to be without her. for once, specifically, he didn't want to be without martha. and so she ran to him and she held him up and reassured him and he told her “i'm scared, i'm so scared” and tried to warn her about the regeneration process and all she asked of him was to believe in her. and it absolutely kills me how martha doesn't know the doctor has believed in her from the very first moment he's laid eyes on her. because he's being so stubborn, he's in his ‘can't-let-anyone-too-close’ era and he thinks that's what's best for everyone but he also can't stay away, can he? he can't let her go. and he ends up hurting her and himself a lot, but then some times he doesn't. some times he tears the walls down, some times he tells her about gallifrey, and he admits to her that he is scared, and tells her she was never just a passenger, and looks at her like he wishes the expression ‘right person wrong time’ wouldn't apply to a time lord.

and some times he trusts her completely, wholeheartedly, to save everyone for him. and of course she does, because she's his doctor, she's martha jones, she is ‘a star’. and he thanks her. sincerely. no humour, no banter, no nothing, he just thanks her—for saving them, for keeping herself safe while he couldn't, but also just because. just because she's there, and she was there when no one else was or could be, and she got him to share memories and sides of himself he'd previously never shared with anybody.

so yeah. to me, 42 will always be famous. just as martha jones will, and just as whatever the doctor and her shared will.

[alavestineneas]

Nothing we can do

pairing: Finnick Odair x fem!reader

summary: Finnick Odair hates everything about the Capitol and has every right to do so. But what if there was someone who made it a little more complicated?

warnings: mentions of rape, typical hunger games violence

chapter 1 -> chapter 2 -> chapter 3

''Mister Odair, what a pleasure seeing you in such a cheerful spirit! I hope I don't ruin it with my presence, will I?''

Finnick wanted nothing more than to agree with a man, but instead, he politely smiled. ''Never, President Snow.''

''That's good news. I've noticed you made friends with Miss Y/N.'' A white-haired man lifted a glass from a tray, studying a weirdly coloured liquid inside. ''Such a remarkable young lady. Very bright, and might I as well add, very favoured amongst the suitors.''

Finnick did not understand where Snow was going with this, but it promised nothing good for him or Y/N. He wasn't that naive to even hope they could keep this a secret, but it wasn't that evident. Besides, Snow still got his money. Then what was it?

''You see, Mister Odair, Miss Y/N managed to catch the eye of our new military commander - such a sweet couple they are. Now, Mister Odair, we don't want anybody getting in the lovers' way, do we?''

''No, President Snow.'' Finnick felt the air leaving his chest. This punishment was clever, he must admit. Still keeping both of them around but reminded of their place. It was cruel. In the best traditions of the Capitol.

''Good. You are a smart man, Finnick. I trust you to make the right decision.'' The President implied their short exchange was over.

The solution was quite simple - Y/N is marrying the man, and Finnick keeps himself as far as possible. It should be easy. They are not even lovers, just acquaintances. If that is true, however, Finnick's hands wouldn't tremble as much as they do now. He was in love with a dumb lonely girl from the Capitol, and now he had to let her go.

He was invited to the wedding, of course. It might have been Y/N's idea or the President's order - either way he was stuck drinking cocktails and chatting with a bunch of assholes while they all waited for the lover birds to appear.

A tremendous garden was filled with live music and laughter. The wedding was lavish: fountains of chocolate, crates of fresh fruits, names of which Finnick could not pronounce, expensive meat and fish, literal pools of champagne and wine. It isn't something she would have chosen, he thinks. But then, does he really know?

The first notes of a famous melody hit the guests' ears - they hurriedly took their seats, aligned in neat rows. The first to walk down the decorated aisle was the groom. A man in his thirties in a functional but high-class suit walked quickly. He was everything you expect from a soldier - serious and cold eyes, lean figure and short hair. The man looked nothing like people here, so Finnick assumed he wasn't from around here, probably from District 2.  

Then, she appeared. Beautiful white wedding gown, with red gemstones covering her shoulders and descending onto the neckline. From afar, Finnick assumed it was made to resemble fire. But when she moved closer, he realised. The gemstones were droplets of blood. People caught that too, judging from a few gasps in the crowd. Y/N smiled at them, a knowing look in her eyes. The goodbye look.

It hurt, Finnick noted with slight amazement. Watching her kiss a stranger instead of him. What hurt more were her tears, which many falsely assumed were happy. Finnick did not miss how her now husband grabbed her forearm in anger or how her mother tried to cover her sobs in Mr.'s Y/L/N shoulder.

''We have two minutes. He promised me he'll kill me if I ever spoke to you again. And I believe him.''

''Snow?"

''No, Derek. They say he turned his ex-wife into the avox. Can you believe that?'' Y/N chuckled, but Finnick knew better. She was scared.

''Snow also made it very clear that we can't speak again.''

Y/N nodded. ''I guess it is for the best.''

He wanted to say more: to comfort her, to say that it'll be alright, to say that he loves her. But it would make no difference, only give them something they can never afford to have - hope.

Y/N seemed to understand that too. ''Try to stay alive, Finnick. It suits you.''

-

The month changed quickly after that. Quite frankly, Finnick lost count of them a long time ago. Nothing new. Same faces, same duties, the same fake smiles and a small voice in his head.

The voice that slowly poisoned his mind. The voice that woke him up at night and haunted him in the daytime. Telling him that he is a coward, that there was a choice, he was just not brave enough to make it.

When the Quarter Quell was announced Finnick thought he might be going insane. He had not slept all night, preferring to stare into the relentless ocean. It has calmed him before, but not this time. Finnick was sure that he isn't seeing this water again - Snow will have him in that damn arena, and the chances of getting out were even smaller than before.

It was like a fever dream - reaping, interviews, countless photoshoots. It felt bitter but, at the same time, very familiar. He did not have to bother to attract sponsors or build a good image for the Capitol - years of work before came in handy. Finnick was left with a week of existence before his death. Very generous.

A few visits to his most generous sponsors. An hour or two. A pretty smile here and a moan there. Nothing of the unusual kind. Some cried, and some assured they will be doing everything possible to get him back. If Finnick could, he would laugh right in their atrociously painted faces.

The last client for today. A huge hotel with hundreds of rooms, very acquainted to Finnick. Golden doors, luxurious lobby. Room 23, the door to the right. He knocked and opened it without bothering to wait.

''Missed me, fisher boy?'' Y/N and her luminous dress. Finnick quickly shortened the distance between them, embracing the woman in a hug. She smelled sweet, with a hint of sourness - probably the healing cream.

''You have no idea.''

She chuckled in his chest. Finnick thought that this is how he would like to go - in her arms. He quickly lost the idea when she started speaking.

''We have an hour, then he'll find out. I am so sorry about the Games, but I won't be able to help you. Derek can't stand even your face in the magazine. Such an insecure asshole he is.''

Y/N looked up at him, a storm of feelings in her eyes taking Finnick's breath away.  And then he did something he never thought he would - he kissed her.

It was thorough and shamelessly hearty, nothing like the usual kissing he has done. Hell, she was not even his client - she was the woman he loved, the woman that he so desperately wanted to be his. Finnick felt her tilting her head to the right, pulling away.

''Don't,'' he mumbled, bringing her closer.

''You know you don't have to do it, right? You owe me nothing, Finnick.''

''But I want to. I want you. If you'll have me.''

Finnick felt Y/N's hands on his neck, pulling him in for another, much rougher, almost bruising kiss. They have an hour.

-

Salty waves touched his feet, bringing a burning sensation to the cuts and blisters - they will heal faster that way. The hot daytime sun was finally setting, allowing a few moments of peace in the blood-soaked arena.

Mags was already dead - it was absurd to think she had a chance to survive, as much as Finnick wanted to believe that. He will mourn her if he ever gets out of here.

The one thing occupying his mind was the birds, jabberjays. Finnick couldn't allow himself to believe another lie - Y/N was probably dead or on the verge of dying. He hoped she had gone quickly and without much pain, although judging from her cries, it was far from that.

Even if she was still alive, the first thing when the rebellion breaks out will be her torture. Finnick had sacrificed her for the revolution, for the future. And still, the thought of her eyes haunted him at night. Y/N will be dead now or later; for supporting the rebellion or being on the other side of it, and he sentenced her.

Finnick hopes she forgives him. He wishes they had met in another life - Finnick can almost hear Y/N's cheerful laugh and her soft hands holding his face. ''I love you,'' she says, and for once, it sounds happy, not bitter.

He will do his task - Finnick will get the lovebirds out alive. But then, he will make her a nice grave. They will be together. Y/N wanted to see District 4, his home. It will be her home too.

-

The plan worked. Katniss was on the hovercraft. The rebellion has started. Finnick tried to focus on what Haymitch was telling although in vain. It felt real now, the deaths of people he loved. The Capitol took the ones left - Finnick wished he could call them dead.

The door to the room opened, and Plutarch spoke.

''Took you long enough. We were almost getting bored, you know?''

Finnick glanced at the man in irritation. How could he say that? The fire girl lost more in that arena than Heavensbee could imagine.

''Plutarch, I suppose being away from the Snow's grasp helped you lose your manners? I can still have your tongue, so don't get too comfortable."

Finnick's head shot up at the sound of a familiar voice. It couldn't be.

But, there she stood. Y/N. Without her extravagant clothes and vibrant makeup, in a simple grey jumpsuit, she looked much younger.

''Finnick, this is Y/N Y/L/N, although I believe you have met before.''

He did not listen. Finnick embraced the woman, feeling Y/N's hands gripping his torso. She was here. Alive. Breathing and muttering something in his ear. He did not detect it at first, so caught up in his emotions.

''Finn, I love you, but I can't breathe.''

Y/N let out a burst of shaky laughter as Finnick instantly let her go, feeling a slow smile growing on his face.

They made it.

[catchyhuh]

(gif of guy pointing at himself and mouthing "me?" here)

WELL! WE ALREADY DID HOW OFTEN *THEY* SAY I LOVE YOU AND NOW VICE VERSA! how do they REACT when someone says i love you and do they even fucking believe it? more at 10

lupin:

yeah he loves you too! conversation continues like nothing changed

he believes them. like he does think they mean it. he just can’t imagine it bearing a lot of weight since, as discussed, he doesn’t usually say it with a lot of weight

if it were truly a serious circumstance and the person reiterated, no, this means something, i love you, then he might react a bit more genuinely

by. not saying it back

lupin says “i love you” when he wants and when he feels it’s right. not out of obligation. if anything it feels lame saying it back because you’re just copying the first person. so he just smiles a bit more sincerely. 

he enjoys it. it’s nice.

jigen:

uh huh. sure. HE’S NOT BELIEVING AAANYBODY ABOUT THIS MAN HE’S NOT BELIEVING ANYBODY

he’s not believing HIMSELF. even coming from people he knows he just takes it as a lighthearted statement every single time. living with lupin for decades probably doesn’t help his case

at best he’d take it to mean “you mean a lot to me” which is… technically true, i guess, but there’s something missing there. and even then, he still doesn’t totally believe even THAT coming from most people

if somebody really did get the closest they could to convincing him, he’d be less prickly for a while, maybe a bit more quiet. but for the most part he’s reacting internally, and once he gets past the confusion and mistrust, it… does give him a small warm feeling in his chest. a small one

fujiko:

it’s funny, because she simultaneously believes them and also doesn’t

taking it in good faith here, does so-and-so THINK they love her? yes. do they think they’re being honest? yes! she knows this. but do they really love her? no!

usually when she hears it it’s almost completely a hollow statement, so she does know through context and actions when someone really is being genuine. it’s just a matter of how much actual fujiko-ing they’ve witnessed that proves whether or not they really mean it

it’s really easy to love the IDEA of fujiko, but as a personnnn?? hmmmmmm

the only time it’s truly easy to make her believe the statement is when it comes from a kid. they’ve got no reason to lie, nothing to gain, and they’re usually pretty good judges of character. 

don’t get it twisted she’s not “maternal” by any means lmao it just feels… the most believable, coming from people who exclusively see it as a big announcement of admiration and friendship and everything. very cute!

goemon:

can i throw out something maybe disagreeable. goemon is the easiest to convince. yes more than zenigata i know you were thinking “hmhmhm obviously zenigata being the sensitive motherfucker he is is going to rank most trusting” nope! it’s this fucking wall of emotion

you can point to at least one ep from each series, like every third tv special, at least once per manga run no MATTER the author, and goemon will truly, honest to god believe he has met his match. he hears the words “i love you” and just… subconsciously projects his own usage of the term onto the other person

and if he’s this much of a sucker for the romantic i love you than you know he’s even more accepting of a platonic one! because WHY EVEN LIE ABOUT THAT

it’s not a matter of him being stupid or naive, of course he knows there are bad people trying to manipulate others, including him, and he KNOWS he has a sign on his back that says “I GET SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED WHEN SOMEBODY OPENS THE DOOR FOR ME AND SMILES -- EASY TARGET” but. he’s just… very willing to believe that people don’t immediately use love as a stepping stone in a scheme

zenigata:

he wants to believe it the most. he kind of flounders with it for a minute. is it.. a joke? is it a bit? no… okay, is it to catch him off guard and knock him down? not that either. hm. is it some kind of secret coded message he was supposed to know and missed or wh

someone would have to say it at least three times over the span of multiple days for him to even entertain the idea that they could be sincere. AND HE REALLY, REALLY WANTS IT TO BE SINCERE

because if he KNOWS its genuine he can smile really big with a goofy giggle and say the same. it’s just hard working up to that point, is all

deep down he does believe it initially every time, so it stings twice as much if it’s a ruse of some kind even though he DID suspect that. rough

but people don’t usually pull that kind of “build a very solid close friendship/convince this man i’ve fallen in love with him” tactic on zenigata the way they do with the others? so he’s a lot safer from this than he realizes! just. comparatively!

[clangenrising]

Hey! I sent an ask a while all the way back in February under anon praising your work, and I had been trying to follow along ever since but kept falling behind so I've just been reading a bunch of your pieces in a row in few-day bursts until I'm caught up to present lol. Anyway just now was the most recent burst I had finished, and I just gotta say. Yeah wow. Capital W Wow and the W stands for Winning. The way you're so committed to portraying real, almost tangible nuance in all your characters. How they all have deep reasons why they act the way they do but they start to be confronted and conflicted about the flaws in their views, the journeys they have to take to either change that or figure out if they even want to.

Namely with Ghost in the recent piece. Ever since I was introduced to him I knew there was more to him than just his blind following of his flawed society, that there has always been room for him to question his actions from the very start of the story and it may have always been there in him as a little inkling of an idea. But Fogpaw's confrontation was the moment that had really solidified it for him, driving it home even further since Smokyrose's death which also had to have taken a toll on his ability to trust his own thoughts (Been a while since I've read those pieces though so memory is fuzzy and I'm guessing there). He's someone who strikes me as someone who's always subconsciously suspected he's flawed, but never let it be an actual consideration until those actions he let himself carry out started having terrible consequences. And now he has to look back and face everything he's ever done, knowing full well he may never be forgiven by anybody he's wronged, but he still has the want to change for himself and I find that so inspiring. Having to face all those mistakes, learning just how much of your life you spent treating people unfairly... being confronted with all of that at once AND trying his best to make up for it all WHILE dealing with a new disability and terrible ear pain... it's no wonder he's deathly tired lol.

But the other character I want to highlight is the one who's been here and significant from the beginning - Scorch! A lot of people have talked a lot about her already but I'm in my own analysis flow state and I wanna ramble about how good of a character she is too. The walls and defenses she had to put up to protect herself, the lies she had to stick to to make other people believe things she didn't just to make sure she wouldn't die in the city... Razor's power over her and how nothing she did could convince him to truly loosen his grip on her during her time in the city, or even after she escaped and found RisingClan... The masks she has to plaster on herself and cycle through, and how the people who know her can just see right through them anyway... She's a person with immense trauma and like a solid two-thirds of her entire personality is a complex trauma response, but it served her well and protected her and so she keeps it up, and she even teaches a little of it and the affected worldview it gave her to her apprentice Fogpaw who is more confused than anything else haha. That's a very interesting dynamic too, someone who is thoroughly convinced every interaction is some kind of transaction where the other person always wants something in particular from you, and the other person who can't even fathom why or how interaction would work like that at all. Fogpaw is her perfect foil, someone who challenges her views and all the walls she's had to keep up more bluntly, and it's a very beneficial mentor-apprentice pairing that pushes them both to be better and that's a very amazing and interesting thing to see. How the student has things to teach their teacher in return.

It's just. The way I can read these character's thoughts and FULLY understand why they think in the ways they do and how those ways of thinking make sense to them... It's like I am quite literally transported into their mind in full and that is NOT an easy thing to do in writing at all. Most of the time you're just kind of a spectator, looking into a character's thoughts just to know why they do certain actions. But to understand the thoughts themselves, to see the full picture and possibly even a bit beyond it, to know the characters inside and out and see their worldviews and be like "Oh yeah, I see exactly how they came to those conclusions!" AND have those views be riddled with flaws in a way that makes everything feel SO realistic and tangible... That's like. Not just anyone can do that. Your hard work in developing these silly complex kitties has paid off in full, Rowan. Be proud of yourself, I simply demand it. lmao

AAA Thank you! this ask makes me so happy, I really appreciate you taking the time to say this all, it means a lot to me. 50 RisingBucks to you haha

[shipskicksandgiggles]

The Meaning of Home (also on ao3)

Ever since he learned to drive, Steve had loved his BMW. He wouldn’t let anybody else touch his car, much less drive it. 

He kept it spotless. He wouldn’t consider himself a neat freak, but he kept the carpets vacuumed and trash out of the cup holders and off the floor. 

Not to mention he learned how to tune her up all on his own. His dad wasn’t around to help, and even if he was, he certainly wouldn’t be helping his son with dirty, disgusting work like changing the oil or cleaning out the filter. 

That was work for a mechanic. Someone you paid to get black sludge under their fingernails. 

Learning how to do it himself was a process. Without a positive male role model in his life, he resorted to reading books to guide him, starting with the car’s manual. 

Steve wanted his car in the best hands, and he trusted no one more than himself. 

He knew more about the inside of his car than he had any business knowing. Feeling her purr under his hands was the most satisfying part of his day. 

Even when he drove other people’s cars, feeling the thrum of the engine made him feel like he mattered. Like he had control. 

Nancy’s car was his favorite to drive. It was a shitty old station wagon, but he loved it. He was honestly a bit jealous. 

The truth was, he loved his car the most at first. He was able to use it to get around, to pick up girls, to impress his friends. That was when he was a younger man. 

Nowadays, his usual passengers were three kids and Robin, which his BMW was a bit too cramped to accommodate. 

Driving the Wheeler’s station wagon was a breath of fresh air. Sure, there was a suspicious rattle coming from somewhere, but he had all the kids with him, and he didn’t have to worry about them. He was even considering a minivan for his next car, if they survived all this. 

This being another apocalypse. They must be on four now, maybe five if he missed one last time he took a vacation. 

Not that Steve took vacations. He hadn’t left Hawkins for more than a day since he was 16 years old. Something about being anxious that one of the kids would need him, and he wouldn’t be there to help. 

Even the station wagon was too small to fit their whole group now, and not all of them were in Indiana anymore. Steve might have to reconsider his choice of a minivan. A bus might be a better option. 

Or a Winnebago. 

He could hear faint chatter behind him. The air was tense, but they were all trying to pretend like it wasn’t. 

Like they weren’t watching Max, in case she might float away. Like they didn’t check out the windows every few seconds to make sure they weren’t being followed. 

Like Eddie wasn’t on the run. Like Eddie hadn’t hotwired their vehicle. 

Like they weren’t on their way to get weapons to take out an evil, alternate dimension wizard. 

Steve had a headache, and no one had punched him in the face this time. 

His only relief came in the form of being able to count everyone, confirm they were all okay. 

‘Okay’ might be a bit of a stretch. 

Alive was good enough for him, even if they were all scraped, bruised, hungry, and tired. 

He focused on the thrum of the vehicle under his hands, and took a deep breath. 

As if she was reading his thoughts, Nancy plopped into the passenger seat next to him. 

“How’s it handle?”

“Not bad considering it’s a literal house on wheels.”

She huffed out a quiet laugh. None of them really had the energy for lighthearted fun anymore. 

Steve glanced over at her, and remembered back to when they were barely older than most of the kids in the backseat. They’d grown up so much since then. 

He sighed. “I used to imagine driving one of these actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you know, like when I was older, with a family, a whole gaggle of kids. I’d just pack everything up and we’d travel across the country every summer. Take a different route every year so we’d eventually hit 49 out of 50 states.”

“That’s quite the dream.”

“Well, when you still believe in the American Dream, a road trip with six kids sounds like a good idea.”

“Six kids? That sounds like a horror show.”

“I realize that now,” he said, gesturing vaguely behind him. Six kids were a nightmare.

“I meant for your future wife, my god. What angel of a woman did you picture in this scenario?”

“Honestly? I have no idea. When we were younger, I think I hoped it would be you, but now?” 

Steve turned in his seat to look at the people behind him. Eddie and Robin were attempting to distract Dustin, Lucas, and Erica while Max watched them with her Walkman secured over her ears. Their party had changed so much over the years, but he loved them nonetheless. 

Just as he was about to turn back, Eddie caught his eye. He smiled and winked before doing something dramatic that made Dustin yell. It was amazing how he fit right in. 

“Eyes on the road,” Nancy reminded. “You’ve changed a lot since we first met.”

“Is that a good thing?” he asked, suddenly shy. 

“Definitely,” she assured him. “I’ll let you drive.” She patted him on the shoulder as she went back to join everyone else.

A couple years back, Steve had kind of dismissed his dream. It was right around the time he woke up concussed in the backseat of his own car with Max driving. Kids were out of the question. 

Then he thought maybe he’d travel the country by himself, pack up just his car and drive until he hit the ocean. 

He didn’t think he could leave Hawkins anymore. Not after all this. 

Steve shook the thought out of his head and focused on driving. One day all of this would be over. 

Moments later, someone else dropped into the passenger seat. Thinking it was Robin, he didn’t say anything, expecting her to speak first. 

“I got Dustin and Lucas to explain Hellfire’s last D&D campaign to Nancy and Robin.” 

Not Robin. Eddie. 

“Oh?”

“Figured it might keep them entertained for a while at least. They’ll probably be quieter too.”

“They’re not that bad. You get used to it.”

Eddie snorted. “You must have a lot of patience, Harrington.”

“I’ve just been babysitting them for a long time.”

He nodded. “Since this all started?”

“Something like that,” Steve agreed. “Once you live through the end of the world with them, all the yelling doesn’t seem like such a big deal.”

“Imagine that. Are you sure you’re The Steve Harrington? Like the prom king, king of the school, lady’s man of Hawkins High?”

“That’s what it says on my driver’s license.”

“It says all that on your driver’s license?”

“My wallet’s in my back pocket if you want to check.”

“As inviting as it is to touch your ass, I think I’ll wait until we’re not around the kids. What do you say darling?” Eddie winked. 

Steve felt himself flush. 

Eddie didn’t seem to notice. “But you really have been saving the world this whole time? Kids and all?”

“Kids and all,” Steve confirmed. “It doesn’t get easier by the way, so if you don’t want to stick around for the next apocalypse, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“You stick around,” Eddie pointed out. 

“I’ve got a pretty good reason to.” It was the truth. He loved Hawkins, loved the kids, loved Robin and his shitty job and even his empty house. He couldn’t just leave it all behind. 

Speaking of, he adjusted the mirror so he could see them, and smiled softly at what he saw. Sure enough, Dustin and Lucas were still fully invested in explaining things to Robin and Nancy, who were actually expressing interest. Even Erica seemed to be getting involved, and Max had slipped her headphones off of one ear so she could listen to both her friends and Kate Bush. 

“We’re going to get them out of this,” Eddie said quietly. “Right?”

Steve nodded. 

“They never got to be kids, did they?”

“Not really, no. Ever since Will went missing, they had to grow up too fast.”

“Do you ever wish you could go back and change things, knowing what you know now?”

He studied Eddie carefully. “More than you could possibly understand.”

“So make me understand.”

Eddie looked at him like he held all the secrets to the universe, and Steve took a deep breath, turning his focus back to the road to avoid Eddie’s gaze. 

“Realistically, I know that this was the way things were meant to happen. That I wouldn’t be the man I am today without all this suffering. Still, knowing what I know now, I would go back and be a less shitty person. Because then maybe Barb would still be alive. Maybe Billy would be too. Maybe we could have been friends a long time ago. Instead we’re here, and I know I can’t go back and fix everything, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Please, I forgave you the first time Henderson said you gave him rides home from Hellfire because his mom couldn’t make it.”

“Really?”

“Well, sort of. I thought he meant a different Steve Harrington until I saw your car pull into the parking lot and not leave until his seat belt was buckled. Then I forgave you.”

Maybe he was finally losing it, but for whatever reason, that was the first time Steve had really laughed for the first time in days. They were in the middle of the end of the world yet again, and he couldn’t stop laughing. 

His outburst seemed to surprise Eddie based on his expression. A grin slowly grew across his face. “Something funny, Stevie?”

“No, no, I’m sorry, I just-” he hiccuped. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”

“Didn’t we just establish you’ve saved the world multiple times?”

“Not that, I can totally believe that, but this. This stupid Winnebago and those kids and this. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m here. If you told Steve Harrington of four years ago that he’d be babysitting a group of kids with his ex-girlfriend, his best friend who he got tortured by Russians with, and the freak of Hawkins High, he’d think you were nuts, and yet.”

“Still think I’m a freak?” Eddie asked nervously. 

“Sure, but who isn’t?”

“Welcome to the party, your Majesty, it was good of you to join us.”

Eddie’s dramatics only caused him to start laughing again. “Sorry I’m late, honey, traffic was hell,” Steve mocked in return.

“Are you having a nervous breakdown? I think you have to tell us if you are.”

For a second, Steve thought he’d overstepped and offended Eddie, but a quick glance reassured him that he was just joking. 

“I think I’ll be okay. How are you though?” 

The past few days had been harder on Eddie than it was on most of them, which frankly he was handling like a champ, but Steve still worried. 

“Well, let’s see. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to go home, and even if I do I’ll probably be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life because the basketball team turned into a murderous gang. Also, I’ll need a list of everyone’s favorite songs because that seems important now which sounds insane, but it’s no less insane than anything else so what the hell, right?”

Steve got it. Not that he’d been accused of murder, but witnessing the upside down version of their town and facing the end of the world did tend to put things in perspective. What about their lives really mattered anyways?

He let Eddie’s words hang in the air for a moment before he figured out what to say. 

“My favorite song is The Winner Takes It All,” Steve said. “For when you start making that list.”

It seemed to take Eddie a moment to process that. “ABBA, Steve? ABBA? Are you kidding me? We cannot be friends, I’m so sorry, your taste in music cannot be that bad.”

His dramatics caused Steve to lose it. “Oh my god, I’m kidding. It’s actually Heroes. You know David Bowie?”

“Do I know David Bowie, he asks. Jesus Christ, Steve, of course I know Bowie. He’s not bad, but still, remind me to play you some better music if we make it out of this alive.” Then he paused. “When we make it out of this alive.”

“You’re already a natural at keeping a positive mindset with the constant threat of the world ending! I’m proud of you, man.”

“Might as well, right?”

“Exactly. And I can’t wait to hear you play. I've heard you’re a part of the best metal band in this part of Indiana.”

“Steve, we’re pretty much the only metal band in this part of Indiana.” 

“Which automatically makes you the best!”

“Fair enough. My favorite song is Rainbow in the Dark by the way. Master of Puppets would probably work too honestly.”

“I’ll make sure we get a tape of both of them, just in case.”

“Thanks.” His response was uncharacteristically soft, but Steve tried not to think too hard about it.  

They drifted back into silence after that. 

“Do you know what you’re going to do after we save the world?” Eddie asked. Sitting quietly for too long set all of them on edge now. 

“Same as always I guess. Might start taking classes at the community college.”

“Yeah? What are you planning on getting your degree in?”

“Something stable. Teaching maybe. If it doesn’t work out, I can always try my hand at being a mechanic.”

“Mechanic? You?”

“Hey, I fix my own car all the time, don’t start. Anyways, people always need mechanics.”

“We’ll always need teachers too, Steve. I can see it now, your classroom full of bright colors and smiling faces.”

“Now you’re just teasing me,” Steve groaned. 

“I’m not! I really think that’s a good path for you. Stability is a good route to go.”

“Would you ever want anything like that?”

“Oh god no. I want to be out on the road! Experiencing real, true freedom,” Eddie said with conviction. 

Steve certainly believed him. The relief was evident on his face, as if that freedom was finally in reach. 

“Really? You don’t even want someone to come home to? Something to look forward to when you’ve been away for a while?”

He could feel Eddie studying him. 

“I guess that doesn’t sound so bad,” Eddie said eventually. 

“Look man, I’m not saying you can’t do whatever you want. If you want to be out on the open road for the rest of your life, that’s what you should do. But I think everyone needs somewhere to call home, and maybe someone who helps make it a home.”

“Yeah?”

“It probably sounds dumb, but-”

“No no no, I think it’s sweet. I just don’t think that’s the kind of future I’m destined to have.”

“Why do you say that?”

Eddie sat back in his seat a bit. “Home for me growing up wasn’t the definition of stability, and I don’t know if I have what it takes to build that foundation with someone. And even that would require someone to want to have that with me in the first place. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s not in the cards for me.”

They lapsed into silence as Steve digested that information. Finally, he spoke again. 

“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you dumb?”

“Thank you for that, Steve.”

“No, listen to me. You’ve already got a halfway decent start on that foundation, I just think you need to take a step back and see that.”

He looked at him doubtfully, but Steve continued. 

“You created a safe space for a whole group of kids that wouldn’t have that if it weren’t for you, and they adore you. It’s that unconditional love and willingness to accept them that’s going to start you in the right direction. That D&D club of yours is a home of its own if you think about it, and you did that all on your own. Imagine what you could build with someone else.”

Eddie took a moment to think. “What if I don’t want kids?”

“That’s fine. Home doesn’t always equal kids. Good luck getting rid of Dustin though.”

“Which will prove to be a challenge I’m sure, that kid sticks like glue.”

“Trust me, I’ll be dealing with it for the rest of my life too, don’t you worry.”

“Maybe we should deal with it together then,” Eddie said nervously. 

Steve heard the hesitation in his voice like he wasn’t sure how he would react. 

He reached out a hand and patted Eddie’s knee. “I think that could be arranged.”

“Stability, huh?” Eddie asked. 

“If you want it.” 

Steve craved stability more than just about anything else in the world. He couldn’t imagine functioning without some surety of knowing how his life was going to play out for at least the next few months. 

He also craved validation and comfort. One might say he craved love.

A love he wasn’t so sure he could have. 

But Eddie glanced back at the kids and smiled softly, almost privately to himself had Steve not been there to see it. 

“Yeah. I could go for a little bit of stability.”

[varian-secretportals]

What makes a good Varian love-interest?

For my upcoming coming-of-age adventure story for Varian I have plans to give the adorable alchemist his own love story. While I'm certainly not implying that he needs a love interest to be happy, it's something I imagine he does want someday.

I imagine that Rapunzel and Eugene are an example of the kind of romantic love he wants, e.g. a best friend, partner and someone to grow old with. Even his father's undying love for his (supposedly) late mother gives him hope that maybe it could happen for him. At the start of the story I imagine he has a lot of insecurities when it comes to love, partly as result of Cassandra rejecting him (though he's accepting of the fact they'll always be "really good" friends) and the other part because he wonders if he's deserving of it. While he's mostly forgiven himself for his past sins, there's still a scar there and it still stings when he faces rejection from anybody who is not willing to forgive or trust him (I imagine Nigel is one of these people). So throughout my story I imagine he's still learning to forgive and accept all these parts himself and learns how much more he could be.

While I certainly don't ship Cassandra and Varian, I do admit I found Varian's unrequited crush to be very cute. Plus, their friendship was very cute as they truly have a mutual empathy and understanding of each other. Plus, I loved their amazing duet.

I kind of wish we saw more interactions between these two in the series finale. It would have been good to see them apologise to each other for attempting to hurt and/or kidnap the other in order to get to Rapunzel. While they clearly didn't hold grudges against the other, I just wish they could have had a moment like that. 😔 I'm certainly writing a flashback moment like this into the story for the sake of showing they forgive each other and that they want to build a healthier friendship.

I know a lot of people believe Varian was attracted to Cassandra due him being an Amazon Chaser, e.g. is attracted to strong, warrior women, but @o0whiterabbit0o made a good point that Varian's attraction to Cassandra began as a result of her "choosing him" in choosing to save his life. He was attracted to her because she kindly and selflessly made the effort to protect him, and therefore he felt she was really something special.

While I'm certainly not against this headcanon of Varian being attracted to (or at least strongly respecting) strong women, I think it's safe to say he's attracted to selflessness, kindness and loving devotion in potential partners as well.

I also think intelligence would be an attractive feature for a potential partner. She doesn't have to be at Varian's level of intelligence or even have an interest or skill for alchemy. Still, I think having her own intelluctual interests and hobbies would certainly make her stand out as a potential romantic candidate.

No offence to Varigo shippers (Varian and Hugo V&7K AU ship) but I personally imagine Varian with a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend. I certainly think we need to be respectful of each other's opinions on the subject of Varian's sexuality, but in my opinion I think he's interested (or at least more interested) in women romantically in canon. Therefore I plan for his love interest to be a girl.

So far some of my favourite Varian love interest OC's include Lashanie by @o0whiterabbit0o and Instagram and Cara writer/artist dlimpy's (Links to her accounts can be found below) OC, Danielle. I love their designs and the fanwork these amazing artists/writers have done. Both girls sound like well-rounded and likeable characters with very different but nonetheless fleshed out relationships with Varian. I hope my own OC love interest will be as fleshed out and likeable.

dlimpy's Instagram account:

https://www.instagram.com/dlimpy?igsh=MW52OXlpZ3R2ZzJlNQ==

dlimpy's Cara account:

So far I have two OC's that I am considering as potential love interests for Varian, though I'm currently trying to flesh out their character and story arcs for the sake of making sure they don't fall into the Mary Sue or Satellite Love Interest territory. I want them to be their own person and have other goals to simply being Varian's love interest.

I will eventually introduce you to my OC's in spoiler-free character profiles once I'm done writing them. Maybe eventually I'll share more fleshed out spoiler profiles with backstories once I actually get to writing and publishing my story.

For now I am curious as what you think makes a good and fleshed out Varian love interest? Do you think Varian has a type or least an idea of what he wants in a romantic partner? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[lunarthefrieschild]

(Sorcerer!Lunar x Canon! Henry)

Fluff/Lunar wanting to save the world and spend her life with someone everyone despise except in her eyes./Lunar not entering high school due to wanting to be a expert sorcerer so she skips it and never met any of her friends except henry, her childhood friend♡

Lunar and her father is extremely close when she was a kid and her father loves spending his free times with her.But sadly her father rarely has a free times due to his high ranks-..Lunar actually have taken and received her father shape shift strong abilities but since she's dumb she just use it for wholesome and cute things only to her liking- Her father is busy but he actually can just come home and greet his lovely family but he decided to not. Because he doesn't want the enemies to involve anything with his loves one and kill them.If lunar use her abilities smartly she probably will become a sorcerer or something to make her dad proud it's not like his dad is not proud of her she just wanted to return his kindness in justice by becoming a hero just like him<33!!she probably will spend a LOTS OF TIMES with her loves one and being 10× nicer to them before her missions because she said she don't know if she can see them again-.. She scared of losing them.She rather lose her life than her love one just like her father!

She's scared if she die she won't be protecting her loves one.She's scared that the love of her life die in front of her eyes in misery..She didn't want the same tragedy to repeats.. Lunar at first though that was UNFAIR she hates talking about her father to people because she's too sad to even listen. . She couldn't accept the world forgetting about her father slowly. But the more and more she aged.. After she hits puberty she realized that she just needs to continue her father generations and make him proud.Lunar believes her father is the sweetest person she ever met.Lunar believes she shall returns all his kindness to the world.She believes the world need to remember the " hero" who sacrifice himself for the society, the city, the world.She decides her fate.

"I've decided to be a sorcerer"

*she decides from her heart with true passions and bravery*

She made that decisions cause of wanting her father generations to continues but specifically..She decides it because she deeply miss her father and want someone to see her soul in the way of "you're kindness really reminds me of your father♡". .

The compliments she always appreciated, the compliments she wanted to hear everyday and be proud, the compliments she will go to heaven and met her father while saying "someone says my kindness reminds me of you!! "

Could anyone or anybody understand how much a compliment means to her?? She continues her fates, she will continues being calm as a waves..She do all this to justify him.No one understands how much she loves him.When she was a child.Where she have nobody..Her mom usually are busy being a professional doctors takes a lot of overtime and causes not to sleep.Lunar is used to not have any one in that age and got manipulated by other villagers saying that her father's generations was evil.SHE DENIES IT.She never really cares about all them.Lunar were never as talkative as how she is with her dad before he pass away.Growing up means she needs to spreads more kindness and spend more times with her loves one.Even though she didn't want to die due to wanting to protect her loves one.. She rather sacrifice herself If that's really the only way.

Henry..

"Henry was someone I could trust and lend on.Someone that understands my passions, decisions and fates.He's my friend.My friend I've known since..The one who already knows it all since we've started friending.The one I adores.. The only friend that meet my father before he passed away."

Henry used to be a childish grumpy guy in lunar eyes but that's what make him different than others too.He have his own way of understatement.But as soon he gets more mature and knowledge about her fate he started to softens his voice and gaze whenever he talk to her. He respects her decisions as a "hero"..He promise he try to be more gentle because he know he didn't have much time with her.His voice is a little hoarse now but it still turns soft when he speaks to you. demeanor more cold now but his eyes still perks up when he sees you. and when you embrace him in your arms, he feels home. not a care in the world. like he is a teenage again, falling in love for the first time.

[vespertin-y]

so hey, *sits down politely in Listening Mode™* what do you think about akasaiou? :} (feel free to go off. going off is encouraged!!) /genuine

DEEP INHALE

IMMEDIATELY FORGETS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT AKASAIOU DESPITE THEM OCCUPYING ALL MY BRAIN SPACE FOR MULTIPLE YEARS AT THIS POINT

TAKES SEVERAL DAYS TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION (SORRY) BECAUSE WORDS HARD EDITING EVEN HARDER

ough. um. well first of all there's LOTS of tasty hand symbolism and i go bananas for that. with saiou it's pretty explicit (i reach out, but he doesn't take my hand and the bandaging scene in the FTEs, he can't lie about the warmth of his hand in salmon mode, to a lesser extent shuuichi's accusatory finger point but ESPECIALLY in the fourth trial) for saimatsu it's a bit more subtle (kaede reaching out to pull shuuichi up when he falls out of the locker, shuuichi taking her hands over the desk to comfort her even though his own are shaking, a lingering shot of their hands desperately reaching out for eachother that they CUT from the execution and i will NEVER NOT BE MAD ABOUT-) and for oumatsu it's almost entirely in my head (them playing tag COUNTS, it DOES-). it's good food basically.

(small side tangent about that last bit - i want to focus mostly on them as a trio here, but i feel like i need to play a bit of defense for oumatsu because GOOD GOD are people nasty about it in a way they aren't about saiouma or saimatsu. no, kaede does not dislike kokichi - she calls him "hard to hate" more than once. no, kokichi is not "too mean" by pointing out her failings in the tunnel (and yes, he's allowed to be snappish when he's exhausted and injured!). kaede and kokichi are a wonderful duo who both give the other much needed pushback on the faults in their personal ideologies, and they do that while knowing when to stop and just goof off together. half the people who say their dynamic is irredeemably unhealthy are stealing that dynamic and plastering it onto kaito/kokichi because they hate ships with women in them. this has been Soapbox Time With Vesper).

i think the main reason i started shipping them - beyond all three of them just having fun/cute/silly dynamics with the other two sdhnjhsf - is that they are, to me, the core of v3. i've talked about it before (1 2) , but kaede's death is EVERYTHING to kokichi and shuuichi's parallel character arcs.

kokichi is bright, extroverted, and has a hand leading the group (challenging kaede in the tunnel, establishing the first breakfast meeting, leading the charge in convincing the others monokuma is dead even when he doesn't truly believe it) but he's never the same after kaede dies; he believes *any* kind of open cooperation will get him targeted by monokuma and killed. he resorts to manipulations on top of schemes on top of plans in a desperate attempt to never end up like her.

shuuichi is withdrawn, suspicious, and really only cooperates with one person (he suspects rantarou to the point of taking kaede aside and warning her not to ask him any more questions about his talent, he makes his own plot to catch the ringleader with no intentions of sharing it with the group) but once kaede passes on her wish he forces himself to socialize and to trust in a way he never would've before, and by ch4 *he's* basically the group's de-facto leader. if v3 had a movie poster kaede would be big and faded from the back and saiou would be back-to-back in the center with everyone else lining the corners. does that make any sense?? idk.

ough what else...i think the flaws/weaknesses in each pair are helped by their third member (kokichi has ZERO tolerance for shuuichi or anyone else putting kaede on a pedestal, shuuichi is a calming presence to balance out the oumatsu shenaniganery, kaede will simply knock the boys' heads together if they attempt Miscommunication™). i think they should all bond postgame (what if we didn't directly kill anybody but we still had blood on our hands...and then we held them!!). i think they should have one of those bunk beds with a twin on top and a queen on bottom, so saimatsu can spoon and kokichi can cackle manically from his nest of pokemon plushies. i think they should go on a boba date and shuuichi should have to pull out all his acting chops to pretend he doesn't hate the texture. i think that i love them a lot :]

[freebooter4ever]

Blah blah blah about love under the cut

One thing about daphne and the duke - she says these things, and immediately things magically work out because its TV fantasy land. But...at least in my limited experience...it takes a long time for the nice things to sink in past the bad things. Like it would take the patience of somebody repeating those words across a longer span of time.

There was one thing that startled me with my latest romantic failure - and it had absolutely nothing to do with pilot boy himself.

see, i have never really understood the whole 'bringing someone home to meet the parents' and how big of a deal it was in movies and books. It always baffled me. I never cared what my parents thought of people i dated or wanted to date and the only person i ever brought home was The Ex in 2010 and even then it was less 'do you approve?' and more 'i love him and idgaf about your opinon but i want to show him off'. My poor Ex endured an entire two hour long interrogation by my grandparents and i had to hold his hand the entire time, he was very shy.

BUT now, here in LA, i met my friend over at the artist's house, and that was in 2018 so a number of years ago. And slowly, over the years, i've grown closer and closer with them and their family, and they've kinda been a guide in this city. And there was that one time in 2019 where someone automatically assumed i was their daughter and neither of us corrected the person lol. And i have kind of basically been adopted by their family, even despite my best attempts to keep a respectful distance during like holidays and stuff. But i still go to them first whenever i have problems, and some days i have no idea how i ever lived without them. And everytime i think i have fucked up and made a mistake we remain friends - or apologize to each other if necessary, and things always always return to that warm, platonic, familial love.

and you know, for the fist time, ever, in my entire life....when i was dating Pilot Boy, i realized that Bringing The Significant Other Home To Meet Family was a big deal for me. And it was going to mean bringing him to the artist's house. Of course, Pilot Boy and i never got into a serious enough relationship to reach that point, but i definitely had a bit of an existential crisis over realizing that i actually wanted to hear the judgement of someone who was like a parent to me. I don't even know how to explain how much of a change of mindset it was, how odd it felt. And it's not like I have never dated anyone else in LA - there was Hiker Boy for like 3ish years of casual dating and not once did i even think about it. And that one guy E, who i didn't even mention to my friend. Like, this was definitely an accumulation of slowly starting to trust that the concept of having a 'parent' figure in my life was a good thing, rather than something scary.

I remember my mother would go through phases. If she was single suddenly she would go on rants about how being single was the normal thing and anyone who believed they could stay coupled forever was abnormal and weird. I never minded this phase because i was always single so always met that approval. But the other phase, when she was in a relationship, meant that she would talk about how anybody who wasn't in a relationship was weird and probably repulsive, and how being in a couple is the natural order of things (unless its a gay couple in which case absolutely they can marry but dont have children because it will fuck the kids up mentally). And of course during these times she would berate me for never dating.

And then one time when i was 24 two things happened: that summer she visited me in pittsburgh and escalated from emotional/verbal abuse and slapping to full physical abuse. And then months later when i visited my grandparents in seattle she invited me to a 'wine tasting and cooking lesson' with some VIPs at her work. And i went, and it was in this industrial area of seattle with this ridiculously fancy farm to table rich people type kitchen set up. And the chef was this ridiculously tall dark and handsome young man about my age from argentina. I was flustered, and the guy totally knew it, and found it funny. I could barely string two words together and he was teasing me the whole night, kept picking me for the demonstrations, etc, you know how it goes. It was very entertaining and i appreciated he at least wasnt being mean about my obvious attraction to him.

Anyway by the end of the night my mom was visibly tipsy. This scared the shit out of me. My mom is mean when she doesn't drink, but when she has just the right amount of alochol she's totally normal and fully functional and you don't notice. So the fact that i could see her slurring her speech and being unable to walk straight meant she had more than her normal amount which meant a LOT. And as we said goodnight to the fancy VIPs she was embarrassing herself in front of, and walking to her car, she turned to me and said 'you know the chef was flirting with you all night'. And i was fully prepared to correct her because at that point i'd had at least one boyfriend and thought i knew what flirting was and teasing isnt the same at all. But i didnt get a chance because she also said something like: 'he was only flirting with you because you were the only person his age in the entire room. That's the type of guy who only goes for pretty girls, not you.' and then she wouldn't let me take her keys to drive us home. And i was too scared of her to force her to give them to me. And that was the last time i've seen my mom. Because her driving home so drunk she was obviously mentally and physically impaired was the last straw for me - one of my friends mothers was killed by a drunk driver when we were kids. And if i was too scared of my mom to do my part to stop that from ever happening again, then it was time for me to admit i couldnt handle this. Its been 11 years and i dont regret it, although sometimes i still have nightmares of her finding me and gaining control over me again like when i was a kid. But i also never forgot that comment - that explained so much. How she would rant about how weird it was that i was single, but she never really truly believed i was the kind of girl anybody would want as a 'girlfriend' anyway.

Contrast this with my friend at the artist house. Who at one low point this week, i called up to cry on their shoulder over work drama and how helpless i felt. And somehow they mixed up the current situation with Pilot Boy. And they started talking about the kind of ideal person they imagined me dating, and said a lot of stuff about someone who 'saw me for how wonderful i was' - i dont know honestly i couldnt listen to most of it, my brain just tuned it out. And i laughed and corrected them that no the person i was dating a month ago was 'Pilot Boy' and this guy currently was someone who - under no circumstances even if it meant being single forever - i wouldn't want to date. And then i stopped and thought for a little bit and realized that if i can change my mind about not wanting to ever have a parent in my life, and have those 'normal' things like the 'bring a date home to meet the parents' type experiences... That maybe one day the conviction in me that believes nobody would ever choose to date me or value me or consider me worthwhile....that maybe that could change too. And then maybe my friend's speech about someone valuing me wasnt so totally unbelievable and impossible. It still seems extremely farfetched to me, and I'm totally happy with just being able to know that my friend at least genuinely believes someone should be able to romantically love me one day. Like that's way more than i've ever had before. I should be grateful for that.

Anyway, yeah, if penelope's arc is something like that....then i might be interested. Because all we've seen from penelope's mother is her dismissing her daughter over and over again as being nothing worthwhile.

[makima-s-most-smile]

Trigun Ultimate Vol. 2 (Part 2)

Why do I have to say so much about all of this? It will need at least two other parts...

Trigun Ultimate: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4 Trigun Maximum: 1.1, 1.2, 2.1, 2.2, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4, 10.5

Chapter 1: Blood and thunder

Excuse you? He wasn’t just a shoemaker? What else? Many shoemakers also work with keys, shoes and keys are a thing… So maybe he works with more fine tuning stuff like weapons and/or prosthetics?

How does Vash know, though? Our dude is much more streetsmart than we are made to believe!

Man, children in bad places is such a big part of Trigun. I feel for the girl. I know that Vash is not in the right place to help her more than this, but damn, I wish someone was. We see glimpses of all the suffering, we see the results of all the suffering in the characters we meet, but it never gets better. Kaite in the last volume, now this girl… And in the end, they are left alone after our adventure with them. The status quo still stands.

Vash must feel absolutely powerless when confronted with such a situation. He cannot help her, he knows this, his not acting is not apathy, but it may read as such when you don’t take time to read into it. I always stress how much agency Vash gives to other people, but this is not one of those situations. This is Vash being unable to do more. He is not part of the community, he cannot find her a home, he can only feed her for a day and offer to play with her and make it okay for a little while. But from her perspective, why should she trust him more than getting the food offered. Too nice men can be dangerous. *stares at the next page and Legato* Yeah…

When I was younger, I read in a prank book that a perfect prank would be to stand in the city plaza and stare into the sky as if you see something there. And people would stop and try to see what you see. I feel that this woman is one of the people that would be pranked by such sillies!

I miss those innocent times!

Lightbulb-Knives confirmed. Vash does not remember July. But it does not take much for him to put two and two together here. He remembers the wreckage and being at point zero. The only logical conclusion is that Vash and Knives had an altercation there. But Vash does not know the extent! We on the other hand get to see something more skeletal than fullbodied. 

Please, give us insight into what Meryl is thinking! We got a quick lookover to Milly, but the women must know that there is something going on and have their own thoughts. Even if that exchange is over quickly, the girls see the change in Vash and they don't see Legato.

First of all, Knives rattling on and on about Rem confirmed!

Secondly, Legato has a point there, but not the kind of point he thought he did. Rem’s memory is holding Vash back, he cannot really connect to other people, he becomes a martyr for others, he takes his own agency and puts himself into a passive receiving role towards the actions of others. Legato talks about the godlike position Knives has to him. Sure, Vash could do the same. But since Vash is putting Rem into a godlike position and thus humanity as a whole, he makes himself into a pariah. Both brothers are wrong and opposing sides on the same medal. A middle ground would be good.

Sure, Knives and his godcomplex… Knives’ twelve disciples, holding onto silver coins. Man, we haven’t met that guy, but he is already a theatre kid! At a christian school at that. Going all biblical with the numbers. Or is it Legato who decided that and wanted the Christian flavour to get gummy points with Knives?

Not gonna lie, this paper bag has perfect timing. Since I need to buy groceries with paper bags, I can say that mine wouldn’t hold a blood dripping head for such a long time without any spilling out. Plants make high quality stuff.

Chapter 02: Diablo

While I understand the sheriff, I am also thinking: Dude, has anybody seen Vash transport the head in a bag towards the square? Do you really think that Humanoid Typhoon would let himself be easily arrested if he was guilty? This is about looks and not wanting to have real responsibility to look into that.

Girl, he is looks seven at that point, max! Don’t put that existential crisis into him and the responsibility of being a caretaker! Rem is often depicted talking with the kiddos like they are adults. Well, they are the only other people she can really talk to… The S.E.E.D.S. project really didn’t take isolation and loneliness into consideration for the person on watch. While the kids depend on her as a caretaker, she also depends on them for her mental health. She is not a bad caretaker, but her isolation and the twin’s plantness makes it difficult for her to bring them up age appropriately. 

We already get a glimpse into her depression when she states that she has noone left, so it doesn’t matter where she is. I don’t think even 150 years later Vash understands her being depressed and lonely.

Another little thing, the way they talk to each other reminds me how many autistic kids talk to adults. I did it and I read that many autistics tend to talk to adults more than to kids, because they can talk about topics that their peers aren’t interested in. Granted, in this case Vash has no neurotypical friend his age. Only Rem and Knives.

Why do I remember them being much younger at the Great Fall? They look like early teens here. 

And yeah, Knives going full denial and dehumanisation on Rem because he couldn’t live with losing her. Interesting, how Knives has no real face in Vash’s memory. Only a grin.

[klutzyroses]

Hi, congratulations on 300 followers. I recently shaved my head te help boost my self confidence, it’s working but I was wondering if you could do a head cannon sort of thing where the princes + rio with an s/o who has a shaved head. A bit insecure at times but is willing to stand up for themself.

Yasss, well done dear, I'm sure you look gorgeous!💖

IkePri HCs: SO with a Shaved Head

How do they react to an s/o with a shaved head?

Suitors: Leon, Chevalier, Yves, Rio

Leon

Wow...

He wasn't going to pretend he's ever seen someone like her but isn't that what makes her so interesting?

He wouldn't actually address it directly. He would just treat her normally, but he has noticed, no doubts about that.

He never really thought about it, but a woman with a shaved head is rather...appealing. Most people, in theory, would be put off, sure but...

She was beautiful. Very beautiful. And he let's her know it.

Nobody is allowed to deny it, lest they face the full wrath of a certain black Lion.

But he doesn't need to intervene too often, he finds, as she seems able to hold her own quite well. Would you look at that?

If she does ever feel insecure, he will be right there to remind her that she is beautiful no matter what.

She is much to perfect to feel like anything less.

Chevalier

He wouldn't treat her any differently than anybody else really. He wouldn't even bring it up.

Yes, he has noticed she has a shaved head. What of it?

He will admit, to nobody but himself that he is just the slightest bit intrigued, as that is quite the bold move for a woman around Rhodolite. He will admit that she looked quite...comely. Surprisingly enough.

He still wouldn't show it until she became his lover. Only then would he possibly hint at his admiration...very slightly.

If she felt insecure about it at any point, he would likely call her a fool for thinking such silly things and reminding her that he doesn't fall for just any woman on the street.

This is further reinforced when she may just catch a glimpse of a proud smirk on his visage when she is faced with any backlash from others, very easily putting them in her place without his help.

Yes, she may prove to be a very intriguing and worthy partner indeed.

Yves

That's quite the bold look. He approves.

He would never admit it right away, but he found it suited her rather well. And coming from the Fifth Prince that meant something.

If he said something suited her, it meant it suited her without a doubt.

He probably wouldn't really bring it up often, except if he was being rude, like the first time they met, he had made an insensitive comment about her shaved head. But trust and believe he will feel absolutely awful about it for the next six months.

Licht once caught him hitting his head on a pillar muttering "Stupid, stupid Yves!" over and over...

If she should feel insecure about it, he would stop at nothing to make her feel better, spending potentially hours helping her accessorize and doing her up until she is easily to most enviably beautiful woman in Rhodolite.

He can't help but swoon just a bit when he sees how strong she is and how capable she is of standing her ground in the face of any heckling and teasing about her appearance.

She really is one of a kind...

Rio

Girl please, he'd be bent over backwards for her whether she was Rapunzel or had no hair at all.

He would always gush about how beautiful and special she is, and would easily come up with the kindest, most flattering words to make her feel on top of the world.

That's what a good attendant does, isn't it? To build up his mistress and make her feel good about herself?

He actually finds it so cool and it makes her all the more unique, doesn't it? The most beautiful woman in Rhodolite...

And in Benitoite. And Jade...And Obsidian!

In the whole world!

Anyone who dares make her feel like she is anything less...well...hm. Let's hope they lived a full life.

She won't have any time to feel insecure because he makes it his mission to at least compliment her once on her appearance a day...maybe more.

Seeing she is able to stand up for herself when others try to put her down is like seeing a rare flower blooming, an opportunity he feels all too fortunate to experience.

His mistress is much too amazing!

🌸