#topic: disordered eating

[tayfabe75]

"I've learned over the years it's not good for me to see pictures of myself every day 'cause I have a tendency, and it's only happened… a few times, and I'm not in any way proud of it, but I get… I tend to get triggered by something, whether it's a picture of me where I feel like I looked like my tummy was too big or… or, like, someone said that I looked pregnant or something and that'll just trigger me to just… s-starve a little bit, just stop eating. I thought that I was just, like, supposed to feel like I was gonna pass out at the end of a show or in the middle of it. I thought that was how it was, and now I realize: no, if you eat food, have energy, get stronger, you can do all these shows and not feel it. Which is a really good revelation because I'm a lot happier with who I am, and I'm happier with, like, I don't… I don't care as much if, like, somebody points out that I have gained weight. It's just something that makes my life better, the fact that I'm, you know, I'm a size six instead of a size double zero. I mean, that… that wasn't how my body was supposed to be. I just didn't really understand that a-at the time. I really don't think I knew it. I would've defended it to anyone who said, 'I'm concerned about you.' I was like, 'What are you talking about? Of course I eat. It's perfectly normal. I just exercise a lot.' And I did exercise a lot, but I wasn't eating. And, you can't… I just… I don't think you know you're doing that when you're doing it gradually. There's always some standard of beauty that you're not meeting. 'Cause if you're thin enough then you don't have that ass that everybody wants. But if you have enough weight on you to have an ass, then your stomach isn't flat enough. It's all just… fucking impossible. You don't ever say to yourself, 'Look, I've got an eating disorder,' but you know you're, like, making a list of everything you put in your mouth that day, and you know that's probably not right, but then again, there's so many diet blogs that tell you that that… that that's what you should do. This would cause me to go into, like, a real shame, like, hate spiral. This. And, like, I caught myself yesterday starting to do it, and I was like, "Nope, we don't do that anymore. We do not do that anymore, because it's better to look… to think you look fat than to look sick. And we don't do that anymore, and you just… We're just… We're changing the channel in our brain, and we're not… we're not doin' that anymore. That didn't end us up in a good place."

January 31, 2020: Taylor opens up about her past experiences with disordered eating. (source 1, 2)

[drawbauchery]

violently launching through my computer to hug and support the FUCK out of you

[uncanny-tranny]

Whatever skills or knowledge you think is "universal" absolutely isn't, and when you understand this, you can understand deeper how people experience the world. There are so many things that are deemed "common knowledge" that just aren't to some people.

Maybe you think it's common knowledge to know how to eat, for example. But it isn't common knowledge for me; I don't know how to eat because of my disabilities and because of my history. I can physically eat, yes, but the knowledge of how and when is something I never learned. I can absolutely learn, sure, but it is a time and energy investment, which is why I hadn't done so before.

What would help me more: being belittled and demeaned because I don't "know" something like a normal person would or being educated in an understanding way? Now, apply this to other people who struggle with things you think are "fool-proof," and you will start to understand how people operate when they aren't "normal"

[galateaknife]

Saw a post and am now in my eating disorder!Sam feels

[heartual]

if i have to have another healthy food and mindful eating conversation with my mom it’s over for me

[johanthedigitalartist]

My personal Realistic Simon “Ghost” Riley headcanons (remake)

To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve posted my own content on Tumblr. I think I might’ve mischaracterized Simon a little bit at least in my opinion, so here is a remake of my realistic, Simon “ghost” Riley head cannons. (Not proof read and was written at the peak of dawn with 0 sleep, mistakes or ramblimg will be adjusted and fixed later)

Trigger warnings: mentions of disordered eating, mental illness, brief mention of childhood abuse, small mention of gore.

Simon ghost, Riley is an internal person who struggles with bottling up his emotions, he doesn’t often allow himself to be vulnerable around other people but he has exceptions. them being Gary “Roach” Sanderson and Johnny “Soap” MacTavish. The two people he is closest to and loves dearly.

Simon often has panic attacks and flashbacks of his childhood trauma. whenever he’s doing something casual or he’s out in the field something, anything can remind him of his experiences both in and out of the military.

Simon doesn’t often look at himself in mirrors. he doesn’t think he’s ugly, as he is very confident in his appearance, but occasionally he will find himself feeling insecure about the scars that he has gotten from his past and time in the military.

Simon has insomnia, so he sometimes tends to struggle with falling asleep, or even staying asleep. He has many methods of getting himself to sleep when it’s needed. Often using tactics he’s learned in his time of service.

Simon is extremely trusting of his teammates going as far as removing his skull balaclava around them often. He likes wearing it as the balaclava provides a sense of safety and security. He has facial scars, but Simon wears it to remain anonymous.

He likes appearing tough and strong, but in reality, he is gentle and compassionate outside of his job. He often tends to display this towards his teammates and loved ones. Those who know him would describe Simon as a “giant teddy bear”. Simon is in no way afraid to cry but prefers to cry by himself, rather than others witnessing it.

He often considers ghosts his persona, a split personality of sorts that he displays on the job seeming quick-witted and calculating. Simon likes to crack, dark jokes with his teammates for fun and has a dad’s sense of humor.

Simon is very vocal and honest about his boundaries and will not hesitate to tell someone off if they’re crossed or ignored.

Simon has a long history of mental illness. Some were hereditary and others gained from his rough childhood. Including PTSD, Depressive episodes, anxiety, paranoia ETC.

He fears losing people he cares about which stems from the abuse he endured as a child. It sometimes makes him come off as harsh and overprotective to his teammates. Simon is clean yet at the same time tends to forget to care for or prioritize himself and his needs. He even engaged in behaviors of self-harm whether it was cutting, scratching, self-sabotage, or even something as simple as overly hot showers. He often finds himself looking after others in some way. On the bright side uses his love for the job and team as a motivation when things get tough again. He is in no way healed but he’s wise enough to know better than to let mental illness dictate his life.

Simon has a bad habit of chewing his nails and picking at scars. He’s very internal with his anxiety and even when he has panic attacks, he tries his best to avoid his team noticing for fear of worrying them. He often wishes that he had a normal, happy childhood, and never experienced the pain of being hung by the Ribs. The wound never fully healed because he kept tearing and reopening it the memories haunting him to the core.

Simon both hates and loves physical touch, he is touch-starved even. Allowing physical touch only to those he’s close to. He gets overstimulated at times, when that happens, he enjoys words of affirmation or small shoulder pads. (Price pats him like a father whose afraid Simon will maul his hand off) he honestly enjoys the contrast of his team and their love languages.

[brotherlysuggestion]

Hey, for any of my little sibs trying to learn to eat salads/vegetables but running into a lot of unhappiness/failure/sensory issues, I recently started learning to eat veggies after a lifetime of struggling due to autism and sensory issues, and I have some tips that I’ve collected along the way!

Forget all about the “healthiest varieties” or “most nutritional salads” elitism.

A lot of that talk is based on bogus science or half-truths to begin with, but even for anything that’s true, you’re trying to eat in a way that is sustainable for you. You don’t need to be like anybody else. If you like iceberg lettuce, screw the people who say “well that doesn’t have any nutritional value”. It’s fiber and roughage if nothing else! You like a lot of dressing or add ins and people tell you that isn’t a real salad/isn’t a healthy salad? It’s more vegetables than no vegetables! It gets the greens in your body! Do your thing, you don’t deserve guilt (external or internal) for figuring out your own path.

This is about habit forming and breaking bad associations to form better ones.

Think of this as practice! I eat salads nearly daily when available because I genuinely look forward to them now, but I used to want to retch at just the thought of salad. When I used to think of salads, I always thought of being a kid and trying not to gag while forcing sensory hell so that adults wouldn’t get mad at me. It was punishing for me, and it took a lot of gentle work to change that association! So if you hate salads, really try to identify why. Are they bland and tasteless to you? Conversely, are the bitter flavors too strong? Is it a textural thing? Do you have some highly negative experiences with them in the past?

Don’t force yourself to keep trying something you know you hate.

I personally can’t stand a lot of “ultra healthy” salads that have a lot of different textures/flavors mixed in, and years of trying to suffer through salads like that never made me like them more. Back to the first point again, forget about what you’re “supposed” to be eating and eat what you find the least repulsive tbh.

The greens you choose can make a massive difference, so try a lot of different things!

This is especially important if texture or flavor is an issue for you. Personally I find iceberg lettuce the “easiest” because it has a very mild taste. I started out my adventures in learning to eat salad eating EXCLUSIVELY iceberg lettuce. Butter lettuce or romaine (especially romaine hearts) are others that are popular for being pretty palatable, and I’ve come to love them! And you don’t even HAVE to have lettuce! You can have cabbage, beets, carrots, whatever! Pick a vegetable you like and search for salad recipes using it!

Find a dressing you really like and drench that bad boy if you need to!

Some people really like ranch, or poppyseed dressing, or vinaigrettes, or even sweet dressings with honey and fruit! You can use mustard or honey in dressings! Look up different types of salad dressings and try them all out if you want. Personally, I really like zingy dressings like Italian vinaigrettes or blue cheese, but everyone’s different. You can make a lot of dressings at home, too, and if you have the stuff already it can be a cheap way to find what you like. I know dressing freaks some people out, but referencing my very first point again; some salad is way better than no salad. You may even eventually find yourself able to use less and less once you’re more accustomed to eating salad! So use as much as you need, whether it’s just for now or forever.

Toppings! Salads are allowed to be goodies with obstacles!

Use a protein like chicken or fish (I like tuna a lot) or crumbled bacon, use croutons, hummus, little cubes of cheese or shredded cheese, sliced hard boiled eggs, whatever! If there’s vegetables that you know you like, put those in! I love some sliced cucumber or shredded carrots in my salads. Some people do nuts like almonds or cashews in their salads, some people use chickpeas and corn from a can, and if you’re feeling super adventurous you can try some fruit to sweeten things up! If you like variety then mix warm foods and cold foods, creamy textures and crunchy textures! Make it totally your own. Personally, I’ll sometimes eat around my croutons so that once I’ve eaten all of my greens I have a big, crunchy reward. There’s no rules for how you have to eat something!

Conversely, be as simple as you need to be.

If you need to get used to salads by eating just iceberg lettuce and ranch for a while, you don’t need to be embarrassed! You don’t have to throw the kitchen sink at your salad, even if that’s what helps some others! This is about what works for you.

Don’t be afraid to have salad ingredients… not as a salad!

You can make a green smoothie by blending ingredients if texture is your big issue! Or make a fruit smoothie with some spinach or lettuce thrown in to help you ease into it. Or try dicing up some lettuce, cabbage, and a preferred vegetable or two (avocado, bell pepper, tomato, or cucumber would all work!). Drizzle that with a generous amount of dressing or sauce, and you can use it as a chip dip! Tortilla chips work especially well for this. Or maybe make a vegetable wrap in an actual tortilla? Or throw some chopped up vegetables in your next soup. Even if it’s as simple as putting some lettuce, carrots, or tomatoes into a sandwich, that’s awesome too!

Even outside of salads, experiment with texture for vegetables!

You can roast most vegetables on a sheet pan in the oven (or in an air fryer) for a crispy and crunchy experience! Or you can boil or steam them on a stovetop (or in the microwave) to different levels of softness; you can get most vegetables pretty mushy with enough time, if crunchy textures are hard for you! Looking up vegetarian versions of your favorite meat-including dishes can sometimes also offer great ideas for getting different textures out of vegetables! Try everything that you think you might like: grilling, griddling, roasting, steaming, boiling, sautéing, braising, stir frying, and blanching (which also helps reduce bitterness!) are all different methods to look into, and different methods have different results with different vegetables!

Big takeaway…

Be patient and kind with yourself. Working through food aversions is hard. The goal is gently pushing/testing your boundaries and expanding your comfort zone, NOT forcing yourself. Forcing yourself into extreme discomfort, distress, or pain typically only makes aversions worse! So it’s in your best interest to be patient and go as slowly as you need to. Be proud of yourself for trying, and don’t let anyone (including yourself) make you feel shame for doing what you can.

And obligatory disclaimer:

Please don’t get discouraged if none of these tips work for you! This isn’t an exhaustive list, and I’m not any kind of professional. This is just a mix of tips I’ve seen online, and what worked for myself and my own sensory issues, and I’m still learning more about myself all the time! If you’re struggling, there’s still more out there! You can achieve your goals, I believe in you. 💖

[the-bi-space-ace]

Summary: Crosshair internalizes a comment a Kaminoan scientist says to him during a physical exam. It spirals faster than anyone could have expected.

This one is… well… it’s really personal. I’m going to be candid about what is inside of this fic so that you can be prepared. Discussion under the cut. TW for disordered eating under the cut.

This fic is going to contain disordered eating & discussions of weight loss and food restriction as well as negative body image and unhealthy coping mechanisms via a toothpick. Also some blood.

I'll be honest and say that I'm most afraid to post this fic out of every other fic I've ever posted. This is heavily based on my own experiences so please be gentle. If you read it just know that this isn't something I've taken or considered lightly. I've put a lot of thought and care into this one.

I’m going to have to ask that if you have struggled with this and are not in a place to handle reading something like this then please skip it. Please don’t read it. Please. If food is a topic you like to avoid please skip this. The discussions in this one are not vague and you need to take my tags seriously.

Also just know that it does get better and I am really in a great place, I promise.

[let-love-run-red]

Work husband: are you actually eating?

Me: you know I don't eat on shift

Work husband: ok but I'm worried about you and if you don't eat I'm going to take you to breakfast in the morning

Me: why is that a threat?

Work husband: because I also know you don't like breakfast food

[anaalnathrakhs]

getting out of my bed is ALWAYS a mistake <3

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

.

[politeparadox]

I'm thinking about becoming a video essay v-tuber

[rainbow-fairylandsystem]

hey, binge eating? fucking sucks. restricting? fucking sucks. i make myself sick doing fucking both

i'm so tired of thinking about food, its literally all i think about and it makes me so happy and so miserable at the same time

[angelsdean]

thinking abt dinner table silences....thinking abt dean and sam being used to being on their own more than being with john and developing little meal-time routines. eating in front of the motel room tv, laughing and talking and making little jokes (in part because dean is trying to distract sam from noticing how little they're actually eating). and then john comes back and suddenly they have to sit at the table (i feel like john would insist on arbitrary rules like that) and no one talks. or, john talks at them. and the boys are both tense, eating too fast to get the meal over with. or eating too fast because it's their first proper meal in weeks. dean especially, since he's been skimping out on meals and giving sam larger portions. and john barks at dean to slow down, he'll make himself sick, and dean tries, but his stomach is already cramping and he spends the night feeling awful and he feels guilty when he throws it all up later and sometimes dean thinks it's just easier when john's away. yea it's harder for him, more work for him, but at least they have a bit of peace and laughter instead of this eggshell tension

[bloodbankzz]

it is painful to learn the "normal" ways that people reasonably around my age were motivated to do things their parents wanted, ie chores or getting good grades in school. this is a pain that has built over time because, seeing it around me as a kid, i could reason that maybe every single one of my friends were just spoiled. but, eerily, every time it seems the topic of motivating children comes up in whatever conversation is bringing it up, it seems like. and it still feels presumptuous to say. but most people as children were rewarded for good behavior. the one i was most envious of as a child was that multiple of my friends got paid money for getting As, and it was actually very shocking to me to find out that that is at least kind of a little more universal than i really really was sure it was not, but that's not the big thing that causes me pause now. generally, it seems, children are rewarded in some way for doing things their parents ask of them. writing and then stepping back and reading such a sentence makes me feel like an alien trying to puzzle out the function of the human pancreas lmfao but i dont know. in the wider conversations where this happens to come up, describing these motivators is never the point, which is maybe part of the difficulty for me. it's really hard to process that not everyone was doing what their parents said to do out of cold pure fear for their life. there's so many things it turns out other kids were getting. stickers and movie tickets and candy and praise and love. i am so sad.

[vamptastic]

im just very irritated about it all rn cos my siblings r now constantly making fat jokes bc of some tiktok trend and my moms doctors r on her about losing weight again which means shes on me about it too. my sister (who is a similar height & body type to me) keeps talking about how shes scared of gaining weight to me too and it's like i do sympathize, cos yeah if i had the option to not gain weight in the first place i would've taken it, but it's also tiring cos she's obviously using me as her standard of her Bad and Ugly prospective future. ive gotten to the point where i can at least her this stuff without spiraling and having my self esteem tank and adopting unhealthy fasting habits again but itd still be nice not to hear it all.