#he noticed i was dropping weight fast and was hella concerned

[let-love-run-red]

Work husband: are you actually eating?

Me: you know I don't eat on shift

Work husband: ok but I'm worried about you and if you don't eat I'm going to take you to breakfast in the morning

Me: why is that a threat?

Work husband: because I also know you don't like breakfast food

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉  skz with pregnant!reader 

bangchan x reader | first part of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & a tinge of angst

↬ warnings; pregnancy, birth, talk of vomiting, and lots of cursin

↬ notes; fuck i love bangchan sm and im excited dis the first part of daddy!skz o whateva

from the moment he knew, he honestly was scared at first and just wanted to pretend like he wasn’t going to be a father

he needed time to evaluate it all, he was honestly confused and scared, he was nervous and doubtful of his parenting skills and providing eighteen years + many years after for his child

u were nervousssss as helllllllllllllll to tell him what was up

“well, i’m- y’know- baby?” you tried to get out, ur words were hella scrambled and he was confused before he came to the realization of what you meant 

silence which is vv concerning 

u knew this was a shot in the dark sorta, u two weren’t even public on the relationship let alone public about a pregnancy?

u guys ended up taking a break for about a month, really not knowing what to say to each-other

u two were afraid, which was normal, u just rly didn’t expect it from chan of all people to walk away from u

anybody else u could expect,, but this?? this was unlike him & u were more scared by that

he wound up at your place, box in hands

(u were kinda at ur breaking point bc u thought he was returning ur things)

(newsflash it was his stuff)

“i’m sorry, i just— being a father? being a parent, i don’t.. i don’t know anything about it, but nobody does when they become one. so, i’m gonna figure it out with you.”

going through the first sonograms w him & crying a lot while u two talked about the future

ur hormones r going to be the death of chan

u are 0-100 holy mooolyy

hes very careful with his choice of words and how he delivers them, not wanting to upset you

chans first present for the baby is a kangaroo, with a matching little joey 🥺

he also is surprisingly a very big fan of kanga from winnie the pooh, which he buys winnie the pooh stuff for the baby JSJSJSJSJJS just bc kanga & roo remind him of u n the baby 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (i rly need to stop)

u were a lil big, having a cute big bump to pair with ur pregnancy, the inevitable announcement was needed to happen if u were ever going to step outside again

chan rly didnt want to announce it bc he didnt know what peoples reactions would be :(

he knew he was only twenty-seven so some people might think it was a bit too early to have kids, but he thought it was perfect the way it was

u guys hid it until u couldn’t, sparking little rumors of ur pregnancy but u both decided not to confirm them

chan obsessing and literally worshipping you in your third trimester

u in his shirts? he was fuckin over

kisses and cuddling all the time, no matter how tired u were or he was, u two would either fall asleep while doing so or lay there for awhile before u were like

“ok i gotta pee, help me up!!”

no but frfr this baby was torturing u the last stretch of ur pregnancy

it seemed that anything u ate either made u throw up or gave u heartburn

ur stretchmarks were getting worse & it seemed like u were getting bigger everyday

u were very insecure the last months, just cause a lot of comments were talking about a bit of weight gain in ur face, which fuck,, u would never be hurt by some comments but with ur hormones and KNOWING u have put on weight, u rly didn’t feel the same

ofc chan knows whats up and hes there to tell u some r e a l s h i t

“okay, yes. you have put on weight, but you’re pregnant. that’s the good thing about it, you’re healthy okay? whether you had a small bump and no extra weight put on or a big bump and extra weight put on, you are carrying a baby. you can lose the weight when it’s over, right? you don’t need to feel this way, okay? i’m the only one who you should listen to about your appearance, i’m here to tell you the truth. you are beautiful. you are the morher of my child, that’s what you are. you’re not ugly, or fat, you’re not anything bullshit that people say to you.”

when u started crying, chan panicked

“nononononoono, don’t cry baby!”

his arms were wrapped around you so tightly, feeling your face pressed against his shoulder and your arms around his neck

“i love you.” u would be rly quiet and his heart would break at the sound but ur i love you, he just— it was so real and he’d never felt like this before

“love u too.” he’d say that shit so proudly and kiss the TOP OF UR HEAD SO SOFTLY 🥺🥺🥺

when u finally went into labor, u were like wow this hurts a F U CK TOO NNN

u woke up to the bedsheets soaked underneath u, pins n needles were all u could feel

u kinda sat there for ten minutes, scaring urself n making urself nervous when u started doubting yourself and feeling the pain become stronger

ur hands were s hh aa kkyy

u would tap chan so softly and feel a little frustrated he didnt wake up but like how tf was he supposed to feel that 😳

u kinda started crying now because u were STRESSED and him not waking up (no shit ur little tap wasnt gonna work but) it felt like he was gonna sleep forever

so ur hands pressed on chan’s shoulders, shaking them a little bit and letting out a,

“chris?” which ur voice was quiet as hell, shaky as hell, and wavering as you whispered to him

him opening his eyes to see your teary ones n hes just so sad that his heart drops 🥺

he never wakes up quicker though and hes sitting up fast as fuck

“what? what’s wrong?”

ur literally sobbing and hes freaked out by this because u have never cried like this

he kinda just wants to go back to bed since ur just crying but he knows smth is probably wrong because ur SOBBING so

“my water broke.”

now its his turn to be nervous cause fuck he is feeling so unprepared

he said fuck shoes on u, slipping u into his own clothes and helping u into the car so u two could go

did i forget to mention the hospital was an hour away 😳

he wants to pull over hearing u whine n grip his hand, noticing ur quietness and ur little mumbles everytime u rest ur head back after a contraction

he doesn’t give a fuck, he will carry u into the hospital and then put u in a wheelchair from the entrance so u don’t have to walk

u have a feeling maybe hes more nervous than u but atm ur fuckin close to losing it over the pain

u two are settled into a room, epidural done and just trying to make u comfortable now

u were seven centimeters which u still had to wait but u both knew u were close to meeting ur baby

when u are at ten centimeters though, chan is just a ball of tears and he’s just so proud of you

your hand was in his the whole time, chan’s lips near ur ear and he’s just whispering for u to concentrate on him and how much u wanna meet the baby

“i—i can’t do it!” 🥺🥺

you were honestly so drained and ur forehead was laced with sweat, ur hands sweaty and shaking in his own from being nervous and slowly becoming weaker as u put ur strength into pushing

“baby, you are probably what? three pushes, maybe you can cut it to one and a half. alright? you can do this baby, we’re so close to meeting our baby.”

that’s all u needed n chan knew it

surprise surprise,, chan was right about one and a half

“it’s a boy!!” which chan would press his lips to yours so quickly, u two crying and letting out watery laughs as your baby boy cried 🥺

he hasn’t felt this much pride and love since debut or releasing an album or tour, he couldn’t express how gifted he was to have deserved the gift of being a father

ofc they introduce you both to kangaroo care, chan so ready to take off his shirt and feel his baby boy’s skin against his own warm skin and he did so

then it was ur turn to hold him the same way, chan asking u if he could pull down ur gown so u could hold him like he did

that was the picture he needed, snapping it and getting you holding the baby against your naked (ofc ur gown was covering ur breasts) chest, your son sleeping soundly with his hands pressed against you

u two were parents now, u both had learned about pregnancy together and now u two were going to explore parenthood together

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (11)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 6,6K

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Masterlist

Notes: This chapter had been planned since I don’t know... Chap 2 or something LOL. I’m happy it finally came. I’m also happy to say that the next one will be hella suggestive. I hope you guys like it! I’m writing the chap 14 for now, so we’ve been kinda okay with the schedule. Let’s hope I don’t get blocked!

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Updates: Tuesdays

Tagging: @aliceu @thatrandomoneinthecorner  @channiewoo  @bythesunnotbythemoon

                                                           ////

     You wiped all your things in your bag as soon as the bell rang, glancing at Hyunjin and Paris before getting up from your chair.

    “Are you coming with us, Hyunjin?” You asked mindlessly, checking if you had everything inside your bag and hoisting it over your shoulder as you concluded that everything was there. You looked at him, waiting for his answer, and watching as he placed his things inside his bag, taking out your book from there.

   “I won’t eat in the dining hall” He scrunched his nose, making you roll your eyes. Paris looked at you amused before looking at him and gasp, snapping her head back at you with a surprised look. You arched your brow, confused by her sudden behavior, and she darted her eyes back to him before settling them on you.

   “He was the friend you met on Wednesday?!” She asked excitedly, and you frowned. What the hell was she talking about? You looked at him confused, and he sent you a knowing look, a smirk plastered on his face.

   “Talking about me to your friends already, hm?” He teased, and you stared at him blankly before shaking your head slightly, rolling your eyes. Paris took the book in her hands, waving it for you to see it. You frowned, no clue about what she expected you to do.

   “You said you were going to meet your friend to give it to him!” She recalled, and you widened your eyes, remembering your lies. Great, now Paris would be fixed on the idea you were meeting Hyunjin behind her back “So… Are you guys friends now or something?” She grinned, and Hyunjin raised his brow at you, questioningly.

   “Yeah, yeah” You agreed, giving him a warning look that he took silently, keeping his mouth shut, “Something like that” You added, forcing a smile. Paris narrowed her eyes, suspicious, and you began to walk, so they would follow you and drop the subject.

   Paris clearly couldn’t be an actress, because she didn’t follow the script in your head.

   “Something, hm?” She teased, and you looked at Hyunjin for help. He shrugged, not knowing what to do since he didn’t even know what was going on, and you let your shoulders drop in defeat “Should I leave the love birds by themselves?” She grinned, and Hyunjin ─who clearly didn’t understand how to maintain a friendship with you─ grinned along.

   “Should she?” He asked playfully, looking directly at you. You pushed your tongue against your cheek, annoyed. Paris’s grin morphed into a full wide smile, eyes sparkling in excitement as she clasped her hands and looked at you. She was beaming. You could risk saying that you never saw her that happy in your whole life, almost relieved.

   That was how much she wanted you dating someone… Jesus.

   “Hyunjin, fuck off” You asked, voice drained and a pleading expression that made him chuckle. She giggled, happy with your not so gentle interaction, and you let out an exasperated sigh “We’re not dating, Paris” You pointed out, stressing your words. She hummed ─ clearly not buying them ─ and you let out a heavy sigh, wondering what have you done wrong in your life for your friend to believe in whatever she wanted, completely ignoring you.

    “Didn’t you mean fuck me?” Hyunjin goaded, smiling devilishly at you. Paris shot you a keyed up look, holding her breath as you walked, interested in your answer. You almost laughed at her eyes twinkling, like she was a child watching their favorite toy on display.

    “That’s exactly what I meant, thank you” You smiled obnoxiously, letting it hang in the air for a second too long, enough to confuse him “Fuck you” You added, grimacing, and he let out a wholeheartedly laugh, surprised by your retort. You chuckled, fighting back your smile as your eyes roamed around the quad as soon as you got to the stairs.

    “You almost tricked me” He confessed, humming in appreciation “You’re getting better at this”

    “Almost? You totally fell for it” You accused lightly, shooting him a funny look. Paris seemed pleased at your interaction, smiling at herself as she looked around the quad, mimicking your previous action. Unlike you, though, she let out a gasp. You raised your eyes to follow hers, spotting Han and his father walking side by side.

   “I thought Han would be lunching with us today” She mused, observing the other man walking along with them. They were walking fast, talking about something enthusiastically as Han nodded once in a while, a tight smile that conveyed his uncomfortableness from miles away. You frowned, concerned about him. Since Friday’s match, he had been feeling kinda down in general.

   Sometimes he seemed just alright as if he didn’t have anything to worry about.

   Sometimes he looked like he was drowning in regret.

   Just like now.

   The way his shoulders were dropped made it seem like he had to carry the weight of the entire world on them. The way his lips quirked down ─ almost imperceptibly but casting a shadow in the corner of his lips ─ made it seem like his whole face was taken by whatever dark thoughts wandered around his mind. The way his jaw clenched ─ stretching his neck just a little bit ─ made it seem like he had an invisible rope ready to strangle him. The way his eyebrows quivered almost imperceptibly made you realize how much he was trying to hide a clear ocean of emotions behind his worried eyes.

   You knew something was wrong and you couldn’t believe one lost match was the reason why he seemed so down lately.

   So what exactly was his problem?

   You pursed your lips, patting Paris’s shoulder before looking at Hyunjin, waving him goodbye before turning to her, forcing a small smile. You made your way to the dining hall, dismissing Paris’s idea of going their way to greet them but sending some looks over your shoulder. Maybe later you should try to figure it out.

   For now, though, it was lunchtime.

                                        //////

    Later arrived sooner than you expected.

    You bit your hot dog, crossing your legs as you fixed yourself on the stool and leaning against the stand as you watched the P.E building, waiting for Han to come out of his practice. You heard the coach wasn’t pleased about the results, and it seemed like he was taking out his frustrations on the team, tiring them out.

    You distracted yourself for a split of a second, admiring the dark sky that fell upon you. Although work in a library was fun to some extent, it was always strange to get in there with the sun burning your scalp and people wandering around, chatting up, to get out when everything was dark and quiet. The lights shooting from the roof made you trail their path, getting too invested in them to notice someone coming in your way.

   “Waiting for your boyfriend?” Minho’s voice sounded as soon as someone shadowed your view. You focused your gaze on him. Despite his usual teasing, it was clear he was drained, an unusual frown giving him away. You gestured to the stool beside you for him to sit, ignoring his teasing like you often did when you didn’t find it in you the urge to whine at him. He gestured to the employee, asking whatever he called the usual before he sat down.

   The silence was slightly awkward but neither of you tried to say anything at first. You glanced at him, munching your food as you pretended not to be interested in why he looked so edgy today. He tapped his fingers on the stand, eyes fixed on the building behind him; though he probably didn’t intend to show his anxiety, the subtle rocking his body made back and forth was enough for you to sigh in defeat, lowering your food.

   “What is it?” You decided to ask, taking him by surprise. He looked at you astonished; impressed you even noticed something was wrong with him, blinking a few times as he deadpanned. You rolled your eyes, shoulders dropping as you scoffed “Really? You look like shit, Minho! Also, you can’t stop bouncing your leg and drumming your fingers. I mean, either you’re anxious or you really want to be a drummer” He snorted, nodding in defeat.

   “It’s been tiring” He shrugged “Coach is mad at us for losing like that… I fucked everything up” He admitted “I couldn’t even think about missing a serve in a time like this… He’s been on my tail since then” He sighed, clearly overwhelmed “Also, I think Han isn’t feeling much better… “ He eyed you cautiously “Isn’t he distant lately?” You blinked, thinking deeply.

   Well, to tell the truth, he kinda was.

   “I think so? He has been acting weird… I don’t think it’s about the match though” You confessed, resting your hot dog on the stand before continuing “Sometimes it just seems like he’s lost inside his head, I don’t know how to explain” He nodded in agreement, looking at your food as if he craved for it, making you chuckle “You can have it, I’m okay” You pushed it his way, fighting back a chortle as he blushed, embarrassed.

    “No! Sorry! I’m just…” He closed his eyes when his stomach growled, and this time you couldn’t hold back your laughter, pushing your food closer to him “Sorry, I’m starving” He admitted, picking up your hot dog and humming as soon as he had a bite “The damn coach didn’t give us any time to fucking eat!” He muttered, mouth full of food, as he tried to cup it so he wouldn’t spat at you.

    “Han missed the practice? Where is he?” You asked out of nowhere, realizing that if the coach was on their tail, he should be with Minho right now. Minho gulped down his food, sighing.

    “He’s at the gym… He said he needed some alone time” He took another bite, cupping his mouth again “Said he wasn’t hungry… As if” He scoffed. You frowned, looking at the building once more, attention dragged back as Minho’s food was settled in front of him “Do you want some?” He offered, pointing to his brand new hot dog.

    “Actually… Can I have this? I’ll pay for yours” You reassured him, picking up your bag to search for your wallet “I’m going to push it down his throat” You grunted, putting the money right in front of Minho. He laughed, shaking his head and waving his hand dismissively.

   “What a caring girlfriend” He teased, gesturing so he could order another one, pushing your money back to you before you gave him a neck-slap “I owe him one” He shrugged it off, and you wiped your money back into your bag, picking up the hot dog and quickly making your way to the gym, afraid he would just go home unexpectedly.

    You struggled a little bit to find it but as soon as you spotted Han laid down on the floor, arms crossed upon his eyes and fingers buried into his hair ─ the definition of defeat himself ─ you felt all your unsettledness dissolve into pure worry. You cleared your throat, and the sudden echo in the empty gym startled him. He shot his body up, sitting on the floor and moving his hands away so he could see who was sneaking there; shoulders dropping in relief when he spotted you.

   The next second, he tensed up, realizing it was you.

   “What are you doing here?” He asked surprised, way more stiffly than you were used to seeing him. You approached him, handing the hot dog without a word, and he arched his brow in wonder, looking at you as if you were crazy “What is it? You suddenly had the urge to come here with a hot dog?” He scoffed, and this time you rolled your eyes.

   “Just eat the damn thing” You pushed it in the air, and he took it gratefully “I heard you said you weren’t hungry… I immediately realized you needed a friend. I mean, did I ever see you satisfied in your life?” You joked, and he laughed at it for a few seconds before his laughter died slowly, giving way to an awkward silence.

   “I don’t think you did” He muttered under his breath, taking a bite. You gasped, taken aback by the sudden change in the mood. Han wasn’t the one to complain about his life. If you were being honest, you couldn’t recall a time he complained about anything for real ─ well, except for Hyunjin being in your life ─, so you took the hint to sit down next to him, placing your hand on his knee.

    “You know you can talk to me, right?” You offered unsure, eyeing him cautiously “I may not be able to help you but I can hear you out” You gave him a small smile which he returned, sighing right after. He took a bite of his food but didn’t seem to care about the taste, as he didn’t even hum like he used to do when he ate it.

   “I don’t know where to begin with” He stated, eyes unfocused but fixed somewhere over your shoulder “I mean… I don’t know… You know?” He trailed off, which wasn’t really helpful. You furrowed your brows, tilting your head.

  “Could you be more specific?” You asked amused, and he chuckled, gulping down his food.

   “I lost this game… And for what, Y/N? For what?” He sighed heavily “Dad brought a friend to meet me today… He said those things happen, said he knows I’m better than that…” You perked up at that, happy he would have another chance sooner than expected “He watched my other games and said I’m promising” He concluded with another sigh.

  Though his words were all good signs, he said them as if they were a death sentence.

  “I don’t follow you” You admitted, confused “Isn’t it a good thing? I mean… Did he give you a chance? Will you play on a team?” You added, and he looked at your eyes deeply demotivated.

  “I don’t deserve that spot” His tone was hurt, kinda breathy, and you were taken aback by how destroyed he looked. Has he ever been this tired? You couldn’t remember it “I wasn’t supposed to have that spot” He added, laughing humorlessly “What about my team? What about them, Y/N? They missed their chances because I’m a son of a bitch” His hands fisted his hair and he gazed at the floor, embarrassed to raise his eyes and look at you.

   “You deserve it, Han! I watched every game for the last two years… You were incredible in each one of them. One bad day can’t just erase all of your hard work” You took your hand from his knee to rest it on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly “They’ll get another chance! All of you made some mistakes throughout the game… A lost match isn’t the responsibility of a single player, Han. You’re a team”

   “I missed the ball” He blurted out, and you raised your brows surprised.

   “Yeah, I know but it doesn’t mean you’re the one to—“ He interrupted you, voice firm and guilty.

   “No, I missed the ball” He shut his eyes, and you frowned, confused.

   “Yes, I know… What I mean is –“ You tried again, and this time he interrupted you with a peal of incredulous laughter but not a hint of humor in it.

   “No! You don’t understand it!” He whined, voice faltering as if he was about to cry “I missed it, Y/N… I choose not to save it! I missed the damn ball!” He raised his voice, half-yelling on the silent gym; voice echoing over and over again, sinking in your brain slowly.

   “You did what?” You couldn’t believe it. Why would he do something like that? You stood there, staring at him blankly, blinking a few times as you tried to make sense of what he just said. He looked at you with so much hurt in his eyes, that it was impossible not to feel the regret engulfing him right now.

  “I let my team lose… I took away their chances because I’m an egoistic son of a bitch” His voice was thick, heavy even, and yet it broke into a million pieces. You felt your heart sink, not knowing what to say. He covered his eyes, bringing his knees next to his chest to rest his face there, grip tightening on his hair.

  “Why?” You asked slowly, at a loss of words. He raised his head just a little bit, enough for you to get a glimpse of his teary eyes and quivering chin.

  “I don’t want to be a player” He confessed bluntly.

   At first, you gasped, dumbfounded.

   Then everything made sense all at once.

   “You want to be a musician” You blurted out, breathlessly “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before… Han, why are you here? Why aren’t you going after your dreams?” You couldn’t understand him. He was so talented! He did so much in his projects with Paris… What was he afraid of? It didn’t make any sense.

   “It doesn’t matter what I want… What does matter is that I ruined what everyone else wanted” He sighed, cupping his cheek as he tilted his head to the side, looking at you with a face that had failure written all over it “And for what? Just to get into a team… It was useless” You frowned, starting to get upset at him.

  “Do you think you’re some kind of god or something?” You snarled, scoffing and looking away from him before returning your gaze “Were you alone in that damn court, Han? Were you playing all by yourself?” You ranted. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, surprised by your outburst.

  “No, but I could have –“ You sneered, nodding in discontent.

  “And so could them!” You shouted, and he pursed his lips, afraid of speaking up. You sighed, shoulders dropping “Look… The only thing you should be feeling guilty about is to be a dumbass” You snorted, and he seemed to relax a little bit “How can you think that your dream doesn’t matter, Han? It’s all that matters… It’s your life. You just have this one to live” You looked deep into his eyes, and he averted them, flustered.

   “Actually… If you believe in reincarnation and –“ You groaned, interrupting him.

   “Don’t try to change the subject!” You threatened him with your eyes but he seemed to find it amusing, letting out a chuckle “Why aren’t you pursuing your dreams? Why are you here if you could make yourself a hell out of a musician?” You asked curiously, and his amusement faded away.

   “You’re going to laugh at me…” He trailed off. You squeezed his shoulder once more, encouraging him to speak “Dad was a volleyball player” He began awkwardly, and you nodded reassuringly “He got injured real bad and had to retire… He got kinda depressed, you know? It was his dream. He loved to play. It happened when I was a kid… I decided to join my school team, so he could watch my matches and… Well, I wanted to make him feel happy” He shrugged.

   You sighed, knowing damn well how it would end.

   “When I won my first match he was so excited… It was the first time he laughed like that in a long time, so I just… Well, I wanted to allow him to live his dream through me” He sighed “And I loved to play, I really did. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being my dream and it started to be my burden, though” He looked at you, waiting for your reaction, and you looked at him sympathetically.

   “So drop it” You advised, and he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief.

   “You don’t understand it! I don’t want to disappoint him… He did nothing but support me my whole life, Y/N… I’m his Champ” He sounded bitter, lips twisting down “How can I take it away from him? How can I carry the burden of letting him down?” He sighed, and you chuckled. He raised his eyes, confused, and your chuckled grew to a giggle until you couldn’t stop laughing. He looked offended, so you rushed to wave your hands eagerly.

   “I’m not laughing at you!” You assured, shaking your head in amusement “It’s just… Han, I don’t think you could ever let him down, really. The man just adores you! He’d accept you as you are, Han. Whoever you are. He loves you, and he does it from the bottom of his heart” You reassured him, pushing his shoulder lightly “He even approved of your imaginary relationship with Paris and Minho” You pointed out, laughing.

   “Don’t even remind me of this!” He cringed “It was embarrassing” He sighed, glancing over at you.

   “No, it wasn’t” You chuckled “I think it’s awesome you have someone who loves you so much… I can’t even imagine how it works” You smiled sadly, shrugging “I mean… I think he would have your back. He asked us to say to you that he was really proud of you, even if you lost it… He was concerned you’d be embarrassed to look at him after your match, that was why he just left earlier” He gasped, and you snorted “You should have known it but you got so drunk…”

   “Do you think he will take it well?” He asked unsurely, and you got up, extending your hand for him to help him out. He took it, standing right in front of you “I mean… Don’t you think it’d be better if I kept playing for him? I even have a team” You opened your arms for a hug, and he stood there staring at you.

    “Han, put it inside your head” You rolled your eyes “Your father loves you so much… Do you think his dream is to see you playing? His dream is to see you happy, Han. He’d be happy if you were happy. That’s all you need to do” You stepped closer to him, hugging him. He leaned his head against your shoulder, inhaling deeply “Just chase your dreams and he’ll support you with all his heart, okay? You’ll be a great musician and He’ll go to every one of your shows with Paris’s foam glove” You chuckled.

    You squeezed him, trying to convey some peace into him, feeling how he melted, hugging you back full of love. It was a warm hug and for a split of a second, you remembered Hyunjin saying Han liked you. You tried to pull away, haunted by the mere thought of taking him away from Paris but he held you tight.

   You inhaled sharply.

   “I never had someone to talk like this…” He muttered against your shoulder, and you hummed, patting his back “No one ever supported me like this… I’m…” He trailed off, and you got it as a hint to break away from him, smiling uncomfortably, rubbing your nape.

   “I mean, you have a lot of supporters! You have me and Par—“ Before you could complete your sentence, he interrupted you, grabbing your shoulders firmly and looking deep in your eyes.

   Oh boy.

   “I like you” He confessed, simply like this, and you shut your eyes tightly, exhaling slowly. You couldn’t get away from this “I have liked you for a while now… I always had a crush on you, and I thought I could just let it go but I can’t” He continued, rubbing circles on your skin with his thumbs. You opened your eyes again, looking at him like you were in pain “If you can just give me a chanc—“ You placed your finger upon his lips, sighing.

   “I can’t, Han… I’d do anything for you, I really like you but… Like a brother or something like this. I never thought about you as more than a friend” You admitted, pursing your lips as he gave you a hurt expression.

   “Maybe we can try to go on a date? Just to see if we may click! Perhaps you can come to like m—“ You sighed again, shaking your head slowly.

  “I really can’t… It wouldn’t be fair to you and it wouldn’t be fair to… Well, it’s just not fair” You shrugged, trying to keep Paris out of your speech. He pursed his lips, twisting them down and lowering his gaze, ashamed to look at you “Don’t be like this, we can still be friends and—“ This time was his time to interrupt you.

  “I can’t do it right now” He admitted “How can I look at you every day knowing you don’t like me back? Knowing you’re going to be my friend out of pity?” He looked deep in your eyes, and you could see how conflicted he was right now. The tears prickled in your eyes, and you could see how his eyes were glossy as well.

   “I don’t pity you… I really want to be your friend!” You assured him eagerly, voice faltering. He snorted, nodding in understanding.

   “But I don’t want to be friends with you… I want to be something more” He sighed, voice faltering as well. It was a vulnerable moment, and he took a deep breath before letting go of your shoulders “It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, okay? It’s just that I can’t do it right now… I need some time” He confessed, averting his eyes.

   “You promise you won’t bail on me?” You asked, holding your pinky out in the air, expecting him to lock his with yours.

  “Yeah, of course” He smiled weakly at you, locking your fingers together.

                                                                    ////

   It was needless to say you looked like shit as soon as you got home.

   The walk to the dorms was quiet and uncomfortable as Han made sure to drop you off, claiming that some rejection didn’t mean he couldn’t make sure you would get home safe. Although it was gentle and thoughtful, the silence sank in a way that made you cringe the whole way in the most awkward walk you ever had in your life.

  You opened the door and something about it ─maybe it was the popcorn smell, maybe it was the soft sound of unknown voices coming from the TV ─ made you realize that you were finally home. It hit you like a truck, and all the tiredness washed over you mercilessly. The weight of your busy day impregnated every fiber of your body, and suddenly you felt too worn out to say anything. You let out a heavy sigh, closing the door behind you before dropping your keys and bag to the counter, walking to the fridge to have some water.

      From morning to night, all your day was filled with worries.

      Paris raised her eyes from the TV ─ pausing whatever she was watching to look at you, which gave you a moment of comfortable silence that made you hum in approval─, studying you silently for a few seconds. She seemed to be puzzled by your nonchalantly self and somehow it pushed her to talk to you, even if it was pretty obvious you didn’t want to say anything right now.

   “You’re late” She stated, glancing over the clock before turning her gaze back at you “Were you with Hyunjin?” She smiled mischievously, tone knowing and teasing, and you looked at her far too done to play along “You look exhausted, the night must have been really nic—“ You shot her a look, deciding you weren’t up to this kind of bullshit right now.

  “I was with Han” You interrupted, and her face fell. She averted her eyes before biting her lip, turning her gaze back at you, unsure if she should say something. You kept looking at her, waiting for some kind of reaction but she was settled in look eager to know though too afraid to ask.

  As if it wasn’t enough, your head started to pound.

  “He confessed to me” You decided to come clean, studying her reaction. She raised her eyebrows slightly, not as surprised as you thought she would be. If you must describe it, she looked resigned, as if she knew it would happen all along. You frowned, narrowing your eyes to her “You knew?” You sounded accusatory, and she didn’t miss the tone.

   “I think you’re the only one who couldn’t see it” She admitted, “How did it go?” She couldn’t even look at your eyes, fixing her gaze on the floor. You took another gulp, roaming your eyes up and down at her. She fisted her hands, head dropped and body all stiff as if she was really afraid of your answer; her voice sounded weak enough for you to know she was fighting the urge to cry, and it made you sigh once more.

   “How could I do this to you?” You gave her a small smile, which she saw because her head snapped back at you, eyes widen as she took your smile in “You love him, don’t you?”

  “You knew?!” She was taken aback. It seemed like the mere thought of you knowing about her feelings didn’t even cross her head. She stood up from the couch, and for a moment you thought she would beam and hug you, maybe even thank you for letting him go. Not that you needed it. You widened your smile but she didn’t offer you one back.

   Paris looked offended.

   Not like her usual mock offended self, or her joking and kind self. She looked as if you just slapped her in her face. She was angry, to say the least, face red and brows furrowed, jaw clenched and you could see her swallowing dry. Her eyes held a storm inside them that you never saw before, and for a moment you wondered if you misunderstood her feelings.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” She spat, and you blinked twice, surprised, head tilting back slightly as if her words had impacted you like a punch “Did you… I can’t… What the fuck were you thinking?!” She yelled, stumbling over her words. You couldn’t understand her train of thoughts, so you just stood there speechless.

  What the fuck was going on?

  “Answer me!” She demanded, tears prickling her eyes “God… You’re… Why are you like this?! Why can’t you… Argh!” She groaned, fisting her hair and pulling it slightly, throwing her head back. She let go of her hair, shooting you a glare “Why?! Just tell me why!” She uttered, and you decided to rest your glass on the counter, confused.

  “I don’t follow you… Are you mad because I said no to him?” You asked just to be sure, and she laughed like a maniac. Out of nowhere. You glanced at your sides, startled, wondering if maybe it was all a joke and tons of cameras would take pictures of your flabbergasted self. She stopped laughing to clasp her hands, the sharp sound making you yelp.

  “How did you know I liked him?” She asked, trying to organize her questions, inhaling deeply so she could control herself.

  “You told me and Hyunjin when you got drunk at the party before our deadline” You answered simply, choosing to be the most straightforward as possible. She nodded, looking displeased with herself, scrunching her nose before turning her gaze back to you.

  “Why did you say no to him?” She asked, voice lower, and you scoffed amusedly.

  “What is it? Am I obliged to return his feelings now?” You chuckled but she didn’t seem to find it funny. She glared at you, and your laugh died inside your throat, making you gulp down. She approached you, getting right at the other side of the counter, looking dead serious to something as harmless as this.

   “He loves you!” She uttered, pissed off, and you clapped your hands, starting to get annoyed at her constant yelling. Your head throbbed and your thought flickered around the fact that you were too tired for it, too eager to go to your bed and lay down. Suddenly, all of your turbulent feelings seemed to find their way out of you, turning into anger and displeasure.

   “What do you want me to do?!” You fumed “I just fucking got out of your way! Why the hell you’re so fucking mad?!” You inquired, smacking the counter, startling her for a second. She recovered fast though, mimicking you the next second.

  “Out of my way?!” She grunted “Do you ever think about anyone at all?! How did you think I’d feel when you refused him out of pity?!” She raised her voice, looking at you full of disgust “So I should thank your holy ass because you got out of my way?” She laughed humorlessly “Maybe I didn’t want you to get out! Maybe I wanted you in!”

  What the fuck now?

  “Take your head out of your butt once in your life! How do you think I felt seeing him liking you all this time?! Hm?! Did you think it was fun to watch me liking him when he liked you?!” You watched as the first tear rolled down her face “Did you think I’d be glad because you’re pitying me?!” She spat, looking away, trying to hide her tears streaming down her face.

  It was enough for you to calm down a little bit.

  “I don’t pity you” You said softly, and she scoffed, shaking her head in contempt.

  “Yeah? But you should!” She said bitterly “Did you know I liked him for two years?! Did you know how much I wanted to confess to him?! Do you know why I didn’t?!” It was hard to understand what she was saying; her voice sounding thick as she tried to hold back her tears, choking and sobbing as she tried to yell at you, all at the same time.

  “Paris, calm down” You asked, concerned, and she groaned once more, pressing her palms against her eyes before punching the counter.

  “Calm down?! I stepped away because I love you, Y/N! Because I love him!” her face was twisted in pain and regret, and you wanted to reach out for her but you didn’t, afraid of her reaction “You’re my best friend! I’d do anything for you! Anything!” She cried, hiccupping as she tried to recompose herself “You know how much it took for me to let him go so you could be with him? You shouldn’t reject him because of me! I can’t have gone through all this for nothing!” She yelled, devasted.

  “Why would you do that, Paris?” You were so confused right now, so lost in everything she was saying… She laughed, choking on her saliva before continuing, and you pondered about giving her your glass of water but the thought of a pissed Paris having a glass to throw at you demotivated you immediately.

   “Because you’re lonely!” She howled, whimpering, and trying to recompose herself once more.

   The silence was deafening.  

  “I… You… What?” You floundered, and she shut her eyes, sighing.

  “Because you’re lonely, Y/N… Because I know you need love in your life… Because I know Han can make you happy…” She dragged each sentence out of her chest, in a serious tone, crying toning down a bit, sounding utterly worn out “If what I have to do to make sure you end up happy is to step away and give up on him… Then I’d do it gladly” She concluded, and suddenly you could relate to her pained expression, scoffing in disbelief before breaking into a fit of laughter.

   You were fully aware you sounded crazy as you cackled up, smacking the counter over and over again as if she had just told you a hilarious joke. The laughter didn’t last for long, though, dying into your throat as your smacking turned harder each time until you were punching the counter, tears pouring out of your eyes uncontrollably. You shut your eyes closed, keeping hitting it nonstop until the pain you felt in your hand could cloud any other thought.

   “You call this friendship?” You gestured between both of you, voice trembling and breaking “You said I don’t think about anyone but what about you, Paris?” You asked bitterly, and when she averted her eyes, rage engulfed you “What about you, Paris?!” You yelled, smacking the counter once again “So you’re saying you did it all for me?! Out of pity?! Because I need love?!” You laughed humorlessly, shooting your head back to breathe deeply “I need a therapist, Paris! That’s what I need”

   You picked up your bag, glaring at her.

   “And you know what?! That’s what you need too!” You dropped your bag again, fuming “Giving up on someone you love because you think I need it more than you?! Don’t blame me for being a coward!” You scoffed, rolling your eyes “Do you want to be canonized or something? Do you think it makes you more worthy of love than me?” She gasped, trying to shake her head to deny it but you snorted and raised your hand for her to stop “Are you so desperate you’d do anything to be worthy of love? Am I so unworthy that you thought nobody but he could love me?” Your voice calmed down, the anger left behind to give way to an unwavering cold tone.

   “No, Y/N, that’s not what I mea—“ You picked up your bag, walking to the door “Where are you going?” She asked worried, trying to get closer to you.

   “Did you think that I might not love him back? Do you think I’m so desperate for love that I wouldn’t even think about my feelings? That I’d accept anything? Did you really think about my feelings at all?” You sighed, opening the door, ignoring her question “I don’t love him, Paris… I’m sorry you had to hold back your feelings all this time. I’m sorry it was so hard on you. I’m sorry for not coming up to your expectations…”

   You looked at her, deep in her eyes, and both of you held your urge to cry, looking at each other as if only hurt could dwell in your soul right now. Neither of you said anything, holding each other’s stare for a while, taking in the entire situation.

   “But all that…?” You gestured at her, hand fumbling in the air “It’s all on you” You stated seriously “Don’t blame me for things you decided by yourself… I have enough of this with my father, thank you very much” You snickered “If you were really glad to give up on him, you wouldn’t beam thinking I had something with Hyunjin, would you?” She bit her lips, averting her eyes embarrassed “Maybe you should think about why you’re so riled up about this… I didn’t reject him because I pity you, Paris…”

   You held up your breath before exhaling heavily, positioning yourself to get out. You hesitated for a second on the doorframe, facing the hall, back turned at her before voicing your thoughts once more,“But if you really wanna know, I think now I do” And with this being said, you closed the door, making sure to not look behind.

[cosmicbash]

this is hella specific but my personal sadistic liking i guess, but imagine kells and em were rough fucking and em goes too far and kells actually starts to cry in pain and takes a few seconds for em to notice but when he does, his whole personality does a 180° and he becomes the sweetest motherfucking thing

im not sure if u saw my post where i said i like crying kells/ soft em combo

When they first started fucking it was always rough. There was teeth, nails, blood, like the two of them were trying to tear the other to pieces just as badly as they were trying to meld their bodies together.

Eventually things started to even out, their fucking softened the same way their voices and touches did.

Actual feelings blossoming and a relationship rising from the scorched earth they liked to think their original beef had caused.

They couldn't call it hatefucking anymore, not when the hate was gone and something warm and scarily close to love had slithered in its place.

So now their sex was mostly normal, tinted with moments of softness or the rushed clumsiness of some spontaneous hookup. But, that didn't mean the roughness was completely gone.

They'd fucked that way in the beginning for a reason. It was good. Colson's nails cutting into his back or along his scalp to try and futilely pull on his short hair just felt invigorating. Like it lit a fire deep in Marshall's stomach that he'd long thought smothered.

They still fucked hard, and fast, just not as often. Sometimes after a nasty argument to get out the anger, other times just because the blonde came to him with that challenging glint in his eyes begging for a punishment.

Tonight was the latter.

Overall it had seemed like a perfect day, their voices soft and smiles softer over the course of a rare breakfast together and an even rarer lunch. The usually annoying call of a 'required' industry party appearance actually pleasing Marshall for once just because it meant he had an excuse to linger in LA, to publicly visit the same event as his boyfriend with little suspicion. Colson had stayed overnight to steal the whole day together in preparation. It was perfect.

So of course Marshall should have seen the devious little plan of his boyfriends coming. Colson always buttered him up before he got bratty.

It started with batted eyelashes and flirty licks of icing off some silly cupcakes, and ended with some other douchebag snaking his slimy presence into Colson's bubble. Stealing away attention that wasn't meant for anyone but Marshall.

The sparkle in Colson's last glance his way had announced the request for tonight's sex better than any words the blonde could have simply used instead.

So that's what Marshall gave him when they got back to the hotel room, a firm fist in the back of blonde locks. Colson's arrival an infuriating 20 minutes later than his own.

Per usual the younger rapper barely struggled, the glee on his face at Marshall's jealousy so much stronger than any desire he may have had to play along with a few feigned huffs.

It was hot, seeing Colson smile so catlike up at him with every rip of expensive cotton and snapped threads through Marshall's trembling fingers. He honestly didn't know if he wanted to strangle the brat or grab him like something precious. Colson just knew every button to press to get him riled up and angry. Teetering on the edge of real rage and violent jealousy that might have fucked up his marriage but somehow never truly settled here between them. Because looking into those sparkling mischevious eyes Marshall somehow always knew it was fake, that no matter how many times Colson and he played this game the blonde would never actually cross the line and cheat or hurt him.

The fire in his stomach burned white hot on nights like this. Where his hands could curl tight around Colson's wrists and risk leaving bruises both along them and the small of the boy's back where they sat pinned. Marshall's other hand roughly stretching open a hole he can tell has been fingered already in the car or maybe even at the party itself in hopes he would just bend it's owner over and force his way inside the moment they met back up. But that was a risk Marshall wouldn't take, not one where his assumption could seriously hurt Colson, no matter how many times he found the blonde already slick and ready. Because yes it was rough, and they still clawed at one another and bit mutual bruises along pale skin but it was also still more like making love than the angry hate fucking they'd had in the beginning.

Which is why as his hips snap in their rapid pace and his fingers cut into Colson's skin Marshall faintly notes the shift in his boyfriend's spine. Colson's still moaning, still rocking back to meet his harsh thrusts but theirs a silent thought nagging at the back of the older rapper's brain about it. Like there's something right in front of him that he just can't decypher yet.

The sex swamped part of his mind only urges him to go harder, reminds him of how his boyfriend has only come once so far and how utterly beautiful he looks overstimulated and trembling from a second uninterrupted orgasm. Brushing the blip of concern off as a moment of overthinking while he chases down his own release.

Marshall's eyes have slipped closed and his fingers tightened to that nail cutting grip when he hears it. The slight change in pitch to Colson's cries, not enough of a warning for his own hips to slow down. Not with how tight his stomach is getting and ready to burst his balls feel while he somehow finds the ability to speed up his fucking. Thighs clapping loud and fast against Colson's like he's going to fuck his way right through the other man. Increase his tempo until the seperate beats turn into one long ring.

Colson jerks beneath him then, not in his own release but away from his grip like the fire in Marshall's stomach has finally leeched its way outside to burn him. The usual chorus of "ah, ah, ah-" replaced by a wet sounding and higher pitched copy. Less pleause and more pain. Cutting through the older rapper's own roaring pleasure like a hot knife.

He's seconds away from coming. Just a handful more of thrusts and he could be pumping the tight hole clenching double time down on his cock full, but Marshall's heart has already dropped.

He's out of Colson in an instant, not caring how dizzy his own movements make him or how his cock throbs agonizingly for release. The fear bubbling up is too strong for him to care. "S-shit, Col, baby, I-I'm sorry-"

He's on his side, rough fingers now jarringly delicate as he curls around the blonde to pepper a dozen apologetic kisses along his shoulders. Careful as he turns Colson's flushed face to see the genuine tear tracks that have wettened perfect cheeks. A complete contrast to the harsh grab and jut of thumb into jaw hinge he'd done only an hour earlier on in the night.

"Shh, baby, I'm sorry, shh, where does it hurt?" There's a hundred different things rushing through Marshall's mind. Second guesses on how prepped Colson had been, how harsh his last bite was, on the belittling terms his dirty talk had included. What he could possibly do to fix the tear stained mess he's creates on his boyfriend's beautiful face.

"No-" Colson's voice is still tight, his eyebrows scrunched. "Don't-" a hiss and Marshall's stomach can't drop any deeper. But then crytal blue eyes are opening to meet his and the unmistakable sound of a bitter laugh is tumbling past Colson's lips.

The look shot is way sparkling with the request of forgiveness. "Just my hip-" And Colson's smiling at him, weak and sheepish like knows a reprimand is coming his way. The heavy wet weight of tears hanging on his lashes softening his eyes to emphasize that boyish charm the older rapper was smitten by.

His hip. The one he'd injured last week falling off stage and swore up and down to Marshall was fine all week. The brunette wants to collapse back onto the bed in relief and also smack his idiot of a boyfriend aside his head for terrifying him like that.

He settles in the middle with a sigh and soft bump of their foreheads together. Palm cupping Colson's wet cheek and eyes closing to thank whatever deity above exists that he didn't actually cross that invisible line inside himself and directly hurt Colson on his own.

"I love you." Colson's voice is still a little rough, still silently asking for forgiveness, and Marshall can't help but sigh again and try to smother that insecurity with slow kiss. Fingers softly skating through bleached hair and body rolling cautiously close to connect their skin.

"I love you too-" he sweeps away the salty tears with some scattered kisses. Fingers leaving his boyfriends hair to stroke down over the hot jut of unknowingly tender skin he'd been further injuring. "You idiot." The insult could be directed at either of them. Colson for lieing and himself for forgetting how dismissive his boyfriend could be of his own health.

"It- it wasn't that bad-" Marshall finds his mouth smothering an argument. Not interested in hearing the same childish defense from his boyfriend. Mentally he's already searching for the contact of his wonderful chiropractor to schedule Colson an emergency appointment and just how quickly he can get the precious man into a warm bath to soothe the ache.

[pokenimagines]

Ohhhh fuck I am so PUMPED FOR A NSFW IMAGINES BLOG. Can you maybe do a Drabble or scenario of Piers and Raihan with an SO who is hella insecure about their appearance? How do the guys handle it?? It can be with all of them as a couple or separate idgaf both of them can rail me 🤤🥰😭

I share that last sentiment tbh. Decided to do them separately and just very short snippets because I have like eighteen other requests piled up, and if I wrote two full-on smuts it would quickly get to 10k words (no lie, when I write smut it gets detailed and I will write a 5k smut in a day, no questions asked). This is slightly more in the lime territory though for Raihan, and somehow Piers turned…fluffy? I’m confused by where his went but it happened. Still, 18+ since Raihan’s is in there.

Warning: This is NSFW so if you’re under the legal age or uncomfortable with content like this, please skip over this one!

Raihan:

Raihan noticed from the moment he walked through the door that there was something wrong with the trainer. The way they stood in front of the mirror, pinching pieces of themselves and frowning over every inch of skin. Raihan dropped the keys to their room in the castle, and hastily made his way over to the trainer and wrapped his arms around them.

“Careful, if you keep pinching yourself, it’s going to leave marks, and we both know that’s my job.” Raihan teased his partner, who gasped as they looked up and saw him smirking down at them. They always melted in his grip, but today was a bit different. They had noticed just one small thing they didn’t like about themselves, and now it was all they could focus on. Not to mention, it helped bring back all their previous insecurities of the past, which they were now observing was still an issue.

“I think I gained some weight…” The trainer mumbled, pulling at a piece of their cheeks and letting it snap back into place. They hadn’t gotten the courage to actually go to the scale yet to check if their hunch was correct, but honestly, they didn’t need to. It was one of those things where their mind told them that ‘yes, you did gain.’

“I was wondering why your ass looked extra nice today…spin around though I need to check something.” Raihan coaxed them, and they reluctantly turned around, not knowing how to feel about his ass comment. On one hand, it was a bit of a compliment; on the other, that meant their weight gain was noticeable to other people.

As soon as the trainer was facing Raihan, they felt his hands slip under their ass, and they were scooped up and pinned against the wall next to where they were. They let out a startled gasp as Raihan seemed to be contemplating things before that smirk of his reappeared, and he looked the trainer right in the eyes.

“Guess your ass just always looked good, because you feel the same…maybe a bit lighter.” Raihan said, chuckling at the flustered face of the trainer, and they thought about what to say or how to react.

“I’m sure you’re just getting stronger.” The trainer mumbled before they suddenly felt Raihan rutting up against them, making their air get caught in their throat at the sudden sensation. Raihan watched in interest as their face went from shocked to embarrassed as they shot him a half-assed glare. He just gave them a toothy grin before doing it again.

“Something wrong? I couldn’t help myself; you just look too damn good today.” Raihan teased them as he continued rutting his hips against them, their legs on either side of his waist. The trainer’s hand went to cover their mouth to hold back a moan.

“You’re the worst, you know that.” A small smile graced the trainer’s face as Raihan went and began nibbling on their neck. They knew exactly what he was trying to do, and it was working.

“You’re sexy as hell, you know that?” That got an actual laugh/moan out of them as he bit a bit harsher at their skin, leaving marks just like he promised he would. If there was one thing the trainer knew about Raihan, it was the fact that he could always make them forget all about their insecurities, at least for a little while.

Piers:

The trainer let out a sigh as they got backstage, waiting for Piers to finish with his concert. Usually, they’d be front row and center the entire time, but today they just weren’t feeling it. It was mainly for the most childish reasons, like how they noticed all the girls in the crowd were wearing crop tops (a few going so far as to just stick on some pasties and call it a night). Any guy in the group that was built, even those who weren’t, just decided shirts were too much effort.

It’s not like it was uncommon for one of Pier’s concerts to be like that, most of them were clad in very little material as it was more of the rock and roll type concert with some of his late-night performances being more aimed towards the 18+ category. Still, today was just a bit too much for the trainer who was wearing clothes that covered almost every inch of skin.

They just sat down on the couch, looking up at the ceiling while the crowd roared in the background. Eventually, it slowly began dissipating, and they could hear the door open, and in came Piers, who immediately rushed over to the trainer’s side, “You doing alright there, you left the show early and looked kind of down.” Piers immediately said, and the trainer just let out a groan, not wanting to get into it. They went and covered their face, not wanting him to see them in their pathetic state.

Piers picked them up on the couch and spun around, placing them on his lap while he removed their arms and saw the telltale signs that they had been crying a bit before it all started. Without thinking, he immediately began peppering kisses where the tear stains had been, wondering what had upset them this much.

“Come on, out with it, you know you can trust me with anything.” He murmured, trying to coax them out of this metaphorical shell they had built around them. The trainer looked away from him for a moment before letting out a sigh and turned back towards him.

“I dunno I just…felt…ugly? I don’t know how to word it. I was just surrounded by all these really beautiful people, and I felt like I was kind of just…a Garbodor in the middle of a mosh pit of Milotic.” The trainer finally managed to get out, and Piers was kind of amused by their way of explaining it, but also concerned as he had no idea what they were going on about.

“We all feel that way at times, babe. Trust me, I should know, I look like a malnourished Zigzagoon.” Piers said, making his partner let out a small laugh as they had no idea how he could ever think that. He looked absolutely gorgeous to them in every way, shape, and form. “Not to mention, you share no resemblance to a Garbodor.” He pointed out, and his partner rolled their eyes.

“That’s a lie.” They managed to murmur before they felt a sudden guest of cold air as their jacket was swiftly taken off. Piers grabbed their arm and began kissing them, starting from the hands up.

“These hands are the ones that stole my heart,” He began, and the trainer knew it was about tog et real sappy, real fast, and they were down for that, “These arms so fine they fit perfectly with mine,” he quickly began taking off the trainer’s shirt and chucking it across the room, “This chest is easily the most blessed.” He said, beginning to kiss them all over, and they couldn’t help but laugh.

“Piers, I swear if you make some poetic sappy rhyme for every part of me, I’m going to kill you.” The trainer said, making Piers let out a laugh.

“Too much?” He asked, nuzzling his head into the crook of their neck.

“It’s never enough.” The trainer murmured, knowing full well he was about to go on another tirade about them, and they were fully prepared. Well, as long as they got to return the favor.

Request Info Here

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Gardens #1 (1/1/2021)

Click here if you're like "What the heck is this about?"

Valera @autokrates fights an annoying sibling. Alastor cheers for the great show and does absolutely nothing to help. Sir Pentious @hiss-and-vinegar fusses over Valera's wounds.

Valera

*Ah, the gardens. Just the place for Valera and her brother to get into a no holds barred bareknuckle brawl away from her guests. Far enough that nobody has to hear them snapping and snarling at each other, close enough that neither has far to drag the other at the end of the dramatic little affair. Fortunately, fights don't actually take thirty minutes to muddle through for most people, these fish included. Five or so minutes of hissing and biting at their imperfect duplicates, and at the end, Valera limps away with Volitan's arm clenched in her jaws and a few pounds of flesh lighter. Neither comes away feeling better, but at least there's fresh fish to feed to the guests who craved a more cannibalistic slant to their meals.*

*The fountain is good enough to rinse the worst of this mess off, and Volitan can go let the ocean burn his wounds clean for all she cares. Her friends can't see her like this. She'll need... What, half an hour to close her wounds? They shouldn't notice.*

**Happy New Years.**

Alastor

From a high window a large crowd loudly cheers, whistles, and applauds.

It's Alastor, he's the large crowd. Him and his invisible audience.

He doesn't know what's going on but it was hella entertaining to watch.

Valera

Thank the gods Alastor was far enough away to probably not hear the undignified squeak that she made when she realized she had a witness, Valera's emotions were shot enough without embarrassment on top of it. Head jerking back to seek him out among the windows... Ah. There he is. Game face, Val, give him a thumbs up. With Volitan's arm! Lovely. In fact... She's just going to send it off to him, a little flotation between friends.

"Here! I'm going to be a while, be a dear and butcher this, would you? I'd hate to see it spoil while I cleaned up."

Alastor

Look at the delight on his face! "You're a TERRIFIC host!" He bows out the window so deeply it's impressive he doesn't fall out, then runs off with his new culinary treat. He's going to make something decadent with this.

But first he's gonna bite off a chunk from the severed end.

Sir Pentious

A certain snake is slimthering.... he is wearing the long robe that Valera gifted to him for Hissmas. He's searching for his love, now that he's properly warm and bask-ed. The smell of blood has his tongue flicking out longer, and he's drawn to it... slimther slimther...

"MY DEAR?"

Valera

The sound of Pentious' voice makes Valera tense up, swearing under her breath. What's the human phrase? Out of the frying pan, into the fire? She'd rather have Alastor and his cheerfully uncaring amusement, Pentious might actually *worry*. But it was too late to pretend nothing was wrong. So.. Time to do what she does best, then.

She perches on the edge of the fountain, posing just so to keep the worst of her injuries away from her beau's many eyes. A hand in her lap to artfully cover her thigh, tail conveniently looped around her legs before dropping back into the fountain. Natural? No. But it might be enough! Maybe! If she can distract him. "Penny! Hello dearest, enjoying the weather tonight?"

Sir Pentious

"YESSS, MY DEAR, THE WEATHER ISSS NICE. THE AIR ISSS SO GOOD HERE, A NICE CHANGE FROM SSSSULFUR." Tongue flicking, but he's definitely sure that's blood he smells... or something similar! He was used to Valera's blood, as he'd bitten her *quite a few times.*

A head tilt, and his face squishes inquisitively. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE...?"

Valera

"I'm glad to hear you're enjoying my home, my love." Her tail wiggles in the fountain, eyes scrunching up into half moons. Even if she was trying to keep him from getting too nosy, it was still nice to see him happy on Okkylk.

Right. A question. "Me? I'm sitting, obviously. You just missed Alastor though, I think he ran off to the kitchen with his latest prize."

Sir Pentious

"I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ALASSSTOR. THERE'SSS TOO MANY OF HIM HERE! BUT ONLY ONE OF YOU." He slithers closer, head tilted.

".... I SSSMELL YOUR BLOOD."

Valera

She twitches, hand lifting off her injured thigh to wave dismissively. "Yes, darling. I got into a bit of a tussle, you see. "

Sir Pentious

"A BIT?" His eyes widen and... He comes closer, trying to peer around her to see the damage.

Valera

... A choice is presented to her. Trust her fiance, or.. don't, and upset him. So, despite the immediate impulse to deflect, she reluctantly lifts her tail from the water. Or, what's left of it. The end seems to have been sliced off, gods only know where the fin went.

Sir Pentious

His eyes widen considerably, then NARROW. His hood opens and he's careful to put his arms around her, trying to mind any more wounds.

"BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE *ALASSSTORSSS!!* WHO WAS IT?!"

Valera

A few scrapes and scuffs are hardly enough to keep Valera from leaning into a hug. "Alastor? No, of course not. I fought my brother! He tried to scold me again and I'd simply had enough!"

A pause as she nuzzles her face into his shoulder, purring softly. "I took his arm off, so don't feel TOO bad for me."

Sir Pentious

Ah, that *brother.* Sir Pentious growls like the cobra he is, vividly imagining tearing the man apart--not that he'd really seen him yet but he could guess.

"HE OUGHT TO THINK ABOUT HOW FORTUNATE IT ISSSS THAT YOU LET HIM LIVE!! INSSSULTING THE AUTOCRAT!! BROTHER OR NOT, HE'D BE *QUARTERED* IF HE WERE MINE."

Valera

She shrugs, lifting a leg to inspect the damage. A few cuts, nothing to write home about. Hilda would probably want to put stitches in a few of them, but Val was pretty sure they'd close on their own. They'd mostly stopped bleeding, at least. "I assume fighting with family is a normal part of having one? Maybe not physically, but Veci do tend to be more direct than humans. He doesn't like the way I do things, I don't like him acting like he knows better. We fought, I won, so I'm right."

Sir Pentious

That sounded much simpler.... But Penny couldn't help his frown. He took her hand in his, and kissed it.

"He hurt you. I would tear reality asunder for you and your smile, my love."

Valera

... Ah. Valera has to try very hard not to make a noise like a deflating balloon crossed with a dying whale, wheezing quietly and folding in at the waist as Pentious metaphorically stabs her with surprise affection straight to the heart. Thunk. Her head, thumped down to his chest. Don't look at her. Don't acknowledge her. She's feeling feelings.

Sir Pentious

He's petting down her hair, looking over her damage and that gored tail....

Penny gently pets down said tail, careful to mind the wounds.

Valera

Give her a bit to recover, and then she'll perk back up to see what he's doing there.

"Hm? Something wrong, love?"

Sir Pentious

"OF COURSE. YOU'RE BLEEDING AND WOUNDED AND OUT HERE BY YOURSSSSELF." He's looking so concerned... "I DON'T HAVE ANY BANDAGES ON HAND...."

Valera

"What?" Wait, right. Aliens worry a lot more about that kind of thing, huh? ..Or was that everyone not heavily traumatized and used to regrowing limbs? Hard to keep track, really. Whatever. He's concerned, which is the OPPOSITE of what she wanted!

Quick, say something comforting! "I'll be okay, darling! I'm used to... it...?" She squints. Wait. No. That sounds bad, actually. "It'll grow back in a few minutes! You'd never know I was hurt!" YEAH THAT'S THE ONE.

Sir Pentious

Frown! WEH!

"WHO CARESSSS WHETHER I KNOW OR NOT, YOU *ARE* HURT! AND I WANT TO HELP!"

Valera

She looks... A bit baffled. But once she's over the initial surprise, she takes one of his hands in hers and pats it.

"Oh. Um. Alright, do you want to.. Help me to the bathroom? I'm sure we've got medical supplies in there."

Sir Pentious

Listen, caring about other people is not Penny's strong suit, but he cares so so much about Valera.

"YESSS, GLADLY."

Valera

Being cared about is not something Valera is used to, she's not sure how to handle being the one getting fussed over. But if it makes Pentious happy... She'll try to fumble through it. Time to get up, then. He can't lift her, but taking the weight off the worst leg should make it easier to not open anything on her carpets.

Awkward cough.. "Thank you, love. I was just going to sit out here until everything healed over, but. This is better."

Sir Pentious

"YOU SHOWED ME THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ANYMORE... SO, PLEASE LET ME SHOW YOU THAT, TOO." Hand kiss....

Valera

He's lucky she's already standing or else she'd do the affection wheeze all over again. But no, she has to hide her face against him like a normal person and pray the blush doesn't reach the tips of her fins. Just. Just going to take his arm and let him lead her along, then.......

Sir Pentious

Off they go..... To the bathroom........ Womance....

Valera

He can put salve on her wounds and wrap up the more uncomfortable ones, and she will be very embarrassed and very grateful... And also whine a lot because ow, the salve Hilda makes is NOT soothing in the slightest, it burns!!! Sure heals things fast though, the smaller cuts vanish in moments!

[author-morgan]

Kryptic ↟ Deimos

thirty - a bloody feast

masterlist

But the great leveler, Death: not even the gods can defend a man, not even one they love, that day when fate takes hold and lays him out at last.

Death submits to no one, not even Dread and Destruction.

They are both weapons of flesh and bone, of warm blood and beating hearts, and they cannot be controlled.

THE MYTILENIAN SHARK reclines at the helm of the Eurybia, turning his one-eyed gaze toward the violet sail emblazoned with the head of a gorgon and filled with the sea breeze —debating on whether it is time trade the sails for oars. Pittakos presses his fingers into the wooden arms of the chair as the pirate trireme marked with Xenia’s colors turns in the water. The sudden shift puts him at unease. His league was always friendly with the pirates of the seas, even those commanded by Keos’ new leader. Across the waves, Pittakos can hear the low rumble of pounding drums as four score oars extend outward from the trireme and dip into the dark water, pushing the vessel forward. The Eurybia is under attack. 

“Feel that wind, sister!” Tundareos shouts, mirth lacing the words —it’s been too long since he’s had a taste of combat at sea. Despite the grim task at hand, Lesya looks to her brother, grinning as he darts back to aid the helmsman —throwing his weight against the great rudder. She takes to the main deck, shoring up the morale of her brother’s crew. If they cast the right die, then this would hardly be a fight. 

The Ippalkimon cuts through the water, drawing nearer, and from a spot in the rigging, Lesya sees her new target. Dropping to the deck, she plucks several arrows from a barrel. “Aim for the oil jars!” Lesya shouts, laying one of the arrowheads wrapped in oil-soaked linen against the iron brazier. Knocking the flaming arrow, she draws back on the string and sets her sight on the stack of terracotta pots filled with oil and then aims higher before losing it in the wind and over waves. A rain of burning arrows trail behind her own. The Ippalkimon draws nearer to the trireme when the first of the flames take hold of the deck. 

“Brace!” Tryphena shouts over the roar of the water and drums. While the others crouch low to the deck awaiting the impact, Lesya holds fast to the rigging —ready to leap into the awaiting din of spears and swords. The two triremes collide, and Lesya leaps into the air, crashing down on the deck of the Eurybia. 

A familiar calm overtakes her in the heat of battle. Everything is practiced routine, even as she takes the heads of men and leaves them eviscerated on the blood-slick planks of the deck. Seizing a spear, Lesya drives the point through the back of a felled man attempting to hold his bloody intestines in while crawling away from the carnage, his legs gone below the knee from the edge of her blade. “Enyo!” The Mytilenian Shark shouts over the clash raging on his ship —leveling his sword and raising his shield. “Come to join my crew?” He taunts. 

“No–” Lesya spins her twin blades approaching the Cultist, face twisted in determination “–I’ve come to send you to the depths,” she shouts, charging. Pittakos raises his shield in time to block the first blow, but the second comes too quick, and the edge of her blade sinks deep into his thigh. He curses and throws down his shield, stumbling back. Lesya circles him with disdain —a lioness closing in on her prey. 

The Cultist straightens, slashing his gilded kopis with reckless abandon, but she dips under his blade —closing in— and grips onto his arm, twisting the appendage until it snaps, falling limp. His blade clatters on the deck, but he will not give up. He blindly punches the air behind him, hoping to land a strike against the disgraced champion. Laughing, Lesya pins his arm behind his back and kicks in his knees —forcing him to the deck. “Mercy!” Pittakos weeps, knowing his fate is sealed. 

“You will wander the fields of Hades blind, snake,” Lesya whispers at his ear, positioning the tip of her blade just above his eye. His cries and pleas ignored. “Never again to see the light,” she hisses, twisting her hand into his greying hair to still his head. Pittakos howls when Lesya presses the point into his eye, blood spilling down his cheek. Chills slither down Tundareos’ spine seeing his sister pull her blade free of the Cultist’s eye, flicking the ruined eyeball into the waves as the Mytilenian Shark crawls away in a trail of blood —blind. Bending down, she collects the discarded kopis and kicks Pittakos onto his back. With a great heave, she drives the sword through his neck and into the planks below —a captain should go down with his ship. 

Timbers creak and groan beneath her feet as she crouches, searching Pittakos’ corpse for his artifact and any clues to where other snakes may be hiding. Lesya looks down at the golden triangle in her palm, spattered with blood. Even apart from the pyramid, it is like she can feel its thrumming power. Plucking the scroll from his belt, she rises and takes a running leap back onto her brother’s ship as the Aegean claims the Eurybia. 

The deckhands and rowers cry out in victory as the sharks come up from the depths for a feast —there had been many riches aboard the Cultist’s trireme to claim for themselves and in tribute to Xenia. But Lesya is not concerned with gold and silver. She tucks the bloodied artifact into her belt and unfurls the scroll in hand. Shark, the correspondence reads, the southern Sporades are yours. I am sailing to the waters south of Messenia. Anyone who follows me will be sunk. You are the waves now. Lesya flattens the papyrus and looks at the broken signature and seal. The Hydra. 

“Mykonos seems a good place to celebrate this victory,” Tryphena notes, resting her hand on Tundareos’ shoulder. He nods his agreement, and the Ippalkimon turns in the water, setting out for the island rising from the water on the horizon. 

With the winds on their side, they dock before nightfall, and the crew takes to the polis. “Won’t you join us, sister?” Tundareos asks, noticing her gaze lingers on the shores of Delos. A dark glint shines in her laurel eyes, and he knows she must go. “Wine will not slake your thirst, I understand–” her brother grips onto her shoulder, meeting her hardened stare “–do what you must.”

LESYA PRESSES HER back against the cool stone, unsheathing one of the daggers on her back. Her mark is but feet away —a weak-willed man the Cult used as a pawn in their schemes to feed lies to the Athenians and Spartans. Drawing in a slow breath, she steps forward to strike, but the cold bite of iron against her throat and a familiar hand wrapping around her wrist stops her advance. “I can’t let you do that,” he whispers at her ear, drawing her further in the shadows.

“Deimos,” she hisses, turning to face him. “He’s a Cult puppet.” Neither of them could deny the truth of the statement. It was by their hand that the man rose to prominence on the Silver Islands. A corrupt puppet put Hellas at as much risk as one directly serving Kosmos —the snakes need to be relieved of their heads.

He shakes his head. “A puppet is nothing without a master,” Deimos notes. “He’s not worth your time–” Lesya’s brows furrow, not understanding why Deimos now stands in her way when he gave her the means to execute several of the Cult’s members “–he only does the Cult’s bidding to protect his family.” Lesya sighs, sheathing her blade. The gods will not have her take another life this day.

Deimos nods toward the shoreline, and Lesya follows. She sits on white sand overlooking the water. In the distance, red and blue sails clash under the full moon. Deimos lowers himself next to her and almost laughs —the gods were cruel to bring them together on a beach. He rests his calloused hand on her thigh, thumb rubbing circles on the constellation of freckles there. “What are you doing here?” Lesya asks, surprised to see him so far from Kleon’s side if he was to serve as Athens’ executioner.

“Delivering a message,” Deimos answers, but Lesya knows it is only a half-truth. He sighs, lips kinking into a fleeting smile. “Looking for you,” he admits, turning his tawny-gold gaze to her. Lesya shifts, raising her hand to cup his cheek, and he instinctively leans into her gentle touch. Months have passed since they parted on the docks of Naxos, yet now it is as though they never went separate ways. She brushes her lips against his without hesitation —Deimos responds instantly, arms slipping to her waist before drawing her into his lap. He brushes back her copper hair, fingers ghosting over her cheek when they part. “I know where the Shadow is,” he breathes.

“Where?” Lesya asks, leaning back. Eliminating the Shadow would starve Kosmos of new information, leaving them blind —the little birds over Hellas would have no one to report to and disband. She and the Eagle Bearer could travel freely without the Cult knowing their whereabouts.

“Megaris,” Deimos tells her. All this time, the Shadow had been hiding in plain sight, operating from the safety of the fortress at the port of Nisaia —a now poorly manned Athenian fort since Sparta claimed the region for the two kings.

“Come with me,” she breathes. If the winds and gods favor them, it will take no more than a week to reach the port of Kechries. After a long moment of silence, he agrees to sail with her —if it means spending time with Lesya, then Deimos will bear whatever torments Kosmos attempts to concoct.

[taglist:  @wallsarecrumbling @novastale @fjor-ok-skadi @fucking-dip-shit @elizabethroestone @maximalblaze @balmacedapascal @khaoskrossed @elizabethroestone @kitkitvm ]

[xjamlessparkx]

divorce | myg | 07

summary: in which you have to go through a painful process of your own family shattering

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: angst

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17

You were looking around the train station. Busy people were running from one side to the other side. Heads down, eyes either on their phone screens or straight on the road they're walking. They bump into several people but don't even look back or apologize. It's everyday life in Seoul. People are too busy to wait even for a second.

"08:34. Train from Busan will arrive in six minutes" You heard the robotic voice announcing. You turned around and looked for an empty seat to sit down but sadly every seat already taken. Sighing, you started watching the busy people again, feeling like you were spying on those strangers.

The train rushed past you and let out a creaking from the train tracks, an attempt to put on the brakes and stop. Once the train stopped completely you saw people stomping out of the open doors and more people dragging themselves past them to hop on the train. Biting your lip, you started looking out for your mother.

Why haven't I asked her about her clothing? How will I recognize here between million human beings?

You were so frustrated right now and literally wanted to step on some trash can to look out for your mother. Jumping from one side to the other side, trying to get higher than those people's heights.

"Y/N?" Your expressions turned softer while you stopped in your tracks, closing your eyes as you felt her stepping closer and her scent touching the tip of your nose. You turned around and started at your mother who had a wide smile plastered on her lips.

"Mom...", smiling at your mother you ran up to her, not hesitating a slight moment to embrace her firmly. She was a little surprised but hugged you back, caressing your hair. You leaned back to look into her eyes. She was still the same even though it was probably three years ago when you saw her the last time. Her short brown hair was flying because of the wind blowing through it. She had small wrinkles under her dark eyes, but she covered it perfectly with makeup.

"What happened to you?" She stepped a few steps back and held your hands while eyeing you up and down. "Did you stop eating? What about your face, eyebags, dried lips, darling... when did you stop caring about yourself and your health?" She asked with concern, her eyes wide open while she didn't want to miss one single change which you weren't aware of.

You knew that you lost a little weight but doesn't count that as a concern. Also, that you suffered from hair loss since a year but you knew it was because of the stress. Once the stress disappears your little hairless spots would grow healthy hair again.

"Let's head home, the taxi is already waiting." You say, avoiding the questions and focusing on going home. Once you reached your taxi you helped your mother putting her suitcases in the luggage space and hopped in the taxi. During the ride, she held your hand and squeezed from time to time, making you feel safe.

The taxi driver helped you with the suitcases and you paid him. Sure, it wasn't cheap anymore since you had been using the same taxi since morning. You reached out for your keys and unlocked the door, letting your mother enter your house. She looked around the room, having a weak smile on her lips while she eyed your living room. You brought her bags into the guest room and went back to the living room.

"Mom are you hungry?-" she cut you off, standing up. She already removed her jacket and shoes.

Shaking her head, she grabbed your shoulders, "You should really have a break now. I will cook for dinner, okay?"

"Mom, you had a long trip behind you. I'm not letting you cook even though you're pretty exhausted", you gently took her hands in yours and smiled at her. The moment you were alone, looking into each other's eyes was the moment you realized how much you missed her and how much needed her. You leaned in and let your hands slid over her shoulders, hugging her firmly while she pulled you closer to herself. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes, enjoying the moment. No matter how much you wanted to tell her that you missed and needed her you couldn't since you didn't want her to worry. You move back and rub her upper arms fast.

"I'm okay. I will cook!" you say as you enter your kitchen, followed by your mother.

She sat down on one of the empty chairs and watched you taking out ingredients from the fridge. Having one elbow on the table as she supported her hand which was under her chin.

"Where are the children?" Your mother asked, completely forgetting about the time. It was surprisingly awkward the moment you noticed how she watched you.

"In school..." you mumbled and took out a knife from a small drawer. She nodded and followed your actions detailed. She chuckled slightly, "They don't know I came, huh?" She raised an eyebrow and you nodded at her question which made her happier. They sure will be surprised by their grandmother's visit.

"So ... how are you doing? You asked me to come and now you're quiet," she let out a soft chuckle.

"How am I doing, mum. My husband wants a divorce, he has a new girl, my children found out and I am hella sure they're doing awful, I haven't got a proper job to make a living and my stress level rise. I am doing totally fine, what ridiculous question to ask, mom." You find yourself rolling your eyes but instant regret came up when your mother eyed you sadly.

"Darling, I'm sorry, I-" you cut her off, taking a deep breath.

"No mom. I'm sorry, I was rude... I apologize..." you bit your lip, looking at the floor in shame. Hearing a slight chuckle, your head shoots up, looking into your mother's eyes. She smiled and stood up while she came up to you. She softly plastered a kiss on your temple as she helped you making dinner.

Suddenly, your phone screen lit up. You furrowed your eyebrows as you took your phone in your hands to see Yoongi's name on the screen.

Min Yoongi: I will take the children today. So don't worry when we come home late!

You clicked on his name and called him. The curiosity was taking over you. Why would he want to take the children in a sudden without even talking about it? Your mother eyed you questioningly as she was doing the whole day, now.

"You saw the message?" was his question before even greeting me.

"That's why I called..." you turned away from your mother, knowing that she would want you to switch on the speaker. Taking the tomatoes, you went to the sink to wash them.

"Yes... I, I missed them and wanted to spend time with them-" you cut him off, not wanting to sound rude.

"But you just saw them yesterday. I mean I have nothing against you picking them up, I was just curious as to why you tell me so suddenly..." you told him honestly, taking a knife out to start cutting the tomatoes with one hand.

"Uhm ...like, yesterday was a little harsh and I think we deserve a little time together ..." he was hiding something, but you didn't know what. Yoongi would always start repeating himself and using filling words to express himself because he was either nervous or hiding something. You took a deep breath as you still nodded. That would mean you could spend some time together with your mother since it was already weekend and the children wouldn't let her go easily.

"Alright, then" you let out and without another reply, he hung up.

"Was it him?" your mother asked, making you wince and turn on your feet, immediately. As if you committed a crime you started nodding quickly. She bit her lip, turning to what she was doing right now.

"What did he say?" she looked up and you felt yourself growing uncomfortable. You didn't know why but it felt like you did something wrong and started shaking nervously. Shrugging your shoulders and putting the phone on the counter, you smiled, "He told me that he will pick up the kids ..." you nodded hesitantly.

"Then it's going to be only the two of us, huh?" she smiled, and you had to chuckle while helping her. When you finished with preparing dinner you sat down and ate while talking about everything that happened in the past years you haven't met your mother. She was listening closely while you started from the first day of your marriage. You kept it all short though. After the meal you started cleaning the mess and no lies, you didn't stop talking. It was great to have her again. By the time you somehow stopped talking about Yoongi and you and started with great memories you had which included Yoongi as well. It felt refreshing to talk about good days rather than bad days who negatively have an effect on you.

It was already dark outside and you and your mother were drinking tea in the living room, completely forgetting about your surroundings and only focusing on you two.

"Mom" you put your glass on the small table and stood up, "How about I make your bed comfortable while you go take a warm shower. It must've been a long day for you, I'm sure you need to rest now."

She nodded, putting her glass on the table as well, "You're right, darling... I will go then" she slowly walked upstairs, and you followed her, going into the guest's room. You changed the bed sheets and pulled some comfortable pillows on the bed. After you turned up the heater you went downstairs again. The trash can was super full, and you wanted to throw away the bags before you went in again. It was another habit of you, having to deal with the perfection of the house. You went outside without even wearing a jacket. Just as you threw the bags in the ton you heard a car parking in front of your house. You turned around and saw the black car of Yoongi stopping in front of your house. Smiling from ear to ear since you missed your children, you approached his car only causing your smile to fade when you saw a person sitting in the passenger's seat.

Her.

His new affair.

Your smile dropped completely as you felt the cold wind breezing against your cheeks, making them flush in a shade of pink. You didn't know if it was anger boiling up or disappointment. Just as Yoongi helped Junsun out of the car he felt your presence. Turning around he stopped in his track as if he was caught betraying someone his expressions fell. Ahran and Junsun were running up to you, hugging you tightly.

"Mom! We missed you!" You felt the tears burning in your eyes as you looked down to the two and smiled forcefully.

"I missed you, too", your voice cracked and you hated the fact that he heard it. You kissed their cheeks. "Now, go home. There is a surprise waiting for you." Fortunately, you left the door a crack open so they could enter the house to get surprised by their grandmother. They happily ran past you and you took a step back, not considering the girl's eyes who was probably smiling at her accomplishment from ear to ear. Your gaze was fixed on Yoongi's. His expression softened a little and you recognized his face being shocked.

"I-" he started but you only took a step back again, making him pause. You dreadfully started his eyes. "Y/N, I-" he muttered, only getting interrupted again by you who were turning around and leaving him with an angry expression on your face. Your heart started beating faster than usual and it wasn't because of sorrow, no, this time it was due to extreme madness. You went in and shut the door, causing a loud 'crack' as if it just fell from its place. Your hand went up to your forehead and you sighed deeply, biting your lip to stop yourself from hyperventilating.

The laughter from upstairs was making you feel slightly better and you rushed to your kids only to find them on the lap of their grandmother.

"Mom! Why didn't you tell us that grandmother would come?" Ahran giggled, hugging your mother tightly.

"Surprise!" you faked a smile since you still weren't over the fact that Yoongi took the children to introduce them to his new girl. You shut your eyes.

"Ow, my babies grew up so fast!" your mother kissed the two and literally didn't stop.

"C' mon guys, grandmother needs some rest! We have the whole day for us tomorrow!" you said dragging them out, making your mother smile in confusion. She was too tired to ask you about what was going on though. You brought the two into the bathroom as you bathed both in succession. After drying them you got them in their pajamas.

Ahran was sitting on the washing machine while Junsun had out a small chair on which he stepped to see himself in the mirror. You three were brushing your teeth as you started drifting off. You spit the toothpaste in the sink and washed your mouth, turning to Ahran and Junsun.

"So ... how was your day?" you slowly asked, furrowing your eyebrows. Ahran washed her mouth as well and smiled widely.

"I never had a better day!" Her eyes sparkled.

Well, shit.

Junsun spits out his saliva and still had some toothbrush around his lips, "If it weren't for this silly noona..." he washed his mouth and you literally could feel a stone falling from your heart. You held back your smile.

"Why, why?" You muttered, feeling a little embarrassed and childish for spying on a child.

"She was acting too nicely, you could see it was fake!" Ahran shrugged her shoulders and you looked at Junsun waiting for his reply. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"At first I thought that she was actually really nice ..." at that moment your heart started beating faster, afraid of what he was going to say. Does he still think like that? Your eyebrows raised themselves, waiting for him to finish his sentence, "But then she wanted us to call her 'mom'. Why would I do that? I already have the best mommy in the world." He rolled his eyes and you couldn't really feel happy about his statement. This little brat tries to steal your children or what? You bit your lip, bringing the children to their bed and also leaving to lie down yourself. You took a deep breath. This girl will see what happens to her. How dare she ask your children to call her young ass a 'mom'. Does she even know what it means to be a mother? Damn girl, you will see ...

_

"Grandmother, let's buy cotton candy" Ahran jumped from one side to the other side. It was a Saturday morning and you went out with your children and mother because you knew that the children would beg you to go to the amusement park. You did as they wanted, not breaking their hearts and after that you went to the mall, to go shopping.

Spending time with your family was the best thing to do and you enjoyed your time until your phone started ringing.

"Hello?" you mumbled at the unknown ID.

"Is this Y/F/N?" a familiar male voice asked through the phone. You were sure that you heard his voice from somewhere, "I am from the Fiji restaurant." Your lips curled into a small smile as you let out a laugh. "I know that you would start on Monday, but our Cleaning personnel is reported sick and we need someone as soon as possible. Would it be okay for you to stand in for today?" you turned around looking at your mother who was holding up a dress for Ahran, examining it thoroughly.

"Uhm ... of course" you said without even thinking about it. Now, that your mother was here it shouldn't be a problem for you to go work.

"When should I start?" you asked, not expecting this answer.

"Now!"

_

It was all totally hectic, and you rushed to your mother, giving her the keys and telling her about leaving for work. Ahran and Junsun were slightly disappointed but you promised them to make it up to them. After saying your goodbyes, you took a taxi to the restaurant since it was in the city and not close to your area.

You looked at the time and took a deep breath. It's been already more than two hours that you started cleaning the bathrooms and the kitchen. You even helped with washing the dishes which you didn't remember being in the contract. You had a white smock around your waist and your hair was tied in a high ponytail. The workers were totally nice and so were the other guests in here even though many of them were high society and totally rich. It was already past midnight and your boss told you to check on the bathrooms and then leave. He was happy and grateful that you had the chance to appear. This would make you look better and gain positive points. You went into the women bathroom and checked if there was something dirty. You felt like cleaning home, maybe this was really a suitable job for you. You had to laugh.

"Oh ... isn't that, Y/N?!" A high female voice shrieks and you wince at her voice being a bother to your ears. There she stood in a skin-tight red dress, hair over her shoulders so that it wasn't recognizable that her hair was long. You bit your lip, trying to remain calm as the memories of what your children have told you came back.

"I and my boyfriend were about to leave right now..." she added as if she knew that you worked here. It couldn't be a coincidence.

"I don't care what you do." You snap at her as you try to walk past her, but she stepped aside, blocking your way.

"Are you working here?" she eyed you up and down, having a sly smirk on her face. You noticed that you still didn't know her name. You smiled back, fakely.

"What a pity!" she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"There is only one thing that is pitiful" you started, stepping closer, "Trying so hard to become a mother of children who doesn't belong to someone!" you stated, knowing that when she is here, Yoongi wouldn't be far away. Before you could take her by her hair you went past her, brushing your shoulder hard against hers. You went to the staff room and took your smock off. After taking your belongings you stomped out of the room and went outside only to be met by two pairs of familiar eyes, eyeing you surprised.

Yoongi.

He was leaning against his car, probably waiting for his brat to arrive. You furrowed your eyebrows and turned the other way when he suddenly ran up to you an grabbed your elbow. You furiously freed yourself, turning around.

"Y/N, let's talk!" his eyes where fixed on yours as he stared into your empty soul.

"What is there to talk about?" Just as you wanted to snap at him, your head turned to the entrance of the restaurant, showing his girl stomping out. "The new mother of your children is waiting for you." You say monotonous, turning around to leave him in shook.

How dare he even talk to you? You didn't want to make a move in the restaurant, it will cause you to lose your job and you couldn't risk that. Not even for the anger which was piercing through this disrespectful girl. It was already past midnight and there were not many stores open. You saw a small light from the corner of your eye and the smell of coffee. You approached the booth outside, buying yourself a huge cup of coffee. Your first intention wasn't to drink coffee, absolutely not.

_

Slowly, pour the coffee into the small sink in a public restroom you grabbed the bottle of soju you bought right after buying the coffee. You remembered the last time you did this was before you met Yoongi. After meeting him you promised to never drink again. That is why your alcohol tolerance was pretty low and you knew you could get wasted even by one shot. That was exaggerated but still, you weren't used to alcohol. You poured the bottle with soju in the now empty cup of coffee. No one should now that you were drinking alcohol all alone in the middle of the night. You exited the restroom and sat down on the bench, drinking the liquor fast.

It wasn't a park where you sat, it was the city where many people were still busy. Unbelievable, it was midnight but people were still working their asses off or met up with co-workers. You felt your vision getting blurry as you finished the cup. Holding it up over your open mouth you start shaking the cup to see if there is still something in it. Disappointed, threw the cup on the ground gaining a little attention which disappears because people simply didn't care. You stood up, searching for your phone in your bag. It felt like a huge jungle was down there. You sighed, "Fuck it!"

Yeah, you were drunk.

You didn't even know why you drank after so many years. Did you try to banish your pain? The hurtful feeling, the moment you saw that witch on the passenger's seat or the anger which you had because of Yoongi.

Suddenly, two hands grabbed your upper arms. Your eyes widened and your women instinct told you to act before someone could kidnap you. Turning around harshly, you slapped the person across the face only to be met by Yoongi who now, held his cheek in pain.

"Yoongi?" you mumbled, hearing a loud sigh from him. "Did you follow me?! Are you spying on me?!" you started bombarding him with questions which he didn't seem to answer.

"Let's talk..."

[infinitehouseofbooks]

YOUNG ADULT FRIDAYS - X.

Welcome to Shannon Muir’s Infinite House of Books!

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS by YA Bound Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

X. by Shelby Mena Genre: NA Contemporary Fiction Release Date: July 23rd 2017 Summary from Goodreads: nspired by actual events, X. follows the story of Tamra, a young actress, during the days following her feature film debut. The week kicks off with the arrival of her childhood best friends, Maddy and Amelia, who have flown in to help her celebrate the most important milestone of her life. Home friends. L.A. friends. Fun parties. Exclusive clubs. Hot boys. It should all add up to equal the most unforgettable time. But Tamra is haunted by a dark secret. Unbeknownst to her friends, she is being stalked, and pressured by greater forces to keep quiet. Our leading lady has convinced herself that she needs no one’s help battling the anxiety that has only recently developed within her. Everything is only further complicated when Lucas, the boy who has appointed himself protector and guide to Tamra during her time in Los Angeles, threatens to act against her wishes and reveal her truth. 

  Buy Links: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo

  Prologue

Lucas sat overlooking the hills below, contemplating as he always did, his presence at yet another house party he knew deep down he profoundly detested. He recognized, however, the necessity in keeping up appearances, and cultivating a sense of relevancy within the young Hollywood scene. This was his penance for having taken a hiatus from acting for nearly three years, and just recently deciding to crawl back out from under his rock. 

He had arrived at the party with his main crew. The majority of his people had scattered, mingling with all their other sometimes friends and collaborators. Everyone would spend the night flitting around in the sleekly minimal main living room of a Beverly Hills mansion, taking Snapchats, posting Instagrams, letting their millions of followers know how fabulous their lives seemed to be.

Andre, Lucas’ model friend, and one of only two people he could implicitly trust, was sitting next to him on the outside balcony of the home. He was smoking a blunt that had been given to him by some rapper he had hung out with during a studio session the night before.

“What’s on your mind, Luke?”

“Like… why am I even here right now,” Lucas griped, compulsively popping his knuckles.

“I don’t know why you come to this shit, if it really stresses you out so badly,” Andre replied, bringing the weed up to his lips.

“You know why.”

“No, I really don’t. You left the game for three years, and the girls are still obsessed with your pretty-boy ass. Like, you’re fine…Here, take a hit,” he said, passing him the blunt. Lucas did so, thoughtlessly.

“Looks fade,” he quipped.

“Not necessarily.”

“Oh no?”

“Betty White is still hella cute.”

“That’s true,” he agreed, chuckling.

“C’mon Luke, you never bitch about coming out…What’s really wrong?”

He took a deep breath before answering. “Fuck… I think I’m depressed.”

“Of course you are. Everyone in this town is depressed.”

Lucas knew his friend meant not depressed, but unsatisfied. That was the best way to describe the inhabitants of Los Angeles. Unsatisfied people trying to become otherwise, making the most of it during the time in-between.

But this was not Lucas’ problem. He had remembered being at a family dinner one night, attempting to explain to his movie producer parents that he was unhappy, but not being able to come up with a valid enough excuse as to why. He was ten then. It was a decade and a half later, and he was just now beginning to realize that he didn’t know anything about himself or what he actually wanted.

Suddenly, Lucas’ thoughts shifted to the only other important person in his life. Tamra. He had spent nights on the phone with her, trying to work through his never-ending stream of discontent. Tamra did not share his troubles, and was in fact oppositely steadfast in her goals and opinions. It had worked out for her well. Her debut as a film actress was fast-approaching, with the imminent premiere of a film she had spent the year working on, just weeks away.

“Have you seen Tam?” he asked Andre.

“Not for the whole party. I don’t think Sellers is here either, so your guess is as good as mine.”

Lucas sat for several minutes, twiddling a piece of his curly hair in between his fingers. He knew it was unfair to seek out Tamra at a party where she could potentially be having a good time, only to burden her with his problems as he so often did. But Tamra settled him, and he was quickly advancing toward a level of concerning unsettlement. He decided to send a text to the group chat:

  Tamra, where ya at?

No reply. “I’ll be back,” Lucas said abruptly, leaving Andre to sit alone with only his high to keep him occupied.

He scanned the expansive room behind him. The party of a hundred or so people wasn’t nearly enough to fill the open space of the house, making it easy for Lucas to search for his friend. He looked left into the kitchen, then walked downstairs to the tv room, which he realized to be mostly empty except for a couple of guys, who were making out on a brown leather couch. Lucas even checked the wine cellar down the hall, but Tamra was nowhere to be found.

The weight of the high from the weed was beginning to sink from the top of his head, through his neck and down into his shoulders. He managed to find his way back to the main floor, where he collapsed in an empty loveseat. Lucas concluded that Tamra had probably left the party with someone else, for which he was too high to be adequately bothered about. He set an alarm on his phone for twenty minutes later, and placed it next to his ear, allowing his lids to close over his eyes, which had become too difficult to keep open.

In what seemed like ten seconds, his phone began beeping obnoxiously. The noise was so sudden that it frightened Lucas awake. Disoriented, he checked his screen to find a text:

Miles: Can we go home now?

A few more messages popped up, and the following conversation ensued:

Miles: Can we go home now ?? haha

Andre: Yeah, this party sucks

Miles: Me and Ezra are in the kitchen when you guys are ready haha

Lucas: k

Andre: Luke do you have Tamra?

Lucas: Couldn’t find her. She probably left w someone.

Andre: No, I tracked her on Friends. she’s still here.

Lucas: oh fuckk. I’m not smart enough when im high lol I’ll find her. 

Lucas looked around, surprised that he had missed Tamra during his first sweep of the house.  Then, his eyes rested upon a wide staircase that he had not previously noticed, leading up to a third floor. With great effort, he pushed himself off the couch, and quickly made his way upstairs. The top story was less open, comprised mostly of a long hallway of doors. He called out Tamra’s name. No answer. Lucas dialed her number, calling her phone, pushing himself into rooms, one by one. He strained to hear ringing, as music from the party downstairs reverberated through his eardrums. He was, however, able to pick up a faint sound at the end of the hall passed a small office.

Lucas rounded the corner and reached the door to a bedroom, that he gently pressed against. It was dark, but he could see the silhouette of a rectangle on the floor in front of the closet. Tamra’s phone. He sighed, figuring that she had dropped it while looking for a restroom in which to fix her makeup. Lucas nearly ignored the bathroom off to the side, but decided it would be best to splash some water on his face and revive himself.

He opened the door and flipped on the light. In the corner, in front of the toilet was a figure in an oversized denim jacket, lying in fetal position.

“Fuck,” Lucas whispered. He sighed, and then walked toward the person, pulling them onto their back. For a moment he was frozen, as he considered the improbable possibility that the high was messing with him. Then he became frantic.

“Tamra, TAMRA,” he whispered anxiously. She had blood dripping from her nose and mouth. Lucas propped her up and held her in his arms as he stroked the side of her neck, checking for her pulse.

He grabbed some water from the sink and sprinkled a bit on Tamra’s face. Her forehead crinkled in strain, but eventually her eyelids trembled open. She was weak, but managed one request as Lucas helped her to her feet.

“Don’t tell anyone,” she pleaded quietly. “Please, don’t tell anyone.”

  About the Author

Hi there… third person author bios seem impersonal, so I’m not going to do that. I’m just going to let you know I’m a 21 year old college student who was put on this earth to tell stories. I’m a major fan of  music, contemporary art, and realism. I love books, movies and my mom. I don’t think I’m anything special, but I think my stories are, or else I wouldn’t bother writing them down. My heroes include Kathryn Bigelow (the filmmaker) and Brett Easton Ellis. I write stories about millennials, for millennials. I am a feminist. I think the colored and the colorful are what make our world special, and I love that we have an opportunity to experience different cultures and different points of view. I really hope you enjoy my debut novel, and the works to come. Thanks for taking the time to learn more about me, and thanks for reading my stories. I really appreciate it. 

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YOUNG ADULT FRIDAYS – X. was originally published on the Wordpress version of SHANNON MUIR'S INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS.