#chan

[whatdoyouwanttocallmefor]

CUTE CUTE CUTE CHAN SOFT HOURS

Our Little Miracle - Bang Chan

summary: after months of trying for a baby, you and your husband finally get the good news

pairing: bang chan x fem!reader (married)

genre: fluff

word count: 1022 words

Masterlist

*images taken from pinterest*

~°~

You had been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever. Being married to Chan was a dream, but the one thing missing was the tiny little miracle you both had been hoping for—praying for. Each month had been a mix of hope and heartbreak, but you never gave up. And neither did he.

Currently, you were visiting him on tour, hoping to make the most of your time together. You had missed him terribly, and seeing him so immersed in his passion—performing, leading his members, giving his all just reminded you just how much you adored him.

After a long day of rehearsals, you sat together in his dressing room, his hoodie draped over your shoulders as he chugged down water, wiping sweat from his forehead. He looked exhausted but still managed to send you the softest smile, one that always made your heart flutter.

"You okay, baby?" he asked, scooting closer on the couch, pulling you against his side.

You hummed, resting your head against his shoulder. "Mhm. Just... my period’s late."

The water bottle in his hand froze mid-air. You could practically hear the gears turning in his mind before he slowly turned to you, eyes wide. "Wait… what?"

You lifted your head, blinking at him. "I mean, I don’t want to get my hopes up, but it’s been a few days now."

Chan shot up from the couch so fast that you barely had time to react before he was tugging you to your feet, holding both your hands in his. His voice was urgent but still gentle, like he was afraid to break the moment.

"Baby, do you...do you have a test with you?"

You let out a small laugh, squeezing his hands. "Of course I do, you know I always carry a few just in case."

"Then let’s do it," he said, already pulling you towards the small washroom attached to the dressing room. "Right now."

"Right now?" you echoed, amused at his eagerness.

"Yes," he nodded quickly, his grip on your hand tightening just a little. "Please. I... I just need to know. And if it’s negative, it’s okay. But if it’s not—" He let out a shaky breath. "I just want to be with you when we find out."

Your heart swelled at his words.

Inside the small washroom, you did what you needed to do, and when you came out, the test was facedown on the counter. Chan was already sitting on the couch, patting his lap for you. You walked over, settling into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close, his chin resting on your shoulder.

"It’s okay if it’s negative again," he murmured, swaying the both of you slightly. "We’ll keep trying. I know it’s been hard, but we’re in this together, baby. Always."

You closed your eyes, basking in the warmth of his presence. "I know. I just don’t want to disappoint you."

Chan immediately pulled back, cupping your face so you had no choice but to look into his deep, loving eyes. "Hey, don’t say that," he whispered. "You could never disappoint me. This isn’t your fault. We’re trying, and that’s enough. No matter what happens, I love you, okay?"

You nodded, leaning into his touch. "I love you too, Channie."

A small smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he tightened his arms around you. "And, y'know, even if it’s negative…" He nuzzled his nose against your cheek, voice dipping into that familiar teasing tone. "We just try again." His fingers trailed lightly along your waist, making you shiver. "And trying is fun, isn’t it, baby?"

A laugh bubbled out of you as you lightly smacked his chest. "Chan!"

"What?" He grinned, tilting his head. "I’m just saying. No complaints so far."

You rolled your eyes, but your smile was impossible to hide. "You’re ridiculous."

"Mm, but you love me for it," he murmured, kissing your temple before swaying you both again. "And you love how much I love you."

You sighed contently, melting against him. "Yeah, I really do."

A comfortable silence filled the room as you stayed in his lap, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on your back. And then your phone alarm buzzed on the table. You both froze.

Chan swallowed thickly. "Do you want to check, or should I?"

"Together?" you suggested, voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded, and together, you both stood, walking hand in hand to the counter.

Your fingers trembled as you reached for the test, flipping it over—

Two pink lines.

Positive.

Your breath hitched. "Oh my God."

Chan didn’t say anything for a moment. He just stared. Blinked. Processing. Then, his hands covered his mouth, his eyes already glistening with unshed tears as he turned to you.

"Baby… we’re having a baby?" His voice cracked on the last word, full of disbelief and overwhelming joy.

Tears blurred your vision as you nodded, letting out a choked laugh. "We’re having a baby, Channie."

And then you were in his arms, feet barely touching the ground as he spun you around, laughing through his tears. "We’re having a baby!" he repeated, voice filled with pure wonder, pressing kisses all over your face, your forehead, your lips. "Oh my God, we did it!"

You clung to him, laughing and crying all at once. "We did it."

He set you down gently, immediately kneeling in front of you, his hands cradling your still-flat stomach as he pressed a soft kiss there. "Hi, little one," he whispered, voice thick with emotion. "I’m your daddy. I already love you so much."

Your fingers wove through his curls as he rested his forehead against your stomach, his body shaking slightly. "Thank you," he murmured, looking up at you with so much love it nearly stole your breath. "Thank you for being my everything."

You cupped his cheeks, tilting his face up to press a lingering kiss against his lips. "You’re my everything too, Bang Christopher."

And in that dressing room, wrapped in each other’s love, you knew this was just the beginning of the most beautiful chapter of your lives.

[hwangism143]

Minho: You don't understand, I have an image to uphold. One of mystery and anticipation.

Also Minho: IS THAT A CAT?? OH MY GOD IT'S A CAT

[feelbokkie]

📱no good will come from this, but maybe... (Part 3)📱

☀️Feelbokkie M.list☀️

Part 2

Part 4

genre: friends to lovers to exes to ??, heavy angst, toxic relationship

warnings: swearing, implied cheating (or is it??)

pov: 1st or 2nd person (depending on how you view it)

description: 2 years ago, pushed by your parents expectations, you and your childhood best friend chan began dating. it was a secret from your friends and family. the two of you didn't date long and ended up hurting each other so badly that neither of you could stand to be in the same room as each other. 2 years later, the two of you only talk to each other via text to ensure you don't end up at the same event. but those old wounds from your break up never faded...and neither did your feelings?

pairing: ex!bang chan x reader

screenshot count: 24

a/n: i know some of you may not be happy with where this is going but a lot of you voted for this to have a happy ending so… well, we’ll see. i’m still evil after all

©feelbokkie (2025) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

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[minnimstar]

Thank you all so much for 400 notes 🥹🫶

°Studio Love°

pairing: Bang Chan x fem!reader

summary: You originally only went to bring him some dinner since he was going to be working late, but you end up staying longer than you anticipated.

Masterlist

genre: fluff

warnings: kisses, teasing, thigh squeezing, petnames(babe, baby, sweetheart, honey) chan is called christopher and chris once

7:45

That's what time it was when you arrived in front of Chan's studio.

You had brought him dinner after he said he wouldn't be home for a few more hours, because you wanted to make sure he atleast had some food.

With a slight sigh, you gently knock on the studio door before turning the doorknob and entering the room.

Chan is hunched over at his desk, a notepad and pen on one side of him and his laptop at the other. You smile, and carefully close the door before walking closer to him.

Chan notices you walking over after a moment, and his eyes widen in surprise at not only seeing you, but the fact that you had also brought him some food.

Clearing his throat, he starts to make room at his desk and pulls a chair next to his.

"Hey, sweetheart.." He mumbles, and you smile and set the food in the container down in front of him before leaning down to kiss his cheek.

"Hi, honey.. I brought you some food!" You exclaim as you sit down, eager for Chan to eat. You made the food yourself, and you especially enjoyed cooking when it meant that Chan would eat it.

"Thank you, but really, you didn't have to." Chan said, but he was already grabbing at the food and stuffing his face full.

He must've been really hungry, guessing on how quick he was eating. You gently rubbed his back as he ate but you just stayed quiet so that he could focus on the food.

It's not long before Chan finishes the food, and as soon as he does he moves the container to the side before pulling you up onto his lap.

You blush faintly, but you ignore it and turn to look at him.

"Everything alright, baby?" You ask gently.

Chan nods, and he has one hand placed over your thighs while he uses his free hand to work on his laptop. You rest your head on his shoulder, and you decide to just relax since it's quite obvious already that you two won't be heading home for another few hours.

Just as you're about to inevitably fall asleep, you suddenly feel not just one, but both of Chan's hands squeezing your thighs.

You lift your head to look at him, and your eyes are wide with surprise and slight confusion, but he is completely focused on his computer. Or, atleast you think he is, until his lips twitch a bit and that's when you realize he's trying not to laugh.

You let out a scoff and cross your arms over your chest. "What do you think you're doing, Christopher?"

Chan's eyes widened at the use of his name, and he looks over at you for a split second before he starts laughing and turns his head away.

You smile a bit, as now you're trying to hold in your laugh. "I asked you what you're doing, babe."

Chan looks at you as he continues laughing, but he manages to calm down enough to respond to you.

"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything." He manages, before he bursts into another fit of giggles as he squeezes your thighs in his hands once more.

You let out a shaky sigh and a slight laugh, then place your hands on top of his own.

"You keep touching my thighs though! That's not nothing."

"Fine! You're right, you're right.. they're just so soft, baby!" Chan whines playfully.

You smile and roll your eyes, and you shift around on top of his lap before leaning back against him comfortably again.

"Yeah, whatever.."

You close your eyes as Chan goes back to working on his laptop, but not even a few minutes later you feel him squish your thighs in his hands again.

"Chris!"

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

SKZ thoughts on a Virgin Partner

(Can you do if skz date seriously/marry someone who's virgin? Their thoughts and feelings ? Are they see turn off to date? If they asked would they wait till marriage for them? Deal-breaker immediately? Etc etc)

Some of these are briefer than others. Because while all were willing to answer, most seemed more cagey/reluctant in their answers hence why theirs are shorted. Except Seungmin he’s just blunt

Chan

Chans answer actually made me giggle it’ll never not be funny to me

I literally got the lust card immediately

It’s giving me “I can fix that” vibes

Okay, so, he would date AND marry someone who was a virgin, first and foremost. Hed be turned on by it, even. The idea that he’ll be their first (and hopefully only), and that he can ensure all their experiences are as good as possible.

He may reluctantly agree to wait until marriage. I’m getting ‘truce’ vibes here. With his 7th house sagittarius mars + his scorpio venus I can honestly see his sexuality and the free expression of it being a part of relationships for him. BUT, he also values the person more than he values the sex. In general, he's the type of person who can compromise in relationships.

Minho

He would too. Im definitely getting those “I’ll teach you” kinda vibes. Like, he’ll tell you what to do and let you feel it out type thing. He’s not opposed to helping someone discover that side of themself and being their first. I also think he may kind of…Plan out the first time more? To make sure it’s a smooth and nice experience for them

He wouldn’t wait until marriage for someone. Definitely something he’d stand his ground on and could be a deal breaker. To him, sexual compatibility is still a major part of compatibility. He needs to know how the person as a whole suits him, not just bits and pieces. Also, he just generally can’t wait that long because he has needs that need to be met. I also think if they end up being trash in bed after marriage he’d end up crashing out.

Changbin

He’d also seriously date/marry a virgin. He’s not really letting that affect how he perceives them or anything. He’s generally an open-minded and wise person so he wouldn’t care. And I get the energy that he’s confused why others would in general.

He would. He doesn’t have the same need to really get off WITH someone as the others, and generally just needs his emotional needs met more than his physical ones in the relationship. In general he just doesn’t really need sex to feel a certain…Depth in the relationship.

Hyunjin

Oh god

He’d seriously date/marry a virgin. In theory. He’s definitely attracted to people who have the aura and confidence like they have experience, though, and because of that he hasn’t really encountered it yet? But he wouldn’t mind if he found out they were after they already start dating. I’m also getting “I know how to hold back, and I know how to act.” So it’s very much him saying if the person he was with was a virgin he’d be able to adapt to that.

I honestly don’t know whether I should put what I’m getting for this part but whatever just don’t shoot the messenger. He would wait until marriage to sleep with his partner if that’s what they want. But he’d probably fall into cheating. There would be a period he’d just use his own hand and be fine with that. Maybe even an era he just decides to go full monk and abstain from everything including fapping. But Hyunjin is…He’s a very physical person. And if that need isn’t filled for him after he’s already started having sex, he’s going to start metaphorically gnawing at the bars of his enclosure. And he’ll fill rhat need elsewhere. That or inevitably end up breaking up because he’s just kinda like “Yeahh…I’m not doing this.”

Han

He’d seriously date/marry a virgin. He’d seriously take their virginity too. (That’s basically what I got word for word bar for bar.)

He’d wait for marriage for them. The love is all he needs at the end of the day, the rest of it is just added bonuses in his eyes, and he doesn’t really need all those bonuses right away. Did I mention he’d only do this if he really really liked someone and was head over heels? Feels like an important detail.

Felix

I’m shockingly getting a no??? He just doesn’t think it’d work and be disastrous. I don’t know why and I’m not getting literally anything else but he wouldn’t. So. But then again I’m also like 70% sure he just wouldn’t date anyone in general right now/just went through a breakup and that’s why I’m getting this answer.

He would wait until marriage for someone. To him, that’s ideal even. It builds up the anticipation, moving towards that one night when they can finally ‘be one’ or whatever. To fuse and mold into one. Also why am I getting creation here. Very much giving “And now that I’m married I can knock you up”

Breeding kink?

Seungmin

Hell no. I’m getting “I’m not carrying the entire experience on my back.” Very much getting the vibes that he needs all parties to know what the fuck they’re doing.

Hell no. Again, that fear of it being absolutely disastrous when they actually get together on the wedding night.

I.N

He would. I don’t think virginity matters to him. It doesn’t affect their value or image in his eyes. I’m getting ‘it is what it is’, essentially. He doesn’t have a real preference. As long as you’re not so ran through he can’t really be certain if you’re carrying diseases or not and/or questioning how the fuck this happened, he doesn’t really care.

I actually love him sm. He said yes. Like im getting “through sheer strength of will”. Just like Hyunjin he’d be gnawing at the bars of his enclosure but he’d also be able to reel himself in and go with only his hand until marriage.

[channiesrailway]

channie in skz-talker go! 08 bangkok ♥︎

[lotusbee07]

[whatdoyouwanttocallmefor]

This is so sweet 🥺🤧 Another checklist for bang chan soft hour today

𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭

Pairing: chan x afab!reader, established relationship

Synopsis: aftercare of aftercare of love time with your baby. And maybe a casual proposal??

Warnings: kisses, suggestive references, fluff, more kisses, strawberries, anything else?

A/n: in my defense the month of love isn't over. 1/3 complete.

“You awake?” he murmured, lips brushing the shell of your ear.

You hummed contentedly, nuzzling closer to him.

“You tired?”

“I’m okay, baby. More than perfect.”

He chuckled softly, the sound vibrating through his chest. “Good. I was worried I’d tire you out.” “Now, now let’s not go on assuming you were that good.” You teased, grinning against his skin.

The sheets were a mess, so to say, twisted around your bare legs.

Chan gasped in mock offence, tilting his head to look down at you. “Excuse me? You were literally begging a few minutes ago.” A warm flush crept up your neck. “Shut up,” you mumbled, hiding your face against him. He laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

He placed another soft press of lips on your shoulder, the corner of your jaw, the space just between your ear. Languid, unhurried touches to make the moment last a little longer.

“You hungry?” Chan asked, after placing a longer kiss on your cheek. “Yes, please.” He paused and let out a deep amused laugh. “Guess I wore you out for real.” You groaned dramatically. Before you could protest, he rolled out of bed, stretching with a satisfied groan. The dim lights caught on the sharp lines of his body- broad shoulders, toned arms, your hickeys, the way the sheets barely hung unto his hips as he stood. Oops-

Your cheeks heated up fast as your eyes roamed shamelessly. “You really gonna walk around like that?” he smirked over his shoulder. “Why? Distracted?” Smug idiot. You threw a pillow at him. “This isn’t your dorm, Bang.” Still laughing he disappeared into the kitchen.

The soft sounds of waves crashing against the shore outside, their rhythmic melody blending with the distant hum of the city. The scent of sea salt lingered in the cool evening air, crawling in through the slightly open balcony door. The beach stretched out beyond the horizon, the moon casting a silvery glow over the water, but inside, in the warmth of the dimly lit bedroom, the world felt much much smaller- just the two of you, surrounded in the afterglow.

When he had gotten back to Australia, Chan had truly outdone himself for Valentine’s. A private beachfront house (because why not?), candlelit dinner, beach walks along the shore that had sand clinging to your feet as the water lapped at your ankles. The company had given him a week off to spend some time with you for the holiday. He went all in for this mini getaway just to spend with you, that made you feel like time had ceased. You had told him that staying at your place was more than okay, but being the stubborn human, he is, he insisted that you went on this together. It was small, intimate and perfect.

Hours after love had been made that night and confessions had faded into soft moans and breathless laughter, you lay tangled in the sheets with him, wrapped in his warmth. His body was pressed against yours, his bare chest against your back, arm draped lazily over your waist as his finger skimmed absentminded patterns along your skin.

Chan arrived with a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries.

“You’re going all out with this Valentine’s thing, I swear.” He plopped back onto the bed, pulling you into his lap before holding up a strawberry. “Had to do something for my girl.” Your heart melted as you took a bite, the flavor bursting on your tongue. Chan watched with soft eyes before leaning in to kiss away the juice lingering on your lips. The kiss deepened, burning slow and indulgent, a contrast to the passion from earlier. He nibbled on your bottom lip before pulling back, his forehead resting on yours.

“I love you,” he whispered, voice full of sincerity.

You smiled brushing you thumb over his cheek. “I love you too, Chan.”

More cuddling. More kisses. More jokes. More strawberries. It was the perfect night and you didn’t need anything more. You hummed, stretching slightly against him before turning to face him. The bedside lamp cast dim shadows over his face- his tousled curls, his soft, now swollen lips, the faint smirk tugging at his mouth.

“I think I ate too much,” you groaned, shifting to glance at the mostly empty plate of chocolate covered strawberries on the nightstand. Chan chuckled, fingers grazing your stomach gently, yet teasingly. “Told you to pace yourself, baby.”

You shot him a playful glare. “Excuse me, Mr. Let’s Have a Second Round of Snacks after a Second Round of-”

His hands flew to your mouth before you could finish. His face heating “Okay, okay, no need to expose me like that. The other guests may hear you.” you licked his palm. And he pulled with a disgusted groan. “Why are you like this…?”

“Don’t ask. You love it anyway. You decided to date this version.” He rolled his eyes but pulled you closer, letting out a content sigh. “Yeah, I do.”

Comfortable silence brewed over you two, only rarely broken by the distant sound of waves. The sheets smelled faintly of the candles he lit earlier, some still flickering. Peach? Yeah, peach. You could stay like this forever. How could you ever repay him for making you feel so good? For spending so much on the both of you? Then Chan’s voice broke through, pushing away your train of thoughts casually yet teasing.

“So, like…marriage.”

You stopped mid- reach for another strawberry. “Huh?”

He grinned, nudging your cheek with his nose. “I mean, were already great at living together, sharing food, stealing the blankets-” “You steal the blankets,” you sharply corrected.

“-And,” he continued, ignoring you, “we’re obviously obsessed with each other.” He kissed your shoulder then your jaw, voice dipping into something softer. “Wouldn’t be so bad right?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. Are you saying all this cause its Valentines Day?” he smirked “Maybe. Maybe not.” You snorted. “Y’know I’d be very sweet about it,” his voice became softer now, “I’d just say, ‘Hey, wanna do this forever?’”

In the weirdest way, your chest ached. Of course, you wanna do this with him forever.

“That’s not bad.” His eyes softened. “Yeah?” you nodded, a smile tugging at your lips. He leaned in capturing your mouth in a slow lingering kiss, one that spoke of forever without needing anymore words. “Noted,” he murmured against your lips. “For the future.”

The waves rolled outside and the night stretched on. You were in for the long run. And boy, were you happy.

Oh my gawd it's so short. I apologize...heh..

1/3. Complete

Taglist: purple means I can't tag you

@pixie-felix @jitrulyslayyed @pessimisticloather @imagine-all-the-imagines @leeknow-minho2 @imeverycliche @jc27s @necrozica @sh0dor1 @yoongiismylove2018 @idiotmaterial @makeawitchoutofme

y'all blog names....

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~kc 💗

[bang-chan-my-man]

[gnabhyunlix]

I'm dead

[straykidsmedia]

Stray Kids’ Bang Chan, Hyunjin and Changbin for GQ Korea.

[dollce-exe]

uh- UH?- UH?! HELLO?

© Shuyichnyia | preview

[chahnniesroom]

night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company. 

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand. 

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan. 

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags. 

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts. 

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project. 

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully. 

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong. 

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind. 

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive. 

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet. 

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again. 

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response. 

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

 “No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table. 

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[huiracha]

[hwangism143]

Changbin: Math is suspiscious.

Hyunjin: What?

Changbin: 7 x 3 being 21 makes sense but how on earth is 3 x 9 equal to 27??

Changbin: Oh and DON'T EVEN get me started on 4 x 4 being 16-

Hyunjin: *begins paboracha initiation*