#tomorrow tho. will motivate myself
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(Non-story) Don't burn urself out! You dont have to get everything out so quickly! We can wait! - Lollipop anon
((ok that's cool to hear thank you /gen))
#not story#ask#anonymous#lollipop anon#still hovering around on tumblr rn been mindlessly scrolling#still not gonna draw anything else tonight tho#my brain likes to say if i take too long on something that people will get upset so this is reassuring#because Wow i cannot get in the drawing mood anymore tonight#like as much as i like doing this my brain's like 'nah. can't'#tomorrow tho. will motivate myself#not like right away first thing when i wake up but. sometime#just need a tiny small break and then might be a little slower on answering things#autism brain really kicking my ass out here#if i make the tiny small break turn into a longer break then that will make it harder to start back up and#i don't want this to feel like a chore. i mean it doesn't but i'm just saying sometimes my brain needs a break#am i making any sense. you get it right. you guys get it
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Ok I have a plan. I'm going to download the sims 2. But I'm not allowed to play it until I finish the day's responsibilities. This will be true for... however long I have the urge to play sims, I guess.
For today, I've already started my laundry. If I want to play sims today, I will need to finish laundry, finish my readings, and do one part each for my essay exam and data governance midterm.
Which is... kind of a lot to get done in 7 hours. But who knows!!! Maybe I can!!!!
#speculation nation#if i cant tho i will have to wait until tomorrow.#in which case. the responsibilities will be to finish the Second parts for the essay exam and midterm.#if i dont finish both the first things today it wont be enough to finish them tomorrow. i need to finish the Second parts (and the first)#in order to play sims 2 tomorrow.#and tuesday will be the third parts and wednesday will be the fourth parts. just in time for both of them to be due on thursday.#in this way im hoping to maybe give extra motivation for finishing. while also not denying myself joy outright.#bc i think the listlessness has also been working against me. that was the problem with friday.#have a goal... a Reward to work towards... sims 2 on the pc.......#i'll probably add in some chores to the responsibilities this week too but not too much. dont wanna overwork myself.#really is so unfortunate that i have Both of these due on thursday. so much work....
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having the everything happen to you at once is not fun, can confirm
#my art#doodles#my persona#it me#vent post#i dont think im gonna get anymore attacks done this year 😭#family drama w/ my cousin and his fiancée that stresses me out despite not being involved#bc i love them both dearly and theyre Going Thru It#having to mourn a friendship thats apparently been over for a year w/o my knowledge#and feeling like utter shit bc i considered them one of my best friends#and work barely giving me hours so stressing about all my medical expenses if this keeps up#AND to top it off. starting yet another new medication tomorrow#so who knows how thats gonna interact w all my other ones#im just tired. and sad. and feeling utterly worthless#trying to stay positive despite it all tho so Maybe i WILL get an art done before this years fight is over#cant discount the possibility of suddenly having all my motivation to be productive return#sometime in the next 24 hours#or maybe i'll just draw stuff for myself to cheer myself up! who knows!#i will not let this consume me. even tho ive let it consume me for several days. im fighting!#im gonna find a way to be positive thru this even if it kills me
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Fursona mask wip :]
Pieces aren't glued yet, plus I still need a bunch more to cut out (the ears are very obviously missing, plus fangs, eyelashes, inner eye.... still a lotta work to be done)
Also still gotta figure out how I'm gonna color this thing...... I don't have paint so I'll have to make do with markers I think
#wip#probs not gonna post the finished thing on my art blog. gonna post it here on main instead#there's a lot of messy edges i'll have to figure out how to cover up....#i don't have a exacto knife of box cutter or anything like that so i can't clean them up well#but scissors will have to do for now#if it looks really funky it's the camera's fault lmao. also the fact that the pieces aren't glued#it looks better irl i promise#posting to keep myself motivated#also i will work on the comic i said i was gonna draw. tomorrow#i was out for most of the day and then had to help mom bake when i got back#we made quesitos tho so i'm ok with losing that time to draw#i'm tired now good night
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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Somehow, after months of not moving a muscle, I managed to get off my ass and do some light stretching + a whole damn abs routine too, that I still have no idea how I got through it, I remember it being hard on Normal day, and now my whole body is feeling this little workout and I'm like?? WHo are you?
Now to keep it going, tho...
#personal#Raksh posts#the anxiety and stress started creeping in#tho I have A FULL WEEK OFF with no classes nothing#so I was like - I might as well Try to get rid of that nibbling stress#and like damn this feels nice#also made me realize how out of shape I am :''') not that it's a surprise but still#gonna try and keep it up with at least like One thing a day#a couple of stretches or an exercise here and there so it's not just a one time thing (I Am prone to doing that)#tomorrow I have some logistics to maneuver around since Im going to the theater with a couple friends in the evening#and we're meeting earlier in the day for some drinks too bcs my last train is not late enough to go After the spectacle#but anyway I guess I'll try to do some stretches before noon and then figure out food before I go to the train station#damn maybe I can start getting myself back together#like I even started rereading my Voiles stuff - esp the BatB AU#and if I go back to writing it? goodness help me#I Know there are still people reading the ship but oh my god really??#anyway I had to throw this out of myself I guess xD#Im still debating on making some pizza dough today and maybe making one to eat later hmmm#it's like - me making homemade pizza seems to always be a sign of getting out from some kind of slump/depressive episode#because I never have the energy or motivation when it's Bad but I Love pizza and actually enjoy making it so#yeah we'll see I guess#still half a day ahead hah
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as a bonus, here's the current first line of my WIP:
When Dustin had explained what “Camp-Know-Where” was about, Steve hadn’t been able to stop himself from making a face.
#lukapost#wictf#i rly need to get myself motivated for this but this time of year is extremely rough b/c very bad anniversary#gonna try to make another beta post tomorrow tho so i have more people to talk to about it which might help
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This girl is like an architect and I am just her NEW INVENTION
#eggs can art#danganronpa#danganronpa fanart#izuru kamukura#no doodles today take this instead#I made the mistake of listening to the weirdly philosophical side of yt at the wrong time of night and feeling like shit#so this was all I could make lol#closest thing I’ve been able to get myself to make to a finished piece in a while tho#naegamigiri posting continues tomorrow probably#I’m slowly running out of ideas for naegamigiri doodles so if you have any I’ll listen lol#I still have motivation and a drive to draw it my head is just empty#glad I got a chance to go apeshit on colors again#I’m really proud of how I do colors#my favorite aspect of my art style :)
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I might have an alt problem.
#the rare leigh#im gonna put the finishing touches on her in the morning#but yes#there is a new flower in my bouquet!#she's a revisit to an old concept i had for WoL Lily#still have to work out a couple details#tidy up the screenshots#which can wait till the morning#oh and she is the gladiolus#(I really need to take some time and finish up Mai and Myste tho)#maybe i'll do all three tomorrow when i have the house to myself#we'll see if i have the adhd motivation wooooo...#(also Shio if you are reading this... I blame you for my alt problem <3)
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im not doin so hot today/this week gamers
#its very rare for me to not want to eat/have to force myself to get somethin to eat#even in depressi mode#ive eaten tho. didnt have any appetite but i ate#absolutely no motivation to shower or do dishes or anything tho#or even go out to pick up my meds#uhhh#maybe ill do it tomorrow. smile.
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I have too pee so bad, and my water is empty and i need a drink , but the flow of this scene is actually working out and I don't wanna take a breakkkkkkk
#this is me making myself get up btw.#i think I might have the motivation to FINISH this fic tonight and post it tomorrow. no promises tho.#very much so
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..
#i ran out of tags on the last post AJSJSJS#SO i cant close my eye or use my mouth as well as i normally can and my eye hurts like a bitch#dr gave me 1) a second round of antibiotics 2) swimmer’s ear meds which my parents had to pay for out of pocket (like $90!!!)#3) steroids for the paralysis 4) yeast infection meds bc last time i got one#5) artificial tears to keep my eye nice n lubed up since it can’t CLOSE#so now i’m all full of meds that are making my stomach hurt a fuck ton and fucking with my appetite and making me hot and flushed and angry#i can’t see super well and i cant hear out of the one ear literally at all so stuff like retail job and lab work with classmates are hard#i’m exhausted and sick and have no motivation for schoolwork which I already was struggling w as a result of autistic burnout and PDA#i also do think that this is a hilarious set of unfortunate circumstances and yesterday i was very giggly abt it but today i’m just pissed#i can’t sleep well under the best of circumstances and tonight i rly cant#i tried to go to bed early bc i’m so tired and i need to force myself to go to classes tomorrow since i’ve been skipping a lot of them#my profs know abt the issues btw but :))) academia is hell if you’re at all sick or disabled or having mental health problems or whatever#no room for flexibility or adaptation in my experience#anyway i just wanted to vent for a while!!!#i am not in danger or anything and i’m not a threat to myself or others or anything scary#just frustrated and sick#the paralysis should go away within weeks to months 🙃#for some people it never goes away 🙃#so fingers crossed#but i am thankful to have meds readily accessible even tho they’re expensive and stupid#that’s all!! time to put my sleep mask back on and try to pass out#i tried taping my eye shut per doc recommendation but it wouldn’t stick#💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼
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January feels like if a reading slump was a month
#mine#semi rant#i feel so miserable right now and i hate it#its freezing#im bored#i cant seem to motivate myself to do anything beyond keeping my house clean#genuinely starting to question whether i might have seasonal affective disorder#or whether its just an extreme manifestation of my temperature based sensory issues#im going out with the girls from work tomorrow tho so hopefully that will cheer me up
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I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
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rewrote my resume and did all of my fancy clothes worth of laundry today. i have like twelve fancy dresses hanging up in very precarious places in my bedroom to dry rn. so basically i have put in Work i deserve to spend the night being silly goofy
#i have to send Emails tomorrow tho#being an adult is like 'oh this isnt that hard' and then the horrors hit (emails)#ugh. anyways. painting maybe coming soon if i ever figure out how to motivate myself to do things off my meds
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Daily check in - Day 1
Hi guyss!! So I decided to start this series because I think it could help me with my commitment issues and get the motivation I need to actually change my life. I won't probably do it every single day because my schedule is extremely busy, but I'll try to stick to it and be true with myself and you here.
Workout: rest day, can't even take one though so I:
played handball in p.e (25 minutes)
did 100 jumping jacks, 10 burpees and 5 push ups
Steps: 13 200
Eating:
I really binged all day, had like 13 cookies, 200 grams of peanuts, a lot of chips and a lot of bread too, probs 650 cals over maintenance. This is exactly the reason why I'm starting the series, to get back on track and stop the bingeing.
Water:
2.25 liters
Sleep:
6 hours, bad quality
Studying:
2 hours of tutoring + revising for the final exam
Self care:
Winter depression be hitting HARD, really can't be bothered to take care of myself (should have washed my hair 3 days ago but here I am), takes me AGES to go and brush my teeth and do my skincare (did it tho!!)
Emotion of the day:
Happiness (got the best mark in physics and I really enjoyed class today, also I really loved all the food I had, even if I binge-ate it. Food truly makes me happy and I don't regret a single thing!)
Thoughts for tomorrow:
I wish to improve my relationship with food and not binge tomorrow (I've been binging everyday for the last week)
Be really active and raise my hand in physics and chemistry
Healthy and really high protein meals + strength workouts, hitting arms again probably
#becoming that girl#it girl#that girl#self improvement#self development#healthy girl#healthylifestyle#healthyliving#that girl aesthetic#wellness girl#it girl aesthetic#healthy eating#health and wellness#wellnessjourney#clean girl aesthetic#clean eating#clean girl#cleancore#weight loss#pink aesthetic#pilates princess#self care#dream girl#study motivation#student life#girl blogger#girlblogging#girlblog#studyspo#student
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