#this actually could apply to so many people it's heartbreaking

[christiangeistdorfer]

PROSENNA + IN MY LIFE

But of all these friends and lovers There is no one compares with you

[skywalkr-nberrie]

Girlboss Padmé stans saying that her dying out of sadness over losing Anakin is “out of character” (when it’s actually not.) because she would want to live for her twins, as she’s always desired to have her own children one day? They missed the huge part of her character that said she desired to have a “family” specifically, which included her husband. She wanted to settle down with someone she loved and have children with THEM. Nobody could ever impress Padmé enough to stir her away from duty until Anakin came into her life. Padmé finally found that one person whom she could have all she desired with and that was Anakin. She could have her kids, her husband, her very much desired family, they all are mentioning.

She loved Anakin way more than her duty, and this is the part they purposely ignore. Which is why her ending doesn’t add up to any of them. Willfully ignoring her character and behave as a hypocrite when they say they “understand her.” Yes, duty was important to Padmé, but she always wanted to step away from that to enjoy her life, which she was so close to having. And blaming her for dying out of an unendurable heartbreak is cruel.

Constantly bringing up the deleted ROTS concept of Padmé going to Mustafar to end Anakin, and claiming that ending would be “better” for her proves you’re only projecting your own ideals into her character and not truly loving and appreciating her as she is. Funnily enough, the knife concept is widely misinterpreted by these fans as well. They see it as the colder and more detached version of Padmé’s character, but that’s a huge misconception 🤷🏾‍♀️ in the OG concept, Padmé only went there with the intention to end Anakin’s life because she loves him so much, then inevitably isn’t able to actually kill him because of the amount of love she had for him.

And I’ll be the first to say that had anyone else been reported to be seen killing younglings and other Jedi, it would be in character for Padmé to bring this issue in front of the senate and bring the culprit to justice. However, it was never going to be the same when it came to Anakin, and that’s the pill these girlboss stans can’t swallow. They can’t handle that Anakin was more precious to Padmé than duty.

Fact is that Padmé would choose him over and over again if the opportunity presented itself. Of course, she wouldn’t have joined him when he asked to rule the galaxy with him (in the same way Luke doesn’t when Vader asks his son the same question. And somehow people are still able to comprehend that Luke still loves and believes in his father, despite refusing to join him, but don’t apply this same logic for Padmé?) nor would she justify his actions, she’d be severely against them 100%. She’d even in her own way take up actions against the Empire, and go up against anything Anakin was being put up too. (Like working with the Rebellion, and taking Anakin away from the chaos.) But she’d never lose faith in his goodness, nor would she ever abandon him. (like many insist she should’ve, or choose to turn him in to the authorities.)

It’s 100% in her character to put Anakin as her top priority. Her first and main allegiance and devotion is to him (she even says so in ROTS junior novel that she couldn’t betray Anakin, despite being told what he’s done.) her loyalties was from day 1 with Anakin, more than anything. And why is that? It’s because Padmé not only loves Anakin, but she knows him. In fact, It’s because she knows him, that she loves him so deeply. She can understand and sympathize with him, she knows he’s a good person at his core, and would never hurt anyone out of malice or aim for power. If he’s committing atrocities? Padmé would know he’s doing it out of a desperate act of love, which is something Padmé can relate to and understand.

And if you ask me, talking as if Padmé chose to die, is completely unfair, and shows no compassion nor sympathy for her character. Even if she did, holding that against her is also inconsiderate. No, this poor woman couldn’t handle the loss of her husband, whom she loved so much, and mourning the loss of the family they’d have together. It was too much, that she lost heart and succumbed to death. She couldn’t handle it! That in no ways makes Padmé a “bad person” nor does it make her a “bad mother.”

All in all? Padmé loved Luke and Leia so much, and she wanted nothing more than to be with them. Don’t try and downplay that because she lost the will to live. She spent the last bit of strength she had left to bring them into the world, see her babies with her own eyes, and give them a name herself. You can see in her eyes how much she loved them, and how badly she wanted to be with them. But her heart couldn’t take much more. It’s truly tragic. Her whole life was in service of others, and she couldn’t even have one thing to herself. Now she can’t even die in peace thanks to some of these fans 💀

[cuttyclowngirl]

Daima EP.5 (Spoiler) Review/theories

• While Panzy's eye color means nothing in regards to her lineage, she does come from an important lineage as some of us suspected. Panzy, princess of machine otakus. Glorio not immediately recognizing her by name or appearance likely implies either 3rd world demons aren't interested in the royal family in general or Panzy's very existence is somewhat restricted to those who live/work at her castle. Could it be that she never actually received a collar as a result of that? Is that why she wears the scarf?

• Glorio very clearly doesn't want anyone outside of Goku's circle to join in regardless of any help they can offer. (Not part of Dr Arinsu's plan?) No choice now. Panzy's a helpful mechanic.

• Glorio did in fact speak to King Kadan, who did not in fact request that Glorio seek out those who defeated Majin Buu; implying that Glorio "snuck" into King Gohma's castle & gathered intel on Goku & crew in episode 1 before being "sent out" by King Kadan. Even a 3rd world demon who does "work" in the 1st world shouldn't be able to get anywhere near the castle of THE SUPREME KING of the DEMON REALM. He was let in. Dr Arinsu popped up unannounced in episode 1 & Glorio just happened to be spying behind a pillar? Nah.

• The 3rd demon world being the biggest, (yet worst off) world in the entire realm might just maybe imply worlds 1&2 have slightly lower gravity, but probably not.

• King Kadan is a man of seemingly righteous anger (Glorio describes him as an uncivilized Mafia boss) who wants to get rid of King Gohma & somehow assume the throne of Supreme King. For "peace". Is that actually possible? Was he perhaps promised that position by a manipulator in the shadows? (Dr Arinsu?) Panzy said her father "only steals from criminals & only kills bad people", which is usually a set up for a heartbreaking reveal that'll leave Panzy in tears. Or it could be nothing.

• Apparently those awful collars even function as tracking devices.

• They even have onigiri in the Demon Realm. Cute. Implies demon rice fields & unique demon ocean seaweed.

• Panzy has a knife she hasn't used yet. Judging from all that courtyard soldier training going on at her castle, she probably picked up a few moves from watching & learning.

• It was nice hearing Goku introduce himself with both his names. His interactions with Panzy are cute so far, as I'd hoped. Panzy herself is charmingly stubborn, insisting on getting her way without throwing tantrums/ throwing a fit.

• In the 3rd world at least, the inhabitants live up to a thousand years. This likely doesn't apply to the Glinds who live for a VERY long time.

• Every Majin (demon) can use at least one magic spell. So could magical enhancement explain Glorio's strength?

• Goku can canonically touch his nose with his tongue.

• Panzy implied that there are next to no Glinds in the Demon Realm due to the vast majority leaving ages ago, as many of us suspected. Though based on the passive aggressive conversation Shin had with Glorio episode 3, there might be a handful of Glinds somewhere in 2nd world.

• So the stick with blue cloth tied to it from the OP isn't a grave marker, but a path marker. Based on the sound of the wind (in the scene in this episode) & the direction the cloth was blowing, you're supposed to take the path the cloth points to. (In the OP the cloth is blowing to the right, then the camera pans to the right, where Goku & crew are seen traveling)

• Panzy confirms that Dabura was still a bad guy prior to the events of the Buu saga, so thankfully he hasn't been retconed as a good guy King. (Wouldn't make sense)

• Dende's caretaker (nanny?) is cute. Hope she gets a name. Much smarter of King Gohma planing on raising Dende so he can have his own personal set of dragon balls & probably get rid of Neva. (So it was probably Degesu's idea)

• I want to know what those demon onions have seen...

• The Tamagamis have never been defeated. Their poor win streak's about to be demolished.

• Smart of Shin (Supreme Kai) to bring up the pin number issue with King Kadan, who introduced us to a demon (of currently unspecified gender) named "Hybis" (Hibiscus flower?) who loves ballet & will head out to pick up/help Vegeta & crew. Hybis also shows off a device that's visually similar to the dragon radar, but also Babidi's energy reading device we saw Spopovich using when Gohan went SSJ2 at the tournament in the Buu saga. Just cooler. (Panzy is also seen holding a similar device in the ED) I swear, if the eyeball on Hybis' belt turns out to be the Tertian Oculus...

• Shin straight up drops "universe 7" in front of Goku, who doesn't register it & that's hilarious. Shin also finally shared his suspicions of Glorio with Goku, bringing up things we've been bringing up & such. Goku was Goku about it.

• I wasn't ready for the children's book art style bit when King Kadan ordered 3 men to steal a plane for Hybis from the "Nemophy Gang".

• Man, someone must've put a plane curse on Glorio, cuz bro has ZERO luck in that department. A 4 day trip & it breaks down in 2 minutes. (Guess Kai-Kai isn't an option)

• Hope we return to Kadan castle from time to time to introduce us to a few of those background characters like cool, pretty, buff red head with the silly ah chest plate.

• Wonder if Glorio actually has any of that liquor King Kadan offered to provide.

• Cute detail of Goku carrying luggage with his nyoibo.

• I super hope that axolotl tailed stuffed animal Panzy brought along will actually be sold IRL. I want.

[outmakingmoonshine]

I know some of us will be watching S3 in just over 24 hours so I just wanted to gently remind people of the dialogue in 1x01 that told us what to expect from the romance in this show:

"I hate to break your hearts motherf*ckers but that mushy, gluey/gooey bullsh*t is not bailing us out this time. Ballbreaker is."

In the first image the second definition is kinda mysoginistic but honestly I can see how this works into the story of the show. Sydney's not threatening (unless you're Richie getting on her last nerve) but I can see how Carmy could feel like she dominates him on a "having your life together" level but it's not Syd that's destroying his self-confidence, it's the way he goes about things that end badly for him. Or maybe that part is about Donna beause she definitely fits that definition for Carmy.

The second image is a more accurate representation of what I think they mean in the show. I think Carmy does see Sydney as demanding a lot from him even though she hasn't actually demanded anything except his focus, he just wants to give her everything and because he's failing we're watching that slowly crumble his confidence. I think aggressive and tough applies to how Syd sees Carmy. He does burden her with his responsibilites at the restaurant which demands a lot from her and we've been watching him slowly damage her self confidence throughout S2. Both are destroying each other's self confidence in different ways. These two fools in love just wanna do things for each other and make each other happy but they put so much pressure on themselves to please the other one. Meanwhile neither of them are aware that all they both want is to connect with each other.

Anyway I think these literal definitions are more in the background, they apply but this show loves symbology and metaphors so metaphorically I think by "ballbreaker" they mean this love story is going to be painful and heartbreaking to watch. They key is remembering that dialogue was made in the subtext of romance. They told us "I hate to break your hearts" while subtextually telling us what to expect from the romance in this show so I'm just saying, maybe go into this season with that in mind.

The lead up to the end of any show is usually horrific for endgame ships. They make it seem like they'll never be together so it's "surprising" when they finally get together in the end. That's been the case for nearly every single endgame ship I've ever watched (and there's been many) so I'm fully expecting it in this one. (Lowkey it's what usually turns me off of ships before the end bc they go too hard sometimes and make it toxic just for the sake of it which is annoying).

I have no doubt this show will eventually end on a good note, we're not watching Carmy and Syd struggle to find a connection season after season for it to never happen. The resolution to Carmy's story is finding a lasting connection with someone and the ONLY person he's desperately tried to find a connection with for 2 whole seasons (and it's about to be 3) is Syd. So imo there's really nowhere else this story is going except towards them finding a deep lasting connection with each other. Also the fact they started their story off with insane sexual tension and never let them resolve that tension tells me it's not going to end platonically. You don't bring up any kind of tension in a story and never resolve it.

[jeonscatalyst]

Hi.

I have been reading a lot of jikook fanfic lately, especially omegaverse. In this fanfics, Jimin is mostly portrayed as the omega and Jungkook the Alpha. However, from watching their interactions in real life I feel like Jimin is the Alpha in the relationship. Jungkook may not necessarily be the omega type in real life, but JM comes off Alpha like. I don't know, that's how it seems to me. What do you think?

Hi anon,

I’m sorry, but I might not be the best person to ask about this. I don’t read fanfics, and I’m not very familiar with the terms or the dynamics in which Jikook are typically portrayed in them. Because of that, I might not be able to give you a good answer.

From the little I’ve seen in online discussions about the whole alpha and omega concept, I would guess that Jimin is often portrayed that way in fanfics because of his delicate, feminine-leaning features as well as his caring and nurturing nature while JK’s more masculine features—along with his tattoos—give him the stereotypical bad-boy vibe. Personality-wise, both Jimin and JK have moments where they lean into their more feminine side and others where they display a more masculine side.

I do feel that many people, including some Jikookers, misunderstand Jimin and Jungkook. Yes, Jimin is incredibly androgynous, dainty, and delicate, but that doesn’t mean he should be mistaken for a damsel in distress waiting for strong bad-boy Jungkook to save him. Jimin is incredibly powerful, not just physically but also mentally, and as you said, he could very well embody an ‘alpha’ persona.

On the other hand, while Jungkook might look like a stereotypical bad-boy heartbreaker with his muscles, tattoos, and piercings, and even occasionally seem like the domineering one, he’s actually one of the most sensitive, obedient (when he wants to be) and soft-hearted people you’ll ever find. He’s the type to keep his toiletries in a pink toiletry bag, use fluffy credit card cases, and apply Bratz lip balm. He takes his skincare and hygiene seriously, cries during sad movies, and is deeply moved when he sees loved ones crying. These are traits often stereotypically assigned to women or ‘omegas,’ but Jungkook encompasses all of these qualities and so much more.

I’m not sure if the way I described it aligns with what you mean, as I’m not very familiar with fanfics, as I mentioned earlier. However, based on what I do know about those terms, I would say that both Jimin and Jungkook can embody either an “alpha” or “omega” role depending on the situation.

[tangents-within-tangents]

Aspec ✨Icons✨ part 1: Captain Rex (Clone Wars)

(overthought disclaimers: X O)

Listen

Captain Rex is an Aroace KING! (pun intended, he deserves it)

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's gotten this vibe, but I wanna talk about why because I think it's actually really cool

For me this comes mainly from Clone Wars S2E10 'The Deserter' in which Cut is all “I know you’re jealous of my family” and Rex is like “Well maybe the 501st IS my family! And screw your amatonormative standards, maybe my life as a soldier IS meaningful to me!”

Cut: I’ve seen how you look at my family, our home. Come on Rex, admit it! You’ve thought about what your life could look like if you were to also leave the army. Choose the life you want. Rex: What if I am choosing the life I want? What if I’m staying in the army because it’s meaningful to me? Cut: And how is it meaningful? Rex: Because I’m part of the most pivotal moment in the history of the Republic. If we fail then our children, and their children could be forced to live under an evil I can’t well imagine. Cut: If you were to have children. Of course, but that would be against the rules wouldn't it? Isn’t that what someone programmed you to believe, Captain? Rex: No Cut, it’s simply what I believe. Doesn’t matter if it’s my children or other people’s children.

(I think this bit is especially cool because it specifically shows that Rex's morals and heroism are not dependent on having kids of his own, he is still altruistic and recognizes the importance of protecting the future (he's def got Hunter beat there, not like it's hard tho lol))

Rex: I’ve been in countless battles, and lost many brothers. They were my family. My home.

(okay just break my heart why don't ya)

Cut: You’re welcome to stay, Rex. Rex: This is your home, Cut. My family is elsewhere.

And then he also seems to be the only clone who skipped the Mandalorian dad instincts gene. Like just look at his reaction to kids (it's hilarious) :

(bc the clone dad instincts totally apply to droids too and he was not having it!)

And of course, there's how painfully awkward he is when he’s in the remote proximity of romantic shenanigans:

Poor guy lol. It's always hard being the only "sober one at the party"

Read: "You can call your secret wife later, sir, my brother is in danger"

(Also he literally matches the flag! Case closed)

A common misconception we aspecs face is that we are inherently selfish or unfeeling, especially those aroaces who choose not to have traditional families and whatnot. But the ability to feel romantic/sexual attraction, or the desire to act on it has nothing to do with any of that. We still have connections, I might even argue that we value our familial and platonic connections more than others (edit: for those who aren't also aplatonic or afamilial that is, of course). And I just think that's reflected so wonderfully in Rex. He's such a good person, he fights for what he believes in. The love and care is so evident, he is the number one best big brother, and there is so much focus on his friendship with Ahsoka.

Ahsoka: The Republic couldn’t have asked for better soldiers, nor I a better friend.

Just the fact that they have such a close bond and it is given so much attention (esp in the finale), without any sort of romance involved is really sweet and honestly amazing

And we see in Rebels that that is a lifelong connection

Ahsoka: Thank you, for trusting my friend

Wow wow wow look at all the love, emotional depth, and compelling storytelling (other heartbreaking scenes not pictured bc ahhh) we can achieve with non-romantic relationships hmm...

(sticker should be up soon :)

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Zack Beauchamp at Vox:

Vice President Kamala Harris’s acceptance speech started slow, getting bogged down in a familiar recitation of her biography. But it got stronger over time, really hitting its stride when she got around to a topic that’s often dry: foreign policy. There, she showed a facility with policy and an aptitude for navigating deeply divisive issues like Israel-Palestine that did wonders for her commander-in-chief credibility. Part of what worked was Harris’s palpably emotional delivery. But there was also a real crispness to the speech’s arguments. Here’s what she said, for example, in discussing Trump’s affinity for dictators:

[I will not cozy up to tyrants and dictators like Kim Jong Un who are rooting for Trump. Who are rooting for Trump because they know he is easy to manipulate with flattery and favors. They know Trump won’t hold autocrats accountable because he wants to be an autocrat himself.]

In just three lines, she presented an entire cogent theory of what’s wrong with Trump — that he is a selfish, unserious man whose entire approach to politics is anathema to American democracy — and illustrated it with a compelling, easily graspable example. As a writer, it’s hard not to admire the craft here. She also applied that in her discussion of Israel-Palestine, where she delivered one of the deftest handlings of the issue I’ve ever seen from a politician, one that displayed empathy for both sides while also implicitly distancing herself from Biden’s unbalanced pro-Israel approach:

[I will always stand up for Israel’s right to defend itself. And I will always ensure Israel has the ability to defend itself, because the people of Israel must never again face the horror that a terrorist organization called Hamas caused on October 7, including unspeakable sexual violence and the massacre of young people at a music festival. At the same time, what has happened in Gaza over the past 10 months is devastating. So many innocent lives lost, desperate, hungry people fleeing for safety over and over again. The scale of suffering is heartbreaking. President Biden and I are working to end this war such that Israel is secure, the hostages are released, the suffering in Gaza ends, and the Palestinian people can realize their right to dignity, security, freedom, and self-determination.]

Harris’s framing not only recognized the strongest points in both the Israeli and Palestinian narratives of the current conflict, it took them seriously. She did not mince words or dance around the horror of October 7. She acknowledged why the attack was such an unforgivable assault on Israeli lives and reiterated her commitment to preventing it from ever happening again. At the same time, she went much further than even most Democrats are willing to in recognizing the immense and ongoing suffering of Palestinians. More than that, actually: She acknowledged that Palestinians have legitimate rights — rights that demand even more than an end to this war, but a future where Palestinians truly rule themselves. Too often, people discussing this topic feel the need to only recognize one of these narratives — and in American politics, that’s most often the Israeli one. Yet Harris placed them on truly equal footing, taking the moral ideas implicit in a two-state solution to the conflict and bringing them to the fore. The result was a discussion that anyone who cares about both Israeli and Palestinian lives could appreciate, and one that felt genuine in the delivery rather than just pro forma.

[...] But this speech felt meaningfully different in two respects. First, its rhetorical structure: Presenting Palestinian aspirations for self-determination as the moral climax of her discussion of the issue, the apex concern, felt like a meaningful shift away from a biased status quo. Second, and more importantly, it’s consistent: In public and reportedly in private, Harris has demonstrated far more concern with the suffering of Palestinian civilians.

During a portion of Kamala Harris’s Democratic nomination acceptance speech at the DNC last night, Harris touched on the Israel/Palestine topic, and she said that Palestinians have a right to self-determination. Harris also spoke out against the October 7th terrorist activities by Hamas. #DNC2024

[minnaci]

okay. whipped out my laptop again for apology tour. same disclaimers apply: i'm not a hellaverse blog (or, if i am, i'm very much in denial about it), i enjoy the show and the characters, and my opinions are informed by my personal lived experiences. apology tour spoilers ahead.

i've done a lot of scrolling through comments and posts since watching apology tour and, while many good points were made, i'm not sure that any of them sufficiently sum up how conflicted i feel about this episode. i'll try to hopefully stumble my way into a coherent analysis.

full warning, it will be blitz-centric, but there is enough nuance in my heart to be sympathetic to stolas, too. both of them fucked up! i just happen to identify more strongly with blitz.

tldr: the showrunners said it best. stolas is not quite as self-aware as he should be, and blitz... is blitz. cw for spoilers and discussions of american racism (particularly antiblackness) and classism.

this crux of the issue in apology tour continues to be miscommunication, which is heavily influenced by 1. both blitz's and stolas's pasts and 2. the sociopolitical context in which they operate.

1 . STOLAS

stolas was a victim of emotional neglect in his childhood, and then a victim of his emotionally abusive wife in his adulthood. he, as he so aptly implies in apology tour, has never truly felt wanted beyond what he could provide to his family. one of the only times we have ever seen stolas happy was at the circus as a child, where he developed a fleeting, parasocial admiration for blitz.

in this way, stolas is painfully, achingly relatable. while he grew up in a disgusting amount of material wealth, he has been deprived of the one thing you cannot buy with money: unconditional love. he yearns for the type of romance he reads about, the type of passionate desire that he watches in his telenovelas, and when blitz comes along— the one, shining memory in stolas's otherwise dull childhood— stolas falls into the fantasy.

and that's exactly what it is. in the beginning, stolas doesn't really want blitz. he wants what blitz represents— a charming, seductive figure to ravish him, to hold him close, to show him that he is desirable and make him feel wanted. it's a fantasy at the price of the key to stolas's job— a fantasy that is, from an outsider's perspective, easily explained by racial fetishization. more on this later.

to stolas, it's a small price to pay. the grimoire, a token piece of power to the goetias, in exchange for the one thing that stolas has always wanted? sign stolas up! stolas has never had to worry about his livelihood, nor his safety— not in any way that matters. not in any way that blitz would have had to.

stolas is ignorant. he is naive and unaware of how the world works. this remains true when he falls for blitz, when he plans to "set them free" (a la "when i see him"), even after he confesses and his fairy-tale fantasies come crashing down around him. he is not in a place where he can comprehend the effects of class on his relationships because it is not something he has ever had to consider before.

all that said, none of that invalidates the way that stolas feels when blitz explodes at him in full moon. stolas setting his boundaries at the beginning of apology tour ("i feel uncomfortable when you talk to me that way") is valid. it's actually an example of communication gone right in this episode, in that stolas explicitly communicates how blitz's actions make him feel.

his resultant upset when blitz keeps pushing him and antagonizing him is similarly valid. his decision to go to verosika's party is valid. my main point here is: while i don't particularly enjoy stolas's actions in full moon or even in apology tour, i can empathize with wanting to be wanted by someone so badly that it basically ruins your life.

again, stolas is ignorant. he lacks self awareness. he is emotionally immature and lacks empathy. but the message here isn't "rich people can't feel heartbreak", at least for me. the message is "even though he is hurt, stolas needs to understand that his actions have consequences, and that blitz experiences relationships (and the world) in a fundamentally different way than stolas as a product of the differences in socioeconomic contexts in which they were raised."

2. BLITZ

oh, blitz. where to start? this is where i admit that there are a lot of similarities between the way blitz and i grew up, and a lot of similarities in the ways that we view relationships now (read: i may project a bit. apologies in advance).

from when he was young, blitz has learned that the only successful type of love is love that is transactional. he loved his mother, and she died in a fire he started. he loved fizz and barbie, and he ruined their lives. the only "successful" love he has experienced is love where he provides something (read: gets "used") and receives something in return. so, unless he can provide something of value to his partner, blitz prefers to keep it casual. in blitz's mind, people don't care about blitz, and people shouldn't care about blitz. loving blitz has always been a recipe for disaster, because in his perspective, if he can't provide something to his lover that offsets the destruction that he causes, then he's not worth it.

it's normal for blitz to feel used. it's normal for blitz to feel less-than, or unwanted, or unloved, and it hurts blitz less to believe that. sex is fun. he can "do sex", and he can do sex good, and maybe to him, that's all that he can do good. he certainly can't hold down a relationship. his employees only care about him because he provides a stable source of income. his daughter only cares about him because he gives her shelter. it's normal. blitz feeling hated is normal, and the normalcy brings him so much comfort that he purposefully pushes people away to maintain that awful, vicious cycle of a status quo. it's a self-fulfulling prophecy.

blitz's approach to stolas in the beginning of apology tour is his desperate bid to return to normal. stolas being so short and angry with him is almost comforting— blitz knows how anger feels. he knows how hate feels. stolas is just another person who finally, finally realized what blitz knew all along— love is something that isn't possible for blitz, because he always fucks it up (at least in his perspective). and if stolas lets blitz fuck him, lets blitz provide this service to him, then maybe, blitz can "earn his way to earth" (read: "earn" stolas's affection back). affection, to blitz, is something for him to work tirelessly and endlessly to receive— a sisyphean affair. he is not ever intended to actually receive it.

stolas doesn't recognize this. stolas doesn't even try. but in stolas's defense, blitz doesn't exactly make it easy. i may empathize with blitz, but i think i would also be a little less prone to empathy if the object of my affections mocked my feelings by brushing them off in favor of sex and then screaming "GAY" in my face when i refused.

the rest of blitz's apology tour is borne out of pettiness towards stolas, because in his eyes, stolas is the one who wronged him. stolas was the one who accepted the rules of engagement with blitz (i.e., a transactional relationship: the grimoire for a bit of fun, kinky sex). stolas is the one who has all the power. stolas is the one who can choose to ruin blitz. stolas is the one who ruined the good thing they had going.

except... blitz doesn't really believe that. deep down, subconsciously, blitz knows he loves stolas, and by being in love, he's done to stolas what he did to his mother, to fizz, to barbie: ruined his life. maybe, if blitz could seduce stolas and make their relationship transactional again, he could correct their course and save stolas the pain of believing that blitz is deserving of love. it's a trolley problem: pull the lever, and blitz is the only one who gets hurt. let the trolley continue, and stolas will inevitably get caught in the crossfire of loving blitz.

blitz can handle a little pain. he handled it when his mother died. he handled it when fizz hated him. he handled it when barbie left him. he handles it over and over again, being used as tool for sexual pleasure or physical violence. he earns his pain, just as he feels he must "earn" the grimoire. just as he feels he must "earn" the little tokens of stolas's affection.

as an aside: the grimoire is more than a symbol of blitz's livelihood. it's a physical representation of the stark difference in class between blitz and stolas, as well as a representation of the transactional nature of all of blitz's relationships, not just the one between him and stolas. it is one magical book among thousands that the goetias own— a veritable drop in the bucket of the immense power, wealth, and influence that the goetias, and by extension, stolas, wield. that same book which is inconsequential to stolas and the goetias is everything to blitz. without the grimoire, he loses his job and everything that comes with it, including (in blitz's transactional view of relationships) millie, moxxie, and even loona's companionship. but i digress.

it's been said before that there is nobody who belongs at the blitz hate party more than blitz himself, and it's true— there is nobody in hell who could hate blitz more than he hates himself. because as much as he might present himself as a little dumb, he's anything but. he knows what he's doing will destroy him. he knows if he continues to do what he's doing, he'll "die alone", which, in some ways, is what he fears more than anything. he even tells verosika that he "doesn't want to be like this forever", but he can't seem to stop himself. he doesn't know how to stop himself.

after all, he's right. everyone hates him. it's evident in the party they've thrown for him. and the worst part thing is: it's his fault, and he knows it. he knows he's hurt all of these people, and even though he plays at callousness, he can't quite hide his hurt that stolas in particular won't hear him out. he can't hide his hurt that stolas can't seem to understand where blitz is coming from. because blitz does try to talk to stolas in apology tour. he tries to tell stolas what he's feeling, and how he regrets how he's spoken to stolas, but stolas is too drunk and too upset to care (which, btw, not blaming stolas for that. if i were a drinker, i'd be right there beside him).

stolas, in this moment, focuses entirely on himself and the pain that blitz put him through (again, not blaming stolas for that), but it tells blitz that stolas really, really does not care about him anymore, if he ever did. and wasn't that what blitz wanted? isn't that what blitz deserves? so it's easy to let a bigger, taller, more handsome, more suave imp sweep stolas off his feet and out of blitz's life. the imp is, by his t-shirt's estimation, "better than blitzo", after all. and don't they say that to love someone is to let them go?

verosika's advice to blitz only cements this. stolas is moving on. stolas deserves better. and blitz? all blitz deserves is to be used, so can he really be mad that some better imp is giving stolas what blitz never could? and again, blitz has dealt with the people he loves hating him before. his father sold him for $5. his best friend hated him for years. his sister still does. at least with stolas, he got the asmodean crystal out of it, and he won't lose the only semblance of companionship he has left.

3 - SOCIOECONOMIC CONTEXT

i saw a post that said that fans are focusing too much on the class difference between stolas and blitz, and i couldn't disagree more. in fact, i'd say that we are not focusing enough on the class difference between stolas and blitz.

all of stolas's ignorance is magnified tenfold by his lack of understanding of how their class and race difference colors their relationship. all of blitz's self-hatred and self-worth issues are exacerbated one-hundredfold by these same class and race differences.

classism and racism go hand in hand, especially in america. in helluva boss (and especially in the beginning of the stolitz dynamic), there is an implication of racial fetishization. blitz, the "lower-class" poor imp, fulfills stolas (an "upper-class" wealthy elite)'s fantasies of being "ravaged" and "taken" in his own home. stolas canonically enjoys the rough treatment, enjoys the taboo feeling of having blitz fuck him. it's very evocative of how some white american women fetishize and fantasize about black men— a fetish that has its roots in white supremacy (and especially the enslavement and ongoing oppression of black people in america.)

that said, in the context of helluva boss, it is very clear that blitz is aware of his socioeconomic standing the implications thereof— more aware than even stolas, who has ostensibly been educated on the social and economic nuances of the realm he helps to rule. he tries to tell stolas about how this difference in class affects him and amplifies his already awful self-worth ("you're a prince. it's hard to believe you would want me. that anyone would want me"), but stolas is incapable of hearing him.

all this to say, blitz is not solely to blame for their current relationship. that isn't to say that blitz is blameless. in fact, blitz isn't the most emotionally mature either— most of what i have written about him are things that i doubt he consciously realizes about himself. but stolas's ignorance and lack of willingness to consider where blitz is coming from, both emotionally and socioeconomically, make up a huge part of why stolitz continues to miscommunicate.

anyways. yeah. viv was right. things sure did happen.

[misty--nights]

Episode 5, here we go! This episode is a roller coaster. It has some of the funniest gags in the series, but also some of the most heartbreaking scenes. I'm surprised at how many thoughts I had about the characters with this one.

The editing of the recap has me dying! Who decided to cut from Niko asking if Edwin wanted to kiss Monty to that shot of Charles from when Edwin was enraptured by him and then back to Edwin saying "I don't know"? I gasped when I saw that. Fantastic

Charles is leaning in for a kiss when before Crystal says they need to talk. No, my boy, someone give him a hug

I said it before in episode 4, but it's wild to me that there was apparently like no real investigation done into Brad and Hunter's deaths

The envelope with Niko's letter has the same stickers as her envelope with rent from last episode. As someone who also finds every excuse to use cute stickers, I find this amazing

For all of Maxine's glaring problems, she actually makes a pretty good librarian. Love that she greets Niko by asking if she's done with her reading. Also love that apparently Niko borrows at least some of her manga from the library (we love supporting libraries in this house)

Charles looks genuinely intrigued when Niko mentions having her own case. I really wish we had gotten to see more scenes with these two because they'd make an amazing team. Just imagine the chaos and good vibes of the two of them combined

I know the eight ball is supposed to be predicting her imminent death, but the "outlook not so good" fits really well with the outlook of the date. And it shows right after she says she's feeling lucky about her case, so, I think it applies to that as well (in a way, you could say it's predicting Maxine's death in the episode? Maybe?)

When they go to the dragon's den, Brad says people don't go there anymore because they miss him and Hunter too much, which is an interesting way to put it. Like, I understand why he'd interpret it like that, given the kind of people the two of them are, but still. It didn't click until now that that is most likely not what other students think when they imagine going to the dragon's den

Edwin looks so concerned about what a hand job is. Especially after Charles reaction, I'm dying

There is a genuine record scratch after Maxine mentions the nightshirt thing. I rarely pay attention to the background music in shows and music, so this one took me by surprise. It works really well with the scene, though, I like it

I know part of the reason this case affects Charles so much is because he's trying to tell himself he's not this terrible person because of his trauma and anger. But do you also think Brad and Hunter remind him of the guys he used to hang out with when he was alive? The ones who killed him? He looks really hurt when he tells them "you were cruel just for the shits", and I think it would make sense for him to be remembering his own friends' cruelty. Towards that other boy they were kicking and that he tried to defend, and towards Charles himself when they killed him. I think maybe in that moment he's remembering the way they laughed as they hurt him, how they cheered as he froze in the lake and tried to avoid their blows

Did they put eyeliner on Charles just so that his eyes would look all smudged every time he cries? Because it's devastating seeing him like that each time. And that hopeful smile he gets right before hugging Edwin? Ugh, my heart

Also in that scene, the way Charles nuzzles against Edwin's face during the hug, I swear!! Someone needs to give this boy like a thousand hugs right now

"I could smooth everything out again." This line breaks me knowing Crystal's backstory. Can you imagine her, letting David posses her because he promised to dull out all of this rage and hurt that have festered inside of her for years? And he does, he takes all of that and the memories and everything, but she's left trapped inside of herself, unable to do anything but watch him do as he pleases with her body. I think she should also get like a thousand hugs right away

Is Monty's ring a bird skull? Because that's adorable and very on brand

[shit-begone]

WISHES (Part 1)

Wishes (Masterlist) | Next (Part 2)

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:

Include your SVT Friends in your imagination depending from their biases. Mingyu, Jeonghan and Seungkwan have girlfriends in this AU. Happy reading!

Y/N - Your name | Y/FN - Your full name | Y/LN - Your last name

SEUNGCHEOL X READER

DINO AS SECOND MALE LEAD

-----

WORD COUNT (Part 1 to Part 9): 45,515

STORY LINE:

*Lee Chan/Dino as your best friend that suddenly confessed his feelings for you.

*Choi Seungcheol/Cheol as the annoying mutual friend who wants to be a part of your life.

The confusion began when you realized that your best friend may have offered you the world while your annoying friend that resembles a lot like your college heartbreaker, Seok-jin, wanted to be part of yours.

It was an easy-peasy thing for you, not until you had to join Chan and Cheol in a five-day vacation with the boys.

-----

PART 1                       WISHES: Rejected Confession

WORD COUNT        5,151  

CATEGORY              Fluff and Angst

-----

VACATION DAY 1

You were quietly waiting by the poolside for your friends to come.

"11:47am..." you sighed, "They should be here by now." You hate it when people show up late to appointments– be it serious matters or just for vacation. It was almost 12 o'clock and you have been excluding yourself from the boys whom were drinking by the hall.

"Hey, Y/N! I already told you earlier they'd be running late!" Soon-young screamed from where they were seated.

"Come drink with us instead." Minghao said as he raised a glass of whiskey-on-the-rocks to you.

"Sorry, I don't drink hard."

"I'll make you drink hard." Seungcheol said in a low register.

"Ooooooooh," The group exclaimed.

"Make me," you said as you stood up and approached the guys by the hall. You were always so irritated of Seungcheol because of the persistent discourse extravaganza that happens between the both of you.

"I will definitely make you," Seungcheol winked at you.

You stared piercingly into Seungcheol's soul as you grab a handful of chips across the table.

You walked to the other side of the hall and sat beside Seokmin, "Have you heard from Chan? He's not answering my call."

"He didn't leave me a message either. Don't worry; they'll be here any moment."

You were kind of guilty about leaving Chan behind— not returning the favor; he helped you close your cafe last night because you were short-staffed, only to accept Seungcheol's offer to drop you home.

**Flashback from last night**

PRE-VACATION

"Why is Seungkwan not around?" Chan asked pulling down the blinds of your cafe.

"He called in sick, that's why I don't have anyone to help me," you said.

"Good thing I was your last customer for tonight."

"You always do that every time Seungkwan is not around, I am not surprised anymore. Would you like to apply for internship in my cafe?" You jested.

"If the cafe owner wanted an architect apprentice in front of the espresso machines, then I don't see any issue with me being your intern during closing shifts," he smiled.

"No issues here, Sir. But I just don't want to take up too much time from you. I know you still have many projects to draft. Tonight is alright," You gripped Chan’s arm.

"You know, I could---"

"Nooooo, actually, everything is too much, you'll always be a part of this cafe anyway."

Chan smiled. He was undoubtedly a part of your cafe. Both interior and exterior designs of your cafe were all drafted by him for free in preparation for his apprenticeship. It was also the first project he ever included in his portfolio, that's why he has always been thankful as much as you are.

"Closed already?" A familiar voice asked— Choi Seungcheol, "I was thinking about having some iced cappuccino."

"Wow," you mocked, "Tired of drinking beer, Cheol?"

"Hmmm," he clicked his tongue, "Kinda."

"Well it would be beer for tonight because we're closed."

You ran your final check through the CCTV synced in your phone and checked all locks as you called it a day.

"Want a ride?" Cheol and Dino offered at the same time.

You were surprised.

"Uhh, actually I was going with Chan—"

"But your apartment is just along my way," Seungcheol insisted.

"It is okay, Y/N. I actually have plan to meet some colleagues after dropping you home, well maybe I can go directly now, thanks to Cheol." Chan smiled.

You were confused. You know for sure that Chan didn't mention anything about meeting his colleagues.

"Are you sure?" You asked.

He just smiled at you, "Yes, see you tomorrow."

"You take care, Dino," Seungcheol exclaimed.

"Take care, Y/N," Chan smiled.

"You too," You said.

"We'll get going. See you tomorrow, alright? I'll just fetch Y/N tomorrow," Cheol said.

You and Seungcheol walked opposite of Chan's direction; you were still wondering about Chan's sudden change of his plans. But maybe it is okay, after all, you'll all be meeting tomorrow with the boys and your girlfriends.

You were always thankful how Chan has always been a good friend to you ever since you were in college; you grew together as best friends.

"Can we stop by the store before heading home?" You asked Seungcheol as you fix your seatbelt.

"I would charge you gas money for the extra trip there, lady," He said as he started the engine.

"You know, I could have just agreed to come with Chan, if only he doesn't have plans for tonight."

"Couldn't take a joke, huh?"

"Are we tight?"

"About to get tight; but not that tight," He smiled.

"Whatever you meant by that, I hope it's good."

//If Only You Knew; Patti LaBelle plays on the radio//

I dream of moments we share

But you're not there

I'm living in a fantasy

Cause you don't even suspect

Could probably care less

About the changes I been going through

"Your playlist is cheesy."

"Are you moved, Y/N?"

"No. It just does not suit you at all. You are annoying and stuff."

"Oh I was hoping you'd notice."

"Notice what, Seungcheol?"

"What? I didn't say anything." He said as he ignored your question.

"Anyway, do you need anything from the store?"

"Uhh, I think none? But I want to check what other stuff might give a kick to my heart," He said as he parked the car.

"Beer might kick you in the head." You rolled your eyes.

"You are always mean to me." He pouted.

"You always come uninvited." You mocked.

"So you're saying that you don't want me around? But if it's Lee Chan, it's never an issue."

"He's my best friend. Again, are we tight, Cheol?"

"No, but we are mutual friends, right? Some of your girlfriends were my boys' love interests. Does that make sense to you?"

"Just doesn’t be such a nuisance. You look like you bite," you chuckled.

"Who am I, Soon-young with his tiger agenda?"

Cheol laughed as he opened the door to the convenience store for you. He's really annoying, thinking that not everyone from his circle is close to you, especially him. But you already feel comfortable with Seungkwan, Mingyu, Jeonghan and of course with your best friend Chan. But with the rest, maybe it would probably progress. Who knows what might happen tomorrow with the guys?

You grabbed mango jelly and rice cake for your dinner.

"Isn't that a little unhealthy after a long day?" He asked.

"You're annoying. Do you really need to pick on what I eat?"

"I am just concerned, jeez. You're the one that looks like they bite." Seungcheol exclaimed with a little tone of him giving up on your attitude.

Seungcheol grabbed two packs of beer and smiled at you, "For me and Jeonghan, for some head kicking night."

"How's his girlfriend doing tho’?"

"She's kinda busy tonight, that's why Jeonghan called, and he said her girlfriend gave him permission to have fun with me tonight."

"You're really close with Jeonghan, huh?"

"Yes, I see that you are as well. That's why I don't understand why you hate me. We're just in the same circle, c'mon. It's not fair."

"Answer that yourself. Have a great time with Jeonghan."

Seungcheol drove home after your trip to the convenience store. You felt sleepy as the night went long, or was it that he drove extra slower this time or were you just tired after a long day?

It didn't matter anyway, what's important was you were headed home.

"Hey! Hey!" You were waked by Seungcheol's light touch on your shoulder, "We're here."

You adjusted your position and opened your eyes. "Hnggg. Sorry, was I asleep for too long?"

"It has been 20 minutes since we arrived. I figured to let you take a full nap so you won't have headache later."

It's the first time you heard something pleasant out of Seungcheol's mouth.

"Thank you, Seungcheol." You smiled.

"Is it a good thing that you smiled at me or not?"

You rolled your eyes and opened the car door, "Please be safe."

"I'll pick you up at seven o'clock in the morning."

"Copy that, thank you!"

Seungcheol gestured that you go inside immediately before he leaves. You waved goodbye and went inside your apartment.

You opened Netflix and prepared your "unhealthy" dinner when you read something to your surprise that you almost choked on the rice cake.

"What could it be?" You mumbled reading Lee Chan's text of 'I have something important to tell you tomorrow.'

The following day...

Ring… ring… ring…

"Good morning!" The distinct voice said from the other line.

"What time will you be here?" You asked.

"Uhh. Now? Open up."

"You're early," You opened the door for Seungcheol.

"No. Just in time. Look at you."

"Wh--what?" You asked with confusion.

"Nah, just be quick. I know you're an early freak," He said as he slacked onto your couch, "And some water would be nice."

"And who are you?" You raised your brows.

"Or orange juice?" He smiled.

"Or better! I have something in mind." You sauntered towards the kitchen and prepared something for Cheol. With such excitement, you jogged to his direction with a glass on your hand, "Iced cappuccino. 20 hours cold brew."

He looked at you and the glass of iced cappuccino in awe even though he did not understand what you mean exactly by 20 hours cold brew. In his mind, he was stunned on how you pour your heart to your craft as he wondered if the espresso machine gives a different taste than the cold brew.

"This is nice, Y/N. I'd probably get this from your cafe more often." He said as he sipped from the drink.

"Ohhh. We don't use cold brew for our recipe in the cafe."

"Why?"

"Customers always look for the strong taste of freshly brewed coffee."

"I still don't understand. But whatever that is, I like this drink. Maybe I'll try cappuccino on my next visit."

"You should. You always order mocha blend anyway. Maybe it's time to try a new drink."

And with a few compliments from Seungcheol, you found yourself smiling.

-----

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Let's get this party starteeeeed!" Jihoon shouted as he entered the hall with tequila bottles raised above his head.

Followed the rest of the group: Jeonghan, Seungkwan and Mingyu with their girlfriends; you caught Chan's eyes looking for you. He just waved his hand walked his way to the boys.

"Alright!  Alright! Let's now talk about our final itinerary for our vacation," Seungkwan said as he unrolled his itinerary guide.

The whole group got so excited; they discussed their preference of activities simultaneously as Seungkwan was about to start with his discussion.

"On the first day---"

"I REALLY WANTED TO TRY THE GIANT SL---"

"SOON-YOUNG, I FUCKING SWEAR IF I GET INTERRUPTED AGAIN I WILL FUCKING RI---"

"Shh.. shhh.. It's alright, we're listening." Vernon hushed Seungkwan.

"Alright, alright, stop it now. Let's listen to Seungkwan." Joshua said as he looked at their two older friends Seungcheol and Jeonghan still murmuring.

"I hope we're roommates." Jeonghan said to Seungcheol.

"AND THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN IF YOU STILL DON'T LIS--- Calm, peace and vacation. I am Boo Seungkwan and I don't plan to have beef with you all."

As discussed by Seungkwan:

Itinerary

Day 1 Nature trip

Day 2 Island/Cave Hopping

Day 3 Water Park

Day 4 Jellyfish Sanctuary and Night Rave

Day 5 Free Diving

"Okay, we have a total of eight rooms in this villa, we have to share rooms," the hall is still filled with murmuring noises and personal agenda for the vacation, you could hardly hear Seungkwan from all the noise, "Just get your keys here," He placed the bowl of keys on the pantry counter-top.

As discussed:

Hall and Cabin Assignments

Cabin 1 by the Pool Mingyu and his girlfriend

Cabin 2 by the Pool Wonwoo and Joshua

Floor 1 Cabin 1 Seungkwan and his girlfriend

Floor 1 Cabin 2 Seokmin and Minghao

Floor 1 Cabin 3 Hoshi, Dino and Vernon

Floor 2 Cabin 1 Jeonghan and his girlfriend

Floor 2 Cabin 2 Jun and Jihoon

Floor 2 Cabin 3 Seungcheol and Y/N

"The tour guide said we'll start the nature itinerary by one o'clock in the afternoon. Maybe we could continue drinking sometime this evening?" Mingyu suggested.

"Alright, I'll head to my cabin now." Wonwoo said.

Everyone took turns in getting their keys. You waited for them to find theirs so you could have your turn. Everyone's just so busy with their own agenda: some were still drinking, some were taking pictures and some were by the pool.

"Hey, Y/N! Have your bikini ready! We'll dip by the pool in a bit." Jeonghan's girlfriend exclaimed.

"Sure! I'll just go and grab my--"

"Y/N," Chan said as he showed you the keys with a charm that matched your name.

"Thank you, Chan," you smiled, "Talk to you in a bit?"

Dino nodded. By then, he was aggressively pulled by Soon-young and thrown him into the pool.

"Yaaa! I said no throwing!" Jeonghan exclaimed.

You smiled along the craziness of the boys.

You walked through the villa to find your cabin. The place has a fresh vibe; plants, wooden furniture and the smell of coffee leading to the kitchen. You will definitely make a few cups for the girls while you stay by the pool, but first, you really need to get in character!

You opened your cabin door, fixed your things in the dresser and started changing to your bikini. You started singing to your favorite song when suddenly...

"FUCKING HELL!" Seungcheol exclaimed.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" You covered yourself with a towel and threw pillows at Seungcheol. "Don't you know how to knock??!"

He covered his face with his bags as he avoided the pillows you thrown, "Don't you know how to lock the door?"

"Get out!"

"Alright!  Alright!" He was in total shock and hurried his way to the bathroom, "I'm out!"

"That's not the way out, you pervert! That's the bathroom."

Seungcheol laughed and walked across the room. He put his bag on the floor and his things in the dresser next to him, "Yo, why should I be startled to see you? This is my room." He said.

"Well this is my room! You have mistaken your room!"

"You're roommates. Deal with it," Jun shouted from outside your cabin, "Now let Seungcheol go so we could grab more beer downstairs."

"You heard the guy." Seungcheol said with pride.

"But, wh---."

"You know, I don't understand why I panicked when I saw you changing to your bikini. As if I'm not gonna see you wearing that with the girls, eh?"

"I didn't hear Seungkwan mention your name along mine."

"Y/N, relax, it's just for four nights. I'm pretty sure you don't want to sleep beside me, so let's compromise. First two nights, you use the bed, I sleep on the couch. Then on the other two, we swap."

"I approve. But then, who told you that I wanted to sleep beside you?"

"Exactly! No one! Relax. Enjoy the vacation." He walked past you, "And by the way. You look good." He winked.

Should you be bothered of that wink or just be annoyed? You shrugged off the feeling and decided to continue with the day; you have a fun day ahead and as promised, you prepared a few cups of coffee for your friends to enjoy.

"Americanoooooo!!" Seungkwan exclaimed as he ran to you.

"Of course I prepared your favorite!"

"Do you have matcha, Y/N?" Mingyu's girlfriend asked from the pool.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't prepare matcha. Do you want fruit soda, tho? Or Macchiato?"

"Macchiato sounds nice!" She said.

"I'll be there!" You walked towards the hall.

You grabbed coffee requests for the girls and put the remaining cups on the table.

"Please tell me if you want a more specific flavor other than these flavors we got here." You smiled to the boys.

"Thank you for the coffee, Y/N!" Joshua said.

As you turned your back, you heard Seungcheol tell one of the boys: "You should try her cappuccino. It's so good." Your heart fluttered with the compliment and joined the ladies by the pool.

"So Y/N," Seungkwan's girlfriend drew close to you, "Who do you find most attractive among the boys?"

You were surprised of the question, "Ohh, why would I know the answer to that?"

"Uhhh, we just thought that Seungcheol might be into you," Jeonghan's girlfriend said, "I've overheard their conversation while he and Jeonghan were having beer last night. He talked a lot of stuff about you."

"And if you think you could still exchange rooms with anyone, I already instructed Seungkwan to let you and Seungcheol stay on your posts for five days." Seungkwan's girlfriend said as they exchanged giggles and high-fives.

"What the fuck?? Did you set me up?" You asked them.

"Technically, yes. We're trying to observe how Seungcheol would react to the idea. Don't worry, only Seungkwan knew about this; just us five!” Jeonghan's girlfriend said.

Suddenly, some of Seungcheol's actions mattered to you. You thought— of course, why would he show up to your cafe when it's already closing time? And why would he offer to fetch you this morning knowing that he would still travel a few more kilometers if he could just wait for me in his house? After all, the vacation site was bound to his direction. Also the way he became avoidant of your question when a cheesy song played last night in the car what was the meaning of that?

Maybe you were just overanalyzing things.

"We'll never know what might happen for five days." Seungkwan murmured as he casually walked past you.

The girls laughed and you just let out a nervous one.

What if Cheol was really into me?

What if they're just messing with me so that it would look like I was the one chasing after him?

But what if... if it's true?

Will Cheol mess with my head?

Will Cheol take advantage of me when I'm sleeping?

Will Cheol tease me?

Will he know that I knew?

Will he like me back?

What??? Huh? What? What the fuck?

Like back who?!

Stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.

"EEEEW!" You exclaimed.

The girls laughed at your reaction.

You decided to chase Seungkwan to haggle about the room arrangement. ,"BOO SEUNGKWAN!!!!"

"No, not gonna happen, miss." He sipped on his americano.

"I'll adjust your free coffee limit to unlimited. Just rearrange the room assignments please."

"No Y/N, I can make coffee at home."

"Uhh, let's just agree that we have additional five paid leaves for the both of us."

"Nah, I'm good. I think you're the one that needs the necessary leaves. Look at you, all dry and unloved. I bet only Seungcheol could make you wet... uhhh hydrated I mean." He laughed.

"What the fuck, Kwanniee?!?!!"

"Okay, Y/N, will you accept the current room assignment or you will go around these people asking for them to swap with you just because you are uneasy with Cheol? Really now? Do you think these guys would believe you? Worse is that they could tease you all throughout this five-day trip. Say what?"

"I will find a way."

Everyone continued with their own activities and noon came so fast. The tour guide came and instructed the group to pack their necessities for the nature trip. You travelled via minivan across the area as you sang to upbeat songs.

The destination was a lake nearby. The couples have set up a picnic blanket for the snacks, some tried to fish while others resumed with their drinking sessions.

You sat alone by the lake dock and watched the sun set.

"The golden hour never failed to be pretty." Dino said as he sat beside you.

"Indeed very pretty." You said.

"Just like your eyes."

"Silly you," you chuckled, "You made me worried, you were late. How was your catch up with friends last night?"

"Uhh..ohh it went well." He said as he looked afar.

"I know you too well. I was confused last night. You did not mention any plan on meeting friends, and then when Seungcheol came, you suddenly had plans? Really, Dino?" You grabbed some chips from his food box.

"Uhhh."

"Come on let's talk," you smiled, "You said you wanted to tell me something?"

"Can we do that a little late tonight? By the beach; it’s just a few walk from the villa."

"Why can't it be now?" You sulked.

"Trust me."

"Sure. I trust you, Chan."

"I know, and for the past seven years, I'm lucky to have gained your trust."

"Stop being so dramatic! We're best friends right?"

"Y--y-yes. Best friends. For life." He let out his hand and you responded with your signature fist bump.

As you watched the sunset together, he grabbed your hand and cupped it inside his warm hands— never letting go. Knowing Dino, he only does that every time he feels safe and happy. He played with your small fingers and looked at them with bliss in his smile. It's not every day that you get the version of Chan this vulnerable yet strong.

"It's time to go. It's almost dark!" Soon-young shouted from the tree house. You stood up and packed your things.

"Please don't leave me. I feel so warm with you."

"I'm not going anywhere Y/N." Dino said.

You giggled and clung onto his arms as both of you walked slowly along the dock. As you approached the group whom was busy packing up, you accidentally had a glance at Seungcheol looking at how you held onto Chan's arms with his dark drunken eyes; he noticed you were looking so he pretended he was busy with his buddies. Your hands stayed on Chan's arms yet your eyes never left Seungcheol's figure— only to have witnessed that he looked at you for the second time around.

At first glance, it may be a coincidence, but after knowing the probability of Cheol having a crush on you, you knew: that look meant something.

*****

"WELCOME TO ROWAKI CLUB!" All staff greeted your arrival.

"I hope you enjoyed the first day. We prepared you our Rowaki Welcome Course to thank our valued guests for visiting our beach club. Please enjoy, and we will leave the rest of the night to you. We hope to see you around!" The head chef gestured a bow, offered you seats and led his team out of the villa.

Having seated, you saw Seungcheol making his way to you when Chan suddenly put a hand on your shoulder and sat beside you. Your mind was noticing a lot lately with Seungcheol's behavior but you don't want to believe anything from your observations, not until he confesses on his own.

"Y/N, what can I get you?" Dino asked.

"A little bit of everything please! And lots of rice!!"

"Anyone wants coffee?" You asked the crowd.

"Flat white, please!" Vernon said.

"Anyone else?" You insisted.

"Some are drunk now, Y/N. Let them be." Dino chuckled.

You hurried your way to the kitchen as Chan prepared food for you. The day isn't complete without three to four glasses of coffee, right? At least you'll get to drink right up this time; drunk people prefer food over coffee anyway.

"Iced cappuccino please, Y/N."

You looked at him and felt worried, "Cheol, you should be resting. That's too much beer. I won't make you coffee either. You need to sober up first," you grabbed the beer from his hand, "Why don't you eat first so you could go rest now, huh?"

"You say I drank too much beer. I say, that's enough coffee for you as well." Cheol took back his beer and leaned by the wall as he watched you make coffee.

"Please rest, you're all red," you placed your hand on Cheol's cheek, "..and hot."

"You're very pretty, Y/N." He smiled.

"Cheol, you're just drunk."

"I may be drunk, but you're always pretty in my eyes."

"You need to rest."

You left Seungcheol in the kitchen, returned to the dining area with Vernon's coffee and sat beside Chan. Seungcheol returned to the dining area with his beer and sat beside Jeonghan.

You enjoyed the food and laughed along the funny conversations after meal time. One by one, people started to drift back to their cabins; first to go was Jeonghan and his girlfriend. That guy really has a small energy for such big days. Wonwoo started to clean up the dining area and was helped by Minghao.

"Hey, Y/N, it's almost midnight. Would you like to go to the beach?" Chan reminded you of the "talk" he wanted.

"Of course, shall we?" You smiled.

He offered his hand and you held onto it with no hesitation. You reminisced about your college adventures while walking by the shore, you clearly remembered the day when you met each other: Dino was just about to throw his blueprint tube case to his classmate when at the same time you ascended on their floor and you were the one hit instead.

"I was really angry that moment, Dino!!!" You laughed so hard to that memory.

"You fucking piece of shit!" Dino reenacted your anger from seven years ago as he was catching his breath of too much laughter.

"Yaaaa! That's too much. I was a bit gentle that time huh!" You pinched Chan's love handles.

"Good times," he chuckled, "That pinch hurt, huh?!?"

The laughter slowly faded away until you were left only with the sea breeze whispering to your ears.

"Can I hold your hand, Y/N?"

"Sure."

"Please face me." Dino held your hands.

There was a long silence– longer than you could have ever imagined. You didn't interrupt him; you patiently waited for his words instead. You chose to respect the time he needed for this moment.

All you can see from the moonlight was his gentle face and his eyes longing to meet yours. You felt a gentle grip from his hands as he cleared his throat.

"Y/N the thing is..." He cleared his throat one more time, "We both know that the guys knew about our friendship for who knows how long? But I wanted to tell these words, only to you with no one else listening; just me, you and this heart."

You didn't say anything. You just listened.

He held your hand tighter, "I want to thank you for being a good friend. Not just a good friend, but a very loving best friend as well. You knew me ever since we have started to find our luck as teenagers until today as we struggle to be responsible adults on our own. I treasure this friendship so damn much..." his voice cracked and let out a big sigh, "...that.. I don't want to..nn-n-no... that even the idea of ending this friendship hurts my gut."

You started to feel a little worried what he might say next. But you know Lee Chan. He can manage.

"I honestly don't know what will happen next after this moment. But I know that this would be the right place and the right time to tell you. You have been very special to me, in all ways possible and I really appreciate that we care for each other."

The silence was still.

"I'm in love with you, Y/N, I knew it all this time that I love you, and if this would change anything— good or bad to our friendship, just know that it's fine with me. I just want to be honest and sincere," he hugged you tight. Tighter than he usually does, "And if this would be the last time I get to do this, please forgive me."

You were surrounded by dead air and Dino's warm arms.

"I love you; I was hoping that you knew. Can't you notice, Y/N? I want to make you feel how much I love you."

You don't know what to say. You eased the atmosphere by lightly stroking his hair as his face was buried to your shoulder.

"Happy seven years to our friendship, Y/N." Dino said releasing you from the hug with awkwardness from his eyes.

"Hey, Dino," you held his hand tightly and looked into his eyes, "You're a good person. Nothing will change. It's just that, I really just see you...."

"As a friend." He interrupted.

You nodded, "Thank you for being honest, Chan. I really appreciate it. But I can't reciprocate what you feel; I don't want to be unfair with you."

"I understand, Y/N."

"Happy seven years of friendship, Dino, I promise you, nothing will change."

He initiated another hug and kissed the top of your head as he usually does, "But please understand that this will hurt a little, alright?"

"I do understand; you will need space from time to time, right?"

"Yes and I promise, nothing will change, I just need a little more time to get back up, I guess?" He chuckled, "I love you, Y/N." Dino said, with you still locked in his arms.

"I love you too, Lee Chan."

"I know," He said, "And that's two different things, right?"

"I know you're smart, Architect Lee!" You lightly punched his chest.

"How 'bout a piggy back?" Dino offered as he squatted right in front of you. You hopped on his back and squeezed your leg to his waist, "Hold on tight!"

That's why you were friends with this smarty pants. You can be honest around him for he is very understanding. But you knew this was a completely different situation: battling across the thin line between being friends and being lovers.

You finally reached the villa and Dino offered to walk you upstairs to your cabin.

"We should rest now. We still got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow." He leaned in for a hug as you stopped in front of your cabin door.

"Goodnight, Dino."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

As you closed the door behind you, the frame of the annoying Choi Seungcheol caught your attention: he was lying on the bed on his stomach.

"YAAAA! I thought I'd be the first one to use the bed!" You exclaimed as you tried to wake him up.

"Hngggg. Will you knock it off?" He said as he shoo away your hands.

"Wake up, Cheol! Hurry up I'm tired!"

He didn't respond to your second attempt to wake him. You gave him one last shake where he gave out a hint of little movements. He slowly sat up looking at you from your eyes to your thighs, back to your eyes. You clenched your fists in nervousness to what Cheol was capable of doing to you now that he is drunk and looking at you like that.

He drew closer to you…

And you were scared…

-----

Wishes (Masterlist) | Next (Part 2)

[audhdnight]

Hey hi hello I am extremely pissed off

Maybe this point has been beaten into the ground already but THE HUMAN SHEILD ARGUMENT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT

While my family members were just telling me that Israel didn’t actually bomb that first hospital everyone was up in arms about, Israel bombed THREE MORE HOSPITALS. And immediately after began a campaign to completely decimate the entire health system. THEY DONT HAVE ANY FUNCTIONAL HOSPITALS LEFT

But when I proved to aforementioned dumbass idf bootlicker relatives that YES ACTUALLY THEY DID BOMB THAT HOSPITAL AND NOW ALL THESE OTHERS I get the “wElL hAmAs sHoUlDnT hIdE iN hOsPiTaLs tHeN”

Listen to me. Carefully. Come closer.

I DONT GIVE A SHIT

EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF EVERY SINGLE TERRORIST ORGANIZATION IN THE FUCKING WORLD COULD HAVE BEEN IN THAT HOSPITAL AND YOU STILL DONT GET TO BOMB A FUCKING HOSPITAL

This applies to the churches and refugee camps and schools and relief centers too. These are places of REFUGE. They are supposed to be SAFE when homes and open streets are not. THATS WHY THIS IS CALLED A FUCKING WAR CRIME.

Do you understand that the people of Gaza (Palestine in general actually but I’m specifically speaking about Gaza right now) have been stripped of all dignity???

They can’t bury their dead, or if they manage to, it’s in mass graves marked with fucking cinder blocks. Bodies can be seen sticking out from under rubble, covered in flies. Because of the ceasefire, doctors have returned to a hospital they were forced to evacuate, leaving patients behind, and found the bodies of the children they were not allowed to take along, rotting in their beds. Imagine the absolute abject misery of being a doctor in Gaza right now. You can’t save everyone, you can’t even save almost everyone. You are forced at gunpoint to make the decision to leave your patients behind so that at least you can continue to help those who leave with you, hoping to return soon enough to save those who remain. Imagine the heartbreak of coming back days later and finding these poor broken bodies. Children with limbs missing or splinted who could not get up out of bed to even try escaping. They died slowly, and painfully.

Gazans are watching as their oppressors burn their olive trees, their cultural heritage, their livelihood, their source of food. Those trees mean so much to them, and have been cared for by generations of the same families in many cases. It’s not just a plant, not just a crop. Those trees are their inheritance, bearing the sweat and blood of their foremothers and forefathers. And Israel burns them.

Gazans are now being punished for COLLECTING RAIN WATER. Because even though Israel bombed the water reservoirs and poured cement in their pipes, apparently the fucking rain still belongs to Israel. Large numbers of deaths come from those who died of dehydration, or those who got sick from drinking dirty water. Illness is everywhere, because not only is the water dirty, but what food they can scavenge has been expired or left open from explosions or picked out of ashes.

These people cannot even eat and drink with human dignity. They don’t have blankets to sleep with despite the fact it is winter and nights are freezing. People sleep in the streets wherever they can find a less rubble covered place. Bisan mentioned in one of her videos from two weeks ago that many people lose clothing every time another bomb drops, and so people are walking around half dressed or in literal shredded rags. Do you wonder why everyone in the videos you see is covered in ash and dirt? It’s because they don’t have water for showers. A bomb falls, sending dust and rubble raining down over every surface, and the survivors just have to walk around like that, wearing the blood of their family members or friends or pets who didn’t make it out.

This is the literal definition of “cruel and unusual punishment”. They have no dignity in life, and certainly none in death. This is inhumane and absolutely disgusting, and I am ashamed to live in a world alongside people who loudly and proudly support it.

I don’t care if you hate me, I don’t care if you think my identity means I shouldn’t have rights. No matter how much I dislike or abhor someone, I still know they deserve their dignity. All humans should have that most bare minimum of basic rights.

[azurdlywisterious]

How would the atompunk trio react if the protags of their games were switched around. Like idk, put Chell in Rapture and the Courier(however you designed them) in Aperture and Jack in the New Vegas Strip. You can decide how the protags are swapped around though

oh ho ho you have no idea how long ive been planning the larger universe this au in my head is set in. so let's tune into the madness together, shall we?

(circutboard divider made by @violetbudd )

Mr. House meets Jack

Mr. House was not expecting a jumpy, uncoordinated young adult to stumble his way into the Lucky 38, but Victor has nothing but good things to say about the kid so he can't be bad. Jack follows order well, which is both a blessing and a curse Mr. House finds out, so he works out a way to get Victor to keep reminding Jack of what he needs to do and it's smooth sailing from there. Would consider working out a deal with the Followers of the Apocalypse to see what is up with Jack after the Hoover Dam battle.

Mr. House meets Chell

Mr. House gets along with Chell quite well. Chell is efficient and creative with completing missions. And she's willing to be paid in only information which cuts down on costs by a lot. He does find that gun of hers rather intriguing, which would turn into a whole cat and mouse of him trying to get the portal gun from her to examine and her not giving him the gun. Chaos ensues.

Cave Johnson meets the Courier

Cave Johnson wouldn't realize that the various people he keeps testing are all the same Courier. But hey, when you're dealing with an anomaly that keeps reincarnating lets you vivisect them, you tend not to ask too many questions (except for why do you keep coming back after you fall into the corrosive water). Certainly keeps the Courier around later on, hoping to figure what keeps them regenerating their body while keeping their memories intact (in his quest to live forever). Sadly, he doesn't figure it out in time. The Courier would then explore the Aperture labs until who knows when. Although thanks to the fact that they can sorta never die (sure their body dies but their memories dont think kinda like a timelord) then they would remember exactly who Caroline was when interacting with GLaDOS. Oh and the angst of finding all the old lab stuff and Cave Johnson's voice logs again at the Portal 2 timeline point of the game that would actually be heartbreaking.

Cave Johnson meets Jack

Cave Johnson loves Jack. Everyone loves Jack! Who wouldn't love Jack? Cave Johnson would be sure to let everyone know that no one gives Jack orders except for him and Caroline. Would treat Jack like the son he never had and also give him cocaine for his anxiety (for science). Would also want to vivisect Jack to figure out how he keeps lighting things like the mantis men on fire. Wasn't seriously considering making combustible lemons until he saw Jack could light things on fire and decided that the same principles could be applied to lemons too.

Andrew Ryan meets the Courier

Andrew Ryan actually gets to interact with only one Courier thanks to the Vita-Chambers. And as luck would have it, he gets to interact with Suzie Fromme (my favorite courier and the one I always think of when I think of couriers). And he would think Suzie is weird and unhinged and way too powerful but not in a cool way but in a way that scares him (you modded a Bethesda protag of course she breaks reality). But since she's an agent of chaos that only wants to help people he would strike a tentative deal with her to take Atlas down. She would agree for the low price of "a room in the prettiest building in Rapture" which according to her is in Fort Frolic(?) which with all the delirious denizens dropping like drones means that there probably is an open room. Did I mention Suzie has the Black Widow perk? Upon finding out how she got rid of Atlas, Andrew Ryan decides that she is not to be trifled with at all and can be Sander Cohen's problem until the city collapses.

Andrew Ryan meets Chell

Andrew Ryan would probably love and hate Chell. Love because she dispatches enemies with efficiency and doesn't listen to Atlas but also doesn't listen to him. Eventually determines that she just wants to go to the surface and leave forever and after doing a couple of missions for him, lets her. Doesn't like that she's playing all sides trying to find the fastest way to leave, but she just wants to always come put on top. Which she does. Would weaponize her bond with Tenenbaum in a last ditch attempt to get her to do what he wants.

[mqfx]

do you think feng xin has any way of getting over his fear of women. like. we see he's not afraid of lan chang but I'm currently wondering how the fuck that came to be since I don't see him passing by a brothel willingly at all. also asking since I have a fem martial god oc and trying to make them at least somewhat get along

by clicking below this readmore you accept the terms and conditions that i'm 1) going to skate dangerously close to extremely bullshit psychoanalysis, 2) pulling egregiously from headcanons, and 3) it's been 2 years since i read canon end to end. now let us begin

actually another disclaimer: no i'm not writing a nice essay for this i literally have work tomorrow so if it's disorganized mais oui pay me and i'll do better. also, some discussion of sexual assault (canonically happened to jian lan + implications and social mores around it)

i think feng xin's "fear of women" is more complicated than just, "he's afraid of women." phobias can stem from something barely or not at all directly related; in other words, what you react to may not really be the cause of the fear. here's what darian leader, a bri'ish psychoanalyst, has to say on the matter:

"Amnesia, for Freud, was not the only form of defence. There was also a repression that operated by displacement, moving the emotional charge of an event on to some small and contingent detail."

now you may be like "my liege where the fuck are we. why am i tied to this chair. what's freud doing here." shhhh baby i'm working up to it. the question we must first ask, before "how can we fix him" is "what is it that needs fixing?" that is, we need to find the "event" that creates that "emotional charge" that then gets "displaced" on some "detail". most of these we already know or can guess at

event: many possible canon answers, all of them easy. he was under so much stress during the xianle fall and during his time with jian lan (a relationship borne from that very stress to begin with), which of course ends in baby's first thematic heartbreak. if this is the seed, the "event" from which his present-day phobia comes from, then of course the later ju yang problem could have triggered and exacerbated what was once latent anxiety into full-blown neurosis.

before that, he was wary of women. why? because feng xin is a stickler for black and white morality--as such, he likely followed strict codes of conduct for virtuous men towards women. but it's likely that he wasn't so scared that he couldn't fall in love with and have sex with a woman--he simply hadn't developed that phobia yet. that means, so far: i believe feng xin did not have his phobia until later.

this is where we get into headcanon territory as additional support for above. we know that feng xin was raised with the role of guardianship and protection. we can assume that this is a society that values chastity as well, given how people reacted to jian lan's rape as her being defiled, with the rapist expecting that she would marry him to preserve her honor, and it is considered notable that she fought back and demanded justice instead. what does that tell you about the kind of society they all grew up in?

not to mention, this is the society that taught its own crown prince to follow an ascetic path of cultivation, knowing damn full well he was expected as a crown prince to have babies in the future. a massive contradiction (which may be oversight on the author's part but we can't assume that in lit analysis i'm afraid so roll with it we must), but not unheard of, especially in conservative societies. but let's not get caught up in that rabbit hole of purity culture, which does not apply to an eastern-inspired fantasy

back to the points: 1) xianle was a conservative society that valued chastity. 2) feng xin was raised in this society to protect. 3) feng xin has a black and white view of the world. what does this make?

a guy with issues that's what. pre-phobia feng xin was wary of women because, we can assume, society drilled this into his head: women can be defiled. as a protector, it is your job to make sure this does not happen. you, a man, are capable of defiling, so you must watch your conduct so that you don't bring ruin to yourself and others. and there's no nuance, it's all or nothing

i have a lot of problems with that statement too but please consult.... like, any feminist philosopher. i vaguely remember judith butler saying smth about how "possessing the instrument of violence does not make the person inherently a violator" or smth in gender trouble, but surely you can find so many other versions of this statement

is what feng xin learned a truth of the world? NO! is it gonna be the basis of his moral code anyway? YEAH! but this would have worked in theory (internally, the Woman is not treated with respect so much as condescended to, but in practice, ideally, the Chivalric Man would Do No Harm upon the Woman) if two things didn't happen.

ok so right now we've got The Basis of Feng Xin's Moral Code in our hands. falling in love challenges that theory, because here he goes falling for a defiled woman and seeing her as a Person and not an Object to be protected. oh it's going great, he's gonna unlearn the toxic masculinity, he's gonna heal and have a more well-rounded outlook--

and then he gets his heart broken. which REINFORCES THE LESSON, that if you fuck a woman and then you can't protect her (in marriage, the only sanctuary of honor) it will ruin both your lives. now we've got the EVENT that becomes the seed. from here it's easy to see how centuries of requests of a sexual and procreative nature would be reopening that wound over and over and how he gets worse

at this point i think we can now answer some things. "what is it that needs fixing?" feng xin's attitude about sex, which is ingrained into him by both society and reinforced by an unfortunate heartbreak. "what is he afraid of?" not women, but failing his role as a protector by becoming the very instrument of dishonor and violence.

sex for feng xin carries double the negative connotations. now he's like, "i'm never doing that shit again it hurts so bad it's not worth it." "that shit" in this case is intrinsically tied to sex because this was the only period of his life in which he had it. am i saying that slutting it up could save him? if he had other, more neutral sexual experiences, perhaps with people who are not women, could he finally disconnect sex from those flawed conceptions (aha)? moving on

now we get to the second question. if then we accept that feng xin's not afraid of women but of dishonor, all it would really take for him to be normal about a woman is to eliminate every possibility of them being susceptible to that dishonor. in other words, a woman only has to be completely divorced from the notion of sex, completely inaccessible in one form or another. i mean, he's not afraid of ling wen even though she's a woman. why? because ling wen cannot BE fucked, so she is "safe" from him and he can let down his guard.

look. we know that feng xin's not the type of guy to . well he's not pei ming let's just say that, and even pei ming has some honor to him (all his dalliances are consensual). feng xin doesn't have any real reason to be afraid of himself. but when has fear ever been reasonable?

so finally to get to YOUR question, and not just the ones i used to facilitate this yap sesh: i don't think it would be that hard. depending on when this happens in the timeline, either have him come to some realization or other (perhaps it happened before the scene you wish to imagine) that his existence alone is not tainted, or that women aren't clamoring to fuck him (hard to make him unlearn the ju yang prayers though). or make your OC competent enough that he sees this OC primarily as a martial god and not for her femininity

and finally, a coda:

"so if it's not womanhood that terrifies him but sex, specifically 'destroying' or 'defiling' someone via sex, does this mean he's also gonna have problems if such a situation would arise that sex with someone known to have an ascetic cultivation can occur?"

yes. yes it does. :)

--

TLDR:

feng xin did not have his phobias yet before jian lan

bro was raised with chivalrous (or chauvinistic) views on women and sex, later reinforced by untimely heartbreak

he is not afraid of women; he is afraid of hurting others in very specific ways, which goes against his born protective "role"

hypothetical ways to ease his fear: give him more perspective or reassure him that a person will not be harmed by him

coda: it's gonna be hard for him to fuck someone with an ascetic cultivation background. on both sides. PLEASE consider this

[forcebookish]

ok i'm doing it: ep2 (mostly unpopular) opinions. it's so fucking long i'm putting it under a readmore lol YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

topmew have bewitched me body and soul. i love everything about them. i was so into the idea of them being "toxic" (fandom has ruined that word, i reallllly hate it but it applies here) but hilariously, i think they're the least toxic relationship in the show (if you don't count aprilcheum): they talk about their feelings and boundaries, they go on dates, they genuinely care about and are interested in each other as people. and they want to have sex!!!!! but on mew's timeline, which i like. i love their dance and how flirty they are.

top's trauma is both heartbreaking and unique. it's great writing and it feels like there was a lot of thought put into it. force's acting is incredible. he really looks like a scared little boy and before he admits he can't sleep alone he's got a look on his face like he's scared he's going to be laughed at. because he has been laughed at :( even mew laughs at him (which i kind of liked tbh it was a really honest reaction and i like that he apologized for it). he could have made it into a sob story and told mew when he was trying to sleep in his bed with him, but he only admitted to it when asked and didn't try to ask again about sleeping beside mew, which i think says a lot about him. my son is a good person. as always, forcebook know how to make a scene feel Real.

mew is hot. that's all.

ok actually, mew is fascinating (but not because he's a puppet master🙄 i'm now 100% sure he's not, why would he be lying in his non-diegetic literary device confessional?? please). he is very perceptive (so is top tbh), but boston seems to be a bit of a blindspot (for both of them). i had a suspicion that mew knew that top and boston hooked up, but now it seems like he might not - and he took it at face value when boston lied about top dumping him once they have sex 🤔

i don't care about sandray, there i said it. they're boring.

ray especially is boring. irl? unrequited love and losing a parent is tragic, and i do feel for him, but in fiction? it's tired. wah wah my crush doesn't like me back wah wah dead mom wah wah. i hope his arc picks up but for now i'm totally lukewarm

also the smoke makeout is gross. all i can think about is how bad they must smell and taste😒

i love that sand makes plum wine. plum wine is fucking delicious and i'm very relieved those creepy jars in his apartment aren't pickled eggs djkfjlgjf and i'm happy he's bi!! woohoo!! but other than that, i don't find him particularly interesting, although he definitely has potential (legal issues with the wine, whatever the fuck he and top have going on)

obviously, FUCK BOSTON. hope that sexual predator drowns xoxo i don't want to get into it again because i've already made like nine posts about it but god he is a bad dude, and not in a fun way at all. he actually makes me sick. and i'm not exaggerating or being dramatic, i barely ate yesterday because that scene combined with the fandom reciting rape culture talking points without any self-awareness (even sticking to their guns when called out on it), just unironically saying almost verbatim every victim-blaming kind of bullshit people use against real sexual assault survivors made me SO uncomfortable and anxious.

nick...... sweetie pie what are you doing with this walking red flag what do you even like about him is the sex really that good because it honestly doesn't look that good

(like. topmew's love scene in episode one is hot, aesthetically, but i also can't help but think how fucking good everything they did actually feels. not just from an acting perspective but what they are physically doing: the grabbing, the neck and chest kissing, the grabbing, pelvis-to-pelvis and chest-to-chest, the grabbing djfklsjlgd but all of boston's are just kind of like. yeah ok you sure are having sex. that sure was an orgasm. idk, ymmv)

i do think it's funny that there are so many viewers who think that mew is going to "snap" and "seek revenge" or whatever, when nick is such a better candidate for it. that boy is already crazy, he's on a knife's edge. and that sex tape plotline coming up? the photobooth photos? he's going to do something drastic. ticking fucking timebomb.

APRILCHEUM ARE SO CUTE AAAAAAA I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM

good lord i wrote a lot. i hope the fandom doesn't burn me out with their bull shit because there is such a severe lack of forcebook and topmew love and a fucking glut of content for everyone else, and i want to make stuff for forcebook (and especially top).

also i feel like i'm going to end up writing a lot of topmew fanfiction. like with abaab, probably not before it finishes airing but... plus, i still don't have any real ideas, just vibes and some, ah, positions i would like to write hahaha

thank you for reading this far omg

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

I'm actually really angry about this ngl:

This is why I don't believe fandom advocacy (i.e. arguing on behalf of a fictional character) necessarily equates to an actual conscious understanding of the topics at hand. Soft-blocking my blog and then making a follow-up in your own space discussing whatever problems you had in my post is one thing. I can respect that.

Reblogging my content and then immediately blocking me so that I can't see it -keeping my content on your blog (while misinterpreting everything I said) and enabling the rampant anon hate to funnel into my blog is an entirely different matter. And now I can't see anything, or even understand the arguments being thrown my way. That is incredibly disgusting fandom behavior - more so considering that I was speaking to a specific crowd that makes those arguments. And EVEN MORE, because my post was NOT an admonishment of the Darkling.

I made multiple points about oppression within oppression - I gave multiple examples of the ways it works with the dynamic between revolutionary characters and their relationships with people within the race/group (specifically women of color v. men of color; revolutionary v minor). I came from a primarily misogynoir angle - as I am a black woman. But the points were central and could be applied to any in a similar situation. And for the REAL WORLD IMPLICATION of my point to be ignored in favor of the fantasy element of the story is very heartbreaking and annoying. And very, very frustrating.

How are only implying real-world morals when we need to justify or sympathize with him? Like - I've seen so many comparisions to racism with Darkling and then none of the actual real world implication of what that may look like in a character. Like - think about Hoteps who oppose white supremacy only because they cannot participate. Racism is an ideology. Think of white feminism and how its opposition to patriarchy stems from the fact they cannot participate. Think of the way DV and abuse happens in minority homes as a result of racism. I really implore people to read Notes of a Native Son by James Baldwin. It talks about the inheritance of plight and how these manifest negatively in the household and creates trauma. And how we can reconcile (if ever) the anger and oppression with our own personhood.

I gave the reason I didn't like the *specific angle* of constantly sanitizing the Darkling's action in regards to two things (1) the other Grisha and (2) the comparison to real world racism. I believe the argument can be made, but not sustained. Because the world building is not strong enough to support it. I said this AGAIN specifically because I said that the Darkling's actions tend to be dismissed in regards to other Grisha. And it was why I made allusions to characters like Magneto and Kilmonger. I don't give a shit was anti darkling arguments are - I didn't make those claims.

There are problems with the Darkling situation - yes. That was my point. With both the character and writing. But my problem with fantasy racism is that the real world implications only become relevant when discussing a character and then everything (1) in opposition to the character and (2) outside the *acceptable* real world implications is just..ignored. I made a whole post talking about the way oppressed revolutionary men oftentimes parrot or assume oppressive ideologies toward those beneath them (i.e. women of color and minors) and allllllll of that was ignored for the sake of an argument I DID NOT MAKE about the Darkling.

That is the tragedy of his character - and it is in some parts well written and other parts not. That is the point.

[ahvore]

what if i said that “making the bed” from guts aligns very much with anakin skywalker/darth vader’s life and experiences. very surface level but i have examples:

(poor grammar and i’m also a casual star wars watcher so it isn’t as deep as it could be but i just had this idea and needed to write about it. also if i got anything wrong don’t yell at me. very long btw)

from this first verse we have the lyric “another day pretendin’ i’m older than i am”. this stands out to me because all through his jedi training into his time as darth vader it seems like he is always having to be older. from having a padawan at like 19 and being general to him dying quite young in his early 40s, he had to act older than he actually was. its so heartbreaking too because he was forced to grow up so fast and take on so many roles.

moving onto the chorus we have a few different lines first one is “well, sometimes i feel like i don’t wanna be where i am”. very obvious but he felt this way during his time as a jedi and i’m pretty sure as vader so it speaks for itself. next up is “pushing away all the people who know me the best”. again obvious but he pushed away directly or indirectly his wife/children, obi-wan, ashoka, and his mother which helped lead to his downfall. directly followed by “but it’s me who’s been makin’ the bed”. this line is a reference to the saying which is “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it”. this saying very much applies to anakin/vader’s decision which was made at the end of rots. he self sabotaged himself and now has to deal with the choices of which he has made. the line after that which is “every good thing has turned into somethin’ i dread”. i won’t dive too much into this line considering how obvious it is. “and i’m playing the victim so well in my head”, while yes he very much is the victim of many different things he does try to pull the victim card in situations he definitely should not.

second verse starts off with the line, “and every night, i wake up from this one recurrin’ dream”. it fits perfectly with the dreams he had of padme dying in rots and everything else that comes after it. a few lines after, we hear “i read somewhere its ‘cause my life feels so out of control”. this lines up well with how nothing in anakin/vader’s life is in his control. he was always the puppet or prawn in somebody’s game; republic or empire. next line is very literal as it says “they’re changin’ my machinery, and i just let it happen”. palpatine literally destroyed anakin/vader’s body even further than it already was to have a hold over him. the last line of the verse is “i got the things i wanted, it’s just not what i imagined”. anakin/vader got the power and knowledge of the sith, but it wasn’t what he thought it was going to be like. he assumed that padme was going to be with him and he would have his family. that clearly never happened though.

there are of course other lines in the song which apply to anakin/vader, but this is already very long-winded as it is. if there was another song from guts that is very anakin/vader it would be “logical” so i might analyze that but i’ll see. well thanks for reading :)