#atompunk ancap trio

[azurdlywisterious]

I just feel like Mr. House, Andrew Ryan, and Cave Johnson would be friends. Like I can see them going to the country club together and talking about business and science and that one random courier/test subject/parasite that’s flipped their world upside down (for better or worse). Blorbos, all of them. They are a trio do not separate.

[azurdlywisterious]

Its that time of year! How does the trio feel about christmas?

Mr. House loves Christmas. Its a great time for pr and profits and tax writeoffs. Not to mention as a lover of spectical he would enjoy seeing the strip all lit up and glittery in only the way extravagant Christmas decorations can be. Definitely has some weird traditions that he will keep alive at all costs, dammit.

Cave Johnson would probably enjoy Christmas for the pr and advertising for testing, but aside for that he probably doesn’t care that much. Preys a little bit on holiday desperation to get more test subjects, but thats more him being opportunistic rather than any feeling for or against the holiday.

Andrew Ryan detests Christmas. Its a culmination of everything he hates: religion, societal expectations, and giving things to people and expecting nothing in return. If he wasn’t forced to do Christmas related activities, he might enjoy it more, but the thought of giving people holiday bonuses makes him want to murder.

This of course will pose a problem when everyone else wants to have a Christmas party… (ooooh foreshadowing. I wonder what will happen?)

[azurdlywisterious]

If it wasn’t already obvious,

I do have a favorite out of the trio <3

[azurdlywisterious]

How would the atompunk trio react if the protags of their games were switched around. Like idk, put Chell in Rapture and the Courier(however you designed them) in Aperture and Jack in the New Vegas Strip. You can decide how the protags are swapped around though

oh ho ho you have no idea how long ive been planning the larger universe this au in my head is set in. so let's tune into the madness together, shall we?

(circutboard divider made by @violetbudd )

Mr. House meets Jack

Mr. House was not expecting a jumpy, uncoordinated young adult to stumble his way into the Lucky 38, but Victor has nothing but good things to say about the kid so he can't be bad. Jack follows order well, which is both a blessing and a curse Mr. House finds out, so he works out a way to get Victor to keep reminding Jack of what he needs to do and it's smooth sailing from there. Would consider working out a deal with the Followers of the Apocalypse to see what is up with Jack after the Hoover Dam battle.

Mr. House meets Chell

Mr. House gets along with Chell quite well. Chell is efficient and creative with completing missions. And she's willing to be paid in only information which cuts down on costs by a lot. He does find that gun of hers rather intriguing, which would turn into a whole cat and mouse of him trying to get the portal gun from her to examine and her not giving him the gun. Chaos ensues.

Cave Johnson meets the Courier

Cave Johnson wouldn't realize that the various people he keeps testing are all the same Courier. But hey, when you're dealing with an anomaly that keeps reincarnating lets you vivisect them, you tend not to ask too many questions (except for why do you keep coming back after you fall into the corrosive water). Certainly keeps the Courier around later on, hoping to figure what keeps them regenerating their body while keeping their memories intact (in his quest to live forever). Sadly, he doesn't figure it out in time. The Courier would then explore the Aperture labs until who knows when. Although thanks to the fact that they can sorta never die (sure their body dies but their memories dont think kinda like a timelord) then they would remember exactly who Caroline was when interacting with GLaDOS. Oh and the angst of finding all the old lab stuff and Cave Johnson's voice logs again at the Portal 2 timeline point of the game that would actually be heartbreaking.

Cave Johnson meets Jack

Cave Johnson loves Jack. Everyone loves Jack! Who wouldn't love Jack? Cave Johnson would be sure to let everyone know that no one gives Jack orders except for him and Caroline. Would treat Jack like the son he never had and also give him cocaine for his anxiety (for science). Would also want to vivisect Jack to figure out how he keeps lighting things like the mantis men on fire. Wasn't seriously considering making combustible lemons until he saw Jack could light things on fire and decided that the same principles could be applied to lemons too.

Andrew Ryan meets the Courier

Andrew Ryan actually gets to interact with only one Courier thanks to the Vita-Chambers. And as luck would have it, he gets to interact with Suzie Fromme (my favorite courier and the one I always think of when I think of couriers). And he would think Suzie is weird and unhinged and way too powerful but not in a cool way but in a way that scares him (you modded a Bethesda protag of course she breaks reality). But since she's an agent of chaos that only wants to help people he would strike a tentative deal with her to take Atlas down. She would agree for the low price of "a room in the prettiest building in Rapture" which according to her is in Fort Frolic(?) which with all the delirious denizens dropping like drones means that there probably is an open room. Did I mention Suzie has the Black Widow perk? Upon finding out how she got rid of Atlas, Andrew Ryan decides that she is not to be trifled with at all and can be Sander Cohen's problem until the city collapses.

Andrew Ryan meets Chell

Andrew Ryan would probably love and hate Chell. Love because she dispatches enemies with efficiency and doesn't listen to Atlas but also doesn't listen to him. Eventually determines that she just wants to go to the surface and leave forever and after doing a couple of missions for him, lets her. Doesn't like that she's playing all sides trying to find the fastest way to leave, but she just wants to always come put on top. Which she does. Would weaponize her bond with Tenenbaum in a last ditch attempt to get her to do what he wants.

[azurdlywisterious]

Headcanon time! This one is how the Atompunk Ancap Trio takes their coffee☕️

Mr. House probably gets a hot latte from a local coffee shop. Will get a robot to pick a latte up for him if he’s too busy to go himself. Doesn’t like the taste of coffee on its own but he does like it in balance with some cream and spices.

Cave Johnson likes his coffee black. Has accidentally drank motor oil because it was indistinguishable from his coffee mug. Fixed this issue by just drinking the coffee straight from coffee pot.

Andrew Ryan takes his coffee with bourbon creamer (yes this is a real thing that exists). Just a little something to take the edge off. What edge? Who knows. Guess the waterbed woke him up last night.

[azurdlywisterious]

The musical theatre kid inside of me has activated, so here’s some singing headcanons for the Atompunk Ancap Trio!

Mr. House can’t sing, so he made a microphone to autotune his voice in real time. What he lacks in singing abilities he makes up for in general stage presence which is mostly robots and holograms but hey who doesn’t love a, ahem, pixel perfect performance? Whenever he’s not in performance mode he tends to just sing off key around the Lucky 38 as long as there are only robots around to hear him (this becomes difficult once the courier shows up). Has a tenor range.

Cave Johnson is great at singing rock music; like nose scrunching, borderling shouting but theres still a melody rock music. Like its not exactly metal but its getting there. Likes his music as caffeinated as music can be. Knows how to fire breathe (which is one of the few things that has ever scared Caroline). Has a baritone range.

Andrew Ryan sings Frank Sinatra jazz and that’s it. Not much of a performer, he usually sings along with a record or whenever he’s doing a mundane task like dusting shelves or making coffee. He only ever sings very quietly, and his singing voice is a little raspy, but its a treat whenever you do hear him sing. Ironically enough, he has a perfect voice for hymns and lullabies. Has a bass range.

[azurdlywisterious]

The Atompunk Ancap Trio got stood up by their chauffeurs at the airport. Looks like they’re going to have to rent a car and rotate who’s stuck being the chauffeur.

Mr. House is probably the safest driver out of the three. He follows the rules of the road to a T. However the sun is really bright and keeps blinding him so he keeps missing turns and whatnot, but like nothing a pair of snazzy sunnies can’t fix. Gets stressed the longer he has to drive the other two around (if driving on its own wasn’t stressful enough for him).

Cave Johnson nearly blows the car up trying to make it self driving. The sidewalk is wide enough for him. Will land the trio in jail if they let him keep driving. Does succeed in strapping a gel dispenser on the roof. The speed plus bouncing is not helping. Once again had to be stopped from breaking a hole in the windshield to shoot the portal gun out of. Hires some random guy off the street to shoot the gun. They nearly do not make it to their destination. There are warrants out for their arrest.

Andrew Ryan is a menace on the road. He speeds, blows lights, and does not stop for pedestrians. There is only one man allowed on the road and that’s him. Rips up parking tickets. Just the worst honestly.

The rental company does not take the car back. Cave then takes the car back to his lab for further testing. Caroline is, scarily enough, unfazed by all of this.

[azurdlywisterious]

It’s here! I present to you all the Atompunk Ancap Trio featuring some design headcanons I have for all them.

Mr. House has a tooth gap because I got it in my head that I saw art of him with a tooth gap once and by the time i realized I had made said art up I was already too attached to the design. Then, inspired by my courier Halloween costume, I added a bit of sunburn to his nose. I made him too cute. Help.

Cave Johnson is sparkly due to the moon rocks. Not pictured I also like the idea that the gels stain (and since the only photo’s we have of him are painted portraits and chell is impervious to change or death) so I very well might give him blue hair in the future for fun.

Andrew Ryan has small fangs. I gave him anime girl fangs and I am sorry. I wanted one of them to have fangs and well here we are.

Now to draw their counterparts! (Or at the very least Caroline!)

[azurdlywisterious]

Rise and shine, Tumblr! Here’s some Atompunk Ancap Trio sleeping/waking up headcanons

Mr. House is the heaviest sleeper you’ve ever met. Has five different alarms that all get snoozed and ignored. Has to have a robot threaten to pull him out of bed to get him to actually wake up. Sleeps on a nice firm foam mattress for his back.

Cave Johnson snores so much. He 100% hogs the sheets too (which isn’t a problem because he sleeps alone but it’s still something he does). Has five or six pillows at the head of his bed and one big pillow that he also clings to in his sleep.

Andrew Ryan is such a light sleeper that it’s a miracle that the gentle rocking of his waterbed doesn’t wake him up. Has a tendency to sleepwalk (especially when he’s stressed), so he makes sure the door to his master suit is locked up tight with no less than three padlocks.

[azurdlywisterious]

Okay y’all, I’ve been… uh… cooking up some new Atompunk Ancap Trio headcanons (yeah it’s cooking headcanons I am very funny):

Mr. House would find a way to burn water. He’d throw salt on there too on accident and nearly burn the place down. Will put eggs in the microwave. Will regret putting eggs in the microwave. (AN: don’t puts eggs in the microwave, kids.) Has personal chefs because otherwise he’d be eating charcoal that used to be a tv dinner. I don’t think radiation could kill him because his cooking is way worse.

Cave Johnson on the surface seems the same as Mr. House, but that’s only when he’s experimenting. Is secretly a whiz in the kitchen but has to be told by Caroline when he need to make something that he’s proven to work and when it’s a good time to experiment with culinary techniques.

Andrew Ryan is a self sufficient king and can cook well enough if he has a cookbook in front of him. Sometimes hires someone better than him to cook for him, but would survive on his own. Tends to stick to simpler recipes so as not to fail and get shown up by a book. Loves a little garnish that adds nothing but fancy frills to the plating.

[azurdlywisterious]

Have some Atompunk Ancap Trio headcanons because they now occupy prime real estate in my brain:

Mr. House would tip incredibly well (whether it’s due to it being a social status play or he just doesn’t realize that’s not an average tip amount is unclear)

Cave Johnson tips an average amount (though he will tip more if the waitress is pretty)

Andrew Ryan is the worst and doesn’t tip at all (he sees tips as hand outs and is against hand outs on principle)

[azurdlywisterious]

i am So Normal about mr house

[azurdlywisterious]

please accept this humble offering of a wip of the atompunk ancap trio at the country club together

[azurdlywisterious]

Cave Johnson is sparkly. To me. If you even care

[azurdlywisterious]

Oooh this looks fun @evening-rose-309 ! Lets talk about the Atompunk Ancap Trio and pets!

Mr. House is a cat person through and through. Grew up with cats and admires their independence and ferocity despite their size and scoopability. If it was possible for him to keep cats at the Lucky 38 after the great war he would in a heartbeat. Alas, the prices one must pay for effective immortality…

Cave Johnson probably grew up with lots of farm dogs (like ones that were bred to herd sheep and stuff) and probably trained them to do cool tricks like jumping through hoops and doing flips and whatnot. As an adult though he mostly just keeps rats. He says they’re just for testing but he certainly loves them way more than the humans that he tests. He still has pet dogs but he doesn’t have as many at once as he did when he was younger.

Andrew Ryan isn’t much of a traditional pet guy. He grew up with a yippy lap dog and didn’t like how much maintenance went into owning one. Adores aquariums though; and before building Rapture would have at least one massive aquarium at his manor. Honestly, if he were alive to view it, he would’ve watched all of “Tanked” and enjoy every second of it.

[azurdlywisterious]

More Atompunk Ancap Trio headcanons! This time on handwriting:

Mr. House strikes me as the type to struggle with handwriting. Unless he’s actively thinking about making it look pretty (and taking the time to do so); it’s usually an illegible, ugly mess that gets worse the longer it goes on. Uses a modified pencil grip (rather than the standard one he was taught) because it’s comfier. Adores typing things out and text to speech in comparison. Has at least one notebook full of signature practice so that he could at least have a pretty signature on a moments notice.

Cave Johnson writes with his writing utensil in an enclosed fist. He’ll say it’s because it shows power or manliness but in actuality that’s how he learned to write as a child and now it is far too late to correct it. He writes very bold and confident lines and is a big fan of print over cursive. His signature is mostly scribbles. Caroline has to make sure he signs documents in black or blue ink because he really wants to sign things in orange (his favorite color). Goes through so many bottles of whiteout.

Andrew Ryan learned how to write in cursive at a nice private school and lords his beautiful cursive handwriting over everyone. Has expensive fountain pen sets and treats his pens very well. He gets annoyed anytime he has to write in print and some of the habits of cursive bleed through anyways. His signature is literally calligraphy and would hate signing for things on the electronic card readers they have in stores because he wouldn’t be able to flex his calligraphy skills in the middle of the dang walgreens