#the bat fam

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

Art by Dustin Nguyen 🎨

[jupiterfallz]

Batsibling shenanigans 173

no one:

Duke, staring at jason: ..Dude are you okay-

jason: I can hear the seasonal depression starting to ring like mariah carrey’s whistle tones, help-

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

I'm gonna preface this with saying I know nothing about the Arabic language okay but I just thought of this scenarios and it's so funny

Could y'all imagine after Jason returns to Gotham and back into the fold and a time after Damian is also officially robin talia just shows up to spend time with her sons and to see how they are

And durring this she takes one look at Jason and just starts speaking to him in Arabic and Jason just stares at her wide eyed and has to try to remember all the lessons she taught him and knowing damn well she'll hand him his ass if she learns he did not keep up with the lessons and so he just kinda fumbles through the language and Talia just straight up grabs him by the ear drags him to the nearest private study in the manor and on the way she passes by Damian and also grabs him by the ear all the while cursing. In Arabic in a mom voice who's both disappointed and annoyed with her grown son.. Damian tries to struggle out of Talia's grip but one glare from her has him stopping in his tracks and allowing her to drag him along as well, once they get into the study Talia basically sits both boys down for an impromptu Arabic language lesson and they spend a few hours jogging Jason's memory in the language and then she starts checking over both boys ensuring they're both healthy and okay and ensuring that Bruce hasn't allowed her sons. Anywhere near that clown freak that seems to always be running a muck around Gotham...

Eventually Alfred pops in and brings everyone tea and cookies and asks Talia if she'll be staying with them for the night she declines and said she'll only be staying for dinner ..

Eventually they just start to catch up because to Talia Jason is also her son in fact she's the one that found him and brought him to the league to help him remember who he was and work through some of the trauma with him, she asks him about weather hell attend college or some kind of schooling, or if he'll continue work as a vigilante like his father, Jason is reluctant to answer Talia sees this riffles his hair and sensing he's uneasy she moves on to Damian and asks him how hes doing living with his father and living as a regular boy outside of the league Damian immediately starts telling Talia about all the animals he's been helping around Gotham, and his aspirations to be a doctor and work in medicine, also how stupid all his peers are and how frustrated he is that father keeps treating him as a childhood as if he wasn't running his own missions and team within the league and never once got caught, talia simply tells him that she and Bruce have very different ways of parenting and training and the reason she sent him to be with Bruce was because she thinks that it's what is best for him it'll provide him with a better much happier life than the league would at this time in his age and it's. Important for him to socialize and learn to work with people his own age and interact with civilians, she also tells him the working in medicine is something that seems to run in the family and gives him her blessing for his career choices..

Much later before dinner Jason pulls Talia aside and starts telling her about the fight he's had with Bruce where he yet again chose joker over his own son this time he was nearly tortured by joker and almost lost his life, and he doesn't know how to deal with it anymore Talia at this point wants to hand Bruce his ass but she doesn't let that on instead she offers to allow Jason to return to her and the league to get a break away from Gotham and he can sharpen some of his skills..

Though quietly she's just planning on killing joker and she honestly puts out a hit on him within the league because she's tired of her sons getting threatened by a mad man and if they're father won't do anything about it she will

[lynnhf]

Personal Writing Challenge(2 Weeks) Day 4

Date: 9/8/23

Title: Misconception

Universe: DC

Pairing: Dick Grayson/OC

Part 1?

She honestly couldn’t understand why she had to see superheroes on the news. All. The. Time. Like, seriously? Batman stopped the Joker from killing the Mayor! What else is new? Okay, so Robin stopped a robbery, what of it? Redhood killed a man?! Shocker. Red Robin was seen fleeing the scene! Is Wonder Woman and the Batman fucking each other?

Who knew he had a heart?

Ayla sighed, sinking further into her couch, watching as the news reporter once again, described how Nightwing, Bludhaven’s very own vigilante, saved the day. While also so very obviously thirsting over him and his, “incredible ass”. 

And, OH! That bod…

It was really, starting to get on her nerves. Where were the heroes without the cape? The Good Samaritan? Where were the people who pulled a lady out of the road before she got run over? Were there any of those people left in the world? 

Drumming her fingers against the leather, she sighed heavily before getting up and storming out her front door, keys, phone, and wallet in hand. She probably should have turned off her TV, but, eh. Who cares? If someone wanted to break into her apartment and steal something from her, what was she going to do to stop them? 

Movement came from her left and she looked out from the corner of her eye as she locked her door. Her neighbor, whom she had actually never met in person (having only seen him from a distance) was walking up the stairs. Talking enthusiastically to a young man, a late teen, a child, and…

Was that Bruce Wayne?

Shit. 

Turning towards the elevator (her right and her only escape) she paused in horror as she saw the “out of order” sign on the doors.

Double shit.

The only way out was to go through Bruce Wayne and her neighbor. Who she had been avoiding, in all honesty. She could practically feel them, him, coming closer to her and the door that was beside her. Making her decision, Ayla turned back to her door to unlock it, her mind fumbling with an excuse to use and-

“Hey! You're my neighbor, right?”

Damn. It.

She stopped turning the nob, forcing a smile as she turned back around. She was greeted with a brilliant smile and gorgeous eyes. She didn’t realize blue came in that color. Against her will, she felt her smile go from forced, “I don’t want to deal with you” to a soft, friendly, “I’ll gladly have a conversation with you!”. 

“Um, yeah uh, hi. I’m… your neighbor…” There was the social awkwardness, she was wondering when it’d show up.

While the child rolled his eyes, letting out a ‘tsk’ sound, the man in front of her seemed to perk up, brighten, even. He extended his hand, and exclaimed, “Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you! I’ve seen you around a lot but I can’t seem to catch you at a good time. My names Dick by the way.”

She looked at his hand a moment and hesitated. In quick succession, she glanced from his hand to his eyes and back again a few times before she practically peeled her hand off and away from the door nob. Like the idiot she was, she floundered with her hands before finally grasping his in a single handshake. Dick’s hand was warm, and to say it dwarfed hers would be an understatement. Blushing red, and looking down at the ground, she practically wheezed out a reply. 

“N-Nice to meet you… I’m, A-Ayla…” 

Instead of shaking her hand (like a normal person), Dick instead brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly. Heart pounding, blush worsening, Ayla shot her head up and locked eyes with him. Part of her wanted to smack him, but the other part, the larger part, was swooning and she was pretty sure her legs abandoned her (traitors). What's worse, is that she was almost 100% certain she looked like a deer in the headlights. A red deer, Radlpoh in particular. But what was she going to do about that? 

Unbeknownst to her, her savior came from the young man behind him. He groaned, rolling his eyes as he pulled Dick away from her and (attempted) to shove him through the now open door. “Come on Romeo, we haven’t got all day. Flirt on your own time.”

Ayla watched with wide eyes as the teen, and fucking Bruce Wayne passed through the doorway, ignoring the scene she was now blessed with. The man with a tuff of white hair had Dick in hand, struggling to turn him towards the door. The child, who never lost his, “I’m better than you” arua, was also pushing (mostly shoving) Dick. Dick who never lost his smile as he was herded back and away from her. 

“If you ever need anything, knock! Or better yet, I’ll slip my number under your door!” 

With that, the door slammed shut behind them, his words echoing inside her head before disappearing into the abyss. She was left standing there, no real thought passing through her. She just stared blankly at where they used to be, failing to comprehend what she had just witnessed.

Eventually, she managed to walk pasted his door and start down the stairs. The scene rerunning in her head, only to give her a headache she didn’t have before. Stepping out onto the street, she couldn’t help but notice the shiny black limo. With what she was assuming to be the butler as he proceeded to clean one of the windows. The old man paused to look at her, nodded, and then returned to work. 

Feeling slightly creeped out by the weirdness of it all, Ayla turned and started her normal trek to work. A million thoughts seemed to run through her mind, but one stood out above all else.

What. Just. Happened. 

@batsyforyou

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[jupiterfallz]

This also totally happened, batsiblings número unknown

Tim: YOU PUSHED ME OFF THE ROOF!!!

Jason: Did I? Did I?

Alternatively:

Jason: You’re still alive aren’t you?

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

Anyways this thought came to my head now I'm obligated to share

This is an au where Selina Kyle and Bruce actually get married and are in the process of like sharing a life together

Anyways this is a thing I think would be funny if it happened

Bruce is just excited to tell his friend the good news but his friend isn't exactly thrilled it's 2 am and while Gotham never sleeps Harvey dent aka two face is fucking horrified by the. Text he just received from fucking Bruce Wayne, how he got his number he doesn't fucking know the text in question

JUST GOT MARRIED!!!! 🥳🍾🍻🎉 Also totally off topic but I did not sign a prenup btw any idea of what my shares are Selina is asked for some so I gave her some but I don't actually know what they are

Two face just immediately starts blowing up Bruce's phone trying to get that man to answer is a fucking nightmare especially whenever he gets a new partner to spend time with it's like he can't see behind the pretty girl in front of him, he may be the world's greatest detective but when it comes to romantic partners he's the world's biggest idiot especially when he's in love

Finally two face starts falling Bruce and when he finally does answer he's on speaker with Selina in the room

"Bruce for the love of God tell me you had her sign a goddamn prenup, did you even discuss custody arrangements, HOW AND WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER YOUR SHARES WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT IS THAT YOU HAVE TELL ME THAT THIS IS A JOKE".

Bruce: I think your jealous of what I have with Selina, I trust her completely there's no need for a prenup, as for the kids they won't be a problem, and that's precisely why I texted you afterall you were one of my closest advisors for years also I thought you'd be happy for me, ya know it's not my fault yo-"

Two face: BRUCE I AM NOT JEALOUS I AM CONCERNED SELINA IS INFAMOUS FOR BEING INTERESTED IN HER OWN POCKETS AND ANYTHING SHINY, AND NEED I REMIND YOU THAT WE AREN'T FRIENDS WE HAVENT BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS IDK IF YOUR DRUNK OR STUPID BUT KNOWING YOU ITS PROBABLY BOTH, YOU NEED TO SEND ME ALL THE PAPERWORK REGARDING YOUR NEW MARRIAGE IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN FIX THIS GODDAMN MESS CAUSE I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU CRY AND WHINE WHEN THIS BLOWS UP IN YOUR STUPID ASS FACE DOES ALFRED EVEN ONOW OF YOUR STUPIDITY BECAUSE THIS IS A NEW KIND OF STUPID EVEN FOR YOU WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE MY ASS

Bruce merely smiles and says you wouldn't be nearly this worked up if you didn't care I knew you were still in there harv I just wanted the proof that my friend still exists I'd like for you to be my second best man at my wedding also you should come to dinner some time the kids they all miss you, and some of them have started to take an interest in the law you were at the top of your field maybe you could point them in the right direction, as for me and Selina while we did elope it has not get been made official so if you really want me to do all this paperwork you must come over for a family meal Bruce then promptly hangs up leaving Harvey absolutely flabbergasted because wtf just happened and how the fuck, wait did he just get fucking adopted by Bruce Wayne, he's a fucking supervillain and he got roped into attending a family dinner..

A moment later his phone dings and he opens it to see a big list of various foods drinks appetizers and deserts with a text at the bottom that says choose three of your favorites from each category and just dress casual or whatever's most comfortable to you it's only a small family dinner please email Alfred a list of any diet restrictions or food allergies you may have it'll be nice to have you over and don't worry Selina has agreed to play nice I know the two of you haven't always gotten along, his phone lights up again with a Gmail account to Alfred pennyworth two face can't argue so he just sighs exasperated and just RSVPs everything and goes in to see the gotham seamstress for something a bit more fancy for this get together and one extra nice suit for the wedding

[jesterbells]

canonically Tim has this ability too even though he wears a black cape

I think it’d be funny if Dick and Jason, due to wearing bright yellow capes on the job for years, are capable of stealth to a frankly unhinged degree. They barely have to try anymore it’s so second nature. Dick can just completely disappear while in the loudest neon clothes imaginable. Jason is constantly startling people who don’t understand how they missed a guy the size of a fridge standing right there. Bruce is extremely grateful for his unbreakable poker face because they have both startled him by accident and would never ever let him live it down if they knew.

[nefarious-616-necromancer]

[jupiterfallz]

Batfam shenanigans ft Bruce Wayne aka Batdad

Bruce: Sorry Jason, it’s a two person activity.

Damian: Maybe there’s something for lonely children that you can do.

Jason, who was just trying to do something nice for once: A lonely child is what you’re going to be after I sell you back to your grandfather.

[writing-nothing-but-spilled-ink]

Alright part 2 cause I need the serotonin this will involve Damian (this is part 2 to redhood taking care of the kids in crime alley)

Eventually after hours of work and vigilante shit getting done Jason aka redhood finally has some time to stop by and check on his kids safe houses though strangely he can't find any of them in they're usually places which is incredibly odd until he starts hearing lots of cheering and cooing coming from one of the side streets that lead to a dead end on one side of the abandoned alley.

What he finds when he walks over are the kids his kids in a circle surrounding a bunch of stray animals and some clearly abandoned animals, now Jason knows for a fact that these animals don't live in this part of town he's not adverse to feeding strays it's just he usually would notice the animals especially if he sees them frequently around Gotham and these aren't exactly what he'd call native to this part of town considering some of them looked freshly cleaned usually the strays would have dirty and muck allover there fur and paws covered in mud and the toxic rock salt solutions that have. Been used to prevent ice from covering the streets..

Eventually the kids then towards him with big hopeful eyes and says can't we keep them can't you take care of them I mean you said you just got a new safe house for everyone and that weird guy with the suit has been helping you take care of us we promise we'd train them well and keep them happy and fed and we'll walk them every day before and after school, WE COULD EVEN TRAIN THEM TO HELP YOU TAKE OUT BAD GUYS ESPECIALLY IF ANYMORE MEAN MEN COME AFTER US AGAIN...

Jason is taken aback he's never been in this situation before hell he can't even imagine Bruce or even Alfred in this situation he tried to think of what they'd do if faced with this decision but honestly both those options felt incredibly heartless, with a sigh he slowly pulled out his vigilante specific phone and looked at the weather for this week of Gotham and when he found that it'll be below freezing temperatures he found he couldn't say no at least not tonight, and maybe this could teach them some responsibility, but now here's the trouble what does he do if they decide they want the same pet he can't imagine theyd be willing to share one and animals tended to choose there owners as well ..

Eventually hood just sighed and goes alright guys you may take them inside get them warmed up and I'll see about getting some animal food and dog beds and blankets as well as cat toys, at least for this week since this whole week it'll be below freezing temperatures, beyond that I'm not sure if this is a good idea we're already on thin ice as it is especially with Gotham child services if they think for even a second any of you are living in filth with no supervision with an animal at that, one that could be labeled as dangerous or disease ridden I'm not sure that even Harvey would be able to bail us out this time so I want everyone to treat the next two weeks as a trial run show me your all adult enough to handle pet ownership, we're not putting them back out on the streets and we're definitely not going to allow anyone putting them to sleep if we cannot keep them i don't want any of you to be worried about that."

"Suzy you've recently been diagnosed with asthma and whole I have had you tested for allergies and it's all come back negative I want you to understand that in some people animal hair/fur can trigger your asthma quite badly, if that starts to happen I'd unfortunately be forced to take it away and re-home it and I'm not saying this to be cruel I'm saying this so you understand that your health is more important than owning a pet even if we love them dearly, though if that's the case whoever we rehome it to I'll ensure you'll be able to visit from time to time alright".

Each kid scoops up an animal one of which manages to pick up a fairly big pitbull and awkwardly waddles up the apartment complex stairs every now and. Again tilting ever so slightly to the side due to the weight of the animal meanwhile the entire time the dog seems to be happily drooling with it's great big pink tongue hanging out, a bunch of the younger kids have chosen to take in the kittens who seemed to be at least a year old, he's seen enough of Catwoman tending to stray cats over the years to recognize the older cats from the younger ones, one kid in particular seemed to have a fluffy bunny in one arm and a pug in the other, vaguely Jason felt as if he just opened a can of worms he was not qualified to deal with.. As the last of the kids and pets went inside he heard a crunching come from behind but when he turned around he saw no one

"Hey Todd it seems your delinquents have found my friends, I was taking them out for some air but they got away from me and when I was about to go out and look for them father had informed me that there's a new case he must work on and while he does so he needed me to patrol with dick, I had each of them chipped with my own specially designed microchips and tracked them to this location and I noticed your delinquents have taken a liking to them, maybe we can come to an acceptable agreement, your delinquents may keep and even care for my friends in exchange you allow me to teach them about the animals and proper animal handling and maybe this way they'll finally learn some culture, and you don't tell father I was bringing more friends to the manor".

"first off stop calling them delinquents they're good people, not soldiers, not delinquents, and most definitely not unworthy simply because they were born of lessor means, you don't see me dick or Bruce calling you an irredeemable monster that only cares for perfection simply because ra's is your grandfather, I thought you would've known better by now especially living In a place like Gotham and interacting with the people here, maybe Bruce has already failed you if this is how you see others of lesser means, I'm sure he'd be disappointed and so wouldn't dick".

...

Damian is caught off guard by how valiantly passionate Jason sounds when talking of those of lessor means, Damian did feel a bit of shame wash over him for calling the kids delinquents but how could he not feel this way they were all covered in dirt and muck and seemed to do nothing all day but chasing after an idiot like the red hood and not taking any real interest in creating a lasting legacy, or taking proper. Care if there appearances, it was barbaric how carefree they were running around, showing all those emotions, that was a weakness, a thing that could easily be exploited and used against you why couldn't they see that, why couldn't they see by openly running wild they were leaving themselves open to be hurt, it's dangerous to be this loud to take up this much space, they lacked discipline and-,..

Jason noticed that Damian's mood seemed to have changed from snarky know it all to his fake Bruce face the type of face Bruce would use when he's thinking really hard about a case but can't seem to quite crack the puzzle, and the type that usually resulted in bruce pulling out his own hair due to the stress and trauma, honestly in this moment Damian looked like a blank sheet in a sense facially it's a face he's seen before on other league members when a single free thought or word out of turn would lead to a severe physical punishment.

Finally Damian looked up almost looking like a sad scared child honestly like Jason probably did when Bruce first found him all those years ago stealing tires off the batmobile, and running around the streets,

"Todd I... Apologize, the- .. your acquaintances aren't delinquents, but they are disorganized, and it's barbaric, I am concerned that them being so open will only lead them to painful lessons later on if they're not careful, though I see now it is not my place to intervene or say as much, but I'd still really like to teach them how to properly take care of my friends I also have treats for them"-..

"it's fine, you may teach them how to care for the animals if you wish, but please try not to go on for hours about the history of how they got here or there ancestors, they're not like you, so keep it simple at least at first and then if they have questions answer them as they arrive, they don't have access to real school or top educations like you or dick did, what they learn is mainly thanks to me and Alfred and a program that's slowly being implemented by the locals around here, alot of them are former teachers, midwives, ECT before they had to quit there jobs or leave due to active threats to they're safety, and they're helping us establish a small school for basic education and educational skills they'll need later in life, also I'd like for you to be prepared as they may make fun of the way you speak and your accent as there's not alot of people around here that speak like you".

[jesterbells]

tags have been vetted and approved: #batman#bruce wayne#the justice league#one big happy justice league family#what do you mean dc doesn’t stand for disregard canon

Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

[inverted-typo]

Ooh fancy pants rich McGee over here ✨

[adhara2034]

Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

[wetsandmemories]

dick: you were gone for months, everyone though you were insane or else, dead even, you cut off all of the contacts with your family, friends and colleagues. and now turns out you what. almost joined an ancient murderous cult? lost an organ? have committed a few terroristic attacks? and fraud?

tim: it was my hot girl summer

dick: you've been banned from seven different countries

tim: not me being a girlypop

dick:

tim: also, is it a terroristic attack if you attack terrorists?

[jesterbells]

or alternatively:

Grayson: Wow, you have so many cool stories! And what are those three bullet holes from?

Bruce: *tells the story*

Grayson: ...you mean before you bulletproofed the suit you just LET YOURSELF BE SHOT??

Bruce: Yes?

Grayson: BRUCE NO

I have this idea/theory that like when Bruce was just starting out, early twenties, “im going to make a difference!” batman, he was like known, somewhat, by at least most of the crinimals, oh some dude dressed as a bat beat up larry the other day? Hm. skill issue. Type of thing..

And then one night, theres a goon on patrol for some little operation. A more… violent goon lets say. And Bruce lands in front of him, cape billowing, white eyes narrowed, and the goon is like “shiii he does look pretty cool. Fuck ‘im tho.” and he does what any other goon would do, he pulls out his gun and fires. Once. Twice. Three times. 

He sees the bullets make contact. Watches as they hit the suit. Go through it. Because this is still prototype four or five, its not fully kevlar, atp its still basically just cloth with some armor in certain places. 

The goon can see blood circles forming where the bullets hit. Blood drips to the floor. But Bruce? Bruce keeps on walking towards him, not a limp or waver in his step. Because its Gotham. Because if he wasn't willing and prepared to get shot at he should've picked a different city. 

And thats when The Bat becomes infamous. Because what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck he just keeps coming- i shot him three times-!

And years later, when Dick is on clean up duty as punishment for some elaborate stunt he pulled, organizing old files and plugging them into the batcomputer, he finds the file. And holy shit. Thats- actually kinda cool…