#that's a first since starting therapy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

buttercupshands · 4 months ago

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I started drawing this next day after I finished Act 6

13 or so days and it's finished!

Main things are traditional and Loop's body was edited digitally after

Unedited it looks like this

I've been torn on how to do Loop's body for the entirety of lining, also

A bit sad the main lines are visible only as a wip, most of this thing is literally just a ton of sharp lines

I think it's also my first day of drawing, Loop is just a sketch here (feat. my leg)

I even finished the beans before it so they were a moral support, because if you let me things like this take a year

#fanart #my art #isat #isat fanart #in stars and time #isat loop #loop #traditional art #artists on tumblr #Phew #So anyway this was my way of figuring out my thoughts after finishing the game #I didn't even actually finish it with credits playing at that moment #This type of art is my therapy #And in a way literally how my personality works from big figures to small details of thinking about anything #It's really calming!#I won't tag paper figures but they're here #Like special guests #In any case the funniest thing was showing this to my English teacher and she was like 'wow this looks stressed' or something #Like she immediately looked at the lines and after I showed her my old Flowey drawing like this she was like #'oh it makes sense! This one looks calm but this one is clearly you not feeling good'#Because I was kinda #Like sitting there in the semi-park and feeling sick since morning before I started drawing this and slowly I got better #I already talked about this on my first 'big' isat thing - I needed to think a bit #And not think at the same time just literally letting myself sort stuff out #Like. I fell asleep at 6 am that day and woke up at 10 4 hours of sleep after playing full Act 5 and two hats stuff IS STRESSFUL #SUPER STRESSFUL! Like I felt like I was playing for 4 hours while sleeping #Anyway by the time I finished it aka today I'm feeling way better and I'm literally talking a walk right now #Touching grass as we speak #Anyway phew!#Now to that animatic that's plaguing my mind to draw it nowww

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poorlittleyaoyao · 10 days ago

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ohhhh my god if this show ends up going “plot twist! the parent who deliberately inflicted unfathomable physical and emotional harm on their child actually loved them very much so all the abuse is fine and forgiven and in fact we should feel sad for them” then I might have to ragequit sry 2 say

#which would be a shame since Dongfang Qingcang’s current arc being When Therapy Starts Working It Sucks At First is otherwise compelling!#please just let him be in a torment nexus from addressing repressed trauma that he must learn to process and carry in a healthy way #do not inform him that he should get over it bc His Dad Loved Him or whatever the fuck

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daisywords · 3 months ago

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#can I just. scream for a second #so as is news to no one #we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch #also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well #anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now #have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail #everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist #(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending #also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case #anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked #she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that #what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place #and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE #it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble #also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean #but anyway #she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried #apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something #so she gave me a coupon for it #but get this #when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon #the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'

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manhattan-gamestop · 7 months ago

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Does something ever happen to you and you’re like I’m gonna need at least 10 therapy sessions to get over that

#I’ve been having an argument w my mom since Sunday #when she has the audacity to pull out a ‘I didn’t know you were gay’ and ‘how dare you think I wouldn’t be accepting’#forgetting the years and years of homophobia she subjected me to #starting by finding out I’m gay in the first place by reading through my phone when I was 15 #like cool. cool that you can forget all of the stuff I need therapy for #and writing a revisionist history where you’ve been accepting the whole time #tracking tag #rambling #ok to reblog #<- everything on this acct is fair game but

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youremyonlyhope · 28 days ago

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Having contamination OCD and emetophobia while norovirus is surging is not good for my mental health. I'm going to be freaking out 24/7 until this surge goes down or until March/April when outbreaks usually stop. Whichever comes first.

And I know it's not ending anytime soon now that nearly everyone's winter breaks have ended and they're bringing the virus with them. So there's at least 2 more weeks until we see the full impact of how many people are about to get sick.

I'm actually thankful that I'm unemployed right now. Sure, I have no income. But that also means a lot less contact with people. This does not help with my tendency to become a hermit and hide away from the world.

#can you see why the covid pandemic was a major reason i even started therapy #why i had a billion mental breakdowns and was super fragile emotionally throughout quarantine and the first year.#as for working my swing gig hasn't called me in a few weeks to come in and cover a track #they asked last week if i was available but then ultimately i wasn't needed the days they though i would be #which tells me either people are getting sick OR they had some travel delays. and they wanted me on standby.#and also any little bit of 'tummy troubles' i feel means i that i start to SPIRAL.#and the theatre i volunteer with will probably reach out to me in the next week-ish about helping #since i told the director i was available. but now i'm like... dreading it since i know if one person in the cast gets it #then it'll sweep through the cast and crew. and i mask 95% of the time i'm there and always wash my hands #but god why is this happening why do we live in a world with viruses #and why is there still not a vaccine for it. i know it's in phase 3 of trials but i don't know how far off it is to be approved.

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lover-of-mine · 1 year ago

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That one gifset got me thinking, so what's your opinion on Buck wearing pink? I've noticed he's worn it most around the Diaz boys, but never around a canon love interest 👀

Honestly, pink seems to be about conflict and family? Obviously, the first example anyone will think of Buck in pink is the tsunami. Which is a major family moment since it's canonically the moment Buck realizes exactly how much and in which way he loves Chris but it does ultimately lead to a near-death experience.

But other moments he's wearing pink are: May's graduation party and the moments we see him talking there, he's with Chris and apologizing to Bobby about the train, so he's with his kid and clearing the air with his father figure (wonder if the pink and yellow combo for Buck and Chris means something tho).

Also, Buck talking Eddie down after the skateboard thing and Chris calling him a liar, so parenting issue.

When he's talking to Albert about Veronica and accepting there's nothing he can do about it. Considering Jee, Albert is family in a more traditional way, they are bound by a blood relative, so family.

When Chim comes to tell him about the accident with Jee and why Maddie ran and finds out Buck knew and Chim is for all intents and purposes is his brother-in-law.

So, from the knowledge I gathered by putting the whole show in 12x speed to find every instance he's wearing green, I would reasonably say pink is his conflict in the family color.

#sorry this one is more about family than romance #and definitely not a diaz color sorry #911 meta #since when do i do clothing metas lol #does anyone wants to talk about the burnt orange because i also noticed he's wearing burnt orange when he meets the lawyer #i forgot his name but the lawsuit era starts with him in burnt orange #hes doing therapy in burnt orange #he finds out about daniel and baby proofs madneys apartment in burnt orange #it's also the color hes wearing on that lunch he has with taylor on that episode about sue that's the first 'date' we see of them #the color he finds out about the will #and his first date with natalia #very interesting scenes to be bound by a color yk #anyway this is about pink #pink is family sokaoskaoskas #buck #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌#im off to bed now #i turned my computer on for screenshots lol #color theory

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celepeace · 5 days ago

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it's really hard to come to terms with but i think i just have to accept that i can't do the good work right now. and the people who are, are doing it for people like me

#i've had three incredibly traumatic things happen to me in the past 3-ish months and when i walk by the mirror i look like a dead person #i don't know how to stay sane with my own personal shit on top of the political hellscape #it's so bad. literally all of the energy i have i put towards maintaining myself or trying to get better #it's frustrating. i knew what real happiness felt like for a brief moment after escaping my abuser and then it was snatched away #i only got to enjoy jul-oct as being able to see the light in life for the first time since childhood #but i work at it because i know what it feels like now and i want it back #surgeries and therapies and medicines and trying every day to do something to enrich my life. making my living space nice #having new experiences. talking to friends and family. making art #all of the energy i have i must put towards those things. i am trying very hard #and i don't know. the Everything going on in the US is just hurting me. i can't deal with it. i don't know what to do #i have a creeping feeling that i should actually start looking into fleeing the country #but when i think of the monumental effort involved in that i feel like i'm about to crumble #everyone who is fighting. thank you because i can't #i try not to let the guilt-trippy stuff get to me but the subconscious can only hear something so many times before it believes it #what awful timing to not have anything to spare #also learned recently i'm very iron deficient but without anemia. who knows for how long i've been this way #kind of explains a lot though. just no one tested my ferritin levels until now

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deadandphilgames · 9 months ago

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oversharing in the tags time :)

#i think it’s time i go back to therapy #i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend #or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out #backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my #bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy #anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown #it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc #(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf #and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went #to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel #so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him #then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward #she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times #start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted #in feb 2023. we had tickets for #mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not #she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji #and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man #so I still worry about her #writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better #but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK #anyways. I need therapy to get over this #and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im #out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me #up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day #don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!

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billgenbrough · 6 days ago

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I think it's just the Bad Mental Health talking, but do you ever feel like your friends no longer want to talk to you, and you have to remind yourself that they have more responsibilities than you, so you shouldn't take it personally, but you just kind of... can't help it? Like damn, it feels like no one cares anymore, even though I know it's not true.

#atlas adventures #this isnt about anyone specific. this is a generalization #i've felt like dogshit since the beginning of november and it's gone downhill since with koke one or two good weeks before christmas #like this has BEEN a problem #but i need to get my hormone meds first since they regulate my moods more than psych meds #but insurance is completely being a Dick so i'm paying 70/week for therapy with a 210 backpay from before the office was tols my insurance #— stopped. which i can't pay off so i'm forced to pay 70 each week to even HAVE an appointment #i found out when i went to get blood testing before i was supposed to start taking said hormone meds. btw #like that's when i found out my insurance was discontinued #so. yeah #can't get much help right now??

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cadaver-moss · 10 months ago

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Drew these in the middle of a panic attack 2-ish weeks ago.

I thought the stark contrast between feeling watched and hating on Usher was really funny looking back on it

#i hate it so much #why tf do I feel like a burden for venting #I really need help but idk where to ask for it without feeling like I’m weighing the other person down #also on a semi-related note #I’m starting to believe I may have BPD #but I don’t wanna go and self diagnose #I’m gonna have my first therapy appointment since I was 9 NEXT WEEK Y’ALL‼️#so maybe then I’ll figure it out #unicorn wars #hispanic artist #art #enojadita von fluffyboots #unicorn wars oc #artists on tumblr #unicorn wars movie #whiteboardfox #whiteboard fox #sorry for the slight vent

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heartshattering · 9 months ago

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5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

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newfeeling77 · 2 months ago

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i’ve stopped going to therapy again partially bc i got a new therapist n i dont like her… and also bc im back on my bullshit of self driven therapy. bc im sick of going into an office n only walking out with a list of coping skills given to me that i already know bc ive been receiving psychiatric care for over a decade. like im capable of having a lot of realizations about my behavior on my own so why even bother. instead of telling me i should give myself a point system so i clean my room, id much rather attempt to figure out WHY i dont want to… so now i force myself to do the hard things and while im doing it i ask myself why is this so hard? why do i feel like im going to die when i have to put my laundry away? why am i scared of sitting down and painting or watching a movie alone? what is going on in my head thats causing me to feel insecure and vulnerable when im alone? and why am i scared of being vulnerable in general? and i find it much more constructive than melissa looking up marie kondo tips on google and assuming i have adhd bc i cant pick up after myself.

#it all comes down to why am i mistreating myself.#bc im perfectly capable of taking care of things i just dont WANT to bc its like my passive way of self harm #mix of self harm n entitlement #i dont want to do those things bc i dont feel like i should have to. it should be easier for me.#but its not and it wont be unless i keep doing it u know #hopefully this will get my confidence back up n ill start feeling normal again.#its been a few years since i tried this. but i was doing extremely well for the first time in my life when i last kicked therapy #unfortunately the living situation i went into after ended up ruining that #i would like to become normal about other things like responsibilities and sex

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ameamedraws · 11 months ago

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Life update:

I’m going to France for a volunteering program, TOMORROW!!

It’s been in the works for like a month but it’s still pretty sudden, I felt a bunch of ranges of emotions but overall I am feeling incredibly excited.

Art updates have been slow for this very reason and April will probably be mostly a month of adjustment, but hopefully i’ll be able to find a balance soon and finish some wips i am very excited to share!

#ame rambles #going to a different country man the ranges of emotions i felt #as it was wuite sudden i felt a lot of anxiety too at first #but like yesterday i had a call with management (?) and they were super nice and everything #it got me super excited to leave #i am glad i got this opportunity and i’m sure it will do me good to change air #i’ve felt stagnant for so long… since i started therapy last year it finally felt like moving again #i will do my best and hope things out of my control will be kind

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e77y · 5 months ago

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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness