#anyways. I need therapy to get over this
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think it’s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not#she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji#and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im#out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day#don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Me: Oh god. It's time for our company's yearly performance review. Where my boss will judge my performance over the past year and see how awful I am at my job and--
My boss: You're doing such a great job and I'm so happy you're here <3
Me:
#SLAMS MY HEAD INTO THE TABLE I probably need therapy.#Shima speaks#LMAO#I always. ALWAYS get stressed about these and they ALWAYS turn out just fine#It's the self-esteem. The self-esteem I don't have :)#Anyway glad that I wasn't roasted and fired and I'm doing good at my job.#I'M GOOD AT MY JOB?? ME?? OKAY I'LL TAKE IT! I'LL TAKE IT#Listen this may not be my dream job but it's a good job with good people#And it pays my bills. Couldn't ask for more#Eventually I will leave to work elsewhere but I'm glad I'm doing good 😭#Realizing like. How important my job is actually. When I do leave the company I'll have to train the new hire#For at LEAST a couple weeks#Bc I'm the only one in this department that knows how to do payments! Just me!!#Anyway. Glad that stress is gone now#I can go home and watch One Piece and NOT cry over a tub of ice cream#(I'll probably do that anyway but bc of the anime Emotions and not bc of work. LMAO)
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what's crazy as fuck to me is that the bad kids literally went through kipperlily's therapy notes and everyone's falling over backwards to justify that but god fucking forbid someone who lost her best and only friend in the world has anger issues. you bitches would not have survived the vriska trenches.
#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#she is SIXTEEN. SHE IS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!!#imagine being in a group of people where only one person has your back. and then that one person is brutally murdered.#personally i would go fucking apeshit! but okay ik most fandoms are misogynist as fuck so it's time to hate traumatized teenage girls#i still can't get over using her THERAPY NOTES the shit she said in PRIVATE against her. i hope she kills all the PCs and i'm not joking!#anyway to be clear i do still need to watch fhjy (can't afford dropout yet rip)#but like. lol. the cycle continues forever i guess#god fucking forbid teen girls don't have the most mentally mature responses to seeing their best friend die in front of them#doomed tragic yuri 4ever and i'm glad buddy dawn died. i hope somebody resurrects him just so kipperlily can murder him again#my post#mine
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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
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Rogue & Gambit (2018) #2 writer: Kelly Thompson artist: Pere Pérez colorist: Frank D'Armata
That time Rogue and Gambit got back together by going to therapy. Of course it was undercover and it was like exes fake-dating, except they both still had lots of feelings.
And then #5 brought closure. Bad guys got defeated and the therapy worked by confronting the past (in so many ways, don't ask about Rogue's look, things happened).
#X-Men#Rogue#Gambit#your honor I love their messy history - it has everything#from soap opera secret wife drama to being stabbed together#a memorable first date as well as leaving the other in Antarctica#Emma has dabbled in giving them couples therapy before and that... sure was something#thank you Kitty for forcing them into this and then later giving them their wedding :3#sometimes dialogue isn't needed#also this spans close to 30 years of will-they-won't-they-are-they-over-or-maybe-not - this was a marathon#ah yes when a writer gets the characters and you don't have to squint because there is no bigger plot threat they need to serve#anyway friendly reminder that Rogue & Gambit been through hell and back a lot of times but they carry their emotional baggage together
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-- TAKING A BREAK --
hewwo, im gonna be taking a break from tumblr for the next while.
ive come to realize that im on tumblr wayyyy too much bc of my (newly found) ocd so im leaving for a while to try and deal with it (+ other stuff in the op tags)
i'll be back once im satisfied w/ my progress, but there is a chance i won't be back for months, so if u want to stay in contact send me a DM w ur discord or smthn, i'll check them a couple of times in the next couple days, but after that no tumblr at all.
so yeah, byebyes & i'll see u people later hopefully <3
#cybernetic meows#im putting more reasons why under the cut in the tags#xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx#okay so ive found that i probably have ocd and the whole chronological dash is actually quite bad for me bc ive gotten obsessive over#seeing every single post from all the blogs im following and thats just not really worth it in terms of time and#plus im quite lonely atm so seeing people on the dash being friends and having fun together is honestly making me feel sick and#a bit dysphoric#which just sucks but its not really anyones fault (but mine ig)#this break is mainly just so i can sort out life#finish exams get a job#get some mf therapy cuz yeah i def need it#try and connect w my local queer community hopefully#maybe try and move out but thats probly years away yet#anyway if u read this far thanks i appreciate it alot <3
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Was gonna make Hollycinder endgame to my hyporewrite but now that Hollyleaf is gonna be a medic all the way through po3, I kiiinda want to put her with Willowshine instead. For the drama. Oh the misery of swearing yourself to your restrictive code to an unhealthy degree being challenged when you fall for another medic from another clan, indulging in the romance when you're children but breaking it off because you refuse to put your selfish sinful desires over the goodwill of StarClan and tradition, spending a few years in yearning and guilt and ruminating going "I had to, I can't love her, I would be less than scum if I did" and throwing herself into her work. Only to learn that she herself is a product of a forbidden relationship, the same as the one she indulged in. And her mother had "no" consequences for so long. Her mentor who she looked up to more than anything, who she previously honored for her faith in StarClan and the code and saw her as a standard worth following, had faltered in her faith. Why? Why would she inflict that on her clan? Why would she inflict that on Hollyleaf? What was it for? . .. Could Hollyleaf have done the same? Would she? But why? Was she cursed with her mother's name because she was destined to be like her? Were they both destined to be sinners? No, no. No. This can be fixed. It has to be. She can repent. They can both repent. And she will make her mother repent if its the last thing she does. She has to. She has to get back in StarClan's good will. She has to. She has to.
#one of the moments in po3 that stick with me is when they were buddies when she was a medic apprentice#and then when jaypaw took over willowpaw was like :/ where tf is hollypaw i hate this guy#... bonus points maybe if leafpool noticed her feelings and tried to gently steer her away from willowpaw#cause she didnt want her to get hurt the same way she did#anyways uhhhh leafpool and hollyleaf recovering from religious trauma together is this anything#also hollyleaf having broken the code the same way her mother did and finding out would be. AUGH.#hollyleaf in my head i love you you are so fucked up and pathetic and you need therapy so bad#razorverse
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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Can we see the outfits pleaseee🫣
ofc mamas🤭
wardrobe re-up: Rúben Dias🐎
this is just maiiiii interpretation of his style and a few pieces that I don’t think he’d be scared to wear….a starting point if you will<3
he needs more prints…more colors! some more statement pieces (NOT being a leather vest or big ass birkin😭) include more aspects of his personality in his clothes…all that!
#answered#peep the shirts with the horses….PLS I need him to wear that ahsbsjs#I def feel like I could’ve added SO much more but I didn’t wanna get carried away now!#yk style evolves over time and the more you experiment and go out of your comfort zone the more definitive it gets#we WILL free these guys from their sponsors and label mania n toxic masculinity that’s prohibits them from having fun w clothes#anyways this was fun I made it during an (unnecessary) retail therapy sesh n got inspired<3 beijossss🫶🏽😚
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probably oversharing at this point ive been doing that a lot. very much had the experience of everyone ive told about this going "hey. im glad youre getting whatever that is out"
hmmmmm
#honestly i was having a normal conversation w my mum just now and for some reason the conversation turned to. the father situation.#and i think it was me who brought it up and i was like. ahaha yeah. and then we were collectively getting somewhat nervous as we spoke#and then i kept talking more about it as if it was funny and she said you know that really messed me up when that happened#like when something reappeared and re fucking traumatized me all over again and im like mMHM#YEAH ME TOO FOR SURE!!!#and then she was like you know i think we all have this collective trauma and i think if anybody needed therapy i would do it i would go#and im like. hm im thinking about the ninja turtles actually please dont make this real right now anyway#cuz thats how IM coping i dont wanna cope WITH you but like thanks anyway fuKing spirals#its possible im panicking. ugh#ANYWAY.#FUCKING IGNORE THIS
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I need to see some platonic Starlo and Ceroba stuff REALLY SOON or else I'm gonna go crazy
#im a starlo and ceroba platonic soulmates truther#stars had to get over his feelings for ceroba. ceroba has to kinda get over her feelings for chujin and be in therapy a while before she-#-can get into another romantic relationship. and it kinda feels weird with starlo#ive always seen them as friends. really good and close friends who platonally love each other#and YES im gonna hammer in the platonic stuff cuz i NEED to see more of it and i NEED more stuff if them just being friends#i think they'd have an AWESOME joking/teasing friendship where they're nothing but silly to each other personally#but man i keep seeing either angst or lovey dovey family relationships and its driving me up the wall#i just see their friendship as more interesting. it always has been#Starlo's heartbroken but he sticks by Ceroba anyway. he helps her through the grief she as#ceroba joins in on his adventures. she thinks they're silly but she likes hanging around him cuz hes fun#they just. they feel more complete as just friends. cuz their relationship feels a lot better as just friends#just. gosh#Starlo and ceroba#my favorite besties#(and no this aint just a self ship thing. even if i wasnt crushing on stars id still feel the same way)#the cake doth speak#🌵💫#ceroba <>#uty
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mona sure wasn’t kidding when she said that zakenna’s an uplifting song huh…
#had thoughts about the horrors™️ again but zakenna genuinely helped?? for some reason???#no need for therapy; all i need is monachan#i get to save money，not have to talk to people unnecessarily *and* listen to mona?? yes pleaaaaase~~~~~~~#i think i’ll run over to priv to process my horrors™️ for a bit… typical 2am thoughts amirite~~~?#anyways!!! live love laugh stream mona’s 2nd album~~~~ see y’all for the next liner notes drop!!!!
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i remember the inniter gf. was that real. is there lore or what
she might actually be reading this rn so erm hey
#like because i liked cdream. and stuff 😭😭😭#abuse#like erm she would chew me out in person and make me cry and accuse me of not caring about her real life abuse because#i liked cdrm and didnt treat exile arc as serious as if it was actually real. she had ctommy identity delusions and woulf get real life mad#yell and scream at me it was carzzyayzraustzautsuay#and would get mad when i said she needed therapy or help or something because shed stalk my blog and like screenshot posts she didnt like#and dm me them likr WHAT IS THIS. andbit was all so insane#and before anyone asks why we didnt break up then and there well we had been dating for 6 years anf it felt stupid to end it over dsmp#we actually broke up bc we moved in together and she was shit talking me to our third who she bullied me in2 letting her date poly style#of whom was my best friend since middle school#anyway. theres your lore
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just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.
#that boy should have been in therapy from ages 2 on up like.#i def hc that carole took him to someone when he was younger but bradley probably stopped going once he was older and was given the choice#but like. idk. picturing carole trying to bring up him going back after she gets sick because she KNOWS he needs to talk to someone#and maverick cant be there all the time. but bradley says no because hes a teenager and hes started thinking about how to make himself +#appealing to the navy and that opens a whole other can of worms where carole sees that but doesnt want to deny him#because she can see hes already having a hard time with things as they are.#mav trying to convince him to go and bradley pointing out it’s hypocritical because maverick doesnt like talking about his feelings either#i just think people ignore his trauma So Much. they only pay attention to the maverick and goose bits#but they fail to consider how even before the maverick stuff happened bradley had a lot to deal with from a very young age#he spent most of his life on his own! he lost the people he loved most OVER and OVER…#the amount of trauma that must have come flooding back when phoenix (&bob but phoenix is clearly bradleys closest friend) had to eject#i think thats why people painting him as angry & agressive because of the scene where he yells at mav never sits right w me#that moment is so incredibly raw for both of them. bradley lashing out when hes just been triggered is not that surprising????#anyways.#carolcore#bradley rooster bradshaw
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