#seeing every single post from all the blogs im following and thats just not really worth it in terms of time and

[cyborgcatboys]

-- TAKING A BREAK --

hewwo, im gonna be taking a break from tumblr for the next while.

ive come to realize that im on tumblr wayyyy too much bc of my (newly found) ocd so im leaving for a while to try and deal with it (+ other stuff in the op tags)

i'll be back once im satisfied w/ my progress, but there is a chance i won't be back for months, so if u want to stay in contact send me a DM w ur discord or smthn, i'll check them a couple of times in the next couple days, but after that no tumblr at all.

so yeah, byebyes & i'll see u people later hopefully <3

[gaystardykeco]

fun wednesday night activity: thinking about all the ppl who left me and how much better their lives are because of doing so

[remcycl333]

my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

[badlydrawnronpa]

hi anon ty for sending the message! I did look through their blog and they very obviously use AI - I would've published the ask normally to let other people know but I decided against it in the end because after a closer inspection I noticed that all commissions are fake (besides being fake art I mean) and they're not actually scamming anyone because. uh. literally most of the blogs I saw interact with them are empty rp blogs that are blatantly controlled by them and one of the commissions I saw on their patreon was for a defunct ohsc rp blog from 2014??? Which honestly was really funny.

so yeah, they're very much not pulling any money from that, and on top of it all they posted pics of themselves sooooo yeh, not going to blast them on a blog with a big following for trying the 'i dont use ai im a real artist' but ultimately not scamming anyone out of their money. They're also not the best at like... hiding they're using AI because you can see their traditional art in other posts, and the style or experience level doesn't match at all.

I will post some of their AI stuff underneath the read more and point out the inconsistencies tho, to help out other people in spotting out ai shit (esp non artists that might have an harder time figuring things out). If you find out the original user that posted these, please don't harass them, be civil.

BTW I'M SAYING THIS NOW: if you see something I point out and say ''ah, I do that, I'm in trouble" - no you're not, if you actually draw the stuff yourself. You can see when an artist's work (and mistakes!) are genuine. Beginner's mistakes can be made by experienced artists too, but if you look at their entire body of work you can see when something doesn't add up.

to start off, I saw anon calling them out on this one so I'm just reiterating some of the points, but here's some junko 'art' they made

when confronted abt it, they said that the fingers look weird because they can't control their shaky hands and drawing small is hard. anyway if you draw digitally you can zoom in on the canvas and work on a detail as big as you need, so that excuse doesn't hold

this other post was basically what made me just say 'yep thats ai' and it was just the second 'art' post I saw from them

while taken alone they could've been a little harder to spot as AI, with them all bundled together you can easily see they came from the same prompt; the user tried to justify the inconsistencies saying it was because they were 'experimenting' with the design of their oc and gundham's scar but I'm telling you now, no sane artist fully renders four pieces that are basically the same concept while changing the design of the character just slightly in every single one of them. anyway, here's the breakdown of every piece:

another that was way easier to break down because it's so full of inconsistencies the moment you really take a look at it

also let's be real if you render art like that you're not gonna put a bright purple unreadable text on your supposed vtuber "art"

let's end this with the AI "commission" that could be harder to break down as AI if seen in a vacuum now, shall we? esp because our friend, the fucked up melty finger, isn't there

I honestly had to look for a while at this one because if you had shown it to me and I didn't see the other stuff this person posted, I could've just chalked up a lot of these mistakes to human error. Tangents between lines, scribbles for details, forgotten uncolored sections is all normal stuff. BUT we know this person used AI in all the other posts, so we know what to look at:

again, some mistakes the AI does can be also mistakes actual artists do: be sure to check the other art the user makes before throwing accusations

they also posted a fake speedpaint that is so embarassing it made me laugh but if I start pointing out inconsistencies in an AI speedpaint we're gonna be here for a long time, so.

TL;DR AI 'ART' SIGNS:

The classics: hands and fingers don't make sense, there's additional weird lines and they melt into other part of the drawing

long hair strands and other long or flowy elements can suddenly disappear behind objects and not reappear where they should

jewels, intricate details, hairpins and other accessories bend and melt into each other and other part of the design

the resolution of the image is very low and/or grainy - a lot of artists post lower res pieces online, but again: look for a pattern and combos of all the other signs

inconsistencies between multiple art posts, character designs constantly being different, sudden art style changes - while this can also be found with real artists, this is an additional tell of someone using AI, when combined with the stuff I mentioned above. humans mistakes usually have a reason for what they happen, AI makes them because it doesnt understand what it's doing most of the time

[pikasetism]

hi, if this doesn't bother you, what are your pikase headcanons?

do you have au with them?

also i love the blog idea, it's so cute have a place were the pikase fans can talk about them 💖

hiiiii anon i did not realize how much i would have to say about this ive been writing this reply for hours sorry long post inkoming lmfao

my funny little general headcanons can fluctuate for whatever i wanna do but the solid ones are that fukase is disabled and does tech support and piko is a robot and does a lot of programming stuff, they join forces to build silly little robots together and theyre always looking out for each other

more random ones are stuff like the height i draw fukase with fluctuates but hes never taller than piko, both of them are some flavor of transgender (i personally like unlabeled piko and intersex fukase), piko is mikis sibling and shes dating miku append, both of them are robots and id love to draw a double date at some point, i dont really have any mikippend headcanons but i love them sm too omg and i like to draw piko with funny little hologram windows he can acess the internet from and i think thats just kind of a robot thing robots can do :]

the only thing i can consider an au that i have with them is what i call "memesquad from the mirror dimension" or "seriousquad" which is this note on my phone where i wrote every single personality trait i could think of from talkloids i saw around 2018-2020 and reversed them heres what i wrote for fukase and piko

also AWWW TYYY thats so sweet yeaaaaaaah shipping vocaloids is all fun and games until you realize that unless your otp is from crypton you cant find SHIT about them, id love to have my blog seen as a little hub where all of us can sit around a campfire and chat about our silly ship omg 🥺

pikase being a rarepair baffles me specifically because of the memesquad, idk why but at least on my time on that side of the fandom some years ago it was always super hard to find any pikase stuff which always confused me since they're both In The Deam Memesquad. PERFECTLY good gay couple in there guys. why does no one see the vision. i vividly remember this one time i was like 13 reading a crack ask fic on wattpad and the only time pikase was even hinted at it was played off as a complete Joke and it made me so upset lmao

i only have around 40 followers here but it makes me so happy to see so many people that share my love for this ship, the rarepairness of it always made me feel so alone, back when i only used twitter there was 1 artist that Sometimes posted pikase stuff and that was all i had, genuenly i am willing to bet that im currently one of the only active pikase artist out there lmao, i say this in my bio but i made this blog to just get me to draw them more and be more shameless about MY FUCKING OTP and i genuenly never expected to see more than like 5 people on my notes, even if someone just silently likes and reblogs a drawing with no comment attached it still always makes me so warm inside even, ive gotten at least 2 people saying "OH MY GOD AN ACTIVE PIKASE BLOG" on my notes and i share the sentiment deeply. hell yeah. theres more of us out there >:D

[inkdrop-flags]

Yeah, no body is probably gonna care really as we've been dead for abit but im just gonna call it here. We're exhausted and everytime i think of coming back, some other bs happens in the community and more people show their ass and more people get lost in the sauce and more people start claiming some bs that were just done at this point.

Im not gonna name names but seriously its getting old seeing the performative bs in this community. Its like watching a bunch of kids trying to blow out candles on a birthday cake and they are constantly shoving each other out of the way to be the first to blow the last candle out aka hamfist another political issue and talk over another group of people.

Everytime we speak, either nothing happens or people police every single thing i say. You cant be neutral on any issue. You cant be uninformed on any issue. You cant disagree on any issues. You cant respectfully disagree, every single issue you must agree on or else the other party is bigoted. Im tired of the constant stress and anxiety that i might not have the "right" opinion. Im tired of being constantly policed. Im tired of being constantly stressed. Im tried of the bs and fighting and the discourse and everything. Im tired of the bigotry and the ableism and just...

This isnt what our community is for. This isnt what we're here for. We're to give terms and flags and pronouns and identities, thats it. Thats your only job as a coiner. Thats it.

Im done. I may come back some day under a different blog and different name but i dont think ill ever emotionally or socially engage with this community in the end. Its toxic and immature and unneeded. We've been on so many different sides of different arguments both exclusionarily and inclusionarily and for how "loving, accepting, caring and kind" this community claims to be, ive seen more kindess from "exclusionists" than ive ever seen from this. Mogai feels like a blind rabid beast, hellbent on ripping any opposing opinion or honest question to shreds and pissing on its remains as it gloats how tolerant and loving it is. Antisemitism and racism is waved away with a simple utterance of "hyperfixation" or "fictive" or "critical consumption". Every -core is ok as long theres a -coric version. Real life murders turned into genders and people telling others to kill themselves on anon while they have suicide-baiters in their dni.

Everyone here is guilty. Either by your own actions or by allowing those who cause this chaos and pain and confusion to continue undisturbed. I know how it looks. Ive been the follower of a dead blog watching its creator have a meltdown about the horrors of the community and how it treats people and how they've never been more stressed and alienated then when they actively were in the mogai community. I thought they had issues but they werent wide spread. I thought they had grievances but they were only truely aimed at a few people. I thought it was isolated incident but now standing on the otherside, i see it for what it really is.

A performative rabid pack of mindless zombies that throw tragedy after tragedy at a wall in hopes you might like or reblog their content just for that milisecond of serotonin and acceptance. They boast how loving and accepting of all they are and how much they desire to kill and shred anyone who makes people feel unwelcome for not being the norm. That should of been your first red flag but you continued in anyway and the moment they see you and see one minor imperfection that isnt in their image they fucking eat you alive. They slander you and tell you to kill yourself and prey on every insecurity and throw all your triggers at you. They insult you for one wrong color in a flag. One wrong image id. One wrong opinion. One wrong stance. Because for some reason, in their warped and unraveled minds, they think they are building a utopia of blogs and posts and servers where they are free and the undesirables are snuffed out. Inclusion means everyone. Even people you dont like. Even people who disagree. Even people who've done horrendous shit. Of course they want the harmful ones out but their sensors are triggered if you even so much as hc some random character differently. Harmful means nothing in their eyes. Any sort of questioning is harmful. Just smile and wave and agree and maybe we wont slander you to our 5,000 follower base ✨😍😘🙏 it makes me fucking sick

This is the most defensive and trigger happy community i have ever seen in my life and im so happy to finally step out into the sun after being in this hell for 6 years. I love xenogenders. I love neopronouns. Ive hyperfixated and informed myself for years and at this point... That isnt what this community is right now. Its unnesseary tone policing. Its demanding to know someone's personal identity before allowing them to speak on a subject. Its silencing anyone who may disagree and forcing them into the outskirts because no one within their perfect bubble needs to see any form of opposition or healthy debate cause they need that 'safe space'. We needed that safe space too. We needed unconditional acceptance too.

Its so... White. Its so cisgender. Its so heterosexual. You all refuse to see the humanity in anyone with an opposing opinion and think that you've achieved the "pinnacle of progressivism" so your better than anyone you deem to have an exclusionary and challenging opinion. They are stupid or blind in your eyes to your truth and theres nothing more white and christian than that shit. If your truely sure about your beliefs, you'd be willing to step out of your comfort zone for once. You'd understand that opinions arnt on a slider but mulitple and theres no lane of good or bad opinions. You'd understand that some shit isnt valid and some identities should not exist or be accepted. You'd understand just how disconnected from the real living world you are cause your too busy typing up your responce to the most recent disaster to actually ever step on ground zero. Id bet money 80% of you have never stepped foot in a protest, never donated a dollar to someone in need. Its too inconvenient for you. Anything that requires more energy than sharing a useless gofundme or adding your support behind some petition is lost on you. You all claim to be bastions of knowledge about the community but you cant even tell me when the stonewall riot occured. Oh and i bet the petty ones of you just did a google search so you can smuggly reply it on this post or in your reblog,didnt you? Well there ya go huh? You only acknowledge the information that boosts you and im tired of it. Ive seen with my own eyes yall have the energy to scream your trauma and pain at some sysmed but claim their ableist for not Condensing their sources and expecting you to read it. Some of yall really think that mspec lesbians are being murdered in droves like trans women. You snap at people and treat them like shit then turn off all your replies and anons and reblogs then claim they were too big of a pussy to respond. Hypocrites, liars and cowards, the lot of us.

im tired of holding my tounge and looking to a big blog for guidence just so i dont get thrown off the ship. This community truely feels like the song life boat from heathers. No honor among thieves, eh? Im tired of being petrified that i dont align. Im tired of watching people i know treat people they claim to advocate for like shit just because they disagree on some inane online identity. Im tired of being talked over by people whose ego is bigger than their mouth. This community is like high school with clicks n shit. Some of yall really just turned into xenogender pansexual bullies. The moment you can let out some vitrol on someone, you go nuts. Your just as bad and i am no better. Someone cant even be neutral in this community without being lumped into the enemy.

I know ive joined some dogpiles. I know ive lied about some shit. Ive never lied about who i am though and so many people get caught race-faking or age-faking that i dont know who my enemies or allies are. I never have felt safe ever truely connecting and being vulnerable with this community and i dont think i ever will. With how many times ive seen full callouts include ss of people's private chats where someone talks about their trauma has told me this community will not stop at hell when it comes to digging shit up. I cant even be mad without someone policing my tone. Some of you are like me and lack empathy but everyone is capable of sympathy and so many of you utterly refuse to show it. You claim to be bleeding heart liberals but the moment the victim isnt perfect for you, you ignore their suffering. I still hold all my beliefs so no, theres nothing you can go digging through my dni to find to disagree upon to make my testamony go away.

I was one of you and ive never felt like i belonged. I was only here by name never feeling. I will turn people away from here to protect them. I will advise aginest coming here and involving themselves with you. I will tell them to say nothing and never socially interact. I'll tell them its not worth the extra 5,000 xenogenders they may find to fit them. Cause for me? It wasnt. Nothing about this was worth the pain and stress and irritation i endured just being a passive victim. Pinkfruitgender was right and we should of left when they did but we thought we might be able to push through. That was a load of shit.

I hope this community crashes and burns and the lot of you scatter. I know ill be there to rebuild an actual loving and accepting community in its place. One that invites healthy differences in opinions. One that dosent strawman their enemies they've never even listend to. One that actually knows whats harmful and what isnt. I have very little hope that this community will ever fully stop. I already see new and toxic up and coming blogs taking the place of those who left. For every good blog, theres 7 seething and hateful ones popping up and blocking one blog dosent protect you from the rest. I hope the far and few between good of you will be there to help me because i know you'll make the best of it. But until then..

Good fucking bye

-Millie and neo

[remix-of-your-guts]

insisting that you're 'literally trans' over and over sounds kind of like the terf line about how everyone's non binary, so given that and your post history it looks really suspicious

okay i legit can't tell if this is bait or something because?? what???? i said i was "literally trans" one time because someone asked if radfems reblogging my post meant i agreed with their beliefs and i chose to interpret their question in good faith so i gave a legit answer. i haven't bothered to respond to a single comment from obvious terfs because im not into giving them the time of day.

i'm not sure how me simply existing as a trans individual is agreeing with the argument that terfs make to try and erase the existence of us that "everyone is basically nonbinary because gender isn't psychological at all it's just what's in your pants" (im assuming that's the line you're talking abt and if not then idk what that is) and that's frankly a bizarre leap to make. especially because i don't even call myself nonbinary, im just a genderqueer (as in my gender is inseparable from my queerness) transsexual man.

and just what the hell is suspicious about my post history? i've been posting about trans rights and trans-inclusive feminism since i started this blog, though i can't guarantee every hot take i've had on incredibly niche intra-community discourse aligns with my current beliefs (which mostly boils down to "internet discourse is stupid" and idc)

i don't understand the phrasing here as though i'm fighting widespread accusations of transphobia or transmisogyny when this is literally the first comment i've ever gotten insinuating something like that??? of course that's not including the terfs saying "so close bestie" right before calling me a "retarded tra" but since when do we base our claims of who is and is not a terf on what the terfs themself say, instead of what the person in question has actually said/done? plus making fun of how im "close but missing the point" because i said that a trans woman may have a bit of internalized misogyny is hardly saying i clearly agree with everything they stand for (in fact it's fundamentally about the fact that i dont). if thats what you consider being claimed by terfs, and if being claimed by terfs is what you consider the deciding factor in whether or not someone is one, then basically every blogger who's ever mentioned general feminism, periods, or being a woman on this website would be a terf (even trans femmes cuz ive seen posts from them accidentally get passed around terf circles without them knowing who op is). especially every transmasc on this website would be a terf then considering that they're so bizarrely determined to get us to join them while being violently bigoted against us and dehumanizing us (obv not to the extent of trans women but still it's hardly an effective recruitment tactic) and allying with the people that explicitly want our extermination.

i'd once again like to remind everyone that all i did was point out a woman who happens to be trans accidentally veering into perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes (something that i will call out even quicker when cis women do it, which they do all the fucking time) in a way that made it clear it wasn't a big deal and expecting no one except my followers (which i'm pretty confident in saying none of whom are at least obvious terfs) to see. hopefully we can all agree that trans women are not immune to accidentally perpetuating misogynistic stereotypes- not because of their gender but in spite of it because all women can be misogynistic because MISOGYNY 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 STORED 👏 IN 👏 THE 👏 GENDER

and for the record even in the tags of the og post i was saying that it's really sucky that people totally are going to overreact to this and give dylan disproportionate hate because there 100% is a double standard in how society at large responds to these things, and that terfs are going to use it as "proof." but i don't think that just because accusations of misogyny are often weaponized against trans women we can never engage in good faith criticism of them??? in fact i think that makes it very important to help each other make sure there isn't any grain of truth terfs can latch onto (by which i mean being conscious of misogynistic patterns for everyone in our community, including anyone who considers themself an ally to trans people, not unfairly policing just trans women).

however obviously i regret making the post now since it clearly just encouraged the transmisogyny hate-train. and has caused my asks and notes to be flooded with transphobic bullshit directed at dylan, obviously, but also at myself. seriously, i've been deleting all the anons that are from terfs (like ive always done cuz they've targeted me before) but it's been some nasty shit. and it's really fucking annoying having to block every one that crawls over here to tell me why i'm apparently retarded for being trans and supporting my trans sisters. (sorry about the r slur- their words not mine)

okay done talking abt this forever now

[sexdrugsrocknroller]

aight im making a post so i can say im using this shit like an actual diary

right now i have a grandeur of disorganization on my phone (laptop too but thats been a piece of junk since forever, fuck acer), between the basically full storage, mostly from the gallery (as of now i have a grand total of 93k photos. yes, 93 000 photos and videos.) plus my socials are fucked between the excessive saved and liked posts on instagram, same goes for tumblr here and twitter (i dont really use twitter, i only have an account to like and bookmark posts) and the youtube playlists and chronology.

plus my room is all messy with my not enough space for clothes and random papers and shit thrown together on any surface

i decided i dont like that and im changing it.

for the storage, i have already started deleting quite a bit, right now i deleted like 2300 elements but theres a lot more. sad part is that a lot of it is porn, wether drawn or short videos. im not gonna go full monk and delete all of it, though it would be easier, cause some of it i like. not to talk about the amount i already had to transfer on the laptop when i was tired of receiving warnings about the full storage in the last 2 years. i was also thinking of doing a backup of the whatsapp chats on the laptop so i can delete all the data on the phone storage. it would save me like 6 gb but its kinda extreme.

for socials, the solution is the same. tumblr: gradually remove liked posts i dont need to keep saved, and post what ive been keeping to post like i should have. last i checked, i had like 35k liked posts, and again, a lot of it porn. im not sure i want to post porn and erotica on this blog so for now im reblogging it on an alt, hoping it doesnt get deleted again. then ill have to unfollow some of the 4k blogs im following. guess what part of them are?

instagram, im not even going to remove all of the saved posts. its the social i used most to scroll at, i dont have the option to see how many posts i have saved but i dont think it would be an exaggeration to say i have at least a million. yea i know. im just going to get to a certain post i remember saving this summer, once im at that i will probably make another account altogether since i would never be able to clean all of it. i started this on around mid to end january, and as of now im just at mid october. after something like 20 non consecutive hours. yea its bad. it wouldnt be worth it to go past a certain point. better to just make a new one at that time and be more careful there.

youtube, i have the same problem of all social, i open a video just to keep it in the chronology so i can check it later and maybe save it. ive done it far too much. at least youtube is much faster to clean, but again i would never be able to check every single video i have left in the chrono to save at a second moment. thankfully once im done i could just go on settings and choose to do a tabula rasa of it, removing it completely.

twitter is probably also not worth the trouble of sitting thru all the posts i liked as a way of saving them. i probably shouldnt even care about it. this one has the least priority.

saved tabs on the browser? the easiest one by far out of all of it.

my room and the house in general, there isnt any second road, i just have to first remove and throw what i clearly dont need, store away whats left with some degree of order and hope i saved some space, and try to keep clean, plus store things with stricter orders so its cleaner. after my room and things, its time for the rest of the house.

all of this will be slow, gradual, and a major pain in the ass, but it has to be done and i intend to do it.

and all of this doesnt even include having to remake and update my cv and linkedin in preparation for when my contract ends, planning what to do for university between tests and papers and documents needed and all that, and this arguably has higher priority than all of above time and importance wise. but yknow. actually you dont know. even i dont know.

[ceasarslegion]

2 people said yes so here we go

First, i wanna lay out a few things: I do believe that triggers are real responses to trauma that need to be respected and treated as such. I also believe that just as trauma is infinitely diverse, anything can be a trigger. And I do think it's useful to lay out content warnings for common triggers in scenarios where someone wouldn't expect to see such content.

Now with that being said, I do not like the attitude these points have instilled in a lot of people. In a lot of cases this has flipped into the territory of "other people are responsible for my mental health and I don't have to put any work into improving this reaction."

Just like with any other mental illness or symptom, if you have triggers, those are your issues to deal with, not anybody else's. It is reasonable to ask your friends and family to avoid talking about something that can reasonably be avoided in day to day life, but there are also certain things that you need to recognize can NOT be reasonably avoided in day to day life, and if those things trigger you, you need to be prepared for the answer to be "I can't do that."

Say a burning down house triggers you because you've been through a fire. It's reasonable to ask your friends not to talk about arson cases they see on the news around you. Now say that food triggers you so much that you can't even see a photo of instant ramen without a mental breakdown. You can not ask your friends to never have a coffee or a snack around you or avoid every street that might have a terrace on it when you go out or vet every single movie you watch to make sure no one eats in it. And in both cases, it is STILL your OWN responsibility to work on these extreme reactions you're having or you are just allowing the trauma to fester and get worse while potentially wrecking your interpersonal relationships in the process.

In both cases, YOU need to work on why fire or food triggers you so much. It is reasonable to ask for support and understanding from others, but your mental health issues are still not their issue to bear. You are going to have to walk the walk on them, not just avoid them at all costs and pretend theyll go away by themselves. And additionally, in both cases, you have to be prepared to hear "no" when you ask if someone can keep a trigger away from you.

There is this attitude being perpetuated especially online that the only acceptable answer to "can you CW this" is an unquestioning yes followed by a complete blog overhaul of everything they post related to that topic. Recently, I posted the biden dog burying meme, got a long ask telling me to CW it for animal cruelty, and when I said "sorry, im not going to CW memes that are obviously memes on my meme blog. If thats something you cant handle, you shouldnt be following me" they responded with an essay about how insensitive and unkind and uncaring and terrible I am and how I was "denying them kindness" and shit before blocking me so I couldn't see it until my friends sent it to me with a "what the fuck is this guy on." This person was in their 30s.

It is NOT denying you kindness or support for someone to tell you "no." Because it isnt really a yes or no question if theres only one acceptable answer in this case, is it? In my case, i was not going to overhaul my meme blog for all jokes that MIGHT be construed as animal cruelty if they couldnt even handle the biden dog burying meme, and i didnt even know this total stranger existed until the sent that to me. So i said no, i cant do that. It is an act of kindness and support for someone to tell you when they cant accommodate you for any reason, and "im not going to change how i fundamentally behave in my own spaces for someone else's mental health" is a valid reason to say no to you. And you have no right to demand they do otherwise, triggered or not. And if youre asking the question at all, there is always a chance someone is going to say no. You need to be prepared for that possibility and recognize that saying no to you at all is also a form of kindness, it's them telling you that in matters of your triggers you should not be around them until you have a better grip on them. The only time someone is ACTUALLY denying you kindness is if they either lie to you or don't answer the question at all. But "no" is a valid answer you need to be able to hear without throwing a fit.

Additionally, total avoidance is not going to make your triggers any better, and in cases of things you can't reasonably avoid in day to day life, you are going to make them worse. Lets take food for example: you need to eat to live. You just do, that can't be avoided. You are going to see restaurants and people with coffee cups and snacks out and about. You are going to see ads for fast food everywhere. How exactly do you plan to make total avoidance sustainable? How exactly do you plan to cope if you arent doing anything to avoid being triggered every time you have to eat? Im not denying that food does trigger you, im just questioning if total avoidance behavior is doing fuckall to make you BETTER. Which SHOULD be the goal if its achievable with your mental health and trauma situation. Sorry, but acting like nothing can improve and doing no work to do so isnt how you should approach trauma responses. You do need to try, which in a lot of these triggers means exposing yourself to them because im sorry but things like food just can not be avoided if you want to get any better at all. It is your responsibility to put in the work and deal with the bullshit it comes with. I know it's not fair, I know it's hard, I know you don't like it, but you have to DO it.

And finally, there are some instances where I think CWs are incredibly unnecessary and that common sense should tell you that that content might be present. If you watch a horror movie you're gonna have to be prepared for the possibility of blood. If you watch a slasher you're gonna have to be prepared for gore. Those are entirely reasonable things to expect in such media. And not even that, I remember in uni I took a history of violence course that was explicitly about all the worst things humanity has ever done to each other in the context of an academic course for adults who can handle their own shit, and a classmate once stormed out yelling about how the professor was problematic for not putting a CW before he showed us photos of a mass grave in Cambodia halfway through the course where said lecture was outlined in the syllabus. What the fuck were you expecting, exactly? I understand having CWs for things that wouldn't be expected like if you have a movie about puppies going to rainbowland and slap a "CW: blood" on it, but my brother in christ you took a 300-level course called history of violence. You are probably going to see historical accounts of violence.

On that note, it is also unreasonable to expect every single possible trigger to be outlined in a CW section. Because anything can be a trigger, if you demand that much, you're being unreasonable. Sorry, but thats kinda like asking for a restaurant to be "allergen-free" and then saying "no, ALL possible allergens." Well now you have a restaurant that doesnt have food. Because anything can be an allergen to someone. Once again, there is a point where its your responsibility to handle your own shit. If you have a really niche and uncommon trigger, im not denying that it and your experiences are real, but i am saying that you need to acknowledge that its your own responsibility to vet things in advance and find resources to do that with. And that people who tell you they're not going to vet every movie they want to see with their friends for a scene that has a particularly shaped lamp in it are not being assholes for telling you no.

Would anyone like to know my slightly controversial take on triggers and trigger warnings

[andrews-lovr]

Can you do a fic for Link where he and reader are rivals (like she’s also an influencer or something) and they have to do a collab because its been requested a lot then over time they start to fall for each other and eventually date?

Warnings: swearing, implied smut, kissing thats it!

Never had you thought you would have a youtuber account with 90 million followers.

It all started out as a stupid thing with your teenage friends, going around blogging things together to look back on when you got older.

You also never thought of the amount of amazing people you were gonna meet. Although there was always one who came up as your most hated, link.

Him and his stupid childish videos, and his stupid amount of followers and his stupidly cute face.

You were both on your way to reach your 100 million followers and he was so determined to get there before you that it just became a known that you were rivals in the industry.

-

One night on your live on instagram was when it happened.

Someone had the ordasity to put in the comments for your and link to make a collab together.

And then it was out there.

Every single inbox was flooded with messages asking for it, every post had comments about it and every time you opened your phone there was something.

You couldn't hide from the fact this is what your fans wanted.

Thats when you got the message from link himself.

Link

care to explain why I can't go a day without seeing or hearing your name?

Y/n

Im just as annoyed as you are, its not my fault. I've tried everything to stop them.

Link

Have you now? Or are you just trying to get us in a room together?

I mean, he wasn't wrong. You've seen some of his videos, you would never admit it, but you had. And he was undeniably cute. But you could never tell him that.

Y/n

Look, if you want we could do a collab. I'd get more followers from it, and maybe you could learn a thing or two from me

Link

Im not against it. And im sure you'd be the one learning a thing or more from me ;)

Dang was he flirting or trying to get under your skin?

Y/n

Okay, you can come around to mine tomorrow afternoon and we can think of something to film

Link

Sounds good

-

You didn't realise it but your film space was an absolute mess. You didn't want to appear like this to anyone, to your rival no less.

You cleaned up before he would get here, not because you found him attractive, just because it was a normal thing to do, is what you kept telling yourself.

You didn't really hate link, it was just so exaggerated that you had to be rivals that you just went along with it.

Even with this you had seen the videos. Those massive fan edits of you and link, even seen some of those fanfictions about you two. You had to admit that you did wish there was something between you to.

You must have been thinking about him to much because just like that there was a knock on your door.

- shit

"Coming!" You yelled.

The door opened, him standing there in his unbuttoned Hawaiian tshirt and shorts, fake blond hair carefully falling over his features. You couldn't tear your eyes away from his gorgeously toned stomach.

"My eyes are up here" he smirked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Can i come in?"

"Right! Yes, sorry come in" you said, offering him into the house.

"Right, straight to business, I only need you here for the video and that's all" you stated not wanting to push on this tension that was between you.

"Jeez someone's eager to get rid of me." He laughed, snooping around the room.

"Well um, the film rooms this way." You pointed toward the door on the end of the corridor.

"Nice, bit small, but nice film set-up. So what are we gonna film, q & a, some short videos together or a skit or something." He said, trying to focus on the project.

"I was thinking just a q&a. I thought we could go live and answer some questions."

"Sounds good, let's just set up a few things first."

The tension in the room was so heavy, and the live was even more embarrassing.

"Hey guys im here with link, i know so many of you have been asking for him and here he is" you project, putting on a happy face.

"Its good to be here, im sure your fans are just as admiring as mine are" he said smiling into he lens.

"First question is from #daniellikesburgers and he is asking why we started filming. Well for me its just something that I did with my friends and it just grew from there. And now I have all these lovely people who watch me technically make shit for a living" you both laughed.

"Well for me it was also one accident, I was out doing my usual thing where I was spreading my awareness of society and I had no idea someone was filming it. I just started filming more and here I am." He explained.

"Nice, next question is from #ilovelink-"

"Nice user name #ilovelink" link interrupted.

"Asking your first kiss story?" You said.

"Oh God, well honestly I think I about 14 and u know like every normal male at that age I liked a girl. And I just took my shot." Link said.

"Well actually, I havent had my first kiss yet. So we'll have to come back to that one." You said shyly.

"Youre lying?"

"No im not lying, why would I lie?"

"Because your gorgeous, why wouldn't someone want to kiss you?" Link confessed.

"You think im gorgeous? I thought you hated me?" You said shocked.

"No! I dont hate you, you hate me. We all know you've just been doing this because of what the internet thinks is between us. You don't actually hate me, your just lying" he admitted, closing the space between you.

"I - uh. Well."

"I know, the way you look at me... I see how you can't tear your eyes off of my body. I know how I really make you feel. Just say it, say it to your fans watching right now what you really think of me." He whispered in your ear, breathe hot where he spoke.

"I-uh. Link" you breathed.

"Yes sweetheart?" He said.

"Fuck! Yes I do like you, how could someone not like you" you shouted, reaching for your phone and leaving the live.

"Prove it to me then" he said watching your lips.

"Maybe I will-"

Before you knew it your lips were hot on eachother. The kiss was deep, passionate and rough, so much of that built up tension on his lips.

Breathing becoming difficult, his tongue found solice in your mouth. Of course he was a good kisser. Pulling apart from the kiss you were both panting, feeling the hotness of his breathe on your face.

"For someone whos never kissed before your sure know how to use your tongue baby." He chuckled resting his forehead on yours.

"I may be good with mine, but I'd like to see what else that tongue of yours can do." You smirked.

[zhaozi]

i definitely don’t deserve 1k followers but apparently it happened? so thank you. i’ve gained 500 followers in the past 3 months and it feels a bit unreal considering i’ve been here for 10 years. thank you for following even though this blog has 0 theme and i do the bare minimum to produce content. in honour of this milestone, i thought i’d recommend you some people who make my dash a million times better, and are hilarious and lovely to boot. (i’ve even organised them by interest bc i know i post a lot of different content.) i did this from memory so i know i’m missing people. i’m sorry

korean music blogs

@anyhao -  mairin is a just the best. that's all.

@beomqyu​ -  mary makes amazing txt gifs. honestly follow her for that alone.

@chaotichae​ - still think its 100% fake that they follow me. if you like feeling like your graphics skills will always be inadequate, simple stare at nessa’s creations. minors dni

@chawoongs​ -  alex takes requests and always does them to the best of his ability. they always turn out beautifully. i am jealous of his abilities ngl.

@cherriki​ - endless amazing gifs, honestly lulu’s blog is a pleasure to follow.

@chowonsang​ -  look at that url. it proves ray has only the best opinions.

@dazzlingkai​ -honestly, you’re 100% following but still 10/10. would recommend

@hyunjinz -  agnes makes amazing and creative gifs. i know it feels like ive said that 100 times in this post but if you like stray kids, you'll love agnes. 

@kdongyoung -  ro exists to make kpop tumblr a better place 

@kwonminsik​ - focusess mainly on khh. ill talk about sophia below so just you wait. 

@nfly5​ - inspired me to join my first network. makes consistently amazing gifs. honestly just follow.

@seosri​ -  ri is so good at making gifs, the colouring is always so beautiful 

@taeminnomuyeppeo​ -  anna is an og. she always makes the best content and super quick too!

@taeyob -  gifs better than mine will ever be. i love it 

@tuanzie​ - you'll never regret following joanna. itll be one of the best decisions you ever make 

@yootaeyanq - the sharpness, the colouring, the humour? unbeatable. i heard a rumour that aléks sold their soul to some higher power and that's why their so good at giffing things. 

@younqjo -  only recently followed lucie but their content is so beautiful to look at and just stinks of amazing amounts of talent.

lgbtq+ dramas

@chanagun​ - annie reblogs only the best post. her meme tag is just so fun to giggle at

@hashtagpitchbank​ - i feel like i don't need to explain why alexa is worth following. take three seconds to look and you'll know.

@hashtagteamwin -  i stand by my previous tags. faiza reblogged my gifs once and i still havent recovered.

@jeffsatur -  unbeatable url, aside from that juul is just like a warm blanket, always feels a little bit like home when reading their tags

@jenniepanhan -  ellis is the biggest cheerleader in the tags and i love it. also talent for dayssssss.

@morksuns -  sumaya is indescrible.

@mrchicsaraleo - suco. if humour was a person, it’d be suco. also butts. minors dni!

@mybabybright​ - bay makes my dash brighter every single day. 

@negrowhat​ - eboni is an agent of chaos that you all need to follow. the humour is always a+

@pangwave -  dawn holds the title for most gifs that have made me cry

@petekaos -  rahul is a king that none of us deserve. that much grace, talent and humour packed into one person should be illegal.

@phukao -  amy's blog is just really nice to see on my dash and im sure you'll love it too

@romanceismycallingcard​ - rommie is just the sweetest. if you ever want to visit a blog and leave with a warm, full heart; visit rommie.

@sarawatsaraleo​ -  michelle makes some of the most beautiful gifs. shes a master of fonts. i love her work so much.

@spicychipsdemon​ -  tan makes gifs that will make you stare for a long time

@tachineko​ -  lee makes gifs that make you feel things. thats the highest complement i can give

@thanaerngs -  vianey deserves the world. that's all.

@tichawongtipkanon​ -  dira is a beautiful person inside and out. following her is such a dream.

@wjmild​ - kylie has so much talent. honestly. just follow her.  

dramas in general

@baek1nho​ -  sara has so much talent. your dash will improve following her.

@gatitojpg​ -  nico is amazing, i don't have any more words

@jaehwany​ -  amazing gifs, also a hand enthusiast. reblogged one of my gifs one and i think i died for a week

@junghaesin​ -  alex makes so much amazing drama content

@linglynz​ -  follow ani. just do it.

@mostlyfate​ -  emily has the best tagging system. that sounds like a weird thing to complement someone on but honestly it makes looking at her gifs so easy    @wootaekyung -  gifs with a hint of whimsy. breathtaking.

@wuyus​ -  hanyi makes amazing gifs for a variety of shows and they are always so well done.

just all round amazing, beautiful people

@kittychicha​  - i don’t even need to explain this one. follow for the best tags. cata is such a beautiful human, honestly.

@kaonoppakao - sam gifs things before they even exist. the only explanation is magic. with an unbeatable personality, it almost feels like the universe is fucking with the rest of us. 

@yihwas - yes sophia gets 2 mentions bc she is the real mvp, i once sent her a picture of a squirrel furry with a yellow bikini and she didn’t immediately block me. she sent me a voice memo that made me laugh so hard i had to go to the hospital bc i pulled two muscles. sent her a rant about sik-k hoarding bras and she didn’t even blink. i love her.

[bitter-syscourse]

syscourse hot take from yours truly, me. also just a generalized hot take in general.

i do not think minors should be running/owning blogs that cover heavy topics. lets talk about why i think this, and why it directly affects syscourse.

DISCLAIMER // THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE OR ANY BLOG IN PARTICULAR. THIS IS SPECIFICALLY MY OPINION, AS AN ADULT, ON WHY I DO NOT THINK MINORS SHOULD BE HANDLING AND/OR COVERING HEAVY TOPICS.

minors can be influenced pretty easily, right? look at what tiktok has done with this disorder. minors are influenced into thinking that this absolutely awful and terrifying disorder is fun and dandy.

now think; minors running these big blogs, specifically syscourse related blogs, might feed into that “influencing minors” by mistake. am i saying all of them do this? no, but ive already noticed a small pattern with this type of stuff. hence the post.

blogs regarding syscourse and why endos/etc are bad are wonderful! yes, i love those, but i do not think that a minor, or anyone with a still developing brain, should be handling these heavy topics. this reaches towards literally everything. between talking of trauma, of C/SA, of S/RA, racism, antisemitism, literally anything and everything that can (and more than likely will) be a heavy topic.

am i saying that no one should be talking about these things? fuck no, if you think thats where im coming from, your back must be aching from reaching that hard. im simply saying that i think only (at least 25y+) adults should be handling these types of situations, and these blogs, to ensure that no one is being influenced to believe either blatant misinformation, blatant lies, or attempts to fear monger.

THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE. I AM WRITING AN EXAMPLE RIGHT NOW THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, I CANNOT EXPRESS THIS ENOUGH. anyone at the age of 15 could easily say something regarding racism, “this and that is racist”, and there is the chance that other 15 y/o’s will say “youre right!” and blindly follow that when, and theres a slim chance, that the OP was wrong about what they said. congrats, now you have multiple people who believed something was right, when it was not! replace “racism” with any of the other topics i mentioned, or really any heavy topic. it works every single way.

this is something i have noticed 100% within the system community on tumblr. i am seeing people under the age of 18 running these syscourse blogs with heavy topics, consistently engaging in syscourse to the point that it doesnt even seem healthy for neither party, and outright spilling their own stories to the public. this is not safe. none of the above is safe. none of the above should ever be happening, and yet, its happening on a daily, because it has been something that i have been witnessing for the past few months.

minors should not be running these blogs. following, sure. reblogging, sure. liking, sure. giving their opinions, sure. running them? actively engaging in this 24/7? spreading their opinions as if theyre pure facts and truth? hell no.

this is just some shit that i am, genuinely, so exhausted of seeing. i am so incredibly tired of seeing minors preaching about these incredibly heavy topics, and chanting that their opinion is the correct one, that theyre right, etc etc.

[thecirculararchive]

hey i personally disagree with that take you made, but i know the context and im not upset or disappointed or going to bitch about it like a lot of others. youre human. youre not infallible. sometimes what you say may come across as bad and thats okay. you dont deserve to be dogpiled and harassed for it. every single person whos been on your ass has probably made mistakes like that before, mistakes that caused someone harm. youre not a bad person for it and im sorry that people are acting like you are.

also, the idea that broad, blanket statements like "some traumagens are endo" isn't fakeclaiming. you arent going up to someone and going "hey, youre not actually traumagenic youre endogenic". youre saying its probably possible for someone to be wrong about what they experience.

i dont share my syscourse takes publically, so im going to go with ones from the rest of the system. non-disordered plurals to us are not systems, system is a term specfically meant for DD plurality. but those experiences are still real even if we dont believe they should be compared. in the same way a singlet could believe they are a system before realising theyre wrong, a non-DD instance of plurality could believe that they have a DD. It could happen.

the only reason that agreeing with that ask was hurtful is because a lot of traumagenic systems will jump at any chance to deny their trauma. like tim, one of our hosts, made an entire sideblog and asked a bunch of people their thoughts on whether or not we seem traumagenic. literally no one else in system agreed with him, but he was having a lot if self doubt. that self doubt came from the idea that "your trauma wasnt traumatic enough to be traumagenic". it actually came from the "stressgenic" label and him going "ok what if-" but the base idea is still the same.

if someone is a system, the trauma they went through was enough to be a system. it was enough to disrupt the integration of their egostates in childhood, that means it was traumatic. that is something we believe in and something that is so comforting to know (and also part of why we feel non-DD plurality should be seperate from systems but thats not the point)

but i still dont think you were wrong for agreeing, not necessarily. just because with the context you were having a really shitty time and you just wanted that asker to not get their satisfaction of "ooh evil ableist person who thinks some endos are actually traumagen doesnt believe in a 2 way street huh". and youre definitely not a bad person.

i hope that you have a good day and that this isn't getting to you too much

I think the last thing I’ll post on this topic. Thank you, Anon. This helped me greatly.

I try not to get TOO personal on this blog anymore (which is sort of messed up, given that this blog was made as a personal blog for me to connect to other systems and just record the things happening to me), but I want to address what this all did to me. The following is gonna be a trauma dump, so feel free to completely ignore this. I just have a lot of thoughts and want to give context and get them out on the blog that was SUPPOSED to be for these things.

Tw for sui ideation, sui bait, trauma dump, anxiety, etc.

I made a hurtful comment to some. I can see now how it could be hurtful, and I’m analyzing how this take and others could be. I’m willing to take the criticism and move on with better actions.

I’ve also almost thrown up due to the anxiety about this. I’ve been having issues opening tumblr without panicking. I’ve been needing to deep breathing each time I post.

Syscourse shouldn’t do that to someone. People shouldn’t do that to people. I understand how it can be hurtful, but every time I so much at glance at system things now, I see another vaguepost about how I’m bad, how I’m hurting everyone, how I’m a disappointment, etc etc. Even posting this ask is already making me cry.

When I posted the original long post, I was suicidal. I regularly am. It’s an issue I deal with daily. This time around, it was the worst I’ve been in a long time. I contemplated hanging myself at work. And that same day, someone reblogged my bait ask (an ask that I was too terrified not to respond to, due to the harassment I was getting, and would continue to get unless I responded.) They reblogged the ask, called the response disgusting (and I couldn’t understand why) and immediately I get anon hate. I was told to kill myself, and god, I wanted to. Why was I such a failure? Why did everything I say hurt people now? I had support on anon messages, but Everytime I look in. The syscourse tags, it’s people talking about how I’m horrible and transphobic and just.

I gotta stop on that topic because my heart is racing again.

And none of this happened with *discord*. I’m in a discord where we discussed my post. And it was a CIVIL DISCUSSION. Nobody insulted me - they just shared why people (including themselves) could be angry. They also heard me out! Some people agreed and some people didn’t. Nobody harassed me, nobody told me I should be dead. It opened my eyes a lot to how it was hurtful WITHOUT making my ideation even worse.

All this is to say… I think I may leave tumblr. Not forever. But when I can’t post a hypothetical ask for a situation that has never come up in my life, with an angry short response, but everyone else can post an enormous long angry response about how I’m a disappointment and a failure? There’s something wrong there. And I need to take a step back from syscourse before it kills me.

Thank you if you read this far. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection since OAS responded to me. I also apologize for the gendered insult - I use bitch interchangeably for anyone, as bitch and bastard are distinctly different connotations to me. I also did not know OAS’s pronouns. I apologize for insulting OAS at all - I let my anger get the best of me again.

I’m stepping away. Not forever. But I need to take care of myself.

[islesnucks]

Hi clara!😁 i’m new to hockeyblr and have been following you for a bit but i’m trying to branch out a bit more and wanted to know if you have any blog recommendations? and why? (mostly asking you for islanders blogs but if you know any avalanche blogs too that’d be great hehe) thank you xo

heyyy well first of all welcome!! here we cry a little, laugh a little, we bully them sometimes other times praise them, its a mess but it's fun.

i dont know if youre more into live blogging the games, edits, gifs, fics, stats or what, so here are some of my favorite blogs here that post isles stuff and we so happen to be mutuals lol

its gonna be long so buckle up

@sorokaaa - ali is so fun love everything she posts during games amazing content just overall she posts great clips and memes and also she's super talented her drawings are amazing, also she's the president of the ilya sorokin protection squad

@2manytabsopen - kesh is a literal sunshine her blog inst exactly like 100% hockey themed but she's the best so nice you won't regret following her and im not saying this just because were the same person in different countries ;)

@hotgirlhockey - we love mel, she does it all: live blogs games, gifs, writes, gives hockey facts in case you dont understand something, plus super nice so the whole package

@barbienoturbby - b is super nice and fun i can't count the amount of times her lb made me laugh and her gifs and edits are just *chef's kiss* so worth following her

@heybarzy - amaaaaazing writing really everything abby writes i love so if youre into reading focs go follow her plus she writes for so many different players

@mondieumat - this woman is constatky introducing me to new hot hockey players if i simp too much its 100% her fault and she enables my dilf obsession thats a good friend, plus super nice and fun, also im 99% sure shes also into avs

@hockstuff - if you ever dont understand something about hockey c has the answer, her knowledge its just infinite surprises me every day, plus also super nice and funny and friendly and i think she also likes the avs

@fallinallincurls - amazing writing wonderful incredible seriously so talented (she actually just posted a barzy fic ive been saving to read for when i have free time because i really wanna pay attention to every single word, that level of amazing writing)

@matbarzls - another amazing writer plus she live blogs isles games and its just so fun go follow caitee also she just hit 550 so let's get her to 600 now like she deserves

@calgarycanuck - im not sure if Claudia live blogs games for the isles buuuut she does write so amazing pieces for some isles players so if that's what you're looking for 100% go follow her

@ollywahlygator - looove their olly pieces since not many people write for him plus super fun during games and im almost sure they also likes the avs

@matwith1t - ok ok ok the way I fangirl whenever she posts a new barzy pieces is embarrassing buuuut I do because they are just really that amazing alli is the Shakespeare of barzy fics

@cherrylita - beautiful mood boards for like every player i know seriously dont know how luna finds so many amazing pics queen of the mood boards also super nice and friendly

@grubauerr - I think we started following each other recently but let me tell you gabbie is so fun her post during games just hilarious and she's making me an avs fan

@sorokns - also recently started following each other but she's so friendly and fun just hilarious really during games, we share our love for dilfs and ilya sorokin thats says it all and she's also making me an avs fan

@cherrymaybank - if you've been following me you probably know her we freak out over the isles together almost every single day so she's really fun and nice and also she writes what else could you need???

@rosesvioletshardy - another amazing writer (seeing a pattern here?) but apart from that super nice and friendly and also an avs fan

@iwantahockeyhimbo - just overall super nice friendly, live blogs for the isles, one of the first blogs I started following here and haven't regretted it ever since

@broadstflyers - more amazing writes, her piece gold rush its serious incredible so worth reading, go read it right now

@honeybearbarzal - and even more amazing writers that I follow, kali has some incredible pieces some of my fav barzy fics ever

(edit) I almost forgot @tysonsjosty because I still associate her with her old crosby name lol - ok taylor also another amazing writer from hockeyblr plus she writes from some players that don't get the hype they deserve here *cough* nico hischier, Phil myers and Alex lyon *cough* so go follow her for incredible fics!!

ok I probably forgot a lot of people and this basically turned into a love letter to some of my mutuals but whatever, you asked I deliver, those are some of my fav blogs here that post isles (and some avs) related stuff

I've met some other amazing people here but they dont post about the isles, however they are super nice if you want just ask and I'll give you more great people to follow

also side note: sorry if I got anything wrong like pronouns or what you actually post or your team im doing all of this from memory so big chance I forgot or wrote something wrong

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[hacked-by-jake]

Ok, i wanna follow up on the "being less talented or useless" anon ask, and yes, i will do it as anon too, cause, tbh, im a chicken to do it with my blog name😂

Firstly, I can understand that anon, i myself had the same feelig manny times, and honestly, i dont think that feeling will ever leave me. Follow that feeling up with the preasure of trying/wanting/needing to get better...it sucks, and it can screw with your mind really badly. And yes, im aware there are and always will be manny people that are more talented than me, and I am well aware my fics will never get a 100+likes, but thats ok. But i write, and will continue to do so, cause it makes me happy. And even if theres just one like on something that i wrote, that will make me happy.

But the reason i sent this to you is actualy something completelty different, so let me try to explain:

I came to realisation, that in every fandom,  there are a few types of people. And here where the problem is - if you are not "in cahoots" with the right people of that fandom, no matter what you do wont be good enough. Now, you can disagree with me here, thats fine, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but this is mine, and i stand behind it totally. Cause i read so manny great fics with so little likes/coments that were way better then some who got lots of likes, cause the one who wrote it wasnt connected with the right people of the fandom.

Again, just my opinion, but thats how i see it.

So, once again, to the anon who sent you that ask, dont give up, do what makes you happy firstly and mostly for yourself. You will either get better at it, or wont, but dont stop doing what brings joy to you! You wont know theboutcome of it by simply giving up.

And to you Hbj, i thank you in advace if you read this, and i apologise for this long rant, you are free to delet it without posting/answering it, but this thought was occupying my mind lately, and this anon ask just resurfaced that thought back, and tbh, its good to finaly let it out.

First of all: Hey Anon!

You know, I actually don’t quite agree with you, I can tell you why. I’ve been here longer than most of the people who are here right now. When I started here, the fandom had a lot more active members. There were many more people here and they were also active throughout.

I don’t think I need to pretend that I’m not so well known, because I’m one of the biggest blogs here at Duskwood Fandom on Tumblr. No, of course it’s not supposed to sound pretentious, but I also think it’s no secret. I’ve been here for over a year now, I’m incredibly proud of the range one my blog has reached, but see? It also took me time, and I also "fought here"😅

Of course, I would also reblogged a few times from larger blogs but with me it all came with time. At the moment, fandom is actually not as active as it used to be, which of course also contributes to the fact that some things don’t get as much attention as they might otherwise. It takes some time to build up a "range", I did it myself.

And what was also part of it for me was that fandom was generally more active, which is why it went even faster.

Personally, I don’t care who the person is, and what they belong to, if I like the work, I share it. And I don’t share everything, nor do I read everything, and of course I don’t see everything.

But in the same way, I don’t share everything that the blogs I'm connect with the most post.

And I’m very much referring to me now that you sent me this message, so I’m assuming you mean me, too..

Well, and as you also said, you saw stories that had less likes but were better than stories that had many likes. Please remember, that’s your opinion. Everyone has different tastes and just because you found them better doesn’t mean that it was actually like this or that everyone sees it like this. To say that this person just doesn’t belong to the right group is unfair not me, because maybe not everyone liked it as you liked it. I don’t know what you’re referring to now, so I’ll take it as this..

I fully accept your opinion, I even think it’s a pity that you think so because this is certainly not an intention of anyone here.

Yes, of course you sympathize more with some people, but you generalize this in such a way that I think it’s a pity. Because as I said, I do not see every single post that is published here, nor will others. And to say that this is generally the case is, in my view, a great pity. But I’m serious, I have absolutely no problem with your opinion, and I don’t want to change your opinion either, but I still feel like I have to explain myself, because I don’t prefer anyone directly, I share and like that, what I like, I also read only what appeals to me in general.

-

But about what you say yourself and to the anon, I can agree with you one hundred percent. As I said, I am still unsure and I still feel that I am less talented. (As I also say, this is simply a fact and I can live with it, of course this is not the most beautiful feeling in the world, but so it is, I will be able to improve, but maybe never become as good as others are)

And believe me, you shouldn’t say you’ll never get over 100 likes. I also thought so, and if we are honest, my first fanfictions are really grottos bad. xD And many of my own stories aren’t over 100 likes yet. But you’re right, you shouldn’t stop because of anything if you enjoy it. Because it’s still all about fun and having a good time together.

And don’t worry, your rant is okay. It’s your right to share your opinion, and believe me, I really have no problem with that. :D

I have to admit, I felt a little bit attacked because I don’t want to make anyone feel like they’re not good enough or anything. I want to treat everyone equally here and not give anyone any advantages or disadvantages.

And, of course, I won’t just delete or ignore your submission, that is not proper. It’s okay to let go of your thoughts, and also to share, don’t worry.

I hope you will have a great day/evening/night! Take care of yourself and stay healthy! 🥰🌹💚

Also, I hope you don’t take my answer badly, or anything else, it’s not meant to be mean, and I’m neither mad, nor anything else. I’d rather thank you for sharing and for taking the time to write all this.🥰

And I hope you understand what I want to say with all this. 😅

-

And of course, this is for everyone now, always remember, be nice to each other and love each other. No one wants to argue and I hope that we can continue to do so.❤️