#anyway story time in the tags again
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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thank you for a great art fight! here's some of my final attacks. had a blast, already missing it - see you next year!
#my art#art fight#artfight#artfight2024#anthro#monster#furry#genuinely already missing it i always feel a bit empty for the first few days after art fight ends#it takes up SO much of my free time in july nowadays like july is just the art fight month. to me#hoping to fill the void by doing something that's been eating away at me for years at this point#which is to start taking some of my oc projects more seriously.....and start developing them into something...#i know i can (probably) never make money off my ocs but i think i will start eating my hands off if i don't try to tell their stories#all fun and games but also it's like an obsession 2 me i love my characters....i love them...#and unfortunately i most love my least marketable characters#but whatever i'm sure there will be a couple people who care#feel like i'm at a crossroads and i'm picking the least desirable path but also there's some release in that....#i need to follow that advice that's like make art for yourself and five other likeminded freaks#anyway i'm rambling.....again....it's what i do in the tags
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Part 2 of 2
Thanks for tossing me the ball on this one Larian I am now running with it at mach speeds.
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#- rubbing my hands together - welcome to the tags#Obviously the game was prioritizing Gale in this interaction bc it's his story and that's who Larian wrote#BUT NOT ME BAYBEEEE THIS IS CROISSANT'S TIME TO SHINE and be an excellent foil to his character#I DUNNO I just really liked playing a character who also has a buckwild amount of insecurities about this relationship -#- but in a very different flavor. I've loved keeping that in mind as the romance plot plays out.#As much as I appreciate the constant validation you give Gale from in-game dialogue bc he needs that-#-I also like holding up Croissant like a mirror to get him out of his own head.#AGAIN THIS CHARACTER WAS WRITTEN JUST FOR ME NGJKFLNDKH I love this game#Anyway now we get to grapple with Gale talking to Mystra :''''''')#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#gale romance spoilers#croissant adventures#tav#gale#gale dekarios#gale x tav#breadweave#comics#I think this 6-pager was the first time I felt like I had a handle on drawing Gale btw that man is an artistic enigma#ADDITIONAL EDIT: thank you so much for your responses on part 1 you are all wonderful folks - esp the ones mad that I made this 2 parts LOL
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Suddenly remembered something I wanted to say re:Akechi, because I think it's really core to his character (at least the way I interpreted him?) and I feel like it explains a lot of his contradictions. Essentially, he is incapable of seeing himself as just a person - he's either the greatest hero/detective ever, or he's some violent monster, and it's like there's no in-between. It's very in keeping with his obvious superiority-inferiority complex, but it goes deeper than that too; when he's in a role, it seems like his self-perception kind of changes too depending on how he is perceived by others. He really does get a confidence boost from being the Detective Prince. He really does shut down emotionally as the Black Mask.
They're masks that he's made, and it's not that aspects of them aren't based in truth to some extent, but I think it goes to show why he's not actually that fantastic a liar (imo, I found the outright lies pretty obvious), but he is a very good actor. He's either an angel or a demon, and never a person, but there are conditions to that. He is an angel when he is perfect - to society. He is a demon when he is vengeful - again, to society. He is never a person, because he never was seen as one - to society. He was disregarded. To be anything of value or notoriety, whether that's hero or villain, he has to be wildly more or less than who he actually is, and he's been building these masks up for so long that I really think he lost sight of the actual person behind it all. And I don't think he wanted to see that person anyways, because that person "wasn't good enough" and I do think he'd rather be anything other than himself. That trickery, that deflection from the person within, in itself brings him pride and satisfaction. He wants to be loved and needed instead of being cast aside, but I also think that if he can't have that then he'd much rather be hated than never have mattered at all. He weaponizes his own loneliness - if he can't ever be accepted then he'll build his own pedestal apart from everyone else.
It's so fascinating too, because I just wonder how much of this he was consciously aware of pre, during, and post engine room. There's this recurring thing with him where he goes "I can only be myself" etc but I just want to shake him because, well, who is that, Akechi??? Or, who do you think that is? Do you actually have an answer? Is it predicated on your actual feelings or solely on your success at fooling everyone around you? Is there any part of you that you actually like that isn't based on a painstakingly constructed mask? Isn't it all mostly lies to deflect from the truth? Isn't it all founded mostly on truth, nonetheless?
It drives me insane. And I think this is a big reason why he breaks so hard in the engine room, because so much of his mask requires his "audience" to perform in a particular way. And here he is, and the Thieves have beaten him, so there goes the first mask, because he's no longer "perfect". He swings wildly into the ugliest sides of him, but this mask is broken too, amidst him vehemently and desperately denying that he has any other emotions than hatred and rage, or any other needs or desires than vengeance. And after that, it's just him. And they should reject him, right? That's what happens. He's not useful, he's not needed or perfect, his hands are stained with blood. But the Thieves, again, don't play the role he expects them to. They, despite everything, relate to him - because he is in fact very similar in a lot of ways and they acknowledge him as a person - not a hero, or idol, or villain, or tool, or unwanted child - but as a damaged teen like the rest of them. And he does not know what to do with that. His identity is intrinsically dependent on getting the right reactions from other people as a form of ingratiating himself - if he does not get that reciprocal reaction he's looking for, his act falters, and, I really do believe that so does his self-perception. That's why you see different aspects of him seep out when he's spending time with Joker, because Joker does not react the way he expects, and Akechi both does and does not like this, because it leaves him feeling both intrigued and vulnerable.
I do think this particular aspect of his character is something a lot of the Thieves don't fully grasp - certainly, I think Joker "I need the mask" Persona 5 understands to a degree, but the sheer degree of reliance and the level of pride attached to it is something that confuses him a little, I think, especially in Mementos Mission. I think the thief that comes closest is actually Morgana, who has a similar superiority-inferiority complex and a desperate need to be seen as competent and useful lest he be discarded. (This is a big part of why the rather lackluster writing with Morgana's arc frustrates me so much because I really do feel it was meant to be contrasted with Akechi's, but I digress.) Morgana is the one to make that emotional appeal to Akechi, which makes a degree of sense - Morgana struggled all along with finding a place in the world. His form leads others to underestimate him; he visually doesn't fit in. He's acting out the role of a chivalrous and cool phantom thief but is more pragmatic with how he views relationships, at least at first. He wants a place to belong where he is appreciated more than anything but his pride won't let him spit it out. Accepting that he belongs and that he is loved even if he really did have nothing of value to provide is a big part of the resolution of his arc. He tries to offer that learned lesson to Akechi in turn ("Follow your true feelings. Even if you think people hate you, or don't want you around-"), but Akechi just wasn't in the right space to listen. There's also an important distinction between the two - Morgana envies humans and looks up to them. Akechi envies humans and looks down on them. Morgana is perfectly happy once he is assured a place amongst the group, but Akechi see-saws wildly between wanting to belong and wanting to be a step above the rest and separating himself further. So while Morgana actually really did cut to the core of the issue, his appeal would never have worked at this point because a) Akechi's pride is dependent on him maintaining his solo act, and b) he just got outed as not actually hating Joker in front of seven other people including Joker himself lmao.
So, uh, sorry, Morgana. Points for trying.
#oh no this got long again hfdsjfshbf#anyways i do have more akechi thoughts wrt parallels with other characters but i think i should stop bc i keep talking about him#and it's probably annoying#also i should probably wait to see what he's like in third semester because it seems like he's taking a lead role here#and he's definitely changed so i'm curious to see who he is now#storyrambles#does this even make sense. idk.#what a fascinating character. i can't stand him. i hope he gets lovingly dunked on for the rest of time.#story plays persona 5#p5r#goro akechi#p5 meta#p5 morgana#call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#<-i feel the need to clarify on any post involving akechi that this is my standard analysis tag that has nothing to do with him#i am not a kinnie i don't think i could take that
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finally made an animatic ive been wanting to make for a while now...
spoilers for Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy!!
song: Black Hyena - Everything Everything
#idk how much this makes sense if you dont know my personal interpretation of descoles story so. im just gonna summarise it lol#this is about how descole “reanimates” the body of desmond sycamore to use during azran legacy#but as time goes on and because of the people on the bostonius desmond begins to take over once again#by the end desmond reassumes the guise and name of descole but hes no longer just the man who only lives for revenge ......#ANYWAY#gosh i love this song#i cant stop listening to it thinking about him and i had to share my brainworms in the only way i know how#BLACK HYENA GONNA BIIIITE THE IIIIDIOOOT#professor layton#professor layton spoilers#professor layton and the azran legacy#azran legacy#azran legacy spoilers#jean descole#desmond sycamore#video#aurora azran#<- she's in this enough i want to tag her
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"Happy birthday."
#end roll#russell seager#my art#not sure if there's enough gardenia in this to tag her over??#ANYWAY UM. I'M SORRY#the other idea that came into my head after reading the new short story from segawa#which is from gardenia's pov on her birthday#i'm sorry for being so vague when i mentioned it in the tags for my last thing KHGKSHJ#it's paid content on their pixiv fanbox!#man tho it seems to be a trend by now that i become increasingly insecure about things the more time i spend on a drawing 😭#and this took WAY WAY WAY too long to finish#hehe....#hopefully gonna be back at the chrissell art again after this
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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man
#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should#suicide mention#ask to tag#while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like#going into that building with shelia? yeah#now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth#but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah#his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is#ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that#he puts A BOMB in his HELMET#suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself#the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end#anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization#because theyre not killing him right#AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out#think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like#weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them#again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about#and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself#jason todd analysis#anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him#WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe#anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..
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I need to let this cook but it feels like the D20 fandom's tendency to reduce all messages within the story to fit within a fairly flat understanding of modern US-based leftism, and the CR fandom's tendency to project homophobia onto villains are very linked. Like, both feel like people are saying "I need to have very clear lines of who is a Good Person and who is a Bad Person and I don't want to have to think about why they may be categorized as that let alone that things are far more complicated than Good/Bad, so I'm using things I know are bad, like capitalism and bigotry, and if a character falls outside these buzzwords I don't know how to assess them."
#this happened a LOT with trent and it's like. guys. trent liked the blumentrio. keep it within the volstrucker.#didn't care who you were fucking as long as they were also a loyalist.#this happened with both essek and dorian's parents and people in gelvaan and delilah and it's dumb every fucking time#and it also feels REALLY random (why was otohan never given this treatment other than that she was perhaps too boring)#anyway i'm thinking about that post about people only understanding white queer stories again#cr tag#d20 tag
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when will eppie hawke and fenris meet tavish and astarion? (:
"And anyway, it won't be that bad. One last little Fade rift. We'll barricade it up as best we can, send a message to Skyhold, go home, and—"
One of the craggy footholds crumbles away beneath Hawke's foot, and it's only Fenris's quick hand that saves her from a plummet back down the side of the barren mountain. "Hawke, please."
"Please yourself. I said you didn't have to come."
Fenris throws her a longsuffering look, the flickering green lightning of the rift casting weird shadows over his eyes, but he doesn't let go of her arm until she's got both feet on solid ground again. "Just seal it and let this be done."
"My heart's only desire, lover," Hawke says, smiling, just as another pair of voices rises from the other side of the rift.
"Careful—careful! It shocks like the entire Hells are in there. Where's Gale?"
"Wherever Karlach dropped him, I suppose, with that little sprained ankle of his. No, I see them, they're almost here. Come away, darling. No need to get so dramatically close."
"This, from you?" says the woman, just as she and her fellow voice round the far edge of the rift. "Oh!"
"Well!" Hawke says almost at the same moment. Two of them after all: a short, slim woman with auburn hair pulled back in a low tail, and a tall, lithe man with hair as white as Fenris's and eyes that gleam like rubies. The man has a dagger drawn already, a thin smile playing over his face; the woman's fingers rest on her sheathed rapier, but her gaze is open, friendly. Hawke plants her staff on the rocky ground in as welcoming a gesture as she can manage. "Fancy running into someone like you up here of all places."
"I could say the same," the woman says. The green rift, still hanging between them and stretching a good twenty feet into the sky, gives an ominous rumble. "Our wizard's been fretting about magical disturbances along the city's borders for weeks. He finally traces the source to this location, and here you are at the heart of it. I'd like to believe it's coincidence."
"Alas," Hawke says, "one of my greatest faults is a terrible habit of being around when things begin. Fenris can attest to that better than most." She lays a hand on Fenris's shoulder, but he's stiff as iron, eyes glued to the man's dagger, and he's reached back for the hilt of his greatsword. "I'm Hawke, by the way."
"Call me Tav."
"And I'm Astarion," the man says grandly, accompanied by a wholly unnecessary flourish of his dagger. "We're here to steal the world."
"Save it," Tav says sharply.
"Of course, my dear. Save the world. What did I say?"
Fenris makes a short, disgusted noise, but Hawke's pleased to see he's let go of his own sword. She doesn't think this Astarion is going to kill them—not easily, anyway—and she likes the look of Tav despite herself. Both of them quick on their feet, she thinks, both moving gracefully with an innate, self-assured balance. As Tav steps around the rift Astarion moves with her like water, without even needing to see where she's gone. It reminds her a great deal of Fenris and herself, actually, though Hawke would give an arm to trust her own feet that much.
Fenris, it seems, has come to similar conclusions, and he rolls his shoulders as he releases their tension. Even his voice has lost its nascent fury, which for Fenris is practically friendly in situations like this. "The rift is dangerous. We will guard it until the Inquisitor can seal it permanently. Be on your way."
"Inquisitor?" drawls Astarion with that same, thin-lipped smile. "Sounds like someone from dear Shadowheart's former enclave, don't you think?"
"I don't think they're Sharran," Tav says. "Are you?"
"What a speculative look you've put on," Hawke says, delighted. "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. Unless you'd like me to be Sharran, in which case, I most certainly am and in fact have always been."
Both Fenris and Astarion roll their eyes—hilarious in its own right, but heightened by the clear antipathy still remaining between them. Fenris sighs. "Hawke—"
The rift explodes.
Green lightning shatters over the rocky cliff. The rumble bursts into a deafening roar; the faint breeze that had been dancing around them sweeps up into a hurricane. The air cracks and snaps with a sudden smell of ozone.
Hawke throws her hand over her eyes. She can't see—the wind tears her hair from its bindings and she can't see past the brilliant flashes of blazing green and she can't hear— "Fenris!"
Someone's fingers wrap around hers. She wrenches up her staff, calls for fire—for ice—for anything—but the rift has become a maelstrom and every scrap of magic sucks into the raging whirl before she can shape it. Her boots skid on the stone as she tries to brace against the inexorable pull, pebbles and rocks rattling along every step. She can't—the hand wrapped around hers has seized tight as a vise, but she's slipping anyway, and Maker, she can't—
A man's echoing voice, stripped bare of all artifice, wild with fear: "Tav!"
The wind dies. Not slowly, not gradually; it falls off like someone's upturned a glass over the rocky cliff, and Hawke's ears roar in the sudden silence. The wind is gone, and the rift is gone with it as if it had never been, the thunderous clouds that had been swirling above it already dissipating to glimpses of blue morning sky.
"Andraste preserve me," Hawke says, loud in the quiet, and she looks over to see Tav still crouched against the face of the mountain. One of Tav's hands clutches a dagger she'd wedged deep into a stony crevice; the other is still wrapped tight around Hawke's wrist where she'd pulled her away from the tempest.
No sign of Fenris. No sign of the other one—Astarion. A long white scrape in the stone marks where Fenris's sword had sought and failed to find purchase, disappearing at the precise place where the rift had torn itself open.
Gone. Gone, gone. Her heart hammers in her throat, and she indulges in thirty seconds of agonizing grief before she sets it aside, turns, and pulls Tav to her feet.
"Well," Hawke says at last. "Looks like it's just you and me, then. Ready for an adventure?"
"Yes," Tav says, her grip on Hawke's hand like steel, and her eyes blaze. "You and me. Let's get them back."
—
Everything hurts. Everything godsdamned hurts, and Astarion lets out a pained groan as he rolls to his back and drops his arm over his face. His ears ring like bells, and something twinges painfully in his left hip, and the inconvenient sun has decided to blaze right in his face and gods damn it, he'd known they ought to wait for Gale. Wretched wizard and his weak ankles. Wretched Tav and her complete inability—
"Tav," Astarion says, and sits bolt upright.
No Tav. Not even the dark-haired sorcerer with the wide smile. Just that taciturn warrior in leather and half-plate seated on a rock a few feet away, watching Astarion get his bearings, his greatsword slung across his knees and a deeply sour look on his tattooed face. The skies above them are clear and blue as a song.
No Tav. No Hawke. No rift. No plan, and no company besides an irascible stranger with the same sudden look of dawning horror.
"Venhedis."
"Shit."
#quark replies#Anonymous#dragon age#baldur's gate 3#quark writes#oh lord how to tag this#hawke#fenris#tav#astarion#tavstarion#fenris/hawke#then they go on adventures together and make it home again#eppie & tav are in baldur's gate btw & fenris and astarion are in thedas#eppie & tav have a GREAT time and fenris & astarion decidedly do not#but they end up very much respecting each other by the end#also there's a contentious series of scenes where astarion is starving and eventually is forced to explain to fenris#who thinks it's blood magic at first and flatly refuses to help#but eventually does hunt down bandits & boars & such for astarion to feed and once ONLY ONCE in very dire straits does he let astarion#drink from his arm#they never talk about it again but astarion does eventually tell him the story of cazador & fenris in some surprise tells him about danariu#there's a little disgust on both sides after i think#'you managed to get free from your master and you spent ten years RUNNING FROM HIM?'#'you managed to get free from your master and you act like THIS? flippant and cruel and petty and vindictive?'#anyway they kill a bunch of slavers and bond and by the time hawke & tav get with gale for an interplanar portal open they're cool#hawke and tav go to microbreweries and magic shows and tav steals all of hawke's money out of habit like four times
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RF Pride Week // June 28: Coming out / Firsts
This comic is set around a month after the siblings first arrive in Rigbarth
*Ludmila and Meg are not here yet so there's only 1 girl in town who matches that description atm
** The noble duo have been here less than a week, so Ares doesn't have much opinion of them yet
#rune factory 5#rune factory#rf5#rfpride2024#aashi doodles#ok some lore dumping in the tags again cuz i never know when I'll get around to making the skit#ares had a pretty bad date with MK early in the story and it led him to generalize that he must not like men in general#(Misa pushed him to ask kumo out cuz she's trying really hard to find a partner for her brother)#and she thought ares might make a good fit since she likes him#that date went bad enough that it soured the way those two interact with each other in general#I'll get into more detail on a later date hopefully#but anyways whew! managed to finish this piece!#i don't have any more free time this weekend so won't be able to do another one tho#but#happy pride 🌈#fancomic
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Posting OCs? On main?? That might be a first from me :0
Here are my boys Orfeo and Percy from a webcomic that I'll probably never actually make. They get along I think. 🤷♂️
#tinydraws#oc#original characters#art#character art#tinyOCs#..what do i tag this as...#i'm used to having preset character tags to use#now i feel aimless#anyways if you were wondering why i havent been posting as much tvdint it's mainly cuz i've been trying to work on my oc lore/story/designs#both as portfolio stuff and for my own satisfaction#and not making much progress!! woo!#i /might/ post more oc stuff in the future#or i'll get too embarrassed from this experience and i'll never mention them ever again#one of those two things will happen#time will tell which
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Hey Henry, I have some questions that aren’t really relevant to the situation at hand but more just things I’m curious about.
So when you fought the RHM in the Betrayed Tineline with your Spirit, we learned that Righteous’s Spirit was name [Time in a Bottle] but we never learned the name of yours, do you know/remember its name?
Also when you punched RHM into an alternate timeline, do you have any idea where he went? I like to think he wound up in the Lightning Quick Larcenist timeline, mainly because it fits the description and I think it’d be funny.
#the henry stickmin collection#thsc#prologue#story update#henry stickmin#wtf do i tag tribute as???#cause his bio card calls him reference but rhm calls him tribute#uhhh#thsc reference#i guess?#anyway time to chuck him back in the void and never use him again bc he's too hard to draw lol
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Thinking about that mural from DE
You know which one
TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD, FOR THE NEW PEOPLE. IT IS TOO LATE FOR US. WREAK HAVOC ON THE MIDDLE CLASS
The next world mural. In the game, you encounter this piece very early on if you interact with everything available, you probably see this mural before you've ever even heard of Dora or before you've started to get really serious about your commie tendencies, if that's how you choose to play. And the reaction is like, "wow, this is kinda profound actually". Or maybe it's like, "oh lol, this game really is commie af isn't it" (even though later on it turns out that the game is much more critical of communism than you'd think at first). And the story in the ledger provides some insight into Harry and Jean and how they work together too, so it feels like it makes sense, it fits in very well at that moment in the game and that's it.
But looking back at this mural after you've played through the entire game, knowing what you know of Harry's relationship with Dora...
It's Harry's own fucking love story in a way, isn't it?
Him and Dora came from very different backgrounds. He's genuinely poor, grew up checking the trash cans on the streets for tare and edible food, spent his teenage years running around with a bunch of kids who all OD'd or got themselves killed one way or another over the years. He had dreams of getting an education, getting a chance to use his creativity and curiosity and learn about all that that is worth exploring in this world (which is everything), but those dreams are long dead. She's solidly middle class, with access to all the education and art and music he's always dreamt of, with her family to always fall back on. She's everything Harry's ever dreamt of growing up. She might as well be living in another world.
They fall in love with each other and she moves to Jamrock to live with him. Jamrock, the biggest fucking ghetto in Revachol, full of tweakers and gangsters and just thousands upon thousands of poor people permanently down on their luck trying to get by, with no proper aid or government and a police station so understaffed and underfunded they never even stood a chance. And they can barely make ends meet even living in Jamrock, moving from shithole to shithole, never knowing when they'll have their electricity cut, when something will happen that gets them thrown out, desperately scrambling for a new place to stay. And Dora could never do that, not really - she never actually lived in Jamrock, she always had the possibility of leaving, of going to work across the river and visiting her parents whenever she felt like it or just escaping, packing her shit and getting on the tram and never going back. And as long as she knew she wasn't really, truly stuck in this miserable shithole forever, she wasn't ever really living in Jamrock. And it could never be enough for her.
And she wanted more - for herself, for Harry, for their family, who even knows. Maybe she saw Harry struggling trying and failing to make a difference as a gym teacher and thought he could do more good with the RCM. Maybe she was getting desperate, living in this fucking shithole, and thought they needed more money. Maybe it was something completely else - but what is certain is that Harry ended up joining the RCM, and the 41st, and everyone there is on speed, everyone is miserable and desperate and always running behind playing catch up with the case load, with the crimes, with the drug addicts and rapists and murderers, and Harry, who's always been like this close to a genuine mental breakdown, just fucking falls apart. He needs to help people, needs to make a difference, and working at the 41st, with the budget and case load and staffing situation and the pure fucking misery in the area. He goes out and meets a miserable person after a miserable person and he can't do anything else than be nice, make their day a little bit more manageable, do his best- but he knows that no matter what he does, his best won't be enough. He won't be able to make a dent in the pure fucking misery that is Jamrock. But he needs to, so he drinks, he smokes, he does drugs, he loses any semblance of control he ever had over the voices in his head, the dude telling him to hit shit and the dude telling him to forget everything and just get fucked up and Revachol herself screaming at him about her imminent death. And in the end Dora can't stand it anymore and she leaves (and, honestly, good for her. I'm happy for her. But this is about Harry, and Harry isn't, he isn't able to be happy for her at this point in time).
And like. I personally doubt that she'd have left just because of the money if everything else was good. I honestly even doubt that the money was that big of an issue for her to start with, it was all the other issues first and then the fact that they couldn't even rent a fucking VHS and play it at times became just one more thing on top of this already massive pile of shit that broke the proverbial camel's back. But in Harry's mind, he was never rich enough for her. She was always the middle class girl who settled for the poor fuck, and he was never gonna be good enough for her because he was just a broke dude from Jamrock. She was perfect and so so beautiful and at one point her love was the only thing keeping him going, and then she left because he couldn't even
And from what we can see in the game she was the only person he's ever really, truly loved.
But in his mind, they could never be together again. They could try as they might, but it was never gonna work out, because she was a rich girl and he was just a poor miserable fuck. He grew up looking for change on the streets, she took piano lessons in a fancy part of town. The difference was just too large to ever truly be bridged.
So for post-breakup Harry, prior to Martinaise and even during the events in Martinaise, true love was never actually possible. It is possible only for the new people, in the next world. It was too late for him - he had his chance, and it was an impossible thing, it could never have worked out and now he's wasted it. Because of the inherent differences between different social classes. It is too late for him. So yeah, fuck it, wreak havoc on the fucking middle class. Fuck those rich bastards who took Dora from him, and fuck Dora too.
On another note, this was also one of the most recent cases him and Jean worked on prior to Martinaise. I don't remember the date exactly, but it was in his last ledger, it must have been pretty recent. Do you think he saw the mural and thought about it the same way I did? Maybe this was the one that truly pushed him over the edge? The impossible love. It truly was too late for him. The only way to fix it is a new fucking start. And how do you get that?
After life - death. After death - life again.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#harrier du bois#dora ingerlund#DE#herr's personal tag#next world mural#when first playing the game I didn't even really stop to think about the middle class line#the love part of the mural honestly felt very powerful to me#and I opened the compartment and read the letter right afterwards#so i had a lot to think about in addition to just this#anyway#this is more of a “what if” rant than any actual metaanalysis#our story about Dora is extremely influenced by Harry's point of view#but at the same time#every design decision in this game is deliberate#or most of them anyway#is this something the game designers were actually thinking of when designing the mural?#was that an intentional decision on their side?#or is it just me reading too much into random shit while missing important details elsewhere again?#who knows#midnight rant
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CAIUS TREBONIUS AND MARK ANTONY, MARCH 15th
The Hetairia of Cassius, Luciano Canfora
Cic. Phil. 2
(taps mic) so as we all know, conspiracy is a kind of seduction, and actions not taken can be just as loud as the ones that are. so. uh. fellas! hey fellas. heyyyyyy.
like, I was looking at the Dolabella-Caesar-Antony mess yesterday, but something really fun and vicious happened here and I will be rotating it around in my head at maximum volume for the foreseeable future
the red panels are the Assassination of Julius Caesar by Vincenzo Camuccini (the pen and ink drawing, not the painting)
#gaius trebonius#like the last three times ive posted him. his look will probably change. but i have never once promised consistency on this blog#what's a consistent character design. you only achieve that when you get main character status in a comic#mark antony#drawing tag#komiks tag#roman republic tag#ides of march baby!#new tag for ides of march art. i'll retag everything later#also I’m going to kill dolabella myself. I love him. I want his head on cassius’ sword.#all these people are so MESSY good grief#also! two conspiracies: one from Cassius one from Trebonius. also sexy. much to think about#anyway test run for an idea. we will be revisiting this scene again#I have a better idea about how to do the red panels. what I don’t have is (checks notes) the patience mostly#I want to draw trebonius’ lip scar origin story#anyway they definitely got drunk and made out in a spectacularly sloppy kind of way at least once#beware! the ides of march!
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Nuestra señora.
#em draws stuff#oc time again hehe#marian mantle#the maiden: catalina tavárez y lázaro#I still don't have a tag for cata because her name is a billion years long and it's all important...#<- now I do :3#but this has been in progress since march and I forgot how to do lighting and it's whatEVER#anyway. who's excited for fucked-up marianism who's cheering in joy for fucked-up marianism.#this particular statue is mostly the virgin of guadalupe which is in referenced to a motif in this story that I don't know even Works now#(mostly because I don't remember if the cult of the virgin of guadalupe was like. A Thing in mid19thcentury california)#but it Is important/funny to me since the whole thing there is Cloak Related and there will be significant manta rays later#<- note where the 'manta' in manta ray comes from. mantle. Cloak.#john steinbeck I'll Get you. just watch me john steinbeck.
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Okay but consider post Canon over protective Athena who is sick to death of her most devout being raped.
Athena sticking close to the whole family and promising penelope that she'll keep a close eye on odysseus the first time he has to go into the market and penelope can't go with him. (She was going to go anyway. She's never actually going to let any of them out of her sight ever again. And it's an easy promise to her dearest weaver who seems so distressed to have odysseus leaving her side.)
Athena fully manifesting in the market when someone grabs odysseus with godly flashes of snakes and owls and the drums of war to scream /release him/ (odysseus is feeling indulgent for both his patron and his wife it's so cute that they're this worried it's not like he couldn't defend himself just fine. Especially from whatever poor fuck just grabbed him who definitely doesn't deserve a goddess screaming in his face. Hes trying so hard not to laugh if he did athena would send him flying.)
Athena telling all the other gods that yes she knows odysseus is the favorite barbie doll she choose him well after all and to back the fuck off if any of them bother him again they will have made an enemy of her.
Athena disguising odysseus only as an old beggar from here on out instead of an irresistibly tall and handsome man. Because she saw how uncomfortable nausicaa's attention made him.
#The odyssey#Odysseus#Athena#Penelope#Nausicaa#Tw: rape#Tw:rape recovery#Tw: Calypso keeping odysseus as a sex slave for seven years#Tw: forced prostitution#See what happened with circe#I know in ancient Greek stories there's a lot of serial violence in various shapes and forms#But it seems like it happens more to athenas choosen/priestess/most devot#And it feels a little bit more targeted beyond it being a horrific violation#Like it's targeted towards Athena for her choice on being chaste#Which just adds another layer of fucked upness#And I've always felt like this contributes to Athena being cold#And at some point I imagine she'd get sick of it and course correct into overprotectivness from being cold#Headcanon that penelope goes a little bit insane when odysseus gets back (you're never allowed to leave my sight ever again )#(Don't worry it's mutual odysseus is into it he also never wants to leave his wife's side ever again)#Athena: standing protectively over odysseus in full god mood and hissing#Odysseus: not that this isn't an amazing ego boost but (and I can't believe you're making me be the voice of reason ) arent you overreactin#Odysseus: I mean you were never this protective when I was an actual literal child#Odysseus: or when I was fighting in an actual literally war fighting against gods and demi gods#Athena slightly embarrassed but is not sorry she sent whoever grabbed odysseus flying : SHUT UP#Love the fact that this whole group has the time and the support of each other to actually try to heal from their many many traumas#I know I did this in a slightly joking way but healing from abuse of power and violations are so important to me#Stories about healing in general#That's my jam#Anyway not tagging this as epic because of 1. Athena and odysseus's friendship break up#And 2. The change to circes story (which i actually like a lot! But still the odyssey Canon circe was also a sa situation.)
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