#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried

[evercelle]

2024 art summary! it sure has been a year

[isimpfortoomanypeople]

Hey if your still taking requests please could u write non abusive Nate Jacobs x reader where the reader struggles with anxiety and just how he would comfort her just really fluffy

Thank u have a nice day/night :)

You’re safe with me- Nate Jacobs x Fem Reader

You’ve always had anxiety for as long as you could remember. When one bad anxiety attack happens during lunch all you need is the one person who knows how to comfort you.

Warnings: anxiety attacks mentioned in detail, negative self talk, mentions of periods, the reader not having the best parents, girls at school being jealous of yours and Nate’s relationship, and Nate being incredibly sweet and comforting (he maybe out of character but enjoy the fluff)

A/N: I want to thank you so much for being incredibly patient with this request. I love this request and as someone who also has anxiety all I want is for Nate to comfort me in this way. I hope that you enjoy this request and I apologise if it isn’t good as I’ve taken a month off from writing but I’m back now. I’m from the U.K. so I’m sorry if any parts sound overly British, also I apologise for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy.

You don’t know how it happened. One minute you were laughing at something your friend said, the next minute life felt like a dream. Your friend who was once sat by your side now felt like they were miles away, as their voice became muffled and distant as the imaginary distance increased.

The pressure in your head increased as if your whole head was submerged under water, as if an imaginary force pressed your head under water refusing to let go. You wanted to scream but it felt like your lungs were burning, as your skin pricked in a hot sweat, as your breathing rapidly increased. You were pretty sure that you were hyperventilating but you couldn’t force yourself to breathe, your gaped mouth desperately trying to swallow down some air but to your distress you simply couldn’t breathe.

The room felt like it was spinning around you as the LED bulbs of the cafeteria burnt your eyes, your body willing you to run away but instead your body was frozen to the spot in fear. Dropping your head against the cool cafeteria table while your whole body shook with violent waves of anxiety.

You could have been laid there with your head on the table for seconds? For hours? Time seemed to be moving incredibly slow as if the whole world has long left you behind, leaving you to be consumed by your anxiety that you begged to stop. All the techniques that your councillor has taught you was long forgotten, too overtaken by the throws of your anxiety to look for the nearest red object or 5 things you could feel.

“Babe?” A concerned voice called out to you, it was muffled and faint but at least it was audible. You could recognise whose voice was calling out to you, the only person who was able to comfort you when you were in complete distress, the only person who could break through the thick concrete walls that your anxiety created between you and the world.

———————————��———————————————

You struggled with anxiety for as long as you could remember, you’ve always had a nervous disposition as a child but it wasn’t till middle school did you realise that anxiety had a name. That every time you grabbed on to your mom’s leg as she dropped you off to preschool, crying and begging her not to leave you, or when you panicked when you first gotten your period believing that there was something was seriously wrong with you. All those times where you were told to act your age or told to stop crying over something small, you came to realise that it wasn’t you being pathetic or whatever names was thrown at you. You had anxiety and saw a therapist as young as 13 years old to help create coping skills when the world came too much to bare.

———————————————————————————

It was very touch and go, mostly good days where you could easily distract yourself or take yourself outside for a few deep breaths, whenever you felt your heartbeat start to race and your breathing hitching slightly. But on bad days it feels like all hell breaks loose, nothing could calm you down. It’s awful it feels suffocating, you can’t breathe and it genuinely feels like you’re dying, especially when there is no warning sign of a potential flare up.

Sometimes it’s stress of having everything piled on your shoulders with heavy responsibilities weighing you down, the down side of being a people pleaser is that you could never say the word no. Sometimes it’s the overwhelming pressure that your parents pushed on you, nothing you did was ever good enough or why couldn’t you be like your sister who effortlessly achieved straight As and was cheer captain and prom queen.

But today you overheard the sly comments and remarks chiding about your relationship with the king of East Highland Nate Jacobs. No matter how many times you told yourself that they were jealous of you and their downgrading comments was just a way of projecting their own insecurities, as they didn’t know how to deal with it so they found it easier to push someone else down rather than acknowledge their own issues.

But their comments slipped its way through the cracks of your critical thinking and clamped down on your anxiety, making your mind turn and your thoughts dark. You’ve always felt deep down that Nate was too good for you, you were a shy wallflower who easily blended into the background. Nate was much better suited to a pretty cheerleader rather than you. so it’s just a matter of time before Nate wakes up and faces the facts, and it won’t be long till he’ll throws you to the wayside where you belong.

“Babe?” Nate called again, his voice remained steady and calm not wanting to aggravate your anxiety further, but it was apparent in his voice that he was growing in concern over your condition.

“Babe I know that your anxiety is bad, but do you think that you could walk out of here and to somewhere more calm?”

You slowly nodded your trembling head as you squeaked out a shaky “yes”. Feeling Nate’s gentle arms slowly wrapping around your waist offering support as you slowly arose from your seat.

Nate walked by your side, slowly taking each step at a time. Allowing you to take it at your own pace. With his arm wrapped around your shoulder allowing you to press your body weight against his, as he gently guided you towards the nearest empty class room.

You both sat down on the floor in the dark classroom that was partially illuminated by the natural light that the overcast sky provided.

Your head pressed against his chest feeling both his heartbeat, but also the rhythmic flows of his steady breathing. He held you close to him while you breathed in his calming scent of his cologne which never failed to give you some sense of security as to you it smelt like home.

“Okay babe I’m gonna to need you to copy my breathing, can you do that?” He softly asked you. You nodded back in response not having the energy to answer him back, as it took every part of your energy to feel each inhalation and exhalation, so you could match your breaths precisely to his.

“Okay breathe in and out, just like that” he slowly rocked you back and forth in an attempt to comfort you, while his free hand gently wiped away your falling tears.

After a few moments your breathing finally fell into a normal steady rhythm with help from Nate’s deep breathing, while he softly whispered “you’re okay, you’re safe here with me” in your ear. Your peripherals were no longer blurred as life slowly faded back into reality, no longer in this hellish dreamscape you were in moments before.

Relief flooded throughout your body as you slowly came to realise that your anxiety attack was over, just in time for the post anxiety embarrassment to kick in.

“I’m sorry” you were able to croak out, your voice still horse from uncontrollably shaking and crying just seconds before.

“You have nothing to apologise for, I’m just glad that you’re okay” Nate soothed, still holding you tightly in his arms while rubbing comforting circles on your forearm. He left out a small sigh of relief, relieved to see that you were okay. For it truly broke his heart to see you in such a deep pain that he knew that he couldn’t take away from you.

“You shouldn’t have to look after me, I’m nearly an adult for Christ sake I shouldn’t be this pathetic. I should of handled it better-“

Your frustrated rant of self hatred was cut by Nate pressing his palm tightly against your lips, stopping you from talking so awfully about the girl he loves.

“I refuse to listen to you talk shit about the girl I love. Y/N you have anxiety it’s not your fault, it’s never been your fault why or how these attacks happen. I may not be able to take you away from your own mind” you quietly giggled at his small attempt of defusing the thick heavy atmosphere.

“But I promise you babe that I’ll be here whenever you need me to, I’ll always be here with you. You’re never alone. Now let’s go and I can get us some ice cream and I’ll allow you to watch one of those god awful romcoms that I know that you like so much”

You playfully scoffed, rolling your eyes at him elbowing him in his side. But you couldn’t help but laugh at his remark, he was the only person in your life who actually made it this whole shitshow bearable for you. You were eternally grateful that life had gifted you introducing Nate Jacobs in your life. That you were his and he was yours, even if your head sometimes made you doubt that.

“Hey don’t talk about Clueless like that, I swear that I saw you smiling intently at it a few weeks ago”

Nate groaned at your comment, playfully giving you a shove. He helped you up to your feet, still refusing to acknowledge that deep down that he had a soft spot for those kinds of movies.

“Hey it’s okay your secret is safe with me” you joked back at him.

your smile quickly died down as the realisation hit you. Your eyes darting towards the ground, playing with the cuff of your sleeve, rocking back and forth on your heels retreating back into yourself”

“But Nate you don’t have to do that for me, I feel bad enough about taking you out of lunch and plus my parents will kill me for skiving-“

“Y/N look at me” you reluctantly brought up your gaze to meet his, your eyes softening upon seeing his brown eyes filled with a loving tenderness.

“I don’t have to this, but I want to do this. I want to look after my girl. I love you so fucking much and I want to spend the rest of the day by your side. Your own health comes first so screw your parents and screw the school. Come on Y/N you can either come with me willingly or I’ll have no choice but to carry you to my car”

Your heart grew over hearing his words, it felt like it was beating out of your chest. But this time it made you feel giddy and loved, you couldn’t help but throw your arms around him holding him closer to you.

“Thank you, I love you” you smiled looking up at him

“I love you too babe. You know that I’ll do anything for you” he returned your loving doting smile as he lifted his lips to tenderly kiss your forehead.

“Now let’s get going”

A/N: it feels good to be back. Also as always my requests are always open. I have a cute funny Bradley Rooster Bradshaw fic, a angsty Gareth Emerson fic on the way.

[bunnybubae]

✍🏻 !FIC REC LIST! 📖

Hello there! I've been using this platform for the past 6 years, mostly to read the amazing works of super talented writers! I would like to share my all time fave with you and at the same time, show them how mutch their work is appreciated! Here is a list, I'll update it from time to time, reblogging whenever I'll add new works, please remember to support the writers with all the love they deserve by reblogging their fics, by commenting and by using their ask box to share your thoughts! 💜

🅙🅤🅝🅖🅚🅞🅞🅚

Oh My God, They Were (Quarantined) Roommates by @ot7always 💜

Summary: What do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with Jeon Jungkook - S tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? Fuck him, you guess.

Warnings: *takes deep breath* soft dom!Jungkook, sub!reader, dirty talk, vibrator use, fingering, size kink, hair pulling, pussy slapping, degradation, praise, unprotected sex, overstimulation, creampie, multiple orgasms, cum-eating, oral (m&f receiving), marking, spanking, face-fucking, rough sex, morning sex, soft sex, body worship, teasing, rimming, ass-eating, anal fingering, butt plug use, anal sex, cumshot, aftercare (don’t stress, this isn’t all one scene.

—hot boy bummer. (m) by @jungkxook 💜

Summary: when jungkook offers you a proposition of just sex, no strings attached, how can you possibly say no? after all, what are best friends for?

Warnings: kind of a crack fic, sprinkle of angst, way too casual conversations mid-sex, jealous jungkook, slight himbo jungkook tbh (he’s kind of a sweet loveable idiot), he also has a big dick oops, man bun and blonde jungkook to feed my fantasies!, multiple smut scenes!!!, missionary, dry humping, oral sex (m receiving), face fucking, unprotected sex, slight degradation (mostly jungkook hating himself), brief name calling, light choking, sort of praise kink.

I Heard a Rumor. jjk by @taeshobipop 💜

Summary: One slip of a finger, and you realize you’ve liked an Insta photo of college hotshot Jeon Jungkook…from two years ago. You manage to unlike it within seconds, except it’s too late — Damn Kim Namjoon and his lightning-fast eyes. Do not tell a soul, you hiss. The man merely smirks. Next thing you know, a rumor is spread throughout campus. Y/n likes Jungkook…and now he knows.

Warnings: spitting (y/n has a spitting kink don’t ask idk what i was thinking pls it’s not that bad), protected sex, fingering, making out, a little grinding, frat party, alcohol consumption, Namjoon is very unhelpful.

It Takes Two by @junghelioseok 💜

Summary: You don't need retrospect to tell you that dating a coworker was a bad idea. Two months after your breakup, he seems to have moved on to someone new━and quite happily. If his social media is to be believe. Meanwhile, the one new thing in your life is your roommate, Jungkook, who seems nice enough. Just nice enough to coax into coming to your company's annual holiday party, and more than handsome enough to show off a little bit. Or, as it turns out, a lot.

Warnings: slow burn, one (1) awkward boner, tatted!kook, long-haired!kook, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, jk's big dick, squirting.

By Its Cover (M) by @gimmesumsuga 💜

Summary: The one where Jungkook makes a horrifically bad first impression. 

Warnings: Jungkook is actually an absolute sweetheart.  Smut; kissing, handjobs, fingering and unprotected penetrative sex. 

Blizzard (M) by @curly-bangtan 💜

Summary: When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

Warnings: bit of a slow burner, vanilla!Jungkook, virgin!reader, dry humping, penetrative sex, fingering, oral (m receiving), losing virginity, shy soft boy Koo with a crush and a noona kink, your heart could possibly burst from how cute he is.

Liars and Fire (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: It’s been nearly a year since your divorce was finalized. Why, then, do you still find yourself falling into bed with your ex?

Warnings (Smut): oral (female receiving), some nipple play, fingering, delayed/withheld orgasms.

Warnings (Other): mentions of miscarriage, mentions of therapy, slight jealousy from jungkook.

L is for Lunacy (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: After two years of being sworn enemies (and 42,000 words of shenanigans), you and Jungkook had finally begun dating. As it turned out though, dating wasn’t any easier than coming up with the perfect witty retort to wipe the smirk from his face. When you came to the first Big Decision of the relationship, it was honestly anyone’s guess as to how things would go.  

Warnings: handcuffs (male + female), oral (male + female), very explicit dirty talk, degradation, semi-public making out, spanking, condom-less sex, cum play, things get soft (except Jungkook’s dick). Seokjin randomly procures invitations to formal events; no one really knows how.

How to Get a Guy. jjk [1] - [2] by @taeshobipop 💜

Summary: Star basketball player Jeon Jungkook has a reputation as the ultimate fuckboi. He’s loved by everyone. Everyone. And you would have followed suit if he had not broken all your strict Roommate Rules™ within the first week of his stay. Jungkook, on the other hand, thinks you’re absolutely bizarre. But there’s a silver lining — Mr. Fuckboi here knows basketball captain Min Yoongi, your dreadfully clueless crush. He strikes up a deal with you: he’ll teach you the ways of flirting if you lessen your load of rules (so Jungkook can continue perusing his way through the ladies on campus). Yet the longer Jungkook spends with you, the more he realizes that maybe he doesn’t want to be the campus fuckboi anymore. The problem is, how does he prove that to you?

Warnings: protected sex, oral (f. receiving), handjob through clothes??, cumming in pants :D, slow burn, a lot of making out, titty sucking, cursing, alcohol consumption from parties, drug (weed) consumption (but not main pairing), marking with nails (not from y/n tho omg), jk sleeps around, and he’s a basketball player oof, honestly jk and y/n are just hella confused.

What's mine is mine by @avveh 💜

Summary: You caught his eye from day one. As far as Jungkook was concerned, you were always meant to be his.

Warnings: Jealous behavior, possessive streaks (a lot…), masturbation, sexting, phone sex, elements of D/S, rough sex, slight impregnating kink, breathplay, degrading names, and copious amounts of dirty talk in general, continued disregard for safe sex THAT SHOULD NOT BE COPIED.

one morning stand (m) by @rendaze 💜

Summary: in which you and jungkook have one night stands with roommates and happen to be sneaking out at the same time.

Warning: don’t be fooled by the first half being fluff lmao; rough sex, a lot of dirty talk (jk will not shut up), heavy degradation (use of ‘slut’, ‘whore’, etc.), consensual slut-shaming (reader is into it), exhibitionism, cumplay, cum swallowing, unprotected sex, breeding kink, reader gets tied up at one point.

Ember Burning (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: The dragon riders of Duret Ghal are known across the continent; fierce warriors who take to the skies on their leashed, winged beasts. You are the last Dragon Queen of Ashya, ruler of a dying species who can transform from human to Dragon at will. When a new foe emerges which threatens both Dragon and rider alike, you find yourself forced to broker peace with your former enemy. The King of Duret Ghal, and a dragon rider himself: Jeon Jungkook.

NSFW Warnings: oral (male and female), nipple play, fingering, multiple orgasms, big cock, dirty talk, hair pulling (her to him).... tattooed, man-bun jungkook who has a big sword.

Trigger Warnings: somewhat graphic depiction of a shoulder injury.

stars behind waves | jjk (m) by @taegularities 💜

Summary: With a decade’s distance between Jungkook and you, your paths cross on the same island you deemed your second home years ago. And you realise once again – the ocean can never compare to the twinkle in his starry eyes.

Warnings: so so much yearning and pining, gentle fuckboy jk cos i’ve no control over myself, a bit of jealousy, the first kiss, arguments/fighting, unresolved issues, heartbreak, angry confessions; explicit sexual content: making out, asking for permission, dom & big dick jk, handjob in the shower, oral (m. & f. receiving), some clit slapping, some biting, squirting, jk loves her tits... and her ass even more, fingering, protected sex, soft and rough sex, body worship !!, jk is SUCHHH a goner, he comes on her ass, aftercare, praises; so many emotions; lmk if i forgot smth!

The Present by @btssmutgalore 💜

Summary: Your best friend’s boyfriend Jungkook has a special wish for his birthday—you. This maybe wouldn't be such a problem if you weren't into him since the day you'd met him.

Warnings: MFF threesome, oral (M and F receiving), same-sex kissing, unprotected sex (always wrap it, folks), a lot of dirty talk, weird relationship dynamics, extremely mature

ruin you | kth & jjk (m) | masterpost by @taegularities 💜

"it started with a gentle spark and harmless gazes; but by now, you’re caught in a wildfire that will expand until you’re burned inside and out."

Summary of the first part: His eyes hold unfathomable darkness that lures you in, captures your very soul, steals any air you are trying to draw. And you know without a doubt that you're on the path to utter and irrevocable ruination.

Warnings of the first part: explicit sexual content, dom!taehyung, switch!reader (but mostly sub), switch!jungkook, blindfolding, some bondage (reader gets tied up), wax play, lots of dirty talk, oral (f. & m. receiving), fingering, kinda praise kink, rough sex, messy sex, unprotected sex (you know it folks, be careful), like one spank?, light choking, breast play, cuckolding/voyeurism kinda (yes - jungkook is into watching), swearing, y/n probably can’t walk the next day and she loves it, threesome (obviously)

idealizations concerning real life relations | jjk (m) by @venusiangguk 💜

Summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

Warnings: jk is so sweet, but also so evil lmao, oc lives in her little noggin, angsty fwb, drug and alcohol use, tattoos, multiple smut scenes that include: oral (m/f), fingering (f), light face slapping (with hand and cock??), praise, degradation, marking, dirty talk, so many creampies yum, multiple orgasms, kissing :(, cumming in pants :), probably more but i cant think of it, ok other stuff now, manipulation, infidelity, oc thinks jk is made of stars :(, jk thinks she is so pretty :(, misunderstandings, some fluff if you squint, brunette jk, blonde jk, n blue jk,  1 mentions of: howls moving castle, too many mentions of: stars, the color pink

A Holiday Snowdown (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: The Inn on the Hill is in trouble. Or that's what your boss, Namjoon, says during the last-minute All Staff holiday meeting he calls. You need money, and you need money fast, or his parents are planning to sell the resort. When no one can think of an easy solution, Namjoon proposes his parents' idea: a weeklong social media blitz with a celebrity guest. The celebrity? None other than Jungkook Jeon himself: two-time Olympic gold medalist, world-class snowboarder and the nation's sweetheart. What's the problem? You happen to have met Jungkook Jeon before, and sincerely hoped you'd never see him again.

Rating/Warnings: 18+ for sexual content. Fingering, oral (female receiving), hand job, mutual masturbation, breast play, some face riding, dirty talk, orgasm denial, clit smacking (is there a non plural form of this?), cum shot on chest. Mentions of past death (does not occur during story). Ankle injury (non-graphic). Yoongi is an enthusiastic MC. Bam is adorable. Jungkook has both lip and eyebrow piercing

Sugarplum Elegy (M) by @bymoonchild 💜

Summary: You know no bounds nor depth with Jungkook. While your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on Soundcloud. All’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while.

Warnings: Explicit language, hopeless and helpless pining, constipated feelings, lots of smut, rimming, cum-eating, spitting, blowjob, fingering, classroom sex, Jungkook is emotionally constipated but wbk 

Bunny [1] - [2] - [3] by @btssmutgalore 💜

Summary: An anonymous streamer puts on a show every couple of days. When you become one of his biggest fans, your social life takes a hit—you'd rather stay glued to your laptop and stare at him than go out and meet men in real life. But, what if?

Warnings: Oral (m and f receiving), intercourse, dirty talk, unprotected sex

blackout | jjk [1] - [2] - [3] by @jjungxkook 💜

Summary: Utility bills shooting up like this should be an international crime. Luckily, Jungkook has the perfect idea(s) to save up money and make your night sinfully unforgettable.

Warnings: swearing, he’s just a bit of a fuckboy, bickering, swooning over/thirsting for jk (🤷‍♀️), a manually induced fake blackout? dunno those 2 are odd k, they play uno, a lot of spending time in the darkness, kook has no chill, teasing, consent, dirty talk, fingering, cmnf for a while, sexual tension, oral (both receiving), shower sex, choking, hair pulling, reader cries a bit, jk likes to praise, dry humping?, pussy and tits slapping rip (and some ass ig), making out🙄, manhandling, jk loves her tits and ass and plays with them (a lot), he’s sweet but cocky too, protected sex, dom + big dick kook

Love to Hate (Master List) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you've done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function—or a blind date with playboy bilionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can't deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed... and quickly realize you're in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Warnings of the first part: semi-public nudity, slight voyeurism, dirty talk (mention of a threesome, mention of restraints), nipple play, fingering, spanking, oral (male), face-fucking, multiple orgasms, slight possessiveness, jungkook calls y/n sweetheart and princess; seokjin is not in the fic (yet), I'm sorry about that.

Dilf Jk: Series Masterlist [The Art Of] by @venusiangguk 💜

Summary: you find a baby in your store and in turn, a dilf finds you.

Warnings of the first part: cute baby!!!, jk being a good dad, he likes to garden :(, dom jk, sub oc, age gap, handjob, coming in pants, AYOOO OC GOT A FAT COOCHIE, lowkey body worship, fat coochie supremacy, oral (m/f), safe sex, sexual tension, praise, multiple orgasms, eye contact, jk likes to watch 🥴, asking for permission, jk’s lowkey controlling i guess but it’s soft and like not toxic lol, PLAYFUL use of the word ‘daddy’, no actual daddy kink 🙄, dirty talk

Mind in the Gutter (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: Starting over is never fun. Especially not when you decide to take the phrase fully to heart; new job, new city, new coworkers and new relationships. When you are dragged to a happy hour by your new co-worker, Taehyung, you end up sitting beside a (very) cute, (very) shy IT worker named Jungkook. Several drinks later, he mentions he is in a professional bowling league with his friends and you rather enthusiastically invite yourself along. As time passes and you begin to grow closer, you still find it impossible to read Jungkook. Working in the same company and seeing each other so often, it is only so long before one of you snaps. But who? (HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JUNGKOOK!)

Warnings: dirty talk, thigh-grinding, public make-out sesh, inappropriate bowling innuendo, Jungkook’s abs, light choking.

Over the Edge (M) by @kpopfanfictrash 💜

Summary: so, you’re dating. everything is dandy, the sex is knocking your socks off, but what happens when you get in the First Real Fight? 

Warnings: semi-public sex, mirror sex, dirty talk (slight degradation), unprotected sex, a sweaty locker room

A Thousand Reasons Why | jjk (M) by @taegularities 💜

Summary: “And if all of this experience was indeed a dream, you chose to stay just a little longer.” After leaving to work towards his dream rather than the bonds that shackle him to home, you didn’t expect to see Jungkook again years later at your best friend’s wedding. And even less, for love to rekindle at second glance.

Warnings: a whole laundry list tf: (past) minor character death, somewhat toxic parents, (mentions of) gambling, blond & then 5th muster pied piper (fuckboy) jk lol, this jimin, jealousy, alcohol consumption, unrequited love (not between jk & oc), friends fighting; explicit multiple (2) sex scenes that include: dom & big dick!jk, light hair pulling, marking, tiddie sucking/breast play, clit pinching, pussy slapping, soft & rough sex, praising, biting, some spit ig, oral (f. & m.), fingering, handjob, consent <3, cockwarming, squirting, oversensitivity, multiple orgasms, mouth fucking,… uhh, consensual drunk sex, protected & unprotected sex…. yeah

The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes | jjk by @oddinary4bts

Summary: you had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?

Warnings: oc’s ex-boyfriend died and it takes an important place in the story, swearing, fuckboy Jungkook, fuckgirl oc, a whole bunch of red flags, miscommunication (they learn how to communicate don’t worry), exes that can’t stay out of your life, alcohol, they be a little toxic but they get better, explicit content: fingering, pussy slapping, squirting, oral sex (male and female receiving), mouth fucking, dirty talking, jungkook has a slight begging kink and an exhibitionism kink (not that present in the fic), dom!jk, switch!reader, car sex, sex in a tent, hair pulling (I think), tits/nipple play, unprotected sex, a little bit of ass slapping, mentions of choking

[nonclassyparty]

friday, 01:56 (j.wy)

title; now shut your dirty mouth, if I could burn this town, i wouldn't hesitate to smile while you suffocate and die

summary; wooyoung is your sworn enemy but hooking up with him becomes a habit you just can't seem to quit (gen v au)

notes; part one of a drabble series called 'rule of thumb' set in the gen v universe where y/n is a bigender superhero and wooyoung is a blood bender (yea it's jordan & marie inspired but hear me out because there's less gore and massacres and more fucking and fluff okay). all credits for the superpowers and world building go to gen v writers, i'm just here to give some cute wooyoung drabbles also there's no update schedule for this, i'll just be writing it whenever i feel like i want to write some wooyo stuff

playlist // my main masterlist // click to donate to palestine

you met jung wooyoung a year and some months ago and from the first second your eyes connected - you knew peace will never be an option with him.

"cool shirt, you steal it from a middle schooler? why'd you guys bring a freshman over, we aren't tutoring anyone during lunch." was the first thing jung wooyoung uttered towards you, skipping the introduction completely as he eyes your scooby-doo shirt with apparent distaste and he plops down in the seat next to seonghwa who nervously twitches as he watches for your reaction. maybe seonghwa expected you to jump over the table and wring jung wooyoung's pretty neck.

you have no idea where he got the idea you could ever do something like that.

anyways, was the scooby-doo shirt embarrassing and a little bit ugly? yes. did you have a right to wear it nonetheless without being judged for it? fuck yes.

so fuck jung wooyoung, it's not like he dressed any better no matter how good he looked in just about anything. he didn't have any fashion sense whatsoever, he was just handsome - there was a difference.

if it ended there with jung wooyoung, you would've gotten over the little fashion quip and maybe, dare you say, you could've been friends. you would've liked that even.

you hate to say this and you would never admit it to anyone but before you got to know jung wooyoung, before you even started your freshman year at godolkin university that, you were an admirer.

because jung wooyoung, just a year older than you, was somewhat of a legend already on the god u campus by the time you were a freshman. a star student at the school of crimefighting that cleared several homicide cases in his first year and was climbing the ranks at super speed and reaching the top ten by winter break of his first year.

he was smart, dedicated, driven but more importantly, he was insufferable about it. always teasing you, poking fun at you for just the pleasure of getting a rise out of you. it might not even be considered that bad if you didn't allow for him to piss you off with the most innocent of comments.

you don't know how you ended up in his circle in your first year at godolkin, you were a bit of a hermit that avoided socializing and spent the better half of your freshman year training and discovering just how far your powers went for the first time.

by the time you felt comfortable with shifting into your male form and started getting the hang of controlling the powers that came with that form, you caught the attention of hongjoong and seonghwa who decided to, what they call, adopt you into their equally unhinged yet somehow popular clique. occupying the first eight spots of the rankings with san being first and wooyoung a close second, they were the campus elite.

the guys were cool, maybe a bit shallow sometimes, but that was to be expected when you go to college under a huge spotlight like they do. it's all-consuming.

they were your friends. the only problem was jung wooyoung.

on paper, there isn't a reason you two shouldn't get along. you have the same friends and share so many interests that it's kind of laughable but something about wooyoung just grates your nerves. his ability to get under your skin is astounding and he can infuriate you with nothing more than a single know-it-all grin.

tonight is no different.

in the club, that you snuck off of campus for, yunho serves as a barrier between the two of you but it doesn't stop wooyoung's teasing comments and pokes even when you're on the dance floor.

what's worse is that you start indulging him and, you'll blame it on the alcohol and plethora of drugs although you've learnt a long time ago they barely have any effect on your body thanks to the concoction cursing through your bloodstream since you were a baby, your hands keep straying towards him, drawn like magnets. it's infuriating. how much you want him.

a couple of fleeting moments later where your fingers brush subtly enough for it to be deemed as accidental, one moment between another and yunho is suddenly gone and wooyoung's hands reach out to be placed on your hips, the pretenses are gone.

you're both chest to chest, breaths mingling and noses brushing but still, you can't do it. not here, under these awful lights with all these people watching.

you push him away with your hands on his chest and for a second wooyoung looks worried before it melts into an annoying smirk after you grab him by the hand and start dragging him towards the bathrooms.

you think it got a bit too real for you out there on the dance floor, because the moment you're alone in the semi-clean looking bathroom of the club, you decide to start an argument with him. if nothing but to bring a sense of normalcy back between the two of you.

"what the fuck is your problem with me?" you hiss, blood rushing to your cheeks as wooyoung's eyebrows jump in faint surprise before you see him suppress a smile.

"my problem with you?" he asks, head tilted to the side and looking at you as if he knows what's going on in your head, like he knows that you're only starting a fight to deflect from whatever the hell that was on the dance floor and why you dragged him in here. which he doesn't, mind reading isn't in his superpower description, you checked! he smiles and it's a pretty smile, pretty fucking annoying. "i don't have a problem with you."

you frown, "wooyoung, stop messing around with me. i'll kill you."

he has the balls to laugh at that and it's only then you realize why. you didn't even notice that you basically have him pressed up against the sink. so close to putting your hands on him again. wooyoung leans in;

"look at you. you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look fucking stupid." he whispers, hooded eyes grazing over your face before the corners of his mouth perk up again and he licks his lower lip, tongue just barely brushing the devastating beauty mark residing there, "you’re probably saying you wanna kill me just so you can have an excuse to touch me."

you feel like you can breathe for the first time in too long when you kiss him, your hand wrapped around the nape of his neck to pull him closer. it's messy and rushed but it's exactly what you need to feel like your entire nervous system is set alight, as the tension between the two of you finally snaps.

the small moan that escapes him has the ability to drive you insane and you cradle his face with both hands, licking at his bottom lip until he lets out a whine before parting his mouth open and allowing your tongues to meet.

you hate this. hate the thrill of pleasure that shoots through you when wooyoung's fingers dig into the material of the jeans wrapped around your hips. hate that you have absolutely no excuse to be kissing him in a dingy bathroom of a nightclub. absolutely hate how much you further want him.

his soft gasp makes you part away from him as you look down at his face that's sporting wide eyes and parted glossy lips.

you're confused for only a moment until you notice the problem. you're looking down at him.

your eyes connect with your reflection in the mirror over wooyoung's shoulder and you blush in mortification when you come face to face with your male form that you unconsciously shifted to somewhere in the middle of the kiss.

with red cheeks, you look at wooyoung again as your hands immediately leave his cheeks and you turn to take a step back not wanting to make him further uncomfortable, "i'm sorry, i di-"

wooyoung doesn't even say a word, it's just a sound that leaves his throat aching to a whine as his fingers latch onto your shirt and pull you back into him, sealing his lips over yours into another messy kiss that makes your blood sing. you don't know if it has something to do with the fact that wooyoung is a blood bender or that he doesn't mind kissing you like this either.

it's exhilarating. too much and definitely not enough at the same time. you want to see jung wooyoung unravel in front of you. because he's been pissing you off all night and now, you just want him to shut him up and kiss the life out of him.

you clumsily fumble with the button on his jeans, slipping a hand inside to palm him over his underwear. wooyoung moans softly, forehead leaning against your own and his hand comes up to the back of your neck before he pulls you into another kiss.

"please." he rasps out, parted lips brushing over your cheek and that's all the confirmation you need before dropping to your knees.

wooyoung rushes to shove his clothes out of the way and if you weren't so turned on, you would've found it funny. you don't laugh because you're straining against your own jeans and you have a task to get to as you stare right into wooyoung's eyes and open your mouth, waiting.

so, you let jung wooyoung fuck your mouth. you let him grab you by the back of your head, fingers weaving through your short hair. you let him rub the tip against your lips, you let him tell you that he likes you a lot better when you're too busy sucking him off to run your mouth.

of course, you respond that it's not a smart idea to be an annoying piece of shit to someone while their teeth are so close to his dick. it shuts him up immediately.

but it's all worth it because wooyoung's honey skin looks flawless even under the shitty lights of the bathroom and his moans bouncing off the walls are ridiculously sweet just like you knew they would be. god, you must be some kind of masochist.

there is no other reason that would explain why you're here with jung fucking wooyoung of all people. it's bad enough that he's wooyoung, the most annoying person on planet earth that has spent the last year doing nothing but teasing you but it's still worse that he's straight.

you can defend yourself however you like but even you have to admit that no normal, well-adjusted person that has spent their teenage years agonizing over their gender identity and suppressing their own powers because the implications that they're also a boy and not just a girl felt awfully too big and something their parents could never be proud of, finally coming to terms with their powers and accepting themselves for what they are - only to go out and make their first hook-up post that revelation, a straight boy that made it a mission to piss them off daily.

"you're so sweet actually." wooyoung pants, thumb gliding under your eye to wipe the tears away.

you wish he'd stop talking.

you wish you weren't enjoying this so much.

wooyoung's head thuds against the mirror hanging above the sink he's currently leaning on and his hand tightens in your hair, so you know he's close. you double down on your efforts, swirling your tongue around the head and hollowing out your cheeks. your eyes fall shut as all you hear are wooyoung's soft grunts and the wet sounds of him fucking your mouth before he's coming with a low groan into your open mouth.

"fuck." wooyoung sighs, hands slipping from your hair and falling to grip the sink.

your knees ache as the hard tiled floor was unforgiving to them but you still stand up and quickly walk into one of the stalls to spit into the toilet and wipe at your eyes as subtly as you can, so you don't actually look like you just had your face fucked.

"yeah." you nod, voice hoarse as you tug on your oversized shirt. it's sort of crazy that you think you hate wooyoung a little less than you did twenty minutes ago. you hope it lasts long enough to get out of here without wanting to rip his head from his shoulders.

unfortunately, wooyoung is still....wooyoung and the five seconds you give him with your back turned towards him as you fix yourself up is enough for him to shatter any blissful fantasy of not feeling anything but hate and dislike towards him.

"i can still be straight even if i liked you sucking me off, right? since you're not...you know...." you're frozen and it feels like you're watching a car crash. you faintly wonder how can someone so brilliant, so smart, be so fucking stupid and insensitive at the same time.

you want to interrupt him but you're stuck in one place bound to watch the crash and burn. of course, after you stay quiet, wooyoung continues;

"you know, you're you."

"that's an astounding observation wooyoung, truly. i'm me."

"you know what i mean."

the tissue you used to wipe off the last bits of your make-up gets balled up in your hand and you refuse to look at him as you shift back to your female form so the boner in your pants wouldn't be visible.

"frankly, i don't give a fuck how you choose to label yourself but i think it's worth noting that you liked having someone who you know wasn't a girl suck your dick."

you don't look at him again, swearing that you were completely done with him after tonight as you push past him and head for the exit door.

the resolve lasts for almost as long as wooyoung did with his dick down your throat, which if you are being honest - wasn't very long.

[demons-and-demigods]

Demons and Demigods Part One: The Beginning

Sally is Mary's younger sister. I wanted her to be a Winchester but I also wanted her to have grown up hunting more, so. Mary wanted to escape the hunting life and so did Sally. As soon as she turned eighteen, Sally moved to NYC and changed her name from Campbell to Jackson and went no contact with her entire family except for Mary. 

Sally and Mary were super close growing up and even once they lived so far apart, they still kept in contact. Sally came and visited Mary and John for the births of Dean and Sam and she was so excited to be an aunt and she was so happy for her sister. But one night, a few months after Sam was born and Sally had returned to New York, Mary called her in the middle of the night crying and told Sally about her deal, she begged Sally to look out for her boys. Sally promised to try. 

Mary died. 

John and the boys disappeared and Sally tried to reach out and she tried to find them, but John refused to answer her calls and she always seemed to be one step behind. 

Then, nearly a year after Mary had died, John appeared at the doorstep of Sally’s shitty apartment, Dean and Sam nowhere to be seen, and told her he was hunting down whatever had killed Mary because he knew it wasn’t some gas leak, he knows what he saw, and he saw his wife burning on the ceiling of Sammy’s nursery with her stomach slashed open. 

Sally tries to ask where her nephews are but John keeps dodging her questions and refusing to answer her. He disappears again and she tries to keep tabs on him, she does, but anywhere she manages to track him to, there’s never any mention of two little boys with him and she starts to think that maybe her nephews are dead. (Spoiler: they’re not. When Sally learns just how shitty their childhoods were, she hunts down and murders John ^-^) 

Sally mourns her nephews and curses her brother-in-law and prays that Mary can forgive her for breaking her promise. 

Eventually, she tries to move on with her life, and she meets a handsome stranger and falls in love because she knows that he’s a god, and she was taught that all gods are cruel, capricious monsters who need to be killed but Poseidon is nothing like that, nothing like she’d been raised to believe and before long she has a little blessing of her own. 

She uses what she knows from growing up a hunter to try and keep Percy safe for as long as she can. 

She marries Gabe and makes sure she has iron and silver and salt in the house at all times and she has a go bag ready to go for both her and Percy. 

He turns twelve. He is dragged into the demigod world and Sally always knew this day was coming but that doesn’t make this any easier. She already lost her sister and her nephews, she doesn’t think she would be able to survive losing her son, too. 

Percy is thirteen and Gabe is dead and their lives are better and then one day Sally gets an alert from a search algorithm she had long given up on that a Samuel Winchester was enrolled in Stanford University in Palo Alto, California. 

She wanted to reach out, but she had never told Percy about her sister or nephews and she had no idea if Sam knew she existed. She doubted John would have talked about her and Dean had probably been too young to remember her. So she didn’t try and contact him, but she did keep an eye on him and how he was doing. 

Four years later, Percy has survived the Great Prophecy and beaten Kronos. (“Mom, when did you learn how to fire a shotgun?” “About ten seconds ago,” she lied. She felt bad lying to her son, but his life was dangerous enough with just the Greek world to worry about, he didn’t need to worry about everything else that was out there. From what she knew, the Greeks were pretty strict about not mixing pantheons, so she hoped that he would never run into any other kind of monster.) He’s sixteen and traumatized but healing and he has her, and Annabeth, and Grover, and all his other friends from Camp. Sam is twenty-two and about to graduate from Stanford as Valedictorian and continue into law school. She sees pictures of him online on Stanford’s website and years books and he has Mary’s smile and John’s nose and she couldn’t be prouder of him even if he doesn’t even know she exists. 

Sally has her baby boy, safe and by her side as he heals from fighting a war too young, she has Paul, a wonderful, loving husband that takes care of her and Percy, and she knows that Sam is alive and doing well, free from whatever hell John must have raised him and Dean in, and while she wishes she knew for certain that Dean was alive and okay as well, she was happy with what she had. 

But then Percy goes missing. 

Annabeth Iris Messages her to tell her that Percy has gone missing from his cabin at Camp, the one place he is supposed to be safe, and they’ve been looking for him for almost a week now but there’s been no sign and the gods aren’t answering anyone’s prayers and Mr. D was called back to Olympus and Annabeth is so sorry but she doesn’t know what to do and Sally deserved to know that her son was missing. 

Later that day, she reads a news article from California and learns that Sam’s girlfriend died in a fire exactly like Mary did.

Next up: First Written Scene <3

[skjeinon]

thinking about you - anders lee

summary: when you go to highschool and then college together, being reminded you were never his first choice was something you faced a lot - something about him always brought you running back to him though. when it snows, you pour and he tries to fix that with his generosity as the boy who’s always treated you better than the rest…

warnings: not a very slow burn - but very much pent up unknown reciprocated feelings. anders lees big legs <3. slight breeding kink (wrap it before you tap it blah blah blah), best friends to lovers, lack of plot at the end (i can make a part two maybe), rather vanilla i suppose but very cute nonetheless. nickname andy is used once?? sorry NO PROOFREAD!!

laying down in bed, watching as the snow fell outside of your window, with your blankets to your shoulder, you felt the quick buzz of your phone against your backside. you never felt well when snow fell in minnesota, but your whole life it’s been something you’ve learned to deal with. you almost ignored the buzz until it began to repeat.. then came your ringtone. some old song you liked in middle school filled your ears before you rolled over to pick it up. before even looking at the name, you put the phone to your ear.

“hello?” your voice was tired as you spoke softly into the mic.

“hey y/n” as anders voice filled your ears , you blushed, embarrassed you hadn’t made an effort to talk differently.

“oh my goodness! hey andy.. what’s up?”

“mh.. nothing. i saw it was snowing in minnesota, i wanted to check up on you. i know it was pretty warm a few days ago and i know how you get.” he said, you could hear him laying back into his seat.. whether it be his couch or a chair somewhere.. you wondered where he was.

“yeah it’s .. it’s bad. i won’t even lie. i thought the snow was out of here considering it’s gotten warmer and it’s april. i need it to be normal again.” you complained, pushing your face into your pillow to let out a soft whine.

“mh.. are you working? outside of the snow i suppose.” his question felt random but you complied.

“no.. i had left over time from last year that i had to plan out at some point. i guess it was my luck to pick the week 4 months ago that it would be snowing.” you said, sitting up in your bed to talk better, pulling your knees to you chest. “why do you ask?”

“do you want to come to the island? it’s nicer here.. i can buy you a plane ticket and you can stay at my place.” his voice felt sensual when asking you the question. you tried not to let your cheeks burn.. or give any leeway to him on how you felt.

“oh.. that actually sounds really nice. are you sure?” success. you didn’t sound super shocked - at least you hoped you didn’t.

“yeah i’m sure. cmon y/n, you know you’re my girl..” he said, you could feel his cocky little smile on the other side of that phone call. the way he would smile when he’d tease you, or take good of your plate, or when he’d smile at you when he’d buy you tickets for a minnesota vs isles game.. the way he’d look at you when you’d wear his jerseys. highschool… norte dame… islanders.. it never changed.

“mmh.. okay.. when do you wanna get me a ticket ..” you said , your hand making its way to play with your own hair.

“i can get you one right now.” he said as he stood up, going to grab his laptop. “you prefer american airlines right?”

you smiled. “yeah i do.”

“when’s the earliest you can come..” he said as he sat back down, opening the device in his lap.

“tomorrow. i’ll be off work for this and next week. if you wanna have me for that long.”

“yeah why not, i haven’t seen you in a few months”

-

in the next 24 hours you had prayed that when you were at the airport by the will of god… your flight wouldnt be delayed or cancelled. thank god overnight, the snow had stopped and when you woke up, the roads were more clear then you’d expected.

the night before, you stayed on the phone with anders for hours while he bought your ticket and while you packed. you complained about dirty clothes and he responded “you can just wash your clothes here..” which embarrassed you as you put dirty clothes you knew you’d only bring because you would wear it for him.

you packed for every season, almost like trauma from the cold weather in the last 2 days even though anders reassured you it was getting warmer on the island, and as you went through TSA and was finally sat at your terminal, your foot tapped impatiently, maybe a little overwhelmingly excited for seeing anders. yeah you knew you’d see other people you knew and loved.. but you always were excited to see him.

you wouldn’t even lie, you’ve been in love with anders since you guys first became friends in highschool. the feelings came and went, but he’d always do something that made you come crawling back.even at points you were convinced he also liked you, but it just never resulted in anything like what you had ever dreamed of.

in highschool you weren’t necessarily the popular cheerleader but you weren’t an outcast by any means. you were a proud leader of the student section and that’s how you and anders had become friends. you always helped plan student pride at football games and even sometimes during spirit week. you had a football jersey for the highschool and you even sewed anders’ number onto it at one point after the two of you had met through football. - when you met, it was when you were standing on the edge of the field, he asked if you could try to catch a ball or two with him for some yearbook photos that yearbook had asked him to take, the both of you thinking it was stupid, you gave in. after this, you had both realized you were in lots of classes together, and started sitting together in those classes.. then at lunch.. then hanging out outside of school, talking on the sidelines at football games. the two of you were inseparable. his parents adored you, and always begged him to date you.. your parents did the same.

so even after all this time, you had never even been on a date with him, and now you’re sitting in the airport getting ready to board the plane to go see him after he payed for your ticket, while also offering you to stay in his own home for two weeks. you were whipped.

The plane ride wasn’t awful, a bit of turbulence though the clouds but once you neared new york and JFK, things cleared a lot. the sun was out and you smiled at the simple idea of a warm day. as the plane landed, you pulled your jacket back over your body and grabbed your bag as you got off the plane. JFK was big and honestly if it hadn’t been for Anders guiding you in the past, you’d be lost.

Getting down to the luggage pickup, you stood around, observing very hard but honestly ignoring the fact that Anders had to be around. if not here then he’d be here soon. but it didn’t cross your mind until you were picked up off your feet by a goon.

“COME HERE!” he exclaimed as he picked you up, his arms tight around your body as he lifted you up. you almost shouted before remembering it would only be him.

“Anders! put me down!!” you kicked, shaking in his arms until he sat you back down on the ground. you turned quickly to see him, a smile forming on your face at his goofy expression. you wrapped your arms around him, he did the same, pulling you close to him. Quickly inhaling, you catch the cologne laced into his clothes. he’s been wearing the same thing for years and it never gets old.

“i’m glad to see you made it here in one piece.. how was the flight?” he said as he glanced down at you watching as you pulled away to look for your luggage once again.

“it was good.. a bit of turbulence coming from minnesota but not too bad..” you stood ahead of him so when responding to him, you turned your body to see him. when speaking to him you’d observe his features.. looking at his freckles as some new one’s appeared on his cheeks every year, his dark blue eyes, his new haircut that maybe was his best one. you loved everything about him..

your thoughts were quickly interrupted when he said “is that your bag?” and pointing, you turned back around. “yes it is!” you said as you quickly went to grab it. as you pulled it off, he picked up your carry on and walked over to you, offering to take your suitcase also. you let him do so but in turn, you took your carry on from him and walked with him out to his car, which he pushed the bags into and then went to your side of the car, opening the door before finally going to his.

getting in the car, you noticed he did what he always did when driving and that was resting his right hand on the gear shift, even though he didn’t need to use it, and driving with his left. crossing your legs in the passenger seat, you leaned closer to his side of the car with your arm on the center console.. this didn’t go unnoticed by him as a small smile formed on his face.

“how’s work going?” he asked, looking over at you meeting your eyes before looking back at the road.

“it’s going. half the time im just tired and need a break. that’s why i’m glad you offered to let me come up.. i really just needed to be away from everything at home.” you sighed, your hand coming to your forehead to gently rub it. he took his free hand and moved it back, gently rubbing his finger against your arm.

“i definitely don’t understand but i wish i did.. sometimes i wish i could put myself in your shoes.” he said, you knew he cared - but sometimes he wasn’t great with his words when it came to comforting you over work. he never really understood what it was like to work a normal job, even through college. his parents paid for everything when he was busy studying and playing hockey in college. the two of you talked about stuff while driving, stuff you hadn’t talked ab the night before or just the music on the radio… small talk always turned into long deep conversations. you always loved that about him. ever since that first night the two of you went out to dinner together back in highschool.

getting to his place, you walked in, being greeted by his two dogs, smiling as they sniffed you, wagging their tails excitedly, they didn’t jump which shocked you. “i didn’t realized you trained them so well” you smiled as he walked past you with your bags in his hands.

“yeah it took a long time..” he shrugged as he walked into the spare bedroom he had assigned to you. “you’ve never been here before right?”

“i think maybe for a party when i was in new york but that’s about it..” most of your years apart, he’d been coming back to minnesota. he’d come and see you. even when you were in new york for a few playoff games, he saw you at your hotel and you guys were together everywhere except for his home.

“oh - i thought you’d been here more then that.” he felt a bit of guilt wash over him as he walked out of the room you were staying in. “uh- well cmon girl.” he said motioning for you to come into the room with him. you laughed before following after him.

“this is your room, you have a nice view. your sheets are clean and you have clean towels in your bathroom.” he pointed to the bathroom off the side of the bedroom. “but if you need anymore, they’re in the bathroom in my bedroom.” he smiled, before putting his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the room. he motioned to everything as he spoke it out ‘living room, balcony that’s really high up so he doesn’t sit out there much, the kitchen, the spare bathroom, his bedroom, his bathroom’ the sheets on his bed weren’t flattened or made, they were everywhere showing he didn’t make his bed which made you smile at the ounce of personality laced into his room.

“oh and.. there’s the washer and dryer for you..” he pointed to a little side area, where the two were tucked away off of the kitchen. you didn’t have much to say except for complimenting his home. for a small apartment.. it was large. the windows were high and so were the ceilings, lots of natural light accenting the colors of his apartment.

the tall man let you off to unpack while he took care of his dogs, taking them downstairs and outside while you put the clean clothes into the dresser he had told you to put them in and in the closet in the room. and taking all your dirty clothes and putting them in the washer. you embarrassingly made sure you knew what panties and bras were in the wash before you pushed your clothes in there, not having any interest in letting him even go near your clothes if you didn’t know what was in there.

you thought about what he was thinking about as you walked through his apartment, thinking that maybe he was thinking about you while he leaned down to pet his dog. maybe he was thinking about all your outfits you planned to wear or everything the two of you would do…

and honestly that is all that was on his mind. something that he kept secret was how much he adored you… yeah he’s been there for the last 10 years with you, but he probably loved you more then any girl he’s ever attempted to date.

everytime he’d find a girl, you’d stay out of his life as much as possible though every waking minute he thought “what will i do with y/n tonight?”, “i wonder what she’s doing”, “does she want to hangout this weekend?”. and even when he moved to the island, even when he signed for all those years with new york, he still dreamt of a reality he could have with you. but he knew you didn’t like him like that. sometimes he even wondered if you were using him but moments like today where you looked at him like you needed something more from him when he held you close in a hug, he knew that even if you didn’t love him the same way he did, that you were there for the long haul.

eventually, you were out of your airport clothes and into shorts and an islanders hoodie, trying to stay comfortable and feel clean. you sat yourself on the couch as anders walked in.

“i tried to give you as much time as possible..” he said while letting the dogs off their leash.

“you gave me plenty. thank you.” you smiled as you turned your body to view him from the couch. he walked closer to you and his hand rested on the back of the couch, leaning over you.

“i see you’ve gotten comfortable.” he smiled, bending down closer to you. “nice hoodie, you a big isles fan?” anders teased as he pulled at the soft material. he let go and stood up straight again, coming to sit down beside you.

“yeah, i have this boy i like a lot, he plays for the islanders.” you teased him back, batting your eyelashes at him.

“oh really?” he sat down, taking your legs and laying them across his lap. “tell me more about him.. he sounds fun.”

“he is. he’s tall and blonde.. he’s got nice teeth and a lot of freckles, he’s very very handsome..” you made a face, teasing him further. “so handsome” you threw your head back, swooning.

“wow! he sounds like a very lovely guy. i wish you luck” his cheeks burned a little, patting your shin with his wide palm. you noticed as the pink patched across his cheeks, making yours turn that soft shade as well. you looked away from him, sticking your hand out to gently pet one of his dogs that sat at his feet. “so um.. what do you wanna do tonight? or just.. in the next two weeks.” he cleared his throat, breaking the silence with his question.

“well.. i don’t know. you’re the one with the idea of what’s to do!” you said gently hitting his arm.

“hm.. well i have two games this week, and next week i have 2 next week.. one is an away game. so i’m sorry in advance..” he said, gently squeezing your bare leg.

“it’s okay, i kind of expected you to be gone longer then that” you cut him some slack as he thought further.

“i dunno, we should just play it by ear. but if you want something good for dinner tonight, we can go somewhere fancy or somewhere simple, what are you thinking?”

“hm.. something simple. i’ll save dressing up nice for another night.” you said leaning into the cushion, staring back to him.

a smile formed across his face, his dark blue eyes squinting as he smiled. “okay.. cool. did you happen to bring your jersey with you? if not we can always just go and buy you a new one..”

you almost blushed as you remembered how he was so willing to spoil you. so quick to give you anything you wanted. “yeah i brought it.. i wouldn’t mind a new one though.” you said pulling your legs out of his lap, bringing them to your chest.

“yeah doesn’t yours just have an A on it?”

“oh heavens no, it’s not that old. I do have an A one though.”

the conversation continued , talking about all the small things you could simply conceive into a conversation. it moved from the couch, to the kitchen, to his room and to the balcony, you both talked almost non stop until you realized the both of you were hungry. the two of you talked about where to eat dinner and as he let you go to get ready, he himself got in the shower. when you pulled on some nicer clothes, placing your perfume at your pulses, and grabbing some small things you needed, as you sat in the living room again , the smell of his body wash filled the apartment from the hot shower he took. you almost keeled over, thinking ab how nice he’s always smelled.

after he finished his shower and got dressed, he met you in the living room and grabbing his keys from the table sitting in front of you, he nodded to the door. “let’s go.” he said with a cute little smile, offering you a hand to stand you up. he pulled a jacket over his shoulders but knew he was only grabbing it to help you out when he knew you’d complain about being colder later in the night.

sometimes his personality makes it easy for you to forget he’s an athlete, ignoring that it’s professional. he does this for a living, but the way he treats you, you easily forget it. he walked with you, holding a soft conversation as the two of you rode the elevator, got in his truck and rode to dinner. dinner was in some small restaurant in one of those small towns on the island. dinner was good but the one thing you paid attention to the entire night was him. getting ice cream after and even buying a few groceries at the store with him before going home, it was all him. on the drive him, you leaned into the center console, your knees were at your chest and the moment the two of you had sang a song the two of you fondly shared memories of, your pinkies had become linked with the other. it took until the end of the drive where the two of you managed to let go, neither wanting to but both of you having to hold something going inside, there was no other choice.

you struggled to believe that you’d be able to spend these two weeks without folding and telling him but you didn’t know that he felt the entire same way.

-

as the night grew later, anders was laying on the couch doing his hockey homework, watching over old footage, almost his entire body sprawled across the couch. he had a notebook sat on his thigh, slowly scribbling stuff on it under the light of a lamp.

you had found a laundry basket and pushed your now dry clothes into it, slowly scooting it over to the living room to sit on the floor and fold your clothes. he noticed as you sat down and began to move his feet. “here, come sit-“ and he stopped once he saw you shake your head.

“no it’s okay.” you smiled to him. he nodded and gave a soft response before looking back at the footage. every now and again he’d glance down at you while it plays quietly. he watched as you bobbed your head to the music playing in your own head, listening to your quiet hums. he watched your quick movements with folding your clothes, wondering why you were moving so fast with some items of clothing. he began to observe what was in the basket instead of watching his footage like he should’ve been. you tried to ignore his eyes on you as you folded through the panties and bras you had washed that you didn’t want him to see, though with his hockey eye precision he did anyways. his face turned a soft pink as he finally realized what he was looking at - he was now back to watching hockey while you folded laundry. suddenly you were a little relieved to have the uncomfortable subject matter in your hands.

you now were the one observing him as he did his thing. you watched how he wrote messily against his thigh, trying to ignore how thick it was underneath the notepad. something about his legs was how large they were. perfect for sitting in a crowded space, inconvenient situation, for a booster in a mirror or maybe one day a sloppy hookup who knows. but as the thoughts raced through your head, creating scenarios past the ones you already experienced such as inconvenient situations.. your cheeks began to burn and suddenly your hands were conveniently back in the laundry before you finished.

“i have morning skate tomorrow.. if you wanna come” he said as he turned the tv off, breaking the room off into silence except for his voice. he began to sit up, stretching as he sat all the way up. he then leaned over, resting his elbows against his thighs to watch as you placed the folded laundry back into the basket. you stood up and stared down at him. “yeah.. sure i can go.” you said, shrugging, leaning over to pick up the basket.

“cool. you have to wake up early though.” he also stood, coming closer to you, leaning over you momentarily. “you should get some sleep then.” his hand gently rested on your arm, pushing you gently towards the bedroom you stayed in.

“so should you..” you rolled your eyes, a smile forming across his lips as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“i’m glad you’re staying with me for two weeks… get some rest.” he said as he stepped past you, making his way to his room. “goodnight.” he turned to see you and as you began walking to your own room, you turned to look at him as well. his hair was a mess over his head and it made you giggle.

“goodnight.” you nodded before gently shutting the door to your room. you could hear the dogs as they shuffled into his room to lay in the bed with him. you didn’t even want to imagine what he wore to bed but if it was anything like college, it was still nothing but boxers… he was so fit and it was almost insufferable.

-

sleeping that night was easy, you had put away all your laundry before you almost drowned yourself entirely in your sheets, cozy until the morning where he opened your door with a soft voice, coaxing you out of your sleep.

“goodmorning..” he said as he leaned into your doorway. you let out a groan, trying to ignore him before he did the same again. he did it once more before he was letting the dogs into the room, excited to see you as he walked in as well. he knew you were never the best at waking up early so he tried his best to get you out of bed without putting you in a bad mood.

“come on” he said, sitting down at your feet, gently shaking your legs. “get up, hon.” he stared up at the ceiling, listening to your voice as you complained more and more, finally pulling yourself out of the sheets. hunched over yourself you stared at him through tired eyes.

“goodmorning.” he smiled, staring down at you with his dark eyes. “do you still want to go?”

“mhm..” you nodded, letting your head fall into his arm. how hand came to the back of your head, stroking your hair before slowly getting up again.

“okay then, get up, we gotta go.”

standing in the shower, you slowly began to wake up more, still yawning every few minutes before you finished your shower, trying to move at a good pace knowing he needed to get going. you brushed your teeth and pulled some clothes on before walking out.

“here..” he said, putting a jacket over your shoulders before he grabbed his keys. you pulled his jacket around your body, smelling him within the threads. you walked behind him as the two of you walked down the hallway.

“do you want dunkin?” he said to you as you both made your way to his truck, getting in, he heard you utter a soft yes. you stared down at your phone for a bit until he called your name.

“yeah?”

“you okay?” he said, his blonde hair was curly that morning, looking barely brushed out.

“yeah i am.. i’m just sleepy.”

“mh. yeah i know how you get. i’m sorry for getting you up so early” he gave you a gentle smile and you gave it back, making his smile even brighter. bundled up in his jacket, the two of you got your dunkin and were off to the arena. todays skate was in UBS. it wasn’t public but you sat with a few of the media detailing people, knowing one or two, being able to chat while the boys practiced. it was a longer practice, coach trying to condition them after a loss. you knew anders would be a little sore later that day, causing you to think of any remedies you may have while they finished up.

as anders finished, he was at the top of the stairs at the lower level of the arena seating.

“you wanna go?” he said, a soft smile on his face, nodding to the general direction of the exit. he felt like he never stood in this perspective of the arena, causing him to be overcome with slight shock as he watched you jog up the stairs. “you seem a bit more chipper now..” his gaze met yours as you walked with him to the truck.

“yeah i’m a bit better now” you smiled. the two of you held your hands in your pockets, but you felt your body brush against his every now and again while walking. you wished with everything inside of you that you could place your hand in his.

“do you want to get breakfast now? or do something else” he said, kicking a pebble under his foot before you made it to his truck. getting in you told him sure and that’s where you went. you went somewhere he wanted, you didn’t really care . the two of you ate breakfast in perfect bliss, sitting across from each other while quietly chatting over stacks of pancakes and bacon.

the two of you decided to end the morning back at his apartment so the two of you could just end up napping.

when getting into the apartment, the two of you had taken the dogs outside, you taking one while he took the other and as you both came inside, a yawn fell over the both of you. you changed into some more comfortable clothes and as you settled into the couch, turning on the TV to play some ambiguous movie, he ended up sitting down next to you. he offered you to sit against him so you did, tucking yourself underneath his arm, laying in his chest. the two of you slowly began to lay further on the couch, sooner or later, your body on top of his while he laid there with his arms around you.

the two of you were asleep, the sun slowly coming through the windows, leaving you both sleeping for hours before one of you finally woke up. it was him..

he woke up, seeing your head against his chest. his cheeks burned as he brought his hand to play with the ends of your hair as they fell across his chest. he lifted his leg so that his thigh was pressed to yours, warming your body as you rested. he winced a little, feeling his body becoming sore, especially as he felt your weight under him but he tried to ignore it, more focusing on matching his breathing pattern to your own.

starting up at the ceiling, he felt your breathing pattern change as you began to wake up. “hi” he said softly, pulling his hand from your hair, watching as you blinked slowly at him. “hiiii” you smiled, pushing your face into his chest again, not even thinking about how you laid on top of him.

“we don’t have to get up, but can you maybe move your legs a little so i can move my leg..” his voice was gentle, and you made a soft noise of approval.

“you can move me however you want..” you said against his chest, essentially going rag doll on him.

as a man does, the words sounded foul in his head, as his hands moved to your sides, gently grabbing you and pulling you up with his body. he tried to ignore how they made him feel as he pushed his thigh between your legs, sitting you up against his frame. he let your arms fall around his chest as you settled in his lap. he found the remote and changed it over to the footage he had to continue doing over from the night before, noticing how you seemed to have fallen back asleep, sitting in his lap. as he began to watch the plays again, he whispered comments to myself.

although he thought you were asleep, when laying there, in reality you were trying to process how when you spoke… he placed you with his thigh right between your legs. you tried to ignore it, you tried to ignore the feeling growing in your body, but as his hand met the small of your back.. you almost folded. you listened to his whispers, but noticing his breath getting heavier, it made it hard to focus on anything he was doing when lacking one of your key senses.

feeling risky, as anders pushed his hand down the small of your back, his fingers pushed under the elastic of the shorts you had on.. not with any devious intention, just to entertain himself as he rubbed his hand across your back. he would do it every few times his hand would come down to your waistband. he noticed over time your breathing pattern hadn’t shifted back to how it did when you slept and simply your breaths began to get heavier as you continued on. he shifted, his thigh pressing into your core…

“anders..” your voice came out soft and quick, causing your eyes to shoot open, covering your mouth with the speed of lightning. “oh my god- i’m sorry.” your face was red as you leaned against him, trying to act like it didn’t happen all the while his face was burned up too. “i-it’s okay..” he threw his head back, trying not to even think about it but as you readjusted he could feel the way your chest heaved slightly. you tried to ease yourself back to reality as his hand was pressed against your lower half again. his hand now slowly encompassing your ass as he rubbed it up and down your backside. you knew he was doing it on purpose..

you almost felt confident in yourself to simply push yourself down into his quad again and get away with it, but you were scared to even try. you slowly moved your hips against his thigh.. very slowly. only enough so maybe he’d notice if he paid attention. with his hand on your ass, he almost noticed immediately. he didn’t try to stop you, he even moved his hand with your hips. he let it go on for a minute or two before his voice broke the silence.

his name fell from your lips. “what are you doing..” he whispered. he knew what you were doing. he spoke in a voice that just oozed with arrogance. finally .. you turned your head to look at him. when your eyes met his, he could see the ways yours were almost melting out of your head. staring, you saw the cocky smile on his face. he didn’t just want to let you do what you were doing.. he needed it.

“i know what i’m doing, but you should show me what you really want..” you spoke, almost without thinking, hoping maybe he’d try to take control over the situation. but by simply speaking that way, it proved to him that this was something both of you wanted.

Anders nodded and his hands were around your waist again as he picked you up slightly, sitting you back down on his thigh at a better angle. “this okay?”

you nodded, your hands coming to his chest, your eyes meeting his. your hand slowly pushed up his chest, making its way to the back of his neck. you leaned in closer and as your lips ghosted over his, your name quietly fell from his mouth before he pressed his lips into yours. he held you close as you kissed him. you released from the kiss, your eyes opening to see his.

“little desperate aren’t we..” his frowny smile made a smile form across your lips. you nodded and kissed him and again..

“anders..” his name fell from your lips, his hands that held your hips encouraged you to move against his thick thigh. “oh my god..” you whimpered softly, the friction between your legs left your face flushed.

“what is it?” he said , watching as you pulled your head back, your eyes meeting his. “hm tell me..” he hummed.

“it feels so good..” you whined. simply having him hold you like this gave you the satisfaction of a love struck girl. “i’ve wanted this for so long” your head tilted back, following the movements of his hands as he guided you through the roll of your hips.

his cheeks burned at your words. hearing you say it gave him butterflies, he felt stupid feeling that way. “me too” he mumbled as he watched you pleasure yourself on his thigh. he leaned forward, placing his lips against your neck as you leaned back. your soft moans grew as he kissed down your soft skin, gently nipping at it, his tongue relieving the bitten skin.

your skin burned as he kissed at it, his hands slowly moved up your hips and slowly pushed underneath your shirt, feeling up your sides before getting to your chest. “can i take off your shirt?” he asked against your skin. you made a small sound of approval and as he pulled it over your head, he couldn’t ignore the deep blue lacy bra you had on.

“did you wear this for me?” he asked, his hands gently rubbing over the lace on the cups.

“m-maybe.. everything i packed was for you..” you confessed, feeling as his large hands covered your chest, squeezing your chest before his hand came behind you, gently unclipping your bra with one hand while the other moved to the small of your back, helping you hold your rhythm as you ground against his thigh. as he pulled the bra from your frame, he almost drooled at the sight of your bare frame.

“you wanna take those shorts off, baby?” he spoke, placing his face between your neck and your shoulder again, gently kissing at your exposed skin.

“n-not yet..” you whimpered, your hands coming to the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. he gave a soft noise of acknowledgment as he placed his hand on your lower spine, pushing it forward so that you would lean back, your chest pushed out to him.

he took your nipple between his teeth, gently sucking at your chest. your hand was in his hair, gently tugging at it as he played with your hardening nipples while you fucked yourself on his thigh. he sucked on each of them until he was bored, moving further down until he couldn’t kiss you without moving you from his leg. he could see the look on your face as you go you were close to your orgasm, causing his hard-on growing in his pants to twitch. your face was filled with pure ecstasy. he looked down to see the wet patch on your shorts, forming on his own.

“you gonna cum, baby?” he spoke softly , holding your head up so he could see you. you nodded.

“yes anders.. fuck..” you whined while you held onto him to hold yourself up. “fuck.. please oh my god..” you cried out loudly, feeling yourself coming closer and closer before finally, one last swipe of your clit over his thigh and you were done for. your body leaning into his as you rode out your orgasm, he held your shaking frame close.

“i got you baby…” he said as he move his leg with your body until you slowed down and stopped, your chest rising and falling, underneath his big arms wrapped around you. as you finally came down from your high, you pushed yourself up from his chest, placing a kiss to his jaw.

“you all good?” he asked, patting your back.

“yes.. i’m fine.” a laugh left your mouth , looking down at your legs and your shorts. you even noticed his hard on in his pants , making your face burn. “so uh.. you wanna keep going..” you looked up at him.

soon you were being picked up by him and taken to his bedroom, and as he threw you down on his bed, he was pulling his shirt off before helping you get the wet shorts you had on off as well, soon your panties also. he pushed his shorts down and as he pulled his boxers down, you were sitting there marveling at his body - he was carved by the gods themself. “what?” he said , noticing how you stared when he pushed his hands into his hair, pushing it back from his face before he was on top of you.

when he was on top, he placed his lips against yours. he smiled into the kiss, his hands feeling down your thighs and between your legs before his fingers gently pressed against your sensitive clit, causing you to shutter against him.

“anders..” you whimpered as he circled your sensitive clit. he breathed against your lips, trying to contain himself while his cock throbbed between his legs. he continued to push you to your edge before you were almost at your second orgasm then pulling his fingers away. your voice sounded desperate as you whined his name.

“you ready for me to fuck you?” he spoke as he pulled away, finding his body between your legs, pushing them around his hips.

you nodded, as he picked up his cock, pushing the tip through your wet folds. his cock was thick in his hand as he pressed his tip against your entrance. he took his free hand, pushing your leg up around his side. “okay baby..” he mumbled quietly before he pushed his cock into you, slowly pushing himself in further, leaning over you to stare at your face as you melted into ecstasy. he didn’t stop until his cock was fully buried inside of you, causing his head to fall forward, a grunt leaving him.

his hair was a mess as he held his hand to your hip, his fingers imprinting on your soft skin. “f-fuck anders..” your voice was weak as he composed himself, finally pulling out until he was nearly at the top again before slamming back into you. you cried out, your hands meeting the sheets, your fingers tightened within the soft fabric as he began to steadily thrust into you. your name fell from his lips as he threw his head back, fucking into you.

he soon leaned over you, placing his arms under your waist, holding your hips up higher to his as he fucked you, causing him to hit you at a different angle. your moans became louder as you melted under him. your back arched underneath him, you whines while he freed a hand to hold your face, causing you to look up at him.

“open..” he spoke softly, encouraging you to open your swollen lips so he could press his fingers into your mouth, his thick digits filling your mouth, your moans vibrating against his calloused skin.

as you sucked his fingers, he fucked his cock into you, picking up his pace while he watched his fingers go in and out of your mouth. “shit baby…” he groaned under his breath while he held your hips to him. you couldn’t express how close you were through speaking so you used your noises, moaning loudly around his fingers, your eyes hooded as you tried to keep yourself composed as you could feel your second orgasm rising through your skin.

“you bout to cum, baby?” he leaned closer to you, pulling his fingers from your mouth. you nodded. “no tell me more..” he spoke, his hand moving your hair from your face.

“yes.. fuck anders i’m gonna cum. i’m gonna cum on your fucking cock..” you strung your words together as he held your face.

“why don’t we cum together” he said, leaning back, knowing this meant you couldn’t just cum when you wanted to. he leaned back, placing both hands back on your hips, holding you up by your hip bones rather than under your back. he began to pull your hips to his, adding to the overwhelming pleasure growing. he thrusted into the spot which made you see stars, feeling himself edging closer every time he’d thrust into you. throwing his head back, he groaned.

“fuck baby i’m gonna cum oh my god..” his fingers began to bruise your skin as he gripped your hips.

“cum inside of me.. please anders-“ you whined. he knew you were safe - so he was almost begging in his head to be able to cum inside of you. you could feel yourself coming closer, almost being pushed over the edge until he finally said

“cum for me baby..” his words were gruff as he continued to rock his hips into you, watching as you finally let yourself go, your body arching towards him while you almost screamed his name, squeezing his cock with your walls, coaxing him to give you one final slam into your cunt before filling you up. you tried not to scream as he leaned over, holding you close as you rode through your orgasm. “fuck baby.. you’re so good.. god damn you’re so good..” he stilled his hips, fighting his own urges to continue fucking you through his own orgasm. he was deep in you, his cum could have dripped out with how much he dumped into you.

your chest was heaving as he slowly moved back, your eyes were very soft as you stared up at him.

“can i pull out or would you like me to stay here a little longer..” he asked, moving your hair from your face once more, leaning over to kiss you gently.

“y-you can pull out..” your voice was hoarse, leaving him to kiss your cheeks and forehead, your lips against them your chin before he sat up, slowly pulling out. he watched as his cum dripped from you, biting his lip before he got up, pulling on his boxers before getting a warm damp rag to clean you up from his bathroom. making his way back in, he watched as you slowly propped yourself up on your palms.

“you doin okay?” he spoke softly as he wiped between your legs, up your thighs and down between your folds. you nodded , a small sound of approval leaving your lips as you stared at him while he concentrated between your legs. he finally looked up at you, his blue eyes meeting yours. you leaned forward, placing your lips against his. he moved a hand to hold your face as he kissed you.

“i want to tell you something - but i just don’t want you to freak out..” your voice was soft as you spoke against his lips.

“yeah , what is it?” he slowly pulled away, moving to go and grab you some of his own sweatpants - “one second.” he jogged to your room, finding where you had put your clothes and found panties for you before jogging back. he walked over to you and helped put them on your frame.

“i uh.. i don’t know.. i just think i have to confess to you how much i’ve wanted to do that for so long..” you spoke as he pushed the pants up your legs.

“yeah?” his response wasn’t dismissive, he was thinking of a response. “well i’ve always.. felt the same. i just couldn’t ever tell you..” he looked up, his eyes meeting yours.

“ive wanted you for a long time” he shrugged. “ever since that first night we went out to dinner after a game. you’ve been the one i’ve wanted..” he said, placing his lips against yours.

“then why did you wait so long?” you asked as he pulled away, to grab a t-shirt for you. he came back to the bed and motioned for you to lift your arms up.

as he pulled the shirt over your head he spoke “well i could ask you the same thing.” he shrugged and finally sat back down on the bed with you, rolling back to lay with you in the pillows. “i guess maybe i just expected it to happen.. i’m not sure.”

you smiled, looking up at him with your frame against him. his chest was bare, and as you leaned against him you could feel as his heart beat.

“i’m not sure how this will work out, y/n.. but i love you. you know i love you but i mean it.. i love you so much that words fail to describe how much i’ve always wanted you.” he said, his eyes avoiding yours, almost embarrassed at having to dump out all of his feelings.

“i love you too anders.. so much.” you reached your hand up, forcing him to look down at you, a smile on your face as you did so. “you should treat me to dinner some time this week..” a giggle slipped from your lips as he rolled his eyes.

“yeah- if i can get you out of the house without wanting to fuck you again..” he chirped, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your lips. “you should take a nap again baby” he said, his hands rubbing down your back once more.

“you too..” you said, placing your face against his chest as you let sleep take over you again.

it was almost like everything that just happened was fake - how on earth did you just fuck your best friend and in all of it, confess your feelings to him in the process. you never thought he’d feel the same way but suddenly, when the two of you were left alone in a place no one could even think to interrupt, all the walls came crashing down.

you loved that boy; you’ve loved him ever since that night he showed an ounce of compassion that no star QB, no NHL bound forward, no highschool league baseball player could have ever shown any girl like he showed you.

the way his hands fit into yours and the way his lips felt when he kissed your head or the way his arm fell into the groove of your waist was never unnoticed in any situation where you were closer than just friends.

anders lee was your best friend and your love.. no one could ever take that from you, not now.

[mariska]

sad progressive disability ramble under the read more sorry for using this blog as a public health diary again it's just been. A Lot. and i don't currently have the body strength to physically write in my journal with a pen/pencil

been like three days in a row now i think where i have been forcibly woken up because my left leg, specifically my calf and thighs and toes but mostly calf, went into a sudden severe So Painful That You Can't Even Scream About It And Just Kind Of Sob And Groan Involuntarily dystonia attack while i was still asleep and then it just continues lingering as really bad super tight muscle pain for the rest of the day even with the help of multiple prescription meds i have that very slightly help prevent another full-on dystonia attack. im so tired. its been like this for a very large portion of my life but it used to happen like once or twice a year before this year and now i'm getting lucky if it doesn't happen more than once a week. on top of the reproductive organ system pain that has gotten so bad this whole year too that i essentially no longer have any days in a month where i am not experiencing Extreme debilitating pain and cramps and am pretty much just On My Period in some part of the whole cycle thing 24/7.

i am like. im just. im too tired dude. i really think i've reached a point so far beyond any kind of pain threshold limit of what i can deal/live with at this point it's absolutely terrifying. i'm trying so so so hard to "take it one day at a time" but i can't even take it one hour at a time or 5 minutes at a time it feels like my body is legitimately completely failing on me. i wish i could remember what it felt like being somewhat less physically disabled when i was a kid thru my tweens and very early teens. that feels like a completely different person and life separated from my present day self now. i used to wake up without a nausea inducing headache sometimes. i can't even imagine what that must have been like.

genuinely sorry to be making bummer posts on here about my health decline, tried to tell myself yrs ago that i should probably not do that cause i truly do not want to make anyone else feel miserable reading my life updates that are very much not positive and filled with health related fear. it's just like. god, ok, im sorry again in advance i don't mean for this to sound at all defeatist or completely pessimistic, but in a purely logical This Is Just What Every Day Of Life Has Been For Me way i feel like i'm running out of time. in general. in life. very specifically because of how fast everything has declined with my health this whole year and the past few months specifically. i keep going to sleep whenever im able to in the middle of the night feeling absolutely terrified that my body will just suddenly fail on me totally while i'm sleeping and i'll just die. i cannot stress enough how much I Do Not Want That To Happen To Me At The Age Of 27 but like. wtf am i supposed to do. about all of this. im already doing the max of whatever i can, i have dr's appointments scheduled as scared as i am about actually going to them for multiple reasons, i have medications prescribed to me that do help a bit with my more muscle and connective tissue related pain problems, im trying so hard to keep it together (mostly for my moms honestly because they love me and care about me way more than i love or care about myself but thats just The Severe Clinical Depression speaking or whatever) but it doesn't matter because my body refuses to try with me anyways. i am. so. tired. i don't think any amount of rest or naps or sleep will ever improve how tired i feel all the time ever again truly. i think its just This Tired And Exhausted And Burned Out Forever Now. i am. indescribably sad.

[expired-applejuice]

Head cannons <3

Joly is just too cute to be feared but when others try to pick on him Bossuet and Musichetta are behind him ready to step in.

Combeferre raises insects and everyone loves to watch them grow besides Bahorel, turns out the himbo doesn't like bugs.

Javert covers for Les Amis and get them permits because they are his boys, shut up I'll die on this hill.

Feuilly dressed up as Kitana from Mortal Kombat for Halloween once and killed it.

Courfeyrac, Grantaire, and Bahorel have to be watched when together because they tend to dare eachother to do stupid things for ten dollars. (Once Bahorel pants an Inspector and was arrested. Valjean broke bale and Javert gave all three an earful.)

Grantaire and Combeferre are like beasties (because I love them being close) and they tend to talk in Italian randomly in the middle of conversation which pisses Enjolras off. (The first time he thought the lack of sleep had finally gotten the him)

Enjolras is always being hit on, but he is very oblivious and just think they are being nice and are interested in the revolution so he smiles and talks to them non-stop, takes their late night calls, go on walks with them, and just is so oblivious to it all.

Musichetta eventually becomes the owner of the cafe and everyone was so happy for her, and Bossuet joked about having a sugar Mommy now, which earned a slap from Joly.

Jehan took everyone to a zoo once and he just spent the day by the Pengiuns saying "kowalski analysis" to a penguin who he tried to steal but the honk gave it away. Later Bossuet fell into the dolphin tank when he was booping its nose.

Cosette cried after Gavroche called her sis.

Montparnasse joined R and Bahorel in boxing.

Marius knows how to play the flute, oh how they all laughed about it.

Valjean approves of Eponine

Javert approves of Marius.

Cosette doesn't need their approval

Marius and Eponine do.

Gavroche is like the mother of all tricksters, and javert takes him to jail to show him what happen when you misbehave... somehow javert was locked in a cell while Gavroche sat at his desk eating donuts.

Bossuet once found a ring and returned it to the owner just for the owner to offer up her daughter for him to marry.... Joly was jealous and it was adorable.

Montparnasse knows how to do hair like super well. Like he is a hairstylist underneath that "tough" guy act.

Grantaire had an argument with someone about jumping off a second story building and surviving, so to prove that you would survive he jumped and broke his foot. Joly and Combeferre checked him out and would yell at him if he was walking without any type of support.... Joly threaten to hit him with his cane.

Eponine can hotwire a car as well as open locked doors, she doesn't use it for bad, most of the time.

Enjolras once had a bird land on his hand while they were chilling outside. It made him so happy, he petted it and it chirped a little song. The smile he had on his face was so bright it burned R's eyes and heart. He drew him and the bird (who Enjolras named Patria).

Feuilly grew out his hair once and than cut it to donate it. (First he offered it to Bossuet... he was not amused)

Gavroche stole a horse and found a way to get it in his room where it stayed for a month before someone found it and took it back.

Valjean once lifted Javert up when he refused to give him his seat back and it make Javert so flustered because he did it with such ease.

Courfeyrac kissed Marius on New Years as a joke which made everyone laugh except a very jealous Combeferre.

Grantaire and Combeferre invented a game where they would prank the others and you would get points if the fell for it. (Ex: Grantaire going on a rant about how marvelous the revolution is and how they can achieve everything they sit their mind to. Enjolras made him get a wellness check because he knows that was a whole bunch of BS.) (Another Ex: Combeferre talk about how he misjudge Napoleon, which made Marius so happy just for it to come crashing down.)

Cosette is a very crafty person and she makes very cool things for her Papa. She made a sweater for him once and he loves it.

Valjean is also a crafty person so he made Cosette a beautiful figure of a cat.

[the-scaredy-crow]

Character Intro

Book: Kindling Bones🔥🦴Intro🦴🔥

Three years ago, Rhys Grives almost died, pinned in the middle of a warehouse fire. After the smoke cleared, Rhys woke up in the hospital impossibly alive. His brother, he was told, did not get as lucky. Rhys is convinced, though, that Zach survived and is out there somewhere, waiting to be found.

General

Name: Rhys Grives

Age: 20

Birthday: February 15th

Ability: He doesn't like thinking about it

Pronouns: he/him

Sexuality: homosexual demiromantic

Background

Family: Zachary Grives (presumed dead), mother and father aren't in the picture

Hometown: Farisburg - a city along the coast, known for its booming ports. It is also known to be under the thumb of Mitchel Feirno, the ruthless leader of the Infernans, so named for Mitchel’s affinity with fire.

Current Home: Hidden Lagoon, a neighborhood at the edge of Button Bay, nestled in a forest by the ocean.

Rhys ran away from Farisburg in search of Zach when he was seventeen, almost three months into his senior year of high school. As such, he never graduated.

His friends back home went to the police to try finding him, but they gave up when he turned eighteen. Rhys blamed himself too much to face them, so he never told anyone where he was going and cut off all contact as soon as he left.

Appearance

Height: 5'10"

Rhys is covered in burn scars all along the right side of his body. He usually wears long pants and sweatshirts or jackets to cover up most of the scars. On his bad days, he keeps his hood up to hide the burns on his face. He is also never seen without his gloves, even on morning runs where most of the town is still asleep.

His hair is black and slowly growing out of the buzz cut he has kept it in since the fire. It used to be curly and constantly fell in his face. There are a lot of reasons he hasn't grown it out again. The biggest is probably that the curls remind him too much of Zach, whose hair was always far curlier than his. He has grey eyes, but there is also some green to them in the right light. You wouldn't notice unless you really studied them, though.

As a runner, he is fit though thinner than he once was thanks to his time on the road. He can't really put on much weight with his stress and his chronically empty cupboards.

Personality

Rhys used to be a trusting person. Then his blind faith in the good of humanity took his brother from him. After that, it's hard to trust anyone.

He is loyal to a fault and willing to do just about anything for the people around him. Rhys used to dream of being a firefighter because of how much he wants to help people.

Before the fire, he was quiet but also childish and naive. He’s more mature and thinks through his actions, though it is now to the point where it's more accurately called overthinking. Rhys has always been shy, but now he’s basically a recluse.

He likes the quiet, which is probably why he enjoys morning runs so much, and why he likes cats. His favorite places in Button Bay are the Coffee Claw, the library, and the hidden beach at the end of his running trail.

Looking at Rhys, people would wrongly assume he’s violent and cold. He is super gentle with cats and other animals and mostly kind, especially to kids. Before the fire, his friends—who were originally just Zach’s friends—would tease him about the amount of times lost kids would come up to him for help. They all thought he was born to be a firefighter, the one who lets kids tour the firetrucks and mess with the lights.

Before his trauma, Rhys didn’t have so many defenses built up, and his exterior was more reflective of who he is on the inside.

Plus a song that reminds me of Rhys!

*I will probably add to this/link other posts to this in the future. I'm also working on a character interview with Rhys that I'll probably post bits of.

[dyandyan0]

two month and two week check-in? 11.12.2024

i can't believe the year is already coming to an end. i feel conflicted about how this year went, i think for the most part i have few regrets and still have a positive outlook for the future for myself. that isn't to say that i haven't had my moments. i do feel though, at this moment specifically, over something a bit stupid and predictable, that i have improved sosososososo much in terms of coping and acceptance than 2022. i am no longer crashing out over things that were pretty obvious from the start. i mean i still have feelings but i'm only human and so is everybody else.

no more being vague though, its been a week since the election. 12 years of trump in politics during my formative years has given me a very bleak perception of politics and the state of the world. i think a factor as to why i'm a bit more numb to other peoples actions lately is because i have been tending to compare my trivial problems to actual problems that people face in this country and the world. i know that probably isn't good from a therapists viewpoint, despite people going through harder times i shouldn't just ignore my own feelings, but in some ways i have to just see it as i gotta be grateful i live in a place where i don't feel like my rights are being super threatened (california for clarification). i was so overwhelmed post election on thursday i started to cry in my car. i fr shed liberal tears. i think it was totally valid though because here's a secret: a part of me is starting to really hate men. and not in a i've been burned by guys in relationships in the past way, because i'm a firm believer that girl's can just be just as bad when it comes to romance, but i was just feeling so sick with how the election turned out. i cried because i remembered myself in middle school, learning about abortion laws and practicing pro-choice debates to advocate for women's healthcare during a time where it didn't even seem like it was even really being threatened. i cried because i have so many friends and women that i have met that have personally shared stories to me of being sa'd and harassed. i cried because i have my own experiences. and now our president is a man who has openly said he would have relations with his own daughter, a man who comfortably said he could just grab women by the pussy, a man who has not one, not two, but 26 sa allegations against him? we're telling our daughters that all that doesn't matter, you can still become the president of the united states despite having that type of character. what does that tell our already red-pilled brain rotted sons? that we can look up to that kind of behavior? that they can get away with it?

i already cried over it, so i'm not going to again, i know that people out there are trying hard to have high hopes despite the outcome of the election. of course i don't think it's the end of the world. i'm just sad. i'm sad that we treat women so badly. i'm sad that we can't just go out alone without having to be hyper-aware of our surroundings. it's hard to feel empowered as a women when all men do is find ways to knock us down. FUUUCCK nick fuentes

i'm genuinely, in every way possible, so thankful for the friends i have made up to this point. i think i said it before here, but it's easy to take their care and concern for granted when you're caught up with life and other relationships. i hung out with motus, len, and andy on sunday night and while we kept clowning him for it, motus got shitfaced and kept repeating how much he 'needed this' and was happy he was being reunited with us. it was seriously the most fun i've had in awhile, and with people that i love dearly. those two literally were my ride or dies end of high school/ early college and quarantine, and i feel as though if i hadn't have had them during my lowest points then i really really don't know where i'd be. the three of us haven't gathered in years at this point because we've all been moving all over the place and getting caught up in work and school, but hanging out with them felt like i was in high school again (in a good way)

so to conclude, i think things will be alright for me, despite passing feelings that the world is falling apart around me.

last quick note, i really thought my attention span was cooked, but i spent all my free time reading this weekend. i finished whered you go bernadette (~350 pg), a book thats been sitting on my shelf for years, in one sitting. it was super fun to read, and i thought it was a sweet story. it was a lot more fun for me to read too because it's based in seattle and i understood a bunch of references regarding that. spoilers though, the only complaint i have about the book was the affair apart. because like why. i think ppl on reddit were also just like they could've voided that part and it still would've been just as good. i feel like the consensus with characters in media cheating is that the character feels irredeemable, which is true imo. i remember reading somewhere that both chandler from friends and jim from the office were supposed to have cheating storylines, but fought against them because they were like i don't think the audience is going to see them the same anymore. they were right for that

i also started tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. i got half way through and it's amazing so far. i'm just kind of scared cause everyone's saying how sad it is in the end. i'll probably talk about it when i finish it.

i don't know if i'll remember to update before the year ends, i leave for the philippines on dec 15 so we'll see!

[libraryofnika]

౨ৎ Recent Arcs I Received ౨ৎ

Some of the latest arcs I received 💕

‹ Blood of the Sands (Fantasy Romance arc via The Nerd Fam)

FMC and MMC are on the opposite side of the war forming a bond to protect and save their home. An enemies-to-lovers romance! To be released on September 17, 2024.

‹ Close Knit (Sports Romance arc via Valentines PR)

The broodiest goalkeeper in the Premier League meets his match with a radiant knitting influencer in this sexy grumpy/sunshine sport. The first book in The Hastings series, a collection of interconnected standalone sports romances about the Hastings siblings, scions of sports royalty. This will be released on September 18, 2024

‹ If It Makes You Happy (Romance arc via Author)

Small-town romance where the FMC is healing from the divorce aftermath and will only be staying 3 months met the hot, single dad MMC. This will be released on September 19, 2024.

‹ Halloween For Six (Romance Erotica (Poly) arc via Author)

Three hot couples. Eleven naughty guests. One island of tricks & treats. This will be released on October 1, 2024.

‹ Bad Blood (Thriller, Fiction arc via Netgalley)

FMC came back to town to take up the case of her ex-bf (MMC?) who's charged with double murder. This will released on March 27, 2025.

‹ Immolation (Gothic Dark Fantasy arc via Author)

Remote, fanatical, and superstitious, the holy city is held tight in the vice-like grip of a centuries-long vampire panic. The local Archbishop, Cyril, has devoted his life to snuffing out this sacrilegious source of Windermere’s woes. Out on October 18, 2024.

‹ The Sorrows of Shadows (Gothic Fantasy Romance arc via Author)

Enemies to lovers where FMC and MMC are forced to work together to unravel the mysteries surrounding the evil placing targets on her loved ones' heads. This will be released on October 15, 2024.

‹ Covenant Vol. 2 (Paranormal, Angels & Demons, Queer, Graphic Novel arc via Netgalley)

The battle between Heaven and Hell rages on—with Ezra and Sunny caught in the middle! From acclaimed creator LySandra Vuong comes the second volume of the supernatural webcomic that explores a slow burn queer romance, religious faith, the weight of destiny, and what it means to be good in a world plagued by demons. Read the 1st volume and it's a good read! This will be released on October 29, 2024.

‹ Volcano's Glow (Scifi Romance arc via Author)

FMC goes on a journey to find the missing pod of her team with MMc's help. I believe this is a fated mate romance trope. This will be out on October 9, 2024.

‹ Only In Your Dreams (Romance arc via Netgalley)

Brother's best friend and fake relationship trope! I'm looking forward towards this romance. This will be out on September 27, 2024.

‹ The Darkest Waltz (Historical Gothic Romance arc via Author)

It’s 1927 and twenty-two-year-old Evangeline Ward rules the Georgia marshes as Queen of the Bootleggers. One night during a liquor drop, a rival bootlegger ambushes her gang and finds the secret tunnel to her stash. In just one night, her entire life is threatened to go up in flames. Super excited for this one! This will be released on September 23, 2024.

‹ Aisle Come Back to You (Romance arc via Author)

Childhood Friends to Lovers and Secretly in love with each other pairing! Can't wait to read this! This will be out on September 25, 2024.

Bookstagram Booktwt Goodreads

[theghostpinesmusic]

Three Sisters and Broken Top Circumnavigation (1/5)

I got back to Klamath Falls from my week-long trip to the Wallowas and Strawberry Mountain on September 12th. As I already wrote about a little bit in that trip report, mid-September is typically the end of the backpacking season for me (because of work obligations that start in mid-September), and, "traditionally" (i.e. "before COVID") at least, Lindsey and I had ended a number of summers in a row by hiking in the Wallowas. So, coming home from there naturally felt a bit like being done with big adventures for the year.

Two things made the summer of 2023 a little different, though. First off, I was going to be on sabbatical from the university from the fall of 2023 until the fall of 2024, which meant that while I had a lot of work to do on my sabbatical project throughout the fall, I could continue backpacking as long as the weather would allow, provided that I kept working in-between trips.

Second, because August had been such a bad month for wildfires, I'd already spent much of that month indoors, working on my sabbatical project during my summer break, which meant that, theoretically, I had a big block of free "summer break" time open in October. I'd never been able to plan a big backpacking trip in October before because I've lived most of my adult life on an academic calendar. Where would I go?! What would I do?!

Well, my first thought was to just return to the Wallowas. I love the area so much and had had so much fun there in September it almost made sense to just drive back and do another loop in a different part of the wilderness. In the end, though, my natural inclination toward novelty won out and I ruled out this option.

Second, I hadn't been to the Trinity Alps since Lindsey and I's trip to Canyon Creek at the beginning of the summer...but that whole area was still, unfortunately, aflame in October and many of the trails were closed for safety reasons even when under clear skies.

Third, I toyed with the idea of returning to Desolation Wilderness and doing that loop again to redeem the memory of Lindsey and I's disastrous trip there last summer, during what ended up being a massive and dangerous wildfire right outside of Tahoe...but right as I started planning a potential return trip, the air quality started to turn. And I just couldn't deal with the idea of a repeat of last year's trip, so I bailed on the idea.

Finally, I had planned and committed pretty hard to a long loop through the Emigrant Wilderness in central California, a place I'd never been but that looked incredible and was far enough south and high enough up that fires seemed, historically, to burn there in the middle-to-late fall instead of during early October. I wasn't super-keen on driving the ten hours one-way to get there right after finishing a massive (non-hiking-based) road trip in late September, but it looked like an incredible place to hike...until a big fire started two miles west of the wilderness boundary two days before I was going to drive down.

A bit at my wit's end, but intent on getting in one more big trip before the snow fell, to take advantage of my sabbatical year and to "make up" for the rough August I'd spent mostly indoors and fretting, I came up with a last minute idea: I'd loved hiking the Three Sisters Loop with Lindsey back in 2018 and the Broken Top Loop had blown my mind in 2022. Was it possible to combine those routes and hike both together?

I got out my Green Trails map and skimmed it. It was indeed possible.

So, I was going to hike seventy-something miles and climb over ten thousand feet in five days, encircling Broken Top, all three Sisters, and some of the most beautiful disaster country I've ever had the privilege to hike through. I was going to start from the Three Creek Meadow Trailhead northeast of Broken Top, and hike the loop clockwise, because that was the only trailhead I could get a permit for on short notice. I had to start on October third and finish by the eighth because a huge winter storm was supposed to hit the Cascades the night of the eighth. But I had time. I could make it.

Then, out of nowhere, a snowstorm dumped at high elevations right before I left. I left anyway.

Driving out of Sisters (the town) and toward Sisters (the mountains), the road and the surrounding environs were dry, but it was clear even from fifty miles away that the mountains themselves had gotten a fair amount of snow during the storm.

My concern wasn't necessarily hiking or camping on snow: I've soloed a bunch of 14ers, camped on glaciers, scrambled up ice chutes, and navigated through whiteouts before, and am pretty confident about handling inclement weather at this point in my hiking career.

What I was worried about was a small section of trail on both sides of a particular high point, called Broken Hand, that you have to pass just east of Broken Top to complete the Broken Top Loop. When I'd done that loop the previous summer, the entire hike had been phenomenal and phenomenally straightforward except for this small, quarter-mile section of trail, which had still been iced over from the previous winter. I'd had to cross it without crampons or an ice ax (because who carries those things at 8,000 feet in August?!) and as a result at multiple points had very nearly ended up rocketing down the ice slope, backpack and all, to crash into the huge lava rocks at the bottom of a two-hundred-plus-foot slide.

I imagined it was probably worse in October, right after a snowstorm, but I also hadn't wanted to carry a lot of heavy winter climbing gear for seventy-plus miles for a quarter-mile of scrambling and had banked on that section of trail being clear of ice before I hiked it.

The view from my car made it clear that that section of trail was not, in fact, going to be clear of ice before I hiked it. So, improvising again based on conditions, I decided to hike the whole loop counterclockwise instead of clockwise. That would give Broken Hand four relatively warm days to melt out as I circled around the mountains to the north and then to the south before ending up on Broken Top proper instead of, as I'd planned, passing over the high point on the first day.

I was nervous about this change of plans as I loaded up at the car, but as soon as I walked two miles down the broad double-track of the Metolius-Windigo Trail and turned west onto the Park Meadow Trail, I was so happy to be back in the Three Sisters Wilderness that it suddenly felt entirely possible that nothing would ever go wrong again.

Sometimes it seems weird to me how much I love this place, considering how much of the forest around the mountains has been burnt out in the last twenty years. A significant amount of the hiking you do on both or either of these loops looks a lot like the first picture I took on the first day of this hike.

I have hiked this trail on a ninety-degree day. It is not fun. But it is beautiful, at least to me. And, in October, it was more like fifty degrees than ninety degrees, which I'm sure helped my mood this time around. It was both exciting and a little daunting being able to see all Three Sisters at the onset of the hike knowing that I'd be solo hiking all the way to and then around "the back" of them before I'd be back to civilization.

It's only a three-hour drive to the Three Creek area from my house, so even with the short October day in mind, I'd gotten started early enough to cover some decent distance. In the counterclockwise plan I'd improvised in the trailhead parking lot, it made sense to me to try to get to Golden Lake to camp for the first night. It was a bit out of my way for doing the loop proper, but it was a gorgeous lake with good camping spots and a wonderful view of Broken Top that I'd scouted when doing the shorter loop in 2022 but had passed on at the time in favor of Green Lakes because I'd had a long summer day ahead of me and had wanted to cover some more distance.

Much of the seven-ish miles to Golden Lake looks a lot like that first picture, so I didn't take many more photos while on foot for the first day. At one point, I "crossed" Snow Creek, which had been a serious flow during last year's August hike: now it was a barely-audible and nearly-invisible dribble. Shortly after, Whycus Creek, which had been a raging torrent that had flooded out the trail at knee height and almost turned me back completely in the summer, was barely deep enough to draw water from in October. I hadn't been worried about finding water sources between the big lakes on this hike before, but I made a mental note at this point to remember that it was possible that all the creeks and streams would be dried up and only the lakes themselves might be reliable sources of water going forward.

Along the banks of each creek, below and among the burnt-out remains of what used to be mature forest, I saw piles of fluff from what, a month or so before, would have been vibrant pink stands of fireweed. Fireweed is my favorite flower, but I hadn't expected to see any growing this late in the season. It was nice to be able to at least recognize their remains. They'll be back next year. I probably will be, too.

Before too long, Park Meadow sprawled open before me, to my left (south). It certainly looked different than it had in the summer, but no less beautiful...just more gold than green. Broken Top loomed over the meadow, snow-covered and forbidding (at least for a guy who didn't have snow climbing gear). I could see the ridge I would have to navigate in four days from where I was standing. It didn't look great, yet.

There are actually some very good campsites right off the trail in Park Meadow proper, and the East Fork Park Creek isn't far away, but I was covering ground faster than I'd expected and wanted to continue on to Golden Lake, so I did. It's about another mile from the meadow on the main trail and then a bit less than that on the spur trail that leads to the lake. I'd have to double back on the spur trail in the morning to get back on track, but I didn't regret my decision at all once the lake and the mountain came into view.

This area had wowed me last summer, but at that point in the season the mountain had been more or less dry, and there's just something about a rugged mountain wreathed in snow that makes it seem much more awesome than the same mountain wearing only bare rock.

There are a lot of solid campsites just north of and up the hill from Golden Lake, among the boulders, but I'd remembered from my previous visit that there was one fantastic site further downhill and closer to the lake in a tree stand to the west, and I wanted that one in particular if it wasn't already taken (it wasn't, and in fact I hadn't seen a single person on the trail all day and wouldn't see anyone at all until tomorrow afternoon).

First, though, being me, I had to fully case the joint before settling in for the night. I'd noticed last summer that there was a thin, narrow trail leading around the lake and toward the mountain to the south, and indeed my topo showed this trail continuing another six hundred feet up the mountain's flank to a flat spot containing two unnamed lakes. I was already a little worried about how cold it was going to get later that night, but in the battle between curiosity and the fear of it being even colder higher up, curiosity won. I kept hiking.

Out and around the lake to the east, all Three Sisters came into view for the first time since I'd left the burn area.

Once around the lake, the trail was a little difficult to follow because of deadfall, running water, and, in a few spots, snow, but as I climbed higher and higher the views got bigger and bigger.

A very small amount of scrambling was required to get up and over the final rock wall between me and the lakes, then I pushed up and over the top to find...nothing.

Well, not nothing. There was a great view of Broken Top, including a ridge to the right of the summit that looked climbable from where I was currently standing. I had no time or desire to climb the mountain proper, and besides I knew from previous research that the last bit of the summit scramble is technical and well beyond my risk tolerance...but it was still neat to see. The summit, only eighteen hundred feet above me, seemed close enough to touch.

I was a little confused, though, by the absence of the two unnamed lakes: certainly, it was late in the season, but there had been so much water flowing down the hill into Golden Lake during my hike up it seemed impossible that there was no sign of any larger body of water higher up.

I briefly toyed with the idea of setting up camp in the high basin anyway, and just walking a bit to get to running water, but the spots with the best views and the spots with access to water were far enough apart that I finally decided I'd be happier at Golden Lake proper. So, I climbed right back down what I had just climbed up and set up my tent right at the edge of the uninhabited tree stand.

I still had a bit more time before sunset, so after getting set up and replenishing my water stores, I wandered around the lake one more time and took photos of all the mountains reflected by its surface: all four of the "main" mountains I'd be circumnavigating over the next four days.

It got dark early, being October, and while I would normally have spent some time sitting outside in the dark watching the stars and/or taking night photos, it also got really cold as soon as the sun went down, so I pretty much immediately retreated into the tent. I was hoping to oversleep instead of undersleep anyway, because my goal for the next day was to make it all the way to South Matthieu Lake, underneath the north face of North Sister. Lindsey and I had done part of this hike in 2018, and I remembered it being relatively physically easy, but a mentally challenging trip through a long, monotonous burn area. It would be at least a fifteen mile hike during a short October day, so I'd want to make sure I had hoarded my energy...

[sylvaridreams]

snipping messages re: Alba at the end of EoD and leading into What Lies Beneath/What Lies Within/burning low (burning out & tiger tiger) and then after the end of that arc - I don't know if I'll ever get a chance/take the time to write any of this out for real so It's Goin Here. recommend reading at the link above First if you intend to at all bc obviously this is spoilers for it. here we gooooo:

at the very end of EoD he's very very fragile and vulnerable. I mean. He had Aurene in his brain and affecting him physically during that battle. Then she withdrew and it RATTLED HIM hard, like he was not coping well with that….. gaping hole where an elder dragon has been in his mind fully. he left feeling empty and just. Torn open exposed and VERY VERY LONELY And needed something to fill it in and not make him be all on his own in this vast open dark spot in his mind. I think he figured this out that he hated being alone in his head and. Kind of looked at his tiger. No, that's not possible… I don't know how to even do that…. (he'd never HAD soulbeast training. He was aware of their abilities, but….) looks at his tiger again and it lays its head on his shoulder. Well maybe I can just…. :grab2:

And ten minutes later his tiger is clawing its way back out and shits broken and Alba is bleeding and the tiger is snarling and growling and they're Both scared. What did he do, how did he do it so wrong. Neither of them LIKED that. His head aches. I think he tried it repeatedly. Kind of desperately, trying to fuse with a few things, different animals. Some took it better than others. by the time he tries the tiger again he has Ideas of how to work this power and handle it. And he feels like he needs it to Be the tiger, his one consistent pet since maguuma… And four hours later he's regaining conscious control of his body in the middle of Echovald. No idea how he got here. Who he encountered on the way. Blood on his face. Not his own. And this horrible taste of copper in his mouth. And he feels gross and sore and he has a migraine so bad he's seeing like auras around the few people he passes, but… he feels better too. Powerful. With this animal inside his head.

But he has to be careful. Show restraint, he learns how bad it hurts if he doesn't let the tiger out, so it's just. A couple hours here and there, of this RUSH of control and power that fills his mind. All these awesome super addictive happy chemicals in his brain! Then tiger gets hurt outside of his mind, bad, and he panics and just. Grabs and doesn't let go. You'll not die on MY watch. Which means he can't let the tiger out ever. This has to be a forever, permanent solution, because if he lets the animal go it dies. So they share control. The tiger hurts but it can live through his body. Alba hurts but he can survive, he can cope with this beast in his brain. And he's never certain what day it is, how long he's been out here. he thinks about a week. Maybe longer. And he should probably go home soon…

And then he gets a letter from Rama inviting everyone to sushi

Comes to the "party" and Rama and Gorrik are kind of like wow he lives! O_O same kind of tone as "well look who came out of his cave!" Rama takes him aside as they're saying goodbyes and is like "hey uh. Dude. What the fuck." :teensie: "what's wrong Rama" "Don't play dumb, where the hell have you been? You know how many letters and calls I've had asking me to track you down since you left? You can't just vanish for half a year and then show up looking like this and act like nothing happened, people were worried about you, man." Alba "🧍‍♂️ ah."

(Imagine 6 months of assuming the Commander is dead or being a cunt in his "I'm melting down and I want it to be everyone else's problem" kind of way and then the comms suddenly connects and Gorrik is like I just had dinner with Rama. And the Commander. And everyone at once is like HE'S ALIVE? and Gorrik is like yes but frankly he looks bad. 6 months and he's been aware and conscious for maybe 10 days of it. Tiger has been running wild. He's covered in cuts and bruises and sprains and his leggings all torn and his shoulder leaves are just wilting and lifeless. His foliage is the same. He just looks unwell. And he's become essentially a local Echovaldian cryptid. Weird guy who will attack monsters and gangsters on site)

(discord message snippets end here)

and then obviously things progress, everyone goes to the MINE to explore the mystery and figure it out and Alba is. weird and exhausted and twitchy and off putting the whole time. events of the fic above take place, and afterwards Canach takes Alba back with him to the Isle of Reflection, where he has kept a house since the guild captured it and Meisi FOOLISHLY offered "if anyone wants to lay claim on a house here," and FAILED TO CLARIFY that he didn't mean "and Canach too." (Joke. they hate one another but it's a mutual joke.)

And it's a slow... not so steady... one step foward, 3-10 steps back at times, attempt to rehabilitate Alba. Because the tiger is by then OUT of his brain and gone somewhere safe to recover. he lets it go (not out of want, not out of lack of trying, but because they force him.) and at times he's completely lucid, able to hold conversation. exhausted, but himself. he's.... okay.

and then at times it's like the switch flips, and some kind of beast is back in his brain. Canach doesn't say a thing about it for a while, cleans up whatever broken filthy mess he's created, repairs the paper doors, the walls, bandages him up. whatever it takes for Alba to get back to his baseline. maybe it just takes time. maybe he HAS to knock expensive antiques off of tables to get back to normal.

and then one night he wakes up and Alba's not in bed. and there are noises in the kitchen, snarling, growling. his instinct is not fear (he'll be fine, he can defend himself, Auru can defend himself too) but worry for Alba, that he might be doing something that'll hurt him-- so he tells Auruim to stay in bed, he'll be right back, grabs his sword and makes for the kitchen. finds Alba naked on all fours, tearing into the last of four raw chicken breasts that were in the jade fridge, eyes wild and not there. not Alba at all. and he kind of just stands there in shock, watching him choke down the meat, until Auruim tries to sleepily approach, asking what's going on, and he has to act. go back to bed, don't worry, he's just sick. go to bed. gets his comms device and stares at it for a long moment, listening to Alba snarl and lick whatever is left off the plates and finally calls someone. "Meisi. I need your help." "....Do you know what time it is?" "it's Alba. he's. not well."

and shit has been SO rocky between Alba and Meisi since... basically since Meisi came back from the Mists... Their relationship never recovered, never got back to the baseline where it was before Meisi died. They were never best friends or brothers again.

5 paragraph side note on what I mean by this:

[(a huge part of this being Alba sustains a major head injury at the end of LWS3 and suffers amnesia for a while. doesn't REMEMBER anyone, doesn't know who Meisi is, so when he shows up a week later Alba's reaction isn't to cry and hold onto him and let it all out and REUNITE, it's to say "hello! good to see you again." he fully did not know who this asura was or why he'd been gone or why it mattered. Canach yanked Meisi aside and tried to explain, "hey here's the situation with the commander, head injury and amnesia, it's him not you DON'T take it personally. he's trying." and it was like this for every person, reintroducing him to allies multiple times a day sometimes until his brain started to recover, by which point (as memories started to click back into place) he assumed (had to, he didn't remember that time period where he'd been injured) that he had already DEALT with all that stuff. Meisi's back! well I'm certain we fully reunited and I invited him to the guild and he joined. :) YAY!)

but FRANKLY, Alba also recoiled from people for a long while. he has some longstanding "ok he's always kind of dodged that kind of closeness" issues (see: hiding injuries, not allowing any friends close enough to know he's disabled and how badly it's fucking up how he lives) but at the end of LWS4 he hid. he vanished and stopped answering letters, turned his comms fully off for months, (and only let it be on after a while because Taimi was able to remote in and forcibly bring it back online to talk to him, but he'd hang up if someone called and asked something he didn't want them to) and he went and found a spot to pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere and HIDE. he had a lot of sorrow and pain to sort through and told himself he could work it all out, out here, and then he kind of didn't do any of that. he avoided the work. typical. but where else would I go, he kept asking himself. nowhere felt like home, and he couldn't go back to the Grove. (it's fair to say that by the end of LWS4, he is soundless and would absolutely hate being called that. how repulsive, how could you say that about him, etc.) No one was able to locate him until 6 months after the end of LWS4 when Aeris showed up at his camp and told him (lying) "you're not that hard to track" as if she hadn't been actively hunting for him for over half that time. at that point people were WORRIED but also trying to respect that Alba seemed to want distance. he wanted loneliness. he did not want to be approached or found, so we left him out there.

and then through Icebrood Saga, and afterwards, everything was so rocky. most of the guild was like uh.... this could be the end of us, huh.... Meisi wasn't interested in rebuilding anything with Alba and at best, cold shouldered him throughout that arc. Braham broke Alba's spine at Dragonstorm and wrenched his bad leg out of socket, and frankly he was lucky to survive the battle, let alone walk again after back surgery. there wasn't a lot of in-group talking afterwards. everyone drifted. there was just way too much to try to bridge all at once. it was very much... "alright, i'll have my comms, call or write me if another dragon wakes up..." from every side. the guild.... took a break.

they're only both in Cantha at the same time because Alba crashed with the airship, and Meisi is there with Kasmeer for diplomatic reasons. Meisi is not Dragon's Watch and does not represent the guild. he can speak on behalf of them as an allied faction (Vigil) when Alba fails to convince Empress Ihn that he's capable (he's just woken up from another coma (how many more of THOSE do you have in you?) after crashing an airship into a closed country and being kept on life support for (weeks?) and then Rama made him go workout!!!!!! CRUEL!!!!! and frankly he is in a lot of pain!) but he isn't DW. he has never considered himself DW because Alba didn't invite him!

and I think we've determined that Alba apologizes at some point and tries to bridge this gap, like. I'm sorry that we never discussed this, the period of time when you came back from the Mists is so blank for me that I don't remember you returning, and I always thought that we HAD to have had all these conversations. I always assumed I'd invited you and you'd accepted, but people have told me that's not the case and I'm sorry. I wanted you in Dragon's Watch, I STILL want you in Dragon's Watch. You're my brother and I hate this feeling that we're not really allies to one another. I'm sorry. The offer stands, no matter how much time passes. (and then Meisi tries to say something, to take the offer or at least reply, and the communicator goes off like GUYS EMERGENCY HELP NOW RUN HURRY AAAAAAA and he loses the chance. and they never discuss it again! there's just no easy time to bring it up. eventually it felt weird to be like back to this convo! and then EoD wrapped up and that may have been a good time, but Alba DISAPPEARED.)]

but Meisi is Trying to give Alba a chance. Again. he needs help to recover so that he can even HAVE that chance, so he goes over in time to see Alba choke it all back up like a sick cat and faint, and is like ah. well. awesome. I see he's doing well. that's wonderful.

it basically. takes time. to get Alba back to Alba. because frankly he was backseat to a wild beast for half a year, and he didn't handle it well (although how well would anyone handle it, really.) there's got to be a lot of positive reinforcement... and negative. like hey! no treats unless you stop biting through the corner of the wall. Alba! no trea--I'm getting the squirt bottle. bad, bad Alba. and some days Canach has to let Meisi know, "he's outside and he thinks the bamboo grove is "his territory" again, so be careful if you head that way." and Meisi is like "no, I'm going to get the hose. I'll spray him." and Canach is like "you're going to make me deal with that. ugh. I'll get the bad towels out I guess." Alba is the YAMEROOOOOOOO wikihow coyote picture for a while until he starts relearning personhood.

and eventually he can get there again but I think there's... still some lingering issues? that Canach and Meisi are aware that he has. abnormal behavior. And Canach doesn't want him around anything he can fuse with, pets, mounts, any animal he can potentially take into his mind to go beastmode again. and the Isle is Meisi's skyscale reserve, so frankly that's not like... possible. there'll be animals. it's a matter of monitoring Alba to ensure he doesn't try to fill that slowly healing tear in his mind again. he knows how to do it and they can't force him to forget it, they can't make him unlearn that ability, but the hope is that if we keep an eye on him for long enough and keep him isolated from his pets, his mounts, he'll forget it naturally, and the empty spot in his mind will heal and he eventually won't even NEED to do it.

but frankly the SotO folks don't necessarily know allllll of that, or rather don't really care a lot about whatever progress Canach and Meisi had made on Alba's mental state by the time SotO started and he got "unwillingly" scooped up into another adventure. so they're likely handing him pets and mounts immediately like here use these in battle or to get around we don't caaaare.

anyway that's my long winding essay about alba before and after burning low. :) my little freak of a man is out here rotating wild cats in his mind and unlocking unlimited power forever because he misses his dragon baby so so so so so so so soooooooooooo muuuuuch!

Burning Low (on ao3)

hiiiii I'm finally posting a bunch of my finished stuff :) here's my "get worse" remix of What Lies Within in which Alba..........gets worse.

[boldlyvoid]

Employee of the Month

eddie munson x reader

Summary: To make some extra cash before Christmas, Y/N takes a job stocking the grocery store shelves at midnight, unbeknownst to her that her high school crush also works there

Warnings: mutual pining, partial slow burn, parental death, mentions of Eddie's murder charges (now dropped), being ostracized by the town, teasing, flirting, sick Eddie, hurt/comfort, falling in love, first kiss, first times, virgin Eddie, virgin reader, making out, grinding, dry humping, cumming in pants. they're really horny touch starved adults

word count: 9k

In a last-ditch effort to make some more money this Christmas, she takes a job at the local grocery store to stock the shelves at midnight. It’s not too bad, there are only 16 shelves and about 30 feet of freezer to restock, she gets to bring a walkman and headphones and wear whatever she wants. As long as the shelves look nice come morning, the boss didn’t really care. 

From the first night she worked there she knew it was going to be a good fit, mainly because the other stock person she’s been partnered with is the same guy she had a massive crush on in high school. Eddie Munson had one hell of a year while she was trying to graduate, he was getting accused of murdering her classmates. He disappeared mostly after that, the school gave him a pass and his diploma so they didn’t have to see him again, the town pretended they didn’t try and murder him in revenge for an entire week and she didn’t see him again for a while. 

“Hey,” she waves at him with her lips pressed together in a tight smile, “I’m—

“Y/N,” he points at her name tag with a matching smile. “I take it you’re my new buddy?” 

She nods, “yeah… um, what are we doing tonight?” 

“The snacks and chips aisle, the milk fridge and the cheeses,” he recites the list as he pulls it out of his pocket and hands it to her. 

While she is just in jeans and a sweater, nothing too fancy, he’s in a navy blue jumpsuit with his name embroidered on the left breast, and just under it, the grocery store logo. He was in uniform… “why don’t I have to wear one of those?” 

“Oh, I got this for being the employee of the month,” he shrugs it off, not meaning to brag in the slightest. “You like it?” 

“Yeah,” she smiles like a fool, nodding quickly and looking at the list he handed her to avoid his eye contact. 

She liked him so much in high school, and he was still so cute, it was all coming back to her. He’s much more laid back and reserved now, it has been over a year since she’s seen him in person, too. It made her wonder if he was still that same loud, opinionated nerd that she admired from a distance. 

He’s super nice about teaching her the right way to restock everything, bringing the old stuff to the front and the new things get pushed to the back of each shelf. They split up the aisles and met in the middle, trying to beat each other each time. He sang along to the radio playing over the speakers, and he danced when he thought she wasn’t looking… he was just as cute as he was in high school. 

They end up making a good team, they finish their list and pick up a few extra chores. They change a lightbulb in the guest bathroom, take inventory of the magazines and run disinfectant over every surface they could until their shift ends. It feels like it takes forever, they’re awkward when talking to each other but it’s kinda easy to hang out with him. This was going to be a good job for her. 

“You need a ride home?” He asks in the staff room after work, both of them putting on their coats and scarves. The November chill in Hawkins was not nice. 

She shakes her head and starts to point, “no, I just live—

“You can’t walk home in the middle of the night,” he cuts her off. “There’s too many creeps and animals out there. I don’t mind where it is?” 

“Okay,” she gives in easily. 

She gives him her address as they walk out to his van, he opens the door for her and lets her hop in before closing it for her too. He asks her about how long she’s lived there, trying his best to make conversation but it hurts. 

“Uh, we’ve always lived in Hawkins, my house is still a mess from the earthquake but the insurance is fixing it soon,” she assures, nervous for him to see the state of the place when he pulls up. “If my dad was still here he’d probably have it done by now, but it’s just me and my mom.” 

“God, I’m sorry,” he felt so bad for asking. “That was the worst fucking week ever.” 

“yeah… it sucked for everyone,” she doesn’t even know how to touch upon what he went through. “Glad it’s over.” 

“More than you know,” he sighs, turning onto her road finally. 

He doesn’t want to come in for coffee or anything, he gives her a smile and a wave and watches to make sure she gets inside her house safely before driving away. 

She thinks about him well into the morning when she should be sleeping. It’s easy to get sucked into an imaginary life where he asks her out after a shift and they hang out and fall in love and she finally gets to kiss that smile off his beautiful face… it’s not easy to make it come true. She would go to her grave with the fact she thinks he’s handsome and nice and funny and cute. She’s not big on sharing feelings, having no one to ever really share them with, in the first place. 

—

She doesn’t see him unless she’s working, which was only 3 nights a week, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. 

She uses those 3 nights wisely. She wears something nice but not too suspicious, and she always smells nice and does the best she can with her hair and makeup… she wants him to think she’s pretty. She wants to catch him staring at her instead of how many times he caught her looking at him as a teenager. 

He tells her that she looks nice every day in many different ways. 

“Did you come straight from the ball, princess?” 

“You know this is a grocery store, not a fashion show, right?” 

And her personal favourite… “It's too cold out there for you to come in looking so hot.” With a wink. A fucking wink. It almost made her pass out. 

He does it just to bug her, he likes to make her squirm and lose every thought in her head. He laughs when she stutters through a response and he always pats her shoulder gently and says, “I just mean you look nice today.” 

She has a hard time reaching the top shelves sometimes and he has no problem coming over and standing real close to her. “Here, I got that,” he says in such a low voice it felt like a whisper. He reaches up and takes everything down for her, “do you want me to put them up for you too?” 

“Sure,” she doesn’t mind, she works on the second highest shelf instead, still close to him, she watches him reach and extend his long arms and puff out his chest and ugh he’s so hot it makes her stare like an idiot. 

“You’re drooling,” he teases her. 

She wipes her face quickly, “what? No, shut up.” 

He just giggles and finishes shoving the new stock toward the back of the shelf. She bumps shoulders with him right before he heads back to his stack of things, he had boxes of croutons to unpack. She was now moving on to salad dressings and other condiments. 

She doesn’t dare start up any conversations, overthinking everything that comes into her head too much. She didn’t feel like he’d find anything she had to say interesting. 

They’re in the soup aisle when he finally speaks again. “Can I ask you something?”

She’s a bit shocked cause he’s been silent for so long, but she nods. 

“When you dream is there ever a specific topic you dream about the most?” 

“Tornados,” she can answer without batting an eye. “I had one the other night actually… I don’t know why but there’s always a tornado.” 

“That is an interesting one… did you just watch a lot of the wizard of oz growing up?” He teases. 

She can’t help but smile, “no, I’ve actually never watched it.” 

“You get more interesting every time you talk,” he means it as a compliment. 

“Yeah? Well, why’d you even ask about dreams? Do you have a good one?”  She turns the conversation back to him, taking a handful of soups and shoving them into the shelf. 

“I keep having dreams in high school where I’m failing again and none of the teachers will pass me,” he explains. “And I had one last night cause I guess seeing you again so much is reminding me of being back in school.” 

“Wait,” she turns to him full of shock and awe, “you remember me?” 

“Of course,” he doesn't see it as a big deal. “Your lunch table was beside ours, I saw you every day?” 

He saw me looking at him often… 

She wants to turn inside out with embarrassment. “Oh, I uh, I didn’t think you paid attention to that.” 

“How could I not? You always reacted the best when I did something stupid,” he reminisces, stepping in closer to her. “And I remember your laugh was cute.” 

She’s too nervous to even giggle awkwardly, he’s in her personal space and he smells good and his eyes are so inviting, “thanks…” all the air in her chest leaves as she melts in front of him. 

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t do all that shit just for your attention,” he admits, licking his lips as he stares at hers. 

It’s like time stops, her brain can’t process all the information so she just blinks a few times and stares back at him with a furrowed brow. “Really?” 

He nods with a laugh, pulling away and returning to the stack of boxes they had to put away. “Yeah, I uh, I should probably feel a little stupid telling you this now after all this time, but uh, you bring the stupid out of me… I kinda had a huge crush on you back then.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah, you,” he teases. “You act like thats a total surprise? You’re so pretty and you were never mean to me, it was bound to happen.” 

She’s completely dumbfounded, “oh… that’s— I’m nice to everyone? At least I try to be.” 

But then she realizes what he really said, he used to have a crush on her, but that’s long gone. He wouldn’t tell her if he still had one, would he? Guys weren’t that open about feelings, it was always a game with them… right? 

“Sorry,” he realizes he fucked up by telling her. “I didn’t want to make things awkward between us.”

“No, no, it’s fine, it’s just weird for me. I’ve never been told straight up that someone had a crush on me,” she’s really taken aback. “Thanks… really.” 

“Anytime,” he blushes slightly, dropping it there.

He drives her home again like he does every night that she works cause he really can’t stand the idea of her walking home past midnight as the temperature drops. He has tried to offer to pick her up beforehand, but she doesn’t want to put him out, and her mom doesn’t mind dropping her off every night… but he asks again, anyway. 

Parked outside of her house, he turns to her. “Can I please come pick you up before your next shift?” He all but begs. 

“I guess,” she gives in, “why?” 

He shrugs, “I like spending time with you.” 

“Then why don’t you ever want to come in for a coffee?” She combats, really wanting him to come in. “I also have tea and hot chocolate…” 

“Okay,” he gives in right back. “I’ll come in with you, tonight.” 

“Really?” She lights right up and throws off her seatbelt, reaching for the door. 

“Wait, wait, wait!” He panics, rushing out first and coming around to her side to open it up for her, “you’re gonna make me look bad, walking you to the front door and not getting the door for you is a crime.” 

“If you say so,” she laughs at him as she hops out beside him. 

He slams her door closed and with a hand on her back, he leads her toward the front door. “You sure you’re mom's okay with me being in her house?” 

“Yeah, why not?” She honestly forgets. 

“Well, I’m me?” He awkwardly laughs, feeling incredibly nervous about his reputation. “It’s honestly why I’ve not said yes yet, I don’t know who hates me still…” 

“Oh god, no, she doesn’t hate you, she doesn’t hate anyone,” she puts up both hands in a sort of surrender that made him smile. She meant it. “She’s also asleep so you won’t have to talk to her at all.” 

“Okay,” he assures her, rubbing his hand over her shoulder with a smile. 

Every time he looks at her like that she wants to melt right into him, to swim around in the chocolate pools of his eyes for hours on end. He’s so beautiful, she’s never going to get over it. 

He leans in closer, looking at her through his lashes, “Are we going inside soon, it’s cold out here?” 

“Sure, yeah,” she remembers what they were doing, digging her keys out of her pocket. She unlocks the door and pushes it open, slipping in first and letting him follow. 

Inside he kicks off his shoes and hangs up his jacket beside hers before following her all the way into the kitchen. He’s as quiet as a mouse, respecting that her mom is asleep somewhere in the house. 

“So what’ll it be?” She asks, opening up the fridge to take a look while he sits down at the kitchen counter. 

“Oh, I’m good, I just wanted to come in with you,” he admits but by the look on her face, she doesn’t believe him. “Seriously, I’m just going to go home and sleep anyway, it’s fine.” 

“You’ve gotta have something… come on?” She stares him down, “Pepsi? Ginger ale? Water? What about a snack?” 

“I’m fine,” he means it. “What do you normally have when you come home?” 

“It’s always different, sometimes my mom makes something for us for dinner and other nights I just have like a pop tart,” she shares, opening the cupboard and taking out a box. 

“I could actually go for a pop tart,” he admits, eyes up the box in her hands. 

She laughs and opens up one of the silver, crinkly packets and hands him one. He takes a big bite and dramatically throws his head back with a groan, “fuck, I forgot how good these are.”

“And you would’ve kept forgetting if you didn’t come in with me, so I guess you have to from now on,” she teases, feeling a lot more confident with him suddenly… she felt like things could be fun between them. If he wasn’t going to fall in love with her, she might as well try for being his best friend. 

“You’re too cute to say no to,” he can’t help but smile at her. 

“Again, you’re the only one to think so,” she rolls her eyes, not believing him. He was just a flirt, it wasn’t the truth… right?

“More for me, then,” he shrugs, taking another bite from his pop tart and dropping it there. 

—

“Are you sure you don’t need a ride?” Her mom asks from the kitchen. 

“I’m fine,” she calls back, staring out the front window, watching the street for Eddie’s van. “My co-worker offered to pick me up.” 

“Oh, which one?” 

“Um, Eddie…” she turns around slowly to see her mom standing in the doorway now. “Eddie Munson.” 

“Oh,” she is a little shocked to hear that name after so long. “I didn’t know he was still in Hawkins?” 

“He works nights so no one has to see him,” she explains, “cause people are mean… he was really scared to come in last night after work cause he didn’t want to upset you by coming into your house.” 

“Poor boy,” she feels so bad, never wanting her home to strike fear in someone. “I knew you wouldn’t have a crush on a monster, and the police cleared him, this town owes him an apology too.” 

“I know,” she agrees but she doubts it’ll ever happen. 

Sometime during their chat, Eddie pulled up outside and made his way to her front door where he laid a few knocks. She opens the door with a huge smile, “hi, sorry you didn’t have to come all the way to the door.” 

“I wanted to,” he assures her, seeing her mom peeking over her shoulder. “Hi, Mrs. Y/L/N.” 

“Hello,” she gives him a little wave. “Have fun at work you two, I’ll see you, tomorrow sweetheart.” 

“Bye mom,” she slips outside with Eddie, knowing her mom was going to watch them walk back to his van. 

He extends his hand and holds hers as they walk down the few steps of her porch, he drops her hand only to place it on her back as he leads her toward the passenger door. He opens for her, like always. He runs around the van, sends a wave to her mom at the door and then hops inside, “ready?” 

“Ready,” she can’t bite back her smile anymore, she was so giddy about holding his hand that it made her feel like a little girl again. 

He pauses for a moment and looks her up and down, “did you get all dolled up 'cause I’m driving you?” 

She tilts her head to the side, annoyed cause he always asks, “I always look like this.” 

“Beautiful, you mean?” 

She walked right into that one. 

“Fine, I’ll let you have it this time,” she gives in. 

“Good,” he throws the van in drive and heads out of her little neighbourhood towards town. 

He’s quiet for a bit, she looks around at the street lights and the businesses still open, as well as all the houses with their Christmas lights up already. “I miss it was still kinda sunny out at 8pm,” she sighs, staring out the window at the full moon rising over Hawkins. 

“I like the dark,” he shares. “Less people are out.” 

“Why don’t you move? Not that I want you to leave, but wouldn’t it be more freeing to have no one know who you are? You deserve a real life,” she lets her feelings fall right out. “You’re not a bad person, you never have been.” 

“Thanks,” he reaches out his hand and rests it on her thigh. “But it’s ‘cause everyone I love is here, I can’t leave.” 

“Right, so are you still in your band then?” 

He lets out a very surprised chuckle, “yeah, I still have my band, we still play Tuesday nights, it's the only night I don’t work.” 

She wouldn’t know that cause she didn’t work that night either, “I’ll have to come see you play sometime, I don’t have any classes that night.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in school still?” 

“Community college,” she doesn’t feel so ashamed telling him. “Most my friends went off to real schools but it’s the only place I could go to for free, so.” 

“Hey, at least you got in,” he celebrates the bare minimum. “I couldn’t even dream of it with my GPA. I was thinking I’d wait a few years and get some kind of degree when I’m considered a mature student, and when people forget about me.” 

She wants to tell him that she’ll never forget about him, she never did. She thought about him all the time. She couldn’t hear Metallica on the radio without thinking about him. Every jean jacket patch made her think about him. She took a double take when she saw a man with long hair hoping it was him. She thought about him before she went to bed, in her dreams and as soon as her eyes opened in the morning. 

She was completely in love with him. 

—

She was only going to work for the holidays, and now that Christmas was only a few days away, she was worried that she only has a few more weeks left with Eddie. And for some reason that makes her want to get him a Christmas present, almost as a way to buy a place in his heart so he doesn’t forget about her when she’s not his buddy anymore. 

And then he doesn’t show up for work… she’s been waiting to see him all week, and he’s a no-show.

So she asks her shift manager who says Eddie called out earlier in the day really, really sick. It makes her heart hurt knowing he wasn’t feeling good. 

So she pushes through her shift. It’s weird without him, but she does it. She walks home for the first time and it’s a lot colder than she expected. The wind on her face and the snow in her hair, melt as the heat from her body escapes from her head. She gets home finally and she’s shivering, she wants to wrap herself up in a blanket and sleep for days, instead goes right to the kitchen. She searches through her cupboards for a couple cans of chicken noodle soup and some crackers, she grabs a few cans of ginger ale and takes her mom's keys. There’s no way she’s going back out there 

She drives right into the trailer park and follows the road slowly, scanning the driveways for eddies van until she finally finds it. She parks outside the blue and white trailer and carefully heads towards his door, not wanting to slip with a handful of cans. 

She knocks carefully, the lights are all still on so it’s not like she’s waking him up… and then another man she doesn’t know answers. “Yes?” 

“Hi, I’m so sorry but is this Eddie’s trailer?” She panics. 

“It is.” 

“I brought him some soup, I heard he was sick and that’s why he couldn’t make it to work tonight…” 

“Oh, that’s sweet, come on in out of the cold,” he ushers her right inside the tiny trailer. “Sorry for the mess, we’ve both been battling this random cold, I got it at the plant and he finally got it from me yesterday.” 

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” she sympathizes as she lays everything down on his kitchen counter. “I’m Y/N, by the way.” 

“Wayne, Eddies uncle,” he introduces himself. “He’s talked a lot about you, I was wondering when I’d get to meet ya.” 

“Oh, really?” She can’t believe it. 

“yeah… you know, I can put that soup on, you can go down the hall there and see him, he’s just reading in bed, I think?” He points. 

“Oh, okay sure,” she doesn’t mind, she was honestly expecting Eddie to live alone and have an empty kitchen, not an uncle who loved him dearly there to take care of him. 

She shrugs off her coat and takes off her boots first and then she heads down the hallways carefully, she knocks on his closed door, waiting for the all-clear to enter… and his “yeah?” Comes out so sad and sickly that it makes her heart hurt. 

She pushes the door open carefully, “hey… I heard you were sick?” 

“Y/N?” He sits right up, fixing his hair and wiping his nose. “I didn’t think you knew where I lived?” 

“I just looked for the van, I think everyone knows you live in the trailer park,” she realizes how weird that sounds. 

“True, still I can’t believe you’re here?” 

She comes in and takes a seat on the edge of his bed, putting out her hand to hold the back of it to his forehead, “you’re all fevered, oh no… have you taken anything?” 

He nods, “yeah, some Buckleys…” 

“I brought you some soup, Wayne’s heating it up for you,” she explains with a soft smile. “He’s sweet.” 

“Where’d you think I got my charm from?” He teases, still well enough to try and make her smile. 

She brushes his hair off his face gently, “I’m glad you have him to take care of you.” 

“I’d much prefer you as my nurse… would you give me a sponge bath?” 

“No,” she holds back her laugh and just shakes her head with a smile. “But nice try.” 

“Damn,” he sighs, tossing his head back against the pillow and closing his eyes. Turning on the dramatics, he looks at her with the sweetest puppy dog eyes, “will you at least keep me company while I have my soup?” 

“Of course,” she planned to stay as long as he needed her. “I just have to bring my mom's car back before 8am cause she needs to go to work.” 

“I promise I won’t keep you long,” he reaches out for her hand, holding them with both of his own. “I really appreciate you coming to check on me… and might I say you look very cute today, I’m glad I didn’t miss this one.” 

She melts at his words, “you must not be too sick if you’re still trying to flirt with me.” 

“I’m going to remind you that you’re beautiful until the day I die,” he’s very stern about that. 

“Yeah, like you’ll know me that long,” she plays it off. 

He gives her hands a little squeeze, “I like to think I will… I might just be high on cough syrup, but I like to think I’ll find you in every life I lead, you’re so special to me, Y/N.” 

“You’re definitely high,” she teases, leaning in forward to kiss his forehead as she stands up. “I’m going to check on your soup… you sober up by the time I get back.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he agrees but doesn’t drop her hands, he holds on as long as he can and then she slips away from him. 

Wayne’s just putting the soup in a bowl as she walks back into the kitchen, she grabs a sleeve of soup crackers and a ginger ale, it's plated and then Wayne turns to her. 

“You know he’s not kidding, right?” 

“What?” 

“He wouldn’t lie,” Wayne gives her those honest Munson eyes that she loves so much in his nephew. “And clearly you feel the same if you’ve come all the way out here at half midnight to make him soup.” 

She feels the colour leave her face as she’s caught red-handed, she was doing this because she loved him so dearly she couldn’t stand spending a shift without seeing him. She wanted to always take care of him. She loved him. It was as simple as that. She just loves him. 

“Life’s too short to not tell each other,” he adds some last words of wisdom and hands her the tray of her lover's dinner. 

She’s extra quiet when she brings him his dinner, and when she sits on the end of his bed to accompany him while he eats. He has a book resting face down, cracked open to keep its page, resting beside him. She reaches for it, checking the cover, it’s the fellowship of the ring. 

“I’ve never read The Lord of the Rings, is it good?” 

“It’s the best book series there is,” he assures her while taking another spoonful of soup. 

She keeps her thumb where Eddie was reading but skips back to the first few pages, reading it over quietly to see if she’d like it at all… it’s cute. “You can read it from the beginning if you want?” 

“Out loud?” She wonders if he’d want to hear that too. 

“As if you could get any better,” he manages to smile no matter how sick he feels. “Please, I’d really love that.” 

“Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.”

He basks in the way her voice sounds alongside his favourite book, words he’s read so many times and heard in his own voice now being retold in hers. He listens ever so intently, enjoying it more than she’d ever know as she watches the page, trying her hardest not to stutter and to pronounce all the words right so he didn’t laugh at her… but even when she gets stuck he just affectionately corrects her and admires her as she continues. 

She makes it through the prologue and the facts about hobbits and pipeweed and the shire by the time he’s done eating. He has enough energy to take his dishes out to the kitchen himself and returns with a smile. She made her way up to the pillows beside him and slipped under the covers so he could get in beside her, “come on, I’m reading you a chapter or two and then I’ve gotta go home.” 

“Right,” he gets into the bed beside her and snuggles right up to her, he wraps himself around her arm with his cheek on her shoulder so he can watch the page as she reads on through chapter one. 

He falls asleep like that, with a warm belly full of soup and a heart full of love, it pains her to get up and possibly disrupt him. 

She does get up, slowly but surely, replacing herself with a pillow that he snuggles up to instead. She kisses him on the forehead, he’s not as fevered as before, hopefully he felt better tomorrow. She takes a look around for a scrap piece of paper, finding one on his dresser with a sharpie marker. She leaves her phone number and a little note. 

Call me tomorrow, I want to know if you’re feeling better. Hopefully we can finish this sometime. 

xx Y/N

She slips it into the book and leaves it on his night table and then she’s off. She says goodbye to Wayne who’s still awake because if he sleeps he’ll throw off his schedule when he goes back to work. He also did night shifts, so he wouldn’t be there next time she comes over after work… that’s good to know. 

—

He takes the whole weekend off and it sucks, but she understands he needs the time to get better. He calls her to let her know that decision around 2pm on Saturday and they stay on the phone all the way up until she has to get ready for work. 

Waynes gone back to work, leaving him completely alone in the trailer after they hang up the phone… and all he can think about is how she’s going to have to walk home again. It rattles around his brain most of the night, he paces the trailer, feeling like shit but his love for her is eating him alive and it hurts more than his congested nose. At 11:52 he finally says fuck it. 

In his pyjamas and all, he throws on a coat and slips his feet into his boots, he snags his keys off the wall and he’s gone. He books it out of the trailer park, watching the clock on his dash to ensure midnight doesn’t sneak up on him. The streets are empty, so he doesn’t worry about racing through the yellow lights on his way to the store. 

He pulls up with just a few minutes to spare, his heart racing, he just parks at the curb by the employee's only back door and he waits for her. He reaches over to the passenger door to roll down the window, wanting her to be able to see him… as if she wouldn’t notice that it’s his van. She knew his van. 

She knew him. 

And she liked him. 

The heavy door slowly opens and he sees her, laughing with their co-worker as she buttons up the last few buttons on her jacket. She’s bundled up in a scarf and she has a hat on today, she planned to be warmer on tonight's walk home.  

“Eddie?” She lights right up. “What are you doing here.” 

“I may be on my death bed but I’m not letting you walk home in the dark, princess,” he assures her, pushing the door open so she can get in. 

She waves goodbye to their co-worker, finishing their conversation before she hops in the van and closes the door. She rolls the window back up. “Burr, you’re you’re going to get sicker with this open.” 

“I hope you don’t find it weird that I’m here?” He worries, “seriously, after everything that happened here, walking home alone at midnight isn’t smart… it killed me that you walked home yesterday and then still came to see me.” 

“I know, it’s okay,” she reaches out to hold his gently in hers. “You can pick me up and drive me home all the time if it makes you feel better?” 

“You’ve gotta want to spend time with me too,” he places his other hand on top of hers. “Don’t feel like you have to be nice to me, little miss I’m nice to everyone.” 

“I am,” she feels offended. “I know you’re not stupid, you’ve gotta see I love spending time with you.” 

“I like to hear you say it, sue me,” he smiles, his eyes flicking back and forth between her eyes and her lips. He’s so close to her already that he could kiss her. 

But then he’d get her sick. 

So he pulls back a bit and pats her hand as her grip loosens. “Let’s get you home.” 

“Yeah,” she settles into her seat and puts on her seatbelt, he waits for the click and then he’s off, taking the familiar route back to her place. 

He asks her about her day, what they did, and how they’re doing without him. She missed him, he can tell by the way she complains about being partnered with someone new. “They didn’t do anything the way you do, it felt so wrong.” 

She thinks I do things the right way…

His heart soars the whole ride and then it ends too soon. He parks at the curb with a sigh, “I’m going to be up for a bit if you want to call me?” 

“You don’t want to come in?” 

He shakes his head, “I can’t get my germs all over your place.” 

“Right, no I get it,” she understands, but she lingers. He stares at him for a sec, “walk me to my door at least?” 

“Sure,” he can’t say no to her. 

She stays put this time, he runs around to her door and opens it, expecting her to jump right out but she pulls him close, using her height in the seat to her advantage. She touches his forehead gently, “you’re not fevered today, that’s good at least… I’d hate to miss another week with you.” 

“I’ll come get you tomorrow, but I’m not working,” he compromises, knowing he hates not getting to see her too. 

She hops out of the van and takes his hand on the way up to her door, “I could get used to this treatment.” 

“You should,” he agrees. “Cause I’m not giving up.” 

In sickness and in health and all that jazz… he’d be there through it all if she wanted him. 

At her door, she gives him those same eyes as in the van, and he wants to kiss her so goddamn bad but he can’t. He simply pulls her into a hug and holds her tight, cheek pressed to the top of her head. She holds him around the middle just as tightly, it's a beautiful goodbye for a couple of friends. 

—

He comes to pick her up for her next shift once again, only this time he pulls her into a hug at the door and kisses the top of her head, “hey, sweetheart, ready for work?” 

She can only nod against him, soaking in the hug as long as she can get. “What was that for?” She asks as he pulls back. 

He shrugs, “just cause… I missed you, I guess.” 

“I missed you, too,” she wraps her arm around his middle and holds him close as she joins him on the walk back to his van. “Which is funny 'cause we’ve been talking more than ever, lately.” 

“I know,” he loved it and it was evident in his voice. 

Every night that she’s not working they talk on the phone, from the time she’s done with her classwork until he has to leave for his night shifts. It was a lovely little tradition now, he loved to learn about all her projects and reports, and he even let her read things over for his opinion. More than once he’s called her a genius, but the best thing he’s ever said to her was “your future kiddos are going to love you.” In regard to the class of students, she was going to teach one day. 

It’s a day like any other, they have little conversations on their way to work, clock in together and head right to the first aisle on their to-do list. He dances around to the music, they toss things at each other, he makes dirty jokes, and she shakes her head with so much love you could see hearts float around her head. It’s so completely normal. 

And then she almost drops a whole shelf on herself, he’s quick to swoop in and catch it for her. They put it back in place and carefully let it go, making sure it stays put before she turns to thank him… only he’s about an inch, maybe two from her face. 

“That was a close one,” he whispers, staring at her lips. “Would hate to lose you to the soup aisle.” 

She can’t help staring back at his lips, wanting to kiss him so goddamn bad she forgets how to breathe for a moment. It’s like time stops while she stares at him and he stares back. 

“I’d hate to lose you at all…” 

“Why?” Even she’s surprised to hear it come out of her. 

He doesn’t say anything, he simply leans in more, and so does she. Meeting him halfway, their lips touch slowly and then all at once. A hand of his cups her face, holding her in place while she holds his sides, pulling him closer so their chests are pressed together. 

Breathing each other in deeply, she feels her soul intertwine with his at that moment. Everything makes sense. She was supposed to take this little job and spend all this time with him for this moment right here. It was always supposed to happen. 

They were meant to happen. 

They pull away with a matching smile, giggling as they come to terms with the fact that just happened… it finally happened. 

“You understand what I mean, right?” He teases. 

She nods, “yeah… I get it, but could you say it just one more time?” 

“Here?” He teases, kissing her cheek. “Or here?” He kisses her jaw next and moves towards her ear, “I could say it all over you if you let me.” 

“We’re still at work,” she reminds him, pushing him away slightly before he could kiss her neck and start something he couldn’t finish in the freaking soup aisle. 

“Do you want to come over later? To kiss a bit and read more lord of the rings?” He offers, making it sound a lot more innocent than either of them wanted it to be. 

“Only if you read the chapter this time,” she teases, heart racing in her chest at the prospect of being alone with him. 

Him. 

The one and the only crush she’s had for the last 6 years of her life. 

He flirts with her more than ever after that, he steals kisses every time he passes her and even serenades the love songs on the speaker to her. She pokes his sides when she passes by him, learning that he’s ticklish and he yelps every time she does it. 

In his van on the way home, after not being able to keep their hands off each other most of the night, they have to so he can focus on the road. 

“Does this make us more than friends?” She wonders aloud, hoping he had the same worry. 

He nods, “I’d hope so… but if you want me to ask, I can?” 

He holds her hand in the middle of the centre console again, rubbing his thumb over her hand gently. 

“What if I want to do it?” She teases. “I want to make you my boyfriend, I’ve thought about it for years.” 

“That’s crazy,” he can’t believe it, shaking his head as he drives a bit faster, wanting to be home with her so bad. 

“Why?” She sounds so defeated. 

“I never thought you liked me, I thought you were just really smiley… you could’ve been mine this whole time,” he explains just how crazy it was for him. In a very good way. 

“I can’t even imagine having a boyfriend in high school,” she admits. 

He slows down when he enters the trailer park, follows the poorly plowed path towards his own trailer and parks. Finally turning to her again with a smile, “I’ve never had a girlfriend before either, it’s all really new to me too.” 

“Was that your first kiss too?” She whispers, scared that it wasn’t. 

She was right. 

He shakes his head, “Cheryl Lenetti in grade 7… she liked to pet my head when we made out, she said my hair felt like a seal pup when it was shaved. So fuckin weird.” 

It makes her laugh a bit, “I can’t imagine it short…” 

“I’ve got pictures,” he assures her, “Wayne’s kept all my life well documented. He likes to tease me and say that he’ll sell the embarrassing ones to the tabloids when my band blows up.” 

“I need to see them,” she agrees and lets go of his hand finally, reaching for her door but once again, Eddie rushes out to beat her to it like a bat out of hell. 

She shakes her head with an affectionate smile, taking his hand again once outside and carefully treating through the lightly shovelled snow leading up to his trailer. He helps her out of her coat and hangs it up for her, leaving her to kick off her boots and awkwardly stand in his main room. It’s a lot more put together than the last time he visited. like he planned to invite her over, so it was clean this time. 

“You want anything to eat?” 

She shakes her head, “no… honestly I’m too nervous to eat anything right now.” 

“Oh, why?” He moves into her space, hands on her shoulders, slipping down her arms while pulling her in closer. 

“You’re handsome and you want to kiss me and I have no idea what I’m doing and— and,” she stops with a sigh and a shrug. 

“You’re so fucking cute,” he says with so much affection his smile makes his cheeks hurt. His eyes glisten back at her, and he shakes his head ever so slightly, amazed that she likes him back this much. “You don’t need to be nervous, there’s nothing you could do that would make me stop liking you at this point.” 

She takes the plunge this time, she presses her lips against his, holding his waist she wraps her arms around his back and holds him there. He’s shocked at first and then he settles, hand coming up to cup her face as he kisses back. She’s not completely sure what she’s doing, but she’s seen enough movies to imitate what she’s seen. He smiles into the 4th or 5th peck she presses to his lips and pulls back. 

“Do you want to go sit down?” 

“Like in your room?” 

“If you want?” 

She nods, cautious as ever but she wants to spend the whole night kissing him. He walks her down the hallway, into his dark room where he flicks on his side table lamp to show off his perfectly made bed and clean-ish room. “Welcome back,” he teases. 

“You planned this,” she calls him out. “Did you know you were going to kiss me at work today?”

“Not at all,” he assures her, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Legs spread so she could stand between them, and she brushes her hands through his hair while he looks up at her. “I was going to ask you to come over, yeah, but kissing you was a surprise to me too… I like you so much it’s fucking crazy.” 

“I like you just as much,” she leans in, bumping their noses together with a smile. “You want to teach me how to make out?” 

He laughs, scooting up to the head of the bed, resting against the headrest, “you want to lie down or sit in my lap, or what?” 

“Um,” she bites her lip, deciding to be daring, she kneels on the bed and straddles his lap. “This is good, right?” 

“Absolutely,” he rests his hands on her hips, smoothing his thumbs over the fabric of her pants. “I just want you to be comfortable, princess.” 

She rests her forearms on his shoulders, hands in his hair, and she brushes his bangs out of his face to get a good look in his eyes. His big beautiful chocolate brown eyes that she loves so fucking much. “You’re so pretty,” she whispers. “Has anyone ever told you that?” 

He shakes his head lightly, “no…”

“There,” she smiles. “You get my first kiss and I get to tell you how pretty you are—

“You can have all my other firsts too,” he whispers, selling his soul to her in the way he stares at her. She knows he’s giving all of himself to her at that moment. “You can have all of me.” 

“I— I uh, I think we can start with kissing,” she frightens right up again. 

“Sorry,” he runs his hands up her back gently, “I’m not expecting anything… I just wanted you to know there’s a lot I haven’t done with anyone either, I’m just as new to this. We’re on the same level.” 

“Not yet,” she finally leans in for another kiss, holding his face in her hands to keep herself steady more than anything.

He licks at her bottom lip, it’s strange but she follows his lead, coming back in with an open mouth their tongues touch for a moment and then he sucks on her tongue. Again and again, they both come back in, exploring each other's mouths while his hands trail up and down her back and she plays with his hair once again. 

She doesn’t mean to grind against him, but her hips take over like they have a mind of their own as the pace and rhythm are set with through tongues. He moans into her mouth, pulling back with a shade of embarrassment painted across his cheeks. “sorry…” 

“It’s fine,” she’s a little breathless, so enamoured with him. 

He stares back at her fondly, taking in how cute she looked with lust-blown eyes and swollen lips, he smiles, “you’re good at this…” 

“Feels like it,” she teases, making him think she can feel how hard he’s getting under her and he panics. 

“You don’t have to sit on me if it’s uncomfortable, I did’t mean to—

“To what?” 

“Get hard…” he whispers, “it’s embarrassing.”

“Oh,” she hovers and looks down between them, more turned on, herself, than she realized, as well. “Oh.”

Maybe I am ready to do this…

She settles back down against him and shakes her head, “no, I’m not uncomfortable… it— it’s nice to know I did that, actually.” 

“Can I just—“ he reaches between them and adjusts himself because it was a bit uncomfortable for him, he was hanging to the left and thats where her thigh was rested, and now he’s right under her… “sorry, it hurt a bit.” 

“Sorry,” her cheeks heat up, she can feel his girth through his jeans, she has to fight every single urge not to grind down against him again, but she knows it would feel good. 

For both of them. 

“It’s okay, kiss me again?” He begs, pulling her closer. 

Their lips collide again but with much more passion and need this time, knowing what she’s doing a bit better, she’s all over him this round. Biting his lip, making him whine, tugging on his hair, she grinds against him again, not so by accident because his hands on his hips help glide her over himself perfectly. She does it again this time, he gasps into the kiss and rests his forehead against hers as she does it again and again, dragging her hot core over his aching, clothed, cock. There’s so much friction from their jeans, they feel like total fucking teenagers dry humping in his bed like they can’t get enough of each other. 

He kisses her jaw and down her neck, he sucks on her pulse point which makes her moan, it's so sweet and sexy that his cock twitches under his jeans in response. She feels it and whines, wanting more from him but not knowing what… it feels so fucking good she wants to just say fuck it and let him take her right here and now, but she’s still scared. 

She grinds down a bit harder, the seam of her pants rubbing against her clit just right. “Oh my god,” she’s so out of breath, it feels too good. 

“I’m gonna cum in my jeans if you keep this up,” he warns her, breathing against her neck between kisses. 

“Me too,” she assures him, doing it again and again, she tugs on his hair to bring his mouth back to hers, wanting to be kissing him when it happens. 

His hips come up to meet hers, his hands on her ass this time so he can help her press against him as hard as she can each time she grinds down against him. Her legs tremble a bit, his breathing sputters, and they’re a completely sweaty mess with too many clothes on. 

She feels the all too familiar heat build in her stomach and spread throughout her body as she cums with a long drawn-out sigh, which ends more like a moan as he finishes underneath her. His grip on her ass tightens, and he groans deeply as his hips sputter under her, their foreheads resting together as they catch their breath, eyes still closed. 

She feels so weightless and free, resting her head on his shoulder instead and cuddling into his chest. “Oh my god?” 

His chest still rising and falling heavily, he laughs slightly, “wasn’t expecting that.” 

“Me either…” she sighs, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “But I liked it.” 

“Me too,” he can’t help but smile. His hands roam all over her back, holding her close and soaking up the moment as long as he can. “You wanna stay here tonight?” 

She nods against him, not at all ready to leave his side. “I would love to.” 

Slowly but surely, they get up, he lets her use the bathroom first, giving her some boxers of his and a t-shirt to wear when she comes back out. He changes quickly in his room, hiding all the evidence of what happened in his dirty laundry hamper. He matches her in a new pair of underwear and the same shirt from before, smiling when she comes back into his room with her things in her hands. She rests them on his dresser, she’d have to wear them again tomorrow when she goes home. 

“You’re so cute in my things,” he compliments her, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her forehead a few times. 

“Thanks,” she giggles, completely blown away still that this is all real and he’s her’s and it’s happening. 

They get into bed, and she snuggles into him the same way he did with her just last week with the lord of the rings. It’s cute, it feels right, and she feels at home in his arms. He runs his hands over her back. He kisses the top of her head a few times, she plays with the hem of his shirt in her hands and eventually slips her hands under his shirt to play with the slight dusting of hair on his tummy. They’re so content together it’s like they’ve always been this close. 

And they always would be too. 

part two

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @eddiemunson-rp @squishyturtle 

Eddie

@fightingdragonswithwho @kyomito @reidselle @venomsvl @nomajdetective @girl-with-an-orange-cat @blairscott @princesseddie 

@idkidknemore @eddiethesexy

[somnambulants]

i love your writing!! could you maybe do something with exes to lovers with nat?

word count: 3.9K notes: thanks for the request! i’m glad you like my writing! i also may...have started thinking about writing a second part because im super attached to this fic. let me know if thats something you guys would be interested in!

“Barton, you’re such a –“

Your world stops turning at the sound of that voice, everything else becoming static. It doesn’t matter that you’re standing in a room full of people that you’re supposed to be impressing.

It’s been over ten years since you’d last heard that voice.

Vaguely, you know that Captain America is speaking to you but the only thing you can pay attention to is her.

You turn slowly, and the second you lay eyes on her you know for sure.

It’s definitely her.

You see it the second she spots you too.

In all the time you’d known her, she’d always been so much more proficient at hiding things than you but you still see the way her eyes widen as she takes you in and the way her face shifts into something that resembles shock before she manages to mask it.

“Nat!”

You startle a little, having now somehow completely forgotten that Captain America was next to you and that you were in the middle of a tour of your new workplace the second you’d landed eyes on her.

Oh god.Your new workplace.

Your new workplace that was also clearly her workplace.

As she approaches, you futilely look for every possible way you can escape. “This is Y/N. Fury’s informant while Agent Emery is on reconnaissance. Y/N this is Natasha Romanoff.”

Natasha? Romanoff? Absurdly, you have the sudden urge to laugh.

She really couldn’t have come up with a better name after fleeing the country all those years ago? It’s a surprise to you that you hadn’t heard about her sooner with that alias.

Pushing that thought away and hoping that your face shows the professionalism you’re trying to convey, you straighten your spine and clear your throat. “Nice to meet you.”

Captain America’s eyes flick between the both of you. Maybe you’re not doing as good a job as you’d thought.

Natalia-Natasha takes the hand you extend to her and shakes it. “Likewise,” she says, and you hate the way your body still reacts to her voice all these years later; hate the way her touch still makes you feel.

Even more so, you hate that you don’t know what it is you’re feeling more of as you look into her eyes: fury or heartbreak.

She makes a flimsy –well flimsy to you – excuse and leaves the conversation after that. You watch her walk away, clenching the hand she’d touched into a fist as you resist the urge to put it through the wall next to you.

Somehow you think you’d have a hard time explaining it to the man still standing next to you, who is now watching you with a thoughtfully puzzled but not suspicious expression.

Not yet, anyway.

--

Your dreams that night are fitful and full of her. The first time you’d met, you’d been nothing more than children.

There are no children in red room though. Only fighters and a fighter, she definitely was.

You? Not so much. You’d never been designed to last more than a day in that place and you wouldn’t have, if not for her.

Natalia throws you back against the mat, again and then again and again. Each time you stand up with more difficulty until eventually, she throws you down so hard your vision blurs for a second.

You never had a chance against her, something you knew before you even stepped foot into the room and you know they must have known that too when they set you up against the most experienced fighter here.

It’s abundantly clear you’ve been set up to fail.

The next time she hits you, your legs give out beneath you and you can’t bring yourself to get up this time, even though you know what’s going to happen to you if you don’t.

You know how this works.

Bracing yourself for impact, you close your eyes and wait. It’s pathetic. You know.

The final blow never comes. When you finally crack open an eye, you find Natalia, arms crossed, just gazing down at you.

It might have been your imagination but her eyes don’t seem quite as hard as they had been before.

She extends a hand after a second of her just watching you and you watching her. A little part of you is convinced it’s a trick; that the second you take her hand, you’re going to fail whatever test this is.

Still, against your better judgement you take her hand and, rather than the macabre images playing out in your mind, instead she actually helps you stand, surprisingly gentle as she does so.

She gives you a second to reorient yourself and then her whole demeanour changes, turning cold and stiff as she crouches down back into a fighting position.

“Try again.”

Just as abruptly, you’re thrown into another and another. Quick flashes of the past that still haunt you.

Natalia taking you on your first mission.

Natalia holding your hand as you cried over the body of the first man you’d killed.

Natalia lying beside you on your mattress, running her hands through your hair gently when your nightmares became so bad you’d go days without sleeping.

Years and years of training. Years of bruises and broken bones. Mission after mission. Somehow, it’s all maybe not-quite worth it but it almost is – almost – because of her.

When you kiss her for the first time, you think that might be the first time either of you has had any control over what you do with your bodies. 

You can't remember a time where you'd had something you'd ever wanted and you wanted her so badly.

You can’t get enough of it. Or her.

And then, one day, you wake up and she’s just... gone. 

--

The next morning, feeling irritable and exhausted from your disturbed sleep, you walk into the avengers training room and find the one person you’d been hoping wouldn’t be there.

Of course, your mind spitefully whispers because of course it wasn’t enough for the universe to thrust her back into your life but it had to throw her in your face too.

When you enter, she has her back to you but you know she knows you’re there by the way her back stiffens slightly.

You watch as she stands up straighter at the words you throw at her back, unable to help yourself: “What is this? Babysitting duty? I think we’re passed that, aren’t we?”

She turns to you. “I usually come here early,” is all she says. She doesn’t respond to the bite in your voice.

You make a non-committal sound and then just decide to ignore her, stomping past her to make your way to the far corner of the room. You work by yourself in peace for about ten minutes before you hear the sound of footsteps and all of a sudden she’s in front of you.

“I need a partner,” she says. 

You have the urge to laugh in her face, before it strikes you how cathartic it would be to punch her right now, no matter how childish it might be, so you stand, letting the weight you’d been holding drop back to the floor with a loud thud, and follow her across the room.

You both crouch down in anticipation and you take a second to really look at her.

Her expression is unreadable. The pang you feel when you realise that surprises you.

There had been a time when you’d known her like the back of your hand and now she's nothing more than a stranger standing in front of you.

It hurts a lot more than you’d thought it would.

--

This continues for weeks. You don’t know why you let it happen but you do. You get up early; you go to the gym; you spar with her and then you fulfil the duties you’d been hired to do.

It’s almost easy to slip back into that headspace of your whole life revolving around her. Because it does. All you do is think about her when you’re not around her.

Over those weeks, you still barely speak a word to her because at least if you don’t speak, you have some kind of power.

To your surprise, she lets you ignore her, lets you pretend you don’t hear her whenever she speaks and you resent her a little more for that. You’d rather she hated you as much as you want to hate her.

It would make it all so much easier.

--

Eventually, though, you break.

You’re not strong enough to ignore your desire to know everything; to know how she’d ended up here. And why she’d clearly cared enough to stick around and try and save the entire world when you, a single person, hadn’t even been worth enough for her to stay.

“Why,” you pant, mid spar one morning. She’s kicking your ass, as usual. “Why here? Why the avengers?”

You’d sworn to yourself you’d never ask her this question but the yearning to know has been burning inside you since you’d walked into this building over a month ago now.

Equally as breathless, Natasha drops the careful façade she’d had up and looks at you with those eyes; the ones that could have made you do anything at one point in time. You’re not convinced they still couldn’t. “I wanted to do better… be better than what we were…. Isn’t that why you’re here, too?”

That answer hurts you more than any of the hits she’s landed on you this morning. And there’s been a lot. She’s still the superior fighter, even if she had left so long before you.

God, those words hurt to hear. Especially to have you lumped in with the clearly bad part of her life, whether it was her intention or not.

Maybe that’s why you say what you say next. Maybe there’s a little part of you wishes this whole situation would hurt her as much as it hurts you.

“How… uncharacteristic of you,” you ignore the last part of her sentence because honestly: you don’t know why you’re here. You feel like you’ve been lost and drifting your whole life and the only thing that had ever made sense to you was her.

You know your bitterness has bled into your voice with your words but you don’t make any effort to mask it. And if you can hear it, she definitely can too.

In the blink of an eye, she stops sparring with you, straightening up quicker than even you can catch. You let out a breathless huff of air as she grabs the front of your shirt pulling it so you’re forced forward until you’re almost nose to nose with her.

You hate that for a split second, before you can control yourself, you lean in slightly. As much as your mind can’t stand her, your body has no such feelings and it still wants her. You know you have no hope of hiding it from her so you don’t even bother.

“You don’t know me,” she says. The words come out of her mouth fiercely but the look in her eyes is soft, beseeching, like she wants you to hear her. “I'm not that person anymore.”

Like it matters.

It’s like you’re suspended in time for a second, and all you can think of as you look into her eyes is of the woman you knew.

You hate that you still miss her.

There’s a flicker of something in her eyes that you want to believe mirrors the torrent of emotions currently taking over you – the sadness, the anger, the grief – but you know better than to have hope when it comes to her.

You know all too well how it ends. And you’ve had enough of false hope.

Typically, in a fight, you know Natasha would come out on top – has every time -- but she’s never had your anger directed at her the way it is now and she isn’t expecting the way you’re practically vibrating with it as you shove her away, so hard that she stumbles backwards, only just managing to stay on her feet.

“Clearly,” you spit at her as you straighten up, and start walking towards the exit.

You know she’s still just standing there in the same spot. You can feel her eyes on you.“Yeah, run away,” she mutters under her breath.

It’s the first time she’s shown you the attitude you’d been giving her for weeks and her reaction is justified, you can admit it, but you don’t care.

You spin around, fury overtaking you as you advance on her until you’re pinning her against the wall behind her. “Sorry,” you hiss, glaring into her eyes. “I forgot you’re the only one who can do that.”

“That was different.”

You laugh. It’s not a nice one. It sounds like an injured animal trying to claw it’s way out of your throat. 

“Why? Because it was you doing it? Excuse me for not being —“

All of a sudden, she’s kissing you. Or you’re kissing her.

Either way, you’re kissing and you don’t know how exactly it happened but you know that you can’t get enough of her; can’t get her close enough even though there’s no longer even an inch of space between you.

She flips your positions, tugging you closer, and you’re abruptly bathed in cool air as she rips your shirt off you, shoving you against the wall.

Your heart picks up rapidly as she kneels in front of you, easing the rest of your clothes off in one fluid moment.

“I hate you. So much,” you tell her as you step out of your pants and it’s not convincing even to you. Still, you repeat it again and again as she kisses down your body – so tenderly and gently that your voice starts to wobble.

You hate it. You hate her.

She looks up at you from in between your legs, now on her knees. It’s such a vulnerable position that you find you can’t look at her and you have to close your eyes. Natasha digs her nails into your thighs as she forces them apart.

“Look at me,” she demands. Her grip tightens until you obey; you know you’re going have crescent shaped bruises tomorrow. Her gaze is soft and tender and just all consuming. You know there’s no coming back from it. You’d never had a chance, even back when you didn’t mind not having one. “Don’t look away.”

You don’t, not even when she finally, finally, touches you and your head falls back against the wall. 

You hold her gaze the entire time knowing how incredibly stupid this is and not caring at all about how much you’ll regret it later when you’re thinking straight.

--

And regret it, you do.

You stop working out early. You walk the other way in the halls if you see her. You know people are catching on that something is going on between the both of you; have caught multiple avengers giving you quizzical looks whenever you’re in the same room and it makes you feel even worse than before.

You channel all that regret into something more meaningful and commit to doing a damn good job at what you were actually here for. And you do. You can admit you do a fantastic job.

Every time you hand a report in or come back from a mission, you swear see a glimmer of approval in Fury’s eyes. Something you’d heard was notoriously hard to come by.

You must have done something really shitty in a past life though because after weeks of throwing yourself into your temporary duties, you walk into your temporarily office and are immediately flagged down by Fury, who debriefs you on the details of a mission he’s sending you on.

You’re thrilled for about three seconds until you see the name of the person you’re going with.

Agent Natasha Romanoff.

Fury is looking at you with a scrutinising expression when you look up from the file. Every time he looks at you it’s like he can see inside your soul. “Is that a problem?”

You grit your teeth and force yourself to smile. “Of course not, sir.”

--

It is a problem. A big problem, in fact.

You don’t speak to her on the flight there. Even though it’s only the two of you confined in the aircraft. You don’t even so much let yourself look at her. You can feel her looking at you multiple times, though, even though she’s piloting and should only be looking at the course in front of you.

There are no words exchanged between you all day beyond the times you absolutely have to speak. 

At least not until you reach the tiny hotel room you’d been given.

The second the door closes behind you both, she turns to you and opens her mouth and maybe it’s cowardly but you cut her off before she even start speaking.

“I’m going to have a shower,” you say and flee the room with your entire carry-on, worried that if you pause to sift through your things, she’ll keep talking.

Still in the same spot, the look on Natasha’s face when you emerge from the bathroom is full of clear exhaustion. You hate the way it makes you feel. Empty. Sad. It’s exhausting for you trying to convince yourself you hate her.

“I’m sorry I left,” she says and you freeze. “I wanted to come back. Find you. I just didn’t know - i didn’t know if you even wanted me to.”

You’ve wanted to hear those words for so long. Now you have you don’t know what to do. “Why did you leave?”

She hesitates. The look in her eyes tells you you’re not going to get a full answer. That as open as she’s trying to be, you still don’t get to know why she abandoned you. “It’s a long story.”

The evasion stings. “An apology means nothing if you won’t tell me why.”

It’s an unfair thing to say. You know that but you don’t really feel like being fair right now.

You chance a look up when she doesn’t respond and find her looking down at the floor. It makes you wonder what — or who — she must still be protecting by not telling you. 

It becomes apparent that she’s not going to say anything else after the silence between you drags on long enough that the tension in the air becomes almost unbearable.

You don’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing the tears in your eyes so you flick the light off and turn the lamp on your shared nightstand off, throwing the both of you into immediate darkness. It’s definitely too early to be sleeping but you don’t care.

Eventually, after laying there rigidly for what feels like hours and listening to the sounds of Natasha tossing and turning in the other bed, you finally fall asleep and are immediately thrown into dream after dream that quickly turn into fitful nightmares.

Nightmares that may be more aptly called memories. After one particularly bad one that thrusts you back into consciousness, you bolt upwards, still half asleep. 

You only narrowly manage to avoid bumping straight into Natasha, who’s hovering above you, because of her hand on your shoulder holding you in place.

You flinch away from her instinctively and she backs up to give you a little space.

The only sound in the room is your heavy and desperate gasping for air. Natasha, now perched on the very edge of the bed, bites her lip, looking at you as if she knows exactly what you’d been dreaming about.

She probably does. It doesn’t take a genius to guess.

“Are you –"

“I’m fine,” you say flatly. You stare up at the ceiling, absently counting the tiles as you try to slow your breathing.

You’re hyperventilating, you know it, you just can’t get yourself to stop. You’re also sweating, it’s disgusting. You can feel how all of your clothes are stuck to you. Your hair flattened to your neck.

If you hadn’t been dealing with this for so long, you’re pretty sure that you’d think you were having a heart attack instead of a panic attack.

But you have. Been dealing with it. It’s just something you’ve come to expect now. You just never thought she’d be here to witness it.

All of a sudden, as you’re still trying to calm your breathing, the bed dips below you.

Your eyes fly open in shock to find Natasha sliding onto the mattress beside you, still on top of the covers.

Gingerly, she rests her head on the pillow next to your head and fixes her gaze on the ceiling.

It’s slight but her hand brushes against your own a few minutes later.

You suck in a breath between your teeth, but despite yourself, you let her move closer, until she’s so close you’re almost touching, and you can hear her quiet breathing.

Against your better judgement, you let your eyes slip closed again. Seeming to understand you’re not going to push her away, Natasha shifts closer, until you’re both shoulder to shoulder, the way she used to lay next to you when you had bad dreams when you were kids.

She grabs your hand, and slowly, hesitantly, she moves it to her chest where you can feel her heart thrumming rapidly under your fingertips. Surprisingly, it still works; you breathe in and out, in out in out, in time with her heartbeat.

You must at some point fall asleep because all of a sudden you can hear birds chirping outside the window and the sounds of people outside in the street.

When you open your eyes, you expect to find the spot next to you empty and the covers unruffled, as if she’d never been there at all but to your shock she’s still there beside you, awake and on top of the covers.

The circles under her eyes make you think she must not have slept at all.

You slide out of the bed and head towards the bathroom without saying a word, where you turn the shower on and just sit under the spray for what must be at least an hour, letting the water run over you and trying not to think.

This time when you return, she’s gone.

--

The rest of the mission goes smoothly. If nothing else, you both work well together as a team. You can still read her movements like a book, and she knows to anticipate what you’re doing before you even know yourself.

The days go fine. The nights not so much. You don’t speak about it but every night you’re woken up by the same dreams and every night you wake up to find her kneeling beside you.

If you were stronger willed, you would’ve shoved her away the first time, but you can’t bring yourself to. Maybe it’s a little selfish but you can’t find it in yourself to care. 

The last night of the mission is when you finally break, though. Something shifts in the air when you wake yourself up gasping and meet her eyes. The same eyes that had been blank and lifeless in your dream. 

You know she feels the shift as well by the way she’s looking at you, cautiously hopeful.

You don’t say anything though and neither does she. You just lay there, side by side, and watch each other carefully for what could be seconds, or it could be hours.

Her eyes are begging wordlessly: Truce?

Despite yourself, as you gaze back at her, you find yourself giving in. For tonight at least.

Truce.

[nikkastans]

⫸ to be read: JUNGKOOK

strikethrough means it’s read | main menu

➥ Blizzard

Summary: When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

↪ Blizzard: Let it Snow

Summary: It’s holiday season, and you have yet to disclose your new romance with Jungkook to the rest of your friends. But during your traditional Christmas gathering night filled with food, Love Actually and mistletoe, each of the six of them discover your secret relationship with your shy roommate one by one in ways that you dread…

➥ Wintervale

smut, fantasy

➥ brain dead

smut

➥ six foot two

College AUFriends to Lovers, flirty jk will be the death of us all

➥ growing pains

brother's best friend au, Friends to Lovers, Coming of Age, Fluff, soft angst, Eventual Smut

➥ you are in love

falling in love au, College AU, SO MUCH FLUFF, Light Smut, jk is the sweetest boy ever part 2

➥ bad influence

pwp, badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, THE BEST JUST READ THIS ONE (and listen to call me back - chase atlantic. just trust me)

➥ skirt chasers

f2l, triple texting king kook, ncampus crush kook who is also the weird gamer boy, the skirt aspect is forgotten towards the end tbh, dumbassery is a disease and we are all affected by it, confessions SO CORNY it could be a 2005 teen romcom

➥ baecation

richboy!jk, -3 knowledge of how vacations work, domestic love!!!, outdoor sex, unprotected sex, fingering, jk’s white ass cheeks mention

➥ milestone

American highschool/college universe, brother’s best friend au, grinding, first time, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (pls use condoms tho), dirty talk, confessions, um graduation sex??? idk lol

➥ microwave misadventures

Fluff, slight angst, smut / college!AU, roommates/housemates!AU, enemies to lovers!AU

➥ a thousand reasons why

friends to lovers, fluff, smut, angst, crack

➥ one morning stand

in which you and jungkook have one night stands with roommates and happen to be sneaking out at the same time.

➥ lemon sherbet

summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

➥ frat party

super flirty and charming jk and a shy y/n meet at a frat party

➥ zoom call

summary: In a sea of black screens and faceless names, there’s one smiley boy that beams back at you through the dimly lit screen of your laptop, a tiny Jeon Jungkook (he/him) tacked to the corner of his window.

➥ i wish i missed my ex - jungkook scenario

college!au, friends to lovers!au, fakeboyfriend!au, fluff if you squint real real hard, smut, angst i think(?),slowburn

➥ you can be the sin, i’ll be the sinner — jungkook scenario

college!au, badboy!jjk, smut

➥ callous - jungkook scenario

angst, highschool!au, badboy!au

➥ heartfelt — a jeongguk scenario

angst idk maybe + slow (slow!) burn + best friends! to we could be lovers but we’re both to nervous to ask each other out

➥ in your arms tonight - jeongguk scenario

college!au, smut, established relationship, domestic!au, drabble

➥ cheetos

the one where you wrote jk a confession letter and slipped it into his backpack but he didn’t see it and a month later he’s confused as to why you’re now ignoring him when really you’d absolutely gutted because he rejected you without knowing

➥ heart of the storm

Fluff • Smut • Hint of Angst • Secret Feelings/Strangers to Lovers

➥ pining 101

hospitalplaylist!au, hospital au, friends2lovers, idiots2lovers, pining!!!, over 10 years of pining lmao, comedy, fluff, jealousy, a lil angst, pediatricsurgeon!jungkook x generalsurgeon!reader

➥ the love project

college!au, friends to lovers!au

➥ the love swings

smut, jjk is that boy af there i said it, cherry!kook appears

➥ simmer down and pucker up

prompt: combined - #12. things you said when you thought I was asleep #41. things you said you loved about me #58. things you were afraid to say #59. things you said after we fell in love

➥ pour up

fuckboy!jungkook / fuckboy!taehyung + smut | summary: sleeping with both notorious frat boys kim taehyung and jeon jungkook doesn’t sound so bad ━ especially when you’re drunk and faded.

➥ kismet

summary: in your desperation to find a job, you accept work at the local bookstore, owned by a grumpy man who wants to make your life miserable. you can’t seem to figure out why he’s so cold towards you yet charming and sweet to everyone else. when his act starts to slip, you realise there’s more to him than he lets on

➥ lover

“Let me get this straight.. you want me to break up with you for 24 hours so you can go barricade yourself in our bedroom and cry to Taylor Swift?”

➥ sleepless nights

summary: in which you can’t fall asleep and accidentally wake jungkook up so he decides to make it worth your while for both of you

➥ anything for you

summary: in which jungkook lets you do his skincare

➥ 物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC. Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage. A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

➥ that which still haunts us

summary: jungkook and his partner yoongi have been in the hitman business for a few years by now, so this mission should be as easy as any other. little does jungkook know, his next target may be his most difficult one yet… angst, smut, a little romance, ex lovers to lovers

➥ after I left you

“when you decided to meet up with taehyung for dinner to reconnect, you didn’t expect to see jungkook, your ex, on a date with his current girlfriend and not to mention, end up fake dating taehyung.” exes! AU, fake dating! AU, enemies to lovers-ish! AU, unrequited feelings-ish! AU, angst, fluff

➥ love, rekindled

enemies2lovers! au, ex!au, professional!au, jeon jungkook x reader (side kim taehyung)

➥ quit

your ex to shows up at your apartment in the middle of the night. angst; smut; exes to lovers; 18+; pwp

➥ long way home

dilf!jk x best friend!reader, single dad jk, friends to lovers, angst, jungkook’s life makes an 180 degree turn when he’s suddenly a single dad and while you’re trying to help him come accustomed to the new circumstances, your long-standing friendship takes new turns as well.

➥ swipe right

summary-  after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right? genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)

➥ ancient history

actor!jungkook x actress!reader, angst + smut + fluff + exes to lovers + actor!au

➥ eight year ache

ceo!jungkook x ex-richgirl!waitress!reader, fluff, angst, mild smut, exes to lovers, modern persuasion au

➥ perfectly, us

Synopsis: You have the perfect valentines day planned, the rose petals, the candles, everything you could think of to make it the perfect day. Sadly, when it comes to yours and Jungkook’s relationship nothing has ever been perfect, but luckily for you, perfect is subjective.

➥ just a little bit of your heart

Summary: Jungkook’s eyes used to always be wide with wonder, although your paths had separated a long time ago, you still find yourself wondering if after all that he’s been through, they still keep their magic inside them, if he’s still got that special place for you in his heart.

➥ parking lot

Synopsis ✦ Daddy’s boy Jungkook has been chasing after you for months, trying it all just to get you in bed. Will your stubborn refusal eventually turn into a strange acceptance after a stressful night out?

➥ roommate

Roommates to lovers, friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut, fuckboy Jungkook x fuckgirl reader.

➥ sex therapist

summary: you and your boyfriend are having problems in the bedroom so you decide to make an appointment with Dr. Jeon.

➥ de-railed

College Student!Jungkook x College Student!F.Reader, fluff, angst, smut, basically PWP, Strangers to Lovers

➥ always you

summary: what happens when the man who broke your heart is your only option as a date to your sister’s wedding?

➥ acatalepsy

survival!au, apocalypse!au, loose bird box!au (no birds - jk is the bird 👀), eventual smut, dark and angsty, character death

➥ f is for

college au, fboy jk and fgirl yn who l*ke each other

➥ scattered stars

It’s easy to despise Jungkook when your contradicting magic doesn’t allow you to touch each other without fatal consequences - but what if your eternal enemy turns out to be your soulmate with whom you, unfortunately, do fall in love?

➥ all over you

genre: fantasy!au, HP!au, exes/e2l!au, light angst, fluff, smut, a lot of smut | Summary: You just wanted to win the prize in potions class, but it seems as if your ex has other plans

➥ not my fault

Summary: After sparking a sinful conversation on a dating app, you vow to yourself that you won’t give in to more the notorious college fuckboy Jeon Jungkook might have to offer. That is, until he rings your doorbell just one night later – and it’s truly not your fault that he’s so damn hard to resist.

➥ favor

Everyone thinks you and Jeon Jungkook should date for world peace. Their world peace, as in they are totally sick of girls chasing Jungkook around like starving wolves trying to take a bite out of a polite but very unwilling bunny. Pair the bunny with the human personification of fuck you and all their problems are solved! You are not amused.

➥ colour me in

Summary: Jungkook’s door only opens for you when there’s a barter: a trade of lust and haze. But today you knock for something more, as intriguing as it is frightening – and you hope it doesn’t close his door forever. 

➥ waking up in vegas

summary- you know what they say. what happens in vegas, stays in vegas.  but, what happens when you accidentally marry your brother’s best friend?

➥ just for tonight

summary: jungkook will do anything to get invited to the annual and exclusive start-of-the-year party, even if that means dragging you along for the ride

➥ how long will we fall

glimpse: if it’s fate, it should already be set onto your skin — that’s why jungkook’s initials are already on your finger. he’s always there for you, but not only for you. if you’re his fate, he’d rather not have it.

➥ home

SUMMARY: Jungkook introduces you to Bam

➥ puddle of love

You get some bad news, which takes you back to Jungkook.

➥ not my fault

Summary: After sparking a sinful conversation on a dating app, you vow to yourself that you won’t give in to more the notorious college fuckboy Jeon Jungkook might have to offer. That is, until he rings your doorbell just one night later – and it’s truly not your fault that he’s so damn hard to resist.

➥ scattered stars

Summary:“And with that, a picture of Jungkook flashed into your mind, his fingertips caressing your cheek and his gentle and affectionate smile sending shivers down your spine as you admitted to yourself that yes - you wanted him.“

It’s easy to despise Jungkook when your contradicting magic doesn’t allow you to touch each other without fatal consequences - but what if your eternal enemy turns out to be your soulmate with whom you, unfortunately, do fall in love?

➥ ego

summary: what's a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn't quite so sweet and innocent? well, he's a grown-ass man, and you're about to learn that the hard way. (smut, humor, college!au, fuckboi!au, fratboy!au)