cainightfics

[cainightfics]

re: ur last ask, hv u got any fave movies from other countries that u have watched till now?

i kind of like movies based on very random metrics so idk if other ppl would agree with me. these r also kind of basic bc im just watching what film magazines recommend lol. but so far i would say objectively (with titles rendered in their official english translations):

usa:

yes, citizen kane really is that good. i did not think i would agree with this consensus but i did. it feels INCREDIBLY "modern" both because the subject matter (insane overly-powerful billionaires) and the style is both timeless and also genre defining. you should watch it if you havent already. knowing orson welles made this at age 25 AND it was his first movie is insane

(special mention to casablanca for being referenced by tyrell too, lol)

belarus (soviet):

come and see is depressing, extremely materialist, and probably one of the best war movies ive ever seen. if youve ever been asked the question "would you go back in time and kill baby hitler?" and come to the (very marxist, lol) conclusion that "Great Man theory is dumb, its the material conditions that made nazi germany" then this is for you.

russia (also soviet)

anything tarkovsky, but special shoutouts to mirror and stalker. his movies are like falling asleep and dreaming after staying up all night trying to finish your philosophy paper. i have also always thought solaris was like a better version of 2001: a space odyssey.

man with a movie camera is probably one of the first and best documentaries ever made (tho whether it even is a documentary or not is a debate you can join after u watch it!)

sweden

let the right one in is very cute. i do rly love a sweet horror movie. however...

persona is probs the best swedish film. i would also say this counts as a vampire movie to me, like the entry above, but in a more symbolic way.

japan

kind of like tarkovsky, you really just gotta watch everything kurosawa made because its so foundational. go watch yojimbo and youll realize every spaghetti western rips it off to an insane degree, often literally shot for shot. rashomon is similarly foundational for its various unreliable narrators and frame narrative. ikiru is a nice little watch as well.

cuba

i am cuba has the most bonkers practical cinematography im so serious. just watch this clip man they hooked a guy up to a crane to film it lol: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hiV9NQnoa4

hong kong

again if we're talking national auteurs its wong kar wai, who i think everyone knows by now. i think he also does the feeling of bittersweet very well—in the mood for love and happy together are examples

i am not very far thru my goal of watching a movie from every country yet, bc i get easily distracted, but these r kind of the highlights so far.

[cainightfics]

do you have hobbies besides writing?

yes lots!! too many to probably get into.

one thing that might be surprising is i like to sew. im really not a fashionable person at all but i do make and wear historical garments. i find consumer fashion history super interesting because you can really trace all trends in the west back to colonialism and changes in technology. my fave thing to make are hats! but im cheap so a lot of my hats are made from like cereal boxes and fake flowers i used to steal from my workplace lol. here are the two most recent hats i made

i crochet too but to a lesser extent. the last finished wearable project i did was a recreation of a capelet from the 1890s inlaid with ribbon. crochet has a super interesting economic history because it's the one textile craft that can't be done by machine. during the irish famine, families with a daughter who could crochet were often the only ones who could afford to eat because the british paid top price for crochet shawls and wedding veils. these "one of a kind" garments were super fashionable among the wealthy because they couldn't be mass produced in factories. there are even instances of crocheters being indentured (essentially enslaved) by rich british women. just one small instance of the colonial appetite for certain fashion trends driving destruction. unlike dhaka muslin or the northern sea otter, though, crocheting is still around today.

that's probably my more interesting hobby. other than that idk i read and watch movies/tv a lot. i am trying to watch one movie from every country this year. i just finished "taste of cherry" from iran.

i think ive mentioned my goonvestigations on here before. i sometimes spend a stupid amount of time in that if i find a good rabbit hole. i haven't had a really interesting person or fetish to deep dive into tho lately....

i like baking. i also like to go out to dessert cafes but sometimes it's hard because a lot of places make you have a reservation of 2 ppl in order to get the tea set 😔 and i go alone

i garden too. here's my first tomato of the year

im thinking i might join a chess club in the fall bc the two full time jobs i had interviews for last week rejected me. lol. which is honestly fine bc my current job is funny and i basically pay nothing in groceries because i take food home from there. im gonna travel this winter a bit, do some more writing. i also wanna learn a new language, maybe mandarin chinese

i play piano too but not very frequently. i think that's kind of it!

thanks for the question :)

[cainightfics]

Hello this is a doctor and we have a patient who is dying in 2 months and their only wish is to read chapter 10 of TROTW :( we keep having to sedate them because they’ll scream during the night “what does Angela have to talk to Elliot about?! Alone?!”

Do you think you can help us out :/

Signed,

Doctor of diseases and stuff

if the patient has 2 months left to live, they'll get their wish....

as for their night terrors... imagine what a plucky fbi agent like dominique dipierro might do if she suspected someone of being involved in murder, and maybe more. shed probably go to their former place of work and ask around, right? and then she might hear about some of the strange behaviour her suspects have been exhibiting... and might get a hold of one suspects old boss, who already has a feeling something fishy went on with his star employees recent resignation...

such a series of circumstances might lead said fbi agent to want to start pulling machines and looking into what exactly happened the night of the hack that seems to have started this state of affairs.

and someone's childhood friend may want to warn them about this, even if she doesn't know what exactly is going on.

certainly then those two subjects might need to pay ones former workplace and boss a visit, right?

and if the fbi is already so close, maybe it's better to just carry out The Big Hack as soon as possible, and then run?

but who could say...

[cainightfics]

Wow, you actually said yes.

I’m way too shy to talk in person, so I’ll just bother you on your blog and indulge my exhibitionist tendencies (kidding).

Hmm… what’s something you dislike in people? :]

Please don’t say "using way too many emojis" 🥹

lol sure. im rly nothing special tho so don't be shy. just a regular person

hmmm ig the one thing i universally dislike is ppl who are rude to service workers.... instant feeling of deep disgust from me

i also recently ignored someone i know irl for 6 months because she told me i should start investing... and when i showed her how the ETF she was obsessed with bc it's "easy money" was full of weapons manufacturers she didn't give a fuck... so that really bothered me. i don't have a very traditional lifestyle and i don't care about normal markers of success so in general people who try to get me to buy in to the system really get on my nerves. i don't care about retiring and i don't care about getting a "good job" i just want my freedom and to cause less damage to the world

those are kind of the main two that universally bother me. im kind of to the point where i only truly get along with people who are likeminded about global issues, and that's hard to find bc im insane commie doomer at this point

thanks for the nice words and your question!

[cainightfics]

If we knew each other in real life, I swear I’d totally adore you (and honestly, I already do). I left the fandom ages ago, but you still hold a special place in my heart. So, will you be the Elliot to my Tyrell? 😏

I DO!!

[cainightfics]

to reveal my own opinion with an hour left. i don't think he has a piss kink genuinely. but the humiliation of scott knowles making fun of him as if he did probably induced a neurological response that got tyrells wires crossed due to the combination of anger and humiliation + his weird switchy dom/sub eager to please at work ways. like i imagine when he was choking out sharon he was thinking back to scott taking control of that conversation and walking him like a dog (psychologically) and it got him a lil excited... does anyone see my vision

[cainightfics]

Sorry if this is a personal question, but I'm not much of a writer and so am curious about what types of things you might dislike when revisiting some of the things you've written. How do you decide when to change something versus keep something you don't like? Thank you for your writing, and I hope you're doing well. Have a nice day.

u can ask anything no need to say sorry. thanks for the question

the main things im noticing so far are 1) dialogue can feel super contrived at times and 2) some plot points move too fast. like for example in ch 2 tyrell kills a person and the emotional weight of this being the first person whose death elliots low-key responsible for isn't lingered on enough, imo. it's one of manyyy things im currently fixing

i know the show itself moves at such a fast clip that the writing doesn't tend to linger on stuff for super long, and i know if this fic wasn't mine i wouldn't care, but because i wrote it im like UGHHHH IM SUCH AN IDIOT

it's hard to know what's genuinely bad vs what's just annoying to me bc i despise reading my own writing tho. this is the first fic ive ever actually gone back and read and part of the reason it's taken so long for me to add a new chapter is bc the next "arc" has a lot of moving parts and i know i need to be aware of tonssss of different character interactions that have already happened in order to tie a lot of them off. which means rereading. which means i wanna kms

i have a good idea of the story from the place where i left off to the ending. the next chapter will be a bit of a point of no return for elliot. he's gonna blow up all of his relationships in one night lol. if you're familiar with the "bad choice road" storytelling concept from breaking bad/better call saul, let's say poisoning scott knowles out of pettiness and a feeling of indebtedness to tyrell were the first turn onto the bad choice road. the next chapter will be the equivalent of seeing the last possible turn off and hitting the gas pedal instead

[cainightfics]

Would you talk more about Ivy League life and academia? Id be interested on your perspective as someone who is looking to go into it myself

ya sure. for me personally academia has been a mixed bag. on the one hand i did spend the past 2 years living for free in one of the most expensive cities in the world being paid to read and write. i was also exposed to tons of new ideas i would have never found as someone who grew up on a farm with two parents who never cared about school. i think i developed a bit of a chip on my shoulder at a young age because i had TONS of scholastic achievements but often felt my parents were more interested in my popular, sociable sisters.

the academic cocoon is also a very comfortable and familiar place to me. school was always the one thing i was good at, and i started university early at 16, so in total it's been like 8 straight years of higher education, and typically while working uni jobs as well as a research assistant, archivist, etc. i think it's very common for people like me to try to stay in school forever because it's where they feel comfortable. i know for me it's incredibly hard to hold down a "real" job and so i thought "well maybe i can postpone that by getting more degrees." i think my case was most ideal for someone with those motivations, because i got generous funding. however, academia exploits this type of person very easily.

masters degrees are a cash cow for universities. if you live in a country like mine where an MA is a stepping stone towards a PhD, that's one thing. if you live in america where you can go into your doctorate straight out of a bachelors, then masters programs, unless they are training for a specific career like social work or library sciences, are scams. universities make BANK off of masters programs because they are short, require few resources to set up, and typically go nowhere for the student. it's harsh but it's true. even better for the school if they can rope you into the indentured servitude that is TA and RA positions in lieu of funding.

additionally, grad school is a rich kids playground. it is very much pay to win. even cynical little me was shocked on the first day of orientation when it was slowly revealed how many of my peers had parents who were profs, doctors, lawyers, etc, how many people had gone to private school, how many international students had servants back home. my uni did a survey and found out 90% of honours undergrad students came from a nearby neighborhood where the median family income is $400k. this is not shocking when you tally up the financial cost of being successful in grad school. it's expected that your cv is full of publications, conference presentations, internships.... how do you have time for any if these if you are working to pay rent? especially when these "opportunities" are just unpaid labour?

i have no doubt that i had the poorest background of anyone in my program, which was extra hilarious because i think i was also the only marxist lol. despite what fox news claims, actual marxism is frowned upon in academia because the academy is largely concerned with sectioning off identities into modes of study that are highly marketable. the one marxist professor i had was constantly pinned as a queer studies academic because he was trans, even though he wrote books on primitive accumulation.

i personally always felt i was treated somewhat oddly for my topic of study, which was so niche and so i suppose "edgy" that i can't even tell you it otherwise it would doxx me. but also i found my classmates knowledge extremely lacking in many areas. like for example a majority of people in my COLD WAR THEORY CLASS were not aware that israel is a massive arms manufacturer and that silicon wadi develops and tests guns, drone tech, surveillance programs, etc that are used by western governments. i feel like this is somewhat basic knowledge to understanding why israel gets away with what it does and yet nobody around me knew that. like ooooookay lol. similarly people whose dream was to become a lawyer or policy analyst and work for a multinational org were not aware that nato commits war crimes, the world bank and imf are predatory, etc. hell there were lots of people who didn't even know obama bombed doctors without borders hospitals.

also many of my peers were super sheltered and had never worked service jobs before and it showed. i went out to drinks with them once and NOBODY returned their glasses to the bar except me. i ended up bussing the table because i was so embarrassed that the people i was with were going to make the extremely busy barback come grab their garbage. when i told people i grew up on a farm, my mom is a waitress and my dad a maintenance man, they always got really uncomfortable. i could feel the class divide between myself and my classmates very acutely at times.

in general i would say that despite whatever rosy feelings you may have about loving school, academia is a medieval institution still functioning with medieval ways. as in it's a system that runs on apprenticeship, and if you are not already rich, you are at a massive disadvantage. ivy league and equivalent schools are even more intensely like this, but with a few scholarships for the token model minorities and meritocratic poors they let in for diversity. also, academics are not as progressive as you may think. REMEMBER THAT lol....

above all my biggest issue with academia is that the work feels pointless. you are writing articles that no one will read. the best work you will do is teaching undergrads (this was my fave part) but even that is marred by the struggle to keep their attention and not just have them think of class as put work in -> get grade. the cycle of "publish or perish" stretches people thin and leads to a bunch of bullshit work polluting the airways. the pressure to always self commodify and self market due to the job insecurity is a bitch, too. with the rug being pulled on tenure, don't expect the academy to have your back, either. there is a reason why good academics tend to either kill themselves or end up in jail, lol.

and, of course, the biggest concern: there are no jobs. seriously. there are no jobs for academics. look it up, the numbers are insane. there is 1 job posting for every 400 PhDs.

id say only do it if you can do nothing else, and even then, stay cynical and level headed about the sort of institution you are in. be prepared to be busy, burnt out, and plagued with questions like "why tf am i doing this when the world is on fire??" every day.

[cainightfics]

I just finished Mr robot, something I never intended to do. I saw it on Netflix, pressed play, and I think something changed in my DNA. Anyway, that is to say I craved more content and stumbled upon your fic (TROTW) and it has satiated the need to be present with the characters again. Your characterization is SO spot on it’s almost freaky. Were you in the writing room with them? ;)

I actually laughed at loud on some parts of it. There’s one instance where Elliot says Tyrell is the only person to make him feel like the least crazy one in the room after Tyrell breaks in on the assumption Elliot allowed him in before. I lol’d. It really feels like you own these characters and their inner selves, their desires, quirks. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for bringing your writing onto the internet. I hope to see a resolution to this 3 year old fic! But I’m also content and grateful for the words you’ve shared thus far. Just wanted to gush at you, basically. I hope this isn’t an abuse of the ask function. Hope you’re doing well!

you are so sweet omg 😭 thank you for reading the fic and taking the time to give me your feedback, i always appreciate it. knowing there are so many people waiting for an update is the only reason i still endeavour to do so. especially lately as ive been revising/editing old chapters and just hating what im reading. truly thank you so much

[cainightfics]

so are you the type of person who refused to vote kamala because she wouldn't support hamas then

im the type of person who can't even vote in american elections due to not being american. as are most people in the world.

[cainightfics]

@oklooneytunes replied: art created within the capitalist system is influenced by capitalists 🫩🫩

fr how are people so naive... and do ppl rly think anything genuinely radical would be picked up by netflix or amazon prime lol. the furthest mr robot ever got was some hand-wavey "wealth redistribution" and a couple of milquetoast "we are corporate drones" rants. i like the show but come on now

to the people i keep seeing wait for sam esmail to make some statement on palestine dont hold your breath lol. 1) hes a lib thats been obvious all along 2) his wife is an israel supporter. esmail even made some vows like 10 yrs ago to make anti-israel and anti-obama documentary pieces yet he married a liberal zionist. making a show with some vaguely anticapitalist themes does not equate to any level of real actionable opinions on the state of things. im sorry if this sounds harsh but its true and the sooner you stop thinking of mr robot as groundbreaking leftist storytelling the better off you are lol

[cainightfics]

i was just at a job interview and it reminded me of how the original inspiration for trotw was me sitting in a horrible interview where the manager was 15 minutes late, my pants were ripped, and all my references were just me with burner emails and phone numbers and thinking "i understand why elliot only got jobs through a recommendation, imagine how bad he'd be at an interview" lol

[cainightfics]

to the people i keep seeing wait for sam esmail to make some statement on palestine dont hold your breath lol. 1) hes a lib thats been obvious all along 2) his wife is an israel supporter. esmail even made some vows like 10 yrs ago to make anti-israel and anti-obama documentary pieces yet he married a liberal zionist. making a show with some vaguely anticapitalist themes does not equate to any level of real actionable opinions on the state of things. im sorry if this sounds harsh but its true and the sooner you stop thinking of mr robot as groundbreaking leftist storytelling the better off you are lol

[cainightfics]

Not trying to pressure you, but what's taking so long with the TROTW update?? It's been years 😭

i know im sorry.

im in the process of editing old chapters right now both to clean things up and to jog my memory on where the plot is at. i hate reading my own writing, i find it so cringe, and at numerous points ive had the urge to just delete the fic lol.

i stopped writing trotw when i started working on my thesis. i was so busy with academic writing that i fell out of the practice of putting aside time for fic writing. i feel bad about it every day, but it's just hard for me to get back in the habit.

ive also been incredibly depressed the past couple of years. ive had depression for 14 years but it's really solidified into something brutally constant now. i mean as you can probably tell if you've read my posts before im a very pessimistic person and i just can't deal with the everyday suffering of life. not for me in particular, but just in general. humans drop bombs on and starve and rape each other while animals eat other animals alive. we have like maaaaybe five years before a blue ocean event which is game over (the game is already over, but a boe will force everyone to see just how fucked we are, and mass violence will ensue im sure. water wars and climate refugees shot at the border, breadbasket failures, ocean mass deaths, etc). don't even get me started on the number of people who have long covid.

i don't really find anything worthwhile or enjoyable beyond a fleeting sense of amusement, and i would kill myself if it wasn't guaranteed to cause my family suffering.

writing used to be a fun thing for me. it still probably is i just have to get back into it. lately ive been simply going to work and coming home and feeling too tired to do anything besides read and watch tv. i need to lock in

[cainightfics]

would you ever write angelliot or domlene?

mmmm honestly no. i don't particularly care for either. it takes a real miracle of writing to make me care about a het relationship lol, so far only better call saul has managed it. and as for domlene i think if you search the ship name in my blog you will see past posts where ive explained why im not into it.

ig what i like about longform fics like trotw is that it gives me room to explore all the platonic relationships in the show that i find super heartbreaking (angela and elliots friendship destroyed, darlene trying to bond with two alters when she wants her "real" brother, etc). i also think tyrell & irving are extremely hilarious. among my many unfinished fics i have one about tyrells imprisonment era with lots of interaction between them

thanks for the q!

[cainightfics]

anymore tyrelliot sex headcanons queen? king? whatever?

elliot has erectile dysfunction due to being on ssris, antipsychotics, and opioid abuse. tyrell is still adamant he can get elliot off. he tries sucking elliots dick and when elliot doesnt even get hard after 30 seconds tyrell is fighting back tears because he thought he would be different

tyrell tries to do some dom shit with elliot because after a decade of that with his wife, seducing people in the workplace by being sexually dominant, etc thats what hes used to. elliot just looks at him like 😐🤨😐 and then goes back to playing on his computer. again tyrell starts fighting back tears

elliot doesnt even jerk off. ever. like mr robot says this in canon to insult elliot but i think hes being fr lol. meanwhile all of that "chopping wood" tyrell was doing at the farmhouse is a metaphor for deeeeeeep masturbatory sexual frustration.

i think ever acknowledging tyrell is sexually attracted to him would make elliot soooo uncomfortably conflicted that he'd just choose to ignore the VERY OBVIOUS signs. like to the point where any time tyrell started looking at him a little too heatedly elliot would stare into the middle distance dissociating until tyrell stopped

if mr robot was set in omegaverse tyrell would try to babytrap elliot by claiming he was pregnant even tho they never had sex. like the virgin mary. deep in his religious delusions ofc

and as per usual i think in general tyrelliot is way funnier if they never have sex. like tyrell did the more lowkey version of jumping in front of a bullet and dying for him canonically but elliot would still never sleep with him

i am not the right person to ask for this as you very well know.... im anti tyrelliot sex. go ask a tyrobot blog bc i feel like thats more plausible lol