#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

e77y · 6 months ago

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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness

#vent #<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill #but also :( sad #I miss my family and friends at home #I haven’t really talked to my roommates #including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days #and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot #I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed #but the main thing is #I FEEL LIKE A BABY #my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless #I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine #and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can #but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything #I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff #so we are not completely doomed lol #also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries #and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly #bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money #so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point #I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two #and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver

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beneathsilverstars · 21 days ago

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i keep adding things to this one post and then realizing they'd make more sense as a separate post. so here's how the party explained what happened in dagger ending au to bonnie:

Siffrin was very sad and worried about everyone leaving, because he was alone before he met us and he didn't want to be alone again. But he didn't talk about it because we all had plans that seemed very important, and he didn't want to get in the way, and he didn't want to admit that he didn't have anything else to do. It sounds pretty silly when you put it like that, but the rest of us were nervous to admit how much we cared about each other, too! Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how important they are to you, if you don't know whether you're important to them.

During the quest it was okay, because Siffrin knew we would stay together until Vaugarde was saved. But getting to Dormont meant the quest was almost over, and they got so upset at the idea of everyone leaving, that they didn't really care about what they were doing. Why did it matter what happened to them, when they were going to be sad and alone tomorrow either way? So they weren't very careful while they were training, and they got hurt. Luckily Odile saw, and Mirabelle healed them right up.

Now, he's really glad that we all decided to stay together longer! But he might still feel worried for a while, because it's hard to believe that everyone isn't leaving, after he's been dreading it for so long. And sometimes when you're sad for a long time, your brain just tries to keep being sad even when there isn't any reason to be. But if we keep reminding him that we love him just as much as he loves us, it'll start to stick in his brain better! We might also need to remind him to be careful and take care of himself, because that can be hard to remember when you're sad. And while he practices that, we can help take care of him, too!

#bonnie: oh you mean like depression?#isabeau: uh. yeah exactly. we don't know for sure yet but it's very likely that siffrin is depressed #bonnie: [nods very seriously.] i'll wash all the dishes so he doesn't have to. but if he feels like helping then he can help.#<- this bit goes in the tags bc we're getting into my very specific nille headcanons lmao #dagger ending au #did i need to write this whole thing out? no. but i had fun 😌#explaining things to people is my favorite thing in the world. especially children #note there is only ONE direct lie in this - the 'while they were training'#killing yourself sure involves being so upset that you stop being careful with your body!!#unfortunately without Some 'context in which it makes sense that being a little not-careful could get you really hurt'#bonnie definitely woulda asked what happened #and then it's more difficult to avoid the truth without more specific lies #so. we lead with one lie about an inconsequential detail that the full truth doesn't actually contradict #maybe siffrin Was training when he decided to kill himself.. who knows......#very important to be truthful as possible here i think bc a 12 year old could definitely figure out at some point what actually happened #and if that happens you do nottt want to be the person who Straight Up Majorly Lied #they'll be upset enough without also totally losing trust in you #(however 10-12 is young enough that bonnie really does NOT need to know right now. especially not on top of everything else.#they may figure it out eventually but ideally we will try to prevent that happening for as long as possible.)#plus bonnie is gonna. be around siffrin. so all the emotional stuff is gonna be relevant!#better to explain it preemptively and establish that it's something we're allowed to talk about #i know this party is shit at communicating but i do have to believe they could pull this together for bonnie #at least if given an hour to decide what they're gonna say #mirabelle has been to therapy #isabeau has crisis response training #odile is 40 something years old so this can't be the first rly difficult situation she's had to navigate. and she's very practical #and siffrin takes bonnie seriously and has proven he understands when to establish yourself as a trusted adult who #won't bullshit you and when to use that power to get away with lying or avoiding the truth when it's really necessary #or maybe the occasional prank but that's fine i think if done carefully and in moderation #isat

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 4 months ago

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Some mild existential dread in the house today

#im just feeling reeeeally really drained #works taking a LOT out of me #like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up #and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life #except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit #and the time and the energy #and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting #and hoping #and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it #i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping #and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes #and have a bath and shave at some point #i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare #AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult #part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions #but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other #idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep #which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately #mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me #and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on #but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just #this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention #and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd #but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh

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james-spooky · 5 months ago

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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asterbats · 1 month ago

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i think for the shitty scorpion family, their entire dynamic is definitely toxic (heh) but also neither dusk nor bruno is an inherently terrible person? its just that they’re a) horrible together longterm as they are and b) people who should not have had kids.

#last art was definitely more of a dark humor vibe but one thing that i thiiink kinda comes through is that like.#both of them are projecting their own bullshit onto their kids. bruno has an extremely toxic idea of what it means to be an alpha #and its really just a way hes excused his own semi-suicidal tendencies and horrible self worth. but bc castor is like him he tries to make #him the same way #while dusk is incredibly emotionally stunted and was always punished for wanting intimacy. shes not gonna be affectionate with her kids #at least coming IMMEDIATELY out of her bad situation. shes been given zero time to process her trauma and now shes a mom #and shes just not emotionally suited for that #none of this is an excuse for their actions obviously. both castor and cecil suffer for years to come over thid #this #and this is all castor backstory. hes the most important player here no matter what #part of his arc is about unlearning all of this and breaking the cycle #and yknow im well aware the audience is likely gonna hate these guys and thats completely understandable. but their shittiness fascinates me #like. its specific shittiness. its shittiness that couldve been helped if those two werent at the literal worst point of their lives #castor never sees his bio family again but. i always figured that if he met his parents again as an adult. hed be pissed at them ofc #and give em a piece of his mind. but theyd probably done some introspection by then and they could probably somewhat repair their rel #relationship #<- not canon info jsyk but idk…#yeah though. also dw i have other shitty parents that dont get redeemed at all LMAO #i am very anti ‘’you need to forgive blood family no matter what’’. hell castor still doesnt. i am doing au musing rn #starfall lore #<- sure #would anyone be open to more character rambling stuff like this btw…

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maybege · 7 months ago

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btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST

#this month has been so crazy #being an adult is constantly switching from bone deep exhaustion to fully packed calendars for social things #and i love the social things don't get me wrong but like #i need time to rot #i need time to stare out the window and daydream #and i have had the bEST scenarios come up in my head just before i fall asleep #(aka the main way i get any of my writing outlined lol)#but i have barely even opened my laptop in the past two weeks #never mind written anything down #anyway what i am trying to say is that i think this 'forced' break kind of got my muse going again #i am thinking of all the things and i even wanted to write a little bit for biker!Paz again which #let me tell you #has not happened in a LONG LONG time #also also #sarah made me the PRETTIEST BESTEST AWESOMEST friendship bracelets for calm and the one #and obv i am now thinking again of that other bodyguard!paz idea i had going in my brain that one time #cause i kind of forgot about The One???#but also did i ever tell you guys about the modern calmer au i was thinking of?#bc i had a weird/uncomfy rideshare experience recently #and nothing happened and i was never unsafe at any point #but boy oh boy do i think this would fit in that au #anyway #i know there are some asks in my inbox that i never got to so maybe i'll get to it today!#may rambles

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deus-ex-mona · 1 month ago

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ok yk what. now that i’ve had some time to process nghy canon, considering the current pacing of gen retcon, i think their next step is as ✨clear as day✨

i really like seeing them happy together, but i truly do think that they should divorce and either live the rest of their lives as single besties; partners in hero/heroine-isms, but better off as just friends, or go their separate ways for a bit and get back together when they’re a little older and wiser, staying together for good this time around, as each other’s first and last boyfriend/girlfriend

#‘haven’t you had quite enough of pushing your divorce agendas??? like with lxl????’ no. never.#idk i think part of their charm was nagisa’s patience and genuine earnest love for hiyori #and hiyori’s determination to achieve her goals of becoming a true heroine in every sense of the word…#but the current pacing is kinda… um. i really love how nghy is now truly canon ofc. but… it feels too rushed?#like they’re just checking off a box on a ‘relationships to go’ checklist?#and nagisa’s sudden second confession? in a throwaway line? what was that all about man… when did that even happen? excuse?#i think it’d have been more meaningful if hiyori was the one to confess without any prompting (to lead to their relationship)…#and. uh. don’t take this the wrong way but… noontea seemed a little peer pressure-y to me.#it kinda felt like juri and chizu were pressuring hiyori into getting a bf… it’s been eating away at me ever since i tried to tl it. but.#…idk. point is. i think a relationship built on those foundations (peer pressure/fomo and a suddenly persistent guy(???)) is doomed to fail #and so i think nghy should divorce. maybe they’ll reconnect romantically in a few years #(fulfilling nagisa’s agreement to be hiyori’s ‘last bf’ as well as having been her ‘first bf’ during their first try at a relationship)#or they could just be besties till the end of time; having been each other’s hero and heroine once upon a time #ik hw doesn’t do breakups of their main couples (not since nakimushi kareshi eons ago i think…)#but i think they should give it another go for nghy. maybe it’d make their love story a little more compelling #and maybe we could all unite under the cheers of hoping that ng and hy get back together in the future as more mature adults…?#idk i just. think the ‘right person; wrong time’ trope could work for nghy #like how it went in sukiuso/heroika with nagisa’s failed confession #even then they were the right person for each other; it just wasn’t the right time for them to date (personal goals/long distance/etc)#so maybe. this time ‘round even though they’ve started dating circumstances could still pop up here and there and maybe…?#…but idk~~~~~~~~ maybe it’s just the 5am thoughts or something that’s finally putting my incoherent trains of thoughts into words…#point is!!!!!! the current pacing is awkward!!!!!!!!! nghy deserve better!!!!!!! and their love story needs to be treated with more care!!!!#idk are hw trying to speedrun nghy for h10w bc nghy’s. like. a mix of different features of their previous couples #which would make ‘em the perfect couple to bring h10w together(???) or something???#but idk. im still really really happy the nghy is canon but. there are some mixed feelings here and there too…#idk dudes this has gotten way too long for its own good so ig i’ll stop here…#live laugh love nghy canon but… i still think they should break up for *at least* a year or so to reasses their relationship #sorry nghy… it’s for your own good i swear… i truly want you to be happy together!!!! i really do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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anotherpapercut · 10 months ago

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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do

#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me #like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that #and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already #bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back #and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess #but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise #and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help #and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out #and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao #and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw #like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way #and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt #and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years #to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad #she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it #long ass tag story sorry

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blackjackkent · 11 months ago

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Me> [struggling to unravel a very annoying UI bug]

My brain, entirely unprompted> H E Y. IF JAHEIRA HAD USED SOME MORE MINOR VERSION OF THAT RITE OF THE TIMELESS BODY ON RASAAD TO EXTEND HIS LIFESPAN, IT WOULD RESOLVE THE MORE FINICKY TIMELINE ISSUES ABOUT RION BEING THEIR KID.

Me> ...ok? I didn't ask right now but thank you for working that out I guess.

#bjk talks #i need some sort of ship name tag for them so people can ignore my ramblings about it XD #i loved astreamofstars's headcanon that rion actually is jaheira's biological kid and named for gorion #which in my worldstate headcanon would definitely make her also rasaad's #but given Rasaad is human and definitely seems at least in his thirties in bg2 #and rion is a half elf but is definitely still a young adult which feels like she's 50 at most #the timeline gets funky bc rasaad would have been like 80 :P #which is like physiologically possible but unlikely in the normal run of things #i had been speculating that J originally researched the rite in the first place at least partly to extend their time together #and her dialogue implies she never figured it out completely (and also had more altruistic intentions for its use at full power)#but no reason that there couldn't have been some lower-level version involved #bc it's magic XD #and i can do what i want #anyway ty for coming to my self-indulgent ted talk #i need to start working on the next chapter of Open Your Eyes #ETA: zenjestrr just pointed out to me that as a monk Rasaad would have Timeless Body feature which simplifies things physiologically XD #yay DND #it's more complicated than just that of course and now i'm resisting writing a whole essay about jaheira's thought processes #XD

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red-dyed-sarumane · 5 months ago

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im trying to think of anything specific that breaks the 3-4 year trend like shuuenpro hit me just. So fucking hard. but then when i think about it my shuuen era was like. 2013-2016 i think. bc szm quit & then i was super into mafumafu in particular. and then 2017-2020 were my utaite years. and of course 2020-now its the aru sekai series years. before 2013 it was okamiden but i dont remember when that started & before that it was pokemon. & before before that it was just animals in general esp horses into giraffes.

so in a general sense pokemon & vocaloid are forever but more specifically yeah i really dont know

#aru sekai is Special bc ive been here since the beginning & im just so invested. im so invested #i need to see the end of it. if magu abandons it at some point i'll understand but its still going to destroy me #theres so many loose ends in the parts of the story we DO have. and we're not even half way into the full story yet.#theres 8 subsections in aru sekai shoushitsu & we have 3 of them so far #i will wait as long as it takes until we reach the ei song bc if its as good as it has been its SO worth it #aru sekai is Not my longest held interest in general but for a very specific one its sure holding me here a long time #if u knew me for the shuuenpro posting ur a real one i was not a model teenager to say the least #im not a model adult either but it is what it is #theres other inerests in between too. llsif for example. but in terms of The Big Ones

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orcelito · 5 months ago

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Part of me is like 'I've been a student for so long, how am I gonna handle being Not A Student..!??!' In terms of like. Self perception, I guess.

I think my psyche is already raring for it tho. Here I am daydreaming looking at house listings and writing a damned baby au bc my brain has decided I kinda want one of those, too.

I'll still always be a mega nerd. But fuck dude. I guess I'm an adult, too.

#speculation nation #not that students arent adults. technically ive been an adult for 9 years.#but when ur a young student it doesnt Feel like ur an adult... not really.#now that im genuinely interested in more 'adult' things it has me going like. Huh. duly noted.#like i kinda just rly wanna settle down. yknow?#wanna find a longterm partner if i can. someone who'd be open to raising kids with me. bc thats apparently smth i want.#i Do want kids. even if im undecided whether id prefer adoption or not.#so i need to find someone who'd be open to that too. and also would be open to living in indiana. bc i dont want to leave here.#just. Sigh. somewhere along the years ive ended up being like. a genuine adult.#i do still need to get my license lol. i need to reach out to my cousin about that again soon #once things calm down a bit more with school. ive been dealing with Too Many Deadlines...#ultimately. idk. just looking to the future i guess. i Am an adult. and im gonna have to fully accept that at some point.#for now tho... one more year of interacting with 18-22 year olds and pretending im Totally just one of them.#i mean. i am. but also it's less common for older students to exist in general.#but i do have the benefit of a baby face lol. none of them expect me to be 27. and that works just fine for me.#i just dont feel like having that conversation over and over and over again 😭😭😭

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thedreadvampy · 1 year ago

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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just

like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings

but like

I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.

like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.