#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point
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my scion animal assignments (aka the daemon au that lives in my brain)
alphinaud: fancy rat (very smart and social, a little scurrying guy, busy little hands, can learn tricks, good to ride around on a shoulder, prey animal)
alisaie: coati (clever little omnivore with prehensile tails. females are very social with each other and form lifelong social ties (and also have bigger frontal cortexes than the males!) (my original thought was ocelot/margay although im veering away from that bc kit miqosquat @sunquail pointed out those are rather solitary critters. they also suggested magpies or woodpeckers? i also admit i have some biased fondness for coatis since they were in a local zoo when i was growing up heheh. this one might change - luckily in a daemon au we can sort of fudge when the twins settled. i think alphinaud settled earlier than alisaie.)
minfilia: luna moth (i knew i wanted a moth bc of flying towards light, the mythological tie to death, and the fleeting life - adult silk moths (which luna moths are) live an extremely short adult lifespan and literally cannot eat in their adult bodies. i went with luna moth because they're very striking and pretty)
yshtola: some species of pit viper (venomous, and an ambush predator. the duality between the venom and the association with healing. pit vipers (rattlesnakes, for example) have very poor vision but have extremely good heat-sense and sense of smell. y'shtola to me is someone who waits for the right time to do things and then does them very dramatically. snakes are also just sort of occult.)
thancred: coyote (has to be SOME type of canine. scrappy little scavengers who are so good at thriving under pressure. seen as a pest. evolved as a secondary predator. canis latrans = talking dog. social patterns can vary and adapt throughout an individual's lifespan - solitary, in a pair, in a pack. i have more coyote facts if you want them)
urianger: bearded vulture (so augury was a roman practice of divination through birds (also the source of the words 'auspicious' and 'inauguration' - and augurelt!), and augurs were the people who read the will of the gods through birdwatching. so it has to be a bird. vultures were a majorly important bird in augury, and i like the parallel you can draw between a scavenger of carrion and the hvw and shb gambits urianger was part of. i settled on bearded vultures bc i also wanted to pick something visually suitable as well - bearded vultures have a head of feathers, and have a sort of gawky golden elegance that suits urianger well. hey wikipedia also just told me that in ancient egypt vultures were associated with motherhood - i always win and i NEVER lose.)
ryne: cheetah (a lightning-fast predator who is also extremely anxious and needs companionship. the emotional support dogs from zoos also ties nicely to thancred being canine. her unsettled forms were mostly small little prey animals - rabbits (baby birch by joanna newsom), little songbirds (for the cage association - nightingales and canaries), lambs (sacrificial slaughter), and a lot of trying to force her daemon to be butterflies/moths to match minfilia.)
graha: meerkat (a funny little clever guy who builds a big city and needs to be in a group of people and also he can fight a poisonous viper. ballsy. the sweetest of the mongooses. to quote kit: "they're weirdly possessive over Their people. like they're cliquish kinda, they're extroverts and love to hang out with people, but they have THEIR special people also. who are favoured")
tataru: potbelly pig (extremely intelligent and cute. and PINK! my reasons are simple but effective.)
estinien: [placeholder] (i haven't put much thought into it bc my main thoughts for a daemon au would be about ryne settling during the events of shb and he isn't in the scions for that. has to be some type of predator that can survive in harsh conditions and isn't very social. a few of you are saying hunting bird, which is intriguing... like a heron or a cormorant. maybe an albatross? i'm also thinking snow leopard maybe, but also :/ lord asriel from hdm :/ )
krile: mourning dove (migratory. i think she'd be a domesticated animal, and they're close relatives of passenger pigeons. my main theme i identify for krile is constantly being the lone survivor/arriving late to the grief (minfilia, the isle of val, eureka story choice, the ninth). the colors also suit her. and there's a certain melancholy calm to her... also there's a huron/wyandot story about mourning doves guarding the entrance to the underworld that made me go HEY. OKAY LET'S GO)
#chirps#i also have thoughts for the teens' preferred unsettled forms.#ffxiv#robffxiv#NOW WITH REASONINGS#changed tataru's to potbelly pig instead of teacup bc the tagger is correct. HEALTHY ANIMALS!#now with smth for krile.
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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it is literally not about legality, if you’re in your late 30s literally what are you hitting up 21 y/os for. Don’t you have investments to make.
#Astonishing number of people will jump on the ‘but it’s technically legal!’ defence#But will not answer my question of whyyyyyy. If your date sounds like PTA night and you need to parent your girlfriend#you have an age gap! And! You are the lamest loser on earth; that is fact; hope this helps!!#(Okay. Lowkey? I shouldn’t be thinking about this STILL. Given it’s been like a MONTH since#But I feel a lil let down and betrayed and I think I’m still kinda processing that… but I#I confided in my bestestest friend that an older man was creeping on me. And I expected her to have my back 100%#And idk— I think she’s just had worse experiences with men and has a higher tolerance to bad behaviour than I an asexual person do#But her response was along the lines of ‘you’re an adult; there’s no problem with it really;#can’t blame him for shooting his shot; it’s not really a weird age gap’#And worst of all— ‘maybe he just has an age kink; maybe he gets off on you being younger’#I have to say. I don’t care. The point is that I discouraged it several times and was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it#I feel like in that situation the thing to do is side with me especially when I’m telling you all this.#And like. Sigh i don’t know. I still love her with all my heart but it’s feeling a lil awkward rn#I’m still thinking about that and obviously I don’t want it to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had#But it’s feeling a little forced right now. I expected her to have my back and for some reason her brushing this aside did make me#Feel completely invalidated and like I should just stop feeling weirded out and man up and discourage this man in words—#When the thing is there was NEVER any hint of interest. I don’t feel like I should have to dignify his behaviour in terms of interest or#Attraction. Because! I just don’t think you should be that forward with strangers repeatedly!! and if I think that’s weird then I’m sorry i#It won’t work with me! I don’t like it! I think that’s grounds enough to stop oh my god.#I’ll be seeing my bestie in a couple of weeks. Flying all the way out to England for her. I don’t want this to be awkward…#but something in me is just a lil heartbroken. Like I feel the girlcode was broken. We’ve always told each other#Not to let men affect our self worth or alter our boundaries. I feel like that was violated.#(ik she said that bc her bf at the time was 30 but like. Listen to my individual situation no? This one wasn’t about you I came for advice)#Rant
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST
#this month has been so crazy#being an adult is constantly switching from bone deep exhaustion to fully packed calendars for social things#and i love the social things don't get me wrong but like#i need time to rot#i need time to stare out the window and daydream#and i have had the bEST scenarios come up in my head just before i fall asleep#(aka the main way i get any of my writing outlined lol)#but i have barely even opened my laptop in the past two weeks#never mind written anything down#anyway what i am trying to say is that i think this 'forced' break kind of got my muse going again#i am thinking of all the things and i even wanted to write a little bit for biker!Paz again which#let me tell you#has not happened in a LONG LONG time#also also#sarah made me the PRETTIEST BESTEST AWESOMEST friendship bracelets for calm and the one#and obv i am now thinking again of that other bodyguard!paz idea i had going in my brain that one time#cause i kind of forgot about The One???#but also did i ever tell you guys about the modern calmer au i was thinking of?#bc i had a weird/uncomfy rideshare experience recently#and nothing happened and i was never unsafe at any point#but boy oh boy do i think this would fit in that au#anyway#i know there are some asks in my inbox that i never got to so maybe i'll get to it today!#may rambles
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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Me> [struggling to unravel a very annoying UI bug]
My brain, entirely unprompted> H E Y. IF JAHEIRA HAD USED SOME MORE MINOR VERSION OF THAT RITE OF THE TIMELESS BODY ON RASAAD TO EXTEND HIS LIFESPAN, IT WOULD RESOLVE THE MORE FINICKY TIMELINE ISSUES ABOUT RION BEING THEIR KID.
Me> ...ok? I didn't ask right now but thank you for working that out I guess.
#bjk talks#i need some sort of ship name tag for them so people can ignore my ramblings about it XD#i loved astreamofstars's headcanon that rion actually is jaheira's biological kid and named for gorion#which in my worldstate headcanon would definitely make her also rasaad's#but given Rasaad is human and definitely seems at least in his thirties in bg2#and rion is a half elf but is definitely still a young adult which feels like she's 50 at most#the timeline gets funky bc rasaad would have been like 80 :P#which is like physiologically possible but unlikely in the normal run of things#i had been speculating that J originally researched the rite in the first place at least partly to extend their time together#and her dialogue implies she never figured it out completely (and also had more altruistic intentions for its use at full power)#but no reason that there couldn't have been some lower-level version involved#bc it's magic XD#and i can do what i want#anyway ty for coming to my self-indulgent ted talk#i need to start working on the next chapter of Open Your Eyes#ETA: zenjestrr just pointed out to me that as a monk Rasaad would have Timeless Body feature which simplifies things physiologically XD#yay DND#it's more complicated than just that of course and now i'm resisting writing a whole essay about jaheira's thought processes#XD
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im trying to think of anything specific that breaks the 3-4 year trend like shuuenpro hit me just. So fucking hard. but then when i think about it my shuuen era was like. 2013-2016 i think. bc szm quit & then i was super into mafumafu in particular. and then 2017-2020 were my utaite years. and of course 2020-now its the aru sekai series years. before 2013 it was okamiden but i dont remember when that started & before that it was pokemon. & before before that it was just animals in general esp horses into giraffes.
so in a general sense pokemon & vocaloid are forever but more specifically yeah i really dont know
#aru sekai is Special bc ive been here since the beginning & im just so invested. im so invested#i need to see the end of it. if magu abandons it at some point i'll understand but its still going to destroy me#theres so many loose ends in the parts of the story we DO have. and we're not even half way into the full story yet.#theres 8 subsections in aru sekai shoushitsu & we have 3 of them so far#i will wait as long as it takes until we reach the ei song bc if its as good as it has been its SO worth it#aru sekai is Not my longest held interest in general but for a very specific one its sure holding me here a long time#if u knew me for the shuuenpro posting ur a real one i was not a model teenager to say the least#im not a model adult either but it is what it is#theres other inerests in between too. llsif for example. but in terms of The Big Ones
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Part of me is like 'I've been a student for so long, how am I gonna handle being Not A Student..!??!' In terms of like. Self perception, I guess.
I think my psyche is already raring for it tho. Here I am daydreaming looking at house listings and writing a damned baby au bc my brain has decided I kinda want one of those, too.
I'll still always be a mega nerd. But fuck dude. I guess I'm an adult, too.
#speculation nation#not that students arent adults. technically ive been an adult for 9 years.#but when ur a young student it doesnt Feel like ur an adult... not really.#now that im genuinely interested in more 'adult' things it has me going like. Huh. duly noted.#like i kinda just rly wanna settle down. yknow?#wanna find a longterm partner if i can. someone who'd be open to raising kids with me. bc thats apparently smth i want.#i Do want kids. even if im undecided whether id prefer adoption or not.#so i need to find someone who'd be open to that too. and also would be open to living in indiana. bc i dont want to leave here.#just. Sigh. somewhere along the years ive ended up being like. a genuine adult.#i do still need to get my license lol. i need to reach out to my cousin about that again soon#once things calm down a bit more with school. ive been dealing with Too Many Deadlines...#ultimately. idk. just looking to the future i guess. i Am an adult. and im gonna have to fully accept that at some point.#for now tho... one more year of interacting with 18-22 year olds and pretending im Totally just one of them.#i mean. i am. but also it's less common for older students to exist in general.#but i do have the benefit of a baby face lol. none of them expect me to be 27. and that works just fine for me.#i just dont feel like having that conversation over and over and over again 😭😭😭
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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Vague thoughts of Rei if she were able to grow up...
#ooc; onion girl enthusiast#((pics are t.ouka from t.okyo g.houl btw! VERY different in personality from rei AGHDGDHF))#((man. i never finished tg...oh well. one day.))#((it makes me quite emotional thinking about older rei bc she's never been allowed to have a future))#((Or even a past really!!! rei perpetually exists in the present))#((with all these gaps in her memory that leave her feeling hollow))#((WAUGH...))#((sigh. i do still need to continue the rebuilds))#((i know in the last one we get a lil bit of the characters as adults))#((i don't like the rebuilds as much as the series but..I'll get to 3 and 4 at some point. ))
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i think it’s crazy how often an adult cartoon will get popular and then jewish people will point out that it’s antisemitic and like every time i think “oh it must be kind of subtle for this many people to not notice” and then it’s the most overt in-your-face “the writer of this plot point believes in the illuminati” shit
#this is abt that show that got popular recently uhhhhhh… inside job i think it’s called?#i was considering getting into it#bc it seemed interesting#and then one day on tumblr i see a post like ‘how are ppl supporting smth so blatantly antisemitic’#so i kept reading like oh fuck really?#and then i see a screenshot of the show. rich lizard people who i can infer run the world#like shit that’s not even subtle!!#it also happened with that harley quinn show iirc#i think it had like…. a greedy greasy curly-haired bank teller or smth? never watched it so it’s hard to remember#n you don’t even need to MENTION shit like family guy they don’t even try to hide it#anyways. point is this is a trend i do not like#why r there so many antisemites in the adult animation industry#i want them out please. i don’t want to potentially work with people like that#and i don’t want them making media if they’re gonna fill it with barely-disguised bigotry#‘s fucking disgusting#update i did some looking at opinions#and it seems that the inside job one is supposedly meant to be MAKING FUN of that conspiracy thought#but apparently doesn’t ever really do much of the making fun :/#so. it’s kinda being debated rn#still though my point srands overall#making this post unrebloggable bc i didn’t know enough abt what i was talking about#but also i don’t want to delete it and hide my mistakes#classic case of good intentions not enough knowledge
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sometimes it's nice when you have friends who try and look out for your mental health. and sometimes it's incredibly annoying.
#like yes i HAVE been very low on mental capacity these last few days but have you considered#that when i said 'no im ok' i actually meant that i was. idk. ok?#at some point you no longer need to keep insisting that 'oh you know you dont HAVE to go out we ubderstand if youre too tired'#'we wont he upset if you tell us that you dont have the spoons dont worry :)'#'jsyk theyre only going /for/ you so like if you dont WABT to you dint HAVE to ok? :))))'#ok or you could just fucking say you dont want to go.#ya know. like an adult.#i invited you bc its a fun thing ti do its not like i was going to tgrow a fit if they said no im????#and i HATE HATE H A T E that theyre trying to frame it as a 'oh YOU are overwhelmed and YIU are probably tired so dont worry about it' thing#like please dont use MY mental health as a fucking excuse ok thanks#sorry#i am. more annoyed about this than i thought.#anyway i wanted to go bc i know i need to get out of the fucking house for smth other than work on occasion#and it was a free fucking event#but :)#whatevrr :))#cus now im mad :)))#shh ac
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desc is the only world where people will take the nastiest, vilest, stinkiest characters and woobify them and i say not in my house
#child abuse mention#with that being said i do think there is nuance with the relationships vks have w their parents#but if people take up any of the parents / adults from desc. they better write them as is#bc i’m at a point where i’m tired of erasing evie’s complex relationship w her mother#evie loves her mom#i’m p sure her mom loves her in her own way#but it does NOT erase the damage done to evie#as someone who also writes adam / beast#he loves ben#he isn’t evil#but he’s sure as hell done some fucked up shit#and he’s been abusive to ben due to uncontrollable anger and rage that forced him to see red and nothing else#doesn’t make it okay#doesn’t mean he hates ben#i just think some of y’all need to look into the complexity of abusive / damaging parental relationships#u CAN include both. they can love their kids and they can destroy them (intentionally or unintentionally)
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you wanna see some really pathetic people search the word 'puriteen' on any social media
#myposts#people absolutely obsessed with What The Kids Are Saying and How The Kids Dont Get It#truly just cannot stop obsessing over the idea that young people.#thats its just That Young People#no different from any other 'why YOU need to be worried about what the kids are doing!' shit from the last uhhh forever years!#ultimately like every other generational obsession with what the kids are doing it means nothing#cause 'the kids' arent really a unified group and never really have been#any problem u can point to among the children only exists among some and also exists among adults#not that i even think this is really a problem. its not. its mostly nonsense. hence: pathetic.#just people really really obsessed with youth who are equally bitter about it in a 'youth is wasted on the young' way#so instead of trying to always appear or seem young (inward obsession) have just swung the obsession outward#such that theyre just stalking the twitters of 14 y/os#to get screenshots and share it w their equally pathetic audiences and do the pearl clutching 'can you BELIEVE' thing#which is ironic bc in the case of 'puriteens' thats exactly what they accuse the kids of doing. projection! pathetic.
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