#((man. i never finished tg...oh well. one day.))

[primordyalsoul]

Vague thoughts of Rei if she were able to grow up...

[tgcg]

candid detail. my biggest project so far

hey happy new year

CG: DAVE?

TG: yeah?

CG: SOMETHING’S KIND OF FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY ABOUT IT IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: oh shit

===

TG: yeah whats up

TG: not too often i get to be the sole audience to karkats grievances

CG: PFF, BULLSHIT. YOU'RE PRIVY TO WAY MORE ABOUT MY GRIEVANCES THAN BASICALLY ANY OF MY SURVIVING AND PRESENT FRIENDS, BY A SIGNIFICANT MARGIN, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TG: yeah and im boutta add another im like broses up on that hill bundled up in a long ass list of things that make the homies upset

TG: lay it on me

===

CG: OKAY. SO.

…

CG: I’M KIND OF THINKING ABOUT JUST. US AND OUR BRO-DOM.

===

TG: oh

CG: LET ME FINISH.

CG: ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN FUCKING FORCED TO SPEND IN THE DREAM BUBBLES MADE ME REALISE SOMETHING, AND THAT’S THAT…

===

CG: THIS IS KIND OF RARE, RIGHT?

TG: what

TG: us

CG: YEAH! LIKE… THERE’S SO MANY THANKFULLY DEAD KARKATS I’VE HAD THE INSURMOUNTABLE GODDAMN DISPLEASURE OF FAILING TO AVOID THAT DON’T LIKE YOU, BARELY MET YOU, OR EVEN JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: IT’S THE RARE AMBIVALENCE THAT REALLY GETS TO ME. I ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND A TIMELINE’S KARKAT FIRMLY DECIDING THAT THEY HATE YOUR ASS. NON-ROMANTICALLY I MEAN. THAT HAS BEEN ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BUT THERE WAS NEVER, EVER!!! A POINT WHERE I JUST FELT NOTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL.

CG: EVEN WHEN I INITIALLY HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF SEEING YOUR DOUCHEBAG SPECTACLES YOU GOT FROM YOUR BRO ON THE SCREEN, I AT LEAST HAD A STARTER DISH OF SKEWERED CONTEMPT TO WHET MY APPETITE. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO IMAGINE NOT FEELING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER ABOUT YOU.

===

CG: ONE TIME I MENTIONED YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREE-WAY ARGUMENT AND ONE OF THE OTHER KARKATS SAID "WHO?"

CG: "WHO?"!!!!

TG: now thats fucked up

CG: IT IS! AND THAT'S WHAT MADE ME FIRST REALISE THAT NOT EVERY KARKAT IS GETTING TO HANG OUT WITH EVERY DAVE, AND VICE VERSA. AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LAME AS SHIT IN A WAY THAT I’LL NEVER EVER LIVE DOWN, BUT. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ABOUT IT! YOU KNOW?

===

TG: well you always feel bad about around and towards other yous so thats

TG: wait

TG: is or is not the nature of this moment of self-pity fuelled by malice anger disgust or any similar terms slash phrases

CG: I MEAN, FOR ONCE? DON’T GET ME WRONG, THE MALICE ANGER DISGUST ET CETERA IS STILL THOROUGHLY PERMEATING THE WHOLE ORDEAL. THE DAY I LOSE CONTEMPT FOR MY ALTERNATE SELVES IS THE DAY I GET TAKEN OUT BACK AND PUT DOWN LIKE THE LAME HOOFBEAST I’VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING. BUT…

CG: I ACTUALLY JUST FEEL SAD FOR THEM, STRAIGHT UP. INDEPENDENT FROM TERMS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED.

===

TG: damn

CG: AND THAT FEELS INCREDIBLY WEIRD TOO. I CAN’T EVEN ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT, IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL THIS SHITTY, SHOCKINGLY QUIET… GRIEF? ALMOST? FOR THEM. GENERAL NON-TROLLIAN FEELINGS. AND EXCEPTIONALLY NON-STANDARD IN A KARKAT-TO-KARKAT CONVERSATION, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED.

CG: BUT I KNOW IF I TOLD ANY OTHER EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED REFLECTION OF MY OWN FECULENT INNER FILTH TO TALK TO YOU, OR EVEN JUST LOOK AT YOU ONE TIME, THEY’D ONLY SEE IT AS ANOTHER PERSONAL AFFRONT. LIKE I JUST TOLD THEM "HEY, SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FROND AND SNIFF IT, IT’LL BE AMAZING JUST TRUST ME, ABSOLUTELY ZERO REASON NOT TO."

===

TG: you come up with the most potent mental images man youre the wordmeister of viscerally gross as hell vocab

CG: THANK YOU.

===

CG: AND LIKE… SHIT, I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE FELT THAT WAY BEFORE I GOT TO KNOW YOU! I UNDERSTAND THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF THOSE IMBECILIC NOOKSTAINS BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER COULD, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS.

CG: KARKATS UNIVERSALLY DECIDING THAT THEY JUST CANNOT LIKE YOU ON PRINCIPLE IS A CRISIS OF SHIT HAPPENSTANCES. THE HAPPENINGS ARE ALL OUT OF WACK, COSMICALLY.

CG: LIKE EVERY ME WRITHED OUR WAY OUT OF THE BROODING CAVERNS AND THE FIRST CONSTELLATION WE SAW PEELING THROUGH THE EXOSPHERE, TWINKLING IN THE REFLECTION OF OUR HUGE RED GANDERBULBS, WAS A PAIR OF SHADES GETTING COVERED IN GASOLINE, FOLLOWED BY A CONSTELLATION OF A LIT MATCH.

CG: A SIMPLE EQUATION WITH A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION.

CG: A SYSTEMIC EPIDEMIC, IF YOU’LL PARDON MY BULLSHIT.

===

TG: it is a goddamn catastrophe sweeping the karkat population

TG: presidents on the headlines trying to get karkats everywhere to stop quarantining their asses and have a real heart to heart among themselves about the issue but they keep isolating anyways

CG: I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL A PRESIDENT IS. YOU’VE FAILED TO DESCRIBE IT AS ANYTHING MORE THAN A POORLY-SELECTED "DUDE CONDESCE" WHO DOES NOTHING PRODUCTIVE AND THEN EITHER DIES OR RUINS EVERYTHING, OR SOME CHAOTIC COMBINATION OF THE TWO.

TG: well that is exactly what it is but wait good point

===

TG: tragedy strikes as the karkat population reveals it doesnt generally know what a president even is so it means jack shit to them that this dude is trying to get their attention

TG: and mr president he is getting voted the fuck out of office over this blunder just an embarrassing display

TG: the public trust has plummeted off the fucking chart and cratered the damn ground like a meteor

TG: or he could be the tenth to die in office yknow there was a pretty big stretch of no in-office deaths til 2009 so maybe some catchup would be good for everyone

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT TO MAKE ANOTHER PRESIDENT, AND THEN KILL HIM?

TG: not me personally i just wanna be there and see it also is that dream bubble fucking huge or what

TG: must be the size of

===

TG: jupiter

===

TG: look all im saying is the end of the world coincided pretty notably with a dry spell in the presidential kill:death ratio

TG: i was tragically too busy not dying to see obama die live on television when an errant meteor hit the white house that was my one chance

CG: PFFFT.

TG: i want to keep a comically aloof finger on the pulse of the shit but i do not want to be among the shit

TG: but anyways guess its my turn on the pedestal

CG: BE MY FUCKING GUEST.

===

TG: yknow uh im not gonna lie if present me went back to me age thirteen sippin my dubious aj in my pre-apocalyptic layer of hell that was texas and told me

TG: hey that gray text dude is probably gonna be your best friend if you give him a shot yall could be sweet bros in real life itll be awesome

TG: i mean disregarding the fact i already doomed that guy because i dont remember that happening to me

TG: id probably be casting some wicked aspersions on that shit

===

TG: our whole friendship feels like a plot twist to my damn life story

CG: I HEAR YOU.

TG: its like our narratives bumped into each other hard on the street and decided yknow what yeah this pavement is pretty cosy lets talk about your dad

TG: but

===

TG: dont get your think pans too wrapped up in that different timeline stuff

CG: IT’S THINK PAN. SINGULAR. NOBODY HAS MORE THAN ONE THINK PAN, EVER. IT IS A SINGULAR ORGAN. IF YOU WOULD LET ME READ A TROLL BIOLOGY BOOK TO YOU ONE TIME WE’D STOP BUMPING INTO THIS ISSUE.

TG: gotcha and no

CG: OBVIOUSLY.

TG: but anyways dude look

===

TG: i am literally a time dude and i can tell you right now with all the sage wisdome of my knightitudes

TG: not a good way of looking at it

TG: ive met daves that didnt like you either it doesnt affect jack or shit because those daves arent me

TG: like they are in a way but

TG: me and all those other guys spent the whole game honing down these doomed timelines to a fine point and that point has obviously involved a whole lot of hanging out with you

CG: …

===

TG: so

TG: maybe they just missed the point while you and me were on the breaking edge of that shit

TG: we got to the bottom line of it so it doesnt matter yknow

CG: HUH.

===

TG: and i mean plus

===

TG: ive seen a handful of alternate daves and karkats who get along uh great apparently so

TG: yknow

===

CG: WHAT?

TG: you know what i fucking mean im not saying it

CG: ROLLING YOUR SHOULDERS AND SAYING "yknow" GENERALLY DOESN’T CONVEY FUCKING ANYTHING MEANINGFUL IN A CONVERSATION, DAVE.

CG: I’M NOT A PSYCHIC. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN. IN CANDID DETAIL.

TG: its besides the point anyways

===

TG: the point is its you right here that matters overall and you right here is chilling with me so thats gotta mean at least one or two things

CG: OKAY, OKAY, YEAH… I GET WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I REALLY DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THAT.

CG: YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BY NOW HOW IT’D BE REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ME TO WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF ME BEING THE RIGHT VERSION OF ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I FEEL LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER CUMULATIVELY IN THIS TIMELINE MAKES UP FOR THE AMOUNT OF DAVES AND KARKATS WHO NEVER SPENT ANY AT ALL, BY AT LEAST TENFOLD.

===

TG: heh yeah

HAHAH.

===

CG: GOD. WHO WOULD’VE GUESSED THAT KARKAT VANTAS WOULD GET TOO FAR INTO HIS OWN THINK PAN ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

TG: stop repeating the words think and pan i get it already

CG: ARE YOU SURE? TOTALLY SURE? ABSOLUTELY ASSFUCK CERTAIN OF YOURSELF?

TG: yes dude

CG: ALRIGHT. KEEP IN MIND THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST LATER.

TG: im acing that shit i swear to god youre gonna eat your damn foot

CG: STRUT POD

TG: when i pass that shit to oblivion

TG: youre gonna regret doubting me

CG: OKAY, DAVE. THEN EXPLAIN TO ME WITH ALL YOUR SAGE WISDOME: WHAT IS A "LUMPSQUIRT"? AND REALLY, TAKE YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT THIS. GOD KNOWS WE'VE GOT MOMENTS A-FUCKING-PLENTY TO SPARE.

TG: as the literal god of time in your local area i sure as hell do

CG: GO ON THEN.

===

TG: …

TG: pass

CG: EXACTLY.

CG: ANYWAYS, I’M STILL GOING TO GO AROUND FEELING ANOTHER LAYER OF PITY FOR THOSE GRAY BULGEMUNCHERS THAT DON’T GET TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. NOT THAT ANYTHING ANY KARKAT COULD FUCKING DO WOULD EVER MAKE THEM DESERVING OF IT, BUT THAT’S ANOTHER CAN OF DIRT NOODLES ENTIRELY.

TG: yeah i feel bad for anyone who isnt buddy-buddy with the david stri too

CG: OF COURSE YOU DO. I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

===

TG: but also

TG: any dave who missed out on a slice of the realest homes in paradox space is a tragedy in my eyes

CG: Y--

TG: let me finish

TG: i just dont let it get to me so much cus… first of all ive been having to not let time shit get to me this whole damn game but also

TG: i know i have you here and thats whats important

TG: ok not "have" just

TG: how the fuck do i phrase that

TG: i know whatever is happening with other "us"es whatever shits goin down

TG: i can wake up and watch movies with you or hell i can even hang with you in there if i bump into you and thats what matters to me in this bro-dom thats what i wanna do

TG: and thats some real shit i just said feel free to co-sign it

CG: …

===

TG: karkat i meant it

CG: … THANKS.

TG: no problem

[fugitive-96]

Uptown Girl (A TG/TF story)

"Yes, we'll go over those tomorrow morning. I've got a meeting with the board of directors at 17:00 so I won't be able to get to those yet, just give them to me when I get to my office tomorrow, oh I've got 13 messages too? Great well I'll check those after my meeting, okay thanks Claire." Hanging up his phone David Prammer leaned his head against the headrest and sighed in the back of his limousine.

He was a very wealthy man, head of a cosmetics company that his family had been running for nearly a century now, but the workload was a lot for him. He was never greedy or ungrateful for his fortune, but at the same time he wouldn't have described it as his 'ideal life'. He'd always been surrounded by wealth and now had a job that he'd inherited rather than actively chosen to do.

Honestly if he could drop his job tomorrow he would, but unfortunately things weren't that simple, although David wished things could be more simple.

Pulling out some earphones he plugged them into his phone and surfed through his playlists before coming across one song he didn't recognize.

"Uptown Girl?" He said curiously.

He was hardly a music aficionado as it was, but he'd never heard of this song before, let alone put it on his phone.

"Hey Frank, you ever heard of a song called Uptown Girl?" He called to his driver.

"Can't say that I have mister Prammer." He replied.

David leaned back in his seat puzzled for a moment. Maybe it was one of those songs that came free with the phone he thought, and maybe he'd just never noticed it. Then again he'd had the phone for over 3 years, and every day he'd listen to music on his way to a meeting.

He shrugged and figured why not mix things up a bit, so he leaned back in his seat and hit the play button.

"Uptown girl, she's been living in her uptown world, I bet she never had a backstreet guy, I bet her momma never told her why.."

David quickly found himself getting into the song, nodding his head slightly and moving his shoulders to it before closing his eyes and relaxing in his seat.

As he was getting into the music the limousine drove into a tunnel, the lights inside of it rushing through the limousine's interior highlighting David for barely a second as each one passed in time with the beat of the music.

As he sat there with his head back the song filled his head making him feel lighter, more comfortable as he lay his back drifting into a state of complete relaxation as an invisible force flooded his body.

His face which had tired looking eyes and slightly saggy skin became more taut, giving him a face that no longer resembled anyone, his features had becoming a blank canvas waiting to be given an identity. His neck too looked slimmer than before.

Still oblivious to the changes his shoes began to loosen on his feet, before his suit legs also began to move slightly as they looked baggier around his lower legs, whilst they tightened around his upper legs along with his belt creaking as it was stretched to the sides. His ankles also became more visible as his legs lengthened.

His suit jacket seemed to drop abruptly at the shoulders, as well as his sleeves also looking baggier. The sounds of cotton sliding around were interrupted by a sudden crunching and churning coming from his torso, with his shirt being pulled in where there was once a visible gut and the suit jacket pulled further inwards at the waist.

He then became slightly elevated in his seat when a slushing sound came from his rear, before his body pushed his chest out as his spine cracked, before relaxing now with two visible mounds sticking out through his shirt. As that occurred his lower half jiggled slightly along with a quite and abrupt slurp sound as his suit lay flatter against his crotch. This caused David to let out a moan through his closed lips, but upon hearing it sounding more like a woman it was enough to temporarily snap him out of the haze he was in.

He sat up lifting his hand that had been resting against the car door after feeling what he thought was pins and needles, only to be shocked when he saw his palm and fingers twitch and crack as they slenderized whilst his nails grew out into a more manicured form leaving him with feminine hands. The changes he saw carried along the rest of his arm when his sleeve fell down to his elbow revealing the continuation of the changes. This was too much for David causing him to pass out in his seat with his body still sitting upright whilst his head hung downwards, before out of nowhere a black fedora materialized onto his head with a rim wide enough to conceal his face.

This was quickly followed by the same crunching and churning sound from earlier now coming from his head and face, an audible snap from his jaw along with his lips slapping together.

His shoes then began to pulsate, sucking inwards against his feet before effortlessly tearing open, the torn leather folding out like a blossoming flower as it reached under the back of his feet pulling together into glossy black heels, whilst the toes of his shoes pulled forward and pointed out into the same glossy black completing the set of heels that revealed David's shrunken feet.

His baggy suit legs then began to quiver as they morphed together, slowly pulling their way up his body revealing supple calves and smooth hairless skin covered by tights before stopping just below his thighs, his widened hips and thighs stretching the upper part of what was now the skirt section of his suit until it burst out into a flowing lower half of a dress with a frilled upper section, the whole thing stopped just above his knees.

His sleeves pulled themselves up into his suit jacket before vanishing, followed by his suit jacket and shirt losing detail as his collar receded and his buttons vanished. They morphed together into one single grey piece of clothing that connected to the dress section covering his bottom half, highlighting his now curved figure and the feminine arch to his spine. It then began to shorten, pulling itself partway down his body, leaving his shoulders and part of his upper torso bare whilst it came down further at the back, revealing his smaller torso as his shoulders had shrank and pulled further inwards along with his collarbone being more pronounced along with his shoulder blades. It ran down over his breasts stopping once the peak of the crevasse between them was visible.

By now it had formed a full dress with no sleeves or straps over the shoulders, before the grey colour of it shifted to a black followed by patches of white fading onto it. A black band then slithered out from behind him as it wrapped itself around his waist pulling the dress slightly tighter, further highlighting his new curvature. His phone had vanished as his earphone cord pulled into the earpieces which began to dissolve into a golden liquid that ran down his ears, before the drops formed into a set of dangling earrings.

After that his skin finished smoothening out, any blemishes or hairs vanishing before his already smoothed out skin took on the most golden tan you could imagine, giving his new body a flawless finish that most women would die for.

Despite his head being tilted forward and hidden by the hat there was still some of his face visible, and it was clear from the visibly puffier lips that were glossed over in lipstick that nothing physically remained of the man that once sat in the back of the limousine. There were now visibly pronounced cheekbones as well as the tip of a petite nose peaking out from under the hat.

When he came to David felt groggy as he moved the hat out of his vision and was quickly taken aback by his new form. He looked down at the pair of breasts on his chest before touching them to see if they were real, only to quickly pull back in shock at their sensitivity. A coldness ran down his back and after reaching a hand around to find it mostly left bare he realised there must have been no bra underneath the dress.

That lead to him inspecting his new attire, running his hands down the dress feeling the comfortable material whilst also taking in his new curvature. He moved the skirt section aside and ran a hand down his lower left leg feeling how smooth and supple it was now, staring in shock at the heels that adorned his feet.

The weight on his ears lead to him realizing he now wore earrings and he could feel longer hair kept contained by the hat. With all the other changes he noticed he was thicker in the back and after gently reaching a hand down felt a lack of what used to be between his legs, but after feeling his chest he didn't want to know what would happen if he reached further into his crotch.

He was utterly speechless, he couldn't think of anything to say as he looked up panicked which revealed his new feminine face, which was adorned with makeup and his thinned eyebrows on top of the other features made him look incredibly attractive. Realizing they'd left the tunnel he looked out his window and was abruptly taken aback by not only his reflection, but also what he saw outside, as the city he'd lived in his entire life was now unrecognizable.

Everything around him was strange, it looked like somehwere around the 1940's with the cars, the buildings and the fashion, but there was a weird foggy looking glaze over everything. Looking around the car it then became clear that he was no longer in the same vehicle, it was much smaller and less comfortable, with an older looking interior with his driver wearing a new uniform. If he had to guess he'd swear it looked like the interior of an expensive car from the 40's.

He was about to ask his driver what was happening but upon trying to speak his name nothing came into his mind. He'd been friends with his driver for years he thought to himself, how could he forget his name?

He saw the car pass by a broken fire hydrant before it pulled up by a vehicle repair shop.

David still in complete panic began to notice mechanics approaching who were singing the song he'd been listening to earlier which made his whole body stiffen, he couldn't move or even speak as his body sat there with a panicked expression, all he could do was cry out desperately in his mind as the song began to flood his every thought.

"No, this isn't right! I'm not a woman, I'm an uptown girl. NO! God please get out of my head! I'm getting tired of her high-class toys. This isn't real, It's just a dream and when she wakes up, and makes up her mind. Please! I never asked for this, I never asked to be looking so fine. I mean, I wondered what it would be like to have a new life but she's got a choice. No, none of this has been my choice! You can't treat a girl like me this way! Oh no, did I just think of myself as an uptown girl. I'm looking for a downtown man. I was thinking that I'm looking so fine. When she's walking, she's looking so fine. When she's-an uptown girl-looking so fine-when she's walking-looking for a downtown man. What are you doing to my mind, and why is it feeling so fine?"

The more time he heard the lyrics the less he began to panic and the more he enjoyed them, he couldn't tell if they were eroding his mind's attempts at resistance or if he was just letting the lyrics slip in, either way the pleasure of hearing those words was like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

"Ooh.. is this how it feels to be an uptown girl? It feels so good to be an uptown girl. Oh, I think I've made up my mind."

With that whatever his name was before didn't matter to him, what she was now was all that mattered, and soon it would be all that she ever was. Thoughts of jewelry, pretty dresses, makeup and looking hot as hell flooded her mind, wiping away everything else as her once fearful expression shifted into a pleasured grin.

'*Giggle!* Well I'm an uptown girl, and I've always been living in an uptown world.' Echoed through her head as all traces of David Prammer had been expunged, she was the uptown girl now.

She sat there watching the mechanics working and cleaning the car listening to the song they were singing, it was truly quite charming she thought. She rolled down her window as she sat with a smile on her face just enjoying listening to the music and watching those delightful downtown men at work. She'd never been around men like them before but she could think of nothing but how much she wanted them.

Her driver seemingly adjusted to the new reality walked over to her door and opened it, and almost as though it was second nature to her she stepped out, her left hand resting on her collar bone as she strutted in her black heels, clearly knowing how to walk as a woman and look good doing it as the mechanics followed close behind her still singing and dancing.

As she strutted gracefully around the place she couldn't believe how good it felt, she'd never felt anything like it she thought as she continued showing off her body. She was an uptown girl, tired of living in her uptown world as she teased the men with her body, before she too started to dance to the song that was flooding her mind.

She was in sink with the mechanics with a grin on her face, she was part of this world now, all there was was the song, her song. She'd become a part of it, and it had become a part of her. She could do nothing but grin ear to ear as she danced.

She took one of the men by the arm after he offered it and let him lead her over to a motorbike which she climbed onto the back of, holding onto him before taking of her hat and shaking out her luscious blonde lochs as she was driven away from the repair shop, which had a billboard on its roof displaying 'Uptown Cosmetics' which featured her posed alongside their products, her new and easier life had just begun.

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

[ashenpages]

Dancing Into the New Year

Happy New Year, everyone! Welcome to Twenty Bi Teen! =D

I ended up combining this last weeks Fan Friday holiday TGS prompt with my secret santa gift for @assiraamethyst. I hope you like it, Assiraamethyst!

Here’s the link to the fic on AO3, or you can continue reading below.

Title: Dancing Into the New Year Fandom: The Glass Scientists Wantings: None Rating: G Summary:  Lanyon discovers another gaping hole in Henry's social skills--the man can't dance. And the New Years ball to wring donations out of patrons is tonight!

Lanyon blinked slowly over his tea at his friend and partner, Dr. Henry Jekyll. He was trying to process the information that Henry had just given him—that in all of his time at university and around Lanyon, he had somehow never learned to dance. This would be a small problem, merely chortle worthy, if they hadn’t been about to have the annual New Year’s ball.

Lanyon replaced his tea cup in his saucer and folded his hands neatly in his lap. He could see his friend sweating nervously across the table. And quite right he should. The last time Lanyon had reacted to anything so calmly was when Henry had confessed his homosexuality to him, and Lanyon had berated Henry for not telling him sooner and thinking that it would change his opinion of him.

“Henry,” Lanyon said gently. He watched as Henry jolted and nearly toppled his chair.

“Yes, Robert?” Henry smiled like he knew he was in trouble.

“We’ve been friends since university…”

“Yes, Robert, we have. But in my defense—!”

“And in all that time together…”

“Truly, there was never any call for it!”

“And all the parties we went to…”

“You know I always brought my studies to those things!”

“You never thought…”

“Robert, please…”

“To ask me to teach you to dance?”

Henry blinked, coming out of his cringing position. Apparently that hadn’t been the accusation he had been expecting. “You want to teach me to dance?”

Lanyon threw his head back and laughed freely. He leaned his head into his hand and let the laughter fade, giving Henry a sultry look. “Oh, Henry. It’s not about what I want anymore. It’s about what we have to do for the sake of the Society.”

Lanyon stood and went to the bell-pull by the parlor door and tugged thrice shortly, then thrice longly, and then thrice shortly again. Rachel summoned, he returned to Henry, and offered him a hand. “You’re going to dance at the party tonight, and you’re going to do it so masterfully that every potential patron attending will swoon in your arms or donate out of a need to placate his suddenly doting wife.” He smiled in the way that he knew was not so much a smile, but a threat. “Understood?”

Henry sighed like a man with more weight on his shoulders than any physical burden could provide and placed his hand in Lanyon’s sullenly. “Yes…”

“Wonderful.” Lanyon drew Henry to his feet and then placed Henry’s hand on the small of his own back. “Now, you’ll be leading, so I’ll be taking on the part of the follower…”

A feminine giggle came from the door, and Lanyon felt Henry snap to attention.

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” Rachel asked, leaning against the door frame roguishly.

“Rachel?” Henry exclaimed.

“Yes, yes, she’s very busy in the kitchen, I know,” Lanyon said, cutting off Henry’s protest before it could begin. “But this is an emergency. We need music, and since she’s one of the more skilled pianists in the house and your only other confidant we can trust with the knowledge of your lack of dancing instruction, here she is in your time of need.”

Rachel raised an eyebrow. “So that’s it, is it? Finally teaching the Doctor Jay to dance, are we?”

Henry scoffed incoherently. “You knew?”

Rachel grinned and sat herself down at the piano. “What’ll it be, Doctor Lanyon?”

“A simple waltz, if you please.”

Rachel nodded and began to play.

“Now,” Lanyon said, spinning out of Henry’s arms. “Let me demo the steps for you. One, two three, one, two, three…” He counted as he moved, making sure to step to the beat of the waltz Rachel played. He demoed the move a few more times, then saw Henry’s helpless expression. “Hmm. Perhaps a bit slower,” he said, slowing his movements to half the tempo of Rachel’s waltz. Henry’s eyes followed the movements easier now.

“And it’s always the same?” Henry asked, his voice sounding a bit panicked. “I’ve seen—”

“What you’ve seen,” Lanyon said, interrupting before Henry could build himself into a panic about dancing as well as some of the people who had been doing it since they were in small shoes, “are extremely talented dancers going above and beyond the duties of social calling.” He twirled himself back into Henry’s space and placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder. “Learn these simple steps, be sure not to pull your partner off balance, make some dazzling polite conversation, and you’ll be good as gold.”

Henry’s hand came up, caressing Lanyon’s waist, and then moved to his back. “O-okay.” He took a deep breath, scrunched up his eyes, then let his breath go. He opened his eyes again and they looked clearer—focused the way they were when he was working out a difficult problem or in the risky part of an experiment. “Here we go.”

The first time he tried to move, he kicked Lanyon in the shin instead of leading. There was some jumping about, some yelling, so profuse apologizing, and some laughter from behind the piano. After a small moment of recuperation, some instruction leading from the core and forward intention before stepping, and the rest of his cup of tea, Lanyon stood to let Henry have another go. This time was much better, if still clumsy and overzealous. “You needn’t throw me around, Henry,” Lanyon said, catching himself once again from over balancing. “It’s call ‘leading’ for a reason.”

“Sorry,” Henry said, rubbing Lanyon’s back. “I’m just worried you won’t know where we’re going.”

Lanyon thought, then ran a finger down the exposed skin of Henry’s neck until it met with the fabric of his collar. Henry shivered and turned bewildered eyes on Lanyon.

“Think of it like love making,” Lanyon said.

“I’m sorry, what?” Henry hissed.

Lanyon gave Henry a catty grin. “Come now. There’s hardly any verbal instruction in the bed room, and when there is it’s over generalized and silly. Yet, everything works out. Come hither looks and soft directing touches and all that.”

Henry flushed brilliant vermillion, and Lanyon couldn’t help a thrill of glee that went through him. Insinuating to Henry that he touch Lanyon like a lover would was too much fun.

“Come now, Henry.” Lanyon tossed his hair and batted his eyelash, feigning being the most beautiful girl at the ball that evening. “Are you going to dance the bank notes from my pockets, or aren’t you?”

Henry pursed his lips, his face going from merely embarrassed to determined and embarrassed. He placed his hand on Lanyon’s waist as rigidly as a fencing dummy. Lanyon lifted his nose into the air with a sniff and crossed his arms. “Really, Henry, if that’s the best you can do the Society will be broke by the end of the—”

With a sigh, Henry melted against Lanyon. His arm slid around Lanyon’s back and pulled them together. Henry’s nose grazed the edge of Lanyon’s cheek as he leaned their heads together. Lanyon felt a puff of Henry’s breath press against his ear lobe and almost shivered. There was still structure to Henry’s embrace, but where there had been rigidity and hesitation before there was now intimacy and connection.

Lanyon shut his mouth and swallowed. “Alright,” he murmured, letting himself relax against Henry. “That’s a good start.”

Rachel started a new waltz. For a moment, Lanyon thought Henry had forgotten about the dancing part, but then he felt the tiny weight shifts, the way Henry was guiding Lanyon with his own body—the soft directing touches Lanyon himself had spoken of before. It was enough to take Lanyon’s breath away.

On the next big beat, Henry moved—and Lanyon followed. This close, this connected, it was impossible not to know where Henry wanted Lanyon to step. It was… Well, honestly, it was the best dance of Lanyon’s life—and he hadn’t followed since his youngster days in finishing school. His governess had insisted that learning both parts of the dance would benefit him. Apparently he should have believed her. This was the best dance he’d ever had. For a moment, he let his eyes slide closed and his fingers slide over Henry’s back. Oh yes. This dancing would be sure to put some money in their coffers. The Society would live to commit rogue science for another year.

A sly smirk made its way onto Lanyon’s mouth. No need to tell Henry that immediately, though. They could dance for a little while longer.

[marissas-notebook]

Dream a little dream of me

fandom: tokyo ghoul

word count: 1.3k

ship: hidekane

A/N: this is my first ever tg fic! I wrote this right after I finished That episode (s2 ep12). This is also inspired by a gif I saw in the tags that happens in a future episode of tg:re. I haven’t actually gotten that far just yet, but hopefully getting close. Well, hope you enjoy some angst!!

read on ao3

Ken Kaneki has sweet dreams. How does he know? Hide is in them.

Hide smiles as he watches Kaneki’s eyes flutter open and connect their gaze to his. “I’ve been wondering when you’d come and visit me.” he says, opening his arms for a hug he knows will come soon.

Kaneki takes a moment to realize where he is, and how he got here, and how Hide is still a l i v e…? But as they usually do, the memories come rushing back and it feels like he’s losing his best friend all over again. Flinging himself towards his open arms, Kaneki welcomes the familiar feeling of Hide’s arms around his midsection.

“Hide,” is all Kaneki can muster, the overwhelming grief bubbling up in his chest, threatening to climb its way to his body until it spills out in floodgates of tears.

Hide responds with a pull and a squeeze, just like he always does- always did, and lets Kaneki cry until he can no longer.

When his cries have lessened to uneven breaths, Hide unwraps his arms from the ghoul’s body and settles in front of him, legs crossed, their knees touching. “I’ve missed you, you know. I get lonely when you’re not here.” he teases, gently jutting his foot forward to give Kaneki a kick.

And there it is. That sweet, shy laugh Hide has missed so much. Kaneki’s lips part ever so slightly and the edges curl into a smile that make Hide’s heart flutter. He’s always been the one who’s made him feel so alive. Even in death.

“I’m sorry, you know I’ve always had trouble sleeping. And when I became this,” he pauses and motions to himself. “sleep was even harder to come by.” His gaze falls to their touching knees, and his hand follows until his fingertips rest on top of Hide’s knee. “But lately it seems like I’ve been able to get more sleep.”

Oh Kaneki. Hide smiles. He’s always been shy when asking for affection. Luckily, Hide’s always been willing to give it. He can’t even begin to imagine how touch starved his been since-- he brings his hand towards Kaneki’s and laces their fingers together. The embarrassed but thankful smile that erupts on Kaneki’s face makes Hide feel like it could jumpstart his heart.

Hide lets his eyes roam over Kaneki’s features. The last time he saw him was less than ideal. Face overcast with grief and pain, tear stains on his cheeks, a hollow, lifeless look in his eyes- even the ghoul one. When Kaneki realizes what he’s doing he turns away, covering part of his face with his other hand, and lets out an embarrassed noise to which Hide can’t help but want to tease him over. Using his free hand, he grabs Kaneki’s other hand and give him a small pull. “Stop that, let me look at you some more.” he begs. Face a deep shade of red, Kaneki can’t say no to him, and slowly turns his head so that the two are facing one another once more, eyes meeting.

“Hey this is new.” Hide reaches up and places a hand on top of his head, brushing the tips of his fingers over the black roots sprouting from his once pure white hair. Kaneki shivers at the action, and so Hide does it again.

Trying not to focus so hard on the electricity running rampant through his veins, Kaneki responds with a nod. “Yeah,” he has to focus on speaking since Hide doesn’t seem to want to let up with his electrifying touch as he begins to card his fingers through his hair. “I guess I’m becoming more like myself these days…” the rest of his words fall short as he feels himself getting lost in the other’s fingers in his hair. But that feeling is gone way sooner than he would like, and before he can protest, Hide’s hand is now cupping his face, thumb gently stroking his cheek.

“Kaneki,” Hide’s voice is gentle but firm. “You’ve always been you. Even when you became a ghoul, you were still you.”

Kaneki tries to look away, but Hide is quick to correct him and guide his gaze back to him, where it belongs. “I mean it.” he reiterates, thumb stilling against his cheek.

This right here. Of all the things that Kaneki has missed the most about Hide- and there were many- this made the top of the list. The reminder that no matter what, he was still himself. No matter if he was human or ghoul. He was still Ken Kaneki.

Turning into his hand, Kaneki closes his eyes and allows himself to get lost in Hide’s gentle touch as his thumb starts again. “I’ve missed you,” he murmurs, heart starting to ache. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Hide smiles longingly at the man before him and he is happy. So, unbelievably happy it hurts. He doesn’t want Kaneki to leave again. The happiness he just felt begins to waver. It takes him a minute to respond. “I’ve missed you too, Kaneki.”

Silence settles itself fondly between the two for what seem like hours but is only minutes; neither of the two having a care in the world, just enjoying each other’s consuming presence. Breaths shallow and even. Free hands lacing fingers together. A warm feeling coursing through their bodies. This was the essence of Kaneki and Hide’s relationship. Gentle touches, steadiness, and love. This is what Kaneki missed dearly. Hide’s touch. His steady, even breaths. His warmth. Him.

“Hide,” Kaneki speaks softly, and Hide’s thumb stills once again.

“Yes, Kaneki?”

Kaneki turns and presses a gentle kiss to the other’s hand. “Nothing,” his lips curl into a smile against Hide’s warm skin. “I just wanted to hear your voice is all.” Opening his eyes to take a peek at Hide, he notices the faintest tint of a blush on his cheeks and he smiles. “Gotcha. Made you blush didn’t I?”

Hide lets out an embarrassed laugh and takes his hand from Kaneki’s cheek to scratch at his own. “Yeah, you got me, Kaneki.” the bright smile that Kaneki loved so much, the smile that filled him with so much hope and happiness than he had ever experienced, began to fade.

“Hide, what’s wrong?” he already knew. He felt it too.

“You’re going to wake up soon.” Hide wasn’t looking at him now. His cheek was cold due to his hand was no longer on his cheek.

Kaneki couldn’t find say anything.

“It can’t be helped. You can’t sleep forever you know. That’s not healthy.” That makes Kaneki smile, after everything, Hide still shows concerns about his health.

“I’d sleep forever if it meant I’d get to spend time with you.” he says, taking Hide’s hand into his own.

“All those romance books you’ve been reading have really made you into a sap, huh?” Hide teases, bringing his hand up to cradle Kaneki’s face one last time. “You’re adorable, Kaneki.” His thumb starts back up on his cheek, and Kaneki closes his eyes, desperate to hold on to Hide for just a little bit longer.

“Something sentimental.” he hears Hide say.

When Kaneki opens his eyes for the second time, he’s awake and alone. At first, he stirs, wondering where Hide is, and then it hits him. Everything, all at once like it always does after one of those dreams. He can’t help but curl in on himself as grief threatens to knock him over. The tears come before he can stop them, washing down his face in an uncontrollable manner. All he wants is for Hide to come back. To wipe his tears away and tell him that it’s going to be okay.

A lingering touch against his cheek brings him back to the present and he can’t help but croak out a laugh.

Hide.

That’s his Hide. Never failing to let him know that despite their current situation, Kaneki’s never as alone as he feels. Hide’s always with him. No matter the situation. And for right now, that’s comfort enough.

[softnorwegians]

Some asks that I’m answering all together because I don’t have much to say and didn’t necessarily want to put them all on people’s dashes:

I just rewatched Season 2 and I‘m asking myself why I liked Noora that much. Besides the whole William thing. What he did to Vilde was so gross and he did not change. And let’s be hones, what happend to Noora when she was young was what William did to Vilde. Besides that. When she just directly shows Eva the tabs on Isaks Phone and talks about him and Sara in such a judgmental and mean way. And the whole Syria Crisis thing was so awkward, she didn’t really care. She just wanted to seem better 1\

2 than Eskild. And how she kissed Yousef even though she was so sure that Sana fancied him. And why? Because Sana did not tell her William had a new girlfriend. But in season 2 Noora doesn’t tell Eva about Jonas new girlfriend for a while. She tells her right before Eva and her go to the party where Jonas and his girlfriend are too. Ugh Noora in season 1 was awesome but they completely destroyed her character.

Yeah, tbh Noora was never one of my favorites? Maybe because I try to live-and-let-live and not get too judgmental so it’s extra painful to see someone failing at that. I think Noora is realistic and sometimes relatable but it can be a little hard to watch, hahaha.

I was always okay with Noora until s4 though! I absolutely got completely sick of her during s4, ajhksjf. I don’t hold kissing Yousef against her because I like to pretend that just didn’t happen but I was exhausted by how much we were seeing and hearing about her.

I’m confused as to why people are upset about William getting mad at Noora when he thought she slept with Nikolai?? Unless I’m remembering it wrong, he asked her “did you sleep with my brother” and she responded with “I don’t know” and he stormed off. That definitely doesn’t seem like an overreaction to me, just miscommunication as to what happened and what exactly Noora didn’t know (whether she was raped or not vs. whether she had consensual with him or not)

Well, “I don’t know” is an answer that doesn’t really make sense when related to the question of having sex so I think people felt like it was little ‘eh’ to not pick up on the undercurrent of what she was saying with it. But yeah, I’m not holding his initial reaction against him. It’s when he gets the texts that I’m like “...what”.

just saw this in the tag "blackmail? lol she doesn't have to go on the date. all she had to do was say "hell no" and then tell vilde what happened. it's not that serious". why did society teach us it's desirable for a man to never stop even if you say no to him, that if he just keeps pushing you'll see the light eventually. it's also funny that france leaked a key episode again to create hype. there's no way it isn't intential. i guess at least Italy will get s3 since they're in Oslo now *sighs*

I probably should have addressed more about Noora agreeing to the date but oh well. ...I have an allergic reaction to “s3” and “remake” in the same sentence. It’s making me not want to watch any of the remakes any farther, tbh.

one thing is also that he doesn't say it in a joking way, he sounds serious and it's very bad directed if that line was supposed to be a cute way of asking for consent.

Yeah, agreed, like I don’t get that at all from the line. It’s more what I figure it has to be.

If you look past how unnecessary annoying and obsessed Julie made Vilde (to a point some people probably thought it all was Vilde and not William), she also had a pattern with Norh*lm. His friends get beat up instead of him, he acts like 180, Noora doesn't owe him. He gets mad and hurt when she tells the truth, he walks away and she lays it out again but she kisses him. She doesn't know if she was assaulted but she has to get him back when he's been hurt. What a mess but boyfriend goalz!

I’m tired.

If it's hard to see how Wilhelm pressured Noora then switch it out to be about sex or coming out of the closet and add in how everything affects Vilde with her eating disorder and fragilness with her feelings then perhaps it's clear as a day.

Sorry, I’m not quite following this one! But I feel like I would support you. 😁

I don't see why peolke think william changes in s2? He gets points from his fans that he stops sleeping with girls, is gentle and soft (Vilde said he was that and that's why she fell back to her, NHs must really dislike Vilde in the 2.8 scene), doesn't pressure her with sex after she says she wants to wait, doesn't read her messages, finishes her essay while she's sleeping after a panic attack and GOSH doesn't leave his love in that state to party hard. Then ignores/levavs her when he finds out.

I’m still with Vilde, she deserved better than William and why isn’t that true for Noora too?

I would actually say literally nothing I hate about willhelm (besides not using a condom) is stuff heard via rumors and gossip and actually just through stuff he actually does onscreen lol. Also even if He never would've actually told Vilde about what happened threatening to do so isn't any better sorry

I just really hate in general that he’s leveraging something to get to Noora. I mean, she does agree to this date (offscreen) but even then, it was a bargain and not because she actually wanted to be there. What kind of “date” is that. I just hate seeing that in any context, a woman coerced into a “romantic” situation.

“Take Vilde, she reveals he was loyal, caring and gentle when they had sex beforehand we were made to believe the opposite was true”..Um and then he slept with every girl in school. I mean sleep with whoever you want, however many people you want but being gentle and nice in sex doesn’t mean your a good person. That is the opposite of loyal.... I don’t even hate William honestly think I hate Noora more but the pro side always reaches so hard only people who reach more are the Jonas haters.

Oh, yes, I didn’t comment on that but the “loyal” definitely doesn’t apply.

I agree we should have gotten way more Vilde and Even content and way less Noora and William drama. I hated the way Vilde was portrayed(the comments she made about Sana to the Pepsi max girls and just some stuff she did/said we’re not cool and I didn’t like that it was kinda brushed aside)and don’t get me started on the lack of Even. He was(I’m assuming)a big part of her life, he was best friends with her brother and was probably around a lot and we just didn’t get the storyline they deserved.

*pours one out for the s4 we imagined during the hiatus* 

Common trauma? Amazing how William knows Noora doesn't feel loved and left by her parents yet he shuts her out and leaves her after he's seen her having a panic attack when she can't breathe and says she feels as if she's going to die over something she isn't ready to share yet. And this is supposed to be a desirable relationship? At least they are attractive? But attractive white fuckboys have always gotten what they point at.

Yeahhhhhhhh, it really does make it harder to excuse what he does when he knows something is wrong and she’s actually pretty upfront with “there’s something I have to tell you but can’t yet”.

it's amazing how most 18/19 are decent at that age and you get to vote, drive and drink, but if you are a rich badboy you have a right to act however you want and people must forgive you in the end. since julie never made his bff chris be more than a second supporting character, why couldn't he be the huge asshole instead and wilhelm had to be torn with his loyalty? then I rmbr the blackmail date did so he missed defending his boys, tg s1 didn't say it was the date's fault he wasn't there! 😊

I don’t even mind that they started William out as an asshole, they just went too far with it imho and never pointed out “this behavior is wrong and we know it” and he never had to atone or redeem himself for what he did.

n8rhelm is supposed to be the classic hate to love story, there's a million movies but ive never seen one where the person is terrible to the love interest and manipulate them like this. also william is a really weak actor, don't know if that doesn't translate,all he have is his looks and glaring stares. he couldn't even deliver pretending to be a bad actor with niko there or when he tells nooea to be quick with the water. he has no timing or natrualness, only kisses and react n's great acting

I find Thomas Hayes to be... not a great actor but also not completely terrible? There’s some scenes I buy him (the marching band scene where he’s rolling his eyes I remember as good?) but he doesn’t bring a lot sometimes. idk.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “(1) ok I’m pro-noorhelm and arguing via ask is hard with a limit and I…”

And whenever Noora talks about his good qualities and whatnot, we never really get to see them. It’s all off screen. It would be easier to forgive him if we actually got to see his change, but ah well

☝ I think that would really improve things, tbh.

thegirlnooneknows5 replied to your post “the funniest argument to me used by noorh*lm stans in excusing his…”

It also perpetuates the idea that ‘no means convince me’ and that’s farked up

Ugh, yeah. That’s one of the more depressing undercurrents of s2.

daigina replied to your post “1)The truth is really in the eyes of the beholder , you guys don’t…”

I agree it’s a good move with William but it does nothing to resolve the major problem with him that season which is how he treated Noora with no discussion or explanation or apology at all. If that detail had been fitted into even a short discussion between the two over all of THAT in Williams clip that would have been soooo nice

Also that was such a tiny thing?? Like they didn’t even spare two seconds of dialogue on it, it’s barely there. If you need a magnifying glass to see character development, does it count?

Yeah, I liked that lawyer detail but it really was such a last minute, supplementary thing!

i still think julie had no idea what the fight was about in s4 or changed her mind when someone was coming back. we knew she rewrote and missed gullruten, several norwiegians reported on rumors at the time that she bearly had written the last episode when it was time for recording. she wrote the fan fave to have an unprovoked violent moments just in time to bring back the one who everyone complained had hit someone with a bottle. and how could yousef've been so wrong about what happened at bakka

oh god, let’s not even get started. it just makes me sad to think about how thrown together s4 wound up being.

Hi. Is it true that skam italia is using a white actress to play Sana, a muslim character?If so, it is wrong in so many levels, tbh!

I believe the actress is white and isn’t a muslim. And yeah, nagl. 

I feel like that with skam france they have the intention to do a season 3 and want it to start in autumn to align with the original series. I’m not saying I agree or like this tactic but it seems to make the most sense of why. Sure the time span is short between 1 and 2 but it’s not the most unrealistic. The director said he went on this project because of season 3 especially so I guess that’s why I think it’s like this. It would be more odd for Lucas to move in to the flat during the year.

Oh god... sorry, not you, I’m just at the point where I really don’t like being reminded that season three will ever be remade anywhere.

[todokori-kun]

(Random but I think your reply was a little later than normal? Was it the internet again? Anyway it’s nice to be talking with you again queen :D

Also just in case you didn’t get the other messages I sent (I sent them a few days ago so I guess tumblr ate them again), I was basically trying to say that the CP aesthetics are gorgeous and that I found the real Hamilton’s last letter to Eliza and was wondering if you’d like to see it too if you haven’t already. I think I was also trying to ask if you got the new pics I sent you)

EXCUSE me how is it even possible to not be impressed with Hamilton (ok, ok, so I guess you’d be pretty unimpressed with Alex after Say No To This…but ELIZA. ANGELICA. AND PEGGY. WASHINGMACHINE. And of course the entire hecking cast is awesome). At least they acknowledged the Frenchfryette…

(jk, jk, we all have different tastes so I guess even Hamilton might not be the right thing for some people ^^)

HE AIMS HIS PISTOL AT THE SKY-

“WAIT!”

(Burr. You should know by now that the whole ‘talk less, smile more’ and ‘wait for it’ theme doesn’t really work out for you most of the time. It’s certainly not gonna stop a bullet you already fired ;-;)

According to my parents I was a really bubbly, well-mannered kid who never whined or threw tantrums…but, BUT, I was as much of an airhead then as I am now, and I ended up causing a lot of trouble XD Other than the bathroom flooding incident, once when I was tiny my mom left me playing in the hall while she was making dinner. When she came to check on me I’d turned one of the walls into a piece of modern art (like Carnage Kabuto did to Genos, only better/worse). With permanent markers.

And once when I was even younger, mom woke up to a strange sound coming from outside the bedroom, and she realized I wasn’t in bed with her. She found me in the living room, plucking the rocks out of a plant pot and rolling them across the floor like marbles.

I also remember that I had a habit of doodling all over my arms and legs and cutting up my pajamas to make them look 'cool’. Literally any time I rolled up my pants you’d see giant, brightly colored marker lines/dots/swirls all over my legs, and all of my pajama shirts and pants were starting to fall apart because I kept snipping at them (I remember grabbing my craft scissors and hiding behind the sofa to redesign my clothes in peace without my parents seeing and being all “Evans, those are for cutting PAPER, not your clothes” lol).

I was a weird kid.

You’re right- at the place where they finally got the thing out, I think the doctor just had me lie down and got it out with pincers(?). No pain, no blood, it was over pretty quickly. I do think I remember being told that the heel of the shoe had gotten buried in the inside of my nose, though, and that was why it was so difficult to get out…

As for the nosebleed, idek. I remember some people holding this blue, rubbery pump-thing to my nose and trying to get the shoe out with that??? And then blood just suddenly started pouring from my nose? LOL it didn’t hurt, though, and there’s always the chance that it had nothing to do with the shoe. I got a lot of random nosebleeds as a kid, I’d literally just get up in the middle of the night, decide I needed to go wipe my nose because it felt runny, then turn on the light to see blood plastered all over my nose and around my mouth…I probably looked like something out of a horror movie XD

I RELATE TO THAT. There are still a few toys I’m super attached to even if I don’t play with them anymore, and I get sorta…upset?…when people touch them the wrong way (also my dad keeps talking about how we need to throw some of the old dolls away soon and I haaate it ;-;).

Yeah, that particular kid (let’s call her Friend A) is a bit of a brat lol. She smacks her own mother when she’s upset and screams her head off whenever she doesn’t get her way. It’s pretty uncomfortable to watch because her mom never really does anything about it…

(also, some context for the kicking: the boy she kicked (let’s call him Friend B) has been friends with my little sister for a few years now so they’re closer with each other than they are with Friend A. But Friend A got upset about that and came to the grown ups to tell on them; everyone tried to calm her down and suggested that maybe she should try asking them nicely, but she ended up throwing a tantrum. So Friend B’s grandma jokingly said that if Friend B kept being rude to her she could just fight back, give him a punch (she was laughing while saying it, so even to a kid it should have been pretty obvious she was joking).

After we found out what Friend A had done and tried to talk to her about it, she was like 'his grandma told me I could so I did it.’ and refused to apologize.)

OH NO. IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF THE DREADFUL FANDOMS WHERE YOUR OTP NEVER, eVEr, HAPPENS?! That settles it, I’m never watching or reading Fairy Tail 0.0

Well, sure, most mangas have at least one hiatus at some point…but HxH is on a whole different level. The hiatuses are LEGENDARY.

just imagine what would happen if a manga artist tried to keep up with Ishida’s TG schedule (one chapter every single week except on holidays). An artist who apparently has no assistants. An older artist who has health problems. Tbh you can’t really be upset with HxH for the hiatuses…but it’s still a really, REALLY long wait whenever it happens, and sometimes it goes right back on hiatus barely a few months after the last hiatus ended ;-; I’m lucky I joined the fandom so late (and right after the hiatus ended, too! :D) but I can’t be sure when it’s going to happen again..

Ok, ok, so in case you haven’t searched what Feitan looks like he is LITERALLY Levi. The narrow eyes. The murderous stare of disinterest. The hair.

Then there’s absolute loyalty to a leader. Levi ->Erwin, Feitan-> Chrollo (Chrollo=manipulative spider thief who actually managed to troll HISOKA, of all people). Feitan is also one of the stronger characters as far as I know, and he’s just as blunt and rude and Levi. And he’s a thief; Levi used to be a thug.

Also, also- Levi=160cm. Feitan= 155cm.

Feitan is Evil Levi. Actually, maybe Thug Levi could have turned out like Feitan if he never met Erwin…that’s a scary thought 0.0

(as for Hisoka and Saitama, well. Hisoka realizes that even his Nen (his special power), Bungee Gum, has absolutely no affect on Saitama. He proceeds to Schwing. Very hard.)

(I doubt I’ll ever be over Old Man Fu because Iiked him a lot ;-;)

Saitama is my fav tbh, though Genos comes close..and from what I know about Metal Bat, he’s also a really cool dude. (Also I love Amai Mask/Sweet mask. I love to hate on him.) I like Sonic, but I can’t take him seriously most of the time because he feels like a parody of Sasuke from Naruto (also I keep thinking of Sonic the Hedgehog lol)…his smile is adorable though :3

I’m neutral towards Tatsumaki because her powers are super cool and I like her design but her attitude is a bit annoying to me. Still, I think I read that she’s gotten more development and backstory in the manga/webcomic, so I’ll wait until I can catch up with canon :)

OH NO. Apparently Bert’s death can still hurt me even after all that’s happened since then (also AoT’s new chapter hit me straight in the Annie/Bertl feels. I guess it’s basically one-sided canon now).

YES. I’m seriously so hyped for Ragnarok. I’m just as hyped for the fanfic as I am for the actual movie. And the FANDOM. Can’t wait to see what tumblr’s gonna be like when the Loki fans realize their king has returned XD

I can’t drop TG because there are too many things I want to see/know (like the whole deal with Kimi and Kanou, what’s going to happen with the whole Human vs. Ghoul thing in the end, what’s going to happen to the Touken kid, if Kaneki will live, if Shuu will ever actually get angry at Kaneki, the OEK’s true identity, Eto’s return…). And SPOILERS FOR NEW CHAPTER

after this chapter I definitely can’t stop until we see how Urie gets out of this situation (plus I sense character development/backstory/reveal time, which is always cool). Maybe I should be scared for Urie but I’m still not that worried. Death cliffhangers in TG almost never come true, and like I said, Urie just CAN’T die now when his character arc is nowhere near finished.

But I totally get your frustration, queen.

I’m probably gonna play it tomorrow :D I’ll let you know when I do!

Yep, I know what happens in his bad end. I don’t want play it XD

I did play Fritz’s bad end a few days ago, though. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE VARG

I ship Queen Luna with too many people and I don’t even care

(DON’T YOU DARE WRITE MORE FRITZ HCs THOUGH, PLEASE. HAVE MERCY. IT’S TOO FLUFFY FOR ME TO HANDLE)

Also: I have a game to recommend! :D If you haven’t played it already, The Blind Griffin by Asphodel Quartet is awesome. I downloaded it from Itch.io :) it’s set in America, in the 1920s. The MC is looking for a job and happens to stumble into a speakeasy run by magicians.

Review so far:

pros:

-great MC! She has a fun personality- not the flat heroine most Otome games have, but not a super cold Ice Queen type either. I really liked her.

-Diverse cast! From the main cast there’s the MC, who’s Chinese-American, Vivienne, who’s African-American, Alexei, who’s Russian, Giovanni, who’s Italian, and Emilio, who’s Spanish. Then Marie, who’s transgender, and her gender identity is handled very well! Also a lot of different body types and facial features.

-Lovable characters. I didn’t expect to like everyone so much but there is literally nobody in the main cast that I dislike. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy Giovanni’s route after I played Alex’s and decided he was my fav, but turns out I was wrong. Gio was great too.

-everything is quite realistic and fits well with the setting. There’s even a glossary for slang.

-Art and music are gorgeous

-several different endings! I’ve only played the romance routes so far but I think there’s a friendship ending as well as a sad ending for each character. The romances were really sweet so I can’t wait to see what happens with the other routes!

Cons:

-it was made for NaNoReNo, so the story does feel a little rushed because of the time limit and the game is really short ;-; it feels like there should have been more but they just didn’t have time to finish the story.

-not a lot of choices.

And random note: do you know, I actually wanted to make an Otome Game myself a while back. I had some plot, choices, routes and characters all planned out and even downloaded a program to try and teach myself how to make a game…but then I realized I suck at it and it was just too much for me to handle on my own XD I’ve been working on the ideas I had for that game though- mostly the characters, I’ve thought of a lot of Love Interests ;) maybe someday I could actually make this work as a collab with someone else when I’m older…for now I think I might try writing down the script and drawing some more concept art for the characters because I have too many ideas and I need to let them out LOL

I’M ALIVE. The internet was absolute shit, yay. Sorry about the long wait OTL

Aaah, right, I got those, I just noticed them after posting ^^;;; They were buried in the asks from my other blogs ^^:::: Thanks a lot about the aesthetic compliments! I’m glad you liked them! I definitely enjoyed making them ^^ And wow, the feels ;-; Best of Wives and Best of Women.

The drawings you sent me are gorgeous!! Dead Fish Eyes Family tho XD

The thing is, from the start, even before we reached My Shot, they were like ‘meh’. But I still forced them to listen anyway muhahahahaha HOW COULD THEY NOT LIKE THE SCHUYLER SISTERS? THE ABSOLUTE QUEENS??? I am disappointed in them T^T

I STRIKE HIM RIGHT BETWEEN HIS RIBS I WALK TOWARDS HIM, BUT I AM USHERED AWAY THEY ROW HIM BACK ACROSS THE HUDSON I GET A DRINK

((I’m writing those lyrics while listening to one of the most happy songs I know XD))

I’m guessing Burr needed a real life lesson about bullets and their negative effects on humans, especially if they’re fired at someone else. Welp, hopefully he knows now.

We were opposite as kids XD My parents once decided to make a small experiment. They told me to sit down and stay like that for as long as I could. Then, they started measuring how long it took me to start fidgeting, then how long until I stood up and ran somewhere. Barely a minute before fidgeting, a bit more than 3 until I stood up and ran away. I wasn’t joking when I said everyone thought I had ADHD.

Thankfully, I knew the consequences of drawing on walls well enough from my sister’s example (I still remember how mad my mom was when she found out she’d been writing an walls) to do anything, but for some reason, I always broke everything I touched. I was not to be trusted with the dishes and if anyone got me a snow globe (which was surprisingly often), it wouldn’t last a month unless it was placed on the highest shelf, out of my reach. Even then, I would still manage to break it sooner or later.

((Random, but my playlist is on shuffle and just played 98% of my Christmas songs, one after other. I am slightly worried XD (even tho I sang along)))

I didn’t do it to my clothes, but I had a knack for redesigning barbie clothes/hairstyles/makeup. And my sister would usually help, despite being 6 years older XD She was always so artistic, she even sewed some clothes for them! They were actually pretty good, despite her being 10-12 yo.

To be honest, I’m fascinated. I am genuinely fascinated. Partly at the fact that the shoe managed to get buried in the inside of your nose, partly at how much fuss you went through to get it out XD  I think I would’ve cried regardless of pain or not, had I gotten a nosebleed as a kid. I just couldn’t stand blood (still can’t tbh)

I’m slowly running out of space on my shelves, because I keep adding new books there, and yet I never move any of the trinkets or toys that are there. My mom keeps insisting we at least move some stuff to the basement, not throw it out, but I never give in XD I mean, I’m very happy with how the whole thing looks right now, and it would be empty without the stuff. For some reason, I have no problems with dolls now, but plush toys and small figurines are what get to me… For example, horses have always been among my favourite animals, so I have a shitton of horse toys, and they honestly take up a lot of space, and yet I feel like I’d be betraying my hobby (horse riding) by throwing them away ;-; Until I have no more space for books, I’m not moving anything XD (unfortunately, that’s gonna be very soon, even now I always have to move stuff around a lot to fit them in)

Wow. Well, I’m gonna be a stiff and say ‘Kids these days…’ Im only halfway joking. I went to visit my old elementary school last year and, boy, did the first years (7yo) annoy me. Now, I was a brat, but I wasn’t a brat with a smartphone who didn’t socialise with others at all. And my old teacher told me stories of their parents… I’m slowly changing my mind about wanting to be a chemistry professor in the future XD I think imma just be a researcher. Thing is, parents aren’t strict enough. True, my mom was a bit too strict, but one of the girls I went to elementary school has parents who always let her do anything she wanted, and even when they grounded her, they’d ‘un-ground’ her half an hour later. And guess how she turned out! Today, she smokes (cigarets and weed), goes out at least 4 times a week and gets wasted every time, I don’t even want to start on her grades and, most of all, she’s an ungrateful brat who’s used to getting everything she wants. Life’s gonna be fun for her. 

YES, YES IT IS. I mean, in the last chapter, almost all of them were heavily implied, one of them even had an actual love confession a few chapters back, but nothing was said in the last chap, except for this:

WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? THIS IS MY 2nd ULTIMATE OTP IN THE SHOW; WHAT THE FUUUUU

AND THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE, WHERE BOTH OF THEM DIED IN THE MANGA, BUT THEY WERE THERE IN THE LAST CHAP, APPARENTLY AS REINCARNATIONS??

BUT MY OTP. THE SHIP I CARED ABOUT SINCE DAY 1. THE ONE I SHIPPED FOR AS LONG AS I’VE BEEN READING THE MANGA (which is, admittedly, quite long, I’d say more than a year and a half) IT WAS THE MOST ??? ONE.  OKay, here’s the story: He’s originally a bad guy, but he was manipulated, so he repented of his sins, did some good shit and was still locked in a prison. Then, there was  a huge war arc and he was freaking helpful and did a lot of good stuff, so now, in the end, he was pardoned. AND THE LAST CHAP; HERE’S WHAT WE FIND OUT: HE WAS PARDONED; AND EVER SINCE,  SHE’D BEEN DOING HER HAIR EVERY DAY (implying she’s happy or seeing him, I guess???) AAAAA I’m lowkey debating posting the entire last chap here for you to read, even without context, just so you can see how much it’s only implication and nothing real (;_;)

Ouch… Well, I’ll have to think about it then ^^

Tbh I can’t imagine Levi with Feitan’s hair. It’s too messy XD

Ahahahahahah Idk if I’ll ever get over Schwing, despite not watching/reading the manga…  Schwing.

I think most of Metal Bat’s personality comes through in the manga, because he has a few omake in the manga, where he goes to strenuous lengths to protect/keep his sister pure. It’s adorable, really. His sis is a bit of a brat tho. Amai mask. I can not stand that guy. 

Oh yes, the beautiful, murderous smile. You can practically hear the panties dropping.

I still have 15ish chaps till I’m caught up w the manga, but both she and her sis have very… interesting personalities XD Im pretty sure she’s like that on purpose, though, to bring more humour into the manga (as if it needed that XD)

AoT Will keep hurting me as long as it can. Basically, until I either drop it or until it ends. 

Oh, you don’t think they’ve realised yet? From the amount of gifs I’ve seen, I’d say the fangirls are very well informed XD 

Oh joy… Please keep me updated XD And come screaming if Urie does die, cause I gotta read that for myself XDDD

OYAOYAOYA SO HAVE YOU PERHAPS STARTED WALTZ??

Ahah, I warned you… I still wanna cry when I think of Varg. #stillnotoverit

huehuehueheuhueheuheuheuehueheuheuheuehuehueheue ill spare you for now. no telling what comes in the future tho~

Alrighty, i’ll check it out ^^ it seems interesting enough!

Oh, yeah, I forgot to add, but I’m trying to start a love live dance cover group here in Zagreb! It’s harder than you think =3= It seems like I’m the only one who likes the show. Hopefully, I manage to find people ^^

[todokori-kun]

Did someone say suffering? SIGN ME UP.

(I think I’ve heard of it before but I have no idea what it’s about other than the fact that there are obviously terrorists involved lol)

Poor Hisoka. So much unnecessary hate.

I have something to recommend real quick too: could you search ‘Hisoka Schwing’ and then ‘Kyousou Requiem’ on youtube? The infamous ‘Schwing’ scene will show you why Hisoka is a trash pile, Kyousou Requiem is Hisoka’s character song from the anime and will show you why sometimes, rarely, Hisoka can be cool (or rather, he has a very nice voice and you can actually enjoy the song. Unless you’re waching the video with English subs. Then you’d probably get too distracted by the lyrics).

The troll side of me is really looking forward to your reaction XD

TYSM again <333

Really? I mean, if you’re ok with me spamming you and ranting about stuff (basically what I always do but still) I’d love to send you more pics.

That sounds really cool :D

Yay :) tbh though I have a weird definition of PG-13 LOL when I’m watching stuff with my sister PG-13 is anything that’s acceptable for her to watch if I cover her eyes at certain points/make sure to talk about things with her, and when I’m watching stuff alone PG-13 is anything that doesn’t have any sexual content (sexual references are ok though) and has no extreme violence/gore. That’s pretty much it XD

I think I read on the site that Rod is recommended as the first route? So maybe I’ll start with him :)

I WILL RESIST (we both know I won’t be able to though. Queen Luna knows my weaknesses.)

Yeah, Riza would be impressed. I think she’d wonder how on earth her idiot son managed to get such a beautiful, sensible young lady to like him LOL

Evans…would probably be a bit less impressed. If Roy managed to prove to me that he’s genuinely in love with the queen, though, I might give in. It depends on what he does though. If he mentions miniskirts or that on hold song I’m throwing him out. Like-

Roy: “LUNA, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SHE WAS SHY AND SWEET”

Luna: *stares at the wild Evans* “Sorry bae, but right now you’re on your own.”

Evans: “Colonel Mustang, you should understand that my anxiety makes me nervous around human beings, not trash.”

Yeah, I remember that 4-Koma Theatre thing XD All of FMA’s extras are pretty hilarious.

Tbh any relationship with Evans involves a LOT of awkward silences and going round in circles until SOMEBODY decides to step in like ‘nah you’re not getting anywhere like that here let me just give you this convenient push so you fall into each other’s arms’

(Also: I recently imagined what it would be like to be Kimblee’s s/o. I don’t know why I did that. It was a terrifying thought.)

Ok, ok, since we seem to talk about shipping each other with fictional characters a lot, I thought I’d leave a list of who I ship you with from various fandoms-

Oreo Cookie

Nishiki, for some weird reason?

Roy

Greedling (I STILL HAVEN’T WRITTEN THE GREED/LUNA HCs. I’LL SEND THOSE IN A SEPERATE MESSAGE)

Lust

Soma and maybe Sebastian? Like he’s way too trashy for the queen but still

Loki

Thor

Maybe Pietro? But he’s dead so ;-;

Jean (from AoT)

Armin

Hange?

I still care about a lot of people (other than Urie there’s Saiko, Nishiki, Kimi, Shuu, Naki, Yomo, Uta(?), Eto, Ui…) but yeah, I’m worried for Urie even if I’m sure he’s not going to die. 

I’m super excited for Ishida to reveal more of Rio/Shikorae’s backstory! He might actually play a bigger role in the plot now? And I really want to know how he ended up like that because his game design looks a lot more ‘normal’, for lack of a better word. Also I don’t think he talked in emojis in the game.

Yeah, tbh I feel sorry for all of them ;-; can Yomo and the rest really kill them/harm them? They’re CHILDREN.

Yep, the sketches are rough and messy because I was just doodling to vent my feelings ^^;; the black sketch does look a bit better than the blue one, though (at least I think so?). I’m glad you liked them :D and yes, they’re suffering. Naomi more than Tatsuo, though. The only way Tatsuo could suffer is if he was unsure of Naomi/Shuu/Mirumo’s safety or if someone cut off his wine supply.

Hm, looking forward to seeing what it’ll change to next time :) this one really is super cute though <3

(btw, an extremely random and maybe slightly creepy question that you don’t have to answer:

What do you do/how do you act when you’re angry?)

Oh yeah, there’s plenty of suffering there. It also has a really good soundtrack! My personal favourite is probably this one: Ís (it has a link so you can listen to it :3 ) Yee, it’s a pretty depressing anime. When i finished it, I stared at ny wall for solid 10 minutes thinking about what I just watches. You also cry a lot while watching it, especially if you’re like me (I never cry at live action movies, but anime het me really easily)

I am scarred for life. Wow. That guy is bigger trash anything I can imagine. Just. That’s so creepy >_< Getting turned on by the thought of fighting a boy that doesn’t look older than 13.  Also, the song is nice, his voice is nice, but then I saw the lyrics. “Your (something) makes me moist.” I don’t even watch the anime, but I am done with him on too many levels already.

I’m scared already… I’m absolutely fine with you sending me more of your drawing! In fact, I’d be more than happy to see them ^^ 

Oh wow, those are interesting definitions of pg-13. I think that pg13 means you can swear once or twice. Tokyo Ghoul has a lot more swears than that XD I’m curious, though, have you ever watched any anime with your sister? If so, which ones? You mentioned her reading kuroshitsuji, minus some arcs, but what about the anime?

Ah, Rod might be a good start (asshole). I hope you enjoy his route ^^ Tell me your impressions after it!  Also, (one last (hopefully)) word of advice, pace yourself. Don’t be like me and finish all the routes in 2 days. That’s too much suffering and emotion packed into 2 days XD

AHAHA WILL YOU THOUGH? 

O/////////=

After I read that burn, I literally sat here for about 5 minutes, just staring at the screen. 

That was absolutely savage.

Who says the silences have to be awkward? I’m a pretty quiet person, yet whenever my friends are over and we’re silent, it’s never awkward. We just enjoy the silence. 

That’s why you have me huehuehuehue I’ll be your wing(wo)man! 

Honestly, I’d write some Evans/Kimblee headcanons, but I honestly can’t imagine that man in a relationship. I tried, I really tried. 

Ara, that’s a lot!  Funny how you should say Nishiki, since he was actually my favourite, along with Shuu before Urie came along. You know me too well ^^

No, no, there’s honestly no need for that! You’ve already written so so much for me!

Tbh, I feel like one of the rare people in the fandom who don’t like Sebastian. I don’t find him hot, attractive or anything similar. In fact, he’s among the characters I dislike the most XD  Rip pietro. Why did you have to say goodbye?

Hange and I would probably have a more platonic relationship filled with weird experiments and titan research. I’d also participate in giving the titans horrible names just for the lols :P

I’m worries for everyone. Mainly, their mental health. I’m always worried about that when it comes to TG, though.

I wonder what’ll happen with him… Hopefully Ishida does make him a good character ^^

So. Much. Suffering. Well, cut of his wine supply, that’s probably the least suffery thing you can do to him XD

It might stay this character (very likely), change to a character from CP (also likely (help)) or something entirely else. We’ll just have to wait and see ^^ 

When I’m angry, I mostly rant inside my head and… I do schoolwork… Yep, I’m a nerd. It does help me vent, though, because it takes my mind of of things. When I don’t have schoolwork to do, I watch cutesy anime, because those can always make me smile.  I also listen to angsty music sometimes ^^;;

Aaalso, I recently (today) realised how to make proper aesthetic edits! So, uhm, here are some I made! I’d like your opinion on them ^^

((I tried to put 4 put the other 2 wouldn’t load =3= I’ll try to include them in my next answer ^^))

Masquerade ball:

Blue one ((Actually inspired by you)):

((Idk if you’ve read this, but the other two decided to load, huzzah!))

Living Legend Ballerina:

And the one where I decided to be conceited and made one for myself XD

If you have an idea for a specific character, or something, just say so, because I wanna practice and ideas are welcome!

[todokori-kun]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, I’m ugly crying on the inside right now. I’m really so glad you liked the art, seriously this means a lot to me TYSM <3

I like how Hisoka turned out too :D I have a hard time looking at him though because WOW that’s way too much trash for once piece of paper

Be glad that I sent you the sassy Saiko, because I also drew a crying Saiko calling for Maman. I decided not to be a troll for once though ^^

I couldn’t do justice to OG Musical Maria though. She’s gorgeous…

That picture of Roy will be my legacy.

(as for the tiny dab, that is also Saiko in case the pic was too small for you to tell XD funny thing is that I wasn’t even intending to have that slip in when I took the picture. I drew a tiny, mouth-and-nose-less ‘I am not impressed’ Urie face next to it too but guess that didn’t make it in haha LOL

I'm actually sorta obsessed with drawing tiny, dabbing figures right now because I just discovered an easy way to draw dabs and…well. It’s fun?)

AWW tysm! Tbh though I get the struggle. I hated all paints for the longest time because I also had no idea how to use brushes and control the amount of water I used and ended up with shapeless blobs or super runny pics (also I’ve never actually learned how to paint or draw…a couple of short lessons when I was really little, a month(?) of lessons around last year or the year before, that’s pretty much it. So idk how to do things really lol). But I sorta-recently got obsessed with watercolor paintings (SO PRETTY) and that’s why I started ‘practicing’ (AKA watching/reading a bunch of tutorials and trying my best to remember the few things I actually learned XD). I still can’t draw stuff just with watercolors though, I need to do a light pencil sketch and then color with paint.

OK that sounds so cool but problem: My phone is a super old flip phone that I’ve had since I was eight(?), so mobile games are a no XD and my parents probably wouldn’t buy me anything that costs money (they let me play simple free RP games and dating games on the internet since those are usually fairly innocent (I mean, it’s plot/character-based stuff, almost like a manga) but not anything too 'big’ you know? If I was old enough to buy games like that with my own money I don’t think they’d care tho, as long as I didn’t get obsessed with games or anything.)

Also just realized that I’m stupid and apparently forgot that I don’t have Steam. I was going to install it but can I ask you exactly what it is/how it works, first? I’m just kinda worried about randomly installing this since I don’t quite get it yet ^^;; (sorry I can be really, really stupid when it comes to stuff like this)

THAT’S SO CUTE. Let me recommend you a game too- a free RPG/Dating game called Ascension by ImpQueen! No download, you just go to ImpQueen and play it. There are three(?) chapters. The first chapter might not be that interesting compared to other games, but the game and the story keep getting more complex as you go on :D you also get new dateable characters every chapter and the MC, Aida, is AWESOME. Also, in chapter two and three you can actually customize the main cast’s appearances, like you’d do in a dress-up game! Another cool thing is that you get different 'personality points' depending on the things you say/do, and the amount of points you have for a certain personality can change the outcomes of certain situations.

It’s also really fun because other than the romance, the plot and Aida’s journey is super interesting too.

Do you know I’ve been reading some Ishida tweets lately and look at this (yes these are all real)

Fan: Excuse me, is it ok if I ask what major you chose at university?

Ishida: I have studied worthless knowledge in University.

Fan: Please take good care of yourself and eat well! (I think that’s what they said? It was in Japanese so)

Ishida: I ate some tomatoes!

Fan: How do you draw Arima, sensei? It’s so hard to draw him ;-;

Ishida: Sadistic & Massive. I keep that in my mind.

Fan: I love you please marry me

Ishida: Sure! When is convenient for you?

Fan: Be sure to rest when you need to, sensei…

Ishida: I don’t wanna rest

Fan: HOW DID AMON’S EYEBROWS GET LIKE THAT PLEASE I MUST KNOW SENSEI

Ishida: It’s natural, you know.

Fan with a picture of a cartoon skeleton for their profile pic: Will we ever learn what happened to Hide, sensei? Also, thank you for the sequel :) I love TG

Ishida: Well, I’m not sure…by the way, you are so skinny. Thank you!

Also, dude reads Shoujo manga. He tortures us with Touken, Kanae, Tsukiyama/Kaneki, Saiko/Urie…and then he goes and posts fanart he drew of a Shoujo manga he was reading and says that he’s sad it’s over omg

0////0

…

I’d probably never want to leave that flask HOW COULD A TINY INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN DEFEAT ME SO EASILY NOOO

*sigh* I didn’t raise you to be like this…

(I just got the funniest/weirdest idea though: So Evans is like Luna’s mom in this relationship, Riza is Roy’s mom. Imagine what would happen when Roy/Luna got to the 'meeting the parents’ stage in their relationship)

Mei’s version of subtle-

Mei: Mr. Scar, Evans thinks you have pretty eyes.

Scar: 

Scar: What

(basically catastrophe. And I would never have actually said that…Luna probably told Mei to say that I said something nice about him and that’s what the kid came up with OTL)

Well, he became a criminal in Civil War so not a big surprise really ;-;

For a second I thought that pic was you

Wow, that’s great! Bet it looks amazing on the queen <3333

Funny thing is I thought I liked physical contact (like cuddling, hugging, hand-holding) but turns out that’s not the case XD I get super awkward when anyone who’s not my mom, dad, or my little sister/younger cousin touches me. Tbh the only person I feel comfortable with cuddling anytime, anywhere is my little sister because she’s still smol LOL

It’s definitely weird when people who aren’t that close with you try to hug you though. The only thing that can make it worse is if they gush about what a good, sweet child you are while doing it XD

(btw, I sent you a message about the TG Re Volume 12 omake; did it get eaten?)

((EDIT AFTER NEW CHAP OF TG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUU NO URIE NO N O)) Feel free to send more art anytime! I’ll always be glad to see it ^^

Is he really that bad? I mean, I’ve seen some memes, but didn’t think he was that trashy XD

Oh wow, thank you for that :P Who knows, maybe I would’ve broken my computer screen, because end the suffering already.

Dabbing Saiko, best Saiko. I assumed it was her because of the hair, but wasn’t 100% sure. Isn’t that Urie’s default face, tho. I mean, when is that man impressed? He does show emotion when he’s  trying to comfort someone, but that doesn’t happen very often.  *stares at that paragraph* *dabs aggressively* 

Ah, that’s what makes it even more impressive! I mean, we had art in elementary school, but it was mostly the ‘learn stuff yourself’ kind of art. Needles to say, I didn’t learn a lot. But watercolours really are a nice way of painting, since they can have really vibrant colours, yet be serene at the same time. Most people I know who draw, watercolour or not, use sketches and references, so I don’t see anything wrong with that ^^ Just take your time to learn what you want ^^

Oh, I see! So, free, computer games for you… Well, right now, CP is the only one I can think of, but I’ll discover more in the future and share them with you when I do ^^ The only paid games I play are on my phone, since I’m too shy to ask my parents to but me otome games… I have 0 problems playing them on my own, but not a lot of people know that I play them. 

Right, steam.  It’s a gaming platform. Technically, it’s an app for the computer on which you can download games that are available in the steam store. Some are free, some are paid. 

This is how the page looks. The little green button in the upper left corner is to download the app itself, and you’ll also need to create an account.  You’ll need to give an email, but it’s only for account verification and to send you bills if you decide to buy anything. However, if you don’t buy anything, the email will mostly be useless after the verification. I mean, I don’t remember getting a spam email from them at all.  After that, just go to the search bar, type Cinderella Phenomenon. And press play the game! It should automatically download the game to the steam app and you’re good to play ^^  No worries about asking questions! It’s actually admirable how you’re so careful around the internet ^^

Oh, I’ve actually played that before! I could never finish chapter 3, though… For some reason, it keeps glitching at one scene making me unable to continue further =3= It was quite fun to play! I just don’t remember most of it anymore, since it’s been a while since i’ve played ^^;;;

Ishida summarised my high school experience so far in a single tweet, only it’s about University XD

Wow. That’s so mean of him XD Seriously Ishida, why you gotta torture us so much??? (I just noticed my computer stopped auto-correcting Ishida, I think it finally learned I wanted to type it) 

Muhahahahaha I’ve contained the legendary dwarf!!! Now she won’t be able to convince a whole nation to commit collective suicide because their leader is a naive idiot!!

The two of you just talk about how randomly childish the two of us can get at times XD I think you’d get along pretty well with Riza, though. I mean, she’s a nice person, who knows what it’s like to be scared, so she’d be fine with taking lead of the conversation. 

Scar isn’t sure if it’s Mei’s idea of a prank or not, but he’d be slightly disappointed if it was cause he kindawantedEvanstothinkhiseyesarenice but nope he’s in denial.

From that day on, Luna learns that if she wants to get the two awkward dorks together, she’ll have to take things into her own hands. Probably goes something like this:

Luna: Evans, are you free at 5pm this Friday? Evans: Yeah, why? Luna: Scar, are you free at 5pm this Friday? Scar: Aha Luna: Great, because I’m not! Have fun you two!

My sweet sunshine child cap T^T

Aah, no, my hair i shorter than that ^^;;; Also, I look younger than I am OTL

I think it’s more of the ‘I like physical contact if I know the person and am close enough to them’ thingy. I mean, I have a few acquaintances who love hugs and I always shrink away from them, but with close friends, U’m sometimes the one who starts hugs. But you might also dislike contact in general, which is also fine, everyone has their own preferences ^^

I did, but I only noticed after I answered your message OTL Well, that’s certainly an interesting ship… Now I slightly ship it… 

[todokori-kun]

(remember how I kept mentioning that my computer has been weird?

 It finally just broke down and I feel like I’ll have to wait a couple of days for it to be ok again…currently using dad’s computer that he never uses, but since the keyboard on this one is a bit wonky there may be more typos than I usually make. Sorry OTL)

It’s quite the heartwarming moment. Look at how happy Draco looks

She was PUNCHING her stomach??? Idk how I missed that when I was reading the chapter, gotta go reread it now…but why, Touka. Why would you do that.

I’d much prefer an Uta/Touka child tho. Kaneki's kid might not be able to escape being involved in a tragedy, but any child of Uta’s is destined to be the one writing that tragedy. At least they’d be safe(ish).

Ugh I’m imagining Eto passing on the title of OEK to the Touken kid as she’s dying like

“If I say goodbye, this world will learn to move on. Our legacy outlives me when I’m gone…”

Ok, but wait. What if. Uncle Hide meets Eto and the child at the airport and drives them to their new home, where a tall man with a serious face, white hair and a pink flower-patterned shirt is waiting for them…

“Who’s that, Auntie Eto?”

“That’s your grandfather, sweetheart.”

(No idea whether I should smile or sob over those Hide gifs)

My sister is the girl who claims that she’s the queen of Korea.

“Sweetheart, Korea already has a president.”

“Then I’m the queen of England.”

“You’re not from England though…”

“I can speak English!”

(five year old logic. This is an actual conversation we had once. She’s also read a bit of Black Butler’s more kid-friendly arcs with me (I’ve altered canon to make her believe that Sebastian is like Ciel’s fairy godfather or something lol)…and is convinced that whenever those pictures of Sebastian pulling off his glove with his teeth pop up he’s actually eating his glove.)

Well, as you can probably tell I’m still a masochist/sadist when it comes to characters and stories XD

And since I sent Naomi and Louisa, I hope you liked them! :) Louisa’s still in development so there might have been too little info, sorry about that ^^;;

Yeah, you’re right, it’s pretty op. However, I was actually trying to make her a bit op, if that makes sense? I thought it might be good to make her naturally a super powerful ghoul so that it would really show how much she’s holding herself back.

(You might have noticed that I ended up scrapping the kakuja anyway though ^^;; Naomi and Tatsuo are both old OCs I decided to remake and I couldn’t remember the backstory behind how she got her it. I didn’t really want to make a new explanation so yeah, no kakuja XD)

Honestly, my personal opinion on OCs is that being super powerful is fine as long as you can have it make sense (example: if you have an AoT OC making them a really strong soldier is fine, especially if they’re a new member of the MP or a Survey Corps veteran. However, you cannot make them as strong as/stronger than Levi and Mikasa unless they are a dead member of the Ackerman clan, and having them on the same level as the Titan trio is also pushing it unless they were also trained to be warriors/potential titan shifters). Angst is fine too as long as it fits (dead parents and a violent childhood spent alone on the streets is the average backstory for a ghoul in the TG universe, but not for a skater from YoI) and you know how to pull it off. I mean, Kaneki’s story is basically 99.9% tragedy but Ishida nailed it. I think it depends on the writer’s skill level and understanding of the character.

And I definitely did not have the required skill level/understanding when I created that Catwoman OC lol

It seems we’ve both improved a lot since those dark times though, so that’s great! :D (still, sometimes I’m not quite sure if I’m doing it right haha…but from what you’ve shown me you’re being a queen again. How do you do it. Please teach me your ways).

I can relate to that…I make OCs just because I like developing them. The only ones who ever actually get used are the characters for my original stories (like Louisa) ^^;;

Well, I did imagine some of his role in TG canon and I planned for him to die in Re…probably because of Naomi, because he has a very strong sense of self-preservation until his baby sister gets involved.

It is a perfect gif. And yes, that’s usually what happens when I try to explain my fandoms to my parents/acquaintances. (Aot is especially awkward because in the Korean version titans are just called ‘giants’, and whenever I talk about it with other people not in the fandom I can just FEEL that they’re imagining fully-dressed fairytale giants like the one in Jack and the Beanstalk lol)

You’ll probably have to use it again soon because I’m working on that Kaneki/reader Heathers AU ;)

Btw, Shuu/Kaneki song list that I just thought of (you probably know a lot of the songs on here too, but I just felt this weird need to show it to you. It’s mostly from Shuu’s POV):

Part 1

Blank Space- Taylor Swift

Irresistible- Fall Out Boy

Kiss with a Fist- Florence + The Machine

Fire meet Gasoline- Sia

Love the way you lie- Skylar Grey

I don’t wanna live forever- ZAYN & Taylor Swift

Part 2:

Dark Paradise- Lana Del Rey

Ultraviolence- Lana Del Rey

Jet pack blues- Fall Out Boy

Breath of Life- Florence + The Machine

Colors- Halsey

Before I say anything. THE NEW BLACK BUTLER CHAPTER IS OUT I AM DECEASED. IT HAPPENED HOLY SHIT IT HAPPENED I WANNA SCREAM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay enough yelling. But damn, I am McFricking emotional right now, because damn, it was expected but unexpected and holy shit I can not calm myself down because  w h a t  t h e  h e l l  Idk if you’ve read it (sorry if you didn’t, this probably doesn’t make any sense ^^;;) I just. Wow. woow. I wanna put the panels here, but if I do, it’s a spoiler and I don’t wanna spoil it for you. When you do read it, please come scream with me.

Aw, that’s a shame :/ Hopefully it gets fixed soon!

The joy on his face is unmistakeable. Just look at it

No, no, I’m not sure if she was punching it, I just said that it’d be bad if she did punch it, since she had punched her stomach in the anime when her friend delivered that food. Also, in the school’s bathroom stall.

Uta/Touka child would be the ultimate troll. Damn, now I’m wishing it’s their child as well :P

That would be sad, but completely honestly, Eto’s death wouldn’t phase me all that much.

And now you’ve melted my heart to the end. Congrats on not breaking it for once :)))

I like your sis hahah Give her the newest chapter of BB and we’ll see how she reacts *sadistic grinning* Bassy eating his gloves certainly is an interesting thought, though.

I like both of them ^^ I definitely want to hear more about Louisa, though

It seems we have different views on OCs here ^^;; Honestly, op characters haven’t been my favourite after I finished my phase of making them hahaha How I see it, having an all powerful characters erases a lot of great opportunities for character development and sometimes even makes the plot pointless, since they could solve it at any time, by themselves. Not to mention it can make them very unoriginal. This is especially present in my views of AoT OCs. Most of them are either Titan Shifters (which is also canonically impossible considering the recent chapters, unless you add a new titan type (also pushing it)) or as strong as/stronger than Levi, which makes them all bland and hard to distinguish between. Why not make a character strong in their own way? Instead of being an expert with blades (just like Levi), why not have them be someone extremely skilled with 3DMG, so they can serve as distraction for titans until others finish it off? Sure, that doesn’t mean the character will have a ton of solo kills (which is something OC creators seem to value a lot), but it still makes them important to the team. Also, one of my biggest problems with those OCs: they all join the Survey Corps (despite being in top 10 (also pretty much a requirement for OCs)) and are extremely brave and yadayadayada Let’s be honest, if we were in that world and managed to get top 10, chances are we’d join the MP. Or at least the Garrison. 

As for angst, I’m fine with an angsty backstory, as long as it doesn’t go too far. Sure, kill the parents and have them wander on the streets, but for fucks sake, if you do that, there’s no reason for the character to be molested, experimented on by a cult, have a best friend who dies purely for the plot and then make the see the undead or something, so they are more Edgy™

Whoops, that turned out quite long ^^;;; This is just my personal opinion, though.

Well, when making my newer OCs, I try to focus on character flaws. What makes them human? What would break them? Why do they have powers, yet aren’t able to defeat everything with a single kick (ONE PUUUUNCH)? I guess making 'flawless’ characters in the past made me take the opposite approach today :p

Well, Titans do look ridiculous. I mean,

Not fairy tale material, but enough for the whole fandom to make fun of them.

Oh my, am I going to get my feelings destroyed again?

Actually, I don’t know a few of the songs ^^;;; I’ll go listen to them now ^^