#talking to therapist

[mental-health-advice]

TW for several things. I am an alcoholic and most of the time I don’t care that I am. I like getting drunk. I believe there’s a spectrum of addictive people but I’ve never felt guilty for my coping mechanisms. It started with eating disorders that’s how I coped with life, then I cut, and now alcohol. I don’t feel ashamed of these things, I like them. I’ve managed to cut out ED and self harm but not alcohol it makes me feel so carefree and happy when the rest of my life has felt like shit. I haven’t been happy in a long time and my coping mechanisms as toxic as they are, help, so I love them for that. Since 14 (I’m now 25) I haven’t gone an extended time without a toxic coping mechanism unless you count when I was with my ex who I still love and felt a purpose with. I don’t really have friends, I work and drink, I love my cats and family but it doesn’t feel like enough to care. I want to be special to someone who isn’t family. Idk I just don’t know what to do. I know my drinking has gotten to worrying proportions but I just don’t care because I can still function to do what is required of me. I’m scared because I don’t want to stop because I can trust alcohol to not let me down unlike so many things in life, and honestly after having depression, PTSD from multiple things, anxiety, and secretly being queer in a super conservative family, as well as being poor and disabled, I feel like I deserve an unhealthy coping mechanism. Before you ask yes I’m on meds and have a therapist I love but she’s so good and sweet and I don’t want to disappoint her but telling her the truth. This was a huge word vomit because I just feel awful and I want to stop being so angry at myself but idk how to do that without giving up my addiction.

Hey there,

It can be so hard when we despise ourselves so much that we feel as though we need an addiction to help us through life. I know it’s hard but I would encourage you to speak to your therapist about this, the likelihood of her being disappointed in you is very low (like 1%) as her job is to help you and support you no matter what you may be going through or experiencing right now.

I too have had/ still have sometimes the same self-destructive coping mechanisms as you and I won’t lie, yes it is hard to stop and it is especially hard to say goodbye to the drinking but if this is what you truly want then it is possible to stop. I do still struggle with relapses every now and again and especially when I face huge life stressors or just miss that high, but with the support around you it is possible to limit the alcohol usage if this is what you want. Another thing I want to quickly mention about talking to your therapist is that she won’t make you stop drinking or taking away any of your ‘coping strategies’ as this is only something you can decide to do, but she can help to support you through the process no matter what you decide to do!

Despite having your family and your cats, it sounds to me that you need something else to help to fulfill your life. So in saying this, do you have any interests in life, anything that you can work towards doing that may help to give your life some meaning again? I know that your ex was really helpful for you but unfortunately, we cannot always depend on others to help us with what we are going through/ experiences. Yes they can definitely be of some help definitely but in the end in life there is only you who can make the big decisions and finding the will to keep going no matter how that may look like for you!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren  

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[doctormori]

I love this book to death, so here's some things I noticed <3

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[gildedoak]

Episode 7: Beignets!

I rewatched S2E2 of Helluva Boss ("Seeing Stars") and got hit with that BANGER of a line from Loona about dads having issues and messing up all the time but still caring. VIVZIE, I am sensing a THEMEEEEEEE.

And thank you for all the lovely comments thus far! I'm so tickled to see how many folks connect with this, whether you're from the American South or not. Food is such a core love language for so many people.

SOUTHERN COMFORT FOOD SERIES Chicken and Waffles Sweet Tea Peach Cobbler Hushpuppies Crab/Crawfish Boil Gumbo (plus character notes!) Beignets part 2 Shrimp and Grits Cornbread Biscuits and Gravy Pecan Pie/Sugar Pie Fried Catfish ??? - Season 1 Finale

Description under the cut!

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Radioapple comic

PANEL 1: (Lucifer sits atop a barstool-like chair on his balcony at the hotel. He's curled up in on himself, quietly crying with his head in his arms as he slumps over the marble balustrade and his tail curled around his ankles.)

PANEL 2: (Alastor gently sets a large platter of fresh beignets next to Lucifer's arm, and Lucifer glances up, looking miserable.) Alastor: (offscreen) You're not a bad father, you know.

PANEL 3: (Alastor strikes a jazz-hands pose as a canned laugh track emanates from his cane.) Alastor: Granted, YES you did fail spectacularly! You fail A LOT. But...

PANEL 4: (Closeup of the lower half of Lucifer's face as more tears fall down his cheeks.) Alastor: (offscreen) ...you're consistently, SINCERELY trying. And that is incredibly important.

PANEL 5: (closeup of Alastor's right eye in profile) Alastor: It's certainly more than my father ever did.

PANEL 6: (Alastor reaches over and places a hand on Lucifer's, which is still clutching at his upper arm. Though we can't see Lucifer's face, he's sitting a little straighter, looking up at Alastor.) Alastor: (offscreen) Or yours, for that matter.

END DESCRIPTION]

[kittytiddycommittee]

To find a sub IRL I'm going to say "good boy" itermittently in public spaces and see who looks embarrassed, like kink marco-polo

[purplecatghostposts]

Rewatching Risk and thinking about how genuinely freaked out Félix gets when he sees Emilie in the basement. That’s not just his aunt but someone who looks exactly like his mom. He bolts the second he sees her and it honestly looks like he’s going to make a run for it out of the house before Nathalie and Gabriel find him. You can see him floundering a bit to act like Adrien again before he regains his composure. I just. AAA. I love this episode. It’s the definition of ‘Fucked around and found out’. Félix was prepared for a lot but NOT finding the basement.

[steven-has-exploded]

anws as a distraction from the horrors heres a funny fyodor thing i drew inspired by a pinterest comment

[writer-room]

Its so funny that Arin and Sora have shown to have significantly better emotional intelligence than any of the ninja from all of the old seasons combined. "You should be taking care of your mental health" and "yeah saving the world is upsetting! no wonder you're having stress dreams" oh my precious children. You are surrounded by a teen dad with massive self-worth issues, the only one of two people who remembers the genie incident and also turned into the sea once, guy who's died like 3+ times and committed genocide under mind control, and a child soldier who's been living the hard knock life since age 2.

I hope to god you two are prepared to witness the most mentally unwell behavior you've seen in your entire teenage lives. You think you've already seen how bad it can get now? Fools. Just wait until you get a mission involving the Departed Realm

[thattheater-kid]

You know what’s wild about being a fictive? Missing your old life even though it was shitty because it’s a shittiness you were used to. The life you’re living now is a new kind of shitty that feels unpleasant in a different way.

[spooksier]

thinking about jon jarchivist sims as i often do and one aspect of s5 jon that i LOVE but dont see too many people talking about is how shot to hell his morals get (due to him being the Literal Antichrist) but he still remains a character very very driven by his morals. which surely won't cause any issues at all.

like he asks other people what *they think* he should do so often or just does what *he thinks* is right because he's running off avatar morality which is basically 'fuck it, we ball' and jon wants to be a good person SOO BAD but he's LITERALLY THE ANTICHRIST!!! you guys....

^ this guy is fucked in the head

[tmntplusadhdcauseschaos]

Ragetha: y'know, its easier if you think of us like a family! Like, sure the only specific family thing we have is a father figure, but we're close enough!

Jax: wait who's the father figure?

Zooble: are you kidding me? It's obvious

Everyone: It's Kinger-

Zooble: It's @#£%& Caine

Everyone:...

Zooble:... I mean yeah its- it's Kinger?? Sure, he's old. Kinger is very... fatherly.. in a dementia sort of way??

[jknox11]

jeremy "you are going to be my success story" knox and andrew "you are a pipe dream" minyard

[kacievvbbbb]

You do get the sense that Mihawk is a man that has never been normal about a single thing, a day in his life.

He either underreacts or overreacts, Things either don't affect him or obsess him there is no in between. There is only the russian roulette of which option you get.

And unless you're a certain red head or cotton candy haired child, neither option spells anything great for your general well being or the integrity of your ship...

[milo-igidk]

just remembered this and based in the fact that keefe was already good with some animals bc of his empathy im guessing thats why shannons giving him disney princess treatment next book