#I’m still doing that tbh
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You know what’s wild about being a fictive? Missing your old life even though it was shitty because it’s a shittiness you were used to. The life you’re living now is a new kind of shitty that feels unpleasant in a different way.
#maybe it’s stupid to miss the life I had#it sucked#so much#I hated it actually#I prayed every night that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning and cried when I did#I’m still doing that tbh#this is a different kind of suck though#I want my old life back#those people were shitty but they were MY shitty people#maybe I just got used to the horrible conditions I was living in#and now I miss it even though it was horrible#just because it’s familiar to me#maybe it’s the difference between the physical discomfort I felt in my old life#vs the emotional discomfort I feel now#maybe I should talk to my therapist#or go to bed#did system#plural#plurality#actually plural#actually did#plural system#system things#dissociative system#fictive#fictives#fictive culture#system culture#plural culture
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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2 am rant cuz I can’t sleep:
I’ve stated repeatedly that I’m pro-Palestine and pro-peace, so I obviously want a two sided, negotiated ceasefire and permanent peace for all. I’ve repeatedly stated that I do not condone the degree of heavy bombing taking place in Gaza.
But it’s currently 2:15 in the morning and I am haunted. I’m haunted by the fact that the world saw the brutal attack on Jews and celebrated. I’m haunted by the number of high l-profile celebrities who felt moved to speak out for Palestine — wearing flags and pins and signing demands for Israel to stop bombing, but who said nothing about the dead and tortured and kidnapped Jews.
Yes, what is happening in Palestine is and continues to be a tragedy.
But apparently what happened and is happening to Jews worldwide and Israelis of all religions simply isn’t. At least not enough of one. Not enough of one to move these high-profile folks to speak out for us. Not enough of a tragedy to say the names of the hostages, including one forced to give birth while kidnapped by terrorists. Not enough of a tragedy to condemn the violence happening against Jews. Not enough to speak out on behalf of a 20-year-old singer made to fear for her life because she dared to be from Israel and sing about her own trauma instead of, idk, bursting into flame or shutting up or whatever the mob wanted her to do.
No. What happens to us isn’t a tragedy. It’s a nuisance. It’s a nuisance to have to care about Jews. It gets in the way of everyone else feeling good about their “radical activism” and self-aggrandizing bravery. People of all levels and types of fame. All of whom say they only want peace and an end to pain. Yet when they mention pain, it’s always and only the Palestinian flag. When they want a ceasefire, it’s always an only in reference to Palestine. But they wouldn’t be caught dead asking for an end to Hamas or Hezbollah bombs or even acknowledging that they exist. All calls for peace involve asking Israel to lay down arms but no call for anyone attack Israel, Israelis, or Jews worldwide to do the same.
From large creators to small creators to people in day to day life, non-Jews around the world have made clear that it would be more convenient for them if we Jews just died. If we stopped ever defending ourselves or speaking up or being sad in public.
The vast majority of people speaking out would or will view this post as a justification of violence. But it’s not. It’s a condemnation of complicity from people who claim to care about peace. It is a condemnation of those who claim to be against antisemitism yet refuse to listen when Jews point out how they are contributing to and spreading more antisemitism. People and institutions worldwide have failed Jews everywhere.
Cats Blanchett
Mark Ruffalo
Billie Eilish
Viola Davis
Lena Heady
Susan Sarandon
Ava DuVernay
Hozier
Sara Ramirez
Annie Lennox
Cynthia Nixon
Angelina Jolie
Multiple UN groups and resolutions
College students and professors across the world
Friends I’ve had for 8 years who don’t even respond to messages that I have moved out of state or even spoken to me in at least five months
So many people who are so eager to read every bit of pro-Palestine news that exists and condemn every action from Israel.
And yet…
Before the bombings. Before the reprisals. Before all the violence from Israel: where were they? All these people who so desperately beg for peace (as defined by the end of Israeli aggression only): where were they when it was just dead Jews? Where were the Instagram posts and educational content and in depth analyses of Israeli trauma and history? Where were the condemnations of Hamas? Where were those who are moved to speak for anyone and everyone but Jews?
Are we really supposed to believe any of you actually want peace? When you chant for the globalization of terror tactics that traumatized a generation of Israeli Jews? When you fail to acknowledge Jewish history in any way except to minimize it?
Before the bombing campaign, where were the red carpet statement pins and gowns featuring Jewish stars?
How are we Jews anywhere in the world literally ever supposed to believe that you’re not actively cheering for our deaths? Maybe not in front of our faces, but certainly behind our backs. We know. We know you’re afraid to be less than tactful in front of us, but that you describe our rapes and murders and social exclusion and kidnappings as “unfortunate but necessary.”
I’m reminded of when Israel was first created. At a time where every Jew on earth was traumatized directly because the Holocaust firsthand, Britain left the territory of mandatory Palestine and the UN allowed for the creation of a Jewish state. And then proceeded to heckle the traumatized survivors for handling its creation poorly. The Nakba is a tragedy and an outrage and I’ll never deny that.
But…y’all are no different from the people who stood on the sidelines as Israel was first created. Why was it up to an actively traumatized people who had very recently (and after a continuous 2,000 year period of expulsions and pogroms and murders) been slaughtered on an industrial scale to somehow create a perfect and stable government in a land where people despised them?
The world needs to own up to the fact that everything that ever went wrong in Israel’s creation is a direct result of the continuous and still ongoing contempt for Jews by all the other countries that could have stepped in to help and provide Jews with a guarantee of safety at any time in the last 2,000 years in general but also since 1934 specifically. And you didn’t. Your great grandparents and grandparents and parents all didn’t do jack shit. And you are following in their footsteps. You are all doing just as they did: standing on the sidelines and heckling the Jews you don’t like for fighting back too aggressively.
But what exactly have you or anyone else done to help Jews in your communities or in Israel to not feel like caged animals forced to fight for survival? Like wild beasts you let loose for slaughter in a coliseum for your own enjoyment? At what point have you worked to provide Jews with other options? How have you made the Jews in your life feel safe or seen during this time? How have you started to deconstruct the harmful anti-Jewish bias you inherited from the people you love?
Is it ok that Netanyahu and the Likud government is bombing Palestine to the extent it is currently doing? Of course not. And I’ll never say otherwise.
But aside from yelling “hey stop it!” at Israel or “you’re complicit!” at Jews who fail to join your chanting, what exactly have you done at any point since this started to make the world safer for any of us?
Because from what I can see, the vast majority of you have done nothing. And every Jew I’ve spoken to in the last half a year has seen the exact same nothing.
Too many of you are too concerned with being on the right side of history. Most of you aren’t famous actors or musicians or whatever. Most of you are just people. History won’t remember you individually. Who knows what history will say about the movements of which you were a part? My guess is that you’ll be called passionate and outraged and sympathetic, but ultimately disorganized and misguided.
But you know who will remember you? Every Jew you’ve encountered since 10/7. We will remember each individual we saw who celebrated our death or ghosted us or made us feel unwelcome in our own lives.
We will remember you forever. And not fondly.
#i/p#i/p conflict#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#choose peace#a ceasefire must involve both sides ceasing to fire#and yeah#I still upset about drawfee tbh#I’m so patient and calm all the time#but I just want everyone to know that this is a choice I am actively making#because all I want to do is scream#Israel#Palestine#grief
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okay hi so listen hear me out
sea snake is a bit too obvious (and too boring)
so i made him based on some kind of lionfish??? (bc something something venomous marine animal) also with a LOT of creative liberties i made with how the fish looks like
let’s also give his fins some rips and tears here and there bc what are the implications of that??? that’s for you 🫵 to decide
anyways chat i lowkey dont know what i was doing
i had no other thoughts but haha funny snake man i turn into fish
#mmm the quality is so crunchy#also his ass is under there i swear#a friend pointed out where it was and i’m just hfjjdjdjd#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#merjam🐍#-✦—]#also hey hi tag readers#let's do something fun here#(if you don't like deep water/drowning(?) imagery please dont continue past this 💖)#“dont go near the ocean they say”#“for there are sirens that will compel you with their beauty and their seductive voices”#“however you find yourself being lured in by the sea with an enchanting sound”#“before you knew it you're underwater sinking deeper and deeper”#“despite the water filling your lungs you find yourself still conscious but not in control of yourself”#“as you gaze into a pair of enchanting charcoal eyes”#“this creature... it's a siren. and somehow you can hear its thoughts and commands”#“finally. you. you are the key”'#“the siren yearns to be free from the dreary depths”#“you're human aren't you?” “the siren wants to be human too” “the siren wants to be free”#“the siren tried to hide it but you can feel that it was desperate”#“you /will/ take it onto land”#“you /will/ let the siren be a part of that world... or else”#(idk what im on tbh but mer AU 😔😔😔😔)
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y’all do get that if dan and phil hard launch it will break the internet right? like people who haven’t thought about dnp since 2016 and literally everyone else with an online presence will know. suddenly there will be so many new eyes on our cute little community that we’ve managed to build from the ashes of the early phandom. it’ll be worldwide news that those guys from youtube who “weird girls” always shipped were actually together the whole time. it’ll be absolute chaos. it’s not that i don’t want them to hard launch if that’s genuinely what they want to do, i’m just afraid that it’ll send shockwaves through the entire internet that’ll shatter the nice little thing we’ve got going on here. i for one don’t want to be talking to an acquaintance in class next semester and hear them say “did you hear that dan and phil from youtube are together? that’s crazy! i never watched them ‘cause their fans were always so weird. i didn’t even know they were gay. i guess their fans bullied them out of the closet.” and then have to pretend to be normal.
#idk i feel like we’ve all gotten lost in the sauce of a hard launch and forgotten just how big of a deal it would be#it’ll be like the stir their coming outs made but even bigger#like most people still know them as the cat whisker guys from youtube and don’t even know they still post#maybe i’m totally overestimating the extent to which the rest of the internet would care but i don’t think i am#once again it’s not that i’m against a hard launch i just think that everyone who still cares about them and their content already knows#although if they wanted to generate buzz for a big project it would be a great move tbh#dan and phil#dnp#dan and phil games#dnpg#dan howell#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#amazing phil#amazingphil#phandom#phan#phil lester#dip and pip#phannie#that being said i do think i still want them to hard launch cuz the chaos would be funny#lee says things
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Alright here are the majority of my thoughts on Sylus’ dragon demon fiend design as if I am some deranged naturalist spying on him from the mouth of his cave; if things are easily ruined for you please skip this post lmao
Like all of this said, I’m able to forgive it because I’m really really really into his battle animations. Just that entrance when he spawns into the pre fight screen where him and his tail hit the ground with some weight, and then the attitude when he hovers and whips his tail around?? The animators did their job well. I just wish there was more clear reasoning.
#love and deepspace#sylus#love and deepspace spoilers#I guess#listen I’m really passionate about hybrid designs like this and I just think it could have been done way better#a lot of missed opportunities#nothing against the designers tbh they were probably extremely limited in what they were allowed to do#it’s just at minimum a texture swap on his base model could have done wonders#I can still forgive this#unlike forseers pants
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Save me post-canon besties Cherry & Pony…
they’re talking about Paul Newman :))
maybe not the most canon-compliant. but like they’ve both been through so much let them have this
(Another color experiment- definitely not how I usually do it, but I’m having fun. I do like the Angela one better, but this one’s cool too)
Color palette & grayscale versions :
#the outsiders 1983#the outsiders#cherry valance#the outsiders cherry#ponyboy#ponyboy curtis#the outsiders ponyboy#not intended as ship art. but it could be ig? I’ve got no qualms w/ it#(do they have a ship name? idk)#cherryboy#< is that it??#I dunno lol#my art#the outsiders headcanon#god I needa draw cherry valance more. I love her dearly but most of my sketches of her are lousy lookin lol#pony’s in his musical shirt cos the red in it seemed nice#still haven’t listened to the musical tho (and still don’t plan on it tbh I’m sorry 😭)
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It’s so over for privileged kids (not really, I’m sure their wealthy parents will figure something out-)
#but especially the second tweet 😭!!!#rambling#it’s kind of funny how after AA was removed from so many places that they’re are just now doing this#they’ll probably ended up raising expenses for students to counter this tbh#and I’m sure that there will still be people paying underneath the table and there will always be people willing to take these rich peoples#money and hide their hands behind their backs#still crazy to me#affirmative action
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This one is about pain
#original#illustration#looking through old files and it still resonates tbh#I drew this in 2021 during recovery from a bunch of surgeries#I felt sharply like ass all of the time#I’m doing much better now don’t be worried
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Wishing all non-aesthetic regressors a very ‘your regression doesn’t need to be pinterest worthy, it just needs to bring you comfort’ evening
#I do not have pretty regression :P#especially as of late#I’m still an adult when I’m regressed and unfortunately#I don’t have the space time or money to maintain and aesthetic#an*#idk#this is just affirmations with lantern tbh#sfw agere#age regression
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One thing I find interesting, is that whenever Envy transforms into someone’s loved one is that everyone falls for it still, for a moment, despite them being are aware that it is an illusion. Everyone stops and flinches when Envy transforms in front of them and he wears the face of a person they know. It’s difficult to attack someone you love despite knowing it’s not real, and when they attack anyway, all the characters still hesitate for a moment. Except for Riza, who shoots Envy straight through the skull while he’s wearing Roy’s face, blood and brainstuff splatting everywhere with no hesitation or flinching the moment she figures out it’s not real.
#verwijder later#Ruthless brilliant incredible cold-blooded showstopper spectacular evil never the same totally unique#i’m still in artblockhell#I wonder how much she dreams(nightmares) about doing it for real#she promised she would so she must have thought about it often tbh
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.
And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#it’s like 4 am and I’m having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but it’s always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leo’s depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasn’t on purpose but damn if it doesn’t help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I don’t super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boys’ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails aren’t really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsu’s dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? but…you’re not colorful……#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leo’s chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and there’s no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo how’s the weather down there#and Leo’s all like good *sits down* why don’t you join me :)#Donnie: …*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it ‘making use of his species’s advantages’#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so it’s very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raph’s size makes a LOT of sense
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listen. I have never watched Riverdale and never will. but that doesn’t mean I’m not sO FUCKING PISSED at the polycule ending.
I’m not mad about the polyamory (I would like to stress this point for anyone who wants to come after me for this post), I’m mad that Jughead Jones, one of, like, the two aroace characters in media people have actually maybe heard of (the other being Yelena Belova) is part of this romantic, sexual relationship.
he’s ace!!!
he’s aro!!!
and it fucking stings that the writers thought it was okay to erase that aroace rep when there’s next to none for us to begin with.
fuck your amatonormativity and fuck your queer erasure. we aspecs deserve better.
#“bUt aRi aTtrAcTioN iSn’T aCtiOn!!1! hE cOuLd sTiLL bE aRoAcE iN riVeRdaLe!1!11”#yeah I’m aware of that but I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT WAS WHAT THE WRITERS WERE GOING FOR#and do you fucking think your average allo is gonna read it that way even if it was???#also tbh I Do Not trust allo writers to tell that kind of story without perpetuatinflg erasure#can’t have shit in detroit I guess#tw aphobia#asexual#aromantic#aroace#riverdale#riverdale finale#aroace jughead#anti riverdale#fuck amatonormativity
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Week 2 - Muse
Click for Quality!
Thanks to @localcanadiancreature62 for the prompts!
#BillfordWeek2024#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#fanart#billford#I was gonna put code in this one about ‘oooh who REALLY was the muse oooh’ but tbh I think it diluted the whole concept#I think Ford being all starry and Galaxy-y and bill being the more ‘human’ looking of the two here make my point#also the angel and demon bills honestly have very little to do with my higher concept I just wanted to have fun#also also HUMAN BILL JUMPSCARE! AGAIN!#I’m sorry I just. I REALLY. like. the design I came up for him.#HES FUN TO DRAW HES ALL TEETH AND EYELASHES AND HES NICE AN BIG AND CHUBBY HES FUNNNN#ok I’ll shut up#bill cipher#human bill cipher#human bill design#ford pines#young ford pines#stanford pines#grunkle ford#bill x ford#all aboard the toxic yaoi train or whatever that woman with the ukele said idk#is that even still relevant. I am not online#gravity falls
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More Malevolent art for my wall—yippeeeee
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#arthur lester#john malevolent#john doe malevolent#my posts of madness#I am so ill this is the functionally best way to spend my time#I’m just happy to have more wall art :)))#I won’t stop until my entire hallway is filled at this point#I’m still not over the last episode tbh#maybe I should do Oscar next
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Caitlyn literally went to war for the cooch. Caitlyn LOST AN EYE FOR THE COOCH. She set the bar imo.
#‘She caused the war!’ That’s arguable but ykw I’ll give it to you a LITTLE BIT#That is still my girl#She saw her butch and was re-radicalized on the spot don’t pmo#Idk how people say that she should’ve apologized and she didn’t do enough and she’s beyond redemption#She’s not even asking to be redeemed cuz she knows she can’t be!!!!! She literally says no one can just get rid of their mistakes!!!!!#Or something like that#she doesn’t say sorry because it literally wouldn’t MEAN anything. She’s here for the cause and DO SOMETHING about her mistakes#And all the mistakes that led to her privilege#Idk what else I could’ve wanted from her tbh#She released the person that murdered her mother. She didn’t even put jinx in prison!!!! She was in a bunker below the kirammansion !!!!!#Why do they even have a bunker lmao#Anyway doesn’t matter#I feel like we really don’t have to forgive Caitlyn and that’s simply not what she’s asking for#Maybe I’ll make a fr post about this soon lol but for now I’m ranting in the tags#caitvi#Arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane s2#caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane
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