#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.

[notyourmamasdeerbat]

OC Sleep Dynamics 💤

Coadi Aldwir x Lucanis Dellamorte

I finally finished! Rookanis angst and plenty of fluff below the cut!

How often do they sleep together? 

After lock-in, it isn’t until just after Fire and Ice that Rook (tired, big wet eyed, pathetic and beaten to shit) works up the courage to ask Lucanis if he’d like to stay the night in the meditation room. Or anywhere really. Just for a more comfortable place to rest, maybe talk for a little while and read before Rook inevitably crashes. After that, the gloves are pretty much off. It becomes an unspoken agreement, and nearly every night Lucanis and Rook will wind their way around each other during the day and end up curled together on that too-thin couch, or on the pile of quilts Rook has collected on the floor. 

There are occasions where Lucanis grows overwhelmed (bad Spite day, family weighing on his mind, or more intense and sudden bouts of touch revulsion, heightened senses crowding in, the low creep of a PTSD episode after a mission or sometimes with no trigger at all, and he’d rather be alone) Rook is instantly extremely vocal about Lucanis’ preferences. When he over-hesitates, or even is intent enough on pushing away by verbally asking to stay in the pantry, Rook immediately reassures him and lets him be after a few questions. 

Lowering their voice so as not to overwhelm him or his inevitable headache: “Can I get you anything before I go? Water? Want me to blow out the candles?” And when he finally shoos them away after all their sensory-gentle fussing, stubbornly looking forward to a quiet sit down with some coffee on the floor and do those breathing exercises Emmrich was kind enough to teach him, Rook wishes him goodnight and retreats. They are confident they will see him again in the morning. Lucanis, to his credit, often does the same. But it’s rare Rook wants to be parted from him when they’re both in the Lighthouse at the same time. 

Soon enough they learn each others’ patterns and are better at intuiting these bouts of preference, though over and over Rook has to gently stress to Lucanis that they will not be angry or disappointed that he needs the space. Rook is a clinger in the physical sense, and can be overbearing. They know that, and sometimes that’s not what their assassin needs. Most of the time, when he grows truly frustrated at the world around him and the demon in his head (though that too has improved somewhat. Could always be better.) he’ll disappear. Rook will give him time, and if the hour grows too late, they’ll look for him in the usual places to ask if he’s coming to bed. Sometimes Lucanis will go with them. Sometimes Rook will stay with him. Sometimes Lucanis quietly asks to be alone, and again, Rook will ask if he needs anything. (He can’t stand it, affectionately. It takes a while before he can actually say yes, could you maybe bring me xyz…)

Regardless, Rook has adopted the “oh he’s like a cat” mentality, and usually waits for Lucanis to come to them if a few independent nights have been requested. Usually he’ll have something specific he’d like to discuss once he’s sorted through it all. Lucanis is smart and compassionate. Courageous as anything. He can handle it until he needs/wants their help. 

So when Lucanis is affectionate and clingy, it does happen, Rook takes the brunt of it with enthusiasm, delight and overprotective determination to make it last.

Where do they sleep?

Rook can and will drop literally anywhere. When they have the time and energy to prepare for bed though, they almost exclusively sleep in the meditation room. It’s never completely dark, and it’s cold enough to comfortably bundle, and it is one of the few spaces that feel safe and private because of the doors and it holds all of Rook’s things. On usual nights, Lucanis will wander up in the evening from the dining hall and they’ll curl up together on that tiny couch, or on the floor between the couch and the aquarium in a nest of pillows and blankets. However, there are plenty of days where, exhausted and finally safe, Rook dozes off in the wind down hours of group dinners. Someone usually clears their plate and throws a quilt over them. The team files out eventually (sometimes Assan stays to cuddle until Davrin takes him for a ‘Last Out’) 

When that happens, Lucanis makes an effort to settle in that same open space by the fire and rarely leaves the room in case Rook wakes up.

 How do they prepare to sleep? 

Rook is particular. They need to be clean if they sleep in the meditation room. Clean hair, splashed face from the small marble basin, maybe a spritz of a comforting scent if they have one on hand. They scrub their hands, their inner arms and neck, and then stretch for about ten or so minutes on the floor. Then it’s night night. Heavy eyes, passed out in a mountain of blankets on the couch. 

Otherwise, if they drop from sheer exhaustion, most of the time they just shed their gloves and chestplate and conk out for a nausea nap. 

Lucanis usually takes more time to turn off his brain when he’s not constantly on the verge of passing out, and strikes me as a creature of habit. First he’ll meticulously shed accessories. Lapel chains, rings etc. and undress to his comfort. He’ll wash his face, comb his hair, apply some beard oil,  (It took a long time for him to start leaving a few of his things in the meditation room for Bedtime With Rook) and eventually settle down with a quilt and one of his sweeping romances. He likes the ones Bellara recommends. Sometimes, Spite requires a verbal retelling of the days’ adventures if they’ve been apart from Rook for a while. Or he’ll demand Rook read aloud certain passages so Lucanis stops thinking. 

Rook, normally cross legged and facedown on the floor to stretch out their lower back at this point, is all too happy to oblige. When Rook is finally asleep and Lucanis has had too much coffee, requiring a little more time to slow down, he’ll breathe deeply to try and sift through some of the Crow training that allowed for 15-20 minute power naps on command. If that doesn’t work he’ll read some more, or lay his head on Rook’s chest to listen to their heartbeat. It helps. 

What do they wear to sleep? 

Rook typically sleeps in just a pair of fitted dark grey boxers (fun detail I’ll never shut up about: the waistband is embroidered with the stitched outlines of running nugs), but if they get too cold in the meditation room they keep on their cable knit yellow sweater. It’s threadbare and well loved, obviously worn for years– once a cheerful sunshine now kind of a dusty butter yellow. It does the trick. And they look kinda handsome in it. Lucanis thinks so anyway. 

Lucanis has (1) linen shirt and an extra pair of cotton pants that he reserves for Sleep. He bought them after settling things with Spite (to the best of their ability after Inner Demons and shortly after confronting Illario), because originally he had tried to make the idea of sleep as unappealing as possible after the Ossuary. Maker forbid he have some comfy clothes that don’t involve twenty satin layers. The shirt is one of those flowy white vampire/pirate shirts. I don’t make the rules. It’s probably an Antivan Crow thing.(I  just like that image) The pants are a comfortable pastel purple like the cuffed trousers in his casual outfit. Although, if it’s too hot or it’s Maximum Cling/I Need To Cuddle To Sleep time, he’s usually more than comfortable to forgo any clothes beyond his smalls when the relationship has hit full send. There is also at least one comfortable velvet robe in mauve post game.

Do they cuddle? 

Yeah man. Rook is glued to this guy. 24/7, 365, at a million percent. Once they’re really getting comfortable being a Thing? Oh. Ohhhh buddy. You need to peel Rook off Lucanis with a crowbar. They’ll reach for his hand. They’ll curl around him so tightly he’s entirely engulfed in Arlathan forest ranger muscle. (He rarely complains) They’re almost always resting a knee against his, or have an arm looped in his. A leg slung across his hips, or they just gather him close to their chest in bed. Lucanis is often the little spoon just because Rook is constantly trying to merge their bodies into one for sleep. Spite loves this. It’s nice to feel multiple sources of heat. To be enveloped in it? Soothing aching muscles and regulating nervous systems and being comfortable enough to sync up breathing? Oo. That’s the good stuff. A little bit like being in the Fade again, once they’re both dreaming. 

Lucanis loves to cuddle. He’s a fan of curling up and resting his spine against Rook’s side, or letting Rook rest their head on his shoulder. Sprawling out on top of Rook, arms wrapped around them tight. Legs tangled up together, fingers entwined. Just in general being as close to his Veil Jumper as possible. Less likely they’ll disappear suddenly, and he knows in his heart of hearts that Rook will keep him safe right there. And, the closer he is, the easier it’ll be for him to keep Rook safe, should anything happen. Which it might. 

What are their preferred sleep positions? 

Rook is a side sleeper, usually in fetal position. They tend to make themselves small, hands up by their face. Lucanis sleeps on his back most of the time, with his hands at his sides or over his stomach, but he has the ability to sleep anywhere. Even sitting up, or leaning against the wall for quick bursts. Together, Rook loves to lay on their side with one arm thrown over Lucanis’ shoulder and one leg under his where he lays down.

How easy do they fall asleep? 

Rook, at varying degrees of exhaustion, can usually conk out at the drop of a hat. “Hey looks like we’ve got about an hour to just-” “Bet.” And they’re gone. There are however several long, uncomfortable nights where their doubts and terrors keep them awake, eyes wandering the ceiling and hands fidgeting on their chest to keep the blame from creeping in. 

Lucanis can take about anywhere from ten minutes to a few hours to properly hit “asleep.” If he’s truly exhausted from a long day (or several days) of wakefulness, combat and Spite, he can close his eyes and teeter on the edge of dreaming, but startles to alertness in an instant. True sleep, he has to consciously make an effort to relax. Harder than you might think. Reading and knitting for a while can sometimes do the trick, then a long bout of meditation to truly hit REM. 

Do they toss and turn a lot? 

Lucanis sleeps like a corpse. Stone still. Shallow breathing. Only if he's having a particularly bad nightmare will he mumble or shift. Often times it makes Rook nervous. I got stumped and was chatting with my mom, so that little idea is courteous of Mama Batty. 

Ie. 

Eyes shut. So still. They can’t see his chest moving.  Rook takes another step, frowning deeply, their heart squeezing their throat.  Lucanis’ eyes do not open. “I’m alright,” he murmurs, with the smallest smile, because he knows how his Rook’s mind works.  Rook jumps and sags, laughing softly. “Alright.”  “Coming to bed?” he whispers. “Yes. And gladly. Move over.” 

Rook on the other hand tosses and turns like it's their job. Flips the pillow. Adjusts their legs. Flops this way, then that way. Kicks out. Shifts hands. Mutters. They are rarely still unless they’re holding onto Lucanis. Then they kind of settle. 

Do they snore?

Rook snores. Quietly, raspily, little puffs of air. It’s reassuring for Lucanis, in the small hours, to hear Rook’s breathing. Sure, sometimes it can get a little annoying. But if Rook is still sleeping, everything must be alright. And it’s kind of cute, maybe. 

Lucanis snores only a little. And very rarely, mostly on cold or dry nights. It’s the lowest of drones, when he’s really really out like a light. All very nasal. Rook thinks it’s funny, and will listen fondly if something is keeping them awake. Usually it’s right by their ear anyway. No use fighting it. 

Who hogs the blanket? 

(sorry in advance) Lucanis. He gets cold easily in the meditation room, and in his dreams. The Ossuary was never warm. Often, in his sleep, he’ll pull the blanket with him as he shifts. If there is a particularly bad nightmare Spite can’t fish him out of, the body trembles and shakes, and if that alone doesn’t wake Rook the demon shakes them gently to “help. Again.”  

Luckily! This can be circumvented by cuddling. See above. Rook usually runs a little warm. Sometimes if it’s really bad and he and Rook both are cold, Spite has been known to get up and wander to drag back whatever blankets or blanket-like cloth he can find. It’s made for some pretty interesting mornings. At least once in Villa Dellamorte there was a family tapestry involved. Caterina was not pleased. 

What do they dream about? 

When Lucanis is not having Ossuary nightmares, Spite is usually able to keep the rest at bay. The demon refuses to let his humans fall prey to Terror or Fear in the Fade. He has been known to eat nightmares occasionally, or at least the memory of them. Sometimes Lucanis will have nonsensical dreams, usually very sensorily pleasing and just kind of vague or bizarre. He rarely remembers them, but they’re an effort his subconscious makes trying to process a lot of emotion or memories that he hadn’t really let himself experience. Sleep becomes a refuge for him in this way Post-Veilguard. 

Rook has whack ass dreams. When they’re not Solas yelling at them (pre AND post-Veilguard. Don’t ask.) they’re either absolutely bonkers balls to the wall nightmares or something involving deepstalkers learning to firedance with giant hamsters. Most of the time they do remember. 

How easily do they wake up?

Lucanis can be reluctantly woken after one or two good shakes if he’s having a nice night or a good dream. If it’s a restless night, or just during the events of Veilguard mostly, he can be on his feet and alert in milliseconds. You could drop a pin and his eyes might not open, but he’s awake and listening. He’s all in all a light sleeper. 

Rook is also a light sleeper, and often jerks awake in a panic at innocuous noises. A louder rumble of the Lighthouse walls. A thump of a book falling over. Distant voices throughout the building. One good shake or a few whispers of their name will rouse them pretty consistently. There are exceptions, when stress takes over and their body hits the emergency brake. Those kinds of crash naps take a couple of tries. 

 How awake are they afterwards? 

Lucanis is bright eyed and bushy tailed if the occasion calls for it. Rarely will he be more than a little weary or disoriented after sleep, but slow mornings are his favorite. Where he can come awake naturally and without hurry or threat. Bonus points if he’s in Rook’s arms, and they are still sleeping. Mostly then he can go about his day with minimal grogginess. Get up, get dressed and start on coffee. 

Rook is a very different story. Rook is fuzzy headed and bleary eyed and grasping for the blankets to go back to bed with a groan. They are more than happy to be left alone and lulled back into sleep. They definitely need a drink of water or coffee before their brain can really catch up with their body, and even then they’re all achy and tend to be really pathetic. Lucanis likes coaxing them to breakfast with an arm around them and planning out their day, or asking questions about what has to be done next. Rook mainly sighs and leans and listens, breathing him in and only half aware before he sets down a cup of espresso with cream. Takes about ten or so minutes for Rook to have the will to really participate in anything else. 

I had a lot of fun with this! Even though it took forever and a half. Thank you @redheadsramblings and I think at least two others. I waited too long and the tags got lost but I love you! Thank you!

Gentle tags for those interested in a similar exercise! @hedwigoprah @davrinsleftpectoral @fenrelmercar @caughtnyact @sunny374940 @spinfins @emmieloumay @nevarrantorte @woundedsoul12 @blackwall-my-tiny-husband and YOU!!! 💕

[garez19]

a lot to share

rich! yandere x thief reader.

reader steals from her richie rich friends, yandere male, manipulation, subtle blackmailing, class distinction, 4.4k wc.

you had always wondered how it felt to be a rich kid. a real rich kid. not the upper middle class, i mean, rich kids whose parents could afford anything and everything for them. kids whose parents invest in their children’s education, their passions and aspirations without having to worry about paying the bills.

growing up you met a handful of them, and you even befriended some. you witnessed the fact that everything they -and you, for that matter- ever wanted had always been between their lips.

you were envious, even when they were certainly generous to you. why would they not be? they always had more. they could’ve always had more. and it pissed you off. the fact that you were never, no matter how hard you tried, on the same level as them made you turn into a grumpy kid most of the time. you wanted that one toy eliza had, and you didn’t want to play with it and give it back to her when the playtime was over. you wanted it to be yours. a belonging of yours.

your mother wasn’t happy in the slightest when she found the toy in your backpack. she was angry, for sure, but there was a different kind of emotion in her face; disappointed and embarrassed. still, you could only assume how much patience she needed to have to be able to have a normal conversation with you. she tried to seem understanding, and did her very best to explain what you did was not acceptable, and how eliza must’ve been very upset that her favorite toy was gone. you remained still, but your mother could see the way your upper lip was quivering.

“eliza’s mom can buy her a new one.” you said right before bursting into tears. what was the big deal? why did she have to ruin everything for you?

“that doesn’t mean you can get your hands on their belongings.” she replied, her voice sharp and stern this time. “i’m sorry.” was all you managed to let out. she gave you a sympathetic look. then she talked a bit more, and you agreed you’d give it back to her tomorrow.

“you shouldn’t do that again.” she reminded you once more. you hummed quietly. however, you still couldn’t quite understand what was truly wrong with it. even so, you did as your mother told you. but when you saw eliza with such big surprised eyes, full of joy and a beaming smile on her face, you could finally see why your mother was so upset with you.

you were happy she didn’t try to ask questions. where did you find it? why didn’t you tell me? were you the one who took it? no, none of them had crossed her mind. “thank you,” was all she said. “mom bought me a new one,” she added. “i can give it to you if you’d like.” she said while playing with the toy. you didn’t answer. you couldn’t find the right word. you were ashamed—a new emotion you’d learned very recently.

“i don’t want it.” you mastered up all your courage. the desire was always bigger. it was bigger than shame, or wrath, it was bigger than any emotion you could ever describe. but you didn’t want someone to give it to you just because it was something they wanted to get rid of.

you wanted to conquer it instead. you wanted to get your hands on it forcefully, by grabbing it and making sure that you were the one who took it.

you ended up stealing it, told your mom she gave it to you because “her mom bought her a new one.”

soon it had become a habit. you knew how wrong it was, and you knew the consequences you had to face in a scenario where you were caught. you knew you weren’t worthy of having any friends, and the excuse of “their parents can buy them a new one.” didn’t work on your conscience anymore.

but, you couldn’t stop.

you tried your best to surpass the desire. the desire to have more, to own more, and to get to have a say in what you truly wanted in this life. you tried your hardest, so much that you even avoided rich kids like the plague.

but then he came into your life with classy clothes and a car you would have only seen in your dreams.

materials don’t mean anything to me, you reminded yourself. sure, they didn’t; what got on your nerves was the fact that they had the chance to have it, maybe. maybe it was the only reason you were angry.

none of it means anything to me. you reminded yourself.

but it was hard to do so when he was there. he was kind, charismatic and intelligent. truly an overachiever, and he certainly got it all.

you have never had such desire in a long time. the last thing you had craved something so painfully was eliza’s toy.

when you ran out of patience, you already found yourself seated next to him, glancing at the notes he took in class. first it was small remarks. then you became a familiar face for him. then you were talking to him, sharing stories and making stupid jokes, asking stupid questions.

you were weird. he could almost sense something was off with you. acting sweetly and bubbly all the time, yet he could see your eyes were dull when you looked at him. it was nothing he hadn’t seen as he had always been surrounded by people like you. sly and ready to fake any kind of demeanor.

no,

what he didn’t understand was you were still trying your best to do as your mother said. just because someone is rich doesn’t mean i can get my hands on their belongings. you reminded yourself as you found a better place for your -eliza’s- toy. more than a decade had passed, and you still didn’t grow out of it.

how laughable you were.

you observed the toy very carefully, adjusting its position and rechecking again.

as i said, the desire to own something was bigger than any meaningful sense of accomplishment. and, fairly enough, rich kids could never make sense out of something so sentimental. he could never understand such emotion. he never truly craved anything. nothing ever was over his reach, which is why he could never figure out motivation of people with tenacity.

he always knew he could get whatever he wanted. his parents didn’t hesitate to spend hundreds on toys he would play with only once. he didn’t have a favorite toy, because at the end of the day, none of them was special.

he didn’t have close friends that would truly care. he didn’t know how to forge unbreakable bonds with people, because at the end of the day, he didn’t crave anything including meaningful human connections.

he didn’t have a life-time goal. sure, he had got the best grades, but it wasn’t truly because he had the motivation. he simply had endless opportunities and didn’t have anything better to do than learning new stuff that seemed somehow entertaining.

an overachiever with no real ambition in his life.

how laughable he was.

and yet you were really getting on his nerves. it was nothing new for him really, being surrounded by girls who didn’t know how to take no as an answer. girls who wanted to taste how it felt like to be with him, to be him. girls who wanted pretty boys with a lot to share.

he hated people like you. he hated that he was only a symbol of achievement and acceptance to people with materialistic values. that was exactly when he decided to go along with you. he started agreeing with whatever you wanted to do. you had a stupid idea? all ears. you wanted him to be your project partner? sure thing. you had seen a funny video? show him.

because he really wanted to see where this was going for once. he wanted to see how much you were willing to go just so you could get what you wanted. you couldn’t decide if the change was good or not. it was unexpected, and unexpected things would make your stomach upset. you enjoyed his company, true, yet you still couldn’t get your eyes off of eliza’s toy. and you sure wouldn’t try to avert your gaze on his belongings. he should’ve known better, but you could still hear your mother’s voice in your head.

hanging out with him was fun. he was only there when you actually asked him to. he didn’t need you to check up with him because, fairly enough, he couldn’t care less about you. he didn’t consider you a friend, and he most certainly had lots of things to do. the comfort of such dynamic made you feel lighter. he made you feel comfortable unlike eliza and your other friends who found you distant the moment you tried to have some time by yourself.

hanging out with you, although hard to admit, was fun. you didn’t ask about his ambitions and such topics he wouldn’t want to answer. you were just so busy with telling him how much you hated your boss and your family matters you weren’t supposed to tell anyone. you had a lot to share. you had funny stories about high school. you had recommendations on books and songs about love. you had laughs and joy to share, even when it didn’t seem genuine to him at all.

“my friend made it, wanna taste it?” you told him. he didn’t answer. you still gave him a small piece of it anyway. he could see you actually liked sharing, and it wasn’t special to him. you were annoying, sure, but you still had qualities he liked about you.

he liked not having to talk about serious matters. he liked he had someone he could be stupid with.

and unlike he had assumed, you weren’t trying to pursue him romantically. you weren’t flirting with him, and you weren’t interested in knowing his current relationship status. some compliments here and there, small jokes about how your eyes were blinded by his light, and that was pretty much it. and weirdly enough, you didn’t appreciate it when he tried to treat you to your favorite dessert.

“how do you even call this shit a dessert?” you asked him while tasting what he had. he frowned for a second. “you’re jealous it tastes like heaven.” he said. you grimaced at him before tasting it again.

you had gotten even closer by the following months. he wasn’t quite sure if he still didn’t consider you a friend. and you were happy you didn’t catch anything you wanted to own. except his car, of course, but you didn’t want to play GTA in real life anyway, so you were good.

“are you going to come to the library tomorrow?” he asked, “for the project, remember?”

you checked the date. you rechecked it.

“i’m ditching school, can we do it the day after tomorrow?” you answered.

“oh, sure. did something happen?”

“it’s my birthday tomorrow.”

he frowned. then he also checked the date. turned out, you’d never talked about the dates of your birthdays. but he was still… annoyed for some reason. the fact that he learned about it just before the day made him uneasy. why did you not tell him? who were you going to celebrate it with? why wasn’t he invited? why was he upset over it?

mom makes a big deal out of birthdays, that must be the reason.

“okay, that’s good. what are the plans tomorrow?” he tried his very best to seem uninterested. so much that he hadn’t even said ‘happy birthday in advance’ or ‘ why didn’t you tell me?’ he was unbothered. he was completely fine.

“well, i’ll just celebrate it with my friends.” you replied. he still couldn’t hear what he wanted yet. you still didn’t offer him to join. not that he cared, no, he just. it was just an old habit from his mom. that was all. yeah. nothing else.

“oh. cool.” he said, the awkwardness taking over you thanks to his 2 worded answers.

“wanna come?” you doubted he would say yes as you remembered him talking about how much he disliked such concepts due to his mom’s exaggeration.

“yes,” to your surprise he didn’t hesitate, “sure,” nor did he waste a second. you couldn’t really hide your surprise, and he felt like he was supposed to disappear from the earth for a while.

“what? was i supposed to stay and do your stupid part too?” he laughed.

“oh and, you don’t need to bring a gift,” he lifted his eyebrow as you continued, “i mean, i don’t accept gifts. so just, bring your shiny self, okay?”

he looked at you with pure terror. no gifts, on your own birthday? his mother would’ve gone crazy. but he didn’t persist. it wasn’t easy for him to understand your perspective in many cases anyway.

the next day he truly felt bad for listening to you, because even though none of the guests had any gift for you, you truly deserved anything you wanted with that elegant outfit and your lovely smile. well, not anything. the exaggeration of birthdays was passed down to him from his mother. yeah. surely that was it.

your friends wouldn’t stop asking who he was and where you met him. was he single? wait, were you seeing him? no? good. well, happy birthday, dear.

the day ended with peace and happiness. you were thankful to your friends for being there and sharing the joy. the guests were leaving, and they didn’t forget to wish you the happiest birthday one last time. everyone left, everyone except him since he needed to answer a phone call real quick.

when he was done with it, he made his way to the kitchen to let you know he was ready to leave. that was the moment he saw it: a box wrapped in glossy yellow paper, tied with navy ribbon.

“so you accept gifts?” his voice was stern, for the lack of a better word.

“uhh, i don't,” you glanced at the present. “it’s from eliza.”

“so you accept gifts,” he said once more.

“well, what, are you jealous?” you grinned. that wasn’t the deal. his mother’s weird habits was — whatever.

“of what?” he sounded defensive, “anyway, nevermind, do you want to open it?” now he was like a little boy asking his friends to open their gifts out of curiosity. “let’s see what she got.”

you nodded slowly, gently unboxing it as he watched your hands. his gaze shifted to your expression once you were done—your mouth shaped like the letter o, your eyes glossy almost like you were crying.

he had never regretted anything as badly as not getting you a present. he knew there were times his mother was right, and yeah, he really should’ve known better.

he came up with a solution the next day: another package for you. and he certainly wasn’t any different than eliza, if not worse. even though you loved him and eliza, you still didn’t want expensive stuff from them. the little kid in you still thought it wasn’t truly yours if you weren’t the one who wanted it. when he saw you hesitate, he rested his hand on his chin. “i know you accept gifts,” he said with a faint smile.

his sharp gaze was lingering in the eyes of yours. you did your utmost to get it over with as quick as you could.

you didn’t have to know how hard it was for him to pick the ideal gift out there. you didn’t have to know he went as far as asking his old classmates from highschool to help him out. he didn’t have to tell you he kept annoying his mother—telling her she was the only one he could trust on this. she was taken aback by the sudden request as she had never seen him this excited for such occasions before. normally, he would buy whatever that seemed decent enough.

it was the prettiest bracelet you had seen. simple, and very elegant in its simplicity.

it wasn’t a gift you would -or could- buy your friends, to be honest. it was probably something you could only see on top of the counter. but, you knew rich kids had a different view on such matters. eliza never hesitated to get you such presents too, and she didn’t care which brand it was (or if it even had a brand, for that matter) as long as it seemed to look good on her.

you contemplated selling the bracelet before even getting to wear it. but his eyes were focused on your wrists, leaving you little to no choice.

you wore the bracelet, gently shaking your hand to make sure it wasn’t too loose.

“it’s pretty,” you said, still ashamed of the attention from him. you couldn’t find the correct words, and you hated the awkwardness of such words, “thank you, it’s… it’s so beautiful.” you said while looking at your bracelet. he liked your expression, and was most certainly satisfied with the reaction.

“of course, i picked it, after all,” he said with a boyish grin, certainly proud of himself.

the next day he couldn’t see the bracelet on your wrist.

did you not like it? that couldn’t be it because there was no way you could fake that type of expression. you liked it, no, you adored it, there was no way you didn’t. his eyes were on your bare wrist the whole day. the day after that, and the next day too. he hadn’t said anything, but his eyes were still.

“you think she didn’t like it?” he asked his mother. she was truly confused. there was no way her son, of all people, was nervous over a birthday gift.

“she probably just doesn’t like wearing bracelets.” she said with indifference. “some people are sensitive to how things feel on their skin.”

“she could’ve just told me.” he mumbled. he would’ve get you another gift if you asked him to. it was stupid of him, really, thinking too deeply over a stupid bracelet. but, in his defense,it was for you. from him.

even though you considered selling and getting rid of it, you couldn’t get yourself daring it. you knew he had tried to play it off, but you were able to see his content expression. and just because you felt awkward wearing it, you wouldn’t just do that to him. turned out even you had principles and some ethics. you put the gift right next to eliza’s toy as they brought a similar type of discomfort to you.

he had started to pay more attention to your sense of fashion. noting what you had wore and how you styled your hair, what accessories you wore, if you did. he tried to understand your preferences in perfumes and shampoos. you -and even he himself- didn’t even realize he did it. he kept asking his mom what type of gifts girls would like. he kept keeping track of every single piece of clothing you had. but there was still no trace of the bracelet. it was completely gone. he didn’t care if you wore accessories or not, all he cared was whether you wore that one single item he had for you.

“oh, it looks so pretty,” your friend pointed at the bracelet. “is it new?”

“oh, well, it’s been a while, my friend’s given it to me as a birthday gift.” you said, looking at the accessory.

“you should wear it,” she suggested. “it’s soooo beautiful!”

you didn’t answer. the weight of the item -of the feelings included in it- made it unable to lift your arm. but, you acknowledged you were making it a big deal. nothing wrong with using what your friends gave you, no?

no one including you could find out the reason he was so cheerful and ecstatic that day. not even his mom. he kept giving kind words to his friends whenever he had the opportunity— not something people caught him doing often. he even offered help to troubled people whose assignments were due. he greeted his mother so enthusiastically that she was almost 100% sure her son was finally losing it.

he was finally losing it, but your wrist looked so pretty with his gift on it. he couldn’t shake off the feelings of craving. he wanted your attention. he wanted you to think of him whenever you looked at your wrist. throughout his life, he finally had something to hang on to, to want, to desire. and it finally made sense to him when people had their lifetime goals they wouldn’t stop thinking about. people with undying ambitions and their dedication to do whatever it would take.

he wanted to be the subject of your attention. he wanted it bad.

you were finally losing it. because the more time you spent with him, the more you realized all that character development had gone straight into the trash—and that you weren’t fixable by any means. his company was comfortable, and you liked being around him. but, still, you could sense how envious you were. how jealous you were of his stupid car, his classy outfits, his big house and his mother who had mesmerizing eyes that were identical to his. you were upset he had everything, and you were upset there was no way you could drive that stupid car once your little hangout time was over.

you were finally losing it, because he had everything you had ever dreamed of. because he had everything, and the desire made your soul rotten.

it had started off slowly. like an old crow who adored shiny objects, you started off with a glamorous ring. it was his favorite, as you recalled correctly. and then it was his pretty bracelet, though not prettier than yours. then it was the jacket from that one luxury brand. and the list was getting longer. normally, you wouldn’t go as far as this because normally, people would start grumbling about how their stuff kept getting lost.

he was confused at first, though not exactly upset. he didn’t understand your motives as he had made it clear he was okay with sharing pretty much everything he had. he liked it when you had stuff that would remind you of him. why… did you feel the need to do that? was he not clear enough?

you didn’t accept his gifts, but you were completely okay with taking whatever you liked that belonged to him. you didn’t want gifts, but you didn’t stop pocketing his stuff. he was confused, but maybe, just maybe, you wanted little things in your house that’d make you think of him? maybe you were just too much of a loser and lacked good manners to ask like a normal human being.

no matter what the case was, he wasn’t bothered at all. even if you had ill intentions, it was no big deal, because at the end of the day, it wasn’t stealing if he was aware and okay with it.

he kept getting new jackets that seemed to fit your style. he got new bracelets and made sure you saw them.

the fact that he was totally unaware made you wonder if he was truly stupid, or just richer than you had imagined. he kept getting more and more stuff, and never mentioned anything getting lost. you were completely lost because… because it didn’t make sense at all. it had started to get annoying for you. that there was no way this man wouldn’t look for his items, nor was he even aware they were gone.

it started to piss you off. and you could feel your body getting tenser whenever you glanced at his figure. there was nothing you could do that’d affect this guy. you felt yourself distancing yourself from him. at the end of the day, the only person who was losing it was you. there wasn’t a single thing he would care about losing.

well, the only exception being you.

he could see you were annoyed, though not entirely able to tell the reason. he could see you drifting apart. and worth mentioning he didn’t take it well. things were getting more complicated day by day, and understanding you had never been harder.

there was no way you could walk away. not when he finally had someone to hold onto.

“my ring got lost again,” he mumbled while you two were working on an assignment together. you looked up at him, panic in your eyes lasted only a millisecond.

“oh…” you said, not managing to form a coherent sentence.

“it’s like… the third time this has happened in two weeks.” he peered at your wrist, the bracelet was still there. he smiled softly.

“you should’ve just told me if you had wanted a ring.” his voice was warm. it was genuine, and made you terrified of such warmth.

you didn’t answer, mouth going completely dry.

“you know how hard it is to deal with authorities, right?” he asked, but his voice didn’t sound threatening at all—he was still smiling, and his voice was still the softest you’d ever heard from him.

“i…” he didn’t let you finish. “it’s okay, dear,” reassured, “sharing is caring, y’know,” you looked at his expression to catch a glimpse of contempt— to your surprise, there weren’t any.

“i just… don’t think you should be distant to people when you have their ring,” he cooed, “isn’t that right?”

he made it sound weirdly romantic. like he was the one who gave it. you had his ring, that was true, and it was almost like he was happy you did.

“i’m sorry,” you finally managed to speak up. he shaked his head. “nothing to apologize, dear, the only problem we have is,” he gazed at your hands—stripped of any jewelry, “we need to find a ring that actually fits your finger.” he smiled.

you didn’t know how it came to this, but it was too late to reject any gifts.

[starkwlkr]

girl, so confusing | f1

an: might make this two or three parts, not sure yet but oh well <3 love y’all THIS IS AN AU WHERE ALL THE F1 DILFS ARE SINGLE

faceclaim gisele bündchen

part 2 part 3

liked by maxverstappen1, aussiegrit and others

yourusername 💋

aussiegrit long time no see 👀

yourusername don’t worry, I still have cherry lipgloss that’s waiting for you

aussiegrit 😉

jensonbutton well hello 😏

yourusername hey there stranger

jensonbutton stranger? you’re breaking my heart, baby

sebastianvettel miss you lots!

yourusername come over then

sebastianvettel don’t tempt me

ferraridepressionclub y/n fr has all the dilfs in her comments i wanna be like her when i grow up

paddockgirlies she’s so iconic

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INTERVIEW WITH Y/N L/N | VOGUE

In conversation with Y/n L/n about being a mother and a racing driver, and her what’s in store for her.

Known for her fierce driving and even fiercer spirit, has seamlessly transitioned into a life that’s as complex as it is rewarding. A name that echoes through the halls of motorsport history, her story is one of reinvention—a journey from high-speed thrills to quiet, profound moments of motherhood, and, possibly, a return to the racing world in an entirely new role.

The 2000s were Y/n’s golden years at Williams. Her raw talent shone even when the team’s fortunes dipped, and she quickly became a fan favorite. Known for her courage, sharp wit, and stunning moves on the track, she formed friendships with some of the sport's brightest stars—Mark Webber, Sebastian Vettel, and Jenson Button. Their bond, a cocktail of camaraderie and unspoken attraction, became as legendary as her driving.

But the glamorous world of F1, with its dazzling lights and high expectations, took a toll. In 2004, Williams made the decision to drop her from their roster—a move that would alter the course of her life forever. Y/n, at the time, found solace in the chaos. Late nights, parties, and the company of friends became her refuge.

"I wasn’t ready to let go of F1, but at that point, I wasn’t sure where I was headed." Y/n said as we chat in her London home. It’s a beautiful house with stained glass windows and the perfect amount of sunlight shining in. Her daughter is also present though she much prefers to continue with her reading as she cuddles up to her mother.

But in the unpredictable world of racing, the story of Y/n was far from over. A fresh start beckoned when McLaren offered her a seat, a move that many saw as her redemption arc. She embraced the opportunity, her focus sharper than ever. The partying ceased. The cigarettes were put out. It wasn’t just a return to the sport—it was a return to herself.

Her career, marked by precision and passion, came to an official close in 2014, but Y/n’s influence has never waned. Retirement, though, didn’t equate to slowing down. Today, Y/n is a mother—something that’s become a cornerstone of her identity.

“I’ve always been independent, but being a mom has redefined what it means to be strong," she says, her eyes softening. "It’s a different kind of challenge, but one I’m grateful for every single day.”

Her daughter, now nine, was born a year after her retirement. She had announced the birth on her social media with a simple caption: “welcome to the world, my beautiful girl”

“As a mom, I’ve learned the art of balancing," Y/n reflects. "There are days when I’m just a mom—no racing, no interviews, no drama. And then there are days when I’m reminded of who I was before all of this. It's about finding peace with both versions of myself.”

At this point, her daughter stops reading her book and places several kisses on her mother’s cheek. It was a beautiful moment between mom and daughter.

“The future is full of possibilities. I’m focused on what’s next, but I'm not in any rush. We’ll see what happens. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Motherhood may have softened some edges, but it has only sharpened her focus. If there’s one thing Y/n has taught us, it’s that the greatest drivers are those who can keep pushing, even when they’re driving toward the unknown.

INTERVIEW WITH Y/N | THE PADDOCK SESSIONS PODCAST

“Welcome everyone to the paddock sessions podcast. I’m your host Dan and todays guest is a very special one. She is my favorite driver and I’m going to try not to freak out right now. Y/n L/n welcome to the paddock sessions!” Dan the host said into his microphone.

Y/n smiled and thanked Dan for the introduction. “Favorite driver? Dan, I’m flattered. I’ll pay you later.” She joked.

“You’re actually the reason my girlfriend watches formula 1. She watched your past races and was devastated when I told her you retired in 2014. I think she was thinking of breaking up with me because I told her,” Dan admitted. Y/n chuckled at his words. “But can we see a potential comeback for you? I know I’m not the only one that would love to see that!”

“Well I can’t really stay away from formula 1. I try to watch the races with my daughter, but she’s not interested in racing at all so I always end up watching them alone.” Y/n explained as she adjusted the microphone.

“Daughter of a racing driver isn’t interested in racing? That’s wild. But at least she knows that her mom is a legend in the sport, yeah?” Dan asked.

“She’s reminded every time we go out and I’m stopped because someone wants an autograph or a picture,” Y/n laughs. “But she knows the basics, she knows what all the number means, she’s a smart girl.”

“Amazing. Um, on the topic of your daughter, and you can stop me if you want, you’ve always been an open book in many ways, yet when it comes to your daughter’s father, you’ve kept things private. How hard has it been to keep things like that private? I imagine it must be frustrating.”

Y/n nodded and cleared her throat. “I’ve always believed in protecting my daughter’s privacy, and for me, that extends to the people closest to us. I’ll say this: my daughter is incredibly lucky to have the most amazing father. He’s the kind of dad who would do anything to keep her safe and happy. I know she’s growing up in a secure and loving environment because of him. He’s protective, but in the best way possible.”

“Have you seen the tweets regarding it?” Dan asked curiously.

“Oh yeah, it’s all over my feed. I’ve actually read some pretty crazy shit about the father of my daughter.” Y/n said.

“Any favorites?”

“There’s a thread that was posted recently on why Lewis is the father of my daughter. I love Lewis, but I can confirm he is not. He’s actually the godfather.”

“Well, you heard it hear first folks!”

[includedisco]

Remember that every day is an opportunity to be a better fanfiction writer than you were yesterday. That being said...

...improvement isn't only in the big things like writing a 10k story in one sitting or responding positively to negative comments on your work. Progress is in the seemingly small but actually big things too;

You finally learned how to correctly spell that word you frequently use.

2. You found a different word you can use in place of the verb you've abused

3. You wrote a whole ass paragraph for your draft without feeling insecure about it because you're finally understanding that drafts are meant to be messy.

4. It's taking you months to complete the next chapter of your story. At first you felt bad about it every second of your day but now you actually haven't felt bad for a whole hour. Slowly you're understanding that art takes time and you deserve to be patient and kind with yourself.

5. You took the step to read/listen to a random post about how to write better. Maybe you haven't put that advice into practice yet but hey, you clicked on it and listened/read till the end

6. You managed to read one of your own posted stories, ill feelings about it or no

7. You now celebrate every vote/kudos/like you get on your story because you know that a real human being is behind it, loving your work, shoddy as you think it might be.

8. Today you woke up caring a little less about how your stories aren't that popular in the fandom. Finally you're learning to write for you and to just dwell on enjoying the writing process instead of focusing on how the world will receive your story when you post

9. You read comments on your story which suggest you take your story in a certain different direction, but you successfully ignore those suggestions and courageously stick to the story you want to tell.

10. You ended the day still resisting the urge to have AI write your story for you.

Congratulations to you, most improved writer, even if only one of the items on this list resonates with you👏👍🤝

You're still growing and improving after all.

[celebrity-tarot]

PAC - What will your next partner like most about you?

calm your mind, breathe deeply & focus on what photo(s) you feel most drawn to. don’t rush, then, when you’re ready, and only if you truly feel drawn to a photo, read the corresponding pile. feedback is greatly appreciated

this reading is can also apply to current partners!

pile 1:

your current or next partner likes that you are someone with the rare ability to notice beauty where others don’t; whether you’re an artist or just a creative person in general. you may have a way of helping people shift their perspective, & they’ll admire this about you. you’re unconventional & unpredictable at times, with unique interests that keep things exciting. you introduce them to new experiences, take them to places they wouldn’t have considered, & constantly “put them on” to things they end up loving. in that way, you’re unlike anyone they’ve been with before.

they’ll be drawn to your sense of style such as your clothes, your makeup, your accessories. they might even describe you as “high maintenance,” but it’s something they find incredibly attractive about you. they love your purity, your child-like spirit & your openness to the world. there’s something fresh about your energy that lights you up to them.

they also love how you know how to see the beauty in yourself. this confidence radiates outward, making you naturally good at empowering others. your compassion doesn’t just make people feel seen it makes them feel capable of doing things. you uplift those around you not by trying, but simply by being who you are. your partner benefits from this trait greatly.

they’re also touched by how protective you are of them, of your loved ones, & of what matters most to you. overall, your partner sees you as a breath of fresh air in a chaotic world. you’ll become someone they look to often, not just for comfort, but as an escape.

–

pile 2:

your current or next partner will like your healing, selfless nature. they see you as someone who understands that life is bigger than the individual & they admire your courage to sacrifice for something greater when it truly matters. this doesn’t just apply to big picture ideals; it shows up in the small things too. even in something like a friendship conflict, you might be the one who gives up more than your share just to keep less generous or less socially aware people comfortable. there’s also something deeply spiritual about you, whether you’re religious & act in god’s name or are simply guided by a strong inner light. they find this connection to the divine beautiful & it makes you feel incredibly pure in their eyes.

they love how deeply you cherish your loved ones & admire how much you value family/community. you’re the kind of person who stays through the highs, the lows, & all the complications. you don’t give up easily, & that loyalty means everything to them. they like that you are generous in every part of the relationship; emotionally, spiritually, (& especially in the bedroom) they’re deeply appreciative of how giving you are & how intuitively you care.

to them, you’re someone who’s genuinely improved their life in every way. & they see you as a partner who brings warmth, depth, & devotion into everything you touch.

–

pile 3:

your current or next partner will like your dedication to learning & growing your mind. whether it’s through taking your formal education high or simply from how you spend your free time, they admire how committed you are to sharpening your brain. you come across as someone who’s openminded & willing to receive new information without resistance. you don’t feel the need to always be the teacher in the room & you know how to sit back and be a student. you listen, absorb, apply, & execute.

you’re ambitious & in a grounded way. you don’t just dream it or talk about it, you plan it, build it, & follow through. your ideas have weight & you know how to bring them to life even if you don’t know where to start, your base somehow always turns out solid. in their eyes, it feels like everything you touch turns to gold at times. they see you as someone who can move mountains if you’re locked in enough. you’re the type of person who not only meets expectations but often exceeds them, all while never forgetting the people around you.

your integrity also stands out. you’re not a sellout or a soul-seller, you won’t trade your morals. even if something looks like a great opportunity, if it compromises who you are, you’ll walk away with your dignity intact. this is something they will take note of and respect a lot.

in general your partner sees you as someone with an entrepreneurial energy and as someone who gets things done no matter what. the energy of the cards is very clear: you know how to make things happen. they’re in awe of your drive, & your follow through & your refusal to settle. to them, you’re their personal superstar & with this person you’ll have someone in your corner at all times, cheering you on and truly believing in you.

–

pile 4:

your current or next partner is drawn to your intense allure & they likely noticed how seductive & attractive you are before anything else. their physical attraction to you didn’t need any time to grow, they likely knew immediately they were into you. they see a natural beauty in you, one that doesn’t rely on or need any heavy makeup or fancy clothes. to them, you’re stunning in your most effortless state and they love this about you. maybe you’re even someone who doesn’t wear a lot of makeup.

they also really admire your practicality & problem solving skills. you’re not afraid to take the lead, get things done, & figure things out when others may hesitate or start to panic & this is reassuring to them.

they also like that they can trust you deeply. loyalty matters to you & it shows which is why they may even often confide in you, sharing stories & gossip about their family, friends, & social circles. they know you’ll never betray their trust & that you always try to understand things and where they’re coming from before judging, even if their criticisms towards others can sound harsh.

along with this they admire your pride & resilience. you’ve had to fought for what you want & have overcome so much a lot In life. you’re a warrior in their eyes.

[starlight-sev]

NSFW Alphabet (Severus Snape)

Here we are, back by popular demand!

18+ only for reasons obviously mentioned in title above. MDNI, please and thank you!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He gravitates to you immediately. Limbs intertwined, holding you close as if the world might end. Severus always needs to feel you, to have a hand on you in some way just to remind himself that you're real, that what the two of you just shared was real.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Severus doesn't really like anything about himself. If you were to ask him to pick something, I'm pretty sure he'd just frown and close himself in emotionally a bit. He's still learning how to love himself that way.

He loves your hands -- being able to lace his fingers through yours, feeling you holding him close. It keeps him grounded.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I honestly think he'd feel really awkward and uncomfortable at first about finishing with you literally right there with him. He's not used to having someone else in the room.

Once he grows more comfortable with you though, Severus would want to cum inside you. His possessive side starts to show the more he's with you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sometimes he'll read your mind to figure out what fantasies you have and what you're willing to try. He's a bit too afraid to straight up ask you, so he'll use Legilimency on you.

You do notice it, that little nudge at the back of your thoughts that feels a little off. You know it's him, but you find it kind of sweet and hot in a way. So you keep it secret too.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I would say Severus had a fair bit of experience after Hogwarts, during his time with the Death Eaters. He's good at the physical aspect of sex, but the emotional aspect is what throws him off.

He's not used to so many emotions at once, and the overwhelm makes him fumble a bit more than he would expect.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Having you on top. Severus is a switch but I really feel like he gravitates more towards being a sub when he's with you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's an anxious mess for the first few times with you. I feel like once he sees you laugh, or even just smile, it's enough to help him lighten up a bit and just be present with you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Since being with you, he puts a bit more effort into self-care overall but it's not a super huge focus for him just yet. He's still learning how to prioritize himself without feeling uncomfortable doing so.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Oh my god don't even get me started. Fingers lacing through yours, neck kisses, Severus murmuring your name over and over between breaths.

This man worships you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He'd only masturbate if he were desperate -- it was never something he felt he could enjoy and sometimes he still struggles with the guilt. He'd honestly much rather let that tension build up until you're able to be together again.

Be prepared to not get a single minute of sleep if that's the case ooo boy

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

One kink I think it would take Severus a while to work up the courage to tell you about is his desire to be blindfolded. To see only through touch and put all his trust in you.

One day, he'll tell you about it. But like everything else with Severus, it will take some time.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In bed. He's much too careful to risk getting caught anywhere.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Feeling your hands run through his hair. He's not sure why that gesture specifically turns him on so much, but he practically melts on the spot as soon as he feels your fingers.

Severus will very nearly fall apart if you tug his hair gently. It's his biggest weakness.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Nothing degrading, for either person. Hits too close to home, too many memories resurface. He's not a huge fan of BDSM either, for similar reasons.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Severus would much rather prefer to give than receive. He's still getting used to this whole trust and letting go thing when it comes to sex, and not to mention, where does he put his hands?? He's quite awkward about it when he's receiving, he overthinks everything. He's more comfortable giving, plus the sounds you make really turn him on.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual always except when he's had a particularly rough day, and you happen to visit while he's still emotionally charged.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a fan. Reminds him too much of his Death Eater days. He'd much rather take his time with you, because you deserve that attention and love and care.

The only time I could see him taking you up on a quickie is if the two of you were at a party, and he had had a drink or two. Enough to get his mind off the past, at least.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Depends on what it is. He's got constant fears that it'll either be triggering in some way, or he might hurt you. It would take a lot of talks and reassurance, but eventually he'll learn that you're a safe person, and you share a safe space together.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I think one or two. Emotionally, it's a lot for him. Some days, he needs the aftercare more than he needs the sex itself.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No, but I could definitely see him inventing new spells to try on/with you after enough time together. Mostly on you, though. He's often finding new ways to please you beyond traditional means.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I feel like most of the time Severus does it unintentionally. He'll get too carried away with caressing your skin without realizing it, until you start quietly begging to get on with it already. He'd never admit it, but it turns him on.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's pretty quiet, the most you'd get are gasps or your name moaned softly.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Severus can get possessive, and this is also when he becomes more reckless and risky. Sex at a party in a coat closet because he saw someone else trying to make a move on you? Absolutely. Pulling you into the darkness just long enough to leave a mark on your neck, reminding you of who holds your heart? There's no stopping him. Leaning in to whisper something to you, only to bite your ear gently as both reassurance and a warning? Hell yeah.

If he can't find a way to get you alone easily after seeing someone getting too close to you, you can bet he'd keep a hand on you at all times.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Remember that scene from Order of the Phoenix? Yeah. Enough said.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Severus does have his low moments, but they're less frequent since you've been in his life. Sometimes it's almost as if his sex drive keeps increasing. He just can't get enough of you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sleep has never come easy for him, but it takes a shorter time to fall asleep after sex than it usually does. It helps if you're the big spoon, too. That extra comfort makes a huge difference.

[stellarsecrets86]

All About Moon In Natal Chart

Other Posts you might like:

Masterlist

{PS: These are my own interpretations. For entertainment purposes only. Have Fun💚.}

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Moon in Aries

The Moon in Aries is emotionally hot, and thus people become impulsive and explosive. The drive of their emotions sets them afire, which initiates an immediate need to undertake an action and make a decision. They can be very childlike and wear their heart on their sleeve. They are spontaneity themselves and live in the present; sometimes this can be too much for others because such individuals react so strongly emotionally. They seek excitement and stimulation, and a challenge makes them emotionally charged; they take the lead.They love independence and spontaneity in relationships, and their courage and dynamism can be an inspiration to others. They are impatient and can get frustrated if things are not moving fast. Emotionally, they are resilient; they bounce back fast from setbacks and are seldom bogged down by protracted sadness.They are straightforward and candid in their mode of expression, most especially about their feelings. This placement grants a pioneering spirit and a need to take the lead in action, especially when motivated emotionally. Though they can be self-centered, their zeal can light up a room, making other people want to follow them. On the other hand, they do need to grow in emotional maturity and learn to harness the impulsiveness. This placement foments a fearless approach to life, ever wanting to conquer the emotional world.

          Moon in Aries Degree (1°, 13°, 25°)

It is a raw pioneering emotional energy. Individuals with a moon in Aries degrees are bold and impulsive. They start new projects - which are taken up because of intuitive passion-and are just as fast to quit them too.These degrees temper courage with determination. People with these degrees have a more subtle concentration on emotional independence, resilient to challenges yet still assertive. Emphasizes leadership and maturity in the expression of emotions. Such people put fire into action, often inspiring others by the dynamism and sincerity of their approach to life.

Moon in Taurus

The Moon in Taurus is the most stable and harmonious of all lunar positions. It puts a deep urge in people for emotional security, comfort, and stability. Their feelings are smooth, and they seldom let themselves be swept away by any kind of turbulence. They attach strongly to the tangible world of matter and find serenity in nature, beauty, and the sensual pleasures of life-good food, music, and art.The Moon in Taurus makes them rather calm and well-grounded individuals, hence stable and nurturing companions. Quick to anger they are not, but when driven beyond their limits, the reactions could be intense and long. They believe in the values of loyalty and consistency in relationships and hence seek partners who would offer them stability and reassurance.This placement also amplifies a strong attachment to material possessions, as they derive security from building a secure foundation. The home is their haven, and they may put much energy into making it warm and inviting. While their emotional style is practical, they have an underpinning of sensuality and passion that gives their relationships much depth.But this stability often then morphs into stubbornness. They may resist changes or hold on to certain routines even when growth demands they get out of their comfort zones. Learning to balance the love of stability with flexibility is key in the emotional evolution of an individual. 

          Moon in Taurus Degrees (2°, 14°, 26°)

Stability and security are essential. Comfort and material well-being mean much to the person who has this degree and is adverse to changes. Their emotions are calm, steady, and quiet, never extreme nor violent.A practical emotional nature will equip them with the ability to create and nurture something that will last. They find emotional fulfillment in beauty, art, and enjoying life's pleasures.Amplifies the emotional strength within and closeness to the earth. People with this placement are emotionally stable and attach deeply to family and worldly possessions. They love routine, as it gives them stability.

Moon in Gemini

People with their Moon in Gemini are emotionally curious, communicative, and mentally quick. They intellectualize their emotions and often find talking about feelings is a healing balm in and of itself. They're natural conversationalists-quick-witted and full of humor-and they make excellent company. Still, their moodiness can change in a wink of an eye-a true reflection of Gemini's mutable air energy.They become emotionally aroused by new ideas, experiences, and interactions. For them, boredom is more of an issue, since they do feel a need for mental activation. In relationships,they will be drawn to those who can reciprocate their need for interesting conversations and intellectual friendship. They lack showing deep feelings but are generally good at conveying thoughts and ideas.Adaptability makes them very good problem solvers, for they face emotional difficulties with logical reasoning and flexibility. At the same time, though, their adaptability sometimes may make them appear as somewhat detached or inconsistent, jumping so easily from one emotional experience to another. They might struggle with staying down to earth or sticking with just one emotional focal point.Emotionally, the Moon grows in Gemini-learning to embrace vulnerabilities and deepened connections. The balancing factor comes with tuning natural curiosity against emotional depth for them to be more related to the bonds and life events.

          Moon in Gemini Degrees (3°, 15°, 27°)

Mirror-Image of an inquisitive and communicative emotional nature. Such people are very emotionally expressive, generally feeling happy when they are surrounded by intellectual vibrancy, sharing their ideas with everybody. These degrees stress adaptability and versatility. Emotionally this position can be light and flexible to change but flighty, inconsistent in their emotional expression.

Moon in Cancer

The Moon, being in Cancer, is at home since Cancer is the ruling sign of the Moon. Such a placement bestows an unparalleled depth to emotional sensitivity and intuition. They are attached with their inner world and are badly influenced by their feelings. They can thus innately estimate the feelings of others, which makes them so empathetic and nurturing.

Home and family represent the center of their emotional lives. They look to security by providing a safe, loving environment, and relationships with family members are often deep and intense. Of course, this can sometimes be taken to an extreme in the form of emotional dependency or over-protectiveness. People with this placement have feelings in waves-much like those tides governed by the Moon. They are moody and retreat into their shells whenever they get hurt or overwhelmed, yet they have a great inner strength that keeps them going through hardships.Their intuition often leads them to the right decisions, and by nature, they are talented in care giving, art, or healing professions. This is a big strength, but nurturing nature needs to learn how to set boundaries and not get lost within the emotional needs of others. Self-care and self-acceptance are vital to their growth.

          Moon in Cancer Degrees: 4°, 16°, 28°

Emotional and intuitive, with an emphasized need for emotional security, connected to family and home. People with this degree are sensitive, empathetic, and protective. 16° Cancer: This is a mature emotional degree that gives the instinct to nurture. People are naturally supportive, often putting others' needs before their own emotions, while wanting to create an environment that is safe and loving.Amplifies the need for depth in emotions and family relationships. Individuals can be very defensive when it comes to loved ones, yet might be overly attached or too careful with their emotions.

Moon in Leo

Moon in Leo people need recognition, appreciation, and the need for self-expression. The Moon in Leo is emotionally satisfied by being noticed and appreciated. Often, they function well in professions that allow them to utilize their talents. They have warm and generous natures, often going out of their way to make others feel special.Emotionally, they are confident and enthusiastic, with a natural charisma that draws people to them. They can be sensitive to criticism and may struggle with feelings of inadequacy if they feel undervalued. Their emotions are dramatic and vivid, and they often express their feelings with flair.

They are loyal and affectionate in relationships; they look for people who appreciate their strengths and celebrate their dreams. They pride in and protect their loved ones a great deal. The strong sense of self may at times make them attention-seeking, which may overwhelm more reserved partners.For emotional growth, these individuals must learn to balance their need for validation with humility and self-awareness. By cultivating a sense of inner security, they are able to shine without relying on external admiration alone.

          Moon in Leo Degrees (5°, 17°, 29°)

A vital, expressive, and dramatic emotional nature is reflected. Individuals with this degree need recognition and love to be noticed; their emotional satisfaction comes from being admired or adored.These people want to be admired, but applause for one's character and nobility is appreciated as well.Put the native an edge through intense and deep feelings that hope to be remembered after they are gone. Sometimes creative expression helps this degree balance emotionally in creative outlets and/or leadership responsibilities and to recognize and appreciate heartfelt accomplishment.

Moon in Virgo

Emotions are practical and analyzed. The persons deeply focus on details, often finding comfort in organizing, problem-solving, and improving the environment. A strong desire to be helpful might come with the expression of their emotions through acts of service.Emotionally, they might be somewhat restrained, reflecting more on feelings inside their world than the actual one. Whereas they can be very dependable and supportive, they also may easily feel self-criticizing or over analyze their emotions. The presence of such pragmatism in their nature at times gives an impression of being unconnected, although caring and supportive to those around them, is their purpose.They are caring and attentive in relationships, many times being able to anticipate what their partner may want. Stability appeals to them, and they often seek a person who is equally interested in growing and maturing. Perfectionism raises expectations unrealistically high for themselves and others.

They need to train themselves to love their imperfections, not over-analyze things. Such a balance can be achieved for them between analysis and self-compassion, giving them deeper satisfaction in their connections on the emotional level with others. 

          Moon in Virgo Degrees (6°, 18°)

Emotional sensitivity connected to practicality and service. With this degree, people feel satisfied while serving and helping others, taking care by organizing and paying attention to details.They bring emotional intelligence and the tendency to be self-critical. Individuals with these moon degrees may seek perfectionism as a way of feeling emotional comfort; the drive should go toward betterment and healing.

Moon in Libra

The Moon in Libra makes people pleasure-seeking of harmony, balance, and beauty within their emotional realm. Highly relational, they will often go out of their way to maintain peace and equilibrium by putting others' feelings first. They are natural diplomats, tactfully working their way through social situations with ease and poise.Emotionally, they need companionship and find their fulfillment when they are in harmonious relationships. The sense of fairness and justice that often makes them mediators in conflicts and pleas for balance, on the other hand, creates a very strong desire in them to please people, which can make them indecisive at times or suppress their emotions to avoid quarrels.They are romantic and charming in love, cherishing the time spent with others. They value intellectual and emotional connections alike and often seek a partner who can engage them on many levels. Though they really thrive when they're in a relationship, they do need to learn not to lose their sense of identity and rely too much on others for validation.Emotional growth for people with the Moon in Libra will have to come through a balance of the urge for harmony with authenticity. Owning their needs and learning to express these will give them emotional satisfaction without sacrificing values dear to them.

          Moon in Libra Degrees (7°, 19°)

Emotional emphasis is on harmony and balance. People are touched to the quick by their relationships, feeling safe emotionally when they can establish peace and fairness around them.Then comes emotional maturity and a sublime understanding of love and partnership. Individuals with these, thrive in relationships by seeking emotional fulfillment through mutual support, fairness, and diplomacy.

Moon in Scorpio

The Moon in Scorpio is probably one of the most intense placements, deeply representative of emotional power and transformation. Individuals with this placement experience their feelings with a depth and complexity that is hard to match. They are highly intuitive and often have a keen awareness of the unseen or hidden aspects of life.Their emotions are passionate and all-consuming, with the potential for life-changing experiences. They are loyal and want depth in a relationship, desiring a partner who will match their level of intensity. On the other hand, the strength of their emotions may make them jealous, possessive, or controlling.They make relationships deep and profound, and the same depth they create, they expect from their partners. They are charismatic, which makes them attract people, though at times the lightness of some people gets overwhelmed by the intensity in them. Their ability to heal is extraordinary, whereby they help others around them with insight and resilience through crises.For emotional growth, these individuals must learn to release grudges and embrace forgiveness. By channeling their emotional energy into constructive outlets, they can achieve profound self-awareness and transformation.

         Moon in Scorpio Degrees: (8°, 20°)

Emotional nature is intense, intuitive, with deep, changing feelings. They are drawn to the mysterious and to plunging into the emotional deep for satisfaction.These people  may experience breakdowns that change them; they keep their emotions close to their chests and can be secretive or distrusting.

Moon in Sagittarius

The Moon in Sagittarius is a position of emotional freedom, optimism, and exploration. They are driven by the urge for adventure, knowledge, and growth. They come to their feelings with curiosity and very often find their comfort in the expansion of their horizons.Emotionally, they are optimistic and resilient, often looking for the silver lining in challenging situations. They are naturally philosophical and may process their feelings through intellectual exploration or spiritual practices. At the same time, however, their need for freedom can sometimes make them avoid deep emotional entanglements or commitments.They are passionate and open in relationships, finding partners who share their sense of adventure and exploration. They are forthright and may feel caged in by relationships that feel too controlling or stagnant. Their cheerfulness and sense of humor make them great companions.For emotional development, they would have to learn to balance freedom with emotional depths and vulnerability. By embracing the emotional connection, their relationships can deepen and become a source of gratification.

          Moon in Sagittarius Degrees (9°, 21°)

Shows an adventurous, freedom-loving emotional nature. There is emotional fulfillment with exploration, travel, and philosophical pursuits.Confers an optimistic, expansive approach to the emotions. The emotional nature is naturally joyful in this degree, often enthusiastic about all things new; fulfillment comes through growth and learning.

Moon in Capricorn

The Moon in Capricorn is practical and disciplined in the approach to emotions. These people value structure, responsibility, and achievement, often putting practical concerns before emotional expression. They are dependable and steady, with a strong sense of duty to their loved ones.Emotionally, they tend to be reserved or stoic; they deal more privately with emotional issues. They take their security from routine, goals, and concrete achievements. They are responsible and work hard but may have difficulty expressing weakness or asking for help.They are loyal and committed in relationships, taking on either the protective or nurturing role. They value stability and seek a partner with similar dedication to long-term goals. At times, they may appear distant or inaccessible because of their emphasis on practicality.The call for emotional growth for these individuals is to accept and allow the softer side of themselves to be taken care of. The balancing between the drive for success and allowing emotional openness may bring about deeper connections and more personal fulfillment.

          Moon in Capricorn Degrees (10°, 22°)

An emotionally practical and disciplined nature. The individual with this degree is not very demonstrative emotionally, finding satisfaction through hard work, attainment, and the establishment of a secure basis for the future.With these degrees, individuals derive emotional fulfillment from positions of authority and are deeply committed to their personal and professional aspirations, though they may find it difficult to show their vulnerabilities.

Moon in Aquarius

The Moon in Aquarius represents emotional independence, innovation, and a strong connection to humanity. These people are oriented toward the future and often approach their feelings from a rational or detached perspective. They value intellectual stimulation and are deeply invested in social causes or community initiatives.They are unconventional emotionally and perhaps resistant to conventional roles or expectations. Freedom keeps them going, while highly restrictive relationships make life miserable. The emotional realm with them is pretty much linked with their ideals; contributing to something bigger than themselves makes them complete.They believe in individuality and mutual respect in relationships. They are progressive and open-minded, mostly seeking a partner who shares their vision for the future. They are loyal friends and partners, but they might have a hard time showing emotions openly, as they are more focused on ideas and concepts.They need to balance their independence and emotional closeness in order for them to grow emotionally. They can learn to connect on a deeper level so they can have deep, meaningful bonds without betraying their ideals.

          Moon in Aquarius Degrees (11°, 23°)

Emotionally detached yet idealistic, these individuals are more focused on the mental connection and can feel emotionally satisfied through friendships, innovation, and progressive ideas.These amplify detachment and individuality. The native is emotionally detached; his relationships are free, and he may be attracted to people who are unusual or eccentric and understand his way of thinking.

Moon in Pisces

The Moon in Pisces is the epitome of emotional sensitivity, intuition, and compassion. These people have a strong inner connection and very often feel the emotions of others as if they were their own. They are dreamers with a vivid imagination and great spiritual connection. Emotionally, they are empathetic and often drawn to helping others. They find comfort in creative expression, spiritual practices, or retreating into their own world. However, their sensitivity can make them prone to emotional overwhelm or escapism.They are romantic and compassionate in love, placing their partners on a pedestal. They enjoy deep emotional contact and are drawn to individuals who can display an equal measure of sensitivity and depth as themselves. At times, however, this may also lead them to disappointment or idealized expectations with respect to other people.These individuals need to learn to set boundaries and ground themselves in reality for emotional growth. Embracing their intuitive gifts while maintaining emotional resilience allows them to navigate life with grace and strength.

          Moon in Pisces Degrees (12°, 24°)

Reveals an ultra-sensitive and highly empathetic emotional nature. People with this degree will also look intuitively toward spiritual practices, the creative arts, and selfless service for emotional nourishment.Intuitive, compassionate emotional makeup. Individuals having these degrees can be ultra caring of others, prone to absorb or easily take on another's feelings. Many struggles surround setting boundaries for themselves. There are true ways of fulfillment-to help others or connect with divinity.

Moon In Houses

Moon in the 1st House

The Moon in the 1st house indicates an individual whose emotions and inner world are tremendously conspicuous to observers. These individuals wear their hearts on their sleeves, often coming across as nurturing, empathetic, and sensitive. Their moods and feelings strongly color their physical presence and demeanor in the way they present to the world.They are very intuitive and responsive, often tuning into the ambient currents of feeling. People with this placement don't find it easy to develop emotional boundaries since they're innately receptive to others' feelings. The outer cover or public persona changes along with the mood, so that one gets the impression of a changeable or moody person. They might turn deeply introverted as a result of this strong attachment with which their self-image is invested; and outward identity is in alignment with the inner feelings of the individual. However, this placement may also stimulate an excessive tendency to look to external recognition for validations of one's feelings.In that personal growth process, they would have to balance emotional expression with self-awareness, learning not to completely let their feelings run them or define self-worth. It is developing a sense of self strongly enough apart from the tides of emotions that can allow them to flourish.

Moon in the 2nd House

Moon in the 2nd House: Here, the Moon closely associates emotions with material security and personal values. They feel emotionally comforted with stability, financial security, and tangible possessions. Many of them pamper themselves and others with food, comfort, and abundance that make life comfortable and safe.People with this placement may have fluctuating finances or changing attitudes towards material possessions, mirroring their mood swings. They are usually attached to things that remind them of something, and their possessions can be emotionally loaded.They look for an emotional and economic stability partner. They are usually nurturing and generous but can also be insecure whenever their material foundation seems threatened even from a slight perspective. For them, self-esteem and morals are closely intertwined with their emotional disposition.They need to learn to let go of their emotions from their material life for growth. The more they cultivate inner security and self-worth irrespective of their life circumstances, the more harmonious and rewarding their life will be.

Moon in the 3rd House

Moon in the 3rd house gives an emotional orientation to communication, learning, and the immediate environment. They are born with the ability to express their feelings through words, whether spoken or written. They are very sensitive and often strongly influenced by the surroundings.Their mood may fluctuate depending on the interaction they have with their siblings, neighbors, or people in society. They find their comfort in keeping their minds occupied and may use learning or communication as an emotional release. Their emotional nature, however, makes them think too much or anxious if their thoughts are not channelled constructively.They are emotive within relationships and search for someone who can discuss interesting subjects with them. They seek people who are curious and adaptable, like themselves, and place great emphasis on emotional intelligence.Growth requires them to root their emotional expression so that fleeting thoughts or surrounding stimuli do not toss them too much. Application of mindfulness helps in paying attention to deeper connectives and makes one more poised. 

Moon in the 4th House

Moon in the 4th house is deeply nurturing and emotionally profound. Their home, family, and roots are the places where their emotional core finds its place. The attachment to the past is strong, and they usually feel secure with familiar people and environments.They are natural caregivers, generally assuming the role of emotional supporter within the family. Their home is their haven, and they may put much time and energy into creating a cozy and emotionally uplifting space. Sometimes, this attachment to upbringing may lead them to emotional stagnation when they get too caught up in the past.In relationships, they can be protective, loyal, and very attached. They are attracted to those that value family and home similarly and place great emphasis on emotional closeness.The individuals must learn how to balance the emotional attachments with their past lives and their desire to grow as a person for development. It will be necessary to embrace change by breaking out of the molds of the past so that new securities and fulfillment can be sought for the future.

Moon in the 5th House

The Moon in the 5th house brings a deep emotional connection to creativity, self-expression, and joy. These individuals are passionate and vibrant, often using their creative talents to process and express their emotions. They have a strong desire to find emotional fulfillment through hobbies, artistic endeavors, or romantic relationships.They can be so dramatic and intense with their emotions, and they always look for validation through recognition of their talents or affections. They are very intuitive and have a natural ability to connect with children or younger individuals, often taking on a nurturing role in these relationships. This makes them romantic and expressive in love, seeking someone who will give equal enthusiasm and passion in a match. Their extreme highs and lows make the relationships seem unpredictable at times.To grow, they must strike a balance between the need for emotional excitement and stability. Putting emotions into creative outlets that are constructive will help to find lasting fulfillment.

Moon in the 6th House

The Moon in the 6th house shows a connection between emotions with work, health, and daily routines. These people often find comfort when things are organized around them, following a structure to which they can devote themselves emotionally through busy work. Thus, they feel intuitively told by their instincts regarding what might be wrong in their work environment or with their health.Their moods can be closely tied to their work or service to others. They feel most alive when they are useful and needed, often getting an emotional high from helping others or contributing to their community. They can be prone to stress and emotional burnout if they take on too many responsibilities or neglect their own needs.

They are practical in relationships, and they could show their love by acts of service or attention to details. They search for a partner who values them for their supportive role and commitment to the improvement of minor things in life.They need to pay attention to self-care and not overextend for others emotionally if they are to grow. They can learn to balance their need for order with emotional flexibility, which leads to a much healthier and more fulfilling life.

Moon in the 7th House

Moon in the 7th house amplifies emotional gratification from relationships and partnerships. Individuals with this placement are sensitive to the needs and feelings of their partners and mostly work towards maintaining peace and equilibrium in their relationships.They can be prone to mood swings depending on the status of their relationships, as their security is wrapped up in the people around them. They will naturally try to mediate and take care of others in a relationship. However, they might have a tendency to become emotionally dependent or to need validation from others.They are romantic and caring in love, appreciating emotional closeness and mutual understanding. They look for empathetic and supportive partners and often go out of their way to create a stable and nurturing environment for their loved ones.They need to learn emotional independence and not define themselves through others so that they may grow. This would, of course, allow them much healthier and more balanced relationships with clear identities.

Moon in the 8th House

Moon in the 8th House: The Moon in the 8th house depicts an intense emotional deepness and transformation. The natives are intensely emotional, and a life of repeated and significant emotional rebirths is the norm. Intuitive, with a flair for uncovering the hidden truths both about themselves and others.The themes of power, intimacy, and shared resources often color their emotions. They experience emotional upheavals or crises that are meant to push them toward growth and evolution. This placement also indicates a strong interest in psychology, mysticism, or the occult because they are naturally drawn to the mysteries of life.In relationships, they need an intense emotional depth and are often fiercely loyal and protective of those they love. Their depth regarding emotions can make them jealous or possessive at times.Growth requires the acceptance of this emotional intensity as a strength. It means being released from control and trusting the process of transformation - leading to personal empowerment and healing in very profound ways.

Moon in the 9th House

A placement of the Moon in the 9th house links emotions with exploration, philosophy, or higher learning. These people often find comfort in the expansion of their horizon, whether they do it via travel, learning, or spiritually.They seem to have that restless and adventurous spirit, thus seeking emotional satisfaction through new perspectives and experiences. Their moods can be guided by their philosophies, leading to emotional expansion through philosophical and spiritual insights.Lovers prize intellectual and emotional independence in their relationships. They connect with companions who also love adventure and learning, finding their best match in relationships that promote growth and exploration.Growth for them involves a balancing between emotional independence and deeper emotional connections. By embracing the search for knowledge yet keeping their feet on the ground, they can build a more complete and well-rounded life.

Moon in the 10th House

The Moon in the 10th house links emotions with career, public image, and achievement. They usually attain emotional satisfaction through their professional life and the recognition they get from other people.Ambitious and duty-bound, many are deeply obligated to their mission and their public roles. Much of their emotions are involved with the functioning of their purpose and serving positively in a role for society. In balancing work-life issues, there would seem to be difficulties because it's usually expected to put one's public life first over private matters.They seek a partner in relationships who would support their ambitions and would join them in working towards success. Loyal and committed, they invest much emotionally in building a safe and secure future. Growth for them is learning to balance professional aspirations with emotional needs. Opening up to vulnerability, nurturing close personal relationships will help them reach a more holistic sense of fulfillment.

Moon in the 11th House

Moon in the 11th house accentuates that emotional fulfillment will come from friendships, social groups, and collective goals. The person strongly identifies with some community and usually finds satisfaction in working for an ideal or cause.They innately can feel the group dynamics emotionally and may be very nurturing or supportive in their social circles. But their mood may be influenced by the state of their friendships or the progress of their goals.They seek mental and emotional compatibility in relationships, and mostly get a partner who shares a similar vision towards life. They are open towards the world and include all kinds of people in their lives, being very social.For growth, they need to be careful not to lose their identity within the collective efforts they put in. A better balance of personal emotions and social commitments can bring more emotional stability and satisfaction.

Moon in the 12th House

The Moon in the 12th House makes for a person who is deeply introspective, intuitive, and connected with the subconscious and spiritual links. They would, therefore, have feelings on a deep emotional level and perhaps a high quotient of empathy along with sensitivity regarding the energies around them.They like being alone, finding emotional solace in spiritual activities, meditation, or creativity. Still, they may be plagued by secret fears or unresolved emotions, as the 12th house can bring challenges about the unconscious mind.

They are emotionally compassionate and caring within relationships. Sometimes, these individuals base bonds more on an emotional and spiritual level than others. Yet they struggle to speak of their emotions aloud; rather, they will usually internalize and work out emotions alone.In terms of development, the inner world that one conceals or represses has to be confronted and assimilated by such people. Only through such acceptance can inner power help a person in attaining emotional recovery and spiritual success.

All Aspects Of Moon

1. Moon-Sun Aspects

Conjunction: This aspect creates a profound harmony between the ego (Sun) and emotions (Moon), leading to strong self-awareness and emotional integration. These individuals are naturally aligned with their inner needs and external expression, making them intuitive and authentic in their interactions. This alignment also makes them subject to being biased, as keeping emotions and logic apart gets tough for them. Stressed mood swings are something they don't do pretty well, yet they have exceptional return abilities through self-analysis

Sextile: It surely forms a strong interdependence between personal identity and the emotional well-being of every individual. Accordingly, they are very talented people in creative and caretaker professions because the capacity to merge logic and instinct is so great. As a rule, this creates supportive relationships because people can show empathy towards others without losing a clear sense of self. Innately talented mediators bring warmth and balance to tense situations.

Square: Emotional and ego conflicts can build inner tension. These individuals often feel torn between their expression of emotions and societal or familial expectations. Emotional resilience is certainly tested under this aspect, but it also promises tremendous growth opportunities. Learning to balance personal needs with external pressures, they develop greater emotional strength. This aspect often drives ambition, as one works hard to overcome perceived shortcomings or insecurities.

Trine: This is a smooth connection between the Moon and Sun, bringing natural emotional balance and confidence. Consequently, individuals with this aspect tend to be charismatic, optimistic, and sensitive. They thus become magnets for positive experiences. Adaptation to circumstances is easy, and their emotional stability is an example for others to follow. Many creative talents also flower under this aspect because it promotes self-expression and harmony with others. Being intrinsically harmonious, this placement tends to make a person successful both personally and professionally.

Opposition: The emotional problems are connected with the sense of duality. There is often a felt pull between one's own needs and external roles, which can cause tension in relationships. These can indeed be very deepening influences toward self-awareness and emotional maturity. People learn to balance their inner and outer worlds, developing resilience and wisdom. Empathy can be highly enhanced with this placement, as they may understand the human emotions that most people experience. Personal growth may need to involve embracing vulnerability and finding balance.

2. Moon-Mercury Aspects

Conjunction: Moon-Mercury accentuates emotional intelligence and instinctive communication. They are very perceptive and can easily be writers, teachers, or counselors. But they might over-intellectualize emotions to the point of mental strain. Gives adaptability, quick thinking; they usually are good at solving problems. The emotional expression is direct, but they have to watch out that they do not intellectualize too much. When in balance, this is a bridge between heart and mind.

Sextile: This aspect helps one be articulate and clear with one's emotions, intellectually reaching out to others. People with this placement are always good conversationalists; they use words to heal or inspire. They thrive in social situations because of their warmth and adaptability. The aspect supports learning and creativity; thus, they are lifelong learners. They navigate life's challenges with emotional clarity and mental focus that help them build strong, meaningful connections.

Square: Under this aspect, many emotional and mental conflicts do happen. One will find it difficult to express and put into words what they have in their minds, often resulting in misconceptions. Overthinking emotions can create unwanted stress, while the tension prompts growth. They learn to strike a balance with feelings and reason, thus developing emotional endurance and mental clarity. This aspect often pushes individuals hard to develop better communication skills, thus fostering deep understanding of one's self and others.

Trine: This is the aspect of emotional and intellectual harmony. People with this placement in their birth chart are naturally empathetic and articulate, which easily draws them into careers that demand a high level of emotional intelligence. They learn fast and have a knack for understanding complicated emotional tangles. The trine stimulates creativity and flexibility, and they make great mediators. They can balance feelings with logic and usually succeed in personal and professional relationships. They naturally inspire trust and connection in others.

Opposition: Emotional needs may be pitted against those of the rationale, thus creating inner conflicts. These individuals often feel torn between following their heart and mind, leading to indecision. This tension calls for them to increase self-awareness and balance. Integrating their emotional and intellectual poles can help these people establish healthier relationships and navigate challenges with greater ease. In this respect, this aspect frequently develops much empathy because they will understand both the emotional and logical point of view. Growth for the individual often comes from harmony within this dynamic.

3. Moon-Venus Aspects

Conjunction: Emotional security and romantic satisfaction go hand in hand. They possess a natural flair for the nourishment of others and beauty around them. They are in touch with their emotions and may attract loving relationships with ease. On the downside, they may cling to close relationships for comfort and reassurance. They have a natural talent for creating peace and harmony around them and may find ideal careers as artists or caregivers.

Sextile: The aspect brings ease into emotional connecting and romantic relationships. Individuals with this aspect are caring and loving; they attract harmonious relationships with so much ease. Their creativity often finds an outlet in art or fashion. They intuitively know how to attend to the emotional needs of others, and that helps them form deep and meaningful relationships. This aspect also allows one to experience love and beauty on deeper levels, adding to emotional fulfillment and happiness.

Square: Emotional and romantic tensions can arise with this placement. Individuals may struggle to balance their emotional needs with their relationships, often feeling misunderstood or underappreciated. Issues of self-worth or fear of rejection may surface, requiring introspection and personal growth. However, these challenges foster resilience and teach the importance of setting healthy boundaries. This aspect often pushes individuals to explore what truly fulfills them emotionally and romantically.

Trine: The emotional and romantic energies blend well, creating a very loving and nurturing personality. The individual is naturally empathetic and easily creates supportive and harmonious environments. The relationships are very fulfilling, and mostly the people around them consider them emotional pillars.

Opposition: Emotional needs and relational dynamics may clash, leading to tension in partnerships. Individuals often feel torn between taking care of themselves and meeting others' expectations. This dynamic encourages growth through learning balance and compromise. While relationships may feel challenging, they also offer opportunities for self-discovery. Over time, individuals develop a deeper understanding of their emotional desires and how to harmonize them with their partners' needs.

4. Moon-Mars Aspects

Conjunction: This aspect is defined by passion and emotional intensity. Individuals are highly driven and usually respond with immediate, raw emotion. While this gives them incredible determination, it can also lead to impulsive decisions or emotional outbursts. They thrive in competitive or high-energy environments, funneling their passion constructively. Relationships benefit from their enthusiasm but may suffer from their fiery temperament. Learning patience and emotional control is key to harnessing this energy effectively.

Sextile: This is a good balance of emotional drive and action. The emotional drive to achieve goals inspires others and motivates them. Challenges are faced with assurance, and relationships are approached with energy and passion. They have the inner emotional strength to take risks and overcome obstacles with ease. A strong leadership potential and the ability to inspire others through their determination and emotional stamina are usually associated with this placement.

Square: There is a lot of emotional volatility and impulsive reaction under this aspect. One often feels torn between desires and emotional stability, and thus, inner tension arises. This can be a growth-promoting dynamic since it teaches one patience and self-awareness. The key to overcoming these problems and getting control of one's reactions is to find constructive outlets for one's emotional energies. This aspect may constantly challenge them to face and change their deeply ingrained emotional patterns.

Trine: This aspect is when emotional passion and confidence flow. People are assertive yet balanced, channeling their emotional drive into materialization. The enthusiast will often inspire others and make excellent leaders. This aspect will develop emotional stamina to face most situations with ease. They become dynamic and stimulating to be around because their emotional and physical energy is well-balanced, particularly in personal relationships and creative fields.

Opposition: There is tension between emotional needs and assertive wants. Individuals experiencing this may often feel torn between following impulse and maintaining emotional equilibrium. This dynamic promotes growth in learning to balance sensitivity with decisiveness. While relationships may feel challenging, they offer opportunities for developing greater emotional awareness. Through time, these individuals learn to channel their passion constructively, turning inner conflicts into strengths that propel personal and relational success.

5. Moon-Jupiter Aspects

Conjunction: Optimism, generosity, and emotional expansiveness mark this conjunction. Many people with this conjunction are extremely empathetic, having a strong desire to nurture and take care of others. They naturally radiate warmth that attracts positive relationships and opportunities. Their emotional generosity can lead them to overextend themselves or to expect too much from others. Learning healthy boundaries is the key to using their energies well. The conjunction also stirs a love for learning and spiritual growth and tends to create lifelong students.

Sextile: This placement brings about emotional growth and optimism as a matter of course. Many people with this placement are endowed with opportunities for success and emotional fulfillment. They radiate positivity and attract supportive relationships that help in mutual growth. Their nurturing nature inspires others, and they often excel in teaching, mentoring, or counseling roles. This aspect encourages them to embrace life's challenges with hope and resilience, helping them create a fulfilling and expansive emotional life.

Square: This aspect can have the problem of emotional overindulgence and exaggerated feelings. People often feel torn between their needs for growth and their emotional needs, creating tension. It can be a growing influence, though, as it will teach the value of restraint and self-control. The expansive nature is grounded to achieve more emotional stability and success. This position will challenge them to face their fears of limitation and embrace life with realistic optimism.

Trine: Emotions and optimism flow with great ease under this aspect. Individuals are naturally warm, generous, and inspiring to others, creating an attraction into their lives of many kinds of abundance. Their emotional intelligence and positive outlook make them wonderful nurturers and mentors. More often than not, they can find joy through creative or spiritual pursuits, using them to enrich the lives of their own and others'. This placement builds emotional toughness and a big sense of gratitude, helping them navigate life without much hassle.

Opposition: Emotional needs can be at odds with the urge to expand or explore. Consequently, these people may feel a sense of tug-of-war between their own personal needs and the higher aspirations that beset them. Nevertheless, this dynamic pushes them to find balance and become more aware of themselves. The emotional depth blended with the urge for growth will enable them to realize a greater harmony in relationships and other pursuits. This aspect brings out stamina and awareness of the inner and outer world.

6. Moon-Saturn Aspects

Conjunction: This is the aspect of emotional discipline and maturity. Carrying a sense of responsibility from an early age, this often weighs in their emotional development. They may seem reserved or cautious, but the inner strength is immense. They learn through challenges and setbacks, which foster resilience and wisdom. Relationships may feel restricted initially, but with time, they form deep and lasting bonds. Emotional growth comes from embracing vulnerability and balancing duty with self-care.

Sextile: The aspect helps an individual be emotionally stable and practical, building sound foundations in both personal and professional spheres. They are reliable, practical, and often excel in roles that demand patience and consistency. Their steady demeanor makes them excellent problem solvers, especially in emotionally charged situations. They attract opportunities to grow through meaningful relationships and structured environments. This placement supports long-term success by blending emotional resilience with practicality.

Square: This is an aspect that generally brings an emotional block and/or fear of vulnerability. There could be problems in expressing feelings, which lead to a person's isolation. Yet, these problems are the possibility of deep growth because they face their insecurities head-on and work through them. They often develop a strong work ethic and emotional endurance that helps them achieve stability over time. This placement teaches the value of persistence and self-compassion in navigating emotional challenges.

Trine: The emotional and practical stability with this placement is instinctive. People with this placement are responsible, self-disciplining, and emotionally stable, generally serving as an emotional anchor for others. They fare well within set structures, with personal and professional commitments to long-term goals. The whole calm and composed attitude toward life makes them command trust and respect in interpersonal relations. Success at leading tasks may also be achieved since this aspect supports one's emotional intelligence with great caution and foresight.

Opposition: The emotional needs conflict with responsibilities, which creates tension. A person usually feels torn between one's self and the demands of society or family. This conflict acts as a stimulus for growth through learning to integrate these opposing demands. The relationships may appear difficult but, at the same time offer great chances for profound emotional learning. Gradually, they learn to balance emotional depth with practical wisdom, finding harmony both within and without.

7. Moon-Uranus Aspects

Conjunction: Emotional unpredictability, a strong need for freedom. Individuals with such an aspect are super intuitive and inventive; their way is always somehow different from the ordinary. The mood of these people can be quite sudden or erratic, which may make them exciting but sometimes challenging to be with. They feel most alive in an ever-changing environment that gives them room for self-expression. This aspect stirs creativity and originality, yet it requires effort toward emotional continuity and grounding.

Sextile: The aspect brings emotional adaptability and a flair for innovation. Individuals thrive when they have to think fast and find their way out of a situation. Their openness to change enables them to go through life with ease. Relationships are dynamic and exciting, as one values freedom and mutual growth. This aspect often shows a high degree of intuition, enabling them to connect with others on deep and unusual levels. They inspire others with their originality and emotional resilience.

Square: Emotional turbulence and unpredictability may be the challenging factors of this aspect. They are often pulled between the need for stability and the need for independence, which creates inner tension. The challenges, in turn, make them grow as a person by learning to adapt to change constructively. They channel their emotional energy into creative or innovative pursuits, transforming chaos into strength. This aspect most often compels them to go in search of unconventional approaches toward emotional expression.

Trine: With this aspect, emotional independence and innovation seem to flow without effort. Generally, very intuitive, they inspire others through their originality and adaptability. They move through change with ease into their place within dynamic relationships that give them their space. The emotional intelligence and creative thinking make them natural problem solvers and visionaries. This placement can create a strong linkage to one's identity and help in building a purposeful and satisfying life.

Opposition: The emotional needs and a need for independence can come into conflict, and create tension. Such people find it hard to balance their stability and independence. The relationships seem difficult yet hold much scope for deep emotional fulfillment. Integrating their security needs with an innovative spirit makes them resilient and adaptable. This aspect stimulates the person to embrace change yet stay grounded; in this process, over time, they mature emotionally and grow more aware of themselves. 

8. Moon-Neptune Aspects

Conjunction: This aspect is characterized by profound empathy, imagination, and intuition. Individuals are ultra-sensitive to the feelings of others and very much attuned to the collective unconscious. They will gravitate toward artistic and spiritual interests where creativity and compassion can be brought into play. They'll need to resist the urge to flee from or place unrealistic ideals on their relationships. It is through this process that emotional growth will come: grounding their dreams in reality and setting healthy boundaries, so their sensitivity becomes a strength, not a burden.

Sextile: This aspect can cultivate emotional depth and profound connection to the spiritual or artistic. They are compassionate, imaginative, and find their fulfillment in helping others. Their intuition is highly developed, guiding them in relationships and creative endeavoring. They naturally draw to themselves opportunities to express their emotions in deep and meaningful ways. It's a placement that supports emotional healing and growth through self-reflection and a connection to higher ideals.

Square: This can be an emotionally confusing or unrealistic aspect. People have to make very real choices often between idealistic yearnings and practical circumstance, which then causes them to become disillusioned. However, this sort of tension allows for personal growth, as it teaches one to weigh dreams against practicality. They develop emotional resilience through facing their fears and putting a ground on their vision. This placement inspires creativity, makes one explore one's self and compassion without losing one's sense of self.

Trine: This aspect brings emotional sensitivity and spiritual depth. People with this aspect are naturally compassionate, imaginative, and inspire others through their creativity and empathy. Many of them derive joy from creative or healing work as a mode of expression and connection. Their intuition is highly developed, helping them navigate relationships and challenges with grace. This placement brings about a deep sense of peace and satisfaction, for one is in line with their higher emotional and spiritual purpose.

Opposition: Emotionally idealistic, these are the people who will fight reality when idealistic; they often get caught between a dream and real life, where self-doubting is sure to take center stage. All the same, this sets in the spirit of development through the synthesis of intuition with grounded life processes. In these cases, the opportunities of relationships involve discoveries of self and emotional healing. After some time, they come out even and can balance sensitivity with practicality.

9. Moon-Pluto Aspects

Conjunction: This aspect defines intense emotions and profound transformation. There is an intrinsic emotional rapport that usually results in the transmutation of challenging situations, resilience, intuitiveness, and strong inner direction within life's complications. But they need to avoid becoming possessive or obsessive in a relationship. The placement brings them to emotional empowerment to regain their lost potential and heal old wounds. Very often, such a journey may influence others to take up the journey of transformation themselves.

Sextile: With this aspect, emotional depth and resilience are innate. The individuals are drawn to the trans-formative experiences that help them grow and heal. Gracefulness around challenges makes them a strength for others. They usually perform well in any role that involves empathy and emotional intelligence, like counseling or mentoring. This aspect furthers deep and profound connectivity, helping them create a fulfilling emotional life.

Square: This is a very emotionally turbulent aspect that usually brings power struggles and intense challenges. Fears of vulnerability or loss may be the enforcing factors for changing the inner patterns. These challenges will bring great personal growth and emotional resilience. The ability to empower themselves and create deep healing will be unleashed when they learn to accept their dark side and come into self-awareness. It calls for channeling intensity into constructive and transformative pursuits.

Trine: Under this aspect, emotional strength and depth flow with ease. Naturally resilient, intuitive, and transformative, these individuals inspire others through their way of dealing with life's complications. They thrive in deep and meaningful relationships, offering emotional support and understanding to those around them. This placement really furthers personal growth, helping them align with their inner power and higher purpose. Their emotional intelligence often leads to success in leadership or healing roles.

Opposition: Emotional intensity and external obstacles dynamically charge this aspect. A person may feel torn between wanting to be in control and wanting to connect on an emotional level. This dynamic promotes growth as one learns to find balance between these opposites. The relationships provide a venue for deep changes and self-realization. With time, they learn emotional resilience and profound insight into their own power that will enable them to create truly valuable and meaningful connections.

[dawnicaltarot]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅... 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄.ᐟ.ᐟ 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐈 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄 𝐈𝐓.ᐣ.ᐟ

if there's a pac of "how your love does it feels like", there should be smell right? or no? apologize my ideas are crazy so i am lmao and y'all gonna experience my wrath and other crazy stuff that's been going inside my mad and passionate brain. don't be afraid to share your thoughts with me.

ִ ࣪𖤐 𝓟ile one

oracle cards pulled: talking. hand of cards. stabbed in the back. cassette. the butterfly.

hello my group number one, i hope you are doing good when you find this reading. here you go! your love smells like a vintage-perfume from the 60s that your grandmother's often used back in the days. it's a scent of bittersweet and yearning that comes with a vintage black wooden perfume box. it's a thing that you discovered in your attic that whispered with so many memories, secret touched and late-night conversations. it's a smell of healing and moving on from a massive heartbreak. a scent that last longer and impossible to forget no matter how many decades and generations might pass. it's a mood to me of "someone who was loved a lot, faced loss with courage, and learned to rise again through every happy and sad moment" kind of vibes. it a smell that keeps lingers on every corner of the house, your skin and soul. thus, i can say there's a trill. it's a feeling of smelling someone's perfume passing by the breeze of fresh air like yk wanna turn your head and ask what perfume they were using. its a feeling of being intrigued not to ask and desire to sniff more lol. perhaps, it reminds me of the flower that has unusual scent yet captivating. however, when you betrayed or hurt, it smells like sharp metal thing, a colour of gray steel that can burned and get cold towards everyone. sometimes, it smells like a newly made concrete or a smell of rain hitting on the ground after a hot weather. however, the cassette here is a confirmation that your love is smell like magnetic, you wanna repeat over and over again, you'll get obsessed with it. your love also smells like a bare vanilla or a soft musk. it's funny maybe most of the time your love smells so romantic yet sorrowful because of the repeating patterns of the past you can't let go. in other times, your love smells like a baby powder or the smell of babies like you wanna take care of and bathed from it. thus, it's a smell that's giving me there's a love in pain and there's healing in each heartaches. if i have a chance to gather this all up— your fragrance of love is evolving and growing. if i will put your love in a bottle, it will have many special ingredients and layers and i will put a description of "the scent that takes your last chance to live but gonna steal your first kiss" kinda vibes. overall, it's a kind of love that, smells like honey at the same time a rusty knife with blood. it has a taste of worth the chase and nostalgia. it feels like butterflies on the stomach yet a scar from a traumatic even is prominent. lastly, it heals like you were just returned home from a long tiring day. in the end, your love one word description is "healing".

ִ ࣪𖤐 𝓟ile two

oracle cards pulled: mirror. not enough. twinflame. kisses. the phoenix.

yow, my dear group two. how are you? i hope you are all doing fine. let's go with your reading! see the spread? this is not an ordinary perfume or smell but it's a fragrance that as if you were under a spell🪞. unlike group one, your love smells enchanting, sensational and mouthwatering. this is a smell that you don't want to rinse your body with water rather you wanna keep it. it's addictive and hypnotic yk. first, i get that it smells a like a good dish coming with smoke. let's say, you ordered a main course in a fancy restaurant and the waiter open it up and smoke breaking free and the delicious aroma filled your nose, that's how it feels. thus, it can be airy and familiar as if you already know it long time ago. it's a mood to me of mellow perfume on a silk scarf blown by the wind and you suddenly caught it with your bare hands. but if you are unseen, broken or feel left out, the smell creeps in as if it was yearning for attention like why "late night becomes silence, messages flatters unanswered", it's a scent of begging for more affection. it's a taste of bitterness like the a taste of tears accidentally dropped on your lips and you tasted it. but when it's in love, the fragrance ignites with a hint of burn like a passionate wave of fire and danger is nearby. thus, it's giving me a scenario of bathing on a scorching sun while drinking red wine. i can say, it's ignites a fire that create a bigger burning blaze. perhaps, it's reminds me of a warm breath on the neck, a blood stain on the sheets or a lipstick stains after a hot french kiss. ahh, going back with the mirror card here, the smells hums with your partner's eyes. it's giving me "i see myself through your eyes". perhaps, an iris note too, a very earthy scent and honest affection that cannot be cracked. sometimes, it smells like ridiculous because of the insecurity that clinging on it and whispers of "i'm not entirely enough" despite all of the efforts. inside, it smells like a bitter cup of espresso with five shots of caffeine or burned sugar in a pan. this speaks to me of desperation feeling wanted to be seen and appreciated with their efforts and actions. it's a love that afraid to look in the mirror. it a scent that's flaming hot and sensual. when it's love expect love in return but when it got betrayed expect a maddening return. it a fragrance that claiming not only your smell but your soul. sometimes, it smells like a soft and tender and kinda fruity like a flavored lip balm with a delicious taste. thus, this group is giving me a mood of "kisses on collarbones". overall, it's sweet as innocent and hot like sun. if i bottled this i'mma give it an eternal description somewhere a line of "alchemical kisses from the moon beam" as a description tagline. in the end, it's a kind of love scent that of burning sensation with a soft texture of lip balm like those lip pouting effect gloss. it feels like you experience a roller coaster excitement. it taste like ignited by destiny and lastly, it heals like one in a life time opportunity. it's a smell that you will never feel the same way again as before.

ִ ࣪𖤐 𝓟ile three

oracle cards pulled: ascending. lightning. ax. palm tree. healthy choices.

hey there, my dear group three. i hope your wishes may come true when you find this reading. let's go!! with the "ax" and "palm tree" cards here back to back, i can confidently assure and say that your love smells like musk wood perfume. i think this is my favorite pile among all from this reading, shh! it's giving me a scent of breaking an old pattern and toxic cycle which i love, why? in order to find true happiness 🥹🫶🏻 like bruh, that's so sweet as cake. it's giving me a feeling of "a rainbow after a destructive storm" kind of vibes. it can be with your "ascending" and "lightning" cards here, tells me that your love scent is cool tone or have this refreshing effect. otherwise, it may have a calming, light and soothes smell and effect. your spread is giving me another idea that "i wanna put this on a beautiful and big bouquet" like full of different flowers, colors and smells are totally well blended with eavh other. there's also a shocking feeling here, like you have been falling in love with someone's smell. it's a situation whereas making your confession to your crush. otherwise, it's a sudden interest that keeps lingering individuals eyes on you or a sudden struck of realization with your current situation. i keep hearing taylor swift's song "everything has changed", your love smells and hit fast like the feeling is fierce and sudden. when you are broken, the smell of the air become cold, freezing, harsh and kinda aloof that wanted to protect yourself from everyone, who would try to harm you. your love fragrance speaks to me of a great feeling of setting yourself free from a limiting yourself. your fighting spirit is stronger than you thought! the palm tree here is giving me beach vibes, where sometimes— your love smells kinda salty, overwhelming and good vibes. yk it's scent that mix of all, you can smell different things in one perfume bottle. the healthy choices card here speaks to me that your love is passionate, it smells like rosemary and cinnamon; strong, sweet and spicy. overall, your love smells like adrenaline and become unstoppable. if i have a chance to bottle all this up, i'm gonna put out a description of "a scent of freedom with a sting effect before achieving your desire smell". in the end, it's kind of love scent that brings changes and confidence. it feels like finding out the truth. it tasted like cutting toxic connections and lastly, it heals like achieving a great peace in your soul and mind.

all rights reserved © dawnicaltarot 2025 | do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works in any platform.

— ✯ credits to rightful owner of divider featuring the creator me and images that i used for this project.

[rainsinheaven-if]

PLAY THE DEMO

Last updated: March 7, 2025 - and includes the prologue + chapter 1 with 14K words (without code)

Warnings: Blood and injuries, sexism, profanity, temporary character death, child neglect, parental physical and emotional abuse, optional sexual content, and more. Suitable for ages 16+. List will be updated in the future.

This game is in early development and a work in progress. There may be future changes to location names, plot etc.

You’ve never felt loved by your family before.

Born a twin but feeling more like a shadow, you’ve watched your younger brother, Nolan, receive all the love and praise you were denied. But no matter how unkind you are to him, Nolan’s loyalty and kindness towards you remains unwavering. It’s as if there’s a bond pulling you back everytime you think of leaving it all behind.

Now a mysterious illness has swept through Valorian Kingdom’s royal court, leaving many nobles, including the king at death’s door. The Oracle’s prophecy offers a single hope: the Crown Prince must gather five lost souls to join him in a dangerous journey towards Coven’s Swamp, an ominous and foreboding area hidden deep within the mystical forest.

You are chosen to be one of those five.

As you venture deep into the forest, the journey will push you to the limits of courage and loyalty, forcing you to question everything you believe about family and love. This might not just be a journey to save the day, but a journey towards self-discovery for you and everyone in your group. So when the journey ends, will there be anything left of the person who first stepped into the darkness? 

Customize your MC! Change your appearance and control your personality. MC starts out as female, but there will be transition options.

Grow a relationship with your twin! Choose to either continue being unkind to your twin brother or getting to know him instead. Your MC's relationship with him may affect some major events.

Develop relationships! There are six romanceable characters - 3 male, 2 gender selectable, and 1 non-binary. Or you can avoid romance and keep it all platonic.

Learn and improve your skills! With the option to choose to focus on offensive or defensive magic, you can learn and improve your skills to become better at what you do.

Find yourself! Journey through the mystical forest to not only find a cure, but to self-discovery. There are plenty of secrets to learn about that may or may not change the way you think and feel.

More to be added…

Below are the six romanceable characters in this story. You can choose to flirt with everyone, but at one point, you'll have to decide on one. Also keep in mind that there are other important characters as well that are not listed here.

Ver/Vera Forrest | Gender Selectable | 21

Playful and energetic with golden-retriever-like energy, V is always ready for adventure. They never fail to be there for you when you need someone to rant to, or a shoulder to lean on. Their cleverness and sneakiness keeps them out of most trouble due to the way they were raised. And it’s exactly how they are raised that has made them hide their burden under their positive enthusiasm.

You are best friends, so why don’t you know any of their secrets? 

Oliver Astoran | he/him | 21

With a cold demeanor, Oliver holds a strong desire to protect the people he cares about, especially those whose kindness is exploited. Your unkind treatment towards your brother causes him to despise you. You are always able to press on the right buttons to rile each other up. He shows a strong sense of determination that marks his mental and physical strength. But perhaps there’s something more to the reason behind his behavior than what the eye sees.

Will you ever be able to see him in a different light, or will it just be fighting, fighting and more fighting?

Ethos Van Winston | he/him | 22

Burdened by the responsibility of being heir to the throne, Ethos is reserved, guarded, and serious. As a child, he was once carefree and one of your closest friends. But after an incident that left unspoken, lingering tension between you two, he now elicits a melancholic presence. His warm side is hidden away somewhere, and you wonder if there was more than just the incident that made him change.

You weren’t the reason he changed… right?

Theodore Eaves | he/him | 24

From a young age, Theodore’s life has been defined by duty and training. He’s mature for his age and has a tendency to act like an older brother to you and the group. He’s well disciplined and stoic, rarely having time to express vulnerability. His focus on duty has left him oblivious to romantic interest, despite his admired reputation due to his looks and status. His obliviousness goes further though, for reasons that he himself hasn’t fully discovered and understood.

Will you ever get to see a vulnerable side of him, instead of just that brotherly figure?

Mattie | they/them | 19

Curious as ever, Mattie often gets themselves into trouble. But with their charming personality and resourcefulness, they’re able to get themselves out of trouble. They are playful, enjoying the work of teasing others and instigating drama to get chaotic, and hopefully flustered, reactions. Their skills and knowledge about the forest have proven him to be a good asset, but there is more to them than what meets the eye.

For someone who is so bright and playful, they can’t surely have anything to hide, right?

Yaran/Yara | Gender Selectable | 22

Nobody is sure they know who Y is. They seem ambitious, cunning, and deceiving; doing risky things to achieve their own goals at the cost of someone else’s pain. They are unpredictable, popping in and out of your group - sometimes being a guide, but other times hindering progress. Despite their ambiguity, they are charismatic and mysterious enough to leave your group intrigued. All there is to do now is truly learn who they are and what they have hidden inside.

Who is Y and can you trust them with anything, especially your life?

ROs Profiles | Discord

music inspiration

This is my first attempt at creating an interactive fiction game and using Twine Sugarcube. Please be patient and kind <3

Shares are appreciated :)

[sirfrogsworth]

(In reference to this post)

I'm going to be honest, this kind of attitude concerns me.

I've been going over my past lately. I'm writing something about my relationship with my brother. And I found a letter I never sent him.

Here is an excerpt.

-----------------------

I was not a good brother to you.

I took you for granted and was an ungrateful jerk. You used to do so much to help me. You did all kinds of manual labor because my stupid failing body could not. You built me things. You helped me fix things. You drove me places I needed to be. When I first got sick at college you came to Kansas City and scooped me up and brought me back home.

I remember one Christmas you even went back to the family gathering and stuck up for me. They didn't understand how sick I was and you explained it to them. I never told you how much that meant to me. I should have hugged you and thanked you profusely on the spot. You believed me even when some doctors refused to. And you used that big heart of yours to defend me.

That was an amazing act of courage. Find that same courage now. Stand up for Mom & Dad. Stand up for yourself. Put your foot down and fix this.

It took me way too long to figure it out, but it is my regret of being a bad brother that helped me realize why you don't like my humor. Why you are one of the very few people I can't make laugh. It's because I used that humor at your expense. I made fun of you. I teased you the same way those betraying bastard fake friends did in high school. At the time, I probably thought my jokes were harmless fun. But I'm sure you felt they were cruel and hurtful. We are such different people and I had a hard time understanding you. I used humor as a weapon to highlight our differences. I have no excuse. I have no justification for being a jerk to you.

All I can do is say I am sorry. Truly and deeply sorry.

-----------------------

I didn't send that letter because he was too far gone. His wife read every email and text and I had no way of getting through to just him.

My brother used to be a much better person than me. I often failed to be the good person I thought I was. I didn't realize I was being hurtful at the time. And I didn't do this to just him. I thought I was just making jokes. It was not "pretty easy" for me to realize that. It took years of growing and hindsight.

He used to be nothing but good behaviors all the way down.

And I struggled to limit my bad behaviors.

I was bullied in grade school and realized that if you are funny, people don't bully you anymore. So my brain thought I needed to make people laugh at all times. And it didn't matter if my jokes were at someone else's expense.

Bad behaviors are often easy. They can be tempting. They can require less effort. They can have greater rewards. And sometimes they can protect you. They can be a defense mechanism. Your brain trying to avoid trauma. "I'll hurt someone first so no one hurts me."

There is a reason so many people struggle to be good all the time.

Good behavior requires constant vigilance. You can't do a certain number of good things and then just call yourself a good person. And you can't just not do bad things either. A good person isn't necessarily just "not being evil to other people." That is neutral, at best.

I've learned that being a good person isn't something you just are. It is an ongoing choice. You have to maintain it. You have to actively keep it going. You have to consistently choose good behaviors and limit the bad.

And we all choose bad behaviors from time to time.

Don't kid yourself.

If you know the story of my brother, he let bad behaviors win. He let someone influence him to abuse and neglect his own family. He did it because he was traumatized. He was humiliated by a girl in high school. She said she was his girlfriend. She let him take her to prom. Then she wrote a one-act play called "Prom Nightmare" and performed it in front of the entire school. He was a laughing stock to 2000 classmates.

He is terrified of being alone but he is also terrified that any romantic partner is faking their affections. So obedience is his tool to prevent that. He will do anything his partner instructs to make sure her affection is real. His unmanaged trauma has run amok and led him to dark choices to keep his relationship intact at any cost.

He was such a good person. And now he is not. He has the potential. He is so good with his daughter. He is capable of good behaviors. And I think that is why it upsets and angers me so much. I can still see what he could be.

If you want to see people as just good and bad, that's up to you. I can't do it anymore. I think humans are too complicated. And I worry about getting complacent. I need to check in on my ratio of good to bad behaviors constantly. It would be too easy to say I am a good person and not think about it again.

I mean, sure, I don't kick puppies. I don't taunt the elderly. I don't assault random strangers.

Being good is easy!

Right?

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

The Keys Of Heaven [Chapter 2: To Judge The Living And The Dead]

Series summary: Three years ago, Father Aemond Targaryen performed a miracle. Now he is a cardinal, a media sensation, and a frontrunner to be elected pope. You are a nun who has been brought to Vatican City to assist with the papal conclave. But when your paths cross by happenstance, you must both reckon with your decision to join the Catholic Church…and what you want from the future.

Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), references to abuse and violence, volcanoes, bodily injury, death, peril, scheming, pining, some drugs/alcohol/smoking, Catholic trivia you never asked to learn, kangaroos!

Word count: 5.7k

🦘 A very special thanks to my Aussie slang consultant @bearwithegg and also her mum (any mistakes are mine) 🦘

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Tagging: @mrs-starkgaryen @chattylurker @lauraneedstochill @ecstaticactus @neithriddle, more in comments! 🥰

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Here is the story of Saint Agatha of Sicily.

Born in the time of the Roman Empire, when Christians were still being burned alive and fed to lions in the Colosseum, Agatha rejected the suitors she attracted as a beautiful daughter of a wealthy family. Instead, she pledged herself to Christ: a life of simplicity and service, a vow of chastity. No man could sway Agatha from her chosen path, not even the Roman governor Quintianus, who aspired to take the fifteen-year-old maiden as his wife. So Quintianus endeavored to change her mind.

First, Quintianus threatened Agatha with torture and death. When that proved ineffective, he had her put to work in a brothel. Yet after a full month of violations, Agatha was no closer to surrendering; on the contrary, her faith only seemed to grow stronger. She prayed to the Lord for courage; she proclaimed that to be His servant was the greatest possible freedom.

Quintianus was running out of ideas. He imprisoned Agatha and ordered his torturers to devise new and terrifying forms of punishment. Bloody and mutilated, Agatha was thrown back into her cell without food or medical attention, but the Lord did not abandon her: Saint Peter, Christ’s apostle and the first pope of the Church, appeared to comfort Agatha and miraculously healed her wounds.

Four days later when the torture resumed, Agatha knew that her short time on earth was ending. She prayed aloud: Lord, my Creator, you have always protected me from the cradle. You have taken me from the love of the world and given me patience to suffer. Now receive my soul. She died in prison in the year 251.

Long venerated as a martyr and a saint in her native Sicily, Agatha was officially canonized by Pope Gregory I in the 590s. Her feast day is celebrated on February 5th. She is invoked against a myriad of horrors; among them are volcanic eruptions.

~~~~~~~~~~

“But you don’t really believe that, do you?” he says on the beach at dusk. Your parents keep telling you it’s time to go back to the hotel, and you ask for five more minutes which turn into ten which turn into twenty. You are showing Aemond your rosary, red glass beads, a sterling silver chain; he is sitting behind you, his arms reaching around so he can study the artefact with his own fingertips, his chin resting on your shoulder. When the wind blows, his blonde hair tickles your cheek and your throat; when you shiver because the sun is vanishing, he pulls you in closer. “That there was some magical guy who could heal people and walk on water and then came back from the dead? I mean, Mother’s a Catholic, and she’s always trying to get us to ride the ferry over to Rhodes for Sunday Mass. But even when I go, I can’t take it seriously.”

“I guess I don’t care if it’s true,” you decide. “I just like how it makes me feel. I like being protected, I like how simple everything is. Be kind, be humble, help others, that’s it. And I think all the different saints are neat. There’s always someone to pray to, no matter what problem I have.”

Aemond snorts. “They only added them to get the pagans to convert.”

“What are pagans?”

“People who worshipped trees and rocks and stuff. Like the Vikings.”

He thinks I’m stupid, you think, and you’re already sensitive about this; Aemond is older, taller, more clever, more sophisticated, more strong. You don’t want him to think you’re some naïve kid who does whatever your parents tell you to. You really don’t; they find your conviction just as baffling, far beyond their middle-class, tangentially-Catholic expectations: a weekly appearance at Mass with a frilly dress and tidy hair, Mum having a yarn with the neighborhood wives afterwards, sometimes Sunday roast, back to real life by bedtime.

“But, you know, maybe you’re onto something,” Aemond says, backtracking. “If it makes you happy, that’s what matters. Maybe I’ll give it another shot. Next time Mother drags me to Rhodes I’ll try to listen a little bit instead of reading a Stephen King novel the whole time.”

“Do you think I’m a drongo?” you ask timidly.

He laughs. “A what?”

“Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No, I don’t,” Aemond promises. “I think you care about something. And that takes courage.”

He’s still inspecting your rosary, running the smooth red beads through his fingers. “Do you want it? I’m getting a new one for Christmas. I already found it in my parents’ closet.”

“Sure,” he says, perhaps just to be polite. But when he takes the rosary in his own hands, he’s smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~

“We should have a pond like this at home,” Rhaena says as she helps you cast palmfuls of pellets that smell like the ocean—fish and brine shrimp and spirulina—into clear rippling water. Because the temperature is around 12 degrees Celsius, the koi are only somewhat active, skimming around the algae-covered stones at the bottom and nibbling halfheartedly at the food pellets.

Home. Here is what she means: a convent on the quiet northside of Sydney, Mass each morning, prayers before bed each night, sprawling fruit and vegetable gardens, a colony of stray cats you’ve adopted, offices where you take prayer requests and calls from desperate people in need of help, a shelter the sisters operate for survivors of domestic violence and human trafficking, cooking meals together, singing songs, lighting candles, playing games, watching rugby and cricket on a massive tube tv from the 90s, book clubs, knitting circles, hosting visitors from other convents, always decorating for the next holiday. This is why you became a nun. As a child, you were never as close with your sisters as you wanted to be—your interests were too divergent, your temperaments mismatched—and then as they dissolved away into their boyfriends and their unis, you felt like the house was suddenly so empty. But to be a nun is to have a perpetual sisterhood, and they love the Faith as much as you do.

You tell Rhaena: “Let’s talk to Mother Maureen about a koi pond. Maybe we can get funds and pay our guests in the shelter to help us build it.”

“Just like we did with the gardens.”

“Righto.”

“I’m kind of obsessed with these habits, too,” Rhaena says, spinning around in her loose white wool. The Sisters of Charity of Australia have been wearing modest yet casual clothes since the 1980s. You each have a white habit or two stowed away for formal occasions...but here in the Vatican, expectations are very traditional.

You chuckle and shake your head. “Yeah nah, I’m not helping you with that. I miss my Levi’s.” You point at the koi pond. “Check the corners, make sure I haven’t killed another one.”

Rhaena darts around the perimeter, peeking through bushes of red chrysanthemums. “I’ve been praying all morning. I’m so worried about Sister Augustina.”

“Why? She’s the person who needs your prayers the least. She’s with our Lord and Savior. She is at peace, she is home.”

Rhaena looks at you grimly. “Is she?”

You burst out laughing. “It takes more than getting a bit aggro to be damned to Hell.” You don’t believe Hell exists at all, but you keep this to yourself. Rhaena is rather dogmatic. Nonetheless she smiles to herself, reassured.

You glance around the Vatican Gardens, knowing exactly who you’re looking for; but you don’t see Aemond. There are other cardinals walking the tuff pebble pathways, red planets revolving around the ancient gravity of this place—first Neolithic settlements ten thousand years ago, then kings and a republic and back to kings again, and finally the Church rose up from the ashes of the empire to grow like dauntless ivy into the hearts of over one billion souls—some contemplative and alone, others entangled in weighty discussions. Cardinal Seaborn is rushing around frenetically, his scarlet cassock blowing in the wind. Cardinal Bogdi Marcu, he of the prehistoric age himself, is clinging to Sister Nuru’s arm as she patiently accompanies him through the gardens.

You spot Lucky talking to Cardinal Gideon Saati of South Sudan, a large but soft-spoken man who is ideologically moderate and therefore a possible consensus candidate if neither the conservatives or liberals can win the vote; and this makes him dangerous to Aemond. Cardinal Saati is nodding and dabbing at his eyes with a white handkerchief, Lucky has a hand resting gently on his shoulder. They are rarities here, and they understand each other. They both know the pain of having a homeland that is no longer a country: no functioning government, no reliable infrastructure, inescapable violence, war zones where faith feels so powerless.

Rhaena says: “Do you think we’ll be back home by Christmas?”

“Oh, sure thing. No conclave in the past two hundred years has taken more than a few days.”

“Beautiful. We can’t miss the singing and presents. I know how much you love Christmas music.”

“One conclave in the 1830s took a month and a half.”

“Nah, yeah?!”

“Deadset, mate.”

“Wow.” Rhaena blinks. “I wouldn’t trust this lot to not resort to bloodshed by then.”

Now you see them strolling towards the koi pond, disrupting sand-colored tuff pebbles with each step: Aemond, Lando, and Kazi, who is puffing on a square-shaped vape, white and red, the colors of the Polish flag. You realize that you’re smiling as Aemond approaches, then force yourself not to. You’re supposed to be somber; you’re supposed to be sad. Still, you cannot look away from him. You gaze at the destruction on the left half of his face—ropes of scar tissue, the frayed ruins of his eyelids stitched together to close the emptied socket—and you wonder what that must have been like, waking up in his hospital bed half-blind and with clamoring journalists filling up the lobby downstairs, bouquets of flowers arriving from Alpha TV, Mega Channel, the Hellenic Broadcasting Corporation, CNN, BBC, Deutsche Welle.

“Dead nun, dead pope.” Kazi sucks on his vape bleakly. “Inauspicious.”

Lando is pained and crosses himself. “Kazi, please.” Then he turns to you and Rhaena. “Sisters, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sister Augustina is with God now, let that serve as some consolation. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

You bow your head. “Thank you, Your Eminence.”

“We didn’t really know her that well,” Rhaena says.

“Will they have a funeral here?” Aemond asks you, like he’s trying to find an excuse to make conversation. Rhaena is gawking at him, wonderstruck; Aemond gives her a polite smile.

You answer: “No, Sister Penny told us she’s being sent back to Germany. I guess there’s a cemetery near her hometown she wished to be buried in. A plot beside a child’s.”

Lando and Kazi nod and murmur sympathetically, an acknowledgement of the life Sister Augustina had before she took her vows, forever shrouded in mystery, only shadows glimpsed through the veil; Aemond peers into the koi pond, his expression distant and troubled.

Lucky arrives, trudging across the volcanic pebbles that clatter under his red leather shoes. “Saati says he doesn’t want it.”

Kazi rolls his eyes. “Every cardinal says they don’t want it. And yet when the time comes, he’s out on that balcony waving to the crowds.”

“I think he’s sincere,” Lucky says, lighting a cigar and drawing in a mouthful of smoke. “He’s telling his supporters to look elsewhere.”

“To Aemo?” Kazi asks hopefully.

Lucky hesitates. “Saati is impressed that Jake lost four fingers in the service of our Lord.”

Kazi waves at Aemond. “He lost an eye!”

Lucky chuckles in a deep, gruff rumble. “Becoming pope is not a contest of misfortune, my friend. Otherwise more of them would be Haitians.”

Cam comes jogging over; being in his mid-forties, his knees are still good. He announces excitedly: “We have Micallef and Barraza!” Here’s who he means: Cardinal Xandru Micallef of Malta and Cardinal Juan Barraza of El Salvador, both pilfered from the dwindling pool of moderates.

Lucky exhales smoke. “I thought we already had Barraza. He’s on the Dicastery for Promoting Integral Human Development with me and Aemo.”

“He told me he was considering Saati.”

“Saati doesn’t want it.”

Cam is confused. “Doesn’t everyone say that?”

“Okay, so who’s going to talk to Jake and figure out if he’s willing to steer his votes our way?” Kazi says between vape hits, and then, when Lucky raises his eyebrows at him: “It can’t be me. He hates me.”

The others groan. “What did you do?” Aemond asks, grinning.

Kazi is reluctant to share. “It was nothing.” He vapes as the others stare at him, waiting. “I asked if he was going to get a robot hand like Darth Vader.”

“Jake is very committed to his mission in Iran,” Lando muses softly. “I have a hard time believing he’d want to leave it.”

“Yeah, he does a lot of orphanage stuff, right?” Kazi says. “Lando, you should talk to him.”

“I’ll try,” Lando agrees, then looks to you and Rhaena. “Sisters, once again, I am so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you and Sister Augustina.” He starts down the pathway and soon vanishes behind a row of tall laurel hedges.

Now Cam is relaying gossip he’s heard about the conservative faction: cardinals shifting from do Carmo to Jahoda, anxiety surrounding Aemond’s growing support. Your gaze catches on Aemond again, and you can’t look away. He keeps stealing glimpses of you too. Surely he could have had a plastic surgeon do a scar revision to make it less noticeable, and open the wound so he could insert a prosthetic eye; but of course Aemond would not want that. No one can see him without remembering what he did on Nea Kameni. He wears the proof of his miracle on his face.

You notice that Lucky is watching you as he smokes his cigar, his dark eyes kind yet intrigued, and then they rove to Aemond. You avert your attention elsewhere. On one of the narrow paved roads that wind through Vatican City, you see a white Fiat Panda zoom by on the other side of the foliage, employees running some errand.

“If I have a heart attack or choke on a fish bone or something, wait for the ambulance, don’t put me in one of those,” Kazi says. “They’re fire traps.”

“We’ll just throw you down the nearest manhole,” Cam assures him.

“Cardinal Targaryen!” a voice booms—ostensibly friendly, undeniably threatening—and it is Cardinal Jahoda, passing by with his ever-present companions Cardinal Auclair and Cardinal Ferrari. Across the gardens, red-swathed men stand up straighter and observe intently. “You enjoy the company of women so much, perhaps you have chosen the wrong vocation.”

Aemond smirks tauntingly. “Well, the celibacy requirement might soon be done away with, as you know. One of so few ways in which Cardinal Auclair has proven himself a progressive.”

Auclair scoffs. “Are there even any Catholics in Greece?”

“There are more than there were three years ago.”

“Cardinal Nowak,” Jahoda says to Kazi. “You are a Slav. Poland still lives under the gloom of Russia’s shadow. It disappoints me more than I could ever express, seeing you standing here with men who wish to usher in disorder, degeneracy, alliances with despots.”

Kazi sighs. “Brothers, not everything is communism.”

“Ah, you are too young. You do not remember what it was like.”

Auclair’s cold blue eyes skate over Cam and Lucky. “Mongolia. Haiti. Who would wish to follow the examples of your countries?”

Lucky explodes: “Why don’t you atone for what France did to my people?!”

“The prime minister acknowledged that the independence debt was an injustice—”

“And where is the apology? Where are the reparations?!”

“Still begging for money two hundred years later,” Auclair sneers. “Still sniffing for scraps like dogs. Perhaps it is time to look inwards and interrogate your own behavior. It is not a shortage of funds that ails Haiti, but a deficit of morals.”

Lucky drops his cigar and lunges for Auclair, but his friends stop him: Kazi and Cam fill the space between them, Aemond throws an arm across Lucky’s shoulders and whispers something to him as Cardinal Jahoda and his companions continue on through the gardens. Auclair looks back once and gives you a critical, probing glare. Kazi trots after Cardinal Ferrari making race car noises: vroom vroom vroom.

Cam mutters as he cleans his eyeglasses: “Mongolia is on the rise. It’s a capitalist democracy.”

“They’re not white, so it doesn’t count,” Lucky says, collecting himself. Then he checks his watch, a small face with a simple leather band. “The next general congregation is beginning soon.” He starts to leave with Kazi and Cam in tow, but not Aemond. Lucky turns around. “Aemo?”

“I’ll catch up to you,” Aemond replies. Lucky nods; but now when he looks at you, his interest has turned to trepidation.

Aemond shouldn’t be talking to me, you think, you know. But perhaps he is willing to risk it. Perhaps he believes he is invincible.

Now the two of you are alone except for Rhaena, who is gaping at Aemond as if still trying to convince herself he’s real and not a celebrity entrapped in a photograph, a screen, a myth.

“You must be very busy with your responsibilities here, Sister Rhaena,” Aemond says.

“Oh yeah, it’s hard yakka.” Then she realizes he’s waiting for her to leave. “Have a good one!” she calls over her shoulder as she hurries away, doubtlessly in great anticipation of all the stories you’ll tell her later. But you won’t share everything.

“Should we walk?” Aemond asks, his hands behind his back, his large gold cross gleaming on its chain, a whisper of a smile on his lips. Of course you should; you follow him, the tuff pebbles crunching under your shoes. And when he speaks to you now, he is not stony like he is sometimes around the other cardinals, or barbed or coiled or sharp. He is that boy from the beach again. He listens, he cares. “Are you really alright?”

“Yeah. I only knew Sister Augustina for a week. It was a shock to find her like that, and now Sister Penny is under the pump trying to take over for her, but we’ll manage.”

Aemond is studying the marble statues you pass as you wander together: Saint Rita, the patron saint of impossible causes and suffering women, Saint Catherine who freed herself from the breaking wheel, Saint Lawrence who was roasted alive. Fountains trickle and evergreen shrubs rock in the brisk December breeze: boxwood, rosemary, myrtle, oleander, holly with vivid blood drops of berries. Aemond stops when he finds a statue of Saint Agatha and gestures to a nearby stone bench. Once you sit down, he joins you.

“It’s your saint,” Aemond says. He reaches into one of the pockets of his cassock and produces a lighter and a pack of Karelia cigarettes. “Do you mind?”

“No wukkas. Half the nuns in my convent smoke.”

Aemond smiles to himself as he lights his cigarette. “No wukkas,” he echoes, amused.

“Can I ask you something personal?”

“Of course.”

“What led you to the Church?” you say. “Now that all the memories are coming back, I recall you being...skeptical.” That’s a gentle word for it. You imagine him: a boy, sullen and convinced he is too smart for religion, dragged to the cathedral by his Mother, flipping through a copy of Cujo or The Shining or Pet Sematary.

“Once I opened my mind to Catholicism, I found it sort of inspiring. The Church sponsored Michelangelo and da Vinci, founded the first universities in Europe, shaped the political landscape of the world. And for people without other routes to safety and status, it provided that. I never really felt seen by my parents. The Church gave me a new family.”

He didn’t say he loves the Faith. Saint Agatha gazes impassively down at you, her arms crossed protectively over her own chest, so young, so vulnerable. “Do you ever regret becoming a priest?”

Aemond shrugs, like he’s wrestled with the question so many times it no longer interests him. “The more conversations you have, the more confessions you hear...the more you realize that everyone regrets things. Mothers regret their children. Childless women regret adoptions and abortions. Married people regret the cage that vows begin to feel like after the novelty has worn off, single people regret their loneliness, the poor regret not selling their souls and the rich regret not defying greed to become artists or musicians or actors. There is no escape from regret. You must learn to feel at home in whatever cage you’ve built around yourself.”

You smooth the white wool of your habit so you have something to preoccupy your hands with. “I wasn’t entirely truthful about my reasons for being here.”

Aemond furrows his brow. “You’re assisting with the conclave.”

“Yes and no.”

He takes a drag and tilts his head to the side as he waits for you to continue. He does this a lot when you’re alone with him, always curious, always silently working things out, and you are struck by an abrupt and violent attachment to him—every gesture, every word, the blue of his eye, a lungful of smoke—and you think nonsensically: What if we had never left that beach?

You admit: “I’ve been having doubts.”

“About the Church?”

“About being a nun.”

Aemond is watching you, an intense sort of focus, like the Second Coming and the resurrection of the dead are over and you’re the last two people on earth. “You’re thinking of leaving?”

“I’ve heard this is the hardest time,” you say, smiling a little ruefully. “When you’re young like Rhaena, everything is new and exciting, and you’re so relieved to have all the answers to life’s questions that you don’t really feel the opportunity costs. And then when you’re in your fifties or sixties, you’re settled down and complacent, and you’re not interested in abandoning your work and the friendships you’ve made. But I’m thirty-eight...and that’s kind of my last chance to start over, isn’t it? At least when it comes to...certain things.”

Aemond is trying to understand, but he seems bewildered, maybe even alarmed. His cigarette has burned down to ashes, but he hasn’t noticed yet; when it singes his fingers, he flicks the end of it away. “Do you feel called to be a mother?”

“Not exactly, I just...I feel...” You pause to decide how to explain it. “I have this sense that there is something else out there for me. Someone else, I guess. And it wasn’t like this for a lot of years. I thought I was at peace with never being married. I used to see couples or families walking around and not feel anything but joy for them. But now there’s...there’s yearning, I think.” Then you chuckle nervously. “And I don’t just mean the physical aspect. That’s part of it, of course. But what I’m really missing is the...the emotional closeness, the bond that’s shared between romantic partners. All the sudden there’s an absence I wasn’t aware of before. And the only time I’ve ever experienced a pull like this was when I knew I wanted to be a nun, so I’m not sure what to do with it.”

Now Aemond’s hands are knitted together, tense and rigid, as if he is trying to resist wringing them. There is pink in his cheeks, a faint gory bloom, a rare disclosure of his mortality. He’s made of blood, not stone, not light, not predestination. “I suppose there is always some...temptation in the unknown.”

“Oh no, I’m not...” Again, you laugh. “I didn’t take my vows until my twenties. I had jobs, I took classes at the TAFE, I’ve dated, I’ve been to clubs, I’ve downed more pornstar martinis than I could possibly count. I’m not innocent.”

He seems relieved and relaxes a bit. “Then we had a similar path.”

“Because I wanted to...you know...I wanted to be sure I was alright with giving up that part of my life. I liked those blokes, and we had fun together, but I never felt it was something I couldn’t live without.” You stop for a moment; your next sentence comes out in a rush. “And then I had a bad experience with a boyfriend, and after that I was positive I could give it up, so.”

“A bad experience?” Aemond waits for you to elaborate. You don’t. His eye flicks from your face to your medallion, to the nearby statue of Saint Agatha, back to your face. He isn’t just searching. There’s a low, arcane wrath like chambers of magma scorching beneath the earth.

“Anyway, back in Sydney I confided in Mother Maureen about how I was feeling, and when the Holy Father passed she suggested I come to the Vatican. She said that if being here at the heart of the Church during such a joyous time—seeing the rituals, meeting the cardinals, witnessing the inauguration of the next pope—didn’t renew my commitment to my vows, then I would know it was the right decision to leave.”

Aemond is still distracted. “And has God spoken to you?”

“Oh, He’s saying something. But I’m not sure what yet.”

There is the sound of harried footsteps on the pebbles, and Sister Penny sprints into view. Strands of frizzy red hair have escaped from her veil; her pale freckled face is flushed. “Sister!” she cries, gasping for air. You leap up off the bench and rush to her.

“Sister Penny?”

“Where on earth did Sister Augustina keep the laundry detergent? I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find it, and I have a million other things to do, and I’m going absolutely mad—”

“I know where it is,” you say. “It’s in one of the cabinets in the kitchenette. I know, it’s odd, I’m not sure why she put it there. Here, I’ll help you.”

“And Cardinal Kelly lost his room key, so I gave him my copy but he forgot to return it and I don’t know where the spares are—”

“Shh. She’ll be right, mate.” You’re rubbing her shoulder. Sister Penny is in her fifties, very kind, very sensitive, not a particularly gifted administrator. But she has the most seniority after Sister Augustina, and so she has inherited her responsibilities whether she likes it or not.

You return with Sister Penny to the Domus Sanctae Marthae, but first you peer back at Aemond and give him a wave, subtle enough that Sister Penny will not notice. You aren’t supposed to be friends with a cardinal; that’s like a mouse befriending a lion. Aemond, now standing, waves back. But on his scarred face is something you rarely see from him, a doubt that is bone-deep and powerless.

Soon you’re sweeping through the cardinals’ rooms with Rhaena, tidying things up, making beds, wiping down bathrooms, beard hairs clogging the sinks and stray piss drops on the floor. But Aemond’s room is immaculate. You send Rhaena into the bathroom to see if he needs more shampoo or conditioner or toothpaste, and in the few seconds she’s gone you lean down over Aemond’s bed and breathe him in: smoke and cologne, vanilla and amber and cinnamon, and salt too, like something made him sweat through his clothes.

The stomach is an elastic organ—the more you eat, the more it wants—and lust is the same way, so you try not to feed it. On the rare occasions you find yourself too...distracted, that is easily remedied: a detachable showerhead, a hand slipped under the elastic waistband of your pajama pants. But now it all comes pouring back in, fifteen chaste years’ worth of longing, perhaps a lifetime’s worth, and you try not to imagine his hands covering you: a white veil gliding over your hair, sand on wet skin.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s night, and you are in Saint Peter’s Basilica, closed to the public until the conclave has concluded. You are here because the acoustics are good: you can hear the crowds out in the square singing The First Noel as they hold their candles and their handmade signs—God bless the Holy Father, Miracles are real, Pro-life and proud, Cardinal Targaryen for Pope—and you close your eyes as you listen. You love Christmas music, and without phones or radios, this is the only way you can get it.

The vaulted stucco ceiling is plated with gold. The floor is made of white marble and sand-colored travertine and crimson porphyry, red like lust or wrath or pride. Here is a fountain held up by cherubs, there is a basin taken from Emperor Hadrian’s tomb, there is monument to Pope Alexander VII adorned with the personified virtues of Truth and Love. And everywhere are depictions of keys; Saint Peter is the keeper of the keys of heaven, given to him by Christ. The leadership of the Church changes hands again and again, but the mission lives on, eternal, divine, pure despite the complexities and failures of mankind.

Occasionally, you hear the shuffling footsteps of cardinals as they pace the echoing corridors seeking God’s guidance. Cardinal Marcu, stooped and shaky, stopped to have a yarn with you perhaps half an hour ago; he seemed to be under the impression that Barack Obama is still the president of the United States. You are grateful that cardinals aged eighty and older are not permitted to vote in the conclave.

Your eyes are still closed when someone brushes up against you, a hand grazing across your hip, too light a touch to be intentional. You instinctively gasp and flinch away.

Aemond steps back, holding up his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says uncertainly.

You laugh when you see it’s him, pressing a palm to your pounding heart. “No, I’m sorry, I just startle really easily.”

He’s still bewildered. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, I thought I barely—”

“No, really, it’s alright. I just...when people touch me and I can’t see it coming, it just freaks me out. But I’m fine now.”

His eye travels down to your medallion—Saint Agatha carved into plain, unprecious iron—and then he turns fierce. He moves towards you, drops his voice, demands as he stands so close his smoke and cologne seeps into your lungs: “Who was he?”

“It doesn’t matter, Aemond.”

“It does. What was his name?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Because I want to know.”

“So you can have him murdered?” you mock, and Aemond sighs and rubs his scarred forehead. “You aren’t asking for honorable reasons.”

He shakes his head and stares at the wall, centuries-old marble and gold, hot blood in his face, rage pulsing in his carotids and his jugulars.

Your voice is calm, because this is a truth you’ve lived with for fifteen years; it’s a part of your mental scenery, something you know happened but not something you feel anymore, aside from primeval muscle memories that never seem to die. “It wasn’t something I could have proved in court. He said if I told anyone, he would kill me. And then he got pulled over for drunk driving, and when they searched the car they found unregistered guns, and while he was in jail I packed my things and moved down to Sydney and showed up on the doorstep of the convent. And everything was okay after that.”

“He should have suffered,” Aemond seethes.

“I moved on. I had to. And that saved me, having a life that was mine. That I chose, that I had always wanted. The Lord tells us: Refrain from anger, abandon wrath. Do not be provoked, it brings only harm. And that’s true.”

“But what if you didn’t join the Church for the right reasons? What if it was just an escape for you, or some sort of trauma response—?”

“Why did you join the Church, Aemond?” you say. “So a billion people would love you?” He turns away, exasperated, but he doesn’t object. “You don’t get to question my motivations. Not when I have felt called to the Faith since I was a child.”

He breathes deeply, touches his palm to the gold cross that hangs from his neck, and looks at you again. “If I was the pope, I would help people. Lucky knows that. They all know that.”

“But that’s not why you want it.”

Several long hushed moments slip by like sand through your fingers. From outside, you can hear the crowds are now singing O Come, All Ye Faithful. Aemond says softly: “I shouldn’t have left you.”

He can’t mean that. It’s preposterous. “What, when you were twelve?”

He doesn’t respond.

Now your words are gentle. “I’m alright, Aemond. Really. You just caught me by surprise, I’m fine now. I’m not afraid of you or anything. Here, look.”

You reach out and take his hand, and instantly you know it was a mistake. There is a blazing light that fills your skull, a burning martyr, a revelation: you can feel him pulling you in and the heat of his face beneath your fingerprints, soft lips, rough scar, his palms circling your waist, your white veil falling away as he pulls the pins from your hair, the thirty-three buttons of his cassock unfastened and then—

But before any of this can happen, you jolt away from each other, Aemond clasping his hands behind his back and you clinging to your iron medallion. On it are engraved Saint Agatha’s words to God: I am your sheep, make me worthy to overcome the devil. And from across the space between you, a few footsteps that might as well be twenty-nine years, you and Aemond gaze at each other with terror, with wonder.

You don’t feel too old to start over.

You feel like your life is just beginning.

[mountttmase]

Learn To Love Me

Note - SURPRISE!!!! I know ive been gone for like a week but im feeling loads better and ive missed you guys so so much 🩷 I’ll reply to any anons ive been sent whilst I was away in a bit but thank you for being so so kind and understanding 😘 this fic has been a labour of love for so long and thank you to my queen Elisa for all of her help and support through it all 😭 I know it might not be everyone’s cup of tea but if you like drama than I hope you like this 😂 feedback is appreciated as always and ily guys so much 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 25k

Warnings - smut, angst and fluff

‘You nervous?’

‘A little bit’ you answered, twiddling your thumbs nervously as you sat on the end of your bed for the evening. Whenever you had a night out planned like you had tonight, you liked to splash out on a nice hotel room so you didn’t have to worry about getting home at stupid o’clock and this hotel was always your favourite.

‘It’s just Mason, what’s there to be worried about?’ You heard from the bathroom and when your best friend Betsy walked back out all dressed up you felt even worse because now you knew you couldn't back out even if you wanted to.

‘I know I know, it’s just… What if he doesn’t want to? Then the whole plan is ruined’ you told her as she took a seat next to you in order to put her shoes on and you knew she was about to be as persistent as usual.

‘Trust me, he will. You look hot and that boy will eat you up. Let’s head over early and get some drinks down you, yeah? I bet you’ll feel better about it with a bit of liquid courage’ she told you and all you could do was nod. ‘I’m just popping to the loo and we’ll head over okay?’

Whilst Betsy was gone you sent Mason a quick text, thinking if you did that you definitely couldn’t back out and not even a minute after you’d sent it he’d replied.

How you’d managed to get yourself into this situation, only you knew

Mason was a friend from school, but you liked to use the term friend lightly. You had a few classes together and whilst you were always polite to him you weren’t exactly besties, only really talking because your best friend at the time and his were dating on and off so you were around each other sometimes. Your parents also sort of knew each other too and sometimes you’d see him outside of school but apart from that he was like any other person you went to school with.

Except he had a big fat crush on you and everyone knew it.

It was the worst kept secret at school, but you ignored the heart eyes and longing looks he’d often send your way and pretend like you didn’t know. You knew he was getting stick for it and you actually found it admirable that he wasn’t backing down and denying his feelings but he wasn’t your type at all and you knew no matter how hard you tried you’d never feel the same for him.

How you’d both ended up in Manchester was a bit of a mystery. When you both lived at home, Manchester seemed like the furthest place away in the world yet here you were, Mason playing for man united and you, running your parents business so they could have an easy time back home.

You couldn’t deny they deserved it. Back when your dad was your age he opened up a record store in Portsmouth that was still going strong, however he soon transitioned from selling vinyls into making them. Opening up a factory in Manchester as it was cheaper than near you but they were able to manage from home and at one point he was the market leader. Things had slowed down when you were growing up as they fell out of fashion but now they were back on the rise and business was booming.

You knew why they’d put you in charge, them telling you it was because you were the eldest sibling so therefore the business was yours to take over but you knew that wasn’t the whole truth. Your younger sister Suzi was the one blessed with all the brains and therefore it would be 10x easier for her to get a job rather than a sixth form drop out like yourself.

You’d been fully in charge of the factory on your own for three years now after you’d spent a few years learning everything from your parents and whilst the business hadn’t grown at all, it also wasn't failing and you took that as a sign of a win. If you were completely honest with yourself, you knew why the business was the way it was and you knew it was your fault but at this moment in time it didn’t bother you too much. You were happy living away from everyone and getting to reinvent yourself whilst you spent your money that you probably didn’t deserve.

It probably didn’t help that you didn’t have much of a team helping you run things. You had an assistant named Flo who was basically running the business for you but your right hand woman was Betsy. You’d met her in a club toilet one night, bonding over the designer bag you had with you and by the end of the night you’d hired her. Betsy came from a well off family and had never had a job before so when you told her you were looking for some help she jumped at the chance to join you but you both knew with her around you wouldn’t be working.

She was much help at all, you spent more time having lunch and having ‘business meetings’ than actually doing what you were supposed to be but she was your best friend in Manchester and she was helping you live the life you’d always wanted.

It's not that you didn’t care, the company made you a lot of money to fund the life you wanted so it’s not like you were happy about the fact it was flat lining but you weren’t really in the mood to help fix the situation either. You knew you had to grow the business but that would cut into the time you spent with your friends so you just… didn’t.

Since moving here, you and Mason had grown a little closer. He was relentless sometimes, liking all your instagram posts and replying to your stories with the heart eyes emoji. You'd often see each other on nights out as you ran in the same circles, money always attracted money and everyone would comment on how love sick Mason seemed with you but you just brushed it off. Accepting the bottles of water he’d get you at the end of each party and letting him know you were fine to get back to your hotel safe when it was just you left. Most of his friends knew you’d known each other growing up and some of them were really trying hard to get you to give him a chance but you just didn’t have it in you. Your eyes only set on one man.

Ross was a music agent you’d met at an event around a year ago and after six months of putting the work in and trying to catch his eye, he agreed to take you out.

He was handsome and successful and everything you wanted in a guy. You both spent your time partying and wasting your money on silly things but he was yours and you were his. He was fun and exciting and seemed like the missing piece to your life up here. That was until earlier that week when he told you he didn’t see things going anywhere and that he wanted to end it. Following it up by spending that evening in a club with a load of random girls before posting pictures of himself with them draped all over him on his stories.

You found them the next morning after having spent the night in tears, a sticky and uncomfortable feeling migrating over your skin as you saw his hands on a girl's waist in one picture whilst they were on a different girl's bum in the next. You couldn’t face looking anymore and quickly shut your phone off but it didn’t stop the tears from silently streaming down your face as you hid your face in your pillow and tried to block the world out.

‘What am I gonna do, Betsy? My life is over’ you huffed later that day. Flopping down onto your bed next to her in hopes you’d get a bit of sympathy from her but her nose was stuck in her phone like usual. She’d invited herself over after you’d sent her the pictures but right now you wished you were on your own again.

‘You’re life isn’t over, stop being so dramatic’ she sighed but you didn’t have a chance to respond. Your phone buzzing by your side and you quickly sat up and opened it in hopes it was Ross messaging you to apologise.

‘Oh great, even bloody Mason’s messaging me now’ you huffed. Falling back again and covering your eyes with your arm but you could hear Betsy’s stupid laugh from next to you.

‘Oh no, not a hot footballer. Whatever will you do?’ She asked sarcastically and you knew she was rolling her eyes at you. ‘Of course he is, that boys like a love sick puppy when it comes to you’

‘Don’t remind me’ you grumbled. Not wanting to think about that right this second as Mason was the least of your worries.

‘You know you could always use that to your advantage’ Betsy told you. Turning on her side and moving your arm away from your eyes so you could look at each other but you didn’t understand the expression on her face.

‘What do you mean?’

‘What’s the one thing you could do that always had Ross running back to you?’ She asked but as hard as you tried, your mind was blank.

‘I don’t know’ you shrugged and she rolled her eyes at you playfully like it was obvious.

‘Oh come on girl. Another guy so much as looked your way and he couldn't take it’ she told you and you couldn’t help but agree. He barely let you look at another boy when you were out with him even if you were all out together. It was annoying sometimes but you just figured it was because he loved you so much and wanted you all for himself.

There was an odd look on Betsy’s face, a bit like she was scheming something and when you raised your eyebrows at her she sent you a devilish smile.

‘Why don’t you and Mason take a few cheeky pictures together and let Ross accidentally see them? He’d be yours again in no time I bet’ she suggested and her idea shocked you. Wondering if she was right and it would make Ross come running back but there was something about that just didn’t sit right with you.

‘When you say a few cheeky pictures? Do you mean …?’

‘You need to fuck him, babe’ she told you matter of factly and you couldn’t stop the frown that took over your face.

‘You think? That seems a bit harsh on Mason and won’t he think it’s weird if I’m suddenly all over him?‘

‘So butter him up a bit? He’s so hung up on you I bet he’d take whatever you gave him’ she told you nonchalantly and just like always you were starting to see her point of view. Mason was probably the easiest person to help you get Ross back and it’s like you were besties anyway so he shouldn’t be too upset.

‘He’ll probably be out with the boys at the weekend right?’ You questioned but Betsy just shrugged.

‘Text him back and ask. I bet he’ll be there if you are’ she reassured you and you quickly sat up in ordered to text him back.

‘He said he’ll come’ you told her, a wide but devious smile spreading over her face and you knew she was pleased with herself.

‘Told you it would be easy’

‘I don’t know Betsy, I might have to think about this’ you told her. Hearing her sigh behind you before shuffling down your bed to sit with you and when she placed her arm around you shoulder you rested your head on hers.

‘Babe, listen. You realise who this is right?’ She questioned but just shrugged. ‘Mason's a rich footballer with girls after him all the time. He’s probably got a whole list he can pick from and he’ll just be happy he got a chance with you. Don’t overthink it, yeah? I’m sure he’ll be over it and onto the next one quicker than you think’

‘Yeah?’

‘Of course. You know what these footballers are like he’s probably got a whole phone book of girls he can call up and no doubt he will be doing just that after you've slept with him. He’s just a boy at the end of the day and they’re all the same’

You knew Betsy was trying to downplay the situation to make it easier for you and whilst it was working to a certain extent you were still a little uncomfortable about it all. You’d never had a one night stand before let alone done it for payback so this felt like a whole new world to you.

You didn’t want to think about it too much more but you knew you had to go through with it if you wanted Ross back so you booked a hotel room like usual in hopes you could lure him back there and got to work on what you were going to say to him.

You knew it was only a few days later but time seemed to be faster than it ever had been and as soon as Betsy was out of the loo the pair of you went out for some pre drinks in the hotel bar before making your way over to the club you had arranged to meet him at.

You saw him straight away, standing with the boys over the back but you’d barely been inside for two minutes and you couldn’t help but notice the way he kept checking his phone. Wondering if he was checking in to see if you’d messaged him so after a quick once over and an final pep talk from Betsy you made your way over to him.

‘Hi Mason’ you smiled, tapping his shoulder so he’d look at you and when his eyes finally landed on your face you watched him flush under the dim light. His mouth slightly agape as he couldn’t quite find the words to say to you but you made the first move and pulled him in for a hug. The smell of his aftershave was seemingly the same one he’d worn when you were growing up and it was like you were instantly transported back to being 14 again. Your eyes pricking as a sense of home flooded you and your grip on him tightened a touch as this was the first proper hug you’d had from someone since the news broke. You didn’t realise how much you needed one and he squeezed you back just as tightly. ‘Thanks for coming’ you smiled as you pulled away. Noticing he looked more with it now but he was still blushing like a fool.

‘You all on your own? Where’s Buster or whatever her name is?’ Mason asked and you couldn’t help but laugh as you led him over to your little table and took a seat opposite him.

‘Betsy’ you smiled, watching him shrug like he wasn’t that bothered. ‘She’s around somewhere’

‘Fair enough. I’m surprised you wanted to see me’ he laughed awkwardly and you knew you had to turn the charm on a little bit to convince him you weren’t up to anything. Betsy’s words from earlier still fresh in your mind and as you looked back up at him you sent him a gentle smile In hopes he’d believe everything you were about to say.

‘Well it’s times like these you work out who your true friends are’ you told him. Implying that he was the only person to come forward in your hour of need and you could tell he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. ‘I know we don’t talk too much but you know I appreciate you right? Now more than ever. Maybe we can use this as a turning point?’

‘I’d like that’ he whispered, a grateful smile on his face as he was so happy that you finally wanted to give him some of your time and you couldn’t deny you thought he was being really cute. ‘But it’s okay, we’re both busy people and I know it’s not always possible to talk like we did when we were 13. Even though I’m still convinced you hated me back then’

‘I never hated you’ you giggled and this time you were telling the truth, you’d never hated Mason you just never took the time to work out if you could like him as you always had your focus on someone else. ‘I was just a moody teenager’

‘Oh yeah? What’s your excuse now?’ He teased, his tongue poking out the side of his lips as he raised his brows at you but it was the shit eating grin that let you know he was just joking.

‘Meanie’ you pouted but he was quick you place his hand on your bare knee and give it a squeeze. You didn’t give him a chance to pull away though as you seized your opportunity and placed your hand over his and threaded your fingers together. Looking up just in time to see him gulping heavily as he looked down at your conjoined hands and you knew then and there you had him right where you wanted him.

You sat with him for hours but it only felt like minutes, talking about everything from what you’d been up to lately to how much you missed home and how you hated that you couldn't see the sea from your office here like you could back in Portsmouth.

It was obvious he was really listening and was constantly asking you questions about yourself which you were more than happy to answer. Between Ross and Betsy you never got a word in sometimes and whenever you did talk you had the feeling it was going in one ear and out the other so it was nice to be sat and listened to for once. The night was soon coming to a close though and you knew you had to kick things up a notch in order to get him to agree to come back with you.

‘I’ve enjoyed this tonight’ you smiled up at him. More truth to your words than you even realised and as he nodded down at you, you shuffled a little closer into his body and placed a hand on his knee. ‘You know, I’m only staying across the road. Do you fancy coming back for a bit? We can have another drink and carry on… talking’ you all but purred into his ear. His body going stiff as you turned your body to face his and you could tell his eyes were dark with desire.

‘Oh? I don’t know-‘

‘Why not?’ You pouted. Running your fingers gently up his thigh to try and tease him and even in the dark you could see that his pupils had blown out. Eyes glued to yours as you gently caressed him but it was the way he was taking shallow breaths through his slightly agape mouth that let you know this was a lot for him.

‘I’m not sure’ he whispered. His voice scared like he knew what was about to happen but you knew it wouldn’t take much more to break him and make him come back to your room.

'I thought you knew me Mase.. and you know I always get what I want’ you told him. Walking your fingers up his chest until you reached his neck and you watched his eyes flutter shut as you scratched the back of his head gently as you pulled his face closer to yours. 'You're not gonna deny me what I want, are you?'

'No'

'So you'll come up to my room? And we can carry on... talking' You whispered. Lips ghosting his jaw before kissing just below his ear and from the way he was gripping your waist you knew the effect you were having on him.

'Okay'

'Good boy'

If the music hadn't been so loud you might have been able to hear the small whimper that left his lips at your words. All the breath from his lungs expelling at once as he tried to control himself but there was something about you that always had him wanting more.

‘Just let me say bye to the boys and we’ll go’

‘Meet back here in five?’ You questioned, and with a quick kiss to your cheek, you watched him disappear into the crowd.

‘That was impressive’ you suddenly heard behind you. Turning to see Betsy looking at you with a proud smile and you took a calming breath in her presence. Switching off the persona you’d had turned on whilst Mason was around and you were thankful to see her as you needed a pep talk. ‘I would say I can’t believe how well you’re playing him but I actually can. Like I knew he was in love with you but damn girl he’s obsessed’

‘Are you sure I’m doing the right thing?’ You gulped, nerves hitting you with full force but the determined look on her face perked you up a bit.

‘Of course you are’ she grinned. ‘You can’t back out now’

‘I’m just nervous’ you shrugged. ‘Maybe going the whole way isn’t necessary? If I get some pictures of us like close but not-‘

‘No no, that’s not the plan’ Betsy cut in, her brows drawn together in what looked like frustration. ‘Ross won’t care if you’re just pictured together. You need more, okay? Come on you’ve put most of the work in, now’s the fun part. Even if you don’t get pictures or whatever the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else’ she winked. ‘I know you can do this’

‘You’re right, I can’ you nodded. Clearing your mind of all your doubts and with a quick hug and a kiss goodbye Betsy was off. Leaving you to wait for Mason on your own but he wasn’t too far away. Making his way back to you with Luke by his side and you couldn’t miss the looks they were exchanging.

You’d known Luke for a few years now and you knew he’d taken up the big brother role when Mason had moved here. The pair of them clearly disagreeing about Mason leaving with you but Mason wasn’t going down without a fight. The pair of them eventually saying goodbye before Mason came back to you and when you reached out he took your hand instantly. Following behind you as you made your way outside and over to the hotel opposite.

You kept him close the whole way up to your room. Standing in front of him and wrapping his arm across your body in the lift so he was forced to cuddle you but when he caged you in with the other you knew he was game. Taking every chance he couldn’t be close to you by the looks of it and you knew you could use this to your advantage.

‘Make yourself comfortable, I’m just gonna get changed quickly. I feel like a sausage trapped in this dress’ you joked nervously and you finally entered your room. Wondering now you were in here if you could actually do it but as you set your phone down a new notification from Betsy flashed up on screen.

She was right, you did and all you needed was to put your brave face on to get into the mood and the rest would be easy. It’s not like you were sleeping with an ogre and even if this had no effect on Ross then at least you were about to have a bit of fun for the evening.

You stripped yourself down to your underwear, keeping your shoes on still as you propped yourself up on the side next to the sink and once you were happy with how your boobs looked in your bra you took a deep breath and put your game face on.

‘Hey Mase? You think you could come in here a sec?’ You called. Sitting back on your hands and pushing your chest out whilst crossing one leg over the other and as soon as he rounded inside to the bathroom his face was one of shock and awe.

‘W-what are you doing?’

‘I can’t get my shoes off, do you think you could help?’ You asked. Biting your lip seductively as you batted your lashes at him but he didn't need asking twice. Cautiously walking over as you extended your leg for him to hold and as soon as his fingers clasped around your ankle you felt a shiver roll through you.

He was so gentle and delicate as he held you. Carefully undoing the clasp and setting it on the floor so he could make a start on the other and you kept your eyes on his face the whole time. Watching his cheeks and the bridge of his nose flush while his tongue slipped from between his lips to concentrate on the task at hand.

Once he was done and had released your leg you were ready for phase two. Spreading your thighs and beckoning him over with your finger until he was positioned right up against you and you rested your hands on his strong chest as you sent him what you hoped was an alluring smile.

‘Thank you’

‘That’s okay’ he replied softly. Gripping your thighs gently as he looked down at you. ‘You need a hand down?’

‘Yes please’ you nodded. Letting him grip your waist as he gently picked you up and placed you on the floor but you were quick to turn and face the mirror so his crotch was now tightly nestled against your bum and the feel of him excited you. Hard against your soft skin but rather than step away his hands wrapped themselves around your waist as he hid his face in your neck.

‘Are you trying to give me a heart attack’

‘Not quite’ you chuckled, carefully reaching for your phone that was sat on the side and as he held you close and you quickly snapped your first picture of the night.

‘Hey Mase? There's a bottle of wine in the mini fridge, will you pour me a glass?’ You asked. Feeling him nod into your neck before he straightened up a bit and as he placed a quick kiss to your temple you felt your knees wobble slightly.

‘Okay’ he smiled, looking up at you in the mirror and you were ready to up the ante again.

‘Thank you brown eyes’ you whispered and you knew you’d got him as his face turned redder than you’d ever seen it before.

‘You better make sure you’ve got some more clothes on when you come back out’ he winked just before he left and as soon as he was out of sight you let out a breath. This was going better than planned and you were actually really enjoying being around him so you excitedly threw on an old baggy t-shirt you’d packed to sleep in and went in search of him again.

He wasn’t hard to spot, sat on the sofa at the end of your bed as he twiddled his thumbs and you noticed your glass of wine he’d poured you sat on the coffee table next to a bottle of water he’d opened.

‘You don’t want something a bit stronger?’

‘Best not, I’ll get killed if I get caught drinking loads’ he nodded and you sent him an understanding nod as you fell into the spot next to him.

‘Well if you change your mind you know where it is’ you smiled as you placed your hand on his knee and turned to him. ‘Now where were we?’

You fell back into conversation pretty easily, but you couldn’t stop your hands from wandering this time. Lightly tracing your fingers up and down his arm and you watched in delight as his skin became covered in goosebumps. His speech a little distracted and stuttery and you continued to brush against his skin and when you took the plunge to scratch over the back of his head you noticed his eyes flutter closed in delight.

You were surprised at how handsy he was in return to. He’d always come across as touchy when he was around other people and you’d noticed he was always grabbing peoples shoulders or patting their backs but with you he never pushed your boundaries. Seemingly with you making the moves on him though it was giving him the push to stroke your thighs and waist and you could see it in his eyes he wanted more of you but you knew he was still unsure of himself.

‘You seem nervous, Mase’ you teased. His eyes flashing up to yours for a brief moment before he looked away and shrugged his shoulders.

‘I’m fine’

‘You sure? I can get you another drink, our secret?’ You teased before you put the idea of something more on the table for him to see how he reacted. ‘Or you know I can always… relax you In other ways’

‘Oh um-‘

‘You know, you’re cute when you’re scared’ you winked, watching his face and the back of his neck flush and when you flicked his nose lightly he looked at you in a mix of fright and awe.

You knew he wasn’t about to brush everything off and give you what you wanted, you knew it was you that had to initiate whatever was about to happen and you figured now would be the perfect time. Flinging your leg across his lap so you could straddle his thighs but his hands on your hips as he steadied you made your inside swirl.

You weren’t sure where to start but it was hard not to touch him. You could tell just from the way his clothes sat on him that his body was insane and you’d been aching for a peek of him upclose ever since he’d held you in the bathroom so you went bulldozing in knowing he wouldn't stop you. Running your hands up his chest to his neck before dipping your hands into his open shirt so you could push it from his shoulders and the sight and feel of him sent a tingle through you in a way no one else had.

‘Where have you been hiding these bad boys’ you smiled. Fingers trailing over his toned biceps before you lent forward. Your lips landing on his collarbone so you could kiss inwards until you reached the base of his throat and lick a stripe up his neck but you weren’t expecting his voice to sound as hoarse as it did when he spoke next l.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just exploring a little, you don’t mind do you?’ You murmured as you kissed the length of his neck but you could tell by the way he was holding you tightly that he didn’t at all.

‘N-no I don’t’ he sighed, sounding like he was in bliss and all you wanted was to hear what other noises he could make but soon enough you felt his nose nudge the side of your head and you were looking up into his blown out eyes. ‘Are you sure about this’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Well Ross-‘

‘Is nothing to me. I don’t care about him or what he’s doing or anything. We’ve been over for a while and I’m just over the whole thing I swear. I just wanna let loose a bit and I was hoping you’d be up for joining me’ you confirmed and the slight smile on his lips filled you with confidence.

‘Okay’ he whispered sweetly. ‘I just don’t want you to regret anything’

‘Mason, what can I do to make you stop worrying?’ You asked, gently gripping his hands so you could move them to rest on your bum and when he gave your cheeks a soft squeeze you felt your eyes roll back in your head. ‘How about I just keep going, yeah?’ You offered. Reaching for his shirt so you could remove it fully and once he was sat in just his vest you couldn't wait to get the rest off of him. ‘You smell so good’ you murmured and you attached your lips back to his neck, feeling his hands go straight back to your bum.

As much as you wanted to kiss him, you kept your lips on his neck as he seemed to be enjoying what you were doing. Licking and kissing his skin before sucking gently at the base of his neck and you knew you had him just where you wanted him.

‘You want me to be a bad girl? Or a good girl’ you whispered as you kissed your way back up his neck and you knew instantly what he wanted he wanted from the way he groaned in your ear. ‘Ah, good girl it is’

‘Go lay down’ he told you as he pulled you away from him. His voice gentle but firm at the same time and as you felt a thrill run through you as he squeezed your bum. Mason was always so kind and sweet with you so to see him switch up like this a little bit was exciting and the fact he wasn’t telling you no made you giggle.

You did what he said and let him help you up but before you went any further you stripped yourself of the t-shirt you were wearing so you were back in just the underwear from before and you knew he was watching your every move until you were out of sight.

It took him a second to come and join you. His shoulders tense and it looked as though he was giving himself a mental pep talk before he stood up and joined you. His knee resting on the end of the bed as he looked in your eyes and you knew he was getting ready to climb up with you.

‘You wanna be a good girl for me, huh?’ He questioned. His eyes trailing over your exposed skin and it only really hit you then that he was still basically fully clothed apart from the open shirt you’d removed from him earlier. The belted trousers accentuating his little waist and all you could think about was undoing it and ridding him of everything he had on.

‘For now, yes’ you told him, watching him shake his head as he giggled. A sense of triumph washing over you that you’d made him laugh but soon enough he had his game face back on and he tapped one of your ankles.

‘Well good girls, they don’t talk back’ he told you, gently moving your legs apart so he could kneel in between them and you made sure to mime zipping your lips shut and throwing away the key which he appeared to be amused by. You didn’t miss the way his eyes were still exploring you though and as he placed his hands by your ribs and hovered himself directly over you it was like you could feel the air thicken instantly. Reaching out to place your hands on his broad shoulders but he just tutted and shook his head as he caught on to what you were about to do.

‘Nuh uh, good girls ask for permission’ he whispered and your spine tingled in anticipation. You’d barely gotten started and Mason was already making you feel like you couldn’t take anymore, a whole new side of him that you’d never seen and you couldn’t deny you were excited by it.

‘Can I touch you?’ You asked quietly and the subtle nod of his head was all you needed to reach out and run your fingers over his arms as he hovered himself down a bit further and began to kiss your cheek and along to your ear. Each press of his lips made you throb and when he began to trail his lips even further down you ran your fingers through his hair to hold him in place as you began to wrap your legs around him.

‘Good girls also say please and thank you’ he mumbled against your neck and soon enough his eyes were locked on yours as his face hovered directly above you again. ‘So what do you say?’

‘Please’

‘Please what?’ He demanded, bumping his nose with yours softly and you could barely catch your breath.

‘Please fuck me, Mase’ you whimpered, sounding more desperate that you intended too but he’d managed to work you up in such a short space of time it’s like you’d lost all control of yourself. It seemed to have the desired effect though as his dark eyes rolled back in his head and you knew he was feeling exactly the same until his face returned to how it had been all night.

‘Soon okay? I wanna play with you first‘ he murmured and the groan that left your lips was unholy.

‘M-Mase? Can I have a kiss first?’ You asked shyly. Suddenly feeling a little unsure of yourself but as his face softened you knew you were fine. Watching him get comfortable next to you so he could hover slightly beside you as he brushed the hair out of your eyes but before he was leaning in you knew he was about to ask you that dreaded question again.

‘You sure this is what you want?’

‘I couldn’t be more sure. Please just kiss me’ you told him. Your voice determined as you really couldn’t take another second without his lips on yours but he didn’t need telling again. Dipping his head slowly to drop a soft kiss to your lips but you didn’t give him a chance to pull away too far. Your hand on the back of his head as your fingers got lost in his hair so you could pull him back down and as he moaned into your mouth you had to stop yourself from doing the same.

It was obvious from the way he was kissing you he’d been waiting a while for this. His focus just on you as he cupped your jaw but there was no way you were moving away from him as he kissed better than you imagined. He kissed better than anyone had ever kissed you and when his tongue dipped past your lips it was you that finally gave in and was moaning this time. Feeling his hand mov from your jaw to lightly trace over your body and as his fingers danced over your underwear you felt your hips buck up at the sensation.

He was so confident. No awkward pauses or laughter as he tried to figure you out, it was like he knew your body already and as his fingers began to trace circles over the front of your underwear you couldn’t help but groan into his mouth. Letting him bite your lip playfully as his fingers dipped below the fabric and the first touch of his fingers directly on you made you shiver.

That was all it took for his lips to leave yours but you felt them again soon against your cheek and then your jaw and then your neck. His lips traveling over every inch of you until you felt the playful pinch on his teeth on your chest and you both began to giggle.

You knew where he was going, his lips continuing their pilgrimage of your skin until he was kissing over the front of your underwear and you knew you were in for a good time just from the way he looked up at you through his lashes.

‘What the hell is this?’ You heard him laugh. Sitting up on your elbows so you could look at what he was referring to but as soon as you felt his finger brush over the two little words you couldn’t help but smile.

‘A moment of madness’ you groaned. Flopping back onto the bed as you covered your face with your hands and laughed at how stupid you’d been. ‘Most people dye their hair after a break up, I was convinced a tattoo was the right way to go for some reason’

‘Well it’s very cute’ he laughed, fingertips gently tracing the words Hey There that you’d had tattooed on your right hip just below your bikini line. ‘Does this make me the first person to see it?’

‘It does’

‘Well then, I better make sure I’m the last too’ he murdered against your skin. His lips kissing over the letters softly and you didn’t have any time to take in what he’d said as his hands were pulling your underwear off and pushing your thighs up to your chest so he had full access to you

His grip was strong, so much so you knew you'd have print marks from his fingers tomorrow but right now you didn't care. Bucking your hips up as he kissed over the backs of your thighs to tease you a little and you knew he was waiting for you to ask for what you wanted.

'Masey please, please do something'

'What do you want me to do?' He murmured. A smile in his voice that was easily detectable and you knew he was loving every second of this.

"You know what'

'Yeah I do' he chuckled, almost sounding cocky as if he was telling you he knew just how to make you crumble and from the first flick of his tongue you knew he was right. Melting into sheets as he licked and sucked away at you like he'd done this to you a million times before and all thoughts of anything you were meant to be doing that night vanished from your mind immediately.

Your hands were fisting the sheets as you had no idea what to do with them but soon enough they were in his hair and you knew he liked it because he growled into your skin and you sighed at the new sensation. He was doing everything just how you like with no direction from you. Slow and steady to work you up until you were a quivering mess and it felt so good you forgot about what you were meant to be doing entirely. Only remembering when you looked down to see his pretty brown eyes looking back at you but as he looked away to focus back on you, you sneakily grabbed your phone to take a few blurry snaps.

You were seeing stars soon enough as he brought you to your high. Never changing his speed to try and get you there any quicker as he knew you were feeling good with what he was currently doing and as soon as it hit, his name was falling off your tongue like a prayer.

You could see him through your tired eyes getting undressed but you could detect a hint of uncertainty around him and you knew he wasn’t sure if you wanted to go the whole hog. You’d been nervous in the day thinking about it but after the display he’d just put on for you there was nothing more you wanted so you sat up carefully to remove your bra so you were completely bare for him. Not even caring about what pictures you needed to take as right now all you wanted was to enjoy him.

‘You gonna stand there all night or do you want some help?’ You asked. Your eyes flickering all over his body that was now only covered by his boxers and when he took a big gulp you knew he needed a push.

You waited until he sent you a nod before you began pulling his boxers down. You’re mouth watering as he sprung free but you could tell he was still nervous so you held his waist and began to pepper kisses over his abs and lower stomach until he was pulling away from you and nodding for you to shuffle back on the bed with a smile.

As soon as your head hit the pillow you felt his chest on yours. A faint taste of yourself on his tongue as he kissed you and as you wrapped your legs around his waist his warm skin enveloped you. He was so soft and smooth but hard and solid at the same time and as he began to grind himself down on you, you wanted to feel him inside you.

It was you that reached down to grab a hold of him, to guide him to where you needed him and without much resistance he was pushing himself inside of you. Gasping into each other's mouths as you both got accustomed to the feel of the other and as he picked up his pace you couldn’t help but drag your nails down his back.

It wasn’t long before you wanted to switch things up a bit. To watch him crumble under you as you took control and when you pushed on his shoulders he was quick to roll over and lay on his back.

‘What are you doing?’ He laughed, helping you climb on top so you could take over and when you sent him a wink he scrunched his face up adorably.

‘I can’t be good all the time Mase’ you shrugged and even though you were ready to get going again you took a moment to grind yourself along him as he guided your hips with a devious smile.

‘You feel that, yeah?’ He whispered, his grip firm once more but it was only adding to the experience and you whimpered at the feel of gliding along him. ‘You have no idea what you do to me, do you?’

‘I have a good guess’ you groaned, finally reaching down to guide him back inside and even though you started slow you were desperate to show Mason a good time after how he’d treated you all night. Bouncing up and down on him like your life depended on it but even though his eyes were rolling in the back of his head he was quick to stop you.

‘Hey, hey baby it’s okay. Take your time, yeah?’’ he managed to get out as his hands stilled your hips. Stopping you in your tracks as you looked down into his eyes but all you could see was warmth and when he sent you an affectionate smile your skin broke out in goosebumps. ‘It’s all about you tonight, yeah? So you just let it out for me when you’re ready, you don’t have to rush anything’

His voice was soft and soothing, a million miles away from how you thought it would be as the pair of you had been at it so intensely the room could have been on fire and you wouldn’t have noticed but it washed over you delicately and made you feel safe.

‘But I want you to cum. I want to make you feel good like you did to me’

‘Listen, sweetheart’ he whispered. Sitting up slightly so he could reposition you a bit and you went with him as he sat up against the headboard, resting his chin on your chest so he could look up at you through his lashes you almost lost it as he looked so good. Not something you ever thought you’d be thinking about Mason of all people yet here you were looking down and his big brown eyes and freckled nose thinking he was one of the most beautiful things you’d ever seen. This wasn’t how you expected tonight to be but you were so caught up in all of him you didn’t know how to act anymore and you hung on his every word. ‘I will, trust me. Watching you is all I need so just forget about me for a second and focus on you’

‘All we’ve done is focus on me’

‘Exactly’ he teased, squeezing your waist gently and the action made you squirm as you giggled but you could see Mason's face change as you moved on top of him. ‘So be my good girl and take your time. I promise I’m right behind you’

You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. Not one other person you’d ever had sex with before had treated you like this and cared for in this way. It was making you feel so many different emotions and by now you’d completely forgotten the whole reason as to why he was here in your hotel room in the first place.

So you did what he asked, and you rested your hands on his chest, dangerously close to his neck, and placed your forehead on his before starting to move your hips again but slowly just like he’d requested. Feeling him slide in and out of you as he gripped your bum and moaned audibly into your mouth.

‘You like that?’ You whispered, a teasing tone to your voice but Mason just nodded. Not caring how desperate he may have been coming across.

‘F-fuck yeah, I’ve imagined this with you so many times but it’s never felt this good’ he told you and you couldn’t help but groan as you bit your lip. Wanting to tease him a bit more in hopes he’d tell you how he feels some more and since he was in this position under you, you figured you had a good chance.

‘Oh yeah, you been thinking about me?’

‘All the time’ he gulped. His voice hoarse now as you slowly pushed each other to the finish line but were stuck between savouring the moment and finally making him cum but you just went with the flow and circled your hips over him as he guided your hips with his strong hands.

‘I hope I’m as good as you imagined’

‘You’re even better’ he praised lowly. A soft smile on his lips as his eyes flickered all over your face. ‘So fucking perfect, always have been’

It wasn’t long after that you were cuming for the second time that night. Mason's lips on your neck so he could suck your skin softly before he was gently biting your shoulder as he finally hit his own high and as soon as you were both finished you felt yourself slump forward as he wrapped his arms around you.

‘You okay?’ He whispered, his fingers lightly running up and down your spine as you tried to catch your breath. Moving them down to your thighs as he massaged them gently and you could feel yourself melting onto him.

‘I’m good’ you smiled. Feeling him chuckle underneath you, kissing the side of your head sporadically and you’d never felt so content in your life. ‘I need to go and get cleaned up but I’m too comfortable here’

‘Come on, let me help you’ he whispered but you just groaned playfully in annoyance. Not wanting to move from his arms and when he kissed your forehead lightly you nuzzled into his neck. ‘You sure you’re still okay? you know with everything we’ve done’

‘More than okay’ you whispered, sitting up slightly so you could look at him and without thinking you leaned in to kiss him softly. You didn’t take it any further but he was so gentle with you as he squeezed your thighs and kissed you as sweetly as he could. ‘Thank you’ you whispered as you pulled apart but he was looking up a you with a confused expression.

‘What for?’

‘I thought good girl’s say please and thank you’ you winked but he just laughed as he squeezed you again.

‘I don’t think you’re up for being a good girl, you’re too naughty’

‘Well then I think I need a timeout’ you winked as you began to shuffle off of him. ‘I won’t be long, okay? Keep my space warm’ you told him and with that you were quick to run off into the bathroom.

You didn’t want to be too long, hoping that he might be up for round two shortly but you sent Betsy a quick message to let her know you had what you needed so she wasn’t harassing you for the rest of the night, but when you returned to the bedroom he was nowhere to be seen.

‘Mase? Where are you, you were meant to be keeping my space warm’ you called playfully. Grabbing the shirt you’d been wearing off the floor and throwing it on so you weren’t walking around with nothing on and when you turned the corner and looked in the living room you could see him getting dressed in a rush. ‘Mase? What are you doing?’

When he ignored you and continued getting dressed with a huff you felt your stomach drop to the floor, not knowing what to say or what was going on but you pressed him again so you could get to the bottom of what was happening. ‘Mason? What’s going on?’

‘Maybe you should double check who you think you’re messaging before you press send’ he spoke. Not even looking at you as he stuffed himself into his shoes and your blood ran cold at the thought of what you might have done. Quickly opening up your phone to look at the last message you sent and when you realised it had gone to Mason you felt frozen to the spot.

‘Look, Mase-‘

‘Have you seriously been taking pictures of me? Of us, to send to him to make him jealous. Is that really all I’m good for? I know you know how I feel, fuck everyone knows, but I’ve always brushed it off and gone with it cause I thought you were worth the teasing’

‘But I-‘

‘I’m not dumb alright? I knew what this was’ he cut you off. Clearly furious at you about everything but you didn’t know how to react so you let him go on his little rant. ‘I knew I was just the rebound to make you feel better but I’m so hopelessly wrapped around your fucking finger I thought I’d just take my shot’

‘Well that’s not my fault’ you told him. Wishing he would calm down a bit but you could tell from the way he was getting dressed with such vigour that he was still furious.

‘No you’re right, it’s not. But thank you very much for proving to me what everyone’s said about you all along’ he laughed but you knew there was no humour in it. ‘And don’t worry, any feelings I did have for you are long gone I promise’

‘What are people saying about me?’

‘That you’re a heartless, manipulative cow who does whatever she likes to get what she wants and the fact all you took from what I said just then was about you proves it’ he spat. The coldness of his voice sending an uncomfortable shiver down your spine and you were pretty certain you’d never heard him speak like this before to anyone.

‘Mason you’re overreacting, it was just a joke’ you tried but little did you know it would just anger him more. Making him stop in his tracks so he could send you an incredulous look.

‘So now I’m a joke?’

‘No, I meant like a bit of fun’ you shrugged. Hoping he would get where you were coming from but every word that came out of your mouth seemed to wind him up even further.

‘For you maybe, not for me’ he grumbled. Looking around for his keys as he was now fully dressed and once his eyes landed on them he picked them up forcefully. ‘Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m done. That fact you don’t get how fucked up this is tells me everything’

‘If you knew what this was then why are you so mad?’ You asked. His anger now rubbing you up the wrong way as you couldn’t understand why he was so upset with you but you getting annoyed at him didn’t have the desired effect and when his sad eyes locked onto yours it was like he knocked the wind out of you.

‘Cause I could deal with a one night stand, at least I could kid myself into thinking you might like me in some way. But this?’ He asked. Voice thick like he was about to start sobbing but you saw him swallow it down before looking away from you. ‘You don’t give a shit about me more than I thought. Fourteen years I’ve known you. And for what? Fuck all apparently’

‘Mason you need to calm down-‘

‘Calm down?’ He snapped and you felt yourself shrink. ‘You fucking lied right to my face, told me this could be a turning point for us but you knew the whole time it meant nothing. Lying may not mean anything to you but it does to me’

‘People in our circle lie and do what they have to to get what they want, I thought you knew that’ you pushed back, knowing that what you were saying was awful but you were clutching at straws to make out what you’d done wasn’t as bad as he was making out. ‘Since when do you care about me that much?’

‘Since always, you idiot’ be mumbled. His voice calmer than you’d heard it this whole time but it seemed to shock you a bit. His sad eyes and distraught expression were trying their best to tear you down but you held strong. You’d got what you wanted and there was no need for all these emotions. ‘I would have given you fucking everything’ he told you, emotion laced through his voice and you tried not to let it get it to you but instinctively you moved forward but he backed away. ‘Just leave me alone’ he huffed, walking around past you to the door and when you heard it slam you let out another big sigh. Walking back to the bedroom and flopping down to the bed before unlocking your phone to speak to the one person you knew would be on your side.

Sleep didn’t come easy to you that night. Taking a quick shower and changing into your pjs so you could get some shut eye but all you could see was the heartbroken expression on Mason's face.

You tried to forget about him, to ignore the twisting in your gut at how awful you were starting to feel and tried to focus on what you were going to say to Ross to not sound like a complete crazy person when you sent him the pictures but you couldn’t face it right now. Those damn brown eyes looking back at you everywhere you turned.

Two weeks passed by and nothing changed. In fact you felt worse with each day that went by and as much as Betsy was in your ear telling you you’d done the right thing and to just send the pictures, but you kept them to yourself for now. At this point you weren't even sure you wanted to be with Ross anymore as one night with Mason has made you see exactly what you were missing out on and the fact Ross was still posting stories of himself with girls throwing themselves at him was giving you the ick.

When you were in a funk like this there was only one thing that could get you out of it. A trip to the beach usually cleared the cobwebs away but there was only one beach you wanted to be on and you weren’t sure if it was possible right now.

You always missed home but right now you really missed home. You missed your mum's hugs and comforting words and your dads amazing cooking and stupid jokes but you knew if you made the trip they’d pick up that something was wrong straight away and you knew you couldn’t confess to them what you’d done.

You were halfway through week three when you broke down and messaged your mum. You were desperate to get out of Manchester for a few days and away from Betsy’s constant nagging about Ross and Mason as every time you heard the laters name your tummy would twist and the guilt was eating you alive. You knew Betsy could see it was upsetting you too but she still carried on with you no matter how much you asked her to stop.

You left work at lunch on Friday without another word to Betsy. She’d left around 11am anyway for an appointment so as soon as the clock hit half 12 you were jumping straight in your car so you could get on the road. Thankfully the traffic was light and you made it in good time with only one stop on the way as you were so anxious to get there.

You were emotional as soon as you saw the Welcome to Portsmouth sign on the way in and when you were pulling onto the drive you were barely holding it together. You hadn't told your family about the break up with Ross yet so you were hoping you could pin your emotions on that but you knew that wasn’t why you were so upset. Mason had been weighing heavy on your mind all week and everywhere you looked he was creeping into your thoughts. You just needed a break from feeling like the worst human in the world and you were hoping some home comforts would cure you.

Your mum was the first one to answer the door, bundling you into her arms and it took every ounce of your strength to hold it together as she swayed you from side to side. Telling you how much she missed you and how excited she was to have you there and before you knew it your dad was there too to wrap his arms around the both of you.

‘Dinner won’t be long, why don't you pop your suitcase in your room and grab Suzi whilst you're up there’ you mum told you and felt your body go stiff.

‘Suzi? I didn’t know she’d be here’ you mumbled but she just sent you a wide and excited smile.

‘Yeah, neither did we’ she laughed. ‘But it’s nice to have you both back for the weekend’

You could see why she would think that, both of her babies back together for some quality family time but you hadn't spoken to her in months and now you just felt awkward about everything.

You did as she asked though, knocking on her door and giving her a small wave as she looked over at you with a bright expression before she jumped up to give you a small hug.

‘Sorry for gate crashing, you remember Annie don’t you? Well it’s her engagement party tomorrow in town and I didn’t want to miss it’ she explained but you just nodded as the pair of you made your way to the stairs. You knew you should have said more, asked how she’d been and tried to make small talk but you mind was blank and you didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

Dinner was still being plated up so your mum ushered you both outside to sit at the garden table so you could all eat in the sun. Your eyes trained on the kitchen window in hopes they weren’t too long but before you knew it Suzi had started the conversation as she was the master of it.

You knew she meant well, but you weren’t in the mood for 21 questions and by the 5th you figured she realised. Taking over from asking to just telling you what she’d been up to and in comparison to you she was living the high life. She’d only graduated around six months ago yet she’d managed to find herself a great paying job in one of the best law firms in the country, telling you she was nearing her first promotion already and soon enough she’d be able to move out of her flat share and into her own two bed flat on the outskirts of London.

You knew she wasn’t bragging, she never was, but the fact you knew in soul you’d never be able to achieve even half of what she had on your own stung so when your parents finally made their way outside you couldn’t deny you were grateful.

You relaxed as the evening went on, joining in with the conversation much to everyone’s delight but you all decided on an early night as you’d spent so much time travelling and you all wanted to be up early for the beach tomorrow.

Once again you couldn’t sleep, this time it wasn’t just thoughts of Mason keeping you up but now it was also your tummy rumbling as you tossed and turned. The only thought in your head was the leftovers in the fridge and before you knew it you were up and sneaking downstairs to grab yourself some.

You were trying to be as quiet as you could but you could see a dim light coming from the kitchen and you figured it had been kept on accidently. Heading straight for the fridge with only one thing on your mind but you had to contain your screams as you rounded the corner and were shocked out of your skin.

There sat Suzi, chowing down on a bowl of cereal by the light of the fridge and she smiled as you jumped six feet in the air at the sight of her.

‘What are you doing?’ You whisper shouted, clutching your chest as your heart threatened to burst free. You could see she was trying not to laugh at you and as much as you tried to remain stoney faced you knew you wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation yourself.

‘I needed something to eat’ she told you, nodding down to her little pile of snacks in front of her like it was supposed to be obvious.

‘I’ll come back in a bit then’ you nodded, turning on your heel to leave her to it but you didn’t get far as she was calling after you before you’d taken your first step.

‘Wait don’t go’ she yelped and when you turned back to face her you could tell she seemed a bit sad. ‘Look I know things are different but surely we can sit and eat together on our own’ she told you and you realised how ridiculous you must have looked.

‘Okay’ you nodded, realising she was right and you were just being silly. She was your sister after all not some random stranger off the street so you grabbed the leftovers you were after and heated them up in the microwave before taking a seat opposite her.

‘So how have you been?’ She asked, a slight smile behind her voice almost as if she knew how she sounded and you did your best to hide your grin as you shrugged.

‘Fine’

‘Yeah alright’ she scoffed, shovelling in another spoonful of cereal into her mouth as she rolled her eyes.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I know we may not be close anymore but it’s as clear as day you’re not yourself’ She told you softly, her eyes gentle now as she tried to get you to open up. ‘You can tell me, you know’ she prodded but as you weren’t taking the bait she decided to take a different route. ‘How’s Ross?’

‘Um… we’re not-‘

‘Oh crap, I’m so sorry. I had no idea’ she cut you off but you noticed you didn’t get the usual pang in your chest talking about him like you had done in the beginning.

‘It’s alright’ you smiled. ‘It’s probably for the best’

‘He was a bit of a dick’ she laughed and you couldn’t help but smile along with her before her face got serious once more. ‘Is that why you’re so upset? Cause he’s really not worth any feelings for. You’re so out of his league’

‘No I think I’m kinda over it now’

‘So what’s up then?’ She questioned and you were about to shrug her off until you realised you could probably use her advice. She was younger than you but had such an old head on her shoulders and you didn’t really have another girl in your life like this to get advice from so after a quick deep breath you tried to think of a way to tell her what was going on without telling her everything.

‘You remember Betsy?’ You asked. Her face immediately turning sour and you knew she remembered her from one of your parties last summer.

‘Unfortunately’

‘Yeah well, I don’t think she’s all she’s cracked up to be either’ you told her quietly, your head dropping as you pushed your food around with your fork

‘I could have told you that months ago’ she teased before her voice suddenly dropped an octave and became more gentle. ‘What’s happened, have you fallen out?’

‘Not exactly, she doesn’t even know I feel like this’ you shrugged and now you were talking about it, it was like word vomit coming out of your mouth that you couldn’t stop. ‘I’ve realised I don’t like who I am when I’m with her’ you admitted. ‘I’m not putting all the blame on her but looking back at the last year and a half or so, I barely recognise myself. I’ve done some awful things and it’s like why am I being such an arsehole?’

‘What have you done? Are you In trouble?’ She asked and even though you were spilling the beans there was no way you were admitting to what you’d done to Mason.

‘No no, it’s nothing’ you coughed, hoping she’d believe your lies. ‘I just feel so disconnected to everything at the moment’

‘Is that why you’re here?’

‘A little bit. I just needed a break from up there’ you shrugged and you could feel the tears pooling in your eyes that you were so desperately trying to blink away. You’d never been so vulnerable in front of her before and clearly she was taking pity on you as her voice softened when she spoke to you.

‘You don’t have to tell me I’m right, but I know why you're not my biggest fan’ Suzi started and you looked up to find her looking back at you sympatheticly. ‘I should have been a better sister though and been there for you over the years. I just didn’t want to keep getting pushed away you know?’

‘No don't, I should have been a better big sister’ you gulped. ‘It's just jealousy at the end of the day. You can literally do anything you want and I’ve only got this job cause they knew I’d never be able to do anything else’

‘Hey no, don’t say that. They would never have given it to you if they didn’t think you could make it a success. That’s their whole life you should be so proud that they would trust you with it’

‘Well a fat lot of good I’m doing with it’ you huffed. ‘Sorry I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity party’

‘It’s okay’ she smiled before reaching her hand over to your side of the table. ‘How about we start fresh? I could come and stay with you for a bit maybe? You can show me around Manchester and maybe we can do something for your birthday together?’

‘Betsy organised me a party I think’ you told her and you watched her face fall, thinking you were brushing her off and you felt awful instantly as she began to withdraw her hand so you quickly grabbed it and squeezed it tightly. ‘But I’d love it if you would come

‘Consider me there’ she nodded and you felt a weight lift from your shoulders that you didn’t know you’d been carrying.

You were up and out bright and early the next day so you could all head to the beach. Your parents eyeing you and Suzie curiously as to them it seemed as if you’d turned into besties overnight but you could tell they were happy about it, and when Suzie dragged you down into the cold water you just went with it and dove right in.

You used to love the sea, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore calming you like nothing else and even though the water was freezing cold, there was nowhere else you wanted to be rather than here. Floating on your back so you could look up to the sky and clear your mind just how you’d been picturing for weeks but it only lasted so long as your dad had come to join you and belly flopped in right by you so water splashed all over you.

It was needed though and as the four of you sat on the beach and gossiped like you used to you felt even lighter. All the troubles you’d left in Manchester seemed so far away now and it was all helping you gain a much clearer perspective on it all to the point where when you got back, you knew you needed to take things into your own hands and sort your life out.

It was the evening when things took a turn for the worst. Suzie was out for her friend's engagement party which you’d helped her get ready for and you were staying up to pick her up later so you’d taken a nap just before dinner. When you eventually came down though there was no food in sight and your parents were sitting in the kitchen with their laptops open and you knew they meant business.

‘Is everything okay?’ You asked carefully, praying this wasn’t what you thought it might be but you could tell this wasn’t about to be fun for you.

‘I think it’s best you sit down, so we can talk’ your dad said. Patting the space next to him that was opposite your mum and you hated the way she was sending you such a sad smile.

‘We need to talk about work’

‘Oh?’ You replied, trying to make out like you didn’t know what they were about to say but you’d been waiting for this chat for months.

‘Look love, this isn’t easy for us to say but we have to put the needs of the business first and you know it’s not going well right now don’t you?’ your mum told you gently and you felt your face burn.

‘I know’ you sniffed, your mind reeling with all the possibilities of what they could say to you and what you should say back but right now you felt like you were on the verge of being fired.

‘We don’t want to interfere or take anything away from you, we’re just asking for a bit more effort, okay? We can’t keep floating by like this’ you dad told you, tapping your knee lightly as he was trying to comfort you but if anything it was just making you more sad.

They were being nicer than you expected them to be, but when every single part of your life was falling apart, this felt like a huge deal.

‘It’s okay to admit if you need help too, pumpkin. We can always come up for a bit and help you out if you need it’ your mum offered and her sweet tone was enough to push you over the edge as you hid your face in your hands.

‘I’m sorry’ you blubbed, hating the fact they were being so kind after practically abusing everything this worked for and you knew it was the time to step up. Uncovering your face as you looked at their sympathetic expressions. ‘I know I’ve been rubbish but I promise I can do this’ you told them but you were sure if they believed you. ‘I tell you what, give me three months and if I haven’t put us in the green then you can come up and help me’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I promise, please just give me a chance’ you begged and even though they both looked unsure it was your dad who finally nodded.

‘Three months okay? And then we’ll see where we are and what to do next’ your dad told you and you felt relief roll through you. You knew you could do it with a little help from your assistant Flo, she had good ideas but you’d never had the need to put them to any use until now and you made a mental note to put a meeting in with her first thing on Monday.

Once your dad had gone to bed later that night, your mum came and found you. Asking if there was anything else you’d wanted to talk about as she’d noticed your change in demeanour and that was all it took for you to start crying again. Telling her about Ross and how you felt like a failure a lot of the time but she was quick to big you up. Letting you know that life was full of ups and downs and even though this felt like the end of the world you’d be on the up soon.

Once she was gone you had a little more time to kill before you had to go and get Suzi. Your phone was boring you though and just like always when you didn’t know what you wanted to look at you ended up in your photos, scrolling until you hit a certain few and heart thumped as you looked at them.

One last look you told yourself. You’d known from the day after you’d taken them that you wouldn’t be sending them anywhere but you’d kept them just to relive that night sometimes. To remember how he’d held you and kissed you and made you feel better than anything else until your stupidness had ruined everything. You knew you needed to get rid of them though so with one last glance you selected each one from that night and got rid of them all in one go before deleting them from your recently deleted to make sure they were completely gone.

You went home the next day feeling a lot lighter than when you’d arrived and thankfully when you went to work on Monday Betsy had taken the morning off, leaving you and Flo to have a meeting to discuss some of her ideas and plan for the next few weeks. She was more than excited to get going and you were so impressed by her ideas as they were simple and smart and you knew you’d see results straight away.

The pair of you kept chugging along whilst Betsy was left to her own devices. Never once questioning what you were doing which just proved to you how little notice she took at work but you were ready for a break and to lose after a week or so and you used the excuse of Suzi being around to keep your distance from Betsy. Not that the pair of you had spoken too much since that night with Mason but she was constantly texting you to ask if you’d sent the pictures to Ross yet and you were running out of excuses as to why you hadn't.

Suzi stuck to her promise and came to visit for your birthday. It gave you a great excuse to not see Betsy in the build up to your party and a few days before the pair of you went out shopping for outfits. Usually you wouldn’t have left it this late but not being in the mood to be celebrating anything meant you’d not even thought about what to wear.

The pair of you headed to selfridges to have a browse but nothing was taking your fancy. In the end you split up to cover more ground and told each other to pick three things for the other person as you clearly weren’t having much luck for yourself.

You were two dresses down and looking for the third when you heard his laugh, turning a corner to see Suzi and Mason talking animatedly with big grins on their faces and you wanted the ground to swallow you up. This was the first time you’d seen him since he’d walked out of your hotel room and it was like a punch to the gut seeing him smile and chat with her. Suzi was a yapper and they knew each other pretty well from home but you knew they hadn’t spoken lately and that’s why they seemed so excited to see each other.

‘Oh here she is’ you suddenly heard, your eyes flashing up to the pair of them as Suzie was still smiling wildly but Mason had gone red in the face and you knew you looked like a deer caught in headlights. ‘Look who I bumped into, small word huh?’

You were speechless, not knowing if you should play along and say hello to him or just run away and never speak to anyone ever again but Mason took it out of your hands and sent you a sympathetic smile.

‘Hey, y/n. Good to see you’

Was it?

‘H-hi Mase- uh Mason’ you stuttered. Shaking your head but thankfully you were saved by the bell as Masons phone started ringing.

‘That’s jaz, she probably thinks I’m lost somewhere’ he nodded and with a quick see you around he was off, leaving you alone with Suzi who was looking over at you like you’d grown an extra head.

‘Look I know it’s well known he’s got a crush on you but you don’t have to act like that around him, I’m surprised you’ve not scared the poor boy off’ she joked and you realised how it must have looked with the pair of you being so awkward with each other.

‘Sorry, things are just a bit complicated’ you shrugged and you watched her face fall as she didn’t understand what you meant.

‘What do you mean?

‘Nothing, come on let’s not get distracted’ you told her, holding up the dresses you’d picked out for her and thankfully that was enough for her to pull you towards the dressing rooms to try everything on.

You seemed to have more luck picking something else out for each other. Suzi falling in love with the white strapless mini dress you’d found her whilst you picked a leafy green velvet one that hung off your shoulders and pulled you in at the waist she had picked for you. The pair of you leaving with big smiles on your faces as you’d managed to find something but the image of Mason's face was fresh in your mind and it still made your heart beat wildly as you thought about the way he looked at you.

You got ready for your party with Suzi, letting Betsy know you’d see her there and as soon as you turned up she was on you. Parading you around everywhere so you could see what she’d done for you and even though it was beautiful and you were really grateful, you knew it was just an excuse to throw a party for her and it didn’t matter that it was your birthday at all.

You spent most of the night floating between hanging out with her and all her rich friends that you spoke to every so often to then hunting down Suzi for a bit of a rest and some normality. Thinking it was funny how if that was even two months ago you’d probably be thinking the exact opposite and would be spending your whole time with Betsy but today you’d given anything to get away from her.

‘Is that Mason over there?’ You heard Betsy giggle as your mind was off thinking about something else. You were a few hours in and you’d been standing with her for the last ten minutes however you’d been looking for a way out you just wished it wasn’t this. Following her eyeline to see him stood on the other side of the room with Luke and it was like someone had punched you in the gut.

You knew why he was there, you’d invited him before everything had happened and you knew he didn’t want to cause a scene by not coming as Suzi must have spoken to him too, but this was a lot for you to deal with right now as so much had changed since you’d last seen and spoken to him properly.

You had changed more than anything.

‘What do you mean? I invited him ages ago?’ You told her hoping she would drop it but she wouldn’t stop looking at him and laughing and you were pretty sure he’d noticed the way she was acting.

‘I just thought after everything that happened he wouldn’t go anywhere near you, surely he’s not that pathetic’ she commented and you saw red instantly. Mason wasn’t the pathetic one, you were

‘It’s not pathetic at all, he’s got every right to be here’

‘I was just-‘

‘No you were being awful, just like always’ you told her, grabbing your drink so you could walk away but your mouth was running away from you before you could. ‘Mason is kind, and loyal and there’s not a bad bone in his body. You know who’s pathetic? Me, for trusting you and listening to your crap like always’

‘Y/n-‘

‘No Betsy, I’ve had enough’ you told her whilst standing up. ‘We weren’t close but Mason was my friend and now I can’t even look at him without feeling shit about myself for what I did. He didn’t deserve it, hell no one does but definitely not him’

‘Oh come on, y/n. You weren’t saying all this just before you did it, don’t try being the bigger person now’

‘I’m not claiming to be, but at least I’m not so far up my own arse I can’t see my own mistakes. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to him and until you realise the same I think we should have some time apart’ you told her. Not letting her reply or respond in any way as you walked off but as soon as you rounded the corner of your booth you were face to face with the last person you wanted to be.

You could tell with just one look at him that he’d overheard what you’d said. How much you were unsure of but it was Suzi’s voice that had snapped you out of your daze. You hadn’t even realised she was also there so the fact that she’d maybe overheard parts of it too was making your tummy sink and you didn’t know if you should answer her or flee the scene.

‘What was that about? What have you done?’ She asked but even if you’d wanted to tell her, no words were coming out of your mouth. ‘Y/n?’ She pressed but still nothing in your end.

‘It’s okay, leave it’ you heard Mason mumble. His voice making you dizzy as your breathing quickened and you knew if you didn’t get out of there soon you’d end up embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. This was meant to be your night and the thought of having a panic attack in the middle of the room was bottom of the list of tonight’s activities.

‘No it’s not, tell me what you did’ she pressed but you didn’t. Your eyes flying to the floor as they stung with tears and all you could think about was getting out of there and away from everyone.

‘I can’t, I’m sorry’ you whispered, turning on your head and fighting your way through the swarms of people to make your way to the loo so you could have five minutes peace but you could barely see as you were so emotional.

This wasn’t how you imagined your birthday party, stood in a dingy toilet as you tried to contain your sobs. Hiding from everyone in your life as you knew you’d let them all down and you didn’t know how you were meant to go back out there and face everyone. You were pretty sure only a few people had seen what happened but you knew Betsy would probably be bitching about you to her other friends and the thought of explaining everything to Suzi was making you feel sick.

You didn’t know where to go once you’d left the bathroom, taking a moment to make sure your eyes were less puffy and you looked presentable before making your way back but thankfully life was carrying on as normal without you. Realising that most people here you didn’t actually know or talk to but in the search of looking for something to do, your eyes wandered over to a table of gifts in the corner and you thought you’d take a peek.

One caught your eye immediately, knowing the handwriting on the tag as soon as you looked at it and you couldn’t help but open it then and there. Your eyes filling for the millionth time that night as you held the picture frame in your hands and you knew you’d give anything to be there right now.

‘You okay?’ You heard from behind you. Suzie’s voice was soft and understanding now, a complete 180 from how it was ten minutes ago but you knew you couldn’t face her.

‘I’m fine’ you coughed, trying to cover up the emotion in your voice but you knew she’d see right through it and when you heard her sigh you didn’t know if she was being sympathetic or she was fed up with you.

‘Listen, Mason told me what happened’ she told you quietly and you felt a shiver run though you. ‘Well, not everything, but I can get the jist of it. Why didn’t you just tell me?’

‘Why would I? It was an awful thing to do, I don’t exactly want to broadcast it everywhere’ you said quietly. Finally turning yearling to look up to her with tear filled eyes and even though you could barely see, you couldn’t help but look for him. ‘Where is he?’

‘Gone home, he’s got training early tomorrow’ she explained and you didn’t know if you were relieved or upset about the fact he’d gone. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘Go home, too’ you laughed, knowing that wasn’t really an option but her face didn’t change as she grabbed your hand.

‘Let’s go home then’ she nodded and after you’d grabbed your things you were both out of the door without a word said to anyone else.

Just because Suzi hadn't shouted at you didn’t mean she wasn’t upset with you. The pair of you jumping into your double bed once you were home and changed into your pjs and you knew you were in for a dose of much needed tough love after you finally explained what you’d done. She was definitely disappointed in you and you hated the way she was looking at you but it was no worse than how you felt about yourself.

‘You know, Mason’s not mad at you’ she told you after your tears had subsided and you gulped hard as you looked up at her in confusion. ‘I think listening to you defend his honour helped a bit but he wanted me to tell you he’s okay and he wants to clear the air’

‘He’s insane’ you laughed, wiping your eyes with the cuff of your sleeve and for the first time in a while you heard Suzi laugh too.

‘Maybe’ she giggled. ‘I know if someone had done the same to me I’d have them hung, drawn and quartered but he’s not like that. All he’s worried about is making sure you’re okay’

‘I don’t know if I can talk to him yet’ you whispered, feeling more like a coward and the moments passed by but Suzi just gave you a sympathetic smile. ‘Everytime I look at him I feel sick’

‘Give it some time, I’m sure he’ll wait’ she nodded, squeezing your hand gently as she tucked herself further into the covers and you knew she was getting ready to sleep. ‘We can talk more in the morning, yeah? Let’s just sleep on it and we can figure it out tomorrow’

‘Thank you, Suzi’

‘Don’t mention it’ she yawned as she relaxed into the sheets. ‘You ever pull a stunt like this again though and I won’t be as forgiving’

‘I’ve learnt my lesson I promise’ you gulped, her hand squeezing yours one more time before she rolled over and fell asleep.

Your feelings were pretty much the same in the morning. Not ready to have it out with Mason just yet but you knew you needed to clear the air with Betsy. Calling her into the office on Monday morning to figure out where to go from there and after half an hour, the pair of you were on the same page about the future.

All you wanted now was to focus on the promises you’d made to your family and after two weeks of intense work with Flo you were sat with her in the back of an uber on the way to something that could change the game for you. A meeting with one of the country's biggest record labels so you could pitch the idea of producing their artist’s vinyls exclusively and you were more nervous than you’d ever been for anything. This was the most effort you’d put into the business in years, maybe even ever, but you knew you needed to push yourself and this seemed like the perfect way to do it.

Your car pulled up to their offices in good time and you and Flo made your way straight inside. Pushing the button for the lift to take you to the right floor but as the doors pinged opened you stopped in your tracks.

‘Mason?’ You breathed. Him smiling at you almost guiltily as he swallowed a hard lump and as he moved out of the lift so others could get in, it was like you were frozen to the spot.

‘Y/n? What are you doing here?’ He asked, his cheeks pink at the sight of you and you were surprised he was even speaking to you in the first place so you crossed your arms over your body and bit the inside of your cheek.

‘I’ve got a meeting. What are you doing here?’

‘I’ve just come from a meeting’ he nodded. ‘My management are on the top floor’

‘’I see’ you nodded back, not sure what else to say to him but he surprised you once again by carrying on the conversation.

‘Where’s Betsy?’ He asked, his eyes falling to Flo who’d taken the hint and taken a few steps away so you could talk to Mason in private.

‘I fired her’

‘Shit’ he laughed, the sound making your chest flutter and the corners of your mouth tilt up and once he’d seen you were smiling he was looking at you sympathetically. ‘Listen, I'm glad I’ve caught you. I was hoping we could talk?’

‘What about?’

‘I think you know what’ he nodded but you just swallowed hard as you didn’t know what to say or do right now. ‘Look it’s okay, I don't want us to be like this with each other yeah? I want us to put it behind us’ he told you softly but you still couldn’t look at him. Crossing your arms across your body even further to try and protect yourself but you could hear his gentle sigh before you felt him getting closer again. ‘C’mere’ he asked gently. His hand reaching forwards in hopes you’d take it but you couldn’t bring yourself to touch him.

‘Please don’t be nice to me Mason, I don’t deserve it’ you whispered. Not trusting yourself to talk at a normal volume as your voice was bound to break and you watched through bleary eyes as his hand fell back to his side.

‘You don’t deserve to beat yourself about it forever either’ he told you. Closing the gap between you so he could place his hands on your arms and the sudden proximity of him made you dizzy. Looking up into his big brown eyes that still held so much sadness and you hated that you were the cause. ‘If I can learn to move on from it then you need to as well’

‘You haven’t moved on though, have you’ You told him. The tears welling in your eyes finally spilling over onto your cheeks and he was quick to wipe them away before cupping your jaw. His touch warming your skin and you had to fight every instinct not to rest your cheek into his hand as he sent you a barely there smile.

‘I’m getting there’ he nodded. ‘Please don’t cry, I don’t want you going in there upset’

‘I’ll be fine, I should get going’ you told him and as soon as the words left your mouth he dropped his hands back to his sides.

‘Good luck, okay. You got it’

‘Thank you’ you whispered. Giving him one last smile before he was walking away but just as he got to the door you knew you had to say something before you forgot.

‘Mason wait’ you called, watching him turn to you with his brows raised in confusion and you closed the gap as you didn’t want what you were about to say to be heard by everyone there. ‘Those pictures, I never sent them anywhere. I deleted them all I promise’ you told him.

‘Thank you’ he whispered, a grateful expression on his face and you felt your heart settle a bit knowing he was happy about it. ‘Text me when you’re done? I wanna know how you got on’

‘Okay’ you whispered, sending one last smile his way before you went back to Flo and you were thankful she didn’t mention another word about it.

You did as Mason asked and let him know the meeting went really well, the label agreeing then and there to the deal and once you let him know you were on the phone to your parents to tell them all about it too and you could tell they were shocked but more than anything they were pleased you’d taken their words on board so quickly.

Texting Mason became somewhat of a regular thing after that. Suzi pushing you to message him to say thank you for the birthday gift he’d gotten you and since you were putting it to such good use, you figured you could send him a little picture of where you’d decided to put it. You were full of dread and panic as soon as you hit send until he messaged you back and soon enough you got into a rhythm with it.

You’d message each other here and there about random things. You knew he was busy and now you were becoming busy with work it wasn’t always possible to talk everyday, that coupled with the fact you didn’t feel worthy of his forgiveness and the possibility you thought he could turn on you and call you out any second for your behaviour made your nervous and unsure about talking to him.

Suzi was always there to talk you up though, spending a night on facetime with you when one of Mason's games was on so she could teach you the rules and even though you had no idea what everyone was doing, it was fun watching him run around and go for people. The bridge of his nose getting redder as the minutes passed by but his smile was wide and that’s all you cared about.

‘You should text him, congratulate him on the win’ she told you when it was over and even though you’d been texting back and forth for a little while you were doubtful of if you should. Your face crinkling in uncertainty which in turn made her giggle and no matter how much she tried to talk you around for the next half an hour you were on the phone with her, you told her you thought it was best you left it and she didn’t want to push you.

It was as soon as you got in bed that the itch to speak to him started. She’d planted the seed in your head but as you hadn't heard from him in a few days you were unsure if he wanted to talk to you again. Thinking maybe he was coming to realise he was still unhappy with you and wanted some space but before you could overthink it more than you already had you’d typed up a small message and hit send.

The emoji and use of the name love had you grinning like a schoolgirl. Catching yourself for a moment and wondering what the hell you were doing but you couldn’t deny you were seeing Mason in a whole new way and you were hoping you could someday get to be friends again just like you thought he wanted.

Everything with Flo was going well too, she was smart and on it and excited for all the new projects the two of you were starting but for the plans you had today you were flying solo. In fact she had no idea what you were up to but you’d told her to man the fort as you were out on a special mission.

The original record store was In Portsmouth but since the factory had opened in Manchester it made sense in your mind to open a store up here too. In fact it was your idea when you’d first moved up here and it was something that had impressed your parents in the beginning but just like the rest of the business, it was plodding along and needed a bit of spicing up.

The store had only been open for an hour when you showed up unannounced and apart from your store manager Clive, the shop was empty. To say he was surprised to see you was an understatement as this wasn’t somewhere you frequented a lot but he also seemed happy enough to see you.

‘To what do I owe the pleasure’ he smiled, popping down his pen from where he was doodling on a scrap piece of paper.

‘Well I was hoping I could come and work here today?’ You asked and the mask of shock that took over his face made you giggle. ‘I want to see what’s going on and maybe pick your brains a bit? I’d love to get more people in and I’m sure you’ve got some ideas’

You knew you were onto something special when he grabbed his notebook and began rattling off all the thoughts he had about the shop. From ‘album of the week’ displays to being more active on social media, you loved everything he came up with and once you’d discussed more concrete plans it was nearly lunch time.

‘Why don’t you take a proper break today? I’ll look after everything’ you assured him and it didn’t take much to get him to agree and after quickly showing you how to use the till he was off out and you were on your own.

Half an hour had passed and still no one had entered the shop so you got working putting some new stock out and tidying up a bit. Not that there was much to do as Clive clearly ran a tight ship but there wasn’t much else to do so you started making up jobs.

You were reorganising a shelf when you heard the bell on the door go. Looking around to see a girl around your age walking in with someone behind them and you gave her a quick smile before carrying on with what you were doing.

Whoever she was with clearly didn’t want to be here. You could hear her calling him a grump and asking him to cheer up but his little grunts of annoyance were making you laugh.

You didn’t stay hidden for too much longer, running out of things to put away so you stood up and made your way back to the front to grab another handful of things to sort out but you were stopped in your tracks as you turned in the aisle. Almost walking into the grumpy man that you hadn’t caught a glimpse of yet but as soon as you had you felt shock roll through you.

‘Mason?’ You gulped, your eyes peering up at him in surprise but he was sending you a warm smile which made you feel better. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I could ask you the same thing’ he smiled and it settled your heart a bit to know this wouldn’t be awkward. Yes you’d been texting but you haddn’t seen him since your meeting and that was a couple of weeks ago now.

‘Well I do kind of own the place’ you joked, wondering if he’d laugh or get a bit awkward with you but thankfully for you, you knew he found it funny as his eyes crinkled at the sides.

‘Okay, you’ve got me there’ he nodded. Ducking his head and pressing his lips together like he was suppressing a smile and you almost smiled back yourself but the presence of the girl he was with was making you feel a bit awkward and you weren’t sure why. Maybe it was the fact you didn’t know he was dating, in fact you’d never seen him with a girl ever, but you tried not to let it show you were feeling weird about it.

‘It’s nice to see you, but I’ll let you get back to your date’

‘Date?’ He laughed, following your eye line to the pretty brunette in the corner but he just shook his head. ‘That’s my stylist, Carlotta. We’re just in between shoots and she wanted to look for something’

‘Oh’ you gulped, not sure what that feeling was but you knew you felt good about the fact he wasn’t on a date and it confused you. You couldn’t think about it for too long though as the bell on the shop door was going again and you were surprised to see Clive looking at the pair of you with such a big smile on his face.

‘Mason, good to see you man’

‘You know each other?’ You asked Clive as you joined him at the till and you could feel Mason was following on behind.

‘He’s one of my regulars’ Clive told you, turning to Mason so you could raise a brow at him and you could see him blushing before he shrugged at you. ‘Oh y/n, I thought of another idea whilst I was getting lunch. What do you think about setting up a record player at the album of the month display? We can pop some headphones in and have a little listening stand so people can listen before they buy’

‘I like that’ you nodded. I’ve got a few knocking around at the factory, I can bring one over’

‘I remember you used to have that in the shop at home’ Mason nodded. ‘I tell you what though, the best thing you guys ever had there was the live sessions’ he smiled before tending his attention to Clive. ‘Last Thursday of every month they’d get someone in to do a set and I’d always go with my brother’

‘Well why don’t we do that here?’ Clive asked, looking at you with an excited smile and you knew what he’d be asking next.

‘We stopped doing it at Portsmouth cause we couldn't afford to pay people back then but I bet I could set aside some budget and bring it back here. Maybe we can invite some more up and coming artists? Give them a bit of a platform and a chance to show themselves’

‘This is the best day ever’ Clive said more to himself than to you but you couldn’t help but share a secret smile with Mason as Clive typed away on his laptop. Mouthing him a quick thank you and you really were thankful for seeing him today.

You carried on like that for a few weeks, texting Mason most days as you sent each other silly things and as your friendship slowly developed again you started to feel even worse about what you’d done.

Mason was a sweetheart, constantly making time for you when you didn’t deserve it but knowing you made him happy with a few silly texts made your heart thump and all you wanted was to make him happier. To make up for all the times you’d let him down in all the years you’d known him as you fully came to terms with the fact you’d never treated him how he should have been.

You wanted to say sorry to him properly but you didn’t really know how to do it. You wanted it to be personal and meaningful so he knew it was sincere but you’d been thinking for days and nothing felt right.

It came to you one night as you were getting your things ready for work, hoping you could use the resources you had available at your fingertips to put something together for him and after some careful planning and a late night in the factory, you’d managed to pull together something you thought was worthy of an apology he deserved.

It was the thought of giving it to him that was putting you off, not wanting to get upset in front of him again but you wanted him to have what you’d made him so on a rare day off you’d taken to sort some things out at home, you made the trip to his house. It was just after lunch when you arrived to drop it off by his door, hoping he was out so you could leave it there for him to look at when he was back but your plans were thwarted as soon as you began walking up his drive.

His car wasn’t parked on the drive which had given you the confidence to walk up in the first place, hoping you could pop it by his front door, but you were about halfway up when his front door swung open and his eyes landed on you immediately.

‘What you doing here?’ He laughed, walking out of his door and clicking his key to open the garage behind him as he chuckled at you and you weren’t sure if you wanted to say something or run back down his drive. His garage door now fully open to reveal his cars and you realised how stupid you were to not realise they were in there.

‘I’ve got something for you’ you gulped as you approached him, deciding to take the plunge and tell the truth but the way he was looking at you with a confused smile as he tilted his head to the side was making you want to run. ‘I was just gonna leave it somewhere’

‘What is it?’ He asked cheekily, holding his hand out to take it from you and even though you felt embarrassed now and didn’t want to give it up, you handed it over to him.

‘A mixtape, of sorts’ you mumbled. ‘I realised the other day I never actually apologised for what I did and I wanted to do something nice for you. Although I’m just realising you’ll probably think of it whenever you play this and I’ve probably ruined all the songs on there for you so maybe this was a bad idea’

‘Nah, I love it’ he laughed, his face lighting up as he read over the handwritten tracklist on the back but you could feel your face heating up with every second that went by and before you knew it, your mouth was running away with you.

‘I really am sorry, Mase. I can’t even begin to explain how much’ you croaked. You didn’t want to get emotional again but every time you saw him it just slapped you in the face what an awful person you were and what an awful thing you had done.

‘It’s okay, I know you are’ he told you softly but all you could do was sob as you hid your face. Not even pushing him away when he wrapped his arms around you, simply melting into his frame as he stroked your back gently and rested his cheek on the top of your head. ‘Hey come on, what’s all these tears for?’

‘I just can’t help but feel like I’ve messed up probably the best thing I could have ever had’ you confessed and you could sense he was a little shocked as his body stiffened before his posture softened once more.

‘I’m not one to hold a grudge, especially not when it comes to you’ he told you quietly, pulling away so he could look at you before reaching up to stroke your cheek softly in order to get you to look at him. ‘I get why you did it, yeah? We’ve all been fucked up for someone once’

‘Yeah but you don’t go and do what I did’

‘Not to that extreme maybe, no’ he chuckled, stroking your cheek to get rid of your tears. ‘But I’ve forgiven you, yeah? We don’t have to be all awkward with each other. I was hoping we could go back to being friends at least? And I mean proper friends, not whatever it was before’ he joked, trying his best to make you smile but you seemed to just be sobbing more.

‘You can’t forgive me Mase, not when I can’t forgive myself’ you sobbed, trying your hardest to stop your bottom lip from wobbling and as he quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks you found the strength to carry on. ‘When I look at you, I just feel sad… and guilty. I don’t wanna live like that forever’

‘You don’t have to’ he told you, shaking his head softly as he looked at you with so much concern it made your chest ache. ‘Why don’t we do something together?’

‘Like what?’ You laughed, thinking this was the last thing you expected him to say but you loved the way his face lit up knowing you were a little bit happier.

‘I don’t know, spend the rest of the day together doing something? Make some new memories and turn that frown upside down’ he joked, moving his hands to squeeze your shoulders and it was almost as if you couldn't believe what he was saying.

‘You don’t wanna spend the day with me’ you laughed, trying to test him a little bit to see if he was just having a laugh with you but his face remained serious.

‘Yeah I do’ he shrugged like it was the most simple thing in the world and you still didn’t understand why he was being so kind. ‘Why don’t we go and get some ice cream?’

‘Ice cream?’

‘Yeah, remember at school when you had that awful maths teacher, what was his name again?’ He asked and you knew exactly who he meant.

‘Mr Smith. Or Mr Shit as I called him’ you scowled, the mere mention of his name annoying you but the sound of Mason's giggles brought you back to reality.

‘Exactly, and there was that one day where he’d pepper chewed you out so you, me, Jamie and Rach got ice cream and sat on the beach’

‘How do you remember that?’

‘I remember a lot about you’ he smiled with a shrug. ‘But i remember you were a lot happier by the time we were done’

‘I haven’t had ice cream in months’

‘That might explain why you’re such a mardy arse then’ he teased but before you could say anything back he was leading you into his garage and opening the passenger door to his car with a smile. ‘Come on, my treat. We can go by the canal and pretend it’s the sea’

‘Maybe we can feed the ducks if we see any?’ You asked excitedly and he was nodding back with just as much enthusiasm and all thoughts of not wanting to hang out with him were out the window. Jumping in his car as he ran around to the other side after shutting your door and the soft smile he sent you as he set off made your heart thump.

It wasn’t exactly the time of year for it, but you were still annoyed you couldn’t find an ice cream van for love nor money. In the end, parking up and running into a small Tesco so you could pick one out of the freezer before Mason let you know there was a good view of old Trafford not too far away and suggested that you should walk by that section of the canal. You happily went along with it as you were up for doing whatever he wanted but it was nice you get some fresh air and sun on your face for a bit.

You’d never been this close to old Trafford before and you stopped by a railing so you could lean on it and take a better look. Mason's arm brushing up against yours as you stood side by side and ate in silence until your mouth started talking before you’d even realised.

‘It's huge’ you commented, nodding your head towards the stadium as you both finished your ice creams and when he held his hand out to take your rubbish you passed it over so he could pop it in the bin. ‘Do you ever get scared?’

‘Sometimes, I have a little trick though’ he smiled, moving to stand behind you with a hand on your hip and as his chest hit your back you felt your knees go weak. You weren’t expecting him to get this close to you but you couldn’t say you weren’t enjoying it.

‘On the other side the corner to the left, well that’s the one that faces south. So everything I feel scared or like I don’t think I can do it, I just look that way and I know I’m facing home. Things don’t feel so scary then’ he told you softly and you felt your eyes fill up at his words.

You were as stiff as a board and you knew it, willing yourself to relax a bit but as his free hand flanked your other side once he’d stopped talking you felt even more awkward. It was like you were too nervous to concentrate on anything other than the way his hands felt holding you again and you hadn't realised how much you’d missed being this close to him.

‘Hey, relax’ he laughed in your ear quietly, clearly feeling how stiff you were in his hold but with one squeeze of your waist you felt yourself melting into him a bit. His arms now circling you as he pulled you closer into his body but it was when he rested his cheek on the top of your head that you finally went with it. Your arms now on top of his to hold him back and it was like you couldn’t wipe the smile from your face as a sense of belonging washed over you.

The view was beautiful from here, but there was one thing you couldn’t see that you knew was even more beautiful. Turning your head to the side and looking up so you could catch a glimpse of his chocolate eyes and as soon as you did you were turning in his arms to face him. No longer content with being stood like this as you wanted to hold him properly and as you carefully wrapped your arms around his neck he pulled you impossibly closer.

You’d never had a hug like this before, that felt like this before and you could fell your eyes sting as his touch set you alight. Feeling as though he was filling you up with his love with each stroke of his thumbs on your back and as you felt him nuzzle his face into the side of your neck you let out a shuddery breath.

‘You okay, sweetheart?’ He whispered into your skin, his arms gently swaying you from side to side in the most comforting way and you willed yourself to keep your emotions in check.

‘I’m fine’ you sniffed, pulling away just enough so that you could look at him and the sympathetic expression on his face almost set you off again. ‘Just a lot on my mind’ you laughed as you rolled your eyes but he just squeezed you a little tighter in response.

‘Tell me’

‘I know you keep saying it’s fine and you've forgiven me but I just still feel like crap’ you laughed. ‘Moving up here, I suppose it was meant to be a bit of a fresh start for me and I wanted to show everyone who I could be. Like you all thought I was a dork at school but look at me now but I’ve gone so far the other way it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore. I should have never thought it was okay to do what I did’

‘I never thought you were a dork. I’ve always seen you, you know? But this… how you are up here… it’s not you, y/n’

‘I know’ you sniffed, it really hitting home that he knew you probably better than you knew yourself at this point and as your eyes selfishly flashed to his lips all you could think about was kissing him again after he’d taken your breath away all those weeks ago. ‘No one’s ever seen me like you before’

‘That’s cause no one’s ever loved you like me before’ he told you softly and even though you’d always known it, it was still a shock to hear the words coming from him. A wobbly breath falling from your lungs as his words hit you whilst his loving smile made you want to smile back at him twice as wide. ‘Stupidly or not, I’ve always loved you. I figured if I was nice enough then maybe one day you could learn to love me back’ he confessed and you felt your bottom lip drop.

‘I know what I did was awful, but I’m not horrible. I’m just a bit dumb, you know?’ You told him tearily but you smiled as he laughed along with you. Tucking your hair behind your ear softly as his happy eyes bore into yours and you knew you wanted to keep talking. ‘One day I think, well I know, that I’ll be able to love you too. I just hope it’s not too late’ you nodded and your heart swelled as he nodded along with you. ‘I know sorry won’t make up for everything but it’s all I have for you right now. Just give me some time to prove myself’

‘You don’t realise it but I can tell you’re on the way back already. If you would have carried on like you were then I wouldn't have bothered trying to talk to you again’ he laughed but you didn’t have a chance to reply as a flash in the corner of your eye startled you before a loud crash of thunder made you squeal in terror.

‘It’s okay, it’s okay’ he reassured you, pulling you into his body carefully as you froze in terror and after a frightened whimper left your lips he was pulling you back in the direction of his car. ‘Come let’s go back to mine’

It was around a half an hour drive back to Masons house and when you pulled up onto his drive you were wondering if he was going to invite you in or send you on your way but once you were out of his car he was pulling you up the drive to his front door and taking you inside without even asking.

‘You want a drink or anything?’

‘Oh I’m… it’s okay I can go if you’re busy’ you told him, not wanting to interrupt his day anymore than you had but he just smiled at you warmly.

‘No no, rest of the day today remember? I’m not letting the rain stop that’ he winked ‘Come on, we can go relax for a bit’

‘Mase-‘ you started but another crash of thunder made you jump and his eyes softened as he reached for you.

‘Y/n come on’ he probed gently. ‘You’re exhausted’

‘I’m okay’

‘Not you’re not. Come lay down’ he all but demanded, and when he pulled you to his living room by your hand you went with him.

‘Mase-‘

‘Just do it, It’s okay’ he reassured you, stopping by his sofa so he could rearrange the cushions for you and when he reached for the blanket you felt your heart warm. ‘Just relax, okay? I’ve got some stuff to do but I’ll be in the other room so I’ll be quiet’ he told you but he could clearly tell you were still unsure. ‘Please’

‘Fine’ you huffed, rolling your eyes playfully as you flopped onto his sofa and you couldn’t stop the giggles as he tucked you in and popped a kiss on your temple.

You tried to sleep, your body aching from how knackered you were but after Mason had finished whatever he was up to in the house you could feel his presence on the other side of the room and you turned to face him. His eyes on you as you got comfortable on your side to look at him and you sent a shy smile his way which he returned.

‘I thought you were having a kip? It’s only been fifteen minutes’ Mason asked as he looked over to you from the other side of the sofa. Noticing he’d been scrolling on his phone waiting for you for a few minutes but now you were looking at him, his phone was away so he could focus just on you. You just shrugged your shoulders though as you didn’t know how to tell him you couldn’t sleep as all you could think about was him.

‘Not tired now’ you mumbled but as you tapped the space next to you but you knew that wasn’t the only reason. ‘Come and lay with me’

You didn’t really ask him, more like demanded that he come over to you but just like always he did exactly as you asked. Carefully getting up before squishing himself in next to you and after a little bit of a tangle with your arms and legs, his arm was around your waist as you half laid on top of him and rested your head in your hand so you could look down at him.

You’d never really taken the time to look at him properly before. Even from a mile away anyone could see he was handsome, and you’d always known he was objectively good looking, but looking at him up close was a whole different ball game.

His lashes were so long as they brushed his cheeks when he looked down but it was the big brown eyes that they framed that melted you. It’s like they were telling you all you needed to know about how he felt and you loved that he was so open with his feelings for you. You just hoped you could repay the favour one day if he was willing to wait.

‘What are you blushing for?’ You whispered. Noticing the way his nose and cheeks were now tinged pink but as soon as the words left your mouth he was just blushing deeper until the bridge of his nose was a deep red.

‘I’m not’ he scoffed, trying to look away and hide his face but you held his jaw and made him keep looking at you.

‘You are’ you giggled, stroking the bridge of his nose ever so gently as he looked up at you in awe. ‘Right here, you’re all red’

‘I’m always red there’ he smiled before his face got a little more serious. ‘I know this is practically common knowledge at this point, but I’ve had a crush on you since I was 13’ he confessed and you loved the fact he wasn’t shy with it but you noticed he could no longer hold your eye contact. ‘I’ve always dreamt of moments like this with you. I’ve never once not wanted this, even when I said my feelings for you were gone they never went anywhere’

You were left speechless by his declaration. In the back of your mind you’d known when you hurt him and he’d thrown all those angry words in your face he was speaking out of frustration rather than from the heart, but you couldn’t believe how good it felt to have him speak about you so positively. If Mason, who was a ray of sunshine in your life thought so highly of you then you couldn’t be that bad, right?

You'd been awful and you knew you didn’t deserve it, but you wanted him to carry on. To talk about you like no one else would so he could make you feel like no one else ever had and as you smiled down at him you could see he was looking up at you suspiciously.

‘Tell me more’ you whispered, watching his eyes roll sarcastically and you knew he was embarrassed a little bit.

‘You know how I feel about you’

‘I know but I wanna hear more’ you asked him with a cheeky smile. The hand that had been settled on his chest moving up to cup his jaw and as you stroked his cheek gently it was like you could feel him relax into the cushions even more.

‘I think you're beautiful’ he whispered, his eyes flicking all over your face. ‘And funny and kind-‘

‘That a lie’ you scoffed, cutting him off with a laugh and thankfully he was laughing with you.

‘Well not all the time’ he teased with a wink but you knew he was just trying to have a laugh with you so you sent him a wink back. ‘But I know you’ve got a lot of love to give, even to people who don’t deserve it’

‘How can you talk about me like this after everything I did? You should hate me’

‘I’ve never hated you, never have never will’ he confirmed cheekily before he face got serious again. ‘I was just disappointed, that’s all. I thought that could have been the start of something for us’ he told you sadly and you couldn’t look at him anymore, your eyes now fixed on his chest as your fingers played with the strings on his hoodie. ‘But like I said, no one’s loved you like I do and even something like that won’t make me feel any different and I don’t care if that’s stupid or whatever. I’d rather take my chances and have you while I can than not at all and I knew it might have only lasted that one night. I just figured you were worth it’

‘God I’ve been a right bitch to you’ you laughed, your eyes filling up again. ‘Not even just these past few months but since we’ve known each other. I never even bothered to get to know you and it’s it’s like you’ve been here the whole time’

‘Well I knew I’d wear you down eventually, I just didn’t think it would take 14 years’ he chuckled, trying to make you smile as he could tell you were getting upset again. ‘These last few weeks, everytime the doors gone I always wonder if it’s you. And I think about what I’d do if it was’ he smiled. ‘Hours Ive sat here, thinking about bringing you inside and sitting you down. Talking about everything’s that happened like we have done and thinking about what I wanna say’

‘Do you have anything else left?’

‘I think I’ve got it all out’ he laughed. ‘But I just want you to remember that I’m okay, and I think if we put our minds to it we can move on from this. I basically have but I don’t want you to stress anymore’ he told you. Reaching up to tuck some hair behind your ear and the action made your breath hitch in your throat. ‘Do you have anything else you want to say?’

‘A little thing’ you laughed, hoping he’d see the funny side of what you were about to say. ‘Remember when I said I deleted all those pictures?’ You told him and you saw his brows crease as he nodded. ‘Well I may have kept one of them. Just the one of us in the bathroom and you can’t even see your face’ you explained and thankfully he was smiling at you. ‘I just… if you never wanted to speak to me again, I just wanted a reminder that it was all real’

‘I’ll allow it’ he winked. ‘Thank you for being honest’

‘I’m trying my best’ you giggled and as he squeezed your thigh you felt your heart stutter.

‘Did you have a nice day today?’ He asked and you were happy for the change of subject as it had all been pretty heavy so far. Looking back to his kind face that radiated warmth and all you could think about was kissing him but you knew it was off the cards.

‘I did, yeah’ you smiled, stroking his cheek lightly as he smiled up at you. ‘I’m a bit upset we never got to see any ducks though’

‘That’s cause they don’t live down that way’ he said matter of factly and you felt your eyebrows pinch in confusion before you laughed.

‘What? Why didn’t you tell me before?’ You giggled. Watching him blush a bit as he smiled back at you and you couldn’t remember a time where you’d ever felt happier.

‘Cause you were excited to look for them’ he shrugged. ‘I didn’t want to disappoint you but telling you they weren’t there’

‘Well thank you’ you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully but he just winked back at you.

‘You know, I never thanked you actually’ he told you, bumping his leg into yours before trapping it between his own.

‘What for?’ You giggled, not being able to think of a single thing he would ever have to thank you for.

‘For standing up for me at your birthday’ he told you and the fact he’d confirmed that he’d definitely overheard what you’d said made your cheeks redden. ‘Even if you didn’t mean it at the time it was still nice to hear’

‘I did mean it’ you nodded. ‘And when I told you you work out who your friends are when things are tough, I meant that too. You were the only one who messaged me to check in on me, you know. Not just asking questions or trying to get any gossip from me but to actually ask about me. And I just threw it back in your face’

‘Y/n-‘

‘I can’t stop thinking about you’ you whispered, cutting him off as he looked up at you sweetly and hung on your every word. ‘And not in a bad way like I said earlier. It's like I can’t stop thinking about your smile, the way you touched me… kissed me’ you gulped and the slight smirk that formed on his lips made your heart race. ‘You know I’d give anything to go back and change that night’

‘I know love’ he nodded sympathetically and just like always it’s like he could read your mind. Knowing exactly what to say to make you feel better but you weren’t expecting what was about to come out of his mouth. ‘You know, you don’t have to close the door on anything, my door is still very much open’ he told you as he tried to wiggle himself into you further and you carried on lazily brushing your fingers over his chest as you peered down at him.

‘What?’ You questioned but you knew from his expression what he meant. ‘Why?’

‘You do stupid things when you love someone’ he whispered and you knew his words applied to the both of you.

‘I don’t… I don’t love him. Not anymore’ you gulped as you shook your head vigorously. ‘In all honesty I don’t think I ever really did, not how you’re supposed to love someone anyway. I think I just loved the image of him, you know? Like what we could be in my mind was better than what we actually were’

‘I know’

‘We never said that to each other anyway. I tried once and didn’t exactly get the response I wanted so I never tried again’ you smiled, trying to laugh it off a bit but he just carried on looking at your earnestly.

‘You deserve to be told you’re loved every single day, he was never good enough for you. And that's not me saying I am-

‘Mase-‘

‘Wait let me finish’ he laughed before his face got serious again. ‘You’re so special to me and I can’t even explain why. It’s like my soul knows you’re meant to be mine or something’ he laughed. ‘And I’m not expecting you to feel the same, I accepted it a long time ago that you don’t but you’re so hard to move on from’

‘So don't’ you whispered and you knew your answer confused him as his brows pinched together.

‘Don’t what?’

‘Move on from me’ you gulped, hoping he would understand what you were saying. ‘Don’t move on, stay right where you are and I’ll come to you. I’m really not that far away, I’ve been on my way to you for a while now I just didn’t realise it’ you reassured him but he wasn’t giving much away as he looked up at your face. ‘You can trust me Mase’

‘I know’

‘You don’t’ you smiled sadly. You hadn't given him anything to trust ever and you wanted him to know it was okay that he doubted you. ‘But I’ll prove it, I promise’

You didn’t know if you were allowed but you couldn't stop yourself anymore. Cradling his cheek in your hand as you peered down at him and you could see it in his eyes how much he wanted to kiss you even though he was scared. You took charge though and tilted his head ever so slightly before leaning down and pressing your lips to his.

You forgot how good it felt to kiss him, the world around you blurring at the edges and all you could see and feel was Mason. His strong heartbeat pounding away under your fingers that were laid on his chest and no matter how soft you tried to keep things it was Mason who was deeping it. His free hand holding the back of your head so you wouldn’t part from him but you didn’t want to anyway. He felt safe, like home, and you only pulled away when you absolutely had to so you could take a breath.

‘Will you let me take you out? On a proper date, not for a walk to look for imaginary ducks’ Mason whispered to you after a while. Your forehead still resting on his and as you giggled he squeezed your sides gently.

‘I’d like that’ you grinned. Dipping back down to kiss him and you knew you’d finally be okay.

Three Months Later

‘Will you stop checking your phone?’ You heard from next to you. Turning to see Suzi stood there with her arms crossed over her body and you realised instantly you hadn't even realised she’d joined you as you were so engrossed with your phone.

‘He said he’d be here’ you pouted. Chancing a look again at your messages but it was exactly the same as you’d left it 5 seconds ago.

‘And he will be, it’s his bloody idea after all’ she laughed as she walked off but the sound of the bell going off on the shop door caught your attention. His eyes finding yours immediately and you knew the smile on your face was just as wide as his.

‘Hello beautiful’ Mason whispered as he approached you. Dipping down to kiss your cheek gently and you were blushing hard at the gesture instantly. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t find a parking space it’s rammo out there’

‘That’s okay, you’re here now’ you laughed, letting him stand behind you as he wrapped his arms around your waist and once he was settled you were looking up at him over your shoulder softly. ‘Missed you’

‘Missed you too’ he grinned down at you, your head tilting up in hopes he’d lean down to kiss you and he didn’t need telling twice. Dipping his head to place the sweetest kiss on your lips that made your head spin and you finally felt like you were back where you belonged now you were in his arms.

‘Ugh’ Suzie gagged from next to you as just rejoined you both with a drink in her hand and her disgust caused you both to pull away with a giggle. ‘I think I preferred it when you two didn’t talk’ she teased but you knew she was just joking. She had been the one to push to hang out with Mason more and more since you told her you’d made up that day on his sofa and when you told her two weeks ago you’d finally become official, she was over the moon for you both.

You watched as Mason greated Suzi quickly before moving onto your parents. Big smiles on all their faces as they hugged and chatted away like they’d always known him and it warmed your heart to know they were all getting on so well. Wanting to go and join them now that everything was set up in the shop but as you approached you could hear Mason and your dad deep in conversation.

‘Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. She’s got her spark back since you’ve been back around’ he told Mason and you could see from a mile off his much it meant to Mason to hear that from him.

‘Well if I’m being honest she’s done the same for me, I think we both just needed a reminder of home’ he shrugged, trying to brush it off just like everytime you complimented him but your dad just laughed and patted him on the back.

‘Yeah well, I think it was a bit more than that’ he teased. ‘But I’m glad you’ve got each other’

‘Me too’ Mason smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides before they were searching for you and once he’d found what he was looking for he held his hand out for you to take.

‘I got you a drink’ you smiled and the way he beamed back at you made your heart swell. Taking it from your hand to place on the side next to yours before popping a kiss on your forehead.

‘Thank you, gorgeous’

‘I should be saying that to you’ you laughed. Wrapping an arm around his waist as he wrapped his around your shoulders protectively and you wanted to melt into him as you felt so safe and warm. ‘This is amazing Mase I can’t believe we did it’

‘You did it’ he told you pointedly but you weren’t having any of it.

‘Well it was your idea, and you helped plan and set up so I’d say you did it’

‘Well you’re very pretty’ he winked. His random compliment throwing you off a little but you knew you were blushing as you hid your face in his shoulder. ‘I mean it, you look beautiful’

‘Well then you’re very pretty too’ you chuckled but he didn’t have time to respond however the blush on his cheeks told you everything. The lights darkening as the artist you’d booked finally came out to a loud applause and after a quick introduction she started to perform.

She was four songs in when she announced she was mixing things up a bit and was going to sing a cover and as soon as her fingers hit the keys you knew the song. One you’d put on Masons I’m sorry playlist and you knew he realised too as he squeezed your waist gently in response and pulled you closer into his body. Your face tilted up and over your shoulder to see his and he was looking back down at you so softly you felt your eyes well up. An unspoken realisation between the pair of you that thing song was special to you and as he placed a kiss to your forehead you realised again how far you both had come.

It was you that pulled Mason away and out of the crowd so you could stand off to the side on your own. The pair of you in your own little bubble as you held each other and whispered the lyrics in each other's ear until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached up to kiss him.

You still couldn’t get over the feeling of being so close with him. The way he would hold you as he poured himself into you, the way his hold was always so gentle but strong and the way he didn’t care that anyone could see you he just wanted to kiss you and you wanted the same just as much.

I wanna say, Without you, everything's wrong

And you were everything I need all along

I wanna say, I wish that you never left

I love you so much’ you whispered as you pulled away, the words falling from your lips for the first time ever and you could tell Mason was shocked before the biggest grin you’d ever seen took over his face. His hands gripping your cheeks so he could pull you in for another heated kiss before his forehead rested on yours.

‘I love you too’ he whispered, his eyes bright and happy and you knew you’d never get over the feeling of being the one to make him smile. ‘I can’t believe you just said that to me’

‘Well you did say you’d wear me down eventually’ you winked, your heart swelling as he laughed with you and you knew you were finally on the right path with the boy who brought you peace.

Thanks so much for reading you beautiful people 😘 if you feel like, I’d love to know what you think so feel free to leave me some feedback if you’d like 🩷

[cherrys-muses]

Ok, a request for something angsty with Eddie:

You're Eddie's best friend, you have a lot in common with him, you like the same things, you're a nerd metalhead girl, and you want to invite him to prom and confess what you feel for him, but he tells you that he already invited another girl (maybe a kind of popular girl?) who was his lab partner. You choose the ending 👀

an; hi okay hello thank you for this. you’re the best. but also …. are you in my mind. i live for these type of angsty, lovesick, teenage years. w; doesn’t follow st timeline.

you’d met eddie in middle school — a skinny boy who had a buzzcut. sort of weird, you’d watched him many, many times during lunch, his laugh all but crazy as he and his friends made…slop from the cafeteria food.

mashed potatoes turned into a marsh with chocolate milk poured on top, the chicken nuggets that tasted stale and told served as ‘dinosaurs’ and the broccoli was propped into the mashed potato marsh as trees.

again, eddie munson was anything but normal — he was strange, funny, and smart (when he was actually applying himself to his work). a true artist as well — his journal had been filled with monsters from a new game, Dungeons & Dragons is what you’d heard him called it.

you’d made a passing complement on it once. a nice, ‘that’s cool, eddie.’ that passing comment was soon the start of a growing friendship between two kids in seventh grade.

two kids who were growing awkwardly in their uncomfortable bodies, where the mind couldn’t comprehend things at times — like, where did that zit come from? or even why did you suddenly need to keep going to the bathroom after every class once a week every month?

he’d learned quickly why.

but growing together and staying close through high school, you both had begun to understand feelings and thoughts more.

you’d begun to understand why you’d get nervous every time you were alone with eddie, why your hands would get clammy and why your throat would get dry.

you wouldn’t say anything. not yet. maybe not ever.

but you did know one thing; you wanted to go to prom with your best friend. it was something you both had made fun of at the beginning of high school, something for popular kids who only used daddy’s money to get whatever they wanted.

then as you watched eddie grow into himself — a boy who had once a buzzcut had grown his hair out, surprisingly curly. he wasn’t as shy before, but any of the slight hesitation he’d hold before doing something questionable was never there anymore.

like yelling across the cafeteria. cutting class to smoke under the bleachers. selling in the woods behind the school.

eddie munson was different in your eyes.

you’re trying hard to find the courage to ask him to prom. there’s a pizza on the coffee table, a beer bottle in his hand while your bottle of cherry coke leaves behind a wet mark on the table from the small droplets of water that drip down slowly.

clearing your throat, you shift on the couch. eddie’s eyes drift away from the television to you instead, lifting a brow. “you alright over there?”

“hm?” you look at him. oh. he’s so pretty. “oh, yeah. i’m good. just…watching the movie.”

eddie stares at you for a moment longer, letting out a small huff as he places his beer to the side. “oh, i asked vanessa to prom.” he says suddenly.

like it was nothing.

you watch as he reaches for another slice of pizza, blinking, and suddenly he’s already leaning back into the worn cushions of the couch, taking a bite of the pizza.

pinching your brows together, you shake your head. “the…one on the cheerleading team?” the pretty one who was always kind to everyone. the thought has your heart sinking, the feeling of a knot already forming in your throat.

which is stupid of you to already cry over something so small.

“yeah,” he nods. wiping the grease from the corner of his mouth. “we’re lab partners in science. she’s…nice. pretty.” he smiles a bit.

“oh…i thought…” he looks over at you, tilting his head slightly. “well, i just thought we would’ve went together,” his brows lift slightly.

you’re quick to cover yourself. “i mean, we made a pact to go together when we started high school to make fun of everyone who went.”

scoffing out a laugh, he shakes his head. “that was freshman year,” he pushes at your arm. “besides, you wouldn’t want to actually go. even if you did, you wouldn’t want to go with me.”

staying silent, you stare at him, lips pulled into a slight frown. the bite he’s about to take is forgotten when he slowly glances over at you.

lowering his hand, he sits up a bit straighter. “you didn’t want to go, right?”

pursing your lip, your head turns as you shake it. standing from the couch, you reach to grab your coat and bag from the ground. “it’s getting late. i need to get home.”

your quick on your feet as you walk over to the door, shoving your feet into your shoes. the door opens with a creak as you yank it open, quickly walking down the rickety steps.

the porch door creaks and slams shut a minute later. “hey, wait! why are you— let me drive you home at least.”

“no. i want to ride my bike,” you’re struggling with the padlock, a wave of anger and confusion washing over you as you pull at it. “why won’t this thing…”

eddie watches you with a frown. he says your name softly, a hand wrapping around your wrist. “i’m going to drive you home. it too dark and late for you to be riding home by yourself.”

clenching your jaw, you nod once. “i’ll come back and get my bike later.” you pull away from him quickly, walking towards his van.

you’re confused on why you’re feeling so much. confused why something so mundane makes you upset. angry because your confused. angry because he’s acting as if it doesn’t matter.

you don’t spare him a glance when he gets inside the van. you turn towards the door, resting your head against the window.

you’re quick to unbuckle when you see your house, reaching for your bag.

“i didn’t think it meant that much to you,” he suddenly speaks, causing your fingers to grip around the door handle. “the pact, i mean. if i would’ve known i would—”

“it doesn’t matter, eddie,” you shake your head. “it’s something stupid to get upset over anyway.”

“but it’s not. if it’s something that bothers you that much.”

letting out a small scoff with a laugh mingled in between, you shake your head. “that’s not even the reason i’m upset. i thought you and i would’ve went together anyway,” you finally look over at him. “wanting to go and make fun of people at prom isn't something that appeals me anymore. i just…”

pausing, your eyes trace over his features before staring back at his eyes. “i just wanted to go with you. i wanted to be with you.”

opening his mouth, eddie begins to speak. but you’re already opening the door and stepping out of the van, making your way towards the door.

eddie watches quietly, a small frown on his face. the door closes behind yourself, yet he still finds himself sitting outside your home for the next thirty minutes.

—

an old record plays as you read, some candy wrappers on your nightstand, fresh out of the shower in new clothing and a freshly cleaned bedroom.

it’s prom day. and even though you could’ve asked someone, you didn’t.

so, a productive day was in store. cleaning, dancing on small breaks, keeping your mind from wondering on how eddie might’ve looked tonight.

your parents were gone for the night — new shifts being picked up.

it was perfect. maybe.

hearing the doorbell, you perk up suddenly, rolling off the bed to slip on your slippers. the oversized shirt your wear slips off your shoulder slightly as you make your way down the steps.

grabbing the money that had been slipped into the bowl by the door for you, you open the door. “hi. it was—”

you pause when you see eddie in front of you. a pressed suit on, his hair in a low bun. he’s clean shaven, some sort of new cologne lingers on him.

“what are you doing here? your supposed to be at prom.”

“i—” eddie stares at you, watching as your brows furrow together slightly. the worry lines on your forehead deepen causes his heart to skip a beat, his chest slightly heaving as his palms grow clammy.

you look almost unreal. the light on the porch shines inside just right, highlighting your face. something catches in his throat as he steps over the threshold, pressing his lips against yours as his hands cradle your face.

your eyes are wide, hands raised in the air. eddie hasn’t pulled away and suddenly, you’re all too aware of what’s happening. the shock slowly settling as your eyes slowly close and hands lower to his shoulders.

he steps closer this time, one of his hands tangling into your hair as his thumb drags slowly across your cheekbone.

pulling away slowly, he watches as your head lowers, his lips grazing against your forehead. “what are you doing?”

“i couldn’t stop thinking about you,” his voice is soft, melted into something sweet. “that’s not anything new. i always think about you,”

you’re quick to look up at him once again. “i just…feelings are something that scares me. and when i realized how i felt about you,” his hand cups your cheek again, shaking his head. “how i truly felt, it scared me. i didn’t…couldn’t want to ruin something good.”

“eddie—”

“no,” he cuts you off. “i should’ve told you. i shouldn’t have kept you wondering for so long, im sorry. i’m so sorry,” he breathes, pressing another kiss to your lips.

your overwhelmed in both a good and bad way. he pulls away quickly, shaking his head again. “i couldn’t stop thinking about you. i love you,” he nods this time, pressing his forehead against your own. “i love you.”

closing your eyes slowly, your hands slide down his arm to wrap around his wrist softly. his nose nudges against yours, his lips grazing yours.

turning your head, your lips press a kiss to his palm softly before opening your eyes slowly. you glance at him, pressing another kiss to his other palm.

“i love you too, eddie,” you nod. “but this isn’t something i want you to be rash about. something that you’re just—”

“i’m not,” he cuts you off quickly. “i’m not being rash just because of the other night. it hurts. i dream about you every night. the home we have. the…” his breath is shaky.

“the kids we have. it feels real to me. it is real,” he nods. “this is real.” he whispers.

you stare at him quietly, before suddenly nodding. cupping his jaw, you press a kiss to his lips, pressing your forehead against his.

“this is real.” you whisper softly.

[eelhound]

"I think Homer outwits most writers who have written on the War [fantasy archetype], by not taking sides.

The Trojan war is not and you cannot make it be the War of Good vs. Evil. It’s just a war, a wasteful, useless, needless, stupid, protracted, cruel mess full of individual acts of courage, cowardice, nobility, betrayal, limb-hacking-off, and disembowelment. Homer was a Greek and might have been partial to the Greek side, but he had a sense of justice or balance that seems characteristically Greek — maybe his people learned a good deal of it from him? His impartiality is far from dispassionate; the story is a torrent of passionate actions, generous, despicable, magnificent, trivial. But it is unprejudiced. It isn’t Satan vs. Angels. It isn’t Holy Warriors vs. Infidels. It isn’t hobbits vs. orcs. It’s just people vs. people.

Of course you can take sides, and almost everybody does. I try not to, but it’s no use; I just like the Trojans better than the Greeks. But Homer truly doesn’t take sides, and so he permits the story to be tragic. By tragedy, mind and soul are grieved, enlarged, and exalted.

Whether war itself can rise to tragedy, can enlarge and exalt the soul, I leave to those who have been more immediately part of a war than I have. I think some believe that it can, and might say that the opportunity for heroism and tragedy justifies war. I don’t know; all I know is what a poem about a war can do. In any case, war is something human beings do and show no signs of stopping doing, and so it may be less important to condemn it or to justify it than to be able to perceive it as tragic.

But once you take sides, you have lost that ability.

Is it our dominant religion that makes us want war to be between the good guys and the bad guys?

In the War of Good vs. Evil there can be divine or supernal justice but not human tragedy. It is by definition, technically, comic (as in The Divine Comedy): the good guys win. It has a happy ending. If the bad guys beat the good guys, unhappy ending, that’s mere reversal, flip side of the same coin. The author is not impartial. Dystopia is not tragedy.

Milton, a Christian, had to take sides, and couldn’t avoid comedy. He could approach tragedy only by making Evil, in the person of Lucifer, grand, heroic, and even sympathetic — which is faking it. He faked it very well.

Maybe it’s not only Christian habits of thought but the difficulty we all have in growing up that makes us insist justice must favor the good.

After all, 'Let the best man win' doesn’t mean the good man will win. It means, 'This will be a fair fight, no prejudice, no interference — so the best fighter will win it.' If the treacherous bully fairly defeats the nice guy, the treacherous bully is declared champion. This is justice. But it’s the kind of justice that children can’t bear. They rage against it. It’s not fair!

But if children never learn to bear it, they can’t go on to learn that a victory or a defeat in battle, or in any competition other than a purely moral one (whatever that might be), has nothing to do with who is morally better.

Might does not make right — right?

Therefore right does not make might. Right?

But we want it to. 'My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure.'

If we insist that in the real world the ultimate victor must be the good guy, we’ve sacrificed right to might. (That’s what History does after most wars, when it applauds the victors for their superior virtue as well as their superior firepower.) If we falsify the terms of the competition, handicapping it, so that the good guys may lose the battle but always win the war, we’ve left the real world, we’re in fantasy land — wishful thinking country.

Homer didn’t do wishful thinking.

Homer’s Achilles is a disobedient officer, a sulky, self-pitying teenager who gets his nose out of joint and won’t fight for his own side. A sign that Achilles might grow up someday, if given time, is his love for his friend Patroclus. But his big snit is over a girl he was given to rape but has to give back to his superior officer, which to me rather dims the love story. To me Achilles is not a good guy. But he is a good warrior, a great fighter — even better than the Trojan prime warrior, Hector. Hector is a good guy on any terms — kind husband, kind father, responsible on all counts — a mensch. But right does not make might. Achilles kills him.

The famous Helen plays a quite small part in The Iliad. Because I know that she’ll come through the whole war with not a hair in her blond blow-dry out of place, I see her as opportunistic, immoral, emotionally about as deep as a cookie sheet. But if I believed that the good guys win, that the reward goes to the virtuous, I’d have to see her as an innocent beauty wronged by Fate and saved by the Greeks.

And people do see her that way. Homer lets us each make our own Helen; and so she is immortal.

I don’t know if such nobility of mind (in the sense of the impartial 'noble' gases) is possible to a modern writer of fantasy. Since we have worked so hard to separate History from Fiction, our fantasies are dire warnings, or mere nightmares, or else they are wish fulfillments."

- Ursula K. Le Guin, from No Time to Spare, 2013.

[prosypepper]

cheater, pt.2 - satoru gojo

word count: 1.2k

warnings: heartbroken gojo, jealousy, spiteful cheating, descriptions of suguru geto x reader, marriage problems, pathetic gojo. (18+ mdni!)

notes: gosh thank u for all the love on the last part!!! please read pt. 1 before this one, or don't, it's rly up to u.

you can find part one here

masterlist

multitudes of shopping bags rustle when you enter your home, a home that’s been silent for months now since satoru left you for his girlfriend. he didn’t actually leave, traces of him still lingered around the house from time to time when he wasn’t out with her, but those encounters remained faint traces, you had barely spoken to him unless it was to discuss something important.

you had mostly talked to satoru about a possible divorce – he brought the subject up after weeks of his girlfriend begging him to be with her for good now.

“your parents will disown you, satoru,” you had said, physically ignoring the man that sat across the kitchen from you, “and mine will hate you. plus, you don’t make that much money now, anyway.” you passively insulted the man. satoru agreed, however, his parents adored you since birth, and divorce was one of the things they wouldn’t put up with. the marriage started for convenience, and it would stay that way until one of you mustered up the courage to make a divorce final.

the current situation wasn’t all bad, though, it was an agreement without words that you and satoru lived married while he had his fun. and with the more fun he had, the less you began to care. it was the first time in your life you were genuinely able to focus on yourself without a husband to worry about. you concocted many hobbies, you learned how to cook healthier – no longer having to adjust your tastes to satoru’s liking – and decided to hit the gym a few days a week. progress started slowly, but you could see the tone in your body begin to show after a few months.

now, you had time to think about your appearance more, you tried new things with your hair and makeup, you bought a new wardrobe to fit your liking better. your old clothes stayed pushed to the side, growing wrinkly as you filled your closet up with better designer brands, you no longer worried about what satoru thought of you. satoru had moved his things into a different room, leaving you the space of the master bedroom to fill up with décor you fancied. your confidence grew more than ever, beginning to feel beautiful after a while.

you were always beautiful, of course, but it’s a much better feeling when you can see it in the mirror.

deciding to give your husband a taste of his own medicine, you start to date around and dip your toes into the wonderful world of hookups and first dates. you think it’s insane how easily men are on their knees, begging for you to go on a date with them, just one date, please! you got better treatment over the course of a month than you ever had with satoru; men would vow their loyalty to you, something satoru never did, obviously.

after satoru’s refusal to divorce you, his girlfriend left him, but the fact was unknown to you. sure, you noticed him moping around the house more often, but you figured he finally got tired of her and needed space. but his time at home forced him to see you come home with all kinds of guys, ones that were taller, handsomer, and stronger than him.

satoru saw the change in you, and god, he had never felt so in love with you since you found your new confidence and style. you were simply ravishing, and now satoru feels a pang of guilt for failing to realize what he had in front of him for so long.

the envy that boiled in his chest was a new feeling for him. he never thought he would be jealous of you giving him the same treatment he had been giving you. yet, there he was, watching from the kitchen as you giggle wrapped in someone else’s arms, furiously making out in the entryway without paying any mind to satoru. it bothered him.

and, oh boy, when you walk through the door with his ex-best friend from college, suguru, satoru swears he could go crazy.

satoru’s eyes focus their attention from some tv dinner to the door when you and suguru stumble though, laughing and carried away in one another’s presence. he had never seen you feel so alive, not even when you didn’t know he was cheating, you never acted that way with him. satoru has a look in his eyes the instant he sees you, the same look he had when he was about to kill someone, a crazed, insane look.

suguru flips you around and pins you to the wall, so he’s facing right at satoru, and he looks him in the eyes as he fiercely makes out with you.

if satoru had a gun, he’d point it right at the both of you.

yet he doesn’t have a gun, or anything really, just a fit of jealously growing stronger and stronger the more you make out with someone that hurt him so badly.

so this is what it feels like, huh?

satoru stands up and slams his chair back under the table, only growing angry when it doesn’t seem to phase you at all. he goes upstairs and slams the door to his room shut when he enters. he doesn’t…he can’t do anything. he can’t stop you from having free will, and he definitely can’t call you out for doing the same thing to him that he did to you. he sits down on the bed, a bed he should’ve been sharing with you, and he tangles his fingers in his hair, insecure thoughts clouding his mind.

for once in his life, the smug bastard known as satoru gojo was pitiful.

the screams of suguru’s name keep satoru up until the early hours of the morning.

the next day, you’re cooking breakfast later in the morning after suguru leaves. it feels like a very successful night. satoru walks into the kitchen, having had a sleepless night, and plops down at the table while he stares at you.

you’re so perfect, you always have been, why did he have to be so stupid about ruining his marriage with the perfect woman?

“so, suguru, huh?” satoru questions, crossing his arms.

“hmm?” you hum, viciously smiling inside because the bothered tone satoru had was so deliciously obvious.

“listen,” satoru starts, hesitating for a moment because he might pity himself for the way he’s about to speak to you. “i’m…sorry,” he mutters, almost inaudible, sighing afterwards.

you glance over your shoulder, seeing your husband look so tired and…hurt?

“don’t apologize, satoru. you and i both know it’s much too late for that now,” you aptly reply, “you should’ve thought about that long ago.”

your words are a knife in satoru’s chest, and it only feels as if you’re stabbing him over and over the more you speak, looking away from him again to focus on the stovetop.

“don’t apologize to me because you feel bad now. you’re only saying sorry because your feelings are the ones getting hurt this time,” your words send waves of guilt, sadness, and downright pain through your husbands body, “and quite frankly, i don’t care.”

satoru wants to retort, he wants to reply with something smug but his mind draws a blank as he only stares at you, ultimately betrayed by his own actions — his once kind, sweet wife has left him behind in a mess of himself.

his apologies no longer mean anything to you. you’ve grown too strong for satoru. he’ll continue to be a pathetic mess, until one day, hopefully, you choose to forgive him for what he’s done.

maybe you will, maybe you won’t. it’s up for you to decide.

taglist: @kalopsia-flaneur @painted-hills @kundere20000000

let me know if u wanna be added!

[wisesoultarot]

Who is your future spouse? Pick an image

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🌷IMAGE 1:

The color red, often associated with intense emotions, plays a significant role in your reading, serving as a powerful symbol of passion, courage, and boldness. This vibrant hue suggests that your future partner will embody these very traits, presenting themselves as a confident and action-oriented individual who thrives on exploration and adventure. Rather than conforming to societal rules or traditions, they will embrace a more spontaneous and free-spirited approach to life, seeking out new experiences and challenges with enthusiasm.

While this adventurous nature may lead them to act impulsively at times, it is precisely this fearlessness that distinguishes them from others. They are not afraid to take risks or step outside their comfort zone, which can lead to exciting and unexpected journeys together. Their willingness to embrace the unknown will inspire you to join them in their pursuits, fostering a sense of adventure in your relationship.

In addition to their boldness, this person radiates warmth and positivity, creating an inviting atmosphere wherever they go. Their natural ability to spread joy and optimism will uplift those around them, making them a source of inspiration and motivation. You will find that their infectious energy can brighten even the dullest of days, encouraging you to adopt a more positive outlook on life.

Moreover, their quick-thinking mind and insatiable curiosity drive them to constantly seek knowledge and understanding. They are not content with surface-level information; instead, they delve deep into subjects that pique their interest, always eager to learn and grow. This intellectual curiosity will keep you engaged and alert, as they share fascinating insights and ideas that challenge your own perspectives.

Together, you and your future partner will embark on a journey filled with passion, adventure, and intellectual stimulation. Their boldness will encourage you to step outside your own boundaries, while their warmth and positivity will create a nurturing environment for your relationship to flourish. As you navigate life together, you will find that their fearless spirit and thirst for knowledge will not only enhance your connection but also inspire you to embrace your own passions and dreams.

🌷IMAGE 2:

This individual embodies a sense of romance and daydreaming that is truly enchanting, captivating all who encounter their presence. Their essence is painted in an abundance of white, yellow, and blue hues, colors that symbolize purity, joy, and tranquility. This vibrant palette suggests that they exude an air of mystique, drawing others in with an almost ethereal quality. Beneath this enchanting exterior lies a deep-seated purity, a genuine heart that radiates kindness and compassion.

They possess a remarkable ability to spread positivity, creating an uplifting atmosphere wherever they go. It is as if they carry a light within them, one that never casts negative energy onto others. Instead, they inspire those around them to embrace their own potential and pursue their dreams. Their kindness is not just a trait; it is a way of being that enriches the lives of everyone they touch.

In the realm of manifestation, this individual excels with an effortless grace. They have a unique talent for bringing their desires to fruition, as if the universe conspires to align with their intentions. This ability is enhanced by their strong connection to intuition and spirituality, which serves as a guiding force in their life. Their spiritual depth adds to their allure, making them not only captivating but also profoundly charming.

While they are inherently romantic and gentle, there exists a sensual side to them that they tend to keep private. This intimate aspect of their personality is reserved for that person who deem special, creating a sense of exclusivity and intrigue. It is in these moments of vulnerability that their true depth is revealed, showcasing a complexity that goes beyond the surface.

Rather than challenging or provoking, this person serves as a beacon of inspiration and motivation. They encourage personal growth and empowerment in those fortunate enough to be in their presence, fostering an environment where others feel safe to explore their own potential. Their influence is subtle yet profound, leaving a lasting impact on the hearts and minds of those they encounter. In a world that often feels chaotic, this individual stands as a reminder of the beauty of kindness, the power of dreams, and the magic of genuine connection.

🌷IMAGE 3:

Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions you will make, and it is crucial to approach this selection process with a great deal of care and discernment. The importance of finding someone who resonates with your core values and lifestyle cannot be overstated; compatibility is the foundation upon which a lasting relationship is built. As you embark on this journey, it is vital to maintain an open mind and be willing to explore a variety of dating possibilities. This exploration will not only broaden your understanding of what you seek in a partner but also enrich your romantic experiences.

During your early twenties, particularly until you reach the age of 25, you are likely to experience a dynamic and sometimes tumultuous romantic landscape. This period is marked by significant personal growth and transformation, as you navigate the complexities of relationships and self-identity. It is a time when you will learn more about yourself, your desires, and the qualities that are truly important to you in a partner. This journey of self-discovery is essential, as it will lead you to a profound spiritual awakening, granting you clarity and insight into what you truly want from a romantic relationship.

As you engage in various romantic experiences, you may encounter individuals who are at different stages in their lives. Some may be overly focused on their careers, leaving little room for a meaningful relationship, while others may be transient, unwilling to commit to anything serious. These encounters, while sometimes frustrating, are part of the learning process that will ultimately prepare you for a more stable and fulfilling partnership.

Once you have navigated this transformative phase, you will find yourself better equipped to enter into a serious relationship. You will have a clearer understanding of your own needs and desires, which will enable you to identify a partner who aligns with your vision for the future. The person you are destined to find will likely embody qualities of practicality, stability, and a grounded nature—traits often associated with strong earth sign characteristics. This meaningful connection will emerge as you focus on your career and financial aspirations, creating a solid foundation for a relationship that can thrive alongside your personal and professional growth.

In summary, the journey to finding a life partner is one that requires patience, openness, and a willingness to learn from each experience. By embracing this process and remaining true to yourself, you will ultimately attract a partner who complements your life and supports your aspirations, leading to a fulfilling and lasting relationship.