#social networking community

[social-engine]

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[socialnetworkingsns]

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[reasonsforhope]

"It's easy to lose touch with friends, especially when you live far apart. And sometimes the longer you've gone without speaking to someone, the harder it feels to pick up where you left off. However, a new study suggests that reaching out to pals—especially ones that you have not talked to in a while—is even more appreciated than initially thought.

“People are fundamentally social beings and enjoy connecting with others. Yet, despite the importance and enjoyment of social connection, do people accurately understand how much other people value being reached out to by someone in their social circle?” the study asks. To answer this question, the authors gathered 5,900 participants and put them through a series of experiments.

In one scenario, half of the participants were asked to remember the last time they contacted a friend they had fallen out of touch with, then estimate on a seven-point scale how appreciative the person was (with one being the lowest score, and seven being the highest). Then, the other half of the participants were prompted to recall a time when someone had reached out to them and assign a number to how grateful they were. When these two groups were compared, the researchers found that people greatly underestimated the value of reaching out to someone.

“Across a series of preregistered experiments, we document a robust underestimation of how much other people appreciate being reached out to,” the authors continue. “We find evidence compatible with an account wherein one reason this underestimation of appreciation occurs is because responders (vs. initiators) are more focused on their feelings of surprise at being reached out to. A focus on feelings of surprise in turn predicts greater appreciation.”

In another experiment, participants were told to send a note and small gift to a friend they had not interacted with for a long period of time. They were then asked to estimate on a numerical scale how thankful the person would be because of the contact. Additionally, the receivers of the gifts were asked to rank their feelings upon accepting the gift on the same seven-number scale. Once again, the gift-givers greatly underestimated how much their gesture meant to the other person.

The study concluded that reaching out to people—particularly those that you've lost contact with—is almost always appreciated. It can seem challenging to maintain healthy social interactions, especially due to an increased amount of people working from home and a lack of opportunities. But clearly, the evidence suggests that a little extra effort is worth it.

“For those treading back into the social milieu with caution and trepidation,” the study adds, “feeling woefully out of practice and unsure, our work provides robust evidence and an encouraging green light to go ahead and surprise someone by reaching out.”"

-via My Modern Met, 7/31/22

[theambitiouswoman]

How To Network 🤝📱💬

Have a Plan: Because everyone is important, it's really important to know what you're good at. Before you go to any networking event, figure out what you're good at – like things you can do well, what you know, and the people you know. Plan what you want to talk about, especially how you can help others, either now or later on.

Start with Who You Know: Talk to people you already know, like friends and colleagues. Ask if they can introduce you to others.

Go to Events: Attend conferences, seminars, workshops, industry meetups, and social gatherings related to your field of interest.

Use Social Media: Make profiles on websites like LinkedIn or Instagram to meet people in your niche online.

Elevator Pitch: Create a concise and engaging intro that highlights who you are, what you do, and what you're seeking. This way you can make a strong first impression.

Ask Good Questions: When you talk to someone, ask questions that show you're interested in what they're saying.

Provide Value: Networking is a two-way street. Offer your expertise, assistance, or connections to others whenever possible. When you start paying attention to what people can do, you might see that one person could help another person. Try to introduce people who you think have something valuable to share. When you make these good connections, you're helping the networking event go well. This will help you establish a good reputation and create strong relationships.

Say Thank You: After meeting, send a message to say you enjoyed the talk.

Follow up & Follow Through: If you said you would talk to someone later, make sure you actually do it and let them know you're still happy to help. If you promised to introduce one person to another, take a moment to make that introduction.These small things really matter to people, and just one introduction could make someone's life better.

Meet Different People: Don't just talk to the same kind of people. Meet people from different jobs and places.

Never dismiss anyone as unimportant: Don't think someone is not important just because of their job title. They could know important things or have helpful friends you wouldn't know about if you didn't give them a chance.

Join Groups: Be part of clubs or groups related to your work. You can meet more people there.

Be Yourself: Just be you. Don't pretend to be someone else.

Learn New Things: Keep learning about your interests. It helps you have better conversations.

[lilacstro]

Electional astrology: chart of your social media account

lol let's go with another post. Phew!! this post tested my fingers fr, it took me a long time to tie all of this down.

Electional astrology, also known as event astrology, is a branch found in most traditions of astrology according to which a practitioner decides the most appropriate time for an event based on the astrological auspiciousness of that time(source: Wikipedia)

i seriously don't remember whose post I saw here a few weeks ago regarding this topic, if you tell me, I will immediately credit you for the inspiration behind this post. That post was more than 4 years ago i remember.

Ok so today we will talk about a non serious but making-sense kind of topic yet again. Let's go, the chart of your social media

Hence, you can go on astro seek and look for a favorable planetary alignment in your calendar if you wish to start a new account in a particular niche with whatever knowledge I am sharing with you below. I tested this with my account (I have my exact account time lmao) and other social media platforms:))

✰Chart preparation

This chart can simply be prepared using the time and place and date of when you started your social media, just like how we prepare natal charts. You can use either of astro-seek or astro.com as you please

For some people, I have a tip! if you started your account recently or even a few weeks/months ago on a laptop/computer, go into your search history and search for your account name. Then, find the entry that is earlies and then right click on time that appears and see click inspect, you should be able to see the exact time of your account. I will show how.

press ctrl+H

search for your account name

3. go for the date thats earliest

4. now right click on the date and click inspect

5. you should be able to see the date and time. The full timestamp with the user timezone is displayed inside title field

Now, even if you don't have the exact time, its ABSOLUETELY fine. You can use any nearest time to your memory or maybe, only the date works too, but we would just be able to see your sun and moon sign.

✰INTERPRETING YOUR CHART

cool, now that you have your chart, we will first look at the rising, sun, moon sign. then we will look at your 10th house and other notes will be mentioned below.

⭐combination of sun, rising sign and MC: how your account looks, how you act on your account, your followers engage and stuff like that

⭐moon sign: you main central theme of what your account is about and what your content feels like.

⭐take the sun, rising sign and MC from below, and find common grounds:

1.aries: your account could be come off as opinionated or polarising, people might find your account overwhelming at times or maybe a have an overwhelming feeling about it, however, if you aim to create an account with this motive, maybe a sport/war-related/martian entertainment kinda account, this is pretty cool

2.Taurus: your account might actually look very aesthetically pleasing, if you post to get noticed for your fashion sense or jwellery aesthetic or pintresty-things like that, you will be noticed. you might actually post in a healthy manner and consistently. for some reasons makes me think you should like posting videos on this account maybe? also good for starting music related things aswell. you can post finance related stuff or actually earn through your account people would be willing to trust you w their money

3.Gemini : your account actually can see people commenting a lot, or even sharing their opinions and causing some kind of debate in the comment section lol. Basically if you are looking for people engagement, its very possible here. you might actually like to explain/ teach or talk about things? like tutorials or observation kind of things too.. you might like posting long captions/memes or things like so. edit:twitter has a gemini moon

4.Cancer: sweet and cute kinda account, people might find your account very sweet and welcoming at sorts, so your followers should be that kind of people, you should see sucess if you post heartwarming content like for kids or new moms etc. you might also have a lot of attachment to your account here, and might post a lot of personal thoughts, personal poetry, song covers or things here. you can get very hurt if someone says something upsetting and be super protective of your account. your account should make people super comfortable and make them act on how they feel tbh

[lol edit 4, twitter is a cancer]

5.Leo: YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG HERE, if your account gets a leo rising, you should see a good public following regardless of the content you post. account engagement and reach should get better with time.

6.Virgo: other people/you yourself might get really critical of your account, paying attention to the smallest details and things like that(GOOGLE IS LITERALLY A SEARCH ENGINE LMAO). You might constantly struggle and go between deleting your account or something too (i can second this one tbh) but on a good note or maybe bad note idk you decide, you will be hyper vigilant of what you post and how do people think of it. But since its a mercury ruled sign, you should expect it to do good on the internet and the web related arena in general.

EDIT3

7.Libra: Another bomber for social media placements, people would love what you show, expect a ton of people to interact with your posts, or at least like them. Beautiful, eye pleasing account aesthetic. You can post things about fashion, jwellery and if you post yourself, these things should come to notice.

LOL EDIT:

8.Scorpio: this fr gives your account so much intensity, now depends on your sun/moon and other planetary placements on how this actually goes cos it can actually make your account seem isolated and off putting kinda, people might get a little skeptical to follow you maybe??? thats why i say, what kind of intensity is important, it may actually be like that your account has no posts at all or even if you do, it somehow doesnt reach the audience so yeahhhh.... it can also be that you guys post a lot of dark/black and white aesthetic things or be into sad poetry or things like that. seen a lot of withcraft/spell and manifestation accounts w this one

9.Sagittarius: You would be so chill w your account, post what you like, say what you like, your real self comes out unapologetically lmao. This is good for people who are very self critical of the things they post, like art accounts or things like that. People should find your account very authentic and representing you as a person so that would be cool, whoever follows you/likes your content, is actually a real fan of your work i must say. your account actually might look very distinctive and unconventional too. it is also very possible you gain following from all over the world, even if small.

EDIT: guess who we have with this placement, upon my research it was December or late November

10.Capricorn: Your account might actually give strict vibes, i mean it could be that you follow certain type of people only, only post certain type of content and dont go beyond it? irdk it seems so to me. It could also be you guys are very careful of who you follow, what you post and who follows you back too. Very protective and secured of your account I must say. Your account might actually look very clean and organised too.

11.Aquarius: this gives me the SUPER TUMBLR vibes lol, quirky, very self expressive, and people would actually find your account. might use multiple colors. welcoming and relatable, to be themselves while interacting with it. You guys might not be afraid to post anything without second thought lol. This is pretty cool placement for making apps and websites and things that has to do with the web in general. Your account should infact see growth with time. People might find it easy to talk on your account???? comment??? or maybe you could receive a lot of dms or things like that. People might even make friends through your account maybe so its cool if you wanna start something sorts of brotherhood, or feminism or support groups. you could be first of a kind to do something too.

EDIT: lol tumblr is aquarius most probably and facebook and yt too

12. Pisces: People might find your account very charming and appealing in some sorts, addictive for some. There is something about your account that could feel very otherworldly, something that offers an escape for people. You could be into posting ethereal arts, pictures and other enchanting stuff, even crystals and spirituality. Some of them may idealize your account take inspirations from you, some of them might find it too good to be true at sorts. You might make people wanting to wait for your posts or something lol

edit 6: pintrest

✰Moon sign

this can determine what you account contents or topics could be or seem like, basically, your niche. Infact, a stellium of planets could give some same effect

⭐Aries: Action, Adventure, Competitive Sports

⭐Taurus: Lifestyle, Home Decor, Culinary, food vlogging, plants, fashion, music, healing sounds, asmr

⭐Gemini: Comedy, Short Films, News, debates, tutorials (even for astrology, spiritual sciences, academical subjects etc), memes, something that instills thoughts and causes some kind of discussion even if its with one self.

⭐Cancer: writing, poetry, history, kids content, new mother/motherly content, feminine things, home decor, emotional management, Personal stories, family moments, relationship advice, emotional well-being etc

⭐Leo: all forms of arts (music/theater/dance etc), Reality TV, Celebrity News, anything that seizes attention, influencers

⭐Virgo: Documentaries, Health, Educational Content, fitness and nutrition, writing, journalism, crafts, pets

⭐Libra: styling, hair & makeup, music, interior design, photography, Romance, Arts, Social Commentary, Fashion, art, relationship advice, social justice, collaborations, jewelery, influencers

⭐Scorpio: Mystery, Thriller, Investigative Journalism, Deep dives, psychological insights, transformation stories, mysteries, taboo topics, the occult, anything witchy

⭐Sagittarius: Travel, Adventure, Philosophy, Arts, honest Reaction/opinion videos, astrology, spirituality, poems, comedy, entertainment, sports, creative things, DIYs

⭐Capricorn: Business, Biographies, Historical Dramas, Career advice, business tips, success stories, structured routines.

⭐Aquarius: Science Fiction, Tech, Social Innovation, Technology trends, futuristic concepts, social innovation, quirky ideas, gadget reviews, coding help, humanitarianism, unconventional things LGBTQIA+, unconventional fashion etc

⭐Pisces: Fantasy, Spirituality, Music, Inspirational quotes, fantasy art, music, spirituality, meditative practices, crystals, healing, astrology

✰Planetary alignments

Having sun in 1st and 10th house is extremely good

Having saturn in public/extroverted houses isnt much cool. If in 10th, it could mean its a slow and steady wins the race but in 1st it can make you super conscious and restrictive of how you post

Similarly, having chiron in extroverted houses may make you insecure, and very hyper aware of the things you post and if they are "matching the rules/aesthetics" or even making you feel insecure about posting in general and making you people conscious. You may even wanna delete it constantly or feel unsatisfied.

Having mars in 1st/10th/extroverted houses could mean you would post a lot

Having Venus or Jupiter in 2nd/10th or even extroverted houses could be a sign you can earn money through your account or people would be willing to give you money

Jupiter in 1st or 10th would expand your public image and give you a balanced-well liked view, you would be well liked

Uranus in public houses could mean you like to post sporadically or unexpected things

Neptune in public houses could actually make you look "too good to be true" and some people might actually get obsessed with your account, but some can find you superficial as well. Also beware about losing your passwords/online fraud/hacking kinda stuff

Similarly, if your mars conjuncts Uranus (esp in a public house) could mean you don't post often but when you do its a lott

Vertex or PoF in extroverted houses is again very lucky, you can expect big opportunities or luck coming in through your account

Moon in public houses could mean people connect to your posts and they are well liked/shared

--⭐-----⭐------⭐------⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐---

✰EXTRAS:

I would suggest not starting on new moons, as they signify endings.

Dont start when a LOT of planets are in retrograde

If possible, check moon-venus, mercury-venus, moon-mercury aspects

Dont start if Jupiter or Venus are in harsh aspects.

--⭐-----⭐------⭐------⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐-----⭐---

paid readings are open<33

support me on ko-fi :)

this for me is the best post I have ever made until on this acc haha, tell me what was the best post you have seen on my account and why, I would love to know

xoxo

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Autism & Friendship

I CAN Network Ltd

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Types of Relationships To Help You Thrive In Life

Table of Contents:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Peer-To-Peer Relationship

Mentorship Relationship

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship

Acquaintance Relationships

Second-Degree Relationships

Types of Relationships:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself: Internalize and act with the knowledge that you're worthy of love, care, and nourishment, and have unconditional permission to work towards your goals & dream life. Eat healthfully, drink plenty of water, remain well-rested, move your body daily, maintain proper hygiene/a clean home, invest in your appearance to feel your best, live as a life-long learner, establish healthy habits/routines, get your finances in order, establish and maintain boundaries, make positive self-talk a priority.

Peer-To-Peer Relationship: Aka friendships, which are intended to offer mutual support and joy in life. These friendships thrive on having similar values and interests, which makes these individuals your greatest cheerleaders, advice givers/receivers, and partners in crime to have fun or offer platonic love/emotional support during traditional or difficult seasons in your life. Peer-to-peer relationships should add mutual excitement, encouragement, and emotional nourishment, and provide a soundboard for confidential information exchange, ears to listen without unnecessary or superficial judgment, and solicited advice from someone who has your best interest in mind.

Mentorship Relationship: This could be a boss, teacher, professor, aunt, uncle, or another trusted adult(s) who can guide you based on their more extensive life experience/wisdom. You can have one or several mentors at any life stage and for different purposes. These people should be trustworthy (keep your information confidential unless you state otherwise) and express their advice through the lens of your best interest rather than their own personal desires or biases (at least those left unchecked). Ensure you feel safe around these people, and their presence in your life is a mutually-nourishing relationship that allows you to grow personally, professionally, and relationally.

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship: A coach, mentorship, or friendship based on the achievement of a particular goal or practice. This type of relationship can manifest as an accountability partner or support group. A therapist can also fulfill this role in your life (but like, a coach, this relationship is a one-way street to offer you emotional support/tools & resources). Some reasons for an accountability-oriented relationship include helping you achieve a certain health/fitness goal, establish better routines, advance in your career, let go of unhealthy habits, patterns, or addictions, better manage your finances, or help you get your other relationships (family, partner, friends, self-talk, boss, co-workers, etc.) in order.

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship: Someone with whom you feel an unwavering emotional closeness and connection. This person can be a partner you're involved with sexually/physically intimate with or not. Asexuality exists, of course. And emotional intimacy can definitely exist in close platonic relationships (like your best friendships) without any romantic or sexual feelings. These relationships are important because they allow you to let your emotional walls down and be your vulnerable, authentic self.

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship: This relationship could be with a romantic partner, FWB, with multiple partners, purely with yourself, or somewhere in between. If you have sexual needs, it's important to find pleasurable ways to satisfy these desires in a way that makes you feel most fulfilled and respected. Let go of any shame you experience when exploring this side of yourself. Experiment and learn what you like/dislike/fantasize about. Use this information to elevate your practice and communication with any partner(s) for a heightened, more enjoyable, and potentially closer emotionally-bonding experience.

Hobby/Interest-Centric Relationship: These relationships can extend from co-workers to your friends in a certain class/the one friend you go on weekly walks with, follow a particular TV show with, exchange beauty tips with, "going out" friends, etc. While these connections aren't vulnerable to the degree of a close friendship/relationship, it is important to have some relationships that are purely based on fun, light-hearted conversations, and mutual hobbies/interests/lifestyles. Having someone to share these mutual experiences with helps you feel more connected to your environment/communities, not feel isolated/lonely when your friends, family, or intimate partner has different hobbies, career aspirations, or daily routines/lifestyle compared to you, and provides a mutual soundboard on issues, insights, and exciting moments in this particular area of your life.

Acquaintance Relationships: Everyone needs those friends, co-workers, or classmates they can just chat with when at a party, a group meeting, dinner, a special occasion, to grab a quick lunch or coffee, etc. These people are fun to be around and allow you to indulge in light, easy conversations to offer temporary social support/fulfillment. These relationships also expand your network for professional opportunities, making new friends, finding dates/a potential partner, interest groups/new hobbies, referral services/classes/spaces, and other contacts that can enrich your life.

Second-Degree Relationships: These are friend-of-a-friend type connections who can be/become your future business partners, romantic/sexual partners, co-workers, investors, hairdressers, realtors, stylists, finance managers, etc. Be ready to reciprocate these offers and be this person in others' lives, too. As your network gets broader and more dynamic, better chances and potential there is to connect with the right people to help you achieve your goals, desires, and overall life satisfaction. Success and efficiency rarely – if ever – exist in isolation.

[queerpunktomatoes]

Who wants to make a mutual aid network with me? Who wants to swap chores/errands? Who wants to have support groups where we vent and share resources? Who wants to teach each other practical skills like darning and gardening and carpentry? Who wants to learn from each other about accessible and updated language? Who wants to practice radical self and collective care together? Who wants to read and write zines about liberation? Who wants to educate others and be educated by others? Who wants to set up little free pantries and libraries and gardens in our hometowns? Who wants to share their cultures and expand their worldview? Who wants to create their own community with me, to resist capitalism and promote hope?

[thepersonalwords]

Sometimes we meet folks who appear rather plain, yet when they speak from a heart of service, love, compassion, and wisdom, they instantly become respected favorites.

Susan C. Young, The Art of Being: 8 Ways to Optimize Your Presence & Essence for Positive Impact

[gem-femmes]

How & Why Gatekeep Yourself

I loved this tweet so much that I sat down and brainstormed how to gatekeep myself. ✨💋🍷

This is something that has been on my mind since entering the business world and representing our family business at events, in negotiations and meetings.

As a naive 20-something, I had to make a conscious effort to learn not to share too much about myself and family.

Even if I had a row with my sibling that same morning, at the afternoon industry mixer I'll only talk about how harmoniously we work together.

People in business, as well as any acquaintances, are not your friends. Most people you encounter daily as a young woman don't have your best interests in mind.

Here are the minor details you can share with anyone that seem personal but don't reveal anything significant about your life:

Favorite foods: Mentioning your favorite snack, dessert, or a specific dish you enjoy.

Music preferences: Sharing a song or artist you’re currently listening to.

Pet peeves: Mentioning small things that annoy you, like loud chewing or slow internet.

Daily routines: Talking about how you like your coffee or a morning ritual like reading the news.

Hobbies: Discussing a hobby you’re interested in, like gardening, knitting, or collecting something simple.

TV shows/movies: Mentioning the show or movie you’re currently watching or have recently enjoyed.

Childhood memories: Sharing a funny or light story from your childhood that doesn’t reveal much about your personal life.

Weather preferences: Talking about how you prefer rainy days to sunny ones, or vice versa.

Travel dreams: Mentioning a place you’d like to visit one day, without giving away any travel plans.

Favorite color: Sharing your favorite color or type of clothing you like to wear.

These details create the illusion of being open without revealing anything that could be used to deeply understand or analyze your life.

Gatekeep yourself, stay classy. 🎀🪞🩰🦢🕯️

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

I say this a lot but god I really do just miss Taylor Swift my internet mutual.

[elllteo]

Creators I love you but it's time to wake up

Among rumors about our tumblr user data being sold off to Midjourney/Generative AI, recent Extremely transphobic events (that have been ongoing) coming to a head, another extremely concerning internet censorship bill being pushed in upper levels of government, and a general air of frustration over how the site belongs to and is operated by perhaps the second stupidest CEO (second only to twitters own) of our age, I'm very done with the last few vestiges of what the old internet held for artists.

And if you're reading this, you probably are too.

I know we're tired. We are all tired. It is not always viable to pack up shop and move, again and again and again.

From tumblr to twitter to anywhere else we've ever grown up posting, things no longer work. Our audiences are kneecapped by aggressive and hostile algorithms, our reach is abysmal - if we aren't shadow-banned or silenced for one (transphobic) reason or another, we're thrust into an ever growing pit of hostility where the only thing that drives clicks is fighting and contention.

We're tired. We're so fucking tired. We aren't businesses, we aren't content mills, we cannot keep this pace that modern social media has set for us, to wring every ounce of creativity out of us to profit from and leave us rotting.

The key to staying afloat here, and I cannot stress this enough, is to stay connected to your peers.

Pack up and move as units if you must. Exodus from the sites that are killing us. Push your entire friend group of artists to move from one site to the next that promises you a kinder experience.

Art drives movements, it drives change, it is all that encompasses being human. If you take that away from the shitty places, they will be left with nothing but a cesspit of inhumanity and the people who follow you will be more incentivized than ever to move with you.

Yes, this is terrifying. There are no guarantees. There never was, and never are, and never will be.

But stay connected. Stay human.

Support each other and be willing to hold hands and jump when we all - as a group - need to jump from the flames we're all trying to convince ourselves wont kill us before rescue comes.

Rescue isn't coming, rescue will be found hand in hand with each other. I'm offering you my hand, please take it. There's always a new start, there are always helping hands reaching for you. You have to look up from the doom-scroll long enough to see and take them.

[lorynna]

the moment you realize they are constantly posting stuff but never texting you and when you realize that even when big changes occur in your life you don't feel like texting them bc the message you sent them 2 months ago is still "unread" that's when you know the friendship ends

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I'm INTJ. I have limited social network. At work or family friends etc I come across many people and I do the needful which is required socially. But deep down, I feel very lonely. I crave for certain connection based on interest, authenticity but that doesn't happen easily.

It is very difficult to find someone with interest like mine. I'm very bore person that way. Though, for sake of socializing, I try to learn something about topics of common interests, it keeps me unsatisfied. There are few groups, social media but it cannot replace human connection

Recently, I started reading quotes from poet Rumi and it is giving me some sort of peace im looking for

I just thought to write in here, is this related to personality or any other thing. What can be solution. Thanks in advance!

---------------------

Statistics show that loneliness is a growing epidemic in modern societies. Loneliness can feel like a troubling void inside, and many lonely people fantasize about finding that one special person to fill it. Not only is this a myopic approach to the problem, but to expect one person to fulfill all your social needs is a big burden to place upon their shoulders.

Contrary to popular belief, having similar interests is only one of many possible ways to build a friendship. It's actually not always the most important factor for friendship compatibility, so hyperfocusing on it might be detrimental to your search. Being Ni dom, you are in the minority, so it's understandable to feel out of place or misunderstood. However, keep in mind that a person need not have the exact same interests as you in order to understand you; they only need to be an empathetic person with good social skills.

Loneliness is more complex than finding one special friend. There are many factors that could lead to a person ending up lonely, so you'll have to dig deeper to discover which factors affect you the most. Common factors include:

1) Personal Issues (that usually present as passivity, indifference, ambivalence, laziness): What you basically said is that you expect great relationships to happen while only putting in minimal effort to build them. Would you want to be friends with someone like that, i.e., someone who refuses to invest anything unless they are guaranteed what they want in return? You say you're very lonely and want a better social life, yet your mechanical "dutiful" behavior sends out an unwelcoming vibe. Is it reasonable to expect others to care about you when you can't express any genuine care for them?

The first step of making good friends is learning how to BE a good friend. This could relate to function development in that your expectations aren't realistic (immature Ni) and you haven't yet learned the lesson of "you reap what you sow" (immature Te).

"You reap what you sow" is very fitting when it comes to relationship building (both romantic and platonic). New people are unknown entities. People are complicated and contain multitudes, so you have to spend enough quality time with them in order to learn who they really are and make a sound judgment about long term compatibility. Studies have been done on this and, on average, it takes at least a few months or a couple hundred hours of effort to turn an acquaintance into a good friend.

Too often, people make snap judgments based on a "gut feeling" or the nebulous concept of "chemistry", which leads them to cut off the potential for relationships to grow and develop over time. In most cases, when you're dealing with normal everyday people, the judgment of long term compatibility shouldn't be very easy to make. If you believe it's easy, it could be an indication that you're too superficial or judgmental, which is a form of self-sabotage.

Have you been open and honest with people about wanting more friends? Have you been proactive and assertive in putting out "invitations" to build friendship? Can you honestly say that you've given people enough of a chance? Can you honestly say that you've made every effort to take advantage of opportunities to develop friendships with the people you've known throughout life?

If you've answered "no" to the above, then there's something about you that needs to change. Perhaps there's a blockage inside you. If you're unable to figure out what exactly is preventing you from succeeding in relationships, consider working with a therapist to get to the bottom of it. Willingness to work on oneself is an essential ingredient to getting better at relationships.

2) Poor Social Skills: Some people aren't able to take advantage of friendship opportunities due to not knowing how to socialize. Ideally, people learn to socialize well in childhood and adolescence, but there are many reasons why social development doesn't go as expected. Fortunately, whatever the reason behind poor social skills, it is a solvable problem. Social skills are called "skills" because they can be improved through learning, study, and practice. I have already written about it and recommended books on the resources page.

Introverts tend to sit around waiting for things to happen rather than making things happen. You have to ask yourself how badly you want something. If you want it badly enough, you should have the motivation to do what it takes to get it. "No input, no output" is something healthy Te should understand very well.

Imagine you went to a party, social gathering, or a conference where you only knew a handful of people out of a hundred attendees. What would you do? Most people (and almost all introverts) would stick close to the people they already knew, using the known group to cautiously explore the strangers. Few people would make it their mission to meet each and every new person. Even fewer people could insert themselves into already established social groups and quickly carve out their own space, position, or role. Yet it can be done. Excellent socializers exist and they can make friends everywhere they go, no matter the occasion.

I've known many great socializers and they have certain things in common. Socializing well requires the ability to drum up courage, since you constantly have to face down the possibility of rejection. It requires good conversational skills that allow you to join seamlessly into discussions and express yourself in a way that is both authentic and well-received. It requires resilience and not taking failure personally, so that you can quickly recover and try try again. Most importantly, it requires an attitude of openness, trust, and a willingness to be vulnerable.

Openness means being able to see and take advantage of every good possibility. Great socializers don't put all their eggs in one basket and look for only one person to fulfill all their social needs (which is unreasonable). Rather, they throw open every door in order to get a good look at each person they encounter, which creates a variety of ways to get everyone's social needs met.

Trust means giving people the benefit of the doubt and being relaxed enough to go with the flow. Great socializers don't hold back or try to control social situations (which reveals insecurity). Rather, they really believe in people and try to access the positive aspects in every social situation.

A willingness to be vulnerable means being able to express yourself freely and naturally. Great socializers don't expect people to understand each other right away (which is unrealistic). Rather, they make themselves as approachable and relatable as possible in order to maximize the opportunities for deeper emotional connection. They proactively work to understand and fulfill people's needs in order to encourage reciprocation.

If you find yourself in a pattern of being unable to get past acquaintanceship, then you might need to improve your social skills and nurture the qualities in yourself that make you a more attractive candidate for friendship. It's not about turning yourself into someone you're not but about doing more to enhance and express the positive attributes you already possess, as well as learning how to bring them out in others. Everyone has positive attributes but not everyone knows how to express them and put them to good use. You should be using them to signal to people that you have something meaningful to offer in a friendship.

3) Unfavorable Environment: There is no doubt that some environments are better than others for meeting new friends. For instance, a small town where everyone already knows each other isn't going to present many new opportunities. The workplace isn't always great either, if it's the kind of soulless environment where people only show up to get paid.

When you live in a place without much friendship opportunity, you have to be proactive and either i) create more opportunity or ii) go to where there are more opportunities. For example, if you live in a small town, maybe you need to give people a second or third look to make sure that you haven't misjudged them. Or if you're finding people with similar interests online, the next step would be to meet them in real life, or at least speak rather than just text.

It is very limiting and even small-minded to approach loneliness as merely an individual problem. One reason modern societies suffer more from loneliness is that they've constructed an environment that doesn't foster and even discourages connections between people. For example, living in an individualistic and WEIRD society like the US, people often strive to be independent, live in detached houses, and set up private life to have as little interaction with the public as possible. Then they turn around and wonder why they feel empty or disconnected.

Loneliness can't be completely resolved on the individual level because there are larger factors that influence the trajectory of everyone's lives. When you don't take these larger factors into consideration, whatever solution you find at the individual level is going to feel like a band-aid. People often settle for whatever friendship they can get, but if you really want to shake loneliness for good, you also need a community to belong to. This is what it really means to have a social support network.

Imagine what it would be like if you were in trouble and a whole village of people was willing to come to your aid? This would only be possible if every member of the village took their membership seriously - not just out of "duty" but also out of care. Be a member of something larger than yourself. It means caring about things that don't always directly relate back to you. It means taking responsibility for more than just yourself. It means nurturing a willingness to be of service to more than just your own desires.

Do you know why many soldiers aren't able to reintegrate back into civilian life after going to war? During the war, they were forced to join a very tight-knit community where everyone was responsible for each other's survival. All of their time was spent on service and contribution to a greater goal. Those social bonds were so strong and their sense of purpose was so constantly reinforced that returning to civilian life felt extremely isolating and empty.

The heart of loneliness isn't just about not having close friends, it's equally about not having a strong connection to society. Remedy this by getting more involved in your local community, e.g., through volunteering for organizations that you believe in or joining clubs with interesting activities. No matter where you are, there are always opportunities to get involved as well as worthy causes you could contribute your time and energy to. By making yourself properly useful, you'll be resolving a major cause of loneliness: lack of purpose. What do you believe in? What do you stand for? Instead of this endless search for one special friend, why not make it easier for friends to find you through a meaningful social identity?

[imbecominggayer]

Help With Publishing And Networking

From @kathartic-kat we have a desperate plea for help: "Could I ask about like publishing (indie and trad) and building like a network/presence as an author/aspiring author?"

Unfortunately, I don't feel comfortable answering such an influencial question so i'm turning this out to you!

From experienced publishers and networkers:

How?

[essential-randomness]

Enter the FujoVerse™

Starting 2024's content creation journey with a bang, it's time to outline the principles behind the FujoVerse™: an ambitious (but realistic) plan to turn the web back into a place of fun, joy, and connection, where people build and nurture their own communities and software. (You can also read the article on my blog)

The Journey

As those who follow my journey with @bobaboard or read my quarterly newsletter (linked in the article) know, the used-to-be-called BobaVerse™ is a collection of projects I've been working on since 2020 while pondering an important question: how do we "fix" the modern social web?

Obviously the joyless landscape that is the web of today is not something a single person can fix. Still, I loved and owed the internet too much to see it wither.

After countless hours of work, I found 3 pillars to work on: community, software ownership and technical education.

Jump in after the cut to learn more about how it all comes together!

Community

Community is where I started from, with good reason! While social networks might trick us into thinking of them as communities, they lack the characteristics that researchers identify as the necessary base for "true community": group identity, shared norms, and mutual concern.

Today, I'm even more convinced community is a fundamental piece of reclaiming the web as a place of joy. It's alienating, disempowering, and incredibly lonely to be surrounded by countless people without feeling true connection with most of them (or worse, feeling real danger).

Software Ownership and Collaboration

As I worked with niche communities "software ownership" also became increasingly important to me: if we cannot expect mainstream tech companies to cater to communities at the margins, it follows that these communities must be able to build and shape their own software themselves.

Plenty of people have already discussed how this challenge goes beyond the tech. Among many, "collaboration" is another sticking point for me: effective collaboration requires trust and psychological safety, both of which are in short supply these days (community helps here too, but it's still hard).

Education (Technical and Beyond)

As I worked more and more with volunteers and other collaborators, however, another important piece of the puzzle showed itself: the dire state of educational material for non-professional web developers. How can people change the web if they cannot learn how to *build* the web?

(And yes, learning HTML and CSS is absolutely important and REAL web development. But to collaborate on modern software you need so much more. Even further, people *yearn* for more, and struggle to find it. They want that power, and we should give it to them.)

Once again, technical aspects aren't the only ones that matter. Any large-scale effort needs many skills that society doesn't equip us with. If we want to change how the web looks, we must teach, teach, TEACH! If you've seen me put so much effort into streaming, this is why :)

And obviously, while I don't go into them in this article, open source software and decentralized protocols are core to "this whole thing".

The Future

All of this said, while I've been working on this for a few years, I've struggled to find the support I need to continue this work. To this end, this year I'm doing something I'm not used to: producing content, gaining visibility, and putting my work in front of the eyes of people that want to fight for the future of the web.

This has been a hard choice: producing content is hard and takes energy and focus away from all I've been doing. Still, I'm committed to doing what it takes, and (luckily) content and teaching go hand in hand. But the more each single person helps, the less I need to push for wide reach.

If you want to help (and read the behind the scenes of all I've been working on before everyone else), you can subscribe to my Patreon or to my self-hosted attempt at an alternative.

I deeply believe that in the long term all that we're building will result in self-sustaining projects that will carry this mission forward. After all, I'm building them together with people who understand the needs of the web in a way that no mainstream company can replicate.

Until we get there, every little bit of help (be it monetary support, boosting posts, pitching us to your friends, or kind words of encouragement and support) truly matters.

In exchange, I look forward to sharing more of the knowledge and insights I've accrued with you all :)

And once again, to read or share this post from the original blog, you can find it here.