#communication skills

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Game-Changing TED Talks Everyone Should Watch

"How Five Simple Words Can Get You What You Want" by Janine Driver

"Master your Mindset, Overcome Self-Deception, Change your Life" by  Shadé Zahrai

"How to talk to the worst parts of yourself" by Karen Faith

"Think before you speak, hacking the secret of communication" by Catherine Molloy

"The Hidden Code For Transforming Dreams Into Reality" by Mary Morrissey

"Don't Believe Everything You Think" by Lauren Weinstein

"The public speaking lesson you never had" by DK

"Programming your mind for success" by Carrie Green

"How to stop screwing yourself over" by Mel Robbins

"Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication, Determine Your Success" by Louise Evans

"The psychology of seduction" by Raj Persaud

"Why we're unhappy -- the expectation gap" by Nat Ware

"Think Fast. Talk Smart" by Matt Abrahams 

"Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix' by Tasha Eurich 

"5 steps to designing the life you want" by Bill Burnett

"Staying stuck or moving forward" by Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko

"To reach beyond your limits by training your mind" by Marisa Peer

"Emotional laws are the answer for better relationships" by Diana Wais

"Feelings: Handle them before they handle you" by Mandy Saligari

"Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth" by Adia Gooden 

[gallusrostromegalus]

Hello this is just to say that I am very interested in that post you mentioned maybe making about indirect communication!

So to define Direct and Indirect communication with a pair of examples real fast:

Direct communication: "Hey, can you do the dishes?" Indirect communication: "There's dishes in the sink." (Please wash them.)

Indirect communication tends to trip a lot of ND, but especially Autistic people up because the implied request in the parentheses... doesn't always come through. So you don't do the dishes, and the Indirect communicator gets frustrated because they thought they had made that request perfectly clearly.

Which, in their defense, they did! ...in their micro-cultural language.

See, the actual purpose of Indirect Communication is to provide some extra verbal personal space and non-aggression measures in micro-cultures where people's personal autonomy has been compromised but there is also a high degree of understood social context.

Hm. That's a weird sentence. Let's try some more examples.

Indirect communication is most common in places or situations where people's ability to stay in their own lane is compromised, but everyone also shares the same base knowledge of what's going on. One example is in large cities, where people are PHYSICALLY up in each other's personal space because they're physically crowded. So cities have etiquette like "Don't make eye contact on public transit unless you actually need to address someone", so that, if people can't stop violating your personal space, they can at least signal non-aggression and give you some privacy. People raised in large cities, or who have lived there for a while all learn these unspoken rules by trial and error, some of us with more errors and trials than others.

Thus, in physically compact situations, "There's dishes in the sink" means "There's dishes in the sink." (I trust that you are already familiar with the social rules that dictate that dishes need to be done, and assume the reason you haven't done them is because you haven't seen the sink yet. I won't insult your intelligence by elaborating on the Do The Dishes Rule, because I know you are smart <3)

Speaking of Privacy, the other place indirect communication is common is in situations where people have Limited Privacy and thus everyone knows what's going on with them, and they know what's going on with everyone else, whether they want to or not. Close-knit families and religious communities often have this shared no-privacy pool, but it can also happen with you and two roommates in a 100sq ft apartment, or on a research vessel in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Since y'all are up in each other's business, indirect communication is there to prevent hostility in close quarters.

This, in a low-privacy situation, "There's dishes in the sink." means "There's dishes in the sink." (I know you are a good and responsible roommate who is maybe a little forgetful, and I trust you to have enough context from living in the live feed of everyone's life to know that I need them done. I won't insult you by suggesting your motivation was malicious in any way, and i trust you to do them <3)

So, to an indirect communicator, that was a perfectly clear request to do the dishes because OF COURSE you'd know what they meant- literally everyone else they deal with is in on this shared knowledge of social rules and daily updates. And not elaborating on that request is an affectionate sign of trust in your competence.

Except, you know. You're not.

So, you try to explain to your indie friend that "There's dishes in the sink." only sounds like an observation, and your brain will not auto-fill in the request like theirs does, so if you want me to do the dishes, just ask with words, okay?

And your indie friend understands this! but then instead of going "Hey, can you do the dishes?" they instead don't say ANYTHING until they're really frustrated with the state of the kitchen, and communicate VERY directly at you, and with great anger.

What happened?

So remember how indirect communication exists to prevent hostility and violence? That's because the threat of hostility and violence is VERY, VERY REAL.

Like you, your indirect communication friend made some mistakes while learning The Unsaid Rules and How To Use The Shared Information Pool, and the social hammer came down on them HARD. Ostracization, ridicule, maybe even actual, psychical harm. So they grew very, very afraid of violating those secret rules, and doubly so with people they like, so your indirect communication friend is facing this HUGE EMOTIONAL BLOCK when it comes to directly communicating with you, because to someone who grew up with their boundaries compromised and the threat of hostility if they violate the communication rules, communicating directly with someone they love feels really, really, really mean and they don't want to hurt or lose you.

For real, "Hey, please do the dishes" sounds like "Hey, please do the dishes." (You fucking moron who doesn't give a shit about our home and probably hates me) to them, and they don't want to talk like that to you. It's like how we never like picking the mean dialogue option in video games.

So instead they... just don't say anything at all, rather than risk a potential confrontation, and then the dishes don't get done and it turns into a REAL confrontation.

What a headache.

So what are we gonna do?

Well, you can't control your friend's actions, emotional reactions or interpersonal skills, but you can manage yours, and you're gonna have to meet them halfway, and it's gonna feel like training a skittish cat that coming out from under the couch is safe. Several-pronged approach:

DO NOT PUNISH BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE. When your friend does manage to say "Hey, please do the dishes?" don't go "UUUUGH IN A MINUTE." even if you are in the middle of something else and their timing sucks, which is probably does. Stick to either neutral responses ("Cool, let me finish this paragraph and I'll get on that") to positive responses ("Oh, sure! Thanks for letting me know!")

REWARD THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE. -and then actually go do the dishes to demonstrate that this approach not only is safe, it's effective. Also, praise your friend when they do a good job communicating with you. "Hey, thanks for actually asking me to do the dishes, that was really helpful." or "You're doing a great job navigating and giving me directions, this is much less stressful than the GPS" or "Thanks for being honest about how I was annoying you and bringing it up before it became a huge issue." This will kind of feel like you're an actor on sesame street teaching big bird how to say please and thank you, but honestly? that was the age most of us learned our communication skills, and we return to that teaching method because BY GOD IT WORKS.

MODEL THE BEHAVIORS YOU WANT TO SEE. Humans learn by copying, so lead by example with the kind of communication that helps you, and explain why it helps. "Hey friend, a question so I can schedule some stuff- Do you have any plans this weekend I should know about, or am I clear to paint the bathroom?"

This is the one that sucks but YOU GOTTA MEET THEM HALFWAY AND LEARN ABOUT THE CONTEXT POOL. Can't make everyone learn, and Indirect communication has it's uses (especially in modern jobs and social media), so you gotta learn their style too. I literally have a discord server that's just me where I keep notes on the life events and conditions of my friends, coworkers, neighbors and loved ones because I know I won't remember that shit, but they will kind of expect me to, and it's been a lifesaver in both not blundering into social faux pas, and actually getting around my crap memory to know them better. You can also model hybrid communication and practice your indirect skills by using an indirect request opener, but then saying the rest of the implied context aloud: "Hey, there's dishes in the sink. I know you'll do that ASAP because you're cool, I just wanted to make sure you knew they were there and needed to be washed, thanks <3"

Accept that some people aren't gonna change for reasons that are beyond their control and probably have nothing to do with you, and decide what you're willing to invest in learning to deal with them. I still have to play 5D words chess with my mother-in-law, who was raised in a close-physical-space-AND-no-privacy culture and is an excruciatingly anxious indirect communicator as a result. I can't make her go to therapy for the anxiety, and until she does, her ability to communicate effectively probably won't improve. It's got nothing to do with me, even if I'm the person she's most frequently at odds with. As a result, I have extremely limited contact with her. I don't see her for more than a few hours at a time, when we have an activity to do together, and only a handful of times a year. More than that, and I get brainworms by proxy, so for my sanity, I've limited what I am willing to do with her. Maybe your indirect communicator is someone worth effectively learning a second language for, like a lover. Maybe they're someone you can cut out of your life entirely without issue, like a manger at a retail job you can quit. You'll have to decide.

Anyway, that's my raised-bilingual ADHD/Autism Direct/indirect communicator ramble, hope it helps.

[whetstonefires]

'Saying things in a funny way' is an op skillset for real though.

Latest example 'when you're late coming home and I don't know why I get worried about you and think perhaps there has been a car accident and this is why I send check-in texts' = distressing concept, explains the texting as something other than controlling behavior but still sounds neurotic and may increase any aversion felt toward it

'When I don't know why you aren't home yet I start to think maybe you got eaten by a car' = funny, sympathetic, likely to make such texts less burdensome to receive.

Why is communication like this.

[csuitebitches]

Interviews with Incredible Women

Here are some interviews that I think are absolutely brilliant, and I’ll explain why.

These women are trailblazers in what they do and I think, have really nailed the interview process down and you can tell because the more natural a person appears to be on camera, the more effort has gone into looking that way. Uneasiness, discomfort, shyness are easily spotted, especially with body language - and you can see the confidence just radiating from them.

Now, you may not like some of these women for whatever reason. I don’t really care about that - I’m simply looking at their oratorship, their presence in front of everyone and how they carry themselves. There’s obviously lots of powerful female orators, leaders and figures out there but I can’t possibly list them all so excuse me if I’ve missed out on your favourites - I’ll add them next time.

There’s a few things these women have in common:

1. They don’t always jump to answer. They think for a second or two before answering.

2. There are no filler sounds. They speak at a measured rate, which allows them to think ahead about their sentences.

3. They have a vast vocabulary.

4. They are not shy in disagreeing with the person in front of them. None of that diplomatic nonsense. There is clearly a strong sense of self identity and personality, unapologetically.

5. They show their vulnerabilities, weaknesses and hard times as thing of the past and accept them without a fuss- they don’t oppress themselves with it, and come across as strong survivors rather than wallowing in self pity. It’s what makes people admire them.

6. They don’t answer what they dont want to. And they beat around the bush with it, clearly stating that they will not answer those questions.

7. One thing I loved about Rekha’s interview - when questioned about an ex lover, she asks: “hey, is this interview about me or Mr Bacchan?” And it didnt come across as haughty or egoistical.

8. There’s feminineness in their strength. Them being strong in their stances is not masculine, overly aggressive or yelling - its firm, to the point, yet graceful.

This is what you should be looking at, carefully:

- body language

- Vocabulary

- Talking speed

- Gestures

- Facial expressions

- Voice modulation

- Expressing emotions

Video Links

1. Rekha

2. Princess Ameerah Al-Taweel

3. Meryl Streep

4. Indira Gandhi

5. Princess Diana

6. President Sirleaf

7. Lady Gaga

8. Naomi Campbell and Vivienne Westwood

9. Anna Karina

10. Michelle Yeoh

11. Mika Brzezinksi

[venuslilgirl]

Social life affirmations 🦋🪩

(part 1 : social butterfly)

I have a bubbly, fun, outgoing extrovert personality.

I am the embodiment of a social butterfly.

Everyone admires my bubbly energy.

I am so talkative and I love talking.

I always let my personality shine.

I have such a good reputation.

I have great social skills and I can socialize with others easily.

I always have interesting things to say in any conversation.

I always have the right thing to say at the right time.

I'm a great listener.

I radiate positive energy everywhere I go.

People enjoy conversations with me.

I can keep any conversation going for hours.

All my conversations go fully smooth and fun.

I always have the best arguments ever.

Arguing is a child's play for me.

I effortlessly build fulfilling and harmonious friendships.

I always attract true, supportive and kind friends

I always have the time and the opportunity to go out with my friends frequently.

I always get invited to so many interesting social events.

I always go on cool adventures with my friends and create great memories.

Confidence is my middle name.

I am so confident in everything I do.

I am excellent at public speaking.

I have a beautiful clear voice and pronunciation.

People love to hear me speak.

I can be a magnet of fame whenever I desire.

It's so easy for me to become popular if i want to.

I have my desired number of followers on my desired social media account.

I am grateful

@venuslilgirl...🩷🌷

[kindnessoverperfection]

Lately, when I talk about someone I strongly disagree with, I think about my friends.

When I interact with someone who regularly rants about people, and tends to take things in the worst ways (without any attempts at self-reflection or grace), I feel more on-edge. I'm nervous to voice opinions. I'm always over-thinking everything I send them, worried about how they'll receive it.

On the other hand, I feel much safer during conversations where someone is speaking neutrally about those they feel at conflict with. When they feel upset about a situation, but without talking aggressively about the other person. Because I know that if we're ever in a disagreement, or have some sort of conflict or misunderstanding, they won't hurt me or suddenly hate me*.

I used to speak much more aggressively about people. My personality disorders, combined with online toxic environments, were big factors in that. I was stressed and angry constantly, and I felt justified, and I felt afraid and ashamed to respond with anything but anger. But to make a long story short, I had several big painful interpersonal experiences where I realized how my attitude was impacting my friends.

I remember the nervousness in my friends' eyes. I remember the people I've met who are much older and never grew out of that reactive communication style, and I don't want to be that person. I want my loved ones to feel safe around me.

So nowadays, I do my best to speak compassionately (or at least neutrally). Because I want to signal to my friends that I'm not going to be cruel to them, or to automatically believe the worst of them, during a conflict or misunderstanding. I try to vent about situations and my fears instead of people.

I wish I'd realized this before.

*(I discuss splitting in the tags)

[pratchettquotes]

"Hang on," said Nobby, as they laid hands on the windlass of the portcullis. "There's someone down there."

"In the river?" said Colon.

He listened. There was the creak of an oar, far below.

Sergeant Colon cupped his hands around his mouth and issued the traditional policeman's cry of challenge.

"Oi! You!"

For a moment there was no sound but the wind and the gurgling of the water. Then a voice said: "Yes?"

"Are you invading the city or what?"

There was a pause. Then:

"What?"

"What what?" said Colon, raising the stakes.

"What were the other options?"

"Don't mess me about...are you, down there in the boat, invading this city?"

"No."

"Fair enough," said Colon, who on a night like this would happily take someone's word for it. "Get a move on, then, 'cos we're going to drop the gate."

Terry Pratchett, The Truth

[themontessoriacademyofarlington]

Lower Elementary - Geometry

These students are very focused on their work in geometry! This material covers the parts of an angle, such as the vertex and sides, providing a solid foundation for more complex geometry. Students construct angles with the geometry sticks, reinforcing their understanding and visualization of how angles are formed. Collaborative learning is a key aspect of their work, enhancing their understanding of angles and fostering teamwork, communication skills, and a sense of community.

[mymidwestheart]

[tmarshconnors]

Graphology: The Study of Handwriting

Graphology, the study of handwriting, offers intriguing insights into personality and behavior. I find it fascinating how the way we write can reveal aspects of our character—our emotions, motivations, and even how we interact with the world.

Graphologists analyze various elements of handwriting, including size, slant, pressure, and spacing, to interpret individual traits. While some consider it a pseudoscience, the connection between our writing style and psychological characteristics is an engaging area of exploration.

Understanding graphology can enhance our self-awareness and improve communication. It offers a unique lens through which we can examine ourselves and others, providing insights into human nature that may otherwise remain hidden.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Types of Relationships To Help You Thrive In Life

Table of Contents:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Peer-To-Peer Relationship

Mentorship Relationship

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship

Acquaintance Relationships

Second-Degree Relationships

Types of Relationships:

Healthy Relationship With Yourself: Internalize and act with the knowledge that you're worthy of love, care, and nourishment, and have unconditional permission to work towards your goals & dream life. Eat healthfully, drink plenty of water, remain well-rested, move your body daily, maintain proper hygiene/a clean home, invest in your appearance to feel your best, live as a life-long learner, establish healthy habits/routines, get your finances in order, establish and maintain boundaries, make positive self-talk a priority.

Peer-To-Peer Relationship: Aka friendships, which are intended to offer mutual support and joy in life. These friendships thrive on having similar values and interests, which makes these individuals your greatest cheerleaders, advice givers/receivers, and partners in crime to have fun or offer platonic love/emotional support during traditional or difficult seasons in your life. Peer-to-peer relationships should add mutual excitement, encouragement, and emotional nourishment, and provide a soundboard for confidential information exchange, ears to listen without unnecessary or superficial judgment, and solicited advice from someone who has your best interest in mind.

Mentorship Relationship: This could be a boss, teacher, professor, aunt, uncle, or another trusted adult(s) who can guide you based on their more extensive life experience/wisdom. You can have one or several mentors at any life stage and for different purposes. These people should be trustworthy (keep your information confidential unless you state otherwise) and express their advice through the lens of your best interest rather than their own personal desires or biases (at least those left unchecked). Ensure you feel safe around these people, and their presence in your life is a mutually-nourishing relationship that allows you to grow personally, professionally, and relationally.

Goal-Oriented/Accountability-Focused Relationship: A coach, mentorship, or friendship based on the achievement of a particular goal or practice. This type of relationship can manifest as an accountability partner or support group. A therapist can also fulfill this role in your life (but like, a coach, this relationship is a one-way street to offer you emotional support/tools & resources). Some reasons for an accountability-oriented relationship include helping you achieve a certain health/fitness goal, establish better routines, advance in your career, let go of unhealthy habits, patterns, or addictions, better manage your finances, or help you get your other relationships (family, partner, friends, self-talk, boss, co-workers, etc.) in order.

Emotionally-Intimate Relationship: Someone with whom you feel an unwavering emotional closeness and connection. This person can be a partner you're involved with sexually/physically intimate with or not. Asexuality exists, of course. And emotional intimacy can definitely exist in close platonic relationships (like your best friendships) without any romantic or sexual feelings. These relationships are important because they allow you to let your emotional walls down and be your vulnerable, authentic self.

Physical/Sexually-Intimate Relationship: This relationship could be with a romantic partner, FWB, with multiple partners, purely with yourself, or somewhere in between. If you have sexual needs, it's important to find pleasurable ways to satisfy these desires in a way that makes you feel most fulfilled and respected. Let go of any shame you experience when exploring this side of yourself. Experiment and learn what you like/dislike/fantasize about. Use this information to elevate your practice and communication with any partner(s) for a heightened, more enjoyable, and potentially closer emotionally-bonding experience.

Hobby/Interest-Centric Relationship: These relationships can extend from co-workers to your friends in a certain class/the one friend you go on weekly walks with, follow a particular TV show with, exchange beauty tips with, "going out" friends, etc. While these connections aren't vulnerable to the degree of a close friendship/relationship, it is important to have some relationships that are purely based on fun, light-hearted conversations, and mutual hobbies/interests/lifestyles. Having someone to share these mutual experiences with helps you feel more connected to your environment/communities, not feel isolated/lonely when your friends, family, or intimate partner has different hobbies, career aspirations, or daily routines/lifestyle compared to you, and provides a mutual soundboard on issues, insights, and exciting moments in this particular area of your life.

Acquaintance Relationships: Everyone needs those friends, co-workers, or classmates they can just chat with when at a party, a group meeting, dinner, a special occasion, to grab a quick lunch or coffee, etc. These people are fun to be around and allow you to indulge in light, easy conversations to offer temporary social support/fulfillment. These relationships also expand your network for professional opportunities, making new friends, finding dates/a potential partner, interest groups/new hobbies, referral services/classes/spaces, and other contacts that can enrich your life.

Second-Degree Relationships: These are friend-of-a-friend type connections who can be/become your future business partners, romantic/sexual partners, co-workers, investors, hairdressers, realtors, stylists, finance managers, etc. Be ready to reciprocate these offers and be this person in others' lives, too. As your network gets broader and more dynamic, better chances and potential there is to connect with the right people to help you achieve your goals, desires, and overall life satisfaction. Success and efficiency rarely – if ever – exist in isolation.

[alchemistofthenewage]

Helpful for learners:

How to communicate a new concept effectively? (How the human mind likes it)

Context:

Always provide context for everything you are about to talk about in connection to these questions-

-Why we need to know this?

-How does this co-relate to the grander scheme of things?

-How and where will this information benefit me?

Never take the context for granted. Give it its due share, and even if its kept short, it’s best not to skip it

Introduction:

When you begin, arouse curiosity in the topic to create a receptive audience. Start with something that is known and is simple to understand. Don’t deep dive into unknown territory immediately. Give the mind time to adapt and trek into the unknown terrain slowly and gradually.

Visualize it:

The concept or idea being described should take on a certain shape or form in the mind of the individual. It can be different from the way you visualize it. However, your words should arouse simultaneous images or symbolic representations in the mind’s eye of the recipient in order to fully grasp a concept, otherwise it is just something vague and abstract. Also, there needs to be a sequence or smooth transition from one point to another to form this picture in the mind’s eye. Sudden transgressions or jumping from topic to topic without forming connections/tying up loose ends can lead to confusion and disruptions in understanding the concepts.

Register:

The orally spoken words should register in the minds of the recipient, in a way that they are easy to repeat and comprehend. The language and vocabulary used should be replicable in the mind of the recipient on listening. They should follow through what is being said and not get stuck or lost at point where communication barriers pop up. Even if they translate it in their own head or make sense of it in their own way, it’s important that the information registers with them.

Wrap up:

The closing statements should have a general overview and revision of everything covered in the discussion. This allows for a complete understanding and assimilation of a concept. It also prepares the mind to come back to the moment and return to regular thought.

Feedback:

The communication from sender to receiver is not linear. It’s not as passive as it seems. The receiver is consciously engaging with the ideas and participating in the process of responding to the speaker, not just by listening, but by registering correctly what has been sent. The uninterrupted receiving by the listener to the depth of their being, completes the communication process. The feedback loop is hence accomplished when if you ask the audience to repeat what is said/express their piece of mind, they respond in a way that shows that they are on the same page as you.

[chaosobsidienne]

Communicating is so fucking tiring. And you all are doing that on a daily basis?

[venuslilgirl]

I always have interesting things to say in any conversation.

[eliserzilber]

GIVE

Use this skill to maintain a good relationship and reduce conflict with another person.

G - Gentle: No attacks, threats or judgments.

I - Interested: Listen to the other person.

V - Validate: Acknowledge the person’s feelings, wants, difficulties and opinions.

E - Easy Manner: Use humor and smile.

*More DBT guides here*