#so id make like side stories of my characters going through things people in my life went through

[happyk44]

[Text ID: 1. I have felt so much grief at the end of so much love that all of my love has started to feel like the beginning of grief.

So, I can't stop talking about what will happen if my best friend dies. I am decimated by the loss of things that aren't even gone yet. I am so full of the people I love - I have let so much of myself be made of them - that I can tell, with clinical specificity, precisely how little of me there could be if they were gone. The more firmly and reliably entrenched they are in my life, the more the fear persists. I, too, am defined by absence. I am a child, and anything could be taken from me at any moment.

2. Tumblr post from @/sentientsky: massive fan of characters who have been abandoned time and time again and who are trying to trust but are simultaneously going through all five stages of preemptive grief. characters who are bracing for the blade to find its mark and twist and break them open. character who know how the story ends - how the story has always ended. once again, of course, in a totally normal and not at ALL projecting way

3. I love you - I do - but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you're always going to leave me. We can't deny it. You're always going to leave.

4. Even in my fantasy, I keep the car running

In case I need to take off

The months blur together

I watch the ceiling buckle

I wonder when it's caving in

There's a black hole in the living room floor

I keep standing on the edge and looking in

5. you are all dangling limbs and half-burned memories, always waiting always swallowing the bitter pill before it's even offered to you.

you know nothing but the left side of the stage and the frantic replay of a mind trying to rationalize the end of all things.

you're doing it again, aren't you? -

preemptively grieving what you have yet to lost, as though that will save you - as though tracing the stencil shape of a wound will make it bleed less when the blade finds its mark. /end ID]

on preemptive grief. on bracing for impact. on looking towards the horizon line and flinching

Rayne Fisher-Quann, “home for the holidays: an essay (sort of) about grief (sort of)” // me // David Levithan // The Crane Wives, “Black Hole Fantasy” // me (again)

[supersecretnerd]

Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean

I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch

[maaaxx]

11 & 19 for the ask game ❤

ask game :)

11 has already been answered here

-

19. "Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?":

Short answer:

From the time I could vaguely write I was writing "books" (or as much of a book a child that young can make)

I entered my first writing contest when I was 9 or 10 and I got 5th place in my school

A year later I started my first major wip that got me invested into writing as a hobby

A year after that I started another wip that most of my current wips are branches off of and also started posting bits and pieces on wattpad

When I was 14 I had my writing skills tested for early college admission and scored in the top 5 percent in my state (still very proud of this)

Entered and won a couple writing competitions besides that stopped writnig

Then a couple years later I started writing fanfiction

Currently pondering working towards actually publishing some books one day.

Long answer under the cut :)

I remember making "books" since I could write. Like I would staple paper together and I remember one specifically that had something to do with sea horses but i dont remember the plot.

My mom has boxes filled of these "books" with all of the words and even my name misspelled and poorly illustrated characters and stuff.

When I was in like 4th grade (9-10 years old) my teacher had an assignment to where we made up a story and applied whatever type of literary technique we were learning about that week to it. So like if we were learning about similes the assignment would be come up with 5 sentences that include similes that pertain to your story and include one or something like that. At the end of the year we were supposed to have 4-5 pages of this story. I think I finished with like 10-12 or something like that. She made me summarize it 💀

If I remember right I think that my story was about this set of twins where one was born with some type of super power that only the other twin knew about and the superpowered twin got kidnapped by some scientists that wanted to expirement on her and my story followed the other twin and this like 12 year old girl dedicating her teenagehood to finding the lost twin. I think I made it so the dad actually ended up hiring the kidnapper and the dad and kidnapper both got arrested. I want to find this again because I dont remember a lot about it.

That same year my teacher ended up having me enter a poetry contest and I think it was a tri-county thing. I didn;t like poetry (I still hate writing it, love reading it though) so I half assed it and I think I got within the top 5 (??) of my school. (just elementary school) so that was neat.

(This specific teacher was one of those really strict teachers that no one else liked but my little undiagnosed autistic self LOVED her because i always knew what to expect yk?? but is also the one who really got me into reading and writing and stuff and I dont think I'll ever not me extremely grateful for her)

The next year I started forming this one wip. Its definetly my longest and most elaborate and sentimental one because it opened so many different doors for me.

There was no plot but it pretty much followed this group of like 20 teenagers that had very different lives and were all really traumatized and during the "story" they're all like 15-18 trying to figure out how to move on from their childhoods and maintain healthy relationships with eachother and their individual support systems.

Some of them are neurodivergent and some of their stories are centered around that.

One of the characters name is Jack. Jack is bipolar and so is his mom and so because of his moms mental illnesses and stuff he was in and out of fostercare from like 5-13. Hes probably the 'main' character in this.

Hes also went deaf from a tmi from when he was like 9.

Then theres Allison who is autistic and she is your stereotypical 'gifted kid burnout' 'graduated at like 15' type of autistic. but this leads to a lot of issues with her and her main thing is kind of working through that.

Travis comes from a VERY religious (almost cultish) family and is develops schizophrenia at like 16 I think and he's also pansexual and his parents go through his phone and find some texts from his partner and kick him out so hes homeless and has to deal with that.

But like I said theres like 17 more of these characters and its very elaborate. It goes into the parents childhoods and deals with generational trauma and how mental illness can affect parenting.

The 'story' mostly follows Jack and Allison (theyre love interests) and everything is kind of through their pov and their relationships with the other characters and stuff.

But like 11 year old me started writing this out in composition books and between then and when I turned 15 ish and got a computer, I filled I think close to 30 composition books with this story.

But I started researching mental disorders and stuff for this story so I could make their stuff as realistic as possible and that kickstarted my spin on psychology, which led to me wanting to be a social worker which is my major. It also meant that I was really ahead in also my psyche classes. Im *technically* going into my 5th year of college and I started taking psyche classes my second year and I didnt start getting into stuff that I didn't know until the year that just ended so 11 year old me really knew what she was doing.

I remember making my mom buy me textbooks and those articles that are behind a paywall for birthdays and Christmas's

I'm getting off track

A year or two after that I started developing this other wip with kids with superpowers and there was a whole lot of worldbuilding and stuff to this one and its what got me into fantasy which is the main genre I write outside of fanfic. (my hecles wip is loosely based on this one)

(part of this one is on wattpad somewhere)

When I was 14 I took a test that determined whether or not I would be able to start college early and part of this test was writing skills. There was a fiction and a nonfiction portion and then they combined those two scores and averaged them out and my score was in the 95th percentile (top 5 percent) of everyone who takes the test (so on average like 17-19 year olds usually and then some outliers) so I see that as one of my biggest writing achievments.

(i scored shit on the math and reading comprehension portions though)

I stopped writing and stuff for like two years besides entering writing contests.

I've entered like 5 and won 2. One was tri-county and I got first place and the other one was a little bigger but it wasnt a state contest, I think it might have been regional but I got third place. I consider those both big accomplishments too.

And then when I was 17 I started writing fanfiction.

I think fanfiction is what actually got it in my head that maybe I could write an actual book one day. Like before I just saw it as like a hobby because I was scared of the commitment of writing a whole book but ive written almost 200,000 words of one of my fanfics and it wasn't that overwhelming and I think that usually a decent sized novel so why not give it a try?

Idk if that answered the question or if I got TOO off track but oh well :)

[personasintro]

i know mentioming kiko triggers most of the readers but i think yall should grow tf up like shes my roman empire and i think about her a lot u know 😔😔 when this chapter, where she told jungkook the truth, came out i hated her just like others and i was like "shes so evil like how can she do this to jungkook". but as time passed i just realized that shes the realest character because if i were in the same situation i might have done the same thing(?) Like i dont know exactly what id do but because of fear i couldve done the same so i cant really judge her. like we all know having a child is a big responsibility and she was scared and of course she wasnt ready for this and obviously its her body and her choice and she did whatever she thought was good for her. I think throwing a mud at her and criticising her is too much because she suffered enough already and i truly dont understand why do yall hate this woman so much?? I mean yeah she shouldve told jungkook everything because jungkook really deserved to know and we all knkw he would understand her and her choice but she was scared and not ready. Like we cant even imagine the pain she was going through because as i mentioned before having a kid is a big responsibility and she was the one who had to carry the baby for 9 months and give birth and everything and she was not ready. like yeah jungkook would be on her side but so what?? his support would be a great help but mothers still have to go through pain, fear, uncertainty and so many emotions and i think men would never get this (im sorry, i know jungkooks an amazing man but he still wouldnt get it okay???) and i trully feel sorry for her and of course the way she handled the situation was so wrong and i do not support her for that, for example, for lying to jungkook, breaking up with him without telling him everything, then lying to him that she cheated 😭😭like she was so stupid for that and she made him suffer so much like imagine u told him u cheated on him and he still wanted to give u a second chance,even though he was in so much pain??? like i understand him and yes he deserved to know everything and she was so wrong for getting back to him and still makkng him believe she cheated but I feel so sorry for both of them and i really understand kiko and her fears and im her apologist because everyone makes mistakes and obviously she wasnt a perfect person. I hope she will be happy in the future because she dont deserve all this pain.

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! we've had quite a lot conversations about her character and to be honest, she might be one of my favorite characters i've ever written. not because I love her or anything, but because she's so interesting to me. and i've said this before many times, but i guess people perceive things differently based on the point of view which is completely understandable – if the story was about them, kiko being y/n – some opinions and reactions might've been different. i do believe there would be many opinions of what she did and it being not right, but i guess readers would show more mercy with the way of how they talk about her character or they would definitely not use so many curse words ahaaha

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 7!!!

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It will not surprise you at all, dear Reader, to learn that Aziraphale keeps very little in his kitchen cupboards. There is no stove or oven, and the only thing in the fridge is milk (for his tea no doubt). When you start opening cupboards, you find one pack of custard creams, and a second one of chocolate digestives. Well, it will have to do. You find yourself a small plate and fill it half and half before heading back into the shop just in time to say goodbye to Anathema and Newt.

As they leave, you turn to the supernatural entities in the room.

“So,” You say, “If we’re going to the States, then we have a few problems. First, I don’t have my passport or any ID at all, so airport security is going to be fun. Second, I have no money. Third, I’m gonna need a Walmart or something because I don’t even have a toothbrush, my dudes. Fourth, these,” You indicate the cookies, “are fine for a snack, but overall they’re not gonna cut it.”

“You just leave the airport security to us,” Aziraphale replies. You make a note that he glided right past ‘my dudes,’ they’re getting used to you already. Dammit. “As for the rest of it,” Aziraphale continues, “I suppose a trip to Tesco’s is in order.”

Crowley produces a shiny black credit card from nowhere and hands it to you. “We’ll take the Bentley,” he says. He starts to stand, but you shake your head.

“Nuh-uh, you both stay here,” You say. Crowley raises his eyebrow.

“You realize we can take care of ourselves,” he says, “We’ve been doing it for a few millennia.”

“I’m not talking about that,” You say, “Look, what we’re going into is really dangerous. And I know that your pattern is to just wait to talk about things until you’re in the clear, but that’s not a good idea anymore. I mean, I get that I’m not exactly an expert, but I read just as much as you do and I’ve heard a million stories by this point in my life, and in NONE of them do people ever say ‘I’m so glad I never told them how I feel’ - you know? It’s always ‘I wish I would have’ or ‘I should have told them every day.’ So Muriel and I will go ask Maggie to take us to Tesco, and you two need to talk. Please. While it’s safe, while you have the chance, before things get dangerous and possibly deadly.”

Crowley and Aziraphale are silent. You notice that they aren’t looking at each other. Well, you’ve done your best. Now you need to trust them.

At this point, dear Reader, you are probably thinking to yourself ‘well I would snoop and spy on them while they talk! I want to watch them make out!’ But here is the thing – in this world they are real people, not characters. It’s one thing to say that you would creep on them from the other side of this fiction, but when they’re very real and looking at you in person, things are a little different. For one thing, you realize that real people deserve things like boundaries and privacy, especially for sensitive conversations.

And so, you take Muriel over to Maggie’s shop, where you explain that Mr. Fell has sent the two of you on an errand and you need to stop for dinner somewhere and have no idea where anything is. You flash her the credit card and say ‘It’s all on me,’ and she conveniently agrees with a look on her face that says something like ‘least they could do after all that shit they put us through.’

So the three of you go for dinner at the nearest Weatherspoons, where you and Maggie eat while Muriel watches in morbid fascination. Then you all take the bus to Tesco where you buy yourself a small wardrobe, and manage to coax Muriel into some light blue jeans and an argyle jumper so they look a little less like the Beacon of Gondor. You quickly find out that Muriel has an adorable fascination with fuzzy socks, novelty mugs, and coloured pencils. Of course, you enable their fascinations with a happy heart, and as an afterthought, you grab them a small pot of orange daisies from the flower section. It will give them something alive to tend to while you’re gone. Muriel appreciates the thought. All in all, it’s a long but good time.

You don’t know about the talk, and you’re worried about asking when you get back.

THAT BEING SAID

You and I, dear Reader, not actually being in that world, are allowed certain privileges.

The bookshop is silent for a long time. Both of them are thinking, digesting, processing. Feelings are hard to feel, and harder to put into words. Especially when it has been made clear, twice now in the span of a number of hours, that you absolutely need to put them into words.

It isn’t until after Crowley notices you, Muriel, and Maggie heading down the street that he stands up and begins to pace. A few more minutes pass before he speaks.

“So...uhm...are you going to go first or should I?”

“Are we...are we actually going to do this? Have this talk I mean?” Aziraphale has been shelving books to try and take the edge off. Now he puts down the book in his hands and absent-mindedly fidgets with his ring.

“Well, I mean we don’t have to,” Crowley says, aiming for non-chalance and missing ever-so-slightly, “No one can actually make us.”

“Yes, except it feels very much like everyone is trying to.”

“Trying is the key word there.”

“That’s true enough I suppose.”

The silence returns and stretches. It is anything but comfortable. The air is full of words that they have been told they should say, words that perhaps they want to say, but words that have been dammed up with fear and uncertainty for so long now that they’ve become very hard to un-stick. After a while, Aziraphale clears his throat and speaks.

“I, erm, I suppose you had better go first.”

“Me, right, okay.” Crowley clears his throat now and stops his pacing near the desk. He looks down at the scattered papers and books, the pens and photos and newspaper clippings. The assorted clutter of Aziraphale’s life. Looking away makes it easier to start. He takes a breath. “Um..right...well...we’ve known each other a long time. We’ve been on this planet a long time – you and me, I mean. I’ve always been able to rely on you, and you’ve always relied on me,” another breath, “We’re a team, yeah? A group of the two of us. And...erm...we pretend that we aren’t. Always have. Safer that way I guess.” He looks up at Aziraphale. The angel isn’t looking at him, but he nods anyway to show that he’s listening. Crowley continues. “And I mean...I’ve tried not to think about it much before but...but it would be nice, I mean, UGH” He takes off his sunglasses and rubs a hand over his eyes as though he can massage the words and make them easier to say. “I mean, I would like to spend...mmm….I would like to spend the rest not pretending anymore. Be an us. I mean,” suddenly the dam breaks, and Crowley finds the words come tumbling out, “If Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, we can. We don’t need Heaven or Hell, they’re both toxic. We can be an us, on our side. You and me. What do you say?” He looks at Aziraphale without reservation now. His angel looks back at him, eyes wide. When he does speak, it’s with a smile and a small nod of acknowledgment rather than agreement.

“That was very well done Crowley,” he says. This isn’t an answer.

“Nnyeah, thanks. Your turn though.”

“Right, I suppose it is.” Aziraphale takes a moment to gather himself. After hearing Crowley be so open about this, he feels more resolved himself to do this properly. He faces Crowley and folds his hands to keep himself grounded. “Crowley,” he begins, “I...I wish that this conversation were happening under better circumstances. Although it’s been pointed out that ideal circumstances aren’t a promise that we can wait around for. Well, the thing is that I would like the same thing. Very much in fact. My biggest concern by far is for your safety because, well, frankly I don’t see the point in saving the world again if you’re not around to enjoy it with me. An us, as you said. You and me.” He smiles. Crowley smiles.

“Guess we’d better save the world together then. And try not to die.”

“Yes, quite.”

“Aziraphale?”

“Yes, Crowley?”

“You’re my angel. No one else.”

“And you, my wiley serpent. No one else.”

The shop bell dings.

“We’re baaaaaack!” You sing as you waltz through the door, shopping bags in hand. Muriel follows after you, carefully carrying their daisies. “Did you miss us?”

When you eventually get the courage to ask them about their talk later, you get a “ngk” from Crowley, and a “We’ve said all that needs to be said, for now.” from Aziraphale. And that, you suppose, will have to do.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

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[cy-cyborg]

Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it - Writing disability quick tips

[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: Proximity to disability is not the same as living with it” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in blue, one is standing, the other is in a wheelchair. /end id]

One of the really common ways people push back against disabled people trying to give them feedback on how they’ve depicted disability in their work shows up as something along the lines of, “Well I have a child/parent/grandparent/friend with that disability, so I don’t need to consult other disabled people because I already know what a life like that is like!”

I see the most vehement pushback like this from parents of disabled children. the parents who are their child's advocates, their carers, they see everything their kids go through and have been with them through it all, so they "know what they're talking about already". And the thing about that is, while it means you have much, much more experience with the disability in question, it's not the same as direct experience living with it. Don't get me wrong, it's still an incredibly valuable experience to have, I'm not saying to disregard it, but it's not the same as having that disability. And when you're writing about characters who are disabled, and telling those stories to a public who already have a lot of misinformation about us going in, that lived experience is very, very important.

This isn't unique to parents of course, like I said, I've seen the same kind of pushback from children, friends and other loved ones of disabled people, and honestly, as someone who's been on both sides of the conversation (being a disabled person, but also having loved ones with disabilities different to my own), I do get where it comes from. But no matter how close you are with your disabled loved one, no matter how much you talk, no matter how much they explain everything, unless you yourself have that same disability, it's incredibly hard to understand the details of what life with a disability is like.

Let me use my partner as an example:

Often times, before these larger articles go up, I run them by my partner to ensure the tone and message I want to get across is actually what’s being conveyed. Which means he’s read pretty much every single article I’ve written on this blog. We talk about disability representation and tropes a lot, and he is one of the only people who sees my unmasked and unfiltered reactions to media when it’s done poorly. He’s also done a great deal of his own research on the subject, and worked with other disability sensitivity readers for his own writing projects. Not to mention, well, we live together, he sees pretty much every part of my day-to-day life and he’s one of the only people who doesn't share my disability who I talk to about the more complex emotions that come with it.

I think it’s pretty fair to say he’s quite knowledgeable on the subject of living with the specific disabilities I have for someone who doesn't have them. Despite that though, he still makes mistakes. He still misses things, and sometimes, internalised ableism - something everyone has, even disabled people - still creeps its way into his work. So do mistakes he simply didn't consider to run past me or his sensitivity readers. It’s not because he’s not listening or not trying, I’d confidently say he’s gone above and beyond in that regard, but it still happens. He still misses things that seem so obvious to me, specifically because of my lived experience as a disabled person who has to deal with these things all the time. It’s not unique to him either. A lot of people in my life are aware of the issues I talk about, but struggle to recognise them in practice or struggle to understand why them being depicted poorly is a problem.

This isn't to discourage creators from trying, mind you. But just to serve as a reminder that everyone makes mistakes, and that's ok, so long as you're still trying and still listening. No matter how close you are to a disabled person, no matter how much work or effort you put into unlearning things like internalised ableism, it's still going to pop up occasionally. And that's fine, but it means that you still need to be open to the criticism you get from people with that disability.

[zmediaoutlet]

Survey results time.

At time of downloading the data we got just over 300 responses, which is not bad for a survey that was long and complicated to take! I'm sure my shamelessness helped. Being a survey for a specific crowd, we also didn't get anyone (as far as I could tell) taking the survey in bad faith, which is a legit surprise. Special shout-out to the several people who, when asked to write literally anything to say they understood what was going on, wrote "literally anything"; additional shout-out to the person who wrote "penus and hole" (sic). You get it, anonymous person.

I'm going to share the top results for the questions here, but I'll also include the raw data as a sheet at the end in case anyone wants to actually go through it with a fine-tooth comb. This is not a survey where cute pie charts or graphs would be useful or readable, so get ready for some sweet-ass numbers:

Story Genre

Unsurprisingly, our leaderboard for most favorite story genre in the 'Anytime!' category is as follows:

Hurt/comfort (153 votes)

Angst (142 votes)

PWP (139 votes)

We just like the guys to get the shit beaten out of them, angstily, and then they can feel better by jerking off about it. The ideal evening.

The big loser in genre, with 34 buds flat out saying "not for me", was Dark!fic. That said, Dark!fic also got 112 votes (third highest) for "has to be JUST right," so we can probably take from there that while as a group we don't hate dark content, we have pretty strict definitions for a) what counts as dark, and b) what kind of dark we're willing to take.

Gencest/gen was arguably the most 'eh, idk?' of the genres, with respectable showings in every category from Anytime to No; most people don't hate it, but people aren't really seeking it out either. It's definitely There.

Story Setting

The winner of most 'Anytime!' votes for story setting is close to my heart; the podium is:

Bunker era (142 votes)

Canon-close, codas, etc (129 votes)

Pre-series/weechesters (126 votes)

It feels good to know that canon is on our side. This may help explain why various alternate universe settings didn't do so hot with the respondents -- the least fave according to this survey is an age!swap AU, followed by a raised apart!AU. Writers who are making Sam the big brother who lives in Cleveland while baby Dean lives in Seattle, you keep living your truth, but readers are rearing back.

That being said, while Canon Divergence isn't an overall winner, it has a full 149 votes in the 'Dig it' category; so, while we may generally prefer canon, we're willing to be led on a garden path away from it. We just want canon to be within shouting distance, at least.

Canonical Character Variants

Here's where the survey gets more complex. I've always been interested in how and why people are fandoming about things, and simple 'yes/no' surveys rarely dig into that meat. The point of the superego/ego/id separation is to really interrogate -- hey, do you like to read about (for example) soulless!Sam because you find it interesting on a high-minded level, or because your heart-strings are getting tugged even if you think it's kinda dumb, or just because it makes you so hornt-up you can't think straight? All are valid, and all are possible simultaneously, but it's interesting to prod at to see how the interest is working. You might also just be like, eh, it's fine, or GOD, STOP, and that's fine too. So, with all that said:

Superego winners:

demon powers!Sam (202 votes)

soulless!Sam (177 votes)

blood addict!Sam (160 votes)

Y'all like to really brain about how Sam is fucked up. I get it.

Ego winners:

Trials of Hell!Sam (186 votes)

blood addict!Sam (180 votes)

demon powers!Sam (161 votes)

Still all Sam, and no surprise that his saintly pale sleeplessness is winning the heartstrings battle.

Id winners:

demon!Dean (205 votes)

demon powers!Sam (175 votes)

blood addict!Sam (165 votes)

Again, no surprise: fandom girlies (gn) love their bad boys, lol. Soulless snuck in at #4 here with 163, presumably because working out still wearing a belt was juuuust dorky enough to kick him off the podium; #5 was Smith & Wesson at 162, probably because if they'd been left in that AU for ten more minutes they would have been fucking over the top of Dean Smith's desk. Glad we're all on the same page, there.

The nopes here were an interesting mix. In the full-on No Thank You category we had Michael!Dean and Gadreel!Sam (with 52 and 53 votes respectively) -- it would be interesting to know if that was due to dread of the storyline specifically, or just how No Bad Wrong it felt to have it happening. These two also led the 'meh' category, although they were joined on the podium of bad by Endverse!Dean (128 Meh votes), which frankly shocked me. Y'all aren't into his thigh holster? C'mon now. Sure, he murders his friends without compunction, but -- thigh holster!

Story Tropes

These ones were fascinatingly all over the place, which is exactly why I wanted to do this. Going to just run down the S/E/I podiums real quick, then 'Hard sell', then No --

Superego winners:

Outsider!POV (211)

Someone Finds Out (191)

Mental health issues (190)

Ego winners:

Mutual pining (252)

First time (242) AND Sick/injured (242)

First time in a long time (235)

Id winners:

Jealousy/possessiveness (224)

First time (218)

First time in a long time (180)

Now, part of what's interesting about these is how they fall off in other categories. Outsider POV wins handily at Superego with 211, but then drops all the way down to 92 votes at Id -- which isn't nothing, but clearly it's preferred to have a heckin' think about how other people view the incest relationship, rather than thinking it's just So Hot that people might. Similarly, while people do think it's so so hot for one brother or the other (or both!) to be possessive at 224 votes, when it comes to the superego that drops right down to 134 votes, presumably as the brain wakes up and goes RED FLAG!

Entering the land of no thank you, we shall have two anti-podiums:

Real hard sell:

Infidelity (127)

magic/powers!Dean (125)

Unrequited/no relationship upgrade (110) AND "Carver Edlund" fandom

This is a much more mixed bag. Infidelity and Unrequited are no surprise here, because it Feels Bad, Man; magic!Dean also not really a surprise, given that most of our respondents prefer being closer to canon, and Dean is very much our mundane buddy in the show as presented. (A delightful buddy, but a distinctly nonmagical one.) Carver Edlund fandom makes me laugh mostly because it's such a bananas thing to exist in the show. Sam and Dean reading big bang fics about each other? Collectively we just... don't know what to do with that. Weird.

Squick/No/Maybe one exception:

Permanent character death (140)

Infidelity (108)

Eating disorders (102)

Again, no surprise in the anti-winners of 1 or 2 here, but number 3 surprised me, personally. ED fic used to be a pretty big wedge of common tropes that people would seek out. Perhaps it's gotten less popular over the years? Or perhaps just that the people who like it REALLY like it and so chat about it out loud, while those who don't quietly bury it in sand, lo as a cat does with their leavings.

Most extreme delta in 'general interest' (whether that be S,E, or I) to 'ehh' (whether that be Hard Sell or Squick) is first time. Y'all loooove your first time.

Sexy Tropes, Vol. 1

This is where I really wanted to know if people could pull apart their interests between brain and heart and guts. Hopefully people were honest, as requested. Some of them we know are slight liar answers, because the hits on AO3 tell a story that can't be refuted -- nevertheless, here's what people were willing to admit to.

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Bedsharing (158)

Incest kink (139)

Size kink (133)

your friendly neighborhood survey creator is jumping up and down going 'wooo' that size kink made the podium. also I hope everyone understood that incest kink meant, like, indulging in the incest of it all via 'oh you're so totes my brother and i want to suck your dingle for that reason specifically', but I realize that could've been clearer.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

shameless bottom!Dean stuff (151)

switching (147)

voyeurism (138)

the first one here genuinely surprises me considering what I see getting written most often; is this a case of just not being in the right venn diagrams, or the 'easy sell' just not matching up with what people are being sold? Curiouser and curiouser.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

bad/awkward sex (120)

phone sex (114)

in [drug/alcohol] veritas (110)

edging into awkward town in a few ways here: we don't love these, but we can see how it'd be fun. or not fun, in the case of bad sex.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

always-another-gender!AU (84)

multiple Sams or Deans (73)

genderswap (magic) (72)

so, in general, we prefer to keep the penises around and intact, but just one Sam penis and one Dean penis, please. Here, I'm interested that the volume is much lower than in the top category: maxing out at 84 hard sells compared to 158 bulletproof options means that we're willing to give more of these tropes a chance, even if they're not our faves. How accepting we are!

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

always-another-gender!AU (83)

A/B/O elements (65)

multiple Sams or Deans (51)

strong overlap with the hard sell; and, keeping in mind that people were able to choose multiple options, it's possible that some of those were identical votes. Again, please keep the penises straightforward and only two at a time. A/B/O is interesting here, especially given what we know of how well it does on AO3; while it's a big squick for a lot of people, it also has decently high votes in bulletproof/easy, averaging 82 votes. Mixed bag!

Sexy Tropes Vol. 2, Electric Boogaloo

Bulletproof kink/will read any version:

Possessive/claiming sex (129)

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (116)

Hair pulling (103)

Let's glance back up at the Id winners in the story tropes above, hmm quietly to ourselves, and move on.

Easy sell/you don't have to work hard for me to enjoy:

Marking (hickeys/bruising) (135)

Hair pulling (130)

Possessive/claiming sex (121)

Well, that's boring. So let's expand so as not to be repetitive:

4. Dub-con (116) 5. Dom/sub (113) AND Underage (113) 6. Knifeplay (107)

There we go. Pretty easy to put all of those into one fic, too.

Medium sell/not my fave, but I can see how it appeals:

Blindfolds (128)

Painplay (116)

Shibari/rope play (112)

We're starting to lose interest as accessories come into play. Interesting to compare D/s and its relative success against painplay -- so, tell him what to do, but don't hit him while you're doing it. Fair enough.

Hard sell/this is unbelievable or uninteresting so you have to work hard to get me to enjoy it:

Fucking machines (94)

Vore (80)

Mommy!kink (77)

Entertaining mix here, haha. General feasibility may be rearing its head here. (Also, for my own entertainment: daddy!kink got 67 Hard Sell votes. People generally prefer to keep it as horizontal incest, not vertical incest.)

Squick/no/maybe one exception:

Feederism (164)

Vore (161)

Extreme underage (157)

No surprises here, although some fans of the nibbly variety of wincest may be disappointed by vore's poor placement. Note also that 'extreme' is in the eye of the beholder; we'll leave aside value judgments, as we have for the whole survey, and note that people are not indulging in a version of underage they find to be personally past the line, or at least are not admitting to that.

At a glance, the closest matchup between bulletproof for some and a squick to others is bloodplay, with just 1 vote separating the two categories: 44 bulletproof, 43 squick. Next time someone tries to tell you that 'everyone' likes or doesn't like something, please take it with an entire shaker full of salt.

Dynamic & Position Preferences

I tried to encourage people not to think too hard about this one and just answer on instinct. Who knows if that worked. But here are some overview takes:

Toppy/dominant: Sam takes the lead here, with 69% of respondents being in the 'Love it!' category. Nice. (217 votes)

Dom Dean earned a respectable 52% of 'Love it!' votes (163).

However, I was also interested to check out the inverse --

subby!Sam: 44 'Very no thank' votes (13%) subby!Dean: 27 'Very no thank' votes (8%)

It's interesting to leap way back up and compare that against 'shameless bottom!Dean stuff' doing so well in the rated E categories. Makes you ponder.

Actual sex position: Frequently switching takes the win here, with 61% of the vote (194 votes). Sam always topping edges out if people must choose, with 144 votes; Dean always topping is our lowest choice, with 112.

Service!topping: this is a fairly niche fic type, but it does still exist -- I guess in a world of bottoms someone's got to actually get up and do something, and it is hilariously an almost perfectly even split:

service!top Sam: 50.17% (151 votes) service!top Dean: 51.50% (155 votes)

A healthy percentage of people said they didn't care about these questions either way, and more power to them. However, they were wildly outvoted by those who did.

Multishipping Time

Our final categories are when other people get their grubby hands on Sam or Dean, either canonically(ish) or in our fandom activities.

Canonical relationships for Sam

Jess wins, quelle surprise. :) 161 people Dug It and who can blame them.

Amelia LOSES, shocking no one: 112 people said Fuck That.

Eileen was definitely a mixed bag; her results, in order, were: Meh: 92; Fuck that: 76; Worse than meh: 66; Dug it: 44.

Canonical(ish) relationships for Dean

Note here: it was too unbalanced if we only went with people Dean officially dated. However, the show leaned hard into a few unrequited male relationships for him, which we included here, and no one sent me hate about it so I guess that was fine.

Benny wins the Love It! category with 129 votes, barely edging out Cassie at 122. Benny is best boy, so that fits.

Cas loses with a full 99 Fuck That votes, which is probably what we'd expect from a wincest survey. That said, he also got 93 Dug It votes, so it's a pretty balanced showing.

Poor Lisa sits firmly at Meh with 148 votes. It's not that we hate you, Lisa; we just don't really know what to do with you. Which is pretty much how the relationship went in the show.

Shipping Sam like FedEx

We returned to the S/E/I model for shipping as we did for tropes, because it means something very different to go 'oh sure, I can see how that would be interesting' vs saying 'I want them to fuck rawnasty and I don't care why they're doing it.' Apologies if I left out your favorite side-ship but, shit, there's only so much time in the day.

So, we return to the podiums:

Superego:

Ruby (132)

Rowena (121)

Cas (102)

Ego:

Rowena (121)

Cas (106)

Ruby (90)

Id:

Ruby (125)

John (121)

Rowena (118)

So that was going on sedately until Dad came in like a hammer. Fascinating. On the other hand:

No:

Lisa (234)

Donna (222)

Claire (219)

Interesting to me that these three are ladies that Sam theoretically could have got up in but people are not into it, regardless. This is slightly different to Dean's 'no' category -- spoilers for three inches of screen space!

Dean, Shipped by UPS

Superego:

John (129)

Benny (115)

Lisa (99)

Ego:

Benny (134)

John (116)

Lisa (102)

Id:

John (147)

Benny (128)

Crowley (114)

Well. That tells a slightly different story, ahem. Enjoy the various tropes that will be applied, Dean! And then we get:

No:

Amelia (245)

Kevin (223)

Gabriel (217)

Comparing to the Sam 'no' above -- these three are slightly more 'traditional' Sam ships, though the wincest shippers are nevertheless not into them for Sam, either. Dean literally never spoke to or saw Amelia on screen, so it'd be a determined shipper who'd make that happen. Not undoable, though!

Conclusion

Syke: there isn't one to be made. This really shows how diverse the taste is in the wincest community, or at least in the wincest community that a) happened to see this survey over the last five days and b) bothered to take it. This particular group leans slightly toward e.g. toppy Sam, or slightly toward switching, but when you look at raw numbers what you see is that at least one person LOVES every single one of these things, and at least one person fucking HATES every single one of these things, and so -- so what? Write what you want. If you see a niche of something that you love where you feel like not enough people are writing or reading, try to fill it. If you're worried "no one" will like it, well -- you're wrong. Someone will. It just needs to get seen by the right people.

That's where fandom comes in, to spread the love even if something isn't bulletproof for us -- reblogging a post to say, 'hey, my mutual made this thing, look at it!' What a joy it'd be if someone saw it and loved it to absolute shattering bits, and then found their little bulletproof community, and happiness was made. What's the point, if we're not making each other happy.

Thanks for participating if you did, and reading all this if you did. Here's a link to a google sheet (read only) with all the tables of raw data if you're interested. I'll post some of the more entertaining fill-in answers later.

s&d shipping survey results: November 1, 2023 - Google Sheets

[its-in-the-woods]

Coyote Head - Part 5 - Livestock Is Deadstock

master list

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Pairing: Cooper Howard x Lucy Maclean 

Includes many other characters from Fallout

Synopsis: Calf check doesn't go as planned. But brings out two main characters closer.

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning:  Animal/people death, Stillb0rn animal, Horror, blOod/G0re, nightmares, Alternative Universe, Slow Burn, Death, Aging, Family Feuding, Eventually (I swear to the universe it will happen): Older Man/Younger Woman

Note: that I will not be spoiling any of the reading. So you have been warned. I will keep my tags relevant without spoiling what is happening in the story.

** Thank you for your patience! I basically rewrote this entire chapter about 4 times before the characters were happy with it. Little under 4k words. Enjoy*

Flag in hand, Lucy watches the Mama cow as her little munchkin makes a fuss. The thing is squirming, mooing, and rolling trying to get anywhere but where he was. Cooper works quickly, tagging, vaccinating, and wash of minerals. Then go as fast as possible before Mama charges.

“You're a’right Mama, you won’t be mad at me in a few months,” Cooper chuckles, as they speed away in the side-by-side.  

“Forgot how testy they could be” Lucy smiles, scanning the horizon for any signs of fresh calves. 

“Don’t tell anyone, but I like it when they are a little wild,” Cooper’s face lighting up with a big smile at the comment. Lucy feels her heart jump as she smiles back at him, noting that down for later. 

“Makes them good Mamas, especially with all the coyotes around,” Lucy adds, pointing towards a mama calf standing near a bundle. “I think there is one there.” 

Cooper adjusts his direction with a gentle turn of the wheel. His eyebrows furrow as he aims towards the Mama cow; surprised when she doesn’t move as they come close. Lucy’s stomach clenching as dread washes through her. The cow stood squared up to them, her eyes looking down at the ground where the calf lay, something was wrong. 

“Com’on sweety,” Cooper says to the heifer, as he carefully gets out of the ATV, “Let us take a look -”

Lucy gasps, as she looks at what should be a calf. Instead of an alive calf, there is what looks to be a mummified body on the ground. The cow was standing there looking at both of them, tail flicking but not moving. Lucy puts the flag down, walking to squat down on the other side of the poor thing. The body was a dark ochre color, the entire thing looking like it had been vacuum sealed in plastic. No eyes, or ears, just hollowness, legs tucked in head tucked down. If it had not been so shrunk it would almost look like it was alive.

“Oh dang,” Cooper sighs, bending down to look at the mummy. “I am sorry girl,” Cooper raises his hand, Lucy watching carefully as the cow comes over and bumps his hand. His forehead furrowed as he rubbed her nose gently, looking back at what should have been a alive calf. 

“Lucy write down her tag number, we will get Woody out to check’er. Once we’re done we’ll mov’er up to the barn. Make sure there is nothin’ left in ‘er.” Cooper says quietly rubbing the cow's nose and face, the cow leaning into the comforting hands of its owner. “You did good Mama, sometimes it happens.”

Lucy did as she was told, grabbing the notebook to write down the cow's ID number. As she watches Cooper comfort the animal. Most cows were protective of their offspring, but this one seemed to understand what was going on. Or maybe it just knew Cooper was trying to help, the thing leaning its head into his chest. 

“We’ll move it, into the back of the ATV. Can’t leave it out’er, don’t need to draw any more predators.” Cooper said quietly, moving away from the heifer slowly.  

The two of them work as quickly as possible to move the poor creature. Mama snorted and stomped a few times, Cooper letting her smell it before they put it into the box of the ATV. Lucy watches the cow for a moment as they drove away. The bovine's long bellows made her heartache, if cows could cry it would have. 

“Do you think they understand?” Lucy asks, wiping her tears away. Grandpa Tim had always said the cows knew more than they’d ever know. She hadn’t been sure at the time, preferring to deal with more facts than fiction, but watching the cow made her wonder. 

Cooper shrugged, hazel eyes shining as he dug in his pockets for a smoke. Lucy grabs the lighter from the cup holder, handing it to him. Wondering if she should ask for one herself, deciding against it at the last second. 

“Think they understand as much as any animal.” Cooper breathes out a puff of smoke. “I like to let’em see the body, make sure they smell it,  keep’em calmer. At least with my herd, unless we’re tryin’ to graft. Then gettin’ the grafter there ASAP takes priority.”

Lucy nods, a sadness pitting in her stomach as they drive over to the next calf. Thankfully on their feet and running as they drove close, Mama whale-eyeing them as they approached. 

***

Lucy stayed and helped Cooper move the cow over to the main barn. The barn wasn’t anything fancy, with a few stalls for anyone sick and, a cow shoot to help make handling anyone easier. Cows spent the majority of their life in the field, or forests. They got health checks, hooves checked, moved, and sorted into different fields. It kept them happy and healthy. Nothing was perfect but this was the way it had been done for many many years. A practiced ritual, at the end of the day, the cows always came first. 

Woody was surprisingly close to their area when Cooper called. The big man drove a white cargo van covered with hand-painted animals on all sides. The vehicle was fully loaded with anything he might need. He was one of the few large animal vets in the area, and getting him over quickly was a rare surprise. 

The man had a riot of dark brown curly hair, a big smile, and a shaggy beard. He was almost always in some kinda overalls. At the moment they were purple with embroidered cows. He was looking at the calf, blue gloves moving it this way and that. Woody frowned, glasses perched on the end of his nose. The body was stiff, more like a rock than a body, it was also surprisingly light. How the cow had birthed it without difficulty was shocking. 

“Well, it’s not common. But not the first one I’ve seen.” Woody sighs, removing his gloves and washing his hands in the sink by the side door. “The cow in the shoot is the one that gave birth?”

“Yah, pretty sure. She was standing over them,” Cooper swallows, and walks Woody over to the bovine, she had been put into the shoot for easier examination. The cow acted as if nothing was wrong munching on some hay. “We checked eighty percent of the herd this mornin’, rest are deeper in the bush. But no one else looked distressed.”

Woody looks her over, checking her body condition before sliding on some shoulder-length gloves. “Alright now Mama, be gentle on me. Just got make sure there is nothin’ left in’re okay.” Woody reached into the cow, Lucy standing near the head of the cow to make sure she was comfortable. Hands running against the creature's big head, scratching behind her ears as Woody 

“Well, everythin’ feels fine. I am going to take some tissue samples, do bloods too. Make sure there is no infection or anythin’ else that might of cause this. She had twins last year right?” 

Woody asked, as he degloves and went over to his vet kit. The man had always had a knack for remembering the ID tags of a herd.

“I’d have to check the record book, but I believe you’re right, yes. Two heifers, both healthy. “ 

Cooper replies, as Woody draws blood and takes what he needs. 

“I will give her a few shots, keep her separate until the tests come back.” Woody said, “Just to be on the safe side. Once we know she’s safe we can put her back into breeding rotation.”

Cooper nodded, “Well thank you for comin' out so quickly Woody, I know you're a busy man.”

Woody smiled, “Not a problem, Coop, if anything else pops up let me know.”

***

The drive into town was mostly peaceful, Lucy trying to avoid the thought of going home. The place felt less and less like home, maybe it was the lack of Grandpa Tim or constant nightmares. Gripping the steering wheel she turns down the main street of town; willing those thoughts away as she heads to the piece-together building that was the hardware store. She had already dropped off the paperwork at the new accountant, the woman seemed excited about the piles of neatly organized boxes. Lucy couldn’t have been more grateful to hand it to someone else. If the rest of the plan fell into place Lucy would have the holes repaired and a fresh coat of paint put on by the end of the week. 

Three sheets of drywall are strapped into the back of the truck, along with a few pieces of lumber. Screws, putty, paint, along with a texturing brush, and various other bits and bobs go into the back seat. Lucy felt somewhat confident she could handle the task at hand. Her hands itched to call Cooper, double-check that she had all the things she needed. Her mind ran back over this morning, the way Cooper’s face had fallen seeing the dead calf. Cattle ranching was hard on the best days, livestock meant deadstock, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less. No, she’d let him be like he didn’t have enough on his plate. 

“Hey, Lucy!” Lucy turns out of her daydreams, to see a tall lanking person with a buzzed head walking towards her. 

Lucy squints, realizing it was her friend Dane from high school. “Holy smoke, Dane! Is that really you!”

Lucy trots over to her friend giving them a big hug. They squeezed her back before letting go to look Lucy over. 

“Jeez, Lucy. You look the same as when you graduated!” Dane smiles, leaning against the side of Lucy’s truck. “I haven’t seen you in forever. I heard about Tim, really sorry ‘bout that.”

Looking away Lucy composed herself, still strange to hear people give condolences. “Yeah, cancer came in fast and hard. Just happy it’s over you know. Don’t think I look quite the same, but thank you, look at you all grown up.”

Dane rubs the back of their buzzed head, a blush staining their cheeks. “You’re too kind Lucy. Still adjusting to everything. Dad has been good, Mom- still getting used to it, but I am happy.”

Lucy grinned, “Good, don’t let anyone hold you back. You stayin’ in town now? 

“Oh, uh-no, just making some extra money before I start working as a heavy-duty mechanic in the fall.” They said beaming with pride. 

“No dang way! That’s great to hear.” Lucy smiles back, happy to hear her friend was doing well, 

“We should go for coffee sometime, or maybe get some food. Be good to catch up.”

“Yes, definitely.” Dane nods eagerly, “I actually if you got any tractors you need to be worked on. I'd be happy to take a look at them.”

“Really?” Lucy said, remembering that she had been neglecting to phone the tractor dealership.“I actually got two, think late eighties, haven’t been used in probably three or four years.”

“Oh, I would love that! Always loved old equipment. Why don’t I come by this Saturday? Hazard a guess you are staying at your Grandpa’s place.” Dane replies a sparkle in their eye at the idea of getting to work on the farm equipment. 

“Yep, I am there! Got the same number too. Give me a ring before you stop by.” Lucy said, more than happy to have an old friend drop by. It would be good to have company, plus she could get her tractors up and running. 

“I will see you then, Lucy,” Dane said as they walked away, Lucy hopping into her truck before taking off herself. Happy to know a friend would be dropping by that weekend. 

***

Lucy sits on the edge of the kitchen counter looking at the drywall she’d managed to get in. It wasn’t the greatest job but with a little mud and paint it would look good as new. Well, Lucy hoped it would. She took a pull of her beer, desperately wishing she had picked out some crappy Chinese food before coming home. 

Her hands taps at the counter, her arms were too sore to keep going right now. Tomorrow she’d hopefully get the mudding done, her hand dug into her pocket and pulling out her phone. 

Opening it up, she clicks on the messaging icon opening up a text thread with Cooper.  Just as quickly closing it, placing the phone on the counter. 

“No, we are not gonna bother the man,” Lucy hums, slipping off the counter and going into the laundry room and opening up the big chest freezer. Rifling around she found some ground beef and frozen mixed vegetables, it would pass as dinner. 

Sitting on the couch she flicked on the TV, scrolling through the different apps to find something to watch. Somehow there never seemed to be anything of interest, instead, she flicked over to some Lost, a guilty pleasure. Did the ending satisfy? No, not at all. Lucy preferred to imagine something different. Maybe something happier, or less flippant. 

Her phone buzzed beside her plate of food, Cooper Howard, popped up across her screen. She put her fork down and flipped it open, swallowing as she hit the message icon, a small grin pulling at her lips. 

Cooper: Hey, thought you should know the Mama from this morning is doing good :) 

Lucy smiles, was she smiling more since meeting Cooper? Shaking her head, she was happy to know the cow was doing okay. Having a stillborn mummified calf could mean that something was seriously wrong inside. Or it could mean nothing at all, that was the tricky part about livestock. 

Lucy: Hey, thanks for keeping me posted, hope she continues to do well. 

Cooper: Did you end up getting the drywall?

Lucy waits for a moment before replying: Yeah, got most of the holes filled in

She winces at the framing of the words but tries not to overthink it. Wasn't like there were many other ways to describe what she was doing. 

Copper: Want to do a calf check in the morning? I will come help with the mudding. 

Lucy smiles, she was not going to turn down the offer of having Cooper over: Deal. What time tomorrow?

Cooper: 6 am, I can pick you up

Lucy felt her cheeks redden at the message, she typed out: Why don’t you come over tonight- Then promptly deleted it, her hand coming up to cover her face. What was she thinking? No that would not do, like the man needs more on his plate.

Instead, she wrote: Sounds good, I will see you then.

Turning back to her food, Lucy tried not to let her mind run too much. Cooper was sweet, kind, caring, and goddamn gorgeous. She worried at her lip, remembering the way the cow had booped Cooper’s hand. How he’d comfort her, the man was something else. 

She rubs at her face, having missed most of the episode she was on. Sleep was on the menu, it was already well past ten, and five am would be coming like a freight train. 

Looking over at her room Lucy feels a shiver run up her spine. Shaking her head, Lucy went over grabbing a blanket, pillow, and her charging cable. Keeping the kitchen light on, she left Lost playing as she curls up under the blanket. She’d work on sleeping in her room later. 

***

The alarm went off loud enough that Lucy fell off the couch, confused as to where the hell she was. Blinking a few times, remembering that she had crashed on the couch. Groaning, she grabbed her phone, turning off the alarm, wanting nothing more than to curl back up under the blanket. Instead, Lucy pushed herself up onto her feet. The coffee pot switched on, she made her way to the bedroom. Stopping at the entryway, her body refused to go any further, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. 

Lucy pushes her hand in and turns on the light, eyes blinking at the bright space. No shadows moved, nothing peered out from behind the closet door. Yet she still couldn’t move. Turning her head she looks out the door, her mouth falling open in a silent scream. 

Outside the door, across the deck, in the shadow of the forest were two glowing orange eyes. Standing roughly seven feet off the ground, the eyes stare back at her unblinking. Lucy was scrambling backward trying to get away as she trips and falls over the laundry basket crashing onto the floor with a loud bang. Her screaming rang in her ears as she lay splayed out on the floor. Lucy’s chest heaving, her eyes squeezed closed as she tries to will the image away. Shaking on the floor, Lucy pushes the laundry basket away to look at the patio door. Whatever had been there was gone, no eyes, no creature, nothing. 

“What is going on?” Lucy shutters, staring out the door for another minute. “Okey dokey,” She let out a few breaths focusing on lowering her heart rate. “Time to get dressed, Lucy.”

Dressed in leggings and a big shirt, she finds her overalls and slips them on with a big sweater. Filling her biggest to-go coffee cup, she takes several sips of coffee finally feeling somewhat more alive. Trying to convince herself that the orange floating eyeballs from this morning were sleep delusions. Or something other than a creature staring into her house from the forest. 

A knock on her door cleared her mind, she threw a few bits and pieces into a bag. Snagging her coffee and keys she opens the door to see Cooper standing there. He has a tan leather jacket on, a white cowboy hat, and perfectly fitted jeans. His face breaks into a crooked grin when he sees Lucy in the doorway. Her face goes flush as he looks her over the same way she just had. 

“Good mornin’ Miss MacLean.” Cooper drawls, his tongue darting out over his lips, making Lucy feel warm all over. She could get used to him looking at her like that. 

Lucy swallows, “Morning, Mr.Howard. Ready to be on our way.” Happy that her voice didn’t break as she moved through the doorway, locking it behind her.

Cooper held out his arm, Lucy doing her best not to trip over her own feet, as she took his arm. The two walking down to his truck, it was still running and warm inside against the cool spring air. He opened the door for her, and she hopped in. 

***

The calf check was thankfully uneventful, Cooper driving the two of you back to his family farm. His mom, Dorthoy, asked Cooper to bring her over for breakfast. The home was country chic in every way, two-story, white, with a large vaulted front window facing west. 

A deck wrapped from the front door around the back, and the yard was filled with Dorothy's plants. Still dormant now, but come spring the whole place would be filled with flowers. Coop pulls up beside the other vehicles on the dirt road, just outside the separate garage. 

Janey came running outside, in pjs and gumboots, shouting excitedly for her Dad. Lucy smiles as Cooper scoops up his daughter and swings her around in his arms. 

“Eeee” The little girl giggled, Mathias poking his head out the door and watching the two. 

“Hey Mathias,” Lucy smiled at the older boy, he frowned but walked out, socked feet not going further than the front mat.

“Hey buddy,” Cooper smiled, ruffling his brown hair. His frown deepened as Lucy came into the front door.

Lucy toed off her boots, thankful her overalls were mostly clean. She placed her bag by the door before following Cooper deeper into the house. The smell of bacon and coffee made her stomach growl. 

“Are you having breakfast here?” Mathias questioned, standing in the dining room. Hands on his hips, looking at Lucy with narrowed eyes she moved into the kitchen. 

“Mathias, don’t be rude,” Came the chipper voice of Dorothy, she was a stocky woman, with perfectly pined grey hair. Her face marked by the sun with crow's feet and smile lines, she could have easily played Mrs. Clause. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Howard,” Lucy beams, as she helps grab cups and plates for the table. Setting them out as Janey grabbed forks and knives for each seat. 

“Lucy, please call me Dot,” Dorothy smiled, filling each cup with coffee. “We’re all family here,”

Lucy and Cooper finished setting the table, bacon, eggs, and toast piled onto dishes in the center of the table. Richard Howard came in slowly, leaning heavily on his cane. The man had once stood at the same height as his son, now was stooped over with pain as he came to sit at the head of the table. Lucy felt her heart clench, an all too familiar sight before her. A flashback of Tim, the man who had once ducked through doorways stooped over as he shuffled from his bed to the bathroom. She swallows but does her best not to stare, helping Janey get seated instead. 

“Good to see you, Lucy,” Richard said with a small smile, wincing as he shifted in his chair. “Thank you, for helping Cooper.”

“Not a problem, Mr. Howard.” Lucy says as she helps Mathias scoop food onto his plate. He was still glaring at her, but she let it go. Kids would be kids. It wasn’t like she didn’t understand what it was like to lose a parent. 

***

Lucy waves at the kids as they load onto the bus, Mathias waves back with a small smile. Janey had clung onto her Dad, practically having to be peeled off the man to get her onto the bus. They both climbed back into the truck as the bus left. 

“Sorry about Matt,” Cooper added as they drove to Lucy’s place. “He has had a rough go, gets uncomfortable with new folks.”

Lucy shrugged, “It’s okay, little guy has been through a lot. I was similar at his age.”

Cooper nods as they turn down Lucy’s driveway, “I try to do my best with him, but he knows his Granddad is dying.” He swallows as he parks the truck, “Little guy can only handle so much.”

Lucy reaches over squeezing Cooper's arms, “You’re a good Dad, Cooper Howard.”

Cooper swallows looking out the windshield, his knuckles going white as he grips the steering wheel. "I feel like I am drowning most days. Hated having to move them so far." He rubs his jaw, "But we couldn't stay either."

Lucy keeps her hand on his arm, listening to him patiently. His shoulders were drawn tight like he was carrying the weight of the world.

"I am sorry," He murmurs, "We should - ah - go in."

"What if we help each other?" Lucy says, her mouth running before her brain can catch up. "I know, you have so much going on. With the farm, being a Dad, your own Dad. Plus you throw me into the mix with all my wack-a-do problems. Doesn't make it easy." She stops, trying to find out where this train of thought is heading. "But, umm, maybe between the two of us, we could make things work. Two heads is always better than one, and we work well together."

Cooper watching her with an unreadable expression on his face. Lucy felt her stomach twist, wondering if she may have gone too far.

"If that's something you might like to do?" Lucy looks away, moving her hand away to get out of the car before more words spill out of her mouth.

"Lucy," Cooper says, his voice so soft it's almost a whisper. "I would like that. Be nice to have someone who gets it."

SIX

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tag list: @toogaytofunctiondangit

**As always likes, comments, shares are soooo appreciated, you can find me Ao3 as well

** Want to be on the tag list let me know

** Most of my fics will be updated once a weekish possibly more often depending on how much writing I can get done! Want to keep the quality and make sure I am putting out my best work.

[linisiane]

What do Rick Sanchez, Don Quixote, and Harry Du Bois Have in Common?

In all three of these stories, these characters are ‘self-aware’ in that they intentionally play into the tropes of the stories they’re satirizing (Rick Sanchez satirizing sitcoms, Don Quixote satirizing chivalric romances, and Harry Dubois satirizing roleplaying games). However, the trick to their ‘self-awareness’ is that they’re lying to themselves.

This post is LONG, so feel free to skip to the end if you're just interested in "The Self-Aware Player of Harry Du Bois" (in bolded green) if you don't feel like reading the rest of the analysis. I go into the meaning of the political vision quests, the meaning of the 4th wall breaking RPG elements like copotypes and Jamrock Shuffling, and the effect this has on the player's relationship to Harry Du Bois!

(Common) Rick Sanchez (L)

Although Rick acts like he can see the audience and uses marketable catchphrases like “Wubbalubbadubdub” to appeal to sitcom sensibilities (“Bazinga;” “Did I do that?” “Legen- Wait For It -Dary;” etc.), the truth of the matter is that WITHIN HIS REALITY, he is not a sitcom character.

He truly does not know he’s in a sitcom.

He’s just an asshole.

ID A screenshot from the show Rick and Morty, with subtitled dialogue that says: Wubbalubbadubdub! That's my new thing! I'm kind of like, what's his name, Arsenio! Wubbalubbadubdub! See you next week. Beside the screenshot is a picture of the mentioned Arsenio, who is the titular character to a sitcom called The Arsenio Hall Show End ID

Rick has ATROCIOUS main character syndrome. Truly obnoxious. We happen to be enjoying (debate-able) it from our TV screens, but he doesn’t know that! Hoe’s just calling his family ‘side characters’ and taking them on traumatizing ‘B plot’ adventures to humor-cope with his multiverse induced nihilism. (it is NOT WORKING)

Dan Harmon, as a big fan of the storytelling theory behind sitcoms, has a thing for these type of self-aware-but-not-really characters in his shows. Abed (from his other well-known sitcom named ‘Community') is basically a film student obsessed with film tropes—

Which means he’s eternally making meta self-aware quips on the show without actually being self-aware. He’s not Deadpool, he's just a movie nerd.

It's a wink and a nod to show the audience, Hey, we’re aware that nowadays people are savvy enough to comment on when they’re in a wacky sitcom plot.

This is ‘some looney tunes type shit,’ amirite guys?

(This trick is called lampshading, it got popular recently with Marvel movies and the influence of Joss Whedon's writing (@dingdongyouarewrong), but it's also going through a bit of cliche fatigue right now. "That happened" jokes are an example that I know so many people are sick of, partly because it feels like writers include self-awareness/lampshading as a shield from criticism by pretending you can't critique a problem they're self-aware about!

Let me highlight it to you in the rest of this essay as a tool in satire/pastiche.)

'Donkey Hotel' (according to my speech to text)

To explain Donkey Hotel's deal, I must remark: This guy is on some ancient mental illness type beat.

Now, in the ancient era of Hippocrates, there used to be the hot idea that there are four major human temperaments, and these temperaments are influenced by the balances of liquids in our body called humors. And that an imbalance of the four would lead to an over representing of a temperament.

Don Quixote had a 'Choleric' temperament, which is an overrepresentation of yellow bile and characterized with qualities such as 'hot and dry' and emotional irregularities such as increased anger or behaving irrationally. That's our knight!

Now obviously we know that the idea of 4 Humors in our body controlling our temperament is a BS simplification of mental health, BUT, there’s usually a kernel of truth in ancient theories. The universe really was made up of elements like Aristotle theorized, just not the fire, earth, water, air that he thought they were.

Similarly, our author our man, Cervantes, was using the 4 Humors more to develop a physical/biological explanation to Don's mental illness.

All this to say, Don Quixote is currently deluding himself into believing he is a gallant knight, off to defend the honor of his lady love, the total paragon of a chivalric romance novel because, and I quote, “he became so absorbed in his books that he spent his nights from sunset to sunrise, and his days from dawn to dark, poring over them; and what with little sleep and much reading his brains got so dry that he lost his wits.”

Let's pause.

An escapist stupor that completely wiped the mind of its host?

(FANART BY @so-engery! Check them out!)

ID Two images. One is is Gustave Dore's "Don Quixote Dreaming" drawing. The other is Disco Elysium fanart by Marie Enger @so-engery. Both showcase the main character of their respective works, slumped and surrounded by mad figments of their imagination, highlighting the parallels between the two. Harry with his Skill voices and Don with knights and fairytale creatures. End ID.

That’s our boy, Harrier Du Bois right there!

And while obviously Harry's condition at the start of Disco Elysium is more based on modern understanding of psychology (aka alcohol did it to him, not intense insomnia and a chivalric romance bookathon), it’s real neat we get this this little parallel before we even dig into Harry!

Now, with that neat explanation of why he’s self-aware out of the way, Don Quixote’s deal: Again, he’s not actually self-aware, he’s quite possibly the opposite of self-aware, and EVERYBODY (even the audience!) knows it. He’s only self aware in the sense that he’s acting like a character in a fictional story, which he is, but he’s got the wrong genre.

He thinks he’s in an action/romance, but he’s actually in real life—A satire of the action/romance genre!

Well, caveat.

Is Don Donning the 'Don' Inspirationally or is he Donning the 'Don' to Act as a Don About the Downs of Chivalry?

I read it as Don Quixote donning the 'don' title to act as a don at the college of 'please touch grass and stop romanticizing romantic chivalry.'

A super popular adaptational take, however, is to read him like he's an inspirational dreamer held back by a harsh reality.

Big Nate's Book Reviews on YouTube did a sweet review that highlights this perspective, along with his lil doobie,

that Don Quixote's perspective brings fresh child-like imagination and fantasy to the mundanity of the lives of the people around him. Nate says that Don Quixote and Sancho are "Truly the homies;" they're the first times he's ever felt that he could "find friends in characters in a book."

So there's definitely a joy and a message to the dreamer reading! BUT I tend to be a bit cynical about this, like it can feel a bit too similar to USAmerican Exceptionalism to me.

To clarify what I mean, let's do a Rick parallel.

Don Quixote, as a character, is more similar to the FANS of Rick and Morty than he is to Rick. (Which is its own commentary about how little we have progressed as a society since this book was published like 400 years ago, but also the way media is influenced by prior media.)

To explain THAT, lemme first say that there’s a sort of meta irony (which is how I describe this phenomena according to J-Reg’s theory of satire, but I don’t know the actual name of this) in the ‘he’s just like me fr’ guys. ‘Literally me’ guys. Guys who pseudo imitate Patrick Bateman, literally any Ryan gosling character, etc.

ID A youtube screenshot of 3 different videos titled "literally me" "Literally Me" or "Literally me (I'm mentally insane)" with different Ryan Reynolds characters as the thumbnail. In the "I'm mentally insane" video description, one of the tags is the word "sigma." End ID

Often these characters are meant to be made fun of as parodies of another trope, like Don Quixote is to a chivalric romance protagonist, but there’s a certain subset of the audience that is either too dumb to get it or just doesn’t have the context or background to get it.

Like the dudes who watch fight club, and just end up making fight clubs of their own. Or the way people misinterpreted Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ as celebrating the US, instead of its true message of lambasting the US for its hypocritical treatment of its veterans. Or the glorification of Rorschach from Watchmen despite him basically being a MAGA. Or the way USAmericans didn’t get Starship Troopers because it was a parody of US military fascism.

There are tons of examples of these because of satire usually says more about the reader/viewer than it does about the author, like a Rorschach test (he really is aptly named). (And it’s why it’s more often fascists/conservatives wildly misinterpreting leftist media. People are more likely to come with a conservative perspective than vice versa bc conservatism is, by its definition, the norm. Though this does still happen on more progressive sides e.g. TJLC.) They didn't see or chose not to see the irony.

Cue the Reddit dudebros misinterpreting Disco Elysium as pro centrist or “all ideologies are equally bad" and the INSANE 'you have to have a high IQ...' 'rick is good and objectively correct' Rick and Morty fans.

ID Two screenshots. One of the infamous "To Be Fair, You Have To Have a Very High IQ to Understand Rick and Morty" copypasta. One of a Disco Elysium Reddit post titled "Disco Elysium is Not Politically In Favor Of Any Ideology." End ID

Speaking of Rick and Morty fans, this is what I mean by the idea that Don Quixote is more like Rick's fans than he is like Rick. Much like the way Don un-self-aware-ly misinterprets his satirical reality for the chivalric romance of his favorite novels, so too do Rick and Morty fans un-self-aware-ly misinterpret Rick's nihilist satire on the sitcom for what is cool and good to do in real life. Plus, I can totally see these type of dudes unironically saying "Milady" to keep chivalry alive. But, there's one level further to this, beyond even seeing the irony, which I call the 'he's just like me fr' guys.

Now, in the case of the 'he's just like me fr' guys, it's not that they're mistaking the satire for sincerity—they totally understand that Patrick Bateman is a satirical take on Yuppie 'grind till you make it alpha' culture.

They're doing a secret third thing—meta irony—where they understand that Patrick Bateman is meant to be bad but act like they're un-self-aware and missed the irony anyway.

It's supposed to be a joke, buuuuut it's a joke the same way people will say "SLAY!" as a joke until it's unironically a part of their vocabulary. The ambiguity is key.

I'd argue that the dreamer Quixote approach is an application of 'he's just like me fr' view to Don Quixote, where he's 'a Chad rejecting reality in favor of the perseverance of man's whimsy' to some people, even as they joke that he's delusional ("Literally me (I'm mentally insane)").

Don Quixote certainly isn't doing it on purpose—again, he's un-self-aware, and he even got bullied out of it in part 2 (which admittedly I haven't read). Yet, there's a genuine sadness there of a man with such a penchant for adventure getting bullied that makes you wanna start humoring him.

It's ironic but not: Meta irony.

ID A screenshot of Jreg's "Post-Irony, Meta-Irony, and Post-Truth Satire (Video)" thumbnail. End ID

But yeah, meta irony is all fine and dandy when it's about slaying, but when it's about emulating the patriarchal psychopath, Patrick Bateman, or using edge-y humor to spread alt-right talking points, you start to wonder if there can be something insidious to the 'he's just like me fr' approach.

To put it best, the wild popularity of the Dreamer Don Quixote interpretation feels like the result of USAmerican 'grind till you make it' 'individual exceptionalism' 'it would suck for you, but i'm built different' values distorting the absurdity of being a reality denying dreamer, the same way we struggle to understand the Starship Troopers because it just feels normal/celebratory to us.

Don Quixote

So I think Don Quixote resonates strongest, for me, in the way it boldly states that reality is beautiful and worth living in without needing the opium of escapist fantasy.

For one, Cervantes is a rare ye olden feminist king who takes the time to point out that one man's escapist chivalric masculine fantasy is another woman's misogynistic reality.

To demonstrate, he has many examples of female characters telling off men for projecting romantic fantasies on them, but a more relevant way is how he writes Don Quixote as literally renaming some random woman he's never met 'Dulcinea' because he's decided she is his Lady he's given his eternal servitude to.

He renames her Dulcinea because it's "a name, to his mind, musical, uncommon, and significant, like all those he had already bestowed upon himself and the things belonging to him."

Which is PEAK satire of the misogynistic objectification of chivalry. If only the Rick and Morty "Milady" stans had the self-awareness this book had 400 years ago.

(Sidebar, but does anybody else think Don Quixote would make an absolutely killer Drag King persona? Don Queerote... Plus the ballet about him would help with the pre-existing choreo/music. Just a thought!)

But on another level, Don Quixote is full of interesting characters or stories outside of the chivalric knight conceit!

ID Pen illustrations (aka engravings by Gustave Dore) of two events happening simultaneously at the same inn in Don Quixote. The one above is of Don's assault on the wineskins in his sleep. The one below is of the reunion of Dorotea, Luscinda, Cardenio, and Fernando in the inn. End ID

People often clown on the novel for having so much time dedicated to the soap opera antics of side characters totally unrelated to the knight plot, but their antics being outside of Quixote's chivalric view emphasizes how life is interesting even when you're not following a delusional knight lifestyle!

Romance and reunions and betrayals that Don never really understands because he's too busy fighting windmills and wineskins! Yes, the delusion allowed him to go out and explore the world, but there's something so silly and sad about missing whimsy of real life in favor of living in escapist Knight Fanfiction. Reading about Cervantes's soap-opera-worthy life only reinforces this whimsy for reality and touching grass.

The Self-Aware Player of Harry Du Bois

Preface: My main experience is JRPGs, not so much other Western RPGs and tabletop games. So although I’m saying it’s a satire of these tropes, and I noticed a lot of these things as ‘satire’ and 'parody,' I’m not totally enmeshed in the subculture the creators were going for, so I might need some corrections. 

Finally, this transitions into the deal with Harry! It's fascinating to me to think about how satire is used as the 'touch grass' or 'be fucking for real' genre. Oftentimes it's making fun of tropes/conventions by humorously contrasting them with reality—so how does this play out with the RPG!?

Weeellll, it goes hand in hand with the idea of RPGs as escapist power fantasy. RPGs are often thought of as the ultimate self-insert fantasy by its detractors or worst players, ahem looking at all those DND horror stories about entitled mangsty murderhobos.

One of the most infamous criticisms of Disco Elysium is its lackluster combat.

ID A screenshot of a random forum discussion post by dungeon master Zed Duke of Banville. It reads: "Disco Elysium has neither combat nor exploration, and therefore is missing two of the three fundamental components (or sets of components) that define the RPG genre." End ID

The game has essentially bordered off your ability to make Harry into a power fantasy murderhobo because you just are physically unable to equip an longsword or cuisse to murder your average citizen on the street of Martinaise.

But even on a less mangsty level, it subverts a lot of the basic expectations of RPGs.

Like the encounter with the racist lorry driver! You never get the ability or quest to change his mind, you only choose how you react to him.

Where other RPGs might let you act as the white savior or the white knight of chivalric romance, no questions asked, you're changing the minds of everybody who's wrong so we can all get along, Disco Elysium really makes you confront your ability to whiteknight, makes you confront if whiteknighting is even helpful, and why you wanted to whiteknight in the first place.

It’s part of the fun/humor experience of Disco Elysium that you at first expect to solve the world’s problems with a couple quests and lines of ‘good’ dialogue and then get socked in the faced with the fact that yeah, you can’t do much, you’re one person, what did you expect, asshole? Cuno doesn't fucking care!

ID a screenshot of Disco Elysium dialogue YOU - "Don't call it a dump, you've made it nice and cosy here." NOVELTY DICEMAKER - "Yeah." She stares out of the window, not really hearing your words. "Or maybe it's the entire world that's cursed? It's such a precarious place. Nothing ever works out the way you wanted." "That's why people like role-playing games. You can be whoever you want to be. You can try again. Still, there's something inherently violent even about dice rolls." "It's like every time you cast a die, something disappears. Some alternative ending, or an entirely different world...." She picks up a pair of dice from the table and examines them under the light. End ID

Like, Neha is highlighting this little meta element of how you can stack your Harry in any RPG to pursue a certain ending or situation, but the actual outcome is still influenced by a dice roll out of your control.

A lot of the satirical humor in Disco Elysium comes from the absurdity that you can do everything right or everything wrong, and the dice can still fuck it up or save it for you—not just for things like high-fantasy attacks, but mundane things like remembering your name.

The dice are, at their core, about how RPGs aren't just for the control fantasy, of winning high-fantasy battles, but also can represent life as it is, mundane and uncontrollable.

Similarly, Harry is clearly written—complete with all the 'lore' that this would entail—to couch his RPG protagonist nature in the real.

If RPG characters are blank slates? Let's give ours amnesia! Need fast travel?! Kim teases the 41st Precinct for constantly running everywhere by calling it the Jamrock Shuffle. He needs to have deep and intimate conversations with everyone, even when they're strangers? Yeah, that's so weird we gave him the name 'Human Can-Opener,' and everybody remarks on his uncanny manipulation skills.

It's commenting on difference between controlling an RPG avatar and navigating in a human body.

As Kurvits said: “In reality we do not have control, or complete control, of our minds. Just like our body, it is something that we give-not even commands wishes to, and we hope it's gonna do it. We hope it's not gonna break down, we hope it's not gonna rebel against us.”

In one type of RPG fantasy, we don't even question our total control and even assume the joy is from the control. But in Disco Elysium, we lack control and find joy in it anyway. That is the fun of the game making us, the players, 'self-aware' about its RPG elements, and it especially resonates with anybody not able-bodied, anybody neurodivergent.

Harry Du Bois and Self-Awareness: Copotypes? More like Cope-otypes.

So that's on Disco Elysium and being aware of RPG elements in general, but let's deep dive into Harry and his Copotypes and political alignments like the OP!

I kind of want to round this last one out with what this all means. WHY am I, and others, linking self-awareness and satire? What's the link here?

Irony is one of the major tools of satirical writing, and there's always a little irony in being self-aware and doing it anyway, I think. It's specifically that Meta-Ironic element/Lampshading that is so rich for Touch-Grass satire because it parallels the futility/irony of self-awareness in real life.

The copotypes work this way.

ID A screenshot of a youtube comment. @jbeast3385 "Harry fundamentally takes on extreme interpretations of every ideology in the game as a coping mechanism for the tragedy that is his life, and it's amazing to see the amount of care given to extending an understanding of why each ideology appeals to his fractured mind. Each quest makes him something of a Don Quixote, searching for a purer purpose through political thought, failing spectacularly with it, but still fundamentally developing him and inspiring others beside him." End ID

The copotypes and the political alignments are a parody of classes and moral alignments. Rather than being a knight or a wizard, you're a superstarcop or a sorrycop! They don't do much, like there are no fireballs for an art cop, but they do poke fun at the ways the player is choosing to play Harry! Instead of chaotic good or neutral evil, you can be a communard or an ultralib! Which both involve spouting hilariously inappropriate talking points to the other citizens of Revachol.

What's fascinating, as @fagcrisis of this post says, is that these alignments are statements of how your Harry copes with the real world and the past/how he justifies what he does.

From the Solution to the Boring Cop Thought:

When someone says something political, the first three thoughts in your head are a ludicrous hodgepodge of communism, fascism and stock tips. When they ask you why you did something, it's superstardom, apocalypse, or the *mea culpas* of a flagellant cop monk

You start off making some choices based on the limited dialogue options of Harry's bizarre personality. If you play it like any other RPG power fantasy, BAM, the game hits you with the "Regular Law Official" thought, and you're labeled "Boring Cop." Or if you're apologizing to get the 'good' route, BAM, the game hits you with the "Rigorous Self-Critique" thought, and you're labelled "Sorry Cop!"

The game makes you 'aware' of your playing style, a little poke to say 'Stop being so scared of failures! You're boring! Sorry is not enough! Stop trying to be 'lawful good' (ACAB) and be a human!'

From the same Solution:

It's not easy, reaching for the fourth option -- the normal one. But you have. And now you're not *just* crazy, you're also *boring*.

Some people get this taste of self-awareness and fully embrace diving into the deep end of the game—Disco baby! Others lean into the sorry/boring/moralist cop in an ironic 'self-aware' sort of way—like the technique of Lampshading, since we're our own writers as RPG players.

But on a Harry level, it's also about HIM becoming self-aware of his habits, of internalizing these thoughts about his actions, his past, his coping mechanisms.

Seeking either “sweet oblivion” or to become “a different kind of animal,” many of the possible roleplaying choices are rooted in his desire to forget, evade or reframe the past. Whether self-destruction through drug abuse, fantasies of superstardom or visions of impending doom; it’s all in the service of not wanting to face the past, and the disastrous effects Harry’s continuous failure to do so has had on his life. - Vice

As the @fagcrisis of this post noted, Dora pretty much ALWAYS mentions the way Harry escapes reality by thinking of himself as an archetype, like other people are NPCs in an RPG. "like hes a self aware character but in the shitty way where him knowing he is a character and him acting like it only makes it worse because there isnt a story to escape from, he just cant cope with the real world" He's pulling a meta-ironic ''he's just like me fr" with Guillaume Le Million (who hangs himself) and superstardom the way "he's just like me fr" guys do it for Ryan Gosling.

And each copotype and political alignment are an opportunity to satirically critique the flaws and failures of each coping mechanism.

Cope-otype: Fascism

"Fascism, being marked, according to Paxton, by a need to compensate for humiliation, promises easy solutions to someone like Harry. It’s a crutch to prop up threatened masculinity, a rhetoric to shift blame for personal failings to ominous outside forces." - Vice

This game's satirical take on fascism is sort of perfect, literally making it about the lower intestines, 'gut instinct,' and bullshit (@spilledkaleidoscope). To be frank, fascists are 'full of shit,' and the vision quest highlights the way fascism isn't about a coherent ideology like 'returning to the past,' but rather it's a hodgepodge of SHIT thrown together to prop up hurt ego, threatened masculinity, of giving an easy scape-goated answer to the question of how Harry's supposed to face his past and his future.

The answer? He shoots it.

It's accurate in a way that doesn't reinforce the 'cool' aesthetics and pageantry fascism is obsessed with, what with literally calling fascists full of shit and all. Kim notices your change in expression, your stoic 'noble suffering' fascist face, and immediately calls it constipated. Bless.

Yet, even as Kim calls you out, even as you're aware of fascism's failures, how it destroys you ala Harry Du Bois -> Detective Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau, Fascist!Harry still believes because he can't face a wounded ego.

Cope-otype: Ultralib

Ultralibs on the other hand? I think it's telling that Idiot Doom Spiral is basically ultralib Harry's foil and a major questline NPC—the one who gives you Tequila Sunset.

Even the names are foils. Idiot Doom Spiral names himself that way to romanticize it, to make it into a marketable story, "but it keeps him in this state too, like a vicious cycle. The name ‘George’ is a name that still connects him to humanity," while Idiot Doom Spiral is a way to 'accept his place' even though it's miserable and keeps him from doing something about it, nor connect with other people, as @kindaeccentric put it in this post.

Similarly, the megarich light bending guy in the UltraLib quest LITERALLY is much more unlikely to connect with poorer people because the Rougon-Macquart coefficient literally dictates that we cannot see the richest people because their networth bends the light around them. It's an inversion of the way rich people are ignorant to poverty in real life, and here's a really good fic that covers this coefficient!

Finally, this mirrors Tequila Sunset as a name as well, the way it's a cope for hating himself. Instead of being miserable, he glorifies his misery by calling himself a funky, disco drink name, even as it symbolizes being washed up or even symbolizes the pale swallowing all, depending on how you play him (@palin-tropos).

So much of the ultralib plotline is about adding value — whether by sprucing yourself up with a new name like Tequila or Idiot or by 're-conceptualization' — through stuff like grind/hustle culture. An obsession with increasing networth but also 'giving back' to the community, as philanthropists put it.

But the satire of the ultralib vision quest is highlighting how hollow 'adding value' is, how much of it's just competition for wealth for the sake of wealth with no real meaningful answer or value.

ID Two screenshots of the game Disco Elysium. The first is of the horseback monument as it is. A matrix of cables and ropes isolate the fragmented bits in thin air. The second is described as this through in-game dialogue: HORSEBACK MONUMENT - The scaffolding around the old monument has been taken down, In its place are the spoils of your investment. Numerous rods and ropes still hold the original reassemblage in place. YOU- Reflect on the re-conceptualization. HORSEBACK MONUMENT - An apricot sceptre shines party-bright across the monument. Glitter balls dangle like severed heads below the eternal king of disco. It is unmistakably a vision of you in your prime -- a killer on the performance floor, icon for all. End ID

It's 'reconceptualizing' the Horseback Monument — the symbol of both the bombing of the revolution and the enduring of spirit the communards anyways, the way they've built a monument to freeze in time the moment of the profligate king being blown up — by building it in your own image. The fact that to do so you need to exploit the labor of an artist so you can make a profit, and it doesn't truly 'give back' to the community in any way. In fact, it's almost the opposite, like you've ruined the community monument by painting yourself AS THE KING.

It's why even Harry admits that "You're just insane, insane and gone. Even six billion won't fix you if she’s not there." Each copotype and political ideology contends with their own version of this as Harry learns to grow and face his past head on.

The Marriage of Fictional Conventions and Real Human Psychology

In the end, you can't just lean into an ideology or an archetype and hope that it'll answer all you problems.

But more than that — being self-aware about your issues doesn't solve anything either, no more than lampshading "fixes" any problems with your TV show.

It is this parallel between what Harry learns as he progresses and what the player learns as they progress that makes us empathize/resonate with Harry.

From acting erratically, then realizing it's part of an ideology, self-awarely adopting an ideology, to seeing how it fails and learning not to hide behind it. From "He's a blank slate so I can project my power fantasy onto him," then "I don't actually have a lot of power or control here," to "He's not just my RPG character, he's a person."

He's becoming a person, twice over.

It's ludonarrative resonance or consistency. A marriage of literary convention and real human psychology, on two scales.

And this resonance demonstrates why this genre of self-aware pastiche character is so popular: At it's best, you're forced to contend with the characters as fully realized people, paradoxically because they highlight the difference between fictional conventions and reality.

By acknowledging and poking fun of the fictional conventions, Harry Du Bois, Don Quixote, and Rick Sanchez feel more real to us.

And their stories come packaged with rich themes about dangers of disconnecting yourself from reality and the short distance 'self-awareness' alone can take you, which will resonate with almost every one of us here on the Internet. At least, I know it resonated with me.

BONUS:

Shen Yuan from Scum Villain Self-Saving System (@whetstonefires) also fits this list!!!!!!

[veinsfullofstars]

Precious babies - I’m sure nothing bad will ever happen to them.

(ID: Reference sheet for my Kirby OCs, Para Dee and Bow Dee. Visually, Para is a young Waddle Dee with light orange fur, a pale beige face, peach cheek blush, brown eyes, and yellow feet. He wears large round glasses taped on the sides of his head and a green-and-brown plaid bowtie, and there is a little curl of fur swooping up from his forehead. Bow is a smaller Waddle Dee with red-orange fur, a beige face, pink cheek blush, big black eyebrows, brown eyes with a hint of sea-foam blue on the bottom, and gold-yellow feet. She wears a large navy-blue bow on the back of her head, the ribbon rimmed in pale-blue and wrapped around her head in the style of Kirby’s Fighter headband. Additional information below the cut. END ID.)

Just their kid versions at the moment, but there might be teen and adult refs for them in the future depending on how much story stuff I get around to showcasing. I got a couple other story-pertinent characters in mind as well, but they’re still deep in concept stages, so no refs for them just yet, haha. Also, if you guys want refs for young Dedede and Meta, lemme know.

Sketch started some time in 11/23, render started 12/13/23, finished 12/20/23, updated 03/11/24, updated for color correction 11/02/24. NOTE: This was originally posted on my deleted account on 01/08/24. | Childhood Friends AU Masterpost

(OC info updated as of 08/28/24)

—

Some facts about Para Dee:

-His name is just a shortened version of “Parasol Waddle Dee” - in addition to reflecting his Copy Ability, he has yet to find another name that he feels fits him better, so he keeps it as a nickname for much of his childhood and beyond (a common practice among Waddle Dees).

-He is around DDD and Meta’s age, and a little older than Bow.

-He is the middle child in a pretty big family. While he cares for them all very dearly, being crammed in a veritable mosh pit of siblings gets to be a bit much for him sometimes. He hangs out with DDD and co. partially to get away for a while, partially because he was probably going to get roped in with them anyway.

-He shares a deep love of books and learning with Meta, though his interests lean more towards math, science, and mechanical engineering, with space being perhaps his biggest hyperfixation. Seriously, this lad can go on about nebulae and starships and quantum mechanics for hours if you let him.

-Para has an unfortunate habit of “Um, actually”-ing people about topics he knows (or thinks he knows) well, annoying his friends at best and making him an easy target for local bullies at worse…

-Unlike his friends, Para is not a very active or adventurous soul. He is easily startled, chronically un-athletic, and unlikely to harm a fly let alone another person. He much prefers quieter activities like reading and stargazing, especially from the comfort of his own home. The only physical activity he seems to enjoy is rollerskating, though all he does is leisurely roll around the park while watching the others fail at doing cool tricks.

-Though reluctant about most things, Para is especially afraid of heights. Even being slightly up off the ground has him scrambling to cling to the nearest solid object (usually DDD, who has probably picked him up, possibly with the intent to throw).

-While his friends go on about their lofty goals of being kings and knights, Para’s ambitions are relatively lax. He’d like to go to university off-world to study rocket science when he’s older, maybe even learn to build them one day, but that’s about as big as his dreams get, and even those could be narrowed down further to just seeing a real interstellar starship in person. Sometimes, he imagines flying through space on one, seeing all those stars he loves so much up close and personal, even if the idea of being up that high makes his little heart stutter in his chest…

—

Some facts about Bow Dee:

-She is named, unsurprisingly, for the bow on her head, which she has been wearing since she was a baby and practically refuses to remove without a lot of coaxing (stars help anyone who tries to take it off by force). She keeps both the name and the bow for much of her childhood, though she might not keep them (or her pronouns) forever…

-She is the baby of the group (a couple years younger than DDD, Meta, and Para).

-She comes from a relatively small family, taken care of by her two (extremely cool) moms and an older brother who is often away at school or out with his friends (usually to get away from his "obnoxious baby sister"). As a result, she is on her own more than she cares to be - hence why she follows DDD and his friends around like an overeager puppy all the time.

-She thinks Meta is the coolest person ever from the moment she meets him. She hovers around him constantly whenever the gang is together (to his slight annoyance), sometimes even mimicking his poses and gestures without meaning to (usually while Meta is mimicking DDD the same way).

-Bow was born with a Copy Ability atypical for Waddle Dees, that being Water. At this point in her life, the most she can do is manifest bubbles at will and maybe manipulate small puddles if she focuses hard enough. Sometimes, in moments of high stress, she can summon powerful jets of water from nearby rivers, lakes, or even pipes beneath the ground (something that has definitely gotten her into trouble more than once). She will get the hang of her powers with enough time and practice, especially as her interests in oceans, sea life, and sailing grow over time…

-Bow finds it hard to sit still and loses focus easily if she’s not already invested in something (much to her teachers’ frustration). But when she is invested in a task, she will go all in on it until either her energy runs out or something else grabs her attention.

-Bow loves sports and most outdoor activities, constantly bouncing between favorites (though she probably enjoys swimming and surfing the most) and getting super competitive when teams are involved (much to DDD and Meta’s delight, and Para’s dismay).

-On that note, she is the only one of the four who has ever successfully landed a kickflip without getting hurt (at least after the first time).

-Bow - who often forgets that she is the smallest person in the room - will challenge anything to a fight if it makes her angry enough. Literally, she will look a feral Gigant Edge directly in the helmet and put up her little fists like she has any chance at winning. The only exception to this is bugs - she will perish before letting a bug anywhere near here (something DDD never lets her live down).

-If she had a mouth, she would bite.

[hadesdancehall]

I also made this post on the BRC subreddit but unsure if it'll stay up there so I figured I'd also share here on the off chance it gets taken. Just had thoughts about the visual symbolism with Faux and Felix that I needed to get out of my system.

Spoilers ahead for Chapter 5 and BRC endgame!

When I was going into the final boss fight, my best friend had wanted to be on voice call because there was a particular shot after the fight that she really wanted me to see: the one where Solace became Felix's "one wing".

Considering Felix going solo catalyzed the contention between him and Faux, the way Felix's "I only need one wing" mentality evolved between his first All City to the end of BRC's narrative is one of the things that really struck me with this shot. Felix's one wing was initially something borne from his decision to break away from the Big 3 in order to go solo — relying on his own merits in order to reach the pinnacle of the streets. It's never explicitly said if he really thought of Faux as a burden ("Felix... you never wanted us to be a crew and why would you? You gained so much from dropping me.") but from Felix's perspective, there were "no hard feelings" which implies that there was no actual resentment on his side. DJ also certainly didn't seem to really care either way. But ultimately the choice to be on his own with his one wing is the thing that led to his death, since Faux took it hard enough that he... y'know...

But with this?

[ID: Felix with one of Solace's wings showing up behind him]

Sure, it's just Solace. But Solace represents more than just himself — Solace represents BRC, all of them. The entire narrative follows Felix as Red, back at the bottom of the rung with Tryce and Bel, as the three of them work to the top. As Red, he still had inclinations towards handling his whole "retrieving his head and finding out his roots" situation on his own. But it was through Tryce and Bel's insistence that they stick together and their constant support and care that overcomes those inclinations. As Red, he intentionally chose and was able to reach the pinnacle with other people, with a crew — something that old Felix thought wasn't possible even when Faux, one of the best of his contemporaries, had offered it.

I think about this shot a lot ever since I saw it in-game. But then I came across another one as I was watching another person's playthrough with the same friend:

[ID: Faux's introduction in Chapter 1 at the New Amsterdam Police Bureau, with the outer ring of the Police Bureau's logo prominent behind his head]

The above shot caught me so off guard because it truly is a "blink and you miss it" kind of moment since Faux zooms in from this particular shot pretty quickly. But the New Amsterdam Police Bureau logo makes a flipping halo behind him. Along with the alias, this could potentially be its own foreshadowing to Faux's real nature: that he's not who he seems to be, that he's your foe, but that he's also deified himself in his own head and eventually deified through Project Algo where he assumes control of the police force.

(And since Solace is sometimes called by other characters as an "angel boy" or Felix's "angel fan", you can potentially get some lovely interpretations stemming from religious iconography, but that's something for another day if not coming from another person entirely.)

Am I reading too much into this? Most definitely. But while the actual plot of BRC isn't revolutionary, a lot of the things that make it enjoyable for me is filling it in with things like this in order to enrich the world and the story more. So I figured I'd also share the joy that came with these random thoughts with others — and if you've made it to the end, thanks for reading!

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[theworldgate]

Okay, so, wild speculation time but: I think Nashi could appear in Duskmourn: House of Horror. Like, in a major role.

Now, I, obviously, do not wish harm upon Tamiyo's beloved ratperson son, but also I think there are a bunch of factors that make it make sense for this to happen. [Edit to add: uh wait hang on we got some Duskmourn art in the [admittedly too long] I spent writing this?! Really?!]

Like, enough that I'm going to stick a "read more" in here.

Anyway, to start off: Wizards probably does need some established characters to Experience the Horrors. Like, there's the idea of horror as corrupted familiarity - already-known characters can be a source of said familiarity. It's why all those Pokémon creepypastas exist[1]. Also every set has at least some tie, at the very least thematically, to the larger plot (yes even Zendikar Rising). This, obviously, doesn't necessarily mean Nashi, specifically, has to be there, but it is relevant context for all the rest of this.

Nashi is teen-coded [I do not know quite how old he's meant to be, and him being a Nezumi might complicate it, but he is still A Teen in every important respect]. Now, I am no Modern Horror Expert (tm), but a lot of those stories do focus on teen characters and... in terms of the present timeline we have Nashi, Kellan and. Uh. Shadowblayde-with-a-y? Like there are not that many Teen characters, especially with the recent timeskips. Like, Rat might technically be 19 at the youngest now. And, speaking of Rat, well, with apologies to her fans, I think we're still close enough to War of the Spark for Wizards to be nervous about introducing a new character to be the token teenager [in the main story. There might be other Teenaged Horror Protag/Victim creature cards in there].

Nashi also just starred in a story in a set with 43 other Legendary Creatures [not including Commander exclusives, or Loot], despite not getting a card himself. This might just be because Wizards let Akemi Dawn Bowman write whatever for her OTJ side-story, but there might well be a reason they brought Nashi back here. (I mean, it's a good story, and sometimes Side Stories are just there, but I'm assuming relevance for the sake of argument.)

"A Long Way From Home" further established Nashi's power as cameras - indeed, his entire thing as telling stories through cameras. The very limited information we have for Duskmourn includes the set logo. Which has freaking scanlines. Also cameras and found footage and people attempting to record the horrors for posterity are all modern horror staples [I would do a list but it would get long]. Again, Nashi is the clearest link to these tropes 'normally', and he's just about reckless enough that him getting involved doesn't seem particularly OOC.

Finally, Nashi uses his OP camera powers to steal an "elixir" described thusly: "The liquid was deep red and unmistakably metallic. There was no writing on the bottle, but Nashi's nostrils flared when he picked up its scent. The magic was abhorrently pungent, and the stench made his eyes water.".

I don't think anyone has managed to ID this incredibly suspicious potion. He presumably went ahead and drank this stuff, or otherwise still has it. I would not be surprised if it actually had some ties to the horror plane/plane horror and drinking this mysterious red liquid is part of how you end up on/in Duskmourn (like, it has the urban legend feel to it, and the power, or other desired thing, at an extreme and unpredictable price implemented by an almost cosmic force is also a big horror thing that falls outside of the Innistrad remit). Like this is pure speculation, to be clear, but it also really fits the vibe imo.

SUPER DUPER BONUS POINT

Kaito confirmed for Duskmourn! I mean. Kaito was mentioned in Nashi's story, because Nashi still has very complex feelings about the "Kaito didn't save my mom" thing. So it's a point in favour! But also, like, I feel as if Nashi would be in that type of art if he was appearing, so...

[1] Point adapted from Supereyepatchwolf, who used the phrase "dissolution of our world's boundaries" from... uh, I'm not sure where, Googling gets stuff about demon summoning (like... results about it in those words, thanks 'AI'), and a video he referenced didn't seem to use it in the first several minutes but using "normalcy" as part of said boundaries. (ngl, I like "corrupted familiarity" better).

[sarka-stically]

im mad enough to make 2nd post and I barely post ever. this show was never high tv but this ep rly spat in the face of everything i liked about it. usually i try to be positive but here you got random list of all things terrible in no particular order (vaguelly chronologic who knows)

ALSO I dont take them probably assuming they would have more eps and then scrambling to fit the story in one episode as decent excuse... the stakes they set up in ep7 werent impossible to fix with one ep, they just wrote terrible episode

ed's entire character arc of 2 seasons being rolled into tiny ball and thrown in the trash. and no he isnt slipping or spiralling again, it isnt him being hot protective husband, this is him, character who spent 2 seasons trying and failing to be better and finally decided that the healthiest thing to do is to just drop the lifestyle that brings out the worst in him and pursue simple life THROWING IT OUT after finding out its not as easy as he assumed and he would have to work for it??? incredible fucking message david jenkins, if being better version of yourself is just lil bit inconvenient its not worth it go back to your crappy ways.

and NO its not him slipping, the tone of this whole thing is very distinctly victorious. and also NO the path he took now is not in any way different or better than the one he left. there is even fun triumphant vibe to him KILLING PEOPLE which was always treated as sth BAD for him??? literally absolute nonsense

what the fuck was that plot?? why are all pirates arrested?? when all they did was sink those ships?? i know this show tends to be cooky and silly and cartoony, but this was just absolutely random unexplained jump of stakes.

WHERE THE FUCK are all the other husbands of jackie. this is barely valid complaint but this stupid ep rly makes it look like swede is her only husband and I dont appreciate it

why the unholly hell did they spend entire season actually setting up crew as important, give them their own opinions and relationships to their captains, have izzy even mention that THE CREW is what its all about.... and then have them barely have any speaking roles in this episode and 0 plot relevance

that fucking PLAN??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? im sorry why the fuck did their plan include walking through the biggest swarm of brits while having mr noseless richie UNSECURED amongst them??? why even BRING HIM other than to have him there specifically so he can be the one to shoot izzy for future drama???

izzy. death.

i genuinely could be FINE with izzy dying if they wrote it decently. and id even be fine with it in this episode. if they made it fucking meaningful... but they had my man, mr famously skilled pirate catch random bullet because he is incompetent actually... bullet into the side of the body that ofmd physics say is survivable easily??? and then give 0 attention to it??

ed being there while he dies??? this truly makes me just feel like they killed him only so in hypoteticky s3 they can woobify poor ed some more... or even give him excuse to be narrativelly clean of any atrocities he does in name of revenge

but it makes no. fucking. sense. ed shluldnt be there saying ur my only family, ed has not treated izzy as family ONCE in this entire show, ed barely talked to izzy after first 3 episodes, he is NOT the person on that ship who cares about izzy the most of all. if anyone should be there while he fucking DIES its the crew. who has shown constantly through this season that they care about him, who he made whole speech about in THIS SAME EPISODE. im sorry frenchie did NOT carry izzy back on the ship to drop him on the floor and have ed who I REPEAT HAS NOT SHOWN HE CARES ABOUT HIM AS MORE THAN AQUITANCE SINCE LIKE EARLY S1 be the one to be there in his last moment.

I get izzy wanting to make amends but BOTH OF THEM SHOULD BE APOLOGISING, HE SHOULDNT VE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS and ed shouldnt be framed as blameless in their relationship in izzy's last moment.

and what made me genuinely laugh was izzy saying that the crew is ed's family. they are literally NOT. everyone who was aboard the revenge either hates him or is scared of him, and I dont think they had enough reason to change their minds as ed hasnt rly spent any time with the crew and shown only care for stede. they are NOT ed's found family and this payoff and this found family line is so ridiculously not set up and not narrativelly deserved it makes me laugh.

overall absolutely ridiculizs episode it made me laugh and it made me angry and it also made me angry how quickly we move past that

[risetherivermoon]

I WANNA HEAR YOUR CROUCH FAMILY THOUGHT GIB GIB FEED MOIII!!!

snail ur amazing, also yes i shall :)) im always happy to talk about them oh my godddd, some of this will be a mix of general thoughts and just convos me and Leo ( @lostforgottenspaces ) have had abt the crouch family, specifically for our fic SFTDWD (Sing For The Damage We've Done) be prepped for a long ass rant!!

anyways, i feel like people don't talk about their canonical story as much as they should because they're so interestingggg,

Snr being in the ministry and not w/ the deatheaters?? Barty getting involved with them through his time at hogwarts??? The trial flashback??? Bartys own trial??? Mrs. Crouch sacrificing herself for her son??? Snr openly hating his own son??? Snr locking Barty away for decades in his childhood home??? Barty killing Snr?? Barty going back to the deatheaters?? like helloooo????

the angst potential there is so good i wish people used it moreee,

in my mind i view their dynamic as; Snr meeting Bartys mom/Laura (I usually name her Laura so I'll probably just use that here) in Italy when they are young, probably around 18-19. Laura had been homeschooled as a witch there with her family, and she meets Snr and they actually have a very happy love story,

but as time goes on, Snr's drive for success within the ministry pulls the couple a part. Snr believes he knows Laura fully, and that she's an angel, which is not true! Laura is human person who makes mistakes, but Snr sees her as someone higher, so when she does makes mistakes he loses it. They have a child because of a societal expectations, Snr never wanted kids, he believes them having a child will only hold him back.

Barty is born, Snr doesn't pay him much mind, though he tries to get past his negative feelings to be a father to his son. He attempts to be a better father than his own father was to him, but as time goes on he starts to care less and less. I imagine something happens in the ministry, maybe he gets demoted, and he starts blaming Barty for those problems, as well as Laura too.

Barty attempts to get his fathers positive attention for most of his childhood, though he never gets it. His father uses curses on him, especially the imperius curse, to get him to leave Snr alone. Laura tries to get Snr to stop, because she loves Barty, but Snr won't.

Another thing I like to note is because of Snr's cruel treatment of his son, Barty is much closer with his mother. Though he, as well as Snr, start to see her in this perfect light, and is confused when she does something that is more siding with Snr than with Barty. I think it adds depth to the two of them, being similar like that, and it makes Laura quite the tragic character imo, so yk 🤭 i love tragedy

anywho, Barty isn't allowed to leave the house much as a child, his only way of refuge is books and studying, so thats what he does. He reads and takes notes, etc. This is one of the reasons why he decides to take on all of his OWLs when he's in Hogwarts.

id imagine Barty slowly gets involved with Deatheater stuff simply by association with his classmates, hearing them talk, being a part of things like that. He'll join the deatheaters with them, secretly.

when he turns 18 and graduates, he gets a job at the ministry per his fathers request, while still being in with the deatheaters. A year passes, and at only 19 he gets exposed during Karkaroff's trial, his father is shocked and so is his mother. During his own trial, (along with the Lestranges) he gets sentenced to Azkaban, both his mother and father are present.

his capture soon weakens Laura's health, and she becomes weak. She tells Snr her last request, which is to save her son from a life in Azkaban. Snr begrudgingly helps her with this, and she switches place with Barty. Barty resists at first, though his mother tells him everything will be okay, because his father will keep him safe. Laura doesn't know what Snr will do afterwards to keep Barty out of the Deatheaters and Voldemorts company.

Barty still remains a prisoner, although now one in his own home, his childhood home. He's barely 21 at the time, and he spends around a decade there. Snr mostly ignores him, only hearing of him from their house elf, Winky. She becomes Barty's caregiver, bringing him food and keeping him company. Barty would ask her for the current news, for books to keep him entertained, and simply just to be around. Though, Winky wasn't allowed to talk to him mostly, she would follow his requests, and would stay around sometimes.

Barty was the one to convince Winky to bring him to a quidditch match, she then convinced Snr, who begrudgingly accepted after being prodded quite a bit. Then...well yk most of the rest of the story, blah blah he escapes for a second, blah blah...yk the jist.

I also like to think that Barty talks to Moody while he's being held captive in the suitcase thingy. He doesn't have anyone else to talk to and he hasn't been out of captivity in a while, which is one of the reasons why people think Moody is acting so weird, as he's being freakishly antisocial and unaware of things. But Moody knows like a shit ton about Barty and his life, just because I think that would be fun lol,

Barty then kills his father finally in an act of revenge, something that had been replaying in his head for years...he'd been imagining that moment since forever. He finally kills the man who tormented him for his whole life, and he relishes in the fact of seeing that Snr is terrified of him now, bc finally Snr gets to feel the same way that he had made his son feel for Barty's entire life.

And then, Barty loses his soul from the dementors kiss, and he's all alone...yk i love that fact so much. Especially for those Slytherin Skittle fans, Barty dies last out of all of them, and he's all alone.

another thing id like to note is Barty's involvement with the deatheaters. I think that it was a mix of him being with the wrong crowd, as well as basically seeking them out. He's being abused and neglected by his father, and it causes him to act out more, and he finds these kids who are basically doing the same thing, so he joins them, and then follows them. He's just a child when he does, he's ignorant obviously, and i think that's what really gets to me about his character.

Barty is practically still a child when everything happens to him. He and a lot of the deatheater characters in the marauders era are just victims of being looped in as a child, if childhood ignorance and abuse. Even though the crouch family isn't involved in the deatheaters, Barty still seeks comfort in it because he can't find it anywhere else, which is just fkin heartbreakingggg,

i love this family so much, they're so goddamn interesting to me, i love barty angst and just his character in general, i would love to see more people explore it, and i will always continue to throw my bbg around like a ragdoll!!!

anyway, thank u for the ask!! i love talking about them, so i will actually die for anyone who asks me abt them,

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group F Round 3: #F4 vs #F7

#F4: Young boxer in futuristic Japan fights in tournament

#F7: Transmigrator heals a reincarnation revenge story

Details and poll under the cut!

#F4: Megalo Box

Summary:

Follows the story of a young man that only goes by his ring name “Junk Dog”, set in the late 21st century. People live in a large metropolis, those without citizenship forced in slums called the Restricted Area. Junk Dog fights in fixed matches in the Restricted Area in a sport called Megalo Box, which is boxing augmented by metal exoskeletons.

One day, Junk Dog almost crashes into the CEO of the Shirato Company on his motorcycle, and he tries to pick a fight with her guard, Yuri. Yuri ends up fighting Junk Dog in a match, beating him and challenging him to fight him in a tournament called Megalonia. Forging an ID and taking the name Joe with help from his coach, the young fighter only has 3 months to win enough matches to rank high enough to get into the tournament and face Yuri. Not just for his pride, but also because of threats from the mafia, who wants money from Joe and his coach that they don’t have.

Propaganda:

Megalo Box is a series that got some recognition during the Crunchyroll Awards. It even aired on Adult swim’s late night anime block, even gaining a second season. But it seems like after the initial season, all interest of the show evaporated. It’s rarely talked about in fandom spaces or in anime video essays.

Which is a shame! It's a solid watch. The music is stellar. The characters are enjoyable, even if the plot of the main character Joe being a massive underdog that claws his way through a boxing tournament is a little predictable. But to be fair, this show was created to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the boxing manga Ashita no Joe.

Still, the anime keeps things fresh. It has added political commentary about class and race dynamics. Joe is brown-skinned, looks mixed, and is an undocumented citizen in the city he lives in. He has to fight in illegal fixed Megalo Box matches in the slums in order to make ends meet. Even that provides little protection, as he and his coach Ganbu get threatened by the mob for more money that they can’t produce. It also touches upon how children are abandoned and abused by the system with Sachio.

Joe is the ultimate underdog story. He ends up going by “Gearless Joe” because he fights his matches without wearing any Gear—aka the metal exoskeletons use in Megalo Box. He’s essentially boxing old-school style against others an unfair advantage with tools that augment their punches and movements. Joe did this in the first place because he was too poor to buy a new Gear, his old one falling apart, so he felt he was better off training and using his natural body in matches.

The second season also explores Joe's struggles with depression and drug addiction as he trains another Megalo Boxer, which is interesting and adds another layer to him.

Plus, the show also has racial diversity in the side characters. The English dub cast voice actors of the same ethnicities for Pepe, Chief, and Maria. Also, Kaiji Tang voices Joe, the lead.

Trigger Warnings: Child Abuse, Graphic Depictions of Cruelty/Violence/Gore.

The anime is about boxing, so characters get beaten up quite a bit (even in fantastical ways). However, there’s also some other violence threats (like Joe’s coach Nanbu getting his eye cut and threatened to earn money by the mafia). Also, a kid named Sachio joins the group to help Joe and gets beaten by thugs and threatened a few times through the series.

#F7: There’s a Pit in my Senior Martial Brother’s Brain (Wo Jia Dashixiong Naozi You Keng)

Official English title: What’s Wrong With My Big Brother Alt Title: My Dashixiong Has a Pit in His Brain

Summary:

Dongfang Xianyun transmigrates as the eldest disciple of the Care-free sect. But the only thing that goes through his mind is to make sure he doesn’t end up dying by the hands of the “main character.” He believes he’s just a side character. He just wants to relax and survive all the mayhem surrounding him while dealing with one of his jealous sect teammates, who grew corrupted in the past life.

Propaganda:

This series is kind of insane but also just a lot of fun! The thing is, the shidi (junior martial sect brother), Yin Feixing, felt betrayed by his dashixiong (eldest senior sect brother), Dongfang Xianyun, after he was seemingly rejected for ending up studying the demonic arts. After he dies, he decides to take revenge in the next life, and this is where our story starts off…

The only problem is his dashixiong has been replaced by a transmigrator. And our new Dongfang Xianyun is not as cold or uptight as the past dashixiong (but as the story unravels, was he even that bad?); rather, this version is silly and goofy and fun. And because he believes wholeheartedly that Yin Feixing is the protagonist, he doesn’t act the way a dashixiong is expected to—but it’s in this silliness that one can find sincerity…

So as Yin Feixing exacts his revenge, turning Dongfang Xianyun into a demonic arts practitioner, Dongfang Xianyun’s new soul means he won’t follow the same path as Yin Feixing. Rather than fall to ruins like Yin Feixing, his empathy and creativity means he challenges this entire world by making his fellow demonic practitioners into law-abiding heroes, even as people hate him for the demonic arts. So as multiple plots unfurl, we get a pretty emotional, thematically interesting story, even amidst all the (very funny) crazy comedy, and a clever parody of xianxia* and other transmigration stories. 😆

(*Xianxia (仙侠 xiānxiá) – literally means “Immortal Heroes”. Fictional stories featuring magic, demons, ghosts, immortals, and a great deal of Chinese folklore/mythology. Protagonists (usually) attempt to cultivate to Immortality, seeking eternal life and the pinnacle of strength. Heavily inspired by Daoism. Source)

Oh, and Gong Changsheng is best puppy! He’s such a good sunflower boy with the biggest crush on Dongfang Xianyun, and I love them so much. I think lots of others will love them too if they gave this series a chance. 🥺

The slightly evolving names for each season are fun too:

S1: 我家大师兄脑子有坑 (My Dashixiong Has a Pit in His Brain (aka “he’s really dumb/ridiculous”))

S2: 我家大师兄是个反派 (My Dashixiong Is a Villain)

S3: 我家大师兄有点靠谱 (My Dashixiong Is a Bit Reliable)

(Plus, besides the original manhua, there’s a fun chibi OVA where the cast are like actors!)

Trigger Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Cruelty/Violence/Gore. The donghua isn’t as intense as the manhua, but there is one character who flirts in a somewhat creepy manner.

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

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