#seriously who let her drive the ship

[cephaleo]

WE’RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!

[sometimesmaybespoof]

When she Half on my Life till I 2

[ham1lton]

X MARKS THE SPOT!

pairings: retired f1 drivers x retired f1 legend!yn.

faceclaim: jessica alba.

summary: being the first-ever female f1 world champion was hard enough. writing a tell-all about it, including all the details of your beef with that former driver? let’s just say the track wasn’t the only place things got heated.

warnings: mentions of misogyny. like a lot. so if that is something that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read!! your comfort comes first <3

author’s note: ignore timeline issues!! this was all inspired by that one anon who said something about yn writing a tell-all. if you liked this, maybe send me an ask? :D

now part of a trilogy!

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by vogue, jimmyfallon and 2,837,018 others

yourinstagram: it was so fun talking to jimmyfallon about writing my memoir ‘lucky girl syndrome’! i talked about getting the call that i was being signed, getting name dropped in a kdot song (thank you for making me cool to my nephews!) and the legacy i want to leave behind. check it out!!!

view all 298,727 comments

user1: MOTHERRR

user2: omg i’ve already pre-ordered my copy!!

-> user3: i’ve reserved it at my local library 🫡

user4: i hope she spills all the tea. i wanna know exactly who the misogynist motherfuckers are.

user5: she’s the goat female driver idc!! first female championship winner!!

-> user9: during her time in mclaren, jenson was carrying her. but yeah let’s talk about that one rigged championship 😂

user6: she still looks so hot. my first celeb crush.

-> user7: i had pictures of her all over my wall. i think my mom still has them up 😓

user8: worst driver of all time. only there because she looked good in the race suit.

-> user11: if she wasn’t hot, no one would care about her driving.

user10: this was always going to happen when you allowed women into f1. ruined the sport. she was nothing but a distraction on the grid.

-> user12: she was incredible. she clawed her way to a championship when everyone doubted her. she proved that women can do anything. the only distraction are people like you.

user13: please please please tell me she says that her and jenson were a thing. i always used to ship them so bad. the photoshoot for british vogue was imprinted on my thirteen year old brain.

-> user14: ANOTHER JENSONYN SHIPPER!!! baitclaren was my fav mclaren era. y’all can have your twinkclaren!!

-> user15: remember when jenson shut down a misogynistic reporter who tried to imply that yn wasn’t a good driver?? that was his girl frfr!!

user16: i’m so proud of u yn. you’ve been through so much and i’m excited to support you.

*liked by yourinstagram.*

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“SHE’S NOT THAT FAST — SHE JUST GETS LUCKY SOMETIMES. THAT’S ALL IT IS. RIGHT CAR — RIGHT TIME. LUCKY GIRL SYNDROME.” — a senior mclaren engineer.

dedicated to everyone who ever rooted for me. thank you.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

EXCERPT FROM LUCKY GIRL SYNDROME.

by yn yln.

when i signed with mclaren in 2013, i thought i was living my dream.

i was the only female driver on the grid, paired with jenson button—a world champion, a household name, and, to some, a certified heartthrob. they already loved calling him “promiscuous” in the press, and suddenly there i was: the pretty young woman who happened to drive fast. to them, we weren’t drivers—we were a brand. two good-looking people in shiny cars. and that label stuck.

from the start, i wasn’t taken seriously. i’d show up to meetings and realize they’d given me the wrong time—jenson would already be there, halfway through strategising with the team. he always looked uncomfortable when i walked in late, knowing i wasn’t told the same things he was.

“you’re here now,” he’d say, smiling politely, trying to ease the tension. i liked him. he wasn’t the problem. he was respectful, and if anyone made an offhand comment about me, he’d interject with a joke to cut through the awkwardness. but even his kindness couldn’t fix what was fundamentally wrong.

my first podium was a moment i’d worked my entire life for. it was a race where i drove faster than jenson, faster than most of the grid. but the photo they posted of me on the team’s social media wasn’t of me crossing the finish line, or holding my trophy.

it was me in the garage, leaning over the car, my race suit unzipped halfway down. the caption didn’t even mention the podium. it was just… my body. i couldn’t stomach looking through the comments.

i’ll never forget calling my dad that night. he was furious. he asked me why i didn’t make a fuss. why i didn’t storm into the team’s office and demand better treatment. but what he didn’t understand was that it wasn’t that simple. you’re the only woman in a room full of men, and they’re already waiting for you to slip up. waiting for you to show too much emotion, to prove them right when they think women are too “dramatic” to handle the job.

so i kept my head down. i smiled at the cameras, laughed at the jokes, and drove my ass off every weekend. and every time i was faster than jenson, every time i outqualified him or finished ahead, they’d say, “she got lucky.” when he beat me, they’d say, “see? this is why she doesn’t belong here.” it was a game i couldn’t win.

being the first woman on the grid wasn’t just about being fast. it was about being everything they didn’t expect me to be: calm, collected, agreeable. i couldn’t afford to push back because i knew they’d use it against me. so i swallowed it all, every little slight, every dismissive comment, every missed opportunity. i thought if i just kept my head down and drove, eventually, i’d earn their respect.

but now, looking back, i realize… they were never going to respect me. not really. not as a driver. they respected what i did for their brand, for their image. they respected how well i played the part. but as a person, as an athlete? i was just another pretty face to them. nothing more. and that’s what hurt the most.

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r/books

Discussion Thread:

“Lucky Girl Syndrome” by YN YLN: Thoughts, Reactions, and the Drama It’s Stirred Up.

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u/checkeredpast: just finished lucky girl syndrome, and WOW. she did not hold back. calling out mclaren for the way they treated her, the “wrong meeting times” sabotage, and the completely inappropriate podium photo… i can’t believe this stuff actually happened.

u/fastlaneandfurious: the part where she talks about the team using her as a “walking brand strategy” instead of a driver broke my heart. like, they wanted her to be the face of the team but refused to actually treat her like a serious athlete.

u/f1fanfiction: let’s talk about the fact that she outsold literally every sports memoir in history. 2 million copies sold in the first week. yn doesn’t just break records on the track, apparently.

u/nosteeringallowed: her calling out the media for labeling her as “lucky” after she beat half the grid is ICONIC. “they didn’t call my male teammates lucky—they called them skilled.” like, yes queen, drag them.

u/ynsthegoat: what got me was the chapter about the infamous team dinner where they wouldn’t even let her speak during strategy talk. then she went out and out-qualified jenson the next day.

u/overqualifiedandundervalued: “they said i was lucky, but luck doesn’t drive faster laps or win races. luck didn’t make me the first woman to win a championship—it was skill, it was hard work, and it was me.” CHILLS. absolute chills.

u/gridgossip: is no one going to talk about the tea she spilled on that one driver? the “polite but condescending” comments she got from him while he constantly undermined her. we KNOW it’s about seb.

u/wheresthefinishline: @ u/gridgossip no no no, it’s def about fernando. she’s been shady about him for years, and the way she described the “overly competitive teammate who couldn’t handle being outpaced by a woman” fits him perfectly.

u/holygrailpodium: the inappropriate photo after her first podium makes me so mad every time. she’s standing there in tears, holding the trophy, and they choose to post a picture of her leaning over the car with her suit half-open?? disgusting.

u/gaslitandgridlocked: her dad being her biggest defender was such a beautiful part of the book, though. “why do you stay quiet when you’re the fastest in the room?” hit me right in the heart.

u/podiumqueen: not me crying over how she kept driving through all of this, knowing they didn’t want her there. like, the strength it must’ve taken to win races when her own team wasn’t even rooting for her.

u/championshipenergy: the way she calls out how different her career would’ve been if she were a man was SO POWERFUL. “they didn’t need me to be fast, they needed me to be pretty. they got both, and they still weren’t satisfied.”

u/mimosasontherace: i can’t stop thinking about the last chapter where she talks about winning her first championship and how no one in her team even hugged her when the cameras switched off. like, they couldn’t even fake happiness for her.

u/driversanddivas: this book isn’t just a memoir; it’s a reckoning. yn exposed everyone who doubted her and proved that no matter what they threw at her, she came out on top. lucky girl syndrome my ass—she EARNED that title.

u/lightsoutandread: imagine being on the grid right now, knowing you were one of the people she called out. the absolute awkwardness.

u/trophiesandtrauma: if you’re on the fence about reading this, DO IT. it’s not just about racing—it’s about breaking barriers, sexism, and resilience. honestly, it deserves all the success it’s getting.

u/checkeredpast: she’s already announced a limited series deal with a streaming platform. you KNOW it’s going to be messy when they dramatize the “wrong meeting times” scene.

u/bookishracer: “lucky girl syndrome” is officially my book of the year. yn didn’t just tell her story; she made sure no one could ever erase it again.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by f1stan, ynstan and 1,837,928 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: f1 legend and now best selling author, yn yln, took to harper’s bazaar to discuss writing and her career. however, her memoir went viral for more than its record breaking sales. yln mentioned that there was a certain driver that would be her biggest fan in public and then undermine her in public. it has been dubbed ‘x marks the spot’, with the hashtag gaining major traction on social media. what do you think ham1ltons? and who do you think the supposed driver could be?

──────────────────────

‘there was one driver who always seemed to go out of his way to remind me i didn’t belong. he wasn’t on my team, but his presence always lingered—sharp, dismissive, condescending. let’s call him x. in interviews, he’d say all the right things, calling me a “trailblazer” and claiming he respected what i brought to the sport. but in the paddock, it was another story. during press conferences, he’d interrupt me, throwing in some smug joke that made everyone laugh but left me feeling small. once, during a rain delay, he walked past my garage and casually remarked to my engineer, loud enough for me to hear, “well, at least she’ll look good sliding off the track.” and when i won my first race, beating him in the process, he didn’t say a word. no handshake, no congratulations—just a quick glance and he was gone. i’ll never know why he went out of his way to belittle me, but in the end, i didn’t care. that win wasn’t for him. it was for me.’

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view all 23,727 comments

user1: it’s definitely fernando. they’ve never liked each other, and he’s always been salty when anyone’s faster than him.

-> user2: nah, it can’t be fernando. he’s competitive, but he’s never outright disrespectful. i’m thinking nico.

-> user1: girl that’s the point 😭 x was never openly disrespectful.

user3: okay but what about lewis? we KNOW their relationship wasn’t always great. remember how tense they were in interviews back then?

-> user4: no way it’s lewis. he’s literally said she’s one of the most talented drivers he’s raced against.

-> user5: lewis can say nice things now, but what if he wasn’t like that back then? she didn’t say the guy stayed disrespectful. she also said x was nice in public, who knew what he was saying in private.

user6: everyone’s ignoring seb, but she’s shaded him before. what if it’s him?

-> user7: yn has ALWAYS defended seb. if anything, he was one of the few drivers who actually supported her. it’s not him.

user8: it has to be fernando. the whole paragraph is giving fernando energy, and you know it.

-> user9: nah, i still think it’s nico. remember when he threw shade at her in a press conference after she outqualified him?

user10: you’re all wrong. it’s michael. she’s talked about how intimidating he was to race against, and she never got along with him.

-> user11: yn literally called michael one of her idols. she’d never write about him like that.

user12: y’all are missing the obvious answer—kimi. he’s the only one who would say something that blunt and not care about the fallout.

-> user13: kimi didn’t even talk to her half the time lol. i can’t see him caring enough to belittle her.

user14: okay, what if it’s no one we’re expecting? maybe it’s some random mid-grid guy like grosjean or massa.

-> user15: yn wouldn’t waste a whole chapter on someone irrelevant. it has to be one of the big names. my money’s on fernando or nico.

-> user1: fernando for sure. yn’s always been lowkey bitter about him, and this just proves it.

-> user2: it’s not fernando!! why can’t you just accept that some drivers are cocky without it being him??

-> user3: okay but if it’s not fernando, who else would it be?? the smug comments SCREAM his vibe.

user5: we’re all arguing, but yn’s probably laughing at us right now. she KNEW we’d be doing this.

user16: yn ‘attention whore’ yln.

user17: at least we know it wasn’t my king jb 😻

user18: idk who tf yn is but this tea is so juicy 😭

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

[setting: thanksgiving dinner, complete chaos. plates of food are half-eaten, wine glasses are full, and cousin jess is recording everything on tiktok. the family is deep into an argument about “x marks the spot,” using jess’s infamous powerpoint as reference.]

uncle bob: jess, i still don’t get why you made a whole powerpoint about this.

cousin jess: because the people need to know, uncle bob. yn’s memoir is the drama of the decade, and you’re welcome for organizing all the evidence.

aunt carol: honestly, it’s that fernando. slide four proves it. all the press conferences where he interrupted her? it’s right there.

aunt fiona: fernando wasn’t that bad. he even congratulated her in, like, 2017. i think it’s nico. slide eight, jess literally wrote “petty king energy” under his name.

uncle hamish: it’s not nico. you’re all overthinking this. i say it’s jenson. didn’t he once call her “intense” in an interview?

cousin matt: jenson literally defended her against the media every other week, hamish. you clearly didn’t listen to slide six.

grandpa: i still don’t understand why this yn person didn’t just punch the guy.

grandma: because she has class, unlike this family. pass the stuffing.

aunt bobbi: wait, what about lewis? slide ten said they were “friendly but complicated.” maybe he was fake-nice to her.

uncle craig: fake-nice? lewis was the only one who liked her, bobbi. slide nine has like five examples of him hyping her up in interviews.

cousin jess: uncle craig, you’re wrong. he was supportive, but there’s that one time he ignored her after she beat him in qualifying. it’s suspicious.

aunt carol: you think it’s suspicious? no way. lewis isn’t smug enough to be x.

uncle hamish: oh please, you’re all just picking names because they sound dramatic. if anything, it was sebastian.

aunt fiona: seb? absolutely not. slide seven shows he called her “one of the best drivers on the grid” multiple times.

uncle bob: that’s suspicious. who compliments people that much unless they’re guilty?

grandma: compliments aren’t guilt, bob. stop eating the cranberry sauce straight from the bowl and get a grip.

aunt carol: you’re all wrong. slide four, people! fernando cutting her off mid-sentence! the man’s guilty as sin.

grandpa: why does anyone care about this? it’s all rich people in fancy cars. sounds like nonsense.

cousin matt: rich people drama is the best kind of drama, grandpa.

aunt bobbi: jess, why is kimi’s slide just a picture of him smoking with “#needthat” written under it?

cousin jess: because kimi’s innocent. everyone knows he doesn’t care about anything but being my dream man.

uncle craig: so why isn’t yn on the slide about drivers who were universally liked?

cousin jess: because she wasn’t universally liked, uncle craig. she was fast, hot, and female in a male-dominated sport. they were all salty.

uncle bob: well, now they’re all posting about how much they respect her.

grandma: of course they are. it’s called covering their asses.

uncle hamish: if i were yn, i’d name names. all this mystery is just fueling conspiracy theories.

grandpa: or she could just leave it alone so we don’t have to argue about it at thanksgiving. what the hell even is f1? is that nascar?

uncle craig: formula 1, dad. jesus, keep up.

grandma (snapping): if someone doesn’t pass me the cranberry sauce right now, i’m gonna be the next x.

[jess pans the camera to her grandma glaring at the table, muttering under her breath as the family keeps arguing.]

cousin jess (whispering into her phone): y’all, my family is losing it over x marks the spot. happy thanksgiving.

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

liked by landopriv, ynupdates and 4,738,918 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: an update on the ‘x marks the spot’ speculation. it started over who exactly is x, from f1 legend yn yln’s memoir and it is causing a stir! with former/current drivers taking to social media and journalists to prove their innocence. kimi räikkönen, when asked, said ‘yn deserved every win she got. people talked too much, but she let her driving do all the talking. always respected that about her.’

mick schumacher released a statement via instagram, with a montage of photos of him and his dad with the first female championship winner: ‘my dad always believed yn was one of the most talented drivers he’d ever seen. he admired her strength, her skill, and her ability to prove everyone wrong, time and time again. he spoke so highly of her and what she brought to the sport, and i know he’d be so proud to see her telling her story.’ when sebastian vettel made a rare appearance to the grid, he confirmed that he had bought a copy and thought that he was proud to watch yn ‘make history’.

now the sudden flurry of support is making fans of the sport wonder just who is genuine and who is covering his ass? what do you think ham1ltons?

view all 2,983 comments

user1: the way literally everyone is tripping over themselves to prove it’s not them is SO funny. one of you is lying, and we will figure it out.

-> user20: exactly!! the fact that EVERYONE is suddenly posting/talking feels so suspicious lmao. someone’s definitely guilty, and they’re trying to throw us off the scent.

user2: kimi’s response is so him. short, straight, and unbothered. it’s definitely not him.

-> user22: we’re all analysing this, but kimi’s out here just vibing like always. love that man.

user3: mick’s statement is beautiful and wholesome as always, but also low-key throwing shade at the others?? like, ‘my dad always supported her’ is giving ‘can’t say the same for you lot.’

-> user21: honestly, mick’s post is the only one that feels 100% genuine. his dad was always so supportive of yn.

user4: seb really said ‘i bought the book’ and dipped. man didn’t even deny anything outright. sus??

-> user5: nah, seb’s always been a yn fanboy. remember when he called her ‘the most talented driver on the grid’? it’s not him.

user6: the lewis and nico posts are giving major ‘damage control’ energy. both of them trying WAY too hard to sound supportive.

-> user7: facts. lewis called her a ‘trailblazer’ like we wouldn’t notice how cold things were between them back in the day.

-> user17: tbh, i don’t think it’s lewis. yn has said before that he was always encouraging her, and they’ve stayed friendly.

user8: fernando’s post feels so rehearsed. like, when has he ever gushed over yn like that before??

user9: low-key think it’s nico. man was so salty about literally everything back then, and the ‘petty king’ vibes match the memoir perfectly.

-> user10: yesss, especially the part where she said he didn’t congratulate her after her first win. sounds EXACTLY like something nico would do.

user11: not enough people are talking about jenson. just because he was her teammate doesn’t mean he’s innocent. the whole ‘answer my texts’ thing was cute, but he’s a smooth talker.

-> user12: nah, yn always spoke highly of jenson. he had her back when mclaren was treating her like a sex toy. i’m ruling him out.

user13: so we’re all just ignoring that fernando spent YEARS shading her in press conferences? india ‘13 is permanently engraved in my brain.

-> user18: can’t lie, if it’s fernando, i’ll be disappointed but not surprised. his 2013 energy was… a lot.

user14: honestly, they’re all acting sketchy. the sudden love bomb of support is too much. one of you is x and we will find out.

user15: plot twist: what if x isn’t even one of the obvious names? imagine it’s someone random like felipe massa lmao.

-> user16: watch it not even be one of the main suspects and we’ve been dragging the wrong guy this whole time 💀

user18: it’s giving ‘we need to get ahead of the narrative’ vibes, and i’m here for the chaos.

-> user19: everyone’s pr team is in OVERDRIVE rn lmfaoooo

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryy @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @aliciaablueprint @theblueblub @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @landososcar @yongi-lee @velentine @m1892 @blushmimi @evans-dejong @nixisracing @lethalvenus @sainzluvrr @santanasaintmendes @idontknowlmaoo @sainzluvrr @tetetoni @ssprayberrythings @heavy-vettel @tashisgf @daniskywalkersolo @c-losur3 @lestappenslover @linoscrly (see yourself tagged when you don’t wanna be? or you want to be and don’t see yourself? send me an ask!)

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

[gothamite-rambler]

Batman has to constantly remind them he's not going down with the sinking ship when it's not his fault

Superman: Yeah, so we're turning ourselves into the government. Do you want to meet us there, or should we meet with you?

Batman: …

Wonder Woman: Batman, we're on a time crunch. Just give us your answer.

Batman (while driving, hesitating): First, I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Second, my son, who is in the car with me, is also fine… thankfully. Third, are you on crack?

Superman: I… We as a team voted that it's best if we turn ourselves into the government.

Batman (flatly): That's a decision you made. You guys have fun with it. Can I go now?

Wonder Woman: You’re part of the team! You have to turn yourself in!

Batman: Says who?

Wonder Woman: We decided as a team!

Batman: Yes, good for you. Why am I being dragged into this?

Wonder Woman and Superman: YOU ARE PART OF THIS TEAM!

Damian (in the background): Father, can we get McFlurrys later?

Batman (to Damian): Why do people eat those? They taste disgusting.

Damian: You have to get the one with the Oreos.

Superman: We’re still on the call!

Batman (annoyed): Right, not going in. Bye.

Wonder Woman: Don’t end the call! You have to hear us out.

Batman: I should just hang up, but I’m bored and need something entertaining to listen to. Proceed.

Flash (speaking first): Take one for the team, Bruce.

Batman: Okay, first, when I'm on a call with any of you, call me by my hero name. Commissioner Gordon can get away with that, but I’m not on that level with most of you. Second, I’m not on this team if you want me to do this ridiculousness. Third, seriously, are you on crack?

Green Arrow (in the background): Thank you for not saying heroin.

Damian (in the background): Father, why do they think you’re dumb?

Batman: Because they’re not very smart.

Green Arrow (expecting this): It’s amazing how badly this is going. I told you guys he’d say no, but nobody listens to me.

Batman: This is one of the rare times I agree with Arrow. I didn't sign up for a team where we all turn ourselves in for something I didn’t do.

Superman: It’s a team decision.

Batman: I don’t care.

Superman: But it’s for solidarity.

Batman: That I don’t care about.

Superman: Again, we’re a hero team. We’ve saved the world together; can’t you do this one little thing?

Green Lantern (Hal): And his response is…

Batman: Fighting villains, I enjoy. I wouldn’t be on a sports team, a firefighter team, or a doctor team with you if you're going to be this dense, and I sure as hell won't be on this team if you want me to do something this stupid. Is the brain cell you share gone for the day?

Superman: Okay, well… Kara is going with us.

Batman: And I've lost a little respect for her.

Supergirl: Hey! Wait, you had respect for me?

Batman: Did you contact any of my adult kids? Nightwing? Red Robin? I know Red Hood would just laugh before hanging up.

Superman: We haven't called them yet… but I bet they'd say yes!

Batman: No, they wouldn’t. I know that because they just texted my youngest son, who’s with me, and their messages say, “Not a chance in hell.” I didn’t even have to say anything. I raised them well.

Superman: Can’t you put aside your ego and just do this for us?

Batman: Who’s going to pick up my son from school? Go to my daughter's recital? Attend my other son’s group therapy session? Talk to my future fiancée about where I’ll be? Just curious, which one of you will handle that?

Batman waited for a few seconds, and none of the members responded.

Batman: Right. As stated, I'm not going, and if you call me again with this stupid request, I'm cutting the power to the building for a month. I will let that building decay to prove a point.

Damian: You tell 'em, Father!

Batman ended the video call without another word.

Wonder Woman: He’s getting calmer with his reactions.

Green Arrow: Yeah… Guys, maybe we don’t turn ourselves in this time. Maybe we… do something else? Anything else, because he has a point. I'm not sinking in the Titanic when there's a lifeboat.

Aquaman: Good Titanic metaphor.

Green Arrow: Thanks, man.

[notsodailycake]

Part 3 for the fitclet I did for @keferon 's mecha pilot jazz au! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

For those who missed it:

Part 1 || Part 2

This is probably the longest out of all the 3 parts, dear god, I went all in. It came out bigger than I ever expected it to be. I was not expecting it to go this far honestly, but the parasites in me, they begged for more. So here we are! :D

Again tho, idk how in character they will be here, but I tried my best ＼(*T▽T*)／. Also, kinda bullshitted my way through in worldbuilding bc idk how things work exactly- and I had to come up with stuff on my own, even tho I'm not that good in mecha world stuff, so I'm sorry for any inaccuracies ^^;;

Now, to give credit to those who so desperately deserve it:

My sister @saltynsassy31 for helping me when I couldn't write out some of my ideas and doing it herself (so consider this as a bit of a frankenstein monster of both our writing styles, mainly during intense scenes. If there is any fancy words in this, it's cuz of her) and being my beta reader for this part. Seriously yall, this wouldn't have been as coherent and well written without her help!

Also huge thanks to my online sister @yayadrawsthingz for helping out when I hit a few road blocks during this!

And finally, a huge huge thanks to my honorary online uncle @hexyz09 for helping me finish off the final fight scene when I got stuck during some plot holes and road blocks, or generally just writing myself into a corner and having to help me leave it, despite not knowing jackshit about the au, let alone the ship and characters themselves, but was still willing to help me through in working on the plot, in this crazy obsession of mine XD

Yall have no idea how much help these guys were. Probably wouldn't be able to finish without either of their help ᕦ(òωóˇ)ᕤ

Oh and an honourable shoutout to the song "Headlock" by Imogen Heap! Kept listening to this on loop as it kept my drive up to write this.

Now onto the fic!

---

Prowl ignored Jazz's various attemps to push out his servo from the cockpit. Despite the mech being weak himself, the human was still no match against thousands of pounds of metal, especially in his own weakened state.

Which was a matter of its own at the moment. Prowl knew he had very little time to be able to run ahead before the other humans caught on to them, having noticed the alarm bells ringing through the facility.

So he ran towards the exit Jazz had initially pointed out, the only plan they had at the moment.

...

"Prowl! Prowler, hey! I know you can hear me! Prowl!" Jazz shouted as he slammed yet another fist in a failed attempt to nudge the bot's servo out of the way. He hasn't said a word since picking Jazz up, and he wasn't sure how long that was, maybe not that much, but it felt too long yet too little at the same time (what a headache).

Sliding down, he gently hit his forehead over the protective servo and let out a sigh of defeat. No way he could get him to move like this.

Why was he trying to anyways? Didn't he want to be with Prowl? He certainly did, but somehow, something in him made him feel like he shouldn't just be accepting this.

And maybe Prowl also knew this, which is why he took off and hasn’t said a word since. Both held conflicted feelings about the whole thing. If only things didn't feel so blurry right now!

Suddenly, a hard shift made Jazz stumble a bit, grasping at whatever he could so he didn't fall back, loud noises of metal scrapping metal could be heard as something got kicked open on the outside. Jazz scrambled over to the small crevice that opened between Prowl's digits, not enough for him to fit anything over other than his hand, but enough to get a glimpse of what was happening outside.

Prowl had kicked down the exit door to the lab ('not like he had the hands available to properly open the damn thing anyways' Jazz thought to himself). It was meant for mechas to exit the room after they finish off whatever it is they do in here, that Jazz knew, and if he was right, just down the hall there will be another exit leading to the backroom where they stockpiled the mech suits. No one but the technicians were usually supposed be there, it would be an easy fight to get to the big gate that lead to the outside training grounds, which is why Jazz had pointed for the mech to go down there in the first place.

There shouldn't have been a problem besides giving him time to leave unscathed. Which Jazz assumed would not be the case as he was currently inside Prowl and not buying him time to escape. But, to Jazz's surprise, nothing had come close to attacking them, yet.

The pilot did not have much time to contemplate it as suddenly he heard Prowl rumble an annoyed grunt.

"Don't move."

In shock, Jazz stumbled back as Prowl removed his hand and reached for the end of the overhead gate, seemingly alot harder to kick down than a two way door. The only thing it would really do would be to bend the metal a bit but it wouldn't give an open entrance. Jazz didn't dare leave, not like he could from this hight, but even if he could, Prowl would probably just pick him up again; it be a waste of energy really (just admit it, you don't want to leave him). But something about this felt wrong, so far they haven't had a single guard come down the hall, just this small pause would give them enough time to catch up to the two runaways, Jazz was sure that guards had been on his tail when he was under his rampage.

Unless...

Wait.

"Prowl! Wait don't open that gate!" But he was too late, the moment he uttered those words the mech had already been in motion and pushed the gate up with all his might and as quickly as he opened it a gun shot came through the otherside. They had been waiting for them, they knew where they were heading. The bastard he kicked down prior to this probably saw them and reported it, dammit.

Prowl let out a strangled cry of pain as the shot landed right on his left shoulder (like it wasn't damaged enough by the lack of arm), Jazz fell backwards with the harsh motions, hitting the back of the pilot's seat, the impact leaving his vision to go dark for a few seconds before he collected himself as quickly as he could. In an instant though, just as he tried to get back up to see what was outside, Prowl had put his hand back over the open cockpit.

No...he wouldn't be able to fight like this, protecting him as he is would only hinder the bot to more damage. And that's exactly what Jazz intended to express to the other. "Prowl! You won't be able to fight with your hand over me! Forget about holding me inside, I won't leave, I promise!"

"That's not the point!" Prowl growled, letting out another hiss of pain as more shots were loaded, someone shouting out for them to stand down.

Prowl couldn't risk leaving Jazz exposed. Unlike the human, Prowl could take a few shots, their weapons not being strong enough to inflict any serious damage to his plating (though perhaps a bit to his exposed protoform, though he could handle it for a little while longer). But it would take one lucky shot on Jazz to have him dead in an instant, and Prowl couldn't take that chance.

It seemed like Jazz got the message, not spitting back any sort of remark about Prowl's lack of explanation.

But the mech couldn't linger too much on those thoughts, he had to get out, and fast. He was losing too much energon, and his vision was starting to get blurry, which wasn't a good sign. It didn't help that his thoughts were a hazy mess, his usual ability to think logically overthrown by the panic of needing to get out of this place while ensuring Jazz's survival.

It's not like he had much to do, though. Any possible escape hindered by the fact he couldn't use his weapons unless he risks Jazz's life to one lucky shot. Perhaps he could make a run for it, knock through the mechas in front of him and let them tumble over as he reached the final exit; it wasn’t the best plan perhaps, with at least a 19% rate of success, given he isn't in the best physical state at the moment, he probably wouldn't be strong enough to knock them over. Added to the fact the exit wasn't shut by a gate he could simply knock over easily either, like the previous one. He'd have to push it open from the bottom, and there wasn’t enough time for him to act on it.

But he'd have his back turned to the shots, reassuring Jazz's own safety, so he could perhaps risk removing his servo to push the gate open once more.

With a quick warning from his HUD telling him his energon levels were getting dangerously low, Prowl decided to take the risk, with little time left, he took a step forward making a run for it.

The mechas seemed to ready themselves for his attack, quickly positioning their weapons to target him, closing any narrow space they had between each other.

What they didn't expect was for the mech to charge his whole body weight onto them. Despite not feeling any pain, they certainly could not fight against gravity itself. They all stumbled against each other as Prowl made a mad dash to the gate. He slid on his knees and made a quick reach for the bottom of the gate, anxiously removing his hand from over the cockpit, bending over protectively as to not have anything be able to aim inside.

He could feel his spark beating fast from anxiety, they were so close, they'll be able to leave soon enough. Jazz was most certainly having a good feel to Prowl's anxious beat, the loud thruming reaching the bot's own audials was most certainly deafening to the human sitting near it.

Then, a shot.

A pop.

A blinding light.

And the beat stops.

Jazz was curling in on himself as an instinct to protect himself from the sudden burst behind him. It only took a few seconds for him to realise what that was once he couldn't hear a single beat of a spark, or the burning sensation it left, feeling his own heart stop and drop to his gut.

It felt like the world around him suddenly stopped, everything going into slow motion, with no sounds to accompany the dread. Feeling as Prowl's body leaned foward to crash on the ground.

But just as quickly as the silance came, it left. Prowl catching himself from hitting the ground with a grunt, a slam could be heard as his arm and elbow made contact with the concrete floor. His spark beating, weakly, but beating nonetheless. What felt like hours of silance was only a quick few seconds of deafening dread.

"Prowl!" Jazz called out in desperation, reaching out to hold the edges of the cockpit, so not to fall out, but to also try and comfort his anxiousness as he tried to look up at the mech's face. The mech made a sound of acknowledgement, which came out more like broken static, but didn't make much effort to move, his face scrunched up in pain, optics shut. They shot him on his back, too close to where his spark would be, causing him to skip a beat, and busting a bit of his left doorwing, but it still seemed to function somewhat.

Suddenly, both of them picked up on the sound of something opening, giving no time for either to fully process what had just occurred. Prowl made a quick move to get his hand over the cockpit once more (with slight struggle as he stumbled and fell on his aft) as a thick metal slab emerged from above and beneath, right in front of the gate, shutting it close with a protective layer of metal. Guessing by the red alarm ringing around them, an emergency protocol to keep anyone from leaving. Slag.

The mechas surrounded them, guns all aimed to shoot at the alien mech if he didn't comply.

It was silent for a brief moment, in exception to Prowl's anxious beating spark (which wasn't a problem for Jazz at the moment, the burning warmth being somewhat comforting) and Jazz's own heart beating over his ears. Both catching their breaths.

"There's no point in fighting. So make this easy for all of us and surrender yourselves." A nobody pilot finally spoke out, weapon leaning a tad closer than the others.

The atmosphere felt heavy, they were pinned down. Really, the only thing they could do was surrender, but Jazz would sure as hell be reprimanded for his actions and Prowl.....he didn’t want to think about that. No, he wouldn't even allow that thought to become any sort of reality.

"Prowl" he whispered, knowing only the mech would hear him, leaning a gentle souch to his servo as if to beg, "I know you might not have alot of trust 'n me, but this might be our best shot." There was a tense shift, not too noticeble unless you could see the mechanisms from the inside, Prowl knew what he was about to suggest. "You need to let me pilot you." He cringed as he felt the other's servo stiffen, he wasn't pleased with the idea, and neither was Jazz, but he knew this place alot better than Prowl did, and knew how to properly defeat the mechas, knowing their weak spots. And Prowl was all too aware of that too, Jazz knew it. They both were very aware of it all.

"Please," he begged, leaning his forehead on the mech's servo yet again, "I can't lose you again." There was slight shift, Jazz looked up, though he obviously couldn't see the mech's face, the sigh he let out was loud and clear. The controls on the pilot's seat shifted, Jazz got the message:

'Alright'

He couldn't help but let a small smirk creep over his face, making way to sit down and start piloting.

"Under one condition though," Prowl suddenly whispered to him, though it was alot louder to Jazz on the inside.

"And what would that be, partner?" The title flew out too fast for Jazz to stop himself, feeling so natural to call Prowl partner once more. The mech didn't seem against it though.

"No removing my hand."

Jazz was left stunned for a quick second, though it felt like a minute for Prowl as he waited for a reply eagerly.

"I can work with that." Prowl let out a sigh of relief at that, allowing the human, his partner, to take control of him again.

It took a moment for Jazz to adjust himself, in the meantime, the people waited outside anxiously for the other to make a move. When Prowl finally started to shift around to stand up with a small grunt, everyone raised their guns and loaded them up, but didn't shoot just yet. The mech looked up at them with a deadly glare, but made no move to attack, his remaining arm not leaving the open cockpit for a second, he simply stood up with a slight slump to his posture, doorwings drooping down slightly. In all possible ways, he looked weak and defeated, no signs of fighting back.

One of the mechas walked closer, gun still aiming at Prowl, but it was lowered slightly. They reached a hand out expectantly.

"The pilot, hand him over." They demanded, no sympathy whatsoever.

Prowl clutched his chasis, anger pooling over in his spark, doorwings twitching up slightly, but he made no move to attack. Not yet. He heard Jazz speak to him in a low tone so only he could hear it, with a sigh, he relaxed. He slowly, very slowly, drew out his hand from the cockpit, the action in itself having the other mecha have their body relax slightly as they approached the mech, weapon being put down slightly enough, and so did the others around them. Jackpot.

Before he fully removed his servo, the mech made move to crouch down and in a swift motion swung a peed over to the mechas own, catching them off balance and knocking them down. Jazz let out a small hiss to the action, forgetting his own injured leg, but pushed on regardless.

Using the thrusters of his doorwings, they were able to balance themselves back up, Prowl's servo going back into fully protecting it's pilot once more. With most weapons being aimed up and not down, it took a delayed second to aim correctly, but it was enough time for the human and cybertronian duo to twist themselves out of harms way.

Before the fallen pilot could attempt to get up, Jazz made move to aim over the weak spot of their mecha's knee and stepped hard enough to break its mechanisms so they couldn't stand back up easily. But the glory was short lived as more shots were fired their way.

Jazz's hand twitched to move and use its weapons, but he resisted the urge with a slight huff, "Man, 's hard to fight without an arm!"

"This is none negotiable, Jazz." Prowl hissed as they made move to avoid more shots.

"I know, I know! Don't mean it makes it easier!" Jazz tried to analyse their surroundings, though it was made difficult with the many HUD warnings from all the injuries (the pilot couldn't help but mutter a broken "I'm so sorry" to his partner, whether the mech heard him or not he wasn't sure), but pushing through it, he took note of a few key details. There was a metal catwalk grate near above the mechas' heads, running with a few on ground troops, the bastard of a boss being one of the few amongst them. Near a corner stood an elevator to go up and down the area.

How that could help, Jazz wasn't sure yet.

A shot hit Prowl's arm, pain flowed through the mech as he moved out of the way once more. Jazz looked around in a frenzy to find a place to shield themselves....the mechas! Making a run for to the lifeless husks, he swivelled around between them and hid behind the many rows of mechas knowing full well that they would not risk such precious resource and money just to reach them. At least he hoped not, because he just needed a little bit of time to figure something out.

Hearing the big man call out to hold their fire was good enough indication that his idea worked.

"Ok, now we just need somethin' to distract them long enough for us to make a jump to the ceiling." Jazz explained

"The ceiling?" Prowl inquired, not so certain about his partner's ability to properly think at the moment.

Jazz rolled his eyes, but didn't make mention of the mech's tone. "It's the weakest point here, plus" he made way for Prowl to look up to where he remembered the area to be at, "there's a trap door for flying mechas and emergencies. One quick press of a button will open it up, even under "safety protocols."" Prowl let out a hum in thought, seeming to analyse the situation.

"Possible, but where is this said button?"

"Behind the elevator, by the catwalk grating on top. There's a control panel, and one big red button, can't miss it."

"Would smashing it still get it to work?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't have any complaints."

"Good, now," Jazz went back to scanning the area, "how to cause a distraction?"

"Would that broken pipe be of any use?" Prowl made an effort to twitch his head over to the direction of what he wanted Jazz to see. And just as the mech stated, there, by the first floor of the elevator, stood a broken pipe, steam coming out of it.

Jazz smirked "it would actually. If we can get somethin' to shoot at it, we might cause an explosion, giving us time to jump up without being the target anymore."

"Sounds like a plan." Prowl shrugged.

"Don't have anything to add?" Jazz asked a bit surprised.

"No, I don't." The pilot didn't push.

"Okay. Well, let's get these bastards shootin." In quick motion, they made way to the elevator, already hearing the commands to shoot fire, 'but watch for the machines!' Weapons were loaded from above as well, shooting down at the two runaways once again.

Jazz made sure to move swiftly behind the mechas, making sure they were shielded properly. Any gaps they had to cross was a small risk they needed to take, scrapes and scratches being left in its wake, but tried not to do it too often, just enough that they could follow them. They eventually reached where the pipes were, Jazz took a deep breath.

"Ready, big guy?"

"Ready."

They stepped foward, making sure to call the attention towards where they were, but quickly retrieting back behind the mechas suits as they shot directly where they wanted to hit. "Bingo."

Quickly, activating Prowl's thrusters, they leaped over to the metal grates that stood above them as the pipes behind them burst, causing a huge commotion as empty mechas fell down and whatever machine near the crossfire tumbled down. Prowl let out a gasp as he felt the world around him spin, the grating beneath them not being of any help as it shook with his weight. Jazz was quick to hold on, helping the mech stablise himself before aiming with his left foot to kick the big red button with their ticket out of here, the motion causing his vision to flash in pain, but he bit his toung until he could taste iron and pushed forward.

Hearing the metal door above them open up, Jazz readied himself, but hesitated with the warning he'd received from Prowl's HUD from his low energon levels. He didn’t even get the chance to fully check on it though, Prowl quickly pushing them out of the way himself.

"I'll live, just one more push." The mech hastily reassured the human. Jazz wasn't inclined to belive it though, feeling the other's spark beat anxiously (and for some reason that made him feel slightly dizzy. Though he chalked it up to it being his possible concussion).

It took one shot to slip an inch away from Prowl's face for them to finally snap out of it and jump. One more push from his thrusters as they flew up through the trap door and landed on top of the roof with a grunt, the mech's left wing finally giving out.

But they weren’t in the clear yet. Looking out, a wasteland of a forest awaited them, with dense trees at the bottom.

"We'll have to make a jump for it. If we're lucky enough the trees will be big enough to hide us." Jazz supplied.

"45% of that happening. But we don't have much of another option at the moment." Prowl added

With all that being said, Jazz moved into action. With so much at stake, he had to, he couldn't waste another second in debating. Hefting Prowl up, he used all remaining strength to jump where they needed to go, but as the training grounds began to get closer than anticipated, Prowl knew they didn’t make the jump and that made the mech almost freeze.

Though Jazz had other plans, because as their impending flat doom approached in rapid speed, Prowl's remaining thruster burst to life and gave that final impusle they needed to reach the slope. They both braced themselves as they were thrown up and over to their intended destination, Prowl having half a mind to tighten his hold over his chest so none of the debris and impact could reach the fragile human still in his care.

They rolled down the slope, Prowl just barely being able to shift himself so that he was sliding on his back instead. The aggresive motion of going down a not so smooth path causing bigger cuts and slashes against his already damaged frame. But the only thing he could think of at the moment was that they made it.

Jazz was quick to let go of his control over Prowl, who in turn made an effort to sit properly. Though the sudden slamming to his servo made him look down worriedly, moving it slightly to see Jazz leaning on it desperately.

"Prowl-" he heaved, "Prowl put me down I'm feeling sick."

The mech panicked and quickly made move to help the human down, gently placing him on the grass below. Jazz made no effort in being graceful as he hurled over and puked his guts out, luckily avoiding Prowl in all of this.

Clutching his stomach in pain, his heaving and coughs agitating the injuries on his abdomen. Everything around him felt blurry and muffled as his body made sure to get everything he had eaten in the past day out of him.

What made him panic was the sudden taste of iron in his mouth as he coughed up whatever he had left inside. That's not good. And that definitely didn't escape the giant mech's notice, who kept a hovering servo near him.

"Jazz! Is that blood?!" His voice sounded so broken, static lacing over his words.

"Uh- Yeah. Yeah it is." He wasn't sure how to deny that really, and he felt too light-headed to try. But his attention diverted to the sudden pink glow that landed at the side of his vision.

Energon.

Quickly looking up, he finally got a glance at his partner's battered condition. Energon leaked from many different parts of his body, but the main source being from his missing arm. Jazz couldn't help but cringe at that.

But what hurt him the most to see was the weak light from the mech's optics, which still held visible concern on them. Despite being close to going into offline, he still looked at Jazz as if he's about the crumble into dust and leave him. Which he honestly, maybe, felt like. But seeing Prowl's optics flicker as they fought to stay online, Jazz panicked

"What 'bout you?!" He called back, catching the bot off guard. "You're losing too much energon! You look like you're about to go offline!"

Prowl cringed a little, not having anything to counter that. "Well that's because I-"

"No! I'm only a little bit dizzy, but I'll live. We need to patch you up right now!"

"I can help with that."

The new voice catches the duo off guard, Prowl immediately reaching out to Jazz, hand shielding the human from whoever that might be. Jazz looked down from where he was looking at Prowl and turned to see who it was that the voice came from.

There standing in front of them was a human carrying a simple tool box and a huge backpack strapped over one shoulder, filled with questionable things.

---

BEFORE YOU LEAVE, a little something I would like to point out for the fic, that some of yall with either like or not, during the process of writing this, I've seen a few posts keferon made about the spark being radioactive and such, and it sorta made me think a bit while developing Jazz's condition. So well, take Jazz's health in this as you will with this info :)

But anyways, yippie!! That's all for today folks! I hope yall enjoyed this one bc I definitely had a heck of a time writing this one XD

It got alot bigger than I anticipated and took much longer to finish than I originally planned (was supposed to be done 2 days ago).

Now, I know I keep saying "not sure if I'll make another part to this" but then proceed to do so anyways. But I mainly do so because everytime I shared it someone said something that added to the story somehow and gave me ideas to continue foward.

So like, if yall liked this and wanna see more, don't be shy to suggest/add anything to this as it may help inspire me to add more onto this, cuz honestly idk what the fuck I'm doing rn, I'm just going with the flow ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Also, a bit of note for the doodle, holy shit I did not expect it to look this good!! Tho I suffered with Jazz's suit, plz ignore any inaccuracies tee-hee. Prowl's knee and hands were hell too, especially his knee, but i could like, hide most of it lmao. Actually mainly struggled to not have his hand cover Jazz too much bc it kept covering the parts I actually wanted to show off lmao.

Oh and the guy at the end? Yall can take a good guess as to who it is :)

But since he doesn't have any official design, I kinda went with whatever felt right lol.

I also really wanted to draw out more scenes to add to the fic, but then it would take me a lot more time to actually post the fic as I figure out how to draw robots :'). But maybe I can try and doodle them out another time if I can, no promises tho-

[arc-misadventures]

A Smugglers Price

Jaune: Okay... explain to me why we're charting passage on a smugglers ship?

Ren: Okay we need to get to the, Batorokin Asteroid Belt to get to the, Cyngar Waypoint station.

Jaune: Because, the last lead we got for our bounty said they were in, Cyngar Waypoint station.

Ren: Correct.

Jaune: And, what is the reason behind us not taking our ship, and instead charting a ship with a smuggler because?

Ren: Well, we have an, Atlasian Corsair for a ship, and while it is a highly modified ship. It is still an, Atlasian Corsair, and smugglers, and pirates alike hate, Atlasians.

Jaune: So we need a smuggler to get us into, Cyngar Waypoint Station?

Ren: Yes.

Jaune: Okay, that makes sense.

Ren: That, and I wrecked the ship...

Jaune: They say don't drink, and drive.

Ren: I was in empty space I thought I would be fine!

Jaune: 'Empty space?!' Wearing a blindfold while flying a ship doesn't count as empty space!

Ren: I'm sorry...

Jaune: Haa... Come on... Let's get this mission done, or else we'll never get our ship back.

Ren: Okay... Let's go see this smuggler captain to get passage. She said she rented a room on this deck, Room A-71.

Jaune: A-71? Hmm... Okay... That's, A-50... and there's, A-51 so we're on the right track. Any idea who this smuggler captain is?

Ren: No, not really. I just went through a information broker, and she told us about this captain. The captain has a pretty good rep with her, she won't mind too much that we're bounty hunters licensed by the, Atlasian Commonwealth.

Jaune: Can we trust this information broker?

Ren: I went through our usual information broker, Lil' Miss Malachite.

Jaune: Oh, Lil' Miss? Yeah we can trust her, she's been good to us.

Ren: That's mostly because you've been nice to her daughters...

Jaune: Oh, I'm sorry I showed a couple of ladies a good time, which indirectly put us in the good graces of one of the underworlds doms!

Ren: I'm not upset about it... Okay I'm not that upset about it, it's just weird how many woman you've slept with that inevitably ends up helping us with something?!

Jaune: You would be able to do the same if you grew a pair, and slept with, Nora already...

Ren: What was that?

Jaune: A-71! Were here!

Ren: No, what did you just say?

Jaune: Okay, let's do this...

(Beep!)

: Enter.

Jaune: Hello are you the smuggler captain we've come to hire?

: Are you the pair of, Atlasian bounty Hunters?

Ren: We're bounty hunters licensed by the, Atlasian Commonwealth. We're not actually, Atlasians.

: Meh. Same difference.

Ren: No it's...?!

Jaune: No. No it is.

Ren: No it's not...

Jaune: Now then; My name is, Jaune Arc, and this is my friend, and partner, Lie Ren.

Ren: Hi.

: Hello there, Jaune Arc the human~! And, Lie Ren the... Elvian?

Ren: Yes.

: My name is, Nebula Violette. Captain of the Empress' Song. I'll take you to, Cyngar Waypoint Station, and I'll even take your prisoner back for you.

Nebula: If you're willing to pay the price for it human~!

JR: ...

Ren: I'll meet you back at out room.

Jaune: What, why?

Ren: You're a human, Jaune every species in the galaxy knows of your species sexual prowess. So do what you usually do, and show the lady a good time.

Jaune: Hey, that's a racist stereotype, and you know it!

Ren: Do you want to smash the lady, or not?

Jaune: ...

Ren: ...?

Jaune: I'll see you at our room later...

Ren: Okay bye.

(Click)

Jaune: Okay then. Let's discuss our price~!

Nebula: Let's begin then~!

~~~

Jaune: Hey, Ren. I'm back.

Ren: So, how did it go?

Jaune: Well... first off. She was genially talking about the price, the money we'd have to pay for her ship, and crew. Not about paying for things... that way...

Ren: Seriously? She didn't wasn't trying to seduce you?

Jaune: No, not at all. She's am, Iosanian, speaking in sultry tones is just how their species speak when conducting business as a form of intimidation.

Ren: So she wasn't trying to seduce you?

Jaune: No, but I explained that to her that when a human does that, it's a form of seduction. Which I explained to her after I... seduced her...

Ren: Talk about a clash of cultures...

Jaune: Yeah... Good news I managed to get the price to hire them at a lower cost though, because I slept with her.

Ren: That's good to hear...

Jaune: And, after this mission she want's to join our crew as my mistress...

Ren: M-Mistress?

Jaune: Yeah, Iosanian woman submit to a superior male by becoming their mistress.

Ren: ...

Ren: How the fuck do you do this shit?!

Jaune: I don't know?!

[tpwk-formula1]

They Grow Up So Fast - OP81

Oscar Piastri X Plus size swimsuit model! Norris Reader

Summary: Lando finally brings his sister around the paddock. How will Oscar and the rest of the grid handle the new regular.

Warnings: some hate towards both the reader and oscar.

Face claim - Pearl Maria Froud

Instagram

Y/Nnorris

Liked by landonorris, oliviarodrigo, and 2,904,001 others

Y/Nnorris Growing up I remember I could never understand why I was built the way that I was. Now I'm thankful for the ass I was given. Lando if you see this post just don't swipe.

User1 OMG I'm seriously in love with you

User2 I just know Lando didn't read the caption😂😂

-> landonorris For once I actually did read the caption first

landonorris As your older brother it is my duty to tell you, you've always been beautiful... annoying as fuck as well.

-> User3 When you thought Lando would say something sweet about Y/N but then makes sure to show that they are in fact siblings

-> Mclaren Lando we've talked about this... you have to be nice to our guests.

--> User4 OMG Y/N IN THE PADDOCK THIS WEEKEND?!?!

user5 LMAO I'm not over Mclaren admin telling Lando he needs to be nicer to his sister

user6 I want your ass!

carlossainz Why do you never visit me!

-> Y/Nnorris as Charles has stated before... you never invite me over!

--> Landonorris @/carlossainz you better leave my sister alone!! She is far to young for you!

---> Y/Nnorris But Lando you know I like them older!

user7 I'll never understand why Y/N gets so much hype?! Like she's not even that pretty! Lando is def the better Norris sibling

User8 I literally love Y/N she's so fucking gorgeous

sabrinacarpenter Please marry me

-> Y/Nnorris let's go to the court house!🏃🏻‍♀️

Instagram

Mclaren

Liked by oscarpiastri, y/nnorris, and 3,798,236 others

Mclaren Swimsuit model Y/N Norris has made her paddock debut today here in Japan

user9 UGH why does F1 keep letting random women into the paddock like this

user10 Oh how I love Y/N!

landonorris Now why does my sister get her own post like this😒

user11 LMAOOOO not Lando being his sister's biggest opp

user12 I love how Mclaren calls her "swimsuit model" as if she isn't there because Lando is her brother.

Y/Nnorris Thank you so much for the invite! We both know Lando would never invite me.

-> landonorris You're the biggest liar ever! You literally tell me you're tired of watching me drive in circles

-> Mclaren We're so happy to have you! You were lovely and we hope to see you at more races to come.

charleslecerc She wasn't even in Ferrari yet she was the sweet person I met on the paddock

-> Mclaren I'd offer to share but she's all ours

user13 How long do we think it'll be before rumors of her dating a driver start?

-> user14 I doubt anyone will be shipping Y/N with a driver... she's not their type

Instagram Stories

Y/Nnorris

landonorris WHO IS IT?!?!

-> Y/Nnorris I literally have no idea what you're talking about

-> Landonorris Y/N I'M NOT PLAYING!!! WHO WAS THIS BOLD TO ASK YOU OUT?!?!

-> Y/Nnorris Stop worrying your pretty little head

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user15 I'm stunned!!! No way you moved that quickly

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sabrinacarpenter OMG is it the cutie you were telling me about?!

-> y/nnorris YES! He's literally the sweetest!

-> sabrinacarpenter I can't wait for you to tell me all about him!

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Twitter

Three Months Later

Instagram stories

Y/Nnorris

landonorris I hope you know you made him late for the meeting today!

-> Y/Nnorris And how tf was that my fault! I had no idea he was gonna come visit me.

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user20 I just know this is Oscar!

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user21 Who is it! I need to know

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sabrinacarpenter Thank you so much for finally letting me meet him! He really is so sweet and the way he looks at you!!!!

-> Y/Nnorris I'm so glad you like him! I really like him!

Oscarpiastri

Y/Nnorris I wasn't mad... Just disappointed!

-> oscarpiastri I'm sorry I ate the last cookie you made for me!

-> Y/Nnorris I can taste the sarcasm! But I forgive cause youre so cute and I love you!

-> oscarpiastri I love you too

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charleslecerc You better treat her good!

-> oscarpiastri Why do I feel like you're gonna be more protective of her than her brother?!

--> charleslecerc She's too sweet to be hurt!

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landonorris I tried to warn you about her!

-> oscarpiastri She didn't need to come with a warning label!

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user22 Now what did you do to make our girl mad?!

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user23 You finally pull a girl and now you're out here making her mad! You men are literally so fucking useless! You do not deserve her

Texts between Oscar and You

Instagram

Y/Nnorris

Liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren and 3,329,826 others

Y/Nnorris Oh how I love Silverstone and my photographer boyfriend (can you guess which picture he took)

user24 I feel like it was pic #2 and he was genuinely trying to get a candid

-> Y/Nnorris Haha yes! The sun was too bright so when I went to turn around I ended up giving him a stank face and this was the nicest one I could find😂😂

yourbff I can't wait to watch the hot men drive in circles all weekend long 😀

-> Y/Nnorris Don't act like you're not excited to watch my brother 😒

--> yourbff Why do you always have to call me out... but on a real note @/landonorris I want a paddock pass please 🥹

---> landonorris Y/N has a fresh pass with your name written all over it already... I feel used

user25 Do we still think Oscar is the man she is soft-launching?

Carlossainz You'd look so good in Ferrari red

-> landonorris no

-> oscarpiastri no

-> Mclaren no

-> Y/Nnorris They want me to say no as well but 💳 (that is me slamming my card down for you to sneak it to my apartment)

user26 So gorgeous!

oscarpiastri Can't wait to see you around this weekend!

-> user27 Now Oscar why do you act like you aren't being soft launched all over her IG

user28 I would like to stop seeing this fatty on my feed

-> oscarpiastri Maybe start with unfollowing her?😒😒😒

--> user29 LMAOOOO oscar is having none of it! We love when he stands up for his girl

Twitter

Instagram Stories

Oscarpiastri

Y/Nnorris I feel like this is all the confirmation they will need

-> Oscarpiastri I think they already knew Sweatheart

-> Y/Nnorris True but I like keeping it a little secret

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user35 Still not over you taking my girl like that

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user36 I'll never unstained why you picked the fat girl!

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user37 Y'all are such a cute couple!!!

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user38 You do not deserve Y/N! I hope when you told Lando about the relationship he didn't support cause you're not good enough for her!

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user39 Such a beautiful couple!

Twitter

Instagram

YNnorris

Liked by mclaren, landonorris, and 3,209,893 others

Y/Nnorris @/logansargeant said something about being thankful? Idk what you American's do on a random Thursday in November but I hard launch my Aussie boyfriend.

On a real note Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! I'm thankful for all of you guys!

tagged Oscarpiastri

Oscarpiastri I finally get a post dedicated to me and @/logansargeant gets mentioned

-> logansargeant Toughen up

Oscarpiastri I love you! I'm forever and always thankful for her!

user46 I was not mentally prepared for a hard launch today!

user47 the scream I scrumpt! HOLY SHIT ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!

user48 I can't believe he actually picked the fat girl! Charity work frfr

sabrinacarpenter Almost burned the house down! I can't believe we finally got the hard launch!

yourbff Well I'm thankful that I no longer have to keep my mouth shut about knowing the cutest couple on the grid!

-> Y/Nnorris I'm surprised you did keep your mouth shut

--> yourbff why do I feel like this is a dig?

---> Oscarpiastri That's cause it was... you're the biggest yapper I have ever met

Comment liked by Y/Nnorris

One year later

Instagram

Y/Nnorris

Liked by Oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 3,980,324 others

Y/Nnorris I said yes

User49 I can't believe it is so full circle that they're getting married

sabrinacarpenter they grow up so fast 🤧🤧🤧

landonorris I wish you could have seen the nerves Osc had all week😂😂😂

-> oscarpiastri Why must you expose me?!

Oscarpiastri I love you so much and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you!

user50 I just know this wedding is gonna be so beautiful

mclaren Can we have a papaya themed wedding?

-> Y/Nnorris I'm gonna hold your hand while I tell you this

--> user51 Y/N Norris is one of the funniest humans I have ever seen

user52 I can't wait to see this wedding

[spirit-meets-the-b0ne]

People talk a lot about the scene from TTC when Percy meets Aphrodite and thinks she looks like Annabeth for a second but we don’t talk enough about how Aphrodite was literally THE Percabeth shipper. Captain of the ship. The Aphrodite is the mastermind who orchestrated an elaborate Shakespearean-poisoning-getaway-drama ALL so Percy could go on the quest just to save Annabeth. Aphrodite found out her favorite teen-romance weeknight soap was about to get canceled for another season and she WAS NOT letting that happen. Girlie pulled out absolutely all the stops! And then made her asshole boyfriend drive to the middle of nowhere to do a cast interview herself. Seriously, Ares was outside that limo foaming at the mouth and Aphrodite and Percy were canonically described as “giddy” just talking about it all! She was doing it all it for them, kicking her feet and twirling her hair!!!

[adripakoffee]

Thinking about Curly too because you mfs give him too much leeway!!! FUCK CURLY MAN!!

So like, obviously, what happened to him was tragic but he could've prevented the events of the game so easily. Firstly, he's the one who got Jimmy on the ship. Jimmy's not supposed to be there, he literally isn't even a freighter pilot. It's heavily implied the reason Jimmy is on the ship is that Curly was helping him run from the law.

This exhibits Curly's biggest problem in the game. He's Jimmy's friend first and his boss second. He puts Jimmy ahead of everything, so despite his past history of what we can presume to be violence, he puts him on a small ship with other people who are now vulnerable to his abuse. And he knows, he's aware that there's a chance these people could be victimized by Jimmy and says and does nothing. This next part is my personal theory, but I think he knew Daisuke was coming with them before he invited Jimmy, he just didn't say anything.

Curly's second big sin is what he does to Anya. He finds out what Jimmy's been doing to her and he says he'll do something, anything. But he doesn't. I said it earlier, but I think Anya thought that Curly would have Jim arrested on landing, but even then, there's some short term things he could've done. Here's a list actually because oh my god, there's so much he could have done.

Set up a bed for Anya in medical. Y'know, a door with an actual lock.

Put Jimmy in a cryopod as a holding cell.

Fire Jimmy, which seemingly wouldn't do much until you remember you need the captain to do half the shit on the ship.

Lockdown Jimmy, essentially lock down anything Jimmy could use as a weapon. The only two weapons on the ship are guarded by codes, but anyone could figure them out in a couple days. this goes hand in hand with the last one.

Literally just fucking kill him.

And before someone says "Oh, if Curly did anything, Jimmy would've acted out, he would've turned violent anyway." There are four other crew members and one Jimmy. If Jimmy had turned violent so early on, I fully believe Daisuke could've just bodied him. It wouldn't be that hard to pacify him if, say, he was ganged up on by three men.

The problem at the end of the day is that Curly is Curly, Jimmy's best friend before he's Captain Curly of the Tulpar. He cares more about Jimmy than the well-being of the people he's supposed to care about. He doesn't take Jimmy seriously when he is outwardly awful and pretty much straight up tells Curly he's gonna crash the ship. Like Curly does nothing because he doesn't think of Jimmy as a bad person. He can't even comprehend it until he's in a position where he's completely at Jimmy's mercy.

Now there's a couple of interpretations on the metaphor of what Curly's disability means and I'm gonna yap about at least 2, idk I'm just ranting.

The first one is that Curly is now Anya, or rather in her position. He's got no agency over his own body, he literally can't move, and he's forced to trust Jimmy with his life. He's in constant pain, he wants to die, and he can't. Anya cannot stand giving Curly his medicine so she lets Jimmy do it. She's putting a vulnerable person at Jimmy's mercy, just like Curly did, except this time he's on the receiving end. And whenever it's just Curly and Jimmy alone in the med bay, Jim is just beating the shit out of this guy for no reason. Like there is no need to be doing all that, but Jimmy is a violent person, and Curly just ignored it for too long.

The second interpretation that I also really like it that Curly is Anya's baby. Jimmy has done something heinous and it's left Anya caring for someone she can't feasibly support. Her ability to keep Curly alive for so long is a testament to how resilient and determined she is, but at the end of the day she can't take it. It's not just the fact that she has to care for Curly that drives her to take her life, it was a lot of things, but the stress of dealing with Curly was definitely part of that.

This next part isn't Curly's fault, it's Pony Express' but if he survives long enough to be found, he no longer has a future. He can't be a pilot anymore, he'll more than likely be forced to take responsibility for the deaths of the crew, the rehab process will take years and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's cooked. This leans into the him becoming Anya thing, he's been put in a position where he can't work but is forced to deal with a heavy financial burden. The difference is, this is his own fault.

He could've prevented all of this if he hadn't ignored all the red flags. In the dead pixel scene he says the one pixel doesn't hinder his enjoyment of the whole image, he can ignore it. That's what he did. When he looks a the bigger picture or the grand scheme of things he can ignore a few dead pixels. The way he sees it, he's given Jimmy a whole year to pull himself out of a "struggle" so when he gets back to Earth things will be okay again. In his eyes, Jimmy's bound to have a few slip-ups and unfortunately, what he did to Anya was one of them. So that's just a pixel he can ignore.

LONG STORY SHORT, CURLY IS AN ENABLER AND LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY HE WAS GONNA LEARN WAS IF HE BECAME A VICTIM TOO!!!!

Apologies if any of this is worded weird, it's just brain vomit.

I also did an Anya rant

[dolche-tejada]

You know, usually after a decade most people tend to take a step back from the works they love to think about it more objectively but it seems like Pricefielders are still unable to do something that simple.

Seriously, what the fuck. Admire this level of mental gymnastics, we're at least on an Olympic scale right there. It's because of this kind of bullshit that Warren fans and Carlos Luna (his voice actor) got harassed for years and still receive death threats, just because Pricefielders are crybabies who can't cope with their fav also being interested in men and that their precious sapphic ship isn't Max's everything or the whole point of the game.

So given that I've got some time to waste, I will debunk here their delusions, or at least most of them because trust me, the list is long.

1. "Warren is an incel !"

They act as if he's forcing Max to give her affection, regularly crossing her boundaries, is only interested in her for sex and playing the Nice Guys to get in her pants so let's take a look at how he acts through the game and Max's interactions with him :

Regardless of the player's choices, Max introduces him in her diary as a very good friend whom she sees as honest, an ally at Blackwell and someone who makes her smile.

Across the game, she grows even more fond of him after seeing him stood up for her and himself, calling him notably an "Everyday Hero".

Although his attraction to Max is obvious, he doesn't force his feelings on her in any way.

He jokes that being nice means not getting laid… Like any 16yo awkward teenager who doesn't know how to talk to girls. Hell, even Max jokes with him about it, get real.

When Nathan threatens Max on the parking, he protects her without any hesitation even though she mentioned he was wielding a gun in the girls' bathroom, and gets beaten up to allow her to flee.

Max can accept to go Ape with him, saying it's exactly what she needs.

She trusts him so much that she wanted to tell him her secret from the start, regardless of how you define the nature of their relationship.

After Kate's suicide (attempt), he comforts Max by putting his arm around her, while making sure to leave some space between them. The kind of sweet thing an incel would NEVER do. No romantic act or intent of any kind here, just a friend worried about someone he cares about. If you see this as a deceitful attempt to get laid, it says more about your view of male-female relationships than it does about him.

If Max failed to save Kate, he reassures her by reminding it's not her fault, something Max speaks about in her diary with "I hung out with Warren on the lawn so I could feel grass under my feet and watch the fluffy clouds. He’s such a sweetheart, he kept telling me I did everything I could for Kate. Even though I know I didn’t.

If she succeed to save her, Warren send her a text about how he's proud of her, to which Max comment in her diary : "He’s such a sweetheart, he kept telling me how proud he was that I stopped Kate from jumping. I don’t believe that I did, but I have to say it’s better to be treated like a hero at school than like a twee loser.”

He helps and informs Max several times throughout the game without asking for anything in return, even if the player refuses to accompany him to the Drive-In, just because they're friends.

Max literally changed his grade into an A to thank him for what he's doing for her, even saying he deserves more.

He stands in front of Nathan once again to save Max and Chloe, even though he was about to draw a gun and that Nathan literally lives in the same corridor as him.

When Warren mentioned at the Vortex Club's party that he's invisible to everyone, Max reassures him by telling him he's important to her.

Unlike most of the cast, he never pressured her to listen to his problems or help him in some way, he's at the contrary the only one who just wants to be there for her.

If Max don't want to go ape with him, he's logically disappointed but he doesn't make a fuss about it, he even jokes about that by quoting a famous line from Planet of Apes.

When you kiss Chloe and the latter texted Warren about it, he get that Max might be interested in someone else and propose to step back while encouraging her to go with Chloe, but Max remains decided to go ape with him if this is what you choose.

Max can literally kiss him to "let him know her feelings", and then comment this choice in her diary with this

2. "He's violent and dangerous, look at what he did to Nathan !"

Nathan was about to kill Max and Chloe, the fuck Warren was supposed to do ? Talking him down ? Yeah sure, great idea. Because it totally worked for Chloe in the bathrooms.

Besides there's a little thingy called "context" that you conveniently forgot once again, here that Nathan bullied him for seemingly a long time and this notably through homophobic slurs. When you push people to their limits and threaten to KILL their friends, you're not the victim.

3. Max's nightmare

For fuck's sake, everyone was horrible during this nightmare sequence, what's even your point ?? That Max would be secretly afraid of him ? Lmao sure, one nightmare sequence based on Max's irrational fears against a whole game of interactions like this one, geez I wonder which side holds more weight than the other...

Her only canon fears are Jefferson, the Dark Room, Chloe using her, and her powers fucking up everything. That's it, nothing about Warren or men in general.

But if this nightmare is allegedly intended to reveal how she really feels about Warren, then what about Chloe ? Because when Max was talking to her own counterpart, the Nightmare Max openly mocked her for letting Chloe bullying her into a Stockholm Syndrome relationship, before adding she'd be even more preoccupied about Chloe killing them than Jefferson.

Hell, even the real Max said in this exchange that Chloe is good at guilt-tripping her.

So if this nightmare was about Max’s real feelings towards Warren, David or even Samuel, I guess Max is genuinely scared of Chloe for guilt-tripping her into an abusive relationship and leading them to a certain death, right ?

4. "Fans like him only because all the other males in this game are criminals"

That or we just like him because he's a funny, dorky, sensitive and caring nerd who's always willing to listen to Max and protect her at his own risk. Can you guess which option is the good one ?

5. Alyssa

Firstly, nothing in their interactions shows they were that close in the past.

Secondly, blaming someone for having several relationships in the past is the kind of shit you'd be rioting about if it were against Chloe or Rachel but apparently when it's Warren, it's okay.

Thirdly Alyssa is literally one of the most bullied character of this game alongside Kate and Warren so here's a rhetorical question for the slowest in the back : Did Warren or Alyssa might have paired themselves with the other on a school desk for some unexplained reason ? Or way more realistically, someone wrote this to mock them like bullies actually does a lot irl ?

"B-b-but Alyssa hides herself in his shoulder when her close friend jumped from a rooftop, it's definitely a proof !"

You know what, by intellectual charity I will just ignore this, the sheer level of stupidity speaks for itself.

6. "In the alt timeline, he's with Stella ! That proves he's only interested by sex !"

Not only it doesn't prove jack shit on his intentions but watch out you dimwit because this might blow your mind :

This other Warren might have been interested in someone else because in this alternate timeline, Max is an elitist jerk from the Vortex Club ? Same Vortex Club that also includes Nathan Prescott. Why a victim of bullying would be interested by someone who's at best bff with his bullies or at worst a bully herself ?

7. His movies choices

I'm not even kidding, that's a real argument used to trash him. Like wow, he likes "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" and laughed his ass off while watching "Cannibal Holocaust", how shocking I don't know if I could get over it someday.

Apart from the blatant stupidity of this “argument” and that his haters apparently never heard of dark humor, it's quite surprising that I don't see anyone criticizing Max for also liking this kind of films.

Besides I like how each time someone talk about that, they conveniently forgot to mention the little note he left with the flash drive, warning Max about the graphic nature of his movies. Almost as if he was aware that it can potentially disturb some people ?

And finally this accusation coming from people who don't bat an eye at Chloe taking drugs, taking money from disabled people or stealing and playing with firearms reeks of irony.

8. "He looked at Kate's video two times and a half !"

Everyone watched it, you fucking idiots. And not only he wasn't proud of that but he was also one of the rare students worried about her from the start. In addition to this, Kate herself called him an angel if Max managed to save her, just saying.

9. "He ditched Brooke for Max"

That's your headcanon. He asked Max first and if the player isn't interested, then he just chose to go with someone else. Believe it or not but people do that all the time, because there's nothing malicious in having back-up plans.

If one of your friend isn't available or interested to go out with you, that doesn't mean you have to cancel your plans.

10. "He photoshopped Max on his selfie !"

Nope he didn't, he just developed the selfie in Jefferson's class and Max made no comment whatsoever on an eventual edit, learn to read properly.

11. "Max doesn't even like him, she's not interested !"

Ohh it's gonna be fun...

So Max isn't interested in him, that's the hill Pricefielders want to die on ? Hm okay, okay... So then, why at several points in the game she admits finding him attractive ?

When Chloe thought Max friendzoned him, why did she immediately denied that ?

Why did Max choose to flirt with him by letting this note in front of his room ?

Why was she hoping that "something" might happen between them by accepting to go Ape with him ?

Why was Max so distressed and sad after seeing Warren with Stella in the alternate timeline ?

Why does she regrets not having kissed Chloe or Warren during the Storm, if the player didn't romance neither of them ?

And at the opposite, why does she openly admits to herself her feelings for him after kissing him ?

"But at some points, Max said Warren is just a little brother to her !"

Oh you mean almost as if Max was a shy and closed teenager with low self-esteem who was mostly searching excuses for herself ?

I probably forgot some other takes along the way but I think I made my point : You guys are desperate to frame him as some creepy incel like Eliot in which Max would be uninterested, to a point where it's both sad and hilarious at once. If coping was a source of energy, I'm sure y'all could supply all the dams in my country.

Max is bisexual, she can be as interested romantically in Warren as with Chloe and independently of your choices, she will always value him as someone very important to her.

And this, it's not arguable. It's not subjective. It's factual, as evidenced in this post. If you can't cope with that, fuck off.

[iamnmbr3]

J.K.R: Writes a story about a boy who meets another boy at a clothing shop and they somehow become nemesis because boy a didn't shake boy b's hand.

But wait, there's more! They are each other's foil.

Harry then learns everything there is to know about Draco and in spite of not being in the same house, has catalogued every one of his moods, has learned about the letters he gets from his parents and about his freaking wardrobe and things he paid attention to years prior.

And if that's not enough, Draco knew Harry couldn't be the heir of Slytherin.

And you think I'm done? Well, you thought wrong!

After almost accidentally killing Draco, Harry lies through his teeth even when he knew he was right and Draco in turns also lies even when he knows it means he could die and so could his family, which was the sole reason he got into this mess in the first place.

And to further drive the point home, Draco's wand works surprisingly well for Harry and he defeats Voldemort with it.

And it's J.K doesn't want us to ship it? It's not our fault she accidentally wrote a enemies to lovers 🤷‍♀️

Yeah. It is absolutely wild! JKR hates drarry and would never intentionally write this - and if she did, she wouldn't be able to do it as well judging by her rather lackluster handling of the main canon romances. But she accidentally created a work of pure genius with drarry. It's hilarious.

I think you raise a great point about Harry lying to protect Draco in book 6. Not only does Harry obfuscate Draco's role in the whole Astronomy Tower incident in the end to deflect blame from him, but post Sectumsempra incident he takes all the blame and doesn't share what Draco was saying or the fact that he tried to use an Unforgivable even though divulging that information probably would've gotten Harry completely out of trouble.

He hd the power to ruin Draco. Remember, by that point Harry is back in favor with the Ministry (even if the feeling is very much not mutual), Lucius is in jail, and the Malfoys are completely ruined. In the early books Arthur dreams of being able to search Lucius's house but knows he'd never be able to, even with a good reason, because the Malfoys are too influential. By book 6 he can essentially do it on a whim and Slughorn avoids Draco like the plague because of the negative association with his father.

If Harry said that Draco said a ton of incriminating stuff and then attacked him (because let's not forget, Draco is the one who initiated the duel) and tried to use an Unforgivable Curse on him, it would absolutely be believed and taken seriously. Who do you think the authorities are going to side with? The disgraced son of a convicted Death Eater or Harry, the Chosen One who is once again the public's darling? Yeah.

But Harry says nothing despite the fact that this means unpleasant personal consequences for him. Not to mention that it leaves Draco free to continue with whatever mission Harry suspects he's on. In fact, after this scene Harry backs off pursuing Draco. And even when all his suspicions about Draco are proven right on the Astronomy Tower, Harry's reaction is to lie for him again and to worry about him.

[hello-nichya-here]

It’s fine to prefer or feel more sympathy for Andrew, but let’s be honest: he’s just as messed up. The fandom acts like Ashley is to blame for everything bad that happened to both of them. The real ones responsible for the mess are Renee and Dough.

If it weren’t for Ashley, Andrew probably would’ve fallen even deeper, because he had absolutely nothing good in his life without her. It’s hard to even imagine what he could’ve turned into.

And seriously, people who ship him with Julia just because she’s """normal""" drive me crazy. It’s like they didn’t even play the game. Not to mention the ones who create OCs just to self-insert because they’re obsessed with Andrew — even though they hate the game and Nemlei. Just look at TikTok and all the nonsense there.

I don't think I ever hated OCs that are obviously just self-inserts for people who have a crush on a canon character quite as much as I do on this fandom. If they hate literally everything about it except the goddamn aesthetic, they should leave, or at least stop arguing that their bullshit is in any way accurate to the actual thing, it's so annoying.

[mari-lair]

Let's talk about Natsukane, my favorite rarepair. They barely have anything in canon, so this will be less of an analysis and more of me going disproportionately insane about a ship between two characters with no screen time together. Buckle up.

To start: They are opposite sides of the same coin.

During an official quiz to see what character best matches your personality (full quiz here) Akane and Natsuhiko's results are side by side, following the same path, so they have a lot in common.

Both are the extroverted and passionate kind of people who confess first, both like to exercise, and both have secrets, only differing on the question "Are you stubborn?" which makes sense, since Natsuhiko is usually pretty laidback while Akane is stubbornness incarnated.

Despite all these similarities, the results and 'advice' for each result are very different.

Akane is "Do your best to help your loved ones. Life can be unfair, but keep working hard." vs Natsuhiko's "People trust you. Make connections, they will help you in the future."

Give and take.

Akane is selfless to the point of concern for his loved ones, putting other needs above his own. Take Aoi for exemple: He wants a lot from Aoi, her attention, her love, her hand in marriage, but above it all, he wants her to be happy, always doing what he believes she will appreciate even when he personally doesn't enjoy it, cause if she is happy, so is he.

Aoi drives this impulsive and passionate boy crazy, but when Akane learns that she likes him back, and their kiss gets interupted, the only thing he demands of her is for Aoi to be in his life. His priority is for her to feel loved and safe, not to be her boyfriend.

Natsuhiko is also extremely down bad, but he is more selfish: Most of what he does has the goal to steal Sakura's heart, and he approaches her doing things that he likes (love songs, dramatic film-like dates, etc) not things that Sakura has personally ever shown any interest in. I don't think he even realizes he does that because Natsuhiko genuinely values Sakura and is in awe of her, we see him doing whatever she asks, we see him make tea for her, ask Mei to fix her elephant cup, be willing to 'become a woman' when Sakura gets a male body, and shows his devotion to her many times.

He genuinely pays attention to her. He is trying his best.

We don't have much to work with Natsu and Sakura, so this is more speculation, but it feels like he expects to be loved back, becoming more selfish when he is particularly desperate: Like trying to touch her whenever he can even after being consistently reprimanded for it, and going as far as to try to give Sakura a love potion that would force her to love him back for a day, prioritizing being loved.

Akane is old-fashioned when it comes to love, he'll date expecting it to end in marriage and push away all else, being open about his affection and lack of interest alike. A relationship is a lifelong commitment to Akane, no fooling around!

Natsuhiko also takes romance seriously, but he is no loverboy, he is a playboy.

We don't know if he ever dated or kissed a girl before Sakura, but we do know his love for Sakura doesn't stop him from flirting around. He was even down to kiss Nene for no real reason besides 'cute girl', claiming that being hit is a normal reaction, so he tried to kiss more people before (I'm assuming Sakura is the one rejecting his kisses, but there could be other cute girls he tried to kiss before, who knows?)

Akane doesn't like that.

One of the few times they are in the same panel shows Natsuhiko basking in the attention of many girls while Akane looks done with him.

I am pretty sure Akane has not seen Natsuhiko before this point, so Akane took one look at him and went 'the vibes are off, fuck this guy'. Meanwhile, I doubt Natsuhiko spared Akane any thought, he doesn't care about Akane as a person.

Natsuhiko is a friendly guy but he is detached from his peers, he can find charm in people easily and discards them just as easily: Wanting to kiss Nene, going 'oh well' about her lifespan. Doting on Mitsuba, hurting him when Mitsuba still had no Yorishiro. Not hanging out with anyone from his class, or mentioning a family. He is so detached from people, and supernaturals alike, that he is fine with destroying the world for Sakura.

Meanwhile, Akane judges people easily and grows attached to them just as easily. Reprimanding Nene for being too soft on Hanako, but consistently helping her out, and showing care for her. Forgiving Teru's consistent bullying after he is helped and even growing a reluctant fondness for the clock keepers that ruined his life.

Akane is described as a good person by his peers, and Natsuhiko is a self-proclaimed bad guy. Akane has a belief human lives are fragile and precious ever since he was 12 and nearly lost Aoi during his orientation day. Natsuhiko can't die, and he doesn't care when people die.

They are on opposite sides in every sense of the word but they have a lot in common.

Both are seem as easy to take advantage of: predictable fools who love their crush, but they are smart people who can read others well, and know how to weaponize what they have available.

They haven't interacted with each other all that much so they seem to have this 'predictable fool' view of each other too. Or at least, Natsuhiko does.

Both have brown/red hair.

Both have no self-preservation, and easily forgive or brush off when others physically hurt them. They don't fear death.

They are shields, the guards.

Both are pawns of someone else, Akane's boss is the clock keepers and Natsuhiko's is Sakura, their goals come second to their boss's orders most of the time. They have no interest in each other personally but they work for supernaturals whose main obstacle are each other.

I doubt they'll have more interactions, but what we have is enough to have fun.

The broadcasting club clearly considers Akane the weak link of the clock keepers, so imagine Natsuhiko was tasked to get Akane's trust, coach him into destroying the yorishiro, playing the long game, similar to how he and Sakura were chill waiting for Mitsuba to find a Yorishiro.

Akane is the most stubborn of the two, and he sees Natsuhiko as untrustworthy, so I can't see him falling for his 'reliable and kind senpai✨' charade, but I can see him being arrogant enough to fall for the 'this guy is a dumbass' vibe Natsuhiko emanates in waves. Akane has the disadvantage of caring too much too fast, people show him kindness and he is unconsciously inclined to reply in kind, people are insensitive to others and he gets angry, so he isn't that hard to approach or drag around if you learn to ignore his complaints. They can have a lot of 'bonding time' regardless if Akane actually vibes with him.

I think Natsuhiko would have a detached respect for Akane. Cause while Natsuhiko isn't a kind person, I do believe he appreciates kindness.

Take Mitsuba's surprise party for example: The party was clearly Sakura's idea. Natsuhiko is more interested in pleasing Sakura throught it than in cheering up Mitsuba, using the party planning as a way to bond and celebrate with Sakura.

But despite having no blush, no comment, no spark in his eyes when he looks at Mitsuba being happy, he does seem to feel a hint of something that makes him ask Tsukasa to chill.

So kindness is possible it simply doesn't come easy for him, is not something that has a big sway on his decision. He likes being a bastard way more, look at how happy he is to do Sakura's evil schemes!

So Akane would be a pain in the ass for him. Maybe even pluzzling but mostly an annoyance that's prone to getting violent when Natsuhiko says 'the wrong thing', be it verbal violence or a punch in the face.

And Natsuhiko would absolutely say the wrong thing.

He is a decent liar, very disarming, and hard to read. But he is also careless, he may be able to make someone like Kou lower his guard even when the young exorcist's instincts go "You are sooo suspicious" but Akane isn't dismissive of these things. (compare how Kou was able to dismiss Hanako's murder after seeing the ghost do a good deed in chapter 9 while Akane still eyes Hanako harshly to this day)

Will Natsuhiko put effort into looking like he is Akane's buddy? Will he take him on friendly hang-outs at the broadcasting club? Yes. Will he stop being dismissive about other people? Will he stop flirting with many girls? No. Even if Natsuhiko gets swept by Akane's passion and genuinely tries to help, like offering Akane a love potion so he can 'get' Aoi or taking him to have a 'glow up' in the mall, it wouldn't work, cause their approach is too different. Who he is and the 'kind and reliable senpai' image he wants to sell clash.

So we have a lack of trust that doesn't go away, for every nice thing Natsu shows, he has an equally bad trait. Either Akane doesn't drop the 'yo you suck' attitude or he finds himself relaxing, only to be slapped in the face the next day at the reminder Natsuhiko may be able to disarm him with idol songs, bad love advice, asking Akane for his assistance, but he is still not a good person.

Speaking of disarming, here is a tiny tangent: Natsuhiko is the only character who gets a comment on how he smells, not even Ao-chan and Teru, who are complemented in every way possible get comments on their smell. This means Natsuhiko must either wear supernatural perfume or have a natural smell that attracts supernaturals.

And I do think it's only supernaturals that he attracts since cats, who are heavily associated with yokai in Japan, love Natsuhiko, and Tsukasa says he smells 'yummy'.

Plus when he is walking with Nene, a delicious Kannagi, every monster has its eyes on Natsuhiko. They want to bite him, not Nene.

Assuming any supernatural finds his smell appealing, it would confuse Akane to think Natsuhiko smells real nice when no one else does, cause he hates the guy? What do you mean he is not wearing a strong fancy perfume and only Akane thinks he smells nice? What is going on? If he directly asks wtf is Natsuhiko's problem, he would not be helpful "Another victim, fallen for my irresistible wise senpai charm-"

They are a walking headache to each other.

The plan to get Akane's trust won't work in the end, no matter how much information on supernaturals Natsuhiko shares, or how many tea parties they attend to, so the inevitable betrayal would end in violence. Threaten Aoi, create a trap, make Akane be in serious danger so the other keepers are forced to show up and save him.

Perhaps, when Akane is dying and Natsuhiko looks down as he bleeds and resists and fights he realizes he does feel something more than apathy and frustration for Akane. But alas, it is not worth figuring out if is respect, admiration, care, or whatever, it's a bother regardless but still worthless since it would always end like this.

Now, let's slap a crush into this mess.

Natsuhiko's type is calm and quiet, harsh on the outside and kind on the inside. A beauty that feels unapproachable.

Which is both the complete opposite of Akane (Akane is loud and stressed 24/7) and spot on (Akane is harsh in his bluntness but kind at heart + he is a popular boy that others naturally orbit towards)

Natsuhiko getting a little crush on Akane would be a nightmare because he would not notice he has a crush. He has a strong belief boys can't like other boys, needing to 'become a girl' to excuse still having feelings for Sakura after she gets a male body.

So he wouldn't notice whatever positive feeling he got is a crush, but he would still be unbearable. Probably call him Akane-chan cause that's a feminine name. Cute.

Akane wants him dead and it has nothing to do with his bad guy vibes, it's mostly cause Natsuhiko flirts a lot. He insists it's nothing but he got that flirty vibe that is very punchable, like calling him 'kitten' and adding 'no homo' if Akane bluntly rejects him. Respecting his space when Akane is on edge but trying to test his luck and be touchy the second Akane shows any signs of lowering his guard, casual bro stuff like noggies. He will need a character arc cause Akane is sure he is either unbearable by nature or his ulterior motive is to go on a few dates with him and discard him after like the playboy Natsuhiko is. He doesn't take his 'fondness' seriously at all but being harsh is pretty attractive to Natsuhiko, makes the rare signs that Akane cares appear all the more soft.

Imagine Akane saving Natsuhiko in a panic when he 'sacrifices' himself to a big beast (akane doesn't accept others pulling the 'I will die for you' card on him, not even other supernaturals), only to kick Natsuhiko back into danger the second this immortal and sturdy guy starts to swoon about how "Akane-chan is so kind, worried about me <3 " . That's the vibe.

Natsuhiko pays more attention and is more influenced by the people he like, so he would actually make an effort to figure out why Akane is so hardworking, and try to be kind, to do little things to help him, which serves to confuse Akane but makes him a bit more willing to accept his company. They are still a headache to each other but there is care, and way more confusion involved, since Natsuhiko may have to experience a lot of trial and error but his attempts to get closer to Akane and make him happy are genuine.

Akane is way more indulgent than Sakura, so while he won't drink any suspicious love potion, he can be dragged to Karaoke and easily manipulated with a pathetic 'Akane-chan, I need your help pls :(' cause he has a helping complex. (Unless the call for help happen after he catches Natsuhiko doing something morally reprehensible, in that case, Akane will not tolerate even breathing the same air as him.)

Akane doesn't know how his life has been spiraling but he blames Natsuhiko.

Their difference in morals will always be cause for complications, but if it's in a canon universe it's worse, cause Natsuhiko will have to betray Akane, and hurting this strange new love that keeps him at arm's length but has shown signs of believing he can be 'less of an asshole' becomes an actual dilemma. Something he isn't used to.

Akane being the one to fall in love would be a completely different story. It's easier to imagine in a messier part of his life, when the clock keepers contract is still new and everything is confusing, maybe he hasn't figured out that the accident with Aoi was staged to recruit him yet, so he isn't as wary and hateful of the supernatural world, relieved to see another fellow human familiar with supernaturals, since Teru is someone worthy of respect but still very violent and closed off.

Akane would also have a crisis and push aside the idea of being intrigued by this strange upperclassman, who smells nice and hides many secrets, cause the idea of falling for someone who isn't Aoi will destroy him. He is extremely loyal. He will snuff the crush out by force, avoid him at all costs, be more susceptible to manipulation, althought not noticibly at first..

What if Aoi doesn't exist, what if is just Natsu?

Then he can be openly devoted, and the appeal is to ask the question "What would happen if Akane fell in love with a bad person?" How much is he willing to forgive, and change himself. What made him fall in love? What is a line he can't cross and how does he deal with Natsuhiko crossing it?

Akane is selfless and prioritizes making him happy, so Natsuhiko would feel kind of bad. He is so used to being ignored, that he says whatever, and being treated with respect or awe is so out of the norm?? He does feel bad about it. He has a conscience.

Natsuhiko admires love, and it is convenient that Akane will sacrifice his happiness for him and ask for nothing in return, but it leaves a heavy vibe you know? Like, it's cute that he'll blush if he casually puts his arm around Akane's shoulders and drags him close, as he does with his kouhais, but Natsuhiko is not a fan of the tender and longing stares. He will make him do tasks though, if Akane is so happy to help, he can buy him sodas and sing his praises.

Let's light up a bit with simple mutual pining, no other crushes, no supernaturals.

They are both too bold and hopeless for pining, a confession happens one week during this scenario and any issue is solved with the power of love. Natsuhiko is having a crisis about liking a boy? No worries, Akane is more than comfortable with cross-dressing, I will never get over how he got offended they didn't let him crossdress if it would let him stay by Aoi's side in a volume cover, and Natsuhiko is easily swayed, this much devotion would make him accept Akane with or without a skirt. It's hopeless romantic to hopeless romantic communication.

As an established couple they are unbearable. They call each other "my boyfriend <3" and giggle about it like losers, and every daydream Natsuhiko has become true. Does Natsu want to be missed? Akane will mention how he wishes they lived together and how he longs for him in class and if asked he will write a song about how much he loves him. Does he like romantic dates? After taking Akane to three of those, Akane is already the one surprising him by preparing a candlelight dinner. Any gifts they give each other are well taken care of. There are hearts permanently floating by their head. Outsiders are horrified.

Natsuhiko wanted so bad to be the knight in shining armor, the reliable senpai, but Akane was built to be a worrier who doesn't vibe with asking for help, he is the one taking care of Natsu 90% of the time.

Imagine Natsuhiko daydreaming of having Akane run into his arms scared of an approaching storm, only to be startled by thunder and instinctively jump into Akane's open arms. That's the vibe.

Akane would find it cute too.

Marriage may scare Natsuhiko, or at the very least make him uncomfortable, a forever is a bit reckless right? Let's just enjoy the moment, haha. So Akane drops the proposals, but he still daydreams about it. His fear of marriage can make Akane possessive when Natsuhiko winks at any cute girl, but he knows Natsuhiko has fun with it, and that he loves Akane the most, so he is very forgiving.

Bonus: Their height difference is pretty nice. Natsu is a full stair step taller than Akane.

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

Rhaenyra’s allies fought for her to the very end and DID put her son on the throne and Alyn even found Viserys II. The Greens’s legacy ? As soon as neither are alive / have power, no one cared about Jaehaera dying. See how even the surviving Hightowers in Oldtown didn’t ask anyone to launch an investigation on their relative supposedly committing suicide. And, mind you, they had the bold and intelligent Samantha Tarly, who defied the High Septon and was able to stop Lyonel from prolonging the Dance of the Dragons. She, of all people, had the personality to demand answers, and yet she didn’t because that side of the family didn’t give a fuck about Jaehaera as anything other than a tool.

It was GRRM showing the difference in their legacy and also about how the Greens were all basically out for themselves. Note the Tyland Lannister embezzled the Crown, so did a couple of Hightower cousins, the main Hightowers abandoned ship the second they saw that Aegon III was in charge (or even sooner when they realized that, according to the very argument they themselves made about why Aegon II should be king, Rhaenyra’s son was INEVITABLY going to be king anyway), Borros Baratheon was a fair-weather ally who only committed to the bit when the dragons were slaughtered (and then got rightfully owned by the Lads), Unwin Peake wanted to be the next Otto Hightower and murdered Jaehaera in order to make his own daughter queen, etc.

Jaehaera dying was him driving the point home that misogyny caused the Dance of Dragons and that being from the side of the ones who want to curtail women’s power doesn't offer you protection as a girl. He was also very specific in making her murderers fellow Greens who wanted to get her out of the way so their own kinswoman (Myrielle Peake) would get a free shot of being queen. It was basically Jaehaera being treated as disposable by her own side, showing that the Greens were applying the same tactics the Hightowers used to gain power: GRRM making the Greens become the victims of the very precedents they themselves set AND letting the reader know that political movements like the Greens ultimately self cannibalize as the power hungry lords and ladies try to kill each other for power.

No, seriously, Unwin was being WAY too obvious, especially when he started pushing for Myrielle to be Aegon III’s new wife. Baela and Rhaena’s entrance with Daenaera was the “not today, Satan!” moment, letting Unwin Peake know that his attempt at browbeating their brother into marrying his daughter wasn’t going to work. Basically, the sisters saw what a disaster it was for Viserys I to marry Alicent Hightower in the first place and give the Hightowers too much power, and put the kibosh of having another Otto and Alicent marry into the family and gain influence over the isolated king.

In a way, when you read between the lines, this is Baela and Rhaena letting the other lords know that after the debacle with the Hightowers, they are going back to inter-marrying within Valyrian families that they trust and have vetted for themselves. Part of the reason why Daenaera was the undisputed winner is because she had Baela and Rhaena’s seal of approval. And given that half of Aegon III’s court was filled with ambitious Greens ? He obviously trusted his sisters’ counsel more than anyone else’s, because Baela and Rhaena were the only ones who protected him and genuinely cared about his well-being.

This ↑

[thewulf]

Good News Part 2 || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Original Request - So i saw somewhere where a woman got into trouble for "destruction of government property" but it's just her giving her military husband hickies, and i think this would be so hilarious with Jake Seresin.

A/N: Whew! Bless a lazy weekend, I've been able to crank these out. Please enjoy this tooth rotting fluff!

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Y/N

Word Count: 3.9k +

Part 1

“You’re seriously going to do it?” Bradley’s voice dropped an octave as he asked his roommate on board the carrier a very serious question. They were few and far between, but he had to know. Jake hadn’t shut the hell up about you for the last six months. Bradley knew the two of you were serious when you moved across the country for him a year ago. He was transferred to Virginia, and you didn’t want to let him go, couldn’t let him go. So, you moved with him. Somehow you had Jake whipped beyond anything Bradley could’ve ever of dreamed from the man.

Jake smiled looking at the picture of the ring his dad had sent him on his phone. They were finally back in United States waters, and he had reception for the first time in weeks.

 He had ordered you engagement ring before he left and had his dad pick it up once it was ready. He only knew one thing, he wanted to marry the hell out of you. He was only reassured when he saw that beautiful face turn into a gigantic smile once you spotted him coming off the carrier. God, he loved you more than life itself.

“Tonight.” Jake nodded at his enemy turned good friend. After the dagger squad had dissolved they were both shipped off to Virginia while the rest of the squad was sent throughout the country. They made a truce in hopes of embarrassing everybody else out here. They were smart in doing so. Quickly, they became fast friends after their tumultuous beginning. But as Maverick said, near death brings everybody a bit closer.

“Tonight?” Bradley sat up from the bed he was lounging on surprise laced in his voice, “You didn’t mention that when you said you were going to propose a few weeks ago.” His eyes were nearly bugging from his head. Hell, he knew they were nearing their mid 30’s and it wasn’t weird to get married… it just surprised him. Especially coming from Jake. The one who used to flirt with anything that moved. But that was years ago. Years before you came around, “You sure?” Bradley asked wanting to make sure it was his best decision.

Jake nodded with a bright smile, “Never been so damn sure of anything in my life Rooster.” He clapped his friends back as he threw the bookbag over his shoulder, “Now, let’s get off this carrier.”

Bradley smile and nodded, “Don’t have to tell me twice.” He was proud of his friend for taking that next step. It was never easy. But you made it so for him.

The two of them chatted and waited and chatted some more. They’d been docked for what felt like hours. It always took forever to disembark. No matter how well they prepped it always took what felt like decades to finally make it off. Everybody was terribly anxious to see their loved ones.

Finally, finally they were dismissed, and he was able to hold you. It was everything he needed and more. You were there. He was here. It was home. He was healed.

You would have sat in his lap on the ride back to your shared home had his parents not been driving in the front seat. So, you settled on snuggling up to him in the middle seat leaning your head on his shoulder. His parents were chatting away with their son as he mindlessly ran his fingers through your wavy hair. You were listening but you weren’t actually listening to the conversation. You were listening to his every heartbeat. His every breath. Smelling his Old Spice body wash and your favorite Tom Ford cologne that accented him perfectly. You were lost in taking him in. He was here. Finally, home. Finally.

His father let him know where he hid the ring in the house when he got some alone time with his son. His parents were throwing a welcome home party at your place, you’d always hosted. Jake just wanted to be home and his parents always insisted. Family was everything for them. The entirety of the Seresin clan flew out to Virginia Beach to welcome him home. Even some of your family made it over to welcome him back. As tired as he always was he was so grateful for the love his family gave him. He knew it was rare, so he never dreamed of pushing the love away. He was ever so thankful that you always understood and welcomed everybody with open arms. You always made them a priority.

Jake had decided to wait to ask you to marry him. Wait until everybody left for the night. Even until his parents left. He just wanted it to be you and him. He’d always dreamed of doing something big and grand, that was his style. But that wasn’t your style at all. A grand gesture would mortify you. You wanted something simple. He’d do anything for you. A simple gesture it was.

It was harder than he imagined waiting to propose to you. You didn’t seem to have a clue it was coming even though he pretty much told you earlier with the ‘even bigger news’ incoming. As smart and observant as you were this was something he absolutely adored about you. You’d miss the simplest things in front of you. Or you’d take something and overanalyze it into oblivion until it didn’t even make sense anymore. But he loved it. He loved the little blush that danced across your cheeks when the realization hit you. He loved the expressions your face always went through. Through and through, he loved you. There was nothing he had ever been so sure of. You. You were his end game.

He watched as you talked with almost every family member of his. How effortlessly you were able to hold a conversation when you needed to. He watched as all his brothers and sisters kids clung to you throughout the night. How easily you were able to play with them and shoo them off when needed. He was damn sure his heart nearly melted every time you made eye contact with him. You’d always look away quickly knowing you got caught. But he got caught as well and he didn’t give a damn. He loved watching you. Seeing you.

“Hey handsome,” You squeezed Jake’s side later on in the night after the cookout, “How are you holding up?”

He leaned into your touch. Shameless really. All he wanted to do is hold you. Touch you. Breathe you in. But his family made that really fucking hard to do that. He tried not to complain about it. He loved them dearly. They were always sure to try. How lucky was he? An incredible family and an even better person standing beside him.

“I’m just a bit tired.” He admitted to you. He never lied to you. Nor did you to him. Without much thought you gently ran your hands through his sculpted hair. You knew he didn’t care that you were messing up his hairstyle. Not when it was you. You felt the sigh escape his lips as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. He allowed himself to really be in the moment with you.

“I’m sorry honey.” You cooed in his ear. If you could you’d shoo them all away. But you knew better. They’d come all in from across the country for him. Both of you knew it was just another few hours and then you’d get your alone time. Your hour of bliss before the sleep inevitably took over.

His eyes opened seeing your soft eyes giving him a concerned look, “It’s alright Y/N.” He kissed your lips quicky to reassure you, “Just a few more hours then you’re all mine.” He whispered into your ear nibbling at its base just enough to tease you. He already had you squirming in his arms.

You would’ve whispered something obscene had his own mother not called out to you then, “Y/N! Dear! Do you mind helping me serve the desserts?” She asked in her thicker than molasses southern accent with a big white toothy grin on her face. You’d never dreamed of saying no to her.

You grinned, “Of course Alice, I’ll be right there.” You waved to her before turning to your boyfriend.

“Let me go help your momma.” You kissed his cheek before turning. He caught your arm before you could get too far away from him.

“Thank you. It means a lot to her.” He pulled you in for quick kiss on the forehead, “Which means a whole lot to me.”

“You know I like helping her.” You smiled feeling all the love from him in that moment. You felt so damn lucky that he was yours. All yours. Little did you know he was going to make that permanent in just a few hours. Oh, how he wished time would just skip forward.

“Thank you.” He grinned running a gentle hand down your arm. He needed to touch you. To feel you. Six months was far too long without his favorite person. His rock. The one he trusted the most. The one he needed the most. You.

“Course honey.” Your smile couldn’t fall. It felt surreal that he was actually home. You’d willed this day to be here ever since he stepped onto the carrier six months ago. Finally.

“I love you.” He kissed you one more before dropping your arm.

“Love ya handsome.” You waved before wandering off into the kitchen. Jake watched as your hair bounced and your dress swayed side to side. He was so damn happy he found you.

“We’ll pick you both up at eleven tomorrow for brunch with the family?” Alice asked as you and Jake walked his parents to the door. Your parents hadn’t made it much past ten before they left. Jake’s managed to be the last ones to stay. She insisted on helping you clean up. You yawned feeling the time hit you. It was nearing one in the morning. Far past your usual bedtime. Jake must’ve been a damn zombie by now. He normally slept for days after getting off a deployment.

“Sounds good mom. We’ll be ready.” He kissed her on the cheek. After he shook his dads hand. You didn’t catch the wink he tossed his son. He knew what Jake was planning. You were still as clueless as ever standing behind him admiring the cute little family interact.

“Sleep well Y/N.”

“You too Alice, Dave.” You couldn’t stop the second yawn that overcame you as you waved to them. Jake shut the door behind them quickly. Not waiting a second before turning towards you.

A devilish smile took over his features, “Finally.” He grinned before making a bee line towards you and scooping you up into his arms, “I missed you my love.”

“Jake.” You giggled in his arms. You weren’t complaining but this was new. He was always touchy, but this was different. It was needy. You loved it. He was all yours. Yours and yours only, “What’s gotten into you honey.” You looked up to him breath catching in your throat as you caught his eye. He was giving you that look. The one that told you everything. He was bearing his soul to you.

He shrugged after shifting his gaze to the unassuming box he left on the counter. The one that housed your ring. The one he got custom made with his grandma’s and your grandma’s diamond rings. Both of your mothers went with him to help him out. He knew you were going to love it, but damn was he suddenly nervous. He knew he hadn’t a thing to worry about. You were going to yes. He couldn’t help but to be nervous though. This was it. This was him committing to you. To taking those next steps. He wanted those things with you. To buy a home and make it yours together. To have children that look like the both of you. To raise them to be even better versions of both of you. To do this life together. He was nervous. But damn was he ready.

“I missed you. I missed you so much. I missed that beautiful face. That smart ass mouth. This gentle soul. I love you my darlin’.” He leaned down and captured your lips in a kiss. A much gentler and more relaxed one. So much slower and thoughtful. One that showed you just how much he loved you. His heart and soul were yours for the taking.

“I love you too.” You answered him when he broke the longing kiss. He walked you over to the kitchen island sitting you down on the barstool. Your eyes were glazed over with the love that shone out of you. Even then you still hadn’t a clue. This was one of the many reasons you had come to love him so deeply.

He brushed a stray hair out of your face, “Anybody ever told you how pretty you are? Most beautiful woman in the world?” That compliment and the look he was giving you could make any woman swoon. You’d be amiss if you didn’t blush violently at that.

“You have. All the time.” It came out as a whisper. He had the ability to do that to you. Make you nervous beyond belief. Make you feel like the most special human in the world. He makes sure to treat you as his world and so much more.

His grin widened as his eyes scanned your face. Beautiful. So utterly beautiful. He found you ethereal even. Without a flaw. See, the two of you hardly even fought. If you did it was because somebody was tired or failed to communicate. Both of you learned to worth through issues with words. Something you’d never found in a partner before him. He tried. And succeeded. And then blew your expectations out of the water. People prayed for a love like yours. God were you thankful.

“It’s true sweetheart.” He pulled the box over without you knowing. Still clueless as ever. His favorite human. He palmed the small ring box underneath snaking it behind his back. His mouth began to dry up as he realized what he was actually doing. God he wanted you more than ever. His girl.

Your cheeks warmed even more if they possibly could, “You’re too sweet on me Mr. Seresin.”

He shook his head, “I’d disagree with you sweetheart.” He kissed your cheek as he took a step in closer, “I’d argue that I’m not sweet enough. Being away for so long was awful. It made me realize how much you really truly meant and mean to me. You’re everything. It’s that simple. You’re my reason to get up. You my love. My dear. My sweets. My sweetheart. My everything.” He kissed your other cheek taking a second to get the next line straight.

It felt like your heart was going to drop out of your ass. He was always so sweet to you, but this was something more. Could he possibly be doing what you’d dreamed of for far too long? You quickly shook that thought out of your head as he continued. Leaving you utterly speechless.

“I love you so much sweetheart. And I know I’m ready to take the next step with you. I want to do this life with you. Build a home with you. Start a family with you.” He kissed your forehead now.

Oh. Shit. Maybe he really was? You slid forward in the barstool now fully awake. God you’d probably pass out he if really was proposing, “You do?” Your smile about made him pass out. The most genuine look. The happiest he’s probably ever seen you. And he did that. He made you smile like that.

“I do, if that’s what you want?” He paused waiting for some confirmation.

You took that as a chance to kiss him on the lips. He was inevitably going to move there next. You felt him smile into the kiss wrapping his arms around you lightly, “You’re my best girl. My favorite human. The best thing that’s ever happened to me Y/N. Will you marry me?” He asked taking a slight step back and kneeling down holding the most beautiful right in his hand.

You could only nod due to your complete lack of being able to form any words. You pulled him up for another long kiss trying to think of anything to say, something.

“One thousand times yes.” You whispered to him once you pulled away, only because you needed oxygen.

He pulled you so you were standing on his toes. Holding you tightly to his chest knowing you were most likely weak at the knees, “Mrs. Seresin has a nice ring to it.” He gleamed cupping your chin in one hand. Gently this time he pressed his lips to yours while sliding the ring on your finger with his other hand.

Looking down at the ring you were sure your cheeks were about to rip from the smile that came across your face, “Y/N Seresin.” You giggled admiring the most stunning engagement ring. He’d done more than you could’ve ever dreamed. Your man. Your forever man now.

He sucked in a breath admiring you, “That’s the sexiest damn thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

You giggled hugging him close to you, “I love you so much Jake.”

He hugged you back, never wanting to let you go, “You have no idea darlin’. I love you too.”

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[sanguine-prince]

okay so i just finished helluva boss (but not the shorts which i don’t think i’ll watch)…

and i enjoyed it for the most part. it’s a fun little show and i think that’s how people ought to treat it. i’ve a few thoughts below the cut. i’ve read a lot of glazing and a lot of hate and tbh i think i’m somewhere in the middle which seems like a rare thing in this fandom lmao

my favorite characters were fizz and moxxie & millie (tho the camp episode was so boring oh my goddd) and also ozzie however his design drives me up a wall why does he look like that. however his VA is sooo good

why do they say fuck so much

it feels like a show made for edgy high schoolers idk like it’s fun but it’s 90% sex jokes, ‘witty’ one-liners, and ship content

they interact with issues shallowly—like classism in hell and possibly racism (? if imps are a separate race ? idk)—and tbh i think they should stick to shallow examinations. social commentary is not their strong suit. things won’t hold together if they try to go deeper with this; it’s not a serious show and it should not be taking itself seriously. it works best when it’s interpersonal

i have a big issue w how viv/the writers/character designers portray fat ppl. i rly didn’t get the fat jokes about moxxie in that one ep like was it supposed to be a running gag? the character designs make everyone thin as a toothpick except for mammon who also happens to be the one sin they portray as being the worst and most disgusting. even bee who literally *is* gluttony is disgusted by mammon in that one scene where he’s chowing down in the courtroom. like what sense does that make.

which gets me to my real question that consistently bugged me throughout the whole series: what is the standard of morals in hell? the sins are personifications of their domains, so why are most of them decent folks? does this imply that people are sent to hell based on very conservative christian views—like is that the moral standard in this universe (i haven’t seen hh if this is explained)? like there genuinely weren’t a lot of indications for me for why a sin was a sin. ozzie emphasized lust being consensual; bee was concerned for blitz overindulging; but then verosika and her friends sexually assault moxxie and it’s implicitly brushed off as funny and not a big deal because oh well it is hell after all. idk it just felt inconsistent to me and i’m not sure why everyone and everything was so sanitized if this is supposed to be a terrible place

i liked the backstory episodes those were fun

i feel like they babygirlified stolas by making stella so unlikeable. it feels like the show runners were begging for us to sympathize with him when i thought he was a plenty decent character on his own and they could have made him much more morally complex by letting stella be an actual character. i was hoping there would be a little more ambiguity to it (rather than ‘yay stolas is finally divorcing that bitch’) because i genuinely was a little confused by why octavia was so mad at him at the end of s2 when the show covers his bases—she saw that stella wasn’t letting him call? idk i feel like the conflict should’ve come around the stars episode not the end one it just didn’t make sense to me. her struggle with the divorce made sense in s1 but by s2 they’d made stella such the clear-cut villain that it seemed like she never had a happy family to mourn the loss of. it felt forced that they transferred the conflict she seemed to be set up for having with her mother to stolas just to give him something to be upset about.

i’m not a big fan of stolitz im gonna be honest. idk why they like each other. they went from stolas essentially being a funny thirsty character to making their relationship the main plot line. it felt forced on blitz’s end especially like he went from not caring about him to ‘no actually he’s just too insecure to admit his feelings’ to madly in love?? within the space of a few episodes? there was also the problematic classist overtones as well but i think giving them an overtly toxic situationship would’ve been better and more fitting to the fact that they’re in hell than airbrushing things away so they can be an uwu yaoi pairing.

i enjoyed some of the songs especiallyyy the asmodeus one is s1 that was groovy as hell

i love fizz and ozzie they’re really cute :)

some of the designs got on my nerves (like ozzie and striker etc) but some of them were pretty cool (like fizz and stolas!)

in closing, i think the show is fine and a pretty fun watch it just shouldn’t take itself too seriously because then it breaks down.