#probably to just vent tbh

[littledancingphoenix]

🧡

[emberglowfox]

closing time

[stupid-sexy-bishop]

Baxter Stockman Smash Tierlist

[pekoeboo]

ugh. some thoughts.

really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.

hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.

I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.

I'm just . tired, I guess.

[heartshattering]

Dad was throwing stuff and when I said it made me nervous he said "I don't care, you're always nervous" :) wow Dad it's so cool to hear how I haven't made any progress at all in trying to improve my anxiety, I'll always be jittery and anxious, no one ever thinks of my anxiety as anything but an annoyance and an inconvenience to them! <3 No one sees how hard I'm trying and when they do stuff to make it worse (like... literally throwing shit around me?????) who cares since I'm "always nervous" anyway? :')

I'm just a bother who no one wants to deal with, I truly am too nervous to handle life, I should be locked away somewhere. There's no point in fucking trying when it's just impossible for me to make progress. Meds, hospitals, failed therapy attempts, trying to cope using both healthy and unhealthy strategies... none of it matters! None of it fucking matters because my brain is too messed up to ever be 'normal' and I shouldn't even exist!!!

[fortjester]

forgot that I told a customer at work that my dad died bc they were asking why I'd been away and I wanted them to fuck off, and then I saw them for the first time in like a month today and they very gently asked how I was doing and I was like

[sysig]

I’m just saying I think he has a type (Patreon)

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

chat what do u do when it kinda seems like a girl likes u

[st-hugs]

Sigh

[evo-is-obsessed]

A “Pov: u snapped | vent playlist” but instead of all the songs being “ive been wronged and traumatized and im angry about it” they more so just give a purely unhinged vibe- like when you’re at a water park and you go in a tube slide and it’s a bunch of crazy neon colors flying past you super fast, and the urge to laugh maniacally, and everything is high pitched and you’re actually just batshit insane. You don’t even feel hurt anymore. You’ve just ascended beyond this plane.

[desire-mona]

can someone please come over and braid my hair and talk about fnaf like im 9 again thanks. can someone please come over and pretend like its all ok thanks.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

it's so hard knowing when to take yourself seriously or not. like my brain screams at me so often and there are things that are so tempting... at the same time if i go back to the ward what's that gonna help anything, yk? or if i make a serious attempt on my life is that gonna land me involuntary, or what? will it mess up my uni stuff? like yes i anticipate self harm becoming way worse again in the next few weeks. i can see a future in which i'd kill myself in the next few weeks. but at the same time i'm okay in a way i haven't been for months and approaching years, and it doesn't make sense

[livingdeadvamp]

Idk why everyone is mad at op they kinda have a point?? They never said they vented 24/7 without asking for permission, just that they don't wanna hold back problems for the sake of making others happy. Like if you can't do that then that's fine but it doesn't make them a bad person, it just means you're not compatible as friends

[russilton]

Do you ever just like, get the urge to be around your friends but you don’t have the energy to contribute to a conversation or act presentable

I just want to lie in the middle of a room with all my friends around me. Doesn’t matter what they’re doing, they’re just there, being them. So rather than worrying as replies go unanswered becuase I’m exhausted and so overstimulated, I just… exist, involved. I think that’s the dream y’know.

[transxfiles]

it is truly a testament to his 80s upbringing that my dad still hasn't realized i'm nonbinary 💀

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

sorta ? happy rant but still a rant below.

I’m so happy it happened and I don’t feel good about how much happier I feel but I feel so much happier ! and healthy ngl and it’s taking time and there are good parts and bad parts but overall I’m so glad we’re over because it was so unhealthy I couldn’t see it and I feel better now. And I know not all of it is good for me and I need to find more people to connect with and be friends with irl but cutting off the bad ones helps that so much I think. I’ve noticed I go weeks without thinking about them sometimes and it’s so good ? I feel good healing. Is that bad to say?