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can someone please come over and braid my hair and talk about fnaf like im 9 again thanks. can someone please come over and pretend like its all ok thanks.
#desire mona#not to vent in tags but i need to be so real#i am probably one of the most lonely people ever actually#i have friends but i never see them#i spend all my time on here#ive taken to talking to people down my street which does help tbh like i do enjoy feeling like i have a community#i have a friend named tom down the road but hes like. in his 40s or 50s. but i do enjoy talking to him when we're out walking our dogs#i went out with him and his daughter to try and see the northern lights but it was too cloudy#i felt rly bad for knocking on his door at 10 pm to look at nothing but he was glad i reminded him#but once i go back home its just nothing#my life is just a series of waiting to take drugs again and its eating away at me but i cant fucking Do Anything#i just kinda feel like a pathetic loser for not doing anything productive ever and i KNOW i shouldn't let that demean my character in any wa#y#i know im a good and kind and funny person but my inability to bring myself to improve anything just makes me feel like im the worst#whatever#thoughtsing
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there are so many things that i could do so well,,, if only i could like.actually do them
#ok to rb or comment on if anyone wants to ??? i just want to ramble a bit#this post is about everything at once and nothing in particular but also very much about my art career wtf#i miss school already.having structure and clear immediate tasks to focus on and surrounded by people who i can tell myself can understand#like id still be feeling the raging imposter syndrome and self hatred but then at least i can still bury myself in schoolwork and#tell myself that its the best that i can do at the moment and i make excuses to forgive myself undeservingly for not doing more#back home with same old people into same old habits and i am once again 14 hiding in my closet writing edgy poetry plotting murder and#trying to ignore the yelling downstairs and trying to convince myself that its not my fault but at the core of it all it really is isnt it#and out of sight out of mind its harder to convince myself that i am still loved or worthy of it or even capable honestly#and craving the academic validation hearing someone say that what comes from my mind has any value at all any real meaning#and maybe then im still just trying to fool myself because what i want is for someone to believe im capable because i cant do it for myself#craving someplace i can distance myself from being who ive been all my life and guilt for not wanting what ive been lucky enough to receive#ok going to stop before i incriminate myself even more#prob will delete later but if i forget to haha hi#greenbean talks to plants
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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sorry if i am weirder than usual right now GRINS EVILLY but not too evilly. i dont know whats up with me today but its like a whole thing it might be the four hours of sleep if im honest
#ive been awake for 12 hours im realising hmmmm#i did all the dishes then cleaned the mop & took a shower. i am now lying down until my feet & back stop hurting#bc like. ok i did the dishes but in the sense that i got them dishwasher ready right. i still need to get the dishwasher going#but since my mother never lets anyone else do it i dont know how to. ill figure it out though of course. grown ass man.#feeling very physically disabled atm bc. i am. but also feeling accomplished. i intend on cleaning my room as well#no ones home so.. smiles#but yea idk why i decided to do all thst. ive been jittery & antsy & like i need to do everything forever at once#& im also socially weird(er than usual) i can notice it but theres not much i can do about it bc the urge to yap.#its nothing HARMFUL i dont think since im not getting mad at ppl yknow im just a bit of an odd thing right now#do u forgive me for being a weird little mentally ill freak 💞💞💞💞😊🐏 say yes im nice
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i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
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Good morning
#zipmode talks#im TIREDDDDD but its ok ill live#my english class is so short its a little nothing thang#and then once its done i can just go home and go right back to bed 😴
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I'm heading back home for the weekend! Everyone wish me luck with The Horrors™
#The Horrors™ include:#being stuck in a house with my parents again. stuck living the same way i did over the summer#everyone in the fucking family constantly being around bc we had a death in the family#(<- not why im going home + i didnt really know them so im not super affected by it)#my bedroom is apparently flooded AGAIN#(<- really hoping nothing was ruined. but still. thats my bedroom. im pissed)#dealing with dads anger over the flooding thing#and the possibility that my parents will force their way into my dorm room when i come back#(<- has a pride flag and a pronoun pin and a picture with the name 'snowy' on display. and also just wants some goddamn privacy for once)#this is gonna be great /sarcasm#there might be more but thats whats coming to mind#its three days. i can survive three days#snowys talking again
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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i think that whole "never felt safe growing up and most of my life" thing did real damage to my psyche lmao
#......... whole damn childhood of not feeling safe. i think... the one place i can even think of where i was truly comfortable was my aunts#house. and id see her rarely and not get to stay w her that often/long...#.... apart from that?.... just constant fucking fear and wanting to escape and be left alone#... when i got older like middle high college id feel somewhat safe at friends houses. but i always dreaded having to go home#when i lived at college was... the first time i actually lived somewhere where i felt kinda safe and at home. but my parents made sure to#remind me that it wasnt my actual home lmaoo and that they could take it away at any moment#just like how after we moved from romania i had to hear all the time. while i was stuck in a foreign country as a kid. that my room isnt my#own nothing is my own i owe them everything privacy wasnt allowed etc etc#...... after college i lived w my partner in the ghetto. like shots outside 7+ times a day sorta ghetto. i literally felt safer and more#comfortable and vibing and chill than i did at home with my parents?? lmaoo jfc i actually miss it#apart from that... probably the second time i was in the psych ward lol#and after i come back from romania its gonna be months again of having to stay alone w my stepfather whose like. weirdly sexually attracted#to me and loud and agressive and it just. triggers me so fucking much. god. i hate all this. i hate all this#twenty two fucking years of knowing little else than fucking fear and loneliness. i just. want. to feel safe.#for fucking once#so often i just wanna curl up in a borrow and never come out. thats all i want. im so tired. im so tired of this
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.
#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week#but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go#and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man.#i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr.#im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again#and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester#im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october#and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that.#nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better.#my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this.#he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time#and man. idk.#really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr.#winter speaks#personal#and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits#and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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like I'm actually sick of being at my grandma's house when one cousin leaves another comes in it's so crowded here and it's not anybody's fault I'm not even supposed to be here and I want to go back to my house so badly I'm constantly having to travel back and forth between homes because everytime I go back to my house my neighbours are doing something to drive me away again. last time I went back 2 neighbours were talking shit about me when I haven't even been at home for a month so all I can take from that is I'm staying on their minds constantly cause they haven't seen me for over a month and they're still talking about me
#basically my sister and i went to my house cause i really want to clear my stuff up#im just preparing to move out because that place is just so fucking horrible it'll be cool for like 2 days then im begging#to stay with someone else cause my neighbours are antagonising me or are just doing bullshit like gossiping about me#im just not comfortable there. and when i had to go back to my grandma's house i heard two neighbours talking about how theyre glad ive left#which i haven't i just haven't been at home for a month. and the thing that struck me the most was these were neighbours ive#done nothing to. i only have beef with ONE neighbour.... everybody else im polite to and i mind my business#so because the beef has extended to all of them even tho i barely know them... im just sick of it i dont want to be around them#i know its because of the last time i was there and the row me and that white woman had but i just know shes been#exaggerating whats been happening for neighbours I've done nothing to to start talking about me#because once they saw me one of the neighbours came outside cause i had to throw something out and just stared at me#until i walked away..... like what the fuck is going on...... i didnt think i would be wishing death on neighbours i thought was cool with#yet here we are.
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its literally so insane that my brother has like parents who arent young like thats insane... they were 34 when they had him... they were 20 when they had me which like isnt Insanely young but its still young yk. young enough that ppl r like Omg yr parents r so young ! when i say how old they are... but theyre gonna be 40 next year WHICH IS CRAZY. 40 year old parents hes like a kid from a disney channel show.
#and that mf lives in a house my parents own. Not for long lmaooo anyways.#<- bc my parents r prolly gonna lose the house bc my dad lost his job bc he assaulted somebody again. AWESOME FAMILY ! but anyways.#but its crazy. n my mom has been planninh a disneyland trip 4 ages... why r my family becoming like. almost middle class its scary ... guys#go back 2 being poor im scared and also thats so unfair that they waited until like a few months b4 i moved out to start marginally#getting their shit together. go girl give me NOTHING !#but like its crazy how different our lives will be. like my parents relationship i Highly fucking doubt its gonna get better LMAO theyll#probably get divorced once they lose the house. god willing at least. but yk...#and hes got like Adult siblings.... me in talking abt myself. i left the house the same year he started kindergarten. its insane. and im#not gonna be there to see him grow up. Kills my .#i do like. idk. i want 2 try n stay out here but i also. sometimes i do judt think abt going back home just so i cn be closer to him#but. yk. thats not rly feasible rn. so.#hopefullyyy next year theyll all be able 2 come up n visit me for the summer... since ill have my own place#my like Prayer is that maybe in a couple years him n annie and lamp could start spending the summer with me.... thatd be rly cool#lamp idk what their plans r i think theyre gonna stay down there#weve talked a bittt abt them moving up here and it seemed like theyd enjoy that ? but theyre rly close with annie as well so idk...
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hm.
#i asked my roommates if they wanted to go to the local gardens w me bc i thought it'd help my mental health#but instead they delayed it 3 hours and my roommate just showed up w his new gf who im still not comfortable around bc ive met her once#and this has not helped my mental health it has just made me more uncomfortable so thats. fun#we got food but i have weird eating issues and i do Not want to eat around her bc i know nothing ab her so im 🧍♂️#i wanna go home but i cant say that cause that would make me sound rude since this was my idea#i just. i asked for this bc i wanted to spend time w my friends bc i haven't gotten to spend time w just them since i got back#and now i regret ever asking bc I'm not comfortable here#he just. keeps showing up w her without telling me and brings her home constantly without warning#and its just another in a long line of things that makes it feel like everything changed while i was gone and theres not room for me here#and it sucks bc i. dont have anyone else i don't have anyone outside of my roommates and now it feels like i dont even have them#negative cw#i just feel very. not comfortable
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I love going out with friends, but it almost always ends with me having a breakdown in my car afterwards
#it's mostly with groups of friends i just get to my car and just breakdown#some of them are older than me and some of the younger some the same age#but they all have their life so much more put together and i end up feeling like shit afterwords#older friends have partners in life and are looking/have aprtment/house#same with friends my age#friends younger than me excel academically and have had experiences overseas or hold multiple jobs at once while fulltime student)#then there's me - struggles to keep mental health up while 3/4ths part time living at home reading when im not doing school/work/chores#doesnt know when she's going to graduate and has literally nothing to talk about#i love seeing friends and have so much fun being with them but i hear everything they're up to and then they ask me and i just gotta laugh#say nothing much and try to move the convo back to them bc i have nothing really going on - which is not their fault at all#this is 100% on me - but i see their lives and i wonder what its like to actually be living a life instead of just going through it#i've wanted to join clubs and stuff at school but its all so intimidating - people are intimidating and i always end up alone in a corner#bc i never did learn how to make friends - my friends growing up were friends of a girl who befriended me#i feel like a little kid (in a bad way) compared to everyone else and am afraid i won't ever catch up#---ahh looking online to see what to do has turned up the term socially inept - which i hit most of the checks on...great
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stream of consciousness type deal.
#people's experiences of you will be so drastically different from what you're like when relaxing/unmasking at home and they'll be shocked#when you live together and you thought you let them see what you were like normally except most of the time theyve seen you at home its an#Occassion™ so ofc im gonna be alert and jumping around and talkative bc theres a lot happening and im really happy theyre there#and i can be still. but once they see me day after day exhausted and overstimulated its different bc i am different#i dont feel like i am but i am#and if they dont believe when you explain whats happening then shit hits the fan#for a while i did not understand why they were getting so mad at me at dinner#the other people there understand how i can be foggy or overstimulated and just need to eat and im happy to be there i just need to not look#at anyone or say much and im dizzy from working all day. i need to mash for a bit all ill be good. theyve been generous to take me as honest#when i tell them what im doing.#but a person who is not used to seeing me that way will start thinking im rolling my eyes at whats being said when im actually staring into#space or trying to refocus or trying to get my body to stay in itself instead of drifting off and they think im quietly judging and ik like#im so sorry but fr im not even listening to the group conversation and im not thinking anything negative about you im just gathering my body#i SWEAR. also its agreed that i take part in a group meal instead of isolating with my food bc i need to eat right now too#now that ive stopped working and im going to go back to working after this meal so. this is what i have to do. it is understood and you're#somewhat new to being here on a daily basis but I'm serious i just have to do this and im not being shady im just Something™#(aka exhausted/overstimulated/neurodivergent.) but when i get up with the gathered dishes without making eye contact im automatically angry#and im judgemental and manipulative and trying to control everyone's mood by making my problems everyone's problems with my sighing and eye#rolling. im like. again im not rolling my eyes im trying to focus my eyes. and im not sighing at whats being said im letting out the breath#i realized ive been holding bc im holding myself back from an anxiety rollercoaster drop bc im very overstimulated rn and i was asked to be#here to share meals and deal with it in front of everyone and you arent understanding that id be doing the same thing in private#nothing's WRONG im just OVERSTIMULATED RN and im pulling my body back and im not thinking anything about ANYONE in this room but im starting#to NOW bc you keep assigning meaning where ive told you repeatedly theres none and i get why you're interpreting it this way but i promise#thats not what im doing and your reasons for why im doing it are not accurate.
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the most devastating shit on earth is that i had a friend in middle school who was like my ride or die. but her only "social media" was Google Fucking Plus. so naturally i have lost her in the wastelands of that shitstorm. but i cannot find her ever again bc she has like The most common name on god's green earth so one facebook search for people with her name in the bronx yields like a million fucking results. so imagine if she's not even in the bronx anymore. 10 million results
#and if by some will from god she's out there wondering about me occasionally too She'd also be shit out of luck#bc my first name is different now. not even close to my birthname. and my last name is a nightmare#i didn't learn how to spell that shit until i was 6 and only so soon bc my mother set aside time to teach me specifically how to spell it#like it was its own school lesson. How to spell my own last name. so i'm not going to imagine someone could ever just Remember That#a decade down the fucking line#but i miss her often. she showed me inuyasha for the first time before rodan even did#we had the most awkward innocent scared quivering animal type lesbianism happening.#i would walk her home even though it meant making my 10 minute walk home into like 45 minutes#she lived in one of the projects and she snuck me in her apartment a few times when her dad wasn't home. that's when we watched inuyasha#one of my ''gifts'' i remember so specifically when we had decided we were dating is. i gave her. a tiny bag of chips.#blinks for a long time at you. i got her A Bag Of Chips.#💀😭 She should've killed me where i stood........#we once kissed because someone said they'd give us 20 dollars for it. We did not get the 20 dollars.#i was mad bc i wanted to split it with her and get snackies at the deli after school together or something. kills my elf#WAAAH i miss her. i miss da bronx too. one day i'm gonna drag rodan downstate to see it all#i want to take him to the bronx zoo and the botanical gardens. but also i just checked and nearly scumpt at the prices#37 DOLLARS..... 💀⁉️ i remember. (said oldly) i remember when it was. SEVEN DOLLARS!!!#whstever fucking happened to wednesdays you get in free. huh#i'm too scared to even look at the gardens now bc Nearly 40 tickets a person. oh My God. vomitworthy#wait oh my god what do thebuses and subway cost now. oh no oh no oh no#okay it's okay. it's a 40 cent difference. idr what a metrocard used to cost so it means nothing that it's a dollar now#but also Why the fuck do the express buses cost SEVEN DOLLARS.... 😭 brother bring that shit back down to five NEOW!!!#it's not even double the standard fare anymore. even if i round up the standard fare That's More Than Double. what#i hate inflation i hate inflation i hate#i'm rambling. walks away fast And my ass
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