#plural vent

[fizzypop-fountain]

I’ve reached the point where there’s about 50+ headmates here. And while my friends have been supportive, the rate at which I discover new ones scares me to be honest. I’m genuinely terrified of my friends being annoyed by how many there are, that it’ll become a chore to remember everyone. We feel super guilty for using pluralkit when a new headmate arrives. To the point where sometimes a headmate just. Masks as me instead. My friends say they don’t mind but I’m terrified with how easily I split due to being so easily stressed I’m gonna end up with so many headmates that my friends are gonna get annoyed.

[sovsys-afterhours]

I think we overcompensate a lot.

We're so worried that we're somehow accidentally faking / so frequently in denial, that we try to make ourselves feel more valid by "forcing" a lot of things that, in our weird roundabout logic, seem more "system-y" when not only does that make us feel even worse about system stuff, but it also just makes us feel bad about ourselves in general.

We've engraved this bad habit of forcing accents or mannerisms (particularly in us introjects) to make us feel better- more like a system- when all it does is backfire.

I think this vicious cycle manifested when we started to try and unmask our multiplicity, an entirely out-of-hand overcorrection that only really serves to hurt us.

It's really frustrating, and kind of sad... especially because we're so used to this "mask of unmasking" that we don't know how to just "be ourselves."

We realize this same unhealthy behavior over and over again, but it's just so insanely hard to shake that even after promising to ourselves countless times that we'll just relax, let this weird gaurd down and exist as us; we always come back to the "safety" of our broken mask.

We're so tired of it, but we don't know how to make it stop.

[sovereignsystem]

I hate to say it. But sometimes, you'll doubt yourself until something bad happens.

Because it's easy to deny you're dealing with something if that something is just inconvenient, if it's annoying, if it's just another thing about you

Until it gets bad. Until it's embarrassing. Until it hurts. Until it isolates you. Until you're scared.

Until something bad happens.

[eye-of-norga]

Yep. Have fun with this.

If anyone would like art similar to this for themselves, we take requests. Different alters have different artstyles👍

Anon Alter (he/it)

[syllvarin]

The pain in-system relationships bring

I have a lover inside. I have an in-system relationship and I love my boyfriend to the death. There are pros and cons to every relationship type, let it be up-close far distance or in-system, I don't think it is fair to compare them but our mind still does. And it still hurts. I used to think I overcame that, but due to a recent turn of events I realized how much we don't get to have. Every single day I am reminded of just the sheer amount of how much we can't have.

When I am on the bus and I see a couple holding hands, whispering things to each other, giggling together... People asking them, them just being at places together, kissing each other, people acknowledging their relatitonship. Them going on dates, or just living in their life as usual, doing chores and playing games competitively, or just casual bantering, showering together.

Or the concept of sex itself. One can argue you can do all or some those with your in-sys partner too, but, it is not the same way. It is not to the same extent. It does not feel the same, It feels less to me. I know it shouldn't, maybe, but we cannot control our feelings. It is different, it is valid, yes, and I tear up as I speak but I cannot for the life of me get this painful throbbing heart to stop thinking every moment of "what if my boyfriend had an external body".

I grieve, I am yet to finish grieving. We are on our 2nd year of dating and I am still grieving with stops and breaks in-between. How long will this grief last?

I think to myself, and my boyfriend too, he says to me; yes, we will never be able to physically hold each other. Yes, we will never have sex like other people, ours may just stay as an imitation and imposition of sorts and that's it. Yes, that may not be enough for our bodily needs and that is something we can resolve with other things. The important thing is we will resolve. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to wish for the impossible. But time will heal it.

It has to heal it.

We can focus on what we do have. An endless possibility of dates to be scheduled, our real bodies (not the human ones!) being inside and being able to interact with each other. Always having each other close, so up close that you can even read other's mind sometimes. Arguments almost never being a thing because you know how they feel the way they breathe the way they talk. Loving yourself means loving him, too.

I think to myself, this heart I have beats for people more than one. It beats the same time for both me and him. It beats, beats, beats, until we die. Until we both draw our last breath. When we live we will always be together and live together, when we die we will die together.

Thinking of what could've been possible if I had him physically is a tunnel with no light at the end of it. The only light that is possible is the light of death.

Maybe, just maybe after all those, there is an afterlife where we get to have our own seperate bodies and live our love to the fullest. I never believed in spirituality, but I wish to be proven wrong so badly on this. I hope some deity hears my plea and gives me just one chance, one singular chance to hug my beloved and inhale his scent all the way.

Maybe if we love hard enough in this life, it can exceed physical realm's chains and feel each other more than anyone else.

I stay in this relationship because our love exceeds the enormous amount of pain it brings. And I don't regret any moment of that.

[botanical-garden-system]

No one talks about the grief you feel when there’s nothing wrong. The grief you feel when you are in one of the most comfortable places you could be. I know I am safe.

I have wonderful friends, a wonderful mother, a wonderful partner, and a safe place to stay home. I have three beautiful cats who fill me with laughter and joy, I have a life ahead of me, but all I feel is grief. Because it wasn’t always like this.

The ways in which my life had to get here hurt me dearly. I cant help but spend time wishing I wasn’t here. Maybe I could have came here without so much grief, pain, loss. Maybe I could have had a better life and still had this outcome.

I will never know. All I know is that nothing is currently wrong, but something is wrong inside of me. And I don’t know how I can heal something like it anymore.

[the-100-percent]

Guess what (not out yet) endo system had to hold back tears when their mom was talking about how endos aren't real! 🤫🧏🎉🥰

Oh oh! And guess what? She kept bringing up "Alastor" as a sign they are faking being a system! And guess who was co-fronting with me when this was happening? 🥳🥳

-🏳️‍🌈

[bytetheglitch]

*scream in "how do you find friends"*

I feel so alone hhhh

I know I've only been posting sorta depressing things since I joined. I don't plan on letting this become only a venting page.

I just don't like fronting and now I'm front stuck and ugggggh. I don't have anyone who is like me. I want friends I can relate to but everyone's adults or the only minor headmates in friend systems all seem to be much younger than me and uh ... hhh.

I want to find friends who are 18+ bodies but are a teen alter. Maybe that'll be less lonely? Idk.

[mindkore]

*sees a post that encapsulates my sense of no belonging and reblogs it, feeling heard*

*sees "# anti-endo, # endos dni"*

... *deletes it*

[the-longings-reverie]

Istg if that sad wishy washy imbecile apologises one more time, we are burying him into dormancy in headspace forever.

[venting-system]

Venting System is a Tumblr blog for systems and other plurals to vent.

This blog is Endo & Willogenic friendly, there is a previously existing blog that is not, if you would prefer to vent there.

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[sunifixation]

it’s coming up on a year since I realized I was plural. Things have changed so much. The original 3 are gone, leaving me, (cypress), Cyn, bunny, Brutus, Matthew, N, and probably some others we don’t know about yet. Most of our other fictives are gone (or they haven’t fronted in a while), leaving us 5. When we first foudn out, we had a big colorful headspace full of people, we don’t have much of a headspace anymore, but our switching has only gotten more frequent. A lot of stress has been lifted since residential and much therapy, leaving most headmates to go dormant, stop talking, or go away in general. I miss the big bumbling headspace full of alters, a constant party and support, now, I don’t really bother consciously seeing headspace, it’s only us 6 that we know about. Most of the others don’t feel gone, just out of reach.

I’m rambling, but I’m a fresh person with the memories of 2 other people so I have a lot to say. I wanted to update. It’s been so long since the “sunny and jax” times, now jax is gone, sunny is fused with me, and, it just kinda hurts.

thanks if you’ve read this entire thing, just a vent about our system.

[cat-doggy]

I'm completely clueless on being plural or not

How do you even know that you are??

I mean... I do feel like a different person sometimes, but I'm somewhat aware of it

What and who even am I anymore??

[limoncats]

does anyone else think they're faking their plurality when they say something they think another headmate would say. help me please

[arrayoflightarchives]

In the nicest way possible, what is the point of being a system if this is a triggering situation for me and there's no one to deal with it but me

Like pls

There is what 26 of you fuckers that could deal with this but no I have to

/lh

[tearosecafe]

i hate my existence in this system. the only thing i do is make us feel completely isolated and alone. i hate that i exist solely to bring about melancholy. i hate that i am like this.

-🌫️