#plural problems

[sovereignsystem]

People talk about introjects from "problematic" media & how they're valid (which they are) a lot, but I don't see as much love or understanding for introjects of problematic people from "nonproblematic" media.

I don't think people realize how difficult it is existing as one of those introjects. Acknowledging the exception of source-seperation, it's a lot of either self-hatred, or feeling like absolute garbage because there is an endless amount of hate directed toward someone who looks like you, speaks like you, or otherwise feels like you.

Sometimes, even those who swear by "introjects are not their source" seemingly forget their mantra and say heinous things about you. To you.

-🐴 (He/him)

[thedocruby]

Shoutout to my fellow Median and Blurian systems, those brothers and sisters where the lines between alters begin to blur. I know your pain. And I know how hard it is to fight the self-doubt and fakeclaiming that comes with it...

To the Blurians: your lack of amnesia barriers does not disqualify you as a system. And no matter what anyone tells you, amnesia barriers are not origin dependent; you can be traumagenic without amnesia, and you can have amnesia as an endo. Everyone's mind handles plurality differently, and you are allowed to be the system nobody expected.

Blurian systems come with just as many challenges as benefits. I know how you feel; It's not just the privilege of remembering and the ease of communication, its also the burden of confusion and lack of quiet. Not knowing who's memories are whos, struggling to keep straight who likes what, frequent switching, inconsistencies, and constantly blurry front. Ignorance really is bliss, but unfortunately, you don't have such luxuries. And when you try to get some alone time to think, but you have to question which thoughts are even yours... I know your pain, and you are not suffering alone.

We see you. You are real. You are loved.

To the Medians: All the things your headmates have in common do not disqualify you as a system. And no matter what anyone tells you, they do not disqualify you from your origin. There is no requirement that traumagenic or fictive-heavy systems be a random assortment of characters. Nor is there any requirement that endogenic systems have any sort of deliberate order to them. Whether you have a host identity or not, your origin is still valid regardless. Everyone's mind handles plurality differently, and you are allowed to be the system nobody expected.

Median systems come with just as many challenges as benefits. I know how you feel; It's not just the unity and connection with the rest of the system, it's also the confused/unknown front, struggling to find your individual identity, trying to force individuality on yourself just to feel like you're real... Frequent switching can also be a problem here, as the lines between the alters are thinner. Doing things the same way as your headmates, sharing common interests, having the same opinions and emotions... These are all very human things to do, especially with people you hold so close. And still, it becomes so easy to doubt yourself, so hard to find yourself, and in the end they will claim that you are just pretending to suffer through these confusing feelings... I know your pain, and you are not suffering alone.

We see you. You are real. You are loved.

That's all. I hope you have a wonderful day 💖

[bluenightcomedies]

unpleasant plural moment, i guess: i'm nobody? i'm not anybody. i don't have a face, name, or persona to put to myself. i can like... look back into memory, but none of them are me. i'm trying to think and remember who "I" am and coming up blank. i'm not freaking out or anything, but it's really weird and uncomfortable. it's like uh... if someone asked who you were and you realized you can't actually answer that. how does that even work? ...this must be what amnesia feels like. hm. well, it'll/i'll probably pass but might as well leave a record and see if someone's got answers.

[strawberry-graveyard]

it’s so hard when your support/comfort people are in your head. like my headmates are the most important people in the world to me, i’m so glad im here with them, but it’s hard when you need a physical person to help with something. and i don’t know if i trust anyone in real life as much as i trust the ones in my brain.

[www-sys-net]

BEGGING at this point for plural discord servers that aren't fucking dead 😭🙏

[a-bunch-of-rats]

i have a question about something possibly being manipulative/abusive/toxic

our ex (who was the one that helped us come to terms with possibly being plural) used to sometimes ask us "who am i talking to?" in the middle of a conversation. it always felt very anxiety inducing to us and sometimes like they were asking to diminish/negate what we were saying, implying we were triggered and unreliable, etc.

they said it would help them figure out the context of what we were saying. we are autistic so bad at tone , but it felt almost accusatory or in bad faith. we can't tell if our perception of that is true or just a fear response

does this sound like something possibly bad of them to do? or do you think it more likely made us feel unsafe/uncomfortable because we're still struggling with being okay with perceiving ourselves as multiple/struggling with the idea we might be faking, etc ?

[thebitchwitheface]

Im struggling and it doesn't help that someone I thought I could trust is talking about language and terminology I've used to describe my experience with DID/plurality and how those terms and experiences can ONLY be from a Delulu fuckin faker.

REMINDER- THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO BE A SYSTEM! We have devolved into a cesspool of hate toward people who are different from our definition of a system. Ripping them apart for things that any other trauma/mental illness community wouldn't dream of doing. Fake claiming DID/OSDD is not okay and if you believe you are a system it is best to talk to a medical professional. Symptoms and experiences of systems can also be symptoms of other mental illnesses. But even DID experts struggle with the language a lot of systems describe themselves with. Turns out the feeling of driving a car and other people can drive for you or just kick you in the back and keep you from driving the car isn't in the DSM. Diagnosis is a long and complicated process and has its issues, it is a privilege but a requirement to be taken seriously by people.

I have been diagnosed, but I'm not getting treatment. I have a regular therapist who knows and understands my experience. I don't agree with much of the mainline system community. Be yourself, be cringe, even if that is being openly Hatsune Miku about it! Use the language that works for you and don't be ashamed of who you or your fellow alters are. To be plural is to be free. Toxicity to the point of bullying someone in your server you claim is different and safe space for people and proudly talking about it online, fake claims or not, that is never ok.

Remember to keep the littles safe and your switch triggers to yourself. Keep safe and keep well.

[scarlet97531]

Moment of silence for Shikamaru everybody 🙏

he fronted once, got called “girly girl” by our grandparent, and was never seen again.

[herd-of-creatures]

genuinly it doesnt feel like it gets talked about all the time, but a lot of our fictives and introjects struggle with being limited in the body and our brain.

The first example that comes to mind is our hlvrai fictives/the science team, they are the SCIENCE team yet are painfully aware our brain isnt trained to do what they normally could. We cant just hop into collage and study for advanced science courses, we are too disabled and have already come to terms with the fact more schooling isnt for us, they cant just read pages and pages of scientific studies cause it melts our brain, and i think you get the picture (hopefully).

This of course can apply to any sort of headmate, but specifically having skills that are plausible for real human bodies to achieve, but the obstacles the system faces are just too large to overcome at the moment. Its almost there we just, cant do it, and it hurts.

[damidomien]

I’m in kind of a weird position as an alter in a system. I don’t think we’d ever date outside of the system, maybe MAYBE if they were also a system we would, but that’s a big maybe. Because there’s relationships within the system, and not everyone is poly. So while some of us would be fine with having an out of system relationship as well as an inner one, there’s others who’d just straight up refuse. Not to mention the insane amount of fear and trust issues that come with being a system. I so desperately want someone outside the system, in the physical world I can love (and fuck relentlessly), but I just don’t think it’d be possible. It’s hard enough to find other queers in our middle of nowhere ass city, let alone ones who are understanding of our several conditions.

So we’d have to find someone who is a) queer and willing to date a trans body b) understanding of plurality c) willing to date several people all stuck in the same body d) be aware some of those people in the body won’t consider them a romantic partner and be ok with that. That’s a big ask for someone who isn’t also queer and plural and understands on that deep level of relating to each other. Again in our middle of nowhere ass city?

I personally would like a relationship outside of the system as well as inside of the system (I’ve slept around in the headspace but shhh, we’re talking long term here). But I know the chances are slim to none. And at the end of the day, it’s probably best for the system we don’t have a collective romantic partner. It just makes me feel extra lonely sometimes, having no one to kiss when I’m in the front.

[sovereignsystem]

Watch media > split > goddamn it

Repeat

[awellboiledicicle]

The only reason having an astarion headmate hasn't resulted in me drawing him constantly is his hair.

Do you know how bad it feels to not only know that you're bad at drawing curls, but to have a running background commentary about how he doesn't look like that?

Like he's not a dick about it too often, but its v hard to do when your brain is bad at anything not v v simple or made of swirly lines

Not helping is that he can't draw for shit either. So we just sit there like "well"

[bluenightcomedies]

plural problem of the day:

having decision paralysis cuz multiple alters want something different and we keep arguing about which we should do orz

[strawberry-graveyard]

deeply uncomfortable when you post lovemail for your in sys partner but your in sys partner is also a fictive and you used their source name so now your friends respond like “omgs same!!” thinking you’re talking about the character and not your beloved inside your brain

[dissociating-brain]

Having DID is never knowing if a headmate is moving your hand or if you just have random, uncontrollable twitching going on

[biohazardousvoidwithfangs]

i often forget about possibly being plural until I’m reminded of the fact that most people don’t in fact have separate enough aspects/facets of themselves that have their own name and individual appearance 🙃 I don’t know if “I” am the sum of all the parts, or if “I” am another facet. is all blurry and muddled. I don’t really know who “I” am. and this all makes it worse. I’m sure being schizoid doesn’t help either. or maybe being schizoid caused this. hmm

Like I often don’t feel like “myself” but I think that particular concept of self is mostly centered on how this body presents itself. Like I’m definitely aromantic and look masculine, I am male, I assumed to be a man by most people. But there’s a facet of me that is a hopeless romantic and very sapphic and I have no idea what to do about it bc it’s so radically opposite to how I am most of the time. Can I be a man and not a man at the exact same time? fully both? (is that what being multi gender is) It’s so complicated and I wish it was simple.

But compartmentalizing my sense of self gives me- the hopeless romantic sapphic, the greaser flirt rat-boy, the eldritch abomination with an ever shifting form, literally just a cat, and something that lurks back in the depths of my subconscious that I can’t put a finger on at all except for calling them vaguely elven. It’s so contradictory because no one “fronts” it’s just like I am a prism that is being rotated and occasionally it reflects a different color of the spectrum than before. Which is the actual me or am I the sum of all my parts? are these pieces the real me or the fake me? is real and fake just a construct? Making a space to express these pieces more just feels like role playing. Anything that isn’t void and nothingness feels like play acting. And I don’t know if that’s bc they are fake things I made up or if that’s because my real sense of self is so locked away protected from harm in a tower.