#or even worse not missing each other
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i can't come up with headcanons for siffrin's parents bc it would make me too sad- shit i just realized i basically have to for my settling down fic. screaming, crying, pounding on the ground, rain pouring down my face, etc
#if i'm gonna have them instinctually remembering some bits of their childhood i do gotta come up w the childhood#at least a little bit#😭#tbh i do just imagine that the island people are gone entirely rather than a simple barrier of forgetting around it#even though that's theoretically more tragic#it just makes me less sad personally#ijust cant imagine sif's family missing/forgetting them it's too sad :(#for them to all still be THERE just incidentally divided#all desperately missing each other not in so many words but in the heavy weight of absence#or even worse not missing each other#I CANT DO IT i'm too parentpilled 😭😭#I AM NOT LOOKING!!!#i can deal with the hole ok i don't want to know what used to fill it#silverstarschat#isat spoilers#isat#WHOOPS.. forgot those at first;#thoughts#thoughts about siffrin
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I'll never not find it funny that Jellystone's Doggie Daddy of all characters is a better father and person in general than Stolas.
#jellystone#jellystone!#Doggie Daddy#anti stolas#stolas critical#anti helluva boss#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critical#anti vivziepop#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#I mean last time I checked Doggie Daddy never neglected his daughter so he could go sexually harass the guy she views as ruining the family#And he sure as hell worries for his daughter if she goes missing if Grocery Store is any indication#Granted he's not necessarily a GOOD parent or person#In fact it's pretty obvious that Doggie Daddy is a textbook helicopter parent that doesn't let Augie have any individuality#and they are weirdly codependent with each other#which makes it even sadder that the “love interest” in a show for adults that's supposed to handle mature topics is worse
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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why do jgy/xiyao haters think that xiyao only knew each other for like a couple of years, rather than like….. at least 15.
did they even read the novel??? are they not aware there’s a 13 year time skip???
#worse still#all adaptions have the time skip#infact cql has even longer time skip#so ngl it’s a bit beyond me how anyone can miss the fact that#xiyao have known each other for 13+ years#which imo#is a pretty long time to be friends with someone#especially since they were young when they met#jin guangyao#xiyao#oops this a rant isn’t it
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.
oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making
#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at#act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way!#act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything#act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending'#but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen#but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive#but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know?#my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good#and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage...#i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me#perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic#i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end#so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au!#i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works!#i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise#sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc.#but anyway! anyway....#i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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SHUT THE FUCK UP MUSIC PLEASE. I DO NOT NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT. PLEASE. NOT RIGHT NOW
#cat's rambles#neptune is complaining again#hey chat did she use me. she said she was planning to. but im not sure if she did#and we were equally bad for each other anyway so i shouldnt be too affected by this right.#i knew she was planning on using me i knew she would because i knew she was that type of person#well not at the start i dont think . i loved her at the start and maybe that was fucked of me idk#i do tend to like people who are bad for me (which i havent done in a while hip hip hooray)#but augh . was i using her. i mightve been i dont remember that time well#sighh i hate her i miss her i hate her i miss her i hate her i miss her i hate her i miss her#every time she texts me my heart shatters btw.#every time she texts me i respond as fast as i can because im still letting myself be at her every beck n call#chat i miss her so much i miss what we had. chat i hate her though i hate what we were#chat i miss her chat i dnt even care if she got worse. chat i dont care#id prefer her being worse than her being better because i want her to be bad for me so i can be bad for her#wow thats . a lil fucked up anyways#if you read all of this have a cookie ig
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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Must we pit two bad bitches against each other?? [og post]
#im a trapper girlie myself and I have participated in anti BJ rhetoric HOWEVAH!!#im tired of seeing so many bj vs trapper posts in the main tag#character wars ?? in MY anti-war show????#every time i see a post even insinuating that one of them is worse than the other i imagine them sucking each other off so ¯\_(ツ)_/#i feel like it's gotten worse recently but that could just be my imagination.. theres definitely a few blogs that keep vaguing at each othe#IN THE MAIN TAG#honestly this was more of a vent post than anything so im not tagging it but you can do what you want with it dear reader <33#ive lost the fighting spirit in my old age (<- guy who's only one year older than when he first started watching the show)#prefer whichever character you want but must there still be arguments? idk man#for love and peace and that stupid gay 50 year old sitcom 🤞#i do hope you all take me out back and shoot me tho. gay sex style you know how it is#ANYWAYS happy oliver sunday to the TRUE superior swamp rat 🫡🫡#miss you every day babygirl id have loved to see what the show wouldve been like if theyd kept you 👊😔
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what pisses me off is that we had azshara and sylvanas TEAM UP (super briefly in bfa) and they did NOTHING with that? im done
#cuntiest collab of the century#it makes absolutely zero sense morally#they'd literally HATE each other and what they stand for??#but it happened anyway....#and they didn't even serve with it.#wait they should have been gay#WAAIT#tyrande/azshara is OUT we have something way worse.#off topic note i miss xal'atath i hope she's doing so well#warcraft#queen azshara#sylvanas windrunner
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How do people even get rejected by Astarion because I have no idea- in each playthrough I have now he's the first to ask my Dark Urge out 😭😭 even on good alignment and even having him constantly disapprove (still having good - very good - perfect relationship though depending on save)...
#for some reason everyone at the camp are always thirsting over my dark urge. in each save. in each fucking playthrough#and what pains me is that now I have astarion brainrot and can't romance anyone but just HIM because he's now everything to me#and he fucking wants it too. 😭😭 dying over it because I planned on having different romantic interests but I guess now I just can't#I can't reject him!! I can't reject him. and I will never fucking break up with him even him ascended he's still my everything#and we're in this together. until the fucking end no matter what happens. as I've said him and dark urge will have each other in the end#no matter which path they take. no matter if he's ascended no matter if he's not no matter if dark urge is chosen or free of bhaal#they're in this together. either aeterna amantes or not#bg3 spoilers#I really just don't understand what you need to do to get rejected by him 😭😭 other than disrespect him of course but what a monster you#need to be to do this...#well maybe the worse thing is missing on long rests hm..#the amount of camp events I accidentally missed in my first playthrough because of that. maybe that?..
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benjulie's relationship from julie's pov me thinks
#i dont get how the fandom isnt tired of trying to blame their fallout in one or the other yet#like objetively speaking their relationship is a little tragic cause ben's hero life is the biggest reason for their breakup#but like that isnt even ben or julie's fault#oh “ben was a bad boyfriend” oh “julie wanted all of ben's attention”#how about oh these poor teenagers how in the hell are they gonna make that work#even adults would struggle to make that sort of thing work#they never stood a chance#dont get me wrong even without the omnitrix im sure they would have broken up#just not as messily#i just feel for the two of them :/#even if we took ben's super hero life out of the picture they would have struggled to work things out#like all teenagers do!!!#like how tf is ben supposed to be a multitasking king at age fifteen and julie supossed to not miss hanging out with her bf!!!#everyone focuses too much on the literal stuff like the tennis match and ben in duped#but like what julie was essentially asking for was just quality time and validation from her bf!#and ben was essentially trying to please everyone while sparing them from his inner struggles !!!#like honestly i kinda like benjulie in the basis that both ben's and julie's faults in their relationship are kinda realistic for their age#ik those faults come from poor/uncaring writing but honestly i remember highschool couples being way worse than benjulie#sigh anyways#i just wished people would stop assuming bens an asshole and julie a self centered and self serving girl#over their LESS THAN A YEAR OLD relationship in highschool#like shit they are gonna grow out of their bad behaviour i promise you#as for the cheating#honestly they are even in my eyes LOL#they both accidentally and unknowingly cheated on each other#yet again because of their terrible communication#ben 10#ben 10 omniverse#ben 10 alien force#ben 10 ultimate alien
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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that strange new worlds had the episode premise of having Spock temporarily turned fully human and then managed to miss in every aspect of his characterization and how that would affect his relationship with the rest of the crew is truly amazing
#Somehow worse than fanfiction the wasted potential alone#I do appreciate how insane they make amanda and that is the only reason I'm making an effort of watching this awful awful episode#But the way it makes me want to pull up a word document and just rewrite the entire thing#Why does no one in the crew actually like Spock#That they choose to go ooh he's like an hormonal teenager because he is experiencing emotions for the first time in his life ?? What????#Amanda's I'm going to teach you about your human side being strictly about lying to his future in laws#when she had the same conversation with Michael and gave her a through the looking glass book instead#She and sarek really are doubling up into making the most insane children in the galaxy psychology majors across the enterprise must dream#Of studying those two as a couple#Like what are you on ??? I love you queen you deserve the world#I feel like each new kid they got they decided to go a completely different route for the bit sarek got dibs on Michael so Amanda was like#I'll handle spock's whole personality by making him think that everything outside of the Vulcan norms is a human trait so I can get away#With commiting high treason and just pass it as a quirky human thing#They missed such a huge opportunity with both just have Spock continue acting the exact same but being perceived differently just on accou#Of no longer being othered by the crew#and also of just having him go Vulcans don't lie to Amanda's bit and both of them knowing that is an inside joke to their family#I don't even go into this show I just saw that Amanda showed up for this episode and I wanted to check and boy do I regret it
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red vs blue restoration blew such huge chunks im actually mad. like completely enraged. and i wouldnt have it any other way. rest in peace you son of a bitch
#like under the conditions it was made. i can understand why it is the way it is.#but i would genuinely be hard pressed to imagine a way it couldve been worse.#they brought tex back. which is like the number one thing they should have never done under any circumstance. leave the poor woman ALONEEEE#wash had absolutely nothing to do except act like an idiot for no reason and Be Crazy. leave him alone too#carolina showed up just to immediately get her shit kicked in. she doesnt even say a single word to tex so what was the point#and i fucking love tucker so im biased but WHAT!!!!! HOW DO YOU DECIDE TO DO META TUCKER AND FUMBLE HIM THAT HARD!!!!#tucker doesnt get a single line reflecting on Literally Being Tortured for (from his perspective) TEN YEARS????#not a single genuine emotional moment for him???? just gets up and says ''oww that sucked. bow chicka bow wow haha am i right fellas''#the blues got shafted so fucking hard. they barely interact with each other. they get no resolution at all.#wash and tucker didnt even talk. i dont think they were ever even in the same frame. if you wanted me to kill myself you couldve just said#also i havent watched s15-17 since they released and i didnt bother with rvb0 but when did doc die. huh#carolina said something about ''what happened on chorus'' and HUH? did i just miss that completely. what the fuck#also where is donut. he wasnt even in this. im assuming something happened to him that i just dont remember during/after s18 but i miss him#sorry for being so mean lmfao i dont usually like complaining so much but man...........#they didnt even make grimmons canon. smh my head#anyway rvb ended after s13 ❤️ yayyy
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