#or even worse not missing each other
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i can't come up with headcanons for siffrin's parents bc it would make me too sad- shit i just realized i basically have to for my settling down fic. screaming, crying, pounding on the ground, rain pouring down my face, etc
#if i'm gonna have them instinctually remembering some bits of their childhood i do gotta come up w the childhood#at least a little bit#😭#tbh i do just imagine that the island people are gone entirely rather than a simple barrier of forgetting around it#even though that's theoretically more tragic#it just makes me less sad personally#ijust cant imagine sif's family missing/forgetting them it's too sad :(#for them to all still be THERE just incidentally divided#all desperately missing each other not in so many words but in the heavy weight of absence#or even worse not missing each other#I CANT DO IT i'm too parentpilled 😭😭#I AM NOT LOOKING!!!#i can deal with the hole ok i don't want to know what used to fill it#silverstarschat#isat spoilers#isat#WHOOPS.. forgot those at first;#thoughts#thoughts about siffrin
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I'll never not find it funny that Jellystone's Doggie Daddy of all characters is a better father and person in general than Stolas.
#jellystone#jellystone!#Doggie Daddy#anti stolas#stolas critical#anti helluva boss#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critical#anti vivziepop#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#I mean last time I checked Doggie Daddy never neglected his daughter so he could go sexually harass the guy she views as ruining the family#And he sure as hell worries for his daughter if she goes missing if Grocery Store is any indication#Granted he's not necessarily a GOOD parent or person#In fact it's pretty obvious that Doggie Daddy is a textbook helicopter parent that doesn't let Augie have any individuality#and they are weirdly codependent with each other#which makes it even sadder that the “love interest” in a show for adults that's supposed to handle mature topics is worse
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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why do jgy/xiyao haters think that xiyao only knew each other for like a couple of years, rather than like….. at least 15.
did they even read the novel??? are they not aware there’s a 13 year time skip???
#worse still#all adaptions have the time skip#infact cql has even longer time skip#so ngl it’s a bit beyond me how anyone can miss the fact that#xiyao have known each other for 13+ years#which imo#is a pretty long time to be friends with someone#especially since they were young when they met#jin guangyao#xiyao#oops this a rant isn’t it
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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#is it normal that everyone feels sad and lonely most of the time#i cant imagine it being anything else#even when im surrounded by people or at events i feel disconnected#and is everyone just faking it or do they really love making plans going out#idk why im so nonfunctional it feels like whether or not i start feeling bad when i go out is 50/50#and i tried to join as many things as possible in my earlier years of college but i think it only succeeded in distracting me#and making me tired and sleep deprived and i felt like i was too shallowly involved in each thing bc i was spread too thin#but now ive quit almost everything and im just sad. i get jealous when people have plans and when they have friends. when they just go out#its just so tiring and all i ever want to do is lay in bed. but if i stay in bed i feel sad and guilty about missing out and wasting my life#everything stresses me out so easily. i cant play games bc i get anxious. ordering drinks in front of others makes me anxious. anything new#and i fear my anxiety gotten worse this year for just zero reason#im so tired im never getting better. next year my bf is travelling for over a month and im stuck in classes and busy and job hunting#and about to graduate#and i just know im going to be so lonely and so stressed and so depressed#it just kind of feels like i’ve tried so hard for years to be happier and cope with things healthier but i haven’t gotten anywhere.#perhaps im even worse now because i don’t even draw or consume any media anymore. i just barely work (and struggle the whole time) and sleep#my rambles
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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Must we pit two bad bitches against each other?? [og post]
#im a trapper girlie myself and I have participated in anti BJ rhetoric HOWEVAH!!#im tired of seeing so many bj vs trapper posts in the main tag#character wars ?? in MY anti-war show????#every time i see a post even insinuating that one of them is worse than the other i imagine them sucking each other off so ¯\_(ツ)_/#i feel like it's gotten worse recently but that could just be my imagination.. theres definitely a few blogs that keep vaguing at each othe#IN THE MAIN TAG#honestly this was more of a vent post than anything so im not tagging it but you can do what you want with it dear reader <33#ive lost the fighting spirit in my old age (<- guy who's only one year older than when he first started watching the show)#prefer whichever character you want but must there still be arguments? idk man#for love and peace and that stupid gay 50 year old sitcom 🤞#i do hope you all take me out back and shoot me tho. gay sex style you know how it is#ANYWAYS happy oliver sunday to the TRUE superior swamp rat 🫡🫡#miss you every day babygirl id have loved to see what the show wouldve been like if theyd kept you 👊😔
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what pisses me off is that we had azshara and sylvanas TEAM UP (super briefly in bfa) and they did NOTHING with that? im done
#cuntiest collab of the century#it makes absolutely zero sense morally#they'd literally HATE each other and what they stand for??#but it happened anyway....#and they didn't even serve with it.#wait they should have been gay#WAAIT#tyrande/azshara is OUT we have something way worse.#off topic note i miss xal'atath i hope she's doing so well#warcraft#queen azshara#sylvanas windrunner
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How do people even get rejected by Astarion because I have no idea- in each playthrough I have now he's the first to ask my Dark Urge out 😭😭 even on good alignment and even having him constantly disapprove (still having good - very good - perfect relationship though depending on save)...
#for some reason everyone at the camp are always thirsting over my dark urge. in each save. in each fucking playthrough#and what pains me is that now I have astarion brainrot and can't romance anyone but just HIM because he's now everything to me#and he fucking wants it too. 😭😭 dying over it because I planned on having different romantic interests but I guess now I just can't#I can't reject him!! I can't reject him. and I will never fucking break up with him even him ascended he's still my everything#and we're in this together. until the fucking end no matter what happens. as I've said him and dark urge will have each other in the end#no matter which path they take. no matter if he's ascended no matter if he's not no matter if dark urge is chosen or free of bhaal#they're in this together. either aeterna amantes or not#bg3 spoilers#I really just don't understand what you need to do to get rejected by him 😭😭 other than disrespect him of course but what a monster you#need to be to do this...#well maybe the worse thing is missing on long rests hm..#the amount of camp events I accidentally missed in my first playthrough because of that. maybe that?..
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benjulie's relationship from julie's pov me thinks
#i dont get how the fandom isnt tired of trying to blame their fallout in one or the other yet#like objetively speaking their relationship is a little tragic cause ben's hero life is the biggest reason for their breakup#but like that isnt even ben or julie's fault#oh “ben was a bad boyfriend” oh “julie wanted all of ben's attention”#how about oh these poor teenagers how in the hell are they gonna make that work#even adults would struggle to make that sort of thing work#they never stood a chance#dont get me wrong even without the omnitrix im sure they would have broken up#just not as messily#i just feel for the two of them :/#even if we took ben's super hero life out of the picture they would have struggled to work things out#like all teenagers do!!!#like how tf is ben supposed to be a multitasking king at age fifteen and julie supossed to not miss hanging out with her bf!!!#everyone focuses too much on the literal stuff like the tennis match and ben in duped#but like what julie was essentially asking for was just quality time and validation from her bf!#and ben was essentially trying to please everyone while sparing them from his inner struggles !!!#like honestly i kinda like benjulie in the basis that both ben's and julie's faults in their relationship are kinda realistic for their age#ik those faults come from poor/uncaring writing but honestly i remember highschool couples being way worse than benjulie#sigh anyways#i just wished people would stop assuming bens an asshole and julie a self centered and self serving girl#over their LESS THAN A YEAR OLD relationship in highschool#like shit they are gonna grow out of their bad behaviour i promise you#as for the cheating#honestly they are even in my eyes LOL#they both accidentally and unknowingly cheated on each other#yet again because of their terrible communication#ben 10#ben 10 omniverse#ben 10 alien force#ben 10 ultimate alien
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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It’s ok, we always work things out in the end (lying)
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#furry#furry art#furry oc#found a song that reminded me of them so here they are say hi#closeted teenager and painfully out of the closet teenager both pining for each other but also sorta hate each other#and by that I mean apple is taking out Al of his internalized homophobia and transphobia on melody and melody desperately doesn’t want to#lose apple since he’s been her only real friend for most of her life#it’s just them both going ‘I can fix him’ and both of them failimg horrifically#after a while they do sorta try to talk things out but it doesn’t rly help that much#it mostly just leads to them becoming more distant and after melody started dating crust applebounce only grew more distant and bitter#his hashtag issues and incredible lonliness left him incredibly vulnerable and that ended up being taken advantage of by cake#melody rly wanted to reach back out to apple but also didn’t want to make things worse#they were absolutely devastated when applebounce went missing and even to this day they regret not reaching out deeply#anyways yeah these guys make me feel a bit crazy lol
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I think the universe just hates me personally (can't find my scooby doo comics)
#WHERE ARE THEY#i own like 5 individual issues split between SD WAY and SD & batman adventures and i cant find like 4 of them#this is important bc i just got this new app where you track which comics youve read and i need to be accurate bc yay lists and just aaaggh#also sidenote i think ive found my soulmate this one person leaves a review on each and every WAY comic and they EVEN AGREE WITH ME#literally they said they hated over the boardwalk and i was literally like 'i think im in love'#also i know you guys almost certainly dont know what that is. i have an insanely unporportional hatred of that story especially compared to#its relevancy to scooby comics much less scooby doo as a whole#however i hate it so fucking much its unreal. like pure rage. its worse than scooby apocalypse to me <<<<absolutely nonsensical opinion#anyways feel free to ask me about it (i dare you. i dare you to do it) because i WILL fume with rage and i think that must be heard#but i will not go into a scooby comics rant unprompted. because before i subject you to that i need to know that at least 1 person is#remotely interested lol#also to properly form my rant id have to make myself read over the boardwalk again 🤢🤢🤢 <<<again nonsensical response#and i wont do that for me but id do it for any of you in an instant#ANYWAYS WHERE ARE MY COMICS. LITERALLY ONLY MY SCOOBY ONES (minus one sd & batman issue) ARE MISSING#my far sector tpb? got it! the historical civil war comic i think my grandfather gave me in 5th grade? have that! the scooby doo comics?#gone. vanished from this plane of existence#actually i do know where they are. i have too many books to fit in my bookcase so theres a huge stack that takes up like part of a wall of#books and notebooks and folders and old school binders and other junk#................#goddamn it im going to go through that aren't i#this is gonna be a total mess dear lord#if i die know that i got crushed by a huge tower of books btw#anyways now time to go thru a bunch of trouble to track down like 3 single issues i KNOW i own#blah
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welp
#lmaooo#jill is in aubree's campaign which justin DMs#but she also plays limerick! so we were like OH HEY okay we should talk more about what felix and limerick know about each other#n how long they've known each other and how they met and soforth#and anyway we ended up roleplaying out a couple scenes because of course we did#IT IS... ACTUALLY VERY WEIRD TO ROLEPLAY A GUY WHO DOESN'T WANNA TALK ABOUT HIMSELF LMAO#my own terror of one-on-one conversations heightened by a guy who is EVEN WORSE than I am at carrying his half lmao#but also where like limerick would say a thing and I jay would be like ☝️😃 relevant felix information!!#and felix is like hi hey I don't like talking about myself remember#oops. fuck. but *I* like talking about my blorbos :C#ANYWAY that was fun but I AM sad to have missed the traditional post campaign debrief with my boy :')#we always talk after playing dnd AND this session was REAL INTERESTING we'll have to debrief tomorrow 👀#about me#husband#irl frens#my ocs#felix
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