#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time
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Not on the carpet! | The Salesman x Wife!Reader |
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Notes: Different from the other ones. Reader knows what his husband does for work.
Summary: Your dear Husband comes home with blood and all you want is it to not touch the dam carpet!!
Warnings: Blood - Canon Violence - Suggestive -
The Salesman knows he is not looking his best right now. Not after having to kill some people who were getting too close to the truth of the games.
And he knows what his dear wife will say once he opens the door. Instead of a warm smile a look of panic will be there. Not for him.
"Dont let that blood fall on the carpet!" You tell him in a stern tone coming to greet him when you did hear the door open but stopped after seeing the blood on him.
"Hello my Love. I hope your day went better than mine" He says pulling off his suit jacket but not moving from the entrance.
Last time he did get blood on the carpet not only was he forced to clean it himself. He was banned to the guest room (no problem the bed its comfortable). But his lovely wife banned him of sex. For a week. And she did nothing but keep temting him all week. Wearing pajama shorts that barely covered her ass and let him see her legs. Light colored shirts that let him see her tits and nippels.
Oh, how he wanted to just throw you over the table and fuck you nice and rough. Make you forget your name and only know his. He wanted you to regret it.
But he had to demostrate he did have some self control. So on the last night exaclty when the clock did hit the final time he was on you like a dog in heat. Pulling you over his lap, touching all the exposed skin and leaving bruises behind.
And while that sex was amazing. He would prefer to not be on another week without sex.
"Here" You did appear again giving him a big plastic bowl so he could put his dirty clothes in. "I will wash it later. I can only imagine how much of a pain its going to be" Your face did show the small anger towards it.
"Sorry Love. But the blood of these worms seems to be as dirty as them" He responded removing his tie too.
"You are not injured, right?" You asked seeing some blood on his cheeck but he just dismisses your question with a move of his hand. "Good. Let me get you some cotton and water then"
"Im finally allowed inside my home?" He half joked as he saw you go then do a stop and look back at him. "It did not get on my shirt I promise"
He remembers that one time when it did get on his shirt. He had to sat for then minutes of you scolding him.
"...Then come. But you know what will happen if I see a single blood drop!"
The Saledman groaned following you into the big bathroom taking a seat on the toilet. "Not sex ban again my Love" He begged pulling you close so he could get his face against your stomach "Jerking off to pictures of you or videos of us its never enough. I need the real thing" To add his point he gives your ass a firm grip.
You try to ignore him as you get some water and cotton to clean off the blood from his face.
"Dont be a baby" Its your response as you slowly clean his handsome face. Glad to see that there are not injuries but just dry blood as he said. "And you did make up for it when the week ended" You added the memory still fresh on your mind.
"I came so fast" He says his eyes never leaving you. Him falling for you soft touch. "I was inside you and then I just filled you up so fast" he sounded so dissapointed with himself.
"You did. But it was a lot. I believe we should let your balls get as much cum as they can so you can fill me up really nice"
The Salesman let out a small sound between a laught and a groan. "Dont make me pull you against that wall...I still need to shower so you dont get the smell of these men"
You smiled at his possessive nature giving him a kiss on the head once you were done cleaning him.
"And I havent finish making your favorite food. So looks like we both will have to attend diferent things before I can greet you properly"
"You are my favorite food. You always taste so divine. I wish I could be between your legs all day. Making you cum over and over again. Getting all of hit on my face and chin. I will lick it up so good. You would be crying from how much stimulation you are getting. But I know you would not care about it. You would let me keep going, because you love me. And you love what I do to you"
You blushed hard under his gaze and his smirk. He was not wrong. And that scene did happen once. You were so wasted after it...you could barely walk let alone think straight. You were like a doll and he loved it. He loved being the cause of your pleasure.
"Yeah well. Maybe later" one look from him made you crumble. There was not a "maybe" it was a "defenetly" and part of you believed he would not wait till you ended dinner.
"Its a promise my Love" He said kissing your hand and wrist. He closed his eyes as he smelled your skin. Oh how he loved it. It was just...you and it was all he needed. "Go and try finishing that dinner for me. But...maybe I will skip it and go for the special plate of the house"
You let out a small smile your face burning. "Go on, get on that shower first" You said leaving him to be "I will bring you a new set of fresh clothes"
"Thanks Love" Your Husband responded removing his shirt in order to get inside the shower, his mind already thinking on the idea of having you for himself once he removes the smell of these worms from himself.
And, oh how much he is going to enjoy every second of it.
#squid game imagines#squid game x y/n#squid game x reader#the salesman x reader#the Salesman#the recruiter x reader
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takin’ what’s not yours (ford x reader x stan)
chapter 2 | chapter 1
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someone please whack me with a rolled-up newspaper like a misbehaving dog so i actually finish my fics on time. also i think this chapter is mega boring but i have no more brain cells to fix it because im very tired
also, my head hurts too much to go through and italicize every single flashback because tumblr refuses to let me grab the whole text at once, only tiny little paragraphs at a time, so yeah, for this chapter (and all future ones), all flashbacks are mixed in with the main story, usually separated by "***"
tags for this chapter: death mention (i mean a dog’s death, and this is a little self-indulgent, but i just wanted to write it exactly like that), gore (not so much), panic attacks, child abuse, alcohol, flashbacks, unreliable narrator
Stanley, who has never met a terrible situation he couldn’t defuse with a joke, lets out a breath. “hey, bro, you planning on hunting something tonight or just ready to, i dunno, take out some deer in the backyard ”
Ford blinks once, but doesn’t lower the crossbow. “Already did,” he answers calm as you please. “for an experiment.”
You and Stanley go silent at the same time. The crackling of the old lightbulb above you fills the space where words should be. Somewhere outside, a tree branch scrapes against the roof, snapping you out of trance.
“. . . What,” you say finally, because someone has to.
“I needed to analyze the cellular structure post-mortem, it’s relevant to my research.”
Stan lets out a laugh, which sounds a little too loud in that awkward silence. “Oh, sure. Yeah. Right. Because that makes total sense, totally normal thing to do. Real brother-of-the-year shit.”
“Science isn’t about sentimentality, Stanley. Besides, it was already injured when i found it. I only expedited the process.”
Expedited the process. Jesus Christ.
You glance at Stanley, who is staring at Ford with such confused face, seeing something he doesn’t recognize , doesn’t have name for, which is funny, because you’re pretty sure he’s seen a lot of versions of Ford by now. Except this this one, who’s holding conversations with himself in his own head, this one with the dark circles and the too-quick explanations.
However, you were Ford’s assistant, his best friend too, so you know how his brain works, although even right now you can’t find explanation for. . . whatever this is.
You take a careful step forward. “Ford, why do you need dead animals for your research?”
“That’s complicated.”
“Try me.”
He exhales through his nose, apparently annoyed. “ Certain anomalies leave biological imprints even after death and I hypothesise that these imprints could be harnessed. Imagine, for example, an organism imbued with interdimensional properties—“
“Okay, okay, no. Stop.” Stan holds up both hands. “literally no idea what you just said, but it sounded fucked up. Also, you're still pointing that thing at us, genius, mind putting it down before i start thinking you’re planning on adding people to your little science fair project?”
Ford blinks again, then looks at his own hands as if he just now realized what he was holding. Carefully, he sets the crossbow aside.
“It’s not like that,” he mutters, pushing his glasses up, looking away.
“Great,” his twin says. “good talk. Totally reassuring.”
There’s another silence, because Ford doesn't answer that. You dont know what to say too. And the shack gets colder with every minute. Ford’s back is turned now, and you don’t know if he’s done talking or if he just doesn’t care if you’re still standing here.
You glance at Stanley again, silently telling him to say something, to do something, that's his own brother after all, damn it! But he ignores your request and folds his arms over his chest. What a moron. . . And because you hate this kind of silence, you try again. “Ford,” but much softer this time. “seriously, are you okay?”
Ford doesn't answer right away and that's the part that worries you the most. “It’s not as morbid as you’re making it sound. I needed to study the decomposition process in controlled conditions. It’s for science.”
Which is possibly the worst possible answer he could have given.
Stan scoffs, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, nervous, but trying to hide it. “Yeah, that clears it right up. Real normal hobby you got there, Poindexter.”
Stanford just ignores that.
Then, out of nowhere, as if to shake the whole tension, Stan shivers, “Oh man. Do we have any tea or something? I’m freezing.” he says it offhand obviously, but it’s the perfect excuse for you.
So you seize it immediately. “Yeah , i’ll— i’ll go make some,” you say, already turning toward the kitchen.
Ford barely acknowledges you leaving, but Stan does. You notice the way his brown eyes flick toward you, the silent thanks he tells you. You both need a second to breathe.
The kitchen is cold when you light the stove, set the kettle on, press your hands to the counter and think. Ford is weird, you knew that, but this is different. The last time you saw him, he wasn’t like this, his skin wasn’t so pale, his eyes weren’t so dark.
He was paranoid. . . Maybe, okay, he sure was, but there used to be some kind of. . . purpose, excitement behind that paranoia. Now, it just looks like wild fear.
A deep, sinking feeling twists in your gut.
Meanwhile, in the other room, Stan’s stomach growls and the sound is too loud, making Ford glance at him. “You should eat something.”
Stan rolls his eyes. “thanks for the life advice, doctor sixer.”
“It’s just an observation.”
“Yeah? Well, what are you, taking a role of an older brother now?” Stan mutters, leaning back in his chair.
Ford doesn't answer, just stares, not knowing what to say to that. In the kitchen, the kettle starts to whistle as you shake yourself out of your thoughts. Pulling out some old mugs andgrabbing the first container of tea you can find, you turn your head to the cookies are on the counter and without even thinking about it, just grab a handful and pile them onto a plate.
When you walk back in, Stan’s sitting stiffly, arms crossed, visibly uncomfortable, while Ford is in exactly the same position as before, hasn’t moved an inch.
You set the tray down with a little too much force. “Ford, i hope you don’t mind i stole your cookies to feed your brother.”
But he barely reacts. Stan, though, eyes the plate, two seconds away from breaking down in gratitude.
“You are actually a lifesaver,” he says, grabbing one immediately.
You pass Ford his tea, but he doesn’t drink right away. Stan, on the other hand, takes a sip, exhales long and slow. “ God , finally, something warm.”
The moment almost feels normal until Ford lifts his mug, opens his mouth and spills the entire thing down his front . You freeze , feeling the cookie stuck in your throat . Just. All of it. No attempt to sip or at least to adjust , looks like a full-body failure of basic motor skills.
The room goes dead silent as Stanley and you stare again.
Ford doesn’t react, just sits there, drenched in tea, holding the empty mug like nothing happened.
“. . . Bro,” Stan says finally. “what the fuck was that.”
You’re gripping your own mug tightly, nervous. “Ford?”
Ford blinks, looking down at his soaked clothes, he slowly touches the fabric, not understanding what went wrong. “I guess I miscalculated.”
Stan throws his hands in the air. “Miscalculated? Miscalculated what, basic human function?”
Ignoring his twin again, Stanford doesn’t answer, still staring at the tea, clenching his fingers. You bite your lip. yeah. Something is wrong. Something’s really, really wrong.
Stan makes a strangled, baffled noise, shoving a hand through his hair, trying to process what he just saw. “Sweet Moses, Sixer, you just malfunctioned. You just— what the hell was that? You need a reboot? A software update?”
Ford, to his credit, keeps his fa c e expression calm as possible. Only brushes a hand over his soaked clothes with a blank face. “It’s nothing, Stanley, a minor lapse in coordination.”
“A minor lapse?” Stan repeats, looking to you for backup. “ Are you one year old?”
You want to laugh, because this is fucking ridiculous because Stan is damn right, but the feeling that’s been pooling in your stomach since you stepped foot back in the shack only deepens.
Ford isn’t acting normal. Not weird normal. Not his usual ‘I’m smarter than everyone and i know it’ normal.
“Ford,” you say quietly. “are you sure you’re okay? This is getting weird.”
Stanford turns to you like he just now remembered you were here and the second your eyes meet, you immediately want to look away as if your body is trying to tell you something your brain hasn’t caught up with yet. Get out .
“Of course i am, why wouldn’t i be?” you're not sure if you imagined it, but the intonation sounds rather sarcastic.
You don’t get to answer as you hear something crashing outside. Stan nearly chokes on his tea while you jolt so hard your own mug sloshes in your hands.
Ford is the only one who doesn’t react.
“Shit,” Stan hisses, immediately craning his head toward the window. “what the fuck was that?”
Your heart beats faster. You don’t know why, but suddenly the only thought in your head is—
“What if it’s a yeti,” you whisper, deadly serious.
Stan whips his head toward you. “Why the hell would it be a yeti?”
You glare at him. “Ford literally just admitted to performing illegal backwoods taxidermy. Why wouldn’t it be a yeti?”
Stan thinks about your words and his expression changes. “ Yeah , okay, fair point.”
Suddenly you hear another noise, but this time it’s a sharp rattle against the window.
Stan nearly jumps out of his skin. “oh fuck, it’s the cops.”
Ford finally sighs, tilting his head to glance toward the front door. “It’s not the police, it’s the wind.”
You and Stan exchange a look. Ford is right, the storm outside has picked up hard as the wind is howling through the trees, snow slamming against the shack in heavy sheets.
Stan exhales, realizing that he probably doesn't have a chance to get out of here in his car, the roads are so damn clogged. He runs a hand over his tired face. “Great, just fucking great.”
You glance toward the door, slumping your shoulders. “Yeah. Looks like i’m staying the night.”
Ford doesn’t even hesitate, happy with your words. “You can take the spare room.”
Stan raises an eyebrow, surprised at how fast his brother offered. You are too, honestly. Does that mean . . . you don’t get to finish your thought when Ford turns to Stan. “You can stay too, Stanley.”
At first, Stan doesn't react at all, thinking that he misheard, but then his brother's words gradually sink in. He's wary when he clears his throat, rubbing at the back of his neckawkwardly, obviously not used to that. “Uh. Yeah. Okay, thanks.”
Ford steps past him, when he passes his twin, though, he stops and leans in. “don’t worry , i m not dad, i won’t throw you out.” just like that, he keeps walking, leaving Stan standing here wide eyed and frozen.
You stare after Ford, then back at Stan .
“Oh, um,” you say. “what the hell.”
Stan looks down. “yeah, no shit.”
***
The shack at night is a different thing, you knew this already, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things. You’ve stayed the night here before, back when things were normal, back when Ford was normal and the silence always calmed you, unlike right now. When you hear your own heart beating and the whole house is listening.
Stanley is asleep, dead asleep. Sp rawled across the couch in a tangle of limbs and blankets, snoring faintly through the storm’s howl. Good for him, it's the first time in years he hasn’t had to sleep in the backseat of a car, curled up around himself like a stray dog in a storm drain. It doesn’t matter that the couch is stiff, that the room is freezing, this is the best sleep he’s had in years.
***
Summer, 1960-something. Kids. Kids with scabby-kneed, sunburned noses and wild hair.
The harbour always smelled like salt and fish.
Ford’s hands shake when he sees the bruise. So deep, ugly, purpling against Stan’s cheekbone, swelling beneath his eye.
“What happened?”
His brother was sitting on the curb, resting his arms over his knees, staring at a crack in the pavement.
“Dunno, pa just gets mad.”
The words felt like someone had dropped a rock right into Ford's chest, as it just sank to the bottom of his stomach, too heavy to breathe around.
Stan must’ve noticed, because he grinned. He actually hated that look, hated seeing his own twin with that kind of expression, because that made Stan know exactly how he looked when their old man had really lost it.
“But hey, hey, least now i look tough, huh? Bet all those bullies are gonna be real scared now,” he grinned, nudging Ford with his elbow.
Ford’s hands curled into fists. “thats not,” he cut himself off, shaking his head. “that's not gonna help, Stanley!”
“Eh, maybe,” he shrugged. “but it sure looks cool, huh?”
It didn’t. It looked awful.
Ford's chest was too tight. He looked at his brothers bruised eye, at the careless shrug in his posture, and suddenly the words burst out before he can stop them.
“We should run away.”
Stan opened his mouth, surprised, Ford, sixer, being this bold? And a second, he almost looked serious, considering it.
Then he laughed loudly. “and go where, genius?”
“Anywhere! Somewhere better. We could, we go up north, where it’s colder, where nobody knows us.”
Stan squinted at him. “but what about ma?” Ford hesitated, looking down. Stanley's smile faded as he rubbed his bruise. “look, Sixer, i appreciate the whole dramatic rescue thing, but we’re kids. Where’re we even gonna sleep? In a box?”
“We’d figure it out, you'll never be homeless, we'll never he homeless,” Ford insisted. “we’re smart—“
“You’re smart,” Stan corrected, no bitterness, just a fact. “im just a guy who can throw a good punch.”
Ford hated that he said that, so he didn’t give up.
“We could take a boat,” he tried again. “work at a dock, make some money—“
“You’d get seasick in five minutes.”
Ford scowled. “i would not.”
“Yeah, you would,” Stan teased, nudging him again.
Ford didn’t answer, because he hated the way Stanley took it all as some kind of joke. He was serious. He meant it.
But Stan just sighed again, stretching his arms over his head. “nah. don’t worry about it, Poindexter. Ain’t no big deal.”
It was a big deal. But Ford didn’t say anything else. Just sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around his knees, staring at the same crack in the pavement.
They were kids, they thought like kids. Ford just wished they’d stayed kids. Stanley wished the same.
***
Ford is in his bed, but he's not sleeping. Or maybe he does, technically.
He shifts, twists, rolls to his side, then to his back, then to his stomach, then repeats the cycle, stuck in a loop. His body doesn’t want to be still, doesn’t know how to be still.
He can't really control it, can’t open his eyes no matter how much he wants to.
It’s the same dream every time. Ford and him, sitting across from each other, playing chess, if Ford could call it that because every move Ford makes is a lie, and every move Bill makes is a trap.
Ford can’t win no matter what he does, no matter how many times he tries. Bill moves a piece. Ford counters. Bill moves another. Ford moves in response.
And when Stanford blinks, they’re already back at the start, the pieces damn reset and the game begins again.
“What do you say, Sixer? another round?”
Ford clenches his jaw, it’s not like he has any other choice. He just moves the first piece.
Every time their game ends with same, when Ford sees the door to his childhood home. It's already happening, every night.
He sees his brother standing there, staring in at their father with hope in his eyes, waiting for him to change his mind.
Ford sees his father’s mouth moving and even though can't clearly hear the words, he doesn't even need to hear them. He knows what happens next.
It’s already happened.
It’s always happening.
You aren’t asleep, either. Your head is too full, your body is too restless . Your thoughts won’t quiet. Ford, you cant get him out of your head. What you saw hours ago is sitting heavy on your chest, making it hard to breathe properly. Something is wrong with him and the whole shack, it doesn’t feel like it should.
You don’t know why it bothers you so much, but it does. Ford has always been intense, sure, his brain works faster than everyone else's, you've always known that.
You shake your head, taking a deep breath. No use going in circles. You have to talk to him tomorrow, ask him. And let him deny your questions as much as he likes and look at you like you're crazy, you'll get your way.
As soon as you close your eyes, finally sinking into sleep, the lights go out, and the whole room plunges into an all-consuming darkness. Fuck.
You immediately sit up, gripping the blanket. It can't be that bad.
It's fine, this is fine. You know where you are, you're in the shack, the storm outside is brutal, but that's normal. The generator will probably kick in any second now.
. . . Any second now.
. . . Any damn second.
The darkness does not change. You swallow. No use waiting, there should be candles somewhere in here, just to keep you sane and. . . would word safe fit here? Honestly, you just want to make this place feel like somewhere, instead of nothing at all.
Pushing the blanket off, you slip out of bed, feeling the cold floor beneath your feet.
Ford keeps candles somewhere, you know he does because it was a Christmas gift from you, years ago. So it should be easy to find them.
You put your hands out to feel for the walls as you move slow, trying not to bang your shin into anything, listening to the creaks of the house around you and footsteps. Wait.
Footsteps, exactly. Your whole body goes rigid.
Someone else is awake. Your heart pounds as you pause, listening hard.
Okay, they're not rushed, you take a note of that. Not stumbling or uncertain. Not. . . What was his name? Stanley? Yeah, probably not Stanley's, he would be louder, sloppier .
Meanwhile these sounds too slow, intentional.
Your fingers shake as you reach out, feeling along the shelves. Goddamn, you need a candle. Just one. Just enough light to fucking see.
Seems like luck is not on your side because just when you take another step, you damn trip, your hands shoot out, grabbing wildly for balance, but before you can fall and hit the ground hands catch you.
And they're not yours. Your breath stops. Someone else’s. You barely have time to react before you feel them close around your waist, digging into your stomach, your hips, moving fast, searching, checking. So strong. Coming from behind.
They trace higher, gripping as they move up to your chest. The air rushing from your lungs, your body tenses as a jolt of shock slams through you. The hands don't let go, not letting you pull away as they hold you in place. You try to yell, but before you can, you hear someone's voice right in your ear.
“Shouldn't you be asleep?”
Your blood runs ice fucking cold, but hands don’t let go.
If anything, they tighten. Painfully gripping you, grasping keeping you there, locked in place. A rush of panic clouding your senses before you even have time to think.
And it doesn't help th at the darkness is so thick, so you can't see who's behind you, can't even get a glimpse
Long fingers trailing slow over the curve of your sides, the dip of your waist, the softness of you beneath them. They follow the shape of your hips, press into the plush of your thighs.
You gasp when you feel your back pressing against someone’s broad chest. But your thoughts don’t fully settle on who or what it can be because your body is screaming louder than your mind. Sharp panic coils in your gut.
Your mind is too scattered, clouded with adrenaline. You thrash. Or at least you try to. Your muscles tense to push, to shove, but the hands don’t budge.
Panic overrides everything, making it impossible to think and breathe. Your body tells you one thing: get away .
But the fear floods your veins like ice, so much so that you can’t even count the fingers on the hands holding you.
Five. Six. Which is it? You should know. But sadly, your mind is too frantic, your skin burning too hot where those fingers press, where they curl. You don’t even realize you’re shaking.
And when they let go, all at once, the air rushes back into your lungs as your body stumbles forward, and you don’t wait or look back, letting your feet carry you .
You don’t remember running back to bed.
You don’t remember pulling the blankets over yourself, heart hammering, breath coming too fast, too shallow.
All you remember is pressing yourself into the mattress, squeezing your eyes shut and whispering the first prayer you've ever said in years. Not that it helps
So instead, you think. You force yourself to think.
Because fear is useless to a scientist, it is irrational, fear clouds judgment, fear lies.
And if you let it win, it will consume you.
You feel. . . violated. That’s the word, isn’t it? Or was it something that could be explained away as a trick of the mind?
Was it someone? Yes. Someone grabbed you. Someone touched you.
Your stomach lurches and you swallow it down, gripping at the blankets while your brain tries to work through it. To think. To rationalize.
This can’t be. Logic has to win, but the feeling is still there.
The ghost of hands on your body.
And you don’t sleep.
***
There's dirt under your fingernails, packed tight in the creases, clinging to the skin of your palms. Your hands hurt a little. Dug too deep. Pressed too hard. The grave was small, no headstone, although you wish you could, just a little wooden marker Ford helped you to carve.
Somewhere in the trees, hidden in the thick summer-green leaves, cicadas chirped. It was so warm, the grass beneath you was soft, a little overgrown, tickling against your arms.
Your throat still felt tight, and your hands, fisted in your lap, felt hollow.
Your voice came out rough. “it’s stupid to cry over a dog, right?”
Ford turned his head toward you, furrowing his brows, not sure if you were joking.
“What?”
“I mean,“ sniff. “its just a dog.” you rubbed at your face, pressing your palms into your eyes until all you saw was red behind your lids.
He stared at you, and you could feel it. His gaze rested on you, assessing, he was trying to figure out if you meant it or if you were just saying it to make yourself stop feeling.
Ford was not good with emotions too. You knew this. Logic, facts and equations neatly filed thoughts.
“You loved him, why wouldn’t you cry?”
You let out something between a laugh and a breath. It shook a little. “yeah,” you wrapped your arms around your knees. “yeah, i did.”
A scientist, you were a scientist, scientists weren't supposed to get that emotional over things that had clear, defined ends. Things that had lifespans. It was biology. Living things died. It was just how it worked.
But god, he was your dog. He'd slept at your feet when you stayed up too late, followed you through the woods, knew exactly when to curl up against you when you were sad.
“He was a really good dog.” Ford said eventually.
“He was so stupid,” you stared at the dirt. “always running into things. Remember that time he stole your sandwich?”
“He didn’t steal it,” Ford corrected. “you gave it to him.”
“After he tried to rip it out of my hands.”
“He was very persistent,” he admitted.
“You were so mad, i think that’s the first time i ever heard you swear.”
“I did not swear,” Ford said, scandalized.
“You did. I remember. And remember that time when he came back covered in mud?”
Ford smiled. “mud anr skunk pray. You had to him, what, three baths?”
“Four,” you smiled back. “ and he still smelled. I had to sleep with all the windows open.”
“You let him on your bed anyway,” Ford pointed out.
You huffed. “of course i did.’
Silence again. You leaned to the side, lettingyour head rest against his shoulder.
He didn't pull away. Only stiffened for half a second, like he always did, because he still wasn't sure what to do with touch. And then his hand came up and rested lightly against the back of your head.
The sun dipped lower, turning the sky honey-thick, melting into the trees.
“I’m gonna miss him,” you whispered.
Ford’s fingers curled slightly against your hair. “i know. Me too.”
You let out a breath and closed your eyes, feeling the tears again.
Ford's hand stayed in your hair.
***
Morning comes slow, at least the storm has settled. The sky outside the window is still covered with a gray haze, the snow is still falling, but the howling of the wind has subsided.
You don’t feel rested, but you’re awake and you need answers. You hate to admit it, but you're scared. And your thoughts don't paint the best picture for you.
You move careful, quiet, slipping out of the spare room into the main part of the shack.
And the first thing you hear is loud, unrestrained ridiculous snoring, coming right from the couch.
You blink, glancing towards it.
Stanley. Sprawled across it in the most undignified position possible. On his side, curled slightly inward, arms tucked close against his chest. Just a little, but poor guy is shivering. Like some pathetic, scrappy little street dog curled up against the cold. The blanket barely stays wrapped around him, but he clutches at it, seeking warmth in a place where he’s used to none.
For a brief moment, he looks. . . well, he looks cute. But you shake the thought away. You have bigger things to deal with. You need to find Ford.
The lab is quiet, but inside his head, it isn’t.
Ford is slumped in the corner, collapsed into himself with his knees drawn up, his hands tangled deep in his own hair, like he's trying to keep something from leaking out, all six fingers curled so tight against his scalp that his knuckles are bloodless. Moving his heavy head in small, restless jerks, shaking side to side, wanting to shake it out, but it’s not working, it never works, IQ, you fucking idiot.
Sixer's body tense with horrible, restless energy as if he’s still trying to wake up even though he never truly slept.
Dark, bruising exhaustion hollows out his eyes, pulling his features tight with sleepless strain. His glasses have slipped low on his nose, the bridge smeared with fingerprints, hes been pushing at them, rubbing at his own skin, trying to wake himself up.
Bill was always there.
The same dream. The same game. The same endless, maddening chess match. And the same loss.
Over. And over. And over.
No matter what move Ford made. no matter how many times he tried to outthink the demon, Bill always won.
And at the end it was always the same. Stanley, who's looking at his brother standing in the window, framed by the curtains
Stanley's eyes
Ford never forgot his eyes. The way they looked at him.
The way his brother had searched his face for some answer, at least some kind of explanation, begging. Stan's eyes so big, so damn wide, the pupils blown dark with confusion, desperation, with a hurt that had no words.
And his voice so small, so weak.
“Sixer?”
Ford shudders. Vomit rises in his throat. His hands tighten in his hair.
Gosh, he feels sick.
His stomach twists, coils, knots so tight it feels like it might rupture.
The sticky notes around him are everywhere, scattered across the floor, plastered against the walls, some even stuck to the sleeves of his shirt.
MISS ME, NERD?
FEELIN’ RESTED?
DOESN’T MATTER! I’LL SEE YA TONIGHT ;)
DON’T WORRY, POINDEXTER!
I’LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU! HAHAHA!
HOW’S STAN, BY THE WAY?
HE’S STILL MAD ABOUT, Y’KNOW. THE WHOLE… THING
REMEMBER WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE? YIKES.
He wants to rip them down, burn them, but they've dug their way into his skin.
But his body won’t move because his mind is somewhere else now.
Ford remembers the deer. Or what was left of it.
Half dead in the snow. Legs moving, jerking in agony. The crack of stiff joints.
Something that shouldn’t be alive rose from the ground, black tar pooling from its mouth. The ground beneath Ford's boots was damp, the scent of rot curling sharp in his nostrils.
Patches of fur are missing, peeled away, exposing the raw, rotting flesh beneath. Its ribs jut out in jagged angles, parts of it look eaten.
But the worst part is the eyes. Empty sockets, gaping holes where its eyes should be.
Ford ran, but forest was too big. Too many trees, too many shadows and sounds.
His feet slipped on something wet and Ford knew he shouldn't have looked down
Bones scattered across the ground, half-buried in the damp earth. And awfully glistening organs strewn across the ground. Dark red. Raw. Rotting.
A smell so thick, so rancid it shoves itself down his throat, makes him gag. His shaking hands flew to his mouth to stop the ill-fated piece of vomit that threatened to burst out.
You did this.
You did this.
You did this.
Ford screamed, falling to his knees, dirt and blood staining his clothes.
The sound that ripped from his throat didn’t sound human.
His throat closed, air wouldn’t go in, wouldn’t stay.
Ford opens his eyes. His body jerks , thrashing against the floor, his hands shaking, fingers clawing at his own skin, trying to tear something out of himself.
He can’t breathe. His throat is tight, closing, closing, his lungs burning, his vision swimming.
His stomach twists, nausea rising fast, his head spinning so violently he doesn’t know which way is up.
He can't breathe. He can't breathe. Ford is dying
His hands claw at his own chest, digging his fingers into fabric, into skin.
He barely registers the sound of someone entering the room, running to him, moving, hands grabbing his arms, gripping, holding.
“Ford, Ford. Hey—”
The deer.
The deer, the deer, the deer—
“ Ford!”
A voice he barely hears, hands on his shoulders, hands on his face, hands gripping him.
Not his.
Not Bill’s.
Yours
But Ford can't move, his body feels tight, contorted as if something is twisting him from the inside out. The color of his face is wrong. He’s so pale, every shadow and hollow stark under the overhead lab lights. His lips are parted, his mouth trembling, and his eyes, so wide, bulging, glassy with tears, but not focused.
Not seeing you.
He makes a noise between a choke and a gasp, his fingers digging harder into his own arms, his whole body starting to shudder .
You're on your knees in front of him.
“Ford,” you grab at his arms. “it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s me, i’m right here—”
Ford jerks, his hands flying out, shoving at you with a sudden burst of fear and he screams. “Go away!”
You stumble back, watching him wrapping his arms around himself, his whole body curling inward
“Go away,” he gasps again , “go away, you— you monster —”
“Ford, it’s me, i swear it’s me, look at me.”
But he won’t. His lips are moving, forming broken, faltering words, but nothing comes out.
He’s not here.
His mind is somewhere deep, somewhere dark, somewhere you can’t reach him.
“ Ford, ” you say again, softer this time, but firmer, shifting closer on your knees, “ you’re having a panic attack, okay? you need to breathe, you’re safe. ”
His scared eyes snap up to you, still wide and glassy and it doesn't take long for him to cry. Ford gasps so hard he thinks his lungs might collapse.
Your arms are around him, pulling him against you, pressing his face into your chest, holding him, feeling the way he trembles while he clutches at your arms in return, his hands fisting in your shirt, clinging to you.
“I’ve got you,” you whisper, “I promise, i’ve got you.”
“thirty-two point eight megahertz— quadrants , electron spin—”
What?
At first, it’s so soft you can barely hear it.
Your brow furrows . “Ford?”
“ Event horizon c-collapse, field equations— metric tensor—”
You tilt your head to see him, but he just hunches further into you
“Warp theory— symmetry breakdown — proton decay—”
You squeeze him. “Ford, hey—”
He shudders and his muttering falters. Closing his puffy eyes, he buries his face deeper into your chest.
His mind registered it last, but his body recognized you first.
And you hold him, stroking slow, careful circles between his shoulder blades, your fingers weaving up into his hair, carding through the brown strands.
You try to breathe together with him. Slowly, letting him hear it. Letting him match it.
“I’m here, Ford, im right here, i swear you are okay.” you feel how his hands clench, then loosen, then tighten again.
His body still shakes, but the sharp edges of it start to dull, the tremors turning softer, his breathing slowing.
But his face stays hidden.
“Ford , i—” you swallow. “i’m worried about you.”
His shoulders stiffen. You keep going.
“This isn’ t. . . isn’t normal. You’re not okay, Ford. I think maybe,” your fingers twitch in his hair. “i think maybe you should talk to someone, to professional?”
The moment Stanley bursts through the door, his eyes widen at the scene before him. His brother, still trembling, lost in the fog of his panic attack, and you, crouched on the floor with your arms wrapped tightly around him, holding him close
Stan’s face immediately changes into that familiar, protective mask, although it's even more concerned now
“What the hell is goin’ on here?”
You turn your head to meet his worried gaze, your own heart still racing in the aftermath of what you just witnessed. “He just had a panic attack, Stan.”
“A panic attack?” Stan repeats, raising an eyebrow, clearly not sure how to process it, “ jesus christ.”
You don’t say anything.
Your hand is still on Ford’s arm as you still feel the tremors running through him.
Stan huffs a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face, clearly unsure of how to proceed. Then, with a deep breath, he squats down next to his twin, trying to make himself appear less intimidating. “Hey, sixer,” he says, making his voice a little gentler, “what’s goin’ on? you . . . you talkin’ to anyone about this? is there somethin’ you ain’t tellin’ me? why the panic attack?”
Ford is still silent, his breath still ragged, as if he can’t find a way back to normalcy. He lifts his head, peering up at his brother, but it’s clear that whatever’s plaguing his mind, he’s not ready to share it.
“C’mon, Sixer, you can tell me. what’s really goin’ on, huh?”
Ford doesn’t answer. Stan looks at you, his gaze is questioning, but you don’t know what to say either. How do you explain something you don’t even understand?
Ford is not going to talk too, whatever it is that has him this scared, he wont say it aloud. He better keep it to himself, this deep-rooted and unspoken truth has to stay buried, even if it tears him apart to keep it locked in.
“Ford, it’s okay,” you murmur, squeezing your fingers lightly at his sleeve, “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to .”
Stan lets out a long, deep sigh, rubbing at his jaw, his eyes still on Ford. And, of course, because he can’t help himself, because he’s Stanley, because it’s how he deals with things, he tries to joke. Tries to break the tension the only way he knows how
“Shit, you look like you just saw a ghost.”
Ford stiffens.
Stan notices. And he . . . does that thing he always does, when things get too serious, when he doesn’t know what to say
He deflects.
Leans back, shakes his head, lets out a short chuckle.
“Or damn , maybe even worse. Like. . . i dunno. Like you just realized the government’s been spying on you through your radio or somethin’.”
Ford’s whole face twitches.
“Stanley,” you glare, warning him, and he immediately holds up his hands in mock surrender.
“What? What’d i say?” but his face betrays him. He knows what he said. He knows it was a bad joke. But he also doesn’t take it back, because that’s how he deals with things, isn’t it? Laughing when he’s scared. Pretending he isn’t worried when it’s clear as day that he is. And you don’t have time to unpack that, not when Ford is still sitting there, unresponsive.
“Just not now, okay?”
Stan grumbles, but doesn’t argue.
Ford hasn’t moved, at least his breathing sounds a little better, less sharp, a little more even, but he still looks. . . tired, so damn tired.
You soften your voice again .
“Ford, hey. . . i know you’re exhausted. I know you’re not feeling good, but maybe a shower would help? Get you cleaned up, get some of that tension out of your muscles.”
His eyes blink at you slowly, dazed you'd day, trying to process the words, but he just doesn’t have the energy.
“C’mon,” you coax, “you’ve got those bags under your eyes. You need some rest.”
There’s a long pause before Ford gives the faintest nod. And so you help him up, carefully, and he lets you, barely meeting your eyes, ashamed that you saw him like that but following your lead, disappearing down the hall toward the bathroom.
You exhale when you hear the water running.
Your body slumps just slightly, hands still tingling fro m holding onto him for so long. But you push through it, stretching out your stiff legs, then step toward the kitchen, glancing over your shoulder as you go, noticing Stan following you. Not that you're not used to it, after all, back home, you've got a little shadow on your own.
He doesn’t say anything at first, just leans against the counter, arms crossed, watching as you open the fridge, moving through the motions of finding something quick to make that Ford will actually eat without you having to argue with him over it.
Stan watches you like a cat staring at a fish tank. Or maybe more like a dog staring at a steak.
“I can hear you droo ling,” you say without looking.
“I am not drooling.” you turn and yeah, no, he’s definitely eyeing the food with his whole damn soul.
“Uh-huh.”
He shrugs. “What can I say? I see food, I want food. You gotta get used to it if you’re cookin’ around me, sweetheart.”
“Noted.”
You keep working, stirring something in a pan, and Stan shifts against the counter, watching you for a second before glancing toward the hallway.
“Well, i gotta say,” he grumbles, back at eyeing the kitchen counter like a starving animal, “you really know how to make a guy’s day.”
You can’t help but laugh softly, rolling your eyes as you pull out the ingredients for a quick meal. “yeah , yeah, i don’t cook much, but i figured he needs something. Gotta take care of him.”
You start grabbing ingredients, not really thinking about it, just needing something to do with your hands. You’re not much of a cook, but right now, it feels like the only thing you can do. You’re not a doctor. You’re not a therapist. You can’t fix Ford. But you can make him something to eat.
“So, what’s the deal with you two, huh?”
You pause mid-stir, glancing at Stan. “what?”
“You and Sixer. What are you? Couple? Friends? Lab partners? Secret government spies?”
You clear your throat. “we studied together.”
Stan raises an eyebrow. “just studied, huh?”
“Yes, Stanley,” you say, exasperated, turning back to the pan. “just studied.”
He watches you for a beat longer before humming, noncommittal. “ Huh. That’s funny.”
You glance at him again. “what is?”
“That Sixer never mentioned me. I mean, you two were clearly close. Close enough that you’re still here, takin’ care of him. So why the hell didn’t he ever tell you about his own damn brother?”
You shake your head. “he doesn’t talk much about his past or his family. Especially after one situation where i saw a photo of his dad and said he looked just like him. Ford didn’t take it well.”
Stan chuckles. “Yeah, that’d do it, he doesn’t like the family thing much. None of us do.”
You glance up at him, raising your eyebrow, but before you can ask, Stan shrugs, not going to explain any further. “Sixer’s got his own baggage. We all do. Just gotta leave it at that.”
“He really doesn’t like talking about it. About his family or his past, i mean, i get it, but—“
“Hell yeah, sweetheart, family’s a hell of a thing.”
At end, Ford did eat what you cooked. Barely spoke, though. Sat at the table, moving food around with his fork , his own goddamn thoughts were so heavy he couldn't lift his hand right. You weren’t sure how much he actually tasted of what he was eating, but at least he got it down. You had to remind him to drink some water, push the glass a little closer when he forgot it was there.
Stan, on the other hand, jesus, the way he looked at the food, you almost felt guilty. Like some starving dog watching through a window. And yeah, he made a joke about it, about you running a charity kitchen or something, but you told him to just eat already. No need to act like a starving orphan from a dickens novel. He didn’t argue, eating fast , like he might lose it if he didn’t.
It was easy to forget about what happened this night, the power cutting out and that moment of frozen, breathless fear in the dark. All of that got buried under your worry for Ford, who looked like he was about to pass out.
Ford was still pale, too pale , what made you want to press a hand to his forehead, check if he had a fever. You tried to ask, tried to get him to talk about it, but. . .
“You sure you’re alright?”
And of course, he just waved you off, mumbled something vague.
“It’s nothing.“
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I’m fine.”
Stan chuckled, muttered something under his breath what made you shoot him a look before he could say something worse.
Ford didn’t want to talk, that was obvious. But that was the thing about him, right? Always acting like he was fine, even when he was so clearly not.
Stan had been quiet, chewing and looking around the house like it might spit him back out. He didn’t belong here, wasn’t supposed to be here, and was just waiting for the moment Ford would make it clear.
So, he cracked a joke instead. About how he should probably leave before Sixer turned into an even bigger grump, about how he “wouldn’t wanna overstay his welcome. ”
“Soo yeah, guess I better be hittin’ the road.”
You frowned at him. “why?”
Stan gestured loosely. “i dunno, i just figure, y’know. Not exactly mr. Welcome here. ‘sides, your guy here looks like he needs his beauty sleep.”
“He’s not my guy.” you answered , but that didn’t stop the way your stomach twisted. Damn, you didn’t wanna leave Ford alone. Not after everything you’d seen. But . . . your dog. You had to get back. Had to feed her, take her out, make sure she wasn’t tearing up your furniture.
Ford didn’t respond. Just kept looking at his plate, barely eating anymore.
You hesitated. The thing was, you didn’t wanna leave. Not when Ford still looked like this and you knew something was wrong, but he wasn’t saying.
But you had a dog waiting for you.
Ford told you it was fine. That you could go. That he “preferred being alone right now. ”
And you hated that. Hated the way he always did this, how he always thought he had to go through everything alone, even when it was clear he needed help.
You promised him you’d be back tomorrow.
“I'll come back tomorrow. i’ll come back, and we’ll talk, okay?”
Ford didn’t answer right away, j ust stared at his plate. “okay.”
You didn’t like how he said it, like it was better if he was alone. Like he wanted to be alone even when he clearly shouldn’t be. And it made you sick, the way you left. Like abandoning a ship you knew was sinking, stepping away from a person you knew needed help. You hated it. Hated the way Ford always pushed everyone away, even when he was fucking drowning.
You and Stan stepped out into the cold, your breath coming out in little clouds into the biting winter air. It was getting dark already, sky looked gray and heavy, as always. Stan stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched against the cold. You pulled your jacket tighter as you shivered, rubbing your arms.
“Cold?” he glanced over at you.
“Genius observation.”
The streets of Gravity Falls were quiet. Before long, you were near your place, the porch light shone warmly in the early twilight. You turned to Stan, about to say goodbye, but then you got a good look at him.
The dirt on his jacket, he probably hadn’t had a chance to properly wash it. The exhaustion on his face. And you remembered th e way he’d been staring at food all day, watching Ford eat, practically salivating.
“So uh, you have a place to stay?”
Stan blinked at you. Then scoffed. “‘Course i do.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“I do !”
“ Oh, okay. Where ?”
“Uh, y ’know. The— uh. The, uh . . . ‘lakeview inn.’”
You stared at him. “Well. . . okay.” and Stan seemed relieved that you weren’t pushing.
He coughed into his fist. “yep, great place, real fancy.”
You sighed. You didn’t have it in you to argue. Not right now. You just exhaled, gave him one last look as you told him to take care and stepped inside.
Your dog was waiting for you, so excited, wagging her tail. You knelt down, ran your fingers through her fur, whispered, “missed you too, girl.” Fed her, sat with her on the floor, talked to her, absentmindedly, about Ford. About his brother. About the way Stan was kinda . . . cute.
Meanwhile, across town, Stan climbed into the front seat of his car. He was cold. He curled his jacket around himself, stuffed his hands under his arms, tried not to think about how long it had been since he’d last had a real bed.
Or a real meal.
He should’ve expected this. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before. Sleeping in cars, parking lots, the occasional cheap motel when he could swing it. But somehow, after that meal, after you, this felt worse.
He stared up at the ceiling.
He thought about Ford. About how he looked tonight, half a breath away from collapsing. What kind of shit his brother had gotten himself into?
And then Stanley thought about you. You, who offered him food, just like that, like it wasn't some big deal. You, who told him to eat and watched him at the dinner table.
He exhaled, breath fogging up the air.
Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow would be better.
***
The dorm is a disaster zone, but it always is when the three of you get together for all-nighters. Coffee cups, half-empty energy drinks, a plate of toast that no one’s touched in hours, and papers. . . so many fucking papers covered in chicken scratch equations and half-finished blueprints.
It was past three a.m. now. The window was cracked open a little, letting in the fresh night air, but none of you noticed the cold, too deep into the work.
“I’m tellin’ ya,” Fiddleford said, running a hand through his hair, “if we don’t take quantum decoherence into account, this whole thing’s gonna be about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
“Decoherence isn’t the issue,” Ford shot back sharply and impatiently . “if anything, it’s the entanglement equation that needs work. if we—“
“Oh my god, would you two shut up and let me think?” you groaned, gripping your hair. “you're both wrong. so wrong. like. fundamentally flawed.”
“Oh, is that so?” Ford pushed up his glasses, squinting at you. “care to elaborate?”
“Not really,” you muttered, blinking slow, yawning.
Fiddleford chuckled. “looks like we’re losin’ you.”
“Honestly, i think i’m about to collapse on myself. I need something stronger than coffee. Anyone got any adderall?”
“University rules strictly forbid unauthorized stimulants—“
“Fidds has moonshine in his bag,” you cut Ford off, grinning. “saw it an hour ago. Was wondering when he was gonna crack it open.”
Fiddleford looked deeply offended for all of two seconds before sighing. “Knew i shouldn’t have let you rifle through my things. . .”
You flashed him a grin before reaching for your tea, now stone cold and bitter as hell.
Fiddleford nudged his glasses up his nose and look ed over at Ford’s notebook, squinting at the formula again. “Alright , maybe you got a point there, buddy.”
Ford let out a smug little noise, proud of himself, but before he could open his mouth and gloat, you yawned again , barely muffling the sound with your sleeve. “Shit, i’m crashing.”
You tried to keep up, you really did, but god, your eyes were so heavy. That's why you took the right decision, somewhere between staring at Ford’s notes and trying to comprehend whatever the hell he was writing, you leaned, without even thinking.
Your head found his warm shoulder and that made him stiffen as if he’d been electrocuted.
Fiddleford went completely silent, stopping drumming his fingers against the table.
It was funny, really. You’d spent the whole night laughing with him, throwing paper balls, joking and teasing Stanford. Now, the moment your breathing evened out, everything got real quiet.
Ford. . . didn't move. Didn’t push you away, even though his shoulders were tense, his pencil hesitated, but then he just kept writing, like nothing happened. Just let you stay there, pressed against him, breathing softly in sleep.
Fiddleford didn’t stop staring, observing Ford's reaction, not in the way he expected.
He looked at you first, your face half-buried in Ford’s sweater as you sighed in your sleep, how easy it was for you to just fall into him like that.
And then he looked at Stanford. At his handsome face, which somehow seemed even better in the lamplight. The furrow in his brow, the six fingers wrapped around his pencil, so concentrated.
Fiddleford looked at all of it. Ford was a genius. A goddamn once-a-generation mind, sharper than a blade, but completely fucking useless at anything to do with feelings. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see things the way other people do, the way Fiddleford does.
Ford must’ve felt the stare, because after a while, he sighed and glanced up. “what?”
Fiddleford shook his head, smiling slightly. “nothin’, just thinkin’.”
“About?”
Fiddle ford took a sip from his flask and it definitely wasnt coffee. Something stronger. He swirled it, watching the liquid catch the light. “love, i guess.”
Ford scoffed, going back to his notes.“love? shouldn’t you be thinking about our project?”
“Oh, c’mon, ain’t you ever thought about it? bein’ in love? how it feels? ”
Ford didn’t answer at first, just kept writing. “love is. . .” he started, trying to find the right words. “it’s complicated. Distracting, even.”
Fidds hummed. “but good, no?” he grinned, taking another sip. “s’pose you think it’s all just chemical reactions, huh?”
“Well, technically, it is.”
“Yeah, yeah, dopamine, oxytocin, blah blah blah,” Fiddleford waved a hand. ”but it’s more than that.”
They were talking quietly so as not to wake you up. Ford didn’t answer as he shook his head, returning to his work.
So Fiddleford kept going. “i guess it feels nice, y’know? havin’ someone who understands ya, c ares ‘bout ya. Even when you’re difficult.”
Ford stopped writing again, listening intently to his friend's words
“It’s when you’d do anythin’ for someone, even if it doesn’t make sense. When seein’ ‘em happy makes you happy. When you’d give up everythin’ just to keep ‘em safe. ”
Ford gave him a tiny smile. “you’re being sentimental,”
“Eh, maybe. Or maybe i just get it.”
Stanford finally turned to him, frowning. “get what? ”
“Doesn’t matter.” Fiddleford leaned back, stretching. “s’pose it don’t make much sense for a guy like me to be talkin’ ‘bout love anyway.”
Ford frowned deeper. “what’s that supposed to mean?”
Fiddleford shrugged, suddenly looking a little too interested in his flask.
“Are you saying you don’t think anyone will love you?”
“Oh, i know i ain't exactly a prize catch, Stanford.”
Ford settled his pen down. “that’s not true.”
and that made Fiddleford's eyes fill with hope “yeah?” he quirked a brow.
Ford hesitated, surprised at his own words and initiative, but then, because he was a good friend, because he meant it, he nodded, “You’re smart. Funny. Resourceful. You’re one of the most brilliant people i know and you're—“
“Handsome?”
That made Ford smile. “sure, yes! handsome, even.” Fidds thought he had imagined it. Did Ford really find him so? “so, im sure you'llfind someone. You’ll probably settle down, have a family. A kid, even.”
Oh. . . oh, okay.
And that’s when Fiddleford knew .
His smile did not drop, but he took another s ip of alcohol, letting the warmth burn his throat .
Ford kept writing, pleased he managed to lift his friend's spirit, while you doze quietly against his shoulder. He doesn't even notice Fiddleford getting up, leaning in close enough that Ford finally glances up from his notes.
“Yer my best friend, Ford, guess i’ll just love ya forever.”
Ford stopped writing. The pencil slipped from his fingers
But before he could ask, Fiddleford pushed himself up from the chair, stretched and yawned deeply.
He patted Ford on the shoulder, then grabbed his jacket.
“Whew! man, i need a walk. i’ll be back.” and just like that, he was gone, leaving Ford alone with the papers, the cold coffee and with the equations that suddenly didn’t make sense anymore.
A lone with you, asleep on his shoulder.
Ford didn’t move for a long time.
***
The morning air was cold enough to wake you up, even though you were still in the fog of sleep. Gravity Falls wasn’t exactly bustling this early, just a few cars passing, an old man walking his dog, the slow shuffle of someone dragging a garbage bin to the curb.
You pulled your coat tighter, holding your grocery bag. You'd only meant to grab something quick for yourself, but somehow, without even thinking, you'd ended up picking up something for Ford, too. Something that wasn’t just instant noodles and coffee.
He wouldn’t eat properly if left alone. You knew that, you knew him too well. You sighed, adjusting your grip on the bag.
Stanley Pines woke up in hell. Or at least, that’s what it felt like.
His entire body ached, joints were too stiff from sleeping in one uncomfortable pose whole night, cold burrowed so deep in his bones that even curling tighter into his jacket wasn’t helping anymore.
He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, just a few more minutes, ma, please , but the cold gnawed at him, dug under his skin, made every breath feel like ice in his lungs.
He was so fucking tired.
But sleep wouldn’t come back so he lazily cracked one eye open. Fucking hell .
Still the car. Still parked in the same damn spot he’d been in since last night. The windshield was fogged up from his own breath, the windows covered in a thin layer of frost.
“Mmmgh, ” he groaned, trying to stretch, but back screamed in protest. God, sleeping in the driver’s seat was not good for his spine.
Cold. Everything was so fucking cold. His toes were numb in his boots, fingers barely flexible enough to work as he rubbed warmth into them.
“Good morning, Stanley,” he muttered to himself. ”what wonderful luxury awaits you today?”
He yawned, running a hand through his brown hair. His mullet was a mess, so tangle d, flattened weird on one side.
First things first, he fumbled for the glove compartment, rummaging through loose receipts and absolute trash until he found the old bottle of cologne. He sniffed it once, it was not fresh. But hey, better than nothing. He rolled it over his wrists, rubbed it against his neck.
Second, he grabbed an old comb, barely dragging it through his tangled mullet before giving up and stuffing it back into the glovebox.
Third, he adjusted the rearview mirror, squinting at his reflection, and groaned again.
“Oof.“
Looked like absolute shit. Dark circles, unshaven, face puffy from sleep. But whatever. Not like he had anyone to impress.
He reached down, adjusting his coat, when—
THUMP.
A hand. A fucking hand slapping against the driver’s side window.
“GAH!” Stan jolted so hard he smacked his knee on the dashboard. He panicked instantly, his hands flew to the wheel. “no, no, no, por el amor de dios, madre santa, no me lleves!” he spat out in rapid-fire spanish, already prepared to beg for his miserable life. “lo juro, no tengo nada, no me arresten, por favor, dios, maria, nadie, por favor!” his mind was a blur of oh shit oh shit oh shit, picturing cops and maybesome pissed-off local ready to drag him out, picturing—
Someone was writing on the window, through the fogged-up glass, a finger traced out two slow words:
It’s me.
That made him froze as he squinted suspiciously, still gripping the wheel tight. Hesitated. then, slowly, he rolled the window down.
You stared at him.
“So,” you said flatly, flicking your gaze between him and the car. “this is the lakeview inn?”
Stanley looked around, hoping a better answer would suddenly appear.
You crossed your arms.
“Technically, ” he started, “i do live here. You ever heard of a little thing called, uh, mobile homes? Very trendy and, um, modern.”
”Uh-huh.” your eyes narrowed.
“Alright, alright, fine, ya caught me. I’m actually a millionaire, this is just my vacation home. My actual mansion’s up in the hills, but y’know, i like to stay humble”
“Stan.”
“ Yeah ?”
“You lied to me.”
“No, listen,” he started, already preparing some dumbass joke to get him out of this.
“You fucking lied to me.”
Stan threw up his hands. “hey, now, let’s not throw around ugly words like—”
“You told me you had a place , Stan.”
He stopped talking, and there was silence between you.
Finally, you sighed, rubbing your temples. “jesus, you look horrible.”
Stan bristled. “hey!”
“And you smell horrible.” not like you were lying though.
“Hey now, hold on!”
“Do you wanna take a shower at my place?”
Stan’s brain short-circuited. “what?”
“Then we’ll get you something to eat,” you continued, ignoring his slack-jawed expression.
He stared at you like you’d just spoken an entirely different language.
You. . . you were offering? Just like that?
“What?”
“You heard me.”
His brows drawing together, mouth pulling into a frown, jaw working as he was trying to find the right words. But it it didn't take long as he smoothed it all over in a blink, replacing it with serious face. He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms.
“ What, you pity me now?”
“No,” you said simply.
“Pfft, i dont need you takin care of me, alright? Go waste your charity on someone else.”
“Yeah?” you tilted your head. “so if Stanford was sitting in this car right now looking like this, you'd just walk away? ”
Stan stared at you, surprised. You restrained yourself from laughing at how fast the smug confidence drained from his face.
“Thats different.” he muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh wait, wait, wait, i see how it is,” he grumbled. “you got tired of dealin’ with sixer, huh? figured you’d switch to fixin’ me instead?”
“What does this have to do here? Take the offer, dumbass.”
“Nah, i the natural scent.”
“You literally smell like a dumpster.”
“ Okay, rude.” Stan putted a hand to his chest, feigning resentment.
But you only waited, waited and waited and that silence made him clench his teeth, grumbling under his breath. So when he finally let out a sharp sigh, dragging a hand down his face, you knew he’d given in. “you got hot water?”
That made you raise an eyebrow and smile. “Of course i have hot water.”
“Fine,” he muttered. “but only ‘cause i got nothin’ better to do and you begged.”
“Right,” you said, unimpressed. He shot you a glare, but you were already walking away, expecting him to follow. And, grumbling all the way, he did.
***
Early autumn. The bus stop bench is cold beneath you and you wish you’d worn something thicker. Clouds rolling lazily in the bright sky, October sun spilling through trees, gold colour caught in Ford's brown hair. He sits beside you, one knee bouncing, a habit of his, nervous tick, always. His hands are shoved deep in his coat pockets, and his breath fogs in the air when he exhales.
You bring the cigarette to your lips and inhale, one leg over the other, foot bouncing absently, meanwhile the tip glows warm for a moment, ember-orange in the afternoon light.
“It’s just a cigarette,” you say, watching the smoke curling from your mouth, but Ford, who's stiff like he's resisting the urge to snatch the cigarette out of your fingers, doesn't seem satisfied with that.
“Yeah and it hurts your pretty lungs.”
Oh. That tone. That damn tone, which means he’s about to start. Again.
He pulls his coat tighter. “Do you know how many carcinogens are in that? the tar alone is—“
You groan, tipping your head back. “oh my god Ford.”
“No, i’m serious. You don’t even understand what that’s doing to your body.”
“It’s not that bad,” you say, cutting him off, waving him away. “you’re acting like i’m chugging cyanide.”
“You might as well be,” his glasses slip down his nose, and he shoves them back up in agitation.
You've heard it all before, the lecturers, the statistics so you roll your eyes, amused, flicking the ash into the pavement. “When i wanna stop, i can.”
Ford scoffs. “that’s what they all say. . . I don't know if you know this, but cigarettes contain over seven thousand chemicals, many of which are—“
You blow smoke into his worried, but serious face and he immediately recoils coughing, waving his hand to dispel the haze. You laugh, reaching over to run a hand through his beautiful golden colored hair to smooth away his frustration.
“Honey,” you barely get time to say before Ford scoffs of. Oh here we go, petnames are back in circulation. You're using the secret weapon, you know exactly what they do to him. “Cant you trust me? when i want to stop, i can.”
Suddenly Ford is twelve years old again and Stanley smells like smoke.
Ford swears he can hear their dad in the other room, muttering at the evening news.
His brother leans against the windowsill, awkwardly rolling a cigarette between his fingers which he bummed off the older kids at school. There’s a hole in his sleeve. A bruise on his jaw.
“You know dad will smell it ! He's gonna know. He's gonna—“
“Yeah, yeah, he'll tan my hide, blah blah.” Stan rolls his eyes, sliding the cigarette between his lips , lighting it with exaggerated flick of the lighter. The first puff is taken in a deep, inexperienced breath before he exhales through his nose. “seriously, Poindexter , would you stop being paranoid? when i wanna stop, i can.”
But he doesn’t, he lies, because Ford hears him cough at night sometimes. Watches him light another in the schoolyard.
He knows it’s bad. But Stan doesn’t listen.
Why does his brother do these things? Why does he always push the limits, cross the lines? Why does he always seem so desperate to do the things he knows he shouldn't?
That day, when they returned from school with large backpacks at the ready, Stanford glanced towards their house. “seriously, Stan, put it out. If da smells it—“
“What, you're scared he'll ground me?” Stanley smirked. “big whoop.”
“Stanley!”
Stan roll ed his eyes at his twin's dramatic behavior, but stubbed it out on the pavement, flicking the butt into the bushes what made Ford exhale, relieved.
But the relief didnt last long.
Because week later, their dad does find out.
And Ford watches as his own twin, for all his bravado, gets actually scared. Ford hates that look. He hates it almost as much as he hates the sharp crack that follows.
Ford doesn’t like thinking about what happened next, doesn't like remembering the way Stan screamed. Doesn't like remembering how loud their father’s voice got, making the walls sh ake, how the belt cracked sharp as thunder, how Stan tried to act like it didnt carve its place into his skin.
But Ford remembers. He remembers the way Stan didn’t fight back, how he flinched at sudden movements for weeks. How he hissed through his teeth when he sat down too fast, and how he lit another cigarette anyway.
Ford opens his eyes. He's back in present now, back at the bus stop with you watching him with frustration in your eyes.
“Ford?”
He swallows, shakes his head, forces his thoughts back into place. He doesn't tell you any of that. “just. . . promise me you'll think about it.”
You groan again. “jesus, you sound like my dad.”
Ford flinches and wonders, distantly, if you notice. If you know what that comparison does to him.
“I told you, darling, when i want to stop i can,” you add, caressing his cheek.
He doesn't argue anymore, because he already knows that line. Heard it before. Millions of times. And he knows it's a lie.
***
Stanley Pines doesn't know what to do with kindness. Not the real kind, anyway, where someone takes him out, sits him down and actually pays for his meal as if some random knucklehead like him is worth the damn trouble.
He can't help it; he feels awkward because he is not used to people being nice to him. He's not used to much of anything, except scraping by, finding the next scam and eating cheap food out of plastic wrappers. So when you dragged him to the Gravity Falls diner, promising him a real warm meal, he was suspicious.
The waitress barely had time to finish setting down the menus before Stan barked out an order. “Burger, double. Extra fries. Chocolate milkshake. And gimme some bacon on the side.”
You're an idiot, he thought, the hell are you getting the money for all this?
Your brows shot up, but you didn’t say anything, just smiled and told the waitress to put it on one tab. That’s when Stan’s gaze snap s to you. “One tab? wait, you’re payin’?”
“Yeah, why not?” you answer casually, because it's not a big deal for you, but Stanley frowns.
“You sure about that? ‘cause, uh, i don’t exactly have, you know. . .” he trails off, scratching the back of his neck.
“It’s fine. Just eat, Stan.” and that’s what fucks him up. Because nobody’s ever wanted to spend their money on him before, not unless they were expecting something in return. But you just look at him with those soft, genuine eyes and tell him to shut up when he starts talking about returning money.
When the food arrives, Stanley attacks it like a man starved, which, honestly, he definitely is. The burger disappears in minutes, followed by the fries, then the bacon. Grease smears his chin and he doesn't even bother wiping it off, too busy slurping down his milkshake like his life depends on it. Not a single goddamn cru mb left. You swear he licked it. “Well, shit, if i knew you were gonna feed me like this, id have showed up beggin' at your door ages ago.”
You watch in both amusement and horror at the starved man in front of you, who barely stops to chew, talking with his mouth full .
“Yeah, yeah. You eat like a starving stray dog.”
That makes him choke on his milkshake, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, glaring at you while you laugh. “jesus, toots, the hell's that supposed to mean?”
“I mean,” you wave a vague hand, smirking. “you're scruffy, hungry all the time, you look at people like they might kick you if you get too close.”
“Hey, don't insult dogs like that.” He cuts in, effectively ending the conversation as he goes back to his food, shoveling another bite into his mouth.
“Damn, Stan, you wanna slow down before you choke?” you tease, propping your chin on your hand, watching him shoveling food into his mouth with the single-minded desperation of a man just let out if a cage.
Stan grunts, barely acknowledging you. “’s good.” you notice the ketchup on his cheek and chuckle.
“Yeah, i can tell.”
After couple of minutes, he finally pauses, chewing slower, he swallows hard and taps his finger on the table, avoiding eye contact with you. Leaning back with a groan and patting his stomach with one hand, Stan smears a little grease with other. He exhales, heavy. Then, as if realising how fucking feral he just looked, tries to play it off.
“Whew. Almost forgot what real food tastes like. Jail slop, y'know? Not that I've been to jail. Ha, kiddin.” he pauses and grins. “unless?”
Silence.
You stare at him, blinking. He watches your face, waiting for laugh or well, some kind of reaction that doesn't make him feel like a goddamn idiot , but you just look at him like. What. The fuck.
Stanley throws his hands up. “Okay, tough crowd. Coño. . .” he mutters the last word under his breath, shaking his head
“Was it Spanish?” your eyes perk. Stanley tenses , but you squint at him. “how do you know Spanish?”
“Uh, picked it up.”
“Picked it up where?”
“Places.”
“ Uh-huh, ” you lean forward. “cmon, teach me some.”
“Nah, i aint exactly fluent, sweetheart.” Stan laughs forced.
“But you sounded pretty fluent just now.”
“Yeah, well,” he rubs his neck. “i picked up the good words.”
You let it go, for now, because you notice the way his eyes dart and how how tries to make himself look just casual, enough for it to be convincing.
***
The dorm hallway was too bright and loud, full of students shuffling papers, setting up models and diagrams, nervously practicing their presentations to each other.
Ford stood off to the side, as always stiff and uneasy, shifting his weight from foot to foot, shoulders tight. His fingers fidgeted uselessly, six of them curling and uncurling.
The project was ready. The calculations were perfect. He should’ve felt confident.
Then why did he feel so out of place?
He scanned the room, seeing students, professors, familiar classmates. Goddamn. Ford hated how nervous he was, hated that his mind was half on the project, half on—
“G'mornin’” your lazy voice broke through the noise. “or, well, g’afternoon? god, what time is it?”
Ford turned. Oh, you were a mess with your hair wild, clothes rumpled, eyes heavy with sleep. A coffee cup dangled from your fingers, mostly empty. You yawned, covering your mouth halfheartedly.
Ford gave you a quick once-over, barely holding back a sigh. “you look— “
“Beautiful?” you grinned.
“like you rolled out of bed five minutes ago.”
“Aww, you noticed,” you laughed , stretching. Then, with absolutely no preamble, “so i fell down the stairs today.”
“What?” Ford raised his eyebrows.
“Yup, just,” you made a vague flailing motion with your hands. “ Wham, right down ‘em. It was very tragic. A true fall from grace. ”
You expected him to at least huff a laugh, maybe shake his head or give you that exasperated, fond sigh. But Ford didn’t. Instead, his brows drew together, and his eyes quickly swept over you, scanning for damage.
“Are you alright? do you need to see the nurse? You should’ve told me earlier.”
“ . . . you’re not laughing, ” you pointed out. “normally you at least try to pretend i’m funny.”
“You fell down the stairs, and you expect me to laugh?”
“Well, when you say it like that—“
“Are you hurt?”
That care, honestly, took you by surprise. “uh,” you looked down at yourself, then shrugged. “probably? i dunno, i was too tired to check. ”
Ford exhaled slowly, clearly trying not to engage, but you just kept going.
“Man, i am not ready for this presentation,” you groaned, rubbing your eyes. “seriously, i have no idea what i’m gonna say. But hey, i’d do anything for my two lovely nerds. even stand in front of a bunch of judgmental geniuses and pretend i know what i’m talking about. Right, Ford? ”
Nothing.
“ . . . Ford?” you waved a hand in front of his blank face. Obviously, he wasn't listening, judging by how distant his gaze was, he was somewhere else entirely.
“Hellooo? Earth to Sixer?”
Ford blinked, snapping back. “What? Oh, sorry.”
You gave him a look. “man, you’re the one who’s supposed to be all focused and sharp. i m the one running on three hours of sleep and caffeine fumes.”
He barely heard you. “have you seen Fiddleford today?” Ford asked abruptly.
“What?” you paused.
“Fiddleford. Have you seen him?”
You frowned, thinking. “um. no? now that you mention it, i don’t think i have. But i just woke up like an hour ago, so last time i saw him was when we were working on the project. Why?”
Ford looked away and pursed his lips guiltily. “he said he was going for a walk. I remember he had a drink, said he’d be back. But he never—“
“You don’t think . . .?”
Ford shook his head quickly, Interrupting your thought. “ No. No, he’s fine. He’s probably just, well, late. ”
But you both knew that wasn’t like him. Fiddleford was always there on time, cracking jokes and filling the space with his presence.
And now he wasn’t.
The noise of the hall seemed to fade. Ford exhaled sharply, shaking his head. He said your name, nervously slipping a textbook into your hands. “We should focus, he’ll show up.”
***
The ride to the shack is cool, winter sun setting earlier than youd like, same as always. Your dog is curled at your feet, eyes flicking back to Stan at the wheel. He grumbled about the fur at first but you can see it, he likes your dog, likes her a lot. He's just being difficult, pretending, putting up a front.
Stanley drives slowly, you don’t know if he always does, but right now, you wish he’d go faster. You want to see Ford as soon as possible.
But Stan doesn’t seem nearly as excited as you. There’s a knot of unease sitting somewhere inside him, but mostly, he just isn’t sure what to say when he finally sees his brother again.
“Hey, I’m bothering you again because I’ve got nowhere else to go?”
After a beat of silence, you glance at him. “you ever think about calling Ford before he called you?”
Stan's eyes are fixed on the road as he speaks, “thought about it. But i figured he’d just tell me to drop dead.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“Yeah?” he glances at you now , twisting his mouth. “pretty sure he told me worse when i got here.”
When you reach the shack, you knock. Wait.
No answer.
You knock again. Still nothing
Stan squints. “maybe he’s sleepin’.”
You huff, shifting your grip on the grocery bags. “actually, i lived here sometimes, so i’ll count it as my home too. And if Ford doesn’t wanna open the door for me, i’ll open it myself.”
Stan smirks. “yeah, that tracks.” but then his smirk fades as he narrows his eyes slightly. Lived here before.
You unlock the door, steeping inside and the first thing you notice is quiet the shack is
“Ford?” you call, but you don't get an answer.You exchange a worried glance with Stan. Ford seems nowhere to be seen.
“Should we be worried?”
“Nah,” Stan says, but he doesn’t sound convincing. “he's probably just. . .”
You step into his room and you see Ford sprawled out, dead asleep, hair a mess, glasses off. He's curled slightly inward, breathing deep and even, absolutely gone to the world.
Stan smiles. “Told ya he’s fine. Nerd just passed out.”
“I'm still worried, should we wake him? ”
Stan eyes his brother. “Nah, let him sleep. Dude probably hasn't in days.” he tells you, already leaving the room.
You nod slowly, still focused, studying Stanford's face. Okay, yeah, Stanley is right. You should let your poor n erd sleep. You turn, stepping back into the hall.
“You shouldn't have come back.”
And that makes you freeze as you quickly turn your head to the sound to see Ford sitting up. Staring at you, his eyes are open now, fixed on you.
You blink, thrown off, eyes flicking to the person sitting in front of you. Then, before you can think about it, you step forward, reach for his hand and—
Picture passes. Ford is still in bed, asleep.
You swallow. A slow, creeping dread curls in your chest. Who or what did you just see?
….
“Nerd looked bad. Needed sleep.”
That was the verdict. So you let Ford be.
“He always was a bad sleeper,” Stan grumbled, stepping past you, glancing around the shack, still having hard time getting used to it. “musta gotten worse over the years.”
Just let the man sleep. He'd wake up eventually.
You had to do something to keep yourself busy. Giving your dog a quick scratch behind the ears as you walked past, you figured she deserved a proper meal after all the traveling.
Stan, though, stayed behind and damn, it wasn't like he was snooping. Not really.
It was just this place felt weird.
He rubs the back of his neck, glancing around, taking in the clutter, the books, the walls covered in notes and sketches, and hell, even that weird curtain draped over the entire back wall like Ford is hiding some secret government operation. It's just. . . odd.
“Guess some things never change, huh, Sixer?” Stanley sighs. And that’s when his eyes accidentally land on the lighter what makes him tilt his head.
. . . Since when did his goody-two-shoes, anti-smoking, 'your-lungs-are-a-delicate-system- Stanford' brother have a lighter?
Stan picks it up, turning the little thing over in his hand. Metal. Decent weight.
Not some cheap thing, either.
He wants to call out to you, “hey, did you know Ford's got a lighter in here?” but he remembers, at the last second, that Ford is still dead asleep in the other room and screaming that loud would disturb him.
So instead, he just holds it, closing his fingers around it, turning it in his palm, flipping the lid open with a soft metallic click.
Weird.
Stanley's curiosity itches. So he looks around again, just in glance, just to make sure you aren't watching.
Then, his gaze drifts lower to the small pile of books near the armrest.
He chuckles. “Nerd books,” he tells himself, but his hand reaches down anyway.
One of them catches his eye. Heavy thing with a lot of pages.
Gravity's rainbow.
Oh yeah. He’d heard of that one.
Didn't seem like the kinda book Ford would normally read, though.
Stanley carelessly flips it open, barely glancing at the pages. Blah, blah, blah. Too many damn words for someone as impatient as him.
Suddenly, something slips out of page 69.
A bookmark?
Stan makes sure to catch it before it can land, brushing his fingers over the glossy surface before he turns it over.
Huh.
A photo.
It was you and his brother. From college, clearly, you both looked so much younger, holding some kinda trophy.
Some nerd award, Stan assumes.
Ford had that same awkward, stiff stance he always had in photos, but you looked too happy, excited, eyes shining. Laughing, hair a little windblown, standing too close to Ford,who had lipstick mark on his cheek.
What?
Stanley squints, fuck. . . he really needs to buy glasses.
You never really expect to see your nerdy brother like that. Looking. . . well, normal. Young. Happy .
Stan continues to stare. At Ford’s unsure smile. At your beaming one.
He turns the photo in his fingers again and glances toward the hallway where Ford is sleeping.
And then, a hand lands on his shoulder.
“Mierda!” Stanley jumps, nearly throwing the book across the room. He barely had time to shove the polaroid away before he turns, swearing under his breath, “por el amor de dios, you tryna give me a heart attack?”
You, startled, take a step back and raise your hands. “shit, sorry!” then your head tilts, “wait. Was that, was that Spanish again?”
Stan is still catching his breath, clutching at his chest like he just lost ten years off his life. “Si. Yeah.”
“ What were you looking at? ”
“Nothing.” Smooth, effortless. Completely unconvincing, but before you could say anything, his face twitches as he makes a sharp inhale through his teeth. “fucking hell.”
Your gaze drops to his shoulder, where your hand had landed .
A burn.
“Stan.” he swears he hears the shift in your tone before he even sees your expression. You reach forward, touching his arm again, but softer this time, brushing your fingers against the fabric of his jacket, near the burn. “You never treated it.”
Stan rolls his eyes. “it’s fine.”
“Bullshit. ”
“ It’s. . . oh, damn, it ain't like it's infected. ”
“That's not the point.” you pull, planting your hands on your hips. “you let it heal like that? No treatment at all?”
“Ain’t like I had a whole damn first-aid kit on me, sweetheart.”
You frown. “you could’ve at least—“
“It’s fine.”
And so it goes, the familiar dance of grumbling and resistance, before he finally gives in with a gruff and let you do your thing.
“Okay, fine. Fine. Do whatever.” he sighs, groaning, rubbing his face.
You mutter something about stupid stubborn men under your breath before reaching for the first aid kit on the nearby shelf.
But before you could even open it you hear your dog growling low what made your head snap toward her. She’s staring at the hallway that leads toward the front of the shack.
“Aww, shit.” you hear Stan say.
“What ?”
He gestures toward the hallway.”you got ghosts in here, too?”
You give him a look, but your dog won't stop growling and that's when your eyes widen because you just hear the front door creaking slowly. Next thing you feel is a gust of cold air sweeping through the room.
Stan turns, the door is open what made fresh snow carry inside, dusting the floor in uneven patches.
You and him stare at it, realising that neither of you had opened that door.
After a long pause, Stan walks over and slams it shut, clicking the lock in place.
Then turning back to you with annoyed face, “so, anyway, how the hell is everyone in this town so damn weird?”
“What?” Stan plops back down next to you.
“i mean, you know,” he gestures, winces a little when the motion tugs his injured shoulder. “this place. Gravity falls. It’s weird. Fuckin’ weird. Like,” he tilts his head, looking at you, squinting. “theres so much paranormal weird shit here, and i aint even talking about my brother.”
“Now you sound paranoid.”
“ See? That’s what i mean!” he points at you, triumphant. “exactly what i’m talking about! Everyone’s just, like, casually fine with all the weird shit, but if you point it out, suddenly you’re the crazy one. ”
As you work, carefully dabbing at the burn, he hisses through his teeth, every touch of yours is met with some kind of protest or mumbled curse or half-hearted complaint.
“You’re a goddamn baby.”
“And you’re a goddamn sadi—“ he doesn't have time to finish as he gasps dramatically again, throwing his head back like you just putted him through the worst pain imaginable.
“Oh, quit it.”
“Quit what?”
“ A cting like you’re getting tortured.”
“H ey, you don’t know, yo u could be really bad at this.”
You press the gauze down harder, and Stanley hisses, jerking away.
“Fuck, watch it, would ya?”
“Oh , sorry, am i hurting you?” you deadpan. “maybe if you’d taken care of this in the first place, it wouldn’t be such a problem.”
“It ain’t a problem—“
“o h, no, of course not,” you cut in, rolling your eyes. “burns are fine. Totally normal to just leave them alone and hope they magically heal on their own.”
“I was busy.”
“Busy being dumb?”
“Oh, fuck that, really,” he says flatly before he looks away.
You sigh through your nose, gentler this time as you go back to work, cleaning his burn around the edges. Stan's eyes flick to the coffee table and he remembers the lighter he’d found earlier.
“So, since when does Sixer smoke?”
You stop, freezing .
Stanley raises an eyebrow, watching the way your whole body goes rigid. “what?” he drawls. “hit a nerve?”
“Ford doesn’t smoke.”
“Yeah? that his lighter, then?” he gives you a look, nodding toward the thing. Wait. . . The realization hitting you like a weight to the chest. Fuck. You’d left it here? At Ford’s? “found that lying around. And i know that stick-in-the-mud was always on my ass about it, so unless he suddenly decided to turn into the marlboro man—“
You swallow. “no.”
“Huh.” his smirk widens. “so you’re tellin’ me— “
You scowl. “it’s mine, okay? I used to, but i’m trying to quit.”
After a beat of silence Stanley bursts into shameless laughter.
You glare at him. “what the fuck is so funny?”
“Oh my god, ” he wheezes, slapping his knee. “holy shit, lemme guess, did Poindexter give you the whole ‘your lungs will rot’ speech? Went full psa mode? ”
Your scowl deepens. “so what if he did?”
“No , no—” he’s still laughing, wiping at his eyes. “it’s just, you sound exactly like me when i was like twelve. Swear to god. He gave me the same fuckin’ speech. Like, word for word. Bet he even did the disappointed sigh.”
“He just cared,” you admit, looking away. “cared about my well-being. I used to think the same as yo u, that he was just being a nerd. But, y’know. Some things never change.”
That shuts Stanley up. So you use that moment when he seems to think or remember something, and clear your throat. “anyway, since you’re his brother, i wanted to ask you something.”
“ Shoot.”
“Was he always like this?”
“Like what?”
“You know. Paranoid. Weird. Off.”
He gives you a look. “ uh, i met the guy for the first time in ten years, like, yesterday.”
“Oh. Right.”
Stanley scratches his chin. “but, i mean, i dunno. When we were kids, he was always kinda anxious. Worried about grades, the future, that kinda shit.”
“Yeah . He was the same in college.” yo u nod, something clicking into place.
You fall silent, rubbing your chin, thinking. If even Stanley, his own twin brother, has no idea what’s going on with Ford, then who does? Who the hell would know what happened to make him like this?
There had to be someone. Someone who saw him a lot during those years, who knew what changed , who was here when that happened. Who knew what had made him—
Your eyes widen .
“Fiddleford .”
“Who ?”
“Fiddleford. Fiddleford Mcgucket. Our good friend and Ford’s old lab assistant, he quit before everything went to hell, but if anyone knows what’s up with him now, it’s him.”
Stan stares at you. Then his entire body shook with laughter.
Ignoring that, you snap your fingers as smile appears on your face. “ Right! he should know!” you look at Stan, pausing. “what?”
“Fiddleford,” he repeats, grinning widely. “holy shit, that’s his real name?”
You cross your arms. “Yeah? ”
“That’s fucking hilarious.” he shakes his head. “ Ford and fiddle. Jesus.”
You shoot him a glare. “are you done?”
“ Nah , nah, i need a second,” he chuckles, wiping his eyes. “Fiddleford . God.”
You ignore that dumbass, grabbing the phone, its rotary dial familiar under your fingers. You dial the number, tapping your fingers against the table, pressing it to your ear as the static hum of the line comes to life.
“Hello?”
The voice on the other end is unmistakable and it makes you smile, hearing your friend again.
“Fidds , it’s me, ” you name yourself.
There’s a pause. Then, carefully , he repeats your name.
“Yeah! listen, i know you said you wanted to forget whatever happened when you were working with Ford, but—”
You don’t get to finish, because across from you, Stanley starts laughing again, shaking his head like he just can’t believe what he’s hearing.
You glare at him.
“Fiddleford,” he says under his breath, wheezing. “holy shit!”
You roll your eyes, bringing the phone back to your ear. “so, anyway— “
“Wait, wait, hold on,” Fiddleford cuts in, confused. “who’s that?”
Stanley, still grinning, leans in toward the receiver and says, loud as hell: “your parents named you what?!”
“Who in the sam hill is laughin’ at my name?!”
You turn away from Stan, pushing him. “ignore him.”
“Who’s laughin’?”
“Nobody.”
“I'm gonna die. Man, your name is awesome. And here i thought, my parents had zero imagination.”
“Uh,” Fiddleford sounds even more confused.
“Don’t listen to him.”
But Stan just keeps laughing. “Nah, seriously, what kinda— “
You hear Fiddleford's voice going defensive. “now listen here, i’ll have you know Fiddleford’s a perfectly respectable name—”
You sigh, rubbing at your temple. Jesus christ. This was gonna be a long conversation.
Ford sleeps like the dead, the weight of exhaustion so complete that he might as well be a corpse until his chest lurches followed by painful gasp, his whole body jerking upright, pulling him back into the waking world.
His breath is coming too fast and shallow and Ford can't quite catch it. His heart is beati ng as if it wants to burst out, no longer belong ing in his body. Cold sweat clings to his skin, dampening the sheets beneath him.
Another fucking nightmare.
Ford drags a hand down his face, through his hair. Inhales slow, exhales slower and forces himself to move.
The floor is cold when his bare feet touch it, but even that doesn't ground him, reminding him that he’s here, in the Shack, with him watching his every move.
He needs water, so he stumbles towards the door until he steps on something that makes too loud a sound.
Squeak.
Ford looks down.
A dog toy, a bright, rubbery, ridiculous thing, right there beneath his heel.
Oh he knows what it means. Happened quite a lot. You're here. And you brought your dog.
Ford sighs. Deeply. He sets the toy down on his desk and finally steps out into the hallway.
He hears your voice, unmistakable, and Stanley’s.
And then he hears a voice he hasn’t heard in a long, long time.
#gravity falls#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls x you#x reader#ford pines x reader#stanford pines#stan pines x reader#stanley pines x you#stanley pines x reader#mullet stan x reader#stanford pines x you#stanford pines x reader#stanford pines headcanons#stan pines x you#ford pines x you#young fiddleford#fiddleford mcgucket#stanley pines#ford pines#gravity falls fanfiction#ford pines smut
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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idw bumblebee and prowl shouldve broke up bcs he wouldnt stop 𝚊sking prowl to pause his report for just one lil astrosec so he can change his various pastel colored pens while making his cute little aesthetically pretty for no reason & very time - consuming notes with big colorful fonts & cute designs real quick
also another thought abt annoying ass bb trying to make running a literal planet cotteque so he doesn't go crazy bcs hes now a politician when all he ever wanted was to deliver mail & smile & wave at bots who call him cute ---
bee: 𝚠heeljack, im so sorry about this but do you mind repeating the time-stakingly long introduction, instruments, research references, modules, hypothesis, counter thesis, procedures, analysis, second - retrial, results, & explanation that you just spent 700000 earth hours saying because i was busy drawing a cute little bee in the corner of my notes please :] ?
wheeljack:
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idw bee trying to run a planet that fucking hates him is just rlly funny to me, especially since everyone views bee as the goody character who everyone loves & he views himself as that & then they finally win this consuming war & he can reap his rewards of being loved without holding a gun & no one fucking likes him. hes even getting on his own old team's nerves & not in the loveable scamp way but the get the fuck out of my face way
#everybody regarding bee during the war: aw cute lil guy! bringing some positivity to this cruel war!! his goofups are so sparkwarming#it's ok lil guy!! we will always support u at the end of the day bcs u remind us of our sparks inside & love is rea-#everybody regarding bee constantly fucking up on how to run a wholeass planet: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#he was just a scout trying to do his best to appease optimus and now hes a bitch still trying to appease optimus for some reason#wheeljack: so i set these tools aside to route a waste system whenever you're ready to establish that legally & ill get to bui-#bumblebee: CAN WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE SO I DONT K*LL MYSELF :D ??#wheeljack: ....... we need a waste system due to disturbed population disrespecting your rules & this planet is getting worse &#bumblebee: please primus wheeljack i Dont know what youre Saying i just want my DaMn tiMeMacHine so people will LiKe mE!!!!#wheeljack: im gonna kill you .#scout bee: grahh who does that guy think he is >:[ im gonna go kick his BUTT!!! being mean to my FRIEND! grah! TAKE THIS#wheeljack: haha no lil guy dont do that ull die lol lets reel back & go back to base to build some cool bombs instead YAYYY they will die :#not US! YAYYYY!!!#* they celebrate in guys who are desensitized to violence *#guys who are desensitized to violence now forced to govern a planet that hates violence but no one else is trusted to do it->#bee: WE NEED TO BUILD SODA FOUNTAINS EVERYWHERE SO PPL WILL STOP PREFERRING WAR CRIMINAL STARSCREAM OVER ME PLS#PLS JACK PLS 😸!!!!!#wheeljack: bumblebee i havent blown up a mech besides myself in so fucking long. im so fucking close.#when ur squad so fucked up the mentally ill undiagnosed ppl pleaser obsessed teachers pet bitch is the best choice#to run a planet bcs everyone else will bomb 99% of the populatjon and leave#bee stills bombs like 5% of it but it's ok bcs theyre decepticons & theyre bad guys & this is def not problematic thinking at all :)#<- literally murder#transformers idw#bumblebee#wheeljack#prowl#transformers#maccadam#tf idw
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im making a wedding guest list in order to. uh. destress. from work anxiety. (we are not officially engaged yet in that we are waiting for our rings to arrive sometime this month and also do not even a little have a wedding date and have not figured out a budget yet. so it's a very stupid exercise. but. i can do whatever i want)
anyway im beginning to worry that i only have two friends? i suppose it's actually good because that will cost less but possibly i have some kind of disease or condition
#how many friends are you supposed to have#friend i guess being a term here for. person it would feel fucked up to not try to have at your wedding.#normally i don't worry about this because i have a rich and active social life online and at work and also at knitting#but if i invite my labmates i maybe need to invite the whole lab??#so i have to figure that out#i don't really feel like any of my knitting friends are wedding friends. like i like them a lot but we aren't There#and for the most part i have no idea how to gauge the intimacy level of internet friends. sorry to say that to your collective faces#but you can recognize that it's a weird problem i hope esp since i am BAD AT DMING and mostly just dont do it.#reading each others diaries for 12 years etc etc.#irl i have.... my best friend from kindergarten who is a family member. to me.#and my college roommate hi jack <3 <3 <3#and maybe 5 other people from college. one of whom may still be living in australia whenever this happens#i really shouldn't be concerned about this we have five billion cousins and Family Friends between us. and 🌸 has many friends#due to their superior and highly lovable nature.#but like. what if i forgot about a lifelong friend i care for deeply and don't remember they exist in time to invite them. it could happen.#box opener
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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“If you just do everything you’re supposed to do you’ll eventually end up where you need to be.” Infinity train book 4 you fuck me up so bad still. “You can mess up even if you stand still…” MIN-GI PARK…..
#ITS SOOOOO GOOD…#he’s fucking. just like me for real#GOD. relationships with family and friends and like. I DONT HAVE THE WORDS FOR IT RIGHT NOW#and how like personal problems and biases can effect your relationships#and how little things about someone can build up and bottle up and it’s like you love them and hate them at the same time#and about standing still versus rushing ahead#the weight of expectations. one trying to run away one just trying to do as he’s told#and they both think they knows what’s best. for themselves for each other#rymin is so much more than a ship to me. it’s about complexities and best friendship and knowing someone your whole life#and how extremely fucked up that can be#head in my hands punches the wall explodes#infinity train#book 4#rymin#sunnfish.txt#min gi park is like if hanzawa masato was a lot less eccentric and a lot more angry. same core though#sorry also just like. what a justified anger it is#min gi has molded himself to what his parents want him to be his whole life#he tries and wants to be with Ryan. but it’s so fucking terrifying to him#that amount of change and freedom.#sorry. sorry#okay. I’m going#WAIT. also thinking about the whole. abandonment issues. aaaaauuuuu#rewatching rn and#not even at the art gallery car episode yet but I’m thinking about it. you LEFT me.
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Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it
#txt#trying to figure it out#i tried to be there for jim and listen to him and be a good partner#but he barely opened up#i didnt know he wanted to leave me#he chose to open up when i was mad#so i didnt respond#so that i didnt yell#not that that is his fault#i should have done better#but i couldny#in that house#i was so overstimulated all the fucking tome#time#like always#and i didnt even realise it#until he kicked me put#out*#and now im just guilty over everything.#why wasnt i better#why cpuldnt i be better#its not fair that he didnt tell me#3 months and you really couldnt tell me what was on your mind#thats unfair man#i was trying so hard to be better#to do better#giving him space is almost impossible#hes my best friend and my soul mate#i dont want to talk to anyone else tbh#so being ignored is like a knife to my chest and idk what to do about it and this is my last tag i can put it and i just dont even know
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Arn seeing Timie on the street: aw what acute lil guy sure hope he isn't tormented!
Bro absolutely messed up, wanted to be a good boy and help someone because this mirrors shit that happened to him but instead found out that Timie is filled with 10thousand problems and somehow knows Arn to a weird degree withought ever really talking to him and he cant...figure out why..... can you really meet someone in a dream?
And now poor Arnold got a little guy that wants to cling onto him when they're sad
#Arn is gonna be a cuddle buddy if he keeps up with being nice to Timie by accident#Timie is like a hissing kitten in my opion all ready to rip your fingers off until you pet them once and now theyre your best friend please#hold me NYYYYAAAAAAAAAA NYAAAAA#i just think its gonna be funny writing Arn slowly pieceing shit together over time until its jusg oh mf youre the hero of time arent you#no WONDER youre so messed up#but for right now hes just super confused about what just happened he just hugged Timie becaue it seemed like the right thing to do#and now youre bound to this dude by invoking destiny maybe we were supposed to meet again insane ass you just became#inexplicably tied to this dude and you will die all through one thing thats manifested itself as a red string of fate around both of you#congrats arn your kindness has just doomed you down the path that all dudes in Hyrule take when they get to close to the hero#(REDACTED) oh right wait thats massive plot shit thats something i dont wanna reveal#ITS NOT DEATH IT REALLY ISNT I AINT GONNA KILL HIM like forreal i killed arn once never again but its gonna be so silly goofy what his ass#just got tied up in all from just trying to help#maybe you shouldnt of been their canon event in the adult timeline being the one person they couldnt save but fucked up
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do not look at this i’m just gonna be throwing a fit in the tags and i need to feel like its going somewhere
#look. i love my roommate. p much my best friend. i am also this close to fucking killing them dead#the way they live. stresses me out#like i work 40 hours a week. 4 10 hour days. in the medical field#she works like… 16 hours a week. 4 4 hour days. basically babysitting#doing crafts and watching children in an after school program#so tell me why the fuck i’m doing like 95% of the work around the apartment#and shes stressing me out rn in particular cause the hours she works are like. 2-6 pm#and when i’m off work i dont see her wake up/come out of her room until like 1#but the thing is. is that instead of doing things she needs to do before going to work#shes decided to do her laundry after she gets home#so its 10pm and im trying to go to bed so i can go to work in the morning#but im just listening to the fucking washing machine which is on the other side of the wall from my head :)#bestie :) do you have thoughts :) in your head :) ever#and she barely does her dishes she never takes out the trash#she leaves food in the fridge and pantry for way too long and instead of eating stuff she has she just buys more stuff#shes so messy her shit is everywhere and shes like boarderline a hoarder actually#girl you have enough stuff. its time to stop i think#she does not think before she buys anything#she loves vintage/antique things#and she basically just sees something and goes ‘i like that’ and buys it#without thinking if she actually needs it or is gonna use it#i swear 90% of the time shes forgotten that she bought anything by the next day#its just abandoned somewhere among her stuff#im like girl. im begging you to try and get a normal sleep schedule so you can be up and doing adult things during the day#bc i pay for half this apartment and im about to bite you#and she doesnt seem to understand why i want to sleep at night#it like. confuses her#she tries to get me to watch like three movies in a row with her after work and when im like okay i need to go to bed she actually like#pouts at me#and ik from experience if i dont sleep enough i get really mean and dysfunctional. so
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it's controversial to say this i guess but i genuinely believe last life was the least interesting life series season and youre all lying to me about enjoying it
#im not actually serious you can like last life i just dont get it but slay go off king#i dont think wild life was the best by any means#but ppl constantly be comparing it (and all others) to last life and im like... they arent trying to do the same thing tho?#like. i personally think my fav might be secret life or limlife and those were both pretty gimmick-heavy and quite silly with lots of-#'meaningless' deaths#but like. im not a fucking reddit user? i dont care if people get blown up or break the rules? its rule of cool.#everyone loves last life and *i cant even finish it im so god damn bored*#in the end i dont think it really matters / i dont really care#but calling wild life 'content slop' or low effort is INSANE (yes ive seen ppl doing that) when the CCs put so much fucking work into it#it pisses me off actually#like no it isnt just meaningless content do u know how long those mods take to make??? come on#and being unnecessarily vile towards popular artists for... being popular and enjoying the series they help create? gimme a break#this is vagueing a particular blog but ive seen the same takes several times so idc#anyway the point at hand- last life has the most Drama and Roleplay i guess? thats why people like it i think#but to me its just... there.#third life was so much more compelling to me and was the First to do the Thing so it gets a pass anyway#double life was cool in terms of balancing roleplay gimmick and story but shouldve had two rows of hearts. but its still fun#limlife took everything good about last life and made it 10 x more interesting#secret life fucked hard idc what anyone says#wild life was goofy and fun and crazy and awesome and i loved it even tho i was apprehensive at first#yeah the gimmicks kinda got in the way of Drama and Story but... they werent really aiming for drama and story were they?#except for the fact that JOEL ATE !!!! AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!!#erm anyway if youre reading this youre awesome#the only thing i would change about the wild life finale would be the snails. cause snail deaths are kind of boring sorry. but i get it.
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Just days away from my HOPEFULLY last fall semester in college
Gonna make this year fucking count
#speculation nation#IM NERVOUSSSSSSS IM SO SCARED!!!!!!!!#im also planning the exact day i wash my hair prior (tomorrow) and the day i paint my nails (Sunday)#so that i can look my best on the first day. gonna try to look cool. like an unapproachable emo and/or punk#if i scare them away and/or just fade to the background then i dont have to worry about strangers talking to me#my tried and true method of antisocialization. yes i have very few friends in person why do you ask#anyways i bought a planner and everything. im gonna try to manage my time well#gonna be. uh. responsible. yeah sure#most importantly im going to pass all my classes bc i do NOT want to worry about taking any of them later.#i have 4 classes left for the fall and 3 classes left for the spring and then i'll finally graduate.#and i can be free from this fucking dump. a whole decade later.#rattling the bars of my cage violently. GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!#like fuck dude even if i dont end up with a swanky tech job starting out at least i could be a store manager and not in school#tho of course i do want to have my swanky tech job. or even just a normal tech job. so that i can have. money :]#my 15 year plan for Get Rich (eventually) coming to fruition this fall by yours truly#and by that i mean. im going to fucking graduate college even if it kills me#hyping myself up. i can totally do this. ignore the fact that ive been putting off doing my dishes all week again.#face. in my hands. im not looking forward to this.
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discourse protip: if you made an entire blog dedicated to telling a group of people they either don't exist or don't actually experience oppression, you're probs on the wrong side of things. just by and large
#its funny how literally every time i stumble on a new discourse its bc of someone being like#'(XYZ) FUCK OFF YOURE NOT REAL (KSJFKSNF)' and then i look up the xyz tag and its all ppl being chill talking about their experiences#and then you go to the ksjfkdjfkd tag and its all XYZ DIE XYZ SHUT UP XYZ GO AWAY XYZ YOURE NOT REAL#like. i try very hard not to fall into like. sides vs sides mentality even tho i do use that word a lot bc its the best one we have#but at a certain point its just like. ok one of these groups is saying 'hi please acknowledge i exist' and one of them is saying#'you existing is harmful to me (citation needed) therefore you dont exist'#like obviously there is nuance beyond what im saying here for this post but like. by and large its all the same#so ig thats what makes it so exhausting every time someone tries to be like#no no but THIS time the exclusion is good you guys trust me bro#like that one tweet#origibberish
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.
#i have multiple discord servers for vent shit but unfortanely my sister is on all of them and i dont wanna bother her so#yeah everyone ignore this i just need to fucking explode#my mother is pissing me off so fucking much rn#she never shuts the fuck up#only cares about her own damn fucking problems#shes going on about how she cant find a book and she needs my help and im like mom#i just spilled water on my laptop can you stfu#and you know what she fucking says?#well maybe if you didnt always hide in your room with your computer#first of all im a fucking adult and istg once i have enough money im blowing this fucking stand in a heartbeat#and second of al#I WAS OUTSIDE#BECAUSE FOR ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME FRESH AIR#IM SICK OF BEING INSIDE#BUT WHEN I GO OUTSIDE SHE CAN COME TO ME WHICH I HATE MORE#so i try to go outside for once and what does it fucking get me#well the fucking water on my computer and audio issues#which thank God i fixed but ugh am i still pissed the fuck off#and my fucking “best friend” can barely give me the fucking time of day#leaves me on delivered for days at a time#and then straight up ignores my questions and wont fucking talk to me#but oh they'll call me randomly if they need my help#like is that all i fucking am to you?#UGH#trying to breathe#im going to put on headphones and writing gay fanfiction that always cheers me up
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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