#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time
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mrsnishimuraaa · 3 days ago
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Quick trip
PAIRING: riki x fem!reader
SYNOPSIS: When enhypen got the week off and all decided on a quick camping trip to relax, Riki managed to convince them all to let him bring his long term girlfriend.
GENRE: smut, risky
note: not proofread, guys i havent wrote in ages i am so sorry but here u go!
m.list
You were surprised that riki had managed to convince all the other members to bring you along, even though you've all known each other for years. Yet you still packed your bags and happily accepted, the travel there was easy and smooth, four and a half hour road trip to a small river campsite.
Everyone had decided before that they could all sleep in tents of 2, you and riki , jay and jungwon, sunoo and sunghoon and heeseung and jake. Of course there was the here and there joke of 'dont be too loud' 'tents are thin y'know' etc, the teasing is always endless.
Thats how it brings the two of you here, trying to stay as quiet as possible as you devour each others mouths, riki layed on top of you, holding your wrists above your head as he lightly grinds down on you. He grinds a little harder this time, earning a gasp from you and he only takes the chance to slip his tounge into your mouth.
in a matter of minutes, your clothes are practically ripped off each other. Rikis patience growing tinner by the second, the need to feel you only growing. "fuck" he mutters quietly "c'mere baby, legs up" he taps your thigh twice gently, his voice breathy in a whisper. You do as told, wrapping your legs around his waist as he pulls you closer to him by the hip. "please ki" you beg almost silently, the pulsing between your legs only getting worse.
Your head flies back as you feel the familiar pressure of his dick filling you up, a shaky breath comes out of your gaped lips as he bottoms out slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. A mischievous smirk on his face as he starts to move, fucking you as hard as he can without making too much noise, bending down to kiss you, silencing the moans and whines that threaten to fall pass your lips.
"oh ki" you breath out, lost in the feeling of your beloved boyfriend so deep inside of you, his fat tip kissing your cervix with every detailed thrust. The pressure building in your stomach as he continues his slow deep strokes, when his tip grazed your sweet spot that had you arching your back and slapping your hand over your mouth.
"found it hm? that little spot that'll make you cum around me?" he chuckles lowly, hint of teasing in his voice that makes your pussy evidently wetter, so wet that he definitely felt it. He angles his dick just right, and now he's abusing that spot, he has you squirming and arching as you whimper into your hand, trying so hard not to be heard as riki fucks you relentlessly.
"ki, im gonna cum" your voice almost comes out in a whine, arching your back for the millionth time as your body tries to squirm away from the overwhelming pleasure, "yeah, fuck cum for me baby" he fights a groan, swallowing it down as his head rolls back, chasing his high as you squirm underneath him.
its not too long before your biting your hand now and gripping his biceps, his grip on you tightening as he spills inside you seconds after your high gets the best of you, wriggling and panting as a small breathy moan you couldn't keep in falls past your lips. Riki slowly lowers himself onto you, never pulling out as he kisses your forehead "well done princess, always so good f'me" he smirks at you below him, sweaty yet still effortlessly beautiful. Wrapping his big arms around you as he nuzzles into you.
It may have been a bit awkward the next morning with the others, but what they never know won't hurt them.
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3amfanfiction · 2 days ago
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idk if you’ll think this is OOC for simon in the darling and doll series but can you write moments where he was actually kinda sweet/loving to doll? the recent chapters made me feel bad for doll, she doesnt get enough love 😔
feel free to ignore if u dont want to write him a bit ooc
Hi nonnie, this is the best I could do without pulling him so far ooc that we would be talking about a different story. Shoutout to gouge for brainstorming help. I couldn't have done it without them
cw: aftermath of rape, lackluster first-aid, icepacks and haircuts. It's assumed that reader has shorter hair in this.
Simon x reader, part of the Doll and Darling series (this is a dark series, hurt/no comfort, so be aware before you dive in)
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You jerked back as something hit the bed.
The packaging crinkled. You stared with uncomprehending eyes, trying to figure out what was just thrown at you.
"I know I was too rough with you last night. So. There's an icepack," the man standing over you grumbled. He was frowning down at you, expression put-out that you needed medical attention at all, no matter how lackluster it was.
Your fingers trembled as you reached for it, pulling it in.
He huffed an exasperated breath as the seconds ticked on and you fiddled with it, trying to hold it gingerly to hinge of your hip to help with the pain only to flinch away when you pressed too hard. "It's just a fucking icepack, how do you not know how to use it?" He pulled it from your hands to press it firmly against your body, ignoring your wheezed gasp of air at the pressure against your tender ligaments.
He'd had you in all sorts of stress positions the night before. Pushing and pulling you this way and that. When the morning light had come, you'd barely been able to walk, having to content yourself to wallowing in bed in pain.
You were surprised at his gesture. This wasn't the first time he'd hurt you but it was the first time he'd done something about it. You were hesitant to look a gift horse in the mouth but at the same time you were wary of this kindness. Surely he would expect recompense. Something further he would take from you that you weren't even aware you still held.
Still.
"Thank you."
It was best to stay on his good side while he had one.
You sat there awkwardly as the pain in your hip slowly cooled. It had dulled to a low throb when Simon shifted, bending down to tug you up and over his shoulder.
Well, that was short lived, you thought bitterly as you hung upside down, staring at his back. You wondered what new horrors he had in mind now that he had adequately 'repaired' you.
He sat you down on the bathroom counter, the hard surface cold against your bare thighs. Watching as he bent over to rummage through the drawer, you wondered at your life. You never expected to end up here—held against your will by a man you now knew far too thoroughly. Life was supposed to work out. It was supposed to be this great adventure that you were on, something exciting and full of hope. Not exhausting and full of pain.
You flinched when he stood up. You couldn't help it. A minute twitch that he was sure to have seen. Because he saw everything. There was no hiding from him. And it was constant. An ever-watchful eye over your shoulder that never blinked, never slept, always seeing.
You were the watcher this time as he straightened and stepped closer to you, spreading your knees (slower when he saw your wince at your hip being moved) and stepping in between them. Your spine went rigid when you saw the pair of scissors in his hand.
"W-wait, what are you doing?"
"Hold still," he grumbled, grabbing your chin to keep you from jerking away. "Unless you want these scissors to end up in your eye, you won't move."
Your muscles locked up, spine rigid as you froze at the threat.
"That's a good pet."
Your eyes clenched shut involuntarily as the scissors got closer to your face, leaving you to twitch in surprise at the snip near your ear. You felt strands of hair fall, brushing your bare shoulder on the way down. You sat as still as you could, cradling him in the V of your legs as he looked down on you with a slight frown of concentration. Your eyes cracked open to take a peek at him.
"Why are you doing this?" you whispered through strangled vocal cords.
"Noticed you kept messing with it. Know you don't like your hair this long."
That's right. You'd almost forgotten the time he'd spent stalking you before he kidnapped you. The hours he'd spent outside your house or following you on your errands. He would've seen everything you did. Cataloged everything about you. Including personal appearance preferences.
It was almost sweet in a way. Not really but you could delude yourself into thinking that way. You could pretend that it was care and devotion that had him helping you with your leg and your hair. A concern for you welfare and emotional state. A desire to keep you happy.
You knew it wasn't true but it was fun to pretend. To sit still and let him cut your hair in this musty bathroom, strands falling all over the counter and floor. Shedding more of your DNA around this hellhole to be found if the police ever bothered to look. If they were ever pointed in Simon's direction.
His grip on your chin gentled as he turned your head this way and that. Tilting it as he checked his work.
You sat still, careful to only move in the way he wanted. Eager for this to be over but also thankful for the small kindness he was showing. It was still a relief when it was finally over. You took deep breaths for the first time in ages, filling your lungs and shifting.
Simon took a step back to look at you, "Good as new."
He picked you back up and moved you to the couch, throwing you down onto the cushions with a slight bounce. You winced and readjusted the icepack that was slowly warming against your leg.
Simon sat beside you, pulled you into his lap and turned on a footie match, reaching out to twist a pinch of hair back and forth between two fingers. If he would've been anyone else you would have snapped at him about putting knots in your hair. But it wasn't someone else so you stayed silent, letting him fiddle to his hearts content.
You found yourself slowly relaxing back into his heat, the warmth soothing on a fundamental level. But it was the steady rise and fall of his chest that finally lulled you to sleep, hopeful that this strange mood would continue. This softer Simon that you hadn't seen before. You hoped he stuck around.
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pkmoth · 7 months ago
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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mrmeepsmadmind · 3 months ago
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idw bumblebee and prowl shouldve broke up bcs he wouldnt stop 𝚊sking prowl to pause his report for just one lil astrosec so he can change his various pastel colored pens while making his cute little aesthetically pretty for no reason & very time - consuming notes with big colorful fonts & cute designs real quick
also another thought abt annoying ass bb trying to make running a literal planet cotteque so he doesn't go crazy bcs hes now a politician when all he ever wanted was to deliver mail & smile & wave at bots who call him cute ---
bee: 𝚠heeljack, im so sorry about this but do you mind repeating the time-stakingly long introduction, instruments, research references, modules, hypothesis, counter thesis, procedures, analysis, second - retrial, results, & explanation that you just spent 700000 earth hours saying because i was busy drawing a cute little bee in the corner of my notes please :] ?
wheeljack:
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idw bee trying to run a planet that fucking hates him is just rlly funny to me, especially since everyone views bee as the goody character who everyone loves & he views himself as that & then they finally win this consuming war & he can reap his rewards of being loved without holding a gun & no one fucking likes him. hes even getting on his own old team's nerves & not in the loveable scamp way but the get the fuck out of my face way
#everybody regarding bee during the war: aw cute lil guy! bringing some positivity to this cruel war!! his goofups are so sparkwarming#it's ok lil guy!! we will always support u at the end of the day bcs u remind us of our sparks inside & love is rea-#everybody regarding bee constantly fucking up on how to run a wholeass planet: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#he was just a scout trying to do his best to appease optimus and now hes a bitch still trying to appease optimus for some reason#wheeljack: so i set these tools aside to route a waste system whenever you're ready to establish that legally & ill get to bui-#bumblebee: CAN WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE SO I DONT K*LL MYSELF :D ??#wheeljack: ....... we need a waste system due to disturbed population disrespecting your rules & this planet is getting worse &#bumblebee: please primus wheeljack i Dont know what youre Saying i just want my DaMn tiMeMacHine so people will LiKe mE!!!!#wheeljack: im gonna kill you .#scout bee: grahh who does that guy think he is >:[ im gonna go kick his BUTT!!! being mean to my FRIEND! grah! TAKE THIS#wheeljack: haha no lil guy dont do that ull die lol lets reel back & go back to base to build some cool bombs instead YAYYY they will die :#not US! YAYYYY!!!#* they celebrate in guys who are desensitized to violence *#guys who are desensitized to violence now forced to govern a planet that hates violence but no one else is trusted to do it->#bee: WE NEED TO BUILD SODA FOUNTAINS EVERYWHERE SO PPL WILL STOP PREFERRING WAR CRIMINAL STARSCREAM OVER ME PLS#PLS JACK PLS 😸!!!!!#wheeljack: bumblebee i havent blown up a mech besides myself in so fucking long. im so fucking close.#when ur squad so fucked up the mentally ill undiagnosed ppl pleaser obsessed teachers pet bitch is the best choice#to run a planet bcs everyone else will bomb 99% of the populatjon and leave#bee stills bombs like 5% of it but it's ok bcs theyre decepticons & theyre bad guys & this is def not problematic thinking at all :)#<- literally murder#transformers idw#bumblebee#wheeljack#prowl#transformers#maccadam#tf idw
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unopenablebox · 4 months ago
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im making a wedding guest list in order to. uh. destress. from work anxiety. (we are not officially engaged yet in that we are waiting for our rings to arrive sometime this month and also do not even a little have a wedding date and have not figured out a budget yet. so it's a very stupid exercise. but. i can do whatever i want)
anyway im beginning to worry that i only have two friends? i suppose it's actually good because that will cost less but possibly i have some kind of disease or condition
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autisticlee · 9 months ago
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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sunnnfish · 2 years ago
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“If you just do everything you’re supposed to do you’ll eventually end up where you need to be.” Infinity train book 4 you fuck me up so bad still. “You can mess up even if you stand still…” MIN-GI PARK…..
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clits-and-clips · 1 year ago
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Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it
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scopophobia-polaris · 2 years ago
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Arn seeing Timie on the street: aw what acute lil guy sure hope he isn't tormented!
Bro absolutely messed up, wanted to be a good boy and help someone because this mirrors shit that happened to him but instead found out that Timie is filled with 10thousand problems and somehow knows Arn to a weird degree withought ever really talking to him and he cant...figure out why..... can you really meet someone in a dream?
And now poor Arnold got a little guy that wants to cling onto him when they're sad
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wisconsindean · 3 months ago
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do not look at this i’m just gonna be throwing a fit in the tags and i need to feel like its going somewhere
#look. i love my roommate. p much my best friend. i am also this close to fucking killing them dead#the way they live. stresses me out#like i work 40 hours a week. 4 10 hour days. in the medical field#she works like… 16 hours a week. 4 4 hour days. basically babysitting#doing crafts and watching children in an after school program#so tell me why the fuck i’m doing like 95% of the work around the apartment#and shes stressing me out rn in particular cause the hours she works are like. 2-6 pm#and when i’m off work i dont see her wake up/come out of her room until like 1#but the thing is. is that instead of doing things she needs to do before going to work#shes decided to do her laundry after she gets home#so its 10pm and im trying to go to bed so i can go to work in the morning#but im just listening to the fucking washing machine which is on the other side of the wall from my head :)#bestie :) do you have thoughts :) in your head :) ever#and she barely does her dishes she never takes out the trash#she leaves food in the fridge and pantry for way too long and instead of eating stuff she has she just buys more stuff#shes so messy her shit is everywhere and shes like boarderline a hoarder actually#girl you have enough stuff. its time to stop i think#she does not think before she buys anything#she loves vintage/antique things#and she basically just sees something and goes ‘i like that’ and buys it#without thinking if she actually needs it or is gonna use it#i swear 90% of the time shes forgotten that she bought anything by the next day#its just abandoned somewhere among her stuff#im like girl. im begging you to try and get a normal sleep schedule so you can be up and doing adult things during the day#bc i pay for half this apartment and im about to bite you#and she doesnt seem to understand why i want to sleep at night#it like. confuses her#she tries to get me to watch like three movies in a row with her after work and when im like okay i need to go to bed she actually like#pouts at me#and ik from experience if i dont sleep enough i get really mean and dysfunctional. so
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xoxo-ren-xoxo · 4 months ago
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it's controversial to say this i guess but i genuinely believe last life was the least interesting life series season and youre all lying to me about enjoying it
#im not actually serious you can like last life i just dont get it but slay go off king#i dont think wild life was the best by any means#but ppl constantly be comparing it (and all others) to last life and im like... they arent trying to do the same thing tho?#like. i personally think my fav might be secret life or limlife and those were both pretty gimmick-heavy and quite silly with lots of-#'meaningless' deaths#but like. im not a fucking reddit user? i dont care if people get blown up or break the rules? its rule of cool.#everyone loves last life and *i cant even finish it im so god damn bored*#in the end i dont think it really matters / i dont really care#but calling wild life 'content slop' or low effort is INSANE (yes ive seen ppl doing that) when the CCs put so much fucking work into it#it pisses me off actually#like no it isnt just meaningless content do u know how long those mods take to make??? come on#and being unnecessarily vile towards popular artists for... being popular and enjoying the series they help create? gimme a break#this is vagueing a particular blog but ive seen the same takes several times so idc#anyway the point at hand- last life has the most Drama and Roleplay i guess? thats why people like it i think#but to me its just... there.#third life was so much more compelling to me and was the First to do the Thing so it gets a pass anyway#double life was cool in terms of balancing roleplay gimmick and story but shouldve had two rows of hearts. but its still fun#limlife took everything good about last life and made it 10 x more interesting#secret life fucked hard idc what anyone says#wild life was goofy and fun and crazy and awesome and i loved it even tho i was apprehensive at first#yeah the gimmicks kinda got in the way of Drama and Story but... they werent really aiming for drama and story were they?#except for the fact that JOEL ATE !!!! AND LEFT NO CRUMBS!!!#erm anyway if youre reading this youre awesome#the only thing i would change about the wild life finale would be the snails. cause snail deaths are kind of boring sorry. but i get it.
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orcelito · 8 months ago
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Just days away from my HOPEFULLY last fall semester in college
Gonna make this year fucking count
#speculation nation#IM NERVOUSSSSSSS IM SO SCARED!!!!!!!!#im also planning the exact day i wash my hair prior (tomorrow) and the day i paint my nails (Sunday)#so that i can look my best on the first day. gonna try to look cool. like an unapproachable emo and/or punk#if i scare them away and/or just fade to the background then i dont have to worry about strangers talking to me#my tried and true method of antisocialization. yes i have very few friends in person why do you ask#anyways i bought a planner and everything. im gonna try to manage my time well#gonna be. uh. responsible. yeah sure#most importantly im going to pass all my classes bc i do NOT want to worry about taking any of them later.#i have 4 classes left for the fall and 3 classes left for the spring and then i'll finally graduate.#and i can be free from this fucking dump. a whole decade later.#rattling the bars of my cage violently. GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!#like fuck dude even if i dont end up with a swanky tech job starting out at least i could be a store manager and not in school#tho of course i do want to have my swanky tech job. or even just a normal tech job. so that i can have. money :]#my 15 year plan for Get Rich (eventually) coming to fruition this fall by yours truly#and by that i mean. im going to fucking graduate college even if it kills me#hyping myself up. i can totally do this. ignore the fact that ive been putting off doing my dishes all week again.#face. in my hands. im not looking forward to this.
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gibbearish · 10 months ago
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discourse protip: if you made an entire blog dedicated to telling a group of people they either don't exist or don't actually experience oppression, you're probs on the wrong side of things. just by and large
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keirawantstocry · 1 year ago
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spamtoon · 11 months ago
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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