#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc
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autisticlee · 6 months ago
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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stellawolfearts · 2 years ago
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head in hands /pos
im so glad so many people agree with me, i get kinda nervous about sharing some of my ideas and interpretations.
another thing i really like about mk's and macaques dynamic is that like...
Mk tries to help macaque but macaque is....macaque and either brushes mk off and changes the subject or he says something self destructive. says something along the lines of "please, like you of all people could help me" or " why dont we hurry along and get to the part where your finnaly fed up with me kay?" cause like....hes always been abandonded and he doesnt know what its like to. not. to actually have someone stick by you. so because he doesnt know how to handle this new and scary thing he'll try and run to whats familiar and when ppl do that its not always a good thing. In macaques case its pushing people away, hurting them and then being lonely again. but of course Mk might act dumb but he's not stupid, and he's not a pushover
Mk just looks at him, and ynow how mk is ussualy a sweet guy and optimistic. Macaque can bring out the harder side of him. the serious and real side. tells Macaque "fine, if you wanna live in self pity all alone go ahead. its your life" macaque looks at mk for a moment, expecting something more but he quickly realises how much he wanted mk to like...react differently. like how he did before when macaque said no to being a hero. when mk stirred him on to being a warrior. but no, this time...mk's...giving up on him?
but then before macaque can leave mk turns to him "im here if you want a friend but thats your decision to make, you wanna wallow in your own self pity forever fine but im giving you an out. im giving you a chance your the one that needs to take it. no one is going to drag you out of the hole youve been thrown into and keep digging deeper. its your choice to make"
"but ynow, if you want to stay sad hurt and alone thats on you, if you want a friend, if you want to be better-happier. then choose to be"
and THATS my favorite part. this little scenario i made up in my head where like...mk helps macaque help himself. he's not forcing macaque to heal he's giving macaque a choice. a realistic choice of actively trying to be better and happy or running back to self pity, lonliness and toxicity.
cause, its so easy to fall into that when you have no one, when no one cares about you and you have no one to care about
years ago i didnt have any friends, back in middle school. i was the wierd kid. i didnt really know how to socialise and i was really depressed. both of those combined made me not toxic but just in a REALLLY bad mental state that i wouldnt drag myself out of, in short i didnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. then i made a friend. she put up with my wierdness and encouraged my little rants about my passions and we ended up being REALLY good friends even today were still besties. my mental state improved ALOT bc of her.
not because she did anything special, she was just a friend.
so yeah i know macaques type, while i wasnt actively toxic (at least from what im aware of i didnt want to hurt anyone but i also didnt understand social cues and social things--still dont but i have better practice now) i was just really sad and lonely.
the best way for someone to get better long-term is to help them help themself and i know this from experience. thats the heart of thier dynamic and development that i LOVE.
also i like the idea of macaque making dark humor/ self depricating jokes and Mk making a broom out of his hair and smacking him like a feral cat "H-HEY!!" "STOP .JOKING. ABOUT. YOUR DEATH!"
then on Macaques side he teases Mk but then when somone else tries to mess with him its instant murder mode "dont mess with my kid"
Macaque acts carefree but he deeply cares about mk and his wellbeing so when any threat comes his way. whether its something small like an entitled customer or big like a super scary and powerful demon he's the first one next to Wukong and Mei jumping in to kick ass for Mk and probably bury a body.
also...also lmao.
wukong and macaque know how to hide and bury a body bc of thier history. but then are thouroughly shocked to learn Mei knows how to as well and is pretty skilled at it.
Macaque and swk are burying a body but then look over and see mei burying one as well. she looks over them and smiles, waves "hi guys!!" she cheers then goes back to digging.
Macaque notes to never piss her off again and counts his blessings since mk convinced her to not kill him after the samadhi fire thing.
how did this go from macaques mentality to mei burying a body?
no idea. but uuuh, yeah take it.
LISTEN, this is my inerpretation. if u dont see the things i do thats fine. idc. u have ur thoughts i have mine.
this is how i see macaque.
which ik most ppl wont see it the way i do and thats fine.
idk man hes pathetic but in a really really sad way.
He's self destructive, he's spiteful, angry, manipulative. hes an asshole.
but i like to think he's also loyal, caring and family oriented.
i have next to nothing to prove my coming claims but. here
say he was on ffm with wukong, lived there. before any immense trauma. He has wukong, he had friends, family. people he cares about.
but then wukong leaves.
the hunters come and take everyone from him. wukong comes back and brings a war. then ffm's burned down and everything he had left is gone.
reduced to ash.
so he goes to the only person he has left. he literally has NOTHING, other than Wukong. so he tries to find her. only to be told to leave. he's finnaly found the only thing he still cares about the only thing he has left and swk wants him to leave.
desperate he tries to antagonize the group to get them to kick out wukong again. doesnt work. he tries to kill trip. he ends up dead.
so in his last moments, he died with nothing, the only spark of hope he thought he had hasnt saved him. no it just. destroyed him.
so then he's revived. he still has nothing.
all he has is hate for swk. thats it. vengance spite and a need to survive. that will make anyone the asshole he is today.
but like. i see potential to be better. and caring. he needs to get his shit togethor but, if he had a friend. (cough-Mk-Cough) then i think he could pull himself togethor. not for his sake, but for this stupid kid that he's hurt yet still reaches out an olive branch. the only one he's seen in over a thousand years.
thats mostly why i like the mk and macaque dynamic
cause, mk isnt macaques fix. no. its more so. a reason for Macaque to pull himself back togethor.
Macaque has mostly never really had a reason, his only motivation fro anything is vengance against wukong and not dying. thats, a really sad life.
but if he has some other motivation like, doing something good bc mk would be proud, not doing something bc mk will be dissapointed and that first step can be a way to, help himself...help himself.
he just needs some other reason, something to live for other then vengance and then one day, one day he can make more friends, make up with wukong. pull himself back togethor after losing everythin. even hismelf
yeah.
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tastyykpop · 4 years ago
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jeno extra filthy degradation please 😭
ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ
Pairings: jeno x reader
Genre: smut
Warnings: dom/sub themes, degradation, brat!reader, brat tamer!jeno, spanking, fingering, eating out, overstimulation
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you were annoying
that was as simple as jeno could make it. he found you absolutely insufferable. and the countless of times you've opened your mouth to make a stupid comment was like nails on a chalkboard.
sure you were pretty and kind to others but not very much to him. you were rude, cocky, and persistent, it was your way of getting his attention. and to say it worked was an understatement, you were on jenos mind 24/7. no matter where, when, or who he was with, he could only think about you. of course, you were the same, but that's because you've had a crush on him since trainee days and almost everyone in SM knew.
jeno knew.
since you worked at SM as a stylist, it was easy to get closer to jeno and work your magic everyday. you were blatant with every touch, every shameless sentence that entailed more then it should, he couldn't quite ignore it either or tell you to shut up. seriously, it doesn't work.
you're a brat, he would say to himself, nothing more than a brat that doesn't know her place.
which in this case, he was correct.
but to him, your behavior was easy to change. he's noticed how you've drawn blanks when he interrogates you on your behavior, how you downplay your wrongs to see him try and hold back his longing to make you submit. it was a game to you clearly, but jeno wanted to beat it.
so how did you end up under jeno so soon in the practice room?
well, the group had been preparing for a dance practice video and you and a few other stylists were called in to help get them prepare for the camera. jeno was trying his best to stay low and out of your sight. it didn't work, but it was worth a shot.
"happy to see me?"
jenos eyes rolled, "I'd be happy if I saw death staring at me in the eyes." he began walking away until you grabbed his arm, making him put his hands over his face.
"dont be like that." you push his hands away now seeing jenos annoyed face. "be lucky you're not stuck with someone else. at least I make your life more interesting.
"interesting or frustrating? I think you've got your words mixed up."
you began applying a light foundation on jenos skin, taking in his angelic features before realizing what he said, "impactful I must say. I know you love me, jeno."
jeno makes a face in disgust pushing your hand away from his face, "youre not my type."
"I dont know. chenle told me otherwise...."
"youre a brat."
"and you're close-minded."
"close- you-"
"done. now go dance and make some fangirls or boys scream." you don't bother turning around as you walk towards the back of the dance practice out of the cameras view.
jeno, somewhat red in the face, stood in his starting position for the choreography, you couldnt help but stare at him in awe. hes gorgeous, you can't lie about that. and the way he moved once the music started playing made you feel different. maybe it was your crush on him, but you heated up very quickly while watching him. other staff members weren't paying as close attention on the boys as you were, only their phones caught their mind. you didn't mind, but damn did they not see how hot jeno was when dancing?
sweaty and out of breath, the boys took a break to get a drink of water.
"you did well- you all did actually." handing jeno a bottle of water, he stared between the thing in your hand and you before taking it and chugging the whole bottle. "but I think mark was the one who stood out to me the most."
"what?"
"mhm. mark was very fluid in his footsteps and his movements were clean and precise. a good dancer I must say."
there's something up. you were staring at him the whole time and he knew it, he danced harder just because you were watching. how could you have seen mark when all you did was stare at jeno?
"and hes cute too. surely he's got a bunch of girls and boys ready to throw themselves at him. I would too, he's absolutely perfect."
jeno balled his fist. what game are you trying to play? "you're testing me." he may not like you, or maybe he did, but something about you talking about someone else like that sparked jealousy in him.
"good. maybe you'll do something about it." you put a hand on his chest, jenos heart pounding fast as you came closer and whispered, "I bet you won't. all bark no bite. pathetic if you ask me."
"youre gonna regret your words if you keep speaking."
"oh really," you leaned back, his eyes pierced your curious ones with a sense of fury and annoyance, "and what are you gonna do? spank me?"
just like that jeno pulled you out of the room and into another practice room. he pulled a chair out from the corner and pulled you over his knee.
"jeno, I was just kid-"
he spanked you hard over and over and over again as you wailed and wrapped a tight hand around jenos ankle for support. each spank was painful and to the point unbearable, yet jeno didn't back down. not after he felt he could break you now.
each time his hand made contact with your ass, felt like he was letting loose all the pent up anger you caused him over the past months you've been working here. for him, it was hell. no matter what people would say to you about him did not dictate his feelings about you. right now, he hated you and needed to let that burning passion out by spanking you. jeno wanted you to feel the hell he endured when around you. sure enough, you were feeling it, crying and sobbing on his thigh like an idiot.
you didn't fight back even though you proposed that you hated it. your body seemed to like it more then you thought.
"youre a pest!" he landed another hard hit, "an annoying pest who needs to learn when to shut the fuck up. now apologize."
"no!" you winced at another hit, squirming- no more like trying to grind on his lap because of how painfully wet you've become in just minutes.
"apologize." he repeated.
"you're- you're an idiot if you think I'll give up!"
jeno stripped you of your pants and panties, "its cute listening to little sluts like you thinking they have power over someone much stronger then them. it must be tiring thinking youre charge." he taunted before spanking you again, this time the impact was far greater and almost caused you to scream before jeno clasped a hand over your mouth. with the same hand, he pushed you off his lap and on the floor, leaving your lower half bare for him to see.
you were a pretty sight, a mess to say the least, but jeno loved that. finally seeing you disheveled with tears leaking down your cheeks, he thought of you as his little crybaby. he tried his hardest not to take a picture.
"don't think I didnt notice how your wet cunt leaked all over my thigh" he began, "do you really get off to being put in your place, slut? is that why we're here right now?"
"d-dont be so full of y-yourself."
"oh? but your dripping all over the practice floor, how could i not." jenos lips were close to your heat, teasing you with his eyes and tongue as he glided it just above where you wanted him.
you had nothing to say, yet your eyes told him everything. told him just how you'd defy him any chance youd get only to make him more upset. it wouldn't be fun if your goal wasn't to piss him off.
jeno kept his tongue away from your most needed area, his lips kissing anything but your dripping heat as you bucked your hips into his face. jenos hands would push your hips down and back his face away frowning at your behavior and returning to what he was previously doing. you weren't done though, since he was holding your hips, you grabbed his hair and forced his head where you needed him. his tongue inside you was far from good, it was amazing. and though you realized jeno wasn't pushing your hand away, you pushed and pulled his hair as you kept his head in place so he couldn't stop.
the long strides and the smooth rhythm he had was enough to make you arch against the floor, gasping and calling out his name far to loudly for his liking. but with watchful eyes and a steady tongue, he shamelessly enjoyed it yet he had to be aware of the people in the building. one loud moan and someone would sure walk in to see what's up.
so jeno swatted your hand away from his head and lifted up with a frown. he liked the frightened look on your face as he leaned closer and closer, "if you're this much of a slut for people to hear us, we might as well have just stayed where everyone else was."
"thats hot." you stated blankly, jenos eyebrow raised before realizing how far gone you practically were, with how big and dilated your eyes are. "w-wait no! I'll stay quiet I promise."
"No you wont." jeno got up and grabbed your underwear that layed on the floor, then shoved it in your mouth allowing you to taste yourself. "stay quiet, fucktoy."
"fucktoy?- oh fuck!" you mumbled into your panties as his fingers protruded inside you. at least you were quieter this time.
"tell me when youre about to cum." he said just above a whisper as he watched you slip further and further into bliss. the way your eyes rolled to the back of your head with each skillful thrust from jenos fingers made his cock grow harder each second. you were so hot, so damn beautiful as you moaned into the panties like a little bitch. jeno loved it too much to say he hated you.
"feels good- f-feels so good, j-jeno." you said quietly into the panties. it was getting harder and harder for you to keep silent as he began rubbing your clit like a desperate man, hungry for your cum. but you did your best keeping low.
you grinded against on his hand, inching closer and closer to what you believed to be your orgasm. clentching tightly around jenos fingers you gasped and spat your panties out, "jeno! i-im gonna-
"cum, fucktoy." he insisted, never removing his fingers from your wet hole as a white substance spilled out. he kept going, in and out, in and out as you clamped a hand over your mouth. so much sensitivity and his fingers were still going.
"stop i-i can't take it!" you found his wrist and tightly held it as you attempted to pull him out.
"youre gonna take this like a good bitch until I want to stop." he said right as your second orgasm washed through you.
too much. you could barely think straight and even tried pulling your hips back but his fingers followed.
too sensitive. you could barely breathe because of the overwhelming sensitivity. yet in a twisted way, it felt good in a strange way. maybe it was the pain of cumming over and over or how jeno worked his fingers. either way, you could feel another one building up.
"please, please, please." you cried hoping for the end, but there was no way jeno was stopping.
"apologize and this will be your last one." He stuck his fingers deeper, if that were possible, and watched you squirm trying to find words to say, but all that came out was drool. "disgusting whore." you slapped him in the face for that.
"I-i am not sor-sorry!"
"im not playing these games anymore. say you're sorry."
jeno growled, deeper and deeper he went and faster and faster he goes before your third orgasm of the day came. your legs shook and your grip got tighter but still to no avail did he stop.
you were very persistent on making jeno angry before, but now you seemed to have started rethinking that apology. "im sorry."
"for?"
"for being rude to you!" you legs shook again and that feeling in your stomach was back, "i-im sorry jeno, but p-please I can't take it!"
he did it. he broke you. and with that he finally pulled his fingers away letting all your cum out.
you cried softly, still a shaking mess from the orgasms and jeno, well he didn't care all too much but he knew he probably shouldn't be too harsh with you about now. so he gently took you in his arms, sitting your bare bottom right on his lap as he rocked you slowly.
"im never leaving after this." you say slowly, "and I know you don't hate me either, I can feel your boner against my ass."
jeno pinches your arm and shushes you. god, you were a pest and maybe youre right. maybe he doesn't hate you like he proclaimed he did. maybe he did enjoy this session in the practice room, but he won't ever say it. not because he's afraid to admit it, but because he doesn't want you to rub it in his face.
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weirdmageddon · 4 years ago
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five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago
i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me
IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.
i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.
if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that
when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.
but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.
i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.
to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example
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see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:
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even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.
the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”
but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).
and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”
even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”
these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”
dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.
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there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.
what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.
and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?
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atlabeth · 4 years ago
Text
transferred part 20 - atla smau
part 19 | masterlist | epilogue
summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.
a/n: me when i have to write more than 5 words in a series thats supposed to be a smau
anywho! basically the last chapter?? which is crazy?? filled with heartfelt emotions and the moment that you've all been waiting for, it's a wild ride. so strap in and enjoy. the epilogue will be posted later today so i can finally wrap this series up!! and dont worry theres a super long sappy authors note on the epilogue. LETS GET INTO IT
wc: 2.3k
warning(s): cursing, mentions of alcohol, hurt/comfort, one suggestive comment, mentions of toxic relationships, reader talking about her self sabotaging behavior and burnout, Bad Coping Methods (dont disappear kids)
-
“You haven’t seen her?” Zuko sighed as the same words he had heard on repeat for the past hour played through his ears again. “It’s alright, thank you. Have a good night.”
He shook his head at his friends, their defeated expressions mirroring his own as he leaned against the kitchen island. He ran an exhausted hand through his hair, and he couldn’t help but think of the countless times you had done it for him.
“Your sister doesn’t play when it comes to theatrics,” Aang lamented as he plopped on the couch next to Sokka.
“Tell me about it,” he muttered. “I mean, she doesn’t pull stuff like this. Sometimes she went over the top when she was younger, staying out a little too late or doing something stupid, but she never just… she never just tried to disappear like this. I.. I guess she was too worried about Katara and me to do anything like that, but still.” He knocked back the rest of the seltzer and tossed the can on the table — alcohol was tempting, but none of them wanted to be any less than completely aware tonight.
“We all knew she was hurting,” Sokka continued. “Not even she could be fine after everything that happened with Hahn, especially the day after, but I— I guess I thought that she would open up before just dropping off the radar completely!
“No news from the girls,” Aang announced, prompting a collective sigh from the other two boys. “I gotta give it to her, she’s been very thorough with this.”
“Of course she has. It’s classic Y/N — she can disappear without a trace, sure, but she can’t put enough effort into picking up some supplies for my project on her way home.” It was a lame attempt to lighten the mood, and though he got a weak chuckle out of Aang, it was radio silence on Zuko’s part.
“Hey, buddy.” It didn’t snap him out of his reverie, and Sokka seriously contemplated throwing his empty soda can at him. “You okay?”
“She didn’t even say anything to me,” he finally murmured, eyes trained on his phone screen. “She said she would tell me if she was having a hard time, but she didn’t say anything to me. Just suffered in silence until it got so bad she just up and left. She just… left. Without a single word to anyone. To me.”
Aang’s eyes softened and he let out a loose exhale. “Zuko, she didn’t mean to hurt you — I know that much. She’s just been under a lot of stress lately, and… I guess it didn’t manifest in the best way.”
“Stress...” he muttered, trying to piece it together. There was something nagging at the back of his skull, something on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t get it. “And you guys are sure she hasn’t put anything anywhere? No texts that you missed, nothing?”
“Believe me,” Sokka said. “I’ve refreshed her pages a thousand times by now. It’s radio silence on her side. God, I wish I was more invasive and put like, a tracking device on her car or something! For all we know, she could be back to Kyoshi.”
Kyoshi. Stress. This whole thing, your disappearing act.
And suddenly, it clicked.
Zuko stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the stool in the process and warranting puzzled looks from both of his friends as he grabbed his keys off the table and practically ran to the door.
“Zuko, where are you going?” Aang questioned.
He tugged the door open and shot a glance back at them, tension having noticeably dissolved from his shoulders.
“I know where she is.”
-
Zuko tapped idly against the steering wheel, once again glancing down at his phone screen but to no avail. His relationship with you had become infinitely more complicated since the kiss through fault of both of them — he supposed that was what happened when two people who didn’t know how to talk about their emotions caught feelings for each other. Zuko was very skilled at sticking his foot in his mouth whenever he tried to talk about anything like this, and
But you had accepted his offer to talk on the way home, so that meant something.
He had originally suggested just talking on the way home like he had proposed earlier, but you had a different idea. ‘Trust me,’ you had told him. ‘It has a good track record with making people feel better.’
Your proposition was a wildflower field on the outskirts of the city, just out of the way that someone would go en route to the university. Far enough from the city to emanate an aura of peace, but close enough to be a feasible trip.
“I found this place when I was missing home,” you smiled as he parked the car. “I love it here, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just feel homesick for Kyoshi. You passed a field like this on the way into town, and when I stumbled here, it just kinda felt like fate. So now whenever I’m stressed, or overwhelmed, or just need a break, I come out here. And I think this is the perfect place to talk about… well, whatever’s going on with us.”
“Sounds good.” He returned the sentiment then cleared his throat. “As long as we don’t go in there. I can admire it from afar, but just looking at that field is making my skin itch.”
You laughed and nodded amiably. “Deal.”
-
One hand was splayed against your chest, the other trailing lazy circles with the pads of your fingers against the metal as you gazed up at the sky. You had the best and only seat of the view, the flora drifting softly in the night breeze as the stars twinkled from above.
You didn’t know what you were thinking, being here. The past couple of weeks had just been… crushing you. It was like your heart was stuck in a vice and no matter what you did, it just got tighter and tighter.
You had been treating everyone you knew horribly, but you couldn’t stop. It felt like a game — how terribly could you act towards them until they snapped too? Until your friends, your siblings, Zuko, recognized that they had made a mistake by trying to help you?
And you didn’t know what it was about today, but… something inside of you just broke after that morning with your roommates. So you did what you were best at, and you ran. Skipped class, skipped work, just drove around aimlessly until even that was starting to feel like too much of a trap.
And then you ended up here.
It would’ve been laughable if you weren’t on the verge of breaking down.
You had been here, just laying on the hood of your car parked a few feet away from the field on an off road path, for the better part of an hour. If you were going to drown underneath the weight of your thoughts, it was better to do it alone.
But as you heard the crunching of gravel underneath car tires, your eyes instinctively shot towards the noise — so much for being alone — and you sat up. Your brows furrowed in recognition, you knew that car, and it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest when Zuko stepped out.
“You remembered,” you breathed after a moment of silence. “You’re here.”
“Always.” He said it so obviously, so easily — why wouldn’t he remember? Why wouldn’t he be here?
You scooted over to make space on the hood and patted the space next to you softly, pulling your knees up to your chest in a moment of shame as he walked around to the front and pushed himself up next to you. What were you going to say to him? What could you say?
“I’m sorry,” you said out of the blue, your words pouring out of you like an emotional waterfall. “I’m sorry for just— for just leaving, I know it was stupid and I know they’re all probably worried out of their minds, but I couldn’t do it, Zuko. I-it was like I was trapped, and I know it was irrational, but I had to get out of there—”
“You didn’t have to,” he said quietly, effectively stopping your rant. “If you really had to get out, you could’ve at least said something to one of us. I don’t know what things were like back at Kyoshi, but here— here, you can’t throw yourself back onto the knife every time something goes wrong, because— you just can’t do that anymore.”
“I’m not mad, believe me, I’m relieved that you’re okay. I just..” he sighed and glanced up at the night sky, the light of the moon illuminating his features as he faced you once more. “I know you’ve felt alone before, but you’re not. You have Katara, and Sokka, Suki, Toph— you have me, Y/N! And I’m not going anywhere, trust me, but— but you can’t keep doing this to yourself, because they care about you, and I care about you.”
You swallowed the lump in your throat and chose to concentrate on the hood of the car, tapping your fingers against the metal as a way to use up your nervous energy. “You’re… you’re right,” you said after a long moment of silence, the beginnings of a mirthless smile on your lips.
“After that night at the party, I just— I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. There was a part of me that just wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out, but I— I told myself I was better than that, and I refused to let myself fall back onto any of it. So I worked. I took extra shifts, I helped out my professors, I did anything and everything I could to try and keep my mind off of Hahn. But I wasn’t helping anything, I was just… I was destroying myself. It was just like you said. I was a candle burning at both ends but still convinced that I was doing the right thing, and eventually.. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I ran.”
“And— there’s always been this… this voice in my head that pops up after things in my life are going good, and it tells me that something is going to go wrong. A-and it tells me that if I’m the one that ruins it, then I don’t have to ask myself what I did wrong, if I could’ve stopped it from happening— if it’s inevitable, then I should be the one to ruin it. It’s how most of my relationships ended, and— well, the only thing it’s succeeded in is making me miserable.”
You don’t even notice your hands are shaking until you feel Zuko placing his own over yours — a simple gesture asking an unsaid question, one you answer by intertwining his fingers with your own.
“That same voice popped up again once I started getting close to you,” you admitted quietly. “And this whole time, I’ve been so terrified of falling that I never considered you would catch me. But I’m tired, Zuko. I’m tired of constantly looking over the edge.”
As you turned your head to meet his eyes again, your breath caught in your throat at his close proximity. You were sure that no matter how much time you spent with him, your heart would never stop beating out of your chest for Zuko.
“I will always be there to catch you,” he affirmed softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”
And just like before, he brought his hand to the side of your face and tenderly brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His hand, slightly calloused but emanating comfort all the same, lingered on your cheek for a moment before he posed the question.
“Can I kiss you?”
You nodded, and his lips captured your own immediately. You reciprocated with an almost desperate fervor and— and it just felt so right. You had grown so accustomed to the constant warmth he carried with him that it had become a part of you, he had become a part of you, and now a life without Zuko was just unimaginable.
He was right — he already was there to catch you, each and every time. Giving you endless rides when your car broke down, sitting through the world’s most boring anthro projects, letting you bare your soul to him, telling you it was all going to be okay when nothing felt okay, and managing to find you when you had gone out of your way to not be found. And all of it— it all made you realize.
You didn’t want to keep running. And you didn’t have to. Not anymore.
Zuko pulled away and pressed his forehead to yours, breathing slightly labored as the two of you sat in comfortable silence. That is, until you broke it.
“So,” you started, a nervous chuckle following. “Are we… are we a thing now?”
You could tell that caught him by surprise by the laugh that escaped him, a sound of unfiltered joy. “I’d say that we are.”
You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks once more as he slid off of the hood of the car and held out his hand, an offering you took happily. “We should get home,” he said, somewhat reluctantly. “It’s past midnight, and—” Zuko glanced at his phone and grimaced. “They’re all still worried out of their minds.”
“Right,” you muttered. “I’m gonna get the lecture of my life from Sokka and Katara.”
“Probably,” he chuckled. “But they’re just doing their job as concerned siblings.” He pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead and glanced back at his own car. “I’ll see you back at the apartment?”
You nodded, an uncontrollable smile pulling at your lips. “Thank you, Zuko. For this, and— for everything.”
He returned the sentiment, golden eyes filled with adoration.
“Always.”
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if your name is crossed out it means i can’t tag you!
perm taglist: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin
transferred: @ourbestfriend-mishacollins @lil-lex1 @xxshad0wxb1rdxx @zuko-is-the-sun @akiris @irohs-teapot @thatarthistorynerd @charlenasaxen @minninugget @marvel-ousnesss @count-thotticus @what-ye-egg @furblrwurblr @thesstuff @mariachiii @ietss @dizzy-miss-lizzieeeeee @xbarrjallenx @tommy-braccoli @dreamsluvrr @floofybread @thelovelylolly @lin-biefong-is-my-life @tiffanyy-21 @sistheselenophile @theincredibledeadlyviper @bakugouswh0r3 @loganrwebb @mikaslilworld @matsunshine @iris-suoh @aizameow @h3llbun @kozuelle
atla: @marianne1806
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Text
Texts from The Lost Tomb, part 2
Quick side note—I love the smell of jasmine and I was lighting a candle when I realized oh I have a terrible idea, must write it down:D
Zhang and Wu Chat, 9:12am
Zhang Qiling: There is something for you on the table.
Wu Xie: ?
Zhang Qiling: There is something for you on the table.
Wu Xie: No no I read it just fine
I’m just a little confused, Wang Meng usually leaves mail in the office. Oh well, maybe he’s taking more initiative. A terrifying thought. Thanks for letting me know!
Zhang Qiling: *speech bubbles appearing and disappearing*
Main Chat, 9:15am
Wu Xie: okay guys not to panic anyone after the creepy letter thing but
Wang Pangzi: WHAT
Zhang Qiling: For once, I agree with the capitalization. Are you alright?
Wu Xie: I think someone got into our house, they left me something
Wang Pangzi: !!!!!
Zhang Qiling: I’m coming down from the roof now, I will meet you in the kitchen and take you to the safe house. Don’t move.
Wang Pangzi: SHITSHITSHITSHIT HANG ON IM CALLING EVERYONE LIVING DEAD AND OTHERWISE TO GET ON THIS. WE ARE MOVING HOME BASE TO ZURICH AND CHANGING OUR NAMES IDGAF
Wu Xie: it’s odd though…they left a definite death threat before but now a bouquet of jasmine flowers? With a Pablo Neruda poem attached, which kind of seems like the opposite of threatening??
Wang Pangzi: WHAT.
Zhang Qiling: You are not in danger.
Wang Pangzi: OH MY GOD AHAHAHAHA BRB IM TEXTING HEI XIAZI
Wu Xie: I mean I agree, this doesn’t seem dangerous, but is something going on that you two know about and I don’t?
Wang Pangzi: PABLO NERUDA IM CRYING XIAO GE WHY IM PISSING MYSELF
Zhang Qiling: It’s all fine. Ignore Pangzi. I’ll come in anyway to get rid of the flowers. It must have been a mistake.
Wu Xie: Oh, that’s sad. Someone didn’t get their flowers:(
Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU FUC—
Wu Xie: Even so, do you think it would be okay to keep them?
Zhang Qiling: …do you like them?
Wu Xie: I mean I’ll still call the florist and let them know, but what are the chances one of my favorite floral scents and one of my favorite poets somehow get delivered here? It’s practically fate:)
Wang Pangzi: SURE SEEMS THAT WAY HUH MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK A LITTLE HARDER ABOUT THIS WITH THAT GENIUS IDIOT BRAIN SO I CAN FINALLY GET A BREAK
Zhang Qiling: If you like the gift, you are meant to keep it.
Babysitters Club Chat, 9:30am
Wang Pangzi: YOU. FUCKING. CHICKEN. YOUR QILIN CARD HAS BEEN REVOKED.
Zhang Qiling: I don’t understand what you are talking about. I am turning off my phone and going back to the roof to keep watch. Please stop talking about this in the main chat.
Wang Pangzi: OHH NO NO NO YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS, LITTLE BLACK RIDING HOOD.
YOU SENT HIM FLOWERS. WITH A POEM. PABLO. FUCKING. NERUDA. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE SMOOTHER THAN THE GREAT PANGZI AND THEN RUN AWAY JUST BECAUSE OUR IDIOT IS BEING HIS IDIOT SELF. EXPLAIN.
Zhang Qiling: Fine. After I lost my memory, Wu Xie let me read his old journals to try to jog some memories, or at least give me recent context for my life. I saw the date of the entry where he wrote that he met me for the first time, outside his uncle’s house. I rescued him from a mugging, not that I remember it. Today is that date. Satisfied?
Wang Pangzi: IM TORN BETWEEN LAUGHING AND CRYING AND HOPPING UP ON THE ROOF TO HOLD YOU. XIAO GE, YOU ROMANTIC. AN ANNIVERSARY PRESENT????????
Zhang Qiling: Say nothing. It was a foolish desire I had, to show him how much—
It doesn’t matter.
And do not come up to the roof, you will fall.
Wang Pangzi: FOOLISH MY GORGEOUS ASS
IM DONE DUCKING AROUND WITH THIS
OH HONEY YOU GOT A BIG STORM COMING
Zhang Qiling: The forecast is indeed overcast, but I do not sense rain approaching?
Mere Mortals Chat, 9:53am
Wang Pangzi: HE IS TRYING TO DATE YOU.
Wu Xie: ?
Wang Pangzi: DO NOT CALL THE FLORIST. THEY WILL JUST TELL YOU ABOUT AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED TOOTHPICK WHO BOUGHT THEM FOR YOU.
Wu Xie: a toothpick?
Wang Pangzi: WHY MUST I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE. IS THIS HOW WANG MENG FEELS ALL THE TIME
Wu Xie: I’m confused, Wang Meng bought me flowers?
Wang Pangzi: IT IS SUCH A GOOD THING YOU'RE PRETTY
Wang Pangzi: YOU MAY WANT TO SIT DOWN FOR THIS
Zhang and Wu Chat, 11:08am
Wu Xie: Xiao Ge…this is so sweet. You are…I’m tearing up over here in the kitchen.
Zhang Qiling: You are crying? What has happened? Are you hurt?
Wu Xie: please come to the kitchen so I can hug you. And tell you some things
Zhang Qiling: On my way. You need to tell me who made you cry.
Wu Xie: oh I will.
Main Chat, 7:00am
Wang Pangzi: A MAN SHOULDNT HAVE TO WALK IN ON PURE SMUT WHEN HE IS TRYING TO GET SOME COFFEE IN THE MORNING YA NASTIES
Wu Xie: okay holding hands at the breakfast table is not smut
Fuck off Pangzi
Zhang Qiling: I will happily reserve our affection for more private moments. That moment was not meant for you.
Wang Pangzi: AFTER ALL THE WORK I DID DONT YOU DUCKING DARE “RESERVE” ANYTHING
DUCKING
DUCK
*FUCK
Zhang Qiling: We will also reserve that for private moments.
Wang Pangzi: …
Wu Xie: Omg Xiao Ge!!! Stop! Or switch to private chat and don’t stop;)
Wang Pangzi: I MISS THE TOMBS.
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soft-boi-eli · 3 years ago
Note
Ok ok! Good uhm.
Ok since body dysmorphia has been kicking my butt lately i wanted to request something with Schlatt where basically the reader Starts getting really insecure because of their body. Pushing and pulling on their stomach etc. They also start binding unsafely with like really tight bras because they can't afford a binder and they end up fucking up their ribs really bad. They end up in the hospital and a very worried Schlatt visit's them and lectures them about how they shouldn't have done that and about how worried he was. So when they get back home there is a gift on the bed, turns out Schlatt bought them a binder.
The reader would be Non-binary and afab.
Also a little message for pretty much anyone who is insecure about their body/has body dysmorphia because of their chest, don't bind unsafely. That can really fuck up your chest and make you actually being happy with your body even harder.
Hell yes. I love this idea thank you icarus! Writing has been rude to me lately and I needed inspiration. This has hit it exactly.
Pronouns:nonbinary (dont think any were actually used in this so yeah.)
Tw: AFAB reader, swearing, insecurity, mention of surgry, mention of blood, mention of hating self, pain. Again angst to fluff. It is reflecting on how I have felt about my body before because I needed to make it seem kinda real.
PSA: please dont bind safely. It's dangerous and can lead to serious health consequences. I know hating your body sucks but I dont want anyone to get hurt because they dont listen to their lungs, they dont take off their binder, or if their bras are way too fucking tight. It can and will hurt you. So please bind safely!!
Happy birth-what the fuck?!
Lately your brain was giving you more dysphoria then ever. Telling you your body was too big, your boobs were too noticable, and you hips are too feminine.
What brought this on? Someone simply said your dead name. It made your dysphoria hit you like a truck.
After that day everything went down hill. Your stopped streaming, telling your followers that you were going on a mental break, you didn't really talk to friends, your brain could put words together. And you most importantly barely texted your loving supporting boyfriend schaltt, not wanting to break down in front of him.
You never had the time or thoughts of getting a chest binder. It was your biggest mistake honestly.
Deciding against chest binders and wearing alot of tight bras to flatten you. But it didnt work. So you got tighter bras. And they did work. But you didnt read up on how to bind safely.
This lead to the predicament now. In front of your mirror you were pinching and pulling at your skin. There was too much. All you wanted to do was cut it off with scissors. But decided against it due to the fact of all the blood that you would loose.
Your chest, smaller then it was yas, was still visible after your 3rd bra. You decided to add a 4th and tighter one hoping it would completely hide your boobs.
Your body made you want to puke. It made you feel disgusting. But you never told schaltt that. Afraid that he would say that you looked as gross as you thought you did.
Only 5 minutes after the 4th bra you felt excoriating pain in your ribs. And worse of all a harsh pop. That immediately brought red flags. It hurt to breath. Your head fuzzy and light headed.
Your only reaction, to call for an ambulance. Dialing the three numbers as you whimpered in pain you held onto your lungs. "911 what's your emergency?" "I cant breathe. It hurts so bad. Please help." "Are you by yourself?" "Yes. I need help please." "Ambulance, firemen, and police are on their way. Ambulance is 2 minutes out."
You didnt know if you had 2 minutes. "They can break the door down if I dont answer." That's all you said after collapsing.
Next thing you knew your door was busted off its hinges and you saw two paramedics. They were quick to transfer you to the ambulance, cutting through the four bras that held your chest.
It help get air to your lungs but it barely helped.
"We have a collapsed lung. ETA 2 minutes." The paramedic back there with you spoke to the walkie talkie.
Collapsed lung? Was that the harsh pop? God, was the bras that bad of an idea? All that was going through your mind was how you possibly could get worse. The instant you got into the trauma bay was way worse. With no time to numb you and your O2 stats dropping they had to cut between your ribs and shove a tube right next to your left lung. Draining air and excess blood blocking your lung from inflating. And before you knew it you were off to emergency surgery for getting a shard of bone out of your chest cavity.
The last thing you remember was counting down and falling asleep.
When you woke up your boyfriend was next to your bed, hands engulfing one of yours.
It looked like he had been crying before falling asleep on one of your legs. Taking your free hand through his hair you smiled lightly. "I'm sorry for all of this ram boy." He grunted lightly and moved his head back into your hand. His messy hair was thick and nearly matted. It made you wonder how long he's been sitting there. You loved him and felt so selfish for doing this to him.
"I cant believe I did all this and for what? To cause you and everyone pain? All because i couldnt afford a chest binder and deciding that I might as well try another way. I should have been safer huh?" You didnt expect an answer back. Just his quite snores.
"Yeah. Not really fuckin selfish more like kinda dumb. Your body doesnt show who the fuck you are (y/n). Your heart does. And your heart isnt say boy or girl. Its saying you are you. A person who uses pronouns they them. A person that love everyone and cares for their friends. A person who love me and jambo so deeply."
He took a breath.
"You normally are quite smart. Saving up for one would of been a better idea instead of doing such a stupid thing. Asking for my help. Because if I knew I would of helped. I would of found one just right for you. I would help you remember to take it off after 8 hours. Even would of found a way to make you feel more like you."
You could hear his heart break.
"But now you're here, four broken ribs, a healing lung, and stuck in the hospital for another week at least."
You felt so guilty. He was right. You should of told him. He would never have seen you like you saw yourself. He never cared about how you looked. He only cared for your heart.
Tears falling down your face you continued to massage his scalp. "I could of lost you. You are my rock. When I cant keep up my normal antics and feel like I'm at an all time low. You are there to pick me up." You had to stop the sob from coming up. "I'm just so happy youre alive." He looked up.
His red eyes were making your heart ache. "I wont do it again I promise. But I cant just ignore the feeling of dread whe. I look down and realize I present so much like a girl. I dont wa t to be one." Schaltt nodded and kissed the hand he was holding. "Then let me help you. I wont let this happen again. Just please. Come to me. Talk to me. I'm here like you are for me."
You gave a small nod.
This man knew his way to your heart. He was so sincere about this. "I will. But promise me you wont look down on me if I end up feeling like that." You just needed to make sure you knew he would never but you needed his words. "Mever sugarbabe. Never in my life have I looked down on you and never will."
God the week was long, him and the doctor explaining safe binding that you cant fully bind for at least 6-8 weeks. Schlatt telling you his reaction to finding your apartment swarmed with police and firemen and you no where to be seen.
He was practicing on saying happy birthday to you. But was cut off. "Happy birth-what the fuck?!" He was so concerned and even more so when you were in hospital.
When you did go home he helped you through the door, and watched you as you saw the small package on your couch.
Opening it you saw a chest binder. Specifically the one you were looking at. Looking over to schaltt with tears in your eyes you walked up and hugged him lightly minding the pain in your left side. This was the best gift.
The only gift you had been wanting for the past week or two. "Now you can be safe. But no binding till your doctor says so or I swear to god I will personally smite you down." You had to try so hard no to laugh or the pain would of been hell. Kissing his cheek you smiled.
"Of course schaltt. I will make sure to not wear it till I'm healed dont want to get blood on it ya know. Also it would hurt like a fucking bitch."
He chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Alright now go sit down. I'll get you some soup ya dork."
This was going to be a great time. That was until the pain fully came back. And then this is going to be a mediocre time.
Please pardon spelling errors. I havent proof read. And I am on mobile for almost all stories. But thank you so much for requesting this became something that I could write and it helped me alot. Now I might take a while for other things too and i apologize that's cause i am starting school soon. Also family issues. So yeah might take a bit. Dont know how long though. I'll try to keep them coming but if not you know I'm studying or helping my mom and grandma.
Eli out.
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glitterge1pen · 4 years ago
Text
You Only Water Plants With Cool Water
Rukawa Kaede x reader, sfw, fluff, word count 1,435
reader is a painter 
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Rukawa and you both had practice. Studio sessions, gym time, he needed to go to the store for new basketball shoes, you needed new paper or canvas. He knew when you had had a bad day. When every stroke of pigment was wrong, when you had to change water too many times. You knew when he had messed up his scoring percentages, or when he’d landed a shot not to his liking.
You also had good days though. Ones where you would be electrified, dragging Rukawa to the tiny bedroom studio in the apartment, excited to show him a new piece. He tried to be subtle about sharing his smaller successes with you. Quietly asking to go on a walk to the park on weekend mornings, picking up a basketball before heading out the door.
While Rukawa couldn't exactly understand painting, or art, he did understand you. He saw how hard you worked, the same as him. You too were striving for something. So he lets you ramble on about new art books you had bought, different painters you admired, ones you hated, an art supplies store you wanted to try your luck at. This was also how you understood him. You saw how at home Rukawa watched all the NBA games, kept tabs on different players.
The two of your respective passions consumed lots of your life. Which is why he didn't mind when you had the door to the studio closed when he got home from the gym. You didn't bother him when he was watching a game. He would sleep on the small couch you had tucked in the corner of the studio, the radio giving a play by play of some game. Legs hanging off the arm rest, simply enjoying being in your presence. Some days you would go to his practices, half watching, half sketching out ideas for a new chunk of canvas. This was one of those days.
Looking up from your lap you see that practice is almost over. You set aside your work to focus on Rukawa completely. He really is something else on the court. Brash, aggressive, and still sly. Those parts of Rukawa were the same. The part of him that bluntly told you while out shopping what did look ugly, that way you swore he moved stuff around in the fridge to mess with you, or how he shoulder checked people a little too often. When he was playing basketball it was like the various gears and screws that made up Rukawa were perfectly made to play, like it was the only that life made sense to him. It added something to his outward psyche, a fire of energy that exuded from every pore.
You watch as the team starts to wind down. Shooting from various points on the court, running sprints from one side to the other, to end practice there was a complicated passing drill that you couldn't follow. You were prepared to leave, grab some take out on the way home, but when Rukawa came over to you he flopped onto the bleachers.
“Hey! Come on you can't sleep here”
With a sweat towel covering his face he mumbles,
“I can sleep anywhere, just give me a couple minutes”
But you know with Rukawa that a couple minutes can range from thirty minutes to hours. You pull on his arm trying to get him up, his eyes are stubbornly closed though. You poke, you blow air on his nose, you ruffle his hair and pull on his clothes. When that doesn't work you try threats.
“I won't pay for dinner”
“I was going to pay”
He says, words muffled by the towel. Exasperated you sit back onto the cold bleachers. You reach into a plastic bag you have settled down by your feet. It's from the craft store, new paint, new brushes, you had stopped there on the way to see Rukawa. Cautiously you pull out some paint and let it rest against Rukawa's skin.
“If you don't get up, I’m gonna paint you”
“I dont care”
“Really?”
“Why would I care?”
Before you two had been playful, teasing, but when he asks that he is genuine. Like he couldn't possibly comprehend why that would bother anyone. He has one eye open now, peaking at you, seeing that you are considering it now.
“I don't care, go ahead, just let me sleep”
At first you're still a little apprehensive. You are slow to fill up one of the paper cups from the players bench with the water fountain. You use the colors little by little. Mixing them in the palm of your non dominant hand. You start with his arm. The paint moves differently on his sweat tinted skin and you have to adjust.
Rukawa floats in and out of sleep. Lazily watching your concentrated expression move expertly over him. He likes the way the brushes feel, the cool of the paint. He notes that you're holding his hand differently, it's deliberate, your fingers not laced with his but clasping onto him. You do this so you can twist his arm this way and that. He can see blues and greens mixed onto your own skin in puddles. Then he’s back asleep.
You are no longer paying attention to Rukawa, or the dance group that came to use the gym for practice. You like working here. The gym lights are bright, the AC blasting cold air. You were originally only going to do something small. But now Rukawa's entire right arm has been consumed by paint. You are putting the last few strokes of detail on his arm knowing that you aren't done yet. You are afraid to dab at the paint to see if its dry, you blow on it and Rukawa gives a small smile at the sensation.
You pull the towel off of Rukawa’s head and lay it over his chest, placing his arm there too. You grab your bag of supplies and move to the row of bleachers below Rukawa. His left leg your new target. This is harder for Rukawa to sit through at first. The bristles of the brush more ticklish, but it is soon calming once again. He wants to see what you’ve painted on his arm but his eyes are still so heavy, he so tired.
“Wow you're really good!”
“Thanks! He’s a pretty good canvas!”
Rukawa wakes at the sound of your voice.
“Oh sorry I didn't mean to wake you!”
It must be one of the girls from that dance team he decides.
“It’s okay he sleeps plenty”
You tell the girl, she laughs a little before waving herself away. You're packing up your things, swirling brushes into the cup of water, twisting paint tubes closed. Finally feeling satisfied with his nap, Rukawa slowly gets up. Used to sleeping wherever he pleases the dull ache from the bleachers doesn't bother him much. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and sees it.
You've painted a river. From his right shoulder to his left ankle is a river. Patches of grass and flowers growing along parts of it, stones, clouds, waterfalls, waves of water. It’s dynamic, twisting over the grooves of his muscles. You are surprised at how gentle his fingers move along the outline of the water, tracing it down his whole arm. In between his knuckles the water fades off his hand in droplets. The red flowers a bold contrast to the cool colors of the water. Fish leaping in and out of the water, some not even breaking the blue surface of paint, shadows of warm color beneath the water.
“You like it?”
You ask, he only nods, still admiring your work. You get him off the bleachers, once standing the daze he was in wears off. He grabs his duffle bag and the two of you head out. The night air is refreshing, the sky dark blue but bright like how it is in the summer. The street is still buzzing from the dusk. People on the way home from work, light traffic in the street, store and street lights flickering in the newness of the night.
“I’m sorry”
“Huh?”
You don't know what Rukawa could possibly be apologizing for.
“I’m gonna have to take a shower and the paint will wash off”
“That’s okay I knew that when I did it”
Rukawa seems discontent with this answer but you aren't sure how to help ease him. At the next block Rukawa turns the wrong way.
“Where are you going the-”
“Walgreens”
“What?”
“They have disposable cameras at Walgreens.”
☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾  
A/N: If someone made a bingo chart of my writing Walgreens would be on it. Will post this on ao3 later today :) Also no :) I did not :) edit this :) 
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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 4 years ago
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Imagine being Tenzin's eldest daughter and dating Bolin which Tenzin isn't very pleased with. So Tenzin makes it his mission to keep you and Bolin apart which just means the two of you find sneakier ways to be together.
Part Two here
Tenzin got back to his house and for once it was quiet, confused where the small army he shared his house with was he approached his second eldest daughter Jinora. "Where's korra?" Tenzin asked. "With Asami". "And Ikki and Meelo?". "With uncle Boomi". “And your mother?”. “Out with Aunt Kya”. Tenzin smiled everyone was taken care of and he could finally relax. "And y/n and Bolin?" Tenzin asked relaxing into his chair. "They'e in y/n's room" Jinora shrugged and Tenzin jumped up "with the door closed? Y/n" he bellowed pushing the door open with air bending. "Okay okay im sorry" he heard you yell and Tenzin sighed having your boyfriend stay here was making him age faster.
You and Bolin were in your room relaxing on the bed preparing to watch a movie. For once you didn’t have to babysit your younger siblings or train so had rushed off for some privacy with Bolin and your dad almost kicked the door down. Your dad was insanely worried about leaving you and Bolin alone despite the fact you were dating and Bolin was the sweetest guy in the world. Bolin had been trying to show you the mover he was in for week but you never had a spare moment where you could be alone with him. So when your dad had gone out and left you and Bolin with no task it seemed like the perfect time. You were determined your dad wouldn’t stop another one of your dates but of course he managed to. When your door flew open you sighed and called back you’d leave it open as per your dad’s many rules about you and Bolin. You looked to Bolin worried this would ruin the date but Bolin didn’t seem to mind. The movie started and you moved closer to Bolin to lean against him and he accomodated you hugging you against him. You and Bolin were just getting into the movie, despite the noise your family was making throughout the house when your father knocked on the open door and walked in. "Y/n its getting late, i think you and Bolin should get ready to go to sleep soon so he should go do that in his room soon". You nodded at your dad in reply so engrossed in the film you didn’t realise he hadn’t left. Tenzin coughed and you both looked up to see he didn't look impressed. "Ow you mean now?" Bolin asked and Tenzin nodded "well yes i think that'd be best". You blushed as Tenzin stood waiting glaring at Bolin. Bolin jumped up obediently while you pouted annoyed. Bolin paused the film and gathered his things and smiled "we can finish the movie tomorrow". You nodded "i suppose" and Bolin went to step towards you when Tenzin actually growled. A literal noise escaped his throat at Bolin daring to step closer to you. You sighed but Bolin just smirked and left shooting you a smile. Tenzin watched him go staring into his back and then turned to your door and fixed two bells around the door handle. "Dad!" You cried "what is that?". "Nothing just a decoration...". "You're doing it so you’ll know if i leave my room! Do you not trust me?". "I trust you y/n but i do not trust teenage boys! And i have to do my duty as your father! Having your boyfriend under the same roof..i have to take precautions". "But you didn't do this for Mako and Korra!". "Yes well Korra is older than you and Mako is more responsible than Bolin". You groaned and Tenzin coughed "you weren’t going to break the rules so this shouldn’t be an issue for you". You rolled your eyes "fine whatever...can i go to sleep now?". Tenzin nodded "i am only doing it because i love you y/n, if you have children you’ll understand". You huffed and Tenzin frowned "well goodnight y/n". "Goodnight dad" you said exasperatedly as the door closed but you didn’t plan on sleeping. Your dad hadn’t put bells on your window so as soon as you heard him go to bed you got ready. You gathered what you needed and climbed out of your window before airbending onto the roof. You carefully climbed across the roof to Bolin’s room and landed outside his window. You knocked on Bolin’s window film projector in hand and saw the curtains swing aside as Bolin realised it was you. "Y/n" Bolin grinned hanging out of his window "what are you doing here?". "Well we didn't get to finish the movie because of my dad so i figured we could now without him knowing?". Bolin hesitated for two seconds before grinning "yes come on it!". It had only been lightly raining but Bolin still wrapped a blanket around you before bringing you back to your prefered spot on the bed. He bustled around getting the movie ready and the secret snacks Tenzin didnt know about before jumping down next to you.
The film finished and Bolin looked at you anxiously "so what did you think...i wasn't sure if it was too far fetched and could you tell i couldn’t do my stunts properly and i didn’t look that great in that scene with the royal guards...". "Bolin" you said grabbing his shoulders "it was great! You were great in it, your stunts were amazing, your acting was really good and you looked well..." you trailed off blushing "basically it was amazing and i really enjoyed it!". "Really?" Bolin asked and you nodded. Bolin seized you in a hug and it made you blush he valued your opinion so much. "Im so glad you like it" he smiled putting you back down "your opinion means a lot to me" he blushed and you smiled. "Yours too Bolin" you told him "you're one of the most important people to me". Bolin's blush grew and he looked down his eyes slightly glazed. Bolin smiled and took your hand "you're pretty important to me too y/n" and kissed you softly. Bolin was always so caring and affectionate he just always made you feel loved and safe. He never pressured or rushed you, he was the best man you'd ever met. You broke away blushing and smiled at him before sighing "i should probably go". Bolin frowned "are you sure i mean it's not even that late...plus it's raining really heavily outside you could get a cold or get blown off the roof! Or lost". "Lost? My rooms practically across from yours!" you smirked but Bolin shrugged "i still don’t think you should risk it". You smirked "so what i stay here until the rain stops...that could be all night". Bolin shrugged "i just think it’d be safer it probably won’t be all night" he argued but his tone told you he hoped it would be. You smirked and nodded "fine..i guess i can stay for a bit longer and see if it stops". Bolin grinned "that's a very good decision y/n i must say". "Stop it" you pushed him before blushing as he grabbed your hand. You smiled and leant into him "i might nap while im here for a bit, if that's okay?". Bolin nodded "of course" and gathered even more blankets to keep you warm. You smiled getting into the blankets and Bolin got in beside you. With a bolt of lightning the rain came down ever harder. You noticed and Bolin pretended to look away. "i didn’t do anything!" he said when he felt you looking at him. "Mh hmmm?" You asked laying beside him but you were smiling. "Promise" Bolin smiled putting an arm around you. Bolin was so broad you fitted against him easily and curled up against his side. Bolin wrapped his large arm around you and you felt do safe and warm with the rain pounding against the window. "Goodnight y/n" Bolin smiled kissing your forehead and you smiled closing your eyes. "Goodnight Bolin".
You vaguely heard voices and groaned trying to sunk further into the warmth and Bolin. You buried your head against his chest and fell back to sleep when suddenly Bolin’s door was thrown open. "Y/n" Tenzin screetched and you and Bolin jolted awake. Bolin let out a yelp as Tenzin stared his eyes bulging. "You didn’t put bells on my windows?" you offered and your father turned even more red. "I’ll be putting bars on your window young lady if you dont stay in your assigned room!" He yelled and to your dismay others flocked to the room. "Did you find her?" Asami asked before smirking "ow...i see". "She's in here?" Mako asked "but thats Bolins room" before trailing off as Korra stumbled in too. "Well you did want Y/N to help rebuild the air nation" Korra smirked before she halted as Tenzin spun on her making the avatar gulp. "Is there something funny about my little girl growing up?" Tenzin yelled at them "no? Didn’t think so! Y/n get out of there right now and march yourself to your room this instance". You distangled yourself from Bolin and all the blankets and stood up red faced. "Sir it wasnt y/ns fault..." Bolin tried but Tenzin silenced him with a look. "You are grounded young lady and if i ever find you in his room again i'll...i'll take away your bison!". "Dad...." you groaned but he shook his head "no buts now to your room". You rolled your eyes but did as he said.
Later you sat in your room avoiding your dad's wrath when you heard someone near your window and opened your suprisingly still unlocked window to see Pabu. "Pabu?" You asked as he scampered in and dropped something on your bed. You grinned to see it was a note from Bolin with a wild flower attached "so guess you're our go between huh Pabu" You asked the fire ferret as you fed him a treat as payment. Pabu made a happy noise and you smiled before turning to Bolin’s note. "Sorry i got you in trouble but it was worth it" he wrote "think your dads gonna have us under surveillance for a while but i'm sure we can work around it. I'm game if you are and next time we wont get caught. Love Bolin". You smiled hiding your note and wrote a quick reply before handing it to Pabu who ran off to give it Bolin. You picked up the flower Pabu had also brought and smirked, you had the best boyfriend ever. Father be damned you’d find a way to see him.
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ot3 · 4 years ago
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had some 'thoughts' on an au where mia/lana and phoenix/edgeworth's narrative arcs are swapped (aka mia main protag lana main antag, phoenix mentor) and dumped over 1000 words on the subject in the groupchat today. here you go.
lana -
she and mia strike up a childhood friendship after the skye parents use the khurain channeling method to talk to lana and ema's grandparents. at this stage in life, lana really wants to be a detective because she believes that proper like collection, treatment, and handling of evidence is the Key to making sure everything in the world turns out fair and just and righteous. i think rather than less than one year she and mia have a few years of being friends like this, but don't see each other every day like phoenix and edgeworth would have at school. lana just makes the trek up to khurain village whenever she can and they call on the payphone etc.
then, the skye parents die in a car accident and she completely ghosts mia and drops off the face of the planet. the parents were killed by a drunk driver and gant is the detective assisting the prosecution with this case. the defendant is successfully imprisoned. lana goes on to become a detective under the tutelage of gant, who recognizes lanas potential from a young age and takes the skye sisters under his wings a la manfred and edgeworth. eventually he pushes lana into pursuing prosecution instead because he wants a pawn in the prosecutors office and he does this by telling her that he collaborated with the prosecutor of her parents' death to forge evidence and testimony, otherwise the killer would have gotten away with it. so she becomes the demon prosecutor.
mia -
meanwhile stays in khurain and continues her training for the most part. since there's no dl-6 nothing happens to misty and theres no reason for mia to leave, but one day shes watching her mother perform a channeling for someone and the person being channeled turns out to have been someone lana had falsely imprisoned who was subsequently executed. mia is like. hey holy shit that doesn't sound right. one, lana's supposed to be a detective, not a prosecutor, two, she wouldnt do that. i have to go find out what the hell happened and see what made her this way.
so mia leaves the village and attends law school at ivy and it's really her first time out of the village for any significant stretch of time and so she's very country mouse in the big city. dahlia spots her at the courthouse when she's pulling Her whole shtick and is like OH MY GOSH HEY CUZ YOU REMEMBER ME RIGHT (: (: (: (: (: SO CRAZY BESTIE BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE SEEN YOU I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU ((poison necklace)) and obviously there's not the dating identity swap i dont know about the specifics here but. mia gets involved in dahlias hijinks from Trusting Family too much and phoenix ends up defending her in court, which is where she meets him and eventually she begins working at his law firm with him
phoenix -
he and edgeworth were friends through childhood and when edgeworth started at themis to study as a defense attorney their friendship continued. phoenix spent enough time going over edgeworths schoolwork with him and serving as a filler in after-hours mock trials put on by the more enthusiastic students or bumming around in the art club because eventually they stopped kicking him out that eventually edgeworth started to realized phoenix kind of had a knack for the whole lawyering thing, and convinced him to give it a try. phoenix was very easily swayed by edgeworth telling him he was smart and good at something. he and edgeworth both started practicing as defense attorneys at the edgeworth law offices, with phoenix lagging a bit behind edgeworth in terms fo passing the bar and whatnot. maybe by a couple of years. did they date in this timeline? yes. absolutely. idk when though. some awkward high school stuff for sure and then probably some more serious stuff as adults.
he and lana face off in the fawles trial and the whole affair ends with fawles suicide and ray getting godot'd with the poison bottle. also something mysterious happens to edgeworth and he's suddenly cold and distant, leaving his fathers firm to pursue a career as a prosecutor. phoenix can't bear to be there without edgeworth so he leaves to open his own firm. here's where phoenix starts getting the idea that maybe the way the law functions needs some changing, so he starts doing some side research on the jurist system while he takes a break from cases. he keeps getting stopped everywhere he goes and everyone he talks to, and eventualyl finds out that one man currently owns pretty much all of the justice system: redd white. so phoenix begins looking into white trying to take him down as a prerequisite for judicial reform. this does not work and phoenix gets bludgeoned to death in his office after mia wins her first case. RIP KING !
edgeworth -
becomes a defense attorney at his father's firm as established. pretty much what you'd expect from a no dl-6 au edgeworth. but then. the twistening: this is also something i haven't really ironed out the specifics of but whatever it doesn't really matter. MVK has been eyeing revenge on greg. in a sort of parallel to the sl-9 incident, greg - with edgeworth as co-counsel - had been defending someone accused of a serial killing, and it REALLY started to look like the prosecution was not going to be able to put the case through. there's one final confrontation where the prosecution is interrogating the defendant, and the defense team is waiting outside. power outage, scuffle, blah blah blah, long story short it ends with mvk killing the defendant and setting the scene up to make it seem like greg killed the man (either accidentally or in self defense?idk) which, yknow, killing your defendant is sure to ruin a defense attorneys reputation
so mvk blackmails edgeworth into switching teams and becoming a prosecutor. in a few years, he's chief prosecutor like lana was. since mvk works internationally he cant keep the position himself, but having edgeworth there as a pawn works in his favor and of course edgeworth is wholly miserable
ema -
sort of in fran's place. becomes a detective at an incredibly young age and pops up after mia gets gant arrested. she's got more of her aa4 bitterness going on here because gant was basically like forensics is fucking stupid (whihc she now realizes is because forensic analysis makes fucking lying in court a hell of a lot harder) and is embittered because she essentially had her dream beaten out of her to be used as someones pawn. she spent all this time trying to live up to her sister and help her sister when her sister wasnt even doing anything good either. shows up after lana 'chooses death' to investigate her sisters disappearance
maya -
still assists as mia's co counsel, only she's channeling phoenix for the most part here. very sad that the only time phoenix and maya will ever get to meet is once pearly gets into the mix but these are the sacrifices we make.
fran -
i think conceptually still the second prosecutor once lana Chooses Death only since she spent most of her life without edgeworth, the two of them are on slightly different terms than they are in canon. not as close, but not quite as volatile and competitive either since she was working as a prosecutor far before he was. edgeworth calls her into the country to start prosecuting while he is, i guess, in jail for his crimes, presumably, because he wants to believe she is a good enough person to prosecute the Right way and doesn't trust most of the remaining prosecutors in the district. shes still sort of on the fence over the whole game but obviously gets pushed over the edge in 2-4
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animesmutfest · 4 years ago
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Satoru x reader
(I love the whole bar scenario so I’m gunna use that again)
You and your best friend had been at the bar throwing back shot after shot in the hopes of getting completely wrecked. This is your dress with your hair in a curly pony tail, natural make up.
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Mid shot you catch a glimpse of a man who you recognize eyeing you down from across the bar. You give him a quick wink and a smirk which he returns with a laugh. After a few minutes you grab your friend and head to the dance floor hearing your song blast from the speakers. You don’t pride yourself on it but you were a damn good dancer and it showed that night. Moving your hips to the beat and losing yourself in the music. Your best friend is dancing with a guy and just when you were going deeper into the crowd you feel someone gently touch your waist while dancing with you. You continue dancing and grinding on him while taking his hands and running them up your body. He turns you around and pulls you close when you realize it’s the same guy from the bar. “Your a dangerous woman, I can tell” he says leaning towards your ear. You grab his shirt and bite his ear a bit “And I bet you’d like to know why that is big boy~” you coo in his ear. “Careful sweetheart, wouldn’t want to start something you can’t finish” He says moving his hands to your back. “Oh I can finish it if I wanted to honey~ but I’ll tell you what handsome, give me your phone” you say smiling. He complies opening his phone. You put in your number and put your name on it. You even call it in front of him so he knows your serious. “The names y/n by the way” you say winking. “Satoru Gojo~” he coos kissing your hand. “Satoru huh? Maybe I’ll see you again soon” you say pulling away from him. “Wanna bet?” He says smirking. Planting a kiss on his cheek you wave bye and leave for the night with your best friend.
Small time skip:
Over the next 4 months you both went on several dates and he was nothing but a gentleman. Not a single time has he asked you for anything sexual nor rushed into things, he’s a patient man. You invited him over to your place for the first time for a movie night but you had other plans for him. After setting up blankets on the floor with a bottle of wine, dimmed lights and snacks you heard him pull into the drive way. You open the door seeing him come up to the door and hands you an assortment of flowers. You smile warmly at him and invite him him. “Thank you handsome” you say going to put them in a vase. “Don’t mention it princess” he says checking you out as you walk away. You had your hair in a fluffy ponytail with shorts and a tank top on. He takes off his shoes and looks around to see the effort you out into this date. “Awwww princess did you do all this for me?” He teases. “Shut your face and go get comfy.” “Yes mam~” he coos while removing his jacket before he takes a seat on the blankets. You come back with the two glasses for the wine sitting next to him. “How was your day cutie?” He asks kissing you on the forehead. “It was nice I went shopping and picked up a few things” you say clicking on a movie. You both cuddle up a bit while watching it. “Satoru?” “Hmm~” he replies. “What makes you keep seeing me? I mean why do you like me so much?” You ask out of curiosity. Looking down at you he says “what’s not to like about you? In fact I love everything about you. So yeah that’s why I keep seeing you. Because you’re you” he lifts up your chin to meet his breathtaking eyes. “Dont over think things. I’m here because I wanna be” he adds before slowly leaning down to kiss you. You close the gap and press your lips against his. He smiles and kisses you back with just as much passion. He pulls away looking at you before grabbing the back of your neck and kissing you again. You move your way on his lap as the kiss turns into a full on make out session. You two were kissing like you were starved. Your mouth moving to his neck gently licking and sucking on his gorgeous skin. “Like I told you at the club babe. Don’t start something-“ “Don’t worry I’ll finish it” you cut him off. He smirks before snaking his hands around your body and grabbing your ass as you leave marks on him. Bringing your head up to face him “if I let you have me can you promise me something?” You ask blushing. “Anything princess” he says rubbing your body. “Make me scream... I’ve never actually climaxed during sex so please just make me feel good. I wanna lose my mind” you say grinding on him a bit. “Don’t worry princess, I’ll make it right” he says before laying you on your back and kissing your neck while rubbing your thighs with his free hand. “Men can be so selfish. Good thing all I want is to please you baby” he says sucking on your neck harshly. He then pulls off your tank top exposing your bare chest. “Such a perfect body” he growls before attacking your breasts with his mouth. Soft moans pour from your lips and your legs tremble with anticipation.
He moves his hand to your waistband of your shorts sliding his hand inside and gently rubbing your clit. Your hand moves to your mouth to cover the moans as they get louder. “Awe princess but I wanna hear those gorgeous moans of yours. Let me hear how good I’m making you feel” he says as he trails kisses down your stomach. As he gets to your waist he runs his tongue across your figure. Removing his hand from your clit he pulls down your shorts and panties making you close your legs embarrassed. Cocking his eyebrow he grabs your legs opening them slowly while looking at your red face. “Don’t hide from me, every inch of you is beautiful so no need to be scared” he says in a reassuring voice. You relax a bit allowing him to open you up. “Atta girl” he says looking at how wet you are just from a bit of stimulation. “Absolutely beautiful” he says licking his lips before running his fingers through your folds. Your body heats up even more just by having him touch you. Pulling his fingers up he licks them “such a sweet flavor” he says before pushing your legs back and licking up your folds. A loud gasp leaves your mouth and you hands running over the blanket. He slowly devoured you being sure to focus on the importance of making you feel amazing. Your moans start soft but grow as you climb closer and closer to bliss. “F-fuck~” you moan gripping the fabric beneath you. He smirks and slides a finger inside you curling it upwards. Your back arches just a bit, but it’s enough for him to slide in another finger and do the same. Your legs start to shake and you head starts feeling clouded while your moans become a bit wild. He fingers you harder and curls them faster forcing your orgasm to rip through your body. Your practically screaming his name and pushing him away with your hands. Pulling out his fingers he grabs your hands and holds them down as he licks up your juices. Your body squirming under him before he removes his mouth licking his lips. He looks down at you smirking wiping his mouth with his hand before taking off his shirt. His body was something to behold, you couldn’t stop staring as you panted on the floor. You sit up and force him to sit on the sofa behind him before pulling his waistband and pulling out his dick. Seriously this man was blessed. You had never seen something so big and thick, it was almost terrifying but you refused to let your fear overwhelm your desire. You slowly lick up the shaft while hold it before slowly sliding him in your mouth. “Mmm fuck princess” he groans as your slurp him up. Your head slowly bobs up and down his dick making his legs tense up with each bob. “Fuck~ just like that princess” he moans throwing his head back and his hands on your head. You then take him in your throat forcing his grip to tighten on your head and his moans to grow. You continue taking him in your throat when all of a sudden he pulls your hair forcing you off him. You look at him and lick your lips smiling at him as he pants. “Wicked little thing” he says before getting up and taking off his pants and boxers. He gets back on his knees and kisses you roughly before laying you on your back and breaking the kiss. He strokes himself a few times before lining himself up with you. “Just relax for me baby” he says before slowly pushing himself in. You yelp from the pain of the stretch as soon as he works his way in. He rubs your legs as he pushes the rest inside you. “It’s almost a too fucking tight” he groans while giving you enough time to adjust. Leaning down giving you loving kisses on your face and trembling lips to comfort you more. “Ready?” He asks. You nod and wrap your arms around his neck. Pulling himself back before rolling his hips into yours was intense enough for you at the moment and it seemed like the same for him. You looked up to see his eyes closed and brows scrunched together as if he couldn’t handle it. “W-why are you s-so big?!~” you cry out as he speeds up a bit. He laughs a bit before kissing your neck and resting his arms on other side of your head.
Each thrust you could feel him pushing into your cervix causing you to cover your mouth to muffle your cries. He grabs your hands and pin them above your head as he speeds up. “No no baby girl let me fucking hear it” he practically growled at you. You clentch around him as you feel yourself close to releasing again. “P-please baby yes!~” you yell as you cum on his dick. Satisfied that he did what no other could he puts your legs in his shoulders and grabs your hips railing into you. Your moans now whimpers of his name and incoherent words with each thrust. “Fuck you feel so good baby!” He moans look at your face full of pleasure. Your hand moves your your stomach where his dick is bulging out, he notices and rubs the area softly praising you for taking his dick so good. “You’re even beautiful when you’re fucked senseless princess~ your perfect~” he moans kissing your legs and speeding up a bit. You feel a weird sensation like you have to pee but it was intense. You try to push him back as you had never felt this before. He once again grabs your hands holding them on either side of you forcing your legs back open. “Let me make you scream princess!” He growls and just before you could protest you begin squirting all over the place. Your screams of pleasure music to his ears and as he looks down he sees what was going on and smiles like a mad man. “That’s what the fuck in talking about princess! So fucking sexy!” He groans at the sight. You were an absolute mess under him at this point. “D-daddy~” you whimper under him causing him to stop mid stroke. “What was that princess?” He asks panting a bit. “I s-said DADDY~” you reply “fuck me please~” you say weakly at him. Looking a bit surprised he picks you up and bends you over the couch before slamming himself into you. “Fffuuuck~” you cry as his hands snake up your body. “You’re going to make me lose my fucking mind sweet heart~” he growls. This was the most intense he has been since you started and your body could barely handle it. Thrust after thrust he abused your pussy with his dick. Soon his thrusts become needy as he chases his release. “I-inside daddy~ fill me please!” You cry out. His eyes rolls to the back of his head before slamming into you one more time filling you as requested. “God damn baby~” he moans before slowly pulling from you. Your body falls on the couch and he sits next to you. “Sooooo your mine now.” he say rubbing your back. “I’ve never had something so good I don’t want anyone else to touch you” he states bluntly. “Touché” you reply giggling a bit. “Let’s go shower” he says. “I’d love to but I can’t feel my legs”.
Yes please 😌
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shamylicious-blog · 4 years ago
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omg guys woaah ok ok ok..iam beaten ! whats with you :D??! ok iam telling.puuh so um this is going to be long..so i hope you will enjoy :D sorry for my english first y know its not my first language. xD i do my best..ok lets START So my husband and I met when we were both 17 (2007). we got to know each other through a socail network called schülervz it was very popular in germany back in my schooldays. We were both members of a group there and really talked every day from that point onwards, without exceptions. into our group of friends also included someone I met through this group. a girl who has become my best friend all these years. the 3 of us were really inseparable, even if it was only over the internet. that didn’t matter. we were totally honest with each other.  a bond that was 100% trust based. we talked together for hours every day. my husband was a trainee at the time and i graduated in economics and administration. We’d never met until the day we got together. our friendship lasted from 2007 to 2009 june. we were really good friends.just friends. I could tell him when I was interested in someone he could do the same. everything was great. best friends forever you could say. then there was a point in our lives where everything has changed all of a sudden.
one day he called me during the break and said that there was a girl at his work who asked him for a date. From that moment onwards everything went haywire for me. I got very nervous. although he talked to me about girls earlier and everything was totally normal. but that day nothing was normal anymore. i actually got angry..and yes i was jealous and i dont even know exactly why. He told me his story and I asked quite normally, because I’m a damn good friend, who she is and what she is like and if he needs help … (how stupid to offer help with something like that :)) well he just said that hell think about it and that he can do it all byhimself he just wanted me to know. we hung up and my whole day was covered by dark clouds. but we talked normally as usual. A few days passed and I knew that he was still in contact with her. After all, they work together. I couldn’t get rid of the thought that he would one day have a girlfriend. I got really sad. totally normal when people get together. But somehow I don’t like it at all. I didn’t get jealous because someone might be there, I got jealous because i still didn’t have the opportunity to see him for real. everyone else around him could really see him, but I couldn’t and that really messed me up at the time. he lived over 300km away from me. and for us it was a lot of stretch back then. we couldn’t just meet and hang out like others did. 
well at some point i realized that i couldn’t get him out of my head. I fell in love (wow very unexpected) but i still acted like a normal good friend .. because he had someone else to talk to. 
a few weeks passed and we didn’t talk as often as before .. everything changed suddenly and I couldn’t do anything about my broken heart. and I did something really stupid and started talking to someone else. He was from my school at the time and at first it was just normal conversations and then I noticed that he was more interested in me and I just played along because I thought that maybe I could forget him like this. i met with this boy. I also got along very well with him, he was really very nice .. at least at the beginning. One evening my (husband) called me and we talked normally. I also told him that I started meeting someone and he was quite astonished because up until then we hadn’t had the opportunity to talk very often. he was very suspicious. He kept asking me  something like ‘what’s his name how old. is he nice to you, give me his number, i want to talk to him etc. ’ very overprotective but that’s his way. no matter who it is. of course I didn’t allow him to talk to him. after all, its not his business. he himself has someone so why panic. He was then very offended and just said I should be careful and abruptly hung up. (back then I just thought idiot) well it passed about 3 weeks after this talk. i was still in some kind of relationship with this other boy..I say sort of because i couldn’t really warm up myself even though i liked him a lot .. and at this moment where I really wanted to try harder to like him more .. he came and said that he was going to break up. he had found someone who suits him better. i was really at the end ..
 a few days later i got up and my (husband) called me he just wanted to talk after 3 weeks without having spoken a word. he just wanted to talk. I was so mad at him. I cried on the phone and asked him what the problem of men is and whether everyone is so stupid. he himself was totally scared and wanted to know what was happening and I told everything and he got very, very damn angry but he couldn’t do much. and I was exhausted. I just think that I had to cry once. he tried to comfort me but how much comfort is there over the phone. Then suddenly it became quiet and all at once he cried out and said. ’ I’m coming to you.’I thought I wasn’t listening properly. he said that it is finally time that we meet and hang out .. I was totally speechless but totally happy to finally see my best friend for real. we chatted and then planned when and where we could meet. we have agreed that we will meet at my school on the weekend.
2 days left. it got so nervous and the most surprising thing was that it was snowing like crazy on that day … It was in the middle of March and it was snowing heavily. I was totally sad and didn’t know if he would make it with the car .. Such a damn long way and then also snow I panicked. accidents can happen. but he called me constantly during the drive to keep me up to date. In the afternoon I went to school of course everything was quiet (weekend) he called again and said that he would be there in 5 minutes. I couldn’t keep my nerves bare. what should i do ?? a good friend and just hang out together or say what’s on my mind ?? before I could think to the end I saw how he drove around the corner and parked in the school parking lot. my legs wouldn’t go. he got out and he had already seen me from afar and he just grinned with joy. I couldn’t help but grin like a goofy I went up to him and we just said hello, no hugging, nothing (he is to gentlemen xD without permission he wouldn’t lift a finger) but just to see his face in real life was totally enough for me. we decided for a little walk i just showed him my school. and after 2 hours of chatting we arrived at his car and i knew that he would have to leave soon. a long way after all. we just stood there and I didn’t want him to leave without really talking. At the moment when I wanted to say something he started to talk and he apologized for the time he was not with me where I could have needed him. I was totally surprised and started to feel my tears. he was totally confused and tried to calm me down and wiped my tears away (the moment he touched me for the first time, he was also shocked by his behavior could see it and he tried to apologize for touching me) I couldn’t take it anymore, I burst and practically explode. I took my courage together and shouted ‘I LOVE YOU, YOU İDİOT!' 
when i was aware of what i had done i blushed like a tomato .. and i was so mad at myself 'why did you do that he has somebody did you lose your mind what now?’ I couldn’t look at him he himself seemed to be in shock because I hadn’t heard nothing from him.. a few moments later I only heard a sob. when i looked up i actually saw him start crying..I was totally confused. what’s going on now ?! did I miss something. when I wanted to say something he stopped me and yelled back in my face: 'why !? why did you say this?! you spoiled everything! I had to be the one who made this confession first? !! your timing is really bad! damned!’ did I hear correctly he wanted to say it first? so he loves me too ?! I couldn’t tell how happy or sad I was at that moment .. And to be honest, I didn’t have the strength for anything either. I could have just lay in the snow and fell asleep. after a few minutes of silence he was caught and I just stared. he looked at me with a grin this time and then he confessed. every word, i remember everything he said 
‘You know, the day this girl asked me out on a date, you were the one who shot me right in the head. I didn’t know why , but I felt like I was doing you wrong. even if we had never seen each other in real life, I knew that you are everything to me .. even if it’s only as a good friend. and that evening I canceled this girl … the days after that when I wasn’t so talkative with you, was the time when i had to think about everything. maybe i hurt you with it but i just needed the time. and then when we talk again and I wanted to tell you everything you said that you met someone. I thought I wasn’t hearing right I was so angry and disappointed about myself that I just hung up and didn’t want to hear anything more from you..but somehow it didn’t work.I immediately missed your funny , sweet voice. I wanted to call again and apologize . but my hand didn’t want to. the time passed and when we could still talk. I couldn’t help myself anymore, I finally had to see you. from that moment i knew that it could only be you .i couldn’t help but want you. the thought that you would marry someone and that I would be invited as your 'best friend’ … to see you with someone else that would be my end. I had to act quickly and finally meet you. and you are here now and you stood there even though I wanted to do it first … you are really nasty. ’ he just grinned .. and I couldn’t help but laugh along I really wanted to hear it .and told him to say it .. when he stood there and looked at me, he asked me ’miss nasty ..i love you so much..do you want to be my everything?’ I couldn’t help myself and I was wrapped around his neck and we hugged each other so tightly that I hardly got air but it didn’t matter .I was so happy I just cried and so did he … well after that we took our time .. we got to know each other better i finished my school he finished his education our parents got to know each other and in april 2014 we got engaged and got married in the same year at the beginning of november and now we are happy with ourselves and our daughter. 
so thats it here you have it :D it may seem very normal ,cliche, but it was everything to me back than the struggle was real friends..and i treasure every single moment with him..
see ya :)
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anothertimdrakestan · 4 years ago
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Stripping For The Batboys HC! (barely sfw)
req: "Okay, so this is my first (slight) nsfw request, but can you do separate headcanons for our batboys with their s/o going undercover as a stripper at a club? And then their s/o decides to have fun and give them a lap dance while giving information on the case their on?? Just the thought of them all flustered and trying to remain calm is funny, thanks!!"
this req is sooo fun omg! i took my sweet time with this because it's so funny and i LOVE writing about my bois getting flustered and jealous so i hope you enjoy!!!
Dick Grayson:
- dick was sooo down for it in theory but in practice he was not a happy camper
- giving you a peck before you entered in the back door he'd been making smart remarks all day about it being the best mission ever
- but suddenly once he was watching you flip, drop, and spin barely covered and grinning ear to ear for all the nasty men surrounding him he was not so down
- as you picked up intel on the newest drug cartel your "new boss" pointed you towards your loving boyfriend who was waving dollar bills around pointing at you
- making your way over you realized this would be a fun time to stay in character and approached him, squatting down and pulling his legs apart with a sultry grin
- "y/n babe stop cmon!" he whisper yelled while you answered "hm dickie i thought you were excited for the show!"
- people began hooting around you and calling dibs on who was next as you climbed onto dick's lap, playing with the collar of his shirt
- "i- uh- this is... very nice babe but maybe we should go" his cheeks were flushed while you tilted his head back, hand latched around his neck giving a light squeeze that made the entire building light up with excited shrieks
- "mhm you're outta cash mr. grayson -give me five minutes baby" you announced, whispering the last part in his ear before you hopped off his lap, going back to your mole who, after that show, was ready to tell you anything
- flustered, dick adjusted his collar with a light cough, moving to wait for you at the back of the room, his head still spinning from the show- planning to give you his own later that night
Jason Todd:
- jason was pissed. he gave a hard pass on the mission until he realized who the undercover stripper was- and that just made him more upset
- as soon as he saw you on the stage, practically glistening and covered in dollar bills he saw red, especially hearing other men whisper about the new girl and how they were wanting to cop a feel
- after giving jason a good tease on stage you gathered all the intel you needed you searched for jay, assuming he'd want to leave but you couldn't find him in the crowd, you searched frantically until you got ushered into a different room with more people
- and there he was. shirtless, in tight, shiny golden boxers grinding on the floor with other male strippers
- cheers erupted as the male and female dancers all got up on stage, trying to stay in character you whispered in jason ear "this was not the fucking plan jay" to which he replied "yeah but did you really thing i'd let other guys look at you when i can you this?"
- at that he scooped you up, setting you down on the floor as the audience erupted in cheers and dollar bills
- taking his que he placed his hand on either side of your neck and came down, grinding against you while you writhed on the floor
- feeling his abs constrict against you and a prominent bulge brushing your thigh you were seeing stars. girls were screaming "I WANT WHAT SHES HAVING" while you focused on remembering to breath
- jason leaned down whispering in your ear "you done teasing princess?" with a gulp you nodded, letting jason lead you to the back and out of the strip club, his hand grabbing your ass the whole way back
Tim Drake:
- suddenly mr. "anything for the mission" was so not down for you disguising as a stripper
- once you were in you switched from the shitty outfit he'd given you to one that would blend in better and hopefully give him a mini heart attack
- before the show even started you had all the info you'd need from the other girls but you wanted to mess with tim
- you told your new best friends (like seriously they were so nice) that you're boyfriend was coming that night so you all made a plan to give him a show
- as you exited the curtains you found tim in the crowd, his eyes were frantic until they met yours, then they widened in disbelief seeing your new outfit
- his view was blocked when three dancers stalked up to him, dragging themselves over him
- his eyes never stopped looking for yours, his cheeks flushed as he leaned back and forth in his chair trying to look for you even though women were all over him
- after the show was over and tim looked lightheaded from the lights and heavy air you came up to him, grabbing him by the tie as you dragged him over to the bar
- "hey sexy" you purred, loving the way you could make tim squirm "you got the info?" was all he could say, trying to look at your eyes. with a nod he sighed, "let's get out of here i hated everyone minute of it until right now" placing a tentative hand on your waist he led you out promising no more undercover missions for a while
(older) Damian Wayne:
- it had taken serious persuasion skills and lots of kisses to make dami begrudgingly agree
- in the club he looked beyond grumpy, his brow furrowed, wearing his best "dont talk to me" face but you could see his eyes follow you across the stage, carefully watching your every move
- you watched him grow increasingly upset when you casually flirted with your suspect, catching his eyes and giving him a small wink as you went back to biting your lip the way he loved for someone else
- after stealing a business card with the passwords you needed you decided to make a handoff to damian, what better way than a lap dance!
- waltzing up to damian you slid onto his lip with a smirk as his angry facade broke for a second of excitement that danced across his face
- leaning in you drew your hands up his chest, feeling him take deep breaths as your hands slipped past his cheek to lightly tug on the back of his head
- as you felt damians hands slide to your hips you began to grind harder, everyone was too focused on the movement between the two of you they didn't notice you slipping the business card down the back of damians shirt, feeling him let go with one hand to grab it you got up off him circling his chair to give him cover to retrieve the card
- as soon as the intel was secured you leaned in and gave dami a peck on the cheek, noticing how flustered he looked, all traces of hardened annoying replaced by pink cheeks and heavy panting, it was unbelievably hot
- giving him a wink you made you way to the back of the room, waiting for damian to come around the side and pick you up, hoping that your stunt would earn you something more later that night
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zaikaglow · 4 years ago
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Umbrageous
Pairing: Erwin x Reader (eventually Reader x Eren, Reader x Levi, Reader x Hange maybe more)
Summary: Your mom has married the ever handsome Erwin Smith but the two of you have started an illicit affair under her nose. As you become more jealous of being the other women you start to engage in office affairs to try and force Erwin’s hand.
Content Warnings: Step dad! Erwin, alcoholism, size kink, cheating, pseudoincest, unprotected sex
Part 1   Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5
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“So I basically make copies, paginate those copies, go on coffee runs. I’m the office bitch basically” Eren says rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, the other resting on the table on the stack of copies he was previously holding now resting on the table. While the office area where clients would come was nicely furnished and brightly light with floor to ceiling windows this backroom filled with equipment was dimly light with no windows and a disgustingly 70’s style wall color. “They also stuck you back in the worst part of the building, I kinda figured the whole building would have been nice” you say. “Oh well out front where Mr.Smith and Mr.Ackerman have their offices are nice for the clients but back where the paralegals and interns are it's pretty groody huh?” he gives a slight chuckle looking up just enough to meet your eyes. “So Eren what are you up to tonight” you say, cocking your head to the side and biting your bottom lip. You wanted to make sure he got the hint loud and clear, it seemed like a great form of revenge, you fucking Erwin’s little intern. It would be an utterly appropriate relationship that would raise red flags if he dared object to it and the best part was that he’d have to see this boy everyday knowing he violated his little princess. Would it make Eren’s life harder? Probably but you really didn’t care that much, you could only think about how smug you’d feel seeing Erwin ticked off at the boy. The boy's eyes widened and you could tell he was trying to suppress a smile “uh I uh, you know I wasn't actually doing anything” he breaks eye contact to look at the ceiling “but if you want maybe you and me, we could do something. Together” he looks back to meet your eyes looking nervous as hell. He’s desperately hoping that's what you wanted to hear, that you weren't just trying to make polite small talk. You stand up from the doorway you had been leaning on to and grab a piece of paper out of the recycling pile and pluck the pen that had been sitting behind Erens ear and begin to scrawl. “Here’s my address, pick me up at 7” you flash him a smile before leaving making sure to not give him the chance to ask for your number. That was intentional just giving him the address so that way he’d have to come to the door, no ‘i'm outside texts', you wanted to rub it in Erwin's face.
Later that night you were sitting at your vanity putting the final touches on your makeup for the night when there was a knock at the door “come in”. You already knew who it was by the heavy footsteps as he was coming up the stairs, but you still couldn't help but to smirk when Erwin opened the door, meeting his eyes in the mirror. He came up behind you and placed his large hands on your bare shoulders feeling the warmth radiating down. “Who are you getting all dolled up for” comes out in a cold monotone voice, his eyes never leaving yours in the mirror. You finish wiping the sticky pink lipgloss on and reply in a condescending tone “Oh didn't I tell you”? A devious smile spreads across your face “that handsome intern asked me on a date”. Erwin clenches his jaw, grip on your shoulders tightening “ y/n I know you're mad at me about today” he exhales “but this is just childish”. “Aww daddy don't tell me you're jealous of the little Jager boy”. “I'm not jealous of a child like him, and put a jacket or something on that's barely a shirt” he removes his hands from your shoulders and briskly walks out the door.
Erwin is sitting down in the living room with your mom reading the paper when the doorbell rings. He puts down the paper and goes to open the door, “Mr.Smith, kinda weird to see you outside of work i'm here to pick up y/n”. Without breaking eye contact with Eren, Erwin shouts up the stairs “y/n, the Jager boy is here”. As you start to come down the stairs your mom gets up to go check out the new visitor “oh y/n he is handsome, good choice” Eren blushes “uh thanks Mrs.Smith”. You practically skip down the stairs and give Eren a hug at the door, Erwin can see you listened when he told you to put on a jacket over that black halter crop top but you also went ahead and changed out your jeans for a skirt. He knows that he can't say anything right now, not with your mom standing beside him, but he’s jealous. The way you have your arm wrapped around the Jager boy’s waist knowing that he’ll put his filthy hands on his little princess putting his cock where it doesn't belong. The only thing he can think to say is “have her back by 10”.
Eren’s car isn't anywhere as nice as Erwin’s but it's not like you expected it to be. Erwin is a wealthy big shot lawyer and Eren is a college intern but it feels almost weird to be so low to the ground in a car. You're parked at a scenic pull out overlooking the city. There are some picnic tables in the nearby trees but it's not the right season so you two are utterly alone in this small dirt parking lot. Eren is tapping the steering wheel nervously and stealing the occasional glance in your direction “so y/n are you sure you don't want to go and do something? We could go bowling or there's some 24 hour diners nearby”. You prop up one of your feet on the seat below you causing your skirt to ride up your thigh, Eren steals another glance this time lingering on your exposed thigh “I’m perfectly happy right here Eren” you say tilting your head in his direction. “Y/n..I dont want you to feel like i'm trying to take advantage of you” comes out in a low husky voice. You get up, placing your knees underneath you on the seat and place your hand on Eren’s arm as you slowly start to move up towards his face till your fingers grasp his jaw and turn his face towards yours “you're not taking advantage of me Eren”. You pull him into a kiss, it's different from how Erwin’s is. With Erwin it's firm and there's this sense of urgency of “don't get caught” of “this is wrong, we shouldnt do this” but Eren is gentle and warm and kisses you like it's right. His fingers nervously brush against your jaw like he’s afraid you'll break if he touches you too hard “Why don't we move to the back seat” you whisper brushing your fingers into his hair causing him to lean into your touch and eyelids shut “okay” he replies.
Eren’s shirt is off and he’s leaning over your fingers in your hair, and things feel nice of course you can feel the arousal pooling in your panties but this is no way to make a point. You move one of your hands up to his jaw pushing his head up and tilting his jaw down to look at you while the other goes to palm him through his jeans. He’s so beautiful the way the loose tendrils of hair fall against his forehead, his green eyes lids heavy with lust. Maybe you could be happy with him, you could stop fucking your stepdad and be happy having a normal relationship with an age approrait boy. But unfortunately you're a little too twisted to give up on Erwin, you know fucking someone like Eren would amount to the thrill of fucking the one man you were never supposed to touch. Your mind was made up “Eren, I want you to be rough with me” his eyes go wide “o-okay I can do that” he says. His lips meet yours again though this time rougher, he places a peck on the corner of your mouth before starting to trail down to your neck, finally about to give you what you really want “I want you to mark me Eren” you can feel his cock twitch in his pants at the words as he latches on tighter to your neck leaving wet spots that begin to darken. His hands lift off your top, breasts bouncing after being freed from the tight shirt’s confines. He gives them a squeeze before placing his mouth on the right nipple and his delicate fingers roll the left. “If you only do my neck my tits are going to feel left out Eren” he glances up before moving his mouth higher on your breast to start leaving more hickies. Your thighs are squeezing together and you can't take it anymore going to unbutton his jeans and slipping your thumbs into the waistband of his boxers pulling both down freeing his cock to slap against his stomach. His cock was much smaller than Erwin's, not tiny by any means, just not as massive, but it was pretty and veiny and the head was starting to leak. Eren’s hands move down first pulling off your skirt but then pauses to look at your grey panties and how he can see how soaked they are from your arousal. He runs his middle finger over your chlothed slit “hmm is that all for me”. “Of course who else would it be for?” you hook your thumbs under the waistband before Eren’s places his hands over yours “I wanna be the one to do it” he starts to drag them down going slowly so he can see how your arousal sticks to the undergarments before breaking. You take your hard and use your thumb to rub a bead of precum over the head. “Y/n i'm sorry I honestly didn't expect this tonight I don't have any condoms”   
“Hmm its okay im on birth control” you say as you guide him by his cock to your entrance. When he makes contact he puts his arms under yours hands gripping your shoulders and burying his face in your neck as he bottoms out. His hips start to move in and out and you can feel the way the head of his dick brushes up against your sweet spot. Eren starts to pull out a little only fucking you with the first few inches stimulating your enough but leaving you begging for him to fill you up and then when you least expect it he pushes in with his full length repeating this process a few more times before you finally feel his warm cum painting your insides. Eren brings his head up and gives your cheek a wet kiss “you didnt cum did you”? “No but that's okay I still enjoyed it”. He rubs his nose against your check and whispers “nuh uh I want to make you cum too, come here”. He pulls out and sits back against the door of the car and gestures for you to come sit in between his legs. You comply leaning your head back in the crook of his neck as he places one hand on your breast and the other starts to circle your clit fingers dipping into the mess from earlier to lube up his finger “how does that feel” he whispers “i-its good” you whimper back. He has two fingers gently pumping in and out and his thumb circling around your swollen bud and your grip his thighs as you feel the tension in your stomach start to reach its breaking point before you release on his fingers adding to the wetness between your thighs. Eren wraps his arms around you and whispers “that a good girl”
It’s 10:15pm when Eren drops you back off making jokes about Erwin firing him every minute it passed 10pm and nervously glancing at the hickeys littering your neck. Before you got out he had said “I hope that wasn't just a one time thing y/n, I think I actually really like you” and you had assured him that this wasn't a one night stand and that you'd see him again. When you finally walk in Erwin was sitting in his reading chair by the door, you walk in and head right up the stairs pretending he wasn't even there. In your room you start to undress when the door opens no knocking. “What the hell did he do to you?” Erwin says grabbing your wrist and pulling you closer. He places his fingers over the dark hickies, a look that's a mix of hurt and disgust coming over his face. “Oh come on daddy you know it would be weirder if I didn't go out with your handsome little intern, and I know how you like keeping up your appearances” you smile sweetly at him. You're thinking you finally did it, you got under his skin and you were about to get what you wanted, him all to yourself when suddenly his face goes back to an almost blank expression. “You know what y/n you're right it would be strange if a girl as pretty as you were to remain single the whole time, I think this is actually a good idea”. Erwin takes his hands and brushes your hair back behind your ears and gives you a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room “goodnight princess”. You're so angry he was okay with this, with another man marking you up? It would apparently take a lot more to get under Erwin Smith's skin, you think slamming your hands down on the vanity in frustration.
Two weeks later you're with Eren in his room, him laying his head on your lap talking away while you play with his hair. “Your dad must be pretty protective of you because I swear he’s been crazy rough on me ever since I took you out that first night. I mean I thought he liked me enough since Mr.Ackerman gave me his recommendation and you know how those guys are like best buds” you start to listen more intensely than you had before “Really? My dad doesn't like to talk about work stuff that much around me I haven't heard about Mr.Ackerman”. Eren shifts up a little bit seemingly more curious “Seriously he never mentioned him? Those guys are like crazy close there was even a rumor that they were in a secret relationship but then he married your mom and Mr.Smith just really doesnt seem like the guy to fuck around on his wife” he continues “I actully really like Mr.Ackerman too he’s my sisters cousin, shes adopted so he’s not my cousin but Ive known him a while and I owe him a lot I used to make some bad choices but he kinda kicked my ass into gear and got me on the path I am now, thats why im pre-law and he even helped me get this internship”. The way Eren is looking up at you is just so sweet and filled with love and the way he’s so comfortable just telling you all this makes you feel really bad. Because while Eren’s a nice guy and all it seems like the best way to finally truly get under Erwin’s skin, enough to get what you want is to fuck this Mr.Ackerman.
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boognish-worshipper · 3 years ago
Text
Remember the Rain
praying this is the final part of “Sunrise, Sunset” by the time i’m done omg ,, lamar finally talks it out with frank. i was tryna keep the titles consistent with a sky theme? wasn’t sure what to name this one at first, but i settled on naming it after a i song that i felt was sorta fitting lol ,, also lamar’s dramatic when drunk, that’s jus how it’s gonna be
oh and i included one last convo w/ that psychic lady bc each character got three opportunities to speak to her lol
//
The night Franklin and him fought was the third night in a row Lamar couldn’t sleep right. Then it became four. Then five. Six. He had hoped after the first couple days of Franklin being mad, that it’d all blow over and things would go back to normal. That he wouldn’t ever have to say anything about what he felt deep down. Even though he told himself he had to, he wouldn’t. He waited it out, and still hoped it would all just fucking blow over. That wasn’t what happened of course.
An overcast sky was spread over LS, light rain tapping against Lamar’s window. As cheesy as it was, it reflected how he felt. Another day had passed. Franklin wasn’t picking up, not even reading his texts, nothing. He called a couple times at first when the fourth day of the silent treatment occurred, then tried a few more times to contact him in the following days. It had grown into a long and sad string of texts.
franklin.
dog
plz
pick up
answer me
plz?
c’mon frank i told you i have nothin goin on with yo auntie
i wanna talk things out with you.
u ain’t let me finish explaining
text me when u read this. plz bro
He sighed. This was hopeless. He set his phone aside, still laying awake. A buzz came right after. Fucking finally, something.
fuck you
we got nothin to discuss
He didn’t know how to feel. This was fucking him up and he couldn’t think straight. He tried calling him once more, the ringing as he waited for a pick up mocking him. Voicemail yet again. How many messages had he tried leaving at this point?
for fucks sake frank pick up
u ain’t doin this to me rn
jus let me explain myself
He stared at the ceiling yet again, like it would have all the answers sprawled out for him. As he did, he focused on how the rain had picked up, coming down harder. Then he felt his phone buzz.
no
now stop blowing my phone up
i’m tryna sleep
Lamar was never one to be sensitive, but he felt so crushed right now that all he could do was cry silently to himself. He didn’t even have Chop around anymore to comfort him like he normally would whenever Lamar was going through something. Would he even see him again? He lived over at Frank’s now. Fuck. Did this mean they’d have to share custody now? If he wasn’t so upset, he most likely would’ve laughed at the idea of it. He was letting bad thoughts consume him, turning to a last minute resort of drinking to try stopping it. This kind of thing rarely happened to him, these kind of feelings weren’t common. He knew no other method of trying to stuff bad feelings down, working through a 6 pack of beer on his own, followed by a bottle of some type of random liquor. Anything to stifle the pain in his chest, although it didn’t accomplish much other than making him feel even more queasy. He left one last voicemail, choking back a sob. Or what he had thought would be the last one. He lost count.
“Franklin. Please jus’ talk to me already man. You- you believin’ what you wanna believe right now, you ain’t even givin’ me a chance. You my best fuckin’ friend, don’t that mean shit to you anymore? We.. homies n shit.” He sniffled, cringing to himself when he said the words “best friend”. Franklin was so much more than that to him.
“Ion… Ion think I can live without you in my life. You can’t hate me man that shit.. that’s fucked. This is fucked. I’m fucked.”
A strong feeling of humiliation hung around him for many reasons, one being that he was fully crying now, over the phone. He couldn’t get any lower.
“You jus’ mad right now. But you.. you won’t be, eventually. Right? Please get back to me soon. Please. I’d rather fuckin’.. die or sum’ than have you hatin’ me n shit. At this point I might as well.”
After hanging up, he decided to visit that site one last time. His tears blurred his vision, making it harder to type. The shit in his system didn’t help either.
lady
i fuckef up
thsi is yo faukt
What now? Why are you back?
frankljn hates me
He does? That’s not right.
damn straighy it fuckign isnt
No, I mean that’s not correct.
There’s no way that he could, even if it seems like it right now.
jus fuckin tell me whst to do
That’s out of my hands.
is not u fuckin wirch
*withc
*witch
Look, I really don’t know how else to help you. I don’t have any other visions to offer. You’re on your own.
They do say though, that dreams are visions themselves.
dont fukcin speak in riddles rn
Precognition, Lamar. Just have faith
prewhatnow
n yeah. faith. bc that helps so fuckn much
All I can say to you is good luck - it’s all coming together. Just wait.
th fuck does that mean?
It means that you’re stressing too much - you better sleep it off. Farewell Lamar. You’re gonna have a killer hangover you know…
SERVICE UNAVAILABLE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
The notification did nothing but make him more upset. He calmed down eventually, the crying and alcohol tiring him out. He blacked out soon after, not remembering when he fell asleep.
For the first time in a while, he dreamt about the two of them. The start of the dream showed a radiant sight before them, the sky lit up in a million shades. Chop was laying beside Franklin, head on his thigh. All three of them sat on a grassy knoll, a soft breeze blowing through each blade. Franklin turned, Lamar not taking his eyes off him since the dream started. He only noticed the sky’s wide color palette because the intensity struck Franklin’s face just right. He looked right into Lamar’s eyes, speaking softly.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“What?”
“You had so many opportunities. So many times, I thought that you would. I got my hopes up, you know. I waited. When Tanisha left.. I only had you.”
“Tanisha..”
“I still love her. I.. I think apart of me always will, but I love you just the same. Even if you drive me up a Goddamn wall sometimes. You both mean the world to me.”
Franklin looked back at the view ahead. A heavenly indigo replaced the vivid hues from before.
“But she’s gone now. Shit ain’t the same. All I know is you stayed when she didn’t. Even when she got pulled outta the hood and made some kinda new life for herself, you never left my side. Never changed yo loyalties.”
He turned back to face Lamar again. His eyes were glassy, the glow of the midnight sky reflecting in them.
“So why didn’t you say somethin’ sooner?”
“Franklin.. I ain’t deduce that shit ‘til now.“
“You really didn’t know?”
Even in the dream he could feel that previous frustration occur in his mind. Was he hiding in a glass closet or something? He could only let out a wry laugh.
“Yeah man. I was a fuckin’ fool, jus’ like you always said.”
“Damn straight.” He chuckled, and Lamar came to the conclusion that he could listen to that laugh forever. Franklin’s face then fell solemn.
“Y’know I really thought that.. I really thought that you jus’ got with someone else. Not even jus’ my Aunt. I saw how you wanted to get away from me, and I thought…” He stopped himself, petting Chop’s head.
“I.. wanted to be happy if you was, but the thought of that at all bothered me.”
“Why?”
“Cuz you were all I had, dog. Mike n Trevor, they have their own lives, their own history n shit. I can’t always rely on them. Denise don’t give a fuck what happen to me. You my lifeline dog, I’ve known you for years. I didn’t want you to forget me over a chick or sum’. That day you acted all different n shit, it worried me.”
“Hey man, y’know I ain’t ever gon pull that shit on you. I’m with you for life.”
“Then don’t pull other kinda stupid shit on me.”
“Whatchu mean?”
“You can’t ever die on me bro. That ain’t how this shit works.”
“Ay man, I don’t plan on dying jus’ yet. Not unless yo ass by my side. Not ‘til I tell you I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.
Franklin got closer to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes shone as the stars around them fell from the sky, akin to raindrops, hitting them. Everything about him was flooding Lamar’s senses, and it felt surreal, between his aroma and all the other things he loved about Franklin. Golden flecks covered them both, and the stars continued to crash down. The sky was growing darker than before.
“Just say the words Lamar. Say them and this shit’ll be over.”
“How?”
“Well first you need to wake yo ass up.”
“Huh?”
“I said wake up, fool!”
Lamar’s blissful dream had been interrupted by an unknown figure shaking him, literal raindrops hitting his face. He was still bleary eyed, only seeing a vague silhouette in front of him. A wet slap to the face rattled his brain around, the hangover settling in. Shit, was he still drunk? What time was it?
“Lamar! Get up!”
“Oh.. Th’fuck? Who- who that is?” He grunted out.
“It’s me you fuckin’ clown!”
“Frank?”
“Who the fuck else?”
“Why are you-”
He was abruptly yanked out of bed, thudding to the floor with a small “oof”.
“Get up you punk bitch!”
“Franklin what the fuck-”
He was grabbed again, tossed back onto his bed. Franklin straddled him, shaking Lamar by the collar.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He said, Lamar getting another slap to the face.
“What in the fresh fuck is you talkin’-” Another slap.
“15 fuckin’ missed phone calls! 15! Are you fuckin’ nuts?!”
Lamar’s eyes practically popped out of his head. 15? What the fuck did he say to him?
“I did what-”
Franklin shook him even harder by his shirt, stretching the material out. He was straining his voice now.
“You had me worried like fuckin’ crazy! I thought you was in some sorta fuckin’ trouble again! You blew my phone up when I told yo ass not to, and then didn’t fuckin’ pick up after I heard the first couple special messages you left me!”
Oh God. This was it. He told Franklin everything, didn’t he? The color drained from his face.
“Oh fuck me..” He mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes.
“What?!” Franklin yelled, shaking him again. Lamar’s head was pounding.
“Franklin.. what.. what I say on there? I barely remember a thing, let alone callin’ yo ass.”
“You seriously don’t fuckin’ remember?!”
“Yeah. Seriously, man.”
Franklin slid off of him, putting a palm to his face. He breathed through his nose hard, trying to calm down. Lamar realized he was drenched from the small downpour outside. Pellets of rain thumped against the window as a reminder that the storm never went away.
“You.. fuck, man. You started sayin’ all this shit about how bad a fuckin’ friend you was. That you, you was hidin’ all this shit and couldn’t live another day without tellin’ me.”
Okay. Good. He didn’t tell him the truth.
“You told me you wanted to die dog. Didn’t realize yo dumbass was safe n sound asleep in yo fuckin’ bed.”
“Oh.”
“…’Oh’? Is that really all you have to say?!”
“F, I was jus’ drunk. It was dumb of me, I know, but I.. It’s nothing, okay?”
“Don’t do this shit to me man! I’ve already dealt with enough of yo fuckin’ schemes n shit-”
“Frank.”
“It’s 3 am! You had Chop barkin’ his Goddamn head off the whole night!”
“Franklin.”
“Then I race my ass over here to find yo drunkass self passed out in bed-”
“Franklin.”
“What! What?! You finally gonna put yo two cents in for once?”
“Stop yelling. My head hurts like a bitch right now.”
“Good! I’m fuckin’ glad because I know mine does as well you fuckin’ asshole!”
Lamar looked pathetically up at him. This was getting out of hand. He let it go on for too long.
“Why did you come here then?” He croaked.
“Because you were fuckin’ sobbin’ into the phone! All I heard was you cryin’ like mad fuckin’ crazy and it scared me. You don’t ever do that shit, not even when you fucked up.”
“How much I say?”
“I got the first message pretty fuckin’ clear, the rest was jus’ incoherent bullshit. I barely got through the second one before speedin’ on over. You sounded hurt n shit, I thought something happened. I thought you was a goner.”
“No weird shit though right? I ain’t say nothin’ bad?”
“What? Lamar, what the fuck are you on about? I just told you what yo ass cried out to me! I couldn’t even understand any of the other messages!”
“Okay, okay. That’s.. good I guess.”
“That’s good? Fuckin’ hell, why did I come here? You- ugh!”
“Franklin. Can you jus’ sit down before you pop a fuckin’ blood vessel? You stressin’ for nothin’.”
If anything, Lamar should be the one stressing right now. He had been so close to confessing without knowing. Franklin sat next to him, arms crossed.
“Franklin.”
“What.”
“I’m sorry that I scared you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Well good fuckin’ job, you accomplished that real well didn’t you.” He said, sarcastically applauding him.
“I thought you were cutting me off for good homie. You think I was gon’ let that happen?”
“Lamar, that still ain’t a good reason to freak me out like that in the middle of the night.”
“It’s only cuz you hadn’t been listenin’ to me bro. I’ve been wanting to tell you somethin’ so badly lately and I never.. got the chance.”
“Then do pray fuckin’ tell LD, what the fuck is so important that you had to do this shit to me at 3 AM!”
“Franklin man, c’mon-”
“No! Don’t start!”
Franklin stood, heading for the door as he spoke. He stopped in the threshold.
“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on with you, or I’m leavin’ yo sad ass here to wallow. I mean it L.”
“Don’t be like that. Please man. I want to, but I-”
“Jus’ fuckin’ tell me! Why won’t you tell me?!”
“Frank-”
“I dragged my ass all the way over here for nothin’ didn’t I? You ain’t dead, you ain’t sayin’ shit, you jus’ bein’ so- ugh! Fuck!” He threw his hands up, exiting Lamar’s bedroom.
“I’m done man, fuck this.”
“Franklin wait- don’t go-” He pleaded.
Franklin did nothing but leave him stranded again, thunder rolling far in the distance. Lamar ran after him as he walked out the door, hearing the rain heavily hit the pavement. His mind was racing far ahead of him. Franklin was leaving, he was leaving for good, and he couldn’t. He can’t. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Franklin can’t do that, he can’t-
His mind had gone so far away, that he didn’t even realize that he had tackled Franklin to the ground. The two of them fell to the ground with a loud splat, followed by sounds of pain.
“Lamar what the fuck?!”
“Don’t go! Fuckin’ hell, I gotta chase yo ass and for what?!”
“Get off me dog!”
“No!” Franklin was pinned beneath him. The raindrops that rolled off of Lamar hit him in the face.
It reminded Lamar of when they were younger, playing football or whatever sport they could outside even as the deluge soaked them both to the bone. The roles had been reversed, with Franklin constantly knocking him down onto the grassy sludge. They got quite an earful from Lamar’s mom as they tracked mud in the house upon returning. It was a memory amongst many that stuck with him like glue. Those memories couldn’t go away. Franklin couldn’t go away.
Tears mixed in with the rain as he yelled out to him.
“You fuckin’ idiot! Why you makin’ this shit so hard for me?! You keep leavin’ before I can even finish!”
Franklin struggled to break free from Lamar’s grip on his wrists, huffing as he looked away.
“Look at me!” Lamar shouted, grabbing his face with a free hand.
“I didn’t wanna fuckin’ tell you like this, but Jesus Christ! For fucks sake you stubborn asshole-”
He was doing it. He bit the fucking bullet.
“You know how we got into that fuckin’ argument last week? When I told you that I was dealin’ with that whole love thing, I wasn’t talkin’ about yo Aunt, a hoe, nobody else! I was talkin’ about you!”
Lamar threw himself off of him, stumbling backwards. Franklin propped himself onto his elbows. He finally said it. He said it, and he was far from finished.
“But you didn’t wanna fuckin’ listen! And now I’ve fucked our friendship over for a second time! All because of you! This whole thing has been drivin’ me fuckin’ insane lately, and I couldn’t do shit about it! I tried so, so hard to avoid this, but nothin’ ever goes my way, huh?! Every time I think a plan of mine’ll work, it doesn’t! You know why?!”
Opening his arms wide, he spoke loud and clear, finishing his rant.
“Lemme remind you: I’m Lamar fuckin’ Davis! The biggest fuckin’ fool, fuckin’ clown, fuckin’ whatever you wanna call me! Lamar Davis, the most naïve bitch on the planet! Fuck me for thinking that this would ever go well!”
Now it was his turn to leave. But he didn’t go back into his house. His legs moved for him, walking in no particular direction. He just needed to get away from Franklin, not caring about how damp his clothes were now. He was shaking, and he didn’t know if it was from the rain or the range of emotions he was flying through.
He could hear a pair of sneakers squishing behind him. Franklin was running, and he was catching up fast.
“Ay Lamar! Get back here!”
Oh fuck. He was chasing after him now. That’s not good. Lamar started running himself, not caring about possibly slipping and falling on his ass. Only a few hours ago, he had told himself he couldn’t be without Franklin. Now all he wanted to do was run away.
“Lamar!”
Fuck fuck fuck.
He wasn’t fast enough. The second time they hit the ground, Lamar had the wind knocked right out of him, the duo splashing right into a puddle. Hands gripped his shoulders, flipping him around.
“Lamar!”
There were only a few instances in his life where Lamar felt small. He’d always been big in character, big in height, and according to him, big in other ways. But this was one of those moments where he couldn’t help but flinch, wanting to collapse in on himself. He was so tired.
“If you gon’ beat my ass or somethin’ jus’ get it over with.” He sighed, shutting his eyes tight.
When he felt nothing but raindrops touch his face, he opened his eyes slowly. His heart sank when he did. Franklin was visibly upset, guilt in his eyes.
“Lamar. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
A wave of déjà vu washed over him. Oh. So that’s what precognition meant. Motherfucking psychic lady.
“You should’ve jus’ told me man.”
“I tried dog. You wouldn’t hear me out.”
“Cuz I.. I thought you got with someone. I didn’t wanna hear it straight from yo mouth if you was.”
He shifted up, Frank sitting in his lap.
“Y’know I always thought that.. Part of me jus’ kinda thought that it’d always be the two of us. I’m never gonna get Tanisha back.. but you..”
Franklin looked away.
“You a crazy ass loyal motherfucker man. You stuck by my side no matter what, and some dumbass part of me was convinced that you… I mean fuck, so many times I thought you would jus’ flat out say something. Somethin’ so I could stop waiting for the one other person I had known forever to just say that they fuckin’ loved me like that.”
Lamar blinked, rainwater getting into his eyes. It wasn’t quite as serene as his dream had been, nor was it verbatim, but Lamar didn’t care. There was something about the way the water droplets sat along Franklin’s face, highlighted by a streetlight behind him that made him look angelic.
“When you started actin’ all weird it jus’.. made me so fuckin’ mad man. I thought you was gon’ pick someone else over me. Jus’ like Tanisha did.”
“Franklin..”
“So why didn’t you jus’ say somethin’ sooner? I waited. Hell, I don’t even know why I did at first.”
“Franklin.”
“But now I’m realizin’ you must not have even noticed yoself what you was feelin’, when I fuckin’ did. I noticed and you didn’t and-”
Lamar grabbed him by the face, grip surprisingly strong after being in the rain.
“How many times do I gotta say yo name for you to hear me?”
The rain kept falling, never slowing for either one of them. Yet, it felt like time stopped. Lamar chuckled lightly.
“Franklin Clinton and Lamar Davis. Two of the dumbest motherfuckers in LS. Homies for life.”
“Yeah. Homies for life.”
His hands never left Franklin’s face. He pressed their foreheads together, lowering his voice.
“I love you, bum ass bitch.”
“Yeah yeah. I love you too.”
He kissed the top of his head, moving his hands down to embrace him in a tight hug. When was the last time they did this? As he thought it over, he could hear Franklin’s voice muffled against his chest.
“Don’t scare me like that again. Next time save us both the trouble n jus’ spill yo heart out. Dramatic motherfucker.”
The words had no malice in them, Lamar feeling him smile as he said it. He kissed him once more, and they just sat in the rain, feeling it bathe them in fond memories.
//plz listen to remember the rain by 21st century it’s so good 💔😭 anyway ya i decided to end it on a sorta happy note !!!!! franklin is a stubborn guy smh,, sorry for any typos lol also i rlly had no idea where i wanted to go with this so sorry if it’s weird or whatever
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suite43 · 4 years ago
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(summary: starscream and bumblebee have an argument, and turn to trusted friends for some advice. or: several long and winding paragraphs about love, redemption, and what we are worth. alcohol warning.)
"Be honest with yourself," Starscream sneered. "If we hadn't been forced together, do you really think you'd give a scrap about me?"
"Why does it matter?" Bumblebee shot back.
"Because, Bumblebee, you're wrong. You think you care, you think you're in love with me, but you're not. You were forced to be around someone you hated and you had to find some way to be okay with it because you're a good little autobot and you overcompensated. You're a victim of proximity. We both are. But y'know what? You're free now, so go ahead and run along back to your life and your friends and people you actually give a shit about beyond finding the moral high ground and leave me alone."
"Unbelievable," Bumblebee muttered. "You're unbelievable! Do you know how to do anything except wallow in denial? What is your fucking problem?"
"My problem at the moment is that someone was deluded enough to think he could squeeze millions of years of monstrosity out of me by telling me he loved me."
"Primus, Starscream, if you're not interested just say so! If you're angry, if you're scared, fucking say it! But you don't ever get to tell me how I feel!" Bee was screaming up at Starscream, pain and frustration radiating from him. "I don't know where I'd be if things were different and I. Don't. Care. I like my life, Starscream. Despite everything, I'm happy with it and I'm glad you're in it! Apparently you aren't, and if that's true you can leave! You've always been free to go whenever you fucking feel like it! But you haven't! So pardon me for assuming you had something going on in that thick fucking head of yours!"
"Oh, please-"
"No! Shut up! I'm not done and for once you are going to listen to what I have to say! You try so hard to convince everyone that you've got some black heart, that all you are is violence and malice, and I know  that's not true! Whether you want to believe it or not I've seen what you're capable of! I know you, you let me know you, and I decided that I fucking love you and I'm willing to keep loving you even when you're a cruel, stubborn bastard. If you really want to leave, leave! Go! But don't run because you're afraid, or because you think I don't know what I'm getting into."
Starscream didn't say anything, just stewing. Bee tried to collect himself, mentally urging Starscream to just fucking say something.
"You don't know me."
"For fucks sake, Starscream," Bumblebee sighed and decided fuck it and gave into his impulse, pulling Starscream by his collar down into a kiss. He was frustrated and Starscream was caught off-guard, so it was messy and clumsy and awkward, but after a beat Starscream grabbed his helmet and pulled him into it harder and Bee nearly forgot he was ever angry in the first place.
It felt like a million years had passed when they finally pulled apart and Bee let his heels fall back into the ground. Starscream stared down at him, face unreadable.
"Sorry," Bee said, barely even whispering, hands settled on Starscream's chest. "I just. How do I prove to you that I mean it?"
"You can't," Starscream responded, pulling away from Bumblebee's touch. Bee just watched him go.
He sighed. Starscream would be back when he was ready. Or he wouldn't. Either way, Bee would be here.
///
"Are... Are you okay, Starscream?" Thundercracker asked, peeking out the door to the balcony.
"I'm fine."
"Um... Why are you on my roof?"
Starscream was sitting cross-legged on the roof of Thundercracker's apartment, staring off into the distance, one hand held over his mouth in thought, fingers idly tracing his lips as he couldn't drag his mind away from flittering fancies of Bumblebee and kisses and love. Thinking about dozens of late-night conversations and well-meaning gifts of cheap high grade and the way he laughs and the way he looks beautiful even when he's angry and- hm.
"You know about things, don't you, Thundercracker?"
"Most people generally agree the answer to that question is 'no', but. Maybe? What kind of things?"
"What does it feel like to be in love?"
"Oh. That kind of thing. Uh," Thundercracker climbed onto the roof awkwardly, pulling himself up next to Starscream, legs kicking where they dangled off the edge. "You know I don't really mess with all of that, right? Dating and stuff. I don't do it."
"But you know things," Starscream said. "You're better with feelings then anyone else I know."
"Not true," Thundercracker said. "You know Bumblebee!"
"That's exactly the problem, Thunders."
"Oh. Oh." Starscream could almost hear the gears turning in Thundercrackers head as he connected the dots. "Are you in love with Bumblebee?"
"No. Yes. I don't know. If I knew I would know what to do about it and I wouldn't be here asking you for romantic advice now would I?"
"I suppose."
"So then how am I supposed to know?"
"If you're in love?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I've never been in love. I don't know. But, in the movies, it's like... Usually two people kind of get stuck together in some kind of situation, y'know, they meet and they don't really like each other much at first. But then you think about them all the time. And then you keep running into them, and even when you think they're annoying, something about them is still kind of endearing. They make you happy. And then there's some big fight or misunderstanding or somebody gets scared or has to leave and it looks like nothings going to work out, but eventually they decide that they like being around each other enough that it's worth working out whatever they fought about or giving up whatever's keeping them apart, and then, happily ever after, I guess."
"Just like that, huh?"
"Only in the movies. There's no end credits in real life."
"So what happens next, then?"
"I guess just what happens with every other kind of relationship. You keep being happy and working and then fighting and deciding its worth trying again over and over until you give up or somebody dies."
"Unfortunately I don't think death is a viable reprieve for my situation."
"Oh yeah, I guess not. Sorry."
"No, it's okay. He's easier to tolerate when one of us is dead."
"I guess the question, then, should be, is he worth it to you? Are you going to get off the plane to Santa Fe or New York or Chicago and run back to him, or are you gonna go be a well-respected but no-fun businesswoman in the big city forever?"
"What?"
"Sorry, I think I got lost in the metaphor," Thundercracker laughed, a big, booming thing, clumsy and well-meaning and earnest, just like the mech it came from. "Something in there was probably good advice, though. You should ask me things more often."
"I really should," Starscream sighed, leaning over and laying his head in his trinemates lap. Thundercracker didn't stop him, and let one hand fall to rest on Starscream's midsection, just to say I'm here when you need me so Starscream can reply I know, Thank you, I'm sorry by taking that hand in his and squeezing it lightly. They watched the stars twinkle across the horizon as lazy clouds sauntered by, and Starscream started to wonder about what he was worth.
///
Bumblebee trudged into Maccadam's, his normal sunshine dampened by how just miserable and unfair everything seemed. He took his usual spot at the bar and ordered a drink, half as strong as usual so he'd have to spend twice as much money if he wanted to do something stupid, letting his thoughts brew around as he sipped.
"Hey, bigshot! How did it go?" Wheeljack slung his arm around Bee's shoulder, energetic as ever, but Bee just groaned and slammed his head into the bar.
"Terribly."
"Weelllll," Bee could practically feel Wheeljack trying not to say 'I told you so'.
"He's just. Agh!" Bee said. "He was just himself, y'know, determined to be as difficult as possible and allergic to his own happiness. And I yelled at him, which I probably shouldn't have done, and then I kissed him, which I definetly shouldn't have done, and now he's probably never going to even look at me again."
"Well, y'know what they say, fortune favours the bold and all that!" When Bee gave Wheeljack a skeptical, dont-try-to-make-me-feel-better kind of look, Wheeljack just doubled down, squeezing his shoulders. "Seriously, you shot your shot! That's all you can do, and if he didn't want you that's his loss!"
"He was scared, Wheeljack. I know him, I know that that's his fucked up defense mechanism or whatever and I knew he was gonna try to drive me away. Why did I let him drag me into that?"
"Because you care, Bee. You care a lot. You aren't the kind of person who can see somebody struggling and just leave them to it. You're like, literally incapable of not lending a hand. Especially when you love somebody."
"So then why the hell did I have to fall for the hardest to love cybertronian there is?"
"Oh, I'm sure there's been worse.I mean, Nova-"
"Not really the point."
"Oh. Because you have horrible taste?"
"That's more like it," Bee grinned. "Cheers?"
"To shit taste!" Wheeljack agreed, clinking their drinks together.
"Absolutely."
They left the bar a bit later, neither of them really drunk so much as in the zone, as Wheeljack liked to put it. It was right before you got too drunk to really do anything sensible but drunk enough that you didn't overthink things, and it was just the right level of alcohol consumption to go for a walk and talk about life.
"So, what're you gonna do then?" Wheeljack asked after the conversation had trailed off.
"About what?"
"Starscream. Y'know, I don't think he's very good for you."
"I dunno," Bee shrugged. "And i know. I know nobody thinks he's a good person but he tries, Wheeljack. He really does! He just, he's scared. All the time, I think, of everything. He doesn't trust me, or you, or anyone at all, and I hate it. I hate that he feels like he can't trust me, even after all the stuff we've been through. It makes me mad! Not even mad at him, just mad at- at- I dunno, at the universe, at the war, at Megatron, at every shitty thing that ever happened that made him feel like he needs to be afraid all the time. I want him to be safe. I want to make him feel safe. But I dunno how and he won't tell me, and how can I tell him my stuff if he won't tell me any of his, and if we never tell each other anything then it's not all that much of a relationship."
"I mean, what do you even want from someone like that? He's not got a lot to offer. I mean, he's kinda hot if you squint, I guess, but other than that?"
"I think 'kinda hot' is the understatement of the century, Wheeljack. But... I dunno, I just. Want something. I want him to be able to tell me he cares about me. I know he does. But I want him to say it. I want it to be real."
"Why? You're a good person, Bee, it's not like you don't have options."
"Because I'm happy when he's around. I feel more like myself. I feel like my life is better when he's in it. For better or for worse, he's got a perspective nobody else does, and he always comes up with things I'd never even think of. He's smart and observant and funny just as much as he's a wise-ass and a smug bastard. For every inch of him that's irritating there's another bit that's incredible. And a lot of that incredible feels like our little secret, like he only lets me see those parts of him, and I like that too. And, I dunno, I get to be angry and there's nothing wrong with it. He's never mad that I'm mad, he never tells me that getting pissed is a waste of time or energy, he just lets me be. He argues, but he doesn't try to stop me or make me be polite and friendly because he doesn't need or want me to coddle him. I like the idea of taking care of him because it's less actually taking care and more just. being there, and letting him do the rest. I share my input and he gives his, and eventually he comes to the answer on his own and I get to see him being better. He gets better because he wants to, not because I'm forcing him to."
"I guess I just don't get how Starscream becomes a better person without you dragging him into it."
"People are fundementally good, Wheeljack. Don't look at me like that! It's true! Everyone wants to be loved, and really we all want to do good so we feel worthy of being loved, but it's about opportunity. When your needs aren't met, it gets harder and harder to do good. When everyone around you treats you with cruelty, it gets harder. When everyone believes you're a monster, why even bother trying to prove them wrong? All it takes is one opportunity, one chance to do the right thing, one person to say I know you know what's right for someone to take a step in the right direction. I didn't do anything to him, I just. I tell him what I know, which is that he doesn't enjoy who he became any more than the rest of us, and I give him space to know that even when it's scary and even when he loses everything, I'm on his side. Even the worst of us can improve given the chance. I really do believe that. I mean, you were at Megatron's trial. He opened the matrix. If that guy, given the opportunity, decided to turn himself around, why can't Star?"
"Did you kiss him and then yell at him or yell at him and then kiss him?"
"What?"
"Earlier, when you said you guys fought. Was it all like 'oh im in love with you' and then you kissed and then you fought afterwards? or was it like 'oh we're fighting by the way I love you' and then you kissed?"
"Uh, neither. I told him I was in love with him and he told me I wasn't and that made me really really angry, and I'm not even sure why honestly. And then I kissed him, to uh, prove I meant it, I guess? Not my best idea."
"Maybe you're just tired of being told what to do."
"I think I just don't like other people telling me what I am. I know what I am. I'm Bumblebee!" He took a deep breath and started yelling. "I'M BUMBLEBEE! I'M ALIVE AND I'M IN LOVE! AND I KNOW WHO I AM!"
"HELL YEAH!" Wheeljack threw his arms up, just enjoying the act of making noise as they wandered back to Bee's apartment, and eventually the two of them devolved into pointless hollering and whooping, until someone somewhere through a little chunk of metal and bonked Bee right in the back of the head with a SHUT THE FUCK UP! and the two of them just started laughing, both trying to shoosh the other as they eventually made it into Bee's apartment and Wheeljack settled on the couch, barely sparing a muffled g'night buddy before passing out, leaving Bee alone to stare out the window and think about what he wanted.
///
Bee rolled out of bed the next morning to the sound of a knock at the door, rubbing at his eyes, wincing at the too-bright sunlight. He wandered past where Wheeljack was snoring on the couch, muttering a yeah, yeah, I'm coming, to the door as the knock came again, less sure of itself this time.
He wasn't really sure who he expected to be at the door. But it both was and wasn't a surprise to see Starscream standing there.
"Bumblebee." He said plainly.
"Uh, good morning," Bee responded. "What's, uh, what's up?" Ah, that felt like the lamest possible thing he could've said. Nice one, Bumblebee.
"I... I want to apologize."
"You... what?"
"I'm sorry," he muttered, hands clasped in front of him, not meeting Bee's eyes. "I. For everything. I'm sorry I'm impossible. I'm sorry I'm cruel. I'm sorry I'm petty. I'm sorry for my ego and my selfishness and for how I only drink the most expensive wines, even when you buy me the cheaper ones. I'm sorry because I know that none of this is going to go away and I'm going to have to keep apologizing over and over and it's going to get old. I'm sorry for doing every possible thing I can to drive you away and I'm sorry you're not stupid enough to fall for it because your life would be a hell of a lot easier if you would. This isn't easy. And I could stand here and apologize for hours and I still wouldn't hit everything, but, but. You're... I'm missing my train for you, okay?"
"Uh. You lost me on that last bit."
"Thundercracker's advice only comes through rom-coms, so, sorry for that too, I guess."
"It's okay. Uh. Thank you for apologizing. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I'm stubborn, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm sorry that I'm touchy and pushy and too much in all the ways you aren't. I'm sorry I always have to feel like I'm winning, I'm sorry about all my moral grandstanding, I'm sorry for all the ways I make you feel like a bad person. I'm sorry for the days that I don't have the patience, and I'm sorry for the days I have too much and it makes you mad, and I'm sorry I thought I could make you love me in the way I wanted just by pulling hard enough."
"It's okay. It's... It's okay."
"Are we... are we okay?"
"Yeah. I think so. For now. And if we aren't later, then I think we can figure it out." Starscream let his hands seperate, and Bee reached out to take them in his own, intertwining their fingers.
"Okay."
"Only if you want to. I know I'm not easy."
"Neither of us are easy. But that's okay. I meant what I said. I know what I'm getting into. If you think we can figure it out, I'd like to try, at least."
"I think I can do that. I can try."
"You wanna start by kissing me properly?" Starscream's face flushed bright pink.
"That sounds as good a place to start as any."
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