#why cpuldnt i be better

[clits-and-clips]

Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it

[ableedingpromise]

I miss cutting so much I wish I could cut

[tinylittlebab]

working sucks, i miss cutting

[kusundei]

oh god forbid. see i was sorta prepping for it earlier bcuz??? wdym. im going to see my nutritionist. follow up or not i remember what they said and wdym its IN PERSON. like jesus christ but nooo. i. expected it i think. when they asked me how much i weighed before i was just like heh idk. i think that mightve fucked me over bcuz i think they think i lost??? like 25-30lbs in??? a few months???? which isnt . horrible but not ideal. its just taking into context the time i spent staying a consistent 160ish after recovery or whatevet and then suddenly dropping down to what. ???? im assuming ???? im??? 140??? or high 130s???? its the way they didnt let me look at the scale but informed me ive lost. like im aware sorta.

just glad they didnt tell my mom. made it a whole thing explaining my recovery and therapy and how i am not DISORDERED. but its inclined them to question my testosterone again bcuz its “not normal” like yeah i know. and then again i also just like look the same like sorry??? thats not me being evil and disordered i swear on my life i havent changed. the only reason i know is because of the scale and also . okay maybe my pants. everything fits me better now. clothes r bigger i suppose but i still??? am the same??? like idk .

no im not. evil. they asked me the same question again if i was . relapsing. or even just thinking ab my weight again and tbh not really??? thats the thing. im not??? like no ive accepted ive always just been on the bigger side. im well aware its not something i try to change anymore jusr cuz im aware even if i lose i wont be happy w myself regardless.. which is evil but at least im self aware. its judt like idk. iiii dont know. i truly am judy not hungry most of the time but i know my body is lashing me for it slightly. getting the same kind of pains i get when i dont eat but i cant eat??

like . idk. im not rlly considering the fact im restricting on purpose but maybe if i truly think ab it maybe i am..??? idk. just the same thing over and over. oh i wont eat yet its too early. im not hungry enough ill eat later. i cant eat this in front of these people??? oh you want my food judt take it??? like idk. same thing . i definitely eat like i wont not let myself not eat for a day thats too evil for me. i guess if anything i am sorta acknowledging my. bad. relationship. w food. idk its weird though cuz . im?? evil????

idk it just reminds me like. im fine eating in front of sav. i suppose thats a time thing but its also just chz shes the one person who will lash me sincerely if i dont eat. then theres ayden and idgaf. aleena. ethan. etc. I dont rlly care and i think that stems mostly from.??? the fact??? they???? eat??? more??? than i do???? which is fucking HORRIBLE TO ADMIT its just like. idk. maybe rhats what it is. reminds me of kyle. my anorexic king like i get it. stop spitting pro-ed shit at me . idc youre restricting idc you think youre fat like buddy. r you patronizing me.

im joking. its just like??? idk. i guess im just keeping it on the dl. family definitely notices though??? oh how uncomfortable i am eating in front of family wtf. reminds me of matthews birthday i was getting lashed. here and there over and over just. r you gonna eat??? why arent you eating yet??? like i know. and no i was sorta hungry its just i knew i cpuldnt rlly stomach anything and jrs weird. like holy fuck was i tweaking i kept. talking to myself. assuring myself it was okay and nobody was judging me and they WANT ME TO EAT and its no big deal loke what the fuck. idk. it was so weird i sat down and tried eating that burger and jesus. i wanted to throw up??? but i knew i needed to eat?? i was hungry but i couldnt stomach it??? also nervous because i was being perceived like jesus christ.

i think. as much as im like rotating bsck and forth i might. be. a bit evil. restricting wise. idk its just my body keeps doing it to me and its. ??? im also fighting that. acknowledgement that i am being. competitive again. see i never got that competitive feeling all too much except w jd cause it was.??? idk??? she was enabling me??? this time around genuinely no one is im just doing it to myself. ESPECIALLY W AJAX LIKE JESUS. what thre fuck am i doing. whyyy do i care its not like hes going to lash me??? he asks me if ive eaten??? reminds me to eat??? asks me to??? like he is NOT lashing me. ??? but why am i??? being??? so evil??? about it???

it comes and goes though. its just horrible to admit that guilty feeling i get all the time when i eat and its likr god fucking forbid. i thought i was over this. ill be honest i mean like?? i could probably get over it. i just need to. again. separate the two. its a constant battle of reminding myself ajax is not jd (obviously) and hes not going to lash me over these things. that he doesnt want me to be evil and bad and worse because he cares and hes not secretly judging me and plotting against me??? that hes not lying to me and everything is okay??? like idk thats just evil sam. i just need to chill out i think. i just hate how it comes and goes like sometimes i eat like a normal human being and then sometimes i eat like nothing at all. like today. im not hungry. mom is lashing me ab eating right now buuut. oh god forbid will she ask me about the appt if i sit w her.

rambling alot idk im just. im aware. i know. i sont need a nutritionist or a psychiatrist to tell me what im already aware of. im not disordered anymore but im not denying the fact i might be a bit evil again. just trying not to enable myself??? like everythint isss okay. just glad they agreed not to tell my mom. like she doesnt need to know this. but ill have to talk ab this w ellis the next time i see them^_^;;;. oh but everything is okay… im fineee im normal im healthy im okay. IMMM OKAY. i loveee my boyfriend oh god i miss him so bad. praying he comes to school and hes okay . siiighhh……. i need school to end but i also need it to keep going. just. ugh. i sont wanna go to school tmr but i also want to. so idk. GOD FUCKING FORBID i cant but irs okay im full of love 💗

[zer0isdonewithlife1234]

I mean about how close his is with that person you both know you seem pretty jealous over them

I’m not jealous of Ivor and zerrine I cpuldnt care less about their relationship with eachother like seriously zerrine knows better then to ditch me for some low life obsessive daranged man who spend his time wasting away in his room for hours on end zerrine would know better than that and he still would choose me over that twat any day of the week I was his best friend and he was mine and he was the most caring soul with a desire to make the world a better place and reach his end goal which he now never got to do why do you even care about this you don’t know zerrine and you have no idea what even went through his head or his true opinions on Ivor and I don’t care how close they were cause zerrine wouldn’t leave me for him why is everyone talking about zerrine so much

[waywardstation]

Hi hi!!! You know i was wondering for the Papa ingo au, when Kamado told Akari was her fault the sky went red and all that and she did the walk of shame been scorted out of the village made me wonder.... did all the kids do that too?!?!??! Like imagine hiw hard would be for them! If for a 15 years old Akari was hard imagine for younger kids how it would feel?!?!? Like everyone looked at you like you did something wrong!! No one tondefend you nor your parents no one!! Yeah Cyllene Rei and Laventon making sure everyone is ok but still...

In case that didnt happend because i was also thinking that, since they were sent to Ingo from Kamado orders, maybe Ingo told them after he heards the news of Akari exile that they shouldnt come near the village.. idk man so many scenarios i am thinking, everyone were like "oknyeah better not get closer to that but we need to find Akari" all those kids idk doing secret base investigation to know where she is becuase they are desesperate to help Ingo or help her, maybe the older kids will try to do that

Also!!! Remember when you have to battle Beni?! Like he was and i quote "time to got rid of you once and for all" and "i'll make myself plain. As Kamado's right hand, i'm Charged with executing all the gritty deeds Kamado can't or won't do himself" like idk if someone talked about this before but can you imagine if Beni also tried to get rid of the kids?!?!?! While (because i saw injure ingo and kids taking care of him haha) Ingo was hurt and cpuldnt protect them?!?!? Like this kids had to join forced and do multiple battle with beni have to trow all their pokemon to do in their tiny lil hands to survive the battle aginst Beni!

Like think about it, if he only did the exile to Akari people wont view him as "the commander that exile the 15 year old girl and her lil kid friends" is like he knew or something to better send of those kids to ingo so he wouldnt have to deal with that problem, amd in case Beni actually fought the kids, when they returned to the village they would be kinda afraid of him or something idk man! I dont try to make beni or kamado evil becuase i know why they did all of that but still both Akari the kids and ingo would be very hurt that i feel would take time for everyone (the kids) to heal and trust them (Beni and Kamado) again, unless something more happened yeah maybe more actions than words but yeah i was thinking about that haha

I didn’t really think about this!! I’m assuming Kamado kicks out everyone, yes, but he might be harshest with the kids who were all survey corps members along with Akari. He strips all of their badges from them and sends all of them out. Kids in the village who aren’t survey corps members, but are doing things like helping at the dojo, or the farming fields, or the pokemon pasture, or the shops, all get orders to be sent out as well.

Kids outside the village, on supplies hunts, or Pokémon observations, don’t know immediately, will learn either by being barred from entering, or told by word of mouth from Ingo or the other kids who were sent out.

All of them are upset; some are sad, while others feel angered, naturally.

And oh man, I didn’t even consider Beni! You’re right, he did sort of set himself up to take you out :( no way he could manage taking on all of the kids at once, but would he go after kids who go too close to the village and just simply try to keep them away? But I’m sure he worked with some of the kids if they ever helped him at the wallflower, and that’s so sad to think about, Beni noooo ;-;

That would be tough! :(

[hebescus]

remember this ship ask? yeah, i wanna do them all with lawlight bcs they control my brain. but it's a happy no death note au bcs it's me. oh and this shit is long plus it's 3 am rn so my words are very messy. but enjoy.

(i skip some numbers that i answered and the ones that i can't think of btw)

pre relationship :

How did they first meet?

L's investigation hq. he was a suspect of L, still, but this time he told soichiro to bring this 18 yo boy to the hq to test him, asking light to work with all of them. he ends up not guilty ofc, but L still wants to keep him…around.

What was their first impression of each other?

ah, the good old 'what the fuck dude???' from light and the 'oooh he got a big brain' from L. it's hard to get out of canon in this one.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

L. But it's more like thoughts, rather than feelings. It's just these random thoughts that pop out in his head like 'i don't mind kissing this guy, if he asks' but not like 'i want to kiss him' yknow what i mean? idk this is just something i experience a lot lmao. it develops to feelings once light falls for him and L can see that. So in terms of ideas, it's L, but in terms of feelings, it's Light.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Oh our favorite light denial yagami. Of course he's cursing himself for having feelings like this but once L calls it out he's over. 

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Light would laugh it off, and be like "i don't like him that way you know". L would shrugs be like "well yes that's possible, i don't think i mind". 

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

boring, lonely, empty, you name it

(more under the cut)

general :

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

hmm, they both initiated the relationship? ykwim? They both notices they had feelings for each other and just...go from there. they never have like a relationship talk, they just go with the flow until at some point they starts to get comfortable to refer the other as partners. They basically can read each other's mind, after all.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Yes, sort of. A tennis game! And a coffee sesh after, just like canon. They plan this to be just "let's just relax, this case has been really exhausting, take a one day break, L" but when Light got home, sayu asked "how's the date going?!" He immediately said "it's not a date, you watch too many dramas it's rotting your brain" And sachiko gave him a smile while shaking her head at this statement and when he's back to his room he immediately calls L and was like "hey does that count as a date?" and L answers with "depends, do you want it to be?" with a smirk that light can hear.

What was their first kiss like?

it was late at night, light was helping L with the case when everybody went home. they were sharing their view about this certain criminal when light notices L staring at his lips, first he ignored it but it happens again and again to a point where their face just got real close and then...kiss, somehow. idk lmao.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

First person who can understand each other and are equals, the only ones who can tear the other's wall down, and just practically soulmates in any form that even their sun & moon signs mirroring each other's? YES. 

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

i hc L as just a little bit taller than light, but it's not like you can see it through the hunch anyway. ofc we all know the 6 years and 4 months age gap

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sayu likes L, Sachiko is kinda surprise Light doesn't date a typical pretty person, but it only makes her heart fonder. L doesn't mind them, he thinks they're nice, light grew up in a good place. Soichiro? Well, he might me a bit reluctant but he loosen up slowly, his son is happier than he ever was, after all.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Light, obviously. Because he's a charmer and if L takes control, the person they speak to would run immediately the first 2 minutes.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

it is a universal knowledge that L does this. like, come on, count the fics, you can't, there's just so many. he loves to break that perfect wall and make light feel 🥴😳. it's entertaining. But he knows when to stop. too much of that will be embarrassing in light's part, and he respects his boy's dignity.

love :

Who said “I love you” first?

Light!! The thing is it was said over the phone. He gets more and more comfortable talking with L through calls, since every now and then L travel frok countries to countries. One time he just like "yeah, safe flight. love you, bye" he expected L to say goodnight to him as a response as usual but L was silent and he realised what he just said and realised that he fucking mean it. L seems to still be able to read his mind even thousands miles away so he replies with "i love you too, goodnight". they never missed seeing each other more than that night.

What are their primary love languages?

we had a discussion for this! but as we see in canon, they're both very acts of service with a little hint of physical touch here and there. quality time is also important. words and gift aren't really needed for them.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

L. Only to annoy light. It's terrible that he almost cringed to himself, but it does bring a good laugh for light.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA is a not their preference, they just love being in private more. They might hold hands sometimes, butmost times they won't. Altho they always stand or sit reaaaaally glued to each other even though there are so many space. 

Who initiates kisses?

both. they want it, they got it. but light gives light kisses (ha) more, not necessarily on the lips, usually when L was really busy working, keeping his feet on the ground.

Who’s the big and little spoon?

They don't spoon a lot, they prefer not touching at all or cufdling face to face, but when they do, Light is the little spoon because being a big spoon makes his sleeping position kinda uncomfy, he feels awkward with his legs, it's just not. thankfully L thinks cuddling light this way is very calming.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Tennis and solving cases, duh. Or sometimes they play video games fighting each other. Anything competitive and/or challenging that make their brain grow 10 times bigger. But sometimes, a comfortingly peaceful and quiet dinner with hushed words thrown here and there about random things feels like the best thing ever.

Who’s more protective?

L. For identity reasons, ofc.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical. They can read each other's mind, they knew it by gesture, touches, and glances. 

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE. venus by sleeping at last fits them so well, that song is in the background of multiple cozy couch smooches sessions or even when they're slow dancing (please listen to this tho song it's so good). also i think they would like persephone by the tragic thrills too, L would be like "this song reminds me of you" and Light answers with "i'm persephone?" "Yeah" "i'm a fucking badass then" "yes you are". oh and first day of my life? lover of mine? pink in the night? sweet creature? the lakes? oh god i have too much answers

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don't do nicknames, really. although, L sometimes called light with some snarky tony stark styled nicknames when he feels particularly playful but annoyed at the same time.

Who remembers the little things?

They both do. Big brained assholes they are.

domestic life :

If they get married, who proposes?

It's not really a proposal, they didn't  even remember who said it first. But one sleepy night after a hard case, someone said "hey you wanna get married" and the other was like "sure, why not" "really?" "yeah, i think i'm ready, you?" "me too" "great" and then they go to sleep. at breakfast the next morning L called watari from across the room and said "wammy i need you to prepare [enter marriage stuff here], and light, you must call your family after this". poor old watari chokes on his tea.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding is in a secluded little place near the wammy's house, L used to go there a lot as a kid. With just light's parents, sayu, and watari. Well, not until Light caught Mello, Matt, Near, and Linda peeping from the bushes

Do they have any pets?

A chunky cat the wammy's kids feed daily but never try to keep them in, because no animals are allowed inside the orphanage. L saw it and was like "light let's bring this bitch home" she is, indeed a little bitch, but light and L loves her dearly. her fur has light brown and black colors, like both of their hairs, so she becomes their daughter, L gave him a weird ass name but i can't think about it rn.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Light because he's the one who's actually bothers to. They ofc annoyed L but he cpuldnt care less to actually get rid of them.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

L. He rarely sleeps and once he did, he wakes up very fucking late and will pull light back to the bed if he's woken up by the empty space beside him.

Who’s the better cook?

Light. L is a spoiled brat. But Light can't bale for shit, that's Watari's job. Light grow up learning and helping his mom making meals for the family. He's not the best, but it's good enough to make L craves them in between his sweets.

Who likes to dance?

None of them. But they would slow dance on rare, sentimental occasions. And it's like so fucking romantic bcs all the lights are off except for a candle or a table lamp or a cabinet lamp whatever that has yellow-y dim light. And they don't speak, they just casually move against each other, but heart ready to combust like i do when i the mental image came into my head.

[pbandjesse]

The end of today did not go as planned. And that sucks. Because the beginning was nice.

I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. But once i was asleep it was good rest. James woke up at 7 and got ready for work. I half dozed but couldn't get up. He said goodbye to me and headed out. And i laid in bed a while longer.

I got up around 9. Cleaned myself up and got dressed. Had a Rice Krispy. Tidied up James's room a bit. And went home. Took my wagon back with me.

I got back to my apartment. I pet sweetp. Let him run around outside. Fixed my makeup. Did a little packing. Then headed out.

I took the blue line down over to brewers hill to go to a few stores. It was a first time trying to go there not in a car. And it went well! I didnt get lost at all and i had a lot of fun. Singing and walking and looking around. It was good.

I went to five below first. But didnt find what i wanted. So over to target. I tried on some stuff and got a great shirt and that beautiful dress in the picture above. Makes me feel tall.

I had fun walking around target. And then next store to Michael's. Where I found the stickers I needed. With a coupon even!

I went to five guys and while the food was good I almost threw up when I was done and I have no idea why!! It was upsetting.

But I shook it off. Went over to the pet store but they didn't have the food I wanted so I went to find the bus.

I didnt have to wait long. I was confused and thought I missed the bus but I did not! And was able to go down to thr harbor and see James and bring him fries.

There were way to many people in the harbor. But it was nice to see my favorite boyfriend.

We talked for a while. And then i headed home.

Or at least I tried too!!! I wait for a half hour for the bus but because of a festival I was trapped. And got more and more upset. And I scratched the backs of my ears raw. And I was just really really distressed.

I walked 3 more stops to get to a different bus. And finally for back to my neighborhood.

I went to the art store and got paper. And pretty blue spray paint. And went home. I had to go back to the art store because i cpuldnt get the spray paint to work but the girl fixed it and I got to paint my bike a pretty new color.

I took a shower and watched some tv. I had half a headache but I was getting better. Me and James were supposed to dinner. But while I was waiting for him, in rite aid buying cat food, he called me completely distressed.

Someone had stollen his bike. His most treasured possession. And he was just losing it. I didnt know what to do. But I didn't want him to be alone. He was finding security footage (cant see their face), talking to police (cant do anything), and blaming himself (it is not his fault at all). But i ran home and fed sweetp and grabbed a bus and went to be with my boy.

I caught up with him near constellation. He was just so empty. We sat and talked a little. Im just trying to give him all the support i can. But hes so heartbroken. This bike meant a lot to him. Hes had it since high school. It represented a lot of milestones and its just not replaceable.

It breaks my heart to see him in so much emotiobal pain. But im here for him. We walked home. And he took a shower. And hes making something to eat now.

We have the day off tomorrow. We were going to bike but obviously. Cant do that anymore. But hopefully we'll still do a nature based thing. But i just want to be with him. I love him so very much and I want to help him anyway i can. Even if its just being here.

I hope you are all okay out there. Sleep well. Take care of eachother. Talk to you tomorrow.

[tumblunni]

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

[hauntedotherworld]

WTF . so i went back to sleep for a few hours(?) cuz i woke up earlu and then i took the d**** tht made me sleepy. anwyay. I HAD THE MOST DISTURBING DREAM/NIGHTMARE. so in the dream i was in this huge mansion-like? place, and there was a c+*pse. in my cupboard, along with tons of notes that dream-me had wrote at 11 which were extremely disturbing (abt c**pses n m*rder n all sorts of weird things and id talked abt how much i love it etc etc. anyway, so now dream-me,who is an adult now, needed to get rid of thr disgusting c*rpse woman with a sl/: th***t id apparently been GIVEN as a kid from some sicko or ordered online or found? IDK or smthn - for some reason it was hardly decomposed at all (dream logic) but it STUNK n it was all gross , anyway, dream me was very distressed of what to do with it as people were everywhere. i wanted to come clean about it but i was so scared of what’d happen, i almost told my mther but of course cpuldnt. then i called the police who kinda were psychologists? and i was talking to them abt how i love crime shows and mysteries n creepy stuff,just trying to come up with a convincing story so when i would lead them to the LITERAL C**PSE IM MY CUPBOARDthey wouldnt arrest me , but again, i was so terrified (because secretly it was all just because i was some sicko who enjoyed having c***ses around and all my disturbing notes were there that were very creepy and stuff). so i lead them through alot of rooms which somehow ended up in this building of this really rich or succesful guy, they kinda disapeared as i said nothing was wrong, but some spy kindof doctor guy? mightve known a bit more abt why i was there nd he led me througg dark rooks with books and rep silk curtains to help etc but people were everywhere in each room (so we had to keep going because there was nowhere secret) everytime i tried to somehow bring it up in a normal waytheir were bugged rooms ao i couldnt. anyway, i ended up saying nothings the matter and the whole time im super stressed abt someone finding it so i dont know what to do with it (also at one point , at the start of the dream i remember calling the c***se girl so ‘pretty’ and i found her even better as a c***se with a s**** thr**t .. DREAM ME WAS LEGIT FUCKED UP) so i was secretly sad abt having to get rid of her. i ended up brainstorming many idea i thought of in detail and ended up carrying the stinky,grey body to this hole id dug prior, that turned into a water-hole, threw her in there (as i walked to it i swear i talked to someone but i forgot some of the dream now) and i was so nervous, i started throwing bricks in the pond to cover her up, but of course i needed to drain the pond and cement it-that part was kinda blurry-anyway it endes up filled with bricks so i needed to take the top layer of bricks that stuck out the ground away and then i covered it with dirt to blend into the existing ground. because i was paranoid asf somebody would dig there and find it… that kinda ended the dream. WTF it was a nightmare

[enriquesenpai]

Feelings

I honestly dont know why im saying this shit here but i need to let this bottled up shit out somewhere. Well here i go.With my past preventing me to have the ability to care for anyone and anything. Im not going to blame past relationships on this, i only have myself to blame, but I'll talk about a few(not naming names, they know who they are). Looking for love in all the wrong places just to feel something different, something drugs was there to give me false happiness and numbness. I cant never regret, just pay the price and hope things can get better. With my first relationship, my first kiss it was exciting that someone payed attention to me and often smiled and would lend me their shoulder to cry on, but it was the day we broke up because how much i listened to my parents, so when they wanted me to end it i did. Its not like me and her were never friends after, but couldn't help to ignore her behavior, watching her take drugs non stop every day hurt me. It felt like i had something to do with this. Years flied by and we grew distant over those year, something i didnt want to happen. There isnt a day i dont worry or think about her well being. My problem is that i care too much, but i wear this mask on my face where i show i dont give a shit, i didnt give a shit about love or others feelings. For many years and not so good relationships the mask becane more permanent. In my freshman year of highschool it didnt take long for that mask to disappear or fall off, she wasnt a girlfriend at all just a true friend, we would cry on the phone, joke around, she is basically a sister to me and it showed me not everyone is an assshole , even though she should try to rip my long af eyelashes. I still love here, she's someone i consider a best friend and a life long friend. Enough of that i just wanted to add that because i feel like she deserve the praise i give her. Okay on the same subject on highschool, my sophomore year in my math class i cpuldnt help but see a girl sitting on her own. Me trying to build up my confidence i went up to her and asked for a pencil, who fucking know that this would spark something beautiful in my life. Months went on and me and this beautiful girl i admire so dearly to this day got together, boyfriend girlfriend. This was the best relationship i had and would cry myself to sleep on how happy i was, the mask was gone, the pain was gone, no more drugs. She was my drug. But that didnt last long, we both messed up. Me being a jealous prick and anger what casue the down fall and her not being there when family my family members were dying, when i needed her the most. I know you people want to know what happened, but im not going to type it all. Last year is when my life ended, i saw that we werent happy. She didnt break up with me , i didnt break up with her, it was something we both agreed on. There isnt a day where i cry myself to sleep or not think about her, she was the best thing that has ever happened to me. There is no way in hell im going to move on, i know for damn sure there is nobody like her and do know she's the one for the only one. I dont care how long i have to wait to get her, but im willing to wait a life time. You guys are thinking about how pathetic i am and making me take the blame for this, first you dont know how i feel about this girl. I would do ANYTHING to get her back. As time flies by i see her post a thing about how someone who once loves you now looks down at you, something like that and ome day i told her if that was directed at me, it was a yes. I never had the courage to tell her this but i wonder if she ever knew thats how i felt about her. Dont get me wrong she has the right to feel like this, but not to asking how i felt about us kinda hurts. Im not going to say im over it because if i did then why still have hope? I was in the wrong, she was in the wrong. Looking at this now i just need to hope for the best, but im not going to date anyone but her. Sorry to dissapoint you guys but my heart belongs to her and her only.

-ketchup

(stfu if you think this name is stupid, you cunt.)

Ps. Im shit with words, this whole thing sounds better in my head and is more of a feeling. Im doing well if you guys wanted to know too.

[fluffybunnybadass]

This morning sucked and resulted in much crying out of frustration and pain/hurt from feeling like I'm not important to people

So much fun, especially since I am at work when I wasn't supposed to be because everyone doesn't show up in huge clumps, and I had to cancel plans with my sister who probably would have delayed them anyways if I had remembered, because that's what happens when I get callwd in on 2 man down and I had something to do on my day off (even if at the time of agreeing to go in I didnt realize I did.)

So cue me feeling like and remembering that family doesnt care and doesnt really need me because people would answer their phones sooner or something and I wouldn't have the fucjing trait of not believing anyone ever when they make plans with me, becuade pnce people show a havit of 2 or more incidences in recent memory of delaying/putting off / cancelling plans, I get to be hurt and remibded of my dad always doing that, because he never fucking cared anyways, and neirher did all the other people who never cancel in a decent amount of time before a meet up, or who cpuldnt be assed to message me, because why care about Sarah, shes not important.

Anywyas I'm doing better than I was this morning but i still have 2 more days of work and all I want is to do my hibernAtion and tell family to fuck off because like hell they "really need"me at a memorial for an uncle I hardly knew and family that never called or talked to me except out of obligation to my mother.

Like

Fuck that

I dont need that noise in my life, right?

[kingjude13]

Wasn't even on my pills for this one....

I drove up to hans place met her for the first time along with ty they were both really cool but I was being distant to my friends we went inside her house and started watching Netflix the area changed constantly from inside a living room to a bedroom to outside and in all locations I cpuldnt sit still I didn't want to watch the shirty show I was bored and sad I couldn't be around anyone everytime I received affection I flinched I didn't want to be touched by a specific person everyone was their with their significant other me with a friend but I was staying away from them they wanted to be around me and I wanted none of it....

I dont know what that means but I know that seeing everyone just made me miserable no one noticed I was hiding my pain my sorrow no one cares and no one needed to I was handling myself to prove something? Maybe but who knows

I went back the next day to talk to han about it she wasn't there it was a rented house like a bed and breakfast I was outside the house alone the show playing again I had no business there yetbi didn't want to leave where would I go who would I leave with who mattered who didn't who wanted to hurt me and who didn't I woke up with these questions more than anything I wanted answers answers I won't get because I'm not going to talk about it

On thing I realized in this dream is that I am alone despite the illusion ive set for myself its always been just that an illusion there's not a person I know who I feel is important to my living nor vise versa I just exist strolling through peoples lives passing them in the mall not stopping music in my ears I just draw up my hand shot 2 fingers out in a universal sign of hello I mean no harm and continue on as do they wondering if they'd seen an old friend or just a ghost..... I guess I'm just a ghost

To anyone who reads this dont reach out I dont need help I'm not gonna do anything I'm fine there's nothing to worry about just a man and his thoughts this is just my blog my life my truth does the truth hurt hell yes but that doesn't make it a lie just because its uncomfortable the truth is

I'm not someone to be close to I'm not a selfish person I'm not a great friend I'm not a loving boyfriend I'm not anything I'm just me I'm just existing if you read this and feel a need to emreach out truth is you reach out in hopes of receiving help in return we do things because we want it in return everyone is selfish and we lie to each other saying we care we want you to be safe and we love you all it is is looking through a carnival mirror seeing a distortion of our own lives and repeating what we want heard that's empathy the illusion of doing for others what you selfishly want for yourself if you believe that to be a lie think about being in a position where you give anything and everything to anyone for no reason or so you believe but when the time comes and you need something could be small could be big but something you need something from somepne someone you've given everything to someone you live you care for and ..... Nothing

They give you nothing absence a cloud of dust.

How do you react.

Angrily? Why you wanted it back

You lied to yourself saying you were selfless hell yeas pat yourself on the back you beautiful human you're a great person aren't you?

Til you need a return and you dont receive it... Now who's selfish I'm done with the lies in not playing a part of this shirty illusion you want my truth? You better be fucking ready to hear the nasty ugly brutal truth of the world you hide your eyes from

I know human behaviour I know how people act but that's all it is an act only when you take a step back and look at the full picture do you stop seeing the colorful dots for being something you wish on it and you see the suffering disgusting face of the web of lies we tell each other

The golden rule "treat others the way you want to be treated" ain't that the truth yet you're convinced you're special everyone else is selfish but you you are special you're nice no You're not no one is if you want to ignore this post and live on go ahead but do NOT look at me as someone who's hurt dont you fucking dare give me pity this truth is not for everyone its not for anyone it just exists same as I we meander by your existence and wave hello and so you walk by instinctually waving back and continuing on with your lives wondering

...was that an old friend or just a ghost

[iridiummaximum]

I cant take my pain i cant take my pain why do i feel hurt still ahy do i fele thos why why am i stil lsuffwring qhy doesnt she lovw me why cant she love me why did i do this to mgseld i shpuldnt have ever talked to ger i couldvr just ignored her i didnt even want her and now shes all i fucking wany and i cany have otwhat dod i do this whay have i done why couldnt i be a better perspn why cpuldnt i be a thinner perspn why cpulebt i like the same musoc ad her i feel like im losing my mind i fwel like 8 dont k ow who i am now why cant i ve so pretty all i want to do is die all u want to di is due she wont even bother visiting me she doesnt want to put in any effort like thay why am i wasting my tome why dp ilobe this human bring why am i so mwngally ill why couldnt i just ignore her why do i sound so psychotic nobody deals well with hearng me nobody l8stens to me i dont want this i dont aant this i cant evem message my friends and fele like any of them care anymore i cant manage i cant i dont want to livw thus life i neever wanted to continue living im so tired of doing thid im so fucking depressed for fucks dake why couldbt i just have that love back i evem fucked up i wish i could jist dance with her.

[tumblunni]

Itd be ironic cos he thinks that he's escaping his past and rebuilding himself as a better stronger person by abandoning all emotions except rage, but really he's just fallen into being manipulated by this evil king instead of his girlfriend. And maybe the protagonist can help him realize the warning signs and its what convinces him that maybe something doesnt add up. Cos i think maybe he's one of those 'thinks he's the good guy' villains? Like the fallen king lied to him and turned him against all his old friends by blaming the curse on them instead of himself. And he's promising glory and power and recognition as the hero who saved the country, if you just sign away your soul. So minion guy thinks that everyone in the cursed kingdom is really the ones being manipulated by a villain and he's the only one who knows the Real Truth. Maybe have some dramatic confrontations with bff gambleman where they clash over this? And slowly it goes from "boss said you betrayed me and my abusive girlfriend always said you were a bad influence and i have to ignorw my gut feeling this is wrong because i am a rational unemotional man!!" Into like... "Okay maybe you really are still a great dude and i care about you but that just means youre being manipulated by the real villain and now my motive is to save you!!" to "oh fuck everyone else here is so nice too what the fuck i dont know who to trust". And there could be SO MANY good heartwarming scenes!!! Let this man be happy!! Let him learn to open his heart again!! *programs in a goddamn hug mr minion man button*

Oh also i think maybe his abusive girlfriend was actually the gambling best friend's sister or cousin or something? Which contributed to why the guy was in a place where it was hard to notice this girl was bad news. She knew exactly how to hide her abusiveness from her brother and would manipulate her boyfriend into thinkingv he cpuldnt tell anyone because OF COURSE my boyfriend will believe me over you, right? Man i already hate her SO MUXH damn she needs to also be a bad guy in the king's group or something. But obviously the guy who was her victim would never willingly work with her, so she'd have to have hee identity hidden somehow? Itd could be a cool reveal thmo find out that two detestable asshole characters were the same person all along and now you get to beat up a backstory villain you tjougjt you'd never even meet! Or i dunno lol maybe the evil king is her rebound boyfriend? And it could be their undoing that theyre bpth assholes incapable of feeling love, so in the end they try to backstab each other and it sabotages their own plan. Oh maybe she cpuld be kept hidden cos she's a "mystery benefactor"? Like, the fallen king has lost his whole kingdom so he needed to find some way to regain the funds for an army. And ex girlfriend asshole comes along with all the inheritance she stole from her last boyfriend, and he sucks up to her to try and sponge money off what he thinks is a "useless pathetic vain woman". While at the same time she's manipulating him too and plotting how to use him to make more cash, not giving a shit about any of his bullshit world conquest nonsense. "I'm the real mastermind" says both of them. So theyre in this eternal spiral of backstabbing each other and basically its a "you get what you deserve' situation. Fuckin dicks deserve to be miserable together.

Would anyone be interested if i did an ask/rp blog with any of my ocs?

I dunno i just thought it might help me to develop any of my million settings and actually make some damn progress on them. I had a really productive and fun conversation with a friend about my “lich king dad romance” idea yesterday and i just feel like maybe that’d be a good fit for an rp blog? Cos i imagined the gameolay being similar to stardew valley or animal crossing and theres loads of different npcs to befriend even tho ur awkward zombie dads are still the main plot important ones. Lots of room to answer questions/do prompts/etc with all of those npcs as well as the main trio. And work on worldbuilding stuff to flesh it all out.

…man actually i need to ask @plotdesigner is it okay if i post screencaps of our conversation? Cos wow i wrote SO MUCH about this story and i really should archive it while i can still remember it.

[tumblunni]

THE POSITIVES: i got home

THE UNPOSITIVES: even more goddamn travel expenses

I arrived at 10pm in a part of cardiff i wasnt familiar with, in darkness so deep i cpuldnt even see the street names, with only the barest of charge left on my phone cos i ONLY JUST NOTICED in the last five minutes that the coach had a free charging spot

ANOTHER FOR THE LIST OF BAD THINGS ABOYT COACHES: absolutely no instructions for the bajillion spooky ceiling devices. I had no idea how to turn on the cold air on the way in and the warm air on the way back but I KNEW they had it as an option cos the goddamn vents where there attached to a bunch of buttons but i smacked them all and i have no idea if anythibg eveb happened and WTF THAT UNMARKED DARK SPOT HAD A USB DOCK IN IT

Coaches Why

Anyway i was Loste In Darken and had no hope of finding my way back to where i got the original coach cos my google maps was gonna be dead in a minute and my feets was already dead

So I WAS SAVED by a VIRTUOUS TAXIMAN

But alas it cost another 25 quid to get back...

At least the taximan was really nice and gave me a fun chat where we both vented about how st mellons is an awful area and it takes so long to get transportation anywhere and also the weather sucks. Thank you for hearing my vent, good sir! He also said 'dont feel bad about having a disability pass for your mental illness, not all disabilities are visible and people need to remember that'. Like man he was So Wise and Maximum Kindness and im usually super nervous with taxi guys so i feel a little proud i actually talked to him instead of just being awkward silence?? It was cos he opened up the conversation with HEY YKNOW WHAT SUCKS? THE WEATHER. Like i guess maybe he saw that i was all exhausted and carrying a bunch of bags at almost midnight so he figured id had a stressful day and wanted to open into a 'aint no problem if you vent at me' sort of thing? He was so OH GOD YEAH I KNOW THAT FEEL and had a million more stories for every one bad thing i had. It made me feel so much better! EMOTIONAL GENIUS, THIS MAN

So yeah in summary i am EVEN MORE broke than in the previous text post cos i got back on the stupid coach so late that all the buses had stopped :/

And there werent any fast food or supermarkets open either so i couldnt even cheer myself up with a dumb £2 food of some sort. And im way too tired to cook the Last Of The Potatoes like man i was already living on just taters for the last few weeks and now im broke again as soon as i get my damn money...

I think im just gonna spend my last few scraps of cash on electricity cos yeah if i have that then at least i have the lights on and i can boil water.can have plain pasta or boiled blackberry squash which is almost like tea if you squint.

Man i wish id never tried to buy these stupid pokemon merchandises the only reason i even went on this long expensive trip is cos i accidentally bought them without checking the destination and then i was too socially anxious to tell the lady my mistake until like..i was already there. 'yeah lol i live in wales whoops but im glad it worked out this way anyway'

Well im not glad i lost my poor gengar plush and also almost 60 quid on a goddamn coach but at least i got a new gengar and eventually got home without dying

Nd now i will curl up in my room and never leave again for a hundred years because i have learned that all my fears about the outdoors were 100% correct and if i'd listened to Paranoid Depression Brain i never would have got into this mess

Also i got a groudon at mcdonalds

And Tamagotchi: The Tabletop RPG???

I saw that once in a charity shop when i was like 8 and i thought i imagined it! Even found it in the bristol branch of the same charity shop! ITS ALL A CONSPIRACY

In summary:

Tired