#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid

[sillymodezeenith]

I have a stupid rare blood disorder and I relate to this cat on a DEEPLY LITERAL level.

For background, I have Hereditary Hemochromatosis; which isn’t particularly rare. A lot of older adults discover they have it when it starts damaging their liver.

Basically, over simplified, you eat things, and absorb iron into your body. Yummy! Good for you! However, my body cannot get RID of iron, and absorbs more iron from the things I consume. Which means I have Too Much Iron. It’s dumb and painful (in a lot of weird ways???).

My liver damage started when I was 14. That is about the most abnormal thing that I could’ve possibly happened to me. There is one singular doctor in my entire state that’s had another juvenile HH patient, and he’d only ever met one (besides me). That’s STUPID. I genuinely cannot convey to you how fucked up and strange that is. I physically should not have been alive along enough to accumulate enough iron to make my organs upset. There’s definitely factors that made it worse, but to this day no one knows how or why I got enough iron that it was having profoundly negative effects.

I’ve been weird and fucked up my entire life and when I was 10~ish a doctor prescribed me iron supplements to see if I’d be, for simplicities sake, less fucked up. She did this without checking my iron levels, or doing any lab work. Anemia is common, some of my symptoms can look similar— Im also autistic and fucking love chewing on ice. That’s a stereotypical sign of anemia— so she just gave me iron and shooed me away. Unsurprisingly, I got worse relatively quickly (again, remember that most people don’t have issues with HH until they’re over 50). I stopped taking the iron supplements pretty fast, but that 4 years was the sharpest and most miserable decline of my life.

I picked up a LOT of weird, shitty, presumably unhealthy habits around then. At that point I still wasn’t diagnosed, and no one knew why I was so goddamn sick; but relevant to this post, I got a CRAZY caffeine addiction. A truly shocking level of caffeine intake. I mean, the amount and potency of what I was drinking meant that most doctors from that point on brushed off my medical issues as being a Freak with too much caffeine and told me to drink water and cut that out. Following medical advice had always made me feel Worse.

You will Never Guess what inhibits iron absorption.

Caffeine. Or, more specifically polyphenols, but the distinction doesn’t actually matter in this.

ALSO, related: You know how we all make fun of 17th century doctors for their obsessions with fluids and bloodletting.

Do you want to know the treatment for iron overload? They fucking took my blood. They just drained that shit and I FELT BETTER. The one treatment that’s pretty notoriously dunked on and made fun of for its lack of benefits. They just took my blood Out of my body, once a week, until I ran out of iron and just had normal blood. Therapeutic phlebotomies. That’s STUPID. It’s a stupid way for my body to work and it PISSES ME OFF!!!

Also final unrelated note, the doctor that discovered my iron overload was my PSYCHIATRIST— Hemochromatosis can cause/exacerbate symptoms similar to bipolar disorder, which I was in treatment for— and she was the ONLY DAMN PERSON to do her due diligence with ordering a full panel of labs, and discovering my iron was DANGEROUSLY HIGH. I owe her my fucking life. Not once did she do her job as my actual psychiatrist and spent 99% of our visits navigating the hospital system and finding specialists for me.

Sometimes I think a lot about my mom's cat

My mom's cat is a common domestic shorthair we found on the side of the road as a kitten

Regular cat, not a maine coon or one of those massive breeds. His mom was smaller than a loaf of bread

But in a sort of a Clifford The Big Red Dog situation, he grew super fast, and really really big, and took a super long time to stop growing

Worried that she was overfeeding him, she eased back his portions, but he stayed a massive round baby

When he started having kidney problems, she took him to the vet.

The vet took a look at him and said, "holy fuck, what are you feeding him", checked the nutritional listings on his chow, and told her "Yeah, maybe he's reacting badly to the amount of grain in this, try a meatier diet"

So my mom wound up special-ordering this specific high-protein prescription cat food made of like. Kangaroo meat or some shit that cost like sixty bucks a bag

And, as typical act two in an episode of House, he somehow got worse on the fancy specialized stuff that was supposed to be Primo Athlete Olympic Feline Blend

Like. WAY worse. His guts were inflamed and his kidneys were shutting down and he was all sore and HE WAS STILL HUGE, just miserable and sad

So shetook him back to the vet, where they had to help him pee (he was apparently close to bursting and had some kind of blockage too) and went "Yeah no this is NOT normal and we don't know what's going on, we're gonna do some tests but in the meantime you should go back to what he was eating before, at least that wasn't actively killing him" so she did

And he still wasn't great, but he also improved

And so they take his blood and do an ultrasound and a couple g's later she gets a call back like "this is gonna sound crazy, but we want you to put him on a low-meat diet. Just the least amount of protein and iron and shit. We need you to find the grainiest, filler-iest dollar tree kibble available and give him some of that bad bad shit"

And my mother is a woman of science. So she did

And he GOT BETTER

His energy picked back up, inflammation went down, he started drinking normally again, got back to pissing like a fuckin champion

And so it turns out that out of all the random ass freeway bonus cats we possibly could have scooped out of a ditch, WE got the one-in-a-million freak of nature with a SPECIFIC genetic defect that means a paleo protein free range diet is essentially poison and he THRIVES on cheap ass garbage

Like. He medically NEEDS junk food

I dont really understand how that works, but i cant argue with results.

If we had four of him, they'd outweigh my mom. And he's FINE

Also blind, but that's unrelated

Im not using him as a symbol or a metaphor or anything. I just keep catching myself thinking about my mom's Big Fucking Cat

[bunnigumi]

can you do drabbles of best friend (fwb) gumi (*´-`) (i love ur work and aesthetic btw (´ｰ｀) )

cw. megumi x reader , friends with benefits , first time , possessiveness

an. i think i got carried away... i sooooo love this trope hehe. and thank you, nonnie! ^w^ (not carefully proofread)

Hey, 'Gumi, remember how I said you owe me one?

Fwb!Megumi isn't startled when you casually ask him if he can take your virginity.

Honestly, you were partially joking, but when he agrees with that static expression like you didn't just ask your best friend to be your first time, you're taken by surprise. You really didn't think he'd entertain your idea. Anticipating a huff, him brushing it off as a joke

You were expecting a more touch-and-go experience: He fucks you, you can claim you're no longer a virgin, and that's that. But he really takes the time to get you all worked up and desperate, telling you that your first should be your most memorable. It's just the rules.

And it was supposed to be a one time thing, you swear! But after that, nothing could get you off as good as he did.

Fwb!Megumi can't help the teasing smile on his expression when you tell him that you want to have sex again, Didn't realize we were friends with benefits now.

You can't even begin to explain how degrading it feels to go back on your own word, but you've been so pent up and had no one other than him to help... He seriously ruinied your ability to orgasm.

He teaches you the reins the second time around. How to touch him, The tip is the most sensitive. And tighten your grip, it's better. How to ride him, Fuck... yeah, that's it, letting go of your waist he leans back into the pillows, keep moving your hips like that.

It's way better than highschool sex-ed, that's for sure.

Fwb!Megumi is weirdly intimate—not that it's a bad thing. He's always had a romantic streak, even if he denies the fact.

It's in how he kisses you, not with hunger or pure lust. In the way he holds your hands and leaves marks on your neck that are hard to hide. Even if you whine about it, he'll still do it.

He has your other friends wondering who'd be giving them to you since you weren't in a relationship with anyone.

When you need a little cheering up, Fwb!Megumi starts offering a little more than just emotional support.

You're on your elbows and knees, back arched, face buried into his pillow. Avoiding his face so that he wouldn't have to see the makeup running down your own. Even though hes seen you in way worse states, somehow it's more embarrassing when he's inside you.

Your date had stood you up. Megumi knew how excited you were for it. Barging into his place, carrying tons of outfits in your arms. Showing them off. Asking him for his input, what you should wear. Which dress flaunts your body off best.

He told you that you'd look great in anything, but you urged that you should look perfect, and as your best friend, it's his obligation.

Fwb!Megumi likes to be a bit rough with you when you're sad like this. Feel-better-sex, as he jokes.

Tight enough with his grab on your hips to leave bruises, He finds that you forget about the pain better when you have a greater sensation to focus on. Dopamine's your favorite drug.

And he wont admit this either, but he's real possessive over you. As your best friend, he knows that you deserve more than the world.

Frankly, he likes the idea of keeping you all to himself; its practically why he agreed to your request in the first place.

He won't make you flip over so he can see your face while he fucks you missionary, but he really wants to see the pleasure wash over your face. To see how he can only make you feel good like this.

Pounding you from the back so hard that you forget the name of the douche who stood you up is good on it's own. Theres enough proof of his worth to you in how your cries are that of satisfaction, and not the kind caused by stupid boys who don't deserve to even look at you.

No one else should get to experience how your cunt tightens around him as your about to cum. Hear the way you moan out him name wantonly. See how you push back onto him when he tries to pull out, insisting that he stay inside you for just a little longer.

There's one more thing Fwb!Megumi won't tell you either; he really, really loves this arrangement.

[angelfic]

dick grayson x reader

warnings — dark-ish manipulative themes, violence, dick is practically partaking in self harm on the streets. a/n; dick grayson is a little manipulative like we have to face facts here in the same way he’s a fuckboy. this is accurate dick characterisation on steroids kinda… argue with the wall

manipulative!DICK GRAYSON who purposely gets hurt so you feel bad for him and suddenly forget what you were mad at him about.

dick hates it when you two argue, especially because it’s mostly only over the small stupid things. it doesn’t happen that often, but it always affects his performance during patrol.

the only thing on his mind when he’s punching the living daylights out of some criminal on the street is what could you possibly be thinking about right now? are you still mad at him? you’re probably pissed. in his head, you’re throwing darts at a picture of him pinned up on the door and it’s stressing him the fuck out.

not only does this make him a little extra violent, but he also can’t help letting these thugs sneak in a terribly aimed punch or two which, under normal circumstances, they’d never be able to land.

it’s like the part of his brain that concerns you is working a little faster than the rational part, because immediately he’s thinking about how you’re going to patch up the cut on his cheek with your cute little pink band-aids and he’s not going to complain about it once.

he looks a little deranged in a fight because suddenly he’s grinning as he’s beating the shit out of this goon who is now more terrified of him than he was before. because this isn’t just nightwing, the vigilante. it’s an adrenaline junkie whose breath hitches a little when he gets hit, but he’s not winded in the slightest. it’s almost like he enjoys it.

when it gets like that, they try a little harder to fight back and the knives come out. dick’s eyes practically light up when they start slashing around. they think they might have a change against him when dick let’s them take a swipe at his torso, but once they’ve made no more than a superficial cut, he’s grabbing their arm and twisting it until the knife clatters to the ground and they’re wondering how the hell they thought they could win.

the high he’s feeling doesn’t come down once he’s neutralised the threat. in fact, he’s feeling even more jittery when he’s sitting outside the window to your shared apartment, lightly tapping on the window.

he gets a little worried again when you glance over at him, and then at the clock before sighing deeply at the time. you’re still annoyed, but it’s okay. he anticipated that.

you open the window, barely sparing him a glance before walking away.

“it’s late, dick. i could have been asleep.”

“i’m sorry,” he replies, his voice a little breathless when he sees the little pyjama shorts you’re wearing with the hearts on them. you mistake this for him being in pain, which in fairness, he is.

dick has to stop himself from looking too happy when you furrow your brows and rush over to him. “you’re bleeding.”

“just a scratch,” he downplays it, letting your gentle hands help him through the window and onto the couch. he doesn’t resist one bit, allowing himself to wince with each movement.

when you’ve grabbed the first-aid kit and you’re patching him up, his eyes don’t leave your face for even a second. he hates seeing you upset over anything, but he can’t lie. he’s practically giddy when he sees that your expression has changed swiftly from irritation to concern.

you ask him what happened and of course he shields you from the vigilante life, because he’d die before putting you at risk. so all he says is that he’s sorry, he was just distracted tonight.

“i’m sorry,” you sniff, cleaning his cuts and bandaging him up. he doesn’t even need you to be the one to apologise, he’ll gladly say sorry first if it’ll stop you being mad at him. “we argued before and now you’re hurt and—”

he reassures you it isn’t your fault and that he’s the one who’s sorry for upsetting you in the first place and then you’re kissing the bruise on his face and he’s enjoying the way it stings, because your lips are brushing against his skin and all he smells is your vanilla body lotion.

you don’t see the way his lips are twitching into a small, satisfied smirk when you cuddle up next to him and tuck your head under his chin, careful to avoid pressing on his injuries. you feel him relaxing, but you don’t know it’s because he’s gotten exactly what he wanted.

he really doesn’t want you blaming yourself, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the way your hand was running through his hair.

“promise me you’ll be more careful, dick. i don’t want you getting yourself hurt this often anymore.”

“i promise i’ll try my best, baby,” he murmurs, voice low and warm as he traces circles on your thigh. he chuckles at the way you pout at him. “it’s not like i do it on purpose.”

a/n cont.; this is darker than anything else i’ve written but i literally couldn’t help it i thought abt this ages ago and then saw this on tiktok and it was like id been possessed:

[lemon-woos]

𝙎𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙬 𝙔𝙤𝙪! (Song Mingi x Reader)

Synopsis: You and your best friend (and lowkey, crush), Mingi, have an unspoken competition to see who can cover their room in the most band posters. Unfortunately for you, the best spot for your new Nine Inch Nails poster is a little too high up.

A/N: A tribute for our pop punk prince! I love this to bits.

     If your wallet wasn’t screaming in pain from the sheer amount of money you’d spent hours before,  the joints in your knees definitely were as you stretched high, a coveted Nine Inch Nails poster in your grasp. There was barely any space on your bedroom walls for any more band posters, but you couldn’t help but order more in bulk. After all, Mingi’s entire ceiling was poster-clad; you couldn’t let him beat you out  in wall decor.

     “Go on your tiptoes. Maybe it’ll add a good centimeter or two for reaching.”

     You turn and glare at him laying on your bed lazily, the homework you’d been working on sitting abandoned at the foot. He wasn’t even watching you, opting to stare at some video essay on his phone — probably some Warped Tour controversy from 2011.

     “Can it!” you huff, grabbing the nearest object — a glittery gel pen — and chucking it at his forehead. He lets out a yelp and jerks back, narrowly missing the Of Mice & Men poster behind him.

     “Hey!” he pouts, crossing his arms. His hair, freshly dyed back to black, falls in front of his eyes. “That’s assault, I’ll have you know. I could sue you for that.”

      You shake your head, turning around to reach back to the spot of choice for the Nine Inch Nails poster. “With what money?” you ask. “You blew it all last week on that stupid vinyl collection.”

     You hear him gasp in (somewhat) fake offense. “It’s not stupid!” he insists. “It’s every Fall Out Boy album in top condition, no resells. That’s a fucking deal! Don’t be jealous of me.”

     “Trust me,” you chuckle, your voice strained as you hop up on one foot, trying to gain the height needed to get the damn poster in place.

“I’m not jealous. I just think it was a waste of money on your part, Min.” 

     “Oh, that’s rich,” he mutters. “Didn’t you just spend your entire paycheck on — Wait. What’re you doing?”

      In the middle of his refuting, you’d grabbed the beanbag chair from the corner of your room to boost yourself, the object notorious for being on the verge of falling apart at its seams. You look back at him, an eyebrow raised. “Climbing up. What does it look like I’m doing?”

     “No!” he exclaims, slight panic edging his voice. “You’re gonna fall off that shit and die. You’ve got terrible balance, dude. Get off of it.”

     Your face twists into a scowl at his words. “Hell no!” you reply indignantly. “I’m fine. My balance is great, thank you. I won’t fall.”

     You stretch upwards, your body wobbling a little from the instability of the beanbag chair. It makes you a little anxious (you really don’t want to eat shit in front of the best friend you might have a thing for), but you’re not about to take defeat in the unspoken competition between you two. Frankly, you’d rather die.

     It takes a moment or two of you unceremoniously shaking on the beanbag chair before your hear Mingi curse under his breath; before you know it, the poster you’re holding is snatched out of your hands.

     “Oi!” you hiss. Before you can continue your retort, though, you feel his chest press against your back, and he mutters a quiet “Shut up,” in your ear. You watch as he sticks the poster on the wall with ease (when did he get this close to you, again?) before he backs up. 

“You should’ve just asked me to do it, idiot.”

You barely hear him, your heartbeat drumming so loud in your chest that your body feels like a boombox. Ugh. I’m down bad, you think. You know you’re not the best at masking how you feel around the taller boy, but you hope to God that he can’t hear your heart pounding.

You’re shaken out of your thoughts when you feel a finger jab you gently on the arm. “Oi,” he says, a little softer than before. “You alright?”

You blink a couple of times before you comprehend what he says.

“Y-Yeah,” you nod, a little too shakily to look or sound legit. “I just…Uh…The chair made me a little nervous, that’s all.” You step off of the worn thing, staring up at him.

His lips quirk up into a cute little smirk at that, and he kicks at the beanbag like he’s disgusted by it. “You gotta throw this thing out. I’m surprised it didn’t fall apart as soon as you stepped on it.”

“It’s sentimental!” you protest, trying to ignore the way he looks at you all concerned-like. “I think I’ll break before it does.”

Before you know it, Mingi’s pulling you into his chest, warm from laying on your bed for hours. His hoodie-clad arms encircle your shorter form.

“Nah,” he mumbles, his voice right by your ear. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

Shit, you think, more color flooding to your cheeks. I’m really down bad. Screw you, Song Mingi. 

[yeonniesblog]

Kuroo x reader x oikawa

Synopsis : After years spent by a certain setter along with a small toddler mending you heart, your life was a just like a blissful movie with a happy ending. But little did you know the person who gave you not only the worst years of your life but also the small ball of sunshine, decided to suddenly make a appearance in your fairytale when fate played a wild

reader's note : this is the last chapter, make sure to read it in order! Sorry for the angst hehe.

Part 1 : meeting you again | Part 2 : wouldn't you | Part 3 : broken promises | Part 4 : where it all went wrong | Part 5 : enough for now (current one)

“she is a fucking psycopath” kenma sighs, putting the car in reverse as he pulls up in his driveway, eyes fixated on the rear view as kuroo watches the irriated expression on his face.

“dude, chill I know you hate kizumi, but I might marry her” kuroo sips his coffee as he lets out a shallow grunt in annoyance too, what was he doing in life.

“no, just think about it, she specifically asked for the ring you bought to propose to y/n, when she knows you could afford to give her much expensive one right now, but, again I repeat. she asked specifically for that ring, only”

the black hair man groans at the explanation, he knows his friend has a point, but he is trying to gaslight himself into believing whatever kizumi explained to him. “i think she just likes it, she was the one who chose it too, all those years ago—” and before kuroo could finish his sentence, the half blonde cuts him off, swiftly taking out his phone from his pocket and muttering something to it “siri, how do you block people in real life”

“yeah, okay, this is a kuroo hate club, I get it” the man sighs, propping his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes. “honestly I know her behavior is weird, but I’m in a tight spot, my only left family is nagging me to marry her, and you know I could care less about marriage” he pauses taking a deep breath. “dad is legit emotionally blackmailing me, sitting at his stupid hospital bed probably faking his disease”

“they want you to marry, doesn't necessarily have to be her” kenma suggests, opening the seatbelt around him. “i cannot marry a stranger, kizumi is a better option, we have been dating on and off for one year” the rooster haired man replies, honestly he really wants to jump off a cliff, but he will suppress the impulsive urges.

“as a rebutal to that, one thing you said was right” kenma sighs finally looking at his friend, kuroo looks tired, or is aged that appropriate word. “her behavior is weird, it's like she has more attachment to y/n than you, she is insecure as fuck of her. you, me and her, we all know she won't ever level up to the place y/n has in your heart, so she trying to become her, its giving me chills” kenma shudders at that thought, physically gagging.

“do you think it's too late for me to get a therapist?” with that kuroo tetsuro groans one more time.

kuroo sits quietly, hands clasped, looking up with hesitant eyes as he watches you put your purse on the table, stoice face, yet so pretty.

he really meant it when he said you got more gorgeous over the years, there were few lines now adorning your face, mature and elegant glow.

even if he sometimes wonders if it would have been better if you both never met at all, if it would have been better if neither of you had to go through the heartbreak, but he knows,

if there was a spell to go back in time, to where he met you, he would do the same thing. he would make a silly chemistry joke and wait for you to laugh at it, not because it was funny, no it was because it was so bad you laughed at it, it was his fault wasn’t it?

to loose the most precious thing in his life, did you feel worse than him, it wasn't a question, nor a comparison, he wanted to know because he will never forget or forgive himself to give you so much pain over the year.

what did you name the kid? did oikawa tooru’ see how your son took the first steps, was he the one who got called father first, what's his favorite food, does he have a birth mark, does he like volleyball? is your son’ tastes similar to what is his? Just like how he saw the little kid adorning your homely baked goods, similar to what he himself used to do.

it pains him, physically pains him to know he wasn't there for anything, he wasn't there to make you food, hold your hair while you threw up during you morning sickness, not hold your hand while you went into labour, he wasn't part of any of it, six years sometimes means nothing and yet to him, now, it means everything, it means every important thing he lost.

“you don't know how much draining this is for me, to be talking to you, or as a matter of fact to talk about what happened, cause honestly you deserve nothing, not the explanation, not to meet me or ruko” you break the silence first, firmly sitting at your place.

and kuroo wishes he could repent on all the thing you said but the only thought in his mind is what you named your son “his name is ruko?”

“his name is oikawa saruko” you firmly state, a small smile tugging at you lips, you were proud your kid had a father like oikawa, cause you can't imagine anyone else being a better father than him.

tetsuro has never wanted to be in someone else's place as much as he wants to be oikawa now, he sighs at your words. “why didn't you tell me, I would get it if you wanted to get away from me, but don't you think I deserved to know the kid was mine?” his voice quivering as he asks you the question, a weird pang in his chest.

“i tried, I tried so many times” your voice quivers slightly “why do you think I asked for your opinion to have a kid?” that silents the man infront of you, his pupil dilated as he realizes how he explained it, and how it sounded like a definite ‘no” from his side.

“not to mention, even after that I was going to tell you, with my parents kuroo and you didn't show up” he relishes at how defeated he feels when you don't even call him by his first name, so the announcement when you called him was with your parents? his legs tenses up and he stops shaking them.

“i know I don't have any excuse but you know there was a storm that night—”

“yet you left me all alone in that storm, tetsuro” his heart breaks into million pieces, do you even know how much he just wants to pull you close and cry, stain your shirt with his tears of sorrow that he made a mistake and couldn't be in your presence and of joy because after years he was able to see you.

“i—y/n” he tries to put his hands over yours but you are swift to pull away, he knows a million reasons of why your reflex action was right, yet he can't help but feel his throat becoming dry “i’m sorry, I assumed you were with your parents, I had no idea, my phone was dead”

“how can you still lie to me?” your voice croaks, finally looking straight into his eyes, you really don't want to care for whatever his action was or what he did but you can't help but feel wronged.

“what do you mean lie?”

“so your phone was dead enough to not respond to my texts but it was working when you reposted on social media with your now girlfriend, her friends commenting how cute you both looked” you scoff pausing in disbelief “or should I say fiance”

“whatever are you sayi-” then it clicks, it suddenly clicks how kizumi’s friend has always shipped him with her, despite knowing he has a girlfriend, despite him saying he doesn't appreciate it, that it straight up makes him uncomfortable.

how kizumi knew, that your birthdate was his password to Instagram, he remembers her saying it was so cute, its laughable to think how dumb he has been, how could he not notice her intention. but he wishes you told him, he wishes he could have cleared off the last misunderstanding and if he could take it all back he would.

hell, he would never breath the same air as kizumi if he could go back in time and fix things. but he cannot, all he has is regret and all he can do his atone for his mistake, he was hoping you'd be kind enough to let him see his son, he hasn't been a great partner but he sure as heck wants to have some influence in your son’s life—

after all, it was a part of you and him, back then if he actually heard you were pregnant he'd probably be scared as shit, but he would still fight every odds to raise the kid you made, how could he ever resent a mini you, kuroo knows he has no right to feel wronged but all those years without the little guy or even acknowledgment of his existence makes feel burnt.

his lips shaky and he doesn't know if a explanation would even help at this point, nothing would change and even if kizumi was in wrong– so was he though. his mouth ran before he could know.

he looks up at her. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but there’s something you need to hear" your eyes held anger and he was scared of that, he wanted to scream please forgive me, over and over again in a chant but he knew he didn't deserve your forgiveness.

you crossed your arms, wary but patient. you had no idea how you still held on. but they say but they say old habits die hard, and even after six year you had the same patience for him, you wanted to laugh at yourself “Go on.”

“It was Kizumi,” he begins, voice low but firm. “She… she’s the reason things fell apart. She was jealous of you, of what we had. She deleted your texts that night—the ones you sent me about the announcement. She posted on my social media to make it look like I was with her. And she—”

"You didn't know?" your eyes widened and you had no idea how to feel after hearing that, conflicted feeling filled your lungs and the wall of resolve you have solidified getting cracks of doubt in them, but you remained firm.

“No,” Kuroo says quickly, his voice thick with regret. “I was blind, stupid, and I didn’t see what was happening. I let her control too much. I thought I could trust her. But I swear, if I’d known—” He stops, realizing that no matter what he says, it won’t erase the past.

you stare at him, your face unreadable, but there was turmoil behind your eyes “So, you’re saying it was all her fault?”

“No. No..no.” Kuroo says firmly, shaking his head. “It was my fault too. I let her into my life, I didn’t listen to you, and I didn’t fight for you when it mattered. That’s on me. I just… I need you to know that I didn’t abandon you on purpose.”

you exhale slowly, looking down at you cup, a closure huh? but what does that change ? you know oikawa is much more important to you now, nothing could change that, nothing could make you ever abandon the perfect family you have right now. “I believe you, Tetsuro. But that doesn’t change what happened. You weren’t there when I needed you, and I had to pick up the pieces alone. Oikawa was there. He’s been there for me and for Ruko.”

even if there is a shaky heartbeat you feel around your past lover you know it was not meant to be. there are so many things unsaid and there will be so many things which will be, you are a mom now and you could never be an careless one. and as much as tears were welling up in your eyes for what could have been, you won't risk anything for what it is now.

Kuroo swallows the lump in his throat. “I know. And I’m glad he’s been good to you both. I just… I missed so much, Y/N. I want to know him. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to try.”

bonus scene

Kuroo sits on a bench, watching from a distance as you and Oikawa playing with your son, Ruko. The boy—his son, biologically—has Oikawa’s mannerisms but your smile. Kuroo’s chest tightens as he watches the little boy stumble, only for Oikawa to sweep him up, spinning him around while you laugh.

They look like a family. They are a family

Kuroo thinks to himself, maybe this could have been you both if he wasn't consumed by the thought that you both would also be horrible parents much like your families.

you notice him then, your gaze meeting his. There’s no anger in your eyes anymore, just a quiet understanding. you approach him cautiously, arms crossed. “You’re here,” you speak, trying to keep your tone neutral.

“I just wanted to see him,” Kuroo admits. “I won’t interfere much. I just… needed to see him.”

You sit beside him, keeping a respectful distance. “He’s happy, you know. Oikawa’s a good father. He loves Ruko like he’s his own.” and that breaks kuroo's heart, as much as he tries to look positively at this. He can't help but feel his heart become empty, can't help but wish to be where oikawa is right now in your life.

Kuroo nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I can see that. He’s a lucky kid.” you glance at him, your expression softening. “I know the truth now, about Kizumi. About what happened. I’m… sorry you were caught in that.”

“I’m sorry too,” Kuroo says, his voice breaking. He knows it's not enough but all he can do is regret it over and over again. “For everything. For not being there, for letting you down. I should’ve fought harder for us.” you look away, your gaze fixed on Oikawa and Ruko. “Maybe. But it’s too late now, Tetsuro. We’ve both moved on.” and he feels a bit happy, you used his first name, God he is so pathetic

“I know,” he whispers, his heart breaking all over again. “But I’ll never stop wishing I could go back and do it right.” and before you are able to say anything you notice a small figure approaching you, you feel at ease when you notice it's your son, oikawa stood a bit away, he felt protective over you both but he doesn't want to snatch away the closure you deserve, and he can't snatch away ruko from his biological dad. so he stays silent cause he knows ruko would pick him for sure, he loves the little guy to death after all.

“Ruko, this is… this is Tetsuro,” you say gently, getting up from the bench only to kneel beside your son.

The boy looks up, curious but cautious. “Hi,” he says softly, clutching his toy dinosaur.

Kuroo crouches down, his heart aching as he gets his first close look at his son. Ruko has Y/N’s eyes and his messy black hair. He smiles faintly. “Hey, buddy. That’s a cool dinosaur you’ve got there. What’s his name?”

“Cupcake,” Ruko replies, holding it up proudly.For a moment, Kuroo wants to giggle, pondering why a dinosaur would be named Cupcake, but he holds back, his lips twitching into a soft smile. “Cupcake, huh? That’s a pretty unique name. Why’d you pick it?”

Ruko beams, his small chest puffing up with excitement. “Well—it’s not weird, okay? It’s ’cause I love dinosaurs and I love Mom’s handmade cupcakes, so I mixed two favorite things at once!”

Kuroo freezes for a moment, his breath catching in his throat. Cupcakes. His gaze flickers briefly to you, you who look away, your expression unreadable. He remembers countless nights when he’d come over to your place, exhausted from work or practice, and the smell of your freshly baked cupcakes would make him feel like he was home. They were his favorite—a sweet, simple treat that reminded him of your warmth.

And now, their son shares that same love.“That’s… that’s actually genius,” Kuroo finally says, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Cupcake is the perfect name for a dinosaur. You’ve got great taste.”

Ruko grins proudly, going on to describe Cupcake’s many adventures and how he takes the toy everywhere. Kuroo listens intently, his heart clenching. There’s an ache beneath his chest—a mix of pride, love, and regret. He and Ruko have so much in common, and yet, this is the first time he’s learning it.

The realization stings, and he resents you a bit for that but it also fills him with a bittersweet joy. Ruko is bright, imaginative, and full of life. He’s a part of you and him—a reminder of what you both once had. And kuroo decides he can live with that. That's enough for now isn't it?

Finally ending this series, I get embarrassed whenever I reread it but it was my first series and it has been in my drafts for years. But here I ending, thank you for everyone who waited for this.

Here is the taglist (it's based on people who were waiting for it) : @reikashe @mikaela26sstuff @chita318 @mxrice @freddiemylovelg @glxar @amarinthe @rinsangel @captainchrisstan @gamacha @cheeseriz @pluviophilefangirl @bnha-bakusquad @asaitashi @lordmomourmomoness @missyasmim @macky-attoh @belle643 @on-crows-wings

[gay-destiel]

for the angst prompt; 'I fucked up.' + Landoscar

(so this turned into hurt/comfort rather than angst but shh we don't talk about that)

“Oscar?!” Thumping hard on the door to Oscar’s apartment, Lando calls out, “Oscar, are you there?!!”

Over the beating of his heart roaring in his ears, he can’t hear if Oscar calls anything back, so he keeps slamming his fist down on the door, ignoring the shooting pain up it.

“Osc-” The door opens abruptly, and Lando slips, stumbling forward into a firm chest. Blinking, he identifies the chest as Oscar’s, and, before Oscar can step away, he snakes his arms around his teammate, clinging tight.

“Oof- Lando? Are you..?” Trailing off, Oscar stands, awkward, for a second before arms tentatively wrap around Lando. Swallowing a sob, Lando tightens his grip, burying his face in Oscar’s hoodie.

“Alright. I’m going to move us, yeah?”

Shuddering, Lando entangles the hoodie in his fingers, nodding against Oscar’s collarbone. He’s so fucking stupid.

Patting him softly on the back, Oscar steps backwards, and Lando moves with him, stumbling a moment before he accidentally steps on Oscar’s foot. The Australian makes a soft noise, before sighing. Instinctively, Lando holds on tighter, but Oscar makes a comforting noise, “Hey, it’s alright. I’m gonna pick you up, okay? Then we won’t accidentally fall over.”

Again, all Lando can do is nod into his shoulder, shuddering as Oscar lets go of him. And then there are arms lifting him up, carrying him away as the door closes behind them. A few moments later, Oscar sits down, shifting Lando to his side. A hand brushes the side of his face, and he leans into it, letting Oscar tilt his head up.

“What’s wrong?”

Fighting the urge to bury his face back in Oscar’s hoodie, his face crumples as tears sting at his eyes, “I fucked up, Osc. Real bad. I-”

The thumping ball in his throat rises until he can’t speak, and full body shiver wracks his spine. A fleeting look crosses Oscar’s face before he sets his usual reassuring look, “Hey, I’m here. It’s okay. What happened?”

Shifting slightly so that he’s pressed between Oscar and the couch, he sucks in air, “I- Carlos. I told him- and- I’m sorry, I can’t-”

The sneer Carlos gives him in the McLaren hospitality.

The cruel laughter. Jagged words tearing Lando open until he’s bleeding Ferrari red.

“Shh.” A hand strokes through Lando’s hair, but he’s trembling so hard that he can barely feel it. “You don’t have to tell me. Not now, yeah? When you’re ready.”

A guttural sob ripping its way out of his throat, Lando curls up, burying his face in the familiar smell of Oscar.

Fuck.

[ttheggrimrreaper]

You will never find peace

Barou Shoei x reader (NB)

Barou likes his things, and you happen to be his... With that in mind, that also means that anything on your body, connected to your body, or even has anything to do with you and your body, is his.

Suggestive under the cut!

This fic is inspired by @serotonins-stuff 's work (click the word 'work' for the exact post)

When I read it all I could think of was Barou, and then I had to re read it because I adored it. (Go follow them-)

You yelped as you fell forward, your right leg stinging with the pain of the slap he had placed on your butt. Hands holding you up as you looked over your shoulder at the so-called king of field. All you had done was drop your fucking keys, so what did you do? Pick them up of course. But instead of squatting done, you had bent over, which apparently.. according to your boyfriend, was an invitation to smack your ass as hard as he wished. "Seriously!?" You hissed through bared teeth as you turned to look at him.

Barou just shrugged, then crossed his arms as he smirked. "What can I say? I like that ass" his words made your cheeks red, And you would have probably responded with an equally suggestive comment if you weren't bothered right now. Sure, one time isn't a big deal... But this was never a one time thing. You bent down even minorly, you're left with a red mark. You lean over the balcony, It isn't long before you yelp in pain. Even when you're going up the stairs and he is behind you! It broke into a game of chase at some point, You sprinting up the stairs... However he claimed his price within of you trying to get away.

If you thought you were safe in public, you were wrong.

You had gone to some stupid part his friends had invited him too. Really it wasn't a stupid party, but it was pissing you off that Barou was busy talking to the others there. Sure he still was with you, but you were still feeling a little lonely. It was when a person dropped their wallet Infront of you, that his attention returned to you.

"don't worry, I got it." You said as you bent over, not wanting to squat as you were in a dress. It was when you heard the signature chuckle from him, suddenly stopping in his speech. Lifting his open palm, and just as you would assume he would swing it forward, you bent your knees. His finger tips just graze over your back. The sly smirk he had on just before, had transferred to you, as you handed the person their wallet. Barou didn't comment, but you could feel how annoyed he was.

For the rest of the party he was a little more irritable. And to put salt onto the wound you never had your back to him., never gave him a chance. Returning home that night, you had relaxed. Pleased with how the night went and forgetting all about your earlier irritation. So you let your guard down... The biggest mistake of your life.

Barou, instead of letting up, was hyper alert of how you were postured. His ego took a blow today, and would just not do. Because the next time he gets a chance, He's not going to miss. Locking the door behind him, turning around he didn't chuckle. Just smiled as you bent over to undo the heel strap.

"now I am gonna be cruel when I do this" That was your warning.. that was in vain. Because before you could react you felt the sharp sting of his hand coming down on your ass. You stumbled forward before standing up.

"OW! Did you have to do it that hard!?" You spin around facing him, but Barou just wrapped his arms around your waist.

"sweetheart, You can't wear pretty dresses like that and not expect me to touch" he hummed, one of his hands already making it way down to touch your sore ass again.

[enbyfvcker]

Amongst the trees

part two to Under the influence.

Wade Wilson X Logan (worst!wolverine)

Word count: 1,7k

Summary: Logan takes Wade out for a date in the woods.

Tags: a bit of fluff, love confessions, smut, oral sex, deep throating, bottom!Wade, rimming, anal fingering, anal sex

"Is this a date?"

"...Yeah."

"Awww, peanut! You're so cute when you make an effort."

"Look, I just- I wanted to make up to you for pouncing on you like that that night, so I thought- You know what? This is stupid. If you want to go back to the apartm-"

"Of course not! Are you kidding? It's so pretty here." Wade looks around to the nightly woods around them, lightened by the moon. He feels the cool breeze on his skin, and he can hear the sounds of crickets. He looks up to the sky decorated with stars as his arms support his head while both of the men lay on a blanket that's placed on the grass. "When you called me to take a ride with you on your new motorcycle and I saw a forest, I thought maybe you'd finally end me. Who knew you were just being romantic, peanut."

Logan rolls his eyes with a grin, also looking at the sky.

"I know that... you don't feel really comfortable in public when you're not in your suit, so... I thought this would be a nice idea."

Wade turns his head to the side, looking at him with a sweet smile. "It was."

Logan looks back at him, a bit tensed. "I'm really sorry for-"

"Stop. You don't need to be sorry, sweetcheeks. It's okay. It was nice to know."

"That I'm an idiot?"

"That you like me."

"Is that really so surprising?"

"I mean... Yeah. I'm not the most lovable person. And it's at least not likely. Like, I feel like we're probably a one percentage of wolvies and wades out there in the multiverse that actually do something about their feelings. The other fuckers must be out there living a platonic homoerotic friendship. Ha! Lame."

"Their loss, then." Logan mumbles lowly, a small smile on his lips. "And that's not true."

"What?"

"You're lovable."

"Oh."

"And annoying as fuck. But still lovable."

"How sweet." Wade chuckles and moves to lay over Logan, their noses almost brushing against each other now. "I'm touched." He teases, brushing their lips together without actually initiating a kiss. "It'd be fun to be touched in other ways, too, though."

Logan laughs lowly and places a hand behind the merc's head, bringing him down for a soft kiss that is filled with longing and affection and slowly grows more passionate and needy. Their breathing becomes more intense as their tongues meet hungrily. Wade grinds his hips teasingly against the gruff man under him, his arousal mirroring Logan's. He pulls away for a second and looks deeply into the mutant's eyes.

"I love you too, by the way."

Logan's pupils dilate, and he feels his heart throb. Or probably his cock. Both. And in another second, he quickly switches their positions and gets over Wade, his arms on the sides of the merc's head. In a flash, he pulls out his claws and tears Wade's shirt to shreds.

"Hey! That shirt was like, 5 dollars- You know what, never mind." Wade gives up on whining when he feels Logan's tongue exploring his torso, and he would have goosebumps if he had any body hair in the first place. "You know, I thought for a while your tongue would be all rough and spiky."

Logan looks up at Wade with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not a cat, bub."

"But you're so kitty shaped!"

Logan just rolls his eyes affectionately and goes back to licking the merc's skin, tongue tracing where the happy trail would be as his hands work Wade's pants. Once he pulls it down along with heart printed boxers, he kisses the tip of Wade's cock while looking up at him, a cocky smirk growing on his lips at the gasp that it elicited.

"Do you think a bear or wolf could appear out of nowhere to eat us? I feel so vulnerable right now. It would be a pain to regenerate from that-" Wade's interrupted by his own moan when Logan licks the vein of his cock base to tip.

"The only animal that's going to devour you tonight is me. Now shut up, will ya, bub." Wade doesn't have a chance to retort before he moans again, head dropping back as he feels Logan's warm mouth enveloping him. And no, not a rough and spiky tongue at all. It feels so soft his mind goes white for a moment. He brings himself to look down at the sight of Logan bobbing his head up and down on him, eyes glued to the merc's, and he can swear he sees a smirk in the mutant's lips even though they're full of him.

Wade's hand softly grips Logan's locks, making sure not to disturb the little hair ears.

"See?" Wade pants. "Kitty shaped." He teases with a grin. A loud whimper that has birds startled and flying around leaves his throat when Logan takes him all the way down, his tip hitting the back of Logan's throat and he fucking stays there, watery lustful eyes glued to his, shining with mischief. Wade can't help but buck his hips up, the pleasure stripping him off of brain cells, and all he can think about is how good it feels. Logan doesn't choke or gags. He just takes it until the lack of air has him pulling out with a lewd 'pop'.

"Fuckfuckfuck. What the hell, peanut, where did you learned that-"

But Logan doesn't waste a second until he's swallowing Wade again, the taste of pre-cum on his lips only spurring him on, sucking faster.

"Oh god- You know what, it doesn't matter. Fuck, you're so good, kitten..."

The praise has Logan taking him even more eagerly, switching between bobbing his head and taking Wade deep in his throat. But it doesn't take long until the merc is a babbling mess, his cock twitching desperately inside the mutant's mouth and his hips bucking up.

"Feels so good... Shit, Wolvie... I'm close..." Wade whines, his hand tangled in Logan's hair tightening slightly. "Fuck, I-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence, his hips rutting up until they still, eyes rolling back as he fills Logan's throat who swallows without a second thought. His head goes blank for a few moments as he catches his breath, eyes dazed and dreamy. Logan moves up until they're face to face again and kisses the merc's lips, the taste of his release tangling between their tongues.

When they pull apart, Wade is still sporting a very stupid dazed expression that has Logan grinning.

"God, I think you just sucked my brain out of my dick." Wade sighs and Logan chuckles, kissing the merc again.

"You're still talking. So my job isn't done yet." Logan grunts before turning Wade on his stomach, manhandling him on his hands and knees.

"Oh god- Are we making a baby in the woods?"

"That's not how biology works, Wade."

"Biology's boring. Knock me up, tiger."

Logan shakes his head with a grin before he licks Wade's back, making the merc arch. He bites his shoulder with a grin, sinking his teeth into scarred skin. Moving down teasingly slow, he finally licks Wade's rim, earning a needy moan. His tongue make it's way inside and Wade whimpers, his soft cock stirring up again. Logan replaces his tongue with a finger, sinking knucles deep until Wade can take another. Scissoring him open, Logan focuses on stretching out the merc. When he's satisfied, he pulls them out, a whine escaping Wade's lips at the loss.

It doesn't take long, though. Wade hears a zipper, and his's heart flutters quickly when he feels Logan's tip pressing against him.

"You ready?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, god just do it already-" He's interrupted once more by his own moan when Logan slowly begins to sink into him, making way for his girth into the merc's tight channel, grunting when he finally bottoms out. He takes a deep breath, focusing on not starting to thrust right away and instead letting Wade get used to it.

"Does it hurt?" Logan asks, a bit worried since they didn't use any lube. He should've brought it... He makes a mental note for next time.

"No, just- Please start moving, stop teasing..."

With a low chuckle, Logan slowly starts to pound into Wade. "You'll know when I'm teasing you, trust me." He picks up the pace and aims at Wade's sweet spot, hands gripping his sides tightly, and he just lets out needy whines and whimpers. Logan has to chuckle to himself at how he's basically fucking the words out of the mouthy merc, turning him into a moaning mess. His hips move faster and right when he hears Wade's moans getting louder and more desperate, he slows down almost to a stop, thrusting slow and hard.

"Nonono, fuck, don't stop!"

Logan lets out an evil laugh. "I didn't." He thrusts again roughly.

"Pleasepleaseplease, Wolvie..."

"Please, what?"

"Just- Go fucking faster!" Wade whines desperately, moving his hips back.

"Hm, is that how you ask? I don't think I will." He keeps moving torturing slow, teasing the merc with a grin.

"Please..." Wade whines frustratingly. "Please please peanut... faster, please..." He begs between needy whimpers. "Your hips are made of fucking adamantium, put your back into it- fuck!" Logan's suddenly pounding into him ruthlessly, knowing the air out of his lungs.

"What, like this?" He teases, knowing full well Wade can only let out incoherent moans now. He could feel himself getting closer, low grunts escaping his throat. Bringing a hand to wrap around Wade's cock, he strokes it in rhythm with his thrusts. "Go on, let go for me, bub."

He barely finishes his words before Wade's spilling over the blanket, back arching. Logan groans loudly at the feeling of his walls squeezing his cock, and their moans tangle in unison as they find their releases together. With a grunt, Logan pulls out and uses a piece of cloth that once was Wade's shirt to clean the merc and himself. He lays down along with Wade, pulling him into his arms as they catch their breaths together.

"I think we may have woken the entire ecosystem of this forest." Wade pants, making Logan chuckle.

tagging: @hoolequinn @whiskeyandcigarsmoke @moustarda @aspenfallen @thesexymutant @flower-majesty-anon

[melancholic-fig]

Guys, our only way out of this is to switch tactics. We need to do to them what they did to us.

Conservative cringe compilations 24/7. Find their groups and spam them until unusable. Humiliate the fascists any step of the way. Get them fired from their jobs, destroy their communities, attack their kids in public school. But not while being "emotional", attack them under the thinnest veneer of respectability and politeness. Gaslight the shit out of those that say the truth about what you're doing. Constantly enforce that they have low IQ and they are stupid and wrong. Get any military man or person"from their side" to support yours or at least "have questions" and maintain an infinite debate if we should kill old white men or some crazy shit. I am gay as fuck, but they think it's bad, so we need to AI generate gay propaganda that they fuck each other on top of the Capitol - because THEY will hate it. Then, when we get banned for misinformation, we need to scream incessantly about of free speech. Make it so annoying and painful to listen to. And make everything into a meme. Repeat until someone rich and power-hungry enough can be bought with our collective adoration into paying all the corrupt fucks to work in our favor. The only thing they give a shit about is their public image, so that's our only tool.

Feel slimy and disgusting just imagining doing this? THIS IS WHAT THEY DID. Not saying we should do this, actually, but trying to get you to see how ghoulish and disgusting your enemy is.

[xxknockoutxx]

"𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐛𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐨." (𝐓. 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐧.)

𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐨! 𝐊𝐞𝐧 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐭.

𝐀/𝐍: 𝐒𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 (𝐨𝐛𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲) 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐜𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭. 𝐈𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬.

Okay, let's just be straight up. You love Okarun and you would never lie to him, buttttt.... He can't know about this. At least not for a few weeks. One day you walked into a tattoo shop for one reason. .・✭𝑇𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑠✫・。. Yeah well, you came out with nip piercings.

Which is reason A for why you are hiding from Okarun. Despite his gloomy mood he's still shameless. In fact even more shameless. So it's important that you stay away from him or else he'll pin you down and start going to town on your unhealed nips which sounds painful...

❝𝐘𝐨, 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐚 𝐚𝐭? 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨.❞

Shit, he found you. Okay we gotta run, we gotta go to Antiartica. We gotta go to the Moon to VENUS.

❝finally found you. Whatcha up to babe. ❞

(What am I up to? I'm tryna get away from your cannibalistic ass!)

❝𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧'❞

Okarun walked towards you, his tall frame towering over you and he just kinda stared. (A bad habit of his)

❝𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐧...❞

He snaps out of his trance and quickly pretends he was looking out the window and cleaning his glasses.

❝𝐌𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝, 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝, 𝐛𝐚𝐞. ❞

After a few minutes of awkward silence and you trying to walk away from this guy he gives in to his thoughts and turns to you slowly. He seemed to get even more gloomy, you didn't even know that was possible.

❝𝐊, 𝐥𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧' 𝐧𝐨𝐰. 𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧' 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰? 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨. ❞

Welp. He noticed. Now you gotta explain why you've been ignoring your emo ass boyfriend without giving up the secret.

❝𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐲, 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐈'𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭...—

What the fuck so you say to this man!? If you say something he's gonna think you hate him and might do something stupid, but if you tell him straight on he's gonna obviously find out the secret.

—𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞?❞

He stared at you blankly before adjusting his classes and walking closer to you. His facial expression was unreadable. Okarun isn't stupid he isn't the most impressive guy in the world either.

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥?❞

You nodded your head really fast basically rattling your brains around with a big cartoon-ish smile on your face. Okarun let out a loud exaggerated and walks past you with a still face. He wasn't buying it.

❝𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐚, 𝐲𝐚 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞, 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭.❞

And just like that he was out. Great, now you gotta keep the secret and cheer up your slightly more depressed boyfriend.

You know what maybe you aren't even waiting to heal maybe you're just too nervous to show Okarun. It has been roughly 3 weeks and you don't feel numb or in any pain anymore so what's the harm?

Plus you did just give your boyfriend a reason to end it and you already know he was itching for a reason. Not like he would dare try anything with you being around. So you set off to find him which ends up being more exhausting than you thought. I guess he's a pretty good hider when he's upset.

❝𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐧?! 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮! 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧'❞

While you walk down a particularly long and dark hallway. You heard a loud bang on the wall and I'm not even gonna lie it scared the shit out of you so you opened the closet with the amount of force that you were gonna punch whatever ghost made that noise.

But there was no ghost, just your boyfriend. Who somehow managed to fit his lanky ass body in a little counter space inside the closet.

❝𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞?❞

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the small space.

❝𝐈𝐨𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐲. 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.❞

You managed to pull him out of the closet and bring him to your shared bedroom and let him lay himself over the nice velvety, dark sheets.

❝𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝, 𝐲𝐨.❞

You sigh and make him sit straight and then you take a seat on his lap. His face glowed up for a minute and his hands subconsciously slid their way around your waist and rested right above your nice round ass.

❝𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐢𝐬.❞

You smiled and popped yourself up on your arms. Showing off your body and twirling your hair with your finger.

❝𝐈𝐟 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲, 𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬.❞

You grin and feel his hands trail up to your shirt you let out a silent nod of approval he lifts the shirt over your head. Making sure to not mess up your hair handling each strand and curl with care. He tugs the shirt off and leaves you in your bra. He let out a little sigh and a faint snarky smirk.

❝𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐞.❞

With that he reaches behind you to detach your bra before he stops.

❝𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧' 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐚 𝐚𝐬𝐬, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?❞

❝𝐁𝐨𝐲 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐨𝐟𝐟.❞ you pouted and crossed your arms over your chest, letting out a little Huff as your boyfriend put his hands up defensively "my bad for being a gentleman" with that he moved his hands back down to your bra and takes off.

As your bra flew away in the wind so did Okarun's mind. He was frozen I mean he literally didn't move for a whole 2 minutes. He just stared, wide eyed and with his hands ever so slightly hovering over your hips. He looked... Well definitely not disappointed.

❝𝐊𝐞𝐧? 𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤-❞

He picks you up and basically slams you on the bed and starts ripping your clothes off just as you feared. Thank the Lord you decided to wait. And now you were left in your panties but not for long because soon after he pulled those off you and was met with another little Silver ball.

He was caught up on the piercings that he completely ignored the new tattoos that adorned your thigh and forearm. He places his hands carefully back at your sides and just takes a look at you fully. Basking in your raw beauty as he scanned the body of a beautiful woman. His beautiful woman

❝𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞. 𝐈𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞?❞ He let out a hushed breath before shifting his gaze to your face and leaning down to cup your face

❝𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞!❞ you say with a squeal as he begins to kiss you all over. You let his hands wander all over the new territory. Savoring every inch and kissing every spot with tender appreciation.

❝𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐦𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐲𝐨.❞ he looks away and dismisses the aching throbbing going on his boxers just so he can brood. (Only has that commitment when it comes to hatin himself. Smh.)

❝𝐊𝐞𝐧, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬...❞ you pouted and glared at him which triggered him to put his hands up defensively.

❝𝐀𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐀𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭... 𝐍𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐲, 𝐲𝐨. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧' 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞❞ He leaned in and captured your lips on his. His arms snaked around your curves and tugged gently. Your hands snake through his white hair and gently tug on his locks.

After the quick make out session he moved down to your legs where he was met with that pretty silver ball that laid right on top of your puffy folds. He spread your legs wide and held them by your ankles before he delved into your heat.

He quickly started lapping up your folds and the juices leaking from you. As soon as his tongue made contact he let out a big, dark groan. He looked up at you through fogged up glasses and even through the fog you could tell he was staring at you with determined crimson eyes.

❝𝐊-𝐊𝐞𝐧... 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤! 𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩, '𝐦 𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐦'𝐧❞

It's not like you needed to say that because Okarun was gone the only thing left was the horny husk of him with a strong desire to die. He was so out of it that he didn't even realize when you came over his tongue or when you squirted all over his face and he kept eating you out like a beast while it dripped down his chin.

Eventually he somehow snaps out of it after your third time cumming. He raised his head up to see you better and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, still keeping that same unwavering eye contact.

❝𝐲𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐲, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲? ❞

There was a moment of silence before you jokingly "thought about it" and shrugged your shoulders

❝𝐞𝐡, 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭. ❞

Just like that he frees his cock that's throbbing and leaking his pre. It stood up with a curve and large juicy vein running along it all the way to its gorgeous pinkish top.

Your eyes widen suddenly at the view. I mean it's not the first time and it's not gonna be the last but damn it may not look like it but Okarun packs a punch down there. His cock just oozed down and let a few drops of pre land right above your folds

❝𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐧, 𝐊𝐞𝐧. 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰.❞ You smiled and he quickly followed. He leaned in and kissed your forehead before going down to your ear and biting down gently. You could feel his breath against your neck and see the veins in his hands bulge as he gripped the sheets and the headboard.

❝𝐖𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬, 𝐌𝐚❞

He teases his head against your folds gently before going all the way in and giving you some time to adjust. You both let out a big moan and he lifts your legs. Letting your foot touch your ears and your cheeks grow red.

Slowly, he starts to move gentle strokes and focus on your face. 'Y'know what? This wasn't even so bad. I could've just let Okarun see them way earlier if this is how he was going to act.' Yeah, that thought goes to waste as he picks up the pace and ruts in you like a dog.

A quick and firm pace that left him panting and whispering all types of dirty things. It was evident now he was losing his mind while listening to the noise of your sloppy cunny getting fucked dumb on his cock. The only thing that mattered to him right now was him making you feel good right now... Anndddd massaging your breasts it was gonna happen eventually.

❝𝐅-𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤! 𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐧𝐧~ 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝.❞

He just let out a dark chuckle and fucked with more determination. He was too far gone to think rationally or about anything other than sex. I mean how could he when your cunt is making such naughty squelching noises and drinking in his cock so welcomingly

You on the other hand was also getting so dumb on his cock watching your boyfriend getting drunk from pussy alone was truly a sight. However it was also kinda killing you because the pressure in your belly wasn't goin anywhere.

❝𝐊𝐞𝐧, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞.❞ you reach your hands up innocently around his neck and he pulls you close. 'Tch, that's my damn baby' he thought. As you were nearing your pending orgasm and so was he you clung onto him so tightly, like a damn koala.

❝𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐝'𝐲𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐭, 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥?❞

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤! ❞

Now why the fuck would go say some stupid shit like that. His pace sped up and began to sloppy his chest started to tighten and so did yours. He pulled out and let his warm, thick, velvety ropes seep into every crevice on your chest.

Soon after he's out. His limp body plops down next to yours and immediately grabs your waist and spoons you. He has a gentle but tight grip on you and it sorta just makes you melt into his embrace.

❝𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐊𝐞𝐧. 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫? ❞

Your phone buzzed so you curiously grabbed it and noticed a text from Okarun. Why is he texting me? I'm right here. you clicked on it and it read

🥀☠️𝙴𝚖𝚘 Senku⛓️‍💥💭

ᴵ'ᵐ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗᵒ ᶜˡᵒᶜᵏ ᵒᵘᵗ ˢᵒ ᶦᶠ ᵘʳ ᵗᵃᵏᶦⁿᵍ ᵃ ˢʰᵒʷᵉʳ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵘ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᶜˡᵉᵃⁿ ᵐᵉ ². ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵃ ᵇᵉˢᵗ. ᵂᵐᵘ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵈᶦⁿⁿᵉʳ ᶦˢ ʳᵈʸ

This motherfucker wants to die today.

𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐱 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐬 :𝐏

[stars4noah]

HALLEY'S COMET- seven.

{WARNINGS}: swearing, wee bit of arguing, LOVE CONFESSION YAY

w.c- 1,379

a.n- SURPRISEEEE SHAWTAYYY!

{TAGLIST}: @lacy1986 @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @chey-h @rumoured-whispers @oobleoob @dontwantthemoney @n0n3xsisting

i sat in my bunk for the rest of the night, trying to fall asleep but i couldn't. instead, i drew in my notebook and wrote down the occasional lyric that popped into my mind.

fuck. this was going to be good.

READER'S POV.

today was another day, which meant yet another unbearable show with noah. i decided to make the most of it, though. i wasn't going to let anything bring me down.

he'd been in a bitchy mood all day, but it really wasn't my place to investigate or stick my nose where it didn't belong. instead, i walked around the arena as i fiddled with my camera, adjusting the settings and making sure it was ready for the show tonight. like always, i wasn't paying a lick of attention to where i was going. despite that, i could feel noah's eyes on me. staring me down like a hawk.

before i knew it, he was approaching me with that scowl on his face.

"why are you so happy today? it's making me sick." he spat.

i raised an eyebrow, stopping in my tracks and looking up at him. "why are you so grumpy?"

"doesn't matter. do you have to be so happy all the time? it's getting on my nerves."

"yes, because unlike someone here, i actually enjoy life." i countered.

"i enjoy life, thank you very much." he said, looking down at me as he crossed his arms. "i just hate hearing you hum and seeing you wandering around like a lost puppy. you're gonna drive me into insanity."

"right." i said, looking back down at my camera.

"why can't you just be miserable like the rest of us?" noah mumbled as he moved closer to me. he was practically towering over me at this point, being at least a foot taller than me.

"not everybody is as miserable as you." i corrected. "and i prefer to focus on the good parts of life rather than the bad."

"what if there aren't any good parts?" he asked. he was being serious, he always saw the world in a negative view. he hated the way things were going, and i could tell.

i raised an eyebrow. "don't sound so miserable. there's not one good part in your life?" i asked.

he rolled his eyes. "it's called depression, sweetheart. ever heard of it?"

"course i have, idiot. what about your parents?"

noah rolled his eyes again. "you think they care? they're part of the reason i ended up like this."

"okay... what about your friends?"

he sighed, looking over at folio, nicholas, and jolly. "i mean— my bandmates are fine. they just don't know how to read a person."

he pointed to folio. "he's too damn happy." he pointed to nicholas. "he doesn't understand sarcasm half the time." he pointed to jolly. "and he's the sweetest guy that you'll ever meet. too damn sweet. "they don't know what I'm going through, or what I'm feeling."

"then tell them." i suggested. "nobody's gonna know what you're going through or if you need help if you keep it bottled up inside all the time."

noah scoffed. "seriously? telling my feelings will make me look weak. they wont understand, anyways. i'll just sound stupid and dramatic."

i furrowed my brows, crossing my arms. "that's not true. you're not stupid or dramatic for asking for help."

he sighed and looked at me again. "you don't know anything about me, okay? you don't know what i'm going through. what i've been through."

"oh, i wonder why? maybe because you refuse to talk about it. grow up, noah. i'm trying to help you, and you're blatantly pushing me away and refusing it." i scoffed.

he frowned deeply. "i am grown. and i didn't ask for your help anyways."

"yes, you're grown physically. mentally? no."

he scowled. "and who are you to tell me these things? you don't know what's going on in my head. don't act like you know me."

"i'm not. i'm trying to help you. let me help you for once." i said, my eyes softening. i knew he was hurting, i knew he was in pain. but i couldn't do anything about it if he didn't let me in.

"well i don't want your help." he snapped back. "i don't need you or your shitty advice. i'm fine on my own."

i shrugged, trying to pretend his words didn't hurt me. "okay." i said, walking off just like that. he didn't want my help? he wouldn't have it.

i could hear him call my name for me to come back, but i ignored him. i was tired and hungry and really not in the mood to deal with his bullshit.

before i knew it, he was coming up behind me, grabbing my wrist. i sighed, turning around. "what?"

he looked at the ground, biting his lip. "i didn't mean it.." he said.

i furrowed my brows. "which part?"

"um.. everything, actually."

i was beyond confused. what the hell was he talking about? he took a deep breath, and i could tell shit was about to go down.

NOAH'S POV.

i stood in front of her, looking at the ground. i knew that if i looked at her, her eyes would be all it took for me to spill everything i ever thought. which i ended up making the mistake of doing. my breath caught in my throat as i looked at her.

"Y/N, i... fuck how do i say this?" i mumbled, running a hand over my face.

"spit it out, noah. i don't have all day."

i took a deep breath, looking back at her. "the real reason i broke it off with bailey.. it because i'm in love with someone else. i knew that bailey couldn't give me what i wanted. she couldn't give me the life i wanted to live, the happiness i know i deserve." i said.

"and how does this come back to me?" she asked.

"you're that someone else." i said.

she froze, looking at me with wide eyes. fuck. i just messed it all up. all because i couldn't keep my mouth shut and i just had to tell her how i felt. good job noah, now you just ruined everything.

which is what i thought before i felt her lips on mine.

oh.

oh.

she feels the same.

i melted into the kiss, my eyes closing as i gently cradled her face. i knew i didn't deserve this. i didn't deserve her love or her patience or anything about her. how could i? i'd been nothing but a huge dick to her for years. how could she ever feel the same?

she pulled away and i looked down at her, breathing slightly heavy. "how..."

"because i know you, noah. i know you never meant to hurt anybody. you just didn't know any better. you didn't know how to confront these feelings. you were confused. and that's okay. it's okay." she said softly.

i could feel tears well in my eyes, and for the first time in a while, i didn't feel so alone. i felt loved. i felt happy. i knew that this was what i wanted for the rest of my life. to be with her. to be loved by her. maybe a marriage and a few kids to top it all off.

woah, too fast.

i took a deep breath, wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. "thank you.." i whispered.

"for what?" she asked.

"for loving me, despite how i treated you."

she pulled away with that smile i loved oh so much, cradling my face. "don't thank me. thank yourself for deciding to open up. you don't have to be scared, noah. i'm not her." she said softly, and that just made me tear up even more.

i knew she wasn't bailey. bailey couldn't even compare to the way Y/N made me feel. but the reassurance was the only thing i needed to be so sure about the way i felt.

i loved her. and i needed her. more than i needed air.

"now come on," she began. "we have a show to get ready for. then we can pick up right where we left off."

[catboybiologist]

Rapidfire list of notes themes talking points that are living in my head, no real discussion or analysis just trying to keep my ADHD brain in check.

Burial and all of its subaspects: suffocation, the act of others doing it to you, the act of you doing it to yourself when safety is necessary, early transition as a forced and pained act, bodily mutilation beforehand, being buried under the wrong name

Belittlement and infantilization of the trans experience, specifically femininity, and the ways the narrative pushes back. The Pink Opaque is a kids show... That kids can't stay up late enough to watch. "Show for girls" as belittlement. The ending "it wasn't like how I remembered it"="there were never any signs".

Repression is the most obvious theme of the movie so I feel like there's not much to say that hasn't already. But the specific ways in which the Pink Opaque is interacted with, as a metaphor for dipping your toes into queerness and then slamming it shut. The neck drawing scene=first HRT shot, but throwing it away. Ending mirror scene, focus on the chest, exposing a small piece and then stitching self back up=crossdressing? And then shame?

Tara's desperation to save Isabelle. Isabelle breaking down, going to an adult in the first act, confessing what she's been doing. Tara coming back, presenting as her AGAB (burial again) to try and save her. The single leftover grave at the end.

EXTREMELY fucked up thought, not fleshed out please don't pounce on me. Tara was physically abused at her home, in visible ways she could tangibly hate. Isabelle had strict parents that potentially neglected and suppressed her, but never physically and never as overtly as Tara. Tara broke free. Isabelle didn't. Tara dodged a bullet. Isabelle slowly drowned.

=milquetoast cis response and "support" that cis people don't see as nearly as harmful as it is. "They didn't hurt you or disown you" being an accepted baseline for "support" to outsiders.

Things that I think are meaningful but I feel too stupid to understand or need a rewatch:

The pink "there's still time" graffiti is outside the house he's faking going to, but is never focused on until the end of the movie. Or fuck was it a different house? Isabelle's house? Needs a rewatch.

Shot of the road blockage with the downed power line that Tara possibly used to get back in-lore, scrap of the S6 header. Feels meaningful in how it was shot beyond a plot point.

Oh hey also I'm super late to the party but

I watched I Saw the TV Glow yesterday

It was probably the single most emotional media experience I've ever had. I'll probably take time to pick apart individual scenes and even frames and drop them as random posts in the next few days.

The way it picks apart at extremely specific parts of the trans experience, shit, lots of them even specific to transfems, and uses them to destroy you, is genuinely masterful

[lazyscience]

Dungeon Crawler Carl Challenge

So I've been feeling pretty low the last few months. I know I'm not the only one riding that struggle bus, that a good number of the friends and mutuals around these parts are also feeling um. Uninspired, by current events. Demoralized, saddened, angry, confused, bereft - some of all of that.

One of the things I've been enjoying over the last year or so have been the Dungeon Crawler Carl books; some of you are probably also familiar, given a number of tabletop RPG folks hang out around these parts. If you haven't tried them, I heartily encourage them - they're cartoonishly violent, thoroughly offensive to anything resembling a religious or socially conservative sensibility, laden with body horror, full of cocker spaniel slander, and wildly vulgar in a teenage-boy sort of way. They are also full of complex and interesting female characters, affirmative masculinity, kindness in great duress, found family, anti-capitalism, pro-skepticism and determination in the face of overwhelming odds. A LOT of shit blows up. And the hero's wisecracking BFF is a Persian cat who is half Real Housewife, half neglected child.

The point of all this introduction to say: the titular Carl's mantra with which he is surviving the dungeon is, You will not break me.

And damn if I don't think he's got a point.

Spraytan Hitler getting inaugurated and nominating his bumbling coterie of asskissers to the Cabinet? Fuck him. Not gonna break me.

Morons trying to take rights, safety and bodily integrity away from people I love? Fuck them, not gonna break me.

People at work making THEIR months of fucking around MY workload problem now? Fuck that, not gonna break me.

Stupid chronic pain? Fuck it, not gonna break me.

Stupid depression and anxiety? Fuck no. Not gonna break me.

Now, dear reader, your challenge, should you choose to accept (you don't need to be a longtime follower or a follower at all, just a fellow crawler in this bullshit dungeon that is currently our lives who would like to stick it to The Corporation/The Universe At Large)

The AI of the dungeon likes to give Achievements. These are snarky, profane, moments of catharsis when you've finished a quest or defeated an enemy describing your reward (frequently just 'you're still alive, good for you') And since I don't have the wherewithal to send you guys the Celestial Benefactor Boxes you're out there grinding for, that's all I can give you - but if you want 'em, tell me what quest you've beaten/mob you've splattered each day and I'll give you an Achievement.

Mobs can be tasks you've been dreading, phone calls you don't want to make, awkward conversations, doctor's visits you don't want to schedule.

Quests are good things you're doing for yourself. Working out/making opportunities to move in any way? Making art/crafting/writing/other creative endeavors? Learning a new professional or personal skill? Reading longform books (of whatever genre) instead of doomscrolling? Making an effort to heal your relationship with food in ANY way you think is appropriate FOR YOU? Treating yo' self? Pedicures are a buff in the dungeon! (it's probably best to not ask why)

Party up - when we're doing something with/for others - or letting others help us - we are stronger together than we are apart.

Some days, all you're up to is staying alive. Just staying alive is a worthwhile accomplishment.

I am going to try to every day for the next 30 to post at least one mob I've fought, quest I've been working on, or party I've joined. And anybody who would like one, reblog mine with yours and I'll give you an Achievement.

Now get out there, crawlers, and kill, kill, kill!

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[dumbasswithapen]

can we just listen to Disabled people when they say what accommodations they need??? Like it really isn’t that hard to just take someone’s word on what is best for their own body! Whether it’s more or less or different than what you deem they need it really isn’t your place to say!!!

Sometimes, people need more than they show! Especially if they’re used to being in pain all the time, then they won’t always display that discomfort.

Sometimes the accommodations someone needs are different than what you assume. A friend who struggles with noise sensitivity may ask for you to turn on a different type of music, instead of turning it down, and if that is what they express they need you don’t have to say “oh no I can just turn it down!” and ignore them saying that that isn’t necessary because your idea of noise sensitivity is different than their own experiences and needs.

And sometimes people need less than you try to provide! Or simply don’t want that accommodation at the time! And here’s the crazy part: this applies even if what they say to do could hurt them. Obviously this isn’t a rule for every situation*, but for some it absolutely is. If your friend wants to tag along for, say, a hike, and they have joint pain it isn’t your place to add in “oh no but they can’t do [the hike]! They’ll be in pain! We have to do something else to accommodate them!” If that person expressed a desire to go, especially if offered other options prior that wouldn’t hurt them, let them live. Let them do the thing that puts them in pain, because Disabled people don’t always want to be shoved into a little box of safety. Absolutely sometimes they do, and some might always want to, but if they don’t, then let them make their own choices for their body. Just as anyone else does. You go out and get drunk, even if it gives you a hangover. You go skating even if you’re shit at it and scratch up your knees a bunch. Just because someone is Disabled doesn’t mean that they can’t do the same thing and do that fun thing that hurts them.

I don’t know if I’m displaying my point how I want, so here’s my own example: I am allergic to the cold. Anything below 60 degrees (f) I get hives. Any water cooler than a fucking warm shower I get hives. My joints don’t do great when it’s cold out. This does not mean that when I say I want to go swimming, you can say “oh but you can’t you’ll get hives!” Or “no you can’t do that you’ll be in pain!” Because. I know that. I know that. I know my Disability better than anyone else can, and I can ask for accommodations I need. I am not a child to be wrapped in bubble wrap so I don’t get hurt. My body is my body and I can do with it what I want, and face the consequences. Likewise, just because I said I wanted to go swimming doesn’t mean that when I don’t want to go out and muck around in the snow it is anyone’s right to say “oh but you wanted to swim earlier, so obviously it isn’t that bad for you!” Or “oh it’s fine it’s not that cold! Just wear a sweater!” Because at that time I need and want different accommodations and that should be listened to and considered accordingly, as far as it can be in that situation.

Seriously. Just listen to us. We are in our own bodies. We know ourselves. It really isn’t that hard

*a situation where this point would be null is, for example, a situation where the person has been peer pressured into doing something, or one where you know the person well and know that the endurance of pain is a self-harming behavior

[cavenshh]

How could she be so stupid, everything she had done, everything she had seen. She’d waited until now to go this far with Eddie and now here she was picking up the remnants of her shattered rose colored glasses traversing the stairs and she could barely see through the tears that clung heavy to her lashes. 

Lia could feel his eyes burning into his back as he ran after her, the pain coursing through her heart as he called out her name. She spun around on her heels, burning hot tears fell down her cheeks as anger flashed behind her eyes. “Did I wait too long for you that you really couldn’t wait until after you got home?” She accused, taking a few more steps backwards, brushing away a few stray tears that dared fall.

“I swear to fucking god Eddie, you made me feel so good, you made me feel like I was happily walking on a fucking cloud.” She spat, contempt filling every poison-soaked word. “Were the casual ‘my girl’ messages just meant to throw acid in my face?” She asked, more tears dropping from her lashes. “What the fuck am I to you, Eddie?”

@eddieferguson

Eddie simply nodded and kissed her back. If sorting his things would make her feel helpful somehow, who was he to say otherwise? He changed into a white polo and some navy pants. "You're too sweet, but yea I'll go check on the breakfast in a bit." the man said as he looked through his different shoes trying to pick a pair that would look good with his fit. He always did to dress nice and like he put some type of effort in it.

"You're going home? I'm going to bring you after we have breakfast so you can get ready. I told you, we have plans today." the man said and waited for a response. He stepped out of the room and was hit with immediate confusion. What the fuck was that about? Was she playing with him? Was this supposed to be some sort of joke? His eyes went to his luggage first, then to the door, unsure of what happened. Other than his clothes, the only things in his bag was a box of condom...which was opened...but why would that be a thing? The note on the bed caught his eye, curious he picked it up.

Fuck.

Eddie bolted out of his room barefooted,"-Lia, wait!" This had to be some kind of joke. He didn't remember that note being there before he left. He also didn't check his bag before boarding the plane. "Wait, wait, wait -really just wait a minute." The man said as he caught her by the large staircase. "Can we talk first, please? Don't leave."